Christian CourtesyStudy Notes

The following are study materials on Christian courtesy or honor and re-spect. They are notes, that is, they are not developed, but are brief state-ments of the main points. They are meant to be a help in studying cour-tesy, not a presentation about it.

1996

2

Contents

Contents......................................................................................................................................2

Introduction..........................................................................................................................3

The Words...........................................................................................................................4

Showing Honor....................................................................................................................6Ways of Expressing Graciousness...........................................................................................10

Showing Respect...............................................................................................................12Showing Respect to Personal Authorities................................................................................16

Showing Honor Corporately..............................................................................................18

Worship..............................................................................................................................20

Appendices........................................................................................................................22Scripture Passages on Showing Honor and Respect................................................................22Honor and Respect in the Talmud............................................................................................28

3

Introduction

The following sections could be described by saying that they concern “courtesy”. “Courtesy” often means to us simply “etiquette”, arbitrary rules about how to handle small matters of daily life like what side of the plate to put the fork on. Here it means something more significant than that. The matters that make up true courtesy are matters that allow us to express fundamental relational values in a good way.

Scripture tends to speak about courtesy or politeness in terms of “honor” and “re-spect”. These are words that are not, however, restricted to our “manners” in our interac-tions with others. They can, in other words, be used both to refer to matters of basic morality and matters of courtesy.

Honor is important in the scriptures. When the scriptures speak about how to relate to God and to other human beings, they often speak about honoring them or fearing (re-specting) them. The two positive commandments in the scriptures are commandments to honor: to honor God by keeping the Sabbath holy and to honor parents. The whole first table of the Ten Commandments, in fact, is sometimes spoken about as the command-ments about how to honor God. Moreover, in the traditional understanding of the Ten Commandments, the commandment to honor parents includes the injunctions to respect them and others in positions of authority. Honor and respect, in short, are integral to the scriptural understanding of morality.

The following sections do not attempt to deal with honor and respect in their most im-portant relational aspects. They do not, in other words, interpret the commandments or at-tempt to treat comprehensively how to keep the commandments in our various relation-ships in life. Rather, they focus on how to express honor and respect in daily relation-ships; that is, the way we show by our courtesy or politeness a disposition to honor or re-spect others in more basic ways. Showing honor and respect is involved in keeping the commandments, but it does not cover the most important ways to honor God and others to whom honor is due.

The purpose of this write-up is to provide notes for studying scriptural teaching on honor and respect. It is not intended as a treatment of how we should show honor and re-spect. To decide that we also need to consider how matters of courtesy function in our own society and culture.

4

The Words

“Honor” and “respect” as verbs refer to ways of building relationships and strength-ening what is valued among us. They are inner attitudes, but they are expressed in ac-tions. They are something we can actually do.

“To honor” others (or to honor things) means to show that we value them and con-sider them as of worth. The opposite of honoring others is despising or disdaining them or showing contempt or scorn for them. When we have lost our honor, we are put to shame or embarrassed; that is, are disdained. In older English (the kind used in the KJV and the RSV) the verb “to confound” is a synonym of “to put to shame” or “to embar-rass” and the noun “confusion” is a synonym of “shame” or “embarrassment”.

“Respect” is a form of honor. We show respect for someone who holds a position of authority or of importance. The Greek and Hebrew words can be translated “fear” or “reverence” as well as “respect”.

“Honor” is the broader term. “Respect” is a kind of “honor” (Mal 1:6). When we show respect to others we are honoring them. When we fail to show respect to others we owe respect to, we dishonor them. But we can also honor people that we do not owe re -spect to. We can honor our children even though they hold no position in relation to us that makes “respect” (as defined above) appropriate.

The scriptural words for “respect” (yir’ah, mora’, phóbos) are difficult to translate into English. “Fear” and “reverence” are the two most common English translations, but they are not normally used for behavior or customs that express a relationship. They are normally just used for feelings. For instance, we would not say that someone who obeyed his father “feared” or “reverenced” his father. “Respect” is not ideal as a translation ei-ther, since it often is the equivalent of the term “honor”. If we say that we do not have to respect children, we run the risk of being misunderstood to mean that we do not need to honor them (value them, treat them as having value or as being worthy of consideration). In this write-up, however, we will use the word “respect” as the least misleading English equivalent available.

Giving honor and showing respect come out of our character and our understanding of the right way to act. They should not be mainly expressions of our (current) emotions. We should be able to show honor and respect whether we like it or not. Of course, we will often have special feelings of appreciation towards someone or will naturally tend to respect or even reverence certain people. Then showing honor or respect will be an ex-pression of our feeling. Moreover, we should grow in sentiments of honor and respect to-wards those who deserve them.

Nonetheless many times, we will show honor or respect simply because we see it to be appropriate, regardless of our feelings. Likewise, we are often shown honor or respect

5

and do not feel like being honored, but we should not refuse it just because of our feel-ings. We should receive it graciously if it is appropriate to receive it. In short, we cannot restrict showing honor and respect to expressing our feelings, but it should see them as an expression of our character and our love towards others.

Notes on the Hebrew and Greek Words

The Hebrew and Greek words for honor. The same Hebrew noun (kabod) is trans-lated “honor” and “glory”. Likewise the same Hebrew verb (kabed) is translated “to honor” and “to glorify”. Most commonly we reserve the words “glory” and “glorify” to speak about honoring God, but it is helpful to recognize that the scripture often uses the same words for relating to God and human beings. To glorify God is to honor him. The commandment in Hebrew “Honor your father and your mother” could be translated “Glo-rify your father and your mother”. When we honor human beings we are doing something similar to what we do when we honor God.

The root of the Hebrew words “honor/honor” and “glory/glorify” (kbd) is connected to “weight”. Therefore “to honor or glorify someone” semantically means “to recognize or express the weight of someone”. Idiomatically we might say “to recognize or express the importance of someone”.

The root of the Greek words “glory/glorify” is connected to “opinion”. Therefore “to glorify someone” semantically means “to have or express a high opinion of someone”. The root of the Greek words “honor/honor” is connected to “price” or “worth”. “To honor” someone semantically means “to value or express the value or worth of some-one”. Idiomatically, we might say “to esteem or express esteem of someone” for both meanings.

The English semantic equivalents of the Hebrew and Greek words, then, are: weight, importance, good opinion, value, esteem. These words give a good sense of what it means to honor or glorify others. When we honor or glorify others, we show that we con-sider them weighty, important or valuable and we express a good opinion or esteem of them.

The Hebrew and Greek words for respect. The Hebrew words for “respect” are de-rived from the root for “fear” (yr’). The Greek words either have the same or a similar meaning. As stated above, in English we would not use “to fear” for “to obey” and we would not commonly use it for “to respect”. Yet, if we understand “fear” to be the recog-nition that certain things or certain persons must be treated carefully because of their power or position (it/they could be dangerous to us), we come close to the meaning of the English words “respect”, “reverence”, “awe”.

6

Showing Honor

“To honor others” is to express that we value them and consider them as of worth.

Those We HonorWe honor others for various reasons:

1) to recognize a relationship we have with someone or to recognize their position• We honor those over us spiritually (God, ministers and priests, coordinators,

et al.) (1 Th 5:12-13).• We honor those over us in secular society (governors, employers) (Rom 13:7;

1 Pet 2:17; Mal 1:6).• We honor those significantly older than us in age (Lev 19:32; Job 32:4).• We honor men or women under us (John 5:27).

– Men honor their wives (1 Pet 3:7).• We honor guests (Gen 18:1ff).• We honor our brothers and sisters in the Lord (Rom 12:10).• We honor all human beings (1 Pet 2:17).We honor each category differently. In addition, we honor men and women differ-ently.

We also honor corporate bodies or institutions out of loyalty or gratitude; for in-stance, church, nation, school, etc.

2) to give special recognition to others (special honor):a) to recognize the benefits we have received from another out of gratitude. We

especially honor those from whom we receive life (God, parents, masters/teachers in the Lord).

b) to recognize merit, that is, character or accomplishment (Est 6:1-11; 1 Tim 5:17)

c) to care for the weak (1 Cor 12:22-26), making an added effort to show that they are of value to us.

Showing honor should be mutual in every relationship.

7

Ways of Showing Honor

1) Recognizing others as of account or of worth• Greeting people as we meet them; taking leave of them as one of us departs• Introducing new people as they arrive• Not ignoring others when they are trying to talk to us; responding to them• Not walking past people when they are trying to talk to us; stopping to listen or

giving a reason why we cannot stop to do so• Paying attention when others are speaking to us or to the group• Taking into account what others say, normally responding to it (that is, not just ig-

noring it)• Not interrupting others, not dominating the conversation• Avoiding humor that costs others honor; for instance, humor that expresses con-

tempt or disdain, mocking, many kinds of mimicking• Telling others when we are leaving; not just walking away• Keeping others informed of our plans when they are dependent on us• Not keeping people waiting who are expecting us at a certain time• Not beginning to eat until everyone else is served, or at least those near us.

2) Expressing graciousness to them. See “Ways of Expressing Graciousness”.

3) Recognizing and respecting others’ rights over “their own”• Accepting the order of a situation when we enter it (for instance, guests follow the

order of the house)• In someone else’s house, community, nation:

• requesting permission to enter• requesting permission to use the possessions there• following the practices (customs and manners) of the place where it would be

helpful to do so.

4) Treating items personally connected to others with care; e.g. putting portraits of them in an honored placed or storing the portraits away, caring for their graves well.

5) Ways of showing special honor because of a special event (for instance, on a birth-day, when a guest comes), because of a special relationship, or because of special merit:

• verbal praise• material gift• personal service (carrying things for them, doing errands)• customs of precedence (standing when they enter; going to meet them).

“Showing Respect” includes further ways of showing honor.

8

Comments on Ways of Showing Honor:• When we show honor (give gifts, do personal service), we should do it well —

with reasonably high standards, not in a casual or sloppy way. It is a dishonor to give a moth-eaten gift.

• When honoring and being honored (including showing respect, following cere-monies, etc.), it is important not to joke negatively about it and helpful not to act uncomfortable.

9

General Comments on Showing Honor

We show honor somewhat regardless of merit. To be sure, people can behave in such ways that they deserve little if any honor and are appropriately deprived of the ordinary forms of honor (criminals, for instance). Nonetheless, normally we show honor because of relationship and regardless of merit. We honor our parents because they are our par-ents, not because they are better parents than other peoples’ parents. In fact, we honor them even if they do not seem to be such good parents. We recognize merit with special honor above the normal honor due in a relationship.

We should show honor to those to whom it is due (Rom 13:7). Showing honor is a duty, not necessarily a matter of special feeling. When we do not give people the honor that is their due, we dishonor them. On the other hand, not all honor is owed. Much is given freely because we recognize something good in another person or what they did, or because we appreciate it. The inner attitude expresses itself in external action.

We sometimes are freed of the necessity of showing normal honor to people when they do not or cannot behave in a way that allows honor to be given well. For example, when older people get senile, we often cannot follow normal courtesies in conversation with them (though we would probably try to “make up for” that with special courtesies). Or if someone has trouble with controlling their speech and rambles on too much in con-versation, we can be allowed to disregard what they say or even interrupt.

10

Ways of Expressing Graciousness

Grace means “favor”, that which we give regardless of merit or desert. It is something we do not owe. It is the disposition to do favors for others, to be generous with them, to forgive, to overlook injuries and to forego compensation, to be generally friendly. “Gra-ciousness” is the manner which expresses that disposition. Ways of expressing gracious-ness:

• When we want something, requesting it as a favor (for instance, “please”, “would you be so kind as to…”)

• When we receive something, expressing gratitude (for instance, “thank you”)• Showing readiness to help (serve) beyond obligation (for instance, helpful direc-

tions, offering a chair, taking a phone message, offering information). Especially helpful in expressing graciousness is the extra service or courtesy that no one would have expected and is unlikely to be motivated by obligation or self-interest (for instance, the plate of cookies to the next door neighbor).

• Giving gifts• Being ready to give the precedence (see “Ways of Showing Respect”, 3). We

should only do so where there is no obligation to take the precedence. For in-stance, we should not give normally precedence to children, but may do so to a guest or neighbor to show graciousness (and honor)

• Being concerned for what concerns others (for instance, asking about them); seek-ing to do others’ preferences

• Going a little further (for instance, not just giving someone directions but setting them on the path); giving a little extra (for instance, throwing something extra into the business deal)

• Receiving what is given you gratefully, even if you do not want it. Eating what is set before you

• Helping in the manner of a servant (for instance, “at your service”, “may I help?”).

Comments on Expressing GraciousnessWe express gratitude to people whenever they are not obligated to us for the services

they perform for us. Children are grateful to their parents, even though the parents are ob-ligated to God to care for the children, because the parents are not obligated to the chil-dren. Parents do not show gratitude to children for services the children perform (for in-stance, doing their chores) unless the services are extra, graciousness from the children; cf. Lk 7:7-10. They may and often should show appreciation or commend them for what they have done.

11

“Please” and “thank you” have become common courtesy in our cultures, and so they cannot be restricted to occasions of graciousness. For instance, we normally need to ask for things that are due to us by saying “please”

12

Showing Respect

The primary way to respect (fear) someone is to obey or submit to them. However, we can and should also act towards them in a way that expresses respect, and this we will term “showing respect”.

To show respect is to show honor to someone in a way that expresses our recognition of the fact that they are over us in some way. It is a recognition in our behavior of order and authority.

Those We Show Respect To

We show respect for various reasons: 1) to recognize a relationship we have with those who are over us:

• those who are over us personally (fathers, masters, our pastor)• those who hold positions of authority in a grouping we are in that is a higher

position than we hold; for instance, all the city councilmen of our city, all the coordinators of our community

2) to honor those who are older than we are or who hold certain positionsComment: We often show respect to those who are not over us, but whom we wish to honor because we recognize the position they hold. For instance, we honor the elderly or receive the president of another country by showing respect. This is probably best understood as honoring them for their position or honoring their position by showing them signs of respect. It is not, strictly speaking, re-specting them in the sense of showing them “fear” or expressing the fact that we are disposed to “fear” them. The main way to respect people is to obey them, but we should not obey all the elderly or the president of another country. Therefore, when we honor people of this sort by showing them respect, we are honoring them out of graciousness and recognition of their position, but not out of obliga-tion because we are in some way under them.

Showing respect is not mutual in relationships where one party owes respect. The son shows respect to the father. The father honors the son, but does not show respect to him.

Ways of Showing Respect

13

1) Obeying in a respectful way.• Obeying promptly, if possible leaving what we are doing to carry out the com-

mand.• Obeying completely, doing extra rather than less; doing it attentively.• Regarding requests as commands unless there is a reason not to.• Expressing willingness to obey.

Note: The above relates to the manner of obeying. One only needs to obey those to whom obedience is due and in the matter it is due.Note: it is possible to obey without showing respect in our manner. Of course, it is more respectful to obey than merely to show respect and not to obey (Matt 21:28-32).

2) Acknowledging another’s authority to command, correct or teach.• Not commanding them; asking them to cooperate as a favor; for instance, do not

say “move over here”, but “would you please move over here”.• Not asking them to serve you; for instance, to get your coat for you; asking them

to help you when you need help (for instance, give you advice).• Offering to be directed or to serve; for instance, “What can I do for you?” or

“What would you like me to do now?”.• Not challenging their decisions or openly refusing to obey. If it is your responsi-

bility to do so, respectfully declining to go along or to obey. Not opposing their leadership.

• Not contradicting or correcting them without expressing their right to overrule you. Preferably not contradicting or correcting them in a public situation at all.

• Not teaching them (for instance, lecturing at them); instead offering information or thoughts.

• When others are presiding over a formal situation:• normally letting them take the initiative and cooperating with them (both in

conversation and in directing how things go)• asking permission before leaving or changing the group direction if asking

permission can be done gracefully• if someone outside the group addresses the group, letting the one presiding an-

swer for the group or direct someone else to answer for the group.

3) Giving them precedence• Letting them lead the way or go first, unless there might be some trouble or dis-

honor ahead (they should lead the way down a path or in entering a friend’s house, but not down a dark alley or entering a house where it is unknown whether the reception will be friendly or not).

• Greeting them first on meeting them; taking leave of them first if either you or they are leaving.

• Going to where they are in order to meet them or speak to them. Not expecting them to come to you. Calling them (or asking when you can call them). Not ex-pecting them to call you.

14

• Not letting them wait for you. Being there early.• If you do not live in regular contact with them or know them well, not being too

familiar with them (joking with them or teasing them, using first names). Letting them take the initiative in relating more familiarly or informally (taking our ties off, going on a first name basis, using the informal “you” in languages with such a distinction).

• Some practices of precedence:• giving them the place of honor in the seating if there is any.• if there is any formality to the situation, standing when they enter or leave• not standing or sitting in their place or sitting in their chair• serving them first.

4) Serving them when we are with them• Taking care of practical things for them (answering the telephone, getting the

door), unless there is someone more junior present.• Helping them personally (opening doors, taking coat) unless there is someone

more senior ready and willing to do it.• Offering them your seat.

5) Speaking and acting in a way that increases others’ respect for them• Speaking about them in a way that increases their honor: praising them, not re-

vealing their faults.• Not mocking or mimicking them or making jokes at their expense.• Expressing to others your willingness to be guided by the directions of those over

you and your unwillingness to contravene or disregard them. Not publicly disap-proving of their leadership or encouraging others to disregard it. Note: this only applies to those to whom we owe some obedience.

• Not behaving one way when they are present and then in a way that they would disapprove of when they are absent. Note: this only holds for those whose ap-proval of our behavior we should seek (for instance, our father when we are younger or our employer in a work situation). If we do not need to seek their ap-proval of all our behavior, it is an adequate sign of respect not to behave in a way they would disapprove of in their presence (for instance, our father when older or our employer outside work).

15

General Comments on Showing Respect

If the person to whom we are showing respect does not have a great deal of respect due them from us, either because they are closer to being our peers by age or position or because they are not high in character or ability, we can modify the above. We are still respectful when we avoid the opposite of all the above.

When we owe respect to someone, we should usually pay additional signs of honor besides the above; for instance, not only do we obey our father, but we also give him gifts.

Those whom we are over should show the same respect we do to those we owe re-spect to; for instance, our children should show respect to our parents or employers.

We should always show respect to those to whom we owe it when we are in the same situation with them. In addition, we sometimes go somewhere to “pay our respects” if the relationship is close or if the person holds a very high position.

Respect is “graded”. One shows more respect the greater the person’s age or position.When we are showing respect to someone, we are more careful to show them the nor-

mal honor in addition to the respect due them. For example, we do not interrupt people when they are speaking if we are treating them with honor, but we are more careful not to interrupt someone we are showing respect to.

Respect is also “graded” by the reverence due to someone because of merit. For in-stance, we do not need to show as much respect to an employer or government official of low character or ability as to one of high character or ability.

To show some signs of respect is a “privilege”. For instance, if a person of high posi-tion visits, the head of the house would normally attend to their needs. Answering the door or telephone, on the other hand, would be a task that someone junior (for instance, a younger son) might do as a way of serving the group.

In a community or social grouping, the children should normally relate to all the adults as authorities whom they would obey. They should normally show respect to all adults they meet in situations when they know they are to be trusted. For children to stay away from adults they do not know can be trusted is not disrespectful.

16

Showing Respect to Personal Authorities

We owe honor and respect to all who are over us in the Lord, simply because of their position. However, some relationships of subordination are more personal. They involve an element of loyalty (and probably gratitude) to a particular individual because of the nature of the relationship and, most often, because the person has been a source of life to us. Such is, for instance, a son’s relationship with his father especially when he is still in his father’s house. Such is a master-disciple relationship. Such sometimes are the rela-tionships we have with a pastoral leader when we receive personal care and serve the Lord together.

Those We Show Special Respect To

We show special respect to:• our father (or mother)• our masters (a Christian teacher who has formed us personally or who has disci-

pled us)• other Christians who have established us in life.

Ways of Showing Respect to Personal Authorities

This section contains ways of showing respect that are in addition to those in the sec-tion “Ways of Showing Respect”.

A. General• Keeping them informed about your life. Let them know about significant changes

in your life before others do. Ask permission from them (or at least their blessing) when appropriate.

• “Paying your respects” to them regularly (presenting yourself to them, greeting them, letting them speak to you if they wish).

• If you or they arrive newly at a common location (house, town), coming and pay-ing your respects.

• Providing personal service for them (see below), and/or giving them gifts.• Speaking with special honor about them.• Expressing loyalty to them both when they are present and when absent.• When you are with them, even if they are not presiding over the situation, ask

them what role they wish you to take in the situation (for instance, how much ini-tiative to take, how much to speak) when it is unclear.

17

B. Personal service• Offering to serve them outside of situations when you are both together; for in-

stance, offering to run an errand, to do a job they need doing.• Regularly putting yourself at their service. If you live or work close with them

and there is no one else to do it, serving them in an ongoing regular way.

General Comments

The above provisions apply most especially to those who are our immediate personal authorities, our fathers or masters. They apply also to those who are over us more dis-tantly (for instance, our grandfathers, the masters of our masters) but we do not have to be as active in the matters that take special action (for instance, keeping them informed, paying our respects, giving gifts). When we have “graduated” from their ongoing care or their household, we still relate to those who formed us with respect, but we often do not relate to them the same way in terms of authority. Therefore we would still inform them about important personal decisions we might make, but more as a courtesy or to ask their advice or blessing and not to request permission. This would apply, for instance, to an adult son in relation to his father or someone who has been formed by a Christian teacher.

To the degree others in authority over us are sources of personal benefit, we can do many of those things for them out of gratitude. We should not regard it as obligatory, though.

As in other ways that we show respect, we should not confuse questions of obedience and subordination with the manner of showing respect.

18

Showing Honor Corporately

Much showing of honor and respect is done individually. It also, however, should be done corporately. Bodies of people come together in a corporate way to relate as a group, and when they do, it is often proper for them to show honor and respect corporately. In order for them to do so, they have to recognize the solemnity of the occasion together and they have to interact with some amount of ceremony.

Solemnity. Some occasions are serious or solemn. A solemn occasion is a special event in which something important and out-of-the-ordinary occurs. Weddings and funer-als are special events. Times of worship, that is, times of coming before God, are special events.

Some times of worship are more solemn or serious than others. A daily time of family worship is not as special as gathering the whole people on Sunday to present themselves to God.

When the occasion is noteworthy, we should handle it in a way that expresses the worth of the event, that is, we should show honor and respect appropriately. One should be able to understand something of the importance of the event by the way it is con-ducted. The more solemn the occasion, the more honor and respect should be shown dur-ing it.

Ceremony. On more solemn occasions, we should be more careful to do the normal things we do to show honor and respect to others. There is, however, another aspect to showing honor and respect, namely how we act corporately. One word often used to de-scribe the corporate showing of honor is the word “ceremony”.

Ways of Showing Honor by Ceremony

A. Expressing the corporate life by expressing the order of relationships both on-going relationships of authority (for instance, the leader of the grouping) and functional re-lationships for the event (for instance, the master of ceremonies, the marshal).• Sitting or standing in order. “Firstness” is recognized by position (centrality, be-

ing at a higher level, being in front, being at the head of the table, etc.).• Having special seats (both type of seat and position of seat).• Moving together in order; i.e., “processing”. “Firstness’ is recognized by position

(first, last, central).

19

B. Expressing the honor due the occasion by special dress or adornment.• Dressing up for the occasion.• Wearing special insignia to indicate position; for instance, robes of office.• Making the surroundings look better; for instance, cleaning them, decorating

them, using better quality seats, utensils, etc..• Using appropriate (dignified) music.

C. Conducting oneself in a dignified way.• Bearing oneself in an attentive way.

– erect, dignified posture– not “sloppy”; for instance, no hands in pocket, slouching– not fidgeting– deliberateness of motion– when appropriate, using an acceptable “at ease” posture– arriving on time; staying until the end– attention to the leader– being “present” in manner.

• Using special gestures, especially to show respect:– standing attentively or rising to show respect– bows, prostrations, kneeling– special salutations as appropriate.

• Avoiding humor, except perhaps at certain points of the occasion for change of pace or marking a time of less solemnity.

• When something ceremonial is being done with one hand, using the right hand, the “hand of honor”.

20

Worship

“Worship” is a word that in English means “worth-ship”, so that to worship God in its root means to express his worth or to honor or glorify him. In many English translations of the scriptures [e.g. the RSV], however, “worship” is used to translate the Hebrew or Greek words that mean “bow down to” or “prostrate oneself to”. Bowing down to people or prostrating oneself before them were ways of acknowledging their lordship. “Wor-ship”, therefore, is commonly used to mean honoring people in a way that acknowledges their lordship. Worship, then, is an expression of fear or reverence. Some, following the scriptural usage [as sometimes translated] would not restrict the word to honoring God as God, that is, acknowledging his divine lordship, but would allow that people could be “worshiped” without being idolatrous, although in contemporary English that would not be an accurate use of the word.

The word “worship” could be used to refer to the way we live our whole lives in obe-dience to God. It could also be restricted to the way we explicitly direct ourselves to God to acknowledge his lordship over us, that is, to our prayer and offerings to him. Here, the word will primarily refer to our expressions of respect or reverence to God as we pray to him individually or corporately.

Times of worship are special events and therefore always somewhat solemn. Some times of worship are more solemn than others. A daily time of family worship is not as much a special event as gathering the people on Sunday to present themselves to God. We can pray to God in more informal ways. We can pray as we walk someplace or medi-tate on his word while eating. These are not “times of worship” in the sense meant here and so are not solemn events, although no interaction with God can ever be properly done without showing respect or reverence.

Times of worship also involve ceremony. Paradoxically, this should also be true when we are alone. The traditional Christian teaching has been that when we turn to God in a special way to worship him, we come into his presence in heaven. Therefore we find our-selves in the middle of the heavenly court of the kind of the universe. We are, in short, in a corporate situation during our personal times of worship, and should conduct ourselves appropriately. Not all of the time we take as a “prayer time” has to be a time of worship (sometimes we use it just to meditate, for instance), but some of it should be, so that we present ourselves before the lord as his creatures daily and acknowledge his sole divine lordship over us.

The above pages on showing honor and respect focus on how to honor other human beings. They do not directly concern showing honor to God. They can, however, be ap-plied to honoring God, because we should honor God whom we do not see much the way we honor our brother whom we do see (1 John 4:20). In applying them we observe the following principles:

21

• God receives special honor, the highest honor. He and things connected to him should always be given the highest honor in every situation relative to that shown human beings. Some expressions of honor and respect should be reserved for him, at least making an offering (sacrifice) and swearing by him.

• Strictly speaking, we do not show graciousness to God. We are simply the recipi-ents of his graciousness. We can, however, show him special honor and make spe-cial gifts out of gratitude.

• God’s name or titles should be used with special reverence. We should not use them frequently or casually.

• The “things of God” should be treated with special honor. Highest honor should go to those things which we recognize as the means of mediating his presence or relationship with him, e.g. the scriptures, the sacraments/ordinances. Next highest should go to those things which are associated with him or with his presence, e.g. churches, Christian hymns or sons, Christian symbols.

• Traditionally, copies of the scripture have been disposed of by burning or sometimes by burial when they could no longer be used, not just thrown out.

• Although copies of the scripture are now inexpensive and “in daily use”. they should still be used, carried and placed with respect.

22

AppendicesScripture Passages on Showing Honor and Respect

Honor/Respect (Fear) Given to God

Dt 6:2 that you may fear the LORD your God, you and your son and your son's son, by keeping all his statutes and his commandments, which I command you, all the days of your life; and that your days may be prolonged.

1Sam 2:29-30 Why then look with greedy eye at my sacrifices and my offerings which I commanded, and honor your sons above me by fattening yourselves upon the choicest parts of every offering of my people Israel?” 30Therefore the LORD the God of Israel declares: “I promised that your house and the house of your father should go in and out before me for ever”; but now the LORD declares: “Far be it from me; for those who honor me I will honor, and those who despise me shall be lightly esteemed.

2Ki 17:28 So one of the priests whom they had carried away from Samaria came and dwelt in Bethel, and taught them how they should fear the LORD.

2Ki 17:35 The LORD made a covenant with them, and commanded them, “You shall not fear other gods or bow yourselves to them or serve them or sacrifice to them;

Ps 2:11 Serve the LORD with fear, with trembling 12kiss his feet,

Ps 5:7 But I through the abundance of thy steadfast love will enter thy house, I will worship toward thy holy temple in the fear of thee.

Ps 22:23 You who fear the LORD, praise him! all you sons of Jacob, glorify him, and stand in awe of him, all you sons of Israel!

Ps 34:11 Come, O sons, listen to me, I will teach you the fear of the LORD.Ps. 111:10 The fear of the LORD is the beginning of wisdom;

a good understanding have all those who practice it.His praise endures for ever!

Prov 3:9-10 Honor the LORD with your substance and with the first fruits of all your produce;

10then your barns will be filled with plenty, and your vats will be bursting with wine.

Prov 14:31 He who oppresses a poor man insults his Maker,but he who is kind to the needy honors him.

23

Isa 29:13 And the Lord said: “Because this people draw near with their mouth and honor me with their lips, while their hearts are far from me, and their fear of me is a commandment of men learned by rote;

Isa 43:23 You have not brought me your sheep for burnt offerings, or honored me with your sacrifices. I have not burdened you with offerings, or wearied you with frankincense.

Isa 58:13 “If you turn back your foot from the sabbath, from doing your pleasure on my holy day, and call the sabbath a delight and the holy day of the LORD honorable; if you honor it, not going your own ways, or seeking your own pleasure, or talking idly;

Dan 11:38 He shall honor the god of fortresses instead of these; a god whom his fa-thers did not know he shall honor with gold and silver, with precious stones and costly gifts.

Mal 1:6–7 “A son honors his father, and a servant his master. If then I am a father, where is my honor? And if I am a master, where is my fear?

says the LORD of hosts to you, O priests, who despise my name. You say, “How have we despised thy name?” 7By offering polluted food upon my altar. And say, “How have we polluted it?” By thinking the Lord’s table may be despised...

2Cor 7:1 Since we have these promises, beloved, let us cleanse ourselves from ev-ery defilement of body and spirit, and make holiness perfect in the fear of God.

1Tim 1:17 To the King of ages, immortal, invisible, the only God, be honor and glory for ever and ever. Amen.

Heb 12:28 Therefore let us be grateful for receiving a kingdom that cannot be shaken, and thus let us offer to God acceptable worship, with reverence and awe;

1Pet 1:17 And if you invoke as Father him who judges each one impartially accord-ing to his deeds, conduct yourselves with fear throughout the time of your exile.

Rev 11:18 The nations raged, but thy wrath came, and the time for the dead to be judged, for rewarding thy servants, the prophets and saints, and those who fear thy name, both small and great, and for destroying the destroyers of the earth.”

Rev 14:7 and he said with a loud voice, “Fear God and give him glory,

for the hour of his judgment has come;and worship him who made heaven and earth,

the sea and the fountains of water.”Rev 15:4 Who shall not fear and glorify thy name, O Lord?

For thou alone art holy. All nations shall come and worship thee,

for thy judgments have been revealed.”Rev 19:5 And from the throne came a voice crying, “Praise our God, all you his ser-

vants, you who fear him, small and great.”

24

Honor Received from God

1Sam 2:30 Therefore the LORD the God of Israel declares: “I promised that your house and the house of your father should go in and out before me for ever”; but now the LORD declares: “Far be it from me; for those who honor me I will honor, and those who despise me shall be lightly es-teemed.

Ps 8:5 Yet thou hast made him little less than God, and dost crown him with glory and honor.

Ps 91:15 When he calls to me, I will answer him; I will be with him in trouble, I will rescue him and honor him.

Prov 4:8 Prize her highly, and she will exalt you; she will honor you if you embrace her.

Prov 13:18 Poverty and disgrace come to him who ignores instruction, but he who heeds reproof is honored.

Prov 15:33 The fear of the LORD is instruction in wisdom, and humility goes before honor.

Prov 21:21 He who pursues righteousness and kindness will find life and honor.Prov 22:4 The reward for humility and fear of the LORD is riches and honor and

life.Prov 27:18 He who tends a fig tree will eat its fruit,

and he who guards his master will be honored.John 12:43 for they loved the praise of men more than the praise of God.Rom 2:7 to those who by patience in well-doing seek for glory and honor and im-

mortality, he will give eternal life;Rom 2:10 but glory and honor and peace for every one who does good, the Jew first

and also the Greek.2Cor 4:17 For this slight momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight

of glory beyond all comparison,Heb 2:7 Thou didst make him for a little while lower than the angels, thou hast

crowned him with glory and honor,Heb 2:9 But we see Jesus, who for a little while was made lower than the angels,

crowned with glory and honor because of the suffering of death, so that by the grace of God he might taste death for every one.

2Pet 1:17 For when he received honor and glory from God the Father and the voice was borne to him by the Majestic Glory, “This is my beloved Son, with whom I am well pleased,”

Honor/Respect Among Human Beings

Ex 20:12 “Honor your father and your mother, that your days may be long in the land which the LORD your God gives you.

25

Dt 5:16 “Honor your father and your mother, as the LORD your God commanded you; that your days may be prolonged, and that it may go well with you, in the land which the LORD your God gives you.

Dt 28:50 a nation of stern countenance, who shall not regard the person of the old or show favor to the young,

Lev 19:3 Every one of you shall revere his mother and his father, and you shall keep my sabbaths: I am the LORD your God.

Lev 19:32 “You shall rise up before the hoary head, and honor the face of an old man, and you shall fear your God: I am the LORD.

2Sam 10:3 But the princes of the Ammonites said to Hanun their lord, “Do you think, because David has sent comforters to you, that he is honoring your father? Has not David sent his servants to you to search the city, and to spy it out, and to overthrow it?”

2Ch 32:33 And Hezekiah slept with his fathers, and they buried him in the ascent of the tombs of the sons of David; and all Judah and the inhabitants of Jerusalem did him honor at his death. And Manasseh his son reigned in his stead.

Est 1:20 So when the decree made by the king is proclaimed throughout all his kingdom, vast as it is, all women will give honor to their husbands, high and low.”

Est 8:16 The Jews had light and gladness and joy and honor.Job 32:4 Now Elihu had waited to speak to Job because they were older than he. Ps. 15:4 in whose eyes a reprobate is despised,

but who honors those who fear the LORD; who swears to his own hurt and does not change;

Prov 25:6 Do not put yourself forward in the king’s presence or stand in the place of the great;

7for it is better to be told, “Come up here,” than to be put lower in the presence of the prince.

Prov 26:1 Like snow in summer or rain in harvest, so honor is not fitting for a fool.

Prov 27:2 Let another praise you, and not your own mouth; a stranger, and not your own lips.

Prov 29:23 A man’s pride will bring him low, but he who is lowly in spirit will obtain honor.

Prov 31:28-9 Her children rise up and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her:

29“Many women have done excellently, but you surpass them all.”

Lam 5:12 Princes are hung up by their hands; no respect is shown to the elders.

Mal 1:6 “A son honors his father, and a servant his master. If then I am a father, where is my honor? And if I am a master, where is my fear?

26

says the LORD of hosts to you, O priests, who despise my name. You say, “How have we despised thy name?”...

Rom 12:10 love one another with brotherly affection; outdo one another in showing honor.

Rom 13:7 Pay all of them their dues, taxes to whom taxes are due, revenue to whom revenue is due, respect to whom respect is due, honor to whom honor is due.

1Cor 12:22-6 On the contrary, the parts of the body which seem to be weaker are indis-pensable, 23and those parts of the body which we think less honorable we invest with the greater honor, and our unpresentable parts are treated with greater modesty, 24which our more presentable parts do not require. But God has so composed the body, giving the greater honor to the inferior part, 25that there may be no discord in the body, but that the members may have the same care for one another. 26If one member suffers, all suffer to-gether; if one member is honored, all rejoice together.

Eph 5:21 Be subject to one another out of reverence for Christ. Eph 5:33 however, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see

that she respects her husband. Eph 6:2-3 “Honor your father and mother" (this is the first commandment with a

promise), 3“that it may be well with you and that you may live long on the earth.”

Col 3:22 Slaves, obey in everything those who are your earthly masters, not with eye service, as men-pleasers, but in singleness of heart, fearing the Lord.

1Th 5:12-13 But we beseech you, brethren, to respect those who labor among you and are over you in the Lord and admonish you, and to esteem them very highly in love because of their work. Be at peace among yourselves.

1Tim 5:3 Honor widows who are real widows. 1Tim 5:17 Let the elders who rule well be considered worthy of double honor, espe-

cially those who labor in preaching and teaching; 1Tim 6:1 Let all who are under the yoke of slavery regard their masters as worthy of

all honor, so that the name of God and the teaching may not be defamed. 1Pet 2:17 Honor all men. Love the brotherhood. Fear God. Honor the emperor. 1Pet 3:2 when they see your reverent and chaste behavior. 1Pet 3:7 Likewise you husbands, live considerately with your wives, bestowing

honor on the woman as the weaker sex, since you are joint heirs of the grace of life, in order that your prayers may not be hindered.

Illustrations of Honor/Fear/Respect

Gen 9:20-27 Shem and Japheth are zealous for their father's honor.Gen 18:1-15 Abraham's service of the angels.Gen 33:1-11 Jacob presents gifts to his brother Esau.Num 22-23 Balak honoring Balaam as a reward1Kgs 1:15-17 Bathsheba and Nathan greeting David

27

22-251 Kgs 2:19 Solomon greeting Bathsheba Est 6:1-11 Story of the king honoring Mordecai.Job 32:4 “Now Elihu had waited to speak to Job because they were older than he.”Luke 7:44 The woman who washed the feet of Jesus with her tears.Luke 14:7-11 Story of seating places at a wedding feast.John 5:23 The Father…has given all judgment to the Son, that all may honor the

Son.John 5:41-44 I do not receive glory from men.John 8:50 I do not seek my own glory; there is One who seeks it.Rev 4:9,11; Examples of glory and honor given God in worship in the

5:12-13; heavenly court.7:12; 19:1

28

Honor and Respect in the Talmud

A Rabbinic Description of Showing Honor and Respect

“Our rabbis taught: What is respect (morah) and what is honor (kibbud)?‘Respect’ means that he (the son) must:

• neither stand nor sit in his (father’s) place, • nor contradict his words, • nor tip the scale against him.

‘Honor’ means that he must:• give him food and drink, • clothe and cover him, • and lead him in and out.”

– M. Kiddushin 31b

A Summary of Showing Honor and Respect in The Talmud

The Talmud was a kind of commentary on the Jewish law that was compiled in the Fifth–Sixth Century. It includes traditions that go back to New Testament times. It is in-cluded here as background to the New Testament teaching on honor and respect.

Two Talmudic tractates, Derek 'Eretz Rabbah and Derek 'Eretz Zuta, give much in-sight on the place of honor and respect in rabbinic Judaism.1 Derek 'Eretz means “good manners, propriety, correct behavior, refinement, and etiquette”. Rabbah means “large or long” and zuta means “short”. Honor and respect were particularly important to the rabbis of the academies. Of course biblical examples abound on these themes. The purpose of this write-up is to consider the teachings of the rabbis as reflected in the tractates, Derek 'Eretz Rabbah and Zuta.

The two tractates make it clear that honor is to be given to all people, regardless of position. This is in the spirit of all the scriptural injunctions to protect the rights of the widow, the poor and the stranger in Israel's midst. Zuta says in the spirit of Leviticus 19, “Let the honor of your fellow be as dear to you as your own. Show respect to all persons; say not, ‘I will flatter this man that he may give me to eat, or that he may give me to drink, or another man that he may clothe me, or yet another that he may give me shelter.’”2 The reward for honoring a sage is “perfect sons and daughters,” but honoring a

1. Ginsberg, Rabbi Dr. M. “Introduction”, The Minor Tractates Of The Talmud, p. v.2. DEZ II–8.

29

poor man also brings “children (who are) learned in the Torah and perform the command-ments.”3

Yet there are clearly those to whom respect is due beyond the universally shown honor. Zuta says, “A man should always make a point of knowing with whom he is sit -ting or standing, with whom he is sitting at table, with whom he is conversing and who is his co-signatory to a deed.”4 Why is man to be so perspicacious? It is to behave in the way appropriate to the person being related to. In other words, honor is expressed in dif-ferent ways to different people. Consider some standard situations:

Greeting: Rabbah teaches that one must never leave the company of another person unless he obtains his fellow’s consent. This is particularly true in relating to a teacher. An illustration of this concern may be seen in the following story. Rabban Gamaliel was traveling with two other rabbis. The host considers carefully what he should say. Should he greet the President of the Sanhedrin, Gamaliel, only, and thereby insult the rabban’s companions? Or should he greet all three together and risk derogatory conduct towards Gamaliel? The solution he comes to is to greet them in the following words: “Peace be upon you, Sages of Israel, headed by Rabban Gamaliel.”5

Positioning: In the above illustration, the rabbis cite 1 Kings 22:19 where the Lord is sitting while the host of heaven surrounds Him on His right and left. The author of Scrip-ture does not neglect to speak of what is the positioning of the hosts around the Lord. Some other points brought out concerning positioning: The more important precedes the less important when entering; the less important precedes the more important when leav-ing. The elder (or more important) precedes when ascending a staircase; the lesser pre-cedes when descending. In council the elder precedes; in prison the lesser precedes.6

Speech: Speech also befits honor and respect. The lesser does not speak before the greater. He does not interrupt and is not hasty to answer. The wise man asks in accor-dance with subject matter and answers in accordance with the accepted decision, speaks on the first point first and on the last point last. The less important man also does not in-sist he has already heard what his master wants to teach on. Generally the lesser should admit his ignorance and not speak up before the greater.7

Table manners: Mealtimes were very important parts of the day. Here, too, honor and respect must be appropriately expressed. The lesser must never serve himself first. The lesser must always invite the greater to eat if the lesser is going to eat in the greater’s presence. The lesser must provide food (as well as shelter and clothing) for the greater.

3. DEZ IX–94. DEZ V–25. DER V–2.6. DEZ VI–2.7. DEZ VII–1.

30

The Hebrew word for teacher is often translated ‘father’. Thus, the origin for many of these customs was probably the family. A similar point is that the lesser must never sit in the greater’s chair.8

All of the above express ways of showing honor and respect in rabbinic Judaism. One interesting prediction in this area was offered by one of the rabbis: “In the generation when the son of David comes, young men will insult the old, the aged will stand up be-fore youth, a daughter will rise up against her mother, and a son will not be abashed in his father’s presence.”9

8. DER VII–1; DEZ VIII–9; DEZ VII–3.9. DEZ X–10.

31