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Conscious Conversations: Engaging the Differences that Divide Us
Sheldon Romer Consultant / Coach
Susan Skjei Authentic Leadership
Center, Naropa University
Conscious Conversations: Engaging the Differences that Divide Us
A Workshop with Sheldon Romer, Executive Consultant
Susan Skjei, PhD
Authentic Leadership Model
Presence (Mindfulness,
Awareness and Authenticity)
“I” Engagement (Skillful Conversations, Group Dynamics)
“We”
Effective Action (Courage and Collaborative Change)
“It”
SELF-ESTEEM CONFIDENCE
TRUST CREDIBILITY
POWER EFFECTIVENESS
© Susan Skjei
An organization is a network of conversations
Mental Models ”Mental models are the deeply held internal images, assumptions, and stories which we carry in our minds of ourselves, other people, institutions and every aspect of the world.”
- Peter Senge Fifth Discipline Fieldbook
• We can’t not have mental models • Often helpful • Our mental models tell us what to pay attention to • Left unexplored, they can limit us to familiar ways of
thinking and acting instead of embracing differences
We are often captive to our mental models
We operate under the following assumptions • Our beliefs are the truth • The truth is obvious • Our beliefs are based on real data • The data we select are the real data
Source: The Fifth Discipline Fieldbook Peter Senge et al
We can improve our communication through reflection by using the Ladder of
Inference in 3 ways:
1. Become more aware of our own thinking and reasoning
2. Make our thinking and reasoning visible to others
3. Inquire into other’s thinking and reasoning
Source: The Fifth Discipline Fieldbook Peter Senge et al
Role Play Debrief
6. Action: I won't delegate important things to him 5. Belief: I can't trust anyone else to care as much as I do 4. Stereotype: He doesn't really care about customer service 3. Assumption: He didn't think this was very important and didn't make it a priority 2. Interpretation: It must be the new admin's fault 1. Data: The handouts are not here
Inquiry... Is asking about and understanding the views and perspectives held by others.
Advocacy... Is expressing your view
Inquiry and Advocacy
Effective Inquiry (Helping others move down their ladder of inference)
Adapted from: Ross, Rick and Charlotte Roberts, “Fifth Discipline Fieldbook, pages 253-259
Effective Effective Example Ineffective Be calm, non-provocative and probe for their point of view Identify the data they are using Make their assumptions and reasoning explicit Explain why you are inquiring If they act defensive, do not respond in kind. Stay calm, slow down.
“Help me understand you…” “What data of information did you use?” “How does that data relate to your conclusion?” “I am asking you this because…” “I just seem to be missing something here and I want to make sure that I under-stand your point of view.”
Ask a question when you have an answer in mind; disguise statements as questions Ask question in order to avoid saying what you already think Ask unilaterally, “do you see what I see?”
Effective Advocacy (Taking people up your ladder of inference)
Adapted from: Ross, Rick and Charlotte Roberts, “Fifth Discipline Fieldbook, pages 253-259
Effective Effective Examples Ineffective
State your perception Identify the data you used Explain your assumptions Make your reasoning explicit Invite others to explore your observations and reasoning. Refrain from being defensive. Instead move to inquiry.
“I see it this way…” “Here is the data I used…” “I assumed that…” “Here is how that data led me to my conclusions…” “What do you think about what I just said? Do you see any holes in my reasoning?” “Thank you for your comments.”
Speak unilaterally with no options for rebuttal or inquiry Do not reveal your thinking When asked for examples, give abstract or generic ones
Left-Hand Column Exercise • Recall a conversation that did not go well. Ideally, a recent
one. • Draw two columns • What was actually said? – Write in right hand column • What were your private thoughts and feelings? – Write in left
hand column
Ian Webster
Purpose: • Increase our Awareness • Discover other options to
take when we get stuck
Source: The Fifth Discipline Fieldbook Peter Senge et al
Left-Hand Column Exercise
What I was thinking and feeling but didn’t say
What we actually said
Exercise • Please review your “left hand column” • Inquiry: Identify one question you might have asked that could have shifted the course of the conversation
• Advocacy: Identify something you might have disclosed that could have shifted the course of the conversation
• Please discuss with a partner
