Conquer Your Critical Inner Voice

TMPhilosophersNotesMore Wisdom in Less Time

Brian Johnson’s

“Conquer Your Inner Critical Voice can help you expose and challenge destructive

ways of thinking that seriously impair your sense of self, your spirit, and your

ability to achieve the things in life that matter most to you. Many limitations that

people face in life are self-imposed and based on unrealistic and negative views

they have of themselves and others. Therefore, the goals of this book are: (1) to

illuminate the forces within us that contribute to many of our problems in living

and that cause us much unnecessary pain and distress; and (2) to provide you with

methods for challenging and modifying these forces so you can realize your own

unique potentialities.”

~ Robert W. Firestone, Lisa Firestone, Joyce Catlett from Conquer Your Critical Inner Voice

Will Bowen, the author of A Complaint Free World (see Notes) recommended this book so I

thought I’d check it out. I’m happy I did!

It’s basically a workbook-like field manual filled with checklists and exercises to help us conquer

our critical inner voice—helping us understand how it shows up in all aspects of our lives (from

our careers to our intimate relationships) while giving us guidance on how to deal with it.

If you have a super-saucy inner critic rattling around up in your head, I think you might get a lot

out of the book and exercises.

For now, let’s explore a few of my favorite Big Ideas!

THE REAL YOU VS. THE CRITICAL INNER VOICE“Depending on which part of your personality is more prominent at a given time, the real you or

the critical inner voice, you will express an entirely different point of view, and your behaviors

and interactions with others will be different. Perhaps you have noticed this interesting

phenomenon in the people closest to you; they can be very different when they seem to be

“themselves” than when they do not seem themselves. When they are themselves, they are

usually relaxed and far more likable. When they are being influenced by their inner critical voice,

they are typically more uptight and unlikable.”

The real you vs. the critical inner voice.

If you agree with the Dalai Lama, you could say the critical inner voice is the ultimate enemy.

The authors share this brilliant quote from the Dalai Lama: “We allow ourselves to be ruled by our thoughts and emotions, and furthermore . . . we allow our thoughts and emotions to be determined by our negative impulses and other afflictions of the mind. . . . If we continue to allow this situation to occur, it can only lead to misery and suffering. . . . Whatever brings disaster or harm should be called an enemy, so this means that the ultimate enemy is actually within ourselves.”

I just love the way Michael Singer describes the inner voice in his great book, The Untethered

Conquer Your Critical Inner VoiceA Revolutionary Program to Counter Negative Thoughts and Live Free from Imagined Limitations BY ROBERT W. FIRESTONE, LISA FIRESTONE, JOYCE CATLETT NEW HARBINGER PUBLICATIONS © 2002 · 214 PAGES

THE BIG IDEASThe Real Youvs. The critical inner voice.

What We Tell OurselvesDetermines the quality of our lives.

Identifying GuiltAnd choosing intelligent regret.

Challenging DepressionThree steps to take.

Living the Examined LifeLive + Examine = Good.

The Good LifeMeaning + transcendent goals.

1 PhilosophersNotes | Conquer Your Critical Inner Voice

“The guidelines and exercises provided in this

book point you toward leading a better life by

identifying the critical inner voice, understanding its

sources, and then taking action against its dictates.”~ Robert W. Firestone, Lisa Firestone,

Joyce Catlett

Soul (see Notes). He tells us it’s kinda like having a REALLY crazy roommate. In his words:

“Basically, you’re not alone in there. There are two distinct aspects of your inner being. The first is you, the awareness, the witness, the center of your willful intention; and the other is that which you watch. The problem is, the part that you watch never shuts up. If you could get rid of that part, even for a moment, the peace and serenity would be the nicest vacation you ever had.”

And: “How would you feel if someone outside really started talking to you the way your inner voice does? How would you relate to a person who opened their mouth to say everything your mental voice says? After a very short period of time, you would tell them to leave and never come back. But when your inner friend continuously speaks up, you don’t ever tell it to leave. No matter how much trouble it causes, you listen.”

The book is all about recognizing when that critical inner voice takes over the airwaves and

developing strategies to conquer it.

Let’s explore some more Big Ideas on it!

WHAT WE TELL OURSELVES“If, during the past week, you observed that your mood switched—for example, from feeling

relatively happy and content to feeling down—try to recall the event or interaction that

occurred immediately prior to the shift in your feelings. After thinking about the details of the

event or conversation, try to remember what you were telling yourself at the time. Although

many situations and encounters can be distressing or anxiety-producing, it is important to

reemphasize that the way we interpret these events or situations is the crux of the problem.

What we tell ourselves about the event, about ourselves, and about the other person or people

involved is far more crucial in determining our feelings and our state of mind than the event

itself.”

As you know if you’ve read many of these Notes, this is one of THE most frequent themes we

come back to again and again.

It’s been awhile since I’ve gone on a quote fest on the subject so why not explore a handful of my

favorites?

Why would I want to do that? Because I want you to KNOW that your *reaction* to whatever

is happening is determining your mood, NOT the event itself!!!! We need to really get this. And

then get really good at observing the thoughts that are creating our moods. And then learn how

to challenge those thoughts and create more empowering interpretations!

Can I get an “Amen!”?!?

Thanks. Now for some powerful wisdom gems! :)

Albert Ellis, one of the most preeminent psychologists of the 20th century, tells us this (see

Notes on A Guide to Rational Living for more): “The mechanism of such an emotional disturbance is not difficult to grasp. It looks, at first blush, as though it’s just a matter of “stimulus” and “response”—as if something unfortunate happens to people (the stimulus), and that, by itself, causes them to get upset (the response). But it looks that way only because, when something unfortunate happens, the key element of emotional arousal—their irrational thinking—leaps into action almost instantaneously and, of course, largely out of sight.

The actual mechanism of an emotional disturbance is a stimulus-belief-response, or as we say in REBT: “Action-Belief-Consequence.” These are the terms behind REBT’s well-known ABC model of emotional arousal. Bottom line: it’s not our life events (Actions) that, themselves, directly disturb us (produce unpleasant emotional Consequences). It’s our irrational demandingness, our shoulds, oughts, and musts (Beliefs), that largely do the job.”


“Seek not good from without: seek it within

yourselves, or you will never find it.”

~ Epictetus

Tal Ben-Shahar puts it this way in The Pursuit of Perfect (see Notes): “The basic premise of cognitive therapy is that we react to our interpretation of events rather than directly to the events themselves, which is why the same event may elicit radically different responses from different people. An event leads to a thought (an interpretation of the event), and the thought in turn evokes an emotion. I see a baby (event), recognize her as my daughter (thought), and feel love (emotion). I see the audience waiting for my lecture (event), interpret it as threatening (thought), and experience anxiety (emotion).”

Tal continues: “The goal of cognitive therapy is to restore a sense of realism by getting rid of distorted thinking. When we identify an irrational thought (a cognitive distortion), we change the way we think about an event and thereby change the way we feel. For example, if I experience paralyzing anxiety before a job interview, I can evaluate the thought that elicits the anxiety (if I am rejected, it will all be over and I will never find a job) and reinterpret the event by disputing and replacing the distorted evaluation with a rational one (although I really want this job, there are many other desirable jobs out there). The distortion elicits an intense and unhealthy fear of failure; the rational thought reframes the situation and puts it in perspective.”

To go old school on it, we’ll bring a couple Stoic philosophers into the mix.

In Meditations (see Notes), Aurelius tells us: “If you are distressed by anything external, the pain is not due to the thing itself but to your own estimate of it; and this you have the power to revoke at any moment.” While in Letters from a Stoic (see Notes), Seneca offer this: “The place one’s in, though, doesn’t make any contribution to peace of mind: it’s the spirit that makes everything agreeable to oneself.”

In his Success Principles (see Notes), Jack Canfield puts “Taking 100% responsibility” for our

lives in the #1 slot and tells us: “It is time to stop looking outside yourself for the answers to why you haven’t created the life and results you want, for it is you who creates the quality of the life you lead and the results you produce. You—no one else! To achieve major success in life—to achieve those things that are most important to you—you must assume 100% responsibility for your life. Nothing less will do.”

And, finally, Osho gives us this goodness (see Notes on The Book of Understanding): “The word “responsibility” has been used the wrong way. It gives a feeling of burden. You have to do it, it is a duty; if you don’t do it you will feel guilty. I want to remind you that the word ‘responsibility’ has none of those connotations. Break the word in two—response-ability—and you enter a totally different meaning of the word, a different direction... Response-ability simply means spontaneous response. Whatever situation arises, joyously respond to it, with your totality, with your intensity. And the response will not only change the situation, it will change you.”

Alrighty then. That’s enough for now.

*crosses fingers*

I hope I’ve convinced you that it’s your interpretations of what’s going on that’s creating how

you’re feeling in any given moment! :)

IDENTIFYING GUILT“Guilt can be defined as self-critical feelings and attitudes that are experienced in relation to our

actions, as well as in relation to our thoughts and feelings we see as unacceptable... However,

even in situations where you know you are in the wrong, it serves no purpose to attack yourself

for the negative effects of your behavior. It is much more constructive to identify the critical

inner voices that intensify your guilty feelings, feel compassion for yourself and the other person,

and plan ways to change your behavior in future interactions.”

“Our life is what our thoughts make it.”

~ Marcus Aurelius

3PhilosophersNotes | Conquer Your Critical Inner Voice

Guilt.

It’s easy to get overwhelmed with a sense of guilt (and shame) in our lives but we want to check

in on how our critical inner voice likes to attack us in unhealthy ways.

As the authors advise us, rather than attack ourselves, it makes a LOT more sense to have

compassion for ourselves and the others involved as we (VERY IMPORTANTLY!) identify the

behavior(s) we intend to change in the future.

Tibetan Buddhists have this one figured out nicely as well. In The Diamond Cutter (see Notes),

Geshe Michael Roache tells us that: “There’s no word in Tibetan for ‘guilty.’ The closest thing is ‘intelligent regret that decides to do things differently.’”

That’s pretty amazing.

—> Swapping out guilt for “intelligent regret that decides to do things differently.”

A recipe for constructive living, eh?

Wayne Dyer is even more intense about it. In Your Erroneous Zones (see Notes), he tells us:

“Guilt is the most useless of all erroneous behaviors. It is by far the greatest waste of emotional energy. Why? Because, by definition, you are feeling immobilized in the present over something that has already taken place, and no amount of guilt can ever change history.”

So, there ya go. If you’ve made some mistakes in your life that you’re beating yourself up

about, see if you can settle down that critical inner voice and pull back on the guilt as you take

responsibility, bring a sense of compassion AND commit to modifying your behavior from here

on out.

STEPS FOR CHALLENGING DEPRESSION“To combat the voices that contribute to depression, it is helpful to:

1. Identify and challenge the negative thoughts and beliefs you experience early in the self-

destructive cycle.

2. Talk to a close friend who tends to have a more optimistic outlook. Talking to someone who

is also down or cynical about life can actually make you feel worse.

3. Force yourself to engage in activities that you have found pleasurable in the past. Even

if they don’t seem appealing right now, they will help you start to overcome apathy,

indifference, and lack of energy that are major symptoms of depression.”

Needless to say, the critical inner voice plays a leading role in creating depression. The authors

dedicate an entire chapter to addressing this dynamic.

We’ve hit on #1 in depth in these Notes (challenge your negative thoughts!! the earlier in the

process the better!!). Let’s underscore #3 for a moment: If you’re feeling like poop, you tend to

stop doing the things that used to give you pleasure. Well, you need to FORCE yourself to do

them. Even if you don’t feel like it or you don’t have any energy, go for the hike or go swimming

or do photography or visit your friends--whatever *usually* makes you feel great, go out and DO

IT!!! Seriously. This is big.

If you’re in a funk, check in on these steps and go out and do something you enjoy!!

LIVING THE EXAMINED LIFE“Each of us has the goal of creating the best life possible for ourselves and our loved ones. For

centuries, philosophers and religious teachers have attempted to define what it means to live the

“good life.” Their ideas on the subject differ, yet they all hold one belief in common—that is, that

“the unexamined life is not worth living,” as Socrates put it. We can fulfill our human potential

“In accepting the uncertainty and ambiguity of life, we can come to

understand that there are no absolute “truths” to be

discovered.”~ Robert W. Firestone, Lisa Firestone,

Joyce Catlett


only if we seriously consider our own wants, desires, goals, and ideals, and then make conscious

choices as we search for personal meaning in our lives.”

—> “The unexamined life is not worth living.”

Amen to that. How about we take a quick inventory of a few important items? :)

What goals inspire you? The following goals are inspiring me: ______________________

__________________________________________________________________

What’s your purpose in life? My purpose in life is: _______________________________

__________________________________________________________________

__________________________________________________________________

Are you living in integrity with your deepest values? How can you live with even more integrity and have fun in the process?! Here’s how I can live with even more integrity: ______

__________________________________________________________________

__________________________________________________________________

Let’s turn off the TV and log off the Internet a little more often and take the time to deeply

examine our lives.

P.S. As we do that, let’s also remember Dan Millman’s mojo: “It may be true that the unexamined life is not worth living—but neither is the unlived life worth examining.”

So... Here’s to examining AND living! :)

THE GOOD LIFE“The good life is not achieved by seeking to be “happy” in the sense that this word is often used—

to describe the absence of unpleasant experiences such as fear, anxiety, or pain. To the contrary,

to be fully alive means opening yourself up to all dimensions of life—sadness as well as joy, and

pain as well as pleasure. It also involves committing yourself to a search for personal meaning

and transcendent goals—of which happiness is a by-product.”

The good life isn’t about getting rid of everything “bad” and creating a “perfect” life. In fact,

that’s impossible.

As Albert Ellis tells us in A Guide to Rational Living: “Let us emphasize that we do not believe that any human can, for any length of time, feel perfectly or completely happy. Your frantic search for a perfect anything, in fact, almost dooms you to misery. You aren’t the kind of animal that achieves perfection in virtually anything—especially perfect happiness. Because of your ever-changing experiences, you are subject to hundreds of irritations, pains, ills, diseases, and stresses. So you can overcome many of your physical and emotional handicaps, as we show in this book. But not all.”

Josè Silva and Burt Goldman put it this way (see Notes on The Silva Mind Control Method of Mental Dynamics): “Unremitting happiness, of course, is not a possible—or desirable—state. According to the principle of rhythm, there is always an inflow and an outflow, an ebb tide and a flood tide. You’ll always have highs and lows—there’s no way to avoid that. However, your highs will be higher and your lows will be higher. And you’ll find that what is a depressive state for you might be a moderately happy state for someone unaware of the Five Rules of Happiness.”

Alright. So, we want to embrace the highs and the lows. Got it. The other key?

We’ve gotta commit ourselves to “a search for personal meaning and transcendent goals--of

5PhilosophersNotes | Conquer Your Critical Inner Voice

“It is not easy to break with your early programming and, as we have seen, there can be no growth without

anxiety.”~ Robert W. Firestone, Lisa Firestone,

Joyce Catlett

which happiness is a by-product.”

Love that.

And I love the way Tom Morris describes the importance of creating “transcendent goals” by

focusing on how we can make a contribution. In True Success (see Notes), he tells us: “The desire to have, to acquire and possess, is in principle insatiable, and rarely generates the sense of fulfillment and happiness it promises. By contrast, only the desire to contribute, or to give can reliably, when acted on, yield the true sense of satisfaction we all deeply need. The conclusion I draw from this is that each of us should be guided in our goal setting by the simple question: “How can I best make my contribution to the world?” In our own priorities, doing should always precede having. Only then will we have what we most truly need.”

In Authentic Happiness (see Notes), Martin Seligman echoes this beautiful wisdom with some

of his own where he tells us: “The good life consists in deriving happiness by using your signature strengths every day in the main realms of living. The meaningful life adds one more component: using these same strengths to forward knowledge, power, or goodness. A life that does this is pregnant with meaning, and if God comes at the end, such a life is sacred.”

That was a *really* quick look at a few of my favorite Big Ideas from this powerful book.

Hope you enjoyed it and here’s to conquering the critical inner voice and living the good life by

embracing transcendent goals and creating a truly meaningful life!

If you liked this Note, you’ll probably like…

A Complaint Free World

A Guide to Rational Living

The Pursuit of Perfect

The Success Principles

True Success

Everyday Enlightenment

About the Authors of “Conquer Your Critical Inner Voice”ROBERT W. FIRESTONE, LISA FIRESTONE, JOYCE CATLETT

Robert Firestone, Ph.D., is a psychotherapist, author and artist. Lisa Firestone, Ph.D., is

Program and Education Director of the Glendon Association, and adjunct faculty at the

University of California, Santa Barbara. Joyce Catlett, M.A., is an author and lecturer who

has collaborated with Dr. Firestone in writing ten books.

About the Author of This NoteBRIAN JOHNSON

Brian Johnson is a lover of wisdom (aka a “Philosopher”) and a passionate

student of life who’s committed to inspiring and empowering millions of people

to live their greatest lives as he studies, embodies and shares the universal truths

of optimal living. He harts his job.

Brian Johnson,Chief Philosopher

“Attaining the kind of life we want to live and

developing our human potentialities is a lifelong

project that involves dedication and a focus on

what is essentially human in all of us.”

~ Robert W. Firestone, Lisa Firestone,

Joyce Catlett


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Conquer Your Critical Inner Voice