Conflict Resolution

Ralph Whalen & ParentsOctober 2, 2009

Goals for the Meeting

Parents will learn one idea that will help them with conflict resolution.

Parents will connect with each other.

We will learn from each other.

Meeting FormatConflict examples

TQ: Examples and questions

Grade 4 guidance

TQ: What has worked for you when your kids come to you?

Conflicts at home

Family meetings

DQ: Could you adapt this?

General questions and handouts

9:40 Evaluation

Next meeting

Kids’ Conflicts in 2009Home

Bro calls me namesSis annoys meBro takes my thingsS/he mad when I use his/her things“I was here first”Disagree where to eatDisagree what to eatMom says “no”

Playground

Other team unfairGoal or notNot want to be “it”Disagree with leaderPeople not let me playEveryone wants to be leader

Other Places

Teased about nameTeased about how I lookGossiped aboutSomeone cuts in lineDisagree with a friend

Conflicts Kids See in 2009Playground

Two kids argue

Argue goal or not

Friend teased

Who gets soccer nets

Bully pick on my friend

Heard, “I don’t want to be your friend”

Home

2 brothers fight over computer

Cousins fight about what

to do

Parents disagree

Examples of Conflict Introduce yourself

What examples of conflict have you seen regarding your children?

What questions do you want answered?

Conflict Reaction OptionsPassive Give In You win, I lose

Aggressive Get your way I win, You lose.

Assertive Stand up for your rights, but think of rights of others I win, You win.

Video Clip

Just the Two of Us

Solving a Conflict

Quiet Down

Quiet Place

Talk and Listen

Use “I” Messages

“I” Message

I feel ________

When/Because __

I would like _____

How We Handle School Conflicts

Listen to the feeling

Help develop options

Give hope, have faith

Get kids together maybe

Check back

If serious, VLP

Child Reports Conflict to YouListen to the feeling

Have faith in your child to work it out

Contact the teacher or counselor maybe

DON’T call the other child’s parent

Monitor (but not daily)

Group Question

What has worked for you when your child comes home talking about a conflict?

Sibling Conflict Levels

Level 1 Normal bickering

Level 2 Adult intervention helpful

Level 3 Possibly dangerous

Level 4 Definitely dangerous

Sibling Conflicts: Key Points

Sibling shenanigans

Kids learn important skills

Need to learn to share parents

Equal vs. fair

Various reasons

How to tell if you're Mom's favorite

Sibling Conflict: What To Do

Get kids calm

Don’t take sides

Teach

Model

Parent/Child ConflictsQuiet down

Talk later

Family meeting

Choose your battles

Not = relationship

Reasonable expectations

Disrespect vs. frustration

Major Conflicts

When to get help

Conflict disorders

See someone at TAS

Community Service Center

Group Question

What has helped you in solving conflicts that happen at home?

What Is a Family Meeting?

Regular time together

Celebrate (catch being good)

Talk about family business

Build memories

Why Have Family Meetings? Provides a set time to discuss important business

Time when everyone is calm

Provides stability & connects the family

Provides leadership opportunities

Family Meetings: Nuts and Bolts

Regular agreed upon schedule

Agenda posted

Rotate leadership

Everyone share success & challengeCelebrate with food

Family Meetings: Parts

Feel Good About, Compliments

Bothering Me, Low Point

Agenda, Including Calendar

Celebrate, Money

Reducing Number of Conflicts

Set boundaries & have rules

Own toys, own space, own time

Anticipate problems

Teach eldest

Don’t compare kids

Discussion Question

Have you ever been involved in family meetings?

What do you think would work for your family?

General Questions & Handouts

Additional Resources

Siblings Without Rivalry

How to Talk So Kids Will Listen

Book Group Option

Book is Ordered

Room is reserved

Space is limited

Let me know what day does not work for you

Next Seminars/ Announcements

Social Skills: Tuesday, Oct. 6

Please complete the evaluation