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Companions Along the Way
Spiritual Formation Within the Quaker Tradition
A Resource for Adult Religious Education
Edited by
Florence Ruth Kline with Marty Grundy
Philadelphia Yearly M eeting
of the
Religious Society of Friends
Fifteenth and Cherry Streets
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
19102-1479
Workshops Part IIIb: Faith and Practice
The publication of this book was made possible by grants from
the Philadelphia Yearly Meeting Publications Granting Group,
the Shoemaker Fund, and Friends General Conference.
We want to express our appreciation to Patricia Loring for permission to reprint
excerpts from her book, Listening Spirituality, vol. 1, Personal Spiritual Practices Among
Friends, to the Family Relations Concerns Group of Philadelphia Yearly Meeting for
permission to reprint its Pastoral Care Newsletter and to Philadelphia Yearly Meeting
for permission to reprint excerpts from The Journal o f George Fox.
Please contact the following for permission to order or reprint their material:
PYM Family Relations Concerns Group for its Pastoral Care Newsletter
Renee-Noelle Felice for her workshop (copyright Renee-Noelle Felice)
All the other material in this publication may be reprinted without permission.
We ask that you acknowledge the authors and not charge for the material.
A cataloging-in-publication record is available from the Library of Congress.
Copyright © 2000 by Philadelphia Yearly Meeting
Alison Anderson, Copy Editor
Bruce McNeel, Layout and Cover Design
Loma Kent, Cover Illustration
AJ- \ s Friends our way is to companion one another humbly, joyfully,
and gratefully. We lived fully into this at the Companions Along the Way con
ference; seasoned Friends felt privileged to be given the opportunity to pass on
what they knew and those who received their teachings did so in the same spirit.
There was the sense that we are making our spiritual journeys together and that
ultimately we will all arrive at the same place. This kind of companioning hap
pens when we, in turn, are companioned by God. The more that we are present
to this Divine Companion, the more we are present to one another. It is in this
spirit that this book is dedicated.
Dedicated to those Friends who teach Quakerism by the conduct of their lives
(excerpted with permission from Listening Spirituality, vol. 1, pp. 168-76)
“The contemporary Quaker group practice, par excellence. that cultivates both interior and outward listening is worship sharing. It differs from what is called faith sharing’ in other religious bodies by being more intentional and formal in distinguishing its manner and attitude from conventional modes of conversation and discussion. ”
Patricia Loring was released by Bethesda (Maryland) Friends Meeting for nine years for “Ministry in Nurture
of the Spiritual Life.” The ministry consisted of designing and leading adult education series, workshops, retreat min
istry, and one-on-one spiritual guidance. In addition to the first two volumes of Listening Spirituality: Personal Spiritual
Practices Among Friends and Corporate Spiritual Practices Among Friends, she has plans for two more volumes: Practicing
an Ethical Mysticism Among Friends and (tentative subtitle) Being Formed and Transformed in an Ethical Mysticism. At the
time of this publication, these third and fourth volumes are delayed indefinitely due to health problems. Patricia Loring
can be contacted at 2012 N E Neil Way #5, Bend, OR 97701.
The word “worship” in its name relates it to our expe
rience of intentional listening for, waiting on the
divine. In worship sharing, we remain mindful and
expectant of the presence and potential emergence of
the Spirit. The word “sharing” indicates that - unlike
in times of worship - we do not need to wait on a
special prompting of the Holy Spirit to speak. The
expectation is that we probably (but not necessarily)
will speak to whatever is the subject of the occasion.
We will, however, speak in a more disciplined manner
than in conversation. Worship sharing is an occasion
for each of us to speak our minds and hearts on a par
ticular subject, in the spacious context of listening for
the movement of the Spirit.
Worship sharing can be one way of observing
the ancient Quaker injunction “to seek to know one
another in that which is eternal,” by sharing the inner
most dimension of our lives that is rarely given an
opportunity to be voiced. Worship sharing is an occa
sion for each of us to hear how the Spirit is moving in
the hearts and minds of all the other members of the
group at a level of yieldedness, without agenda, with
out coercion. For that reason, we generally take some
time in silence first, to allow the busyness of our minds
to subside, to center in the Spirit and to focus on what
we are being moved to say in the particular context. In
the stillness of mind and clarity of our own under
standing, we are then free to actually listen to each per
son as they speak, without rummaging through our
own thoughts for what we’ll say when the time comes.
The character of what we have to say may con
tinue to shift as we hear others speak; but we needn’t
keep reconsidering it if we’ve established our starting
point and given over trying to make an impression or
maintain a position. It’s possible to be fully present for
each one. For the period of listening we can be disci
plined to give over our own view, to be hospitable to,
rather than critical of, what we hear. We can listen at
the most profound level for what is being expressed,
seeking points of unity rather than of difference,
sinking past irritability and defensiveness to a place of
gentleness and tenderness for one another.
Like Twelve-Step groups, worship sharing dis
courages cross-talk that can lead to conversation in
which the underlying, prayerful intention is lost.
Answering one another can tempt us either into dis
play of self or into patronizing the other, reducing the
other to an object to be healed, fixed, saved, converted
or straightened-out. It can interfere with the speaker’s
movement to a deeper openness. In any case, replying
almost always engages us at a social rather than a spir
itual level. It is this hospitable, nonjudgmental, non
reactive dimension of worship sharing that can also
make it a helpful way of coming together when meet
ings find themselves at an impasse over some issue.
Whatever the circumstance in which it’s used, worship
115
sharing is an occasion of safely for everyone’s views to
be received without comment, defense or attack.
In order to leave room to take in what each per
son has said, we leave a period of silence between
speakers. Sometimes utterances can only be fully heard
when they are completed. We may need to explore our
resonances with and resistances to one utterance,
before we are ready to open to the speaking of yet
another person. How much time there is to do this is a
function both of how many people are present and of
how much time has been allotted for the exercise.
In a large group, these silences can lengthen into
something approximating worship. If there is a clear
intention to remain in worship sharing rather than
worship, it’s usually necessary to proceed around the
circle in order to have enough time for each person to
speak. A circle ensures that no one takes a back seat,
feeling either left out or without responsibility for his
part in what is coming forth. In a smaller, more inti
mate group, it is possible to wait on each person to
speak as moved without being concerned about run
ning over the allotted time or stopping before every
one has had time to speak.
To receive one another in this hospitable way is
not just a matter of self-restraint, although it may feel
like that - or come down to that - in the beginning.
Again, this is the work of a lifetime. It’s important not
to expect we’ll get it perfectly at once, or every time.
The “worship” dimension of worship sharing means
that we are seeking to enter the deepest, widest spa
ciousness within ourselves that we sometimes call “the
Light” and to carry with us whoever is present, whatev
er is said, whatever is happening within or outside us.
In that Light, not only what is said, but our own
reactivity, resistance or resonance may be seen just as
they are. The sources of our motivations and respons
es may be illuminated. We may leam more than we
want to know about why we tighten up, set our jaws,
feel threatened or “see red” when certain people speak.
We may find that the causes do not all lie within the
other person. W ith grace and time, we may find there
is enough space and enough illumination to allow us to
let go of whatever casts shadows, whatever stops down
the lens to receive less than fullest Light.
In worship sharing we try to find a mode of
being together that is expressive of the life we are
undertaking together. We are present to really hear
one another and to be heard in ways that anticipate or
hope for the emergence of some movement of the
Spirit, some dimension of spiritual reality, that would
not arise were we not all together.
Together we are a larger wholeness in God than
we are alone. Friends have experienced that the wis
dom of God may manifest itself more fully in the midst
of the larger wholeness of the faithful group than when
we are alone. We can also hope to be drawn into a liv
ing sense of unity in a somewhat different way than we
are in our more usual practices of prayer or worship. It
is not perfect - any more than we are; but the fact that
we try and try again to give ourselves to this process, to
give ourselves to one another in this way makes it at
least our mode of becoming together. Experienced,
even in a partial way, worship sharing can nourish our
hearts and our resolutions for the future.
Ongoing worship sharing groups can help mem
bers of meeting intentionally keep in touch with one
another’s spiritual lives and struggles in a way that
might not emerge in ordinary after-meeting conversa
tion. In that sense worship sharing can support our
pastoral care of one another. It is another way, in addi
tion to worship, for Friends to come to know one
another “in that which is eternal” as it manifests in
their temporal lives. In that sense, it can help us sup
port one another on the path.
Worship sharing groups may also be part of a
study group, in which a text is prayerfully turned over
together and different facets of its meaning emerge
through the lens of each individual. Other uses of the
basic worship sharing form are for groups that seek to
share and to support one another in their prayer expe
riences. The openness and restraint of the listening
also make it extremely helpful in situations requiring
conflict resolution.
Keeping Our Spiritual Intent Clear
One way of encouraging greater inward stillness is to
give over our accustomed modes of speaking analyti
cally, speaking quickly, first or frequently - all those
conversational modes that are valued and rewarded in
our highly verbal and competitive culture. This means
116
going contrary to conventional wisdom about what
constitutes good group interaction. We don’t try to
have a lively, intellectual discussion, confrontation or
debate. We eschew adversarial methods of trying to
come to Truth.
We also struggle to give up many of the social
responses usual in discussion, such as:
1.the need to demonstrate that we have something
intelligent, clever or profound to say;
2. the need to “straighten out” people whose view
points differ from our own or whom we perceive to
have deficient information;
3. the need to demonstrate by encouraging remarks or
relation of similar or pertinent experience that we are
actively listening, responding to and caring about what
is being shared;
4. the need to heal people who are in pain or difficulties
by any means other than simply being present for them.
In short, worship sharing is an effort to learn and prac
tice a kind of prayerful listening to one another that is
as attentive to, responsive to, and respectful of the
work of God within another as within oneself. With
grace, we may even experience the very special kind of
unsentimental tenderness and non-effusive love that
can arise in the context of such disciplined sharing.
Time and Discipline
Another discipline of the tongue necessary to worship
sharing is to mind the time. Among the earliest
Friends, worship and preaching simply went on until
everyone knew it was over. Our generation is more
enslaved to time. It is generally felt to be necessary that
our time be limited. Consequently, each person must
be disciplined about how much experience she or he
shares, in order for every person to have time to speak.
Those who speak with greater difficulty may
need to cultivate a greater discipline in being faithful to
small interior nudges of the Spirit to speak, in cooper
ating with the love which can cast out fear, in not wait
ing for others to fill in the spaces and supply what they
think is being called for.
Those who speak more easily and volubly need
to be especially disciplined and respectful of those who
hesitate to speak, who speak more slowly or who speak
only after considerable preparation or waiting. We
need to recover the sense that it is not necessary to fill
in all the spaces. Something precious may happen in
the stillness if we do not rush to fill it.
Confidentiality and Privacy
The discipline of confidentiality is also crucial to the
development of trust in a group. Trustworthiness
means refraining from either quoting individuals or
telling interesting stories about one’s worship sharing
experience - even to spouses or others closest to us,
even out of concern for the well-being of members of
the group. Openness is difficult to practice if one is
unsure where or how one will be quoted or misquoted,
if people outside the group are apt to approach with
unsolicited advice or intrusive comment.
In addition, this is not a therapy group that
demands total self-revelation. There is no requirement
to share with others your most intimate, precious or
profound experiences. Select what you feel is most
comfortable and helpful to share with others. Ponder
or cherish the rest in your heart as Mary is said to have
done. Remember that it may be helpful to take some
risks because the group will benefit and be strength
ened from hearing each person share honestly and
openly; but worship sharing isn’t meant to coerce any
one to speak when they do not feel comfortable in
doing so. If you are not comfortable to speak, let the
group know quite simply so they can move on to the
next person.
“This I know experimentally” (Fox)
Friends have historically felt that the truly spiritual life
is “experimental.” Another discipline of worship shar
ing is to stay close to the experiential in what we share
together. In worship sharing we don’t spend time dis
cussing or sharing theology or “ideas about” the spiri
tual hfe. Instead we try to let go of what George Fox
referred to variously as “dry and windy notions” or
“heady, brain-beaten stuff” in speaking of spiritual
matters. We try to stay close to our own experience, to
what we “know experimentally.”
117
The above guidance may be condensed as fallows:
Guidelines for worship sharing
1. Whereas in worship we come purposing neither to
speak or not to speak, in worship sharing we come
aware that we probably will speak.
2. However, no one should feel compelled to speak. A
person may defer his/her turn until the end of the
round or pass altogether if that feels right.
3. Those who speak will speak only once, distilling the
promptings of the Spirit on the subject into a single
statement.
4. Those who speak will speak from their own experi
ence, avoiding ideas about the subject - especially the
ideas of others, even if they have embraced them.
5. W hen we speak, we will not answer another person,
discuss, dispute, disagree, correct or straighten one
another out. We will speak from and for ourselves.
6. While others are speaking we will not be preparing
what we will say when it is our turn.
7. While others are speaking we will not be listening
critically for error, points of disagreement or places
where we could improve upon what is said. We will lay
aside our critical listening skills which serve to separate
us from one another and from what is said.
8. While others are speaking, we will try to listen to
each person as a unique child of God, a unique gift of
God to us. We will try to hear how God might be
speaking to us personally in the other’s words, in their
situation, in their very being, even - and especially -
when we find ourselves resistant to them.
9. W hen someone has finished speaking, we will take a
time in silence so that we may really take in what has
been said, be sure we have heard it, begin to identify our
resonances and resistances before the next person speaks.
10. As we hsten, we may also be mindful whether any
pattern seems to be emerging in what is shared,
w hether it reflects any m ovem ent of the Spirit
among us.
11. We must do this as though we had all the time in
the world and yet be mindful of how much time we do
have. If we divide the allotted time by the number of
group members, we will know roughly how much time
each person has for silence and for speaking. Each per
son can be responsible for disciplining him/herself to
keep to the allotted time - mindful that to run over is
not only to deprive another of an opportunity to speak,
but to deprive the group of hearing what might have
been said.
12. Everything we hear is to be held in the strictest
confidence, from spouse, partners, friends, even over
seers or ministry and worship, unless we have been
given express permission to speak
From Listening Spirituality, vol. 1, Personal Spiritual Practices Among Friends by Patricia Loring.
118
Clarity Both Personally and CorporatelyExploring a Variety o f Spiritual Disciplines
> Bring Light and Power into Three Different ContextsJan
'
As Friends we have developed spiritual practices for personal and corporate discernment that define us as truly as our
meetings for worship, because they presume faith in an ever-present Teacher. Meetings and individuals who follow these practices
find their spiritual life deepen and their capacity for faithfulness increase. However, because they are not as visible or as obvious
as the meeting for worship, many Friends are unaware of their existence. The following material is an introduction
to these practices and the treasures which they hold. It can be used in adult religious education classes or as needed in the context
of committee work (Ministry and Counsel, Worship and Ministry, Overseers, Pastoral Care, etc.).
Jan Hoffman has had much opportunity to seek clarity herself in a variety of contexts: as an active member of
Mt. Toby (Mass.) Monthly Meeting; as clerk of a variety of Quaker bodies, including New England Yearly Meeting
and Quakers Uniting in Publications; as a speaker and retreat leader here and abroad; as Friend-in-Residence for two
terms at Woodbrooke Quaker Study Centre in England and for three weeks at Oakwood School in Poughkeepsie,
N.Y.; and as an individual seeking to be faithful to God’s call. Jan Hoffman can be contacted at 413-253-9427 and
F irst Context C learness fo r P ersonal D iscernm ent
_,_-__ ___~ __ _____ ,__ -_
The basic assumption of this series of classes is that as
a people who have faith in an ever-present Teacher, we
need spiritual disciplines to help us reach that deep
place from which guidance comes. A further assump
tion is that different spiritual disciplines are necessary
for seeking clarity, depending on the context. This
series addresses three different contexts.
First Context: Clearness for Personal Discernment
Where the clarity sought resides in the individual seek
ing clarity, and the task of others in the faith commu
nity is simply to help that individual clarity emerge.
Second Context: Clearness for Corporate Discernment
Where the clarity sought is for the truth given to the
group, as in the meeting for business.
Third Context: Clearness in Double Discernment
Where the clarity sought requires that both the indi
viduals) and the corporate body be in harmony, as in
membership and marriage.
It is helpful to allow ample time to define a given con
text and the disciplines connected to it and to experi
ence the disciplines themselves. Some of the handouts
used in this exploration are included here. Suggestions
for using them in adult education programs follow, or
use these for committee work (Ministry and Counsel,
Worship and Ministry, Overseers, Pastoral Care, etc.).
It is important to remember that the clarity sought
resides in the individual seeking clarity. The task of a
clearness committee for personal discernment is to serve
as a channel for the Light by helping the focus person
clarify his or her inner truth; the committee does not
deal directly with the problem or make the decision.
Handouts
• “Clearness Committees, Committees of Care, and
Oversight Committees” from Organization and Pro
cedure of Canadian Yearly Meeting (1990), pp. 121-23.
• Clearness Committees and Their Use in Personal Discern
ment by Jan Hoffman, pp. 124 -25.
D efining the Clearness Com m ittee and Preparing fo r I t
Time: One hour
Understanding the distinction between clearness committees, support committees, and oversight committees:This is an important first step. To do this:
119
Read aloud “Clearness Committees, Committees of
Care, and Oversight Committees.” After the reading, consider the following questions:
• Have I had experience with any or all of these committees?
• Have I experienced the distinctions made here on the purpose and the focus of each committee?
• Do I clearly see the distinctions made?
• Have I experienced the blurring of these distinctions?
• What was the result of such blurring?
Preparing for a sample clearness committee to occur in Class 2:
1.Read aloud Clearness Committees and Their Use in
Personal Discernment, perhaps with each person taking a
paragraph and making comments or raising questions on it
2. Make a brief outline of the process.
3. Identify a focus person.
Ask if anyone is willing to be a focus person for a “sample” clearness committee at the next class. If no one volunteers to be the focus person, an invitation could be
given for someone to come forward before the next session.
4. Suggest questions that the focus person might bring to such a committee:
• Shall I change jobs?• Should I serve on (or clerk) a given committee?• Am I ready to apply for membership in the Meeting?
(note: this is not a committee to discern clearness for membership,
but for the individual to seek clarity on making the request)
5. If the class is six persons or under, the whole class
could serve as the clearness committee; if the class is larger, the focus person plus three or four persons
serving on the committee could be a fish bowl for the rest of the class.
6. W hether or not a focus person comes forward, if the
class is larger than six, invite three or more persons to indicate their willingness to serve as a clearness committee. Ask them to choose a clerk and recorder from this number.
7. This committee would be a “sample” in that it lasts for
only 45 minutes to an hour; the disciplines are the same as in a longer meeting (two hours is generally the time
set aside for a clearness committee). Decide whether to:
• Spend the whole hour meeting as a clearness committee
• or Spend 45 minutes meeting as a clearness commit
tee and then 15 minutes to hear reflections from partic
ipants and observers (see Class 3 below).
• or Spend an additional, third class / hour reflecting on the sample clearness committee (see Class 3 below).
Experiencing a Clearness Committee
Time: One hour
1. Do the sample clearness committee, as composed the previous week or with a focus person who has come forward in the intervening week.
2. Follow the process described in Jan Hoffman’s Clear
ness Committees and Their Use in Personal Discernment,
which was discussed in Class 1. The outline of it creat
ed by the class may prove helpful in reminding participants of the process. The focus person may or may
not have had time to write up his or her concern and
give it to the committee beforehand. However, the oral statement made by the focus person at the beginning of
the sample clearness committee is quite sufficient for this exercise to be effective.
3. If you decided to use this time by spending 45 minutes on the committee meeting and 15 minutes to hear reflections from participants and observers, then also follow the
disciplines for reflections outlined in Class 3 below.
Reflections on the Experience o f a Clearness Committee
Time: One hour
1. Begin any reflections with the focus person asking if
he or she found the meeting helpful.
2. Next ask those who served as members of the com
mittee to reflect on their experience.
3. Lastly, invite comments from those who observed the fish bowl.
If time remains, the group may wish to clarify modifications of this process, which may be helpful in certain
situations or to identify situations which would be particularly helped by the clearness committee process.
120
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123
Clearness Committees and Their Use in Personal Discernmentby Jan Hoffman (twelfth m onth press, 1996)
A clearness committee meets with a person who is unclear on how to proceed in a keenly felt concern or dilemma, hoping that it can help this person reach clarity. It assumes that each of us has an Inner Teacher who can guide us and therefore that the answers sought are within the person seeking clearness. It also assumes that a group of caring friends can serve as channels of divine guidance in drawing out that Inner Teacher. The purpose of committee members is not to give advice or to “fix” the situation; they are there to listen without prejudice or judgment, to help clarify alternatives, to help communication if necessary, and to provide emotional support as an individual seeks to find “truth and the right course of action.” The committee must remember that people are capable of growth and change. They must not become absorbed with historical excuses or reasons for present problems, but rather focus on what is happening now and explore what could be done to resolve it.
In a monthly meeting, persons may ask Ministry and Counsel (Worship and Ministry, Overseers) to form a clearness committee. The focus person may also choose the committee, gathering five or six trusted friends with as much diversity among them as possible. In either case, formation should be under a discipline of worship, taking care that people are chosen not just because they are friends, but through some discernment process. Note that the process is always initiated by the person seeking clearness, though a friend may ask, “Would a clearness committee be helpful?” When the committee meets it should be for two to three hours with the understanding that there may be a second, and even third, meeting.
A clerk and recorder should be appointed. The clerk opens the meeting, closes it, and keeps a sense of right order in between, making sure that agreed-on guidelines are followed, and that everyone who wishes to speak may do so. (While these tasks are assigned to the clerk, anyone may intervene to ensure that the guide
lines are followed.) The clerk also sees to physical details which will nurture an atmosphere of seeking silence: seeing that everyone has a comfortable chair, turning off any telephones, and- making sure the space is enclosed and a ‘do not disturb’ sign is up if interruptions are likely. The recorder writes down the questions asked, and perhaps some of the responses, and gives this record to the focus person after the meeting.
In advance of the meeting, the focus person should write up the matter on which clearness is sought and make it available to committee members. This should be identified as precisely as possible: relevant background factors should be mentioned; and clues, if any, about what lies ahead should be offered. The exercise is valuable not only for the committee members, but especially for the focus person.
A meeting begins with the clerk inviting the committee to prepare for its work, reminding everyone of the guidelines to be followed and making sure there is a common understanding of the degree of confidentiality about the meeting. After this, all settle into a period of centering silence. When the focus person is ready, s/he begins with a brief summary of the question or concern. The discipline for committee members is very simple but difficult to follow: members may not speak in any way except to ask the focus person a question, an honest question. That means no presenting solutions, no advice, no “Why don’t you...?”, no “My uncle had the same problem and he...”, no “I know a good book/ diet/therapist that would help you a lot.” Nothing is allowed except honest, probing, caring, challenging, open, unloaded questions! And it is crucial that these questions be asked not for the sake of the questioner’s curiosity but for the sake of the focus person’s clarity. Caring, not curiosity, is the rule for questioners. Remember that your task is to serve as a channel for the Light to help the focus person clarify his or her inner truth; neither you nor the committee deals directly with the problem or makes the decision.
124
Committee members should try to ask questions briefly and to the point rather than larding them with a lot of background and qualifications. Not only does this help guard against turning questions into speeches, but it may also help open the focus person to some insight that gets obscured when the questions wander. Committee members should also trust their intuitions. Even if a question seems off the wall, if it feels insistent, ask it.
The focus person normally answers the questions in front of the group and the response generates more questions. But it is always the focus person’s absolute right not to answer either because s/he does not know the answer, or because the answer is too personal or painful to be revealed in the group. The more often a focus person can answer aloud, the more s/he and the committee has to go on. But this should never be done at the expense of the focus person’s privacy or need to protect vulnerable feelings. When the focus person does answer, it is good to keep this response relatively brief so time remains for more questions and responses. Some questions seem to require one’s whole hfe story in response: resist the temptation to tell it!
Do not be afraid of silence in the group. In fact, value it, treasure it. The pace of questions and answers should be gentle, relaxed, humane. A machine-gun pace of questioning or answering destroys reflectiveness. If there is silence in the group, it does not mean nothing is happening. It may very well mean the most important thing of all is happening, inside of people.
Well before the end of the session, following at least an hour of questioning, the clerk should ask for a pause and ask the focus person how s/he wishes to proceed. This is an opportunity for the focus person to choose a mode of seeking clarity other than questions, which have characterized the rest of the session. The recorder continues to record during this time.
Possibilities are:
1. Silence out of which anyone can speak under the same disciplines as other meetings for worship.
2. Silence out of which people share images which come to them as they focus on the focus person.
3. The committee continues with more questions.
4. The committee is asked to reflect on what has been said.
5. The committee is asked to affirm the focus person’s gifts.
6. The focus person may ask questions of the committee.
Before the session ends, any clarity reached can be shared, if the focus person wishes to do so. S/he and the committee should agree the on next steps. If another meeting seems right, it should be scheduled at this time. It may be that the focus person will reach clarity and no further action is necessary. Or it may be clear that a support committee or an oversight committee should be appointed to aid the person in keeping clear and/or in being accountable to the clarity reached.
Members of the clearness committee are free to release themselves from further commitment or to offer to serve on such committees.
The clearness committee works best when everyone approaches it in a prayerful mood (which does not exclude playful!), affirming the reality of each person’s inner guidance and truth, and the Spirit’s capacity to strengthen and sustain. We must give up the notion that we know what is best for another person and simply try, through prayerful listening and speaking, to help remove anything that obscures their inner light.
These notes compiled by Jan Hoffman from her experience and the following sources:
Parker Palmer at a conference on Solitude and Community; Faith and Practice of Pacific Yearly Meeting (1985) pp. 58-60; and Living With Oneself and Others of New England Yearly Meeting Committee on Ministry and Counsel (1985) pp. 50-55.
This material may be freely reproduced with credit twelfth month press 1996 Philadelphia/Amherst.
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Second Context C learness fo r C orporate Discernm
M eeting fo r Busines.
Jan Hoffman
In corporate discernment, the focus is on the truth we
are given together. Individuals within the group must
figure out their relationship to that corporate truth,
and may even be in conflict with the content of the
truth given, but can affirm the “sense of the meeting”
nonetheless. It is possible for the corporate integrity
to differ from the integrity of individuals in the faith
community, and each integrity remains true “in its
place.” For example, John Woolman’s own integrity
required complete opposition to owning slaves or
benefiting from slave labor, yet over the years he con
curred in many “senses of the meeting” which stated a
unity on much less than his own witness.
Handouts
For this class:
• Some Words on Corporate Discernment
by Jan Hoffman, pp. 128-29.
• Meeting for Worship for the Purpose of Business
from Friends Consultation on Worship,
pp. 130-31.
For committee clerks and committee members:
• Making Presentations at the Meeting for Business
by Ministry and Counsel of Beacon Hill Friends
Meeting in Boston, Massachusetts, pp. 132-33.
For folks attending meeting for business for the first
time or placed on literature tables as an invitation to
people to attend:
• Welcome to Meeting for Business
by Alan Eccleston, pp. 134.
Describing the Nature o f the M eeting fo r
Business and Reflecting on It.
Participants may wish to attend at least two meetings
for business in order to bring actual experience to the
material.
There are two approaches to this material. The
first is more structured than the second. Choose the
alternative which seems right for your class.
Alternative 1: More structured
Time: Two hours or two one-hour classes
Begin with Some Words on Corporate Discernment.
Read the Penington quote in section #1. This relates to
our process of corporate discernment because it
reminds us that we are not seeking ultimate truth in
our meetings for business, but the truth for this time
and this place with this group whom God has gath
ered. This truth for now is “substance in its own
place,” and it is also “shadow in another place,” which
means in the future we may see more. This is the con
tinuing revelation in which we believe. However, we
need to truly claim the truth we see at any given
moment in order to be given further truth. How can
this insight serve us in making decisions during
meeting for business?
Move on to read section #2 of Some Words on
Corporate Discernment. Then read the first three para
graphs of Meeting for Worship for the Purpose of Business.
Reflect on the purpose of our meetings for business as
stated there and add your own.
Read section #3 of Some Words on Corporate Dis
cernment. Then read the fourth and fifth paragraphs of
Meeting for Worship for the Purpose of Business. Those
present who have attended meetings for business
might share an experience they have had that illus
trates any of these points.
Read section #4 of Some Words on Corporate Dis
cernment. In pairs, share one experience you have had
which illustrates one of these disciplines.
126
Read Bill Taber’s quote, section #5 of Some Words
on Corporate Discernment. Then read Meeting for Worship
for the Purpose of Business from paragraph 6 to the end.
Have a different person read each paragraph or two
and pause to share reflections or illustrations from
your experience as moved.
End with a thought from Stephen Carey:
A “sense of the meeting ” is a gift of grace. A meeting
can have the most gifted clerk in the world, but i f the
meeting is not ready to accept the unity the clerk sees,
the meeting cannot move. Conversely, the meeting can
be in unity, but if the clerk cannot articulate that unity,
the meeting cannot move. It is grace to have a meeting
and its clerk perceive unity together.
(spoken in the interest group “Meeting for Worship for
the Purpose of Business” at the Friends Consultation on
Worship, December 7-10, 1989, sponsored by Quaker
Hill Conference Center and Earlham School of Religion)
Alternative 2: Less structured
Time: Two hours or two one-hour classes
Use Some Words on Corporate Discernment and Meeting
for Worship for the Purpose of Business.
Real engagement with the material is encour
aged by reading these two documents aloud, begin
ning with Some Words on Corporate Discernment. Have
a new person read each paragraph; you may simply
read each one through, pausing to reflect, comment,
or raise questions about parts which move you.
127
Some words on corporate discernmentprepared by Jan Hoffman
section #1
All Truth is a shadow except the last, except the utmost; yet every Truth is true in its kind.
It is substance in its own place, though it be but a shadow in another place (for it is but a
reflection from an intenser substance); and the shadow is a true shadow, as the substance
is a true substance.
- Isaac Penington (1653)
section #2
In our meetings for worship, meetings for worship with attention to business, and meetings for
worship in committee, we are seeking Truth: the truth present in the gathered community of faith.
Our primary purpose is not to “make decisions,” but to affirm the truth of our particular community
of faith in a way which builds up that community. Further, as Will Watson says in New England
Yearly Meeting Faith and Practice (page 117), “Friends [are] ... searching for Truth and for an under
standing of our own relationships to it.’’(emphasis mine)
section #3
We hope for harmony as well, “a harmony that is not the absence of conflicting themes or the
ehmination of differences, but the absolute incorporation of the voice of each individual into the
whole.” (Katherine Paterson, Horn Book, Jan/Feb. 1991) This does not mean unanimity of thought,
but unity in Spirit, acknowledgment of the organic elements that make up our corporate truth at this
moment.
Unity is defined in this way by Mid-America Yearly Meeting in its Faith and Practice (page 81):
“Unity is the willingness of everyone present to make decisions faithful to God’s leading while main
taining sensitivity to everyone’s understanding of God’s will. Although some persons may not fully
agree with a proposed course of action, they are willing to accept the decision of the group.”
The danger in Society doth not lie so much in that some few may have a differing
apprehension in some things from the general sense, as it doth in this, namely, when
such that do so differ so suffer themselves to be led out of the bond of charity, and shall
labour to impose their private sense upon the rest of their brethren, and to be offended
and angry if it be not received. This is the seed of sedition and strife, that hath grown up
in too many to their hurt.
- Stephen Crisp, Works (1694), p. 352
section #4
We sometimes speak of our process as “experiments with Truth.” This means we are not afraid
to state the truth we see at a given time nor are we afraid to test it in the future. If the truth we stat
ed some years ago is challenged, we need not defend it, but be open to testing it. If it is still vahd, it
will stand on its own strength. If it is not, we trust that in testing it (“experimenting”), we will be led
to further truth we had been unable to see at that moment in our past. We need to remember, as
Penington indicates, that the truth we perceive now is both “true substance” and “true shadow.”
W hen we affirm the truth we see now (substance), we open ourselves to seeing the further truth of which it is a shadow.
128
Our process is grounded in faith: faith in our Guide
faith in continuing revelation
faith that we can be guided as a group
Disciplines which help us to be rightly guided (both old monastic and Quaker)
1. silence “For a Word to be spoken, there must be silence. Before, and after.”
- Ursula Le Guin, A Wizard of Earthsea
2. humility from the Latin humus = fertile ground
Jesus washing his disciple’s feet as an example
3. obedience from the Latin ob audire = to listen all the way through
4. patience “We came to know a place to stand in and what to wait in.”
- Francis Howgill (1672)
For there is still a vision for the appointed time. . .
If it seems to tarry, wait for it; it will surely come, it will not delay.
- Habakkuk 2:3
5. discernment “The spiritual discerning came into me, by which I did discern my own
thoughts, groans, and sighs, and what it was that did veil me and what it was that did open
me.
- George Fox (17th century)
6. faithfulness “There is no safe dallying with Truth. It is easy to profess and make a show
of truth, but hard to come into it.”
- Isaac Penington (17th century)
section #5
Bill Taber speaks of an altered state of consciousness, which we may reach in our meetings and which
he calls the Mind of Christ:
Spiritual discernment seems to flourish best from this contemplative, reflective, non-lin-
ear state of mind, which is a wide, non-judgmental, almost non-attached but very alert
attentiveness. Being in the Mind of Christ, however, does not mean being ‘spaced out’,
for the analytic faculties are not suppressed; they are cushioned by a more vast mind
which takes ah things into account. Indeed, our analytical faculties are at least as sharp, if
not sharper, in the Mind of Christ than they are at other times; the difference is that here
we know that we are not just our surface mind, as we Westerners tend to assume, and the
difference is that this surface mind is no longer the master, but the tool, of the more inte
grated person we become in the Mind of Christ.
(Report of the 1985 Friends Consultation on Discernment, Richmond, Ind.:
Earlham School of Religion and Quaker Hill Conference Center, 1985, p.37)
129
Meeting for Worship for the Purpose o f Business
Topic #7 Interest Group 2
Friends Consultation on Worship; Richmond, Indiana: December 7-10, 1989
Our belief in the immanence of God leads us to
act out our faith in all of our hves, including our
meetings for business. We all carry personal
responsibility for this part of our corporate life
of faith.
In our meetings for business we seek the
will of God, which is not divided. So there is
a unity in God, and it is our own imperfec
tions which make it difficult for us to perceive
this unity sometimes.
The purpose of our meetings for business
is to build up the community of faith through
seeking God’s will for us as a community. We
are here to worship and not to get through an
agenda. The meeting for business is over when
the worship is over. We wondered if people
dribble out at the end of our meetings for busi
ness because they came to get business done, so
when it’s clear we won’t get it finished, they feel
free to leave. Perhaps we need to release the
remaining agenda if the worship is over.
We reminded ourselves that we are seek
ing unity in our meetings for business, not una
nimity; a sense of the meeting, not consensus.
Discomfort with some action that the Meeting
as a whole seems ready to take is part of the
sense of the meeting. One person may not nec
essarily stand in the way of a decision; because a
person states that they stand in the way does not
make it so. Further discernment is necessary to
feel whether the objection has enough spiritual
weight to make the meeting feel that waiting for
further light is necessary. If so, a decision at that
point would not be in right order and the mat
ter will be laid over; if not, the sense of the
meeting will be to proceed with one person
uncomfortable with that action.
In any case, the discomfort of one or two
persons with a decision is part of the “sense of
the meeting.” Since the purpose of meetings for
business is to build community, everyone pres
ent needs to be included in the sense of the
meeting.
We reminded ourselves of the traditional
practice of minutes of exercise - which we also
called “process minutes” - to affirm where the
meeting is at a given moment when there is as
yet no clarity to act. These minutes simply state
the various perceptions in the meeting on a
given matter at that moment, and can be helpful
in building a sense of the meeting. Often if we
can clearly affirm where we are, it frees us to
perceive new light. We heard that reading such
minutes in N orth Carolina Yearly Meeting
(Conservative) gives a clear sense of the steps in
growth toward unity in opposition to slavery.
We contrasted these minutes of exercise
with minutes which polarize. If a minute is pro
posed to the meeting by a committee with the
implication that the acceptance of the minute is
the goal, then Friends are seen as either “for” or
“against” the minute. This polarization does not
contribute to the sense of unity in seeking God’s
will which is essential to our business process. A
minute of exercise might state the proposed
minute, but then describe fully the range of
responses to it in neutral terms, waiting for the
Spirit of God to open a way forward from there.
We need to remember that we are always rest
ing in the unity of God and are held there
despite our differences on a given question.
We affirmed that the sense of the meeting
reflects those gathered to worship together
seeking God’s will in the matters brought before
130
them. It is in the gathered meeting where the
Spirit of God can lead us into truth. There can
be no “proxy votes,” no call to the clerk stating
discomfort with a proposed minute and imply
ing that this objection by phone can prevent the
meeting from acting. W hat we expect in our
meetings for business is that we will be trans
formed by the power of God into a unity we did
not perceive before the meeting. We wondered
if those who are not willing to come into that
Presence which speaks to the gathered meeting
are also not willing to be transformed. People
who are not present to experience the power of
God at work bringing Friends into new truth
cannot be part of a sense of that meeting. Our
capacity and willingness to be transformed is
part of the wisdom of laying over a matter on
which Friends cannot find unity in a given meet
ing, for sometimes transformation will occur in
willing hearts in the intervening month.
We differed on whether only members
of the Society can be part of the sense of the
meeting.
We agreed that the meeting needs to be
punctuated by worship, especially between
agenda items. This can happen when minutes
are written immediately after each item and
approved then.
We affirmed the importance of the clerk,
not as a person, but as a function. The function
of the clerk is to embody the meeting both as it
seeks unity and when it reaches a sense of the
meeting. This is why it is important to have
persons who wish to speak recognized by the
clerk - not because the clerk is the “head,” but
as a reminder that the person wishing to speak is
speaking to the meeting, not to an individual.
Sometimes people who speak unrecognized by
the clerk will even turn their body toward the
person to whom they are responding, thus
breaking even the physical sense of a meeting
gathered with a center. So recognition by the
clerk encourages the speaker to stand and speak
to “the meeting” by addressing remarks to the
clerk’s table and not to a person in the body of
the meeting.
Recognition by the clerk also gives the
clerk the opportunity to pace the meeting with
worship and to allow the time necessary for both
the clerk and the meeting to absorb what one
person has said before another person speaks.
We also affirmed how important a person
with a gift for clerking can be to the right order
ing of business and sense of holding business in
the context of worship.
Finally, we affirmed the beauty of our
business process when rightly conducted. It is
yet another spiritual discipline which can build
up our community of faith by leading us deeper
into communion with that unity which is in God.
131
Making Presentations at the Meeting For Business
by Ministry and Counsel o f Beacon H ill Friends M eeting, Boston, Massachusetts, 1994
(This is intended to be given by the clerk to committee clerks and committee members
to ensure they are clear on the process of bringing items to monthly meeting.)
Making presentations at the meeting for business
Presenting a committee report at a monthly meeting for business can be an intimidating task for new Friends and old. The following thoughts may serve to make the process more understandable and less stressful.
In meeting for business, Friends are seeking to discover and to implement the will of God. Aware that they meet in the presence of God, Friends try to conduct their business reverently, in the wisdom and peaceable spirit of Jesus. Insofar as a divine- human meeting takes place, there is order, unity, and power. ( Faith and Practice of New England Yearly
Meeting of Friends, 1985, p. 114)
Why do committees make presentations at meetings for business?
There are some very small Friends meetings that have no separate standing committees. All the major concerns are discussed at the monthly meeting for business. The meeting for business becomes, in effect, all of the committee meetings, one after another.
When membership reaches a certain size, the monthly meeting will often assign members and attenders to committees, and have those committees season issues before bringing them to the meeting for business. In this case, the bulk of the discussion takes place at the committee meeting, rather than at the meeting for business.
Three kinds of committee presentations
Presentations to the meeting for business usually follow one of three different formats. The first is a review by the committee of the work they have done. In this case, the committee is not looking for any approvals, but is merely giving the meeting a summary of their activities. They might report, for instance, that a wedding was accomplished according to the good order of Friends, or that a certain amount of money was raised for an endowment fund. Even though approval of the report is not being sought, it is important that the clerk and recording clerk receive a written copy of the report, so they are not distracted from the meeting for business by a need to take notes on the committee’s presentation.
Another type of presentation occurs when a committee has a concern that they wish to bring to the attention of the meeting for business. The committee may not know how best to deal with the concern, but hopes that more Light may be brought to it by presenting it to the meeting for business. The clerk can allow a time to consider the issue, and then the meeting can assign the concern to an ad-hoc or standing committee for further seasoning.
A third type of presentation is the offering of a proposed minute for approval by the meeting. The committee may come with their proposed minute written out, or may come with an oral proposal, which the clerks will then compose into the proposed minute. The committee must be in unity with the proposed minute before it is presented to the meeting for business. Such a proposed minute might be a statement of the meeting’s leadings, an intention to spend some of the meeting’s money, or a commitment by the meeting to undertake some good works in the community.
Requesting time in the meeting for business agenda
When a committee seeks to make a presentation at a meeting for business, a representative should inform the clerk of this fact well before the date of the meeting for business. The clerk spends much time creating an orderly flow of items for the meeting for business. Last-minute additions to the schedule can result in a disjointed agenda.
The clerk will want to know if the presentation is a simple report, a concern, or a proposed minute being offered for approval. If a proposed minute will be offered, the clerk will ascertain that the committee is in unity with the proposed minute, and that the committee has spent sufficient time seasoning the issue. The person chosen by the committee to present a proposed minute should submit a copy of it to the clerk, preferably some days before the meeting for business, but in all cases before the committee’s presentation.
Making the presentation
Any member of a committee can make a presentation to the meeting for business. It is often helpful for committees to have a training session for meeting for business presentations so that all members of the committee can feel comfortable with the process. The clerk, and some of the more “seasoned” members of the meeting, are good sources of
132
information on how to make presentations. W hen a com
mittee is bringing a proposed minute or a concern to the
meeting for business, it is very important that most, if not
all, o f the com m ittee be present to provide support for the
presenter and to provide background information for the
matter at hand.
Once the prepared part o f the presentation has been
made, the presenter should either sit down and setde back
into worship, or, at the direction o f the clerk, remain
standing to answer questions about the presentation. In
the case where discussion follows a com m ittee presenta
tion, and where it seems appropriate to minute the sense
of the meeting, it is the responsibility o f the clerk and
recording clerk, rather than the com m ittee presenter, to
formulate that minute.
Responding to a presentation
Those Friends who wish to respond to a presentation
should raise their hands, or say, “Clerk, please?” to alert
the clerk that they wish to make a contribution. Friends
should refrain from speaking without recognition by the
clerk, except to make short statements like “T hat Friend
speaks my m ind.” T h e clerk will recognize each person in
turn, according to his/her sense o f the meeting.
Once recognized, Friends should speak direcdy to
the clerk, rather than to the presenter, the previous speaker,
or the entire meeting. Dialogue between individuals is
never appropriate, and tends to destroy the worshipful spir
it and deliberate pace that are so important to the well-
functioning meeting for business. Friends waiting to be rec
ognized by the clerk should lower their hands while som e
one else is speaking, and should listen with an open heart to
the ministry o f other Friends. There are times when the
clerk may ask if those still wishing to respond could put
aside their remarks in the interests o f moving forward.
Remarks made from the floor o f the m eeting for
business should be made in a spirit o f worship. It is often
more helpful to reflect upon the broader issues raised by the
matter at hand, rather than the subtle nuances o f the com
mittee’s presentation. Prolonged discussions on minutiae
are rarely helpful. It is often a wise course for the meeting
for business to write a minute describing the sense o f the
meeting, and allow a committee to implement the minute.
The committee can then come back to the m eeting for
business later with a report on their implementation.
Approval o f item s
If an item o f business needs the approval o f the meeting,
and the clerk senses unity on the matter, s/he will read a
proposed minute and ask for approval. It is the tradition o f
Friends to note their approval by saying “Approve”, or
“I approve”, rather than “Approved.”
If a Friend does not feel led to approve a proposed
minute, s/he should alert the clerk immediately, and when
recognized, express his/her uneasiness with the minute.
T h e clerk may then suggest an alternative minute around
which the m eeting might find unity, return the item to a
com m ittee for more seasoning, or postpone further con
sideration o f the matter until a future m eeting for business.
Summary: do’s and don’ts
For presenters:
D O ...
• bring a written copy o f any presentation you
are going to make
• request time on the agenda as far in advance
as possible
D O N ’T...
• present an item o f business with only one
member o f the com m ittee present
• remain standing after you have finished
presenting your item (unless directed to do
so by the clerk)
For others:
D O ...
• wait to be recognized by the clerk
• speak to the clerk
• listen with an open heart
• be w illing to put aside remarks in the interest
o f m oving forward
• be willing to trust a com m ittee to carry an
item forward
• express approval o f a minute by saying
“Approve”, or “I approve.”
D O N ’T...
• worry too much about minutiae
T here are additional sources o f information for Friends
w ho wish to learn more about the conduct o f the m eeting
for business. Reading the applicable sections o f Faith and Practice of New England Yearly Meeting and consulting with
members o f the W orship and Ministry Com m ittee are two
ways to start.
Prepared by Beacon Hill Friends Meeting,
Ministry and Counsel Committee, October 1994
133
Welcome to Meeting for BusinessSome Words on Its Spiritual Disciplines
by Alan Eccleston
(This piece is intended to be duplicated and given to folks attending meeting for business for
the first time or placed on literature tables as an invitation to people to attend.)
We begin meeting for business by gathering for
worship, centering down, asking for spiritual
guidance and feeling the unity of our purpose
together. In any matter of business we seek
God’s will for us, acknowledging that no one
person will have the whole picture. Friends are
urged to listen attentively, with an open mind
and heart so they may speak in the Light rather
than from passion or intellect.
Meeting for business is meant to be an
exploration, not a debate. In this mutual explo
ration, there are disciplines which help us.
Friends wishing to speak raise their hand.
When the clerk recognizes them they rise, and,
when ready, speak their mind. If the Clerk asks
for silence, all Friends return to worship seeking
understanding and openness; in this silence one
speaks only if led.
As some clarity emerges, the Clerk will
try to discern a “sense of the meeting” which
represents the Light we corporately share on
the matter at this point in time. This will be
reflected in a minute which the Clerk will state
and then ask, “Do Friends approve?” Those who
approve so signify and those who do not make
their reservations known. If there is general
approval, the Clerk will acknowledge this.
The Recording Clerk may be asked to
read back the minute at this point. If there are
reservations, the Clerk may recognize Friends
who wish to share their reservations or the
Clerk may try modifying the minute. If two or
three persons are still uncomfortable with a
course of action, the Clerk may suggest that the
Meeting is ready to proceed, though some
remain uncomfortable. The Meeting will con
firm this perception or say that the reservations
stated seem strong enough (in a spiritual sense)
to prevent action at this time. A sense of the
meeting need not be unanimous approval. If,
after several tries, there is no sense of the meet
ing, the question may be referred to a committee
or carried over to a future meeting for business.
Over time, our cumulative decisions
shape and define us as a spiritual community.
Your regular and worshipful participation will
deepen the process and strengthen our unity in
the Spirit.
Alan Eccleston, Clerk of Mt. Toby (MA) Meeting, 6/88
134
In these situations a double clarity is needed. An indi
vidual is seeking clarity on his or her own leading to
join the meeting or a couple is seeking clarity on their
own leading to marry. But the meeting is also seeking
clarity on its acceptance of the clarity of the individual
or couple. For the meeting to act, these two clarities
must be in harmony.
As stated above, in membership matters it is necessary
to have a congruence of the individual’s clarity to join
the Meeting and the Meeting’s clarity to accept that
individual’s faith as consistent with that of the Meeting.
Handouts
• Words on Membership from a Variety of Faith and
Practices (1998), compiled by Jan Hoffman, pp. 138-39.
• The Membership Covenant and the Church Covenant of
Evangelical Friends Church - Eastern Region, p. 140.
• Curious About Membership Among Friends? p. 141.
Class 1 :' "«,1
Discovering the Harmony o f the Applicant’s Faith
and Expectations with Those o f the M eeting
Time: One hour
Read aloud Words on Membership from a Variety of Faith
and Practices (1998). Have a different person read the
selection from each Yearly Meeting. Which of these
Meetings might you feel called to join? W ith which
statements of these Yearly Meetings would your
Monthly Meeting unite?
Then read aloud The Membership Covenant and the
Church Covenant of Evangelical Friends Church - Eastern
Region. This membership covenant illustrates a sense
that not only does the member have a responsibility to
the meeting, but also that the meeting has a responsi
bility to the member. This sense is missing in many of
the sections on membership in Faith and Practices.
If your Meeting were to make a membership
covenant with its members, what would the member
promise to the Meeting? W hat would the Meeting
promise to the member?
KNRHH‘1
A Monthly M eeting Considers Inactive Members
Time: One hour
We may hope that a covenant exists between the
Meeting and its members, even though there may not
be a written covenant. When a member is no longer
active in the Meeting, this covenant has been broken.
In this case, the responsibility of the Meeting towards
a member continues until that membership is officially
discontinued. The following material from Mt. Toby
(Massachusetts) Meeting shows how one Meeting
attempts to act on this responsibility. As you read it,
compare and contrast it to your own Meeting’s process.
Junior Members
Mt. Toby Meeting is part of New England Yearly
Meeting, which has a category of junior membership at
the request of parents. At age 25, a junior member
must request full membership in the Meeting or that
membership will be discontinued. Here is Mt. Toby’s
process for contacting junior members at age 25,
almost all of whom have moved away from the area of
the meeting. Our intent is to be personal (with a hand
written letter) and to invite dialogue, which has hap
pened in many cases over the years.
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In the fall, the Meeting Recorder should be
asked for a list of junior members turning 25. The fol
lowing draft letter is then handwritten and signed by a
member of Ministry and Worship. If the person to
whom the letter is sent is known by the writer, the
form of the letter may vary.
Dear Friend,
The Meeting on M inistry and Worship is writing
to you as a junior member of M t. Toby Monthly
Meeting. New England Yearly M eeting’s Book of
Faith and Practice states that junior membership will
end at age 25 in the belief that it is helpful for junior
members to reexamine their religious commitment
upon coming of age. Do Friends testimonies have
meaning in your life ? Do you find spiritual commu
nity in a Friends Meeting? Does your connection
with M t. Toby Meeting have any meaning for you
now? I f you have been attending a Friends Meeting
or our testimonies have meaning for you, would you
consider joining that Meeting as a fu ll member? I f
your life has led you away from Friends Meeting, we
would like to know of it.
Whatever your particular circumstances, we
would appreciate it i f you would write us. We ask for
this contact from you because we are interested in
what you have become as you have grown, and
knowledge of you w ill help us focus on you to better
hold you in the Light as we take action on your
membership.
In that Light and Spirit which can sustain us all,
for Ministry and Worship
If a junior member responds desiring full mem
bership, a Clearness Committee should be appointed
by Ministry and Worship to proceed as in other
Clearness Committees for membership. If full mem
bership is approved, a welcoming committee should
be appointed as is the custom.
If no response is received to this letter during a peri
od of 4 to 6 months, a follow-up letter is sent:
Dear Friend,
Several months ago I wrote inquiring about your
feelings on junior membership in M t. Toby Monthly
Meeting. We were hoping that you would write
telling us of what has been happening in your spiritual
life and in particular whether the Society of Friends
still has a place in your life. During your time away
from us perhaps you have found spiritual community
in another church or religious group, or your life has
led you away from organized religion. We are still
interested in knowing where you have been led, and we
are also open to considering a request for fu ll member
ship from you. However, we don’t wish to keep your
name as a junior member ofM t. Toby Meeting when
we don’t know whether membership has any meaning
for you. I f we do not hear from you in two months, we
on the Committee on M inistry and Worship will
assume that your spiritual search has led you in other
directions and will recommend that your membership
in Mt.Toby meeting be discontinued. We hope that you
will find a spiritual home i f you have not found one
already.
In that Light and Spirit which can sustain us all,
for Ministry and Worship
When monthly meeting action is taken to dis
continue the junior member, the same member of
Ministry and Worship (insofar as possible) will write
again to that person informing him or her of the
action taken.
Inactive Members
W hen the Ministry and Worship Committee of Mt.
Toby Meeting realized that we had quite a long list of
inactive members who had not been contacted for
years, our first step was to divide the list into four
categories.
1. Local members known to members of Ministry and Worship.
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2. Local members unknown to anyone.
3. Geographically distant members.
4. Members with parents who are active members.
Our next step was to contact the members in the four
categories.
1. Local members known to members o f M inistry and
Worship: Ministry and Worship members phoned or
visited the inactive members.
2. Local members unknown to anyone: To these
members we would perhaps write an initial “form” let
ter and offer to visit in the manner of a membership
clearness committee.
3. Geographically distant members: We composed
the following form letter, which is to be handwritten
by a member of Ministry and Worship. Variations may
occur if the person is known to the writer.
Dear Friend,
I am writing to you, a non-attending member of
M t. Toby Monthly Meeting, asking you to consider your
faith journey and membership status. Do Friends testi
monies have meaning in your life? Do you find spiritu
al community in a Friends Meeting? Does your connec
tion with M t. Toby Meeting have any meaning for you
norm? Perhaps you have found a worshipping community
where you now reside. I f you are attending a Meeting,
do you want to consider transferring your membership?
I f you are now part of another faith community, have
you joined it or would your membership commitment
there befitting? I f retaining your membership in M t.
Toby has meaning for you, we need to hear from you at
this time. I f we do not hear from you within two
months, we will recommend to monthly meeting that
your membership be discontinued. We would like to hear
from you because we are interested in what you have
become since leaving M t. Toby, and knowledge of you
will help us focus on you to better hold you in the Light
as we take action on your membership.
In that Light and Spirit which can sustain us all,
for Ministry and Worship
As indicated in the letter, there is no follow-up
letter, but when monthly meeting takes action, the
same member of Ministry and Worship will write to
the person reporting on that action.
4. Members with parents who are active members: This is a difficult category. We have written letters to
some of these grown children in the past, and have not
heard direcdy from the member, but we have had a
verbal response from their parents who are currendy
active in Mt. Toby. They tell us that of course their
son or daughter wishes to remain a member. So we
hear that the son’s or daughter’s membership is very
important to the parent, but have no idea what
meaning it has for the grown child. We have reached
no clarity on how to approach either the parent or the
grown child about this. We remain uncomfortable at
not hearing direcdy from the member to whom we
wrote.
Reaching Out to Regular Attenders
Who Have Not Requested Membership
Time: One hour
Our discovery at Mt. Toby that attenders did not
know how to join our meeting led to our litde hand
out Curious About Membership Among Friends? This
handout is always available, and our applications for
membership increased in the first year we put it out.
Its text is on someone’s computer, and it is easy to
make a new Xerox master revising the clerk’s name
and address whenever there is a change in the clerk
ship. After reading it, consider these questions:
• W hat would you write in a similar handout for your
Meeting?
• If one already exists, does it reflect the M eeting’s
current reality?
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Words on M embership From a Variety of Faith and Practices (1998)Compiled by Jan Hoffman
“The Society of Friends desires to admit to its fellowship all persons who find that its fundamentals meet their religious needs.”
Ohio Valley Yearly Meeting (FGC)
“The Religious Society of Friends is a community of faith based on experience of a transforming power named in many ways: the Inner Light, the Spirit of Christ, the Guide, the Living God, the Divine Presence. Membership includes openness to an ongoing relationship with God and willingness to live one’s life according to the readings of the Spirit as affirmed by the community of faith. For generations of Friends, membership has been an outward sign of an inward experience of Christ, the ‘true fight which gives light to everyone’ (John 1:9).”
Philadelphia Yearly Meeting (FGC)
“Friends receive into active membership those whose faith in Christ as a personal Savior is manifest in their lives and who are in unity with the teachings of Christian truth as held by Friends. Membership is seen ‘primarily in terms of discipleship. It implies a sense of responsibility . . . a sense of commitment’. . . and ‘a willingness to be used by God.’ (London Church Government #831)”
North Carolina Yearly Meeting (FUM)
“Membership in the Religious Society of Friends is a spiritual commitment. To become a member, an applicant should have come experientially into general agreement with the Society’s principles of beliefs and testimonies.
“Baltimore Yearly Meeting has no binding creed. Its principles of belief are based on its Judeo-Christian heritage and adherence to the Spirit of Christ (the Inward Light, the Divine Seed, That of God in Everyone). The testimonies spring from respect for truth; for peace, harmony and a settled intention to practice love; for simplicity, community, and the equal worth of all people.”
Baltimore Yearly Meeting (FGC & FUM)
“Suitability for membership is not determined by tests of creed or practice, nor by the profession of conversion. Nevertheless, there are certain broad principles of faith and practice, which afford a basis for association. Unity is essential upon the spiritual and practical nature of Christianity, the reality of direct divine communion in worship, and the presence of the Inner Light, or that of God, in everyone.”
Canadian Yearly Meeting (FGC & FUM)
“Membership in the Religious Society of Friends, as a part of the Christian fellowship, is both a privilege and a responsibility. Ideally, it is the outward sign of an inner experience of the Living God and of unity with the other members of a living body . . . . Faith in God and an effort to follow the life and teachings of Jesus under the guidance of the Light Within are the bases of our Quaker faith. The Society should reach out to and welcome into active membership all who find unity with the principles and the testimonies of Friends, as reflected in this book of Faith and Practice. ”
New England Yearly Meeting (FGC & FUM)
“Friends accept into active membership those whose declarations and way of life manifest such unity with Friends’ views and practices that they may be expected to enter fully into religious fellowship with the meeting. Part of the essential genius of the Society is the experience of growth through common worship and the loving acceptance of an individual by the group. It is an open fellowship that recognizes that of God in everyone.”
New York Yearly Meeting (FGC & FUM)
“Friends do not accept a creed as a test of membership. No prescribed or set formula of words and phrases can distinguish a member from a non-member. The lives of Friends express their faith in accordance with their experiences with Truth and with the Meeting community.”
Southeastern Yearly Meeting (FGC <kf FUM)
“The basic test for membership is conversion. Nothing can constitute one a member of Christ’s Church but the power of the Holy Spirit, working ‘repentance toward God and faith toward our Lord Jesus Christ.’ (Acts 20:21).”
Evangelical Friends Church - Eastern Region (EFI)
138
No general statement about membership is made at the beginning of the section, but later is stated: “Elders ascertain whether an applicant 1) Makes a credible profession of faith in Christ Jesus as Savior and Lord, 2) Lives consistendy with that profession, 3) Accepts the beliefs of Christianity as held by Northwest Yearly Meeting (see ‘Friends Faith’) and will conform to its spiritual disciplines.”
Northwest Yearly Meeting (EFI)
“It is the position of the Yearly Meeting that persons may be accepted into membership who are willing to listen for and give expression in their lives to the promptings of the Inner Spirit in all areas of personal discipline and service to others. Some applicants may not yet profess complete adherence to all Friends doctrines and testimonies, but will indicate a readiness to wait upon the Lord and to seek Divine Guidance in those areas where they may not yet be convinced that the Quaker way of life is right. Members of the Meeting should guard constandy against dilution of the strength of the Quaker message. We insist that all members seek to live by the principles set forth in this book, and that they seek to work toward attainment of the truths implicit in the Queries and Advices for individuals and Meetings.”
North Carolina Yearly Meeting (Conservative)
“Just as for the earliest Christian church, so for the Society of Friends, the membership constitutes the body of the church, under Christ, our Head. As expressed in Romans 12, we are one body in Christ and every one members one of another. Consequendy, membership is considered a privilege entailing a corresponding responsibility, first of all toward Christ, and secondly toward one another.”
Ohio Yearly Meeting (Conservative)
“Membership is the outward recognition of an experience of the Living God, and of unity, in faith and in practice, with other members of the Society of Friends.”
Pacific Yearly Meeting (unaffiliated)
“Membership in the Christian Church is a high and rich privilege entailing a corresponding responsibility. Ideally, it is the outward sign of an inner union with Christ, the living head, and with the other members who make up the living body. There is no way for this true and inner union to be infallibly discerned by men. Outward membership can never perfecdy mark it and there are doubdess real members of the invisible church who do not belong to any recognized Christian body.”
Fairhope (Alabama) Monthly Meeting (unaffiliated)
“Membership is still seen as a discipleship, a discipline within a broadly Christian perspective and our Quaker tradition, where the way we live is as important as the beliefs we affirm.
“Like all discipleships, membership has its elements of commitment and responsibility but it is also about joy and celebration. Membership is a way of saying to the meeting that you feel at home, and in the right place. Membership is also a way of saying to the meeting, and to the world, that you accept at least the fundamental elements of being a Quaker: the understanding of divine guidance, the manner of corporate worship and the ordering of the meeting’s business, the practical expression of inward convictions and the equality of all before God. In asking to be admitted into the community of the meeting you are affirming what the meeting stands for and declaring your willingness to contribute to its hfe.”
Britain Yearly Meeting
Note: Letters in parentheses refer to the affiliation of the North American Yearly Meetings
FGC = Friends General Conference Yearly Meetings, predominandy unprogrammed in worship
FUM = Friends United Meeting Yearly Meetings, predominandy programmed in worship
FGC & FUM = Yearly Meetings belonging to both of the above, predominandy unprogrammed in worship (New England
Yearly Meeting and New York Yearly Meeting have some meetings with pastors)
EFI = Evangelical Friends International Yearly Meetings, programmed in worship
Conservative = Conservative Yearly Meetings, unprogrammed in worship
Unaffiliated = Meetings unaffiliated with any of the above, unprogrammed in worship except for Central Yearly Meeting,
which is programmed
139
M em bership Covenant Evangelical Friends Church - E astern Region
To become a member of the Church of Jesus Christ and a church of the EFC-ER
involves a covenant relationship. The following is a covenant you make upon becoming
a member of the Evangelical Friends Church - Eastern Region:
I , ____________________, covenant with th e _______________________Friends Church
to bear testimony to a real conversion on the Word of God and assurance from the Holy
Spirit of sins forgiven and commitment to Christian discipleship. I further covenant to
acquaint myself more fully with the Book of Discipline and to support the doctrinal
position of the church and to seek personal conformity to the testimonies of the church.
I will continuously seek spiritual growth, according to the scriptures, attend faithfully
the services of the church, accept responsibility in its work, and cheerfully give for the
financial support of the church and its approved programs.
Signed,______________________________________
Church Covenant Evangelical Friends Church - E astern Region
Your name has been presented and accepted for membership in our church. The fol
lowing is a covenant this local body of believers, the_______________________ Friends
Church, makes with you. We welcome you into our fellowship and wish to convey to you
our covenant to you as long as you remain a part of this local Friends Church. We
covenant with you to provide an opportunity for, and assistance in, worship, and in spir
itual growth. We further covenant to help you in discovering your talents and gifts and
to give you an opportunity to express these in service. We covenant to counsel you if you
in any way stray from being true to your opportunities and will faithfully strive to bring
you back to a commitment to Jesus Christ and to our local meeting.
Signed,_______________________________ , Elder
Signed,______________________________ , Pastor
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Curious A bout M em bership Among Friends?
Having worshipped with us at Mt. Toby Meeting, you may know that everyone is welcome at meetings for worship and meetings for business and that anyone may serve on Meeting committees except for Ministry and Worship, on which only members may serve. Feeling spiritually refreshed by worship and drawn to this form of listening and discovery, you may feel a growing sense of belonging among those with whom you worship.
Some ways of deepening your sense of belonging
are to:
1) Sign up to receive the newsletter.
2) Get a Mt. Toby directory and make sure your name and phone are listed in the next one.
3) Attend meetings for business.
4) Participate in workdays and other special events.
5) Serve on a Meeting committee.
6) Join a Friendly Eights group (tell the clerk or the person who closes meeting for worship of your interest in these last two).
You can enlarge your understanding of the historical roots o f Friends’ faith and witness and how they relate to today’s world by reading.
Look at the literature rack or ask the librarian to suggest some books or pamphlets. Two standard books are Faith and Practice of New England Yearly Meeting of Friends (1985) and Friends for 300 Years
by Howard Brinton.
As you become more involved in the Meeting community, you may want to consider an outward sign of your sense of belonging.
We encourage you to follow your own Light on requesting membership; the inner prompting that moves people to ask to join Mt. Toby Meeting may come quickly or it may evolve over a period of years. One question that should not affect your decision to ask for membership is “Am I good enough to be a Quaker?” Friends everywhere are as human and fallible as you are; sometimes we are faithful to our leadings, and other times we are not.
Membership is an outward sign of a personal involvement with a group of people who have no binding creed, but who look to an Inner Teacher for guidance and nurture; a group of people who commit themselves to a process of seeking in the manner of Friends, knowing that the search for Truth is one that lasts our whole lives. Membership acknowledges that, while a spiritual journey is an intensely individual experience, we need to give and to receive loving care and support on this journey. Being a member of the Society of Friends means on the one hand that you can rely on Friends, and on the other that they can rely on you. It involves a sharing of loving care and a sharing of responsibility and resources, both spiritual and material.
I f you feel led to join Meeting, write a letter tothe clerk: (name)__________________________(address) ______________________________
It can be a single sentence saying you want to apply for membership in Mt. Toby Meeting or it can trace the steps in your spiritual evolution that led you to this point. The clerk will forward your letter to the Committee on Ministry and Worship who will appoint a clearness committee of two persons. This clearness committee will meet with you to hear what has led you to Friends and to explore your understanding of Friends’ ways. It will also give you a chance to ask questions. After this meeting, the committee, if it feels clear to recommend you for membership, will report that to Ministry and Worship. Ministry and Worship will then present its recommendation to monthly meeting for business for final action. When your membership is approved, a welcoming committee is appointed to visit with you, not only to welcome you but to explore the ways you wish to be involved in the Meeting’s life.
If you decide to become a member of Mt. Toby, the Meeting will be very happy, but if you decide that at this moment membership is not for you, there is no less of a welcome for you in this
Meeting.
141
M arriage or Commitment
As stated at the beginning of this section, with mar
riage or commitment it is necessary to have a congru
ence of the couple’s clarity to marry and the Meeting’s
clarity to take that relationship under its care. The
question for the couple is, “Are we called to a cov
enant relationship with each other?” The question for
the Meeting is, “Are we clear to take this marriage -
this whole relationship - under our care?” Thus the
clarity reached when a Meeting takes a marriage
under its care is a double clarity - of the couple and of
the Meeting.
However, the clearness process for marriage
needs to reflect Friends’ sense that the leading to
marry, or to enter a committed relationship, is both
the individual leading of each person and the couple’s
leading together. This is accomplished by having two
members of the Clearness Committee meet individu
ally with one person in the couple before the commit
tee meets with the couple together. This combination
- meeting with the individuals in the couple both
separately and together - affirms that the leading of
each of the two individuals has been tested by half of
their Clearness Committee and that there is a joint
leading affirmed by the full Committee meeting
with the couple.
Handouts
• “Clearness Committees for Marriage or Commit
ment” by Jan Hoffman, Pastoral Care Newsletter of the
Family Relations Committee of Philadelphia Yearly
Meeting, Vol. II, No. 4; May, 1995; pp. 143-46.
• Questions and Queries Relating to Clearness for Marriage
from a Variety of Sources, compiled by Jan Hoffman,
pp. 147-52.
U SClass
Discerning Unity in the Clarity o f the Couple
and o f the M eeting
Time: Two hours or two one-hour classes
Read Clearness Committees for Marriage or Commitment
How does this reflect your experience of the clearness
process for marriage or commitment? W hat implica
tions does it have for how you or your meeting might
approach clearness for marriage?
Then turn to Questions and Queries Relating to Clearness
for Marriage from a Variety of Sources, to go into greater
depth on the section, “W hat are some possible ques
tions to be explored?”
Notice the focus of the questions:
• Are they for the couple to consider together?
• Are they for each individual in the couple to consider?
Do you feel the questions reflect the need for a dou
ble clarity, that of the couple and that of the meeting?
Does reading these questions bring any new light to
your understanding of the clearness necessary for
marriage?
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For additional copies o f this newsletter, please contact:PYM Fam ily Relations Concerns Group; ISIS Cherry St., Philadelphia, PA 19102 • 215-241-7068
Permission has been granted by PYM Family Relations Committee to reprint the following.
PASTORAL CARE NEWSLETTERPU B L ISH E D BY T H E FAMILY RELATIO NS C O M M IT T E E O F PH IL A D E LPH IA YEARLY M E E T IN G
For Overseers, Members o f Ministry and Counsel, and others involved in pastoral care and counseling
Vol. II, N o. 4 May, 1995
Clearness Committees for Marriage or Commitmentby Jan Hoffman
Our clearness process for marriage or commitment reflects our essential belief about the way in which Friends test the religious call of two persons into a lifelong relationship, as well as our belief about the meaning of spiritual commitment within a faith community.
Early Friends were clear that marriage was essentially a religious covenant. They saw this as quite different from marriage as a legal or social relationship; when a choice was necessary, they chose to have their marriages considered illegal rather than modify their religious witness. In 1669 George Fox described it this way: “For the right joining in marriage is the work of the Lord only, and not the priests or magistrates; for it is God's ordinance and not Man's; and therefore Friends cannot consent that they should join them together; for we marry none; it is the Lord's work, and we are but witnesses. ”
So early Friends held the witness that no person had the legal (magistrate) or spiritual (priest) authority to “pronounce” two people married. Marriage was accomplished when a meeting witnessed two people exchanging vows, confirming a call to lifelong commitment.
However, the call to commitment is not limited to two individuals. It involves the meeting as well, since the couple’s spiritual leading occurs in the context of a faith community, and is tested in that community as any other leading would be. The question for the couple is “Are we called to a covenant relationship with each other?” The question for
the meeting is, “Are we clear to take this marriage - this whole relationship - under our care?” (The question is not, “Are we clear to take the wedding or ceremony under our care?”). Thus the clarity reached when a meeting takes a marriage under its care is a double clarity - of the couple and of the meeting.
W hen does the clearness process begin?
For some meetings, the process begins when the couple writes a letter to the clerk requesting marriage or commitment under the care of the meeting. For others, the process begins with the couple before any letter is written. Baltimore Yearly Meeting’s Faith and Practice contains a series of questions to be considered by the couple before asking the meeting to take the relationship under its care. These focus on some of the same subjects that are likely to be explored in the actual clearness process, including spiritual life and religious beliefs, gender roles, finances, jobs, children, wider family connections, and conflict resolution. Baltimore then adds two additional questions to be considered by the couple before approaching the Monthly meeting:
• Why are we asking the approval and oversight of the meeting? Are we aware that oversight of our marriage by the meeting involves the continuing concerns for our life together and the values established in our home? Will we welcome the continuing concern of the meeting.?
FRC Pastoral Care Newsletter, Vol. II, No. 4; Page 1
143
• How significant to us are the promises made in the presence of God and of our family and friends as stated during the Meeting for Marriage ?
Even before a couple considers such questions, the meeting may wish to share with them any distinction made in its policies between requests for marriage “under the care of the meeting” and requests for the use of the meeting house as a setting for a wedding that is not under the care of Friends.
W ho should serve on the clearness com m ittee?
Some meetings have experienced committees focused on family life from whose membership all clearness committees come. Other meetings have committees with a larger pastoral care focus whose responsibility it is to suggest persons — from the committee itself, and from the meeting at large — to serve on clearness committees. Since the reality in many of our meetings is that not all persons asked to serve on clearness committees will be experienced in this service, they can be helped by being given materials about the clearness process and the qualities needed for such service.
Philadelphia Yearly Meeting Family Relations Committee pamphlet In the Presence of God and These Our Friends: A Quaker Marriage offers questions and advices helpful to those asked to serve on clearness committees in clarifying the rightness of this service for them. Clearness committee members must be committed to the spiritual and temporal energy needed to test a call to marriage: “It is less than caring to fail in honoring the importance of [the couple’s] decision by proceeding with a shallow or superficial clearness process. A clearness process carried out with integrity, under the leading of the Spirit, must draw from us a careful probing, undergirded with loving concern; a genuine desire to be of help, accompanied by a light touch; and a firm understanding of the seriousness of the joint effort we are undertaking, coupled with a relaxed, non-judgmental atmosphere.”
Once Friends are clear to serve on a given clearness committee, they may wish to discern whether to meet together first without the couple. This may be especially useful where some members of the committee have not previously served on a clearness committee, and when there are questions about the functioning of the committee. Such a meeting provides the opportunity for members of the committee to come to a common understanding of how they will work together. Will questions be given to the couple before the meeting? If so, which questions? Are there additional questions not printed anywhere that the committee feels are important? Will the committee meet with the two individuals separately as well as with the couple together?If either has children by a previous marriage, is it appropriate to include them in the clearness process? Does anyone on the clearness committee have strong feelings which may get in the way of listening to this particular couple? Finally, legal requirements differ in different states and it is necessary that the committee be clear on what these are.
M eeting w ith the couple both as individuals and together
The clearness process can also reflect Friends’ sense that commitment between two individuals is both the individual leading of each person and the couple’s leading together. This is accomplished by having two members of the clearness committee meet individually with each person in the couple before the committee meets with the couple together. Historically, the two women met with the woman, and the two men met with the man, then all four met with the couple.
Only five o f our North American Yearly Meeting Faith and Practices still mention this step as part of the clearness process, and I believe that without it, the clearness process is weakened. Meeting with the individuals in the couple both separately and together affirms two significant realities: first, that there are two individuals, each with his or her leading, and secondly, that there is a joint leading affirmed by the full Committee meeting with the couple. I have spoken with couples who have met only as a couple with the clearness committee, as well as with couples who have been met with both as individuals and as a couple. In the latter case, the consciousness of
This Newsletter is published quarterly by the Family Relations Committee of Philadelphia Yearly Meeting, Trish Walat, clerk. Comments and suggestions are always welcome. Please do not duplicate. To obtain additional copies, contact Helene Pollock, editor, at (215) 988-0140
Reprinted with permission. Current ( 6/98 ) editor: Patricia McBee; current clerk: Harriet Heath; current phone and address: 215-241-7068, c/o PYM 1515 Cherry St., Phila., PA 19102
FRC Pastoral Care Newsletter, Vol. II, No. 4 Page 2
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themselves both as individuals and as part of a couple which emerged as a result of their clearness process was an unexpected and valuable benefit.
New England Yearly Meeting’s Living With Oneself and Others offers an example of the way in which the focus of different questions can indicate the many paths to clearness. In the chapter “To Those Contemplating Marriage,” questions are divided into three sections: (1) for the committee to ask the couple, (2) for the couple to consider together, and (3) for each individual to consider. For example, questions to ask the couple include: “In the years to come, how do you plan to seek the Divine assistance you will invoke in your marriage vows?” Questions for the couple together include: “Have we lovingly and prayerfully considered the differences in values, needs and habits between us?” Some questions for individuals are: “What is my present image of marriage?Am I open to changing this image as reality dictates? What relationship does this image have to my parents’ marriage or to an earlier marriage of my own?”
What are som e possible questions to be explored?
Books and pamphlets with sample questions are available. (See insert.*) It may be well to discover which resources the couple are already familiar with, and to draw their attention to additional resources as well. It is also necessary to establish whether the clearness committee assumes that the couple will be prepared to address a certain set of questions when the committee meets with them. It may also be that the couple has questions they wish the clearness committee to consider before meeting with them. O f course when the committee and the couple meet, responses to given questions will engender further questions.
One question needing an affirmative response from everyone is: Are we prepared to have as many meetings as necessary to reach clearness?
It is important for the clearness committee to focus on what they believe are the essential questions for the particular couple. There can be a great difference in age, maturity, and life experience among couples asking the meeting to take their relationship under its care. An essential question for one couple may be totally irrelevant to another. Further, would the couple
*lnsert not included in Companions
appreciate many questions, or might they be overwhelmed by too many questions? I know of clearness committees who have created a customized one-page list of questions for a particular couple. I have also known couples who wanted to address as many questions as they could possibly find.
New situations generate a need for new questions. In my meeting, for example, we have minuted our willingness to take same-gender relationships under our care. In our considerations of what this would mean for the clearness process, we experienced a need for new questions. To the questions in a one-page foldout from North Carolina Yearly Meeting (FUM), we added the following: Are you seeking a spiritual union, a legal union, or both? I f you cannot have or do not want a state-recognized union, are you aware of the many legal contracts which can be drawn up to provide rights similar to those that are part of a legally-recognized union? This question recognizes that in addition to same-gender couples whose unions cannot be legalized, there are some heterosexual couples who do not wish to claim a legal privilege not extended to all couples.
In minuting our willingness to take same- gender relationships under our care, my meeting was not clear to use only one name for such relationships. For some in the meeting, marriage is a term that belongs only to heterosexuals.For others, marriage is a name for a corrupt institution and they wish to use a name to which a more positive meaning can be given. Some heterosexual couples do not wish to use a term that cannot be used by all. For yet others, marriage is a term which confers on same- gender relationships the same spiritual weight that heterosexual relationships have and they wish to claim that spiritual equality, even when legal equality is not granted. Given the potential of different leadings about the name of the relationship, we left that spiritual naming as a question to be addressed in the clearness committee.
The reality of divorce among us may lead to another question to be addressed in the clearness process: that o f changing the vows.My own New England Yearly Meeting Faith and Practice states that a couple’s desire to change the traditional vows must be raised with the clearness committee, and I concur with this requirement. I have heard the suggestion that “as long as we both shall love” is a more reasonable vow than “as long as we both shall
FRC Pastoral Care Newsletter, Vol. II, No. 4; Page 3145
live,” given the statistics on divorce. I disagree, believing that the marriage vows are promises made to each other in the hope that they will be kept. The people of Israel made a promise to be faithful to God - which they repeatedly broke. As an individual, I have made promises to God to be faithful, yet sometimes I have not been faithful. The fact of promises broken does not mean I promise less in the future. I do not want to say, “I make this covenant with you, God, for as long as I can keep it.” I want to promise, “I will try always to be faithful,” knowing that I will sometimes fall short, but wanting to affirm my deepest desire.
Possible O utcom es
The most common outcome of the clearness process is, of course, that the meeting take the relationship under its care. However, as North Pacific Yearly Meeting (1993) says, “It may be that unity to move forward is not readily found. The committee and the couple may choose to continue seeking God’s will in this matter, or they may choose to lay aside the request indefinitely or permanently.” Again, the clarity is a double clarity; either the couple or the committee may be clear to proceed or not.
Sometimes the clearness process helps the couple find themselves not clear to proceed. In one meeting I know, a clearness committee was meeting with a couple composed of a woman who had grown up in that meeting and a man from another country. The committee posed the question to the woman, “Are you planning to continue working after you are married?” “O f course,” she replied. The man turned to her, amazed. “You are?” he asked. Following this exchange, the clearness committee just sat and listened as the couple discovered many contrary assumptions they held about their life after their wedding, assumptions each had not known the other held. As a result of that clearness process, the couple withdrew their request.
Sometimes the clearness committee is clear that the meeting should not take the relationship under its care. In another meeting, the clearness committee met with a couple and reported to the meeting their recommendation that the meeting not take this marriage under its care, though the couple still insisted they were clear to marry. The clearness committee indicated why they felt the meeting could not promise to support this marriage. The couple’s blindness
to each other’s reality, together with their incapacity to recognize their own lack of awareness meant that there was no common understanding which the meeting could support. The meeting’s response was to say, “How can we judge other people’s leadings; they know what they’re doing, they want to get married. W ho are we to say that it won’t work?” So the meeting went ahead and approved the marriage of the couple under the care of the meeting. Three months after the wedding the marriage broke up for precisely the reasons the clearness committee had given.
In conclusion, it is important to remember our sense that the primary purpose of a meeting for worship for marriage or celebration of commitments is to witness a covenant being made between two persons, an affirmation of their spiritual call to relationship and the meeting’s call to support it. We cannot marry anyone, but we can affirm the call o f two individuals to marry. We do this by taking the relationship under our care, and by our witness of a covenant two people make in a meeting for worship. In this way, we can be part of a continuing search for the variety of ways we can live in faithfulness.
Jan Hoffman, a member ofM t. Toby Meeting, is clerk of Ministry and Counsel of New England Yearly Meeting, and former clerk ofNEYM. She is a frequent speaker and workshop leader in a wide range of Friendly settings.
Q ueries
1. What concrete steps might we take so that the clearness process in our meeting could be strengthened?
2. Are we aware of resources — both printed material and “people resources” — that we can turn to in case a particular clearness process presents an unexpected challenge?
3. Are we open to the possibility that clarity might mean not to proceed in the way in which the couple expects things to go?
4. What might we do to provide more support for couples in the meeting? (See article by Patricia McBee in Volume 1 N o. 2 of Pastoral Care Newsletter)
FRC Pastoral Care Newsletter, Vol. II, No. 4 Page 4
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Q uestions and Q ueries Relating to C learness fo r M arriage From a V ariety of Sources
compiled by Jan Hoffman
North Pacific Yearly M eeting Faith and Practice (1993)
Topics Suggested for Discussion During the Clearness Process
Most of these subjects will arise naturally in the course of the interviews, and it is all the better if the prospective partners feel free to broach them themselves. Yet it is well for the committee to have topics in mind and see that they
are covered.
1 .Background and Acquaintance: How well do the couple
know each other? What are their basic common values?
How do they adapt to differences in background, religion, temperament and interests? Can they meet their differences with humor, mutual respect, patience, and generosity? Do they have the courage and the willingness to go
together for outside guidance with any problem they are
unable to solve?
2. Religious Beliefs, Feelings, Aspirations: Do they see commitment or marriage as a spiritual relationship to be entered into with appreciation of its Divine basis? How
do they propose to meet their religious needs as a couple?
How do they plan to make their relationship accessible to
Divine assistance? Do they endeavor to hold each other
in the Light?
3. Growth and Fulfillment: Do they think of themselves as trusted and equal lifelong partners, sharing responsibilities and decisions? Are they supportive of each other’s goals for personal growth and fulfillment? Do they
communicate their feelings and needs, their dreams and fears to each other? Are they able to discuss their sexual expectations in a way which leads to satisfaction for each
person?
4. Daily Living: Have they discussed and worked through
questions regarding the use and management of money?
Have they considered how to resolve minor daily issues such as who takes out the trash or does the dishes? Have they given consideration to, and found ways to resolve
real anger when it arises within the relationship? Have
they found ways to resolve life style issues, such as one
being a morning person and one being an evening person, so that neither feels personally rejected? Have they
explored attitudes towards holidays and gift giving? Have
they discussed the names each will use?
5. Relationships with Others: Are they aware of the need for
developing a variety of other friendships that contribute
both to individual growth and to their relationship? Have
they considered together whether or not they desire children: the problems as well as the joys they would bring, and the responsibilities for nurturing and guiding them? How do they view their relationships with each other’s families and their obligations toward society?
6. Relationship With the Monthly Meeting: What does the
couple expect the Monthly Meeting to do to support their
relationship? What do they expect their relationship to
bring to the Monthly Meeting?
7. Discharge of Prior Commitments: Do they have obligations, personal or financial, which need to be met or dis
charged?
8. Attitude of Families: What are the views of their families
toward the prospective marriage or commitment? These
could be ascertained directly by the committee through
personal conferences or correspondence.
9. The Celebration: How do they view the Meeting for
Worship on the occasion of marriage or celebration
which is to take place under the care of the Meeting? Are
they familiar with the procedure? Do they appreciate the
values involved in the Quaker form of commitment?
Marriages and committed relationships pass through
many phases, and through all phases the quality of the
relationship is tested. The development of a relationship
is a growing experience. Respect for each other and
enduring, loving expression deepen the bond. With God’s help, each couple finds a true path and a way of living that leads to a strong union. Yet, whatever the style of life, all relationships need a foundation of commitment, communication, honesty, and integrity. Patience, humor and a
spirit of adventure, guided by a mutual trust in God’s presence, strengthen the present and brighten the hope
for the future.
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Discipline o f Iowa Yearly M eeting (Conservative) (1974)
Suggested Considerations for
Couples Planning Marriage
1. How long have you known each other, and has there
been opportunity for each to become aware of the other’s characteristics - strengths and weaknesses, interests? Your ability to adapt to each other?
2. What are your respective religious backgrounds and
present attitudes, and how do they compare and contrast?
How do you propose to meet your rehgious needs and
aspirations as a married couple and prospective parents?
3. How do you view the responsibilities of marriage with respect to each other’s welfare, your prospective children, and your obligations to society? In the light of the popu
lation explosion, what are your attitudes towards number
and spacing of children? Have you considered the value
of premarital physical examinations and of counseling with
a physician? Have you read literature on marriage and
family? How do you expect to meet and handle your financial needs? What are your educational and career plans?
4. Have you prior obligations, personal or financial, which need to be met?
5. What are the views of your parents toward the
prospective marriage?
6. How do you view the wedding which is to take place under
the care of the Meeting? Are you familiar with the proce
dure? Do you appreciate the values as related to its form?
Baltimore Yearly M eeting Faith and Practice (1988)
Questions to be Considered by the Couple Before Application to the Monthly M eeting for Marriage Under Its Care
The covenant of marriage is solemn in its obligation and
fundamental in its social significance. Therefore, the couple considering marriage under the care of a Friends Meeting
should discuss honestly and frankly with each other the duties and responsibilities assumed in marriage and in establishing
a home. Questions such as the following may be helpful:
a. Have we considered the traditional roles of husband and wife, our attitudes toward them and toward modem
variations, and are we aware that one can impose a role
expectation on another without being aware of it?
b. Do we know each other’s habits, likes and dislikes? Are we ready to make adjustments in our personal living to meet, with kindness and understanding, areas of possible conflict?
c. Do we have the willingness to listen to each other and to seek openness of communication?
d. Are our attitudes and expectations concerning sex
compatible? Do we want children? What is our attitude toward planned parenthood?
e. Do we understand and have sympathy for, if not harmony with, one another’s rehgious convictions?
f. How do we feel about each other’s economic and
cultural background? How do we react to each other’s parents, friends, and relatives? Have we discussed continuing friendships with members of the opposite sex
following marriage?
g. Do we share each other’s attitudes on earning, spending
and saving money, and the handling of finances?
h. Do we share interests which we can enjoy together? Do we respect each other’s individual interests?
i. Have we considered together how we will work to
reconcile inevitable differences? Are we willing to make a strong commitment to permanence in our marriage?
j. Are we secure in the knowledge of the guidance of God
in our fives and in our plans to establish a home?
k. Do we know each other well enough to have considered all of the above questions frankly and openly? If not, should we
wait - six months, a year - before proceeding with marriage?
When the couple has seriously considered the above questions and others arising from them, they may agree to ask the Monthly Meeting to have oversight of their marriage. The
following addional questions should be considered in planning
that step.
1. Why are we asking the approval and oversight of the Meeting? Are we aware that oversight of our marriage by
the Meeting involves a continuing concern for our life
together and the values established in our home? Will we welcome the continuing concern of the meeting?
m. How significant to us are the promises made in the presence of God and of our family and friends as stated during the meeting for marriage?
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Living With Oneself and Others: Working Papers on A spects o f Family Life
Edited by the Family Life Subcommittee of the New England Yearly Meeting Committee on Ministry and Counsel, 1985
m . FOR THOSE CONTEMPLATING MARRIAGE
“Marriage is to be taken seriously, but not always in grim earnest; its problems take perspective from fun, adventure and fulfillment; and joy and sorrow are mingled together. We rejoice in success, but we must also be glad that we can console each other in failure . . . . While some find a perfect physical relationship
easily, others reach it the hard way, and it is not less precious for that. It is wonderful never to quarrel but it means missing the dear delight of making it up. Children bring joy and grief; some will have none and will miss both the grief and the joy. For some, there is a monogamy so entire that no other love ever
touches it; but others “fall in love” time and time again, and must leam to make riches of their affection without destroying their marriage or their friends. Let us thank God for what we share, which
enables us to understand; and for the infinite variety in which each marriage stands alone. ”
London Yearly Meeting Christian Faith and Practice, 1959 #493
“It is a time of anticipation and joy when a couple approaches marriage, but it is important to realize that there cannot be a happy and satisfactory coming together unless there is mutual understanding and sharing of values and life styles. It is in this context that these difficult and probing questions are put forth - not to discourage or affright but simply to come face to face with reality; an acknowledgment that problems and
conflicts are a part of life and are less formidable if faced honestly and frankly from the very beginning
and not underestimated. Stresses understood and handled in this manner contribute to insight and growth
not possible in any other way and can avoid much later misunderstanding and pain. ”
“Queries to Those Contemplating Marriage”Hartford Monthly Meeting
Q ueries for the C ouple
1. Do you both see marriage as a sacred and lifelong relationship to be entered into with appreciation of its spiritual basis and its exacting demands of mutual consideration? Are you aware that a marriage relationship needs constant care
and nurture to insure good growth?
2. What are your basic common values? Can you accept differences in your backgrounds, religion, temperaments or
interests? Can you meet these differences with humor, mutual respect, patience, and generosity? Are you willing to
resolve misunderstandings in a spirit of love? Have you the courage and the willingness to go together for outside guid
ance with any problem you are unable to solve?
3. Do you think of yourself as trusted and equal partners in marriage, sharing the responsibilities and decisions of home
and children? Are you mutually supportive of each other’s goals for personal growth and fulfillment? Have you reviewed
these goals together in the Light of the Spirit?
4. Have you considered together your desire for children, the problems as well as the joys they will bring, and your
responsibilities for nurturing and guiding them? Do you expect to honor as well as to enjoy them, allowing the individual freedom for development due each of God’s children within a family?
5. In the years to come how do you plan to seek the Divine assistance you will invoke in your marriage vows?
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Q uestions for the C ouple to C onsider T ogether
1. How do we feel marriage will change our relationship? What are our expectations of marriage? Are our goals, lifestyles and expectations similar? How do we hope to be living in ten years? In fifteen?
2. Have we lovingly and prayerfully considered the differences in values, needs and habits between us? Are we aware that differences need not be occasions for blame or accusation? If they become so, will we be willing to seek outside
help? Has anger or hurt already flowed between us because of such differences? If so, has it been deeply felt and
expressed? How has it ebbed? How can we use it in constructive ways?
3. In an open and trusting way can we each speak our positive and negative feelings? Can we encourage each other to
do so? Can we listen to each other?
4. Do we seek accord in the spiritual aspects of our lives? Is this search a source of guidance and strength in both good
times and bad? To what extent do we share spiritual values? Are we careful not to force our individual beliefs on the
other, or to make the other feel excluded if he or she does not share them? Has our commitment to each other been tested by time? Closeness? Ordinary daily contact? Distance? Have we had opportunities to experience both good times and bad together and appreciate each other’s reactions?
5. Do we understand that achieving a good sexual relationship will take time, patience and a sense of humor?
6. Do we recognize temperamental differences which could lead to difficulties but which also may be complementarystrengths?
7. Are there cultural differences which might make for conflict? What are they? How well do we know each other’s family?
8. What do we identify as sources of potential conflict between us? When conflicts arise, how do we handle them? How
do we set priorities? In the resolution of differences between us, are we committed to seeking new insights with God’s help? Are we able to discuss such commonly difficult issues as money, property, use of time in a constructive manner?
9. How do we feel about the traditional masculine and feminine roles? Have we discussed our individual responsibility
for jobs in the home? What is the relative priority of our individual careers? In terms of time and attention, what is the relationship between home and career for each of us?
10. Have we a financial plan for our life together, incorporating incomes for housekeeping necessities, education, recreation, medical needs, contributions, travel, etc.?
11. Have we thoroughly discussed any health problems, both physical and mental, which each of us has or has had?
12. Do we agree on the number, or absence, of children in our marriage? Their timing? Rearing (methods, discipline)? The economics involved?
13. Are we aware of the need for developing a variety of other friendships that contribute both to individual growth and
to the marriage relationship? Have we explored and are we comfortable with each other’s needs for such friendships, and about their nature and meaning?
14. Do we realize we will not be living an island-like existence after our wedding but will be part of a community in
which our relationship will make a difference to others? Are we aware that we can benefit from the friendly help andexperience of others?
150
Q uestions to be C onsidered by Each Individual
1. To what degree is my decision to marry based on: Intense feelings? Careful, thoughtful and prayerful consideration
and mutual discussion? Physical attraction? Practical convenience? Fulfilling the expectations of others (family, friends, Meeting, culture)? Rebelling against the expectations of others?
2. Do I think that I will make a good partner? Can I compromise my plans and wishes out of respect to another’s? Can I put myself in the other’s position?
3. Is my desire to marry grounded in a network of existing friendships? Am I getting married because I don’t have any
friends, or perhaps as an escape from uncomfortable circumstances?
4. Do I try to be in touch with my partner’s feelings and needs? Do we help each other in the sometimes difficult expression of them? Can I communicate my own feelings? If not, why not?
5. Do I find frequent and varied ways to express the joys of sharing with my partner? Am I sensitive to the timing of these expressions?
6. What is my present image of marriage? Am I open to changing this image as reality dictates? What relationship does
this image have to my parents’ marriage or to an earlier marriage of my own?
7. How free am I from old dependencies such as family, parents, grown children, friends, other emotional involvements? How do I expect to relate to each of these from now on?
8. Do I regard close relationships with people outside marriage as complementary or competitive with the marriage relationship? Do I expect to be “all things” to my partner? Do I expect my partner to be “all things” to me? To what extent does my partner meet my needs? How important are the needs my partner doesn’t meet? Is it all right to meet these needs
elsewhere?
9. Am I aware that accepting my own responsibility for change may be more fruitful than demanding change of my partner?
10. Do I know, or am I willing to learn, how to praise my partner and myself appropriately? Am I willing to struggle
against my tendency to control my partner, to be over-demanding? Am I able to share responsibilities comfortably and
not insist that it be done “my way”?
11. In summary, am I willing to recognize, accept, love, and live with the individuality of another person? Do I look for
and reverence that of God in my partner and the individuality which makes him or her unique? Can I be a continuing
factor in the expression of God’s love in her or him?
151
North Carolina Yearly M eetin g (FUM) Human R elations C om m ittee
What do you think about the traditional masculine and feminine roles?
Can you both see yourselves moving relatively easily between the worlds of homemaking and wage earning, as the need arises? How are your domestic chores to be done? Who will do the cooking, the laundry, scrub the toilet, take care of the car, carry out the trash? Why?
Do you agree on the number or absence of children?
On basic child-rearing practices? On the religious education of children? Have you thought about whether one parent should stay home with young children? Have you talked about sharing that responsibility?
Do you plan to seek out a religious community
for yourselves and your children?
How do you feel about your soon-to-be extended family?
Do you enjoy each others friends? Can you have personal relationships and interests that do not include your partner?
Are you willing to give the time, patience, and openness necessary
to a good sexual relationship?
How do you feel about sexual and emotional fidelity in marriage/
Are you willing to recommit yourself, day by day, year by year, to try again in spite of difficulties, to recognize, accept, love and delight in each other’s individuality?
What are your expectations for marriage?
Do you think you will make good partners? Can you be ready to compromise your plans and wishes out of respect for one another? Can you articulate your feelings? Do you know your own strengths and weaknesses? Can you talk about them to one another? Are your ideas of humor similar? What things are fun to do together?
Are your interests, your goals, your life-style commitments similar?
Do you agree on the use of time? How do you hope to be living in ten years?
How are you going to finance your marriage?
Can you discuss money matters with a minimum of tension? Who is to pay for housekeeping necessities, education, recreation, medical needs, travel? How will you define and/or distinguish between luxuries and necessities?
Do you have temperamental, cultural or religious differences which might lead to difficulty?
How do you deal with conflicts between you?
Have you thoroughly discussed any health problems, both physical and
mental, you might have or have had?
Mt. Toby (MA) Meeting added the following question in 1988-
following its decision to take same-gender unions under its care
Are you seeking a spiritual union, a legal union, or both?
If you cannot have or do not want a state-recognized union, are you aware of the many legal contracts which can be drawn up to provide rights similar to those that are part of a legally- recognized union?
152
This is a model for a two-session consideration of the spiritual underpinnings of our Quaker meetings for business.
Our way of making corporate decisions is predicated on the assumption that the Divine Spirit cares about what we do and how we do it, and is willing to teach us how to proceed in love. Quakerism assumes that we can
jointly learn what God wants us to do in the particulars of time, place, and specific circumstances.But we must do our part by laying aside our own personal agendas and being humbly open to God’s leading.
Margaret Benefiel is a consultant and spiritual director for organizations and adjunct faculty at Andover
Newton Theological School and the School of Business Administration at the University of Tampere in Tampere,
Finland. She offers consultation, workshops, and retreats on spiritually grounded leadership, spirituality in the work
place, the spiritual nature of organizations, and organizational transformation. Formerly on the facility of the Earlham
School of Religion, she seeks to balance the academic and the spiritual in her teaching and training. She is a member of
Beacon Hill Friends Meeting in Boston. Margaret Benefiel can be contacted at 617-436-8341 and [email protected].
Time: One and one-half hours
Part 1: O pening Worship
It is important to move out of the secular busyness and
task-oriented mindset o f the dominant culture.
Worship needs to be long enough for participants to
become centered.
If this workshop is not part of an ongoing meet
ing adult religious education program, go around the
circle asking the participants to say what drew them to
this workshop; if necessary, have them add their names
and meetings.
Part 2: Recalling a Worshipful Business M eeting
Ask participants to recall a worshipful business meet
ing they were in (I led people through a memory, ask
ing them to recall aspects of the experience as they sat
in worshipful silence with it).
Divide into groups of two. One partner begins
by sharing - at his or her comfort level - what he or
she remembers about the worshipful business meet
ing. (It is important to remind Friends of the need for
confidentiality. See, for instance, Patricia Loring’s
comments on this point on page 117 of this volume.)
Then the other partner shares his or her experience.
Each person listens prayerfully, without comment.
The small groups come back together into a
whole for group reflection. Elicit the characteristics of
that worshipful business meeting experience and the
factors that contributed to it. List them on chalkboard
or newsprint.
Part 3: Recalling a Business M eeting
That Wasn’t Worshipful
Repeat the memory exercise by asking each person to
sit in silence and recall a business meeting he or she
was in that wasn’t worshipful. Divide again into
groups of two, but this time each person should have
a different partner. Each person then shares at his or
her comfort level what he or she remembers about this
less-than-worshipful business meeting. The person
who is listening does so quietly.
People gather as a whole for a group reflection.
List on chalkboard or newsprint characteristics of this
less-than-worshipful business meeting and the factors
contributing to it.
153
Part 4: Focusing on a Current Challenge
in Your M eeting
Settle into silence and invite the participants to allow
to rise up within them a challenge currently facing
their meeting (or a committee, board, etc.). Have
them bring that challenge to the worshipful, centered
place within them. Afterward have people pair up with
new partners. Ask one of the pair to share briefly
about the challenge, and then, at more length, what
happened when he or she brought it to the centered
place. Then the other person has a turn, Again the
person listening holds the other in the Light.
Gather again for group reflection. List on
chalkboard or newsprint what happened when you
took the challenge to the worshipful place.
Closing Worship
Time: One and one-half hours
Part 1: Opening Worship As in Session 1.
Part 2: Participating in a Clearness Com m itteeAllow 1 hour for this
The idea here is not to brainstorm possible solutions
but to bring the topic to God for more Light so as to
see more clearly what the issues really are both inter
nally and externally.
Divide into mini-clearness committees of three
people, each person focusing on the current challenge
(or a different challenge if desired) that rose up in
Session 1. The three people in a group take turns being
the focus person and the clerk. Thus, in the space of
one hour, each person has had a 20-minute clearness
committee session focusing on him or her and has
served as clerk of a 20-minute session. Each person
should be especially encouraged to ask for Light on
his or her own particular piece of the whole picture.
Group reflection: Write on chalkboard or newsprint,
“What was the clearness process like? What did I
learn about myself? What did we learn as a group?”
Part 3: Q ueries
Write a query or two for yourself and/or your meeting
related to spiritual discernment. For worship-sharing,
read your query or share what you take away with you
from this workshop.
Part 4: M eta-Reflection
What did we do in these two sessions? I asked them to
note the progression.
• We had two sessions that involved their remembering
experiences and sharing them with one other person.
• We let a current challenge rise up and shared it with
one other person.
• We acted as clearness committees with the current
challenge.
• We reflected on clearness committees and discern
ment in general.
• We suggested resources.
• We wrote queries about ourselves and our meetings.
• We had worship sharing.
• We reflected how each exercise moved partici
pants a little deeper, how community was built during
the day, and how some of the activities might be
transferable to our meetings.
Closing Worship
Spiritual discernment is the necessary process by
which Friends have traditionally understood God
leading them to make decisions. The process involves
self-knowledge and careful listening to the Inward
Teacher and to each other. The Resource section in
this volume offers some resources for continuing this
process; ask whether anyone can suggest others.
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