Community Leadership Symposium

“A Positive Approach to

Dealing with Stress and

Difficult People”By: Professor Clare Zaborowski

OVERVIEW:

• Our Challenge: balancing our responsibilities (self and others)

• Recognize negativity and pessimism

• Recognize and control your own stress levels

• Focus on the big picture

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• Who am I?– Clare Zaborowski

• Parent• Spouse• Professor• Public Speaker

The Positive Professor

www.positiveprofessor.com

•Nonverbal Communication

* Being a good listener is a priceless skill.

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Going Postal???

Our Challenge: balancing our responsibilities

(self and others)

• Set priorities– Good Health, regulate stress– Positive relationships

• Do not let negativity take over– Recognizing negativity– Good communication– Continue learning

What is the difference between being negative and being positive and why does it

matter?

• In our consistently changing environment:– Being Positive = Being Active– Being Negative = Doing nothing

Energy is exchanged, not lost – Quantum Physics

Attitudes: •Positive•Negative•Indifferent

They are evaluations of everything around you, including yourself.

Attitudes and Perceptions

Bandura’s: Reciprocal

Determination

The Hidden Messages in Water

Dr.Masaru Emoto, discovered that molecules of water are affected by our thoughts, words, and feelings.

You make me sick!

I love you.

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Negative Statements– I’m busy…– Get it yourself.– That is not my

problem!– I don’t know…– I don’t care…– This is a

problem.– Always!– Never!– Can’t!

Positive Statements

•Yes!

•Let me help you find the answer.

•I understand exactly…

•We can do this!

•That’s an excellent idea.

•I will definitely try!

Negative Statement Versus Positive Statements

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•Most Communication is Non-verbal!

•Perception is the key to non-verbal success.

•Socially adept people are more in tune to non-verbal communication.

Verbal Versus Non-Verbal

EQ

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How to deal with Negativity:

•Mean people are just people. Usually very unhappy people.

•99% of the individuals you work with and work for have good within them, you sometimes just have to look hard to find it.

•Be aware of your own attitude and make sure you are not projecting what you are feeling on the inside.

•Be good at managing your own stress level.

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How to deal with Negativity:

•Remember: just because someone is negative to you does not mean you have to accept that negativity.

Stress Test – How Stressed are you?

1. Do you neglect your diet? 2. Do you try to do everything yourself? 3. Do you complain that you are disorganized? 4. Do you have a tendency to keep everything inside? 5. Do you neglect exercise? 6.  Do you get angry when you are kept waiting? 7.  Do you ignore stress symptoms? 8.  Do you think there is only one right way to do

something? 9.  Do you fail to build relaxation into every day? 10.  Do you spend a lot of time complaining about the past? 11. Do you ever feel unable to cope with all you have to do?

 

We are stressed.

What can we do about it?

How do you balance? (…very carefully)

• You have to make a conscious decision to control your perception of life.

• Set priorities. (life is about choices)

• Problem-focused Coping and Emotion Focused Coping

• Optimistic Coping and Pessimistic Coping

• Find Serenity (what you can not control)

Why should I care?

- Short term effects- Long term effects

Lifestyle Improvements (Information you can use!)

• Breathe!• Positive Visualization• Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff (or the really BIG stuff..)• Be an Optimist!• Take care of yourself

– Eat well– Drink water– Pay attention to the signs– Exercise– Have fun!

• Continue to Learn.• Stress• Health• Communication• Yourself

What is the big picture?

• Erik Erikson – Psychological Stage

• Integrity Versus Despair– What is it all about?

– How do you want to be remembered?

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Resources/ReferencesPerformance Research Associates – Delivering Knock Your Socks Off ServiceBandura, A. (1977). Social Learning Theory. THE HIDDEN MESSAGES IN WATER, Dr.Masaru Emoto (2004)Daniel Goleman, Emotional Intelligence, (Bantam, 1998).Websites and Resources:www.workhealth.org/prevention/prred.htmlwww.learningmeditation.com/reducing.htmwww.ourfamilyplace.com/stress.htmlwww.mindtools.com/stress/rt/IntroPage.htmwww.health.discovery.com/centers/stress/articles/stresstips/stresstips.htmlwww.mindtools.com/pages/article/newTCS_03.htm1001 Ways to Relax - by Mike GeorgeGetting Things Done: The Art of Stress-Free Productivity (Paperback)by David AllenThe Now Habit: A Strategic Program for Overcoming Procrastination and Enjoying Guilt-Free Play by Neil Fiore Optimal Thinking: How to Be Your Best Self by Rosalene Glickman The Procrastinator's Handbook: Mastering the Art of Doing It Now by Rita Emmett Take Back Your Life!: Using Microsoft Outlook to Get Organized and Stay Organized by Sally McGheeThe Relaxation & Stress Reduction Workbook by Martha Davis, et al; PaperbackUndoing Perpetual Stress : The Missing Connection Between Depression, Anxiety and 21stCentury Illness -- by Richard O'Connor; Hardcover

Thank you! • If you have any questions or comments, please come take my

card or visit: www.positiveprofessor.com

Make it a wonderful day!