“COLLEGIALITY ANDTHE PARADOX OF POWER”

Michael H. Crosby, OFMCap.USG-UISG Commission on JPICFratelli delle Scuole Christiane

20.03.14Roma

“PARADOX”1. An apparent contradiction: an ambiguity,

mystery, enigma. “Those who want to save their lives must lose their lives:” Jesus

2. An actual contradiction: an absurdity, inconsistency, nonsense. “If everything is possible then nothing is possible. Nothing is possible for the self because it is the object that is possible.”

3. “Absolute power is impotence.” Jacques Ellul

THE PARADOX OF COLLEGIALITY1. The Second Vatican Council dealt with collegiality in terms

of the power-relationship between the papacy and episcopacy at its various levels. LG, #42.

2. Synods have been “one of the fruits of the Second Vatican Council” which provided a structure “at the service of the mission and communion of the church, as an expression of collegiality.” Pope Francis, 03.07.13

3. “It is always indispensable to ensure the sovereignty of God. The decisions [made by bishops] cannot be conditioned by our claims for any groups, cliques or hegemonies. To guarantee this sovereignty two attitudes are fundamental: conscience before God and collegiality.” Pope Francis, 27.02.14

“When we say ‘We are Church,’ well, it is true; that is what we are; we are not just anybody. But the ‘we’ is more extensive than the group that says those words. The ‘we’ is the whole community of believers today in all times and places. So I always say: within the community of believers, yes, there is as it were the voice of the valid majority, but there can never be a majority against the apostles or against the saints: that would be a false majority. We are Church; let us be Church. Let us be Church precisely by opening ourselves and stepping outside ourselves and being Church with others.” Pope Benedict XVI, 24 September, 2011 ZE11092601/http://www.zenit.org.article-33532?l=english

COLLEGIALITY BEYOND PAPACY/EPISCOPACY

LEADERSHIP FROM/FOR COLLEGIALITY CONSEQUENCE OF A NEW CONSCIOUSNESS

• “Faith in big units [of governance] has eroded—in all spheres of life. Management hierarchies have been flattened. Today people are more likely to believe that history is driven by people gathering in the squares and not from the top down.

• “The real power in the world is not military or political. It is the power of individuals to withdraw their consent .

• “We live in a country in which many people act as if history is leaderless. Events emerge spontaneously from the ground up. Such a society is very hard to lead and summon. It can be governed only by someone who arouses intense moral loyalty . . .” David Brooks, “The Leaderless Doctrine,” 11.03.14

THE NEED FOR A NEW CONSCIOUSNESSA human being is part of the whole called by us universe, a part limited in time and space. We experience ourselves, our thoughts and feelings as something separate from the rest. A kind of optical delusion of consciousness. This delu-sion is a kind of prison for us, restricting us to our personal desires and to affection for a few persons nearest to us. Our task must be to free ourselves from the prison by widening our circle of compassion to embrace all living creatures and the whole of nature in its beau-ty. We shall require a substantially new manner of thinking if humankind is to survive.

Albert Einstein 02.12.50

“I AM”Thinking

Feeling

Acting

POWER =Power is about Relationships

JUSTICE/RIGHTEOUSNESS/DIKAIOSÚNE• In the Old Testament dikaiosúne addresses

the character of communal relationships.• Justice is “fidelity to the demands of a rela-

tionship.” John R. Donohue, SJ, The Faith that Does justice: Examining the Christian Sources for Social Change,

68.

• In Matthew (7x) dikaiosúne is at the heart of the Sermon on the Mount (5:6, 10, 20). It envisions a new social ordering of power in relationships moving from injustice to justice.

“I AM”Thinking

Feeling

Acting

POWER =Power is about Relationships

Power is “the ability to influence”

POWER: “The [his, her, their] ability to influence”

LEADERS AS INFLUENCERSLEADERSHIP

AS INFLUENCE-SHIP

JPIC ANIMATORS AS LEADERS

“I AM”Thinking

Feeling

Acting

POWER =Power is about Relationships

Power is “the ability to influence”

- FORCE / ENERGY

+ FORCE / ENERGY

Affirmation

Correction

• Respect

• Challenge

CARE

POSITIVE WAYS OF

RELATING

NEGATIVE WAYS OF

RELATING

CoercionExploitationManipulationDomination

CONTROL

PROBING MORE DEEPLY SOME DYNAMICS OF CONTROL

IN RELATIONSHIPS(Individual, Familial/Group, Institutional)

1. Coercion2. Exploitation

3. Manipulation4. Domination

COERCION• The dynamics of a group (pressure) or more

powerful entity effectively deny the freedom to disagree or dissent to its members or others.

• Adolescence and the “need to belong.”• When the group’s coercive power dominates,

the ultimate moral authority of a person’s informed conscience is undermined.

EXPLOITATION• The use of force to get someone to act against

his/her conscience• The act of using something or someone in an

unjust or cruel manner for the benefit of some at the expense of others.

• The objectification of human beings; using people (persons) as a resource (things); human exploitation.

• Arbitrary and/or abusive use of power in various kinds of relationships.

MANIPULATION• Mental manipulation: withholding facts or a fuller

truth from another to fulfill something desired.• Emotional manipulation: used when honesty will

not work. The use of guilt. Victimization.• Covert Aggression vs. Covert-Aggressive

Personalities (habitual dynamics of deceit; wolves in sheep’s clothing). Victimization. Projection. Selective Inattention.

• Reflect on the saying: “Secrecy is what gives manipulators their power”

DOMINATION: (Dominari, Dominus)• To control, govern or rule by overpowering

authority or power.• To exert supreme influence on or over• To have a commanding or controlling position

in relationship to others in your field• Riane Eisler: western society reflects a system

of “domination” rather than partnership (i.e. “collegiality”)

“What gives power its charge, positive or nega-tive, is the quality of relationships. Those who relate through coercion, or from a disregard for the other person, create negative energy. Those who are open to others and who see others in their fullness create positive energy. Love in organizations, then, is the most potent source of power we have available. And all because we inhabit a quantum universe that knows nothing of itself, independent of its relationships.”

Margaret J. Wheatley, Leadership and the New Science, 39.

POWER AND AUTHORITY OF JESUS VIS-A-VIS THE RELIGIOUS LEADERS

When Jesus had finished saying these words [giving voice], he left the crowds spellbound because he taught with authority [exousía], not like their religious leaders. Matt. 7:28-29

TWO MAIN KINDS OF

AUTHORITY

DE JURELeaders Having It by Their Law

DE FACTOJesus Given Itby the Crowd

Bishop: “My priests do not respect my authority.”

“When a particular form of faith be-comes a dominant ideology, then it can deceive itself into believing that outward conformity means assent and commitment.”

Archbishop Diarmuid Martin, The Tablet, 14 March, 2009

POWER: “the ability to influence”

AUTHORITY: “the power to elicit:• respect• trust• and obedience”

“I AM”Thinking

Feeling

Acting

POWER =Power is about Relationships

Power is “the ability to influence”

- FORCE / ENERGY

+ FORCE / ENERGY

Affirmation

Correction

• Respect

• Challenge

CARE

POSITIVE WAYS OF

RELATING

NEGATIVE WAYS OF

RELATING

CoercionExploitationManipulationDomination

CONTROL ABUSE

Hurt

Injury Abuse is “any way one uses to control another through fear and intimidationFear

Intimidation

Suffering

“It is not power that corrupts but fear. Fear of losing power corrupts those who wield it, and fear of the scourge of power corrupts those who are subject to it.” Aung San Suu Kyi

“I AM”Thinking

Feeling

Acting

POWER =Power is about Relationships

Power is “the ability to influence”

- FORCE / ENERGY

+ FORCE / ENERGY

Affirmation

Correction

• Respect

• Challenge

CARE

POSITIVE WAYS OF

RELATING

NEGATIVE WAYS OF

RELATING

CoercionExploitationManipulationDomination

CONTROL ABUSE

Hurt

Injury Abuse is “any way one uses to control another through fear and intimidationFear

Intimidation

DESTRUCTIVE CONFLICT

Misunderstanding

VIOLENCE

“Violence can never be justified”

“Violence in any form is sinful”

BREAK

Divorce

Walkout

War

StrikeSuffering

HOW INDIVIDUALS/GROUPS/NATIONS DEVELOP ATTITUDES LEADING TO WAR

Ralph K. White, Nobody Wanted War

1. Immediate cause that “starts” the war 2. Underlying attitudes that justify the war

• Diabolical enemy image (the other is evil)• “Virile” self-image (has resources to win)• Moral self-image (righteousness)• Selective interpretation of reality (not all facts)• Lack of empathy (no real care for the other)

“I AM”Thinking

Feeling

Acting

POWER =Power is about Relationships

Power is “the ability to influence”

- FORCE / ENERGY

+ FORCE / ENERGY

Affirmation

Correction

• Respect

• Challenge

CARE

POSITIVE WAYS OF

RELATING

NEGATIVE WAYS OF

RELATING

CoercionExploitationManipulationDomination

CONTROL ABUSE

Hurt

Injury Abuse is “any way one uses to control another through fear and intimidationFear

Intimidation

DESTRUCTIVE CONFLICT

Misunderstanding

VIOLENCE

“Violence can never be justified”

“Violence in any form is sinful”

BREAK

Divorce

Walkout

War

Strike

HATE INDIFFERENCE

Hardness of Heart

Apathy

Don’t Care

Suffering

“THE GLOBALIZATION OF INDIFFERENCE” UNDERMINING THE POWER OF COMPASSION

“To sustain a lifestyle which excludes others, or to sustain enthusiasm for that selfish ideal, a globalization of indifference has developed. Almost without being aware of it, we end up being incapable of feeling compassion at the outcry of the poor, weeping for other people’s pain, and feeling a need to help them.” Pope Francis, Evangelii Gaudium, 54.

ANGER“I AM”Thinking

Feeling

ActingPOWER =

Power is about Relationships

Power is “the ability to influence”

- FORCE / ENERGY

+ FORCE / ENERGY

Affirmation

Correction

• Respect

• Challenge

CARE

POSITIVE WAYS OF

RELATING

NEGATIVE WAYS OF

RELATING

CoercionExploitationManipulationDomination

CONTROL ABUSE

Hurt

InjuryFear

Intimidation

DESTRUCTIVE CONFLICT

Misunderstanding

VIOLENCE BREAK

Divorce

Walkout

War

Strike

HATE INDIFFERENCE

Hardness of Heart

Apathy

Don’t Care

Suffering

THE SOURCES OF ANGER1. Negative: A sense or feeling of having been hurt or

abused or violated in some way: made to suffer2. Positive: A sense of feeling of having been denied some

legitimate need: affirmation, respect, care 3. A feeling of being powerless in the face of dynamics

beyond one’s control; angst in response to something experienced as wrong or unjust.

THE EXPRESSIONS OF ANGER1. Depression and/or indifference2. Resentment and/or rage3. Passion and/or zeal (for some cause)

FROM CONTROL TO ENLIGHTENMENT• Entitlement vs. Abandonment

• Appropriation vs. Non-appropriation • Possessiveness vs. “Nada”

• Dynamics of Control vs. Enlightenment • Attachment vs. Detachment • Addiction vs. “Letting Go”

• Running after vs. Seeking First• Acquisitiveness vs. Renunciation

• Claiming vs. Surrender • Clinging vs. Releasing

ANGER

Rage / Resentment

Zeal / Passion

“I AM”Thinking

Feeling

ActingPOWER =

Power is about Relationships

Power is “the ability to influence”

- FORCE / ENERGY

+ FORCE / ENERGY

Affirmation

Correction

• Respect

• Challenge

CARE

POSITIVE WAYS OF

RELATING

NEGATIVE WAYS OF

RELATING

CoercionExploitationManipulationDomination

CONTROL ABUSE

Hurt

InjuryFear

Intimidation

DESTRUCTIVE CONFLICT

Misunderstanding

VIOLENCE BREAK

Divorce

Walkout

War

Strike

HATE INDIFFERENCE

Hardness of Heart

Apathy

Don’t Care

Suffering

WHAT MAKES US CHOOSE TO CHANGE?• A realization of our own powerlessness vis-à-vis

another reality.• A realization that I have come under the control of

a force, dynamic or power outside my “self” (my “I am”).

• A realization that, if I continue in this destruc-tive path, I will destroy myself. Role of anger.

• A realization that I am “not doing unto others what I would not want them to do unto me” (or v.v.)

TOWARD COLLEGIAL LEADERSHIP• The need for a “new mentality” (consciousness)

about collegiality/collaboration (Pope Benedict XVI, 28.05.09)

• Collegiality as a way to address the paradox of power when it has been expressed as control.

• Collegial leadership contributes to the eradication of incivility in groups http://www.magnapubs.com/catalog/collegiality-from-a-positive-leadership-perspective/

• Collegial leadership contributes to the “emancipa-tion” of people who help transform structures. http://www.ajol.info/index.php/saje/article/viewFile/24980/20680

CARE: FOUNDATION OF HUMANE LIVING1. Scientists generally acknowledge the connection

between altruism and healthy self-interest (contra unhealthy self-preoccupation).

2. Such altruism has a genetic connection re: the survival of the species: when an organism sacrifices its life to save another, it helps perpetuate their shared genes.

3. Human altruism is reflected in empathy with those in need or distress.

4. Women tend to be more empathetic because it is trig-gered by oxytocin, a hormone (birth and breast-feeding.

5. Both women and men evidence greater empathy when oxytocin is administered to them.

HEALTHY SELF-ESTEEM & OTHER-CARE “We now face the haunting prospect of approach-ing global empathy in a highly energy-intensive, interconnected world, riding on the back of an esca-lating entropy bill that now threatens catastrophic climate change and our very existence. Resolving the empathy/entropy paradox will likely be the critical test of our species’ ability to survive and flourish on Earth in the future. This will necessitate a fundamen-tal rethinking of our philosophical, economic, and social models” Jeremy Rifkin, The Empathic Civilization:

The Race to Global Consciousness in a World in Crisis, 2.

LINKING EMPATHY AND ENTROPY• Empathy (contra sympathy): the ability to enter into the

pain and suffering of another• Entropy: the loss of energy that takes place in its use; the

loss of usable energy.• “The recognition of another’s finite existence is what

connects empathic consciousness to entropic awareness. When we identify with another’s plight, it’s their will to live that we empathize with and seek to support . . . When we empathize with another being, there is an unconscious understanding that their very existence, like our own, is a fragile affair, which is made possible by the continuous flow of energy through their being”

Jeremy Rifkin, 40-41

ANGER

Rage / Resentment

Zeal / Passion

HEALING

Freedom

Trust Healthy

“I AM”Thinking

Feeling

ActingPOWER =

Power is about Relationships

Power is “the ability to influence”

- FORCE / ENERGY

+ FORCE / ENERGY

Affirmation

Correction

• Respect

• Challenge

CARE

POSITIVE WAYS OF

RELATING

NEGATIVE WAYS OF

RELATING

CoercionExploitationManipulationDomination

CONTROL ABUSE

Hurt

InjuryFear

Intimidation

DESTRUCTIVE CONFLICT

Misunderstanding

VIOLENCE BREAK

Divorce

Walkout

War

Strike

HATE INDIFFERENCE

Hardness of Heart

Apathy

Don’t Care

Suffering

CREATING RELATIONSHIPS AND COMMUNITIES

DEFINED BY THE POWER/DYNAMICS OF FAMILIAL TRUST

Given Its Placement on “The Power Chart”

TRUST IN RELATIONSHIPS• Is possible to the degree that we become

FREE FROM the dynamics of fear, bully-ing and intimidation

• Is possible when we empower the other and also are empowered by the other TO SHARE FREELY what is in our hearts (i.e. our thinking, feeling and actions)

THE SPEED OF TRUST:THE ONE THING THAT CHANGES EVERYTHING

• Power = the ability to influence.• “Trust is the ultimate root and source of our

influence.” Stephen M. R. Covey, The Speed of Trust, xxiv.

• Therefore, at its core, trust involves power in every relationship.

• “Trust is like the aquifer—the huge water pool under the earth that feeds all of the subsurface wells.” Covey, The Speed of Trust, xxv.

THE NEED TO NAME/ADDRESS OUR FEAR[S] BEFORE WE CAN MOVE TO TRUST

“We all endure fear, but some of us are liter-ally under its control, often without realizing it. Our choices, actions, feelings and world-view can become hostage to this paralyzing emotion, which then fuels the depression, anxiety and worry that are more often labeled as ‘the problem.’” Philip Chard, “Fear Can Devour All Aspects of One’s Life,”

Out of My Mind Column, Milwaukee Journal-Sentinel 06.08.10

NAMING/ADDRESSING OUR FEARS• Fear of abandonment; being left alone• Fear of scarcity and insecurity• Fear of dying; fear of the unknown• Fear of hurting self or others• Fear of loss of assumed control• Fear of rejection (not being accepted)• Fear of failure (or success)• Fear of intimacy; deeper relationships• Fear of trusting

BUILDING A FOUNDATION OF TRUST• Eliminating the power dynamics of control

(coercion, manipulation, domination, exploita-tion), fear and intimidation.

• Healing the hurts caused by the above ways of relating through conflict resolution.

• Listening to and understanding each other in ways that lead to mutual respect.

• Creating healthy “envelopes of care” that are grounded in agreements around affirmation/ acceptance and correction/challenge

POWER = ABILITY TO INFLUENCE =

RELATIONSHIPSLISTENING

UNDERSTANDING

RESPECT and APPRECIATION

AFFIRMATION and CORRECTION

ENVIRONMENT OF CARE

TRUST

TRUST AS CON-FIDEREIDENTITY

FORMATION FAITH /

MEANINGRELATIONAL DYNAMICS

Self-Awareness

Personal Self-Defined

Self-Acceptance

Relationships Self-Directed

Self-Disclosure

Trust / Trustworthiness

Self-Entrusting

Self-Donation

Commitment to the Other

Collaboration with the Other

ANGER

Rage / Resentment

Zeal / Passion

HEALING

Freedom

Trust Healthy

CONSTRUCTIVE COLLABORATION

Understanding

“I AM”Thinking

Feeling

ActingPOWER =

Power is about Relationships

Power is “the ability to influence”

- FORCE / ENERGY

+ FORCE / ENERGY

Affirmation

Correction

• Respect

• Challenge

CARE

POSITIVE WAYS OF

RELATING

NEGATIVE WAYS OF

RELATING

CoercionExploitationManipulationDomination

CONTROL ABUSE

Hurt

InjuryFear

Intimidation

DESTRUCTIVE CONFLICT

Misunderstanding

VIOLENCE BREAK

Divorce

Walkout

War

Strike

HATE INDIFFERENCE

Hardness of Heart

Apathy

Don’t Care

Suffering

THE VIRTUE OF COLLEGIAL LEADERSHIPThere are two dimensions of collegiality when it is understood as a professional virtue. 1. The first involves the fulfillment of obligations

that stem from memberships. In the case of a school, it involves membership in the teaching profession and in the school as a community.

2. The second dimension of collegiality has to do with why one behaves collegially. What makes people collegial is a common cause, shared professional values, and a shared sense of being stewards of a professional heritage.

MISUNDERSTANDING(S)

CONFLICT

COLLABORATION / COLLEGIALITY

PARTICIPATIVE COMMUNICATION

RESPECTFUL LISTENING

MUTUAL UNDERSTANDING

COMMON AGREEMENT(S)

ANGER

Rage / Resentment

Zeal / Passion

HEALING

Freedom

Trust Healthy

CONSTRUCTIVE COLLABORATION

Understanding

“I AM”Thinking

Feeling

ActingPOWER =

Power is about Relationships

Power is “the ability to influence”

- FORCE / ENERGY

+ FORCE / ENERGY

Affirmation

Correction

• Respect

• Challenge

CARE

POSITIVE WAYS OF

RELATING

NEGATIVE WAYS OF

RELATING

CoercionExploitationManipulationDomination

CONTROL ABUSE

Hurt

InjuryFear

Intimidation

DESTRUCTIVE CONFLICT

Misunderstanding

VIOLENCE BREAK

Divorce

Walkout

War

Strike

HATE INDIFFERENCE

Hardness of Heart

Apathy

Don’t Care

Suffering

NON-VIOLENCE

Gentle

Non-hurtful

© Michael H. Crosby 2009

THE “STRENGTH” OF NONVIOLENCE• “Faith and violence are incompatible! Faith

and violence are incompatible! Faith and strength go together. The Christian is not violent, but he strong. And with what strength? That of meekness, the force of meekness, the force of love.” Pope Francis, 08.18.13

• “Blessed are the praüs; they will inherit the earth.“ Nonviolence for earth’s survival.

• Praüs as non-violence; the non-violent have found a powerful way to live on earth.

ST. PAUL’S WAY OF “PRACTICING THE TRUTH”1.“Practice the truth . . . 2. in love . . . 3.in order to build up the body

[the relationship, the family, the marriage, etc.]

NON-VIOLENT COMMUNICATION

(Marshall Rosenberg, NonViolent Communication)

1. Stating what has been OBSERVED.

2. Stating how this made/makes me FEEL.

3. Stating how this reveals a human NEED.

4. REQUESTING some kind of action.

“Principled Leadership: Think Needs”Loughlan Sofield and Carroll Juliano, Human Development 32.3 (Fall, 2011)

“Behaviors that seem erratic, illogical, or self-defeating can be understood only when one accepts that at some level these behaviors are meeting human needs.”“The challenge [for leaders] is not only to refrain from reacting, but, more importantly, to move to the level of cognition and try to under-stand the need that produced the behavior.”

“Principled Leadership: Think Needs”Loughlan Sofield and Carroll Juliano, Human Development 32.3 (Fall, 2011)

“Human behavior often has its origin in addressing and meeting human needs. If you wish to understand a person or group’s behavior, it is important to consi-der what human needs are being met by that behavior. Accepting this leadership principle helps to make sense out of your own and others’ seemingly erratic behavior.”

ANGER

Rage / Resentment

Zeal / Passion

HEALING

Freedom

Trust Healthy

CONSTRUCTIVE COLLABORATION

Understanding

“I AM”Thinking

Feeling

ActingPOWER =

Power is about Relationships

Power is “the ability to influence”

- FORCE / ENERGY

+ FORCE / ENERGY

Affirmation

Correction

• Respect

• Challenge

CARE

POSITIVE WAYS OF

RELATING

NEGATIVE WAYS OF

RELATING

CoercionExploitationManipulationDomination

CONTROL ABUSE

Hurt

InjuryFear

Intimidation

DESTRUCTIVE CONFLICT

Misunderstanding

VIOLENCE BREAK

Divorce

Walkout

War

Strike

HATE INDIFFERENCE

Hardness of Heart

Apathy

Don’t Care

Suffering

NON-VIOLENCE

Gentle

Non-hurtful

PEACE LOVE COMPASSION

© Michael H. Crosby 2009

THE POWER OF COMPASSION• “The sentiment of compassion and

humanity [is] inscribed in the heart of every person.” Pope Benedict XVI, July 16, 2011

• In Tibetan, compassion = NOBLE HEART.• “The quivering of the heart in response to

another’s suffering.” Mary Jo Meadows

• The goal of life: to cultivate a ♥ moved, energized, empowered by compassion

JESUS’ TEACHING IN LUKE’S GOSPEL RE: COMPASSION TOWARD THE ESTRANGED

• The Parable of the Good Samaritan = Jesus’ response to the query: “Who is my neighbor?”

• The culturally received notions about “reciprocity” toward one’s own, one’s kin and one’s enemy that colored the worldview of the religious leader questioning Jesus.

• Why did the Priest and Levite “see him” and “pass by” [i.e. not be moved by compassion]? Religious duty demanded non-involvement with the “other.”

• How our position of privilege blinds us re: “other.”

The Incidents in Matthew’s Gospel Where

ONE’S ♥ IS MOVED WITH COMPASSION• 9:36: Seeing the crowds harassed and helpless, Jesus

calls the Twelve and gives them exousia to heal . . . • 14:14: Seeing the crowds with the sick, Jesus heals

them.• 15:32: Knowing the crowd with him for three days had

nothing to eat, Jesus empowers the disciples to feed them.

• 18:27: A “Kindom” Story: The ruler’s way of seeing changed in the way he forgave the debtor owing 10,000,000 days; empowered him to do likewise.

• 20:34: Upon engaging the two blind men, they regain their sight and follow Jesus.

CULTIVATING THE POWER OF COMPASSION The Dynamic of Entering/Extending God’s Kindom

Found in the Five Matthean PassagesONE

SEES SEES

CARES CARES

ACTS ACTS

OTHER

OVERCOMING the OBSTACLES to Having a ♥ Moved with Compassion• Discovering what keeps us from SEEING the pain/

suffering among and around us?• Addressing the obstacles that keep our hearts from

feeling CARE or COMPASSION at seeing the pain/ suffering among and around us.

• Giving expression to the power/impulse of CARE or COMPASSION that makes us feel CALLED to do something about the pain/suffering among and around us.

MOVING TO COMPASSIONOur task must be to free ourselves from the prison [of thinking we are separated from others] by widening our circle of compassion to embrace all living creatures and the whole of nature in its beauty. We shall require a substantially new manner of think-ing if humankind is to survive.

Albert Einstein, February 12, 1950

MISUNDERSTANDING(S)

Unrealized Expectations

Unresolved Tensions

CONFLICT

UnAGREEd-Upon Assumptions

RECEIVED UNCRITIQUEDCULTURAL BELIEFS

RECEIVED UNCRITIQUEDRELIGIOUS BELIEFS

MISUNDERSTANDING(S)

CONFLICT MANAGEMENT

CONFLICT RESOLUTION

1. At least one must want the conflicted relationship to change; the other(s) must be open to go through the steps/ process to try to resolve the conflict.

2. Active listening. Each listens w/o interruption to the other[s]’ interpretation except to clarify. Then repeats it.

WHY ACTIVE LISTENING IS KEY TO THER PROCESS OF OVERCOMING OUR MISUNDERSTANDINGS

• At least 60% of misunderstandings in business arise from “poor listening.”

• We listen selectively and primarily to opinions that agree with our own.

• We interpret selectively, adapting what we “hear” to our own preconceived ideas as to whether they are “good” or “bad”

• We remember selectively. “Selective Inattention”

MISUNDERSTANDING(S)

CONFLICT MANAGEMENT

CONFLICT RESOLUTION 1. At least one must want the conflicted relationship to

change; the other(s) must be open to go through the steps/ process to try to resolve the conflict.

2. Active listening. Each listens w/o interruption to the other[s]’ interpretation except to clarify. Then repeats it.

3. Understanding (mutual) flowing from the “active listening.”

4. Acceptance of the one(s) who did “it,” even if the “it” remains unacceptable.

5. Admission that one had an influence in creating the conflict.

MISUNDERSTANDING(S)

CONFLICT MANAGEMENT

CONFLICT RESOLUTION1. At least one must want the conflicted relationship to change; in

response the other(s) must be open to go through the process/steps to try to resolve the conflict.

2. Active listening. Each listens w/o interruption except to clarify. Then repeats it.

3. Understanding (mutual) flowing from the “active listening.”4. Acceptance of the one(s) who did “it,” even if the “it” remains

unacceptable. 5. Admission that one had an influence in creating the conflict.

RECONCILIATION6. Repentance / Apology in words / actions.

7. Forgiveness / Release in words / actions.