SEPTEMBER 2019—ELUL-TISHREI 5780—VOL 20 NO 1

Rosh HaShanah ............................................. 8 Health Notes ................................................... 9Dining ............................................................ 10Marketing ...................................................... 11

Activity Calendar insert

President’s Message ................................... 2Resident of the Month ................................. 3Art Show Story .............................................. 4Activities A Collaborative Process ........... 5Employee of the Month ............................... 6Letters to the Editor ..................................... 7

Collaborative Resident Programming

Left to right: RGP residents Sandy Rosenbaum, Carol Pearlman, and RGP staff Emma Davis, Candiece Milford

Staff

Emma Davis, Director of Programming 415-345-5098 Adrienne Fair, Assistant Executive Director 415-345-5077Ira Kurtz, Executive Director 415-345-5080Eric Luu, Chief Financial Officer 415-345-5083Van Ly, Business Office Manager 415-345-5073Samson Legesse, Director of Facilities 415-345-5088 Candiece Milford, Managing Director of Marketing 415-345-5072Corey Weiner, Director of Food and Beverage 415-345-5066Elizabeth Wyma-Hughes, Director of Resident Services 415-345-5085

2180 Post Street San Francisco, CA 94115

415.345.5060; 415.345.5061 (fax) www.RGPlaza.org RCFE #385600125

Rhoda goldman plaza

Don AbramsonKaren Aidem David DossetterNancy GoldbergDr. Carl GrunfeldDr. Lawrence HillDavid Melnick Bernie NebenzahlJaimie SanfordPaul SiegelJim ShapiroJosh SmithRonna StoneMartin TannenbaumDr. Anita FriedmanKaren Staller

Board of Directors

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Message from the Resident Council President Len Sperry

I am gratified to be chosen, albeit not decisively, to be RGP’s Resident Council President. My priority is to be accessible to fellow residents; I want people to feel free to contact me with their concerns of any kind. I will be glad to do

whatever I can to be helpful.

Residents can also assist each other especially with computer issues. Some residents know Skype and other social media apps and can help fellow residents gain proficiency.

I’d like residents to make use of the Suggestion Box located in the Game Room. Please feel free to drop your suggestion there.

As incoming president, I am thrilled to be working with all of the RGP staff. I admire Ira for being so available; he is friendly, warm, outgoing, and understanding of our point of view.

As you may know, I have jokes for almost every occasion, so here is one:

“My uncle ran for Senate last year.” “Really? What does he do now?” “Nothing. He got elected.”

I look forward to serving as your Resident Council president and hope to hear from everyone.

September BirthdaysDr. Milka Rols 1Maxene Greenspan 2Lillian Finkel 7Dorothy Cooper 9Isaac Nittenberg 18Marilyn Hartwell 22Jane Cutler 24Muriel Price 27Bob Erickson 29Dr. Jack Leibman 29

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Resident of the Month—Bernice Rabin

Involved. Committed. Engaged, with many interests… Bernice Rabin has always been involved in volunteering for worthwhile causes. Committed to inclusion, Bernice worked for a non-profit engaged in increasing public awareness of seniors, and engaged in trying to make life happier to those around her. A forty-year collector of almost one thousand donkeys, Bernice considered competing for the Guinness Book of Records for the largest collection of donkeys in the world, but discovered that the enormous amount of work involved to catalogue, photograph and document more than a thousand items was beyond her strength.

Arriving late in October 2018 and after settling in, Bernice has become actively engaged with RGP life. An avid movie fan, she joined the Movie Committee and advocates showing the movies she grew up with, sure that others would enjoy them as well. Bernice says that “I like to do things that are enjoyable, for example, I like discussions, love Fromm lectures, I enjoy Jim O’Dea’s Current Events but you really need to have a background to keep up with the issues that he discusses. I like to play cards, Bingo, and scrabble. I also try to keep up with politics and the world.”

Bernice grew up in Flatbush, Brooklyn, New York. Her parents had a “mom and pop” grocery store. Although her father thought that girls did not need an education to become a secretary, Bernice’s mother was adamant that Bernice go to college. In fact, Bernice said that both her mother and grandmother were very strong women who although were not able to get an education, were determined that their children would. She attended Brooklyn College, studied psychology and literature, graduating Magna Cum Laude. She later attended Yeshiva University in New York and received an MA in Early Childhood Education. By then she had married and wanted to start a family, so she worked as a substitute teacher until her first child was born.

After her children were grown, Bernice became an advocate for the elderly, working to raise awareness about the elderly and speaking with groups in order to encourage volunteers. She quoted Look at Me, Look at Me, a poem which poignantly captures the voice of an elderly woman. The following is the last stanza:

“But inside this old carcass a young girl still dwells,And now and again my battered heart swells.I remember the joys, I remember the pain,And I’m loving and living life over again.I think of the years ....all too few, gone too fast,And accept the stark fact that nothing can last.

So open your eyes, nurses, open and see,Not a crabby old woman; look closer ...see ME!!”“We read the poem at meetings and everyone cried, including me,” Bernice related. “It is such a powerful poem and it got people to understand and empathize with the elderly.” She also wrote a weekly column for the local paper on senior issues titled Grey is Beautiful.

“I have done many things,” Bernice said, “and we have not even covered my volunteering for the Democratic Party, my work with the disabled, running a Hebrew school at my Temple, leading a consumer advocacy group to publish the cost per ounce of an item, and more.”

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Art Show—Resident-Staff Collaborative Programming

Like other residents of RGP, I had to shed most of my precious possessions in order to move into my small, albeit beautiful apartment. However, I kept my collection of Indonesian textiles and artifacts of the Dani Tribe of Irian Jaya.

On that fortuitous day when Marketing Director Candiece Milford showed me the apartment, the next-door neighbor, Sandy Rosenbaum, happened to pass by. Candiece took the opportunity to introduce us. I was impressed to learn Sandy had been a curator of textiles and costumes at the Los Angeles County Museum. I lived many years in L.A. and LACMA was my favorite museum. Sandy and I have become close friends over time and have a pact to bang on our common wall if we ever need help.

In my first week as a resident, I noticed a beautiful textile exhibit on the second floor, and wondered if RGP residents would be interested in my textile collection. When I put the idea to Candiece, she reacted with great enthusiasm, decided to open the exhibit to the public, and called in Emma to start planning the show. I called Sandy, who agreed to curate, and the project took off.

Emma and Sandy shopped for supplies; Candiece created a beautiful invitation card. Fellow resident Ron Miguel offered his dexterity and design skills to help Sandy, and the two got busy cutting boards and snipping the yards of muslin sheets that had been carefully ironed by Activities staff Joseph Jordan. Ron patiently stuck thousands of pins into the boards to mount the textiles; Emma did what was needed to make it all happen.

It was a privilege to watch Sandy Rosenbaum’s professional masterminding of the project. In her capable hands the work proceeded calmly and efficiently throughout. For the opening, I’m sure Corey will decorate in her inimitable fashion and Chef Kelly will provide fabulous refreshments and hors d’oeuvres.

I want to express heartfelt thanks to Candiece for her generous, whole-hearted support with space and time, and for providing the resources to make the exhibit materialize with style and grace--Rhoda Goldman style.

Carol Pearlman

Story of the Textile Show

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Activities—A Collaborative Process

Resident ProgrammingBook Club-Evelyn Adler Brain Fitness-Carol PearlmanCreative Writing-Dorothy Auerbach-Joke Telling-Len SperryBook Readings Gloria Lyon Jack Leibman Carol PearlmanCommunity Puzzle-Carl KerwickExercise Class-Carl KerwickFreda’s Extended Parlour-Freda ReiderMemory Loss Support GroupCaregiver Support GroupRestaurant Suggestions Dick Greenburg Maxene Greenspan Bernie Haas Paula Smith Barbara GoldmanRGP History Project-Hadley HallRummikub-ClarisseSing-along- Shirley Drexler, Sheldon StraussUrban Hiking-Tsuneko HellersteinYiddish ClubOuting to Town Hall-Ron MiguelMarin Headlands-Maxene GreenspanMaritime Historical Plaza-Howard MillerBonsai Garden-Barry Adler

The Stone Soup story serves as a prototype of RGP programming—everyone contributes in order to better community life. (“Stone Soup is a European folk story in which hungry strangers convince the people of a town to each share a small amount of their food in order to make a meal that everyone enjoys, and exists as a moral regarding the value of sharing.” (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stone_Soup). The story could be reframed as an example of collaboration in which collaborators work together to carry out a project enriching everyone in the process.

Collaboration differs from merely suggesting activities; it requires involvement—planning and working with others—to carry out the group-determined goal.

Sometimes collaborative processes are between residents and Activities staff, sometimes, as with the textile show, among residents. Residents suggest an outing, a lecturer, an art class, an exhibit, and Activities staff work with the resident to plan the activity. Although, not all suggestions are do-able because of logistics, staff availability, or difficulty of terrain, staff tries to accommodate.

Residents sometimes contribute their own talents—lawyers host joke-telling, accountants teach creative writing, writers read their published books, computer specialists teach exercise, game and card players teach fellow residents new games—residents share their avocations.

In addition to residents, family members also contribute to RGP programming. Len Sperry’s brother hosts a Cabaret; his son performs a magic show; Shirley Drexler’s son read from his book; Naomi Lauter’s son Sam Lauter, lectures on current politics; Freda’s Reider’s grandson Sam Reider performs with his New York musical group; Michael, Hedy Krasnobrod’s son exhibited his photographs; Rachael Rappaport’s grandson Noah Frank brings his jazz group to perform; Ken and Beverley

Baker’s granddaughter involved residents in a post-performance of Cabaret talk-back, bringing families and generations together..

For the future, residents express hopes for a Hebrew conversation class, and staff hopes for a photography class with a resident photography show.

Residents can get involved in activities programming by attending the Activities Committee and can join the Movie Committee to choose movies for the week.

What do you want to do today, next week, or next month? Talk to Emma!

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Employee of the Month Emma Davis, MFTDirector of Programming

“I chose counselling because I wanted to help people,” Emma Davis related. Although many people think that Marriage and Family Therapists work only with couples, in reality they work as therapists in many situations. I work as a “therapist” daily. The skills I learned to become a therapist help me to connect with residents and to listen to them. I talk with residents trying to understand what they are really looking for—joy, the opportunity to continue learning, a chance to create, or connect with others. Deep listening–the skill to hear what someone is really saying, what they really mean—helps me to have collaborative conversations. Through these conversations, I try to understand what a residents wants, discuss what is feasible, suggest alternatives, and together, we come up with an activity that meets residents’ needs.

Through our programming, I’d like to create a fully vibrant atmosphere for living and learning. Our job is not to pacify residents—on the contrary. We want them to continue doing what they have always done, to enjoy life and to provide opportunities to do unfamiliar things. One of the most gratifying events is when residents do something new or do something they thought they would never do again. Recently we arranged a picnic to Sutro Heights which overlooks the ocean. One of the residents who went on the outing said, ‘I never thought I’d get to see the ocean again.’ You can imagine how gratifying that was for both of us.

It is easy for people to focus on what they have lost and to get stuck in the negative cycle of “I can’t do this, I can’t do that, etc.” My approach is to focus on the present, on the positives, what people can do. The idea that you can’t teach old dogs new tricks is hogwash,” Emma Davis said smiling. I’ve seen residents try something they have never done before and be amazed by the results. Recently, a resident hesitantly joined a print-making class, saying “I’ve never done this before. I’m here. But I don’t know how to do this.” But by the end of the class, after making a print, she looked at it in amazement and exclaimed “I made that!” This discovery brought to light a different part of herself that she didn’t know existed.

Our society tends to discard the elderly which devalues both the elderly and impoverishes society. Now that people are living longer, people are “old” almost as long as they were “young”. Since many people live into their eighties and nineties, people are elders for thirty or forty years. So you have to spend thirty years of being old, elderly, doing nothing? It may be that people can’t do things in the same way that they did, but it should not lessen the person’s desire or reduce to opportunities to do them. It used to be that elders were given a certain level of respect, but that doesn’t seem to happen these days. If we do anything at Rhoda Goldman, we should be strengthening residents’ sense of autonomy, efficacy, and satisfaction in doing the things they like to do.

I’d like to see residents become more involved in planning activities. and attend the monthly Activities Committee meeting held on the first Wednesday of every month. I would love to learn about hidden gems of San Francisco. I’d be even more thrilled if residents plan projects among themselves and Activities offer logistical support. There is so much to see and do in San Francisco and so many talented residents!!!!

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Letters to the Editor

A Salute to the Textile Collection

There’s currently a phrase making the rounds: “Let’s unpack this.” It is intended to mean that we should take an idea or phrase apart, piece by piece, like we would take items from our luggage or from a moving box. By separating the contents, or thoughts, we can re-examine what each object or idea truly means.

In a person’s first week at Rhoda Goldman Plaza they set down their bags and boxes to open up and reexamine the treasure trove of their lives.

As the new people start to transform into Residents, their achievements and talents and experiences are slowly revealed and shared in numerous ways. Some people are artists, some are inventors and experimenters, some are writers, some are attorneys, some are doctors. Some are discovering new interests and talents they didn’t have time to explore before. Some residents even launch new groups and committees to enhance and share their interests.

All are Storytellers

The stories are told in anecdotes at mealtime, in café conversations, at game tables, on “field trips”, and through actions as well as words.

Some of the most interesting Storytelling takes place in the Art Gallery on the ground floor. It is here that the sharing is at it’s most public and sociable.

In the unusual living environment of Rhoda Goldman Plaza it is a joy each time a new art exhibit goes up on the walls, or a collection of ‘objets’ or photos is installed in the glass display cases. It is a real pleasure to learn about one another and the fact that each person has a unique outlook on llife.

So… thank you to all of the Residents who explain, who explore, and who celebrate their collections, skills, and talents.

It is the texture of Life being Lived.

Tessa Marquis

Text, Texture, and Context – The Fabric of Our Lives

Cafe Holiday ScheduleThe Cafe will be closed for business:

Sunday, September 29

Erev Rosh HaShanah 4:00pm

Monday, September 30

Rosh HaShanah All day

Tuesday, October 8

Erev Yom Kippur 4:00pm

Wednesday, October 9

Yom Kippur All day

Transportation to Synagogues will be available on the following dates:

September 30September 8September 9

Departure time is dependent on service schedules, and number of residents attending.If you want to sign up for synagogue transportation, please call Emma at 415.345.5098

High Holy Days Schedules

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*https://www.aish.com/h/hh/rh/new_year/The-Meaning-of-Rosh-Hashanah-An-In-Depth-Analysis.html

In Jewish belief, time is spiral rather than linear. The unique spiritual values

embedded at the beginning of creation also permeate

the present.

Rosh HaShanah celebrates both the beginning of the world and the beginning of a new year.

According to Rabbi Asher Resnick “At least once a year, at its very beginning,

we must take the time to think, not about what we have

already done, but rather what we want to do; not about where we have

already been but, instead, where we really want to go with our lives. This should give us the ability not only to fix

up the damage from our past mistakes, but also to allow us to live an upcoming year which is truly new,

not only in name but in reality.”*

High Holy Days Services at RGPErev Rosh HaShanah ServiceSunday, September 29th 4:00 pm

Rosh HaShanah ServiceMonday, September 30th 10:00 am

Kol Nidre ServiceTuesday, October 8th 4:00 pm

Yom Kippur and Yizkor ServicesWednesday, October 9th 10:00 am

All services will be officiated by Rabbi Me’irah Iliinsky. All services will be held in the Olive Room. Cantor David Cohen-Tzedek will lead services on Rosh HaShanah and Kol Nidre on Erev Yom Kippur.

Rosh HaShanah

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Adrienne Fair, MSN, RN, Assistant Executive Director

Health Notes

Let’s Take a Trip

One of my favorite moments in Memory Care is when I sat in on a trip to Paris with Emma Davis, MFT and the residents. Emma uses drama therapy to guide a trip of the imagination and gets all the residents involved. She uses props, jokes, music, and lots of audience participation. The residents share their ideas of what they want to do on their trip: go to a café, buy a baguette, visit the Eiffel Tower, etc. Emma helps the residents to visualize their adventures in Paris and she is truly adept at coaxing even the more non-verbal residents into joining the fun.

Another fantastic activity of Emma’s is advice columns. You don’t need the sharpest short-term memory to give all sorts of useful advice. Here is some advice for new couples from Terrace residents:

• “Enjoy every day”.

• “If you don’t talk, you don’t learn, then something’s missing.”

• “Your partner needs to know you and how you wonder about things and vice versa.”

Memory Care residents have a wealth of life experience and are often able to vividly recall past events. When you chat with someone with memory loss, they may explain that they are waiting for their children to come home for school or say that their mother will come visit them later. Rather than trying to reorient the resident to the current moment, Emma’s approach is to validate the emotion behind the memory. She may ask the resident about their children or their mother and take an opportunity to reminisce.

Naomi Feil, author and social worker, developed the Validation Therapy approach to memory loss. One of her principles is that “when more recent memory fails, older

adults try to restore balance in their lives by retrieving earlier memories.” Another principle is that “empathy builds trust, reduces anxiety, and restores dignity.”

I cannot think of a better tour guide than Emma Davis. With her empathetic personality and kind humor, she allows the residents to explore memory and visualization-- and elicits their preferences and opinions. Naomi Feil would be proud. Plus, we can all benefit from some fantastic advice: enjoy every day!

Feil, Naomi (2002) The Validation Breakthrough. Health Professions Press.

Balloon image created for RGP’s Memory Care by artist Terry Allen.

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Resident-inspired Meals

Corey Weiner,Director of Food and Beverage

What do our residents bring to us in dining services? Like a proud cat with a fresh caught mouse, they have brought us many gifts and pearls of wisdom over the years. We have also received a few (not too many) complaints, old family recipes, personal (and weird?) requests and desires, demands and a host of needs (needed-right-now), things that we ought to do because it is right and proper.

I didn’t know, for example, until our residents mentioned it, that food must arrive quickly, really, really, quickly. Who knew? I didn’t know that food wait-time is measured in dog years. I didn’t know that one must not spend idle time chatting socially while waiting for food. Who knew? Who knew, indeed. Kelly and I were never aware, that the next course must arrive concurrent with the last forkful of the previous course? Who knew that the mouth should never be empty lest helpful suggestions might come tumbling out? Who even suspected that the table must always, already contain a plate of food even before the meal is ready. Really, we didn’t, never suspected it, not for a minute (an hour in dog minutes).

Who knew that our servers had to be vetted for mind-reading abilities, including total recall of last week’s menu (?).

Ah, and the gifts! I could wax poetic, for sure... maybe… Years ago a certain resident (very refined) brought me an antique (I knew this because of the fine patina of dust and grease) plastic file box (black -simple, bold, elegant) filled with hand written scribbles, and box top recipes, things like mother-in-law cake recipe with a note at the bottom that said… “NOT TO BE MADE”.

Requirements…there are so many, it’s hard to keep track. Bananas at breakfast are a must. Yes, We Have no Bananas is not just a cheeky song, but the signal for the beginning of the apocalypse. Fiber, a certain gentleman, told me every day, is required at every meal. I still have nightmares about the amounts. Time… We found the required time for cooking green vegetables to be counted in quarter hours, not mere minutes. Who knew that bright green was so gauche? Would we really be serving that all time classic “Kale-Quinoa Caesar with Hemp, Chia and Oat Milk-Tahini Dressing, if it wasn’t required by a very important resident?

Complaints—just the classics, nothing unusual—but loud and clear. My all time favorite form of complaint is the one preceded by, “you know, I never complain…”

Compliments, not so many, but the classic form is…”I have to say, this is surprisingly good”... however it must be said grudgingly.

Lest I sound bitter, I have to acknowledge that residents have contributed to our menu through the Dining Committee, in casual conversations, and in comments thrown while we were on the run. Indeed we have been the recipients of family heirloom recipes..... Who says we’re not inspired?

Personally, Kelly and I have been enriched by the gifts and knowledge our residents have brought to us. Well, eat your fiber, inhale your meals, eat silently and with great vigor, to your hearts content.

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Candiece Milford,Managing Director of Marketing

Import Your Passions To Rhoda Goldman Plaza

I often feel that our relationship with our homes is much like that of a potted plant: you’ve lived there so long and lovingly, you become “root-bound.” Then some well-intentioned relative suggests it’s time to move to a service-rich environment such as Rhoda Goldman Plaza and you’re lifted out of your cozy pot and replanted into a whole new one. The lifestyle you created suddenly is different, so even contemplating that much change isn’t very appealing . . . until you understand that you really don’t have to give it all up. Really.

When you walk in the door of Rhoda Goldman Plaza, you feel vibrancy and hear and see “life being lived.” For most residents, that means going on about your daily business as you always did in your home, just in a different setting. You bring who you are, your memberships in clubs, routines like swimming at the JCC, your participation in museums, symphony and opera . . . and you continue them here. You still relish your walks around the neighborhood, indulge in retail therapy in the Fillmore, or take in a movie in the luxuriously cushioned seats at the Kabuki Theatre up the street.

Probably the most visible example of importing our passions is the puzzle table outside the dining room that Carl K. started. What he

began as a personal interest now has dozens of residents and staff “hooked” on puzzles (great brain exercise, by the way.....) Then we have Len’s joke-telling sessions, readings from published books residents have written, even plays enacted by residents. Some of you may remember our extemporaneous film experiment called Our Resident Wants A Pickle. We discovered some budding actors amongst us, but are admittedly waiting for the right residents with the skill sets to complete the film. Anyone want to audition?

We spend a lifetime creating our “voice” - our unique resonant interaction with the world – and it is a matter of dignity that we honor that chorus at Rhoda Goldman. The decisions, friendships, professional accomplishments, entrepreneurial forays, nurturing of our children (if we have them) are all blended into this voice that deserves an audience. What took years to create needs to be honored, which is why the nurturing “soil” at Rhoda Goldman Plaza provides a plethora of opportunities to retain your uniqueness and have a direct influence on what you do during the day. Thus, a very organic, constantly changing program reflects the personalities of people as they move in.

So make your voice heard, residents. Participate in this virtual “choir” of individuality that is always blossoming in the rich environment of Rhoda Goldman Plaza.

Rhoda goldman plaza 2180 Post Street San Francisco, CA 94115

415.345.5060 415.345.5061 (fax)

www.RGPlaza.org RCFE #385600125

Founded by Jewish Family and Children’s Services and Mount Zion Health Fund

Rhoda Goldman PlazaThe appeal of Rhoda Goldman Plaza is undeniable. Older adults and their families prefer our unsurpassed assisted living and memory care community enriched by culture and tradition.Residents enjoy superb, “made-from-scratch” cuisine that is always well reviewed by our most vocal critics; our residents! While our dining selections please the appetite, accommodations showcase spacious, private apartments designed to maximize space and comfort. In fact, we’re re-defining your life as Living Well With Assistance — we believe our community is every bit as good as a five-star hotel. And, professionally trained, courteous staff promotes your health and well-being with choices of activity programs both on and off-site.

Our Terrace Memory program provides specialized memory care to residents through therapeutic activities that enhance physical, mental, and emotional health. Both privacy and companionship are afforded on our self-contained Terrace. Living Well With Assistance is more than a promise, but a way of life for our like-minded residents and staff who share the vision of our upscale community.

Visit Rhoda Goldman Plaza today by calling 415.345.5072.

Founded by Jewish Family and Children’s Services and Mt. Zion Health Fund in 2000, Rhoda Goldman Plaza (RGP) was established as a non-profit assisted living facility to provide a better and more secure life for older adults.