Clear & Concise Clear & Concise WritingWriting

Wednesday 12 November 2008Wednesday 12 November 2008Biennial Faculties of Health Research Biennial Faculties of Health Research

Conference University of SydneyConference University of Sydney

© Tim Haydon 2008

Clear & Concise Writing

IntroductionIntroduction

The goal is…The goal is…clarityclarity If clarity is our goal, how do we If clarity is our goal, how do we

achieve it? achieve it? Today’s objective? Today’s objective?

dog’s breakfastdog’s breakfast

effectiveeffective

Zen masterZen master

serviceableserviceable

dazzlingdazzling

Clear & Concise Writing

In this presentation…In this presentation…

1.1. StrategiesStrategies

2.2. Structure & LogicStructure & Logic

3.3. ExpressionExpression

Clear & Concise Writing

1. Strategies1. Strategies

Getting your bearings: context and Getting your bearings: context and audienceaudience

One step at a time: the drafting One step at a time: the drafting processprocess

The great enemy: TimeThe great enemy: Time Tools of the tradeTools of the trade Become a critic, and find a modelBecome a critic, and find a model

Clear & Concise Writing

Getting your bearings: context Getting your bearings: context & audience& audience

ContextContext genregenre ‘‘rules of the game’rules of the game’

Clear & Concise Writing

Getting your bearings: context Getting your bearings: context & audience& audience

AudienceAudience Know about your readersKnow about your readers Empathise with your readersEmpathise with your readers

Seek & incorporate feedbackSeek & incorporate feedback BecomeBecome the reader the reader

Clear & Concise Writing

Becoming the readerBecoming the reader

WriterWriter ReaderReadermessagemessage

contextcontext(genre)(genre)

ReaderReader WriterWriter

Clear & Concise Writing

Becoming the readerBecoming the reader

The drafting cycleThe drafting cycle

(re)write(re)write

readread

forgetforget

Clear & Concise Writing

One step at a time: the drafting One step at a time: the drafting processprocess

Outline (skeleton)Outline (skeleton) First draft (rough) First draft (rough)

Put flesh on the bonesPut flesh on the bones Second draft(s) (substantive)Second draft(s) (substantive)

Revise content, argument, logic, Revise content, argument, logic, structurestructure

Third drafts(s) (expression)Third drafts(s) (expression) Surgically remove anything superfluous Surgically remove anything superfluous

(apply Ockham’s Razor)(apply Ockham’s Razor)

Clear & Concise Writing

The great enemy: TimeThe great enemy: Time

Writing and RelativityWriting and Relativity Double or QuitsDouble or Quits 80/20 rule 80/20 rule Think of your health (and your Think of your health (and your

friends’, family’s and supervisor’s)friends’, family’s and supervisor’s)

Clear & Concise Writing

Tools of the tradeTools of the trade

Dictionary(ies)Dictionary(ies) ThesaurusThesaurus Style guide(s)Style guide(s)

Clear & Concise Writing

Become a critic, and find a Become a critic, and find a modelmodel

Start thinking about the Start thinking about the languagelanguage of scientific papersof scientific papers

If it’s clear and concise, adopt it as If it’s clear and concise, adopt it as a modela model

Clear & Concise Writing

2. Structure & Logic2. Structure & Logic

How to organise your information? How to organise your information?

Map and GuideMap and Guide Structure: a topographical mapStructure: a topographical map Logic: a guide to navigationLogic: a guide to navigation

Assists readers Assists readers andand writer writer

Implicit patternsImplicit patterns Explicit markersExplicit markers

Structure: content-independentStructure: content-independent Logic: content dependent Logic: content dependent

Clear & Concise Writing

2. Structure & Logic2. Structure & Logic

ExampleExample

The project looks at the regulation of The project looks at the regulation of chemokines in high-density chemokines in high-density lipoprotein (HDL)-induced lipoprotein (HDL)-induced atherosclerotic lesion progression. atherosclerotic lesion progression. This project supports the National This project supports the National Heart Foundation’s strategy of Heart Foundation’s strategy of increasing our understanding of the increasing our understanding of the causes of heart disease. It is well causes of heart disease. It is well documented that HDL is associated documented that HDL is associated with heart disease.with heart disease.

Clear & Concise Writing

2. Structure & Logic2. Structure & Logic

ExampleExample Cardiovascular diseaseCardiovascular disease is the major cause of death is the major cause of death

in Australia, with the principle cause being in Australia, with the principle cause being atherosclerosisatherosclerosis (a chronic inflammatory condition (a chronic inflammatory condition where fatty plaques form in the arterial wall). The where fatty plaques form in the arterial wall). The treatment of treatment of atherosclerosisatherosclerosis has been has been revolutionised by revolutionised by statinsstatins; yet 2/3 of ; yet 2/3 of statinstatin treated treated patients still experience adversepatients still experience adverse clinical events clinical events. . Consequently, there is a need for the development Consequently, there is a need for the development of new drugs. As the key cause of of new drugs. As the key cause of clinical eventsclinical events is is plaque ruptureplaque rupture, the therapeutic goal is to stablise , the therapeutic goal is to stablise the the plaquesplaques. Thus, it is crucial to understand the . Thus, it is crucial to understand the processes involved in the formation of both the processes involved in the formation of both the fatty core and fatty core and fibrous capfibrous cap..

A thick A thick fibrous capfibrous cap has been shown to promote has been shown to promote plaque stabilityplaque stability……

Clear & Concise Writing

3. Expression3. Expression

A guiding principle: simple and A guiding principle: simple and conciseconcise

Sentence construction Sentence construction Word choiceWord choice Active vs passive; 1st vs 3rd personActive vs passive; 1st vs 3rd person

Clear & Concise Writing

A guiding principle: simple A guiding principle: simple and conciseand concise

If clarity is our goal, then using If clarity is our goal, then using simple, concise language is the simple, concise language is the most reliable way to achieve it.most reliable way to achieve it.

Best ‘fit’ for the genreBest ‘fit’ for the genre Failsafe methodFailsafe method Word limits and time constraintsWord limits and time constraints

Clear & Concise Writing

Sentence constructionSentence construction

Clear & Concise Writing

Sentences which get away from Sentences which get away from the readerthe reader

ExampleExample

This causes the lesion to enter a This causes the lesion to enter a chronic inflammatory state which chronic inflammatory state which leads to the recruitment of further leads to the recruitment of further monocytes, which then produce monocytes, which then produce matrix metalloproteinases that matrix metalloproteinases that degrade components of the matrix, degrade components of the matrix, thinning the cap and therefore thinning the cap and therefore destabilising the plaque, leaving it destabilising the plaque, leaving it vulnerable to rupture. vulnerable to rupture.

Clear & Concise Writing

Sentences which get away Sentences which get away from the writerfrom the writer

ExampleExample

This project involves a series of This project involves a series of studies which will enhance studies which will enhance understanding of the causes of the understanding of the causes of the disease as well as establishing key disease as well as establishing key features of optimal interventions features of optimal interventions for its prevention.for its prevention.

Clear & Concise Writing

Sentences which get away Sentences which get away from the writerfrom the writer

ExampleExample

This research program will provide This research program will provide insights into how an aggressive insights into how an aggressive tumour can evade the immune tumour can evade the immune system and increase our system and increase our understanding of how tumour understanding of how tumour antigens may be targetted for antigens may be targetted for cancer therapies.cancer therapies.

Clear & Concise Writing

Sentences which get away Sentences which get away from the writerfrom the writer

ExampleExample

An adolescent population which ages well is An adolescent population which ages well is needed, without the burden of increased needed, without the burden of increased health costs related to an earlier onset of the health costs related to an earlier onset of the diseases of aging associated with lifestyle and diseases of aging associated with lifestyle and poorly managed chronic disease, with poorly managed chronic disease, with additional but potentially preventable co-additional but potentially preventable co-morbidity. Thus the prevention of future morbidity. Thus the prevention of future disease, and the optimal management of disease, and the optimal management of chronic disease are two vital health chronic disease are two vital health categories that impact on future health and categories that impact on future health and well-being and on the capacity of adolescents well-being and on the capacity of adolescents to progress to young adulthood with best to progress to young adulthood with best attainable health and wellbeing form the attainable health and wellbeing form the basis of our clinical studies.basis of our clinical studies.

Clear & Concise Writing

Concise sentencesConcise sentences

ExampleExample

Study data will be recorded on forms Study data will be recorded on forms identifiable only by a study identifiable only by a study identification number. Forms will be identification number. Forms will be stored in locked filing cabinets. Names stored in locked filing cabinets. Names and details of subjects will be stored and details of subjects will be stored separately. Data will be entered on to separately. Data will be entered on to password-protected computer password-protected computer databases. All data will be shredded or databases. All data will be shredded or deleted after fifteen years.deleted after fifteen years.

Clear & Concise Writing

Too concise?Too concise?

ExampleExample

The study compared the impact on The study compared the impact on asthma control of inhaler asthma control of inhaler reminders with no reminders.reminders with no reminders.

Clear & Concise Writing

Word choiceWord choice

‘…‘…prose consists less and less of prose consists less and less of wordswords chosen for the sake of their chosen for the sake of their meaning, and more and more of meaning, and more and more of phrasesphrases tacked together like the tacked together like the sections of a prefabricated hen-sections of a prefabricated hen-house… [E]very such phrase house… [E]very such phrase anaesthetizes a portion of one’s anaesthetizes a portion of one’s brain.’ brain.’

George OrwellGeorge Orwell

Clear & Concise Writing

NominalisationNominalisation

ExampleExample

Puffing Billy is strategically Puffing Billy is strategically important as it is one of the important as it is one of the region’s most significant region’s most significant drawcards. The railway has a very drawcards. The railway has a very high visitor recognition…high visitor recognition…

Clear & Concise Writing

NominalisationNominalisation

ExampleExample

Consent will be sought from Consent will be sought from potential participants in the study. potential participants in the study. It will be clear from the information It will be clear from the information provided that provided that a lack of participation a lack of participation in the studyin the study will have no bearing on will have no bearing on current or future health care.current or future health care.

Clear & Concise Writing

NominalisationNominalisation

ExampleExample

This requires a commitment to the This requires a commitment to the provision of adequate data so that provision of adequate data so that informed evaluation can occur. There informed evaluation can occur. There must be a commitment to the provision of must be a commitment to the provision of statistical information that will facilitate statistical information that will facilitate effective monitoring and evaluation effective monitoring and evaluation strategies and a commitment to the strategies and a commitment to the implementation of changes that are implementation of changes that are identified as necessary following identified as necessary following evaluation. (HREOC)evaluation. (HREOC)

Clear & Concise Writing

AbstractionAbstraction

ExampleExample

The role of X was examined in The role of X was examined in a a step-wise processstep-wise process. [then goes on to . [then goes on to list and describe four steps]list and describe four steps]

Clear & Concise Writing

InactionInaction

ExampleExample

These reviews will be important These reviews will be important inputs to future government action, inputs to future government action, including our assessment of the including our assessment of the need to take action to increase need to take action to increase baseload. However, that is not to baseload. However, that is not to say that in the meantime we are say that in the meantime we are going to just sit on our hands. going to just sit on our hands. (Victorian Government)(Victorian Government)

Clear & Concise Writing

VocabularyVocabulary

VerbsVerbs facilitatesfacilitates impactsimpacts providesprovides

AdjectivesAdjectives positivepositive negativenegative

Clear & Concise Writing

Active vs Passive, 1Active vs Passive, 1stst vs 3 vs 3rdrd personperson

ExamplesExamples

Our experiments have established Our experiments have established that X. This information can be used that X. This information can be used to help in the design of future to help in the design of future functional studies. functional studies.

Evidence-based guidelines for asthma Evidence-based guidelines for asthma have failed to be widely implemented.have failed to be widely implemented.

Hence, new chelators are essential to Hence, new chelators are essential to develop.develop.

Clear & Concise Writing

ConclusionConclusion

Clarity is the goalClarity is the goal Be prepared (strategies)Be prepared (strategies)

Get your bearings: understand context (genre) Get your bearings: understand context (genre) and audienceand audience

Take it one step at a time: the drafting processTake it one step at a time: the drafting process Know your enemy: TimeKnow your enemy: Time Tools of the tradeTools of the trade Become a critic, and find a modelBecome a critic, and find a model

Use a map: structure Use a map: structure Use a guide: logicUse a guide: logic Use simple, concise expressionUse simple, concise expression

Clear & Concise Writing

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