Christian Parenting - Raising Godly Children

8/13/2019 Christian Parenting - Raising Godly Children

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Christian Parenting | Raising Godly Childrenby Dr. Jim Feeney, Ph.D.

Summary:Christian parenting is a great challenge, but also a great privilege. Follow thesethree keys to raising godly children, and they will be a delight to you for a lifetime!

Genesis 1:28a God blessedthem and said to them, Be fruitfuland increase in number;

fill the earth and subdue it.

Children are thenatural resultof marriage, which God blesses.

In the very beginning, in the Garden of Eden, God created marriage, blessed it, andencouraged the bearing and raising of children. The role of the parent is a sacredtrustfrom God.

Psalm 127:3-5a Sons are a heritage from the LORD, children a rewardfrom him. [4]Like arrows in the hands of a warrior are sons born in ones youth. [5a]Blessedis the man

whose quiver is fullof them.

Regard your children for what they are that is, God-given blessings!

...a heritage...reward...blessed is the manGod blessed my wife and me with

four children and, at the time of this writing, five grandchildren with another on the way. Alladults now, they have indeed proven to be a blessingand a continual source of joy.

Now lets look together at what I call thethree keysto raising children into responsibleadults who will effectively serve God, their families, and their society.

These three keys are TRAINING, LOVE, andDISCIPLINE.

(1) TRAIN your children

Proverbs 20:11 Even a childis known by his actions, by whether his conductis pure andright.

A childs conduct isimportant to Godand should, therefore, be of great importance toparents.

A childis knownby his actions...Believe me, your childrens conductis obviousto

onlookers. It is actually a part of your totaltestimony.

Once in Florida, my wife and Iand another Christian couple took our total of seven young

children to a local restaurant. We had to split up into seating at two adjacent tables. We putthe five older children (none of them older than about age 10) by themselves at the secondtable. The manager hovered nervously nearby for a short time, until he noticed I think to

his great surprise! that all the kids were quiet, polite, and well-behaved. I share this

story to illustrate the fact that it is entirely possible to follow biblical principles and raisechildren who can act responsibly in public at an early age, with a minimum of supervision.


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Proverbs 22:6 Traina child in the way heshould go, and when he is old he will not turnfrom it.

This is the Biblespromise, period. Treasure this principle, apply it, hold onto it.

Training a child involves repetition, reinforcement, encouragement, sometimes over and

over. But in the end, it is worth it!

The training your child most needs is in two areas: (1) incharacter, and (2) in the

things of the Lord.

It has been said that until approximately age 8 (and that will vary with the child), the

training of children is comprised mostly of inputfrom us. After that, children can beginincreasingly to make sound moral judgments from that godly input you have been givingthem over their earlier years.

Deuteronomy 6:6-7 These commandmentsthat I give you today are to be upon your

hearts. [7]Impress them on your children. Talk aboutthem when you sitat homeand

when you walkalong the road, when you lie downand when youget up.

Thehomeis the primary trainingenvironment. The church is only a helper to you inthe accomplishing of yourprimary responsibility.

We parentsare entrusted with taking our children from 0% to 100%responsibility fortheir lives.

Home is the ideal place for children to:

to learn toget alongwith others

to learnworkskills, socialskills, manners, goodattitudes, and much, much more.

Home is whereparents modelbeing a Christianand, in turn, present to their childrenthe knowledge and practical opportunities to develop that in their own lives.

Ephesians 6:4 Fathers, do not exasperateyour children; instead, bring them up in

the training and instruction of the Lord.

Parents including Dads!it is yourresponsibility to ensure that your children knowand serve the Lord.

Biblereading (more on that below)... prayerat meals, at bedtimes, for needs

... relatingthe Lord to theireverydaylives and activities.

A lady in our church, who raised three godly daughters to adulthood, shared this wisdomwith me. She said be sure to expose children continually to the presence of the Lord. Wecan do that in a variety of ways, including:

Be part of a good, Bible-believing, worshiping church, and teach your children to lovebeing in church.


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Spend devotional time with them personally. Pray with them, read the Bible with them.

Let your home be filled with Christian music. Sing to the Lord with your children. Teachthem worship songs.

Dontexasperateyour children. Home is not a Marine boot camp!Rigid,

harshparenting will often lead to rebellionrather than the desired results.

Butdopresent to them, day after day, in a positive and encouraging way,

the trainingand instructionof the Lord.

(1)CHARACTERtraining Addressconduct and attitudes that are inappropriate, and

instruct them in Godsapproach to each character issue. You dont necessarily need settimes of character teaching. It works just fine to seize upon learning moments in themidst of their everyday lives.

(2)BIBLEtraining! You must...must...must read the Bibleto your children ...

and discussit with them.

With my firstborn child, every day I would read Scriptures from an age-appropriate Bible

to him. As he matured, I transitioned from a very basic childrens Bible to editionsappropriate for his age and current understanding. We enjoyed this time together, and overhis young years we went through many Bibles together. Today he is a successful

businessman, family man, and a lay pastor in a large church in his city.

As our family grew, my wife and I had to be more creative in the Bible training. For a

number of years, I would read the Bible to several of the children at once. I would stopoften and give little verbal pop quizzes on what I had just read. The kids enjoyed it, andwe kept it light-hearted, with the result being that they paid close attention.

(2) LOVE your children

Titus 2:3-4 Likewise, teach the older womento be reverent in the way they live, not to beslanderers or addicted to much wine, but to teach what is good. [4] Then they can trainthe younger women to lovetheir husbands andchildren...

Childrenthriveon love. The story is told of an English hospital in the 19th century.

There were young, orphaned children there who received medical attention but little or no

emotional support. Many of those ill children would simply languish and die. But a ladyjanitor who worked the hospital night shift asked for permission to carry a declining child ina sling on her hip while she worked. She would lavish attention and love upon the child

while she swept and cleaned. And, lo and behold, some of those children who had been

failing to thrive and were expected to decline and die, reversed course and responded toher love by rallying back to health. Love is powerful!

Tellyour children and showthem often that you love them.

Be sure toaffirmthem. Praisethem.


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Show physical affection. Hugyour children, holdthem. One study of pregnant 13-

year-old girls discovered that a prevailing common trait was that while growing up they had

received little or no pure, wholesome physical affection from their fathers. They told theresearchers that their craving for this lack of wholesome touches and hugs in the home

drove them to seek it elsewhere. And unfortunately they too often found it in illicit sexualencounters.

GIVEyourselfto your children, even as ...Christlovedthe church and gavehimselfup for her(Ephesians 5:25). Love is at its best when it is giving.

Give your children portions of yourtime. Give them yourfull attentionwhen they talk toyou.

Beinvolvedin their lives and interests ... listento them ... spendtimewith them... includethem in housework (you cant always play with them).

But love yourspouse firstand foremost! My first pastor wisely taught us: Dads, thebest thing you can do for your kids is to love their Mom.

(3) DISCIPLINE your children

Proverbs 13:24 He whospares the rod hateshis son, but he who loves himis carefulto discipline him.

Disciplinethem diligently, consistently, and early in life.

You say, Ilovethem too muchto discipline them.No! You dont. The Bible saysthat you hatethem if you neglect the discipline they need.

Startearly. Years ago a family that had raised godly children told me that they taughttheir children the meaning of the word nobeginning at 6 months.

Yourepreparingthem, in obedience to Titus 2:11-12, to be able to say no to sinful

inclinations ...the grace of God ... [12] teaches us tosay Noto ungodlinessandworldly passions...

Notice thatlove and disciplinego hand in hand ...he wholoveshim is carefulto disciplinehim.

Remember our threefold key:love, training, anddiscipline. All threeare needed, in agood balance.

Proverbs 22:15 Follyis bound up in the heart of a child, but the rod of disciplinewill driveit far from him.(KJV: the rod of correction)

The Hebrew for rod is astick. I recommend spanking with alightwooden spoon thatwill sting, but notdo tissue damage.

Your children and mine begin life withrebellioushearts.


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The Bible says ittakes spankingto correct that!

Some years ago a pediatrician was talking about child discipline. Here was hisastonishing comment: Yes, theBible does teach spanking. But the Bible is wrong! At

least he was honest enough to admit what the Bible teaches, even though he went on todisagree with it.

Here is the current Oregon state law, as of this writing 161.205 Use of physicalforcegenerally. The use of physical force upon another person that would otherwise constitute an offense is

justifiable and not criminal under any of the following circumstances:

(1)(a) A parent, guardian or other person entrusted with the care and supervision of a minoror an incompetent

person may use reasonable physical forceupon such minor or incompetent person when and to the extent the

person reasonably believesit necessary to maintain disciplineor to promote the welfare of the minoror

incompetent person. (underlining and bold type added by me for emphasis)

Reasonable physical forceask God for wisdom to apply that wisely. In nocase shoulda spanking injurea child or leave lasting marks.

I am reluctant to commit to writing a recommended method for spanking. Inevitablysomeone might read it wrong and think that I have justified child abuse. I am adamantly

opposed to child abuse physical, verbal, sexual, or any other kind.

At the same time, I do believe and my wife and I practiced the biblical

recommendations for spanking. Do it with wisdom, self-control, and consistent with the lawsof your state.

Be consistent, make it count, do not injure the child.

WHENto spank (spanking offenses)

disobedience

defiance

open sin, such as lying to you

bad attitudes

Expect children toobey the first time. Does God expect usto obey Him the first time?Yes!

What abouttempertantrums? With our children, that was an automatic spankingoffense. Think about it were helping them learn toovercome the carnal nature. Get

through to them as children ... can you imagine adultshaving temper tantrums justbecause we are tired, irritated, etc.?

How much fussing and whining should you tolerate from your childrenat bedtime?Very little. You are the adult, you are in charge, and you know whats best forthem. Set up a nighttimeroutineand expect it to be obeyed.


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Should siblings be allowed toargue or tease? No.Otherwise, youll allow those habitsto be cemented into their personalities as adults.

Proverbs 29:15, 17 The rod of correction imparts wisdom, but a child left to himself

disgraceshis mother.... [17] Disciplineyour son, and he willgive you peace; hewill bring delightto your soul.

Youcantafford notto discipline your children. Do it in combination with much loveandgodly training... and they willbring delightto your soul.

I have focused above primarily on the spanking aspect of child discipline. Thereare additionalmethods of discipline as well, such as timeouts, removing privileges, and

more. But they should be used in conjunctionwith spanking-as-needed, not in place of it.

Ask God for wisdom to implement a well-balanced approach to discipline. I would be remissif I failed to emphasize that, at least in your childrens earlier years, your discipline program

will be ineffectiveif it doesnot include spankingfor what I have listed above as spankingoffenses.

Some thoughts about AGE LEVELSfor discipline

BABIES

Teach themnowith loving firmness (not physical). Some successful parentsrecommend starting this verbal training at about age 6 months.

Dontoverlybabyproofyour home. The home is their training ground. Just removecherished and dangerous items. Children must learn that there are NOsin this world.

I can go into a home and tell within just a few minutes if its the parents or the children

who are in charge in that home! Dads and Moms, you are the adults, youare in charge andaccountable to God.

TODDLERS

Lots ofconsistent trainingand appropriate disciplineare generally needed.

Self-test: Does my child obey me the first timeI ask? If not, there is work to do.

Do it right atthis stageand it will be much easier later on. Training and discipline donenow will most likely help you to not have difficult teens.

Teach themboundaries, and give them much freedom within those boundaries. Thatteaches independence, but also self-control and respect for authority.

PRESCHOOL AND ELEMENTARY

Continuethe trio of training, love, and discipline.

Work hard at this stage on developing rightattitudesand goodcharacter.


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PRETEENS AND TEENS

Spankings are pretty much over with. Useother formsof discipline (remove privileges,etc.).

## SOME FINAL SUGGESTIONS

Public discipline?It is unwise to spank your child in public. Deal with the transgressionat home.

Ask yourself, do you believe it is acceptable for children to be loud, running, jumping,and out of controlin the house?

Again, expect obedience thefirsttime, everytime, as God does.

Dont let childrenplay oneparent against the other.

Dont conflict openlywith your spouse about discipline.

Dontprovokeyour children. Be fair and just.

Donttemptthem to lieDid you do that?!!

Dont makeidle threats, such as: One more time and I...

Beconsistent. A rule is a rule. Enforceit consistently.

When you spank, make it count. Then pray together, look for repentance, then forgiveand drop it.

Dont comparechildren openly Why dont you act like...?

Dontbelittlethem, because the glory of children are their fathers(Proverbs 17:6,KJV).

Dontnag. You shouldnt have to nag a well-trained child.

Dont keepputting them off. Put down the paper, or close the laptop, andlistentothem.

Spendquality timewith them. But dontlet it put your spouseinto asecondaryplaceof priority.

In sum, TRAINthem, LOVEthem, and DISCIPLINEthem as needed. You willhave lifelong delightwatching your children live out their lives as productive, godly adults.

Postscript: I have shared this message with the desire of helping you raise godly children. Ifyou raised your children without knowing these biblical truths, or perhaps applied them

incompletely, we still serve a loving God who answers prayer. Continue to pray for


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your children, even long after they have become adults. God loves all your children and

desires to reach them and to continue to shape their character at any age. Thank you for all

your love, work, and sacrifice in your roles as parents. Continue to seek God on behalf ofyour children, that they will draw ever closer to God and will fulfill all of Gods purposes in

their lives.

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Christian Parenting - Raising Godly Children