How To Get Your Students To Listen To YoubyMichael LinsinonMarch 20, 2010It is one of the most common teacher complaints.You give a single direction to a quiet and seemingly attentive classroom, and then watch as a third of your students either dont know what to do, or they do it incorrectly.Its as if some students tune out the sound of your voice.Theyve become so reliant on you repeating yourself, or on others to clue them in, that they dont listen to the initial direction.Does the following scenario ring a bell?Calmly at first:Take out your math books, open to page 32, and then look up at me.Still patient:Please take out your math books, open to page 32, and then look up at me.Louder now:I said, take out your math books, open to page 32and then look at me.Hands cupped, yelling:TAKE OUT YOUR MATH BOOKS NOW!And just like that, youre stressed and frustrated.The Simple First Listening StrategyI have a strategy that works to get students to listen to your directions in any circumstance and every single time. I know thats a big statement, but I plan to deliver on that promise.You can hold me to it.This strategy so effective, in fact, that you can use it with a group of students youve just met, and theyllfollow your directionslike a champion drill team.It works for elementary school teachers who see the same students everyday, but it is particularly helpful for middle and high school teachers who dont have the luxury of time to work onclassroom managementas much as theyd like.I call it the simple first strategy.Its a goofy name, I know. But I like it because it describes what it is and makes the strategy easy to remember. And its not teacher-speak, which you wont find on this site (i.e., informed instruction, teachable moment, collaboration, bleaagh!).The way the strategy works is that you get your students listening to simple and physical directions first before giving more important directions.And it only takes a few seconds.Heres how it works:Give your students a series of simple, meaningless directions. Make them physical in nature and that everyone in the room can see being done.For example, you might start by saying:Stand up.Say it once and wait until everyone is standing. Then give another direction.Sit down.Now add slight complexity.Stand behind your chair.Keep it going until every student is following your verbal directions quickly and correctly.Touch your hands to your shoulders. Cross your arms. Sit down. Place your hands flat on your desk.If at this point all of your students are following along, slide in your important directions.Take out your math book. Open to page 32. Look at me.You will find that they will perform this intended and important direction perfectly. And now you have their earsand attentiontuned in to you.Youre going to be thrilled at how easy this strategy is to use and how well it works.It also has staying power. Although it takes less than a minute, you wont have to use it all the time. Just use it a couple of times a week or whenever you need it.Easy as can be.Keys To RememberIts important to remember the following keys to make the simple first strategy most effective.1. Stand in one place.2. Give one direction at a time.3. Dont repeat yourself.4. Pause between each direction.5. Dont model the direction; use voice instruction only.6. Speak in a normal voicevolume on low.The simple first strategy is effective because it trains students to listen for the sound of your voice and to follow directions precisely and the first time theyre given.

listening, the neglected literacy skill. I know when I was a high school English teacher this was not necessarily a primary focus; I was too busy honing the more measurable literacy skills -- reading, writing, and speaking. But when we think about career and college readiness, listening skills are just as important. This is evidenced bythe listening standardsfound in the Common Core and also the integral role listening plays incollaborationandcommunication, two of thefour Cs of 21st century learning.So how do we help kids become better listeners? Check out these tactics for encouraging a deeper level of listening that also include student accountability:Strategy #1: Say it OnceRepeating ourselves in the classroom will produce lazy listening in our students. If kids are accustomed to hearing instructions twice, three times, and even four times, listening the first time around becomes unnecessary. Begin the year by establishing that you are a teacher who rarely repeats instructions and this will surely perk up ears.Of course you don't want to leave distracted students in the dust so for those few who forgot to listen, you can advise them to, "ask three, then ask me."Strategy #2: Turn and TalkOne way to inspire active listening in your students is to give them a listening task. It might look like this, "I'm going to describe the process of _________. I will pause along the way and ask you to turn to a partner and explain to them what you heard." You can ask students to take turns talking each time you pause, and meanwhile, walk around observing their conversations (also allowing you to check for understanding).Strategy #3: Student Hand SignalsAsking students to pay full attention and indicating that they will follow this with a non-verbal signal is a wonderful tool for sharpening those listening skills. It can look like this: "I'm going to read a former president's statement about why he believes war is sometimes necessary. When I'm finished, you will share your opinion by holding up one finger if you agree, two fingers if you disagree, and three fingers if you are undecided or if you have a question." This strategy allows whole-class participation and response. It's also a favorite for kids who are more on the shy side, giving them a "voice."Watch how hand signals encourage active listeningin a fifth-grade classroom.Strategy #4: Pay Attention, Pause, ParaphraseChildren need structured opportunities to restrain themselves from speaking in order to keep their attention on listening, especially when working in groups. Try this strategy:1. When students talk in pairs or small groups, assign one speaker at a time only (they can number off).2. Ask all others to listen fully to whoever is speaking and to avoid formulating a responsewhilethe other person talks. Tell them to simply listen that is all. (This is a difficult task even for adults!)3. When the person stops talking, the other takes a breath before she speaks and then paraphrases something her partner just said: "You believe that...." "You aren't sure if....".4. After paraphrasing her partner, she can then follow that with an "I" statement: "I see what you mean...", "I'm not sure I agree...".Discussion sentence starters are a helpful tool for students as they learn this new way of having a conversation. It's also incredibly helpful for students to see this in action. Ask a couple of students to model it for the whole class or have an adult visit to partner with you.Strategy #5: Creating QuestionsIf your students are listening to a speech, watching a documentary clip, or hearing a story read aloud, break it up by stopping a few times and having students write a question or two about what they just heard. This way, students actively listen for any confusion or wonderings they may have -- this takes a high-level of concentration. It's important to provide models for this since we are typically trained in school to look for the answers and information rather than to focus on what is not understood or is still a mystery.Motivating WordsGood listeners are both rare and valued. It's important to share this with students, and to also share the fact that people whoreallylisten -- make eye contact, show interest, and restrain from cutting others off in a conversation -- are easy to like and respect.Here's also a few quotes to present to students and/or post around your classroom:"If speaking is silver, then listening is gold." -- Turkish saying"I think the one lesson I have learned is that there is no substitute for paying attention." -- Diane Sawyer, newscaster"One of the most sincere forms of respect is actually listening to what another has to say." -- Bryant McGill, author

20 Ways To Talk So Your Kids Will Listen

The WAY we talk to our kids has a huge impact on theirlearningand ability tolistento us. We are constantly modeling to our kids how to act and behave and the way we talk to them fits right into this category.The way we speak to them and those around us is showing them how we want them to speak back to us. I have found that there are generally three different ways that parents communicate with their kids.The first one is in an aggressive way.These parents yell a lot, put their kids down and use attacking words.Their children respond in many different ways, mainly by playing up a lot more, feeling fearful, yelling back and ignoring their parents constant orders.The second form of communication commonly seen is a passive form.These parents mutter soft, cautious words and tones to their kids finding that they run riot and walk all over them.Unfortunately these parents are so passive that sometimes when they are pushed to their limits, they suddenly turn their communication into an aggressive tone. Lastly the third way that parents can communicate with their kids is in an assertive way.This is what I have found to be by far the most effective way to communicate with kids at all levels.An assertive way of communicating is firm, consistent, clear, positive, warm and confident.Communicating with kids in an assertive way is a real skill yet it shows your kids that mum and dad know what theyre going on about and to listen.Here are my 20 top tips for improving the WAY we talk to our kids:1. Use your childs name.Your own name is music to your ears.Our kids are no different, plus it helps to get their attention before delivering your message.eg George, please go and get...Young children can often only concentrate on one thing at a time.Call your childs name until you have their attention before you speak. Eg Helen. (Wait until she stops kicking the ball and looks at you.)Lunch will be ready in ten minutes.2. Use positive language try not to being saying no or dont all of the time.There is no doubt that if we say Dont drop that glass or No running inside or Dont drag your coat in the dirt your child has that image and thought imbedded in their mind and more times than not, they will drop the glass!Instead, try to word what you want them to do. Eg Only walking inside please or Hold onto that glass, it is a special one or Hold the coat up so it doesnt drag. This requires much thought and practice but is well worth the effort.Try to eliminate words you use that may be ridiculing (Youre being a big baby.), name-calling (Youre a really bad boy.), and shaming (I was so ashamed of you today).This type of language achieves very little except leaving your child feeling worthless.Kids will often cut off communication with those who use these words with them and begin to develop a poor self-concept. Positive and kind words give your child more confidence, makes them feel happier, helps them behave better, encourages them to try hard and achieve success.They learn to imitate you and deliver the same respect and praise to others. Examples of positive words are: I like to way you remembered to pack up your toys, Thank you for helping me clean up this mess, You tried so hard to share your things with your sister, it made me feel really happy.3. Connect with your childwith eye contact.You may need to get down to their level or sit at the table with them.When you are chatting with your kids, this shows them also what they should do.Not only is it good manners, it helps you to listen to each other.Say your childs name until you get their eye contact, especially before giving them a direction.It is important that they give you their attention, and you should model the same behaviour for them.4. Use volume appropriately When in the classroom teaching, I used to have a class next door to me whose teacher always yelled.The kids used to put in their earplugs and eventually stopped listening at all.The teacher was always trying to yell over the noise of the kids, what a nightmare!The same applies for at home, dont ever compete with a yelling child.When they have calmed down, then talk.If you use the volume of your voice appropriately for the majority of the time, raising your voice in an urgent situation should not be ignored.They will sit up and take notice because it doesnt happen all of the time. Yelling orders or directions from another room may also fall on deaf ears after a while, for example yelling Turn off the TV now please Chad or Hurry up and get dressed from the kitchen gives the impression that youre busy and not too serious. Walking into the room, joining in for a minute or two and waiting for the commercial break will go down with far more cooperation.You are modeling respectful behavior to start with and you have come to them with your direction, so they know you mean it!5. Suggest options and alternatives When you want your kids to cooperate with you, it is far easier if they can understand why they need them to do something and how it is to their advantage to do so.They need to see the importance of following your directions. For example,When you get dressed, you may go outside with Daddy, Which jumper would you like to put on, the red one or the blue one?, When you do your homework, you can then watch tv, Which book would you like to read, this one or that one? When you are dressed for school, you may then play with your toys. By adopting words like when and which makes the child feel as though they have choices, even though there is no room for negotiation.This works far better than using if words. Also, try to include your child in helping you solve a problem.For example, instead of saying Dont leave your toy trucks out there, try saying George, think about where you should store your toy trucks so theyre in a safe place, come and tell me when youve decided on a good spot. Try to offer alternatives rather than saying a straight out no or dont.For example You cant get the paints out just now, but you could draw with the crayons instead.6. Keep it simple Young kids have trouble following too many directions given at once.We can probably relate to that when we ask someone for directions to a destination and are bombarded with instructions we later forget. Try to stagger your requests into small blocks.Eg instead of saying, Helen, go and pack up your toys, but first put your dirty shoes outside and then feed the cat.Chances are, Helen will feed the cat then go outside to play because feeding the cat is the last thing she remembers you asking. Even though we want to improve our communication with our kids, be preceptive to their level of interest in the conversation.If they are getting the blank stare, call it quits.If you feel as though youre waffling on, try to use a more direct approach next time you visit the subject.7. Keep away from nagging At the end of each school day, I wanted the children in my class to tidy the room before home time.I felt that they should learn to tidy up after themselves and take pride in their room.I knew that if I went around asking each child to pick up their rubbish, wipe their desks, empty the rubbish bins, and clean the sink nothing would get done. So I created a job chart.Each job had a childs name next to it and I showed it to them at the start of each week.I would rotate the jobs weekly to avoid monotony.I explained that five minutes before home time each day it would be job time.Just before the bell, I would walk around the room and pick which job or jobs were completed to perfection.That child or children would receive a bonus or prize.My room was immaculate each day and I hardly had to say a thing! This can work well at home too.Either writing things down or having a chart with incentives in place, eliminate lots of nagging. It is important to make sure you recognize and praise effort, and reward desired behaviour. Try to set a time where kids know what is expected.They thrive on routines.For example, set a time to do their chores in the afternoons.When they are playing they dont like to be interrupted, just as much as we dont when reading a good book.If they knowwhatis expected andwhenyou shouldnt have to nag all of the time.8. Model and expect good manners Good manners at home or anywhere shouldnt be optional.If you model good manners to your children and everyone else, they will see that good manners is expected and displayed on a consistent level.Start teaching your children to say the basics like please and thank you before they can talk. Children deserve the common courtesy of manners that adults use with each other.They will often imitate the speech and behaviour of their parents and carers.Say please, thank you and youre welcome to your kids as you would anyone else.9. Be gentle but firm if you have made your decision about something, stick to it.Make sure you and your partner agree on the issue and stay united on your decision. Your kids may not like the decision at the time, but they will know it stands firm and wont bother persisting with either of you or playing one parent off against the other. Make your requests important and speak as though you mean it.Requesting made in a wishy-washy tone gives kids the impression you are not that concerned whether they follow your request or not.10. Ask open-ended questions If you want to get your kids to think more and open their minds, you need to ask them open-ended questions.That is, questions that are not answered with a simple yes or no answer.They are invitations to say more, and share their ideas and feelings. For example, instead of asking Did you enjoy Peters party today? you could ask What was the best part of Peters party today? Respond to their ideas to show them you are interested in what they have to say and that they are important to you eg Really?, I understand.What about That is interesting.11. Check for understanding if you find that your child is not responding to your requests or getting confused by your instructions or conversations, remember to check for their understanding before moving on to the next topic. Ask them to repeat what you have said.If they cant, you know that it is too long or complicated for them to understand.Try to rephrase your choice of words with shorter and simpler sentences.12. Explain what you want with I messages When asking your child to do something, you will receive a greater response by explaining what you want in terms of thoughts and feelings by sending I messages.This is far more effective than using orders or sending you messages. It lets your child know how their behavior makes you feel.Kids sometimes dont consider how their behaviour will affect others.By using this strategy, it may help them give more consideration to their actions and it gives them more responsibility to change their behavior. For example I would like you to come over here please instead of Come over here or I would like you to give Oliver a turn please instead of Give Oliver a turn!It is a softer approach and children who are willing to please will respond to this type of language. Explaining how you feel also helps kids to see why they should comply.For example When you run away from mummy in the store I feel worried because you could get lost.Use when you. I feel.because. words.13. Give notice If your child is fully engrossed with something or an activity and it is time to move on or leave.Give them some advance warning so they get used to the idea.For example George, it is nearly time to go.Start saying good-bye to the puppy please.

14. Use enquiry-based listening Show your kids that they have your full attention and you care enough to listen to them.Reading the paper, vacuuming and working on the computer are too distracting to give your kids your full attention. If you really cannot talk at that point, dont pretend to be listening.Promise them a time when you can listen and be sure to follow through. Show that you are interested in what they have to say by using inquiry based listening.This is when you respond to them with words that encourage more conversation.For example Sounds like youre saying. Or How did that make you feel? or Do you mean?15. Make time for one-on-one conversations This is especially important if there is quite an age gap between your kids.Sometimes older siblings talk over the top of the younger ones, and sometimes the younger ones just prefer to let the older siblings do all the talking. Conversations with older siblings can sometimes be over and above the younger kids level of communication.Plus older siblings require stimulating conversations where they can learn and inquire for more information. Therefore, try to get some one-to-one time with your siblings alone at different times so you can really talk at their level and use appropriate vocabulary.It might just be while walking to the park, reading a book together before bed, or driving to get an ice cream.It doesnt have to be structured time, but make quality use of opportunities as they arise.16. Dont sweat the small stuff.By all means, enforce your serious rules firmly, but try not to sweat the small stuff.Often times kids will tune out from listening to their parents if they tend to lecture over little things a lot. For example, telling your child what they ought to be doing all the time will eventually fall on deaf ears.They are not thinking for themselves what they ought to be doing because they are always being told. For example, instead of saying, You must listen to your teacher at school, or else you wont understand.Try to use an approach where they can think for themselves what they should do.Use inquiry based questioning such as What do you find hard to understand at school?Why do you think you find this difficult?What could you do in class to learn more from your teacher? With this approach you are able to have a more connected discussion where the child has to think of a resolution and strategy for improving their behavior or problem.When you do need to enforce a more serious rule that is not negotiable, your kids are more likely to listen.17. Be considerate.Think about the way that you talk to your friends.Then think about the way you speak to your kids.Is it with the same consideration and tone?More wonderful relationships with kids would develop if adults gave as much thought and consideration talking to their kids as they do when talking to their friends.18. Show acceptance.When you show your kids that you accept and love them just the way they are despite their differences, they will be more likely to share their feelings and problems with you.They will know that as they grow and change, you will be there for them no matter what. We do not have to accept inappropriate behavior such as violence or teasing.We can however accept and love our kids as they are by their character, personality and individual interests. For example: Oliver says Mum, I am feeling scared to go to bed.A response toencouragemore communication would be: Thats okay Oliver.I will leave the door open and turn on your night light.I will pop in later to check on you. Apoorresponse would be: Dont be a big cry baby Oliver.Youre old enough to know better than that.Only baby boys get scared!19. Dont interrupt.Try not to interrupt of scold your kids when they are telling you a story.Kids will lose interest in sharing their feelings with you if you shift away from their story and use the time to teach them a lesson. For example, Henry came home really excited from Sallys place and started to tell his mother all about the great time he had playing down by the dam.His mother rudely interrupted his story and began to lecture him on the dangers of playing around water.Henry didnt finish his story and thought twice about sharing his experiences with his mother the next time. Henrys mother certainly should remind him of the rule about playing near water and ensuring there is an adult present, but at another time or at least when he has finished his story.20. Make conversation a priority with your kids.Open and comfortable communication with your kids develops confidence, self-esteem, good relationships with others, cooperation and warm relationships with you.Take the time and effort to foster your relationship and communication skills by talking with your kids as much as you can. Remember that talkingwithkids is a two way street.Talk with them and then hear what they have to say.Listening is just as important as talking.

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he can be very disrespectful to people and does not care what anyone has to say. She just started Kindergarten and allready getting in trouble for talking. The teacher warns her over and over and she just does not listen to what she is told. Any suggestions on how I can get through to her?

Posted: 08/29/2007 bylds27

Watch thisAnswer thisReport questionMom AnswersSort by:best answers|most recent answers1 - 10 of 11 answersWe have 5 year-old twins, and they have very "selective listening" skills. I don't think it's a matter of "not listening"; it is a matter of the child choosing to ignore that which is not appealing to him/her. Our children get in trouble just as much if not more so than the next. I don't have any answers more than the next parent. All we do is try to listen when they speak normally (i.e., don't whine) and try to respond as quickly as possible when they make requests, not because we're at their beck and call but because they operate on different timeframes (shorter) than us. I have found this to work very well--trying to understand their perspectives (limited) and helping them to understand ours (big picture!).posted 12/11/2007 byThe PopesReport answerWas this answer helpful?Yes|No

6 out of 6 found this helpfulI am a behavior specialist in a school that specializes in children with behavioral problems. Ironically, I have problems with my 5 year old being a problem in school. One thing that seems to work well with children this age is to count. Make your directions clear as to what you want them to do, then tell them what the consequences are, and what you will count to. For example: "You have 5 seconds to go pick your clothes up off of the floor or you will get a time out." Or, just give the direction, and if they ignore you, start counting. Kids HATE it when you count because it makes your direction final- also putting the responsibility in their hands.posted 09/20/2008 bya BabyCenter MemberReport answerWas this answer helpful?Yes|No

6 out of 8 found this helpfulI did the whole sitting in class thing with my son when his teacher mentioned how difficult he was being. My husband and I are very strict people at home and if a teacher isn't strict than he thinks he can walk all over them. I sat in his classroom every day for a week and everytime someone had to repeat something to him more than twice, I would repremand him in front of the class. It's embarassing, but it got through. A side warning though, if you aren't firm at home, than your daughter will not take you seriously at school. Evaluate how she acts at home and in public with you before you try anything at school. It may be time to step up the notch at home. When you repremand her at home, get on your knees and make sure you keep eye contact with her so she knows you're serious. IF she looks away, stop talking and start all over again when she looks at you. Timeouts and toys taken away only works for so long. Sometimes you need to pop the butt to get through to the head...posted 11/30/2007 byjennmc06Report answerWas this answer helpful?Yes|No

12 out of 20 found this helpfulLike many of you, I too have had the pleasure of raising a girl who has seemed bent on making the wrong choices with her attitude. Her kindergarten experience was scary for me because of her level of intensity and there were times I could have sworn that someone was going to call child services because she sounded like I was literally killing her!( though I was the one who was being hit daily) I HAVE AN APPROACH you can try that REALLY made a BIG difference! Someone suggested that she may have food allergies- and over-exposure to foods she is allergic to can make her body bypass the normal symptoms and cause her brain to swell! This swelling can cause the parts of her brain that control her behavior to become constricted and she can turn volatile!So I pulled her off all SUGAR, wheat, dairy, gluten, corn(including by-products like corn syrup-corn is in EVERYTHING btw), peanuts, almonds, berries, and every other food common allergic reactions.We try a new food 1x/week- I have an angel:]posted 07/08/2011 bya BabyCenter MemberReport answerWas this answer helpful?Yes|No

3 out of 3 found this helpfulMy 7 year old is doing the same thing. But she is nice and respectful to everyone (to her teacher, other kids parents when she's on play date) except for immediate family members (mother, father, sister, grandmother who babysits). She's been doing it for awhile now and I'm not sure what's going on. I always say she's going through her teen angst years a little early. I think that maybe she wants more attention. She has a 4 year old little sister and I think she doesn't like that I expect a little more responsibility from her. Kids will do anything to get attention - even behave badly. I am just going to try and give her more positive attention and see if that helps. I miss my sweet little girl.posted 01/14/2008 byAprilDPReport answerWas this answer helpful?Yes|No

4 out of 5 found this helpfulI have the same problem with my son. He is 5 years old and does not listen in class. We are very strict at home and his school teacher is very strict as well. So in Kindergarten he listens and does what he is told, but in his sports class it's a free for all. I can't get him to listen to his coaches. They are not strict and don't really command his attention. I am sure that he has ADD, my husband and I had it. I am completely against these types of meds. We have been trying to take away toys, games and even playdates and it does not seem to go through. I pulled him out in the middle of his swim class as he was not listening. I am thinking of pulling him out of all of his sports classes until he is ready to listen. I am not sure what esle to do.posted 09/30/2008 byAleksei momReport answerWas this answer helpful?Yes|No

2 out of 3 found this helpfulYou people are rediculous. I cannot believe some of the things that I've just read. These are children - not adults. They do not have the same capabilities we do. You cannot call them babies, or "whoop" them into listening to you, or sit in class and embarrass them. Listening is a skill that can take a long time to learn. They have to be talked to and respected, give them time and be patient with them. My son has a hard time listening as well, and counting is the best advice I can give. Try the 1-2-3 Magic (google it) or just telling him he has two opportunities to listen and then it's a time out.posted 09/14/2010 bymadimoosmomReport answerWas this answer helpful?Yes|No

5 out of 10 found this helpfulI can't answer your question. I have twin 5 year olds and am also 7 weeks pregnant. My girl will not listen what so ever and when I tell her no for something she just cries and repeats herself over and over..I don't know what to do. Any suggestions?posted 07/09/2014 bya BabyCenter MemberReport answerWas this answer helpful?Yes|No

0 out of 0 found this helpfulthat can be a hard time starting kindergarten and having to be told what to do by one more adult. it sounds like she is just being defiante and trying to see what her limits are. one thing u could do is observe her classromm and see how dirruptive she really is. kindergarten is a hard time for adjustments and most kids have a rough way to go. my son did. as for as the direspectfulness, u are just going to get to her level and talk to her and make sure she knows that its rude and then need be certain punnishments that are age appropiate.posted 09/29/2007 bykarenc_80Report answerWas this answer helpful?Yes|No

2 out of 7 found this helpfultalking too much in class and not being attentive to the teacher might be a sign of ADHD. take your child to the doctor and ask for conner's forms to fill by you and the teacher to see if she has ADHD, though I don't like medications a lot, but they do help.. if she doesn't have it then may it is her personality and she needs to learn self control. good luck.posted 01/29/2008 bylovedodoReport answerWas this answer helpful?Yes|No

0 out of 4 found this helpful

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