Cherry Blossom Bloom

8/13/2019 Cherry Blossom Bloom

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Proulx/How to Say Good-bye/1

Emily Proulx

Professor Hubbard

CRW 4122

6 February 2013

Cherry Blossom Bloom

Emily Proulx

Joeys Diner is a diner built in 1985 with a broken sign and a juke box. There are red

booths with white tile, making it known that it hasnt been updated since its construction. It

looked the same since we moved here four years ago. Our usual waitress, Diane, is slightly

leaning toward the table where our friends are gathered. Michaels hand is enlaced in mine as we

navigate the booths.

The usual? Diane says with a smile as I slide in beside Rachel.

Of course. Pancakes and bacon for both of us. Michael answers for me. Sometimes that

bothers me, but not today. I already kept everyone waiting tonightwe always meet at exactly

7:15Im not going to start an argument now.

My friends are in a deep conversation about the end of the spring semester. They share

their worries about finals, grades, how excited they are for the warm weather and freedom of

graduation. Of course, we will all just relocate 78 miles back to Rhode Island where we all grew

up. I dont mention my meeting today, or the bulletin board, or the letter burning a hole in my


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night stand, because this isnt what they want to hear. For twenty-one years this has been our life

and no one has interfered with that. We all decided to go to Merrimack Collegetogether, even

though Michael was accepted to NYU. All the girls decided to live in the dorms together, and

then get an apartment together. Michael moved in with Rachels boyfriend Evan. We all felt safe

in Andover, Massachusetts with a population of 28,352it only had a few thousand more people

than our own home town. We are all expected to graduate together this semester, and move in

together again, get jobs, get married, raise kids. Im not sure when or who decided this fate, but it

was one we have graciously accepted since birth. After all, its a happy life.

Whats wrong, Kate? Rachel nudged my shoulder. She is my very best friend, and I

canteven tell her.

Pre-graduation jitters. I could tell she doesnt believe me, but she lets it go.

How did that interview go, Michael?Ashley asked. I completely forgot and look at

Michael with an apologetic glance.

Michael is graduating with a degree in mechanical engineering. He had an interview

today with the largest firm in the area. Its all he hasbeen talking about for weeks.

Not too bad. I dont findout until next week. He doesnteven look at me and Ashley

pushed her hair off her shoulders, proud that she remembered because everyone knows I forgot.

The rest of the evening was just like every other Monday night. We ate our dinner and

spilt some pieces of apple pie with vanilla ice cream. Then Ashley left because had a chemistry

test in the morning, Samantha had volleyball practice early, and it is just Rachel, Michael, and

me.


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Michael offered to drive me home, but Rachel interrupted and insisted I ride with her.

You hog her too much Michael, its my turn. She linked arms with me and we leave him to

climb into her Nissan Altima.

The ride was quiet, and I appreciate it. For some reason, the dinner exhausted me a lot

more than usual. Normally, I wouldnt had stopped talking about Michaels interview, asking

every annoying detail down to what the other guy was wearing, I wouldve asked Ashley about

her test, and Samantha about her last game. But tonight, I just couldnt get into it.

It took me awhile into the car ride to notice we werent going home. Rachel hadmade the

same four turns numerous times, and was now leaning the steering wheel onto the I-95 on ramp.

The radio was on just loud enough so that I didntwant to break the silence between us.

Im pregnant.Rachel looked at me and I now noticed the tears streaming down her

face. Its Evans, were getting married.

I think Im going to China. I blurted out before I could even respond to her news. We

both looked at each other in disbelief, neither knowing what to do.

Is that whats been going on with you?

I could say the same for you.

I guess weve both been acting a little different lately. Rachel sighed and so did I. I

shouldve noticed something was different with her, but Ive been so distracted.

We spent the next three hours in the car filling each other in on the details. Rachel

thought about not keeping the baby, she wasnt ready for the commitment. She even made an

appointment at the clinic, but when she saw Evan she had to tell someone, and he begged her to

keep their baby. He promised they would be okay, and could get jobs once they graduated. He

was going into criminal justice, but offered to put off law school and join the police force.


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I told her how six months ago my advisor asked me how the graduate school search was

going. I expressed my interest in staying in the area or going to Boston because those are the

plans that I had told Michael. Then she asked me how I felt about teaching abroad. My minor in

education and degree in English made me a candidate to teach English in another country. She

knew that I had wanted to study abroad last year, but hadnt even had the courage to send in the

application. This time I went through with it. I had a call back from a company called English

First and they offered me a position in China beginning in August 2014, four months after I

graduate.

Does Michael know?

Of course not. He would flip. He just applied for this job here because I had mentioned

graduate school. He thinks were going to together forever. Honestly Ihad thought so, too.

Lately I wasntso sure what I wanted.

You know, its been like this forever. The days never change, and neither do we. I think

Im okay with that, or I have to be now with the baby. But you could leave. Itd be okay to do

something differentto not be usual. I reach across the seat and hug Rachel. She always has

been on my side.

There wasntmuch left to say after that. My best friend was nine weeks pregnant and

getting married in July, and I might be leaving the country. Rachel embraced me before we got

out of the car and ensured me I would make the right choice. She was the only one I had told

about wanting to study abroad last year and the only one I knew who wouldve supported me had

I gone. Even now, when I would miss her having her first child, she whispered to me that she

hopes I take the job.

#


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I looked down at the list of supplies Ill need to get in the upcoming months. Theres a

description of the clothes that are appropriate for the culture, some common phrases I should be

familiar with, and it still doesnt seem real. I sent in my reply to the program three weeks ago

and I still havent told anyone, except for Rachel.

I thought about that night me and Rachel told our secrets two month ago. Since then shes

told all of our friends, most were supportive, and I still havent told anyone. What kind of

coward does that make me?

Rachel and I were in my room last night watching a movie when she confronted me about

it.

When are you going to tell Michael?

I dont know. Its just not the right time.

Jesus Christ, Kate. Youre leaving the country in three months and you havent even

told your parents. Its only going to get worse the longer you wait. I know shes right, but I just

cant.

My phone rings and its a text from my mom. She and my dad have just gotten to the

hotel and should be over in an hour or so. I should tell them, at least. But theyre not here for

that. Theyre here to watch me graduate with all of my friends and my boyfriend who they know

are all safe and going to be successful. Im supposed to fit into this life, but even the dress I

bought for today looks tight.

I lie back on my bed and look at the walls. On the left side there are photographs of my

life for the past couple of years. I still have prom with my red dress and Michaels matching tie.

Theres the first day all of the girls moved into our new apartment. My mom and dad visiting for

my birthday last year, when they bought me my first glass of wine. I even taped Rachels first


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ultrasound on my wall once she told the rest of our friends. Theres nothing here that I do not

know.

The other wall holds images of places I have never been. Theres the Louvre in France,

green hills in Ireland, and bull fighting in Spain. A quote from Benjamin Franklin is painted on a

square canvas Either write something worth reading or do something worth writing and I have

yet to do either. The brochures for my teaching program are hung up, as well. This is what I look

at in the middle of the night when my chest gets tight and I wonder if Im making a mistake.

Looking at the cherry blossoms falling in spring makes it seem like an adventure instead of a

nightmare.

I remember the look on Michaels face when Evan and Rachel toldhim about the baby

and the wedding. He grabbed my hand and our fingers intertwined as he said congratulations. It

didnt take words for me to understand that he meant for that to be us one day. I know I need to

talk to him, and as much as I didnt want it to be today, Im not sure theres time to wait.

Ashley is banging around pots in the kitchen; she must be getting ready to cook dinner. I

know its her just by the way shes walking in the other room. I know Rachel by how heavy she

breathes and Samantha by her heavy footsteps. And Michael, Id know him anywhere. We all

met in first grade either in the lunchroom or arts and craftsits been so long its hard to tell

anymore.

Rachel and I used to lie in her backyard when we were younger and feel the dew in the

grass soak our backs. We made a promise that, although we were all friends, we would always be

the closet. When Michael kissed me at the 8th

grade dance I could tell she was threatened. She

made me promise again that wed always be best friends, and from that day I never chose


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Michael over her. If she can tell me to go, when shes having a baby and needs me more than

shell admit, than he has to understand. Everyone will have to understand that I just cant stay.

"We need to talk." I look down at my phone and see what I have sent Michael. I fold my

laundry on my bed and look at my half packed suitcase. Does he have any idea whats coming?

The need to talk text is clich and predictable, but not when youve been with someone for nine

years. Then its just do we go to dinner with my parents, your parents, or both. Or maybe he even

thinks its about our future. Did I have the same look on my face as he did when Evan and

Rachel shared the news? Does he think thats what I want: college, career, babies, nothing in

between. How can someone spend so much time with a person and know so little about them?

He will reply in a few minutes and say he's on his way. He'll walk through the front door

of the apartment the same way he has a hundred times before. He'll take me in his arms and I will

stiffen slightly. He will not notice.

I will tell him I am leaving. I will tell him I have to go and I can't come back. He will beg

for me to stay, promise to wait faithfully. He will talk about the future weve always said we

would have and then become bitter at me for destroying it.

I will tell him to move on and one day he will.

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