ChemistryChemistry

Joke 1Joke 1

A chemistry teacher was berating the A chemistry teacher was berating the students for not learning the Periodic students for not learning the Periodic Table of the Elements. She said, Table of the Elements. She said, "Why when I was your age I knew "Why when I was your age I knew both their names and weights." One both their names and weights." One kid popped up, "Yeah, but teacher, kid popped up, "Yeah, but teacher, there were so few of them back then. there were so few of them back then.

Law of Conservation of MassLaw of Conservation of Mass

Matter cannot be created Matter cannot be created or destroyed. or destroyed. The amount The amount of matter in a chemical of matter in a chemical reaction does not change. reaction does not change. Therefore, the total mass of Therefore, the total mass of the reactants must equal the the reactants must equal the total mass of the products.total mass of the products.

Conservation of MassConservation of Mass

Think about the students at CRMS as Think about the students at CRMS as atoms. When the bell rings, students atoms. When the bell rings, students leave one room and move to leave one room and move to another. another. The number of students The number of students in the school does not changein the school does not change, , but the arrangement of the students but the arrangement of the students in the classes is different and the in the classes is different and the new groups interact differently.new groups interact differently.

Jokes 2 and 3Jokes 2 and 3

A chemist walks into a pharmacy and asks A chemist walks into a pharmacy and asks the pharmacist, "Do you have any the pharmacist, "Do you have any acetylsalicylic acid?"acetylsalicylic acid?""You mean aspirin?" asked the pharmacist. "You mean aspirin?" asked the pharmacist. "That's it, I can never remember that word." "That's it, I can never remember that word."

Little Willie was a chemist.Little Willie was a chemist.Little Willie is no more.Little Willie is no more.For what he thought was HFor what he thought was H22O,O,Was HWas H22SOSO44..

Solutions and SuspensionsSolutions and Suspensions

Solution: Solution: A liquid mixture of A liquid mixture of

dissolved dissolved substances. In a substances. In a solution it is solution it is impossible to see impossible to see all the separate all the separate parts parts

Suspension:Suspension: A liquid in which A liquid in which

particles are particles are dispersed evenly dispersed evenly throughout, but do throughout, but do not settle because not settle because of the thickness of of the thickness of the solutionthe solution

SolutionsSolutions Seawater is a Seawater is a

solution of dissolved solution of dissolved salts in watersalts in water

Kool-Aid is a Kool-Aid is a solution of water, solution of water, sugar, and flavoringsugar, and flavoring

Vinegar is a solution Vinegar is a solution of water and acetic of water and acetic acidacid

Urine is a solution Urine is a solution of urea and waterof urea and water

SuspensionsSuspensions

Mayonnaise is a Mayonnaise is a suspension of suspension of water, vinegar, oil, water, vinegar, oil, and egg yolkand egg yolk

Ice Cream is a Ice Cream is a suspension of ice suspension of ice crystals in creamcrystals in cream

Orange Juice is a Orange Juice is a suspension of suspension of orange pulp in orange pulp in waterwater

Jokes 4, 5, and 6Jokes 4, 5, and 6

Q: What's the most important Q: What's the most important thing to learn in chemistry?thing to learn in chemistry?A: Never lick the spoonA: Never lick the spoon. .

Q: Why do chemists like nitrates Q: Why do chemists like nitrates so much?so much?A: They're cheaper than day ratesA: They're cheaper than day rates. .

Q: Why are chemists great for Q: Why are chemists great for solving problems? solving problems? A: They have all the solutions.A: They have all the solutions.

Solvents and SolutesSolvents and Solutes

Solutions have 2 Solutions have 2 parts:parts:

SolventsSolvents

SolutesSolutes

Solvent: Solvent: The part that is present The part that is present

in the largest amountin the largest amount The part that is doing The part that is doing

the dissolvingthe dissolving

Solute:Solute: The part that is present The part that is present

in the smaller amountin the smaller amount The part that is being The part that is being

dissolveddissolved

Joke 7Joke 7

Teacher:Teacher: What is the formula for water? What is the formula for water?

Student:Student: H, I, J, K, L, M, N, O H, I, J, K, L, M, N, O

Teacher:Teacher: That's not what I taught you. That's not what I taught you.

Student:Student: But you said the formula for But you said the formula for water was...H to O.water was...H to O.

PrecipitatesPrecipitates

A A solidsolid that forms from that forms from solution during a solution during a chemical reactionchemical reaction

Boiling water will take Boiling water will take on more sugar than it on more sugar than it could normally hold. could normally hold. This will cause a This will cause a supersaturated solution. supersaturated solution. As the water cools, the As the water cools, the sugar will precipitate sugar will precipitate out. This is how rock out. This is how rock candy is made.candy is made.

Jokes 8, 9, and 10Jokes 8, 9, and 10

Q. What do you do when you find Q. What do you do when you find a dead chemist? a dead chemist? A. Barium. A. Barium.

Q. What is the purpose of a Q. What is the purpose of a doctor?doctor?A. Helium.A. Helium.

Old chemists never die, they just fail Old chemists never die, they just fail to react.to react.