Characteristics of Effective Counselors: The 8 H Qualities

Samuel T. Gladding

Wake Forest University

American Counseling Association/Asia Pacific Counseling Conference

Singapore

June 18, 2015

Ernest Hemingway & the Six Word Story

Someone once bet Hemmingway he could not write a complete story in six words. In response, Hemmingway wrote:“For sale, baby shoes, never worn.”

Six word stories appropriate to counseling are: Painfully, he changed “is” to “was.”

Torched the haystack. Found the needle.

Reason for Starting with Hemingway1) While Hemingway’s type of writing is brief, it is complete and most importantly, it tells a story.Counseling is a profession of stories. 2) I think the essence of counseling can be expressed in a few words. They may be tied together in a story or not. However, the words remind us of what counseling is and what we need to do as counselors.

With this keynote, I bet myself I could condense the essence of “counseling/counselling” into less than eight words, all beginning with the same letter. (It sounded like fun at the time). I will let you be the judge of how well I did and if my expansion on the words is not that good than you win the bet (which is my eternal gratitude for the feedback). Before getting to the words themselves, let me explain that in picking the letter “H,” I realized all too late that the 4-H Clubs (Head, Heart, Hands, and Health) in the United States had already claimed this letter. So I doubled it! 8 H! (and no club)Regardless, let’s examine the question of “What makes counselors most effective globally?”

Question: What Makes Counselors Effective?

Is it genetics? – They look like caring people?

Is it training? – They have received a superior education?

Is it the type of clients they see? – YAVIS (young, attractive, verbal,

intelligent, social)

Question: What Makes Counselors Effective?

Is it intelligence? – They are able to see what a client needs and

respond quickly and appropriately

Is it creativity? – They are able to make combination interventions that are not

obvious to most counselors?

Is it experience? – They get better with time?

Answer: What Makes a Counselor Effective?

All of the qualities mentioned in the previous slides are important individually in some ways and yet what makes a counselor effective is its “gestalt” – its togetherness, more than any of these qualities alone. 1) Look of Caring/Competence, 2) Training/Education, 3) Client Type, 4) Intelligence, 5) Creativity, 6) Experience

The reason for looking at a multitude of qualities in evaluating counseling is that like life, counseling is a complex process and people are multifaceted. Many times people think, “if I just had a bit more of this or that.” Such thinking is parallel to believing a bit more salt or spice will make a dish better. The only trouble with such thinking is that counseling is not cooking!

Many professionals have tried to answer the question of effectiveness in a counselor. Here are a few summaries of their opinions.

What Makes a Counselor Effective? (Words to think about.)

Raw products (talent) is not enough, it needs to be refined (like sugar cane). “Great counselors aren’t ‘born.’ Instead, great counselors develop and perfect the intricacies of their counseling skills over time.” Gerald Juhnke (UTSA, Texas) http://ct.counseling.org/2012/12/the-recipe-for-truly-great-counseling/

“Having ability will get you into the door (to be a counselor) but the question becomes what do you do when the door is closed (the counseling session)?” Jeffrey Kottler (Cal State Fullerton) http://ct.counseling.org/2012/12/the-recipe-for-truly-great-counseling/

“Effective counselors have a multitude of skills” Don W. Locke (Mississippi College) http://ct.counseling.org/2012/12/the-recipe-for-truly-great-counseling/

Question: What Makes Counselors Effective?

The tangibles – for example, office set up, dress of counselor, degrees on the wall, therapeutic approaches, and “interventions” are all important in many, ways and evidence-based research is crucial in counseling. However, much of what happens in a counseling session is dependent on what may be referred to as the intangible (those qualities that are hard to always empirically verify, like the strength of a relationship between counselors and clients). Although empiricism is essential to our field, claiming to provide successful counseling using only “empirically validated” interventions is a way of hiding from what truly affects change in counseling — a genuine human connection. Daniel Weigel (Oklahoma) http://ct.counseling.org/2012/12/the-recipe-for-truly-great-counseling/

With this background, let’s move to the 8 H Qualities.

The 8 H Qualities

In addressing the 8 H qualities I also hope to at least touch on at least two other questions:• Why is it that some promising counselors never fulfill their potential? They

catch on fire and then burn out.• What are we, or should we, be looking for in choosing and educating the next

generation of counselors and in assisting the present generation?The 8 H Qualities I want to talk about are not the answer to all of the complex questions in counseling but they are a start.

The 8 H Qualitiesdeal with

Heart (feeling, affect)Head (thinking, listening, speaking)Hold (both stopping and continuing an action)Holistic (all aspects of a person)Hope (optimism)Hurt (the wounded healer concept)Humanity (altruism, selflessness)Humor (laughing, seeing the absurd in life)

1. Heart (Feelings, Affect) 1 Feeling/Affect has to do with the primacy of how we process life (Zajonc, 1984) or as the poet e.e.cummings has writtenSince feeling is first,who pay any attention to the syntax of things will never wholly kiss you. “We can teach skills but we are limited as to how much we can help someone improve their feeling level.” Mark Pope (Missouri) say he thinks one of the most important aspects of counseling is “understand your own feelings.”http://ct.counseling.org/2012/12/the-recipe-for-truly-great-counseling/

1. Heart (Feelings, Affect) 1

Let me expand on feelings for a moment and use the heart as an example. In every day life we talk about the importance of feelings. We say words like a person is a “heart throb” or if we are rejected by someone we have a “heart ache.” Popular music picks it up, too, for example, the pop group Air Supply has a lyric that goes: The beating of my heart is a drumAnd it’s looking for a rhythm like you.The point is that most important decisions in life are made from the heart (feelings). Take for instance, the love (or loves) of your life. Did you decide to pursue a mate because you just liked his or her hair or the clothes he or she wore. The answer: “No!!!!!!” You had feelings for that person. The same with careers. We either feel like a “fish out of water” or we feel we belong. Stories of Carl Rogers, Ginger Rogers, Mr. Rogers, Kenny Rogers, etc.

1. Heart (Feelings, Affect) 1

The same should be true for our profession of counseling, too. If people do not have a feeling – a passion, a sense of calling – they usually do not last as counselors because counseling is hard work and “toxic.” We listen to people at their most trying and hurting times. Thus, feeling comes first with those of us in the profession or considering the profession. We have to have a passion for what we are doing, or about to do, if we are going to be successful.Likewise, feeling comes first with our clients who are in the midst of making interpersonal, intrapersonal, career, family, and other choices in life. What they decide to do with their lives is more of an affective than a cognitive decision. Therefore, we have to help clients wake up to their feelings (if they have flat affect), calm down their feelings (if they are manic) and acknowledge the importance of their affect and use it wisely.

2. Head (quick thinking, observing, listening)

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That leads us to the head (cognitions). One of Eric Berne’s most famous books had a catchy title: What do you say after you say ‘hello’? As counselors we follow what our client is saying. Knowing how to respond, when, and how can make the difference between doing what is therapeutic and what is terrible. We have to master microskills and use our ears, eyes, and even olfactory senses to help our clients and to help ourselves in assisting our clients. We have leads but there is no prescribed response we can or should give. We are not computers. Otherwise we would have mechanical or robotic counselors like Eliza.

Eliza, the computer counselor 2

ELIZA is a computer program who emulates a Rogerian psychotherapist.ELIZA has almost no intelligence whatsoever, only tricks like string substitution and canned responses based on keywords. Yet when the original ELIZA first appeared in the 60's, some people actually mistook her for human. The illusion of Eliza’s intelligence worked best if people limited their conversations to talking about themselves and little else.However, the point about using one’s head is that this part of our body can do more good or do more damage than any other part of our anatomy. We must observe and listen to how congruent a client is. It seems simple but it is not.

2. Head (quick thinking, observing,listening)

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In using our heads in counseling, we nod, we listen, we reflect, we probe, we confront, we summarize, and essentially we become fully verbal and non-verbal when appropriate. Our heads give us away. Clients know we are with them or not, by looking at our heads.Story of the accountant, coffee, and nodding off.

3. Hurt (that has been healed/resolved) 3

Study by Barr --- Barr, A. (2006). An investigation into the extent to which Psychological Wounds inspire Counsellors and Psychotherapists to Become Wounded Healers, the significance of these Wounds on their Career Choice, the Causes of these Wounds and the overall significance of Demographic Factors.”. The Green Rooms. Retrieved January, 15, 2014.Barr’s results showed that 73.9% of counselors and psychotherapists have experienced one or more wounding experiences leading to career choice.“Counselors — and counseling programs — need to be prepared to acknowledge that no one comes into counseling training unscathed by life.” Anneliese Singh (Georgia) http://ct.counseling.org/2012/12/the-recipe-for-truly-great-counseling/

3. Hurt (that has been healed/resolved) 3

Being a wounded healer (having pain that you have resolved) is crucial in the profession of counseling for it promotes empathy. If we don’t have empathy, we don’t understand our clients very well. So we should ask potential counselors and each others: “what are the challenges you have overcome or may still be overcoming? And how are you doing that?” e.g., supervision. As William Faulkner, an American novelist, has his character, Gavin Stevens, state in Requiem for a Nun (1951): “The past is never dead. It’s not even past.” Yet the past can be resolved. It is different from what one of my former students said to me before dropping out of counseling.“I say that I can empathize, but when the record is over, I always play the other side.” She couldn’t stay with an emotion and hold the focus or deal with her own emotional past.

4. Hope (optimism; life can be better) 4

Clients like other people either get better or they get bitter. Hope (or a lack thereof) is a key ingredient in both cases.Broadway play: “Don’t bother me, I can’t cope.” The musical was actually pretty good but the title was not. If people can’t cope, they can’t hope.

“The effective counselor communicates hope and optimism. This communication is a firm belief that together the therapist and client will work successfully. This hopefulness is about the client (i.e., the client can achieve the goals) and of the therapist himself or herself (i.e., I can work successfully with this client).”Bruce E. Wampold, QUALITIES AND ACTIONS OF EFFECTIVE THERAPISTS

https://www.apa.org/education/ce/effective-therapists.pdf

4. Hope (optimism; life can be better) 4

Story of being too optimistic as a problem.Being optimistic, in the typical sense of the word, ultimately means one expects the best possible outcome from any given situation. This characteristic is both biological and learned. It is linked to health. Optimists have been shown to live healthier lifestyles which may influence disease. For example, optimists smoke less, are more physically active, consume more fruit, vegetables and whole-grain bread, and consume more moderate amounts of alcohol.Some strategies for helping counselors and clients become more optimistic include: 1) surrounding oneself with positive people, 2) identifying areas of change, 3) practice positive self-talk (Albert Ellis and REBT), 4) being open to humor, and 5) following a healthy lifestyle.

5. Holistic (see person in entirety) 5

Don’t focus on just changing one thing, look to see how one change makes a difference in the whole person. Ripple effect or total effect.

Pupils dilate if someone is really interested in the other person.

We are drawn to dilated/big eyes: Disney

Too often counseling is focused on the specific. For example, a phobia, an anxiety, a depression. To make a real difference, counseling must focus on the whole person: all aspects of human nature, especially a person's physical, intellectual, and spiritual development.

5.Holistic (see person in entirety) 5

5.Holistic (see person in entirety) 5

C. Gilbert Wrenn has said it well in talking about the holistic nature of people – clients and counselors. “You are one, the parts are inseparable and interdependent…. So it is with counselors. I have heard much discussion among graduate student counselors-to-be about the relative importance of cognition and affect, head and heart, knowing and caring. To care for yourself means acknowledging all of you and acknowledging that one part of self is dependent upon the whole.”

Wrenn, G.C. (1973) The World of the Contemporary Counsellor.

Boston: Houghton Mifflin Company

6. Hold (insight, tongue, advice); Be Patient; Hold on 6

As counselors we are always ahead of our clients. We can give them what we see or we can let them wrestle and help them gain insight. I think clients have the right to struggle because if they struggle and come up with resolutions they will be much more meaningful. Let the relationship develop.“It is natural for me to want to resolve issues brought to me. As a counselor, I had to learn to have the patience to let the counseling relationship develop and learn to facilitate my client’s resolution of issues, rather than me fixing things for my client.” Patricia Nunez (Illinois)“One thing that has helped me to become a better counselor is learning to contain my impulses to offer immediate insights or advice to clients.” John Sommers-Flanagan (Montana)http://ct.counseling.org/2012/12/the-recipe-for-truly-great-counseling/

6. Hold (insight, tongue, advice); Be Patient; Hold on

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Holding on can mean a lot of things in regard to being tenacious and even stubborn. In counseling, holding on often means not giving up, too. William Glasser has probably been the biggest proponent of this message. Many clients have been given up on by the time they reach a counselor. Wilson Phillips lyrics:Don't you know things can changeThings'll go your wayIf you hold on for one more dayCan you hold on for one more dayThings'll go your wayHold on for one more day

7. Humanity (a genuine love for people; altruism, selflessness)

7We can train skills but we can’t train character. Either we as counselors are altruistic and selfless or we are not. No one becomes a counselor for the financial rewards.Altruism or selflessness is the principle or practice of concern for the welfare of others. It is a traditional virtue in many cultures and a core aspect of various religious traditions and secular worldviews.“Great counselors are committed to their work with an awareness of their own intentions and motivations.” Rebecca Toporek (California)“Great counselors are deeply and authentically interested in the welfare of others.” John Sommers-Flanagan (Montana), http://ct.counseling.org/2012/12/the-recipe-for-truly-great-counseling/

7. Humanity (a genuine love for people; altruism, selflessness) 7Lucy Van Pelt in the cartoon “Peanuts” says on one occasion: “I love humanity. It’s people I can’t stand!” Obviously, it cannot be both ways.

Counselors who love humanity stand out. In the United States and within the American Counseling Association, Gilbert Wrenn is one of those individuals. Wrenn wrote about humanity on a number of occasions and phrased it in terms of caring.

Caring means making some decisions, taking some risks….

If helping shows caring, then look at your priorities — for whom and about what do you care most?

In the counselor’s hierarchy of values, the individual ranks higher than the institution.

Therapist Gerald Haigh once commented that counselors had as their major function that of creating a relationship in which clients experienced "moments of humanness.“

Wrenn, G.C. (1973) The World of the Contemporary Counsellor. Boston: Houghton Mifflin Company.

8. Humor (see the lighter side of life)

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Paul Watzlawick focuses on the fact that at times “things are hopeless but not serious.” There is a bright side to dreary situations if we allow ourselves to see them. Opposite couples – a person can get mad or they can see the humor in their reverse self.

The Metaphor Research Group found when clients are getting better in counseling they tend to use more humor in regard to themselves and their situation (for example, laughing) and use more metaphors. “I was really a square in the midst of roundness.”

8. Humor (see the lighter side of life)8

Last summer I received the Hatch prize from my university. It gave me a week to study anything I wanted at Oxford. I chose “Humor and Mental Health.” The most salient thing I took away from my studies was that there is healthy and unhealthy humor. Healthy humor (the virtuous seven types) are: • anecdotes -comical personal stories, for example, “Let me tell you about my wild ride to the rodeo and the wild

ride I took once I got there”;• jokes - prepackaged antidotes which people memorize and pass on to others, for example, “A penguin, a nun, and

the Long Ranger go into a bar….” ; • puns – humorous use of a word that evokes a second meaning, usually based on a homophone (that is., a word

with a different meaning that sounds the same), for example, “I hope your dream of becoming a chef pans out”;• stock conversational witticisms – humorous sayings or expressions that are routinely or recurrently used in

conversation, for example, “that joke was as corny as Kansas in August”;• irony - a statement in which the literal meaning is different from the intended meaning, for example, “look at that

beautiful liquid sunshine” from a person who is disappointed that it is raining; • hyperbolic - a comic presentation marked by extravagant exaggeration and outsized characterization, for example,,

“The Chihuahua that nipped at me was as big as a horse. Hmmm, maybe it was a horse!”;• self-enhancing which is sometimes called self-effacing (having a humorous outlook on life which is utilized to

maintain self-esteem and cope with stress), for example, “In my presentation to the Board of Directors I dribbled past their intimidating looks and made slam dunk, all net, points right in their faces … and I don’t even play basketball”).

8. Humor (see the lighter side of life)8

As opposed to these virtuous seven are five types of humor that are negative. They often leave individuals feeling discouraged and devalued. They are: • satire -aggressive humor that pokes fun at social institutions or policies, for example, dissatisfied college students stating the rules of their institutions are fine, that is, if they were living in 1899!

• sarcasm -aggressive humor that targets an individual rather than an institution, for example, Winston Churchill said to Lady Nancy Astor after she rebuked him for being drunk that the next day he would be sober but she would still be ugly. • dark/black -grim or depressing humor dealing with misfortune and/or death and with a pessimistic outlook, for example., “don’t worry about your tuberculosis, cancer is eating it out.”• teasing -- humorous remarks directed at the listener’s personal appearance or foibles, e.g., “That red shirt really looks good with those green checkered pants. Where did you find such a combination?”. Whether or not teasing is intended to seriously offend or insult, it is detrimental because the person being teased feels devalued. • blue/risqué - unsubtle humor often marked by coarse jokes and sexual situations, for example., “My #*@# (usually a body part) is as cold as Iceland.”

Different situations elicit distinct types of humor but as a rule positive humor creates a more affirmative mindset and overall feeling while negative humor does the opposite

Summary and Conclusion of the 8 H Qualities

Some counselors do not have all 8 H qualities. However, it is important for them to have more of them than less of them and to develop the others.

Heart (feeling, affect)Head (thinking, listening, speaking)Hold (both stopping and continuing an action)Holistic (all aspects of a person)Hope (optimism)Hurt (the wounded healer concept)Humanity (altruism, selflessness)Humor (laugh, see the absurd)

Summary and Conclusion

The reason the 8 H qualities are so important might be summed up in a six word counseling stories. 1. Hearts beat, people meet, feelings flow. 2. Heads up, life is before you. 3. Hold up, hold on, be strong. 4. Your client is holistic, a gestalt. 5. Hope for the best, be optimistic. 6. Hurt can be transformed, totally reborn. 7. Our sanity is in our humanity. 8. Humor yourself, you will feel better. Final Six Words: Who you are makes a difference!