turning the pages through grief

NOVEMBER2017 “

”

hen my son got married my first thought was

Wthat my parents were missing it. The thought of how much they had cared for him, how proud

they had been of his every achievement put me over the edge and I could not stop crying. “Who gives this woman to this man?” The pastor asked. I couldn’t help but think, this man…this man, they were there for his first feeding, his first swim was in their pool, his first steps were in their living room.

Now this man is standing before his bride, and my parents are missing it. His college graduation came a few years after, but I found myself plagued by the very same thoughts. I watched him move his tassel from right to left as the ceremony began and I thought of my parents. I watched him walk across the stage to receive his Bachelor’s degree. The university president shook his hand and like a man, he shook it back. I could almost hear my mother saying, look, he’s a man. His picture was taken. My mother would have bought every copy they would make had she been there. My father would have been choking back tears, had he been there. They would have told me I had done a great job…had they been there.

The big moments after death are seemingly bigger in the absence of our loved ones. We may find that those moments sometimes make grieving fresh and as painful as reliving the death itself all over again. First anniversaries, holiday seasons and special events in our lives may bring a strange mixture of joy and pain. You may find yourself wondering if you’ll ever again enjoy the Thanksgiving Day parade, the Super Bowl or a family outing. While we are living our lives and building memories with loved ones we rarely stop to think about how the echo of that relationship will effect us as we do those same things after they have passed on.

If your heart isn’t in your holiday season, you reserve the right to cancel it. After all, there will be more holidays. They roll around so quickly there will be another fresh set in no time at all. It’s better not to overwhelm yourself with the thought of entertaining others while your wounds are still fresh. If on the other hand, cancelling holiday plans seems unthinkable to you, you can always try to find ways to honor your loved one. For instance, you can go around the table allowing everyone a chance to share a treasured memory about the person whom you are

The darkest nights producethe brightest stars.

—John Green

The Big Moments After Death

...if they were here

By Paulette LeBlanc

“Providing Comfort To Families”www.familyfuneralhome.net

Mandy Luikens & Tiffany A. HoferOwners/Funeral Directors

Highmore, SD ● 605-852-2432 Miller, SD ● 605-853-3127Gettysburg, SD ● 605-765-9637 Faulkton, SD ● 605-598-4141

Eagle Butte, SD ● 605-964-3614

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The purpose of this newsletter is to share thoughts and insights from a variety of sources on how to live richly and meaningfully through all of life’s chapters.

Created and owned by Madsen Ink, Co. • Copyright 2017chaptersnewsletter@comcast.net

grieving. You do not have to be brave or strong for the sake of everyone else. You don’t have to pretend that person never existed, for the sake of making others more comfortable. The person died, but the love you and others have for them is still going to be very much alive.

What about events you can’t cancel? I had no choice but to attend my son’s wedding and though his college graduation was a couple of years later, it still stung that my parents could not be there with us.

Though I was very aware of my grief for them, I allowed myself to experience it right alongside the joy I had on both occasions. I imagined their reaction to his milestone events

and though it made me sad, it also brought them back to life in my heart. One day when he has his first child, I’m certain the thought of my parents will bring tears to my face, but nothing will steal the joy of those big moments. Remember to grieve and mourn while embracing and all in your own time. Be kind to yourself.

turning the pages through grief

Paulette LeBlanc, who is trained in family counseling, is a published author, magazine editor and freelance writer, who currently resides on the Gulf Coast of Florida.

You don’t have to bebrave and strong for the

sake of everyone else.

When it comes to spiritual growth, we humans are solar-seeking beings; eager for the bright lights of clarity and the bliss of illumination. Paradoxically, we all need to walk through the shadow of the dark night in order to discover a life worth living, according to psychotherapist and spiritual commentator Thomas Moore.

Unlike depression, which is more of an emotional state, Moore calls the dark night a slow transformation process, which is fueled by a profound period of doubt, disorientation and questioning. Ultimately, a journey into the dark night will reshape the very meaning of your life. As a self-proclaimed "lunar type," Moore is comfortable leading his clients and readers into the shadows, where ambiguities and mysteries lurk around every corner. He also speaks to the many arenas and stages of life in which we might find ourselves stumbling through the dark, with chapters on marriage, parenting, sexuality, creativity and health.

amazon.com Review

Epilogueby Susie Moore,

Life Coach

susie-moore .com

Astheyearwindsdownandwinternears,it’seasytostarttofeelalittleheavieraboutlife.Thedarknessandwinterbluescreepinearlierandearliereachevening.Asthedaysshortenandnewyearcontemplationkicksoff,wecanstilldecidetofeellight,brightandliftedevenasthetemperaturesdrop.

Connect with nature (without going outside):Ifafreshfallwalkisn’tanoptiontoday–tuneintoanatureshow!AlittleTVneverhurtnobody.

DeclutterWhatcanyougetridofinyourhome?It’sinstantlightness!Anditimpactsalotmorethanyourclosetandkitchencabinetspace.It’slikeemotionalweightliftedoffyourshoulders,too.

Lose a grudgeI’vesecretlybeenholdingagrudgeagainsttwodifferentpeopleforyearsnow.Thinkingabouteitherofthemcanrilemeup.SoIdon’t.Becauseforgiveness(still!)doesnotfloweasily,Ijustcutthemoutofmymindaltogether.Itworkswellenoughforme.Thereisnotoxicitybecausethereis,well,simplynothing.Nextitem!Wheneverweforgive,weinstantlyfeellighter.Don’trobyourselfoftheamazingfeelingitgivesyou.

Sleep moreIrecentlysawastudythatrevealedonehour’smoresleepanight increasesyourhappinessasmuchas$60,000raise.Yep–$60,000smackeroos.Howaboutthat?!Ibelieveit,too.Thegoodnews?Darkereveningscanbehighlyconducivetoearlierbedtimes!Thereisnothingmagicalormysticalaboutgettingsufficientrest.It’salluptoyou.Andthewinterblueshavewaylesspoweroveryouwhenyou’vesleptfor8hours.

Just breathe… And observeWheneveryouwanttodiveintothepresentmoment,here’sagreatwaytodoit,fast.Pausefor5secondsandsimplylistentothesoundsaroundyou.

How To Feel Lighter As the Seasons Change

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