Chapter 29

Working Well with Others

People Who Need People............................................................................................................................... 380

Nice is as Nice Does ...................................................................................................................................... 380

Technical Niceness is Not Nice ..................................................................................................................... 381

Mostly Nice People Get Along with Most People ........................................................................................ 381

Pricklier Personalities ..................................................................................................................................... 381

Interpersonal Skills can be Improved ............................................................................................................ 382

Being Nicer Includes Yourself Too ............................................................................................................... 382

Attitude Obstacles to Good Communication ................................................................................................. 383

Conflict is Not a Four-letter Word................................................................................................................. 383

Collaboration over Competition..................................................................................................................... 383

Avoid Defensive Communication .................................................................................................................. 383

Face-saving Strategies .................................................................................................................................... 384

When Conflict Gets Heated............................................................................................................................ 384

Lighten up and Laugh at Yourself ................................................................................................................. 384

Playing Nice ................................................................................................................................................... 384

Work with the Person That is, Not the One in Your Mind........................................................................... 385

What’s Your Body Saying?............................................................................................................................ 385

Communication; the Good Loop.................................................................................................................... 385

Accede to Seniority ........................................................................................................................................ 386

Getting to Know the Band ............................................................................................................................. 386

Send an Invitation to Communication ........................................................................................................... 387

Give and Take: The Foundation of Social Networks .................................................................................... 388

Building Goodwill .......................................................................................................................................... 388

Rebroadcast Their Activity......................................................................................................................... 388

Comment on Their Activity........................................................................................................................ 388

Share Information and Ideas....................................................................................................................... 389

Introduce People to One Another ............................................................................................................... 389

Offer Your Expertise .................................................................................................................................. 389

Be Human ................................................................................................................................................... 389

Networking 101 .............................................................................................................................................. 389

Be Strategic ................................................................................................................................................. 389

Appreciate Assistants .................................................................................................................................. 390

Organize Your Information ........................................................................................................................ 390

The Appropriate Thank You....................................................................................................................... 390

Communicate Effectively ........................................................................................................................... 390

Quality, Not Quantity ................................................................................................................................. 390

Be Useful..................................................................................................................................................... 390

Networking No-nos ........................................................................................................................................ 390

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People Who Need People

One of the most universally agreed upon truths in liveaudio (a field where there are few things universallyagreed upon) is that a positive attitude, the ability toplay nice, patience, people skills are essential to yoursuccess as a live engineer. There are two reasons whythis is true:

1. Because any gig or project you will be involved in isby it’s nature a team effort. Some team projectscould be done by one person if they had the time tohandle everything, but putting on a good show isimpossible without a team of people; no amount oftime, technology, or even extra arms would make itpossible for a single person to pull off. There’s noway around it, live sound engineering is a collabo-rative art, and to succeed at any collaboration, youneed the skill of cooperation.

2. And also because getting promoted, hearing aboutnew opportunities through the grapevine, gettingword-of-mouth recommendations, etc. are asessential as being skilled or knowledgeable togetting gigs, or getting promotions, or gettingclients.

So the first thing you should realize is that live soundengineers need others to even exist as a profession, evenmore so to succeed. That’s OKdto use the words ofa song from the musical Funny Girl, this makes livesound pros among “the luckiest people in the world.”And we agree.

Nice is as Nice Does

However it may be in other arenas, in the field of liveaudio at least, nice guys do not finish lastdin factthey have the edge. So what does it mean to be nice?After scouring the web for a good definition, we’veinstead settled for a list of the most commonly citednice behaviors of nice people. The entire definition ofnice can make being nice seem like it requires you tobe saintly, which is daunting and can feel out of reachto mere mortals who get hungry, hung-over, and butthurt sometimes. Since even nice people have baddays, foibles, and at times struggle with some aspectsof being nice more than others even if to the eyes ofobservers their niceness always comes easily, it seemsthat defining nice by behaviors is more helpful, sincebehaviors don’t need to be picked up as one persona,like putting on a mask; behaviors can be mastered oneby one even by the impatient, the cranky, the sarcastic,and all the other somewhat flawed folks (which is to say

most of us) who represent the only mostly nice, themainly pretty nice, and the merely kind of nice. Nicebehaviors anyone can practice (and unpleasant ones toavoid) include:

� smiling at people/maintaining a cheerful expression(not scowling, smirking, or looking stern);

� generally maintaining a positive and upbeat outlook(not complaining, judging, worrying);

� being polite and courteous (not dismissive or rude);� helping others who need it, if they can, and

expressing sympathy if they can’t (not lounge andstare while others struggle);

� when helping, doing so freely and without acting putout (not helping with sighs and eye rolls/guilt trips/lengthy lectures about the gratitude they are owed);

� listening to others without judging (not interrupting,getting defensive, or changing the topic);

� willing to take responsibility for their hurtful actions/able to admit their faults/say sorry (not act likenothing happened, or trying to lay all blame on otherswhile claiming they are the only innocent party);

� giving others credit for their strengths and successes(not ignoring or downplaying them or acting jealousor disappointed when they benefit);

� considering carefully the spoken words of others first,then if they disagree doing so respectfully withoutneeding to invalidate the other’s point of view(thinking about other’s opinions before reacting,disagreeing by stating their view, “I see thingsdifferently”, not invalidating other’s, “You are anidiot and wrong”);

� confronting people respectfully and explainingthoughts and feelings without shaming or blaming(not “Are you stupid? Did you not hear me say it wasessential to bring it today?” but “I know you didn’tintend to create problems, but when you forgot itmade my day harder which doesn’t feel fair”);

� accepting genuine apologies and moving forward(not dwelling on the same mistake after acceptingapology and if further resolution is required the atti-tude is one of helping avoid future mistakes notharping on ones made already, “Let’s find a solutionto either make it easier for you to remember, or less ofan impact on others if you can’t”);

� responding to negative behavior from others withtolerance and understanding (not immediately takingthe opportunity to call people on every slipup, or callthem out openly);

� being generous and giving without ulterior motives orexpectations (not trying to dictate how and when theygive back or if they don’t in the way/time you expect

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not assuming they won’t but trusting they will pay itback or pay it forward when they can);

� being grateful for the help or generosity of others, andshowing it by saying thank you and givingacknowledgment (not “well you owed me anyway”or just taken without comment);

� sharing the toys they bring, credit, attention,conversation time, choice of activity, the role ofcowboy (or Indian) (not hogging what you don’t wantto share, nor flaunting it in front of others who don’thave it);

� speaking well of people and not gossiping whethertruth or rumor.

Technical Niceness is Not Nice

There are also ways to observe all these practices yet notbe nice. It is possible even with rules of fair play to“obey the letter of the law but ignore the spirit.” Thisis a form of passive aggressive behavior. One exampleis mistakes that are not mentioned again so not techni-cally “harped” on, still being kept on center stage bybeing very obviously silently dwelled upon, referred tosilently with looks and body language when only thetarget is looking, and with repeated remarks that canbe interpreted two ways, the way that hurts the targetbeing the intended message and, if the passive aggressoris called on it, the other meaning serving as the decoythe passive aggressor can use to prove they are innocentand not playing nasty. Another example can be observedwhen people who point out that they have not once beenrude to anyone have managed to be just as unkind oractually worse by being exceedingly polite andreplacing warmth with formality or indifference.

Mostly Nice People Get Along with MostPeople

Some people have easygoing dispositions and rarelylapse on any of these without even having to try,while others are nice because they practiced it but areno less cranky or unreasonable by nature. But odds arethat even those of us who aren’t always patient ortactful or perfectly polite can say we do most of thesethings the majority of the time, and have done all ofthese at least on our best days. Most people are mostlynice. The proof of this is in the fact that by our lateteens we get along well enough with most people; wemay occasionally have fights or misunderstandings butresolve them without losing friendships. We mighthave an unexpected roommate or coworker drama pop

up but these are the exception not the rule, and weknow which are because the other is just not reasonable,and when we are part of the problem too. We like peoplein general even if we don’t need to be best friends withthem. And the handful we don’t like we don’t need to goto war with. In other words nice people generally havegood relationships even if not perfect across the board.

Even if weak areas are more trouble for somedtrouble in relationships with authority figures or in inti-mate romantic relationships are going to causemore problems and be more painful than trouble withneighborsdthe rest of our interpersonal relationshipsare normal. Fortunately, your generally good interper-sonal skills means you can learn to overcome problemareas without too much struggle if you choose. So ifyou have specific weaknesses that make it hard tocollaborate especially with new people, you will needto learn to recognize and manage these to excel in liveaudio, but this is just a matter of practice.

For the majority in this range, working in a socialfield like live audio should not be difficult and newskills such as learning the keys to resolving conflictprofessionally and how to assert ourselves more tact-fully should be easy to pick up. Most will progress natu-rally as anyone leaving high-school relationshipsdynamics behind and adopting workplace norms.

Even if we are less than perfect at only one behavior,it’s good to know which one. Perfection is not required,but knowing your problems gives you power to controlthem or let them slide, but not knowing them leaves youpowerless. If you have not found any problem behaviorsin the list above but still have some problem areas, thereare a few more habits for working well with others youmay need to practice.

Pricklier Personalities

The statistical likelihood is great that there are somereaders who have more trouble getting along smoothlythan others. This doesn’t mean they are friendlessoutcasts, but their friendships are rockier, and theirpast is littered with more broken friendships than arenormal or in worst cases with almost every friendshipthey’ve ever had. This does not make these people“bad” or “unlikeable.” Depending on the reason theyfirst started developing bad habits, they may have beenthe healthiest possible choice for their situation, butwere kept after the situation was over and theyweren’t needed or healthy anymore. Some prickly folkare just a little less socially adept than normal, soinstead of two behaviors they don’t do as well theymay have four or five. Others may do everything by

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the letter of the law, but trust issues make it hard to beopen enough to like people they don’t know, whichwill be clear in their body language: “I’m being niceto you because the rules say to, not because I thinkyou deserve it.” And when given two messages thatconflict, most people will respond to the nonverbalone as correct even if unconsciously. Others may onlylack one behavior from the list above, but just happento lack the one that makes folks avoid them if theyalso display the opposite behaviordyou don’t have tobe upbeat all the time or ever, but if you worryconstantly and complain about everything and everyone,and/or judge every one’s actions, many folks will haveto sever ties for their own mental health.

Other prickly people have a whole set of bad habitsand have some type of personality disorder (one in tenpeople do), while others may have an anxiety disorder(20 percent of adults do) or Asperger’s, or simply wereraised in families where they weren’t allowed to getmad or shown how to deal with healthy conflict butinstead learned passive aggressive tactics as the onlyway to assert themselves. None of these is automati-cally synonymous with A-hole, and in fact thesepeople are often quite creative and cool right up untilthey sabotage their core relationships every one tothree years like clockwork. Nevertheless, for socialcreatures, even if those suffering try to pretend itdoesn’t matter, troubled interpersonal relationshipsand broken friendships are quite painful and confusingno matter why they keep happening. So is an inabilityto get beyond superficial friendships, since there arepeople with this problem too.

Interpersonal Skills can be Improved

People who may be just a little crankier or more difficultthan most can fix their interpersonal issues if they eval-uate their behavior honestly, or if they can’t do thatalone, get help locating their problem areas andcommit to working on them. While they won’tbecome Dr. Charisma overnight, if they practice theirsocial skills along with their audio skills they can bewell on their way to better interpersonal interactionsby the time they need to be able to work collaboratively.They just need to be aware that they need to keep prac-ticing even after they start showing progress; habitsusually need reinforcement well after they are adoptedto get “set,” or they are lost much faster than it took toget them started.

Any readers who regularly have volatile relation-ships, have only had a few stable ones, or can’t maintainany that are more than just superficial ones need to know

a few things if they want to stop repeating the samepatterns and if they hope to have any chance at a success-ful career in live audio, or any chance at all:

1. They are not alonedbetween all the different waysone can express difficulty relating to other people,around 30e40 percent of adults experience distressover disruption to their relationships due to malad-aptive interpersonal strategies, and for about half ofthose this disruption was found in all their significantrelationships.

2. They cannot progress or do anything but repeat thepattern over and over until they accept personalresponsibility. Those with personality disorders orpassive aggressive behaviors tend to repeat a narra-tive that stars them as the innocent and unsuspectingvictim, and everyone else involved as unprovokedevil, much like the tales told by those with anger-management issues of finding their peacefulevening once more disrupted by fists coming out ofnowhere. But if they are helpless and the world isfull of snakes out to get them, they truly are screwed.If they admit they are their worst problem, they canbecome the solution.

3. If they seek help and work on their issues honestly,they not only can look forward to stable friendshipsthey can count on, but jobs they can keep and excelat, goals they can stick to, and intimate relationshipsthat feel great instead of like waiting for theexecutioner. Those people with personality disor-ders who learn to recognize “triggers” and usecoping mechanisms to control their reactions insteadof being jerked around like a puppet are called “self-aware,” something all people should strive for.

Being Nicer Includes Yourself Too

If you want to become more optimistic and engage inmore positive thinking, first identify topics that you typi-cally think negatively about and replace these with posi-tive self-talk to start changing the way you think. Beencouraging with yourself; instead of imposing limita-tions, your self-talk should be about transcendingthem. If a negative thought enters your mind, evaluateit rationally and begin by following one simple rule:Don’t say anything to yourself that you wouldn’t sayto anyone else. When something goes wrong, youmight normally react by saying, “Everything’sruined!” With cognitive restructuring, you replacethose kinds of thoughts with more reasonable ones andrespond with affirmations instead: “This is frustrating,but it’s not the end of the world.”

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Ditch this Dud Readjust Your Thinking

I’ve never done thisbefore

It’s too complicatedI don’t have theresources

I’m too lazy to getthis done

There’s no way thiswill work

It’s too radical a changeNo one bothers tocommunicate

I’m not going to getany better

This is a chance to learnsomething new

Let’s look ata different angle

Necessity is the motherof invention

I will take it one stepat a time

I can make it workLet’s take a chanceI can open channelsof communication

I’ll give it another try.

Remember to check yourself: periodically during theday, stop and evaluate what you’re thinking. If you findthat your thoughts are mainly negative, try to finda way to put a positive spin on them. If you tend tohave a negative outlook, don’t expect to become anoptimist overnight. But with practice, eventually yourself-talk will contain less self-criticism and more self-acceptance. You may also become less critical of theworld around you. Plus, when you share your positivemood and positive experience, both you and thosearound you enjoy an emotional boost.

Attitude Obstacles to Good Communication

These attitudes are habits that make it harder to take careof yourself and get along well with others, try to avoidthese modes of thinking and your relationships withyourself and others will be more positive and yourability to communicate less handicapped.

� Filtering: You magnify the negative aspects ofa situation and filter out all of the positive ones. Forexample, your boss goes over your yearly reviewand it’s full of praise for your performance that year,but makes one suggestion about something that youcould improve upon. That evening, you focus onlyon the suggestion and forget about the praise youreceived.

� Personalizing: When someone looks upset and youautomatically assume they are upset about you. Forexample, your manager looks distracted and annoyedandwhenhewalks upyou start explaining immediatelyhowyou already turned in the formhe asked for earlier.He informs you he knew that already; he just wanted tolet you know he had to leave to pick up his kid as theentire class was being sent home with head lice. As he

walks off wearily, you get paranoid that somethingwasbeing implied about the length of your hair.

� Catastrophizing: You automatically anticipate theworst. Your boss emails you asking you to drop in hisoffice at the start of the following day, and you spendall night convinced you’re about to get sacked.

� Polarizing: You see things only as either good or bad,black or white. There is no middle ground. Someoneeither is for you or against you, agrees completely or notat all. When a co-worker makes some suggestions ona project proposal you submitted for everyone’s opinionyou assume he’s trying to make you feel stupid byquestioning yourmethods. Only later do you read it andsee it’s mainly praise and some formatting suggestions.

Conflict is Not a Four-letter Word

The word “conflict” produces a sense of anxiety for manypeople because they don’t know how to participate inconflict in a positive way; it’s much easier and muchsafer to ignore the necessary conflict. Unfortunately, unre-solved conflict does not go away; tends to escalate usuallyat the worst possible times. Practicing personal courage isnecessary if you want to really resolve conflicts at work.Conflict is usually uncomfortable but it is necessary foreffective problem solving and for effective interpersonalrelationships.Rather thanviewing conflict fromanegativeframe of reference, view it as an opportunity for clarifica-tion, growth, and even reinforcement of the relationship.

Collaboration over Competition

Many people feel threatened by conflict resolutionbecause they may not get what they want if the otherparty gets what they want. It should be made clear fromthe start that conflict resolution is about finding win/winsituations; if one person leaves a loser, the conflict is notresolved. Approach conflict with an open mind: solvingworkplace conflicts requires finding a common ground,not waiting until one person caves to the other. Naturally,if it’s not about winners over losers, conflict resolution isalso not about being right and making someone elsewrong, if you hope to resolve conflict instead of addingfuel to the fire, leave the blame game behind.

Avoid Defensive Communication

People who struggle for control, access to resources, andinformation also use the process of communication toengage in competition. Hand in hand with competition isdefensive communication. Defensive communication is

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characterizedbycontrol, evaluation, and judgments. Judg-ment is a face detracting strategy for conflict. These strat-egies involve messages or statements that take away fromthe respect, integrity, or credibility of a person. When wefeel judged or criticized, our ability to listen can be dimin-ished; this kind of communication climate inhibitslistening, and leaves little room for collaboration.

Face-saving Strategies

Supportive communication focuses on the points andnot personalities. Face-saving strategies protect credi-bility and avoid blame. For example, you might saythat “rentals were down this quarter,” without specifi-cally noting who was responsible. Rentals were simplydown. By choosing to focus on the message instead ofthe messenger, we keep the discussion supportive andprofessional. To save face is to raise the issue whilepreserving a supportive climate, avoid power strugglesand personalities, and allow room in the conversationfor constructive discussions and problem solving.

� Determine expected outcomes of the discussion.� Allow each party to express their point of view so

each clearly understands the viewpoint of the other.Opinions should tie to real performance data andother facts, wherever possible.

� Agree on the difference in the points of viewtogether. Try to focus on the issues, not the person-alities of the participants, and not on blame.

� Explore and discuss potential positive solutions andalternatives that work for both parties. Discuss thepositive and negative possibilities of each suggestion.

� Agree on a plan that meets the needs of all parties,including follow-up steps, what each person will do tosolve the conflict, and how you will measure success.

When Conflict Gets Heated

� If you are in a heated discussion, slow down. Angrypeople tend to jump to conclusions, however far-fetched, but don’t get ahead of the discussion. It’snatural to get defensivewhenyou’re criticized, but don’tfight back. Instead, listen carefully to what the otherperson is saying; take notes if you need to and listen towhat’s beneath the words. It may take patient ques-tioning, but don’t let anger spin things out of control.

� Take your time before answeringeinstead of sayingthe first thing that comes into your head, think care-fully about what you want to say.

� Angry people tend to demand things, whether it’sfairness, appreciation, agreement, or just the

willingness to do things their way. Instead, becomeaware of your demanding nature and change yourdemands into requests. Saying you would likesomething is healthier than saying you must have it.

� Think about what’s behind your anger. Some peopleuse anger as a way to avoid feeling hurt, but thatdoesn’t make the hurt go away.

Lighten up and Laugh at Yourself

� Draw a mental picture: When you find yourselfthinking of the guitarist as a worm, think what thatwould look like: picture an earth worm trying to playa guitar and still turn that damn amp up. Doing so willtake the edge off your fury or help defuse a tensesituation.

� Refuse to take yourself too seriously: Humor can alsohelp when you find yourself being unreasonable. Ifyou find yourself thinking that things not going yourway is an unbearable indignity you shouldn’t have totolerate, picture yourself as a spoiled princess or a tin-pot dictator in platforms and polyesterdsomeonewho always gets their way but still throws tantrums.The more detail you add and the more ridiculous theimage, the better it can serve as a reminder of howunreasonable you are at times and how unimportantthe things you get worked up about really are. Thenbring it to mind whenever you’re tempted to act likea sulking princess or petty tyrant.

� Dumb engineer jokes: Refer to the web directory forlots of funny lists and jokes. Compile a list of “dumbengineer” jokes that you think would be appreciatedby a typical band to print out and keep a copy on handfor sound checks or any time there might be sometension or friction to overcome. Anytime the conflictseems to be getting heated, instead of fuming, deliversome self-deprecating sound engineer humor.

Playing Nice

� Identifying problems is the easy part: solutions arethe challenge that will earn respect from coworkersand bosses.

� Listen to what others have to say before expressingyour viewpoint. Never speak over, butt in, or cut offanother person.

� Treat your coworkers as equals no matter theirposition within your organization. All people areequal; they just have different jobs.

� Choose your battles wisely. Give indyou don’t needto win every round.

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� If you talk down to people, use sarcasm, or soundnasty, they will notice and remember.

� Share credit for accomplishments, ideas, and contri-butions. Thank, reward, and, recognize the contri-butions of the people who help you succeed.

� Help fellow employees harness their best abilities.Compliment, recognize, praise, and notice contribu-tions. You don’t have to be a manager to help createa positive, motivating environment for those whowork with you.

� Praise much more frequently than you criticize.Praise in public, criticize discreetly.

� Never blind side/ambush a coworker or boss. Alwaysdiscuss problems first with the people directlyinvolved who “own” the work system.

� Don’t ever blame or shamedit alienates coworkersand supervisors alike. Saying not my fault is under-standable, but shifting blame is not and publiclyidentifying and blaming others for failures will earnenemies.

� Do not nit-pick, constantly criticize over little things,belittle, judge, demean, or patronize.

� Avoid words like “never” or “always” when talkingabout yourself or others. Statements like “This neverworks” or “You’re always forgetting things” makeyou feel your anger is justified and there’s no way tosolve the problem. Such statements also alienate andhumiliate people who might otherwise be willing towork with you on a solution.

� Never participate in gossip or in discussing thebusiness of coworkers behind their backs.

Work with the Person That is, Not the One inYour Mind

Focus on goals. Say you have a tech who’s constantly latewhen you set up shows together. Don’t go on the attack.Instead, think about what you want to accomplish. Statethe problem and then try to find a solution that works forboth of you. If that doesn’t work, take matters into yourown hands. You might tell your friend to meet you halfan hour earlier than you plan to arrive at the venue, sothat he or she will get there when you do. Either way,the problem is solveddwithout damaging the friendshipor working relationship.

If you know a tech is going to forget a list, since theydid the last three times, and you assign it again, are youtrying to set them up? Is there something they do wellinstead you could assign them? It seems healthier thanrisking them failing. Sure, give them a shot to succeedagain later, but only once figuring out how to help.

What’s Your Body Saying?

According to one famous study 55 percent ofthe emotional meaning of a message is expressedthrough facial expressions, postures, and gestures, and38 percent of the emotional meaning is transmittedthrough the tone of voice. Only 7 percent of theemotional meaning is actually expressed with words.Many body-language experts and sources seem toagree that between 50 and 75 percent of all humancommunications are non-verbal. So while body-language importance depends on the situation,non-verbal communications overall are vital to under-standing each other (or failing to), especially when thecommunications involve an emotional or attitudinalelement. Body language is nature’s way of allowing usto peer behind the mask and at least get a sense of theattitudes and intentions of others even if we can’t besure based on their words. It’s no surprise then that wecan say one thing as many times as we want with ourwords, but if our body and tone of voice is saying some-thing different, listeners are going with the most reliablesource. Check the chapter directory for a link to infor-mation on body language information to learn how toread your own body and when it’s essential to controlwhat it tells others.

One useful trick you can employ without needing toknow what a single posture means is mirroring. Whenpeople are “in sync” they are of compatible mindsetsor in agreement. This is more than just a figure ofspeech though, because it describes something we donaturally with people we are comfortable and haveand understanding with. When we are agreeable withother people both parties mirror the body language ofthe other; when one leans forward the other follows,then as that one leans back, so does the first. If youare trying to establish rapport with somebody andneed a little help putting them at ease, casually mirrortheir stance and see if they begin to warm up to you.(Practice with a friend first so you can do this naturally;being caught obviously doing this will reduce your cred-ibility instead.)

Communication; the Good Loop

When you are involved in preproduction, after the largebulk of initial information is exchanged, you can stillexpect to spend some time on your phone clearing upremaining questions. And getting the complete informa-tion indicated in the contracts, forms, and listsmentioned is not always a smooth matter of ask andyou shall receive. Some bands are easier to get

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information from than others, and not all producers areas organized as others. However, since information suchas what kind of FOH mixer you’ll be working with orwhat extra gear you’ll have to integrate into yoursystem if you are head tech needs to be adequatelyprepared, if it comes down to making lots of gentlynagging reminder calls to get the info or doing withoutit, you should be prepared to make as many calls asyou need.

Accede to Seniority

Of course, once you have your plan finalized, or yourlists get tweaked, you will need to pass that informationto the other players. Even if you have worked your wayup to a position where you are given a lot of freedom tomake choices with relative autonomy, any time you areworking on a larger production, you will probably not bethe only engineer on the team, or the senior one. If left tomanage a gig on your own, but employed by a soundco,you will want to keep your boss or manager informed ofyour progress. If guest engineering for a band, yourwishes might be trumped by the needs of the guest engi-neer working for the headliner.

Generally in such cases, being able to compromiseor accede to seniority gracefully is the best responseif you want colleagues to think of you as a pro whoknows how to roll with the punches. Throwinga tantrum or attitude may briefly soothe a bruisedego, but it won’t earn you any respect. Since gaininga reputation for being awkward with interpersonalissues to be avoided whenever possible is not a wisecareer move regardless of skills or talents, learn to bea team player if that’s not a skill you already havehoned. That advice works for any on their way up,but applies even for those further up the ladder. Itmay be a long climb up, but a fall is much faster forthose choosing that route.

If you are the head engineer on a project, you willstill have colleagues who need to be kept in the loopto do their job, and keeping them informed is goodform. Being head engineer on a project does not makeone king. Being the only engineer as in small-venuehouse sound positions still doesn’t make the gig yoursalone. You could approach the position of FOH likea petty tyrant, but unless you imagine you can pull offa gig single-handedly, you need to respect the prosyou work with who are just as relevant to making ithappen. You may have the final word on the numberof stage monitors in the end, but you will find that youwill reach your practical goals behind that choice,

such as controlling stage noise levels, much moreeasily if you include the band’s and/or monitor engi-neers affected in the planning process, rather thandictating your choices to them 30 minutes beforethe show.

Getting to Know the Band

There can be some baggage attached to live soundengineering, especially for any working in smallervenues. One problem linked to this is the historicaltension between some engineers and some bands.Notice the word “some”. Don’t expect the worst, andeven if encountering it don’t assume it can’t easily befixed. If you find yourself having a difficult time estab-lishing trust with a band, don’t give up after the firsttry. In many cases, this mistrust is based on past badexperiences, or on misinformation creating a biasedview of live sound engineers based on the worstexamples.

Bands’ attitudes may be based on past experiences ofdifficulties with live sound engineers, or based on horrorstories heard by those without the experience to knowthese aren’t representative of every engineer. Whilethere are many great FOH engineers, not all areequally concerned with making bands sound their best,and even those that are may not be as good at expressingthat intent diplomatically.

It’s easy for a live engineer setting down groundrules to forget that many bands don’t understandwhat is required to mix sound well, even if part ofthe live engineer’s knowledge includes an under-standing of what a band needs to play well. When engi-neers make demands, they often forget to explain whywhat they are asking for matters. Without this point ofreference, requests that would be treated as reasonableif bands understood they are actually meant to makethem sound better, are resisted by bands becausewithout the context they seem arbitrary and intendedto be make things hard on them just for the sake ofbeing petty. Sometimes being the sound engineer canbe frustrating; when all goes great, the only ones toget the credit are often the bands, but when the soundis less than desirable, even if the reason is a slackerband with un-tuned instruments and a vocalist withno technique, they will insist it’s all the engineer’sfault. Engineers sometimes make the mistake oftaking this frustration out on all bands, even the onesnot responsible.

Yes, some bands are just egotistical jerks. But inreality that’s about as common as live engineers

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who are. Sure it happens, but it is far more rare thanthe usual occurrence, which is basically cool peoplehindered by learned patterns that are not constructive,and misinterpreting each other due to past experiencesand current lack of communication. Sure in a perfectworld you wouldn’t have to be the one to break thepattern, but that’s not the world you are inheriting.

If you need to haggle over having to go first, you maybe in the wrong fielddcommunication is too large a partof the job for that attitude to take anyone too far.

Besides, the rewards make the small amount of effortworth it. You can reach your objective two ways: onewhich leaves a well-loved local band thinking you arean egotistical hack and gladly spreading the word; andthe other resulting in them beginning to think of youwith grudging respect, even if they are no happierwith having to forgo their wall of amps in the interestof a cleaner overall sounddwhy would you not put inthe extra effort to achieve the latter? This industry isnot big enough to burn bridges that you could just aseasily fortify.

We’re not asking you to accept disrespectful treat-ment, or that you don’t control your house sound byexpecting bands to work with you; we are justpointing out the reality that you can’t get fardemanding respect without showing it. And you willfind that if you show it, you won’t need to demanditdit will be offered. Even when bands seem totallydisrespectful, explain your position calmly andfirmly, but still as respectfully as you feel youdeserve, even if they haven’t done the same, andyou will find even the hardest cases often will comearound. With the very few that don’t, this approachhas two advantages. First, those who won’t budgewill be more easily neutralized if you remain profes-sional as you hold your ground; troublemakers needyou to take their bait before they can cause youtrouble without risking it reflecting badly on them.Finally, this will ensure you can always take satisfac-tion in knowing that no amateur bands can goad youinto acting less than professionally.

The upside is that it is as easy to accomplish yourgoals while building relationships as it is to reachthem while fostering resentment. Reach out to establishgood communication from the get-go. Let bands knowyour reasons, and when possible include them inseeking solutions. Let them know you offer respect aswell as demand it. Highlight the relationship as onebased on teamwork and shared goals. If you followthese guidelines, you will find that 99 percent of bandswill respond in kind to your efforts to build trust andmutual respect

Send an Invitation to Communication

Right from the beginning is where you can get the ballrolling on establishing good communication. Whetheryou reach out in a phone call to their point person, orin an info sheet talking about shared goals and commu-nication channels to get started, meeting goals as a teamis a matter of personal style, and the wording is as well.What is crucial for the results you seek is the sentimentof shared skill and good intentions and mutual respect/equal value as team members and, of course, the openinvite to begin dialogue.

The following is an example of a brief email to thesame effect:

To The Tumbling DickweedsHi, I noticed your band was recently booked at

Club Local to play the second opening set of theevening on ________, As the house engineerresponsible for supporting you in your first showat Club Local, I wanted to take the time to intro-duce myself and encourage you to contact me anytime if you need any information or support. Iknow as artists your dedication to your craft isas high as mine is to creating the truest mix ofyour sound I candI look forward to workingwith you to make sure our combined talents arefully utilized to help us put on the most kick-assshow possible. For the best results we shouldkeep channels of communication open to helpsupport each other in bringing our best andmaking the show all that it can be. I encourageyou to send me the completed forms included inyour booking info packet, and any additionalinformation about your overall sound, monitor-mix needs, and personal vision for your livesound as early as possible to help me bring mybest to support your sound. Also included inyour booking info pack are the Club Localgeneral practices that help me get the best mixand truest sound possible at each show. Pleasetake the time to look it over and contact me withany questions, comments, or concerns you have.In the meantime, rock on and keep tumbling!Sincerely, Joe Blow,Your friendly Club Local soundman

As with any specific example, this is just one way todo it. Other house sound pros do the same with a two-line personal email, or a quick phone call. Still othersdon’t do anything besides requesting a stage plot atbooking. We don’t recommend this with new bands.

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Many FOH engineers are not particularly interested incommunicating with bands outside of sound check,and unless you indicate you are, you will not havea chance to get much of a feel for bands in advance.Some won’t get in touch even when invited, butwithout an invitation almost none will except in emer-gency need of info.

Even if all it does is make a band more comfortableabout the show because they have a personal contactthey can use if they need it, it can help you get bettersound. It also offers you a way to pass on the houserules they wouldn’t notice till the day of the show. Ifit pisses them off to see they are limited to x amountof amplification per amped instrument, better theyhave time to adjust. We guarantee you that lettingthem find out only 30 minutes in advance, after theyspent twice the usual truck rental fee to haul 5 ampseach for their own little rock god wall of soundfantasy, will only ensure they will be far moreannoyed and uptight at go-time than if you make surethey get advance notice.

The form letter approach works in this case becauseit makes less work for the engineer, is blatant enough notto appear like it is trying to be more personal thana general welcome, but as it includes a small jokingreference to the band addressed, it is clear that it isa sincere welcome from the actual sound team at least,and not just a marketing practice auto-sent by thevenue’s budget online marketing company. It ischeesy, but for some folks cheese is what works bestto break the ice.

Give and Take: The Foundation of SocialNetworks

A successful relationship is a two-way street. The betterfriend you are, the better your friends will be. Here aresome suggestions for nurturing your relationships:

� Relationships emphasize the give versus the take:This may not seem intuitive because we network toget a jobdright? Wrong. Focusing only on gettinga job gives networking and you a bad reputation.Focusing on the other person’s interests and pursuitswill build a network for you that will always be therewhen you need something.

� The more you give, the more you will get: A genuinequality of giving will separate you from othernetworkers. Being genuinely interested in finding outabout a person and wanting to know them wellenough to positively affect their career, their lives,and their interests is a huge differentiator.

� Stay in touch: Answering phone calls, returningemails, and reciprocating invitations let people knowyou care.

� Don’t compete: Be happy instead of jealous whenyour friends succeed, and they’ll celebrate youraccomplishments in return.

� Be a good listener: Find out what’s important to yourfriendsdyou might find you have even more incommon than you think.

� Don’t overdo it: In your zeal to extend your socialnetwork, be careful not to overwhelm friends andfamily with phone calls and emails. Save those high-demand times for when you really need them. Andwhile sharing is important, be wary of “oversharing”information that’s personal or sensitive, especiallywith new or casual acquaintances and on socialnetworking sites.

� Appreciate your friends and family: Take time to saythank you and express how important they are to you.Be there for them when they need support.

Building Goodwill

Ever wonder what do I have to offer? Making sure thatyour networking is reciprocal (that is, that you aren’treaching out to your contacts only when you needa favor), and that your social media activity isn’tmerely broadcasting your achievements. Here area few ways to get involved with the people in yourprofessional network, so you stay present in yourcontacts’ mindsdin a positive way.

Rebroadcast Their Activity

It is definitely possible to overdo this, but one way tohelp your contacts is to selectively rebroadcast theiractivity. For example, if you see that one of yourcontacts has recently put up a blog post and shared it,forward it on to your contacts. Or if a company hasannounced a cool new product or marketing campaign,you might comment approvingly on it and pass theinformation on.

Comment on Their Activity

If your contacts maintain blogs or other types ofweb presences, visit them regularlydand join theconversations there (in a positive, respectful way, ofcourse). If you’re blogging, be sure to link to contacts’blogs where appropriate (either in your blogroll orwhen you write a post related to something they’ve said).

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Share Information and Ideas

Many people use social media to share pop culture andrecommendations for pop culture (music, books,movies, and so on) but not everyone thinks to do thesame when it comes to business-related information.Again, this can be overdoneddon’t spam. Considersigning up for email alerts related to key terms in yourindustry; this way, you can stay “in the know” and bethe first to share interesting new articles.

Introduce People to One Another

The chances are that there are two people in yournetwork who would benefit from knowing each other.Why not make an introduction? Doing so can help twopeople at once! This can be especially helpful forsomeone who is actively looking for work or needshelp in his/her career, but may be shy about asking.

Offer Your Expertise

Everyone has skills and knowledge to share. Offer yourhelp as freely as you can, even if it’s something assimple as a five-minute resume review. Don’t ignorethe people you can help more than they you. They areyour chance to pay it forward, and you never knowwho they know.

Be Human

The things that strengthen relationships in the world offace-to-face interaction also work in the virtual world.So don’t hesitate to pay compliments and offer congrat-ulations to the people in your professional network.Also, don’t be shy about reconnecting with peopleyou’ve fallen out of touch with. Send a brief note tosay hello and ask what they’re up to (you should stayup-to-date on what’s going on in your contacts’ lives,so that you don’t miss opportunities to help them).Find authentic reasons to reach out and say hello, andstay active in your professional networkdso it’s therewhen you need it.

Networking 101

Be Strategic

Always view situations by thinking about the otherperson’s perspective. When meeting an importantperson, always ask yourself a few important questions.An example would be, “If you were this person, howwould you like to be approached?” Also take intoperspective how many people they hand their card outto everyday, and how to increase your chances ofbeing noticed. Be brief in the beginning of the conversa-tion. Let them know exactly what they need to knowabout yourself and the artist you are managing. After

Figure 29.1. Keep your contacts organized.

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a brief introduction the conversation could last for hours,but even if it doesn’t, it is better to have said the impor-tant factors instead of wasting their time and yours.

Appreciate Assistants

It is very important never to underestimate the power andimportance of the assistance of a lower-level person.Sometimes the best way to get hold of the person youare wanting to reach is by developing a relationshipwith their assistants. They are the closest connectionyou have with the person you are trying to reach. Theassistant can help immensely by making sure that yourinformation is given more priority on the boss’s deskthan others. Assistants can be great friends to have, fortoday’s assistants are tomorrow’s executives.

Organize Your Information

Finding a computer program or some sort of method tokeep your information organized is a very importantstep in networking. You will develop many differentnames for different people in the industry, so be able tokeep track of who is a booking agent, chief executiveofficer, etc. Another great idea is to have a list ofpeople’s birthdays, and when it’s appropriate send thema card. It is also a great idea to keep track of theirhobbies, family information, and namesof their assistants.

The Appropriate Thank You

When someone does a favor for you, or even a nicegesture, don’t forget to follow up with the appropriatethank you. In some cases just a card will suffice, butfor special occasions flowers or a bottle of wine aregreat ways to show your appreciation. This can solidifyan excellent future relationship. Be careful when usingthis tacticdyou don’t want to look like you are tryingtoo hard. Make sure you actually have a relationshipwith this person and they will recognize your name.

Communicate Effectively

When just giving information, you do not necessarilyneed to talk on the phone. Send an email or fax theperson the information. This way you are not wastingtheir time. When you need an answer to a question oryou are soliciting an opinion, this is a great time touse the phone. The best way to decipher whichmethod is best is to use your own judgment, for everysituation is different.

Quality, Not Quantity

Networking isn’t about quantity; it’s about quality. Weall know more people than we realize and we havenumerous opportunities to meet new people every day.Just don’t forget that after you meet someone, unlessyou maintain and expand that relationship that personisn’t really part of your core network. Networking isn’tjust about approaching people; it’s about following up.

Be Useful

If you come across information about their interests youthink they’d be interested in, pass it on.

Networking No-nos

� Being too familiar: When you reach out to one of your“distant” contacts, be as deferential as possible. Askmore questions, make fewer statements, keep it short.

� Sending your resume unprompted: If you send yourresume unprompted, you’re just asking for it to gostraight to the trash. As in any conversation, you needto break the ice first. If a person can (and is willing) toassist you, he or she’ll ask for your resume.

� Being too pushy: You need to be outgoing andpersistent while networking, but you certainly don’twant to be a pest. Make sure you’re reading the verbaland nonverbal signs for indications that your contactjust isn’t into it anymore.

� Seeking jobs not mentors: Especially with newcontacts, it’s important to approach them as someonein search of mentors. While they may be able to helpyou get a job, they could also help you discover newcareer paths and opportunities you hadn’t eventhought of.

� Not following up: You’ve gone to all that trouble tomake the contact. Why let it go to waste? You need tofollow up. Don’t let two weeks slip by before you getback in touch. Sending a thank-you letter or emailwithin 24 hours of your meeting will go a long waytoward making a good impression and keeping youon your contact’s radar.

� Not tying up loose ends: You found a new job! Youreached out to everyone you knew who might be ableto help you. They helped you find opportunities. Nowit’s finally over. Not so fast. You will probably needthose people again at some point in the future, andanyway you owe them now! Write thank-you notesand let everyone who helped (or offered to) knowhow your job is going.

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