THEOLOGY OF THE BODY

CHAPTER TWO – LOVE DEFINED:

GIVING VS. USING

Chapter Objectives• To contrast real love (“self-donating”) with

lust (“self-seeking”)• To explain the difference between

abstinence and chastity• To recognize and explain why love is the

only proper attitude (or response) toward another person

• To measure the quality of a relationship based on “giving” vs. “using”

Key Concepts• In order for a person to love another

properly, he or she must first desire what is good for the other person

• Lust is sexual desire apart from God’s love. It is a selfish desire to please oneself, and it treats people as objects to achieve that pleasure.

• Chastity is the virtue that orients ALL our sexual desires, emotions, and attractions toward the true good of the other person and, thus, the real meaning of love.

• Chastity frees us to love.

Chastity vs. Abstinence• Chastity is not

merely controlling one’s desires.

• It is really about learning how to love another the right way.

• Abstinence: Not having sex

What is Love?• Love is not merely

a feeling; it is an act of will that consists of preferring, in a constant manner, the good of others to the good of oneself.

What is Chastity?• Chastity is the

virtue that directs our sexual desires and attitudes toward the truth of love.

• Chastity falls under the cardinal virtue of temperance – the virtue of controlling and moderating our desire for pleasure, enabling us to enjoy pleasure in good things the way God intends

Total Self-Donation• Love is more than just feeling good.• Love is an active decision to give oneself

to another and to do so totally.• St. John Paul uses the term, “total self-

donation” to describe this type of giving.

Personalistic Norm• The principle that

recognizes that the only proper and adequate attitude toward human persons is love.

• The opposite of love is to use a person as a means to an end.

• Love as attraction: Recognizing the good of another person; seeing the inner and outer beauty of another person.

• Love as desire: Wanting a good for yourself; desiring goodness and happiness

• Love as goodwill: Willing (or desiring) the good of another person

Utilitarianism• The opposite of love

is not hate - it is the using of persons.

• Utilitarianism is the philosophy of maximizing pleasure and minimizing pain, often at the expense of others. In relationships, one ends up “using” a person for one’s own gain.