Chapter 15: Love and Commitment

ObjectivesObjectives1. List the components of lasting love.

2. Describe factors that affect partner selection.3. Explain how to determine readiness for

commitment.4. Describe the different types of love.5. List the components of lasting love.

What is Love?

•subject of songs, poetry and moviessubject of songs, poetry and movies

•has been called a “miracle”has been called a “miracle”

•credited with “making the world go credited with “making the world go round”round”

•people claim to love restaurants, TV people claim to love restaurants, TV shows and football gamesshows and football games

Since there are so many Since there are so many types of love, how do you types of love, how do you

define it?define it?

Types of LoveTypes of LoveThere are many different types

of love.

Examples:

•love you feel for your friends vs. the love you feel for your family

•the affection of a big brother for a little sister is not the same as his love for his

girlfriend

•a child’s love for a puppy vs. a parent’s love of country

Building Blocks of Love

1. being attracted to him/her2. being excited to see and

be with him/her3. feeling at ease with each

other4. being friends first5. sharing happy experiences

Building Blocks of Love

6. respecting their values and integrity7. understanding and respecting their

feelings8. recognizing and appreciating things

they do for you9. taking pride in their

accomplishments10. being concerned for their

happiness

Building Blocks of Love

11. being concerned for their safety

12. showing admiration for talents/personality

13. desiring to make them happy

14. hoping for a future together15. LOVE

3 Components of Relationships

Intimacy

Passion

Commitment

3 Components of Relationships

• Intimacy – being close to someone & sharing personal things (feelings, ideas, hopes, desires, etc.)

• Passion – strong emotional feelings that move you to express things verbally & physically

• Commitment – pledging yourself to another person; promising to be true & faithful

Activity

Complete Worksheet

The Three Components of Relationships

Love vs. InfatuationLove vs. Infatuation

Infatuation

infatuationinfatuation: : a love experience that is based a love experience that is based on a sudden, intense attractionon a sudden, intense attraction

•the feelings are very real and very powerful

•this kind of love disappears in time

•can be pleasant or painful, depending on the attitude of the second person involved

•infatuated partners make the mistake of playing up good qualities and ignoring the

bad and they focus on unimportant features

Infatuation is ……….Infatuation is ……….• Is common during teen years• Grows rapidly—love at first sight• Does not last long• Occurs shortly after breaking up with someone—

known as “on the rebound”• Is centered on a few admired traits in the other

person• Is often based on physical traits or feelings• Does not see or acknowledge the other person's

weaknesses• The relationship stays the same for a long time—

does not go anywhere• Selfish and possessive of the other person—

jealous• Disagreements are common -- fighting

Infatuation is ……….Infatuation is ……….• Daydream—cannot concentrate on necessary

tasks• May lose your appetite• Is easily influenced by the person they are

infatuated with• Creates a selfish relationship—"How can he/she

help me get what I want?"• Other people's opinions matter too much• May be based on physical enjoyment–a couple

who finds themselves bored without physical stimulation

• Feelings of insecurity• Lack of trust in partner• Feels a real need to marry• Causes lack of ambition and to disregard

problems

Love is ……..Love is ……..• Grows slowly, beginning with friendship• Lasts over a long period of time• Involves the entire character and personality

of the partner• The relationship grows and matures as time

passes• Little jealousy—accepting of one another's

feelings• Work harder at assigned tasks• Less emotional and moody—more happy

and kind• Opinions of other people are not as important

Love is ……..Love is ……..• Fun times and friendship are more

important than a physical relationship• Share common interests• Enjoy being together without need of

expensive entertainment• Trust and have confidence in self and in

the relationship• Trust the partner• There is no rush to make decisions—

the future is planned with confidence• More vital, more energy• See life realistically

Complete Worksheet:

SELF-ASSESSMENT: THE LOVE ATTITUDES SCALE

Activity

ROMANTIC LOVEROMANTIC LOVE

Also known as Also known as “puppy love”, it is “puppy love”, it is an exaggerated an exaggerated form of love.form of love.

SEXUAL LOVE SEXUAL LOVE

The intimate expression of love. This The intimate expression of love. This type of love is best saved for a type of love is best saved for a committed married couplecommitted married couple..

PRAGMATIC LOVEPRAGMATIC LOVE

A rational reasoning kind of love.A rational reasoning kind of love.

Arranged marriage

PLATONIC LOVEPLATONIC LOVE

Spiritual and intellectual Spiritual and intellectual relationship between a man and a relationship between a man and a woman. Non-sexual.woman. Non-sexual.

COMPANIONSHIP LOVECOMPANIONSHIP LOVE

Typically found in good friendshipsTypically found in good friendships

ALTRUISTIC LOVEALTRUISTIC LOVE

Selfless love, or concern for the Selfless love, or concern for the spouse. AKA compassionate love.spouse. AKA compassionate love.

MANIC LOVEMANIC LOVE

A crazy, possessive, jealous kind of love.

UNCONDITIONAL LOVE UNCONDITIONAL LOVE

Showing love towards someone Showing love towards someone regardless of his or her actions or regardless of his or her actions or beliefs.beliefs.

SELF-LOVESELF-LOVE

An egotistic, narcissistic kind An egotistic, narcissistic kind

of love. of love.

Activity

Complete worksheet:Complete worksheet:

Lasting Love or InfatuationLasting Love or Infatuation(10-15 minutes)

Objectives1. List the components of lasting love.2. Describe the different types of love.3. List the components of lasting love.

Review

What is the What is the difference difference

between love between love and and

infatuation?infatuation?

Describe Describe Romantic Love.Romantic Love.What is Manic

What is Manic Love?Love?

Describe Describe Unconditional Love Unconditional Love

and give an example.and give an example.

Describe Describe

Altruistic LoveAltruistic Love..

What is the different What is the different between Platonic between Platonic and Sexual Love.and Sexual Love.

Love That LastsDo you think people confuse it with infatuation?

How can you tell if the love you feel is the lasting kind?

•Real love is more than just an emotion. Real love is more than just an emotion.

• It is a relationship that puts feelings into It is a relationship that puts feelings into action.action.

•It means caring about another person so It means caring about another person so much that his or her health, happiness much that his or her health, happiness

and well-being are as important to you as and well-being are as important to you as your own, sometimes even more your own, sometimes even more

important.important.

Dimensions of Lasting Love

Love that lasts, sometimes known Love that lasts, sometimes known as as mature lovemature love, has three , has three

dimensions.dimensions.

11stst dimension: Romantic Love dimension: Romantic Love

22ndnd dimension: Intellectual dimension: Intellectual LoveLove

33rdrd dimension: Physical Love dimension: Physical Love

1st Dimension: Romantic Love•usually the first to appearusually the first to appear

•involves getting to know and appreciate all the involves getting to know and appreciate all the wonderful things about a personwonderful things about a person

•the thoughtful and spontaneous side of lovethe thoughtful and spontaneous side of love

•romance is the ingredient that makes a love romance is the ingredient that makes a love relationship uniquerelationship unique

•kept alive through thoughtful gestures and sharing kept alive through thoughtful gestures and sharing time alone togethertime alone together

Remember: the feelings in a lasting love Remember: the feelings in a lasting love relationship may become less intense over relationship may become less intense over

time—if the love is real, this does not time—if the love is real, this does not matter.matter.

2nd Dimension: Intellectual Love•involves mutual respect (valuing the beliefs, opinions and life goals of the

loved one)

•achieve through getting to know one another (having long talks, seeing each other in different real life experiences)

•friendship side of love

•grows through companionship and communication

•the basis of trust in the relationship

3rd Dimension: Physical Love•refers to the intimacies expressed by two refers to the intimacies expressed by two

people in lovepeople in love

•based on initial attraction, which is made based on initial attraction, which is made stronger by romantic and intellectual love stronger by romantic and intellectual love

feelingsfeelings

•it is touching, kissing and holdingit is touching, kissing and holding

•it is the warm, secure feelings of being it is the warm, secure feelings of being close, along with the excitement and close, along with the excitement and

passion of sexual intimacypassion of sexual intimacyPhysical love is based on a desire to make the loved one feel loved and needed, rather than

on a desire for personal gratification.

Telling the Difference•It takes time for differences between infatuation and lasting love to become

apparent.

•Enduring love deepens as you get to know the person.

•The infatuation love-at-first-sight simply disappears upon close

inspection.

Time is the only valid test of Time is the only valid test of love!love!

How Love DevelopsHow Love Develops

Love relationships tend to move Love relationships tend to move through a series of stages:through a series of stages:

1. an intense, sometimes unexpected attraction to a particular person develops

2. a willingness to share deepest secrets surfaces

3. each partner looks to the other for support and encouragement in everyday

living

4. each partner attempts to meet the emotional needs of the other

How Love Develops

Can you “fall in love”?Can you “fall in love”?

Requires:

•A sense of purpose

•Love in order to develop

•Needs to be built through self-control and sacrifice

•Must be nurtured and nourished in order to last

Partner Selection

There are several theories There are several theories about what affects partner about what affects partner

choice:choice:

•proximityproximity

•opposites attractopposites attract

•similaritiessimilarities

Partner Selection

Theory of ProximityTheory of Proximity

proximity: nearness

•your place of residence, social setting, workplace and other environment factors

largely determine the people with whom you associate

•closeness to specific people filters out great numbers of potential partners, leaving

you with relatively few choices

Partner SelectionTheory of Opposites AttractTheory of Opposites Attract

•the idea that people look for partners whose qualities make up for gaps in their

own personalities

•people with different personalities may prove to be very compatible

AdvantageAdvantage

Each person fulfills the unmet needs of

the other.

DisadvantageDisadvantage

The differences could possibly lead to incompatibility.

Partner Selection

Theory of SimilaritiesTheory of Similarities

•You are most likely to match up with someone who is much like yourself in terms of age, race, religion, social

group, education and interests.

•This is because you will have more in common with people who have a

similar background and experiences.

Activity

Complete

Dr. Laura's "Is it Love?" Test

(10-15 minutes)