Chap 10 - Life Cycle

8/13/2019 Chap 10 - Life Cycle

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CHAPTER 10 – FAMILY LIFE

CYCLEInstructor: Wendy Crapo


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Used by permission of

THE ACADEMY OF NURSING

2355 E. 3900 S.

S.L.C., UT 84124801-506-0064


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FAMILY LIFE CYLCE


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BEGINNING MARRIAGES

What general age is best?• 20-25 Youthful marriages

• Up to age 25, the older you areat marriage the greater

likelihood of marital happiness.• Teens have higher divorce

• After age 30 higher divorces

PREDICTION OF SUCCESS: Until death do us part: Not a fact for most marriages.


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Prediction of Success

• Education = income, insight, status

• Length of engagement

• Childhood environment & relationship with family of

origin & attachment.

• Divorced parents may cause a shying away frommarriage.

• Loving each other did not have affect on whether ornot they fought.

• HONEYMOON EFFECT: Overlooking problems


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PREDICTION OF SUCCESS

FACTORS

• Communicate well

• Resolve conflict in a constructive way

• Realistic expectations of marriage

• Like each other as people (opposites attractdoesn‟t work)

• Undesirable traits are magnified in marriage

• Agree on religion & ethical issues

• Balance leisure activities with each other


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ENGAGEMENT (More of a ritual

than a binding commitment)

How long should engagement be?• The longer you are engaged the more likely you are to

discover compatibilities.• But it can go too long too.• 24% are pregnant when marry.

Purpose of engagement

• Commitment to marry (try out how it feels).• Think about realities of married life.• Beginning of kinship (start making ties with in-laws).• Become a couple.


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Feelings during engagement

• Anxiety

• Maturation & dependency

• Losses

• Question partner choice

• Gender role conflict

• Idealization &disillusionment

• Get to know self (weaknesses& strengths)


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WEDDING RITUAL (65% church weddings)

• Symbolized profound life transition & step into

adulthood• Give the bride away (when father received pledge

of money he gave bride away)

• Exchange of rings (From Egypt = timelessness &to give it back is symbolic gesture)

• Not wearing a ring is symbolic statement about themarriage

• Carrying bride over threshold (Greece & Romesymbolic of abduction because bride would not

willingly leave her father‟s house)

• Eating of cake (offering made to household ofGod‟s & made union sacred)

• Jumping the broomstick (African tradition)

• Honeymoon (Pagan time of intoxication

to insure fertility)

• Flower girls (carried wheat to symbolize fertility)

In groups brainstorm all expenses

for a wedding and estimate the cost.


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HONEYMOON

HONEYMOON PURPOSES

• Rest and Recreation• Time for being alone• Initial adjustment to marriage

GUIDELINES WHEN PLANNING

A HONEYMOON

• Don‟t go into debt • May delay to a better time

• Honeymoon not necessary for a happy marriage

NATIONAL SURVEYS SHOW:

• 50% of couples interviewed report their honeymoon was not happy at all.

• People most unhappy with honeymoons are young women who havealways lived at home.


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ENDURING MARRIAGES

• Couples who are happily in love.

• Unhappy couples who continue marriage out of habitand fear.

• Couples in between who are neither happy norunhappy and accept the situation.

• 20% were happy and 20% were unhappy.

• Little correlation between happy marriages and stable

ones.• In general, however, the quality of the marital

relationship appears to show continuity over the years.


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HAPPILY MARRIED –

What’s the Secret? • When they met they felt immediately at home with each

other. Early on there is a strong physical and/or emotionalattraction – they feel a sweeping sense of connection.

• Happy couples often experience themselves as being thesame and different. Similar backgrounds but each wants toembrace the other‟s differentness; each wanted to be more likethe other.

• Happy couples establish and follow daily routines. Thispromotes confidence and trust.

• Happy couples usually describe their mate as their bestfriend. They like each other very much, above all others. Theyspent a lot of time together.

• Happy couples share a life dream. They work together tomake the dream come true.


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HAPPILY MARRIED cont.

• Happy couples don’t hold a grudge. High capacity toresolve conflict and move on.

• Happy couples expect each other to do their best. Theybelieve in their partner.

• Happy couples roll with the changes. People do changeand good marriages change for their partner and for the better.

• Happy couples agree to have or not to have children. They usually share a dream of creating a family.

• Happy couples understand the importance of sex &romance. Friendship was more important than sex but sex was the strong force binding them together through the years.


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HAPPILY MARRIED cont.

• Happy couples see each other’s best self. They see eachother clearly as they are but also what they can become.

• Happy couples strongly believe in and practicemonogamy. Fidelity was simply expected and an openmarriage was not appealing to happily married couples.

• Happily married couples share a complete absence of power struggle. Considered each other to be equal and theirmoney, especially, was always “theirs”, not „mine”.

• Happy couples support each other in all areas. Alwayssupport each other‟s dreams, even when they don‟t agree orunderstand.

• Happy couples feel a great deal of faith in each othereven when one thinks the other is wrong. May not thinkthey are making the right choice but they give their support.


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ESCENTIAL CHARACTERISTICS:

• Marriage is #1, even over the kids

• Fidelity

• Commitment

• Unselfishness

• Time spent together

• Talk & listen

• Touching

• Be positive about mate & marriage


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STAGE 1 - INITIAL ADJUSTMENT

TO MARRIAGE

• Before marriage, you are afraid of losing each other.

• After marriage, you are afraid of losing yourself.

Identity bargaining: The process of role adjustments in arelationship

– Identify with a role

– Having the role validated by others

– Negotiating with the partner to make changes in the role

Establishing Boundaries: Adjusting the ties with family of origin


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Stage 1 continued

MARITAL ADJUSTMENTS

• Family roles• Emotional support to partner• Adjust personal habits

• Negotiate gender roles• Establish family & employment priorities• Develop communication skills• Manage money

• Establish kin relationship (cohabitating partners usuallynever accepted as kin)• Participate in larger community


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Stage 1 continued

IDENTITY BARGAINING:

Role adjustment in a relationship.

• Identify & negotiate.

• Relationships help us discover ourselves.

• An intimate relationship requires us to define who we are.


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Stage 1 continued

IN-LAWS

• Daughters who are close sometimes have aproblem letting go.

• But birth of child helps improve and change thisrelationship.

• Need to establish new boundaries with in-laws


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STAGE 2 - CHILDBEARING

FAMILY

(From the birth of the first child until that child is2 ½ years old)

Developmental Tasks:

• Adjusting to increased family size

• Caring for an infant• Providing a positive developmental environment


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STAGE 3 - FAMILIES WITH

PRESCHOOLERS(When the oldest child is

between the ages of 2 ½and 6)

Developmental Tasks:• Satisfying the needs and

interests of preschoolchildren

• Coping with demands onenergy and attention withless privacy at home


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SCHOOL AGE CHILDREN

(When the oldest child is between the ages of 6 to13)


• Promoting educational achievement• Fitting in the community of families with

school-age children


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TEENAGERS(When the oldest child is between the

ages of 13 and 20)


• Allowing and helping children tobecome more independent

• Coping with their independence• Developing new interests beyond child

care


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STAGE 6 –

MIDDLE AGE MARRIAGES

(LAUNCHING CENTER)• May divorce at this time

without children present

(empty nest which is notalways negative).

• Boomerang generation:Children return homedue to highunemployment, housingcost, low wages, divorce

and personal problems.


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-MARRIAGES (EMPTY NEST)

(More satisfying)• Higher income• Although widows often have financial

hardships• But happily married widows choose to

remarry more often• Old age not poverty stricken or neglected

Sandwich generation: Must raise dependentchildren & dependent parents.

Intermittent extended family: Take in other

relatives in time of need.

Does parenting end when children are grown & gone?


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GRANDPARENTING

• Grandparents =distance is biggestfactor in involvement

• 25% of preschoolchildren cared for bygrandparents

• Companionaterelationships mostcommon withgrandchildren


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INDIVIDUAL TASK

• Stage 1 (18-21 yrs) Developing autonomy

• Stage 2 (22-28 yrs) Developing intimacy & occupationalidentification

• Stage 3 (29-31 yrs) Deciding about commitment to work &

marriage• Stage 4 (32-39 yrs) Deepening commitments; pursuing more

long-range goals

• Stage 5 (40-42 yrs) Searching for “fit” between aspirations and

environment• Stage 6 (43-59 yrs) Re-stabilizing and reordering priorities

• State 7 (60+ yrs) Dealing effectively with aging, illness and death wile retaining zest for life


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MARITAL TASK

• Stage 1 (18-21 yrs) Shift from family of origin to newcommitment

• Stage 2 (22-28 yrs) Provisional marital commitment

• Stage 3 (29-31 yrs) Commitment crisis; restlessness• Stage 4 (32-39 yrs) Productivity; children, work, friends,

& marriage

• Stage 5 (40-42 yrs) Summing up; success & failure and

future goals sought• Stage 6 (43-59 yrs) Resolving conflicts and stabilizing

the marriage for the long haul

• State 7 (60+ yrs) Supporting & enhancing each other‟s

struggle for productivity and fulfillment in face of aging


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INTIMACY

• Stage 1 (18-21 yrs) Fragile intimacy• Stage 2 (22-28 yrs) Deepening but ambivalent intimacy

• Stage 3 (29-31 yrs) Increasing distance while partners makeup their minds about each other

• Stage 4 (32-39 yrs) Increase in intimacy in “good” marriages;gradual distancing in “bad” marriages

• Stage 5 (40-42 yrs) Tenuous intimacy as fantasies about otherincrease

• Stage 6 (43-59 yrs) Intimacy is threatened by aging and

boredom. Departure of children may increase or decreaseintimacy.

• State 7 (60+ yrs) Struggle to maintain intimacy in face oreventual separation, usually plateaus


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POWER

• Stage 1 (18-21 yrs) Testing of power

• Stage 2 (22-28 yrs) Establish pattern of conflict resolution

• Stage 3 (29-31 yrs) Sharp vying for power and dominance

• Stage 4 (32-39 yrs) Establish patterns of decision making and

dominance• Stage 5 (40-42 yrs) Power in outside world is tested via power in

the marriage

• Stage 6 (43-59 yrs) Conflicts often increase when children leave

and security appears threatened• State 7 (60+ yrs) Survival fears stir up needs for control and

dominance


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MARITAL BOUNDARIES

• Stage 1 (18-21 yrs) Conflicts over in-laws

• Stage 2 (22-28 yrs) Friends and potential lovers; work versusfamily

• Stage 3 (29-31 yrs) Temporary disruptions including extramarital

sex or reactive „fortress building” • Stage 4 (32-39 yrs) Nuclear family closes boundaries

• Stage 5 (40-42 yrs) Disruption due to reevaluation; drive versusre-stabilization

• Stage 6 (43-59 yrs) Boundaries are usually fixed except in crisis• State 7 (60+ yrs) Loss of family & friends leads to closing in of

boundaries, important to maintain ties with outside world


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RETIREMENT

• Earlier – 75% choose toretire before age 65(WHY?)

• More egalitarianmarriages

• Highest degree of maritalsatisfaction since earlymarriage

• Improved health


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Read Ann Landers

”Old folks are worth a fortune”


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CARING FOR AGED

Caregiver Conflict

• Earlier unresolved antagonisms and conflicts.

• Caregiver‟s inability to accept the relative‟s increasingdependence.

• Conflicting loyalties between spouse or children and caring forthe elderly.

• Resentment towards the elderly relative for disrupting familyroutines.

• Resentment of lack of involvement by other family members.

• Anger if elderly relative tries to manipulate others.

• Conflicts over money and inheritance.

How could an over abundance of support do more harm than goodCan chronic illness help with family cohesiveness?


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COPING STRATEGIES

• Plan for legal and financial incapacities

• Manage income and expenses

• Arrange for long term care• Assess capabilities of whole family unit

• Divide responsibilities among whole family unit

• Determine community backup services


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Most common diseases

and causes of death

1. Arthritis2. Hypertension3. Hearing impairment

4. Heart disease5. Cataracts6. Deformity orthopedic impairment7. Diabetes

What are the most common causes of death of people over 75?1. Heart disease2. Cancer3. Stroke4. Lung disease

What are the most common chronic diseases of people over 75?


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CARING FOR FAMILY MEMBER

WITH CHRONIC ILLNESSS• Strained family relations• Modifications in family

activities and goals• Increased tasks and time

commitments• Increased financial costs• Special housing requirements• Social isolation• Medical concerns

• Grieving over disabilities,limitations and restricted lifeopportunity


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COPING STATEGIES

• Make a place for the illness, and keep balance inlife.

• Keep communication open.

• Cultivate sources of support.

• Develop good working relationship withhealthcare professionals.

Discuss in groups: Should a health care professional be “detached”?

Do families interfere with the efforts of practitioners to help patients?

Should healthcare professionals address things beyond the physical such as

economical, emotional, psychological and spiritual issues?


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DEATH

WHY STUDY ABOUT DEATH?

• Our society is unusual, we shut death in a closet• Death is a natural part of life• Death is often emotional and unpleasant• Death must be faced• Part of our society• We used to be more open about death• People used to die at home more often

• Funerals and viewings were at home• Friends and family were there at moment of death• Illnesses were short


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DEATH• DENIAL: remove dead from home, not telling children.

• EXPLOITATION: Desensitized and deny the realities of death• ROMANITCIZATION: Those lead to think of death as

beautiful can be disillusioned.

Fear: Fear of death keeps us alive.

Denial healthy, it keeps us fromdwelling on morbidity of death.

Acknowledging that death exists canhelp us prioritize & appreciate.

Do handout “Will you live to be 100?”


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STAGES OF DEATH

A dying person should not beexpected to behave in a certainmanner, only his/her own way.

• Denial & isolation

• A nger

• Bargaining• Depression

• A cceptance


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GRIEVING PROCESS

• Guilt is common, 1styear is hard at holidays.

• Consoling: Listen, don‟t

avoid, give practicalsupport.

• Needs: Death withdignity (respect as human

being).

• Hospice can help.


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WHAT NOT TO SAY TO THE

BEREAVED

• Cheer up

• Time to heal all wounds

• Come on, you need to getover this

• We want the old “you” back

• I‟ll help you get rid of their

things

• They‟re better off • It was God‟s will

• Call me if you need me

T T T T


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WHAT TO SAY TO THE

BEREAVED• It‟s OK to cry

• I want you to know I‟m thinking about you

• I‟m sad for you

• I care about you

• I‟m here if you want to talk

• “You don‟t have to be strong or apologize for crying.”

Do accept them and their feelings

Let them cry when they want to

Let them talk about the dead person (They are in their thoughtsoften)


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DEFINITIONS OF DEATH

• LEGAL DEATH: Court says it has irreversiblecessation to total brain function

• THEOLOGICAL DEATH: Occurs when soul

leaves the body

• MEDICAL DEATH: Occurs when functionsof human life stop

• UNRECEPTIVITY & UNRESPONSIVITY:Irreversible coma



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continued

• NO MOVEMENTS OR BREATHING: Nomuscle movement or respiration for at least 1hour

• NO REFLEXES: Pupils fixed and dilated – willnot respond to bright lights

• FLAT ELECTROENCE PHALGRAM: EEG

– no brain waves for a period of time


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DEATH VOCABULARY

• AUTOPSY: Post mortem exam

• BEREAVEMENT: Being grieved by the loss ofa loved one.

• CASKET: Small chest or box (coffin)

• COFFIN: A box or chest for burying a corpse

• CREMATION: To reduce a dead body to ashesby burning

• CREMATORIUM: A furnace for cremation

DEATH VOCABULARY


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DEATH VOCABULARY

continued

• CRYPT: A chamber or vault wholly or partlyunderground, a vault under the main floor of a church

• DEATH CERTIFICATE: A certificate that certifies

the death of a person• DECEASED: No longer living

• EMBALM: To treat a dead body so as to protect fromdecay

• EPITAPH: An inscription on or at a tomb or grave inmemory of the one buried there

DEATH VOCABULARY


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DEATH VOCABULARY

continued

• EULOGY: A commendatory formal statement or set oration

• EUTHANASIA: The act or practice of killing individuals thatare hopelessly sick or injured for reasons of mercy.

• FUNERAL HOME: An establishment with facilities for the

preparation of the dead for burial or cremation, for the viewingof the body and for funerals.

• HEARSE: A vehicle for conveying the dead to the grave

• INHERITANCE: The act of coming into possession ofsomething

• INTERMENT: The act or ceremony of depositing the deadbody in the earth or the tomb.

DEATH VOCABULARY


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DEATH VOCABULARY

continued

• MAUSOLEUM: Large tomb usually a stonebuilding for places of entombment for deadabove the ground.

• MORGUE: A place where the bodies ofpersons found dead are kept until identified andclaimed by relatives or are released for burial.

• MORTICIAN: Undertaker

• MORTUARY: Relating to the burial of thedead

DEATH VOCABULARY


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DEATH VOCABULARY

continued

• OBITUARY: A notice of a persons death witha short biographical account

• PALLBEARERS: People who help to carry the

coffin at a funeral• PYRE: A combustible heap for burning a dead

body as a funeral vile

• REINCARNATION: Rebirth in new bodies orforms of life

• SARCOPHAGUS: A stone coffin

DEATH VOCABULARY


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DEATH VOCABULARY

continued

• TOMB: An excavation in which a corpse isburied

• URN: A vessel that is particularly an

ornamental vase on a pedestal to preserve theashes after cremation

• VAULT: A burial chamber

• WAKE: The watch held over the body of adread person prior to burial and sometimesaccompanied by festivity


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CULTURES

• Jewish: 7 days ofrestrictions like shaving,

working, sex, 11 months

pray for parent daily

• Mexico: Dead honored with gifts of food, prayer,

nightly vigils


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VOCABULARY

• 1. Bereavement: The response to a loved ones death,including customs, and the grieving process.

• 2. Boomerang Generation: Adults who return to

family home and live with parents.• 3. Caregiver role: The one who provides the most

physical care and decision making.

• 4. Duration of Marriage Effect: Accumulation overtime of negative factors that affect marital satisfaction.

• 5. Empty Nest: When last grown child has left home,usually not associated with mother‟s depression.


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VOCABULARY cont’d

• 6. Family Life Cycle: The families changing roles andrelationships at various stages, beginning with marriageand ending with death of a spouse.

• 7. Honeymoon Effect: Tendency of newly marriedcouples to overlook problems.

• 8. Hospice: A place or program caring for terminallyill, emphasizing patient care and family support.

• 9. Identity Bargaining: The process of rolesadjustments in a relationship, involving identifying witha role, role validated by others, negotiated with partner


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VOCABULARY cont’d

• 10. Intermittent Extended Family: Taking intothe family other relatives in times of need

• 11. Sandwich Generation: Individuals who care

for both their own children and aging parents atthe same time.

Documents

Chap 10 - Life Cycle