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Social Media: Conflict on interpersonal romantic relationships

Introduction

Since today is known as the age of technology, when people are out in public, whether it

is in school, at work, on a date, most of them are distracted by their phones and even more

recently by social media sites. That is because sixty-seven percent of all Americans are on one

or more social media sites (Bowe, 2010). According to the article Online and Offline Social

Networks, many people use social media sites but little is known how these sites actually affect

relationships (Subrahmanyam et al., 2008).Social Media took on a whole new light when

Facebook came to the forefront in 2004. Since then over 500 million people cannot wait to check

their phones or computers to see who liked, commented, or shared something on one’s profile.

At first this was a newfound way to connect and have an online communication; when two or

more people communicate messages with each other over the internet, with old friends or family

members that one has not seen in a long while (Subrahmanyam, Reich, Waechter, & Espinoza,

2008). However, since Facebook there are a plethora of social media sites that do almost the

same things as Facebook but may contain minor differences that draw people to them. These

social media sites have in some way taken away from the reality of life and have caused some

people to focus more on their online relationships than their actual interpersonal relationships.

Since cell phones have become very popular as well, phones are being used to access these social

media sites at anyplace at anything which can distract people from the people whom they are

actually with (Bowe, 2010). Romantic relationships are the interpersonal relationship that is at

harm the most due to social media (Blais, Craig, Peple, & Connolly, 2007). Social media had

many positive features, but because of all the photos and status’s that people post it tends to

create conflict within many interpersonal relationships. People see social media causing fights

and problems in people’s relationships all the time, this research study should show that the way

people in relationships use social media causes more conflict than good. This paper will discuss

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interpersonal relationships, use of online tools for relationships, implications for trust and

intimacy, and how social media helps or harms these relationships.

Literature Review

Interpersonal Relationships

Interpersonal Relationship is a bond that two people share with one another.

Interpersonal Relationships vary in terms of levels of intimacy (Clayton, 2014). An interpersonal

relationship can start with two people who just met sharing a conversation together all the way

up to when two people share a physical connection with one another. It is considered a romantic

interpersonal relationship when two people bond and share things on a deep level, and when

social media is involved people become protected over the other person in this type of

relationship (Blais et al., 2007). Interpersonal relationships can actually be made stronger over

social media sites when one person sees another person’s photo on comments or likes it to

be nice (Clayton, 2014; Blais et al., 2007). That is the good part of social media and

interpersonal relationships. However, there is a huge distinction between people in just any

interpersonal relationship and those in a romantic interpersonal relationship and each one have

different ways in which to act when on social media (Clayton, 2014; Blais et al., 2007). If those

in a romantic interpersonal relationship would not like others profile pictures, or favorite tweets,

or flirt on social media there would not be as much conflict with these relationships. In addition

to being in an interpersonal relationship, there are various online tools that impact these

relationships.

Online Tools

Online tools such as social media sites are sites on the internet where people can interact

with people that they already know and with people they do not know. It is a more complete

communication using online tools where one can share pictures and videos of their families

instead of just calling someone or using data trying to text someone or trying to hunt their

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number down, its more convenient and easily accessible foe anyone with a computer or cell

phone. Online tools such as social media allow people to socialize when they cannot do so in

person (Subramanyam et al., 2008). Facebook, Twitter, and Myspace are the most popular social

media sites where people communicate with each other (Bowe, 2010).Jealousy is often seen

when it comes to tools on Facebook such as liking people’s photos of the opposite sex, poking

people of the opposite sex, direct messaging people of the opposite sex, and commenting on the

wall of people of the opposite sex (Bowe, 2010). Facebook, Twitter, and Myspace are the most

popular SMS where people communicate with each other (Bowe et al., 2010; Subramanyam et

al., 2008). Not only these online tools, but YouTube, Snapchat, and Vine are other online tools

that make it possible for people that haven’t seen someone in a while to see there and hear them

and these tools also allow these people to emanate their personally. These tools are not always

used just to talk to old friends or family members. That being said, jealousy is often seen when it

comes to tools on Facebook such as liking people’s photos of the opposite sex, poking people of

the opposite sex, direct messaging people of the opposite sex, and commenting on the wall of

people of the opposite sex (Bowe et al., 2010; Subramanyam et al., 2008). Online tools such as

social media sites are a great way to connect with people. The online tools within those sites are

a great way to express what people like, don’t like, and what they think of certain things.

However, it can hurt relationships when these people are using these tools to make other

romantic relationships or when it seems that way.

Self-Disclosure

Self-Disclosure is when people tell other people things about themselves that make them

different from other people and things that people would not know from just looking at a person.

People self-disclose things about themselves all the time to other people. However, more

recently people disclose personal things about themselves on social media sites (Subramanyam et

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al., 2008). People disclose information about themselves, and even other people (Utz, &

Beukeboom, 2011). Self-disclosing things about oneself is one thing but when someone starting

disclosing information about a significant other or close friend that is taking things to a different

level. It has been shown that people will disclose both positive and negative information about

others on social media sites (Subramanyam et al., 2008). People self-disclose for different

reasons. It might be out of anger, jealously, or even love. However, there is a time and place

where self-disclosing is a good thing, but most of the time self-disclosing on a social media

platform can be negative.

Implications for Trust and Intimacy

Intimacy is when two people share a deep connection and share their feelings with one

another. Sharing things with people online can cross into being “intimate” with a person online

(Utz, & Beukeboom, 2011). The bad thing with this is when someone feels that the other person

in the relationship is becoming intimate with someone else online it can cause jealousy (Clayton,

2014; Utz, & Beukeboom, 2011).If someone sees his or her romantic partner comments on the

wall of an attractive person that in and of itself can initiate that jealousy (Utz, & Beukeboom,

2011). However, if that person publicly displays his or her affection it can make the intimacy and

trust between the two of them that much stronger (Utz, & Beukeboom, 2011). The one thing that

people do not realize that can affect the trust in one’s relationship is having access to the

partner’s profile. This gives these partners information they did not have before social media

sites were around like seeing their partner engage with a potential romantic partner on Facebook

showed that people can become jealous if they see their partner interacting with potential

romantic partners on Facebook (Utz, & Beukeboom, 2011). Also, it was shown that the time

spent on their social media sites can affect how much trust or therefore lack of the partner has for

the other. picture of the opposite sex without thinking anything of it. There are psychological

factors in people’s mind while online that affect their thoughts and feelings and how they may

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act on social media (Utz, & Beukeboom, 2011) .Intimacy is an important thing to have with

someone you are in a relationship with, but when you are being intimate even self-consciously

with someone online it can be detrimental to that interpersonal relationship you were once

intimate in offline. People’s interpersonal relationships, how they use online tools, and

implications for trust and intimacy need to be thought about when people in relationships go on

social media sites so there is no conflict from it. Why do people post content via social media

that causes conflict in interpersonal relationships? Do people know the danger of having public

conflicts on social media? Do people post content to get attention from other people, including

their partners? Overall, this research says about this problem that it could be easily prevented if

people did not post racy things or have trust in each other, However, overall it says that this

problem is so relevant because social media is becoming more and more popular that if people

were actually aware of how much conflict can be caused in their romantic relationships it could

all be resolved before it is too late.

Research Questions

Why do people post content via social media that causes conflict in interpersonal relationships?

Do people know the danger of having public conflicts on social media?

Do people post content to get attention from other people, including their partners?

Case Study

Narritive

This paper has talked mostly about how social media sites cause conflict and in some

instances even amplifies conflict that already existed in an interpersonal relationship. So which

better two people to study than Chris Brown and Karrueche Tran who have posted on twitter and

Instagram about each other over and over again. Chris Brown is an American recording artist,

dancer, and actor, and Karrueche Tran is an actress and model. These two celebrities were at one

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time in a relationship together. After their split up they took it public posting many different

content onto both Instagram and twitter.

Before getting into that, this is why they broke up in the first place. According to

HollywoodLife.com, that every time Chris Brown went on tour Karrueche wanted to go with him

but he did not want her to bother him and wanted to just hang out with his friends. She didn’t

only want him to not go by himself because she was afraid of him getting himself into trouble,

but also because she was worried his eye would be drawn to another woman (Boon, 2015).

She expressed this to him and he didn’t want to hear it and told her to knock it off and she left

after that. This happened in December of 2014.

After that, is when they decided to take their problems and relationship public onto two

of the largest social media platforms Instagram and Twitter. The posts started on Instagram when

Chris Brown posted a capture calling out his on again off again girlfriend Karrueche. She Tried

to respond in a civil way back to Chris Brown but the damage was already done. Millions of

people saw what Chris posted and even if he did not mean it, it drew an even sharper dagger

between them. Chris Brown also posted a tweet on twitter right after they broke up that said

“Don’t sleep with a white TEE on next to your shawty (Thomas, 2014). You ganna wake up with footprints on

your back.” These photos were both taken from Karrueche and Chris Brown Instagram pages.

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aishamusic.blogspot.com , www.rickey.org

After the falling out between the two of them went public Chris Brown wanted

her back when he posted another comment on Instagram saying what he did was wrong and that

he wanted Karrueche back (Thomas, 2014). He also posted another comment on his twitter that stated “ I will

always love you KAR.” This might have actually had a positive impact on Karrueche if Chris

Brown said things like this to her on social media often and not the hateful things he has said in

the past. Studies have shown that social media can also be used to show intimacy towards one

another to other people and to the significant other. However, once these forums have been used

to cause conflict in the relationship using it to make up is kind of useless.

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www.dailymail.co.uk

Analysis

Looking at the above fight between Chris Brown and Karrueche, it can be seen that the

theory that social media can cause conflict and can contribute to conflict is correct. All of the

concepts that have been discussed in the literature review relate to this case study and show how

social media can be used as a negative online tool. Speaking of online tools, after the breakup

both of the celebrities used these online tools to communicate to everyone about each other. As

can be seen in the picture, once they were posted in only a couple of minutes already thousands

of people have seen these comments and liked them. Since, they used these online tools to post

these comments and pictures they can never be unseen, and will always be assessable somewhere

on the internet. However, then Chris Brown tried to cover up his previous posts with an apology

on Instagram to Karrueche. Just like social media was used as a negative online tool he is now

trying to use it as an online tool.

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Trust

This is why self-disclosing too much information on social media platforms can cause

even more conflict to a interpersonal relationship. After Chris Brown posted the nasty comment

about Karrueche he most likely lost her trust and respect. He humiliated her not only to a few

people but to millions and millions of people. That is why even though the relationship may not

have been over for good, saying those things online to strangers made the relationship between

the two of them even weaker. She tried to respond in a way to keep her image up and be the

classier person. However, Chris Brown did enough harm to that by the way he portrayed her

rather the comments be true or not true. Not only did the trust between these two become almost

nonexistent after these posts but it became even worse when Chris Brown’s ex- girlfriend

Rhianna posted a picture on her Instagram of Chris Brown, while Karrueche and Chris Brown

were still on again off again.

Rhianna posting this picture once again shows the dangers of self-disclosing on social media.

This photo could have easily ended things for good between Chris Brown and Karrueche. Even

though that may have been Rhianna’s goal, it still goes to show that once someone self discloses

something on social media it is there for anyone with an account to see. Like Utz stated once

someone in an interpersonal relationship feels that the other person is becoming intimate with

someone else it causes trust issues, and makes that person no longer want to be intimate. This

shows perfectly here when Karrueche liked the picture that Rhianna posted it showed that she

was threatened and loss of trust in Brown. Even if she would have found out in person that they

were together she still would have lost respect for him but if she found out from him and not

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Rhianna if could have salvage whatever trust was still left between the two of them.

Once their relationship was supposedly over for good, Karrueche went on Access

Hollywood and said somethings about Chris Brown about their relationship. She said in that

interview, and in this interview (Karrueche Tran Opens Up About Chris Brown To Iyanla

Vanzant " Full Interview ") that she went to social media to express her feelings and that was a

mistake. She said since it is such an easy tool and way to express oneself and since he already

had posted too it was just a knee jerk reaction that she shouldn’t have done. Even just by doing

this interview and it being posted online and on social media Chris Brown responded to it on

social media and was mad at her for talking badly about him. Karrueche responded to his

comments with a post on Instagram where she self-disclosed many private things about their

relationship (vultaggio, 2015). Once again trust and the intimacy they once had was lost and

shared with millions of people.

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www.viralsplash.net

Discussion

These several posts prove that social media can indeed be used to cause conflict in

interpersonal relationships where it doesn’t need to be. These posts show how much both of

these people self-disclosed to the whole social media world and how it had no positive impact on

their relationship. It caused more trust issues between the two of them, and caused both of them

to become more insecure not only within the relationship but towards themselves because these

comments were shown to almost the entire country. On the other hand Chris Brown tried to

make up for it and post a nice comment but too much damage was already done and the trust was

already gone. In this instance to answer the research question on why people post things to social

media that they know can cause conflict there is several different reasons. Karrueche stated that

she did it on impulse and because it was easy and that he was doing. In Chris Brown’s one post

he said it is because social media has become the outlet that everyone expresses themselves on

even though sometimes they shouldn’t. Both of these celebrities showed that even though they

know the dangers of self-disclosing so much information on social media they still do it because

it is easy. To answer the other question, whether or not people know the dangers of social media

on their interpersonal relationship before they post or not based on this study would be yes. They

both stated they knew how they both could be perceived by the public and each other but they

still posted anyways. In correspondence with the third research question, which asked if people

posts these things to get attention from the public or their significant other, Chris Brown most

certainly posted most of those posted because he wanted to get a reaction and attention from

Karrueche. Along with this incident, almost every person that is on a social media site has more

than likely saw a break up or a fight on that forum. This in all reality could have turned out

differently if people used social media more as a tool for reconnecting with people then a form of

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gossip. If avid social media users would pay more attention to cases like this involving conflict

in interpersonal relationships due to social media it might make them twice before posting things

they may later regret.

Conclusion

In summary, Interpersonal Relationship is a bond that two people share with one another.

(Blais et al., 2007). Online tools such as social media sites are sites on the internet where people

can interact with people that they already know and with people they do not know

(Subrahmanyam et al., 2008). While intimacy is when two people share a deep connection and

share their feelings with one another, and need that intimacy to trust one another on social media

(Utz, & Beukeboom, 2011).

Since it was so rigorous to keep well rounded romantic interpersonal relationships before

social media, it is even harder now. Even when the impersonal communication between those

two people is good and well established, one wrong move or ill judgment on social media can

change that status of that interpersonal relationship ( Blais et. al., 2007). It is detrimental to some

because many girls see Instagram and Facebook as a competition (Bowe, 2010). They want to

see who can get more likes, more comments, and more attention. Therefore, they can post racy

photos that can make the partner jealous and enrage, showing once again how photography can

be one of the main sources of jealous on social media sites. As it has been shown, Social Media

has had many positive impacts on people’s lives throughout recent years, but the way in which

people use it can cause many problems especially if those people are in committed relationships.

Nevertheless, conflict is everywhere, it is at work, it is at home with families, and it is in

relationships. Social media has done nothing to help eliminate conflict especially in

relationships. However, since most of these people in these relationships already know the

dangers of it and what not to do it should be an easy fix. Once these problems blow up enough

people in these types of relationships are going to start realizing what not to do, however by that

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time it might be too late.

References

Blais, J., Craig, W., Pepler, D., & Connolly, J. (2007). Adolescents Online: The importance of internet activity choices to salient relationships. Journal of Youth and Adolescents, 37(5), 522-536.

Boon, J. (2015, June 14). Karrueche Tran Tells Chris Brown To ‘Man The F–k Up’ In Shocking Rant. Retrieved from http://hollywoodlife.com/2015/06/14/chris-brown-karrueche-tran-instagram-fight-man-up-message/

Bowe, G. (2010). Reading romance: The impact Facebook rituals can have on a romantic relationship. Journal of Comparative Research in Anthropology and Sociology, 1(2), 61-77.

Clayton, R. (2014). The third wheel: The impact of Twitter use on relationship infidelity and divorce. Cyberpsychological Behavior Social Networks, 7(17), 425-430. doi:10.1089/cyber.2013.0570

Subrahmanyam, K., Reich, S., Waechter, N., & Espinoza, G. (2008). Online and offline social networks: Use of social networking sites by emerging adults. Journal of Applied Developmental Psychology, 29(6), 420-433.

Thomas, C. (2014, December 8). 'I'm young and dumb': Chris Brown hangs his head in shame and issues a grovelling apology to Karrueche Tran... after accusing her of sleeping with

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Drake. Retrieved from http://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-2865102/Chris-Brown-issues-grovelling-apology-Karrueche-Tran-accusing-sleeping-Drake.html

Utz, S., & Beukeboom, C. (2011). The role of social network sites in romantic relationships: Effects on jealousy and relationship happiness. Journal of Computer Mediated Communication, 16(4), 511-527. doi:10.1111/j.1083-6101.2011.01552.x

Vultaggio, M. (2015, June 15). Karrueche Tran- Chris Brown Instagram Feud Update: Model Should’ve Known Better. Retrieved from ibtimes.com