CONFLICT TRANSFORMATIONIN SRBA CHURCHESLiving out Matthew 18

1. Learn to separate People from issues

2. Value positive response to conflict

3. Develop a system of teachingand practicing peace

Matthew 18 15-22

"Moreover if your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault between

you and him alone. If he hears you, you have gained your brother. 16 But if he will not hear, take with you one or two

more, that 'by the mouth of two or three witnesses every word may be established.' 17 And if he refuses to hear them, tell it to the church. But if

he refuses even to hear the church, let him be to you like a heathen and a tax collector. 18 "Assuredly, I say to you, whatever you bind on earth will be bound in heaven, and whatever you

loose on earth will be loosed in heaven.

19 "Again I say to you that if two of you agree on earth concerning anything that they ask, it will be done for them by My Father in heaven. 20 For where two or three are gathered together in My name, I am there in the midst of them." 21 Then Peter came to Him and said, "Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? Up to seven times?“ 22 Jesus said to him, "I do not say to you, up to seven times, but up to seventy times seven.

19 "Again I say to you that if two of you agree on earth concerning anything that they ask, it will be done for them by My Father in heaven. 20 For where two or three are gathered together in My name, I am there in the midst of them." 21Then Peter came to Him and said, "Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? Up to seven times?“ 22 Jesus said to him, "I do not say to you, up to seven times, but up to seventy times seven.

GO STAND IN A CORNER

Conflict Transformation in the Early Church

NegotiationMatthew 18:15

MediationMatthew 18:16

ArbitrationMatthew 18:17

NegotiationMatthew 5:23-24

MediationPhilippians 4:2-3

Arbitration1 Corinthians 6:1-6

Relationship begins

Relationship DevelopsClarifying Expectations

1st OuchMissed Expectation

Un dealt withOuches

Collection of

Ouches

I’msorry

TerminationBoredo

m

ThirdParty

How Does Conflict

Affect You?

ur

Your Personal STYLE Profile

Spirit

Spirit Stamina

Style Skills

Situation

DEVELOP A COMPREHENSIVE PICTURE OF YOURSELF

Spirit = The connection of your beliefs and actions

Stamina=Your health and fitness – well being

Situation = The context of a person’s life

Skills = Abilities and competencies

Style = The Characteristic way a person responds and reacts

WHAT DOES ALL THIS MEAN?

COMPARING THE STYLES

COMPATABILITY

STRENGTHS BECOMING EXCESS

Oh Man

CONFLICT TRANSFORMATIONIN SRBA CHURCHESLiving out Matthew 18

Communication

Conflict Intensity

Interpersonal

Peacemaking

Skills

Stances for Collaboration

Attentative Listening

Interest Based Bargaining

INTERPERSONAL PROBLEM SOLVING

Position Based Hard nosed Issues first People second Persuade to your

position Win the contest of

wills

Interest Based Parties are problem

solvers People first Issues second Invent options for

mutual gains Reach an agreement

based on fair agreeable standards for all parties

LET’S PRACTICE

One of you is the pastor, one is the Trustee chair.

The Youth Minister does not turn off the lights many times after events and the Trustee has had to come late at night and turn off the lights.

One of you is the Pastor’s wife, one is a designated spokesperson.

People are complaining that the spouse is wearing much too expensive clothing after the pastor asked for a raise last year. The spouses brother owns a clothing discount house.

Groups A Groups B

HOW CONGREGATIONS RESPOND TO CONFLICT

Divided Issues are more

important View conflict as

dangerous Discussion is on

solutions, “I’m right, if you’d just see it”

People repress inner conflicts

Timing is uneven

Bound Together People are more

important Conflict is viewed as

opportunity Discussion is on

process People are

encouraged to resolve past and current hurts and not project them

Timing is steady

Who is the first person who has

to move to a new place in relation

to how your congregation

deals with conflict?

WHERE DO YOU START?

Model effective conflict management Move towards disagreement not away Demonstrate loving confrontation Talk with, not about

Strengthen relationships Plan for processes Give lots of forums for input Talk to people Talk to people Talk to people

PAY ATTENTION TO POWERLESSNESS

Invalidation – feelings of being unheard

Need for a systemic change

Historical FactorsPoor structure

Decisions making process

Communication

HOW CAN YOU HELP PEOPLE

LEARN TO “LET IT GO”?

LET’S PRACTICE

One of you is the pastor, one is the Deacon chair, one is facilitator.

The DC took the pastors last challenge at the Deacons meeting as a personal rebuke when the pastor said,” We need leaders who will model good stewardship”

One of you is the pastor, one is the YM, one a facilitator.

The YM told some youth parents that he felt the pastor was not fully supportive and was not included. The pastor told the Personnel Team the YM skips staff meetings and is often late.

Groups A Groups B

SOME USEFUL TOOLS

InterviewsRole reversalRole reversal presentationsConflict SpectrumSmall group discussionSamoan Circle