BUILDING THE CHRISTIAN HOME

A Marriage Enrichment Manual

John D. Schuetze

Ninth printing, 2015Eighth printing, 2012Seventh printing, 2009Sixth printing, 2006Fifth printing, 2004

Cover illustration by Bill Scott.

All Scripture quotations, unless otherwise indicated, are takenfrom the HOLY BIBLE, NEW INTERNATIONAL VERSION®.NIV®. Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984 by Biblica, Inc.™ Used bypermission of Zondervan. All rights reserved worldwide.www.zondervan.com.

The “NIV” and “New International Version” are trademarksregistered in the United States Patent and Trademark Office byBiblica, Inc.™

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be repro -duced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any formor by any means—electronic, mechanical, photocopying, re -cord ing, or otherwise—except for brief quotations in reviews,with out prior permission from the publisher.

Northwestern Publishing House1250 N. 113th St., Milwaukee, WI 53226-3284

© 1994 by Northwestern Publishing HousePublished 1994

Printed in the United States of AmericaISBN 978-0-8100-0521-1

TO MY GODwho gave us these truths

TO MY FATHERwho passed them on to me

TO MY WIFEwith whom I live them

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Introduction . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 7

Our Marriage Contract . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 8

PART 1 Building the Christian Home—Marriage Enrichment Sessions . . . . . . . . . . . . . 9Session 1. The Blueprint. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 11Session 2. The Building Blocks . . . . . . . . . . . . . 18Session 3. The Financing . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 26Session 4. The New Addition . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 35Session 5. The Maintenance. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 42Session 6. The Appraisal . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 49

PART 2 The Carpenter Teaches His Trade. . . . . . . . . . . 53Daily Life . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 57Married Life . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 64The Blessing of Children . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 71Spiritual Life . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 78The Final Frontier . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 85

PART 3 More Building Blocks—A Biblical Index for the Family . . . . . . . . . . . . . 93

CONT EN T S

Unless the LORD builds the house,its builders labor in vain.

Psalm 127:1

Good marriages don’t just happen. They have to be built.And there’s no better place to get advice than from the onewho designed marriage in the first place.

In his Word God gives us the plan for a model marriage. Hetells us how to build a beautiful home. Even though we are theones who have to do the work, we are to let God serve as theforeman for this project.

With God directing the work, we are guaranteed success.We can be sure our labor won’t be in vain. Instead we willhave a building that is beautiful and a structure that is strong.

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I N T RODUCT ION

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OUR MARR IAGECONTRACT

(to be completed on wedding day)

On this special day we are making a promise toGod and to each other. We promise to be guided bythe counsel and direction God has given in hisWord and reflect the love Christ has for his church.As a husband, I promise to love my wife as Christloved the church. As a wife, I promise to submit tomy husband as the church submits to Christ. Wepromise to be faithful to each other, cherish andsupport each other, and help each other in sicknessand in health as long as we both shall live.

_____________________________________________Signature of Husband

_____________________________________________Signature of Wife

_____________________________________________Date

BUILDING THE CHRISTIAN HOME

PART 1

M a r r i a g e E n r i c h m e n t S e s s i o n s

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Before we can build a home we need some blueprints.Blueprints give the contractor an idea what the final structureis to look like. In his Word the Lord gives us the blueprint formarriage. It’s important that we study God’s plan and followit carefully. Only then can we build something that’s beauti-ful—and something that will last.

1. WHERE DID THE BLUEPRINT FOR MARRIAGECOME FROM?

Genesis 1:10—And God saw that it was good.

Genesis 1:12—And God saw that it was good.

Genesis 1:18—And God saw that it was good.

Genesis 1:21—And God saw that it was good.

Genesis 1:25—And God saw that it was good.

Genesis 2:18-24—The Lord God said, “It is not good forthe man to be alone. I will make a helper suitablefor him.”

Now the LORD God had formed out of theground all the beasts of the field and all the birdsof the air. He brought them to the man to see whathe would name them; and whatever the man

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S E S S ION 1 :

T H E

B L U E PR IN T

called each living creature, that was its name. Sothe man gave names to all the livestock, the birdsof the air and all the beasts of the field.

But for Adam no suitable helper was found. Sothe LORD God caused the man to fall into a deepsleep; and while he was sleeping, he took one ofthe man’s ribs and closed up the place with flesh.Then the LORD God made a woman from the ribhe had taken out of the man, and he brought herto the man.

The man said, “This is now bone of my bones

and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called ‘woman,’

for she was taken out of man.” For this reason a man will leave his father andmother and be united to his wife, and they willbecome one flesh.

Genesis 1:31—God saw all that he had made, and itwas very good.

When God laid the foundations of the world he also drewup the blueprint for Christian marriage. As with the rest ofhis world, God declared it to be very good.

2. WHAT IS GOD’S BLUEPRINT FOR CHRISTIAN MARRIAGE?

Matthew 19:4-6—“Haven’t you read,” he replied, “thatat the beginning the Creator ‘made them male andfemale,’ and said, ‘For this reason a man will leavehis father and mother and be united to his wife,and the two will become one flesh’? So they are nolonger two, but one.”

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Romans 7:2—For example, by law a married womanis bound to her husband as long as he is alive, butif her husband dies, she is released from the lawof marriage.

Ephesians 5:25—Husbands, love your wives, just asChrist loved the church and gave himself up forher.

Christian marriage is the lifelong union of one man and onewoman in an unconditional commitment of love.

3. WHAT DOES THE BIBLE MEAN WHEN IT TELLSHUSBANDS AND WIVES TO LOVE EACH OTHER?

1 Corinthians 13:4-7—Love is patient, love is kind. Itdoes not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. Itis not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easilyangered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love doesnot delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. Italways protects, always trusts, always hopes, al-ways perseveres.

1 John 4:10—This is love: not that we loved God, butthat he loved us and sent his Son as an atoningsacrifice for our sins.

God defines love as more of an action than an emotion. It in-volves what we do more than how we feel. God demonstrat-ed such a love by sending Christ to be our Savior.

4. WHO HAS THE RIGHT TO END A MARRIAGE?

Matthew 19:6—“So they are no longer two, but one.Therefore what God has joined together, let mannot separate.”

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God alone reserves the right to dissolve a marriage throughdeath.

5. WAS DIVORCE A PART OF GOD’S BLUEPRINT FOR CHRISTIAN MARRIAGE?

Malachi 2:13-16—Another thing you do: You flood theLORD’s altar with tears. You weep and wail be-cause he no longer pays attention to your offer-ings or accepts them with pleasure from yourhands. You ask, “Why?” It is because the LORD isacting as the witness between you and the wife ofyour youth, because you have broken faith withher, though she is your partner, the wife of yourmarriage covenant.

Has not the LORD made them one? In flesh andspirit they are his. And why one? Because he wasseeking godly offspring. So guard yourself inyour spirit, and do not break faith with the wifeof your youth.

“I hate divorce,” says the LORD God of Israel.”

Matthew 19:9—“I tell you that anyone who divorceshis wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, andmarries another woman commits adultery.”

1 Corinthians 7:15—But if the unbeliever leaves, lethim do so. A believing man or woman is notbound in such circumstances; God has called us tolive in peace.

Breaking the marriage bond is sin; divorce was not a part ofGod’s blueprint for Christian marriage. Scripture revealsthat marital unfaithfulness and malicious desertion breakthe marriage bond. In such cases the innocent partner who

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was sinned against may obtain a divorce, which simply rec-ognizes that the marriage bond has already been broken.

Matthew 3:8—Produce fruit in keeping with re -pentance.

John 8:11— . . . Jesus declared. “Go now and leave yourlife of sin.”

Breaking the marriage bond is a serious sin regardless of theway our unbelieving society feels. The penitent sinner, how-ever, finds forgiveness also for the sin of divorce through Je-sus, who died to pay for all sins.

6. HOW DOES GOD BLESS THOSE WHO FOLLOW HIS BLUEPRINT FOR CHRISTIAN MARRIAGE?

Genesis 2:18—The LORD God said, “It is not good forthe man to be alone. I will make a helper suitablefor him.”

God blesses marriage with companionship.

Genesis 2:24—For this reason a man will leave his fa-ther and mother and be united to his wife, andthey will become one flesh.

God blesses marriage with sexual happiness.

Genesis 1:28—God blessed them and said to them, “Befruitful and increase in number.”

God blesses marriage with children.

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SUMMARY

God drew up the blueprint for Christian marriage at Cre-ation. When he created man and woman he also instituted thebasic social structure of marriage and the family. God intend-ed that the marriage bond be a lifelong union—“till deathparts us.”

Divorce was never a part of God’s blueprint for marriage. Itis a serious sin which breaks the marriage bond and affectscountless lives. Those who repent of this sin, however, findcomfort and hope in Christ, who forgives all sins and mendsbroken lives. Therefore the Christian church will proclaim notonly the law but also the gospel as it applies in each case.

The more we follow God’s blueprint for marriage, the morewe will enjoy the blessings of companionship, sexual happi-ness, and children.

PRAYER TO END THE SESSION

Gracious Father, we thank you for giving us the blueprintfor Christian marriage. As with all of your creation, we, too,have to look at it and confess, “It is very good.” Help us tomake our marriage what you want it to be—a lifelong union ofone man and one woman in an unconditional commitment oflove. Lead us to work toward the goal of living an entire life oflove with each other.

We also pray that you would bless our marriage. Bless uswith a companionship that meets our various needs. Bless uswith sexual happiness which can be found only in marriage.Bless us with the gift of children as you see fit. Help us al-ways to follow the blueprint you gave us for Christian mar-riage. Amen.

FOR DISCUSSION:

1. It is possible for people to fall in love at first sight.

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2. Love involves having an exciting emotional feeling forsomeone else.

3. A marriage should be based on the commitment to loverather than on the feelings of love.

4. God selects one particular person for each of us to marryand will guide us to that person in some way.

5. One reason divorce is such a serious sin is because it af-fects the lives of so many people.

6. It is better for a couple to get a divorce than to be con-stantly fighting with each other.

7. Divorce is the unforgivable sin.

8. Since God forgives the sin of divorce, it isn’t that seriouswhen a person gets a divorce.

9. A person should never use forgiveness as an excuse forsinning.

10. A marriage is not complete without the blessing of children.

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