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RACISMThis is the point. They are not a party for black people. They are an all-honky thing, if

you want to know. Im not giving a bean to that kind of apartheid thing.

Fuck off, all you smelly old hippies! You fucking slags! You ugly fart-breaths! Fuck off to

hell

WESTERN CULTURE AND THEIRDIFFICULTIESHere, in this capitalism of the feelings no one cares for another person.

In the suburbs education wasnt considered a particular advantage, and certainly couldnt

be seen as worthwhile in itself

I wanted to tell him that the proletariat of the suburbs did have strong class feeling

Im the intellectual type, not one of those uneducated immigrant types who come here

to slave all day and night and look dirty

Oh God, this whole country has gone sexually insane

They cared little for themselves; they were in and out of hospital for drug addiction andoverdoses and abortions

Sometimes I took speed,- blues, little blue tablets- to keep me awake, but they made

me depressed.

Perhaps it was the immigrant condition living itself out of them

A couple of boys were tripping. Id had half a tab at prayers in the morning but it hadworn off by now.

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PERSONALITYBut I did feel, looking at these strange creatures now,- the Indians- that in some waythese were my people, and that Id spent my life denying or avoiding that fact. I felt

ashamed and incomplete at the same time, as if half of me were missing, and if Id been

colluding with my enemies, those whites who wanted Indians to be like them.

So If I wanted the additional personality bonus of an Indian past, I would have to

create it.

But now, at the beginning of my twenties, something was growing in me. Just as my

body had changed at puberty, now I was developing a sense of guilt, a sense not only of

how I appeared to others, but of how I appeared to myself, especially in violating self-

imposed prohibitions.

The thing was, we were supposed to be English, but to The English we were always wogs

and nigs and Pakis and the rest of it.

We had a combination of miserable expectations and wild hopes. Myself, I had only wild

hopes

OPENING THE EYES TO THE

WORLDI was excited. The world was opening out. Id never met anyone like this before.

If the secret police ordered you to live in the suburbs for the rest of your life what

would you do? Kill yourself? Almost every night I had nightmares and sweats.

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Whatever fear of the future I had, I would overcome it; it was nothing to my loathing

the past.

I didnt ask much of life; this was the extent of my longing. But at least my goals were

clear and I knew what I wanted. I was twenty. I was ready for anything

It was obviously true that our suburbs were a leaving place, the start of a life

I knew it did me good to be reminded of how much I loathed the suburbs, and that I

had to continue my journey into London and a new life, ensuring I got away from people

and streets like this

Charlie was doing big things, Helen was preparing her escape, but what was I up to? Howwould I get away?