Broken but Not Bent

8/8/2019 Broken but Not Bent

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~FORWARD~

The names used in this book are used with written and/or expressed permission of the individualsinvolved in each chapter. Letters are used in the place of other names are to protect the privacyof other individuals involved in each chapter. It is NOT the intention of this book to point out thefaults regarding anyone, but to state the facts as they occurred and as we have experienced themand survived in the hope of helping others survive by putting their faith, hope and trust in Jesus

Christ.

Thank You.Shirl Weaver



~Introduction~

First of all, its no mistake this little book has come into your hands. I believe there is a reasonfor everything. Having said that, I have to tell you that at first the thought of writing this little bookwas not something I really wanted to do. I thought if I had to write a book, then it would containgood times because the hard times were just too much for me to have to deal with. But the Lordshowed me that as traumatic as this was and what we went through and how he has brought usout of would help others through what their going through. How one man who claimed to be ofGod turn out to be every woman’s nightmare and how God has delivered, healed and restoredand continues to do so to this very day. Whether as traumatic or to a lesser degree it would helpothers to hang on the Lord. God is there and has never left or forsaken me and my family, hewon't forsake you and your family either. I thought that once living through it was enough foranyone. The truth is that I was considered as a modern day “JOB” (like in the bible by others.) Nodisrespect intended to Job but he's not exactly the person anyone wants to be compared to. Let’sface it, truth is truth, need I say more.

At first like any person with emotions, I was hurt and angry with the Lord for allowing such

trauma and damage in our lives after everything else we've had to endure. I felt it was cruel andway beyond ridiculous and no one should have to go through this and as far as I was concerned.I wouldn't wish the hard times you will read about on anyone. I just could not understand why andit took some time for me to realize that first of all, what happened was not God's fault. Yes, Godallowed it but God did not do it. But God did promise in his word that he would turn it around forhis glory and our good. God would make Beauty from Ashes, and in all honesty, I knew God hada big job ahead of him. Fixing our lives was something only a true, real living God can do.Broken but not Bent not only shares the good times, but the dark times too. Although me and myfamily was broken in every way, my love for the Lord was not bent, in spite of the confusion andmost of all, Gods Love was not bent towards me or my family. God understood our emotions andwhy we felt what we did, just as he does with you. In his compassion, love and grace Godbrought me and my family through the hardest, darkest times of our lives and still today is workingto put our lives back together and restore us. Out of his love and grace he will continue to do so.

Sometimes there are circumstances that are beyond our control that leads to life changes andother situations (like a ripple effect) as a result, even more so beyond our control. But no matterhow hard life can be as a result of unforeseen events; nothing is too hard or impossible for aliving God. May God bless you and keep you.

2 Corinthians 13:14



~Dedications~

I would like to dedicate this book to God the Father, His Son and my Lord and Savior, JesusChrist and to the Holy Ghost. Without the Lord I know I would not be alive or would have made itthrough the hardest times of my life. I know I would not be here if it weren't for the Lordscompassion, comfort, Love, Grace and Strength.

I would also like to dedicate this book to my Children, James, Zachariah and Harley. Alsodedicated to my other children who are now in Heaven with the Lord, Christian Lee, Jeremy Alan,

Jessie Joe and Angel.

I also dedicate this book to anyone who has gone or are going through hard times in their livesand does not know how you will make it through. It is my sincere hope this book shows you that you can never give up. Hold on to your faith and that your strength and hope comes Jesus Christ.



~Special Thanks~

A Special Thank You to everyone who has made it possible for thisbook to go out to reach the heart of others for the Glory of God.

God Bless each and every one of you!



~Chapter 1~

The Battle Begins



~Chapter 1~

~The Battle Begins~

I lived in Ohio and I was blessed with five boys and one girl. My daughter is the

youngest. After five months my husband "R" became unfaithful to say the very least. We

had the marriage dissolved but his mother, whom I will call "N" could not let things rest and

allow us to move on with our lives. She would constantly try to pull me into court and call

child services trying to obtain custody of my oldest child by any means she possibly can.

The motive was to free her son from child support while she kept custody. To this very day

"N" tries to obtain custody of her other grandchildren that her sons' other ex wife has

using the same devices, tactics and procedures she tried with me. During the course of

going in and out of court I met and married a man whom I'll call "T" who claimed to be a God

fearing Christian and Prophet of the Lord. He actually turned out to be every woman’s

nightmare, in which the enemy used to hurt and destroy our family. But you will also see

how God delivered our family and is now in the process of healing and restoring our family.

"N" would keep a restraining order on me to prevent me from moving with my children to

obtain a normal life.

My children were taken to shooting ranges and were told the targets were representing

me and "T". They were also told that if they said anything to us then we would be hurt. On

May 9, 1998 at 9:45pm while walking down the street from the corner store, a van pulled

along side and started shooting. By a miracle of God the bullets went around us and never

hit "T" or myself. A police report was filed, but the police stated that unless we were

actually hit by the bullets there was nothing they could do. The following day "T" was on his

way to a store and was stopped by two individuals who did the shooting and said they acted

under the orders of "N". For years my children and I were followed. People instructed by“N” watched through our windows in the middle of the night. We received phone calls all

hours of the night with death threats. There were also several break in attempts. "N" had

put people up to constantly circling our apt. It was an ongoing thing for years. She had my

children followed to school and followed when they went to visit their friends. She had me

followed everywhere I went.



One morning two of my children on the way to school were at the bus stop, were almost

hit by a woman "N" had hired to followed them. In an attempt to get away without being

seen the woman sped off going the wrong way on a one way street. This woman almost hit

other people while speeding away. According to the police nothing could be done if she was

in the street its self. "N" would go to our neighbors in an attempt to have our neighbors

report our every move to her. They told her they would not tell her anything because they

were our friends. "They also said there was no reason to tell her anything because we didn't

bother anyone and there was nothing going on that was wrong.

December 5, 1998 I had received a call from the case worker and Child Services and was

informed of a meeting being held on December 12, 1998 at 8am and was instructed to be

there. I showed at the meeting with "T." "N" was there with some of her friends whom she

had hired. There were supervisors for child services present along with advisers and

counselors. Then the case worker walked in with a stack of folders and tapes and slammed

them on the table. She addressed the room by saying the meeting was called because the

agency felt that enough was enough. She then addressed "N" by saying "Everyday for the

last 6 years, three times a day you have called on this girl. Never has any call you've made

proven to hold true. We have gone in there hard and unannounced. We had gone to the

children's schools, the children's doctors and dentists. We also went to their home on

countless times because you have called. There has never been a problem over there. We

are tired of you using this agency as a weapon and a tool to hurt this girl. This agency will

no longer be a part of what you’re trying to accomplish. We have cases that are in urgent

need of this agency and we do not have the time to continue to run out every time you call

when there is nothing wrong." "N" was advised that if she continued to call in false claims

then they would press charges for misusing the agency. After the meeting the social

worker asked me when we were going back to court and I told her the scheduled time. She

told me that as soon as court was over and final to "take the kids and get the hell out." She

stated that as long as the kids were under 18 and "N" was alive it would never end. She

states that N was not displaying normal behavior as an adult or a grandparent. The social

worker stated if we wanted any kind of a normal life then we were to leave.



We left on February 3rd of 1999, the day after court. All papers were in hand granting

me full custody along with all restraining orders to hold us were lifted. I also had all the

waivers that were signed by all parties that wavered any rights to any further hearings.

The courts gave specific orders stating "N" can no longer cause any more problems whether

directly or indirectly. We left with the kids and headed to Nashville, Tn. to start a normal

life. From 1985 to 1999 we went through this, but later learned it still wasn't the end. "N"

had us followed to TN. One evening we were away from our home that we had rented she

had our home broken into. Everything would be turned over and destroyed. "N" would still

try to go against the waiver she had signed in court a month prior. Again she wanted to

bring me into court until the year 2002. The courts continued to deny her request. She

tried to file kidnapping charges on me for leaving state with my children as I was directed

to do by social services. The courts denied her again and sent her the papers stating I had

every legal right to leave with no restrictions. So as a result "N" got angry and would

continue to have us followed. There were also more attempts to break in our home. It was

later we learned the break in attempts in TN were under the orders of "N" as well. The

Lord protected and kept us out of harms way.



~Chapter Two~

Money From Heaven

and the

Convention Meeting



~Chapter Two~

~Money From Heaven and the Convention Meeting~

We arrived in Nashville Tn. had stayed in a motel for about a week. During that week wespent that time looking for a place to move into, a job and trying to find assistance because themoney was going quick on the room and food expenses. I had made several calls and it seemedthat nothing was working out. We were quickly running out of time and money. It was comingdown to where a choice had to be made. Either use the money for gas to go back to Ohio orchance on more night in the motel believing for a miracle. We all sat down together, "T", the kidsand I and we were trying to decide as a family on what we should do. At that point the only thingwe knew to do was to pray and ask for help and wisdom. After praying I called the landlord in

Ohio and asked if we can move back in and he said yes, it would be as we never left. None of uswanted to go back to what the Lord had just delivered us from. It was coming down to the wireand it looked as though we didn't have a choice. We all got up early, still praying asking the Lordfor help. Fifteen minutes before checkout the phone rang. It was a man by the name of John,who I still to this day don't remember calling. He asked what we needed to get into a place. I toldhim we found a place in East Nashville and I told him where it was. He asked how much weneeded and I told him it would take a thousand dollars to move in. That would cover the depositand the first months rent. He said he could help with $495.00 but wasn't sure if he could do morebut would call if anything turned up. Five minutes before checkout John called back saying hehad the other $505.00 and that he called the rental office. He said the money was on the way tothe office and all we had to do was go sign the lease and pick up the keys. He said the office toldhim we could move in that very day.

So in Feb. 1999 we moved into a side by side duplex home. The following day John came by thehouse and offered to pay the school tuition for the year for all the kids to be home schooled andhe also brought food in to help us get on our feet along with the deposit to have the lights on inour name. What an awesome gift from the Lord. We started attending the Nashville CowboyChurch and we made a lot of friends that would visit us often. They loved bringing snacks andtoys for the kids. We learned of a flea market where we could make a little extra money. Whilewe were there selling unwanted items my children started telling people about Jesus.

They would tell people how "God loved them. On one particular occasion my nine year old sonwas talking with some homeless people telling them about Jesus. It was amazing to watch theLord use him. I stayed far enough away for the Lord to use him but close enough to grab him ifanyone tried to hurt him. In mid April "T" began talking about wanting to join the Klan because hisuncle was a part of it.



He said his uncle had wanted him to join on his sixteenth birthday where he said he received hisfirst Klan uniform. I told him I didn't like the idea and I didn't feel that way. I also told him I wasn'traising my children that way. I told him I felt was wrong and I didn't want the children put inharms way because of something the kids and I didn't believe in. "T" had told me he had madearrangements in downtown Nashville to meet with the Nation Director of a particular groupbecause he was in town for a convention for one day. In spite the fact I was upset and veryuneasy about it "T" asked me to go saying it wasn't what I thought. He said if I went to just meetthem with him, that I would see for myself. He said he wanted to go in their and turn them aroundsaying he would be a sheep in wolves clothing and his ultimate goal was to take the directorsposition saying he would turn them around. I told him I didn't want him joining. He said hewouldn't but only speak to the man and his wife since they were taking the time to meet with himand it was only of of respect. I went with him to see what the truth really was because I didn'tknow much about the Klan and what little I did know, it was very negative.

The couple approached us and it turned out the man was a pastor of a church. I asked whatkind of church it was since he was the pastor as well as being the leader of the Klan. He askedus to sit down for coffee and he began to explain to me that it wasn't about color. He said it wasabout what he believed to be the truth of the bible. I told him that I didn't believe the way they did.I told "T" that's not what the bible was about. The Pastors son and his wife came over and begansaying things that were very offensive. When I returned they said they had to leave and go backto the meeting. We returned back home. I had learned later that "T" had agreed to join theirorganization and that his papers were going to be sent to him. He told me they really wanted meto join as well. He told them how I felt about it and that there was no way I would join. Theyagreed not to push or try to force the issue on me but said they would respect my wishes. Thedirector wanted me to perform at some rally they were having but declined their offer and theysaid if I had a change in heart to let them know. We never spoke again.



That following weekend "T" put a rebel flag on the house. Regardless of our objections he leftit up. The neighbors began to get upset telling him he needed to take it down but he refused. Hecreated a white sheet and wrote Love not War and put it up and began blasting music. Thepolice were called and showed up that night. They told him that no matter how he felt, noteveryone felt the same. They told him they were getting complaints and that he had to take thesheet down and turn the music down. I told him I didn't want us to lose our home or see the kidshurt as a result of this. He still left it up. Two of my children ended up in a fight, but were notseriously hurt. This still didn't change "T" s mind. The following Sunday we had told a couplefriends from church about what was going on and they said if we needed them to let them know.The following Monday the rental agency sent a letter to "T" stating either take the flag down within10 days or consider that letter as eviction notice. He left the flag up. Our friends from churchstated they didn't want to see the kids or me homeless and they said it was just the two of them in

a very large home and that we were welcome there. They had five bedrooms upstairs and apt.built in on the lower end of the house. They invited us over for a dinner to see the house andsee how the kids would like it. Needless to say they loved it. It was a very secluded home withplenty of places for the kids to run, jump, climb trees and play football and just have fun. Thechildren were very excited so on May 10, 1999 we moved in.



~Chapter Three~

Mansion Madness

and an

Alabama Heartache



~Chapter Three~~Mansion Madness and an Alabama Heartache~

We moved into the house and the children loved it! The kids after completing theirschool work would run and play outside. The couple "K" s who also lived in the house stated

they were prophets for the Lord. The couple began doing things that just weren't making

sense. The woman would say wait a minute in a middle of a conversation and gently lie on thefloor and get up 10 minutes or so saying she was out in the spirit. The gentleman would walk

from one room to another and say God transported him like Enoch because he had no

remembrance of walking from one room to the other. A family came to visit for a few daysthat the couple knew. The couple that had just arrived to visit had children as well. My

children started talking to the other children about the Lord asking them if they were

saved. The Lord used my children to minister to their children. As a result their children

came to the Lord and were born again. The very next day the family left. We continued toattend church whenever those doors were open. In the backyard of the house we were

staying in there was a tree that had those brown curly shakers.The children collected the seeds from the shakers and washed them and brought them into

church. They explained that the seed can only be planted once you tell someone about the

Lord. Once your seed was planted you can only water it when you someone about the Lord,whether they receive salvation or not. The seed had to be planted in their heart. The result

of your seed would show the seeds you’re producing.

The church was so moved, the Pastor went out and bought the best soil he could get and

put it into little baggies and handed them out to the congregation saying your seed must be

planted in good ground. It was great. Easter Sunday 1999 my Zach and "T" was asked by amember of the church who was an artist to be in a church calendar. This picture would also

be in every welcome center across the state of Tn. The children were also asked to be aguest on our friend Arno’s television program. While we were in Church the children would

usually be the first to go up to the alter to pray, to receive prayer or to pray for others.

Many times the adults would see the children and feel compelled to go forward.



To sit back and watch how the Lord used the children was beautiful and incredible. The

couple of the house began to tell us about how they felt the Lord was telling them to give us

the house because he had big plans for the couple. The stated they were having financial

difficulties with the house but it was all being worked out. They stated that they had spoketo the mortgage company and they would call us about finishing the payments on the house

to obtain ownership. They told us the mortgage company wanted to work out a first time

home owners plan. One afternoon a gentleman of the house stated a conversation telling methat "if the only reason Jesus came was to save the world then he failed". I told him that

he was wrong and regardless of what I said and scriptures. I pointed out he would try to

argue and downplay the scriptures. He got angry and locked us in the basement of thehouse.

When we didn't show up for Church the following Sunday morning some of our friendsknew something had to be up because we were at church whenever the doors were open. So

that afternoon they showed up and demanded for the door to be opened. We made peace

with the couple to keep a roof over the children's head and we all agreed to disagree in

what we each believed. The following Thursday afternoon we were told by some of thechurch members that they felt led by the Lord to buy us a car since we didn't have one and

we wouldn't have to rely on the couple we were staying with. Within two days the car was in

the driveway. The Lord provided us with a 1993 Chevrolet Celebrity Mini Wagon. The kidsand I put all kinds of decals on the car saying, Soldiers of the Cross, Jesus Saves, Jesus

Loves you and John 3:16. We were so thankful and happy that the car looked like a rolling

bulletin board for the Glory of God. The children really loved the car, especially when theylearned that the last seat faced the back window. Talk about excitement!!

The couple of the house told us it was time for them to move on with the Lord but not to

worry. The couple said the Lord wanted them to run a home where people had just gotten

out of jail and were starting over. They said it was their job to help them back into society.



The couple told us that everything was in the process of being worked out with the houseand the mortgage company would call us. The couple moved out that day and finished the

following day. On the evening the couple moved completely out the children and I were

having praise and worship time in the living room. We asked "T" if he'd like to join in with

us and he said he was fine. (Most times he would just tell us he was busy, thinking or readingsomething.) This night was different from the other nights. We felt the presence of the

Lord so strong. This night was the first of many different nights. We didn't know at the

time we were going to experience similar nights to follow. As we were in praise and worship"T" stood to his feet and the first thing we heard was "Do I have to die a second time?"

We heard of spiritual warfare but didn't know much. The kids and I were in the learningstages of the whole warfare thing and had much to learn. So a lot of this spiritual warfare

thing we still had to learn. We had just gotten baptized but still had much to learn about

spiritual warfare and this whole demon rebuking thing. He began to speak as if was "the

Lord" speaking through him saying the praise and worship wasn't genuine enough. Itprogressed to where "T" would say he allowed a demon restricted access to him self toteach us spiritual warfare. Usually when that happened it would scare us pretty bad because

we knew to a point how to bind and rebuke. We would have to fight by trying to cast thing

out, one night things got a little out of control because "T" was clawing the couch, all we

knew to do was pray and rebuke in Jesus Name. There were many nights we went throughthis. He would tell us the plans the devil had for each and every one of us. How the devil

wanted to take us out. The most horrifying things would come out about all of us. Whenever

I would confront "T" he would get angry and start quoting scriptures saying how he can runa church if he can't run his house. He would say things like let the dead bury the dead and

when ever we struggled with food, money or with anything he would say it was my fault

because I smoked cigarettes when he smoked more then I did. I told him God knew myheart and I asked about the fact he smoked and he would say "we weren't talking about me

were talking about you" and that it was my fault. That I had to quit, I had to make all these

changes if I wanted things to get better. For hours he would yell at me and become so hard

he wouldn't stop, it had gotten to the point I was balled in a corner begging him to stop.Then He would get angry all over again. But when I did, there were no changes.



T" was not working and wouldn't go out of his way to help. He wouldn't back off of thekids or my self. If fact he pushed harder. On one particular day I was home schooling the

children and "T" said that the bible talked of a prayer closet and that is just what he did.

He made the hallway closet into a prayer closet. He had the children go in, I went in. We

were each to spend time with the Lord until we heard his voice. When the children didn'thear his voice "T" would just insist that they weren't listening. "T" and I would argue quite

often because I believed the Lord preferred 10 minutes of sincerity rather then hours of

lip service or being forced.

Approximately one week after the couple moved out we heard a knock on the door and it

was a deputy looking for the couple. We told them they had moved out and they asked us tomake sure they received their notice that they were to report to court. "T" and I went to

the corner store after the officer left to get things for dinner. We came out of the store

and we heard a voice yelling hey brother, hey sister. We turned around and there stood a

man who looked like he just stepped out of the sixties.

His name was Redge. He said he seen the car and had to say hi. He stated he was aprophet for the Lord and "T" told him he was as well. We talked for a little bit and we

invited him to come to the house lived to meet the children. He came by and the children

loved him. He stayed for a little bit and stated he needed to return to his wife. We toldhim what was going on with the couple and the house. Redge felt something wasn't right

with the couple and the whole situation. Redge told us if we needed him to let him know andhe told us to call him when we heard something. "T" said he wanted to go to court just to

see what was going on and see what the couple didn't tell us. It turned out the couple never

showed up in court and we were given only ten days to move in spite of the judges efforts to

help us remain there. We found out the couple had not made a house payment in over nine

months and the real estate company had found another buyer for the home. The real estate

knew nothing of what the couple told us about buying the home. We were devastated. As "T"was at court the real estate company had the water cut off. The lights were cut off twoweeks prior because the owners hadn't paid the bill as agreed. "T" was not working and it

took four members of our church to convince him to find a job. They told him I already had

my hands full and couldn't do everything. They told him he needed to do his part as well andtold him he needed to get a job.



They had arranged an interview for "T" and he got the job. So when we had to leave wehad the money. The church provided us with lamps that ran on batteries, candles, a portable

burner and everything we needed to keep going. The day of court when the water was cut

off we had no choice but to take the kids to a motel right then and there because it would

be dark soon. That night after we left we pulled out of the driveway and "T" thought hesaw someone that looked like "N" s son. The next day when "T" went to the house to get our

belongings, "T" said the house was torn apart. It looked like someone had gone through

everything we owned. Later we learned and it was confirmed, it was N's son. "N" continuedto track our every movement. On the ninth day to get our things out of the house

completely we showed up to everything we had left was destroyed. I remember standing

outside the motel room door, praying to the Lord. I remember praying. "Lord, it doesn'tmatter where you send us. The only thing I ask is to stay with us, protect us and keep us

together as a family." We ended up staying at the motel for two months. Redge told us

that him and his wife Jan were going to a church and invited us to go with them.

"T" told him he had to work, but thanked them anyway. That Sunday "T" didn't wake upfor work and he said he felt as though he wasn't supposed to go. So I asked him to take us

to church where Redge and Jan invited us to. We went to church and afterwards met up

with Redge and Jan at this restaurant. They told us they had went to Alabama and theysimply fell in love with it. They told us the people were incredible and they felt led of the

Lord that was where they were to go. They asked us if we would be interested. "T"

accepted. I told him something didn't feel right but he said we didn't have the money to

continue to stay in a motel since he lost his job and that our efforts to get a home werefutile. Redge and Jan left that following Tuesday and we told them we would be there either

Thursday or Friday. They said they would go ahead of us and get a place. They told us that

when we came into town in Limestone County, Alabama to find a particular hotel and getsettled in and they would meet up with us the following day. The children were pretty

excited as we drove down to Alabama.



~Chapter Four~

Popeye's

Little Lamb chops

on the Mountain



~Chapter Four~~Popeye’s, Little Lamb Chops and on the Mountain~

The Thursday after our arrival into Alabama was Thanksgiving. Redge and Jan invited us to join them for a Thanksgiving Dinner that Popeye's was hosting. We attended the dinner andreturned to the motel. Then Redge invited us to go to a Church he visited where he said it was awonderful place in Florence Alabama where we met some wonderful people. Redge told us thatthe place he had in mind to move into was not available. He said he had an idea of where wewould be able to stay until we found a place of our own. He took us to a Salvation Army wherethey greeted us with open arms. We were able to stay for a total of forty-five days. We continuedto goto church and believe God that something wonderful would happen. Christmas wasapproaching fast and the children we in the church play. Jessie got the part of the little lamb (sowe nicked named him little lamb chops) and my three other boys were the three kings.

On Christmas Eve there came a knock on the door. It was one of the directors from theSalvation Army. He held a very large bag of toys for the children. An hour later another knockcame and it was members of the church we were attending with three car loads of toys andclothes for the children and for us. The Lord had really made our Christmas a happy one. It didn'tmatter that we were in a Salvation Army, what matter to us was that we were together, we lovedthe Lord and that's what it was about love. We spent New Years 2000 in the Salvation Armywhen everyone was afraid of the Y2K bug. Remember that? We had made friends at church andat the Salvation Army. One friend from church told us that she had a garage that she convertedinto a one bedroom apt. with living area, kitchen area and bathroom and told us we werewelcome. Compared the motels we were staying in...It sounded great!

I continued to home school while we were there and when we moved into the our friendsconverted garage. (Here I'll call my friend "J") The kids loved it. It was small but compared towhat we were used to, it seemed pretty big. We moved in on the forty-fifth day. Things werereally beginning to look up for us. For three months I still continued to home school the children.During our stay things were getting really rough as we stayed there. "T" had gotten moredemanding and at one time he said the Lord was speaking through him trying to tell my oldestson that "N" was sending forth spiritual forces to spy on my son. The Prayer closet got pushedagain, this time "T" went to far with it. He had one of my children stay in there for over two hours.Him and I got into it and I'll never, ever forget how his eyes were when he came out. "T" let himout because he was angry at me for questioning and arguing with him for making them go inthere. My oldest son and "T" were talking and it broke out into an argument and "T" broke out inanger stating it was the Lord through him and that he would punish Jimmy for speaking back.Jimmy stated he was only speaking the facts as to what he knew. "T" became very angry and Istepped in.



I didn't want Jimmy touched and he stated that since I stepped in I would suffer as a directresult. For the following three day I was unable to get out of bed because I suffered with such asevere headache and "T" would say that it was because I stepped in. On February 25, 2000 at5:45am I was praying to the Lord and I had a vision. It was a vision of hell. I saw people in a lakeof fire and hell looked as though it was not close to being full. I cried out to Jesus and the visionstopped. I was very upset because I couldn't understand the point of that. Here I was crying out tothe Lord and I see Hell. I learned a short time later that the Lord wanted me to see it so thatpeople would know hell is a very real place and that it was no place to spend eternity. Our Friend"J" invited to the upper house for dinner one night. The children really loved her and she reallyloved the children and me. That following Saturday the children and I helped "J" do some springcleaning and she called me aside and told me not to take anything of what she says to "T"personally. That it was in no way directed toward the children or myself. She stated that she hasbeen watching everything and she was very concerned and very afraid for the children and me

due to his controlling attitude. She told me that if he didn't try to find a job to take care of us thenshe would have no choice but to have us move. She said he wasn't trying and she was worried."T" got very angry with her and told her she would not tell him how to run his family. "J" told methat anytime day or night if the kids and I needed her she will always be there. The following dayday "T" kicked in the door that divided the bedroom and the living area and started yelling at thechildren and me. "T" was saying we are not close enough to the Lord and that reason things aregetting bad was my fault. I never quite understood why the children and I caught the blame foreverything that went wrong.

"J" said she knew someone who would put to work on various jobs cleaning windows for homes.Approx. three weeks later "T" stated he felt as though he was being ripped off and said he wasn'tgoing back. "J" said that if he wasn't going to do anything to support the family then we wouldhave to move. On the following Saturday the kids and I were just chilling out and I saw in theclouds what looked like the Lord's face. I yelled for the kids and "T" and told them to look up andtell me what they see and they all said it looks like Jesus. We were so excited. That evening "T"went to see Redge and Jan who were Living on a mountain in a trailer park type area. When hearrived there "T" found out from Redge that a trailer directly across from theirs had just become

available. Redge took "T" to speak to the owner and right then and there we were approved andwere able to move right in. We moved completely in within two days. Redge stated that he andhis wife had a Christian television program and asked us if we would like to come on the program.They said "T" could give his testimony and I could sing. We agreed. The first two weeks "T" gavehis testimony of him being in the Klan, his music and when he was into Satanism. The third weekwhile Jan hosted the program I sang.



On April 16, 2000 we went to Redge and Jans for a little bit and as we were praying I lookedup and there I saw Jesus in the Midst of us. So when the Lord says in his word he is there in themidst when two or three are gathered in his name it’s true. During the course of the three weeksof the television "T" went back to allowing what he called "restricted access" to himself withdemons by using particular rock music until he felt their entrance. He said it was to teach usspiritual warfare because he said we still needed to learn. "T" was continuously rough on thechildren and telling me our difficulties were my fault. Most evenings the children and I were stillspending time with the Lord in prayer and worship. Redge and Jan ended up going to Michigan tominister up there until the Lord said otherwise. Redge said they would call and check in with us tosee how it was going and if we needed anything.

One morning the landlords came to collect the rent and "T" said he was unable to find a job.The owners said that for the kids and I there were willing to work with him and give him time to

find a job and pay something on the rent. The owners said they knew some people who can helphim get a job and made the arrangements for an interview for "T". "T" never showed up for theinterview and the owners were very upset. As a direct result the owners came to the trailer andasked for "T". "T" said he couldn't make it and the owners said we would have to move. Later thatday the owners told "T" there was a phone call and it was Redge. As "T" was on the phone thekids and I were watching the sky get very dark and it grew very windy. We stepped out the trailerand right above the trailer the clouds were rotating in a circle right above our trailer. It looked likea tornado was about to drop down on top of us. The children and I prayed and rebuked thetornado in Jesus Name and we found out a short time later a tornado touched down just minutesafter we prayed about 20-30 miles away. We praised God for sparing us. When "T" returned fromtalking to Redge on the phone, we told him about what happened but he was very angry over theconversation with Redge so he didn't believe us. But we know God spared us that day. Redgehad told "T" that he had to get a job right away or we would have to move.

On May 21, 2000 my son Zach and I were praying about ten o'clock that evening and the Lordspoke so clearly to me that he would save and deliver my family and myself. I peeked out of the

corner of my eye as we prayed and I saw such a bright light in the living room, as if light beamswere in the living room. The following morning we all got up at 5:30 in the morning, it was thekids last day of school before summer vacation. The children were getting ready and I wentoutside to have a cup of coffee and spent some time with the Lord. The children and I went aboutour day as usual. About noon the owners came to the trailer wanting to speak with "T" and thenext thing I heard was yelling coming from outside the trailer. "T" came n saying they wanted theirrent that day knowing he didn't have it.



He said the arguing continued until the owners threatened to turn off the power to the trailerand then call social services and say we had six kids in a trailer with no power. That's just whatthey did, but what we didn't know was that they called them and said we had no power beforethey cut the power. "T" said he wanted to go to the police dept. to make a report and he askedme to go. I asked our neighbor to watch the kids for a few minutes until we got back. We got asfar as the mailbox and I told "T" we needed to take the kids. "T" argued with me and said we hadtime and I felt so strong that we didn't and the kids needed to go with us right there and then."T" got very angry and finally agreed and we pulled up and I told the kids to get in the car. Thekids got in the car and as we pulled up a van from social services was pulling in the main drive.We continued to the police dept. and they directed us to go talk to the sheriff's office. The Sheriffwas kind and we told him exactly what happened. He said they had no right to call and it wasillegal to just cut the power the way they did and if we wanted we could pursue charges if we so

wished. He told us to take the kids and find another place and if we needed any help to let himknow. He offered to find us a place for the night but we had a place already in mind. We went tothe television station that we were guests on with Redge’s program and the woman said she feltled to call this man by the name of Obadiah. As we waited they gave the children a tour of thestation and when Obadiah showed up we told him what happened and he told us to meet him at alocal Wal-mart. We met him there and he took us in and got us whatever we needed for thechildren. He then told us to follow him to the back of this store front that he had, and we did. Hetook us in the back and gave all of us dinner. Then the presence of the Lord filled the room andthe Lord told him things that were amazing. He then took us to his friend’s home where we stayedthere for one month.

The children had a play station to play on and we were there until something would come upfor our own place. The night before the Lord opened doors for a place the Lord used us to bringtwo people from that home to salvation. We knew that was the reason the Lord brought us there.The next day a door opened up and we moved into a large home with 12 feet high ceilings. Theplace was a mess when we got there and two windows were broken out and it had a gas leak. Assoon as we walked into the house we spelled the gas and we had called the fire dept. They hadthe gas company come out and check the lines and said they shut the gas off until the leak wasrepaired the following day.



~Chapter Five~

Instant Snow

Return of the Little Lamb Chop

and "Cross" the streets



~Chapter Five~

~Instant Snow, Return of the Little Lamb Chop and "Cross" the streets~

July 2000 we moved into a small town in Alabama. We moved into what looked like a very oldbut large home with ceilings that were 12 feet high. It actually used to be a old bed and breakfaststyle home. At times when we had no money, "t" would tell the children to go out and ask theneighbors for money saying we had run into an emergency and he would give it back right away,which never happened. This went on for some time in spite of my objections. He would tell methat according to the bible if he couldn't run his own home, there would be no way God wouldallow him to run a church. He constantly quoted the bible to us and said he was running hishome as the priest of his home. He would tell us that we were to all obey him. One afternoon

after home school was completed I was in the process of making meatloaf and I had run out ofeggs. I sent the kids next door to see if they had two eggs since they had several chickens in theirbackyard. They came back saying the couple next door couldn't understand English. Thechildren were pointing to the chickens butt to represent where eggs came from. The neighborsoffered the children two chickens that were running around in their backyard instead. The boyscame back laughing so hard it was all they could do to talk. The neighbors realized what thechildren were trying to say and they brought over 24 eggs instead of the two eggs we originallyneeded.

"T" would carry a large white cross through the streets of this little town on Friday andSaturday nights. If weather permitted, the boys would walk with him. There were nights when itwas nice enough then me and the youngest children to join them walking through the streets. Atfirst the teenagers were against him walking the streets and they explained why. The teens toldhim how the people in the church in that particular area would tell them that they needed to be inchurch, so when they showed up the people of that church would put them down for theirappearances. They felt so unwelcome and unwanted that they would join cults and other ungodly

organizations. They said they felt more acceptance and love from joining a satanic cult then goingto the church. They said that if the people were to represent God and that is how they treatedthem, they wanted no part of God who treated them in such a manner. How sad is it whenteenagers feel more respect, love and acceptance from a satanic cult then from a Church.As the weeks passed they began to calm down and no longer felt threatened or pushed. Somestarted to actually wave as they drove past in the loops through town. (The cross was carriedthrough town until we moved out in January 2001). The weekend of our last walk it had gotten tothe point where the teens were actually walking with us.



As we came around the corner one of the teens had an acoustic guitar singing amazing gracewith at least 20 other teens around him and we were welcomed into the group. The Lord hadmoved in that little town. December 2000 it was warm for December, 60's and 70's. The childrenand I were in the middle of home schooling of the day and we began talking about how much weall missed the snow from when we were up north. The snowball fights, snow angels, the footprintsand the beauty and quietness of the snow. We all prayed asking the Lord to let it snow. Afterschool we all wen t outside. The children played while "T" and I did some yard work. Later thatnight a storm came through town and a very strong cold front came in. We learn the next daythat two tornadoes had touched down in the middle of the night. One touched down about 50miles away and the other about 30 miles away. The children had went through their morningclasses and it was about 11am. We looked out the window and we saw snowflakes falling. Thechildren were so excited! We were all yelling with excitement and praising God for answering ourprayers. The snow stayed for about 3 days.

I remember my two oldest boys going to the store for Christmas tree decorations and comingin covered in snow. The snow was a big reminder of how close Christmas actually was. I wasconcerned because Christmas was coming fast and we didn't have the money for Christmaspresents for the children. The last thing I wanted was for Christmas to be a disappointment.I was in tears not knowing what to do. The children were in bed and I asked "T" to pray with me.We asked the Lord to give the children a special Christmas. The following day a woman from upthe street, came to the house and told me she felt led to get the children some Christmaspresents. She had bought them each a sweater and some toys. I was so thankful to the Lord forremembering us.

On Christmas Eve we went to church because the children were in the church plays. Jessiewas once again the little lamb, my daughter was a Christmas present, my other son played thepart of Baal and my other children played the part of kings, from what I remember. The playswent well and as usual, I was so proud of my children. We stayed for the Christmas party atchurch and finally returned home about 10:30 that evening. We came in and there came a knockon the door about 45minutes to an hour after we got in. There was a man standing there and he

asked if we were the family with 6 children who walked the streets with a cross. We told him yesand he told us he had just come from California and he had heard of us. He said was home onleave because he was in the marines and he happened to live in our town. He said he felt led tobring us something. He said he wanted to leave it on the porch for us to see on Christmas Daymorning but it was just to heavy for him to load on the porch. He asked if we would help him. Thethree oldest boys and "T" went to his truck to find a truck load of toys for the children. It wasincredible!!! There were so many toys one of my boys was actually swimming in the toys in thehallway while my other son was diving in them.



My daughter was screaming at the top of her little lungs in excitement while her little body wasshaking. She was so happy. My other 3 boys stood in amazement! There were so many toys wegave toys away that night to some of the neighborhood children by the arm fulls. There were somany you couldn't tell any were ever given away. A friend of ours came over and asked us for aquarter. He went to his car and brought in so much chicken there was not enough room in ourfreezer and fridge. God had truly given us a Christmas to remember!! I will never forget the thingsthe Lord has done. The following week the bills came in as usual and we received a 595.00 gasbill for one month. We knew there was no way we can pay those kinds of gas bills each week. Weknew we had to move and we let our church know. They came over the evening before andprayed with us and blessed us before we left. Our friend "Db" told us we were welcome to staywith her until we found a place. She had two children and lived about 25miles away. Weaccepted her offer. The children had a good time there and it was a nice place to live with theexception of her landlord who also lived on the property. He didn't like children and he stayed

drunk most of the time. At any time if my friend’s dog would go towards his area he would pull outa shot gun trying to shoot the dog. Our friend "Db" said while she was out she came across thehousing authority and told them we had 6 children and needed a place. It was governmenthousing but compared to the places we lived, it was a welcome sight. It was a nice apt. with acreek in the backyard and a lot of trees. It was beautiful. We moved in the apt. in February 2001.The children loved it because they felt so much freedom to run and play. As long as the childrenwe happy and we were together with the Lord, that's what mattered to us. Just as I prayed at themotel in Tn. (As stated in chapter 3)

We had attended a large church from Feb.-Mar. until we were asked to visit this little church.We went the Sunday before Memorial Day. They invited us to attend a picnic the church washaving on Memorial Day where the children could swim, and we could get to know everyone. Sowe went and we had a great time. Since the town we lived in where we carried a cross mychildren had been putting on plays to Christian music. People seemed to love the plays whereever we went. There were times people and churches would request the children to put on theplays. My oldest son would come up with different ideas with the help of his brothers.At the church picnic we told them of the plays my children put on to bring people to the Lord. Thepastor asked to see one of the plays. So the following Sunday the children put on one of theplays. The church loved it so much that they asked if we would be interested in putting together

more plays involving the other children at the church. The children we excited about it so we allagreed. They called it "CMDT". This stood for “Christ Mission Drama team.” The pastor offeredthat if we can get sponsors, they would like to see the children put these plays on every week ontelevision. It didn't cost much per week and in no time at all they were on television. I would sing,the children put on their plays and there would be preaching for about 10-15minutes.



It went great!! God had really used the children to touch the lives of others. This went on

every week until November of 2001. The plays came to an end when "T" left me and my childrenfor a woman who lived two-three doors down who happened to be my best friend at the time. Ourfamily was so shaken and shocked it was hard to continue to plays at the time. We needed to tryto pull ourselves together. It didn't take long at all before people all over town knew he had left usfor the other woman. "T" had told my children it was their fault he left because he felt his newgirlfriend’s children loved him more. He told my children they were horrible. He had abused mychildren through the course of the years. I remember one time when he had my children in thebathroom. He was hitting them with a switch. I fought to get in that door and when I did Iremember seeing my 9 year old laying in the tub because he had fallen back when he got hit. "T"would tell my children if they made a sound it would be worse. I had called Redge over and toldhim what was going on. At the time he didn't believe me because "T" proclaimed to be such aman of God, it was hard for people to believe us. What people seen and what went on behindclosed doors were two different things. People would hear how he claimed to be a prophet and it

was as if doors would just open for him. "T" later came out and told me he got tired of feelingguilty because he missed getting high, getting drunk and he missed his type of music that was notChristian. He said he had actually fallen in love with my friend. I told him he tore our family apartand he had no right to blame my children for leaving. He said he couldn't handle 6 children andshe only had 2. He said he couldn't help the way felt. He said his biggest problem was the factshe already had a boyfriend of five years. He said the person she was seeing wasn't someonehe would trust. Her children really loved the man she was seeing but "T" said he needed to dosomething. One night this woman, (whom I'll call "F") had a date with her long time boyfriend. Hecame to her home and "T" was outside the apt. complex walking back and forth between her apt.and mine looking in the windows. He would come in, warm up and go back out. He was timinghow long he was there. When her boyfriend left, he went to her apartment and stayed with her allnight. He later told me he had to help her in the tub and he would tell me how confused he was.He would tell me the bible says one thing but he felt another. He said he felt as though the Lord'told' him to leave us for her. One night I needed to talk to him and when I went there she wasstraddled across him and in shock I walked out.

He moved out of the house and into her apt. My children were feeling rejected and betrayedand they had given him and her new nicknames. They referred to him as 'Satan' and they

referred to her 'dark Vader in a dress'. To This day "T" claims the children never had a problemwith what he did. On one hand the children were relieved to see him leave because he couldn'tabuse them, but on the other hand they felt betrayed and rejected. I felt the same way but Icouldn't let them know it. I had called Redge and told him how "T" had left us for her and hecame over to talk with him. Redge told "T" that what he was doing was wrong and that heneeded to get back with his family and change his ways. "T" said he wasn't returning. Redgewarned him that he felt if "T" continued do to this then it would open the door to Satan and he feltsomething terrible would happen.



He pleaded with "T" to come back to the family and not do this. He stressed to "T" that it waswrong and against the word of God. He told "T" that if he continued to be with this woman thenhe couldn't have any association with him. "T" said that was fine, he didn't care what happenedto us and he is going to do what he wants to do. Redge told him how sorry he was to hear thisand that he really needed to consider what he is doing. "T" said it didn't matter what happened tous, he was going to be with her. Redge left that evening. My two younger boys were having ahard time with the whole situation. One night my 7year old was crying saying "no one wants tobe my daddy" I had went over to "F" s apt where he was living and I knocked on the door. "T"answered in a bathrobe and I told him that Jessie feels he didn't love him, and that he needed totalk to him and tell him that he at least loved him. He got angry and said there is no peace withus. I told him, "you did this, you fix it" I told him he can at least talk to him because he felt hurt."T" got mad and said he would when he was done with what he was doing. He showed up about20 minutes later and talked to him and walked out. "T" would come over and tell me he didn't

care how it seemed that my children could never behave. He would constantly put them down.We had no money, no family to help us and we felt stranded in a state where we had no one. Wehad friends, yes, but they wouldn't go out of their way to help us. In spite of the problems "T" andI had, I had no way of leaving with my children because we had no money and no where to go.Now, we were in a state even further with no where to really turn. It was the Lord and us. "T"had went his own way, even though he now lived 2-3 doors down. It really made it hard on all ofus. My children were friends with her children, which made it even harder because her childrenwanted to play with my children. I had to keep peace because I didn't feel the children shouldsuffer. But when her children were coming over saying "T" wanted to be their daddy and howmuch he said he loved them, my children were only getting hurt. It had gotten to where mychildren didn't want to see her children anymore. A week before Christmas we were told that theelk club in that town wanted to give our family a happy Christmas. They explained that someonehad put our name in and they selected us. They had brought over presents for the children, foodand took our picture for the newspaper.

When "T" had gotten word, he showed up the same time they did, pretending to be the lovinghusband and father. Another friend showed up with presents and food as well as a surprise thethe children and I to help us through this hard time on Christmas knowing "T" had left us. As he

carried the food and toys in the apt. "T' came over seeing what was going on and my friend "K"held his peace. On Christmas eve that year "T" had come over with his new girlfriend and herchildren. Being it was Christmas and we had friends over, he hoped things would be peaceful."T" had called me upstairs, and when I went all he did was remind me how he is in love with herand how he loves her children. I couldn't believe what I was hearing. I had went into my bedroomto compose myself and pull myself together. But before I could my oldest son walked in andfound me crying and saw "T" walking down the stairs.



My oldest flew out the door and went looking for "T" wanting to beat him up. "T" was no where

to be found. Several people grabbed my son. It took 6-9 people to keep him from finding him.We had calmed him down. New Years Eve 2002 came and my two oldest boys had went tochurch to celebrate. They danced and try to forget the things we were dealing with. They just hada good time in the Lord. While my children were at church, the other children and I were home."T" showed up about 8pm and I asked what he wanted. He said she left and didn't leave him thekey to get in. He asked if he can wait in our apt. because it was so cold outside. I said yeah, andhe said she should be along any time. She didn't show back up until after 1am. The whole timeall he did was talk about how he never meant for any of this to happen but how he loved her. Thewhole night was ruined. All I could do was pray for God to give me peace and strength.

One night the children and I were talking in the living room and I asked them how they weredealing with everything. I wanted to know if there was anything they wanted to talk about. Iwanted them to understand none of this was their fault and that It was going to be okay. My 15yr.

old had told me that night that he said, "I don't thing God wants us to be happy." I asked him whyhe felt that way and his response was "look at everything we've been through". I tried to assurehim that God wanted us happy and we'd be okay but my other children said they had felt thesame way.

By Feb.2002 "T" said he asked "F" to marry him and they showed up with an engagementring. "T" said he found a job driving escort and he could support her and her children. Manynights while "T" was still with us, he would tell us how the enemy, wanted to take each and everyone of us out. He would tell me how the enemy wanted me aborted before I was born. He wouldtell us the many different ways the enemy wanted to us all out, one way or the other.There were times when "T" said he was 'allowing' some 'restricted access' to himself by theenemy. He said he was trying to teach us about spiritual warfare.

There were many nights he would get mean, keeping the children up all night through hispreaching. (Yelling) There were many hours that he spent yelling at me because he would askme what was wrong and when I told him he was wrong, he would go off.



Anytime "T" was confronted, challenged or questioned he would get angry. He would statehow he was the priest of the home, and the children and I were just rebellious. I told him we weretrying, but anything I or the children would say would just set him off unless we would admittingwe were wrong to get him to stop. I remember one time when we lived on the mountain. "T" wason Redges television program talking about how he was in the Klan, how he was into satanicmusic and how God had delivered him. I remember one night after returning back from aprogram, "T" had that particular music on and he started clawing the couch, using profanity....Hescared all of us. We were pretty new this warfare stuff and all we knew was to pray. We wererebuking in the name of Jesus. There were many nights things like this would happen but thiswas the one night it seemed this whole spiritual warfare thing had gotten really weird. Thechildren and I haven't been baptized very long and we were still in the process of learning. My youngest 3 children were dedicated to the Lord because they were so little. The rest of us werebaptized. (all the same day, when we were in church in TN.) Our divorce was signed in May

2002. "T" came over and said they were moving across town and the children and I had found aplace across town from where he was moving to. It was what I thought was the best thing. Wewere finally able to put ourselves together.

We moved into an old trailer outside of town in the country. We moved in front of a dogkennel. We were offered free rent in exchange for help. We agreed and we thought it would bewonderful because we all loved animals so much. It started out fine; there were 3 friends we hadstaying with us to help us out. One week after we moved in "T" had come over and the childrenran in saying "T is here, why he can’t just leave us alone!!" "F" s children came in and seemed sohappy to see my children. "T" said he had gotten her wedding gown, and showed us. A friend ofmine "TW" from church was over with her husband and children at the time he showed up. Shecouldn't believe they brought her wedding gown over and she called me into the other roomtelling me, it must be the Lord helping me because no woman would put up with this. I told her, ithad to be but it was very hard. She stayed until "T" and his girlfriend left. Before the time was upfor either of us to be able to remarry, "F" had come to the trailer to adopt a dog. She signed thepapers as his wife. I called the courts to tell them they were already common law married and thetime wasn't up according to the papers and they said it didn't matter since we only had a month togo.But then things turned to where things didn't seem right. "T" and his girlfriend would ask me forhelp with food saying they had no food for her children. They would ask me to watch her childrenfor days at a time because "F" would go on the road with "T" driving escort. They told me it was totrain "F" so they can bring in some money to feed the kids. They said they didn't trust anyone elsewith her children.



I agreed to watch her children because her children were friends with my children and Iwouldn’t let them be punished because he left us. I felt that it was the right thing to do. Thechildren got along pretty good. I home schooled my children and I would send her children to theirschool. My friend who worked for the board of education helped me find a bus route to get herchildren to school. Her children had special needs and were in special classes, constantly onmedication. It was tight with food but the Lord always supplied. It wasn't all easy but God made away.



~Chapter Six~

Living through

A

Nightmare



~Chapter Six~~Living through a nightmare~

On June 18, 2002 "T" asked if I would watch her children until June 26th when they wouldreturn from off the road. I said I would and they both dropped off her children. They showed up onTues. June 25, 2002 a day early. They said they decided to cut it short. That night, we went tosleep and by 1am the children woke me up saying they were afraid of the lightning outside. 3 ofthem came to sleep in the room with me. We prayed for Gods protection and fell back to sleep.By 2:50-2:58 we woke up to hearing a mans voice yelling "James" one of the people staying withus. The trailer was consumed in flames. I tried to open the window, yelling for the children to getout!! My oldest son had spent the night at the landlord house. Who we had become friends with. Ihad gotten one of my children out the window then I got pushed out the window. He ran across tothe other side of the trailer trying to get to his brothers but the electricity held him. He couldn't get

in. I told him to go call 911. I tried to get in, but when I got pushed out my arm broke. I couldn't getin.

I told my friend James to get in and get Harley. He said he couldn't. He argued with me and Ibegged him. He finally went to the window and with my left arm. I pushed him in. He brought mydaughter to the window holding her up by her leg. He was saying he couldn't. I jumped up andgrabbed her arm. I pulled her out with such force that both of them out of the trailer and they fellon top of me, causing my ribs so get fractured. I finally got her away from the trailer and I told my14yr. old to stay with her. He was screaming, saying "your going to die, don't go, you'll die.Promise me...don't go." I still had to try so ran to the back of the trailer. I tried to get in. I couldn't.My older son said mom, its okay, I ran to the front and an woman from the vol. fire dept. showedup and I told her 3 were still inside and we can't get to them. She yelled oh my God. She ranaround. Finally the fire dept. showed up and the ambulances showed up.

They put me and my children on oxygen while the others tried to get the children out. I wasscreaming, my children outside were screaming. The paramedics were doing everything theycould to keep us calm, keep the oxygen going and set my right arm that was broken and ribs until

we got to the hospital. They ran out with my 7yr. old, his dangling as they carried his to the front yard. Then my 9 year old comes out on a stretcher. It looked as though they were going to bothsurvive. Christian died at the scene. Jessie my 7yr. old died a couple of days later after beinglife-flighted into another hospital. My 15yr. old was still unable to be found. The fire marshal andhis assistance finally found him in the trailer. Jeremy also had passed away. I found out in theemergency room. My daughter and I were put into an oxygen tent while my 14yr. old and myoldest son were being treated for smoke inhalation as well.



The pastor of the church came in and said "t" was no where to be found. They called his work

and they said he called in saying he would be late but had not made it in. They said if they heardfrom him they would tell us. They said he was supposed to start at 3am but had called in at1:30am saying he had to drop "Fs" children at my house. He said he would do all he could tolocate "T". We were released the next day because we had to get to the funeral home, makearrangements for my two children who had passed and get to the other Hospital where my 7yr.old was life flighted. We got there and stayed the night with him. We had to go back for thefuneral and by the time we got back to the hospital they said Jessie was gone and the only thingkeeping his body alive was the machine. They said he was brain dead. They said he wasn'twaking up so they stopped the medication, hoping the pain would wake him up. When the paindidn’t wake him up they put him through several tests and nothing would wake him, to reflects, nonothing. They wanted to turn off the machine and I told them no. I told them I believed he wouldmake it and they needed to run more tests. They ended up running the tests on 4 different times.They medical board called me in to tell me, Jessie was gone. On July 1st we buried my 7yr. old.

On July 2nd, I was rushed into surgery because my arm was broken and kicked out 40 degrees.They said I could wait no longer.

The doctors had me on several medications until I can get into surgery. The press had given usan interview the day we last my 7yr. to rest. I agreed to the interview because the press wouldn'tstop following us. It was all over the news and in surrounding states. While we were with Jessie

at the hospital "T" had gotten a loan and hired the state senator as his attorney so “T" can takecustody of my daughter. From the fire, to the funerals, to surgery, right into war!!! While I waswith my son in the hospital he took emergency custody of my daughter saying all of a sudden Iwas a bad mom. He lied before God; He lied before the Courts and took custody of my daughter.For a long time we were in and out of court. He lied and spread rumors so churches would turn usaway, there was no where i could go without being confronted on the rumors. He had taken thedonations that were given to us. All we got was broken glass, garbage and soiled blankets. Thenews channel opened an account to help us and it paid all but 78 dollars of the first set offunerals. It didn't cover Jessie's funeral. People had donated 2 vans, a home, clothes, food, andtoys for the children who survived. We didn't see it. "T" and his friends got it all. "T" had made avideo tape of my daughter. In the video he had given to the D.A. it showed where my daughterwas coaxed by him and his girlfriend "F" saying the fire was my fault. We had an all outinvestigation on what caused the fire and they said it was lightning. I remember the lightning that

night.

When "T" had gotten emergency custody, he had it set to where it had to be supervisedvisitation. So I called to make the arrangements and "F" refused. The following day "T" and "F"signed a warrant for my arrest claiming telephone harassment. I didn't see my daughter for 8months. When it came to court the Judge caught "T" and "F" lying on the stand.



He ruled making arrangements to see my daughter was not harassment and dismissed thecharge but granted custody to "T"!! I was devastated!!! I couldn't understand. How could Godallow this? I prayed, I believed!!! My pastor testified for me, the board of education testified forme, other people testified for me who even admitted on the stand I was better house keeper thenthemselves and children services couldn't say anything bad about me or how I took care of mychildren or my home. I tried to tell an officer in child services of what “T" stated in church aboutbeing guaranteed to win and why he was guaranteed to win before a court date was ever set butI was told not to say a word. He said just let the people talk and it'll get back to the judge but if Iwere to repeat it then I would be the one in trouble. He Got Custody!!!! I was devastated. I hadlearned that "T" had his friends calling the court house 20 times a day with false accusations. Ilearned he went into the church waving the custody papers saying, "I've got her!!! I was told I amguaranteed to win because my attorney is the state senator and he is friends with Judge "Cin"!!!!(This was before we ever a court date).

My 14yr. old was in the courthouse hallway and "T" s attorney came out saying there isno evidence to win, we have to do something. "T" asked a neighbor of ours to lie on the stand sohe could keep her. He agreed, left the court house and returned 20 minutes later in cleanclothes. He got on the stand and lied. My 14yr. said when he heard that he wanted to scream!!!He wasn’t allowed in the courtroom to warn us about the upcoming testimony and how it was asetup. It turned out the attorney I had was a supporter of the State Senator who was the attorneyfor "T". My attorney told me that if I wanted my daughter back then I would have to marry the manI was dating if I wanted my daughter back to show stability after everything that’s happened. I did just that. The only guests at the ceremony were my attorney and an officer we knew. Marryingsomeone under duress is NOT the way to go. Needless to say the marriage didn't last and hewasn't much better then the one I was fighting in court but I didn't know any better because ofeverything going on in my life and I wanted my daughter back and was willing to do anything toget her back. What I knew what 3 of my babies were suddenly dead and laid to rest, mydaughter was taken away by "T" and he caused my oldest son to turn against me withmanipulation and lies and I just got out of surgery from being hurt during the fire and had justreceived papers saying I just lost my daughter while "T" and his friends were trying to coax myother son to turn against me in the process while receiving threatening phone calls, being

followed by the press for interviews. Total devastation and chaos all within a week!!

After my 3rd son was laid to rest I finally agreed to talk to the Fox News. They were kind andcompassionate and I told them what happened. I have to say they did not twist anything and theyreally wanted to see my daughter returned to me because they were aware of the rumors werefalse going around town from my ex and his friends. Although media support was at a minimumbecause of the custody case their moral and emotional support was incredible. (Thanks Taylor!)



"T" had admitted to me he knew he was wrong for telling the lies but he said that's what hefelt he needed to do. I told him, you know right from wrong. He said "yeah, but sometimes peopledon't always do what they know is right". He would stand with his arms crossed and laugh in thecourtroom. He said everything that ever went wrong in our marriage was my fault. He said Ilaughed and danced in the streets while my children were burning up and he said I dancedaround my son’s death bed singing, I was going to be a rich woman. He told people my childrenwere drugged, he told people I was some kind of monster; he told people I locked the refrigerator.He told the most horrifying lies you can imagine. I would call the fire marshal every time a newrumor came up. He knew me by the sound of my voice I called him so much. I told himeverything. I told him about how I was getting death threats, calls all hours of the night. "T" hadtold my oldest son I blamed him for the fire. Then he would tell me I needed to sleep with him in

exchange for child support receipts. He would tell me he was sorry and he would give her back ifI would take him back!!

He would tell my daughter when she cried that she would not see me anymore. He would tellher it was my entire fault with the fire to scare her. He went to all the churches telling them not totalk to us. OH...the rumors flew. By the time the truth starting going out to the churches, it was afew years later and by that time the damage was done. He would use my daughter to get to myoldest son, trying to get him to turn against me so he can destroy me. He told my son he didn'twant me in my daughters’ life and that he wanted "F" to be her mom. They colored her hair fromher natural dark hair to blond to look like "F". They lied to the press around the holidays and said"F" was her mother. My daughter’s school had the children in the paper for how to make aThanksgiving Day turnkey. When the children put on a play of beauty and the beast, they liedand said "F” was her mother. It has been going on for just over 5years now.

But....God has kept me through this all. I still have a sound mind. It is now July 2007. Back inNov.2006 the lord had given me and my oldest son, dreams and visions saying he was moving usout of there. Sometimes God has to move you out of a situation to get a hold of a situation. Ithas been another 8months since I've seen my daughter and it isn't easy in any way. But everydayI pray God will turn it. Everyday I Pray. I have prayed for the Lord to take me home becausethere were times I felt as though I couldn't take it anymore. I was honest with God and I told him,

if this is all we have to look forward to, well then take me home!!!!



I couldn't take it anymore. I couldn't understand how God allowed my ex "T" to get away with

lying in court, the rumors, holding my daughter over my head, the torment, the threats. I couldn'tdo this anymore. I'm still here so God must have something good in store. I had receivedmessages from the Lord, he is turning it around and will make things right. The Lord told us, it’sover. The nightmare is over. Although it hasn't manifested in this realm, I know God does not lie.People would accuse me of being on drugs because they would say people don't go through thismuch. People have told me; where’s you’re God and that it didn't look like God defended us incourt or protected us. I believe God protects us everyday. I know it may not look as though Goddefended us much in court but Gods timing is everything. It has been so long that any change forthe better in this situation would be known as an act of God. I know because "T" had his attorneythe state senator fixed it so it couldn't go back to court. It may not seem like much of a testimonyfor God, but actually it is....Most people would either have, committed suicide, murder or haveended up in a mental institution. I'm still here and alive. For the 5 years, regardless of what "T"and his girlfriend had done, I still showed love. I didn't strike back, trusting God to take justice. It

would do no good for me or anyone else to take things in our own hands, and then no one wins.I'm not going to sit here and tell you it was easy to show love this whole time. I would break downevery time he drove away with my daughter. I would feel as though I was completely breakingand dying inside, every time he drove away with her and I would see her in tears. He wouldmake passes at me; tell me I had to get back with him to keep my daughter. I knew after all these years it were nothing but another way to try to keep control. I would have to pretend everythingis okay, when I knew it wasn't just to hold my daughter together. It was so hard not to breakbecause my daughter would fight to stay with me. She would use her body to block the entranceof the car, screaming, crying and begging to stay. All "T" would do was laugh or pass it off. Upuntil the time the Lord moved us out of there, he did this and would only get worse. He does notallow her to call me mom. She has to call me Shirley. I can't begin to tell you the pain for me andmy family, the humiliation for me, the despair involved with all of us who survived the fire.

People were referring to us as the modern day "JOB" from the Bible and that wasn’t easy toaccept either. But, God is no respect of persons and what he did for "Job", he will do for us. Ibelieve this because Gods word doesn't lie. That is my hope, God is our hope.

When my wrist broke, there looked no hope to play the guitar again. It took a while before I wasable to move any fingers, hand or my wrist. But Praise God not only can I use my hand and wristagain, but, my ribs did heal and I can play guitar again. I have written many songs and have sungthem since. I have sung in nursing homes, senior centers and to children. Anywhere I was led tosing. I have written Christian songs, songs for my children and songs of Love. If it weren’t for theLord, I wouldn't have sang or played guitar again. The road to healing and learning to enjoy lifeagain has been and still is a very long road. But, God loves his children and a thing like thisdoesn’t last forever. No matter how it seems.



Everything works for the good of his children and Gods Glory. One thing I had to learn is notto give up. Never give up on God, your dreams, hopes or desires. All things work in Gods time.It may not be what you want to hear but it’s true. It may not happen as fast as you want it too, butit will happen just don't lose hope in God. I know, I felt as though I had lost all hope. Hope for thissituation with my daughter because it went on for 5 years, hope seemed lost for recovery,healing. I went from praying to be taken home to heaven, to help me through another day tothank you for a future and a hope. I'm not saying I don't still feel the pain, I miss my children. Nota day goes by I don't think of them. The Lord and the children were my life. To have your lifeshredded literally overnight because of something you had no control of is devastating! Then tofeel as though your being punished because what little is left of you is ripped apart by someonewho promised to love you until death do you part is even worse. I felt as though God hadforsaken us for quite some time. I won't lie about that. I couldn't understand why so much for solong happened. I couldn't understand why A Loving God would allow so much injustice for so

long. I had gotten to the point to where I didn't want to know why he allowed it anymore. I feltknowing why it was allowed wouldn't help my relationship with God. I just wanted the Lord to fix it.To right the wrongs that's been done in our life. The only thing that helped me with the loss of mychildren was the fact that "T" couldn't hurt them anymore in anyway because they were safe fromhim and they are with the Lord. It helps me to know that he can't reject them anymore.

Never again will he put a hand on them. Never again will he harm them in anyway and one day Iwill be with them. They Loved the Lord so I know where they are. The Lord helps me everydayget through each day. I take things one step at a time, sometimes minute by minute. But the Lordhas always been faithful. When I wanted to die, I prayed to die, the Lord preserved me.If the Lord can give hope to me and help my family, I know he can do it for you.So, don't give up! Hang On, help is on the way!!! Look up, where your redemption comes from.The Lord Jesus Christ. The King of Kings and Lord of Lords!



~Chapter Seven~

5 Year Nightmare is Over

How God Delivered



~Chapter Seven~

~5 year Nightmare is Finally Over~

After many years of going on with pretending everything is fine for my daughter, I had gottento the point to where it was killing me. It was killing me to see what he was doing with mydaughter and I had no one to help me or her. It was killing me to have to pretend every thing wasokay when I knew it wasn’t. It was killing me because he would deliberately used my daughter,knowing it was hurting her to hurt me and to see what it was doing to her and how he wouldlaugh was just too much for any mother to take. I knew I couldn’t lash out because that wouldonly make things worse. I had to do what the Lord had told me and just show love. That’s what Idid. Then when he was gone and out of sight I would cry out to God. There was no remorse or

regret from this man for what he had done and what he was doing and he had only gotten worsethrough the years and was getting worse even still.

One day as I was praying the Lord had given me a vision of an angel telling me I was to leaveby that following Monday. The Lord had previously given both me and my son messages that hewas moving us but we weren’t sure of when. We only knew it was close and any day. By faith wehad given everything we had away with the exception of our guitars, laptops and some clothes.

By that Sunday the Lord had opened the doors and moved us out and into Texas and given theinstruction not to look back all the way there and not to worry about my daughter and my 20yr.old son that God had things in his control and that he was handling things. We stayed in Texas just over a year when the Lord started telling us it was time for us to leave. We had spent thattime sharing our experiences with our room mates. One of the room mates seemed to havecarried the same personality as my ex because he would do every thing in his power to try to findsome fault in me where the fire was concerned. Although he couldn't find anything the point washe was a very cruel and unhappy man with his own life and it seemed he had found someoneelse to try to make miserable. I asked the Lord to do something because it was getting too muchhaving to relive that nightmare over and over. Especially when we were sent there to rest so wecan heal. Rest was the last thing we were able to do there. I asked the Lord to move him or moveus because what he was doing was wrong. Sure enough the Lord had moved him right out withan opportunity for him to stay with a friend of his. God worked all things out. We spent the

remaining 4 months finally being able to rest a little bit. It seemed when the one room mate leftthe other room mate started challenging us on God, The Bible, Our beliefs and what we've beenthrough trying to debate if God was faithful. He believed in one religion and we are Christians soit would definitely get rough from time to time. He would yell and say God didn’t defend usbecause of what we had been through but he wasn't the first to say that to us. So hearing it againwas no surprise but then the Lord stepped in and said, every thing that was stolen from youwould be returned 100 fold.



The Lord continued to tell me, Your daughter and son would return and that he was

accelerating our move, the nightmare WAS INDEED over, the Lord said we would NEVER seeevil again and the music would go global and every thing else he promised us will come to pass.The Lord would always confirm his word and he still is confirming his word. God is faithful to hisword and he says he will watch over his word and perform it and that his words would not fall tothe ground. The Lord had given my son and I both a dream On January 15, 2008. My sondreamed that we were leaving on January 29, 2008 and of a security guard in yellow. On thesame night of January 15th I had a dream of a dream of a man in a white shirt sitting in a chair.He told me, "When you receive the money, take it and go." In my dream as I turned to go I heardthe Lord speak to me very clearly and say “Take the money and RUN!!"

From the 15th of January until the 28th of January the confirmations were incredible. We knewwhere we were supposed to go to California and confirmations of L.A. were astounding. Oneevening I was putting on my boots and I had made a statement to my son saying, "I'm putting my

boots on out of faith." The Lord quickened my spirit saying, "your putting your boots on IN faith"And it was like... WOW. I had learned that night to be very careful on how we speak things. Wecould mean one thing with the best of intentions but if we are not careful we could hurt ourselvesby the words we speak. So I very quickly corrected myself by saying, "I'm putting my boots on INfaith". It was like turning on a light. I had learned very fast. I am still learning even as I write thisbook. One thing is true, we never quit learning. The money arrived through a miracle of God onthe morning of the 29th of January just as it was showed to Jimmy in his dream and we were on aGreyhound that evening at 6pm. We had just enough for the ticket with eight dollars to spare. Wewere excited but nervous at the same time about going to California and we knew it was thebiggest move of our life. We went IN complete total faith IN God. He said "Go" and we went. Wealso knew once we got on the bus the blessings would pour upon my son and I. Sure enough...As we had believed. One girl offered us something to eat saying she had packed too much andwas wondering if we would like something to eat. It was awesome. We arrived in California onJanuary 30th at appropriately about 10:30pm.

We couldn’t get a hold of Redge so we ended up staying the night at the Greyhound. Wefigured we should be able to reach him by morning. That evening we had met a security guard ina yellow smock standing behind a counter. (Just as the Lord showed Jimmy in his dream.) Wetold him we were trying to reach our friend and that we had tried on our trip all the way down toreach him but there was no answer on his phone. He offered my son and I a heavy blanket andsomething to eat at the Cafe and I had asked him if he had heard of the "Dream Center" in LosAngeles? He said he had and he knew exactly where it was. I asked him if he would take us there

when he got off work if we didn't reach Redge our friend. He said No problem. On the way therehe said it must be a miracle and God must be watching over us because we met him because noone else around there would know where it was and had it been anybody else we probablywouldn't have made it there alive.He explained parts of the neighborhoods as we drove through and we got there safely. When wearrived we were waiting for the people to arrive at the office and as we waited my son and I werepraying outside sitting at a picnic bench they had set up there because we still couldn't reachRedge and we didn't know what we were going to do.



It was cold and we knew we couldn't sleep on the streets. We began to pray and as we did myson had a vision of the Lord standing in our midst and of a golden eagle on a golden car. We justknew God would work something out and all we knew is we had to trust God no matter what. Wedidn't believe God would bring us there to have us sleep on the streets. The staff finally arrivedand the people were very kind but wanted commitments we were unable to give. They said therewas a house on the same property for homeless men and were told to see if we could spend onenight there while trying to reach our friend. We were greeted by a man named Rene and we gotto talking. He began telling me he was a musician and he owned a 12 string but really wanted a 6string guitar for a long time to learn on. I told him I had a 6 string but I felt as though 12 stringswere easier for me and I was happier with a 12 then a 6. We said a prayer together and told ushe didn't see a problem with one night and that the Lord had given us favor with him and he saidnot to worry we should be alright for the evening. While we were there the Lord confirmed to meand my son that we were doing the right thing and we are on the right track.

The Lord revealed many parts of my life and my children's to me through other prophets thereand also told me the night mare was over. The Lord also told me through others there will bebeauty will come from ashes. The Lord had gotten into very specific about many details about ourlife and where our lives were heading. (The Lord has also been confirming things since then) Myson and I were still trying to reach our friend and we still weren't able to reach him and we knew

we couldn't stay another night. Our new friends offered us something to eat and I just couldn't eat.My son was telling me I needed to eat. I told him I couldn’t. He said if I didn't eat something Iwould end up sick. I spouted off and said "That’s Gods problem. Not mine!! I'm not eating until Iknow something!" My son suggested why don't I call our former room mate in Texas and see ifwe could return if necessary and our former room mate said yes, of course. We both felt in ourspirits we weren't supposed to go back and that if God didn't want us there we wouldn't havebeen telling us all this time then providing a way to get there on the day he specified. Twominutes after hanging up, the phone rings and it was Redge saying he would pick us up thefollowing day. My son stayed in the home with them and I had stayed with the women in the mainbuilding on the other end of the parking lot. The next morning my son told me Rene wanted tosee me before we left. I went to see Rene and he handed me his 12 string guitar and I felt led togive him the 6 string. As a result we were very happy people. We both got exactly what wewanted.



Then we were blessed to be used of the Lord to deliver some messages and had made

friends with Rene and a gentleman named Hosea. That day changed our life and we had madefriends for life as well. We were very blessed to have met them. We were praying on the porchwith our new friends and there were several people who joined us as we were praying and just aswe finished praying Redge pulled in the parking lot. The next thing I know a white van pulls in theparking lot and a older gentleman steps out of the van, walks up to me and hands me a bouquetof beautiful flowers and walks back to the van, gets in and they drive away.

The next thing I know a woman hands me brand new shoes and I had asked the Lord forshoes that would help the blisters I had on my feet from two days prior. The lady didn't know Iasked the Lord for shoes but the shoes were perfect and very comforting for my feet. Thensomeone had walked up to me and handed me a plate of cookies. God had given me favor whilewe were there and I'm very grateul and very thankful and I give God the glory for it.



~Chapter Eight~

Thunder and Lightning

and

Palace on the Hill



~Chapter Eight~

~Thunder and Lightning and the Palace~

Redge had picked us up and showed us downtown Los Angeles on the way to Temecula, CA.Redge had said he felt led of the Lord that I should meet this woman who he felt would end up aspiritual mother to me considering we have both been through similar things. He madearrangements that night to meet up with her at his friend’s office where we could spend the nightthere. The moment we met it was as if we knew each other for years but just hadn't seen eachother. As we talked I found her name was the same as my natural mother’s name who hadpassed away when I was young. Her name was Jeanne. We have been in touch since. I havebeen truly blessed by God. He said he would give brothers and sisters, mothers and fathers. Sheand her husband are truly gifts from God. We spent the night together in the office and the

following day we had met other friends. One whom put us in a Holiday Express and it was anincredible experience. It was the first good night’s sleep we had in years. The following eveningwe spent the next two weeks in a Rodeway Inn and it too was wonderful. The people were kindand courteous in both places and would recommend both places to anyone. We had walkedthrough "Old Town Temecula" and it was like going back in time. It’s an incredible place! Youwalk down the street and you hear country music filling the streets and its filled with old timecountry stores you would see on television in old westerns and the people were as kind as canbe. After being there I have found no other place like it anywhere and go there as often as I canas time allows. I had a dream one night that we had to sing in Old Town where we ministered topeople on the corners. Redge and I played guitar and my son held a bright orange cross just toshow the love of Jesus. The following day of my dream we went into Old Town as instructed inmy dream and this couple walked up to us. We had met this couple a week prior and they saidthey felt led of the Lord to invite us to stay at their place. I was publishing articles for Thunder andLightning Street Ministry (TLSM)

My son and Redge would go on the corners to share the love of Jesus. From time to time Iwould join them but the majority of my time was publishing articles and working with my musicpreparing for Fridays and my son was creating and editing banners, music videos and creatingXP log on screens for the ministry. On Fridays we would play our guitars at a very well knowcoffee establishment and the next thing you know people were coming from every where to join inon Friday afternoons.

We went to see the place and it was a mansion on top of a hill in the mountains. The placehad 7 bedrooms, 8 bathrooms, Jacuzzi, hot tub, an incredible yard. This house had two hugepillars of marble when you walked in and a fire place in the upstairs master bedroom and one inthe kitchen dining room. The murals on the walls were breath taking. As beautiful as this housesounds and as beautiful as the outside of the house was, it felt like a haunted movie.



You know the kind, where this family moves into a beautiful home and weird things

happen...okay... same concept. Things started off great until the person staying in the house meta woman who steered him off in different directions. He ended up in an accident and neededsomeone there to take care of him around the clock. He knew the ministry we were working forwhere we were busy all the time. Our friend Redge had gotten into an argument with our roommate and his lady friend and things had really gotten out of hand between them which resulted inthings turning strange in the house. The man in the house was acting very out of character doingthings that which was not normal including threatening the life of our friend Redge. Although hesaid he didn’t want us involved he still ended up taking it out on my son and I by cutting off theinternet access then pretending he didn't. Then he would tell us we had to move and then tell uswe didn't have to and tell us again we had to. Things were so strange in the house it had got towhere we were afraid to go to the house because of the threats he had made towards our friendand the way he was acting to us. One night my son and I had got sick because of the thought ofhaving to go back. That was the last night we were at the house. I was talking with a man the

Lord had brought into my life and we had made our vows to each other in the Lord. He had sentthe money for us to stay in a hotel for the night until something can be figured out the next day.That morning my son had a vision of an angel speeding down the highway. The Lord had told myson the intepetation that he was going before us to prepare the way. The night we were in thehotel the Lord had spoke very clear to my son as we were in the hotel that we were beginning anew journey and to trust him. He told us again we would never see evil and that we would notpass away until we see all his promises come to pass and that we would never lack again.

There are times when we go through things and we don't think God is faithful or we wonder ifGod really said the things we hear. Then God always has a way of letting you he is faithful, hedidn't forget and nothing evil is going to slip by him. What greater promises can you ask for? Youknow you will be with the Lord and your loved ones one day but while you are on the earth, if youtrust God, he will show up and show out. He will show you as he has been and still is showing mehe is faithful. Today I write you from Northern California where the Lord had put us. The Lord hasbrought a wonderful man into my life who is an artist. The Lord has been working in both mineand my sons’ life everyday. The Lord has been sending radio stations, publications and otherpeople in the music buisness in my direction. I'm not going to say I still don't have battles. I do. Infact the Lord has been showing me just recently that he is faithful. You will always have battleswhere the enemy throws doubts, fears and questions and depressions but the victory is the

Lords. The Bible says that we must cast down thoughts, arguments, feelings that are opposite ofthe word of God. The Lord says, he hasn't given you the spirit of fear, but the spirit of Love,Power and a sound mind. We are always challenged when it comes to Gods promises. We arenot challenged by God but by the enemy Satan. The Word of God says to resist the devil and hewill flee. I listen to this as I write this for you and for my own life as well.



~Chapter Nine~

~My Life Today~



~Chapter Nine~

~My Life Today~

As each day passes I see Gods faithfulness in my life and I see he is keeping his word. Therehave been times even recently where it would appear as if God is slack in his keeping hispromises but the truth is God is NOT slack in keeping his promises and God always comesthrough. God does not say "oops... didn't mean to let that slip by me or it slipped by my angels"No he doesn't. God says...He is a God that CANNOT lie and that his promises are Yea and Amento those in Christ Jesus. I can't tell you why God allows certain events to take place in your lifebut I do know that God never leaves or forsakes you. I don't have all the answers to the questionsin your mind asking why. I don't even have the answers to all the questions in my own mind but Ican tell you God does restore. I am seeing him restore me and my family a little each day. I have

been through years of pain, suffering and torment but I needed to speak out the truth. A Motherstruth of tragedy, survival, the facts, experiences and my faith, hope and trust in God. I don't try orclaim to know everything. I can only tell you what I have seen God do in our life and in the lives ofthose around me. There are so many more events that took place that left me questioning whyGod allowed it. I do know if God allows something it has a reason or a purpose. I believe thereason some of the events happened so I can help others hold on to their faith in God by sharingand showing what God is doing in my life. The Word of God says they over came by the word oftheir testimony and the blood of the lamb. I am still waiting for the return of my other two survivingchildren and God has promised their return. I hold on to that promise and to the other promisesGod has made. The Lord says to put him in remembrance of his word and that’s what I do.

I do know this; I would not be here right now sharing this with you if it weren’t for God.Otherwise I would be dead, in an insane asylum or who knows. Many people have gained at myexpense by lies, deceit, intimidation and manipulation and I had to learn to give it to God and nomatter how long it takes the Lord WILL expose not only the truth but those involved. No matterhow much and how long it seemed they have gotten away with it. Taking vengeance in your ownhands is NOT the way. I learned from watching others make that mistake. It’s not easy to just letGod and Let go. I'm the first to tell you at times it’s a daily process for me but God gives me the

strength each and every day to help me. I know how far God has brought me. This writer lost allhope in life, love, and dreams and dreaded the fact that I woke up each day. But God in hissovereignty, mercy, grace and compassion carried me through each day. The worst thing you cando is give up or run from God. The Lord understands we are mere humans with emotions withlittle or no understanding of why such uncontrollable events have taken place and then ripples into so much more. I know God doesn't move according to our time table and sometimes it takestime, but it’s worth it to hold on to God no matter what!



It is my goal and prayer that this little book helps you in many ways. If your going through

something and you don't understand why or may be your are dealing with someone who is likemy ex husband. I hope what I’ve told you will help you to hold on God and trust in the Lord.Lightning may have started this that led to so many unforeseen events but God WILL turn thingsaround, just as he said. I was told by the Lord to read Psalms 23, 37, 91 and Isaiah 54 and somany others. The promise I held on to through the years was Jeremiah 29:11 where God says hecame to give us a FUTURE and a HOPE. I honestly couldn't see how anything good could comeout of this considering all the damage and destruction that was done. But as each day goes by Isee a little more each day where something good can come from this, Liking showing you howfaith in God can bring you through when you’re going through hell. How God is faithful and howhe carries you when you feel you can’t hold on anymore. How God does help, heal, restore, carryyou and will never leave you. He kept me with a sound mind, he will for you too. Yes, its true, badthings happen to good people and we don't always know why but I know to put your faith, hopeand trust in God and he will be faithful to see you through, save, set free, deliver, restore, refresh

and heal. God is close to the broken hearted and to anyone who calls upon his name. The Lordsaid the truth shall set you free. For years my soul has been aching and needed a release tospeak the truth boldly but at the same time, with love. I wanted to let you know God loves you. Heis there for you and if you keep your faith in God, then God will come through for you. Thank Youand God Bless!

(1 Corinthians 13) Faith, Hope and Love.



What do you do?

You feel everything is closing in on youThose you trusted abandoned you

You find yourself feeling aloneThe world feels cruel and cold

While some are gaining fameFrom your sorrow and your pain

Where do you go and what do you dofeeling there’s nothing left for you

Then one day, God shows youHe has never forsaken you

Your prayers and painWas never in Vain.

Hope is found againYou learn to live again.

Hope restored to the heartYou’re given a brand new start.

Never give up on LifeGod will make things right

I know I'm living ProofHow a life can be made new.

Eternity is a long time to gamble with. If you were to die today, do you know for a fact you wouldgo to heaven? Why take a chance. You can know right now! Pray with all your heart,

Father in Jesus Name, Forgive my sins and Save me. Come in my heart and I'll live for you as you show me how. In Jesus Name I pray. Amen.

That's it! If you meant this, then be assured you are now a Child of God. Your name has beenwritten in the Lambs book of Life. Share the Joy of your salvation with others. Welcome! You’rea Citizen of Heaven!! See you in There!





~Christian~

~Jessie~

~Jeremy~



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Other Great Books to Check Out!!

WARLOCKS OF GUINWritten by: Jimmy Keith

Warlocks of Guin were written by my son. It tells of the turns he took after the fire and thenightmare he also had lived through and how God has delivered and set him free and changedhis life to reach out to others. I promise you will not want to put his book down once you startreading it.

GIFTS FROM HEAVENWritten by: Shirl Weaver

Little Testimonies of what the Lord has done. Some was taken from my book, BROKEN BUT NOT BENT, other testimonies from before and after my book. Let this little book give hopethrough our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. See how you’re never forgotten and your prayers areheard!





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Documents

Broken but Not Bent