An interview with a boy who is stuck in a bottle, and his experience of how he got there.

We went

to Luk

e’s hou

se and

we bou

ght li

ttle on

es for

a part

y next

week, bu

t we e

nded

up do

ing th

em.

We went

to Luk

e’s hou

se and

we bou

ght li

ttle on

es for

a part

y next

week, bu

t we e

nded

up do

ing th

em.

We went

to Luk

e’s hou

se and

we bou

ght li

ttle on

es for

a part

y next

week, bu

t we e

nded

up do

ing th

em.

Everyone had complained how trippy the pills were, they had big rocks of brown shit in them. Then I fainted, its all muddled up, cause I remember things in a different order, wait a sec.I hoofed that lungo and then my legs went all weird. I walked into Luke’s lounge and his mum had loads of photos out that were ready to be framed and I just fucking fell straight onto them.

The stripy wall paper was going mad. the stripes were going big and small and wider and thinner

I came up before I took the lungo, I was fine but I was really really

I hoofed a lungo and then my legs went all weird. I walked into Luke’s lounge and his mum had loads of photos out that were ready to be framed and I just fucking fell straight onto them. The stripy wall paper was going mad.

The stripes were going big and small and wider and thinner.

it was like sat there and everything was

Everyone was doing the same thing, they would go fast forward, then stop. Then stop, then go really fast again. It was like time would stop, then speed up over and over again.

i could

n’t un

dersta

nd what

people

we re say

ing, it

just sou

nded

like t

hey were

going

i could

n’t un

dersta

nd what

people

we re say

ing, it

just sou

nded

like t

hey were

going

then I

fainted

, its all muddled up, cause I remember things in a different

oerdr.

then I

fainted

, its all muddled up, cause I remember things in a different

oerdr.

72

and everyone was doing the same thing,.

Everyone had complained how trippy the pills were, they had big rocks of brown shit in them. Then I fainted, its all muddled up, cause I remember things in a different order, wait a sec.I hoofed that lungo and then my legs went all weird. I walked into Luke’s lounge and his mum had loads of photos out that were ready to be framed and I just fucking fell straight onto them. The stripy wall paper was going mad. the stripes were going big and small and wider and thinner

Time would stop, then go really fast againTime would stop, then go really fast againTime would stop, then go really fast again

Everyone was doing the same thing, they would go fast forward, then stop. Then stop, then go really fast again. It was like time would stop, then speed up over and over again.

e were in a dark room and we were mc’ing to make me feel better and I looked at him and his eye floated out of

his face. The weird thing was it was not actually his eye, I sort of found that quite cool and, “the weirdest thing just happened.”

But then I was looking at him and his face completely changed and I was like “oh my god, dont know who this is anymore.”

Then I walked back into the lounge and everything

just turned a yellow, a gold yellow. The yellow was a crystally yellow, it was kind

of like gold leaf and literally everything was that colour. it wasn’t a plain colour, it was really glittery, had no texture.

I was looking at myself and then the ‘me’ in front of me fell face first. Then I was looking at myself face down on the floor and just gold everywhere.

So I went into lukes bedroom and this is when I first stared feeling like that derealisation thing, cause I was going, “Patty, I don’t know who you are, I know your name, but you dont look or sound anything like Patty”.

The yellow was a crystally yellow, it was kind of like the the gold leafs goldshaeger and everything was that colour. It wasn’t a plain colour, it was glittery, had no texture and nothing in the room. i was looking at myself and then the ‘me’ in front of me fell face first. so then I was looking at myself face down on the floor and just gold everywhere.

I think I was having a panic attack and then I hit the deck again. it just felt all gold and thats when I thought that this isn’t right.

I was stood right above myself and there was no perception

of dep

th or te

xture.

It fel

t like

a go

ld box, b

ut it w

asn’t a

box,

I was stood right above myself and there was no perception

of dep

th or te

xture.

It fel

t like

a go

ld box, b

ut it w

asn’t a

box,

I was stood right above myself and there was no perception

of dep

th or te

xture.

It fel

t like

a go

ld box, b

ut it w

asn’t a

box,

Just everything was gold. its like the whole universe was gold

The texture was golden, but I could move it, even on my finger tips were gold.So then I was looking at myself on the floor and I thought to myself.

I could see myself, it was like I was looking at a twin standing right in front of me. it was like an out of body experience.

I came to in on a park bench and was like, “what the fuck? How did I get here?” I remember there was a fire going and i just looked at it and said, “boys i’m back” and they were like “that was fucking weird mate”. I’ve skipped a bit..

I didn’t tell my mum how I was feeling for about 3 days what was going on and then I told her in the end cause I couldn’t handle it anymore. I felt fine for about a week. I went to the party that the pills were for and then we got more pills which were the same ones as we got before. Then I stupidly did it.

We ended up in a graveyard in Lyndhurst and I smoked a shotty and as soon as i smoked it, things started going crazy again and I started to feel absolutley fucked.

sometimes i’m still not sure whether I’m in real life or i’m dead.

I always used to ask, when people were having conversations, how long ago did u say that, because I was so paranoid because I thought that I had been sat there for 10 mins or it felt like they had not said it at all or they had said it yesterday, you lose time and its really scary.

With depersonalisation you don’t re-ally feel much emotion. For 3 years I didn’t really feel anything, I am still cut off, but not as much. Its just like your brain has forgot how to feel emotions. Even though I wanted to feel sad, I couldn’t. unless I got really fucking wasted, then I could. I used to get drunk all the time, and then when I could show emotion I wouldn’t care which emotion it was. I think thats the reason I used to get in fights all the time. It didnt help that I was drinking everyday, constantly, even if it was just in my room, but not like one or two beers, I was downing vodka just listening to depressing music.

I couldn’t go to school cause I just couldn’t leave the house, I don’t know how I passed my GCSE’s and got good grades, because I didn’t even feel like I was writing, I just saw myself writing and was like “what the fuck?”

The worst time i ever felt, was on a new years eve party, I was in the kitchen and the door was locked, and the stop start thing happened, even though i wasn’t on anything, I’d only had a few beers. I started to be sick in the kitchen sink and my friend started talking to me. He was just jittering around infront of me and his speech wasn’t making any sense at all.

I just thought I need to go I need to get out of the house. Everyone was raving about and I couldn’t get out of the kitchen door and the jittering was getting worse and worse and worse. I was just yanking at the door and I couldn’t get out, then someone simply opened the door. I ran out and lied in the front garden and just felt horrible and got my mum to pick me up.

Some people have said on Facebook that people with the disorder are lucky because its like enlightenment. I just seeing it as me fucking up on drugs. Its the worse thing ever, and i hate dealing with it every single day.

“How the fuck have I got here”.

Sometimes it feels like I‘ve just appeared at the end of something, not remebering what got me here and I think,