date 15.04.14

I started vaguely working on this in feb. and now it’s already april. Pretty embarrassing how the schedule has slipped. I think I felt a bit afraid of making this because I don’t feel like me writing things is worth reading... But, I’m making myself do some now at least.

WORK

I finished all my degree stuff in oct. 2013 and since then I’ve been looking for a job while working at my not-very-glamorous part time Chinese takeaway role. I’ve had a couple of interviews and many, many rejec-tions. Granted, I’m not jobhunting as hard as some of my peers as I already have a little job, but it’s still a bit disheartening.

I called up a jobs recruitment agency the other day and to paraphrase ‘we only really help the best of the best, people who already have several years of experience’. Are all recruitment agencies this way? I don’t think so... I should probably learn how it all works before calling up and sounding like a confused child again.

I’m white passing; my mum’s Chinese and my dad’s European, so once in a while a customer will come in and say: “you’re not Chinese!” it’s pretty awk-ward and I’m not sure whether to say I am or nothing... should the ethnicity of counter staff really matter that much?

Some things about work-ing in a Chinese Take-

away

Other lovely examples of customers...

** The regular who comes in and says “ni hao” to me. I usually don’t respond until he looks at me like PLEASE APPROVAL so then I say “yes, hi”. After he pays for his curry sauce (always curry sauce), he says “xie xie” several times. I don’t know what to say, so I say “yes, thanks, bye” and he asks me:“Xie xie, did I get that right?”“Yes, yes, okay bye.”

I don’t know what to say in these situations, because:

a) Yes I am Chinese but I don’t want to entertain someone who wants recogni-tion for knowing two words in a language.

b) My mother didn’t teach me Hokkien as I was growing up because she didn’t think it would be useful for me. Not all Chinese people speak Mandarin any-way...

Since I’m mixed race, I worry I’m “not Chinese enough” to even talk about this but I don’t want to prance around trying to entertain someone’s idea of what a model minority looks like.

date 22.04.14

Went to a recruitment agency today with a friend and handed in my CV. They said they recruit for things like factory work and would I be okay with that? I didn’t know what to say, so I just said okay.

I have also applied for local supermarkets even though I didn’t enjoy my previous job in one. I’m sure I’ll end up in a supermarket again at some point, although I don’t feel so bad about it now.

ARTIST THINGS

Actually even though I am applying for these jobs what I really want to do is work for myself, self-employed as an artist. But I have a lot of self doubt and I worry that I won’t be good enough. Because of my fear I use that as an excuse to not even try, and I haven’t real-ly done much at all since leaving university in order to further this seemingly far off goal.

Over the past couple of days I have done a number of things to attempt to further my goal. I’m trying to do things little and often to slowly progress without too much pressure and self-criticism. It’s nice to hear from other artists who are also beginning and/or strug-gling. We’re not alone! I thought I would include my list of things that I am trying to work on in case it perhaps gives other people ideas.

Things I’ve done:* Set up the basic first version of my website* Budgetted and ordered art supplies* Tidied up my possessions a bit to make room for supplies* Tested out my lino printing ink

Things I need to do:* Get a nice big block of lino for my ramen prints* Create a better desk space* Learn some new skills through Skillshare.com* Work on my PORTFOLIO - probably the biggest task

Anyway for now I am going to leave you all as my lovely friend wrote a little work related thing for this zine here...

PS find her at loneviolist.tumblr.com

The place I work has no windows. It isn’t dark or anything, but actually that doesn’t seem to make any difference really. My work-place is well lit, for a warehouse, but really that makes no difference. I guess when you arrive at work in the dark and leave in the dark, no matter how bright it is, it makes no real difference. I guess there’s always things going on there, so it isn’t even like there’s nothing to stop and stare at. There’s always some kind of weird chaos happen-ing in an environment like the one I work in, from having received a box of vomit in the mail, or an entire floor’s worth of shelving getting dropped from a first floor or even just a mathematics exam-iner failing at basic arithmetic, so it isn’t even a problem for lack of distraction.

It’s predominantly well lit, filled with grim fluorescent strip lighting, but the racking, filled with around five million exam papers remains unlit until someone ventures in, with motion sensitive lighting illuminating the path ahead of you, glorifying the mundane trek to the end of the warehouse to see what on earth Premises is doing that requires opening the truck sized door to the outside in December.

The warehouse is constantly freezing unless you have one of two choice seats directly in front of the vast and yet vastly inadequate heating ducts. They’re enough to make a metal trolley hot to the touch, and dry your skin and make you sweat, but not enough to actually make a difference in three floors of open shelving without even solid flooring in between to create heat pockets. Somehow though, when reaching the end, and finding out that the door, large enough for a double decker, has been opened to take one tiny pallet of cardboard out isn’t even that bad. The blast of brisk December chill seems like nothing, because actually, I can see outside, and that might be the only (wan, grey) sunlight I’ll see in a week.

date 28.05.2014

So friends. It’s been another while and I am writing even more regarding this jobseeker odyssey. Today I applied to two new jobs, one an internship in design and the other, an entry level graphic design post for some fashion website. I doubt I will receive more than rejection letters (or nothing at all!) but will keep trying I suppose.

As for the art business which is slowly lumbering forward like a crusty old dinosaur... let’s refer to the list some pages back. YES I have done some skillshare courses. I didn’t fully do the project assignments which went with the course because I didn’t feel motivated; it was hard to get motivation when I was doing them.

I did one Adobe Illustrator course which I didn’t get to finish watching before my free month ran out. It was fairly complex but informative and I hope to finish viewing it once I can afford a month’s subscription.

I also watched a ‘Radical Typography’ course made by James Victore which I really, really enjoyed. He’s very encouraging and I think I might give the assignment a go despite losing my membership. Luckily he also has a YouTube account which con-tains a gold mine of art and motivation related videos. I think I’ll watch through all of those possibly while at work today (5-11pm shift). His YouTube name is just James Victore so a google search should turn him up no problem. Definitely watch if you’re a low self esteem artist who feels underqualified like me.

...yeah these pictures are from a while ago but I drew them at work?

So what else have I done? Well, I did some more art business related things that weren’t on the list too. Hmm... I haven’t done some of those list items though so maybe we should have an updated list.

Things done/started...

* Started work on band poster for friend, need scanner to fin-ish. And motivation. Gonna make a 2nd poster for the other band member’s portrait as well* Finally played with my shrink plastic to make badge de-signs, waiting for spray on clear acrylic finish before I attach badge backs and sell. Some aren’t of a sellable quality though :(* Did skillshare learning but need to do more when I can budget to buy another month’s membership* Started on couple of portfolio pieces and working on them slowly to finish.

Things to be done...

* Still need to make ramen bowl designs in lino and badges too... I’m excited about this * Order decent lino blocks from my old art school to pick up when I visit the area... probably going to be in september

Hmmm anyway so aside from applying for jobs pretty regularly and not really receiving any response, I have also started to make mo-tions to apply for jobs in Japan; teaching English of course since my language skills aren’t yet good enough to have a non-English related job. I check the International job boards like ESLcafe.com regular-ly and found a couple of Japan jobs which are suitable. Some only want certain passports, others want an international driver’s license and some would like a proper TEFL qualification, which I might look into getting if I decide I am totally serious about this.

date 14.06.2014

So recently I was bored so I spent some time finding some good English teaching jobs based in Japan and Korea via ESLcafe.com. I found a good Japanese placement where accommodation is paid for and it seemed pretty good. In the countryside though, which isn’t a problem really but I hope that I wouldn’t find it too quiet and lonely. Anyway I applied to about three jobs and the Japanese Eikaiwa (private English school) replied to me. I had to fill in a very long questionnaire and I also had to create a video talking about a lesson plan for 45 minutes. I stressed about it, did it all, sent it off. And today I had an interview.

So this morning I got up, I had nausea and a headache which was not good. I spent some time relaxing and preparing a little bit for the 11AM interview. 11AM came around and no call. Turns out they had mistaken the time difference, which was fine. Then they called at about 12.10PM, the interview lasted one hour and fifteen minutes. During the interview I had to ask to go to the bathroom ‘cause I had to be sick. I pretended I was fine. I’m not sure how I did in the interview because along with being ill, the audio was also slightly delayed on Skype so it was a little awkward listening and trying to answer questions. They said they’re going to call my references next.

Anyway, after the interview I’m not sure how I feel about the job. Per-haps it’s because I’ve been sick all day, so I don’t have a very optimis-tic outlook? I would really like to work in Japan, would like to be-come fluent in Japanese, would like to experience new food, culture, make friends... explore... but I also have certain worries.

* What if I find it hard to adjust in the countryside?* Will I be able to do this kindergarten teacher job?* Will I be a good teacher?* Will I become depressed and anxious?* What about my relationship with J, I will miss him so much... can we do it? Will he stick with me? * Will I get to know my holiday time in advance and will I have enough money to arrange visits with J?* Should I just try to become an artist instead or would ‘settling’ be a bad idea?* What if they don’t like me?

I am about fifty-fifty on this, unsure what the best course of action is. I know I should go for it and work it out as I go along but I have these fears because last time I was in Japan (3 week trip in 2011) I was very shy and had a lot of depression, culture shock, anxiety. I also had a lot of good experiences too.

I guess most importantly I want my relationship to continue. It would be hard, but possible. A lot is down to chance. I know that not all relationships last, of course.

Well, anyway, they will be calling some people up asking about me, then after that I suppose I’ll receive an email either with rejection or a job offer. I’m nervous for that point in time.

... oh yeah, and I had an interview a couple weeks ago for a design internship and got turned down.

date 06.07.2014

So friends. I thought I better write another entry in this here old zine, or whatever it is turning into. The jobs odyssey of Elysia plus a little bits and pieces from other friends.

The employers in Japan spent the next couple of days calling up my referees. Unfortunately they had difficulty with one so I had to give them my current supervisor’s number; which was fine, although he is not someone who would really know how to give a reference... Any-way, that worked out fine in the end and they offered me the job.

I didn’t know what to do but since I haven’t really had any UK offers in about 8+ months, I said yes.

So anyway, since then we have been embroiled in (my) questions of the contract being sent back and forth. Originally I thought the ac-commodation was free, and then I reread the ad and understood that it was just the set up that was free. And then I was really worried about the cost of accommodation. Luckily, it’s only about £225 per month with some bills included.

After dealing with the contract I had to sign and send it along with an original degree certificate and other bits. The courier, however, seems to have lost the package, so I’m waiting until Monday before I phone them up and ask them what is going on!

I’m kind of in denial about the whole thing anyway, I haven’t really told many people, and to those I have told, I also say to them it’s not 100% certain yet. I guess I’m just waiting ‘til the visa and flights are sorted before I start getting fully into the swing of it, ‘cause it would be a major disappointment were it to fall through. I’ve neglected telling my grandmother about it yet because once she knows she will go on about it a lot, and then if it does fall through she will complain about it even more. So I will announce it properly soon!

date 23.07.2014

Urgh. So I thought since I’m heading out to work in fifteen minutes I should write a little bit of ziney things. The zine is almost complete!

And I am almost on the way to Japan... my flight is booked for the 11th of August and of course I am pretty terrified and also in denial. I am preparing slowly for departure, reading a book on teaching Eng-lish, trying to finish my thick fantasy novel (Siege by Tad Williams) because I don’t want it to take up space in my suitcase... lots of things.

I had to send a second package with my documents again as the original was confirmed lost by UPS. I am definitely not a fan of them right now. I put a claim through for £88 or so, since they lost my masters certificate, accompanying documents, my CRB check, and I had to spend about forty pounds to get DHL to rush my new package off to Japan.

I’ve been all over the place visiting friends and tomorrow one of my close friends is coming to visit me for a few days. My boyfriend is visiting in the beginning of August.

I’m so afraid.

date 1.08.2014

The time is coming soon... but my visa is delayed because of the UPS mess so I’m going to have to change my flight which is going to be expensive, as in ... probably at least £120, possibly more if the flights to Japan are going up in price nearer to departure time.

This will be my last entry I think, and I’ll relay my future experi-ences in issue three. I hope that will be alright for you all. I hope that some one person out there reads this and isn’t bored to death. Perhaps this person is interested ‘cause they want to teach abroad. If so, feel free to get in touch via my tumblr (elysiaart.tumblr.com) if you have any questions about the whole thing.

The past week or two, I’ve been visiting my old university town, vis-ited another friend in Cambridge (UK), another friend visited from Birmingham and I made a fleeting visit to my boyfriend’s because we hadn’t seen each other in a month or more and luckily I man-aged to fit it in my budget. My boyfriend should be visiting here before I depart, depending on a few very crucial things he needs to get done in his hometown. I hope it all works out. It would suck to go to the airport without him, although I’m sure I’d be crying so much with or without.

Anyway, thanks for reading. I hope this wasn’t too awful!

Wowee guys, my friend Chloe made us a playlist on theme ;) find her at...

chloenorthillustration.com

This is the end I hope it was okay... and I hope that you will read the next zine when I eventually publish it. Thanks so much for reading and you can find more at www.issuu.com/elysiaart