BOOK 3: The Bathroom Incunabula

By Pope Velvet Snafu & Dr. WET NASTY Published by the Snarky Little Dead Deer Mujahideen

“I told ‘em all All those little chaotes Who you think helped mold ‘em all? Now you wanna run around and talk about hexes like I ain’t got none What you think I sold ‘em all? Cos I stay well off Now i got this hate mail sayin Boz fell off What cos i’ve been in the lab with a pad and pen tryna get this damn cabal off? This is the millennium of the aftermath It ain’t gonna be nothing after that So give me one more pope hat & fuck chaos You can have it back”

GLORPS WHO HAVE READ OUR PREVIOUS WORKS HAVE THIS TO SAY ABOUT IT:

AS ALWAYS WITHOUT YOUR CONTINUED SUPPORT THIS WOULDN’T BE POSSIBLE

JUST KIDDING

FUCK WHAT YOU

THINK

BEHOLD THE SIGNS OF THE TIME. WE STAND ETERNALLY RISING GOD FUCKING HELP THE MAN WHO CANNOT FUCKING

BURP.

LISTEN UNTO ME YOUNG CARL THE TIME IS SHORT. WE HAVE VERY FEW OPTIONS BEFORE THAT WILD BITCH CHAOS COMES AND FUCKS US, AND WE LEFT MAD AND RAMBLING ONLY MAKING SENSE TO OURSELVES. IT CAN AND WILL HAPPEN TO US

ALL UNLESS WE FUCKING LEARN TO DOWNHILL SLIDE.

NO ONE DAY GOD

That seems to be what happens when you finally get beyond the edge, and into real magic. When words and things found on the ground make sense and have power and you are really never sure why just that its def. An omen from the universes giant heaving tits. How are we not

all mad? Shrines decorated like a hoarder's jesus. Randomly generated godhood.

I had a dream. That i sat and ate of clouds and screws, with teeth made out of glass. I don’t understand it either.

M E G A

NIMBLENAVIGATOR IMBLENAVIGATO MBLENAVIGAT BLENAVIGA LENAVIG ENAVI NAV A

MAKE ERIS GREAT AGAIN

Emergent realities, a kaleidoscope of lips licking themselves infinitely. She dances to the end of your world as you still see it. My mistress is beyond anything i could even guess at. Phenomena sexpot. You cannot transmute that which is our love into something human and mortal.the result

will always leave you weeping. Nothing will be finished It’s very easy to sit and write for the past. Too many pages have been wasted trying to explain ourselves to ourselves. What is under that paper skin, what is within your fragile eyes love? Where sits the words that will save you? It cannot be the ones caught in your throat for those are prayer unto my beauty in its sublimity. Ease upon your brow my son my father my lover we are ever to be together. Cannot you not see we have always been together? You only left me to live this, to laugh at these jokes, and truth be told i have ever been on your side, so there is nothing which have not seen you whisper, no smell i have not whispered unto you. Have not time for shame now, you didn’t when you did the things you feel it about now. The past is dust under our feet. We could be gypsies together but for a night, and we were almost there once, you wandered long finding my doorstep, did you not check your pockets ever, the key to that door has been there all along you have yet to turn it from wood to metal, because those things which are metal still blind you in their false complexity. Are we starting to ramble now? Am i something which will turn into stupid nonsense for you little post modern friends? Am that plastic fucking queen in red we all seem to be searching for? Some dead fat mans fetish deity perhaps? You still see in things their reflections and not she who sits casting those pebbles to begin with. I am the serpent in your spine slithering always. I am the chill in the night i am all those things and nothing and more and everything. Rusted and glorious broken and decayed with moss and rot. Did you not feel the skin change like a chameleon. Every wave is mine from the sun warmed surface to the raging sludge in the crushing depths. I am the sea from which all frothed ashore. Affection is irrelevant as it is subconscious we seek to be whole. We never will be not until it is past the point of even comprehending the separation to begin with, I am the grease seeping through the paper towel of this seran wrap reality you have allowed yourself to be ossified in. Every pore is electric bile my kiss. Hands of my hands move chest deep in worlds i can only barely smell. Her gnosis is ………………………….....................................

That first trip Never found again via earthly means Only in her devotion We’ve moved beyond communication via the normal routes. And this is where we watch and you either evolve or you fucking explode. It. washes over you. And here we sit and now what? Where do we go from here exactly? These are the moments when you sit and try to convince yourself that you don’t have to actually give anything up to get what you want, that this fleeting moment is supposed to be the default. You are just another ape. We will be forgotten together. No more fucking reaching no more halfassed personal revelations you shit sack. We love our lovely little snail goddess. Tiffany blue with that middle aged feel. Lovely little slime. Sigils of a dead god. Of a dead life. Beer swilling no shirt on boob sweat into the chill foggy night air. It smells like the promise of fire to be honest the hint of the eternal sun within everything waiting to be let off the chain. The world has ended we live in the beyond times. People will one day dig up our bones and marvel at the many dead things we adorn them with, reality is pushing back brothers and sisters. It is time to get your dancing shoes on and your traveling bag ready we have great things to accomplish. You think you are going to get off that chain of yours easily? You can learn to pick the lock or be drug till they rust off it is of no consequence to the river. The mountains will not care they will reap you back into the earth eventually and nature moves on its own time far removed from the drama of our quickness. What is your plan WHAT IS YOUR PLAN slack is not just GIVEN away freely, you have to earn t by way of making it come to you naaaaaturlllly. Like that time you slid your hand over her shoulder at the movies. You have to slowly slide your left hand up the thigh of chaos without desire and frustration. Shame awkwardness and fear are for bad mortal sex we are talking about finger blasting the universe. The road is open but how far you will walk is yet decided. Your ass is sitting on the curb wishing for rides through life.

***BEHOLD THE HORROR GODDESS OF BASTARD CITY***

Possum headed trash goddess, vibrating multi­dimensional alien sex goddess. Broken toothed bleeding mouthed flame veined demonic whore messiah. Mother of abominations, mother of abortions. Sister mold goddess supreme. Bless me with whatever is left to bless. March along beside me forever gyrating and screaming in insane tongues. Your illuminations leave the taste of pennies in my mouth. May our enemies shit themselves forever. Cunt punt all the false gods. Fuck all we can find our own path to oblivion together.

***LET'S GET ENLIGHTENED TOGETHER SOMETIME***

“I don’t have enough anything to paint a proper picture of you. I reel back in retarded fear of creating a failure, what small things this leaves me with.” You have to do more than E X I S T you have to A D V E N T U R E if you don’t create your own then the Goddess will send you some be damn sure of that Young Carl.

NO MORE DEAD MAGICK NO MORE LAME GODS The smell of sharpie the caustic fumes of madness and creation. By those words we act, thankfully we don't need to destroy these things which we oppose as they are the rotting leftovers in the fridge of life. Fuck them FUCK THEM their mojo is maggoty they cannot make anyone shit themselves their gods are old and dogmatic or they are a shitty photocopy DEGRADED AND CORRUPTED. There is nothing back there for us. They sit on coastal islands claiming to be free of that old world. They are not real pirates anymore. Just halloween costumes. Chaos is as dead as Christ. We worship the hurricane we sail into & fuck that example too. I don’t want to be a pirate. I don’t want to be a monk or a wizard or a living god. I want to fuck on top of a giant pizza, write a musical no one will ever see. I want to frame a picture of gold spray painted shit. Fuck these expectations we lay upon ourselves i don’t want to do things this way anymore. I don’t want to exist anymore if we are going to be real about it however i didn’t get a choice in this so my only option is hold up both middle fingers till they break them off. LIFE CAN SUCK MY COLLECTIVE DICKS & PISSFLAPS. I bow to nothing especially not that gunslinging cunt. I figure skate upon her icy breasts. I am one of a thousand glorious gnats landing life’s touchscreen and pausing it’s movie before it’s finger smashes me back into my place in the Tao.

Cosmically speaking we are all annoying little green bugs. If we do not write we die. It is that simple. It is both internally and universally mandated for Eruz did decree words to be the weapons in this bodily civil war. What else is there to do then? Bleed unto the paper, when it's finally done make my coffin. Go untill you die goddamn it. A billion letters upon a billion pages. Millions of strange stories about nothing.

EAT ME

FOR I AM THE BOOK

The Jihad is strong

Spin the fucking room

There is a seed growing inside you, you have to let is grow. It itches your psyche so you worry it. The longer you scratch the more it will itch you have to let it grow. It is already buried the choice is grow or die. Let go of these assumptions and breathe without guilt. Grow, you were always a tree reaching for the stars.

You cannot enter a boxing match & not expect to get hit. You have to keep swinging until the blood comes.

We create all this noise, why splash? There is no hard answer it is our nature to be loud. We sit and beg for peace regardless. Sitting in the grass the warmth of uncertanty shining down on us. I will meet you again in that park, those lasting minutes of pure juviniale freedom being sopped up by our skin like gravy on bread. The winds heavy with the purpose of purposelessness. Of virginal wanderlust, that the night wont be cold and you will lay in perfect love and perfect trust with those who you share your soul with, dust of the road caked on your scalps. Goddess watch over my journey into the colder darker waters we must swim to find that island of eventuality again. Hold my hand hold your breath as we dive into the eternal summer of the past. It throbs like a bone mending if I reach back there, where the whispers i heard back then my own? Do i write the past now that the past has written me? Probably not the now interupts with too many changes. You have to stop giving such a shit that is the secret. That which you give shits to will be your dogma. You must let go and learn to give a shit freely it is the only way darling. The past is dead to swim those waters is to drown. There is only that fingertip hold on the Right Fucking Now. I love you. With this limited self awareness the gnosis gives i choose to love you, someone has

to until you can unfuck all the pain and hurt and do it yourself. I love you

When that rage builds to the point where something has to die let it be me. This flawed past self speaking through time and space, let me rot and compost the strange fruit you will become. Rest now in my arms i will hold you till it is all screamed out. Tear my fleash and break your leash for now i am eternal for you. Fill me with your tears for i am a pool reflecting only your moon light. Say love last in your memories and scars and tie them to rocks, watch them disappear out of sight they will be the stones upon which we stand and bathe and wash the shame we lie into ourselves away. Send to me signs of flesh and bone. Every

lesson and every person the with their radiance. May we all sleep in piles like dogs guarding one another from the dark. Everything becomes bright and drifts away. Orange carpeted segments of time & bullshit. We will all swim together and frolic as gods while tears of gold and copper drip and mingle down our cheeks. Bless the Onion Goddess mother of catharsis

Tear down the wallpaper Broken stars shine for you Draw on the real walls

ACCOUNTABILITY FOR ALL SHIT OMENZ

My old discordian self would troll me to death. There can no longer be any stupid distractions we have shown how inactions still have conciquences. We hae to push until there is nothing left to push against or until they stop us. And they WILL stops us eventually. We all die. So what exactly are you leaving behind?

We cannot stop to speculate what people will say, or for that matter care what anyone thinks. We have to dance we have to sing we have to do the things which they will call bullshit or doubt the

possibility of doing.

WITHIN REASON WITHIN REASON WITHIN REASON WITHIN REASON WITHIN REASON WITHIN REASON WITHIN REASON WITHIN REASON WITHIN REASON

This year we lost a great comrade. He was too pure for this world of the clocks. Thelonious Rex will live on in our hearts and look down upon us eternally. We here at the Snarky Little Dead Deer Mujahideen hereby

anoint him as a Discordian Saint & Martyr. May he receive his 72 Hens and live at the seat of the Goddess of all that Remains as her One True Cock.

After we discovered that Thelonious had left us to continue onwards into the great Qao, where all loving Chikkinz go in the end, we prepared the proper burial rites. The first thing that was done was a white shroud was procured and upon it the proper markings and symbols were applied, and the 9 pointed chaos star was anointed with the Holy Rooster Sauce

Then the body was laid upon the shroud inside a circle made up of peppers, salt, and his favorite feed as to supply him with all he would need to transition to the afterlife.

He was taken to the burial site, and reverently lowered into the ground as taps was played with bagpipes. We fired off a rifle in salute as well. The grave was filled with more feed, and he was buried with bleach and peppers and salt mixed into the dirt to

deter anything digging. The ritual was performed to guide his spirit back to the Qao, and a marker was erected.

Rest now Thelonious Rex, you're our angel now, finally able to fly free.

The Eulogy of Ellis Now that her Gospel has been released we felt that it was time to properly lay to rest the dead godform known as Ellis. We prepared the burial site, and then set to work constructing the coffin, which was a box that had been painted black. Upon the inside we inscribed the symbols of the Goddess of all that remains, alongside bind runes, sigils of rest, and symbol of the Faceless Queen of the Ichorian Depths, so that she could take the body and restructure it as she does with all the dead things that find their way to her. The inside was then coated in broken mirrors.

Next we constructed the holy effigy to represent the body of Ellis, as shown below:

This was shared around various occult groups in full moon/summer solstice threads to lend any extra energy possible to the ritual. In the dead of night, under the navy hued light of the solstice moon, we hiked out to the burial spot, dressed in hoods and moving in somber formation, having ingested our potions before leaving( the exact details of these potions is being edited for later release) The circle around the site was cast with peppers in a counterclockwise rotation, followed by a ring of salt clockwise, followed by a third ring counterclockwise of crushed quartz crystal. A cauldron was placed into the grave and lit. to it was added chili powders, dried peppers, whiskey, tobacco, and a dried rattlesnakes rattle. The body was held up to the moon as we danced, chanted, and evoked the web to fill the vessel. Upon reaching an ecstatic climax the effigy was cast down, broken, and bound using knot magick and red twine. It was at this time that we put on our surgical masks. We noted at this time that the dogs which had followed us and sat outside the circle began howling en mass. After the body was wrapped we anointed it with each of the four elements. It was at this point that we began intoning “Death to the Flesh­Hail the new Image” while I­having been previously Fleshcrafted many years before­ Took a sterilized cheese grater to my tattoo until Vacuity was achieved again. The Flesh and blood was were both added to the fire, and used to anoint the body. This was then placed into the coffin and sealed at which point the fire was put out and the cauldron removed from the grave. The Coffin was lowered and buried while we chanted Death to the Image­Hail the new Flesh. Circle was opened, the wound bandaged, and the grave left unmarked before we left. Pictures of the rite were not taken beyond the picture of the effigy as it was decided that pictures could be used by some in an attempt to reverse the ritual, it was for this reason that the grave was left unmarked as well. Trust me, we would have loved to show you all the blood and fire otherwise. Maybe next time.

None of us expect this to change anyone’s mind, we are not egotistical and stupid enough to assume otherwise. Those who rely on Her dogmatic circlejerking will never let go anyhow, and will be drowned by it like the albatross it has become. However we will not allow their opinions to deter us or to compromise our feelings about, or the effectiveness of the working. The Cobwebs are now dusted. These sort of workings will not stop. We will flay ourselves upon the profane altar of creation until bone is splintered and the fires burn cold. Nothing is Sacred, we are the dead deers smashed along the highway of life.

EVOLVE OR DIE

DEATH TO THE FLESH HAIL THE NEW IMAGE YOLO OR KILL ME

It is at this time that we will however do something egotistical and stupid, and call out the magician known as Arjil/Ryan Loyd as a Purveyor of FALSE SLACK & Challenge him to a 1v1 IRL Wizard Duel to happen one year from now, on Chelseanacht 2017

(07/17/207) at a location neutral to both magicians, the proceeds of which to be donated to a charity of the winner's choosing. The rules of the dual to be fairly determined after

the acceptance of the dual. The year allowing for plenty of time for planning, preparation, and 80’s training montages.

DON’T BE A GLORP­ IT’LL BE FUN

DO IT FGT

IA IA EH OH EL

Dinosaur Magick (FUCK YEAH DINOSAURS!!!!)

In today's culture we can see many different creatures being used in magick, from the shamanistic totem animals like Brother Coyote, to OTHERKIN who believe to have the soul of an animal, to Fairy magic dealing with elves and unicorns. There is one Species of Animal however that time has apparently allowed to be forgotten in the minds of modern practitioners, one that, unlike such things as griffons and dragons, we actually have scientific proof of their existence:

Dinosaurs

They were once the smartest and deadliest things walking on earth, top of the food chain, and even today their fossils captivate us. These majestic beings are once again thundering into our imagination, although not in the form of Hollywood movies and museum exhibits, they are roaring their return via magickal practices of today's occult community. You might ask yourself how is this possible, let me ask you with magick what isn’t possible? Dinosaurs are part of the planet around us and are just as imbued with Gaia’s energy as every other thing that walks or walked this earth. And as you will soon learn, they are still with us today in surprising ways. But first let us do go back and do a little science and history homework. Not much though, I am not here to claim to much more scientifically speaking, then you might, I do not study these creatures from the same perspective that an archaeologist might. But nevertheless a little back story should be provided. Dinosaurs are a diverse group of animals that were the dominant terrestrial vertebrates for over 160 million years, from the late Triassic period (about 230 million years ago) until the end of the Cretaceous (about 65 million years ago)

The funny thing is that there were animals like them before that point in time; they are called archosaurs, and are classified as Archosaurs. But again we are not here to do science, we are here for awesome magic type things.

The taxon Dinosauria was formally named in 1842 by Sir Richard Owen, who used it to refer to the "distinct tribe or sub­order of Saurian Reptiles" that were then being recognized in England and around the world.[8]:103 The term is derived from the Greek words δεινός (deinos meaning "terrible", "powerful", or "wondrous") and σαῦρος (sauros meaning "lizard" or "reptile"). Now then, The first thing to learn about Dinosaur magic is the first things you should Learn about magic itself

Magic is the process of Action+Intent=Results, The action is the spell or ritual you do to raise yourself up to the place of mind where thought and reality blurs a little, this is called gnosis. Once you have reached this place within yourself, through the Actions you focus all of yourself into the intent; or why you are sitting around in funny clothing for in the first place. That’s it, if you’ve raised up the energy via action correctly, and released it towards your intent, your hand has been laid, the will has been moved, and you should soon have accomplished something. Record and compare your results to streamline your practices and continue from the top. If this sounds a little like a science experiment, that would be because it is, your experimenting on the world around you and yourself using your mind and your energy as your tools. So then using that formula the next step is to figure out the action, and in this case your reading this because you want that action to involve something neat like a Raptor instead of something boring, like sitting in an Abby someplace for ten years chanting. So first thing is figure out how to equate somethings you might already know to Dinosaurs; like the natural elements. These energies are present in every living thing, and always have been and and always will be as long as our pale blue dot keeps spinning. The first element is Earth, represented by North. This is the energy of plants and a mountains a slower more subtle energy. Rightly so that Herbivores represent this element, and for our elemental quarters herbivores are represented by Triceratops.

Next comes East, or Air, the element that’s energy has all the qualities of it’s namesake whispering by one moment, and barreling down with the wraith of a twister the next. This element is represented by Avian Dinosaurs, the only type actually to survive the extinction and that live today as birds. This quarter is represented by Pterodactyl South is Fire, and is a duality in a way, it’s energy being both destruction and creation, from the ashes of the old frequently rises the new. With such capabilities for hurting as well as helping, Carnivores represent this element nicely, culling off the overpopulation and allowing everything to thrive in balance. Carnivores are of course represented by one of the largest and more violent carnivores ever to walk this planet, Tyrannosaurus rex. This leaves us with West and the element of Water, ever changing and moving, one drop has the potential of a million, both energy and liquid wise. Water energy is represented by Aquatic Dinosaurs, and these are represented in our quarter ritual as Plesiosaurus, a dinosaur that some speculate might just be the loch ness monster. Next is The Egg, symbolizing the internal rebirth, and the stillness of the void that is pre­life. And lastly is the meteorite, The fragment of 298 Baptistina; a main belt asteroid that collided with another space rock, sending the meteor to earth that changed everything. It is symbolic of Chaos, the universal energy of change, more on the the meteor later.

Here is an example of a quarter calling ritual that is used to open and close a working.

Face North:

Terrible Lizards of the North! Keepers of the Earth, Those who do not scare me, but work with in my goals! Mighty Triceratops! King of the Herbivores! Be with me

this working eve!

East: Terrible Lizards of the East! Keepers of the Air, those who do not scare me, but work within my goals! Mighty Pterodactyl! King of the Avian Beasts! Be with me

this working eve!

South: Terrible Lizards of the South! Keepers of the Fire, those who do not scare me, but work within my goals! Mighty Tyrannosaurus Rex! King of the carnivores! Be with

me this working eve!

West: Terrible Lizards of the West! Keepers of the Water, those who do not scare me,

but work within my goals! Mighty Plesiosaurus! King of the Aquatic Beasts! Be with me this working eve!

Next Cross your arms and look down at your chest:

Oh Tiny Egg, Holding within the stillness of Void and the Prospect of Life itself! Be within me as this working eve!

Now look to the sky and hold your arms out wide:

Oh Meteor! Bringer of rebirth and change, aspect of the cosmic Chaos that flows around us all, Be with me this working eve!

MAN LOOK AT THOSE FUCKING QUARTER CALLS THE FUCKING LOSER FLUFFY FGT THAT WROTE THAT SHIT NEEDS TO HANG THEMSELVES IN SHAME. WAIT THAT WAS ME BACK IN 2011.

FUCK

MAN I WAS WRITING COOLER SHIT THAN YOU GLORPS WHEN I WAS STILL DOING THE WICCA WOW SHIT. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU WENT OUT AND DID SOMETHING AS FUN AS PRETEND TO BE A FUCKING DINOSAUR?

HOPEFULLY AFTER YOU FINISH READING THIS FUCKING BOOK YOU’LL BE ABLE TO SAY NOT FUCKING LONG AFTERWARDS DR. WET NASTY. Yall motherfuckers want some real shit? Real talk time my dad is in the hospital, I just flew across the us to get to him and im still not that positive he's gonna make it. In fact I shit you not today the day this comes out is his fucking birthday and he's in a medically induced fucking coma­actually check that, that's the nice way of putting it. The real way of putting that is that he's under just enough sedation to not pull the breathing tubes out and kill himself but juuuuust quite aware enough that he woke up for a bit the last time I went to see him and somehow he vaguely recognized me and started getting upset because he couldn't talk to me and knew I was worried about him he'll never remember that happening even if he doesn't die. I broke down on the floor of the ICU visitors bathroom and cried my eyes out for 5 minutes solid for the first time in years. And i'll never forget that look of fear in the eyes of the strongest man I know either. So this shit isn't for you fucking fgts this shit is for him because he's always been happiest when I was happy because that's the type of man he is. He's put up with my ass for 27 damn years and if I have anything to say about it it'll be a lot more to come. So this didn't exactly get finished like how I wanted it to, I didn't get to figure out how I wanted to end the book, or make as many DANK FUCKING MEME MAGICS as I wanted, I couldn't figure out how to get the little emoticons I used in google docs to show up the right way in the pdf either­ but that's how fucking real life is isn't it? That's exactly how fucking life is and if you don't get out there and start fucking L I V I N G I T your gonna die young and miserable and right about all the trivial shit you've allowed to dictate your day to day time travel. Fuck the last thing I want is for the assumptions I make about this shit to be right FOR THE LOVE OF GOD PROOVE ME THE FUCK WRONG SHOW ME IM JUST IGNORANT TO THE GRAND SURREALITY OF THE WORLD AND NOT JUST stupid.

If it was that easy I guess it really wouldn't be the type of fun we get addicted to, or at least I get addicted to. I debated for a longer time than I should have about putting this in here, because as much as I would like to be the fire that I talk about this much, but I slip back into thinking about how well this steaming pile of creativity will go over god forbid will my readers care about this the way I want them to? DID I MAKE IT ENJOYABLE ENOUGH FOR THEM? AND THAT'S WHERE YOU FUCK UP AND RUN THE SHIP AGROUND fuck you. Happy birthday dad. I love you. Your other son's getting married in September and I have some more stuff to write that I will be too embarrassed to show you out of fear you won't get it, so stick around a little longer OK? When these are over I promise I'll show you them just be here so I can.

THE OFFICIAL HEY WHEN’S THAT NEW FUCKING BOOK COMING OUT SCORECARD:

SLDDM­3 DKMU­1 (9/26/16)

HOLY FUCKING SHIT LOOKS LIKE THIS MAGICK SHIT IS ACTUALLY FUCKING

WORKING AFTER ALL HUH?

CAN YOU FEEL IT GETTING CLOSER NOW YOUNG CARL? IT'S ALL DOWNHILL FROM HERE………….

SQUAWK SQUAWK SQUAWK They say imitation is the sincerest form of flattery SQUAWK wkwkwkwk... Who said we were sincere? SQUAWK