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Bar Mitzvah, Bat Mitzvah & Jewish Wedding planning and resource guide
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4 Visit us online at www.bnaimitzvahguide.com
Dear Families,We have been publishing this guide for over 10 years, and my, how the world has changed in thattime. My girls have become young women, the awe and wonder in their eyes giving way to a firmdetermination to forge their own ways in this new world. Yes, costs have risen, we have to drivemore cautiously and take our shoes off in airports. Music, clothing, technology, the political andeconomic landscape all have changed, but some things have not. Those people and things nearand dear to us, our way of life and, as Tevye the milkman says, “Tradition”, tend to anchor us in asolid foundation of home, family and community. For these reasons, our milestone celebrationsare especially sweet, reminding us that although the world turns faster and faster, some thingsremain quite the same. It’s not just a catchphrase that family and friends are what is most impor-tant in life. Wanda Hope Carter wrote: "Family and Friends are hidden treasures, seek them andenjoy their riches." We all want to enjoy, savor, and remember milestone events like births, mitzvahs and weddings.Special events give us a chance to see distant relatives and friends in a happy setting and to celebrate with them. And those people are also able to meet and/or visit with one another. Thisexperience also creates an example for and an impression on our children. Family and friends areimportant to us and we honor those relationships by including them in our celebrations. Andeven as clothing, music and the technology of celebrations change, the essence of the milestoneevents and the reason we celebrate, does not change.So, as you are planning your upcoming celebration, keep in mind the importance of the memoriesyou are creating and the heritage you are helping to continue. Mazel Tov to you and your family!
FeaturesThe Bar/Bat Mitzvah Booklet . . . . . . . . . . . . .6Honors & Alliyot . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .6The Significance of the Day! . . . . . . . . . . . . . .8What is a Bar/Bat Mitzvah? . . . . . . . . . . . . . .8Reception Ideas . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .10Sample Reception Agendas . . . . . . . . . . . . .12Stay Involved After the Bar/Bat Mitzvah . .14Sample Budget Form . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .15Kosher Food Basics . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .17Bar/Bat Mitzvah Planning Timetable . . . . .20Let’s Get Organized! . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .20Mitzvah Project Ideas . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .20Hebrew 101-Important Terms . . . . . . . . . . .21Interfaith Marriages . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .23Popular Party Themes . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .24Candle Lighting Ceremony . . . . . . . . . . . . . .28Jewish Weddings Section . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .30The Wedding Program . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .34Mitzvah Project Resources . . . . . . . . . . . . . .34Frequently Asked Questions . . . . . . . . . . . . .34Expos & Showcases . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .35Thank You Notes . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .35Marriage License Requirements . . . . . . . . .36Honeymoon Planning Basics . . . . . . . . . . . .36Out-Of-Towners’ Guide . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .52
Directory of ServicesBanquet Facilities / Hotels . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .7Caterers / Catering . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .16Clothing . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .18Decoration/Theme Design . . . . . . . . . . . . . .22Giftware / Judaica . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .25Honeymoon & Travel . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .36Invitations / Calligraphy . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .37Music / Entertainment . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .38Novelties / Favors . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .41Party / Event Planning . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .43Photography / Videography . . . . . . . . . . . . .46Directory of Resources . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .49
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Mazel Tov to you and your family!Bar/Bat Mitzvahs and weddingsare the happiest of Jewish life-cycle events. But planning theseevents often causes feelings ofanxiety that take away from thathappiness. Maybe this is the firsttime you or your family has everorganized an event or shoppedfor unfamiliar goods and services.Perhaps you don’t fully understandall the elements necessary to hostthe event. You may just need afew pointers or a checklist so youdon’t forget something.We are here to help!B’nai Mitzvah & JewishWeddings™ is the area’s mostcomplete planning and resourceguide. Use this guide to spendless time planning your event andmore time enjoying the experi-ence. We help you understandand enjoy the religious experienceand traditions of Bar/Bat Mitzvahand Jewish Weddings and to plana memorable celebration!
Mona FreedmanPublisher/Editor
COVER PHOTOS BY:Mitzvah Image by: Rachael Spiegel Photography
Wedding Image by: Ahava Photography
B’nai Mitzvah & Jewish WeddingsTM
Washington, DC Edition-Spring 2010 Our StaffMona Freedman, Publisher/EditorJay Freedman, General ManagerBeth Anne Bloom, Production ManagerJackie McGlothin, Production CoordinatorDebbie Barger, Account ExecutiveRyan Hoyle, Account ExecutiveRob Holt, Distribution CoordinatorRobbin Davlin, Showcase Coordinator
Published Bi-Annually by Milestone Media Group, Inc.5360-E Enterprise St., Eldersburg, MD 217841-877-856-5490 | Fax 410-549-6467e-mail: [email protected]: www.bnaimitzvahguide.comCopyright © 2010, Milestone Media Group, Inc. All rights reserved. Milestone MediaGroup, Inc. does not endorse any product or service listed or advertised in thispublication. We reserve the right to reject any advertisement or listing that we feel isnot in keeping with the publication’s standards. The publisher has made everyattempt at accuracy. We do not assume any and hereby disclaim any liability to anyparty for any loss or damage caused by errors or omissions in this publication.Reproduction of any part of B’nai Mitzvah & Jewish WeddingsTM is permitted onlywith written permission of the publisher.
The Freedman Family
What’s Inside
Many congregations allow, even encourage, cre-ation of a Bar/Bat Mitzvah booklet or programfor the service. This is compiled and produced bythe family for distribution to congregants andguests by the ushers, or inserted into prayerbooks. It can have a variety of unique featuresaimed at relatives and friends, guests, congre-gants, non-Jewish guests, and so on. Here aresome examples:
• A short description of the worship service as conducted at your synagogue,
• A brief explanation of the meaning of aBar/Bat Mitzvah, event or an essay by theBar/Bat Mitzvah on the meaning of the dayto him/her,
• Poems or special readings,• A discussion of the current parasha,
or Torah portions,• A list or description of the mitzvot
performed by the Bar/Bat Mitzvah,
• Comments from close relatives,• Photographs of the Bar/Bat Mitzvah.
Be creative, but check with your Rabbi firstbefore making copies to distribute.
• Deborah Burman Carasso, of UniqueInvitations, (1-877-837-9122) explains howa program was used for a Havdalah/Hanukkah Bar Mitzvah: “[The program]explained to guests the order of the service,
the Haftarah portion, what it means, honorsgiven, page numbers to follow, explanationsof the Mitzvah Project, what Hanukkah andHavdalah service is along with what thespice bags are for, thanks to people whohave made this day happen...On the backhad the directions for the dreidel game. Itmade non-Jewish guests feel much morecomfortable now that they knew what wasgoing on.”And it serves as a wonderfulkeepsake of the special day!
Bar/Bat Mitzvah Booklet• Alliyot is the plural of alliyah. One person is assigned one alliyah. The family of the
Bar/Bat Mitzvah (or the groom, at an Ufruf) may get to assign several alliyot. It meansto come to the Torah and recite the blessings before and after a section of the Torah isread (b’rachot). An honor is a non-speaking part. The chosen person performs thehonor, for example, they may open or close the Ark or dress the Torah.
• Ask the Rabbi or Cantor how many alliyot you will be allowed. Consult with yourrabbi or cantor regarding participation of non-Jewish friends and relatives.
• Ask about any restrictions or limitations before you approach anyone to perform anhonor or alliyah.
• Attend other Bar/Bat Mitzvah services at your synagogue to see how others do it.• Always ask relatives and friends if they would like to participate, but let them know it’s
okay to say no. Those who say yes will be truly honored, and the others will avoid whatthey may feel is uncomfortable.
• Check with the Rabbi for written instructions, Hebrew and English transliteration, andeven English prayers.
Honors and Alliyot
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• Taste the food first before signing acontract with the caterer.
• Take the time to prepare lists for theDJ/band, photographer/videographer,and caterer (i.e. Alliyot honorees,which guests to photograph, candlelighting sayings, agenda etc.)
• Include in your contract the DJ/bandsand photographer’s arrival time for thereception. You could have a big prob-lem if these key people are late.
• Design a travel packet for your out-of-town guests with directions, rental carinformation, sights to see, etc.
• Consider not serving liquor. Childrenmay try to sneak it, guests will be driv-ing home, and it can be expensive.
• Be prepared for “no shows,” it alwayshappens.
• The dance floor size is very important.People need lots of room to dance the“Horah” and other popular favorites.
• Have a family discussion about thetype of party you will have. Choose thekind of affair that suits yourbudget and taste and not others’.
• Don’t forget to book a block of rooms
for out-of-town guests. The worstthing would be unavailability of roomson your weekend due to a holiday orbig conference/wedding planned forthe same time.
• You could arrange to have welcomebaskets delivered to the hotel rooms ofyour out-of-town guests.
• Slouch socks are nice to offer to thegirls, they like to kick off their shoesand dance comfortably.
• Be sure to check accessibility of hotelor reception choice for your disabled orelderly guests.
• Start checking the post office forstamps that could match envelopes forcolor or theme.
• Order extra invitations for welcomeboard, memory books, and framing.
• Order Thank You notes at the sametime you order invitations.
• Place toiletries in restroom of thereception hall for your guests to use(Please check with the facilityowner/manager before you do this).
Words of Wisdom From ParentsWho Have “Been There”
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You may want to ask the followingquestions when inquiring about facilities:1. How much do you charge for children’s meals and what is the age range?2. What is the price of limited bar versus open bar and the price for
non-alcoholic beverages?3. Do you serve buffet style or plated meals, and the prices for each?4. Do you have any upcoming renovations planned?5. Is your facility handicap accessible? What about accessibility of outdoor facilities,
such as a gazebo, garden, or patio?6. What colors are available for table linens and chair covers?
Are additional colors/styles available?
7. Are additional rooms available for teens /children / entertainment, or for a bridalroom for the wedding party? Is there a private room for family or bridal portraits?
8. Are packages available that include flowers, photos, decorations, invitations, etc.?9. What restrictions are there for decorations, entertainment, and outside catering
options? Are cakes/desserts allowed from outside? Is there limited electricor lighting available?
10. Is there a coat room with an attendant? Is there valet parking or convenient,onsite parking spaces?
Celebration has historically been anintegral part of the important rite ofpassage of the Bar/Bat Mitzvah.In the past, and again recently, the extent of somecelebrations has raised questions about the appro-priateness and dignity of the simcha. This is especially marked when there appears to be noconnection between the spiritual side of the eventand the party. Debate, of course, has always beenan integral part of the American experience,including American Judaism. We understand thatcelebration should be at the same time meaning-ful to the family, respectful of Jewish law and tradition, and reflective of synagogue and community values. This is sometimes a difficult task to accomplish,especially after the events of September 11th andthe current violence in Iraq, Israel, Afghanistan andelsewhere. We do not propose the answers here,except to emphasize that personal choice is also animportant American and Jewish dimension.How important a party celebration is to one familywe cannot say. But the Bar/Bat Mitzvah only pass-es once on the way to becoming a teenager, andthe rite of passage is undeniably sacred andimportant. After all, the celebration is not only forthe act of reading the Torah, leading the congrega-tion in prayer and giving a speech. There has beendetermined studying, learning and practicing.There has been intellectual and spiritual growth.There have been mitzvot (good deeds), tzedakah(charity) and gemilut chasadim (non-financial giving) that help build self-esteem and mold char-acter. The Bar/Bat Mitzvah has earned the right tobe part of a minyan, be called for alliyot, or wearthe tefillin. That this should be celebrated in someway is undeniable, but the intensity and extent ofthat celebration, while ever debatable, is probablya matter of individual taste and preference.Whatever your choice may be, Mazel Tov to you andyour family!
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A Word Aboutthe Bar/BatMitzvahCelebration
The Significance of the Day!
Photos above by AHAVA Photography
B’nai Mitzvah & Jewish WeddingsTM
believes that all families should recog-nize the religious importance of theBar/Bat Mitzvah, the rite of passage, andthe whole Jewishness of the child. This
life-cycle event will have long lasting meaning to thefamily, relatives, friends and especially the honored child.Becoming a Bar/Bat Mitzvah symbolizes the child’s reli-gious coming of age and the beginning of life as a fullyparticipating Jewish adult. He/she will now accept reli-gious responsibilities and can perform the importantduties of Jewish life.The celebration of the event is an important componentbecause it honors the child’s accomplishments and givesloved ones and others the opportunity to show greatpride and joy for the child. This publication focuses onplanning the reception or celebration, but we recom-mend that you, as parents, participate fully in the wholeMitzvah and understanding the significance and mean-ing of the day. Remember, the party would be meaning-less without the ceremony. On our website is a partiallist of resources that helps the reader learn more aboutthe Torah, Judaism, and the spiritual meaning of theBar/Bat Mitzvah. Your Synagogue, local library, book-stores, stores in this guide that carry religious items andour online bookstore at www.bnaimitzvahguide.com mayhave these as well as other resources.
Here are some other ways tobring meaning to the day:• Attend synagogue with your children regularly, even if
they sit with their friends. Discuss the service and theRabbi’s sermon afterwards.
• Encourage your child to give to tzedakah (charity), asit is a responsibility for Jewish adults. Giving from thechild’s own funds is even more meaningful, even if itis a dollar or two.
• Encourage the Bar/Bat Mitzvah to practice his/herparasha (Torah portion) and perhaps haftarah portionfrequently. Even if it is awkward, listen to their practic-ing, as your child becomes a young adult.
• Meet with the Rabbi as a family, if this is the customat your synagogue, and allow your child to speakfreely.
• Discuss the Torah portion being read, both the Hebrewand the English translation. Relate the message inthat portion to events today in the world, in your owncommunity, or in your family.
• Participate in the service, if your synagogue allowsthis, by reading prayers, lighting candles, recitingblessings, or helping with the ark and the Torah.
• Perform a mitzvah with your child and/or encouragea Mitzvah Project. There are many worthwhile ideassome are listed on page 20.
What is a Bar/Bat Mitzvah?
Translated as “Son/daughter of the commandments”, one becomes a Bar orBat Mitzvah at age 13 (12 for girls in mostOrthodox congregations) independent of aceremony marking the occasion.
By tradition, because a Bar/Bat Mitzvah ceremony is acustom not a commandment, age 13 is when a childbecomes obligated to the ritual responsibilities of Jewishlife. This is referred to as the “commandment age”, the“age of majority”, or a “religious coming of age”. At thispoint in the young adult’s life, he or she is presumed tobe responsible for those religious obligationsindependent of the parents.Those obligations might include mitzvot, being part of aminyan (religious prayer quorum), fasting on Yom Kippur,leading the congregation in prayer or wearing tefillin.
Therefore, becoming a Bar/Bat Mitzvah is certainly animportant life-cycle event. In secular terms, this point ina teen’s life, often marks enormous growth and maturityreflected by several years of study and practice before thespecial day. Combined with the responsibility of Jewishadulthood, this event often brings an overwhelmingwave of emotion to parents and close relatives.This event is marked by participation in services, readingthe Torah and leading the congregation in prayer. Afterthe service, it is customary to celebrate with a specialmeal to commemorate the mitzvah. Over time, theparty, or simcha, has evolved. This is a way for familiesto celebrate a rite of passage, as well as bring extendedfamilies together to reunite for a joyous celebration.
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Reception IdeasYour choice of reception style, location, and time will depend upon personal preference, family needs,local customs, budget and availability. Do not worry too much about pleasing others - you and yourfamily must be comfortable with the arrangements. Here are just a few variants and ideas to discuss:
Kiddush Luncheonat the Synagogue: This is probably the least expensive way to offer a cele-bratory meal away from home. It can be catered, or bringin platters prepared by you or some helpers (Note: Thiswill not be allowed in facilities where kashrut isobserved) . This can also be offered in addition to a moreformal evening affair or a kids-only party.
Reception at the Synagogue: Check to see if your Synagogue has adequate facilitiesand staff to accommodate your needs. Some Synagoguesalso have rules regarding kashrut, caterers, entertain-ment, photography, flowers and more. Consult with theSynagogue staff.
Non-Traditional Reception Sites:- Community Center or Conference Center- Social hall or Historic mansion- Country club (even if you don’t belong)- Boats and yachts- Museum or Zoo- Elegant restaurants- Theme restaurants
Kiddush Luncheon at a Restaurant: Can be very reasonably priced, particularly if it iscustomary to invite all congregants to a Kiddushluncheon at the synagogue.
Reception at a Hotel: This is often desirable, afternoon or evening, when manyguests from out-of-town are expected. Ask about roomrates and room blocks to reserve. Remember, too, thein-town guests who have to find the hotel and park,so make the location accessible.
Home Reception: Yes, it’s less expensive. But remember the extra work, theclean-up, the wear and tear - and you can’t walk awayfrom it after the party! Still, lovely home receptions havebeen done. Consider services such as a caterer, partyplanner, entertainers, coat check and clean-up help soyou can be a guest at your own party.
Kids-Only Party: Usually held in conjunction with a Kiddush luncheon,this can be held anywhere your Bar/Bat Mitzvah and youagree upon. Arcades, zoos, pools, amusement parks,kids’ museums, theme restaurants, bowling alleys, sportscenters, and skating rinks all are appropriate locations.Some have food, some you’ll need to bring. A D.J.,entertainer, or inflatable attraction can add to the funand please everyone.
Reception at a Catering Hall: These are often beautifully decorated and well-run,because that is their only business. Ask about packagesthat include other services (flowers, decorations,videography, etc.) that you may want or need.
Prince George's Ballroom (see display ad, pg 7)
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WeddingEvening Hours (5 hours shown here)6:30 - 7:30 PMHors d’oeuvres, cocktails, backgroundmusic, greeting arriving guests. Weddingpictures are taken, if they weren't beforethe ceremony. Guest book is signed,and table cards picked up, if any.7:30 - 8:00 PMThe Master of Ceremonies formallywelcomes guests, introduction of theWedding Party, blessing over the wineand challah.8:00 - 9:00 PMDinner, light music. Toasts and speechesfrom the Best Man, Maid of Honor,Parents. Dinner ends with blessings or areprise of the sheva b'rachot.9:00 - 9:45 PMBride and groom have the first dance,cake cutting ceremony, more toasts.Horah dance, traditional Jewish music.9:45 - 11:30 PMThe night continues with dancing. Bridethrows bouquet. Groom throws garter.Bride and groom change into going awayclothes and dance the final dance.Mezinke Tanz–a dance that honors par-
ents who have married off the last oftheir children. Parents thank guests andsay goodnight.
Bar/Bat MitzvahEvening Hours (4 hours shown here)7:30 - 8:15 PMHors d’oeuvres, cocktails, backgroundmusic, greeting arriving guests. Youngerguests entertained in another room withgames (Coke-Pepsi, scavenger hunt,etc.), caricatures, dance music, etc. 8:15 - 8:30 PMThe Master of Ceremonies formally wel-comes guests, introduction of the Bar/BatMitzvah family, blessing over the wineand challah.8:30 - 9:30 PMDinner, light music.9:30 - 9:45 PMCandle-lighting ceremony, Horah dance,traditional Jewish music.9:45 - 11:30 PMThe night continues with dancing.Videographer records family and friendsin a quiet location saying Mazel Tov tothe Bar/Bat Mitzvah.
Sample ReceptionAgendas
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After a Bar or Bat Mitzvahmany of us are perplexedby what to do with thegelt that our childreceives from friends and
relatives. It is important that you discussdifferent options with your child before thecelebration. You should set aside a certainamount for spending in advance. Charitabledonations should certainly be considered toshow your child the importance oftzedakah. However, often times there is aconsiderable sum of money involved.Keeping this in mind, it’s a good idea tostart early and be consistent in your searchfor a financial planner to help you with yourinvestment options.In your search for a financial planner, takethe time to review their credentials andexperience. Often times, financial advisorsare only qualified in certain investments.Your best option is to speak with at least 2or 3 CFP’s (Certified Financial Planners).CFP’s are required to obtain extensive edu-cation in the most important issues facedby clients including investment planning,estate planning, insurance planning, etc. Ifyou are not yet comfortable with those2 or 3, seek out more.
Allan Richmond, CFP, suggests that aCertified Financial Planner is most qualifiedto determine what investment options aresuitable for your situation and goals. Thefollowing tips should get you started withthe questions you should ask your prospec-tive CFP. Depending on where you live,there are several very good state sponsoredcollege savings plans, if you decide that is apriority. Be wary however, of interest-gain-ing accounts such as savings accounts orCD’s. The most important issue with thesetypes of investments is that they typicallycannot keep up with inflation, so that yourpurchasing power will decline over time.Talk with your CFP to determine what thebest investments would be.A great resource to help in findingCertified Financial Planners iswww.cfp-board.org. And remember,don’t be afraid to ask questions.
Using Your Gelt Wisely:Find a Certified Financial Planner
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Stay Involved: After the Bar/Bat MitzvahTeen Connection-Northern VATeen Connection is a Jewish youth group for second semester 7th and 8th graders whowant to enjoy social and community service activities with their peers. This program is part of the B’nai B’rith Youth Organization, whose 30,000 members make it theworld’s largest Jewish youth group. Heidi Polak is the advisor for Teen Connection. She canbe reached at 703-969-0806 or [email protected].
Jewish Youth Philanthropy InstituteTM
The Jewish Youth Philanthropy Institute TM (JYPI) brings together students from differentschools and neighborhoods to create their own philanthropic fund. The 8th and 9th gradeJYPI program meets monthly, October–May, to review grant proposals from diverse com-munity agencies, make site visits, meet with staff and some of the individuals the agenciesserve and to engage in experiential learning. Funding decisions are made as a group at theend of the program year. In addition, there is the 10th–12th grade program, which beginsin January and will meet 5 times to engage in a similar process. “Youth Philanthropygroups are open to teens in Maryland, D.C. and Northern Virginia. JYPI also offers semi-monthly service learning programs on Sunday afternoons and several summer programs,which give teens a direct chance to make the world a better place while earning studentservice learning hours for school.”This is a wonderful opportunity to get involved, learnabout your community, make a difference, and be heard. Space is limited, registration is ona first-come/first-served basis. Contact Jewish Youth Philanthropy Institute TM (JYPI) at 301-348-7346,or online at www.jypi.org,or email [email protected]
B’nai B’rith Youth OrganizationThe B’nai B’rith Youth Organization (BBYO) is a youth led, worldwide organization whichprovides opportunities for Jewish youth to develop their leadership potential, a positiveJewish identity and commitment to their personal development. The youth participate indemocratically functioning small groups under the guidance of adult advisors and profes-sional staff.
Northern Region East - DC [email protected] 301-984-6073c/o JCC-GW, 6125 Montrose Rd, Rockville MD Rachel Feld DC Council Dir.
Get Involved! - MDThe JCC of Greater Washington, Jewish Youth Philanthropy Institute (JYPI) and JET havejoined forces to bring you the Teen Mitzvah Corps, monthly community service projects inMontgomery County and Washington, DC. Unless otherwise indicated, teens meet at the Jewish Community Center of GreaterWashington, 6125 Montrose Rd. Rockville, MD. 301-881-0100
Camp Fun - DCThe JCC of DC has fun programs to keep youth involved all summer including CommunityService Camp, CIT, and Kibbutz Camp. Contact Sharon Green at 202-777-3270 or online at www.dcjcc.org
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It’s a Matter ofDollars and SenseNeed to stay within budget? Here are sometips to help stretch your dollars:
Sample Budget FormNote: Include tax and tips in all expenses
Bar/Bat Mitzvah Cost Cutting Tips1. Use more traditional style invitations, which tend to be more economical.
Ask your invitation professional to suggest more cost-cutting tips that areappropriate for your situation.
2. Explore the possibility of using package plans for the entertainment,photography, and other services.
3. You can decorate and personalize the welcome board and guest bookby using glitter pens and markers.
4. Generally, Saturday is the most expensive day to hold the Simcha. Consider yourchild becoming a Bar/Bat Mitzvah on another day when the Torah is read.
5. Favors can be bought at gift or toy stores. Personalize them with labels createdon your computer or they can be personalized/monogrammed where purchased.
6. Consider an afternoon Kiddush luncheon which may be less expensivethan an evening reception.
7. Chicken dishes are usually less costly than beef dishes. 8. Balloons are usually less costly than flowers.
Wedding Cost Cutting Tips1. Use more traditional style invitations, which tend to be more economical.
Ask your invitation professional to suggest more cost-cutting tips that areappropriate for your situation.
2. Avoid serving liquor at the reception, or only serve for limited times. Alternatively, fea-ture beer, wine, and a champagne fountain. These all cost less than a full open bar.
3. Shop around for the best deal on flowers. Some florists mark up arrangementsthat are designated for weddings, a so-called “wedding mark-up”.Avoid exotic flowers, opting instead for seasonal and regional (local) flowers.
4. Looking for bridal gown bargains? Borrow from a friend or relative, buy one at aconsignment shop, purchase a sample gown, or look at shops further from themetropolitan area.
5. Avoid wedding dates near holidays when florists, hotels, limousines,and other services charge a premium.
6. Avoid oversized invitations and lots of inserts that require extra postage,and make the response card a post card, which costs less to send.
7. DJ’s are often less expensive than live music. If you are planning several typesof live music, look for a Klezmer band that also plays pop. oldies, swing, etc.You get two bands for the price of one!
8. Consider a Sunday afternoon luncheon that may be less expensive than an eveningreception.
9. Chicken dishes are usually less costly than beef dishes. Do not assume thata buffet is cheaper than a served meal–ask for prices on both.
10. Order a small tier cake for photographs and sheet cakes, which cost less, to feed guests dessert.
All-Around Best Advice1. Shop well in advance for most service to get the best price. Book as early as you
can, since most professionals are forced to raise prices from time to time, you willlock in a lower price, and some professionals will even offer discounts to book wellin advance.
2. Especially when money is tight, stay with professionals who KNOW and WANTyour Jewish event business, such as the advertisers in this guide. These are folkswho know all about these events and won’t let you down, and who will cover allthe bases. Pros who otherwise handle only a few Jewish events, or who are doingyou a “favor” may very well forget to include an important, or expensive, extra thata Jewish event specialist may be throwing in for free, or be able to arrange at anominal cost. And then there is the stress factor resulting from coordinating services that are unfamiliar with your type of event. Don’t be “penny wise andpound foolish”.
SERVICEOR VENDOR
ESTIMATEDCOST
ACTUALCOST
DEPOSITDUE
BALANCEDUE
Banquet Hall
Caterer & Bar
DJ/Band
Photography
Videography
Decorations
Invitations /Postage
Entertainment
Florist
Event Planner
Favors & Gifts
Judaica
Clothing
Cake
Fri. NightOneg Shabbat
Sat. KiddushLuncheon
PersonalExpenses
Rental Items
Transportation
Morning AfterBrunch
Synagogue Fees/Officiant Fees
TOTAL
When Choosing a Caterer...If you would like to hold your reception at the Synagogue or a hall, you will likely hire aprofessional catering company. Catering at your site offers maximum flexibility(casual, elegant, plated, stations, etc.) and includes silverware, set-up and clean-up. Ask about specialty diets such as Kosher, vegetarian, diabetic, etc. Is there a separatechildren's’menu? What about leftovers? How does the staff dress? Is gratuity included?When is the final count and final payment due? Look for both great food andpresentation–visually appealing dishes are an elegant part of the decor. Get a writtencontract that lists all the details, including menu, services provided, equipment to be used, financial information, dates, times and personnel to be included. It should have a guarantee and cancellation policy.Check our web site for more tips on Catering and Kosher Food:www.bnaimitzvahguide.com.
of Washington DCMetropolitan Rabbinical Kashrus Assoc.Metro KSilver Spring, MD301-613-6699
Rabbinical Council of Greater WashingtonCapital KWashington, D.C.202-291-6052
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The word “kosher” describes foods thatmeet the requirements of “kashrut,” whichmeans fit or proper (www.jewfaq.org).This definition is fitting as planning akosher reception requires finding whatkosher certification or rules are fit andproper for your party. The ideas and reasons behind kosher lawshave various interpretations. RabbiMordechai Becher explains, in an “Ask theRabbi” segment AT ohr.edu that, “The mostobvious idea behind kashrut is self-controland discipline.” He describes a story inwhich his five-year-old son removes hisdesire for a candy bar after the simpleexplanation that the candy bar is notkosher. Rabbi Becher suggests there arefew other reasons that will stop desire. Inthe end of the segment, Rabbi Bechersums up the topic well with, “The laws ofkashrut allow us to enjoy the pleasures ofthe physical world, but in such a way thatwe sanctify and elevate the pleasurethrough consciousness and sensitivity.Kashrut recognizes that the essentialhuman need is not food, drink or comfort,but meaning.”General kosher rules suggest that certainanimals are forbidden, namely shellfish
and pork. The animal must be a ruminantand have split hooves. Meat preparation isspecific as butchers must have formaltraining in Jewish law. The butchers mustkill the animals quickly to inflict the lastamount of pain. In addition, the butchersmust drain all the blood, which is oftendone through salting. The animal or birdmust not have any injuries, diseases orirregularities. Meat and dairy cannot mix,including the utensils. Kosher kitchensmust have separate dishwashers andplates for serving meat and dairy separate-ly. For wine to be kosher, the winemakermust be Jewish. Most hard cheeses arenot kosher as rennet, an enzyme in cheese,is not kosher. Rabbis at kosher certification companiesinterpret these rules to create their owngeneral standard for restaurants, caterers,or foods labeled with their symbol. Thesecompanies often use the letters to differ-entiate which foods are dairy and meat(“D” for dairy, “M” for meat and “P” forpareve, which means the food is neutral). Likewise, individuals interpret Jewish lawbased on what they deem fitting. Somefollowers maintain a strict diet of certifiedkosher foods. Those who follow the law
less-strictly may eat only kosher ingredi-ents, but not require that the ingredientsbe certified kosher. There are even somepeople who keep kosher in the house, butif they go out to dinner they will mix meatand dairy, or eat shellfish. Of course, theremay be many different combinations ofthe three. When selecting a caterer and a certifica-tion company, which often goes hand inhand, first consider your own require-ments. Having some, but not all, koshermeals is an option. If you decide on akosher reception because of specif-ic guests, consult with thembefore selecting a certain
company or caterer. Oakleaf CateringGroup in Baltimore, MD, suggests thatsome people opt for their kosher cateringsolely because of a family member. Research the caterers offering kosher-certi-fied parties and find one that fits your andyour guests’ needs.
Kosher Food Basics By Matt Tucker
CateringTell everyone you found it in B’nai Mitzvah & Jewish Weddings™ 17
Choosing a Catererby Bobby Mitchell, Putting on the Ritz Catering(See our display ad, page 16)
The most important thing tokeep in mind when choosinga caterer for your Bar or batmitzvah is to remember thatit is your event, not the cater-
er's. You want to find a caterer who will sitdown with you, in person, and discuss thedetails that will make it a special day, not arerun of the party they did last week. Listento all of their creative ideas and determinewhich ones will fit into your plans. Catererscan also be very helpful with non-fooddetails, such as decorating, entertainmentand interesting sites at which to host yourparty.A good caterer will review all your options infood service, from buffets to stations toserved meals. Listen to how creative they canbe with selections of food geared towardsyour theme, should you choose to have one.Talk over all options from a luncheon to adinner. Many times you can save thousandsof dollars with a luncheon instead of anevening affair.Also remember to include the guest of honorin some of the decision making. Who knowsbetter than a thirteen-year-old what a roomfull of thirteen-year-old would like to eat.In choosing your caterer, make certain it is
someone with whom you have a good rap-port. You will be spending many hourstogether and you want to have someonewho will be easy to talk to and receptive tochanges. It is important to meet the personwho will be in charge on the day of yourevent. If this is not the person with whomyou have been dealing, make sure you aresatisfied with their choice.Always request a tasting. Everyone's palate isdifferent, and a good caterer will want tocustomize your meal for you. Make sure thatyour caterer is licensed and insured for thesafety of you and your guests.Recommendations from friends and familyare always good, but nothing is better thenfirst hand experience. If you were at a func-tion that you truly loved, call the host andask them who did the catering.Many halls and special occasion places willhave their own in-house caterer, and thosethat do not usually offer a list of preferredcaterers who are familiar with that site. Whilea good caterer can do a fine job at any loca-tion, it is often helpful to have one who isfamiliar with that site.Most of all, enjoy that special day with yourfamily and loved ones. Mazel Tov!
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Clothing18
Your Son’s Bar Mitzvah Suit Can Help HimShowcase his Personal StyleBy Bonnie Brickman, Guys & Co. • www.guysandco.com
According to Jewish law, a Bar Mitzvah marks the occasion when a Jewish boy comes ofage. It’s a wonderful celebration, of course – and for virtually every young man nowa-days, it’s also the first time he’s taken to a clothing store to buy a suit.Unlike girls, most boys seem not to care about the clothes they wear, especially for suchspecial, once-in-a-lifetime dress-up events. By shopping together, you can help makeyour son’s Bar Mitzvah and all the special activities leading up to it a wonderful memoryhe will cherish forever. It’s important for your son to be a part of the process. As his parent, you have an idea ofstyle and fabrics that are most appropriate, but engage your son in the process of select-ing his tie and tallit. This is where he can showcase his personal style. Start shopping for his suit six to eight weeks before his Bar Mitzvah. This gives you ampleto time to make a selection, to get the suit altered so it fits properly – and to allow for agrowth spurt. Boys sometimes seem to grow an inch or two almost overnight! For thatreason, you don’t want to alter his new suit until at least two weeks before his BarMitzvah.You want the suit to be a little oversized, but not sloppy. The fit of the coat is most impor-tant; the bottom of the jacket should extend about an inch or so below his palm when hisarms are at his side and his fingers extended toward the floor. The coat should buttoncomfortably, with little overlap from side to side. But it should not be snug that a “V”forms across his mid-section when the coat is buttoned. It’s possible to alter the coat, ofcourse, but do as little as possible – it’s more complicated, takes more time and usuallycannot be altered again when he grows. When you son tries on the suit coat, have himwear a dress shirt. Trying on a jacket with a t-shirt will change the fit. And when it’s timeto make alterations in the suit you’ve selected, he should wear a dress shirt again. The suit pants, in contrast, can be altered relatively easily. Boys usually wear casual pants
lower than their dress pants, which should be worn at the waist. You will want him towear the shoes he will wear at his Bar Mitzvah so the tailor can make the pants “break”just over the shoe tops. And if you’re getting new shoes, make sure your son breaks themin so he is comfortable on the day of his Bar Mitzvah. Alter the length of the pants, making sure the tailor leaves as much material as possible.This extends the life of the suit, because your son will get taller as he grows.You can alter the waist, too – but not more than an inch or two.Don’t let the back pockets get pulled together when thewaist is taken in; this will “pull” the front pockets towardthe back of the pants and change the alignment of thecrease. When you return to the store to pick up his alteredsuit, it’s best to try on the suit while he’s there –and while he’s wearing his dress shirt and dressshoes. It’s best to give the tailor the opportunityto make minor alterations or corrections whenyour son is there. Your son’s sense of personal style can beexpressed in many ways…so let him choose histie or you select three or four you like. Give himthe final choice. You and your son never will forget his Bar Mitzvah,and helping him make sure he’s comfortable andlooks his best will enhance the day -- and your memories.
Mens’ & Boys’For mens’ and boys’ suits, start shopping twelve weeksfrom the event, leaving several weeks for alterations,which are usually necessary. Choose your clothing withcomfort in mind. Select a style and fabric that may beworn on different occasions. Color changes are madewith shirt and tie combos. Tuxedo rental should also bemade 3 months in advance, especially if an entire partyneeds the same style/color. Differences in shirts/ties/cummerbunds can distinguish party members.
Women’s & Girls’Start shopping at least six months before the event incase you need to order something or alter your selec-tion. Also, choose your clothing with comfort in mind.Let your Bat Mitzvah girl choose her own outfit,keeping appropriateness in mind andSynagogue policy. You may need to set aprice limit, but she should feel com-fortable, beautiful and special thatday. Don’t forget to bring an extrapair of hosiery for you and yourchildren that day.
ClothingTell everyone you found it in B’nai Mitzvah & Jewish Weddings™ 19
Finding the RightBat Mitzvah Dress
Young ladies often require threeoutfits- one for Friday nightservices, one for their actual Bat
Mitzvah, and a third for their party. This istheir day to shine. Outfits for theBat Mitzvah Girl should be spe-cial to them - something thatthey adore and feel beautiful in;however, this doesn't mean that
you have to "pay a fortune." Many uniqueoutfits are available "off the rack" at localboutiques. Don't be shy about telling astore if you have a budget. Stores that spe-cialize in Bat Mitzvah fashions can helpguide your selections in all of the aboveareas.Do not purchase or alter her outfits morethan 3 months prior to the event, sincesizes can change rapidly for girls this age.
If you do buy sooner, make certain to buya full size larger than needed and waituntil closer to your event date to have outfits altered.Comfort, as well as appropriateness andSynagogue policies are essential in yourchoice of clothing. Most Synagoguesrequire that shoulders be covered, andthat skirts are an appropriate length- thislength varies based on the Synagogue, sodo check. Avoid scarves and pashmina-style wraps to cover her shoulders if shewill be wearing a Tallit - bolero style jack-ets or light sweaters are much more com-fortable. Help your guests by using tradi-tional or very descriptive terms to guidethem in how to dress for your reception.Contemporary and novel descriptions like"country club casual" or "party clothes"often frustrate and confuse guests. Also,help your guests by using traditional orvery descriptive terms to guide them inhow to dress for your reception.Contemporary and novel descriptions like"country club casual" or "party clothes"often frustrate and confuse guests.
Background Photo by: Allen Lips Photography & Video
By Karen Mazer, Synchronicity Boutique, (See ad, this page)
The Wedding DressJewish tradition calls for bridal gowns tobe pure white, symbolizing the purity ofthe bride and the beginning of the maritalrelationship. (the groom often wears awhite kittel during the ceremony, as well).A strapless bra is handy when trying ongowns. Lift your arms when trying ongowns to see if you can easily movearound and dance in it. You can sewbeads onto an antique or ordinary dressto make it new and unique. Shop forcomfortable shoes, and break them inbefore the wedding day. Choose onlythose accessories that compliment yourdress, not distract from it.
Simcha
Tip!
Photo by: AHAVA Photography
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Regardless of the size ofyour celebration, you mustget properly organized.Build yourself a Bar/Bat Mitzvah or Weddingorganizer using a large(two inch or larger) three-ringbinder and use it as follows:• Place this magazine in the front pocket
for easy reference.• Insert section dividers for major areas such as
Reception, Invitations, Hotels, Transportation,Guest List, Decorations, Photography andVideography, Entertainment, etc. Keep all yourworksheets, brochures, call records, quotations,bills and receipts together for easy reference.
• Use a master budget form (copy the one on page15) to track over all expenses.
• Use punched envelopes to hold receipts.• Ask the facility for a floor or table layout,
keep handy for reference• On the front of each section, list everything you
want or need. Check them off when they havebeen finalized.
• Make a section for the synagogue that has yourlist of honors and alliyot, communication fromthe synagogue, copies of prayers to recite, gifts ordonations to the synagogue, etc.
• Leave a section for candle lighting poems orthoughts, notes for speeches, favorite music,sketches or examples of decorations, ideas for asign-in-book, and other personal notes.
• Collect invitations you receive to help with wording.
• Anything else that makes your life easier.
Believe it or not, these pagesmake a great memento orscrapbook of the occasion.
Let’s GetOrganized!
Many Synagogues encourage or require students to par-ticipate in or initiate a mitzvah project in order to con-tribute to the community and to help the less fortunate,as part of becoming a Jewish adult. The following aresome ideas for possible projects; check with your schooladministrator or rabbi before you begin.• Visit and assist at a local homeless shelter.• Serve meals at a senior center.• Collect coats and hats for the needy and donate to
a shelter.• Collect food for a local food pantry, or conduct a
drive for your Synagogue’s food pantry collection.You could coordinate this with Passover, as familiesclean the non-Kosher food out of their pantries.
• Assist at a local animal shelter, or conduct a driveto place homeless pets.
• Help organize a rides program for elderly and dis-abled members of your Synagogue to ensure thatthey can participate in services.
• Become trained as a respite care provider tobabysit children with disabilities. Donate some ofyour time to give relief to parents of these children, who rarely get a break.
• Organize a clean-up of a local park or volunteerto help with a stream reclamation project. Call
your County Department of Natural Resources orParks and Recreation Department.
• Offer to help build and decorate Sukkot for peoplewho are unable, or offer to help with the Sukkot atthe JCC or a Jewish nursing home.
• Collect books and magazines for hospitals andnursing homes, or for people in need.
Mitzvah Project IdeasSee more Mitzvah Project Resources on page 44
Getting married?
See page 30...
2 Years Before the Event• Obtain date from Temple/Synagogue.• Set your budget.• Decide on the type of event you want
(day, evening, formal etc.).• Estimate number of guests
and book reception hall or caterer.• Book the photographer/videographer.
1 1/2 Years Before the Event• Book the DJ/band.• Decide on your party theme and color scheme.
6-12 Months Before the Event• Your child will start formal lessons/training• Talk to florists about prices and floral designs.• Decide on centerpieces/balloon designs.• Start looking at invitation designs and prices.
6-8 Months Before the Event• Book a hotel block for out-of-town guests.• Start clothes shopping.• Send out “Save the Date” reminders
3-6 Months Before the Event• Order or design your sign-in board and guest book.• Order favors.• Order yarmulkes.• Order your invitations.
3 Months Before the Event• Finalize guest list.• Make a hotel packet for out-of-towners.• Try to make your final selections on
clothing and accessories.• Buy stamps.• Have completely assembled invitations
weighed to ensure correct postage.• Find a calligrapher.
6-8 Weeks Before the Event• Mail the invitations.• Make up a song list for the DJ/band.• Make appointments with florists/balloonist
and place your order.
1 Month before the Event• Make hair stylist and manicure appointments.• Have final fittings done for clothing.• Arrange catering for brunch.
2-3 Weeks before the Event• Choose people for Alliyot and honors.• Choose the people to be honored for the
candle lighting ceremony and write poems.• Meet with the DJ/band and make sure they know
the candle lighting songs.• Do guest seating arrangements and
send to the reception hall.• Order the food for Kiddush or Oneg Shabbat.• Make sure the arrangements are complete with
centerpieces, balloons, sign-in board, etc.• Write prayers or speeches.• Send final instructions to photographer/videographer.• Pay all Synagogue fees.
1 Week before the Event• Take formal pictures and pictures on Bimah.• Meet with the caterer to finalize guest count.• Make arrangements to get your guests
from the airport to the hotel.• Confirm your brunch arrangements.
Bar/Bat Mitzvah TimetableStart Planning Early!
Background Photo by: Ahava Photography
Tell everyone you found it in B’nai Mitzvah & Jewish Weddings™ 21
• Alliyah - (plural, Alliyot) – Literallymeans “going up” to the Bimah to saythe blessings over the Torah Scroll.
• Bimah - The raised platform or pulpitin most Synagogues where the serviceis conducted.
• Chuppah - Wedding canopy that sig-nifies a home or shelter; literally means"that which covers or floats" inHebrew.
• D’var Torah - An explanation of theweekly Torah portion, or parsha.
• Haftarah - Readings from the biblicalbooks of the Prophets.
• Horah - Traditional circle dance. Thebride and groom, the Bar/Bat Mitzvahand their families are lifted up on achair during the dancing.
• Kashrut - The Jewish dietary laws. Ifprepared accordingly, food is certifiedKosher.
• Kippah - Hebrew for skull cap, (plural,kippot) worn as a sign of respect forG_d. Yarmulke is the Yiddish word.
• Mikvah - Ritual bath for brides, andgrooms too.
• Mitzvah - An obligation of Jewish life.• Motzi - Blessing over the bread recited
before meals.• Parsha - The Torah portion of the
week. Also sometimes referred to asthe sedra.
• Simcha - A joyous event. Often usedto refer to a Bar/Bat Mitzvah ceremony,or other celebrations.
• Tallit - A prayer shawl.• Shabbat - Jewish Sabbath, beginning
Friday at sundown and endingSaturday at dusk.
• Sheva B’rachot - Seven marriageblessings recited under the chuppah.
• Sofer - A Hebrew scribe.• Torah - The word Torah means “teach-
ings.” Torah is also referred to as thefirst five books of the Bible or the fivebooks of Moses. Sometimes Torahmeans the whole Bible and everythingJews believe in.
• Tzedakah - Charity. The mitzvah ofsacred giving.
• Yad - The pointer shaped at the endlike a hand, which the reader of theTorah uses to keep his/her place.
For more Hebrew term, and a list of Yiddishterms as well, go to www.bnaimitzvahguide.com
Hebrew 101Here are some commonly used terms that mayhelp you to better understand the event.
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Decorations & Theme Design22
This section includes party stores, centerpiecedesigning services, balloon artists, florists,as well as businesses offering sign-in boards,decorated guest books, and other personal-ized services. These will be the biggestcontributors to a themed celebration. Askthem if delivery is included and if they coulddesign a sample to help you decide.
Make sure to choose a centerpiece that willnot overwhelm the table or block guests’ viewof each other.Consider some of following, in addition tothemed centerpieces, for a unique touch:• Special effect lighting, lasers, fog, snow• Fireworks or pyrotechnics• Candle lighting name display• Sign-in-boards and theme props, like cardboard cut-outs• Ice Sculptures
Decorations & Theme DesignTell everyone you found it in B’nai Mitzvah & Jewish Weddings™ 23Sim
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DecorationsFormal or fanciful, simple or bold, decorations set the mood and tone of a party. The Bar/Bat Mitzvah has worked hard to get there, make the celebration festive, regardless of your budget!Table centerpieces usually coordinate with the theme (see page 24).Linens and napkins could coordinate with color themes, and they make a dramatic color statement. Some banquet facilities have a selection of colors, but rental centers will have a larger assortment. Consider chair covers, they add elegance to the setting.Check out the decor in your banquet hall or facility. Ask about upcoming renovations. Choose colors and decorations that will not clash with the surroundings.Don’t forget about decorations for the buffet tables, gift table, and band/DJ area. Clusters and arches of balloons are an inexpensive and dramatic way to add large splashes of color. Decorate tables with inexpensive glitter for a festive appearance. Remember to include a table with a sign-in or message book, keeping with your theme. An easel with a decorated photo collage or for sign-ins (don’t forget some colorful pens!) can add excitement to a room entrance and point the way for guests.A decorated welcome sign on an easel can be a beacon to guests and also set the tone of the celebration. Use balloons, cardboard cutouts, flowers, enough to identify this as a special time for the child and the guests. Decorate baskets filled with favors, socks for younger dancers (the girls always seem to take off their shoes), candy, or to place gifts.Make all your decoration arrangements well in advance. Many vendors will gladly deliver and set up for you, if you coordinate with the facility.Check with your synagogue or facility manager for any restrictions on decorations, set-up times, extra cleanup charges, etc. that may apply.
Interfaith MarriagesBy Carla Gohde, Chicago Associate Publisher for Bnai Mitzvah & Jewish WeddingsFor an interfaith couple, the planning oftheir ceremony often presents a challenge.The blending of two different religiousbackgrounds in a ceremony is stressful forthe couple and their families.Many couples choose not to have any
religious aspect to their service. A judge issimply there to marry the couple. Forsome couples, this seems like the easiestway to satisfy both sides. Other coupleschoose to have a Rabbi, Priest/ Minister, orboth co-officiate their ceremony.Whatever you decide as a couple, keep inmind that you may incorporate certaintraditions or words that are important toyou. Perhaps, if the judge is marrying you,you may want to be beneath theChuppah or “break the glass”. You maytalk to the officiant(s) about some ideasyou may have or ask them for their input.They have preformed many interfaithweddings and may have very helpful suggestions for your service. You should never think of your service asbreaking tradition, only as starting a newtradition. It will serve to inspire andenlighten all of your guests and allow
them a glimpse of a couple who arebeginning their lives together with differ-ent religious beliefs, but a shared interestin each other. As a couple, it will be thebeginning of this shared responsibility tolearn, respect, compromise, and incorpo-rate these traditions in their daily lives.Interfaith marriages can be celebrated
when the couple is able to embrace theirdifferences and teach their families andfriends acceptance.
Background Photo by: Ahava Photography
The Great Theme DebateWhether or not to add a theme to aBar/Bat Mitzvah celebration is notso much a matter of debate but ofpersonal preference. If a theme willdetract from your celebration,forget it! You don’t need oneto have a meaningful spiritual andfamily experience.
If a theme will add some fun to your celebration witout detracting from the experience, then go for it!Always consult the Bar/Bat Mitzvah for suggestedthemes, but remember, a theme often involves extrawork and expense, so be prepared. Here are a few ofthe many possible themes you might use.
Sports Theme• Use football, baseball, soccer ball-shaped balloons.• Favors could be personalized balls, rackets, puck’s etc.• Centerpieces could include miniature “sports” ball
or foam board cut-outs.• A blow-up of your child’s favorite sports pose.
Television/Movie Themes(Wizard of Oz, Star Wars, Gone With the Wind, etc.)• Use life-size cardboard stand-ups for
decoration (often found at party stores).• Name the tables different characters
(placecards could read: Mr./Mrs. Guest are seatedat the Rhett Butler table).
• Movie or TV props could be incorporated intothe centerpieces.
Hollywood Stars Theme• Your sign-in or welcome board could read:
“Now Appearing” or “The Star of the Show is(child’s name)” along with a blow-up pictureof the Bar/Bat Mitzvah child.
• Each table could be named for a popular stari.e., Tom Cruise, John Travolta.
• Centerpieces and namecards could includea Hollywood theme.
Israeli Theme• Each table could be named for a different city in Israel.• Decorations and balloons could be blue and white.• Israeli flags could be used in
the centerpiece.
Torah Portion• Lessons from the weekly torah portion come to life! • Tables named for figures, tribes, or
places prominent in the weekly reading. • Crafts to make include take-home
Israeli-style favors. • Create an Israel marketplace with cafe´
tables or pillow areas inside tents like ancient days.• “Torah” scroll sign-in book• Klezmer music and Israel dance instructor.
Candy Theme• Use Hershey® Kiss balloons in
the centerpiece.• You can give a solid chocolate 6-8 ounce Hershey®
Kiss to your candle lighting honorees.• Your female guests could receive a chocolate rose.• Use personalized king-size candy bars as favors
Oscar Party• Use Oscar-shaped invitations.• Tables: Medium sized silver bowls filled with
peaches and plums to be used ascenterpieces for each table. (They look verynice and serve a practical purpose.)
• To entertain your guests before or after the eventplay a home made video of the child and his/herfriends as if they are on T.V. by acting like theirfavorite actors and directors talking about howthey felt about winning an Oscar.
• Every kid receives miniature Oscar key chains(found at party store).
Grand Prix or NASCAR• Black and white checkered paper on tables
Decorate with checkered flags and red,white and black balloons.
• Remote control raceway as an activity Raceposters as souvenirs.
Stroll Down Broadway• Theatre marque, spotlights and flashing neon
to create atmosphere.• Each table could be named for a different play.• Sign–in board with the Bar/Bat Mitzvah on the
cover of a Playbill.
Give the Bar/Bat Mitzvah aHavdalah set of their own toremember through the years.Distribute spice bags filled with cloves, which can bemade or purchased. They smell delicious and are givenout just before the Havdalah service begins.They can be personalized with ribbon.Use Hanukkah party bags as placecards for thereception. Fill it with a bear with a kippah and Jewishstar, a golden dreidel and a bag of pareve chocolategelt. Tie it with ribbon and attach a gift bag/placecard.Dress the tables with more dreidels and chocolate gelt.Hand make the Bar/Bat Mitzvah’s Tallit. Countedcrosstitch is pretty easy and very nice. Some peoplepaint on silk which is beautiful also.Purchase crocheted doilies and decorate them for theladies’ head coverings. You’ll love seeing people wearingthem over and over again.
Hanukkah/HavdalahBar MitzvahSubmitted byDeborah Burman Carasso,Unique Invitations(1-877-837-9122)
Simcha
Tip!
Stay Connected!Keep the office, pager, and especially cellular phonenumbers handy on the day of the event for caterers,party planners, entertainers, photographers, etc.If something goes wrong, or you have a lastminute change or request, you can easily contactyour vendors.
Visit us online at www.bnaimitzvahguide.com24
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Who Should Decide What?
What You Should DecideThe Size and Style of the Reception • Main Menu
Adult Guest List • How Many Kids • Location & Times• Professionals to Hire • Horah Music • Decorations
What The Bar/Bat Mitzvah Could DecideTheme • Kids Guest List • Kids’ Seating Arrangement
Dance Music • Clothing • Alternate Entertainment • Candle Lighting Tributes
Decide As A TeamAlliyot and Honor Participants
Candle Lighting Honorees • Invitations
Giftware & Judaicagiftw
are&
judaica
Tell everyone you found it in B’nai Mitzvah & Jewish Weddings™ 25
These listings include Yarmulkes, Tzitzis,Tallisim, books, etc.as well as jewelry,portraits, and other mementos to honorthe child’s accomplishments. Many sellitems such as memory books, pictureframes, and music for Bar/Bat Mitzvahpresents. Many Synagogues have a Judaicashop for you to purchase these items.
Decorated Bar/Bat MitzvahMemory BookThis has places for invitations, seatingcards, photos taken by guests, copies ofspeeches, even the Torah portion.Personalized Picture FramesThese could have a name, a nickname ora theme. Better yet, insert a photo ofthe Bar/Bat Mitzvah child.Theme BookendsSpecialty shops have ones for any sportor hobby. We saw ones with famoussynagogues on them!Music/Jewelry BoxPick a theme or song that has meaningto you or to the Bar/Bat Mitzvah. Or lookinto engraved styles!U.S. Savings BondAlways a safe investment!Israeli Savings BondCall 800-795-6575
Fine WatchesTry engraving a special wish!Monogrammed or PersonalizedPocketbook or WalletPerfect for young adults.CD’s and TapesAsk friends to help with the selection. Or purchase a gift certificate at a nearby music store.Personal CD Player, iPod, or BoomBoxCheck to see if they already have one.Again, a gift certificate at the local electronics store is a safe bet.Custom Mah Jongg SetThis is the latest rage with teens!Remember:Leave enough time for special order gifts.
• Tallit Set • Framed Blessing • Deluxe Yarmulke• Mezuzah • Menorah • Religious Jewelry• Yaad • Miriam’s Cup (Girls) • Deluxe Prayer Book• Kiddush Cup (Boys) • Shabbat Candlesticks
Great Gift Suggestions
Religious Gift Suggestions
Perfect for all your gift giving needs!• Treasured Gifts of Hand-Crafted Judaica• Sterling and Gold Jewelry• Talit Sets, Personalized Kippot• Sterling Kiddush Cups and Judaica• Israeli Tapes • CDs • Videos
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Mezzuzahs • Menorahs • Seder Plates • Candlesticks
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20% OFF EVERY ITEM*, EVERY GIFT, FOR EVERY OCCASION4838 BOILING BROOK PARKWAY
ROCKVILLE, MARYLAND 20852
301-231-7999 & 800-420-9610www.IsraeliAccents.com
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The Candle LightingCeremonyThere is no historical or religious prece-dent, commandment, or even specialreligious meaning to the candle lightingceremony at a Bar/Bat Mitzvah celebra-tion. Nevertheless, it has quicklybecome a custom at Bar/Bat Mitzvahsimchas here in America, and for goodreason. It allows the Bar or Bat Mitzvahto personally honor and connect withloved ones or special friends, or pay trib-ute to an absent or departed relativewho is missed. It is sometimes hard foreyes to stay dry during these momentsand is often the most cherished part of a magical event.Thirteen candles are often used; some-times an extra one is added for goodluck (or to squeeze another honor in). Apoem, speech or short statement is readcalling the honoree to the table wherethey light the next candle with the pre-vious one or assist the Bar/Bat Mitzvahwith this. These are often specialmoments and flashes click and videorolls. Music is sometimes played whilethe honorees make their way to thetable, and this is usually carefully coordinated with the DJ or bandleader
well ahead of time.Candles are usually tall (nine inch)tapers, sometimes shorter. They can beset into or (more likely) behind a cake.Some families construct candle lightingboards. This can be a painted or decorat-ed foam board with candle holders, theBar/Bat Mitzvah’s name, or it could bean elaborate set piece. Make sure it isnot so tall that it blocks people behind itor that it has any decorations closeenough to the candles to catch fire. Also,check with Synagogue rules on candlelighting, if the simcha will be held there.Some synagogues prohibit candle light-ing on Shabbat or for safety reasons. Youmight then substitute toasts, presenta-tion of flowers or hand-made crafts,trees planted in Israel, or some otherunique way of recognizing loved ones.
• Keep candle lighting poems/sayings short. Rhymes are not necessary, but they can be entertaining and a nice touch.
• If you are having trouble developing your own poems,you may wish to hire a professional. There are servicesthat will assist you with finding just the right words.
• Group several lightings together in order to use the same song for groups of friends or cousins, like “We are Family”or the theme from Beaches. This will help the DJ/band transition between the candle lighters. Your Master of Ceremoniesmay need these song selections several days before the event.
• Some families offer a small token gift or something personalized to eachhonoree.
• You could plant a tree in Israel for each of the honorees and hand them thecertificate when they are called to light a candle.
• Some families light a candle in memory of a recently deceasedrelative or a close relative/guest who could not be there that day.
Check out theseadditionalCandle LightingTips:
Family/Friends:That’s What Friends Are ForThank You For Being A FriendYou’ve Got A FriendWhat About Your FriendsAnytime You Need A FriendYou’re My Best FriendEverybody Have Fun TonightFun, Fun, FunCelebrationCount On MeConsider YourselfAll You Need Is LoveAll My Lovin’I’m So ExcitedCousinsGrandparents/Parents:TraditionThrough The YearsTimes Of Your LifeWind Beneath My WingsTeach Your ChildrenGreatest Love Of AllYou Are The Sunshine Of My LifeI Just Call To Say I Love YouSunrise SunsetYou Light Up My LifeYou Mean The World To MeCircle Of Life
You’re The InspirationForever YoungMy Father’s Eyes Endless LoveMoreEverlasting LoveThat’s AmoréSiblings:Wild ThingBorn To Be WildBad BoysBad To The BoneHeroGirls Just Want To Have FunSistersThe Sisters SongThank Heaven For Little GirlsIf My Sisters In TroubleI Won’t Grow Up
(song from the movie “Peter Pan”)I’d Do AnythingHere She Comes Miss AmericaOut-of-TownersFrom A DistanceSo Far AwaySweet Home AlabamaTheme from the TV show “Cheers”Take Me Home Country Roads
Sample Candle Lighting SongsCourtesy of Ultimate Amusements, The OfficialEntertainment Company of the Millennium©,1-888-93-GAMES (See our display ad, page 40)
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At Least 1 Year• Arrange for all parents to meet• Work out budget & review with your
parents, if they'll be paying for anypart of the event
• Interview & hire a wedding consultantif you are using one
• Decide on style of wedding • Decide who will officiate. Favorite
Rabbis may book up as quickly ascaterers and banquet halls. You willneed to consult this person regardingmany issues throughout your plan-ning. When necessary, book the syna-gogue sanctuary or chapel
• Make preliminary guest list & estimatefinal party size
• Choose your wedding party& call them
• Set wedding date & time• Pick a caterer, a ceremony & reception
location (if there will be one, for theengagement party, rehearsal dinner,after-wedding breakfast). Send adeposit when necessary
• Book a block of rooms forout-of-town guests
• Interview & choose photographers,videographers, florists, musicians,calligraphers
• Make transportation reservations • Make plans & shop for your
honeymoon• Shop for wedding gown.• Send a "Save-the-Date" card to
your "A" list guests10 Months• Choose a color theme • Order wedding gown & accessories
(have plenty of time if somethingshould go wrong)
• Make up your final guest list• Go House or Apartment-hunting with
your fiancé. Narrow choices to a few 9 Months• Decide what gifts you would like &
register for gifts (china, flatware, etc.)• Shop for & order invitations,
announcements, programs& any other printed materials
• Have your engagement party.Start a "thank you list" & mailnotes as soon as possible
• Have an engagement picture taken& submit to newspaper
• Create schematics for the processional,recessional, under the chuppah,reserved seating. Distribute them toparticipants
• If you are not having a weddingconsultant, arrange for someone to bein charge of keeping everyone onschedule & coaching the processional
• Select guests for honors (e.g., toast,speech, blessing on bread & wine, oneof the seven blessings, alliyah at theUfruf.)
8 Months• Discuss wedding attire with mothers
of the bride & groom• Order your accessory items &
bridesmaid dresses• Look at tuxedos7 Months• Decide on which ketubah text you
want & order a ketubah. Handdecorated ketubot take the longesttime to prepare.
• If you are buying a home, get seriousabout a contract. If you will berenting, place a deposit
6 Months• Select guests wedding favors• Order imprinted yarmulkes.• Order wedding invitations, programs,
& other stationery5 Months• Arrange for tuxedo rentals• Book your honeymoon• Included directions, as needed, in
Save-the-date &/or invitations. Take atrial drive to double check distances &landmarks
4 Months• Purchase wedding gifts
(for attendants & fiance)• Finalize floral arrangements.• Set hair, make-up, nail, & wax
appointments• Select a bakery for your wedding cake,
as well as cakes for pre-weddingreceptions & pastries forafter-wedding brunch
• Begin to address invitations or takefinal guest list to your calligrapher
• Select wedding bands. Place an order• Get change of address cards from post
office & get them ready to mail • Decide who will ride with whom &
where people need to be when • Prepare programs &/or a wedding
booklet for the wedding & assign oneto distribute them
• Have the groom select & ordertuxedos for himself, his groomsmen &the dads. If people are in differentlocations, mail the measurements
• Order table cameras. Make or buy areceptacle for them. Assign someonethe task of collecting the cameras
3 Months• Final dress fittings for you & your
bridesmaids• Finalize cake arrangements• Write your own vows• Buy cake knife, toasting glasses, guest
book & garter • Pick out associated events clothing.
Remember shoes (ballet slippers, san-dals) for the reception
• Find a hairdresser & make a test runwith your veil
• Send invitations (double checkpostage)(8-10 Weeks)
2 Months• Get name-change forms for social
security, driver's license, credit cards &bank. Review documents & makeneeded changes (e.g. insurance, lease,Health Care Proxy, Living Will, etc.)
• Get blood tests & marriage license • Make hair & nails appointments very
close to the wedding day• Finalize menu with caterer• Review your needs with your photog-
rapher & videographer. List your wed-ding party, a schedule of events, anytoasts or speeches planned, & anyspecial photos, memories or candidsyou want. It is best not to surprisethese professionals
• Meet with your entertainment (music,etc.). A schedule of events, favoritetunes, style of music requested, plus alist of toasts, speeches, etc. will ensurethat the MC & you coordinate
• Arrange the rehearsal dinner, as wellas other wedding-day-connected par-ties
1 Month• Make guest baskets & assign
someone to distribute them • Make sure all your groomsmen,
ushers, ringbearer, & fathers haveordered tuxedos
• Send change-of-address formsto post office
• Reconfirm all reservations& accommodations
• Confirm honeymoon plans • Start the seating plan for the
reception3 Weeks Before• Call guests who have not responded• Finalize reception seating
arrangements• Get your marriage license• Prepare wedding announcement
for the newspaper• Pick up your wedding bands• Fill out the table cards or give names
to your calligrapher.• Put fees & tips in envelopes (officiant,
soloist, maitre d' etc.) & give it tosomeone you assign in making thepayments
• Arrange with someone to bring itemsto the wedding venue, such as cakeknife, toasting glasses, programs,yarmulkes, emergency kit for thebride, wedding license, ketubah, etc. &to take them home
• Arrange for someone to return rentals(tuxedos, chairs, etc.)
• Arrange for someone to take yourbouquet & gown "home" put them inpreservation
• Pay all synagogue fees2 Weeks Before• Call caterer with final total of guests• Confirm directions, pickup & drop-off
points with transportation service.Confirm all other professionals
1 Week• Create a detailed schedule of your
wedding day activities• Get a manicure &/or pedicure &/or
other beauty services.• Pack for your honeymoon• Confirm post-wedding brunch
arrangements1 Day• Get a manicure• Attend wedding rehearsal• Pack wedding day emergency kit.
(extra pantihose, safety pins, thread &needle, steamer, brush & make-up)
• Get a good night's sleepYour Wedding Day• Eat a good breakfast• Have your make-up done• Have your hair done• Give yourself lots of ready-time• Relax & have fun!After YourWedding Day• Send thank-you’s &/or send gifts to
the special people who made yourwedding "happen."
• Send wedding photo &announcement to newspaper(s)
Wedding Planning Timetable
The UfrufOn the Sabbath before the wedding, theGroom (Chatan) is traditionally given analliyah – the blessing before and afterthe Torah portion is read – and his familyusually sponsors a kiddush receptionafter services. Ufruf is Yiddish for "callingup". In congregations where women mayperform an alliyah, both bride and groommay be called up. Check with the Rabbito arrange this or to read a parsha (Torahportion). Is this reminiscent of your barmitzvah? Like your bar/bat mitzvah, you
may be able to call others in your familyfor an alliyah as well.Now for the fun part: The congregation, perhaps led by thewiseguys in your family, will shower you(pelt you is more accurate) with raisins,almonds and sweets to wish you a sweetlife and fruitful marriage to come! (Noteto wiseguys: please check withSynagogue staff before you hand outsweets, as some synagogues have poli-cies regarding this custom).
What makesa Jewishwedding Jewish?
There are very few require-ments for a Jewish wed-ding, which include a mar-riage contract (ketubah), thereligious ceremonies (kid-
dushin and nisuin), a plain gold bandaccepted by the bride, and the pronounce-ment that you are husband and wife.Therefore, most of what we recognize asmaking a wedding Jewish are a wide vari-ety of customs and traditions that aresteeped in history. But customs change overtime and location, even those in "traditional" weddings.Some traditions are adopted from placeswhere people live, where their ancestorscame from, or from other places or families.Some customs are modernized to reflectthe secular realities of life in the modernworld, including modern feminism, thecongregational practices and philosophies,and as an accommodation to Jews-by-choice and non-Jews. Ancient customs cansometimes survive only in terms of theirrelevance in a changing world. “We would like to have a wedding thatincorporates at least some of the wonderfultraditions of our forebears, a link to the past,but at the same time is meaningful to us.”Anita Diamant points out in The NewJewish Wedding that modern Jews cannotmarry the same way their parents did.
"The world has changed too much. Ourexpectations of marriage are not the same,"she states. "We are different kinds of Jews."This requires the bride and groom to makedecisions about the exact traditions theyintend to continue. Many of the followingrituals are practiced in traditional weddings.An interesting pattern has lately emergedthat the more exotic and ancient the cus-tom, the more it will be adopted as a trueexpression of authentic Judaism. This hasespecially become true among youngercouples who have been raised with expo-sure to the more modern customs. If youchoose not to strictly follow all these tradi-tions you may choose those elements ofthe ceremony that appeal to you, that oth-ers in your community or congregation fol-low, or those you adapt from secular events.Be sure not to adopt customs from otherreligions. In this way you customize (yes,the root word is custom) your Jewish wed-ding to meet the needs and desires of yourfamily and you. Will this be an easy process? Perhaps not,but it is part of the fun of planning a wed-ding, and not a part you can delegate toothers. Making choices about which ele-ments in a Jewish wedding will remaintraditional involves merging two or morefamilies, often with different backgrounds,values, and practices. Leave room for com-promise so that everyone feels that thewedding honors what is most importantto them.
The MikvahTraditionally observant brides and allconverts go to the mikvah, the ritualbath, before the wedding. This tradition isancient and is a law, not a custom. Theyare maintained by most Orthodox andsome Conservative and Reform syna-gogues, as well. The mikvah is a pool ofwater fed by a running source, asopposed to stagnant. A lake, pond, orriver is an ideal mikvah, but ratheruncomfortable most of the year. Indoormikvahs have an attendant and usuallyfull bath facilities.Because the mikvah is associated in theTalmud with the "impurity" of menstru-ating women, it has fallen into disfavorby some as a relic of archaic times, not
relevant to today. But mikvah is reallyabout spiritual purification, and a visit tothe mikvah before the wedding is a wayto ceremonially start again "rebirth". Theceremony is quite simple. The bride-to-be is immersed completely in the poolseveral times, floating freely, and a sim-ple prayer is said when she comes up.This is a joyous occasion often followed,especially in the Sephardic tradition, by aparty with food and drink, sometimes bybridesmaids waiting right outside.Outdoor ceremonies can be done at someunusual locations with poetry, picnicsand whatnot. Some men have evenjoined the tradition with their own mik-vah visits (call well ahead for reserva-tions) and men-only parties that follow.
The Wedding DayThe customs of the wedding day createmomentum that culminate with thewedding ceremony itself, the kiddushin.Friends and family can be part of theevents just prior to the wedding.
Fasting on theWedding DayThe day of the wedding the chatan(groom) and kallah (bride) fast andrepent their sins, and they are guaran-teed that if they do so, all their sins areforgiven. Thus, they start out their newlife together with a clean slate. As onYom Kippur, this ritual fasting is notabout self-punishment, but about start-ing over (in this case, in union witheach other).
SeparationIt is customary for the bride and groomnot to see each other for three days to aweek before the wedding. The groom will not see the bride untiljust before the ceremony, at the veiling ofthe bride. Since this is usually an anxiousand nerve-rattling period, this customhas practical advantages that can saveyou tears and fears. Spend some timewith friends and family, and let theanticipation of the upcoming event grow.
Kabbalat Panim -Greeting the Brideand GroomSeparate receptions, called KabbalatPanim, are held just prior to the weddingceremony, when the honored ones hold
court in separate rooms. Check with yourrabbi since some do allow pre-weddingreceptions. Jewish tradition and law treatthe couple like a queen and king. Thekallah will be seated on a "throne" toreceive her guests. Some brides, jitteryfrom nerves, may limit guests to thebridal party. Others will have a more tra-ditional reception with songs, flowers,blessings, cake and wine. Perhaps themusicians will make a first appearance.Here the bride waits for the groom’sreception to end.The groom will be surrounded by his cir-cle of friends and relatives at a table, thetish, who sing and toast him. The groommay attempt to present a lecture on theweek's Torah portion, while his malefriends and family heckle and interrupthim. Despite the groom’s Talmudic
knowledge, or lack thereof, this is sup-posed to fun, not a serious undertaking.Other formats may involve a ‘roast’ of thegroom by friends. At the tish, the groom,witnesses and the rabbi might sign theketubah or, if both parties are signingtogether, they may do this in anotherroom, such as the rabbi’s study.In a more modern version of the tish,both bride and groom are entertainedand received together with blessings,songs, flowers, or music. The ketubahmay then be signed and the partyproceeds directly to the chuppah.There are many variations of the tish,so ask your rabbi, cantor, or eventplanner for more ideas. The popularityof the tish is increasing as a delightfulpre-wedding ritual.
Customizing Your Wedding!
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Signing The KetubahWhether or not pre-wedding receptionsare held, a ketubah, or marriage contract,is signed and witnessed. In traditionalceremonies the Groom signs the ketubahin a separate room, in the presence ofwitnesses and the Rabbi, before thewedding can begin. The bride need notsign it, because it belongs to her alone,according to Jewish law, as proof of herrights and the groom’s responsibilities(financial and otherwise). It was a radicaldocument in ancient times, giving thewife important legal protection. It was alegal document, neither beautiful norromantic, and the traditional language ofthe document remained basicallyunchanged for centuries.The traditional ketubah does not neces-sarily reflect the realities of modern mar-riages or contemporary views on rela-tionships. Many couples have found newketubot, or have written language them-selves, that is more egalitarian. Many
ketubot now include parallel declarationsof commitment made by both bride andgroom with a joint declaration of faith inG_d and a connection to the Jewishpeople. It can be a way to remind thecouple of their moral responsibilities toone other. With many hand calligraphedketubot available, as well as many retailand internet sources of publishedketubah texts, couples have a large num-ber of choices to customize the text toreflect their particular values. You mustconfer with your rabbi before you decideon which text to sign, and certainlybefore any artwork is ordered. Since theyare legal documents, not all rabbis willaccept all texts. Moreover, only Orthodoxand Conservative texts are recognized inthe State of Israel.There are just as many choices with theart that often accompanies the text. Theketubah is often written among beautifulartwork, to be framed and displayed inthe home. Having a ketubah profession-
ally calligraphed and made even morespecial with customized decorations hasalso become popular. The artwork on onesuch ketubah at a recent wedding, incor-porated elements from the childhood ofeach half of the couple, merging intoshared experiences at the top.The ketubah is sometimes read to theentire assembly, and it can even besigned and witnessed after the reading,while under the chuppah.
The VeilingMany brides still choose to wear a veil,an ancient custom that has its roots inthe Bible. Others have rejected it as anantiquated symbol of patriarchal domi-nance. It may be seen as representing themodesty and dignity which characterizesthe virtue of Jewish womanhood. Theveil also conveys the message to theworld, symbolically, that physicalappearance is not as important as innerbeauty. It has biblical roots in the story of
the patriarch Jacob, who was first trickedby his father-in-law into marrying thewrong sister, Leah, her face well hiddenbehind a veil, instead of the girl he loved,Rachel, By placing the veil over theBride’s face himself, the Groom ensuresthe same type of switch isn’t made. A funtradition enhanced by a bit of history. If a veil is to be worn, the groom is invit-ed to the bedeken, lowering the veil ontothe bride. Accompanied by both fathersplus friends and relatives, the groom,who has not seen his Bride for a week,enters the bride’s chamber and lowersthe veil over the bride’s face. This can beseen to symbolize either his commitmentto clothe and protect his wife, setting herapart from all others, or an indicationthat he is only interested in her innerbeauty. In any case, this can be a charm-ing and emotional part of the wedding.An egalitarian twist has the bride placinga kippah on the groom’s head at thesame time.
The ProcessionKeeping with the practice of treating thebride and groom like royalty, a processionleading to the chuppah is quite tradition-al. Because a Jewish wedding is, aboveall, a family affair, the simplest processioninvolves the bride and groom, eachescorted by both parents, moving downthe aisle and under the chuppah. Thisdemonstrates the marriage is a union offamilies, not of individuals. But Jewishlaw does not govern the makeup of theprocession, and so couples are free todecide the exact arrangement of theirprocession. There are many variationsaccording to family situations anddynamics. Sometimes grandparents fol-low the rabbi or cantor, followed by theushers and bridesmaids (separate inOrthodox weddings), the best man, the
groom and his parents, more ushers andbridesmaids, the maid of honor, andfinally the bride and her parents.Variations allow grandparents to enterwith their side of the family. Secondmarriages, divorced parents, missing ordeceased relatives, the need for a verysmall or intimate service, etc., all requireadaptations to the order, which is per-fectly acceptable.The number of attendants is of no conse-quence, since they are not required. Onlytwo "Kosher" witnesses are requiredunder Jewish law. While we do not spec-ify what this may mean, clearly non-Jews do not qualify as witnesses (andthey must not be relatives). Ushers andbridesmaids certainly add a festive andregal air to the ceremony, and theyshould at least include any brothers andsisters. Sometimes a flower girl is used,
although in most Jewish weddings, thering is held by the best man. The bestman at a Jewish wedding, called ashoshbin, is historically a best friend whowould offer a large gift to the groomupon marriage, perhaps to defray thecost of an expensive wedding affair, andwas therefore entitled to celebrate withthe groom during the wedding week.The understanding was that this treat-ment would be reciprocated upon themarriage of the shoshbin, wherein theroles would be reversed.The arrangement under the chuppah ofthe people involved is also not proscribedby Jewish law. Many chuppahs arearranged so that the wedding party fac-ing the rabbi is facing Jerusalem.Hundreds of years of Ashkenazic traditioncalls for the bride to be at the groom’sright. Proponents of Jewish mysticism,
Kabbalah, claim that the question reflectsthe tension between the divine attributesof justice and mercy. The merciful, mas-culine aspect of G_d is identified withthe right side, and the just, female sidewith the left. Therefore the bride shouldstand on the left and the groom onthe right.Candles may be carried by escorts andattendants, making a lovely old-worldeffect, especially at dusk outdoors or in apartly darkened room. The candles sym-bolize the oneness that will come aboutas the couple is united under the chup-pah. Check with the synagogue or recep-tion hall staff, because fire codes mayprohibit it. Use dripless tapers, braidedhavdalah candles or jar candles to avoida real mess.Live music during the procession is an
The Wedding Day Continued...
Background Photo by: Rachael Spiegel for The Observatory
The ChuppahEasily the most recognized feature of a Jewish wedding, the ceremony takes place under a wedding canopy, or chuppah. Theorigin of the chuppah in the Talmud is certain, even if its exact form is not. In any case, the symbolism in the chuppah hasmany meanings. Chuppah means literally "that which covers or floats" in Hebrew. Traditionally, weddings occurred outdoorsunder the stars, and the canopy created an intimate, sanctified space in which to take the vows. It also represents the newhome for the married couple. The chuppah is a reminder of the desert tents of our nomadic ancestors. For these reasons,some traditional reception facilities have skylights positioned over the place where the chuppah will stand.A traditional chuppah is a fabric covering held up by four poles, open on all four sides. Since there are no legal requirementsas to the chuppah's shape or dimensions, couples have created new chuppah traditions that express their unique personali-ties. Some customs have involved using a tallit, perhaps a family heirloom or your Bar/Bat Mitzvah tallit. Others have usedcraft-type projects such as quilts, embroidered or silk-screened fabric, or custom lettered projects. In fact, the chuppah can bea group or community project of special sentimental value. See the ad on page 31 for Charm City Chuppah rentals.
The Wedding Service
Photo by: Rachael Spiegel for The Observatory
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old tradition, one that sets the moodand the pace of the occasion. A soloist or small group is usually best, but leaveenough lead-time to find and rehearsethe appropriate music. Cantors usuallycan assist in choosing the bestprocessional music.The logistics of the procession and stand-ing under the chuppah can cause frictionand anxiety, and for this reason aloneyou may wish to have a weddingrehearsal. Some rabbis dismiss this as awaste of time, while others will gladlyaccommodate your request, so be sureto ask.
CirclingWhen the couple first enters thechuppah, the bride circles the groomseven times, perhaps accompanied bymusic or a soloist, and sometimesescorted by both mothers. This is a veryold custom, the meaning and origin ofwhich has no consensus. It is neverthe-less a nice touch, beautifully moving ifnot a bit exotic. One explanation is that itrepresents the seven wedding blessingsand seven days of creation, and demon-strating that the groom is the center ofher world. Another comes from the Bible,which says that a woman encompassesand protects a man. While this phraseprobably refers to a courtship rather thanactually walking around, advocates of the
custom found it to be a convenientexpression.The circling was known in ancient timesto be a magical means of protection,building an invisible wall around thegroom, protecting him from evil spirits. Itcan be seen also as an act that defines anew family circle, binding the bride tothe groom and away from the parents.Mystically speaking, the bride may beseen as entering the seven spheres of thegroom’s soul. Joshua circled the wall ofJericho seven times, and then the wallsfell down. So, too, after the bride walksaround the groom seven times, the wallsbetween them will fall and their soulswill be united. These are obscure ideasfor a modern wedding, so you may wantto explain this and other customs in awedding booklet available to yourguests.Of course, circling has been rejected bysome Jews in the recent past as evidenceof the patriarchal and demeaning natureof the bride circling around her ‘master’,marking her territory from other women.But it can also be seen as a strong act ofdefinition: Here is the space we will sharetogether. Some couples have also mod-ernized the ritual by circling one another,first the bride around the groom clock-wise, then the groom around the bridethe other way. This mutual circling is astatement of balance and reciprocal
respect in declaring a space together andthe breaking down of barriers.
KiddushinThe Jewish wedding ceremony has twoparts, kiddushin and nisuin, which areperformed together under the chuppah,but which have distinct differences.Kiddushin, which translates as "sanctifi-cation" or "dedication", is actually abetrothal ceremony, a bonding of twosouls into one with each other and withG_d. The bride and groom establish anexclusive relationship. The Rabbi greets everyone and makestwo blessings over a cup of wine. Aswith all Jewish simchas, wine is a sym-bol of abundance and joy. The bride andgroom take a sip of wine. Next comes thering, the essential part of the ceremony.The groom places a plain gold ring, with-out any stones or embellishments, on theindex finger of the bride’s right hand, thefinger thought to be directly connectedto the heart. The groom repeats theblessing: "Behold, you are consecrated tome with this ring according to the lawsof Moses and Israel." This thousand-year-old practice, the act of kiddushin, com-pletes the betrothal. The kiddushin hasaccomplished kinyan, the symbolic act ofthe bride acquiring something of valuefrom the groom, and Jewish law nowconsiders them married.
In a double ring ceremony the bride thenrepeats the process with a similar, butgender-corrected, version of the sameblessing. This is often not allowed bymore traditional rabbis because it is saidto invalidate kinyan, the formal act of thebride acquiring something of value fromthe groom (since an exchange is beingmade). In that case the bride may pres-ent the groom’s ring, and the bride’s ringplaced on her left ring finger, after theceremony (and forever after).If wedding vows, or "I do’s" are desired,and the rabbi agrees to speak them, theywill be exchanged at this point. Somereally beautiful vows, mutual promises orpoetry, often written by the bride andgroom affirming their devotion for oneanother, can be added as a powerful per-sonal statement to the ceremony.
NisuinThe second part of the wedding ceremo-ny, nisuin, the nuptials, completes themarriage. Because the two parts of theceremony, kiddushin and nisuin were his-torically separated, the ketubah is readaloud before the nuptials as a way ofclearly separating the two halves. Thetext is usually read aloud in Aramaic,often repeated in English. The ketubah isthen stored away for safe keeping, or itmay be displayed on an easel for gueststo inspect. The rabbi may then say a few
The Wedding Service Continued...
A Wedding Programserves a similar functionas the Bar/BatMitzvah bookletfor the service.The program iscompiled andproduced bythe family fordistribution tocongregants andguests by theushers, or insert-ed into prayerbooks. It can havea variety of uniquefeatures aimed atrelatives andfriends, guests,congregants, non-Jewishguests, and so on. Thesealso make great keep-sakes of the wedding.
Program Examples: • A step-by-step description of the
ceremony,• A brief explanation of the
meaning of a Jewish Weddingceremony,
• Comments by the bride and groom onthe personal meaning of the day,
• Poems or wedding vows, etc.• A description of the history and
tradition behind the ketubah, thechuppah, or rituals such as circling,the Seven Blessings, and breakingthe glass,
• An explanation of the music usedin the processional or during theceremony,
• The text of your ketubah,• Copy of the wedding invitation,• Comments from close relatives,• Photographs of the bride and groom.
Creative, additions like ribbon or laceare nice. Check with your Rabbi firstbefore making copies to distribute.
The Wedding Program
Background Photo by: Golden Memories By Hazel
One of the oldest and most importanttraditions of a Jewish wedding ceremo-ny is the chuppah, or wedding canopy.The word chuppah literally means “cov-ering” and has been interpreted to sym-bolize everything from the tents of theHebrews wandering through the desertto the new home that the couple willmake together. It is said that the chup-pah invites not only the presence of G-d, but also the spirits of beloved ances-tors to witness the marriage ceremonyof their descendants. There are many beliefs about the historyand evolution of the chuppah. Inancient times it was the custom to placethe chuppah outdoors as a reference toGod’s promise to Abraham to make hisseed as numerous as the stars. It is saidthat in Biblical days, trees were plantedwhen babies were born. When theymarried, branches from the trees wereused as the poles of the chuppot; today,poles are often adorned with treebranches to represent this tradition.
These days, chuppot can be found onbimahs, in gardens, on rooftops, andfrom beaches to mountaintops.Regardless of where a chuppah stands,the space beneath it is always sacred –the place where the bride and groomstand before G-d and their family todeclare their love and commitment toeach other and take their weddingvows. The requirements regarding the struc-ture of the chuppah are very simple: itmust have a canopy top made of cloth,be held up by four poles, and have allfour sides open. A chuppah can beeither freestanding or hand-held. If it ishand-held, it is an honor to be a chup-pah pole bearer. A chuppah can be assimple as a family tallit or as elaborateas creativity and the imagination willallow.
The Chuppah by Renee Kahn
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words about the couple, particularly ifhe/she has known the couple, or one ofthem, for a while, or he may launch intoa longer sermon.The nisuin begins with the seven bless-ings, sheva b'rachot, and ends withyichud, or seclusion, after the ceremony.The seven blessings begin with anotherfull cup of wine. They may be recited bythe Rabbi or by various guests the couplewish to honor. Although it’s usually not aproblem, they must be recited in thepresence of a minyan, a formal quorumof ten adults. In addition to a blessingover the wine, there is praise for G_d ascreator of the world and of men andwomen; a prayer for the newly marriedcouple and of the ten degrees of rejoic-ing. The blessings also include a prayerthat Jerusalem will be fully rebuilt andrestored with the Temple in its midst andthe Jewish people within her gates,showing wishes not only for the individ-uals but the community in which theylive. The couple then drinks from the sec-ond cup of wine. The Rabbi pronouncesthe couple officially husband and wife.
The GlassThe traditional ending of a Jewish wed-ding is probably the most recognizedfeature: breaking the glass. It is an old
custom that is not formally part of theceremony, yet pages have been writtenabout its meaning, which has beenwidely interpreted. A glass is placed onthe floor, often wrapped in cloth or anapkin to prevent injury, and the groombreaks it with his foot. Some coupleseven choose to break it together, which isfine. The crowd shouts "Mazel Tov!" andjoyous music begins (Siman Tov andMazel Tov is a favorite!). But what doesbreaking the glass represent? Here aresome opinions:• Even during times of great joy, we
should remember the tragic destruc-tion of the Temple in Jerusalem, sym-bolizing all suffering by Jews every-where;
• a representation of the fragility ofhuman relationships;
• a reminder that marriage transformsthe lives of individuals forever;
• it represents a break with childhoodand the parents’ home;
• in contrast to the solemn moments ofthe ceremony, the loud crash signalslevity and celebration to begin;
• a symbol of the irrevocability ofmarriage;
• this is the last time the groom getsto "put his foot down."
Yichud-SeclusionAfter the couple leave the chuppah, tra-dition calls for them to retire to a privateroom where they might spend ten or fif-teen minutes together alone inyichud–seclusion. This is historically a rit-ual reserved only for married couples,and they are escorted to the room bywitnesses and the door is closed. This is awonderful time to reflect on the union oftwo souls without interference, to hugand kiss, to take a breather before you areonce again the center of attention. It iscustomary to eat together as a marriedcouple for the first time, breaking fast(except for those sips of wine during theceremony) if you have fasted. Chickenbroth has been served in Ashkenazic tra-dition as a symbol of prosperity to come.Sephardic tradition calls for a meal ofdoves symbolizing marital peace.Another idea is a glass of champagne
and a plate of cocktail hour hors d’oeu-vres that you might otherwise nevertaste (talk to the caterer or ask a friend tobring this). Eat something here because,given the excitement and schedule ofevents, many couples do not eat much attheir own wedding. This is also a goodtime to place the rings on the correct fin-gers, remove the veil, tallit and other cer-
emonial garb. When you emerge fromthe yichud, you are the newest marriedcouple in the room.As a practical matter, this time gives thecaterer and guests a few minutes to tran-sition into the dining hall or cocktail area,to visit the rest rooms, congratulate theparents, and so on. It also avoids thereception line, at least immediately afterthe ceremony, which leaves guestswandering around while waiting forthe line to end.
The Reception LineThis has become a standard at manyAmerican weddings, even Jewish ones,so you may still wish to have one, espe-cially if you are not observing yichud. Ifso, it may be held immediately after theceremony, after yichud, or after a cocktailhour. The format is often the same,including both sets of parents, bride andgroom, maid/matron of honor andbridesmaids. The best man and ushers donot participate, particularly since ushersare not required at Jewish weddings. Thisis the place for guests to express congrat-ulations and for parents to kvell-swellwith pride. Keep smiling, be gracious, butdon’t chat too long. It’s OK to ask namesif you don’t know; most folks are glad tointroduce themselves.
The Wedding Service Continued...
While very original invitation wording canfollow almost any pattern, most invitationmessages follow a three-partconstruction: 1. The expression of sentiment followed
by the invitation to attend;2. Day, time, and place;3. Invitation to share a luncheon, dinner
or some other simcha with the family,bride and groom, or B’nai Mitzvah. Thisis sometimes expressed on a separatecard, allowing the option to exclude itin the envelope.
The following are some examples ofthe wording of the first portion:
B’nai Mitzvah• With pride and joy we invite you to
join us (or worship with us) as ourdaughter, Michelle Kim, is called to theTorah as a Bat Mitzvah...
• With special feelings of loveand pride...
• With pride and pleasure...• With pride and delight and mostly
with love...• We cordially invite you to share the Bar
Mitzvah celebration of our beloved son
Adam Eric on...• We invite you to share a proud and
special moment as we celebrate withjoy the Bat Mitzvah of our daughterRachel on...
• In the tradition of his ancestors ourdear son Phillip Mark will be called tothe Torah (or becomes a Bar Mitzvah)...
• With the richness of tradition and thepromise of tomorrow we invite you toshare this special moment as our sonHarris Simon is called to the Torah as aBar Mitzvah on...
• Share a special day with us whenour son...
• We would be delighted if you wouldjoin us at the Bat Mitzvah of ourdaughter Allison ...
• We invite you to share in our joy...• We invite you to share a special day in
our lives...• Dorothy and Alan Klein invite you to
share a special moment in their liveswhen their son Zachary David is calledto the Torah as a Bar Mitzvah...
• My family and I would like you to shareour happiness on the special occasionof my Bar Mitzvah on...
• Please join us to celebrate the BatMitzvah of our dear daughter Amy...
Wedding• Mr. and Mrs. Samuel Gish request the
honor of your presence at the marriageof Miss Louise Abrams to their sonAlan Gish on...
• ...request the honor of your presence atthe marriage of their daughter Eileen J.Gish to Mr. PaulGoldstein on...
• Miss Louise Abrams and Dr. AlanGish request the honor of your
presence at their wedding on...• We invite you to join us in
celebrating the marriage of ourchildren, Eileen and Paul on....Joyceand Randy Bloom, Howard Fish.
• Our joy will be more complete if youcan share in the marriage of ourdaughter...
• ...will be joined under the chuppah...• We invite you you join us as we
begin our new life on...• ...invite you to join in the ceremony
uniting their children...
Sample Invitation Wording
InvitationsStart on your database of invitees early. List everyone, select your final list later.Ask you calligrapher about lead times for invitations and seating cards.This will help determent the date you send invitations and the RSVP.Not everyone you invite will be able to attend. This should figure into your planning. Consult you caterer, calligrapher, or party planner for advice on how many more guests to invite, based on your circumstances, over the number of attendees you are planning.
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1. Start out by doing your homework.Decide on a location, or a region,review tapes and travel books fromthe library or your travel agent. Askfriends or relative who have traveled;a personal recommendation is worthmore than a brochure.
2. Work with a trusted and knowledge-able travel agent. Look for an agencythat is a member in good standingwith The American Society of TravelAgents (ASTA). Again, agents whohave visited a particular location areproviding a valuable service. Ask lotsof questions and shop around. Decidea budget and know what is afford-able. Don’t forget anything, such asmedical issues or kosher meals.
3. The Caribbean is very popular, as wellas the western ski areas, Mexico,Florida, and Europe.
4. All-inclusives are just that: everything(that we list here) is included: one feecovers room, meals, drinks (exactrules vary by resort), tips, activities,entertainment, sports, etc. Manypackages include airfare and transfersto and from the resort (ask!).Realistically, you still need somemoney for tours, gambling, souvenirs,some water sports...All-inclusiveresorts cover the globe.
5. Couples-only all-inclusives offer anall-adult atmosphere with more adultactivities, including nightlife. look fornames such as Couples (Jamaica),Sandals and SuperClubs.
6. Cruises are similarly all-inclusive, buttypically do not include drinks andtips. Entertainment is often first rate,including Las Vegas-type shows, youget to visit several countries in oneweek, and the ocean breeze is irre-sistible. Again, bring money (or startan on board credit account, tied toyour credit card) for excursions, mas-sages, casino, portrait photos andshopping.
7. Destination weddings: Plan the wed-ding like a vacation. Decide whatlocation you want, research it, ask
about wedding packages. One coupleeloped to marry in Saint Lucia, thenhad a reception when they returnedto Maryland. A Washington, DC cou-ple, now in San Diego, had 26 rela-tives and friends meet them in PuntaCana, Dominican Republic, for abeach-front ceremony. Everyone hada 3-night vacation, and thenewlyweds flew to Hawaii for ahoneymoon.
8 . Get Insurance and pay by Credit Card.Stuff happens, such as illness, weath-er, world events, and dishonest com-panies. Protect yourself.
9. Plan to get a passport. This is currentlyrequired for much international travel,and new regulations will require onefor all US citizens traveling to theCaribbean beginning December 31,2006. A passport is a legal documentthat proves US citizenship; it getsstamped everywhere you go, so itslike a mini travel log. It costs least toapply at your local Post Office, but youmight wait five and up to eight weeksby mail. Look on the U.S. StateDepartment's Bureau of ConsularAffairs home page under passportinformation.
10. Pack with your location in mind. Dolaundry a few days early so every-thing will be clean and ready foraction. Start your packing list a weekbefore you leave and add items as youthink of them. Bring suncare andafter-sun products if you’ll be at thebeach. Pack moisturizer and lip balmif you’re skiing or visiting the dessert.Plan wardrobes to mix and match-some pieces get more than one useon vacation-and bring a few versatileshoes. Do not bring your entire shoerack, because you’ll either, bust yourzippers, bust your luggage’s zippers,or pay extra for overweight baggage(check your airline’s weight limit perbag). Opt for wrinkle-resistant fibers,pack items inside of each other tosave space, roll clothing to avoidwrinkles, and double-bag any loosebottles or tubes of liquids.
Honeymoon Planning Basics
Marriage License RequirementsMaryland• Only one applicant needs to be present and they must bring a form of identification with
proof of age and Social Security numbers for both parties. Residency is not required for bride or groom.
• Show all divorce decrees • License will be granted within 48 hours, valid for 6 months• Couple must marry within the county they register. Cost is $35-$60 cash, varies by County.Washington DC• Residency is not required but a valid photo identification is, along with social security number• Both bride and groom must be present to apply and sign the license• Blood tests are required and must be done somewhere in DC• Bring certificate of death or divorce • The cost is $45 (cash) • There is a five day waiting periodVirginia• Licenses are issued by a clerk or his deputy clerk of a circuit • Valid for 60 days • But bring a valid drivers license, documentation of previous marriages • The cost is $30 (cash)
Simcha Tip!
All Aboard! Limousine OptionsYou can save other parents the miles and keep the Bar/Bat Mitzvah together withfriends by hiring a bus, mini-bus, or limo to ferry the gang from the synagogue toreception and back to the synagogue for pick-up. Everyone’s safe, and there are nolate arrivals!
Using Limousine ServicesLimousines and busses have become very popular to simplify transportation needs for guests:
• Airport to Hotel • Hotel to Synagogue• Synagogue to Reception • Reception to Hotel
While no obligation exists to arrange or pay for these needs, they are a nice touchfor out-of-town guests and teens.
Invitations & Calligraphyinvitatio
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Place cards (or seating cards) are acrucial element at very specialevents. Place cards allow party
planners to be very creative, while servingthe simple function of assigning guests toparticular tables for their meal withoutconfusion or additional assistance. The cardtypically has the name of each guest andthe assigned table number (married cou-ples are often assigned together on onecard, eg. Mr. & Mrs. Paul Levy). They areoften displayed on a table outside thereception hall, such as an assembly or pre-function hallway. Matching table numbersare placed separately or as part of a deco-rative centerpiece. You can ask your invita-tion dealer to supply these, or order fromanother source, such as www.mazeltovfa-vors.com.The price ranges for these cards vary great-ly and so do the options. Place cards cancoincide with the theme of the wedding ormitzvah. Or, they can just be simple, ele-gant, elaborate or crafty. The options toexpress your creativity are endless. Hereare some imaginative seating cards tospice up the your event…• Simple- Elegant yet simple cards canimitate the invitations that guests receive.
White or beige along with black or navywork best. Die cuts or embossing can beadded with an image or initials of theguests.• Frames- Name cards can be placed in apicture frame (glass, wood, etc.), or a fundisplay, such as an acrylic coaster or snowglobe frame (www.cadettmarketing.com).• Leaves- Write with a metallic marker onleaves from nature or store purchasedleaves. Then, spray the leaves with a lami-nate to make them more durable.• Sweet- Purchase or make gingerbreadmen/woman, cookies, tiny tarts, or cup-cakes. Attach personalized chocolates tostandard cards (www.andiescandies.com).• Toast- Champagne flutes can be etchedwith guest’s names (expensive) or namescan be written on a tag and then tiedaround the glass. As guests arrive at thetable and find their seats, servers can filltheir glasses with a bubbly beverage.• Clip it- Simple place card clips or fancycard holders, such as the metal chair fig-ures (Elegance – 85156) found atwww.cadettmarketing.com, are availableto add a dash of pizzazz and keep yourguests commenting.
Place Cards
Order your invitations at least six monthsbefore the event. Check the wording carefully,you don’t want to inadvertently leave some-thing out. Ask your friends to show you anyinvitations they may have saved to use as areference, or examine wording arrangementsin the invitation books. Also, don’t rush thedecision, you may need to look at severalsample books over a period of weeks beforeyou make up your mind, especially if youare letting your child help you decide.Remember to order extra envelopes foraddress changes or if a mistake is made.Hire calligraphy service as soon as theinvitations arrive, to allow plenty of timefor the project to be completed.
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Music & Entertainment38
This section features DJs, Live Bands, Karaoke, Vocalists, Magicians, and Caricaturists. You may want to ask the followingquestions when hiring your DJ or band:• Are you familiar with the
Bar/Bat Mitzvah routine andhave you done them before?
• Will you play songs/gamesusually seen at these events:i.e. hoola hoop, dance con-tests, chicken dance, hokeypokey?
• What type of music do youplay?
• Do you have a song list?• How long do you play and
how many breaks do youtake?
• What is the price, depositamount,and when is the balance due?
• Do you have references?
Music & EntertainmentTell everyone you found it in B’nai Mitzvah & Jewish Weddings™ 39
Think about it. There's a “cookie-cutter same-ness” to most Bar and Bat Mitzvahs andJewish weddings. (An hour of hors d'oeuvres,standard introductions, toasts, the cutting ofthe cake, a video montage, etc.) These are all
important parts of any celebration, but finally, here's achance to add something so wonderful, so unique, yourguests will not only appreciate and enjoy it, they'll be heardsaying “Wow, was that special…what a great time we had!”
At the Bar/Bat Mitzvah Too much “Bar” and not enough “Mitzvah” isn’t good for your“Simcha”. DJ's today can include MTV type dancers at yourparty. Bar and Bat Mitzvah themes range from Star Wars to"Elvis." These are certainly fun and exciting, but with theexception of "Uncle Sidney" doing the motzi (the blessing onthe bread), no one would have a clue what they're reallythere to celebrate. As a result, more and more people are choosing a very “new”theme lately. It's called “Bar Mitzvah!”What a concept!Actually, you don't even have to abandon any of your cre-ative and fun ideas, but to paraphrase the title of Jeffrey K.Salkin's popular book on Bar Mitzvah's …Don't Forget toPut G-d on the Guest List!Whether it's having as a centerpiece a basket of cannedgoods to be donated to Sova, or a Klezmer band playing dur-
ing the cocktail reception, there are ways to add someJewishness and have fun! There's also a variety of Jewishthemes such as; The Tree of Life, Jewish Hero's, Israel (com-plete with a back drop of The Western Wall), or as a designfor each table or food station, famous Synagogues through-out the world. A "Grand Entrance" is also an opportunity to add some tradi-tion. Instead of the "typical" entrance, where DJ's announcethe Bar or Bat Mitzvah honoree, programs like The AmazingBottle Dancers, (yes…they really dance with bottles of wineon their hats!) feature authentic Klezmer music, and bringwith them a sense of the old country, as they carry in the BarMitzvah boy high atop their shoulders, or the Bat Mitzvahgirl in on a throne fit for Queen Esther!
At the WeddingOld-fashioned Jewish weddings are making a come back.Why not? They're not only filled with beautiful symbolism,but they can be even more romantic than anything you'veever imagined. The good news is, it doesn't have to be eitheror. You can have a very contemporary wedding, with thehottest band or DJ, with just a few touches of tradition as well. Let's start with the ceremony. In the old days after theSabbath ended, villagers would traditionally walk to thetown square where weddings were held. They accompaniedthe bride and groom and their families carrying candles,
which magically lit a beautiful path. It is possible to recreatethis beautiful tradition. Each guest is given a candle uponleaving the cocktail reception area for the short walk towhere the ceremony is held. It is a beautiful sight to behold,and works to connect everyone as well. Another nod to tradition is to use Klezmer musicians (live orCD), who always led the procession to the town square inthe Old Country. This brings the unmistakable sound of theclarinet, violin, accordion, and bass fiddle to fill the air. Thejoyous music has the bridal party walking down the isle withbig smiles on their faces, and all of the guests clapping intime. What a difference from the formal, graduation-likemarch down the isle.While the reception can include a very contemporary band,save something special as a prelude to the Horah. A surpriseappearance of The Amazing Bottle Dancers recreates an age-old tradition celebrated at Weddings. The dancers, with theirblack beards, hats and robes performed a spectacular dancethat today could only be described as a cross between CirqueDu Soleil and Zorba, the Greek.The important thing to remember as you plan your event isto avoid sameness by adding some unique touches. Makesure your wedding is everything you want it to be and more.Fill it with beauty, romance, love and at least a few surprises…and by the way, a little tradition.
At Your Celebration, Don’t Forget…A Little Tradition Never Hurts!by Michael Pasternak, creator of The Amazing Bottle Dancers, www.bottledancers.com (See our display ad, page 38)
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Novelties & Favorsno
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Some families give customized items orfavors to the children attending the receptionportion of the Bar/Bat Mitzvah. This sectionincludes ideas for give-aways, contest prizes,and supplies. Wedding guests are usuallytreated to a favor or memento, as well asspecial gifts for the bridal party.Alternate EntertainmentAlternate entertainment is great for entertaining youngsters whileadults are eating and socializing.Set up a separate area or room for alternative entertainers,such as those listed under the Novelties/Favors section.Plan your entertainment around the ages of the children attending. Lots of younger cousins or siblings may enjoy an activity in which they canparticipate.Alternate entertainers may be perfect for synagogues that do allow outside music on Shabbat.
Visit us online at www.bnaimitzvahguide.comNovelties & Favors42
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Before the ServiceIn the invitation, ask people to bring clothes, canned food, sports equipment, all theloose change they have, baby items, etc. to the reception or service, which would betaken to an organization afterwards. Include an envelope addressed to a charity. With this, your guests could send money tothat charity, instead of or to supplement giving a gift to you.Send food to a less fortunate family for a holiday such as Passover, Purim, RoshHashanah, etc. through an agency which will locate a family and give it your food. The Points of Light webpage (www.pointsoflight.org) shows where volunteer centers allover the US are, where you could volunteer for various community service projects.At the ServiceDonate the bimah flowers used during your service to shelters, hospitals, or other localgroups where flowers would make them much happier. You can invite Jewish elderlypeople from local retirement homes to come and enjoy your service. During the ReceptionInstead of flower centerpieces, you can do several things. Contribute the saved money toTzedakah. Make a centerpiece out of books, and donate them to organizations such asHeadstart. Use baskets with cans of food, which are to be later donated to an agency orshelter to be given to the hungry. Find a way to arrange gloves, hats, and mittens intocenterpieces which look like flowers, and then donate them. Hold a Tzedakah fair, where each table represents a different charity, with information onthe charities and ways to contribute. For information on Tzedakah fairs, contact [email protected] of a party for your friends, or after your party, you and your friends could go andprovide services to your community. You could help repaint an older synagogue. Youcould entertain people in retirement homes, disabled children, or sick people in hospitals.Make it a fun group event. After the Bar/Bat MitzvahTour the local Tzedakah agencies, shelters, and other charities. After the reception, youcould give some of your gift money to these organizations as you see fit. Find out about specialized charities by going to the Ziv Tzedakah Fund (www.ziv.org) orthe Charitable Choices web site (charitychoices.com). You could organize a program for your synagogue which allows the synagogue to give aTzedakah box to each Bar/Bat Mitzvah reminding them to continue giving Tzedakah eventhough they are not in Hebrew school anymore..
Oy! Even More Mitzvah Project IdeasAdapted from Alex Rosenthal athttp://members.aol.com/mitzvah99/mypage
Mitzvah Project Resources Frequently Asked QuestionsWe just received our child’s Bar/Bat Mitzvahdate, what is the first thing we should do?After speaking with your B’nai Mitzvah committee chair or coordinator about Synagoguerules, or consulting written policies and guidelines, discuss with your family the type ofparty everyone wants and what the budget will allow. Then start looking at photogra-phers and the hall. These two services seem to need more time to secure. Check thePlanning Time Table on page 20.How much will we, as parents, be asked to participate on the Bimah duringthe service?This question will have to be answered by your Rabbi or Synagogue staff. Depending on theSynagogue, some parents will make a speech, bless their child, or participate in the service.This is truly an honor and a pleasure–don’t let stage fright ruin this precious moment. Should we choose an evening affair or an afternoon kiddish luncheon?Certainly, this will be a topic of discussion for the entire family. Often the choice has to dowith how many out-of-town relatives you expect, the amount of money you want tospend, the size of the affair, and many other variables. Generally, it is more expensive tohave an evening simcha, but an evening affair lends itself to a more formal atmosphere.You may want to offer a kiddish luncheon after the service for your guests or the entirecongregation. In some synagogues, sponsoring a Kiddush luncheon and/or an OnegShabbat on Friday evening is expected. So, afternoon and evening events are not mutual-ly exclusive, you could have both. Your family should discuss what type of public eventyou want to sponsor and what role food will play in that event. How can we make our non-Jewish friends feel more comfortable at myBar/Bat Mitzvah service?You may want to explain the service to them ahead of time. Rules regarding proper eti-quette vary by synagogue, so ask staff or your Rabbi for Synagogue rules or policies. Insome places kippot are required to be worn by all male visitors, for instance. You couldexplain that this does not make your guests Jewish, it is a sign of respect. Check withyour Rabbi to be sure. See the feature on Bar/Bat Mitzvah Booklet on page 8. Also consultJeffrey Salkin’s Putting G-d on the Guest List, which has an entire section on this subject,or How To Be A Perfect Stranger: The Essential Religious Handbook, by Arthur Magida, bothfor sale on www.bnaimitzvahguide.com.What type of gift is appropriate for the Bar/Bat Mitzvah child?If your child is attending their friend’s affair, generally a check in the amount of $36 (dou-ble Chai) is a nice gift (or a multiple of Chai - $18.), depending on how close the friend-ship. Some families offer checks, tributes, donations, or purchase presents, again depend-ing on whether it is a relative or friend, closeness of the two families, or how many peopleare attending from your family. Religious items, such as menorahs are also nice gifts. What is the appropriate attire to wear to a Bar/Bat Mitzvah?At the Synagogue, wear whatever you would wear to a typical service. Some families buynew clothing for the occasion. Remember to dress with appropriate respect for the houseof worship you attend. If you have a simcha at night or the next day, dress according tothe theme, place and tenor of the affair. Remember to instruct guests in the invitations ifyou have special dress requirements.If we can have a Bar Mitzvah on a Saturday, why can't we get married onSaturday?Well, you can, but after sunset, when Shabbat is officially over. The issue isn't Saturday, it isShabbat (Friday sunset to Saturday sunset). B'nai Mitzvot are celebrations conducted aspart of regular services when the Torah is read aloud (Saturday morning). Jewish traditionrecognizes that the Thirteen-year-old becomes a Bar/Bat Mitzvah independent of any cel-ebration. The congregation is part of the ceremony: a young person takes full responsibilityfor their own religious obligations, starting with an alliyah for the reading of Torah, recitingthe Sh'ma, leading the congregation in prayer, and presentation of D'var Torah. This com-ing of age is shared by the Jewish community and is therefore a public event. One thattypically occurs on Saturday, but can also occur on other days when the Torah is read.Weddings are private affairs that do not typically involve an entire congregation. And incontrast to the happy, celebratory nature of a wedding, Shabbat is a time for quiet reflection and for rest. A wedding is work, and it involves a legal contract, themes not suited for Shabbat. It is therefore rare to find a Rabbi who will marry a couple on Shabbat.Saturday after dark is OK, but Sunday is by far the most popular day for Jewish weddings,especially during the Summer when dusk on Saturday is so late.
B’nai B’rith (212-490-3290, www.bbint.org) sponsors a number of worthwhile programslocally in which young people can participate:Food For the Poor: Since providing for the poor is a major ingredient to the observanceof Purim, you can get connected to a food program in your community and determinethe best means of how you can help bring food to the needy. Several projects that focuson food collections are available through the Center for Community Action.Project H.O.P.E.: Helping Our People Everywhere - is what this community action proj-ect is all about. The major goal of Project H.O.P.E. is the collection and distribution ofpackages of food to poor, isolated, elderly Jews during Passover..Seders for All: This project can provide you with the opportunity to share Passover withother Jewish agencies as well as cross the religious lines and create a learning experiencefor a group of people and expose them to the meaning of Passover. This program helps toestablish ties within your community by breaking down cultural barriers.B'nai B'rith, through its Center for Jewish Identity, sponsors and coordinates, in theUnited States, the international Holocaust memorial project, "UNTO EVERY PERSON THEREIS A NAME". This project is sponsored by the Speaker of the Israeli Knesset, Dan Tichon,and the Yad Vashem Holocaust Memorial Center in Jerusalem."East-West Connection": The program is nationwide,asking local communities toconduct a food drive, during the month of October as a coordinated nationwide effort.Goods collected will be distributed in each local community where the drives are held.
Community Mitzvah Project Ideas
Party & Event Planningp
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More and more families rely on party and event planners to assist them in making the right deci-sions, ordering goods and supplies, hiring disc jockeys, bands, and other services. Some partyplanners may offer to design and make all of the decorations. They may charge a flat fee forplanning the affair and then charge an hourly rate to coordinate the event. Some offer an hourlyrate for all their services.
EXPOS & SHOWCASESCharm City Brides & Grooms ExpoJune 10, 2010Pier 5 HotelBaltimore, MD5pm-8:30pm1-877-856-5490bridesandgroomsexpo.com
Bar/Bat Mitzvah & JewishWedding Simcha ShowcaseSunday, October 3, 2010White Flint MallN. Bethesda, MD 12 noon - 6:00pm1-877-856-5490bnaimitzvahguide.comSunday, November 14, 2010Hilton PikesvillePikesville, MD 11:30am - 3:30pm1-877-856-5490bnaimitzvahguide.com
Washington BridalShowcasesSeptember 12, 2010Dulles Expo Center,Chantilly, VA11am-5pm301-WEDDINGBridalShowcase.comSeptember 19, 2010Martin’s CrosswindsGreenbelt, MD11am-5pm301-WEDDINGBridalShowcase.comSeptember 26, 2010Bethesda MarriottBethesda, MD11am-5pm301-WEDDINGBridalShowcase.com
Visit us online at www.bnaimitzvahguide.comp
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Photography & Videography46
Photography and more recently videography is used to capture the joy, the charm, and the magic of the event. Whether a portrait artist, photojournalist, mood recorder or storyteller, your professional photographer and videographer should understand you and what you want to capture and remember of the Bar/Bat Mitzvah.
Do you have references? Ask for names of previous clients and to see a portfolio and/or sample albums or tapes.Be sure to call these references for their comments.
Some questions to ask when choosing aphotographer and/or videographer...
What is your background and experience? Make sure they have recorded B’naiMitzvahs before. Experience often makes a difference in the end product, but it can costmore as well.Do you have an assistant?What is his/her experience? Many experienced professionals use assistants for lightingand backup equipment.What is the cost for your services?It is best to research prices by receiving several price quotes from other photographersand videographers. But the least expensive is not always the best. Ask photographershow many photos will be taken, will candids and tables be taken (if these are importantto you), number of hours taking pictures, are proofs and/or negatives offered for you tokeep, are packages available? Some synagogues only allow bimah/Torah photos hours ordays before the event–can this be accommodated? Likewise, videography is often sold in packages and may include simple music and edit-ing, or may include visual effects, photo montages, guest interviews, professional titlesand headings, and more! Price is often a function of experience, technology, and the fea-tures and complexity you need and want.What lighting will be required?Different cameras, ambient room lighting, moods, and portraiture all require differentlighting. If lighting equipment is necessary, know this up front to assure that it does notbecome obtrusive to congregants, guests, and staff.A Digital Memory: The latest technology is digital photography and videography. Because it is relatively new,both traditional and digital equipment is currently in use, sometimes side-by-side.Satisfactory results are available in standard and digital photography–ask the photogra-pher to explain – but the end result should be clear, crisp images in the sizes you want.Digital video can easily be delivered on a DVD, and if this suits you, it can be a welcomeaddition to your collection. But if you play video on a VCR, you can have great results fromeither video format.And don’t forget...It is very important that you communicate well with the photographer/videographer and that his/her attitude and personality is in sync with yours.
Video can recreate the life of an event in a way that cap-tures the action and emotion of the day. It is often one ofthe most important elements in planning an event.Early event videos were crude by today's standards, buttoday’s videos are quite advanced and professional, thanksin part to the Wedding and Event VideographersAssociation, WEVAVideography is a serious profession, not just a hobby.Professionals now have the latest video and computer-based editing systems and often produce network-levelresults. Digital Video Disk (DVD) is growing as a specialevent video distribution medium.
Here are some issues to considerwhen choosing videographers.1. Ask for sample videos. The number of cameras, lighting,microphone placement, artistic ability, technical qualifica-tions don’t mean that much if you don’t like the videogra-pher's work. Look for smooth camera work, natural edit-ing, sharp sound (remember to consider the location).2. Request at least 3 references. Are past clients happywith the results? Were they happy during the event? Washe/she easy to work with? The professional should betechnically competent, likeable and easy to work with.3. Ask for membership with professional associations,such as WEVA. 4. How many weddings or Bar/Bat Mitzvahs do they
video each year?5. Ask for an explanation of what "Unobtrusive" means tothem. Wireless microphones? Low-level lighting? Multiplecameras? How will being unobtrusive affect the final pro-duction? For instance, there may be a trade off betweenexternal lighting and accurate color reproduction.6. Ask for proof of insurance.7. Determine what end product (ie tape, DVD, basic, mon-tage, music, full Hollywood production, etc.) you want.Different budgets and expectations require you to considerquality, type of end product, level of editing, budget, andthe extent of coverage. When you have this defined foryourself, searching for the right videographer is easier. Is a"love story" intro for a wedding video important to you?Or do you have to have a pre-event birth-to-nowcollage, set to music? Price and capabilities areaffected by these needs. For instance, while a30-40 minute composite video may seem"less" than a full event video, it involvesthe same amount of shooting plus moreextensive editing.8. How are services billed? By the hour,flat fee, packages with options?9. How do they coordinate with thewedding photographer? The two need towork closely together without interferingwith each other.10. Tell your brother to leave his video-cam
at home. Consumer cameras today often deliver grainyfootage and muffled sound. Amateurs also lack the experi-ence to plan and coordinate to blend with the flow of theevent, and they can be plagued by insufficient batterycapacity, insufficient or excess equipment, poor lightingand sound. There is no substitute for a professional whocomes prepared with the right knowledge and equipment,understands the religious tradition, and is focused on cre-ating your video rather than being a guest. Most problemswith intrusive video occur with non-professional videomakers.
Finding the Right Videographer
Photo by: Bradley Images
Photography & VideographyTell everyone you found it in B’nai Mitzvah & Jewish Weddings™ 47
Visit us online at www.bnaimitzvahguide.comPhotography & Videography48
Directory Of Resourcesd
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Tell everyone you found it in B’nai Mitzvah & Jewish Weddings™ 49
Banquet Facilities & Hotels300 Shady Grove15720 Shady Grove Rd.Gaithersburg, MD301-948-1390www.300ShadyGrove.com(see our display ad, page 12)Dancing the Horah, lighting the candles – nomatter the tradition, it’s always more fun at300 Shady Grove. To learn more, visit us at300ShadyGrove.com.Bolger Center9600 Newbridge Dr.Potomac, MD301-983-7765 www.bolgercenter.dolce.com(see our display ad, page 13)Two stunning ballrooms and outdoor grounds,just outside Washington DC.Bolongo Bay Beach ResortSt. Thomas, US Virgin Islands1-800-635-0366www.bolongobay.com(see our display ad, page 36)Fun & casual, just 65 rooms on a 1,000 footpalm lined beach. All inclusive or Europeanplan available.
Elegant SettingsMNCPPC Department of Parks & Recreation301-446-3240www.pgelegantsettings.com(see our display ad, page 7)Elegant Settings make an ordinary eventextraordinary! Our exceptional venues, whichaccommodate groups as small as 25 and aslarge as 250, will delight you.Glenview Mansionat Rockville Civic Center Park603 Edmonston DriveRockville, MD240-314-8660www.rockvillemd.gov/glenview(see our display ad, page 11)Enjoy 1920’s grandeur with 21st centuryamenities. Parkland vistas, our spacious floorplan and adjoining formal gardens are theperfect setting for your celebration.
Hilton Washington DC North/Gaithersburg620 Perry ParkwayGaithersburg, MD301-591-9908 or 301-977-8900www.gaithersburg.hilton.com(see our display ad, page 10)In the center of Northwest Washington's high-tech corridor and only twenty miles fromWashington DC, the Hilton Gaithersburg pro-vides superior service, premium location, andextraordinary amenities. Home of theWashington area’s largest Bnai Mitzvah SimchaShowcase and your Bar/Bat Mitzvah andWeddings hotel!Holiday Inn Gaithersburg2 Montgomery Village Ave.Gaithersburg, MD240-238-1131www.higaithersburg.com(see our display ad, page 13)Newly renovated hotel. Affordable packagesand experienced catering staff. For anappointment or details contact Amanda
Mowbray at 240-238-1131/email:[email protected] Ranch5305 Marriott Ln.Hume, VA1-877-324-7344 or 540-364-2627www.marriottranch.com(see our display ad, page 12)4200 acres of rolling countryside ideal forunique Bnai Mitzvah & Jewish Weddings. Tenroom historic Bed & Breakfast and public ridingstables. Marriott Ranch – Out WestAtmosphere, back East Convenience located inNorthern Virginia an hour west of CapitalBeltway.Marriott & Renaissance Hotelsof Greater Washington, DC(see our display ad, pages 26 & 27)With hallmark Marriott service, great roomrates and convenient locations throughout theGreater Washington, DC area, our Marriotthotels are the perfect solution for your visitingfriends and family. Allow us to host your guestswhen planning your next special event.
WASHINGTON DCWashington Marriott at Metro Center
202-737-2200MarriottMetroCenter.com
Washington Marriott202-872-1500MarriottWashington.com
Washington Marriott Wardman Park202-328-2000WardmanParkMarriott.com
JW Marriott Hotel Washington DC202-393-2000JWMarriottDC.com
Renaissance Washington, DC DupontCircle Hotel
202-775-0800RenaissanceDupontCircle.com
The Mayflower® RenaissanceWashington, DC Hotel
202-347-3000RenaissanceMayflower.com
Renaissance Washington, DCDowntown Hotel
202-898-9000DCRenaissance.com
MARYLANDBethesda North Marriott Hotel & Conference Center
301-822-9200BethesdaNorthMarriott.com
Greenbelt Marriott301-441-3700MarriottGreenbelt.com
Bethesda Marriott301-897-9400BethesdaMarriott.com
Bethesda Marriott Suites301-897-5600BethesdaMarriottSuites.com
The Marriott Inn & Conference Center,Univ. of Maryland University College
301-985-7300UMUCMarriott.com
Gaithersburg Marriott Washingtonian Center
301-590-0044MarriottGaithersburg.com
VIRGINIAWashington Dulles Airport Marriott
703-471-9500DullesAirportMarriott.com
Washington Dulles Marriott Suites703-709-0400DullesMarriottSuites.com
Westfields Marriott Washington Dulles703-818-0300WestfieldsMarriott.com
Tysons Corner Marriott703-734-3200TysonsCornerMarriott.com
Fairview Park Marriott703-849-9400MarriottFairviewPark.com
Crystal City Marriott at ReaganNational Airport
703-413-5500CrystalCityMarriott.com
Crystal Gateway Marriott703-920-3230CrystalGatewayMarriott.com
Key Bridge Marriott703-524-6400KeyBridgeMarriott.com
Normandie Farm Restaurant10710 Falls Rd.Potomac, MD301-983-8838www.popovers.com(see our display ad, page 12)In the heart of Potomac, Special Occasions foryour Bar/Bat Mitzvahs or Wedding Receptionsfrom 20-250 guests. All prices include: No sitecharges, dance floor w/set up, complimentaryparking and convenient location. Putting on the Ritz4 Locations
The Great Room, Savage, MDSavage Manor House, Savage, MDTen Oaks Ballroom, Clarksville, MDThe Gathering Place, Clarksville, MD
301-725-4220 or 1-800-213-7427www.puttingontheritz.com(see our display ad, page 16)Full service catering for over 20 years. Gourmetstation menus and served meals a speciality.On-site and off-site catering. Come and checkout our new hall in Clarksville, MD called TheGathering Place that holds up to 300 guests.Strike Bethesda5353 Westbard Ave. Bethesda, MD301-652-0955www.bowlatstrike.comwww.strikebethesda.com(see our display ad, page 9)Strike Bethesda offers a unique event space inthe DC metro area, with thirty-four lanes ofbowling, full service catering, restaurant, VIProom and the latest in audio/visual technology.
CateringNote: Caterers who also have banquetfacilities are indicated by an asterisk (*)
*300 Shady Grove15720 Shady Grove Rd.Gaithersburg, MD301-948-1390www.300ShadyGrove.com(see our display ad, page 12)Dancing the Horah, lighting the candles – nomatter the tradition, it’s always more fun at300 Shady Grove. To learn more, visit us at300ShadyGrove.com.
*Marriott Ranch5305 Marriott Ln.Hume, VA1-877-324-7344 or 540-364-2627www.marriottranch.com(see our display ad, page 12)4200 acres of rolling countryside ideal forunique Bnai Mitzvah & Jewish Weddings. Tenroom historic Bed & Breakfast and public ridingstables. Marriott Ranch – Out WestAtmosphere, back East Convenience located inNorthern Virginia an hour west of CapitalBeltway.Mr. Omelette CaterersPotomac, MD301-340-2800www.MrOmeletteMD.com(see our display ad, page 17)Complete vegetarian kosher catering in yourhome, office or synagogue. Specializing inomelettes, crepes, pasta, waffles, NY desserts,espresso/cappuccino, fresh fruit smoothiestations, Egg-Cetra. For all occasions.*Putting on the Ritz4 Locations
The Great Room, Savage, MDSavage Manor House, Savage, MDTen Oaks Ballroom, Clarksville, MDThe Gathering Place, Clarksville, MD
301-725-4220 or 1-800-213-7427 www.puttingontheritz.com(see our display ad, page 16)Full service catering for over 20 years. Gourmetstation menus and served meals a speciality.On-site and off-site catering. Come and checkout our new hall in Clarksville, MD called TheGathering Place that holds up to 300 guests.
ChuppahsCharm City ChuppahsEldersburg, MDServing Maryland, DC and Virginia1-877-856-5490www.charmcitychuppahs.com(see our display ad, page 31)Elegant, hand-crafted chuppahs made fromthe finest fabrics, perfect with or without flow-ers. Available for rental or purchase. deliveryand set-up available in many areas. Chuppahon display at The Event Library at GreenspringStation, Lutherville, MD. Call 410-616-9733 forhours.
ClothingAmerican FormalwearBallston Common Mall4238 Wilson Boulevard, Suite 3068Arlington, VA703-248-8108www.americanformalwear.com(see our display ad, page 19)Please visit our store to view over 100 DesignerTuxedo Styles, top quality business suits andaccessories. We carry Formalwear for wed-dings, proms, birthdays, business and socialevents for rentals and retail sales.Bridal Images837-F Rockville PikeRockville, MD301-738-9080www.bridalimages.comA full-service salon. Visit our web site for a dis-count coupon and to browse the lateststyles…
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Visit us online at www.bnaimitzvahguide.comDirectory Of Resources50
Synchronicity BoutiqueHooks Village25 Hooks Lane, Ste. 105Pikesville, MD410-486-8866www.SynchronicityBoutique.com(see our display ad, page 19)THE GO-TO PLACE for Bat Mitzvahs and spe-cial occasion dresses, suits, gowns and muchmore. The largest in-stock inventory in theWashington/Baltimore area, with one-stopshopping for GIRLS, TWEENS, TEENS, ANDJUNIORS. All major brands including Un DeuxTrois, Jessica McClintock, CW Designs, andBetsy Johnson. Open 7 days a week.Appointments are available but neverrequired! Voted “Best of Baltimore”, “BestTween Boutique”, and one of the Top 10 PromStores in the US!Teens N UpStevenson VillageStevenson, MD410-484-1125(see our display ad, page 18)We have the best and largest selection in thestate for CW designs. By appointment only toprovide you with the very BEST service. Underthe same ownership for over 28 years.
Decorations &Theme DesignExquisite Balloons
20905 Golf View Dr.Laytonsville, MD932 Hungerford Dr.Rockville, MD
301-990-3626www.ExquisiteBalloons.com(see our display ad, page 23)Full scale balloon decorating company offer-ing complete décor services. Washington’spremiere award-winning balloon décor company since 1985.
Mona’s Candle Lighting CreationsEldersburg, MD1-877-856-5490www.bnaimitzvahguide.com/candlelighting.htm(see our display ad, page 22)Honor your friends and family with tradition,elegance and style. Mona’s Candle LightingCreations has a huge selection of styles andcolors for any theme. Great as photo back-drops or stand alone decorations. Reasonablypriced and delivered to your door. Everyonewill remember it!
Giftware & JudaicaIsraeli Accents4838 Boiling Brook Pkwy.Rockville, MD301-231-7999 or 1-800-420-9610www.IsraeliAccents.com(see our display ad, page 25)The area’s outstanding selection of handcraft-ed giftware and Judaica in sterling silver, glassand ceramic. Featuring an excellent choice ofinvitations and ketubot. All items are dis-counted 20% except Ahava Skincare.
Kardwell International, Inc.Nationwide1-800-233-0828www.customplayingcards.com
www.customwedding.com(see our display ad, page 41)Playing cards for party favors. Full deck of 52playing cards, personalized/color-coordinat-ed. Use one of our designs, your design, or aphoto. FREE brochure and samples.
Synchronicity BoutiqueHooks Village25 Hooks Lane, Ste. 105Pikesville, MD410-486-8866www.SynchronicityBoutique.com(see our display ad, page 19)THE GO-TO PLACE for Bat Mitzvahs and spe-cial occasion dresses, suits, gowns and muchmore. The largest in-stock inventory in theWashington/Baltimore area, with one-stopshopping for GIRLS, TWEENS, TEENS, ANDJUNIORS. All major brands including Un DeuxTrois, Jessica McClintock, CW Designs, andBetsy Johnson. Open 7 days a week.Appointments are available but neverrequired! Voted “Best of Baltimore”, “BestTween Boutique”, and one of the Top 10 PromStores in the US!
Honeymoon & TravelBolongo Bay Beach ResortSt. Thomas, US Virgin Islands1-800-635-0366www.bolongobay.com(see our display ad, page 36)Fun & casual, just 65 rooms on a 1,000 footpalm lined beach. All inclusive or Europeanplan available.
Invitations & CalligraphyBe-Me Enterprises, Invitations,Announcements & Party PlanningWashington Metro Area301-648-0924www.be-me.biz(see our display ad, page 37)Invitations and party planning for every occasion! Bar/Bat Mitzvahs, weddings, birthannouncements, engagements, graduation,birthdays and more. Over fifteen years ofparty planning experience. I’ve helped manypeople plan, organize and experience theirspecial, unique event.
Save The Date, LLCparty planning your way Serving Washington DC Metro Area301-983-6222www.SaveTheDateMD.com(see our display ad, page 45)Our unique approach to planning allows youto coordinate “your event” “your way”. Payhourly as you plan or join our “club” for a flatfee. Invitations, favors, day-of help and more.
KetubotIsraeli Accents4838 Boiling Brook Pkwy.Rockville, MD301-231-7999 or 1-800-420-9610www.IsraeliAccents.com(see our display ad, page 25)The area’s outstanding selection of handcraft-ed giftware and Judaica in sterling silver, glassand ceramic. Featuring an excellent choice ofinvitations and ketubot. All items are dis-counted 20% except Ahava Skincare.
Music & EntertainmentBANDS & DJS
By Request EntertainmentGermantown, MD301-528-3807www.byrequestentertainment.com(see our display ad, page 39)By Request Entertainment specializes in highenergy, interactive entertainment. We are hereto assist you in planning your celebration andare available for all occasions, with Bar andBat Mitzvahs being our specialty. From DJentertainment, casinos, digital photographyand flip books to party planning and muchmore.Machaya Klezmer Band6220 Wagner Ln.Bethesda, MD301-404-6273www.machaya.com(see our display ad, page 40)NATIONALLY ACCLAIMED, rated 2nd BEST INTHE U.S. Klezmer, Israeli, swing, rock from 40’sto 2000’s. Unique and exciting dance leadingand games. 2-10 musicians. Clients raved,“You made the party!”Mona Israeli Dance301-806-8804www.monaisraelidance.com(see our display ad, page 39)Everything you want for a Jewish celebration!Offering all music genres, kids games, partygiveaways, Israeli & line dancing, party moti-vators & dancers, DJ lights, and much more!DJ Mona is known for her professionalism,energy and expertise. We don't tell you whatyou want, you tell us!Party Central Artists301-330-6999www.partycentralrocks.com(see our display ad, page 38)Party Central, an experienced licensedEntertainment Company, generates fun, music& energy, for the best events in the metropol-itan area. Meet with us once, and see the difference!The Elegant DJ202-657-2225www.TheElegantDJ.com(see our display ad, page 40)We offer a classy and unobtrusive presenta-tion with state-of-the-art equipment givingyou and your guests enjoyable music selections plus unrivaled dancing and fun.
ISRAELI/KLEZMER MUSIC
Machaya Klezmer Band6220 Wagner Ln.Bethesda, MD301-404-6273www.machaya.com(see our display ad, page 40)NATIONALLY ACCLAIMED, rated 2nd BEST INTHE U.S. Klezmer, Israeli, swing, rock from 40’sto 2000’s. Unique and exciting dance leadingand games. 2-10 musicians. Clients raved,“You made the party!”Mona Israeli Dance301-806-8804www.monaisraelidance.com(see our display ad, page 39)Everything you want for a Jewish celebration!Offering all music genres, kids games, party
giveaways, Israeli & line dancing, party moti-vators & dancers, DJ lights, and much more!DJ Mona is known for her professionalism,energy and expertise. We don't tell you whatyou want, you tell us!
OTHER ENTERTAINMENT
Amazing Bottle DancersWashington DC & Nationwide1-800-716-0556www.bottledancers.com(see our display ad, page 38)Add some “tradition!” Our 20-minute programis the perfect ADDITION to your DJ or band!Spectacular “Grand Entrances!” CALL FOR OURFREE AMAZING DVD.Carbone EntertainmentSilver Spring, MD301-572-7717 or 1-888-590-0039 www.CarboneEntertainment.com(see our display ad, page 42)Airbrushing - shirts, hats, tattoos & faces, fotonovelties & telescope keychains, photo booths,patch hats, henna tattoos, hairwraps & braids,fortune tellers, jewelry making & crafts, walk-around characters & more!
Elite Party EntertainmentNationwide1-866-ELITE-41 (866-354-8341)www.elitepartyentertainment.com(see our display ad, page 43)Elite Party Entertainment owners and staffhave perfected the art of instant photography.After many years of experience and hundredsof thousands of photos taken, it makes it easyfor us to do what we do perfectly.
Ultimate AmusementsPotomac, MD301-424-7114 or1-888-93-GAMES (42637)www.ultimateamusements.com(see our display ad, page 40)Supplier of Bar/Bat Mitzvah equipment,Corporate and Party Entertainment, GameShow Themes, Casinos, Carnivals, VirtualReality, DJs, Karaoke, Entertainers, DigitalImaging, Concessions, Frozen Drink Machines,Photo Booths and Other Photo Novelties,Gaming Systems, Video and Arcade Games,Funnel Cakes, Pucker Powder, Inflatable andMany Other Interactive Games.
V.I.P. Entertainment1-877-847-7421www.vipphotofavors.com(see our display ad, pages 2 & 3)V.I.P. Entertainment provides photo favors,casino tables, arcade games, photo booths,money booths, concession carts and muchmore.
Novelties & FavorsAndies Candies8054 Main St.Ellicott City, MD410-465-8333www.andiescandies.com(see our display ad, page 42)Finest quality hand-molded lollipops andfavors for your Bar/Bat Mitzvah or Weddingcelebration. Many styles available! CandyFilled Themed Gift Baskets perfect forCenterpieces. Custom embossed foil-wrappedchocolate coins and bars make great favors!
Directory Of ResourcesTell everyone you found it in B’nai Mitzvah & Jewish Weddings™ 51
C&S Photography and ImagingMillersville, MD410-768-2069www.CandSPhotos.com(see our display ad, page 48)Two experienced photographers at all times, -Weddings, Bar/Bat Mitzvahs, Parties,Corporate, Family Portraits, Green Screen,Sports, Photo Books and Albums, Prints,Posters and Banners, DVD with Music,Packages starting at $499.00. [email protected] EntertainmentSilver Spring, MD301-572-7717 or 1-888-590-0039 www.CarboneEntertainment.com(see our display ad, page 42)Airbrushing - shirts, hats, tattoos & faces, fotonovelties & telescope keychains, photobooths, patch hats, henna tattoos, hairwraps& braids, fortune tellers, jewelry making &crafts, walk-around characters & more!Elite Party EntertainmentNationwide1-866-ELITE-41 (866-354-8341)www.elitepartyentertainment.com(see our display ad, page 43)Elite Party Entertainment owners and staffhave perfected the art of instant photography.After many years of experience and hundredsof thousands of photos taken, it makes it easyfor us to do what we do perfectly.
Event Digital Photography, Inc.Bethesda, MD301-229-3305www.eventdigital.comwww.thegreenscreenbooth.com(see our display ad, page 41)Specialists in photo fun keepsakes! EDPi offersthe highest quality instant photography forevents. From our Signature Green ScreenStudio with over 200 different backgroundsfor guests to choose from to the hottest one-of-a-kind in our area brand new Green ScreenPhoto Booth and to Warhol style prints, EventDigital Photography, Inc offers the best inphoto fun for you and your guests. With thehighest average print output in the region,with us you get quality and quantity. All pho-tos also available on CD and website postingfor free downloading by your guests!
Fortunately Yours, Inc.Nationwide1-800-337-1889www.fortunatelyyours.com(see our display ad, page 41)PERSONALIZED Fortune Cookie & ChocolateCandy Bouquets. Items that YOU DESIGN, CandyBags & Bars, Chocolate CD’s, Chocolaty Mints inBow Box & Candles, too!
Kardwell International, Inc.Nationwide1-800-233-0828www.customplayingcards.comwww.customwedding.com(see our display ad, page 41)Playing cards for party favors. Full deck of 52playing cards, personalized/color-coordinat-ed. Use one of our designs, your design, or aphoto. FREE brochure and samples.
Mazel Tov Favors.comNationwide1-800-485-4461www.mazeltovfavors.comwww.lolasbigday.com (see our display ad, page 21)We specialize in imprinted Bar/Bat Mitzvahitems. From 50-200, boxers to keychains. Weprovide personalized attention. Call 24/7.
Simcha Shots!1-877-856-5490www.bnaimitzvahguide.com/cameras(see our display ad, page 42)When was the last time you were at a Bar/BatMitzvah and saw a special moment and didn’t have a camera to capture it? SimchaShots solves that! Place one on each table. Orgive to guests for take-home party favors.Everyone loves taking pictures! Styles available include stock Bar or Bat Mitzvah,custom Mitzvah, custom Wedding. Also avail-able, single-use cameras including free prints,CD, online, index print.Windy City Novelties, Inc.Nationwide1-800-442-9722www.wcnovelties.com(see our display ad, page 5)Wcnovelties.com is your one stop shop forany party or special occasion. Novelties, Glow,Light-ups and paper goods as well as custombanners, pens and invitations will insure yourevent is a huge success.V.I.P. Entertainment1-877-847-7421www.vipphotofavors.com(see our display ad, pages 2 & 3)V.I.P. Entertainment provides photo favors,casino tables, arcade games, photo booths,money booths, concession carts and muchmore.
Party & EventPlanningBe-Me Enterprises, Invitations,Announcements & Party PlanningWashington Metro Area301-648-0924www.be-me.biz(see our display ad, page 37)Invitations and party planning for every occasion! Bar/Bat Mitzvahs, weddings, birthannouncements, engagements, graduation,birthdays and more. Over fifteen years ofparty planning experience. I’ve helped manypeople plan, organize and experience theirspecial, unique event.
Castle Computer Technologies973-847-0147www.castlecomputer.com(see our display ad, Inside Back Cover)Easy to use party planning software. Trackguests, RSVPs, table seating, etc. Keep all yourimportant data in one safe place. Printenvelopes, mailing labels, place cards andmore!Save The Date, LLCparty planning your way Serving Washington DC Metro Area301-983-6222www.SaveTheDateMD.com(see our display ad, page 45)Our unique approach to planning allows you
to coordinate “your event” “your way”. Payhourly as you plan or join our “club” for a flatfee. Invitations, favors, day-of help and more.Strike Bethesda5353 Westbard Ave. Bethesda, MD301-652-0955www.bowlatstrike.comwww.strikebethesda.com(see our display ad, page 9)Strike Bethesda offers a unique event space inthe DC metro area, with thirty-four lanes ofbowling, full service catering, restaurant, VIProom and the latest in audio/visual technology.Ultimate AmusementsPotomac, MD301-424-7114 or1-888-93-GAMES (42637)www.ultimateamusements.com(see our display ad, page 40)Supplier of Bar/Bat Mitzvah equipment,Corporate and Party Entertainment, GameShow Themes, Casinos, Carnivals, VirtualReality, DJs, Karaoke, Entertainers, DigitalImaging, Concessions, Frozen Drink Machines,Photo Booths and Other Photo Novelties,Gaming Systems, Video and Arcade Games,Funnel Cakes, Pucker Powder, Inflatable andMany Other Interactive Games.
Photography &VideographyAHAVA PhotographyPikesville, MD410-415-0876www.ahavaphoto.com(see our display ad, page 46)While there are many photographers tochoose from in the Baltimore-Washingtonarea, none specialize in Jewish Weddings, andB’nai Mitzvahs the way we do.Bradley Images Photography & Video1498 Reisterstown Rd., Suite 101Baltimore, MD410-902-6664www.bradleyimages.com(see our display ad, Back Cover)For the past 17 years we have been one ofBaltimore’s most innovative and advancedphotography and video companies. Call to set up an appointment. Come visit our newstudio/gallery.C&S Photography and ImagingMillersville, MD410-768-2069www.CandSPhotos.com(see our display ad, page 48)Two experienced photographers at all times, -Weddings, Bar/Bat Mitzvahs, Parties,Corporate, Family Portraits, Green Screen,Sports, Photo Books and Albums, Prints,Posters and Banners, DVD with Music,Packages starting at $499.00. [email protected] Moose PhotographySilver Spring, MD301-384-5506www.dancingmoosephotography.com(see our display ad, page 48)“Susan and Rollin approach their work withconfidence, enthusiasm, and above all, asense of humor. They produce wonderfulimages, and you will enjoy working withthem. ---D. Moose”
Debra Liberman Photography301-595-9679www.storytellerphoto.com(see our display ad, page 48)Debra’s visual signature can be identified bystrong, clear, colorful, and expressive images.Balancing traditional poses with memorablecandids, she achieves a natural blend of ges-tures and emotions which tell your story.Event Digital Photography, Inc.Bethesda, MD301-229-3305www.eventdigital.comwww.thegreenscreenbooth.com(see our display ad, page 41)Specialists in photo fun keepsakes! EDPi offersthe highest quality instant photography forevents. From our Signature Green ScreenStudio with over 200 different backgroundsfor guests to choose from to the hottest one-of-a-kind in our area brand new Green ScreenPhoto Booth and to Warhol style prints, EventDigital Photography, Inc offers the best inphoto fun for you and your guests. With thehighest average print output in the region,with us you get quality and quantity. Rachael Spiegel PhotographyGaithersburg, MD443-421-5663www.rachspiegel.com(see our display ad, page 47)Capture the joy of your celebration with stunning candid images and traditionalportraits by our experienced documentaryphotographer. Packages customized for yourindividual needs.
Rental Supplies & LinensMr. Omelette CaterersPotomac, MD301-340-2800www.MrOmeletteMD.com(see our display ad, page 17)Complete vegetarian kosher catering in yourhome, office or synagogue. Specializing inomelettes, crepes, pasta, waffles, NY desserts,espresso/cappuccino, fresh fruit smoothiestations, Egg-Cetra. For all occasions.
OtherAMIT1-800-989-AMIT (2648) or212-792-5690www.amitchildren.org(see our display ad, page 6)AMIT enables Israel’s youth to realize theirpotential and strengthens Israeli society byeducating and nurturing children from diversebackgrounds within a framework of academicexcellence.
Washington Bridal Showcases:Sunday, September 12, 2010Dulles Expo Center • 11am - 5pmSunday, September 19, 2010Bethesda North Marriott11am - 5pmSunday, September 26, 2010Martin’s Crosswinds, Greenbelt11am - 5pm
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Out-Of-Towners GuideIf you expect guests from out-of-town toshare the Bar/Bat Mitzvah’s or weddingcouple’s special moments, consider the following:HHootteellssReserve early! Even if no holiday is appar-ent on your date, hotels fill up because ofconventions, retreats, etc.Hotel rooms are usually reserved in blocks.Some charge fees to reserve. This can beespecially helpful if you have a number ofguests arriving during a period whenhotels are busy.Consider reserving rooms at two or morehotels for convenience and different pricelevels.A small “welcome package” from the hostfamily is a nice touch to make out-of-townguests feel at home. Hotels can arrangethese for a fee, or you can package theminexpensively and the hotel will usuallydistribute them for free. Contents caninclude snacks, kosher foods, home bakedgoods, toys and cards for children, soda,fruits, mementos, etc. Flowers for the roomare also a nice touch.A shuttle service is a convenient way totransport guests unfamiliar with local
roads to the synagogue or simcha site,especially for an evening event. Check withhotels for airport shuttles. You couldarrange ride–sharing for guests rentingcars and staying at the same hotel and/orarriving at the same time. Also check intotransportation companies who offer pack-ages or hourly rates. See limousine tips onthis page.IInnvviittaattiioonnssSend a “save the date” postcard to out-of-towners 6-10 months in advance to assurethat other plans won’t conflict with yourspecial day. See a sample of a “Save TheDate Poem” on our web site.Include a map and directions for all activi-ties during the day or weekend. Directionsshould cover from the hotel(s) to the syna-gogue, and, if applicable, to the functionhall. Try photocopying a local map tolocate the synagogue with location circled.Mapquest.com and Travelocity.com arehelpful web sites.FFaammiillyy AAccttiivviittiieessAdditional activities add another dimen-sion to the Bar/Bat Mitzvah or weddingexperience and allow opportunities toenjoy relatives and friends that you may
not see frequently. Consider the following: If your child isbecoming a Bar or Bat Mitzvah on SaturdayMorning, invite guests to the synagogue onFriday night to enjoy the service and OnegShabbat. This also applies to the Ufrufbefore the wedding.Family portraits can be arranged at home,at the reception site, or synagogue.A “morning after” brunch is a delightfulway to wrap up the simcha and allowfamilies and friends to be together onemore time. MMiisscceellllaanneeoouussYou may wish to schedule appointmentsfor manicures, hair, and make-up appoint-ments for your guests who will not befamiliar with the area.Consider a web site for the Bar/BatMitzvah or the wedding couple thatincludes weekend and hotel informa-tion, online RSVP, printable drivinginstructions, explanations for non-Jewish guests, and much more. Photoscan be posted here after the event, aswell as thanks, thoughts and reflections,and personal messages.An agenda of weekend activities sent with
the invitations will help guests scheduleflights or travel plans, help them planwhat to pack, and add to the excitement oftraveling. If guests may have some extra time to getout and explore, include brochures or con-tact information for popular sightseeingdestinations in the invitation or a subse-quent mailing.
St. Thomas Synagogue, St. Thomas, USVI
Visit us online at www.bnaimitzvahguide.comDirectory Of Resources52
Planning a Bar or Bat Mitzvah today can bean overwhelming experience because somuch has changed since we parents had ourB’nai Mitzvah party. Today, the celebrationafter the service is not just a party –it’s moreof an "event", complete with entertainment,imprinted party and dance favors, and, insome cases, a theme. Many people hire aprofessional party planner to assist them inputting the entire reception together. Whileat first glance it may seem extravagant tohire a party planner, you should ask yourselfif you have the time, energy and knowledgeto successfully pull it all together. Will youforget something? How do you plan on hav-ing fun when you end up being the organiz-er for the entire event? The truth of the mat-ter is that an experienced party planner cansave you time and money by pointing you inthe right direction for just about everythingyou will need to host a warm, memorableand special event. Party planners will work within your budget,make suggestions, and to refer you to othercompetent professionals such as photogra-phers, bands, florists, etc. How do you select the right party planner
for you? First of all you’ll want to ask yourfriends who they have used and how theirexperience was. Secondly, you’ll want tomeet with several planners to see how theywork as well as seeing if you like their per-sonality. It’s very important to work withsomeone you feel comfortable with andwho understands your needs. Third, find outabout the planner. Do they charge by the jobor by the hour? Are you involved in the plan-ning process or do they plan everything foryou? Will they be readily available to answeryour questions during the planning process?Can they assist with coordinating your cele-bration by being present at your event tohandle everything for you? Hiring a skilledparty planner will allow you to be a guest atyour own celebration. You won’t have theresponsibility of handling all the detailsyourself and you’ll have someone whoknows the "ins and outs" of planning a fabulous event. Save The Date, Inc. , party planningyour way, offers a great alternative toa full service party planner to help youcreate the simcha you have alwaysdreamed of, enabling you to plan yourevent – your way.
Planning the "Big Day"by Cara Weiss of Save The Date, Inc.301-983-6222 (see our display ad, page 45)
