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Dear Families,The coincidence of this past Christmas and Hanukkah being celebrated on the same day (the firsttime since 1959) brought up the discussion of how Hanukkah has come to mean more to manyJews today than it did historically. The celebration of the military victory, the miracle of the oil, andof the quest for religious freedom by our ancestors has been somewhat more enthusiastic thesedays, amid the simultaneous hoopla surrounding Christmas. After all, it is sometimes a challengeto remain an active and proud Jew in a non-Jewish world. So, anything we might do to help retainour Jewish identity and celebrate our Jewish heritage, it is said, is certainly welcome. As it is true for the celebration of Jewish Holidays, it is equally true of our simchas, the celebrationof milestone events. Our celebrations are uniquely Jewish, even if they are dotted with cultural vari-ations based on Ashkenazic or Sephardic customs. The Bar/Bat Mitzvah celebration, in a new twist,is even being copied within the Gentile community. Of course, it hasn’t the religious significance,nor the years of hard work by the teen, behind it, as does the Jewish celebration. But teens will beteens, and we understand as Jews in America what it is to feel “left out”. Jewish weddings are alsounique, with the chuppah, the seven blessings, the ketubah, and breaking the glass. These tradi-tions all help define us and by extension help strengthen the Jewish community. Fasting on Yom Kippur, hearing the Shofar blown on Rosh Hashanah, tasting Hammentashen onPurim, reading from the Torah at your Bar Mitzvah (and hanging out with your cousin afterward),searching for the Afikomen at Pesach (I can still smell my mother’s brisket), lighting candles onHanukkah, breaking bread under the Sukkot, dancing the Hora at your sister’s wedding. These areall strong memories and images of special occasions that help strengthen Jewish identity, not to beforgotten or treated lightly. So, as you are planning your upcoming celebration, keep in mind the importance of the memoriesyou are creating and the heritage you are helping to continue. Mazel Tov to you and your family!

FeaturesThe Significance of the Day! . . . . . . . . . . . . . .4What is a Bar/Bat Mitzvah? . . . . . . . . . . . . . .4Reception Ideas . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .6Bar/Bat Mitzvah Booklet . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .6Mitzvah Project Ideas . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .7Bar/Bat Mitzvah Planning Timetable . . . . . .7Sample Budget Form . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .8Popular Party Themes . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .9Candle Lighting Ceremony . . . . . . . . . . . . . .10Children With Disabilities:Resources for Families . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .11Adult B’nai Mitzvah . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .11Calendar of Jewish Holidays . . . . . . . . . . . .12The Wedding Program . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .12Honors & Alliyot . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .13Suggested Reading . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .13Hebrew 101 . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .14Frequently Asked Questions . . . . . . . . . . . . .14Finding the Right Bat Mitzvah Dress . . . . . .16Words of Wisdom . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .19A Message For Parents who are Divorced .19Place Card Ideas . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .22Sample Invitation Wordings . . . . . . . . . . . .22Marriage License Requirements . . . . . . . . .23Party Planning Pointers . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .31Jewish Weddings Section . . . . . . . . . . . . . .32A Little Tradition Never Hurts! . . . . . . . . . . .36

Using Your Gelt Wisely . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .38Finding the Right Videographer . . . . . . . .39Out-of-Towners Guide . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .41Stay Involved After the Bar/Bat Mitzvah . .44

Directory of ServicesBanquet Facilities / Hotels . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .5Caterers / Catering . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .15Clothing . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .16Decorations / Theme Design . . . . . . . . . . . .18Giftware / Judaica . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .20Invitations / Calligraphy . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .21Music / Entertainment . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .23Novelties / Favors . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .26Party / Event Planning . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .31Photography / Videography . . . . . . . . . . . .37Rental Supplies / Linens . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .40Directory of Resources . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .42

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Mazel Tov to you and your family!Bar/Bat Mitzvahs and weddingsare the happiest of Jewish life-cycle events. But planning theseevents often causes feelings ofanxiety that take away from thathappiness. Maybe this is the firsttime you or your family has everorganized an event or shoppedfor unfamiliar goods and services.Perhaps you don’t fully understandall the elements necessary to hostthe event. You may just need afew pointers or a checklist so youdon’t forget something.We are here to help!B’nai Mitzvah & JewishWeddings™ is the area’s mostcomplete planning and resourceguide. Use this guide to spendless time planning your event andmore time enjoying the experi-ence. We help you understandand enjoy the religious experienceand traditions of Bar/Bat Mitzvahand Jewish Weddings and to plana memorable celebration!

Mona FreedmanPublisher/Editor

Cover Photos by: Barton Paul Photography (Wedding) Classic Photo & Video (Bar Mitzvah)

B’nai Mitzvah & Jewish WeddingsTM

Philadelphia Edition 2006Our StaffMona Freedman, Publisher/EditorJay Freedman, General ManagerBeth Anne Bloom, Production ManagerQuentin Goble, Production CoordinatorDebbie Barger, Account ExecutiveJamie Freedman, Sales AssociateDmitry Bederak, Sales AssociateDonna Blake, Account ExecutiveKeith Parsons, Account ExecutiveDenise Greco, Showcase CoordinatorPublished Annually by Milestone Media Group, Inc.5360-E Enterprise St., Eldersburg, MD 217841-877-856-5490 | Fax 410-549-6467e-mail: info@bnaimitzvahguide.comwebsite: www.bnaimitzvahguide.comCopyright © 2006, Milestone Media Group, Inc. All rights reserved. Milestone MediaGroup, Inc. does not endorse any product or service listed or advertised in thispublication. We reserve the right to reject any advertisement or listing that we feel isnot in keeping with the publication’s standards. The publisher has made everyattempt at accuracy. We do not assume any and hereby disclaim any liability to anyparty for any loss or damage caused by errors or omissions in this publication.Reproduction of any part of B’nai Mitzvah & Jewish WeddingsTM is permitted onlywith written permission of the publisher.

The Freedman Family

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The Significance of the Day!

B’nai Mitzvah & Jewish WeddingsTM

believes that all families should recog-nize the religious importance of theBar/Bat Mitzvah, the rite of passage, andthe whole Jewishness of the child. This

life-cycle event will have long lasting meaning to thefamily, relatives, friends and especially the honored child.Becoming a Bar/Bat Mitzvah symbolizes the child’s reli-gious coming of age and the beginning of life as a fullyparticipating Jewish adult. He/she will now accept reli-gious responsibilities and can perform the importantduties of Jewish life.The celebration of the event is an important componentbecause it honors the child’s accomplishments and givesloved ones and others the opportunity to show greatpride and joy for the child. This publication focuses onplanning the reception or celebration, but we recom-mend that you, as parents, participate fully in the wholeMitzvah and understanding the significance and mean-ing of the day. Remember, the party would be meaning-less without the ceremony. On page 6 is a partial list ofresources that helps the reader learn more about theTorah, Judaism, and the spiritual meaning of the Bar/BatMitzvah. Your Synagogue, local library, bookstores,stores in this guide that carry religious items and ouronline bookstore at www.bnaimitzvahguide.com mayhave these as well as other resources.

Here are some other ways tobring meaning to the day:• Attend synagogue with your children regularly, even

if they sit with their friends. Discuss the service andthe Rabbi’s sermon afterwards.

• Encourage your child to give to tzedakah (charity), asit is a responsibility for Jewish adults. Giving from thechild’s own funds is even more meaningful, even if itis a dollar or two.

• Encourage the Bar/Bat Mitzvah to practice his/herparasha (Torah portion) and perhaps haftarah portionfrequently. Even if it is awkward, listen to their prac-ticing, as your child becomes a young adult.

• Meet with the Rabbi as a family, if this is the customat your synagogue, and allow your child to speakfreely.

• Discuss the Torah portion being read, both theHebrew and the English translation. Relate the mes-sage in that portion to events today in the world, inyour own community, or in your family.

• Participate in the service, if your synagogue allowsthis, by reading prayers, lighting candles, recitingblessings, or helping with the ark and the Torah.

• Perform a mitzvah with your child and/or encouragea Mitzvah Project. There are many worthwhile ideassome are listed on page 7.

What is a Bar/Bat Mitzvah?

Translated as “Son/daughter of the commandments”, one becomes a Bar orBat Mitzvah at age 13 (12 for girls in mostOrthodox congregations) independent of aceremony marking the occasion.

By tradition, because a Bar/Bat Mitzvah ceremony is acustom not a commandment, age 13 is when a childbecomes obligated to the ritual responsibilities of Jewishlife. This is referred to as the “commandment age”, the“age of majority”, or a “religious coming of age”. At thispoint in the young adult’s life, he or she is presumed tobe responsible for those religious obligationsindependent of the parents.Those obligations might include mitzvot, being part of aminyan (religious prayer quorum), fasting on YomKippur, leading the congregation in prayer or wearing

tefillin. Therefore, becoming a Bar/Bat Mitzvah is certain-ly an important life-cycle event. In secular terms, thispoint in a teen’s life, often marks enormous growth andmaturity reflected by several years of study and practicebefore the special day. Combined with the responsibilityof Jewish adulthood, this event often brings an over-whelming wave of emotion to parents and close rela-tives.This event is marked by participation in services, readingthe Torah and leading the congregation in prayer. Afterthe service, it is customary to celebrate with a specialmeal to commemorate the mitzvah. Over time, theparty, or simcha, has evolved. This is a way for familiesto celebrate a rite of passage, as well as bring extendedfamilies together to reunite for a joyous celebration.

Celebration has historicallybeen an integral part of theimportant rite of passageof the Bar/Bat Mitzvah.In the past, and again recently, the extent of somecelebrations has raised questions about the appropri-ateness and dignity of the simcha. This is especiallymarked when there appears to be no connectionbetween the spiritual side of the event and the party.Debate, of course, has always been an integral part ofthe American experience, including AmericanJudaism. We understand that celebration should be atthe same time meaningful to the family, respectful ofJewish law and tradition, and reflective of synagogueand community values. This is sometimes a difficult task to accomplish,especially after the events of September 11th andthe current violence in Iraq, Israel, Afghanistan andelsewhere. We do not propose the answers here,except to emphasize that personal choice is alsoan important American and Jewish dimension.How important a party celebration is to one family wecannot say. But the Bar/Bat Mitzvah only passes onceon the way to becoming a teenager, and the rite ofpassage is undeniably sacred and important. After all,the celebration is not only for the act of reading theTorah, leading the congregation in prayer and givinga speech. There has been determined studying,learning and practicing. There has been intellectualand spiritual growth. There have been mitzvot (gooddeeds), tzedakah (charity) and gemilut chasadim(non-financial giving) that help build self-esteemand mold character. The Bar/Bat Mitzvah has earnedthe right to be part of a minyan, be called for alliyot,or wear the tefillin. That this should be celebrated insome way is undeniable, but the intensity and extentof that celebration, while ever debatable, is probablya matter of individual taste and preference. Whateveryour choice may be, Mazel Tov to you and your fami-ly!

A Word Aboutthe Bar/BatMitzvahCelebration

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Banquet Facilities & Hotels

You may want to ask the followingquestions when inquiring about facilities:1. How much do you charge for children’s meals and what is the age range?2. What is the price of limited bar versus open bar and the price for

non-alcoholic beverages?3. Do you serve buffet style or plated meals, and the prices for each?4. Do you have any upcoming renovations planned?5. Is your facility handicap accessible? What about accessibility of outdoor facilities,

such as a gazebo, garden, or patio?6. What colors are available for table linens and chair covers?

Are additional colors/styles available?

7. Are additional rooms available for teens /children / entertainment, or for a bridalroom for the wedding party? Is there a private room for family or bridal portraits?

8. Are packages available that include flowers, photos, decorations, invitations, etc.?9. What restrictions are there for decorations, entertainment, and outside catering

options? Are cakes/desserts allowed from outside? Is there limited electricor lighting available?

10. Is there a coat room with an attendant? Is there valet parking or convenient,onsite parking spaces?

Banquet

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Reception IdeasYour choice of reception style, location, and time will depend upon personal preference, family needs,local customs, budget and availability. Do not worry too much about pleasing others - you and yourfamily must be comfortable with the arrangements. Here are just a few variants and ideas to discuss:

Kiddush Luncheonat the Synagogue:This is probably the least expensive way to offer a cele-

bratory meal away from home. It can be catered, or bringin platters prepared by you or some helpers (Note: Thiswill not be allowed in facilities where kashrut isobserved) . This can also be offered in addition to a moreformal evening affair or a kids-only party.

Reception at the Synagogue: Check to see if your Synagogue has adequate facilitiesand staff to accommodate your needs. Some Synagoguesalso have rules regarding kashrut, caterers, entertain-ment, photography, flowers and more. Consult with theSynagogue staff

Non-Traditional Reception Sites:- Community center- Social hall- Country club (even if you don’t belong)- Boats and yachts- Museum or Zoo- Elegant restaurants- Theme restaurants

Kiddush Luncheon at a Restaurant: Can be very reasonably priced, particularly if it iscustomary to invite all congregants to a Kiddushluncheon at the synagogue.

Reception at a Hotel: This is often desirable, afternoon or evening, when manyguests from out-of-town are expected. Ask about roomrates and room blocks to reserve. Remember, too, thein-town guests who have to find the hotel and park,so make the location accessible.

Home Reception: Yes, it’s less expensive. But remember the extra work,the clean-up, the wear and tear - and you can’t walkaway from it after the party! Still, lovely home receptionshave been done. Consider services such as a caterer,party planner, entertainers, and clean-up help so you canbe a guest at your own party.

Kids-Only Party: Usually held in conjunction with a Kiddush luncheon,this can be held anywhere your Bar/Bat Mitzvah and youagree upon. Arcades, zoos, pools, amusement parks,kids’ museums, theme restaurants, bowling alleys, sportscenters, and skating rinks all are appropriate locations.Some have food, some you’ll need to bring. A D.J.,entertainer, or inflatable attraction can add to the funand please everyone.

Reception at a Catering Hall: These are often beautifully decorated and well-run,because that is their only business. Ask about packagesthat include other services (flowers, decorations,videography, etc.) that you may want or need.

Waterfall Banquet & Conference Center

WeddingEvening Hours (5 hours shown here)6:30 - 7:30 PMHors d’oeuvres, cocktails, backgroundmusic, greeting arriving guests. Weddingpictures are taken, if they weren't beforethe ceremony. Guest book is signed,and table cards picked up, if any.7:30 - 8:00 PMThe Master of Ceremonies formallywelcomes guests, introduction of theWedding Party, blessing over the wineand challah.8:00 - 9:00 PMDinner, light music. Toasts and speechesfrom the Best Man, Maid of Honor,Parents. Dinner ends with blessings or areprise of the sheva b'rachot.9:00 - 9:45 PMBride and groom have the first dance,cake cutting ceremony, more toasts.Hora dance, traditional Jewish music.9:45 - 11:30 PMThe night continues with dancing. Bridethrows bouquet. Groom throws garter.Bride and groom change into goingaway clothes and dance the final dance.Mezinke Tanz–a dance that honors par-

ents who have married off the last oftheir children. Parents thank guests andsay goodnight.

Bar/Bat MitzvahEvening Hours (4 hours shown here)7:30 - 8:15 PMHor d’oeuvres, cocktails, backgroundmusic, greeting arriving guests. Youngerguests entertained in another room withgames (Coke-Pepsi, scavenger hunt,etc.), caricatures, dance music, etc. 8:15 - 8:30 PMThe Master of Ceremonies formally wel-comes guests, introduction of theBar/Bat Mitzvah family, blessing over thewine and challah.8:30 - 9:30 PMDinner, light music.9:30 - 9:45 PMCandle-lighting ceremony, Hora dance,traditional Jewish music.9:45 - 11:30 PMThe night continues with dancing.Videographer records family and friendsin a quiet location saying Mazel Tov tothe Bar/Bat Mitzvah.

Sample ReceptionAgendas Many congregations

allow, even encourage,creation of a Bar/BatMitzvah booklet or program for the service.This is compiled and produced by thefamily for distribution to congregantsand guests by the ushers, or inserted into prayer books. It can have a variety of unique features aimed at relatives and friends, guests, congregants, non-Jewish guests,and so on. Here are some examples: • A short description of the worship

service as conducted at yoursynagogue,

• A brief explanation of the meaning of aBar/Bat Mitzvah, event or an essay bythe Bar/Bat Mitzvah on the meaningof the day to him/her,

• Poems or special readings,• A discussion of the current parasha,

or Torah portions,• A list or description of the mitzvot

performed by the Bar/Bat Mitzvah,• Comments from close relatives,

• Photographs of the Bar/Bat Mitzvah.Be creative, but check with your Rabbifirst before making copies to distribute.

• Deborah Burman Carasso, of UniqueInvitations, (1-877-837-9122) explainshow a program was used fora Havdallah/ Hanukah Bar Mitzvah:“[The program] explained to gueststhe order of the service, the Haftorahportion, what it means, honors given,page numbers to follow, explanationsof the Mitzvah Project, what Hanukahand Havdallah service is along withwhat the spice bags are for, thanks topeople who have made this day hap-pen...On the back had the directions forthe dreidel game. It made non-Jewishguests feel much more comfortablenow that they knew what was goingon.” And it serves as a wonderfulkeepsake of the special day!

• Vivian Singer of SingerSiddur(www.singersiddur.com) makes cus-tom prayer books and supplementsthat could include custom art andpoetry, a list of honors and alliyot, awelcome letter, transliterations of keyprayers and more to make a uniquebound memento.

Bar/Bat Mitzvah Booklet

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2 Years Before the Event• Obtain date from Temple/Synagogue.• Set your budget.• Decide on the type of event you want

(day, evening, formal etc.).• Estimate number of guests

and book reception hall or caterer.• Book the photographer/videographer.

1 1/2 Years Before the Event• Book the DJ/band.• Decide on your party theme and color scheme.

6-12 Months Before the Event• Your child will start formal lessons/training• Talk to florists about prices and floral designs.• Decide on centerpieces/balloon designs.• Start looking at invitation designs and prices.

6-8 Months Before the Event• Book a hotel block for out-of-town guests.• Start clothes shopping.• Send out “Save the Date” reminders

3-6 Months Before the Event• Order or design your sign-in board and guest book.• Order favors.• Order yarmulkes.• Order your invitations.

3 Months Before the Event• Finalize guest list.• Make a hotel packet for out-of-towners.• Try to make your final selections on

clothing and accessories.• Buy stamps.• Have completely assembled invitations

weighed to ensure correct postage.• Find a calligrapher.

6-8 Weeks Before the Event• Mail the invitations.• Make up a song list for the DJ/band.• Make appointments with florists/balloonist

and place your order.

1 Month before the Event• Make hair stylist and manicure appointments.• Have final fittings done for clothing.• Arrange catering for brunch.

2-3 Weeks before the Event• Choose people for Aliyot and honors.• Choose the people to be honored for the

candle lighting ceremony and write poems.• Meet with the DJ/band and make sure they know

the candle lighting songs.• Do guest seating arrangements and

send to the reception hall.• Order the food for Kiddush or Oneg Shabbat.• Make sure the arrangements are complete with

centerpieces, balloons, sign-in board, etc.• Write prayers or speeches.• Send final instructions to photographer/videographer.• Pay all Synagogue fees.

1 Week before the Event• Take formal pictures and pictures on Bimah.• Meet with the caterer to finalize guest count.• Make arrangements to get your guests

from the airport to the hotel.• Confirm your brunch arrangements.

Bar/Bat Mitzvah TimetableStart Planning Early!

Regardless of the size ofyour celebration, you mustget properly organized.Build yourself a Bar/Bat Mitzvah or Weddingorganizer using a large(two inch or larger) three-ringbinder and use it as follows:• Place this magazine in the front pocket

for easy reference.• Insert section dividers for major areas such as

Reception, Invitations, Hotels, Transportation, GuestList, Decorations, Photography and Videography,Entertainment, etc. Keep all your worksheets,brochures, call records, quotations, bills and receipts together for easy reference.

• Use a master budget form (copy the one on page 8)to track over all expenses.

• Use punched envelopes to hold receipts.• Ask the facility for a floor or table layout,

keep handy for reference• On the front of each section, list everything you

want or need. Check them off when they havebeen finalized.

• Make a section for the synagogue that has yourlist of honors and alliyot, communication from thesynagogue, copies of prayers to recite, gifts ordonations to the synagogue, etc.

• Leave a section for candle lighting poems orthoughts, notes for speeches, favorite music,sketches or examples of decorations, ideas for asign-in-book, and other personal notes.

• Collect invitations you receive to help with wording.• Anything else that makes your life easier.

Believe it or not, these pagesmake a great memento orscrapbook of the occasion.

Let’s GetOrganized!

Many Synagogues encourage or require students to par-ticipate in or initiate a mitzvah project in order to con-tribute to the community and to help the less fortunate, aspart of becoming a Jewish adult. The following are someideas for possible projects; check with your school admin-istrator or rabbi before you begin.• Visit and assist at a local homeless shelter.• Serve meals at a senior center.• Collect coats and hats for the needy and donate to a

shelter.• Collect food for a local food pantry, or conduct a

drive for your Synagogue’s food pantry collection.You could coordinate this with Passover, as familiesclean the non-Kosher food out of their pantries.

• Assist at a local animal shelter, or conduct a drive toplace homeless pets.

• Help organize a rides program for elderly and dis-abled members of your Synagogue to ensure thatthey can participate in services.

• Become trained as a respite care provider to babysit

children with disabilities. Donate some of your timeto give relief to parents of these children, who rarely get a break.

• Organize a clean-up of a local park or volunteer tohelp with a stream reclamation project. Call youCounty Department of Natural Resources or Parksand Recreation Department.

• Offer to help build and decorate Sukkot for peoplewho are unable, or offer to help with the Sukkot atthe JCC or a Jewish nursing home.

• Collect books and magazines for hospitals and nurs-ing homes, or for people in need.

• Gather your friends for an art project that can bedonated to an agency. Popular art projects includemaking pictures and/or greeting cards for hospitalpatients; creating Shabbat kits for nursing homeresidents; decorating flower pots and planting flow-ers for your synagogue or local community center;making flashcards using pictures from magazinesfor an English tutoring program.

Mitzvah Project Ideas

7

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It’s a Matter ofDollars and SenseKeep the great cost cutting tips inmind when planning your event.

Sample Budget FormNote: Include tax and tips in all expenses

Bar/Bat Mitzvah Cost Cutting Tips1. Use more traditional style invitations, which tend to be more economical.

Ask your invitation professional to suggest more cost-cutting tips that areappropriate for your situation.

2. Explore the possibility of using package plans for the entertainment,photography, and other services.

3. Make your own centerpieces. Party or toy stores have great ideas.4. You can decorate and personalize the welcome board and guest book

by using glitter pens and markers.5. Generally, Saturday is the most expensive day to hold the Simcha. Consider your

child becoming a Bar/Bat Mitzvah on another day when the Torah is read.6. Favors can be bought at gift or toy stores. Personalize them with labels created

on your computer or they can be personalized/monogrammed where purchased.7. Some stores may negotiate on prices when buying in bulk quantities, just ask.8. Purchasing supplies and favors through catalogs may save money,

especially in bulk quantities.9. Consider an afternoon Kiddush luncheon which may be less expensive

than an evening reception.10. Chicken dishes are usually less costly than beef dishes. 11. Balloons are usually less costly than flowers.

Wedding Cost Cutting Tips1. Use more traditional style invitations, which tend to be more economical.

Ask your invitation professional to suggest more cost-cutting tips that areappropriate for your situation.

2. Avoid serving liquor at the reception, or only serve for limited times.Alternatively, feature beer, wine, and a champagne fountain.These all cost less than a full open bar.

3. Shop around for the best deal on flowers. Some florists mark up arrangementsthat are designated for weddings, a so-called “wedding mark-up”.Avoid exotic flowers, opting instead for seasonal and regional (local) flowers.

4. Looking for bridal gown bargains? Borrow from a friend or relative, buy one at aconsignment shop, purchase a sample gown, or look at shops further from themetropolitan area.

5. Avoid wedding dates near holidays when florists, hotels, limousines,and other services charge a premium.

6. Favors can be bought at gift or toy stores. Personalize them with labels createdon your computer or they can be personalized/monogrammed where purchased.

7. Avoid oversized invitations and lots of inserts that require extra postage,and make the response card a post card, which costs less to send.

8. DJ’s are often less expensive than live music. If you are planning several typesof live music, look for a Klezmer band that also plays pop. oldies, swing, etc.You get two bands for the price of one!

9. Consider a Sunday afternoon luncheon that may be less expensive thanan evening reception.

10. Chicken dishes are usually less costly than beef dishes. Do not assume thata buffet is cheaper than a served meal–ask for prices on both.

11. Arts and crafts stores have do-it-yourself supplies for bridal bouquets, favors,veils, table centerpieces, guest books, even a chuppah.

12. Order a small tier cake for photographs and sheet cakes, which cost less, to feed guests dessert.

SERVICEOR VENDOR

ESTIMATEDCOST

ACTUALCOST

DEPOSITDUE

BALANCEDUE

Banquet Hall

Caterer & Bar

DJ/Band

Photography

Videography

Decorations

Invitations /Postage

Entertainment

Florist

Event Planner

Favors & Gifts

Judaica

Clothing

Cake

Fri. NightOneg Shabbat

Sat. KiddushLuncheon

PersonalExpenses

Rental Items

Transportation

Morning AfterBrunch

Synagogue Fees/Officiant Fees

TOTAL

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The Great Theme DebateWhether or not to add a theme to aBar/Bat Mitzvah celebration is notso much a matter of debate but ofpersonal preference. If a theme willdetract from your celebration,forget it! You don’t need oneto have a meaningful spiritual andfamily experience.

If a theme will add some fun to your celebration witout detracting from the experience, then go for it!Always consult the Bar/Bat Mitzvah for suggestedthemes, but remember, a theme often involves extrawork and expense, so be prepared. Here are a few ofthe many possible themes you might use.

Sports Theme• Use football, baseball, soccer ball-shaped balloons.• Favors could be personalized balls, rackets, puck’s etc.• Centerpieces could include miniature “sports” ball

or foam board cut-outs.• A blow-up of your child’s favorite sports pose.

Television/Movie Themes(Wizard of Oz, Star Wars, Gone With the Wind, etc.)• Use life-size cardboard stand-ups for

decoration (often found at party stores).• Name the tables different characters

(placecards could read: Mr./Mrs. Guest are seatedat the Rhett Butler table).

• Movie or TV props could be incorporated intothe centerpieces.

Hollywood Stars Theme• Your sign-in or welcome board could read:

“Now Appearing” or “The Star of the Show is(child’s name)” along with a blow-up pictureof the Bar/Bat Mitzvah child.

• Each table could be named for a popular stari.e., Tom Cruise, John Travolta.

• Centerpieces and namecards could includea Hollywood theme.

Israeli Theme• Each table could be named for a different city in

Israel.• Decorations and balloons could be blue and white.• Israeli flags could be used in

the centerpiece.

Torah Portion• Lessons from the weekly torah portion come to life! • Tables named for figures, tribes, or

places prominent in the weekly reading. • Crafts to make include take-home

Israeli-style favors. • Create an Israel marketplace with cafe´

tables or pillow areas inside tents like ancient days.• “Torah” scroll sign-in book• Klezmer music and Israel dance instructor.

Candy Theme• Use Hershey® Kiss balloons in

the centerpiece.• You can give a solid chocolate 6-8 ounce Hershey®

Kiss to your candle lighting honorees.• Your female guests could receive a chocolate rose.• Use personalized king-size candy bars as favors

Oscar Party• Use Oscar-shaped invitations.• Tables: Medium sized silver bowls filled with

peaches and plums to be used ascenterpieces for each table. (They look verynice and serve a practical purpose.)

• To entertain your guests before or after the eventplay a home made video of the child and his/herfriends as if they are on T.V. by acting like theirfavorite actors and directors talking about howthey felt about winning an Oscar.

• Every kid receives miniature Oscar key chains(found at party store).

Grand Prix or NASCAR• Black and white checkered paper on tables

Decorate with checkered flags and red,white and black balloons.

• Remote control raceway as an activity Raceposters as souvenirs.

Stroll Down Broadway• Theatre marque, spotlights and flashing neon

to create atmosphere.• Each table could be named for a different play.• Sign–in board with the Bar/Bat Mitzvah on the

cover of a Playbill.

Give the Bar/Bat Mitzvah aHavdalah set of their own toremember through the years.Distribute spice bags filled with cloves, which can bemade or purchased. They smell delicious and are givenout just before the Havdalah service begins.They can be personalized with ribbon.Use Hanukkah party bags as placecards for thereception. Fill it with a bear with a kippah and Jewishstar, a golden dreidel and a bag of pareve chocolategelt. Tie it with ribbon and attach a gift bag/placecard.Dress the tables with more dreidels and chocolate gelt. Hand make the Bar/Bat Mitzvah’s Tallit. Countedcrosstitch is pretty easy and very nice. Some peoplepaint on silk which is beautiful also.Purchase crocheted doilies and decorate them for theladies’ head coverings. You’ll love seeing people wear-ing them over and over again.

Hanukkah/HavdalahBar MitzvahSubmitted byDeborah Burman Carasso,Unique Invitations(1-877-837-9122)

Simcha

Tip!

Stay Connected!Keep the office, pager, and especially cellular phonenumbers handy on the day of the event for caterers,party planners, entertainers, photographers, etc.If something goes wrong, or you have a lastminute change or request, you can easily contactyour vendors.

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The CandleLighting Ceremony

There is no historical orreligious precedent, com-mandment, or even spe-cial religious meaning tothe candle lighting cere-

mony at a Bar/Bat Mitzvah celebration.Nevertheless, it has quickly become acustom at Bar/Bat Mitzvah simchas herein America, and for good reason. Itallows the Bar or Bat Mitzvah to person-ally honor and connect with loved onesor special friends, or pay tribute to anabsent or departed relative who ismissed. It is sometimes hard for eyes tostay dry during these moments and isoften the most cherished part of a magi-cal event.Thirteen candles are often used; some-times an extra one is added for goodluck (or to squeeze another honor in). Apoem, speech or short statement is readcalling the honoree to the table wherethey light the next candle with the pre-vious one or assist the Bar/Bat Mitzvahwith this. These are often special

moments and flashes click and videorolls. Music is sometimes played whilethe honorees make their way to thetable, and this is usually carefully coordinated with the DJ or bandleaderwell ahead of time.Candles are usually tall (nine inch)tapers, sometimes shorter. They can beset into or (more likely) behind a cake.Some families construct candle lightingboards. This can be a painted or decorat-ed foam board with candle holders, theBar/Bat Mitzvah’s name, or it could bean elaborate set piece. Make sure it isnot so tall that it blocks people behind itor that it has any decorations closeenough to the candles to catch fire. Also,check with Synagogue rules on candlelighting, if the simcha will be held there.Some synagogues prohibit candle light-ing on Shabbat or for safety reasons. Youmight then substitute toasts, presenta-tion of flowers or hand-made crafts,trees planted in Israel, or some otherunique way of recognizing loved ones.

• Keep candle lighting poems/sayings short. Rhymes arenot necessary, but they can be entertaining and a nice touch.

• If you are having trouble developing your own poems,you may wish to hire a professional. There are servicesthat will assist you with finding just the right words.

• Group several lightings together in order to use the same song for groups offriends or cousins, like “We are Family” or the theme from Beaches. This will helpthe DJ/band transition between the candle lighters. Your Master of Ceremoniesmay need these song selections several days before the event.

• Some families offer a small token gift or something personalized to each honoree.• You could plant a tree in Israel for each of the honorees and hand them the

certificate when they are called to light a candle.• Some families light a candle in memory of a recently deceased

relative or a close relative/guest who could not be there that day.

Check out these additionalCandle Lighting Tips:

CandlelightingPoems

You’re Busy Making All Those PlansI’ll Take the Work Out of Your Hands

We’ll Talk; You’ll Give Me All The Facts‘Bout Grandma Ann and Uncle Max

They’ll Light Those Candles On That Cake With Special Words From Carole Blake

Customized Songs Too!Carole Blake

Toll Free1-888-454-POEM

(7636)email: cbpoems@optonline.net

Web: www.cbpoems.com

Sample CandleLighting PoemsBy Carole Blake, 1-888-454-7636

GRANDMAI call my Grandma “MeeMaw” - causewhen I was very small...I knew I really loved her - but I couldn’tsay “Grandma” at all!Mom and I lived with her - till I was theage of nine...And as long as she has her pocketbook &keys - MeeMaw’s doing fine! She loves “Unsolved Mysteries” and the“Home Shopping Show”Where she puts all that “junk”...I willnever, ever know!What I do know is that she -- means a lotto me...MeeMaw, I know you’re gonna cry...butplease light Candle 3

AUNT STACEYAunt Stacey, you are special, and youmean so much to meYou give me lots of time, and you’re lovingas can be!You always take me shopping, and youbuy me lots of clothesYou helped with my Bat Mitzvah speech;my admiration grows!I used to love to stay - at your apartmentin the cityAnd you wallpapered my first bedroom -

and made it nice and pretty!You taught me how to chew gum! Thanksa lot for that!And I also want to thank you for thosetimes you babysat!On every single holiday - there’s always agift with my name...Now Candle 7’s waiting...come on andlight the flame

HOLLYWOOD THEME:GRANDMA & GRAND-PAGrandma Phissy and Grandpa Ronnie –the Oscar goes to you…For being so terrific…at everything youdo!Grandma’s matzo ball soup – is the best inthe world…I bet…And I love hearing Grandpa’s jokes –though sometimes they’re hard to get!He keeps me well-supplied – with allthose Pilot pens…And so now…Grandma andGrandpa…let me say again…Thanks for your production – of my Mom;it’s clear to me…That you are very special; now please lightcandle #3!

Visit us online at www.bnaimitzvahguide.com

Every Jewish child deserves to become a Bar/BatMitzvah. When planning a service for your childwith a disability, it is important to know howflexible the Rabbi will be for the day of the serv-ice. A good way to make your child more com-

fortable is to first familiarize him/her with the sanctuary well inadvance of the ceremony. With your child’s comfort levelincreased it will be easier for them to remain patient through-out the ceremony. Depending on your child’s abilities, you mayfind some of the following suggestions, adapted from the Al PiDarco – According to Their Ways – A Special NeedsEducational Resource Manual (permission courtesy of the Union

for Reformed Judaism), quite helpful for accommodating andmaking the ceremony special for your child.For those children that have trouble sitting still, try havingbreaks throughout the ceremony or allowing the child to usethe entire sanctuary as the bimah. If your child has difficultiesstaying quiet, ask the Rabbi to tell the midrash of the child whodoes not know the prayers but yells out random letters, so thatG-d will gather the child’s offerings and place them in theproper order to form the words of prayer. If your child cannotverbalize he could instead use sign language, play an instru-ment, dress or undress the sefer torah, open the ark, hold up aKiddush cup or have a family member read the service while

the Bar/Bat Mitzvah points with the yad. For those childrenwho are wheelchair users, ask the rabbi if the entire servicecould be held with the congregation sitting down. If your childis not able to carry the sefer torah a family member could doso in their honor and they could instead hug the torah. There are many options to make this day special foryour child. Be sure to talk with the Rabbi, Cantor orsynagogue staff in preparation for the special event and makearrangements well in advance. Also, be sure talk with yourchild to incorporate their input into this joyous occasion.For more ideas and inspiration, see our websiteat www.bnaimitzvahguide.com.

When the Bar/Bat Mitzvah has a Disability:Strategies for Having a Joyous Occasion

11Tell everyone you found it in B’nai Mitzvah & Jewish Weddings™

NEW JERSEYJewish Family andChildren’s Service of SNJServices include vocational services, socialskills groups, life skills training, Parentgroups, respite services, and Gam holiday cel-ebrations programs, offering children withdisabilities and their families fun around theJewish holidays. For more information, pleasecall Barbara Abrams 856-424-1333www.jfcssnj.orgKatz Jewish Community CenterThe ACHaD Department (AchievingCommunity Hopes and Dreams) serves indi-viduals with special needs, from infantsthrough seniors. Provides social, cultural,recreational and educational opportunities tochildren, teens and adults with special needsthrough classes and events that meet theincreasing needs of individuals with develop-mental disabilities in this community. Formore information, please call 856-424-4444jfedsnj.wwwcomm.com/jcc

PHILADELPHIAJewish Family and Children’sService of Greater Philadelphia JFCS provides a comprehensive range of serv-ices for individuals with special needs andtheir families, including counseling, case

management, planning for the future, life-skills training, support groups and socializa-tion programs, advocacy, and information/referral. In addition, the agency works withother organizations in the Jewish communityto encourage the inclusion of persons withdevelopmental disability in their programs.Available at all counseling offices. For moreinformation, please call 215-698-4500www.jfcsphil.org/specn.htmAuerbach Central Agencyfor Jewish EducationMandell Education CampusProvides materials and consultation servicesfor Jewish Schools. Offers information andreferral concerning Jewish education pro-grams for people with disabilities. Associationfor Special Jewish Education provides advoca-cy and support for parents and teachers.Sponsors forums and fairs. For more informa-tion, please call 215-635-8940Jewish Community High SchoolGratz College Provides Jewish academic andsocial programs for teens and young adultswith learning disabilities and developmentaldelays. A psychologistis available for consul-tation. For more information, please call215-635-7300Parent’s for Torah For All ChildrenP’tach Provides educational services for chil-

dren with disabilities to make placement in aJewish school possible. Offers Jewish studiesfor children with disabilities in schools whereit is not part of the curriculum. For moreinformation, please call Khana Globman215-477-7123The following Jewish schools haveeducational programs for childrenwith special needs:• Abrams Hebrew Academy 215-493-1800• Akiba Hebrew Academy 610-667-4070• Politz Hebrew Academy of Philadelphia

215-969-5960The Raymond and Ruth PerelmanJewish Day SchoolA Solomon Schechter Affiliate• Forman Center 215-685-2518• Stern Center 610-685-2518• Torah Academy of Greater Philadelphia

610-642-7870Religious ProgramsGam Yahad (All Together)Offers religious programs for the develop-mentally disabled in various area synagogues.Sponsored by the Board of Rabbis, theAuerbach Central Agency for Jewish educa-tion and the Jewish Family and Children’sService. For more information, please call215-673-0100

Social, Health andRecreational ProgramsRose Olanoff Community CenterOffers social and recreational programs forthe deaf and hearing-impaired including reli-gious observances, Shabbat and High Holidayservices. For more information, pleasecall 215-725-9010Simcha and Simcha WestJewish Family and Children’s Serviceof Greater PhiladelphiaSponsors support groups for Jewish familieswith special-needs children. Simcha’s officein Northeast Philadelphia has a Russian-speaking counselor available. For more infor-mation, please call 215-673-0100 Ext. 277Special Needs ProgramJewish Family and Children’s Serviceof Greater PhiladelphiaOffers individual, group counseling and casemanagement for persons with developmentaldisabilities and their families; monthly con-ference calls for homebound physically dis-abled adults; support groups, socializationprograms, job placement assistance and in-home monitoring visits for persons withdevelopmental disabilities; and supportgroups and respite care for families of chil-dren with disabilities. For more information,please call 215-698-4500.

Children with Disabilities: Resources for Families

The desire to become closer with their reli-gion has inspired an exciting new experi-ence for five amazing women.Over the past three years DonnaFagelbaum, Lois Kampf, Iris Serle, Beth

Snyder, and Bonnie Turtz, all varying in age, haveembarked on a journey to discover their religion andfound many more treasures along the way. In their youth, many of these women did not become BatMitzvah because it just wasn’t common for girls. Eachwoman, influenced by her own desire to better under-stand temple services and become closer with her her-itage, joined a B’not Mitzvah group, meeting everyTuesday at Temple Beth Torah in Tamarac, Florida.

Though some family members expressed mixed reac-tions, the women began attending classes weekly. Theirteacher, Lori Neiberg, led them through their studieswith care and compassion. Having become an Adult BatMitzvah herself, she was very comforting to the groupand very excited about their progress. As the classes continued, the members became closefriends and even formed study groups in their homes,each one assisting the other when necessary. BonnieTurtz feels that there is “such a warmth and true bondbetween us that words do not give it justice. When youmeet together every week you become part of each oth-ers’ lives, and we truly care for one another. Whensomeone doesn't show up for class we all worry. We

have blended as a group and we all rely on each otherfor this special day. Our heritage teaches us aboutcompassion and this group as encompassed that.” Othersfound joy and a great sense of camaraderie within thesmall group that has since become more like an extend-ed family.With much dedication, the five women began to under-stand the Parsha and feel more comfortable whenattending service. With the progression of time thewomen also found that their families were more under-standing and supportive of their endeavors. (ContinuedOnline)Read the entire article on our websitewww.bnaimitzvahguide.com...

Adult B’nai Mitzvah Emerges From Inspiration

2006-20075767

2007-20085768

2008-20095769

2009-20105770

Rosh Hashanah - The Jewish New Year;start of the Ten Days of Penitence

Sat.-Sun.Sept. 23-24

Thur.-Fri.Sept. 13-14

Tues.-Wed.Sept. 30- Oct. 1

Sat.-Sun.Sept. 19-20

Yom Kippur - Day of Atonement; a very solemn day of the year,devoted to fasting, prayer and repentance.

Mon.Oct. 2

Sat.Sept. 22

Thurs.Oct. 9

Mon.Sept. 28

Sukkot - First two days of Tabernacles; commemoratingthe dwelling of the Israelites in booths in the wilderness.

Sat.-Sun.Oct. 7-8

Thur.-Fri.Sept. 27-28

Tues.-Wed.Oct. 14-15

Sat.-Sun .Oct. 3-4

Shemini Atzeret - Eighth Day of Assemblyand Simchat Torah -Rejoicing of the Law.

Sat.-Sun.Oct. 14-15

Thur.-Fri.Oct. 4-5

Tues.-Wed.Oct. 21-22

Sat.-Sun .Oct. 10-11

Hanukkah - Festival of Lights; victory of the Maccabeesand rededication of the Temple.

Sat.-Sat.Dec. 16-23

Wed.-Wed.Dec. 5-12

Mon.-Mon.Dec. 22-29

Sat.-Sat .Dec. 12-19

Purim - Celebrates defeat of plot to destroy the Jews of Persia.Sun.

Mar. 4Fri.

Mar. 21Tues

Mar. 10Sun.

Feb. 28

Pesach - Passover; deliverance of the Jewish people from Egypt.The Seder service on the first two evenings recounts the story.

Tues.-Wed.Apr. 3-4

Sun.-Mon.Apr. 21-22

Thurs.-Fri.Apr. 9-10

Tues.-Wed Mar. 30-31

The last two days of Pesach are also observed as full holy days.Mon.-Tues.Apr. 9-10

Sat.-SunApr. 26-27

Wed.-Thurs.Apr. 15-16

Mon.-Tues.Apr. 5-6

Shavuot - Feast of Weeks; marks the giving ofthe Law (Torah) at Mt. Sinai.

Tue.-Wed.May 23-24

Mon.-Tue.Jun. 9-10

Fri.-Sat.May 29-30

Wed.-Thurs .May 19-20

12 Visit us online at www.bnaimitzvahguide.com

Calendar of Jewish HolidaysAdapted with permission from B’nai B’rith (www.bnaibrith.org)

The Jewish day begins and ends at sundown. Thus, all holidays begin at sundown of theday preceding the date shown and end at sundown of the (last) day shown. Since theJewish calendar begins with Rosh Hashanah, the Jewish year always straddles two years

from the civil calendar. In other words, spring Holidays (such as Pesach and Shavuot)occur in the civil year following Rosh Hashanah. Note: Not all Jewish familiesobserve two days for holidays shown as lasting two days.

• Israeli Bonds make great gifts andsupport Israel too!Call 305-895-4700 for details.

• Plant a tree in Israel. The JewishNational Fund, 800-700-1312 Ext.136 for a certificate.

• $$ donation to Food for Mazon.This could be done through yourSynagogue. Go to: www.mazon.org.

• Your child could donate a portion ofhis/her Mitzvah gift money to his/herfavorite charity (see right).

• B’nai B’rith tribute cards 202-857-6533

• Make a donation to your Synagoguein honor of your Bar/Bat Mitzvah.

• "Twin" with a Bar/Bat Mitzvah childin Israel (see www.amitchildren.org).

Donation Ideas for TzedakahConsider making donations from yourBar/Bat Mitzvah gelt tothe following charities:• American Jewish World Service

800-889-7146

• American Foundation for the Blind 212-502-7600

• B’nai Brith 202-857-6533

• Caring Communities, Inc.866-227-4644

• Farm Share - Feeding Hungry People305-246-3276

• Florida Humane Society 954-570-9507

• Friends of the Earth202-783-7400

• Gilda’s Club of South Florida 954-763-6776

• Homeless Voice 954-925-6466

• L’chaim Jewish Hospice Program305-822-2380

• Make-A-Wish Foundation866-880-1382

• Meals On Wheels Stamford/ Darien203-323-3294

• Special Olympics Florida727-467-9099

• United Cerebral Palsy of South Florida305-325-9018

The Heart of the MatterA Wedding Programserves a similar functionas the Bar/BatMitzvah bookletfor the service.The program iscompiled andproduced bythe family fordistribution tocongregants andguests by theushers, or insert-ed into prayerbooks. It can havea variety of uniquefeatures aimed atrelatives and friends,guests, congregants,non-Jewish guests, andso on. These also makegreat keepsakes of thewedding.

Here are someexamples:

• A step-by-step description of theceremony,

• A brief explanation of themeaning of a Jewish Weddingceremony,

• Comments by the bride and groomon the personal meaning of the day,

• Poems or wedding vows, etc.• A description of the history and

tradition behind the ketubah, thechuppah, or rituals such as circling,the Seven Blessings, and breakingthe glass,

• An explanation of the music usedin the processional or during theceremony,

• The text of your ketubah,• Copy of the wedding invitation,• Comments from close relatives,• Photographs of the bride and groom.

Creative, additions like ribbon or laceare nice. Check with your Rabbi firstbefore making copies to distribute.

The Wedding Program

Photo: Golden Memories By Hazel

13Tell everyone you found it in B’nai Mitzvah & Jewish Weddings™

• Alliyot is the plural of alliyah. One person is assigned one alliyah. The family ofthe Bar/Bat Mitzvah (or the groom, at an Ufruf) may get to assign severalalliyot. It means to come to the Torah and recite the blessings before and aftera section of the Torah is read (b’rachot). An honor is a non-speaking part.The chosen person performs the honor, for example, they may open or closethe Ark or dress the Torah.

• Ask the Rabbi or Cantor how many alliyot you will be allowed. Consult with yourrabbi or cantor regarding participation of non-Jewish friends and relatives.

• Ask about any restrictions or limitations before you approach anyone toperform an honor or alliyah.

• Attend other Bar/Bat Mitzvah services at your synagogue to see howothers do it.

• Always ask relatives and friends if they would like to participate, but let themknow it’s okay to say no. Those who say yes will be truly honored, and theothers will avoid what they may feel is uncomfortable.

• Check with the Rabbi for written instructions, Hebrew and Englishtransliteration, and even English prayers.

Honors and AlliyotYou can find these and othertitles of interest online atwww.bnaimitzvahguide.com

Bar/Bat MitzvahDavis, Judith, Ed.D., Whose Bar/BatMitzvah is this Anyway?, A Guide forParents Through the Family Rite ofPassage, St. Martins Griffin, New York,1998.Goldin, Barbara Diamond, Bat Mitzvah:A Jewish Girl’s Coming of Age, NewYork: Viking, 1995. Greenberg, Gail, MitzvahChic,New York: MitzvahChic, LLC, 2003.Kimmel, Eric, Bar Mitzvah: A JewishBoy’s Coming of Age. New York: Viking,1995.Kushner, Harold, To Life! A Celebrationof Jewish Thinking and Being, NewYork: Little Brown, 1993.Leneman, Helen, editor. Bar/BatMitzvah Basics: A Practical FamilyGuide to Coming of Age Together,Woodstock, VT: Jewish Lights Publishing,1996.Olitzky, Rabbi Kerry M. and Isaacs, RabbiRonald H., Rediscovering Judaism: Barand Bat Mitzvah for Adults. KTAV,1997.Rossel, Seymour, and Cutter, William, eds.A Spiritual Journal: The Bar Mitzvahand Bat Mitzvah Handbook, 1996.Salkin, Jeffrey, Putting G-d on the GuestList: How to Reclaim the SpiritualMeaning of Your Child’s Bar or BatMitzvah, 2nd Ed, Woodstock, VT: JewishLights Publishing, 1996.

Jewish WeddingsBrownstein, Rita Milos, Jewish

Weddings: A Beautiful Guide toCreating the Wedding of Your Dreams,New York: Simon & Schuster, 2002.Diamant, Anita, The New JewishWedding,New York: Simon & Schuster, 2001.Heftner, Wendy Chernak, The CompleteJewish Wedding Planner, Psp Printing,1993.Latner, Helen, The Everything JewishWedding Book, Holbrook, MA: AdamsMedia Corp., 1998.Rapp, Lea Bayers, Mazel Tov! TheComplete Book of Jewish Weddings,New York: Kensington Publishing Corp.,2002. Sabar, Shalom, Ketubah, The Art of theJewish Marriage Contract, New York:Rizzoli International Publications, 2001. Shire, Michael, Mazal Tov!: The Ritualand Customs of a JewishWedding,Stewart, Tabori & Chang, 2002.

Jewish Life & LearningDiamant, Anita, and Howard Cooper,Living a Jewish Life: JewishTraditions, Customs, and Values forToday’s Families, New York: HarperPerennial, 1991.Jewish Wisdom: Ethical, Spiritual, andHistorical Lessons from the GreatWorks and Thinkers, New York: WilliamMorrow and Co., 1994.Strassfeld, Sharon and Michael, SiegelRichard. The Jewish Catalog, 3 Volumes.Philadelphia: Jewish Publications Society.Telushkin, Joseph. Jewish Literacy: TheMost Important Thing to Know Aboutthe Jewish Religion, Its People and ItsHistory, New York: William Morrow &Co., 1991.

Suggested Reading

Photo by Prime Line Digital Photography

14

We just received our child’s Bar/Bat Mitzvahdate, what is the first thingwe should do?After speaking with your B’nai Mitzvah committee chairor coordinator about Synagogue rules, or consultingwritten policies and guidelines, discuss with your familythe type of party everyone wants and what the budgetwill allow. Then start looking at photographers and thehall. These two services seem to need more time tosecure. Check the Planning Time Table on page 11.How much will we, as parents,be asked to participate onthe Bimah during the service?This question will have to be answered by your Rabbi orSynagogue staff. Depending on the Synagogue, someparents will make a speech, bless their child, or partici-pate in the service. This is truly an honor and a pleas-ure–don’t let stage fright ruin this precious moment. Should we choose an evening affair or anafternoon kiddish luncheon?Certainly, this will be a topic of discussion for the entirefamily. Often the choice has to do with how many out-of-town relatives you expect, the amount of money youwant to spend, the size of the affair, and many othervariables. Generally, it is more expensive to have anevening simcha, but an evening affair lends itself to amore formal atmosphere. You may want to offer a kid-dish luncheon after the service for your guests or theentire congregation. In some synagogues, sponsoring aKiddush luncheon and/or an Oneg Shabbat on Fridayevening is expected. So, afternoon and evening eventsare not mutually exclusive, you could have both. Yourfamily should discuss what type of public event youwant to sponsor and what role food will play in thatevent. How can we make our non-Jewish friendsfeel more comfortable at my Bar/BatMitzvah service?You may want to explain the service to them ahead oftime. Rules regarding proper etiquette vary bysynagogue, so ask staff or your Rabbi for Synagoguerules or policies. In some places kippot are required to beworn by all male visitors, for instance. You could explainthat this does not make your guests Jewish, it is a sign ofrespect. Check with your Rabbi to be sure. See the fea-ture on Bar/Bat Mitzvah Booklet on page 9. Also consultJeffrey Salkin’s Putting G-d on the Guest List, which hasan entire section on this subject, or How To Be A PerfectStranger: The Essential Religious Handbook, by ArthurMagida, both for sale on www.bnaimitzvahguide.com.What type of gift is appropriate for theBar/Bat Mitzvah child?

If your child is attending their friend’s affair, generally acheck in the amount of $36 (double Chai) is a nice gift(or a multiple of Chai - $18.), depending on how closethe friendship. Some families offer checks, tributes,donations, or purchase presents, again depending onwhether it is a relative or friend, closeness of the twofamilies, or how many people are attending from yourfamily. Religious items, such as menorahs are also nicegifts. What is the appropriate attire to wear to aBar/Bat Mitzvah?At the Synagogue, wear whatever you would wear to atypical service. Some families buy new clothing for theoccasion. Remember to dress with appropriate respectfor the house of worship you attend.If you have a simcha at night or the next day, dressaccording to the theme, place and tenor of the affair.Remember to instruct guests in the invitations if youhave special dress requirements.To what extent can members of other religiousgroups participate in the Bar/Bat Mitzvah?Typically, non-Jews can participate by simply attending,observing, and following the service. If relatives or closefriends are not Jewish, they are sometimes affordednon-ritual honors. If you are concerned about involvinga relative or close friend who is not Jewish, consult withyour rabbi to find out what might be possible.If we can have a Bar Mitzvah on a Saturday, whycan't we get married on Saturday?Well, you can, but after sunset, when Shabbat is official-ly over. The issue isn't Saturday, it is Shabbat (Fridaysunset to Saturday sunset).B'nai Mitzvot are celebrations conducted as part of regu-lar services when the Torah is read aloud (Saturdaymorning). Jewish tradition recognizes that the Thirteen-year-old becomes a Bar/Bat Mitzvah independent of anycelebration. The congregation is part of the ceremony: ayoung person takes full responsibility for their own reli-gious obligations, starting with an aliyah for the readingof Torah, reciting the Sh'ma, leading the congregation inprayer, and presentation of D'var Torah. This coming ofage is shared by the Jewish community and is thereforea public event. One that typically occurs on Saturday, butcan also occur on other days when the Torah is read.Weddings are private affairs that do not typically involvean entire congregation. And in contrast to the happy,celebratory nature of a wedding, Shabbat is a time forquiet reflection and for rest. A wedding is work, and itinvolves a legal contract, themes not suited for Shabbat.It is therefore rare to find a Rabbi who will marry a cou-ple on Shabbat. Saturday after dark is OK, but Sunday isby far the most popular day for Jewish weddings, espe-cially during the Summer when dusk on Saturday is solate.

• Alliyah - (plural, Alliyot) – Literally means“going up” to the Bimah to say the blessingsover the Torah Scroll.

• Bimah - The raised platform or pulpit in mostSynagogues where the service is conducted.

• Chatan - Hebrew word for groom. • Chuppah - Wedding canopy that signifies a

home or shelter; literally means "that whichcovers or floats" in Hebrew.

• D’var Torah - An explanation of the weeklyTorah portion, or parsha.

• Haftarah - Readings from the biblical booksof the Prophets.

• Havdalah - Literally means separation ordistinction. The ceremony that ends the Shabbat.

• Horah - Traditional circle dance. The bride andgroom, the Bar/Bat Mitzvah and their familiesare lifted up on a chair during the dancing.

• Kallah - Hebrew for bride.• Kashrut - The Jewish dietary laws. If prepared

accordingly, food is certified Kosher.• Kiddushin - The betrothal ceremony - the first part

of the wedding ceremony.• Kippah - Hebrew for skull cap, (plural, kippot)

worn as a sign of respect for G_d. Yarmulkeis the Yiddish word.

• Klezmer - Traditional Yiddish celebratory music. • Mazel Tov! - Congratulations!• Mikvah - Ritual bath for brides, and grooms too.• Mitzvah - An obligation of Jewish life.• Motzi - Blessing over the bread recited before meals.• Nisuin - Nuptial ceremony - the second part

of the wedding ceremony.• Parsha - The Torah portion of the week. Also

sometimes referred to as the sedra.• Simcha - A joyous event. Often used to refer to a

Bar/Bat Mitzvah ceremony, or other celebrations.• Tallit - A prayer shawl.• Tefillin - Two black leather boxes, fastened to

leather straps, containing portions from the Torah;also called phylacteries.

• Sephardic - Jews of Spanish, Portugueseand North African descent.

• Shabbat - Jewish Sabbath, beginning Friday atsundown and ending Saturday at dusk.

• Sheva B’rachot - Seven marriage blessingsrecited under the chuppah.

• Sofer - A Hebrew scribe.• Torah - The word Torah means “teachings.” Torah is

also referred to as the first five books of the Bible orthe five books of Moses. Sometimes Torah means thewhole Bible and everything Jews believe in.

• Tzedakah - Charity. The mitzvah of sacred giving.• Ufruf - A ceremony honoring the groom (and in

some cases the bride) by calling them to the Torahon the Shabbat (before their wedding.)

• Yad - The pointer shaped at the end like ahand, which the reader of the Torah uses to keephis/her place.

• Yichud - Brief seclusion (10-15 minutes) of brideand groom immediately after the wedding ceremony.

Hebrew 101Here are some commonlyused terms that may help youto better understandthe event.

Who Should Decide What?What You Should Decide

The Size and Style of the ReceptionMain Menu • Adult Guest List

How Many Kids • Location and TimesProfessionals to Hire • Hora Music

Decorations

What The Bar/Bat Mitzvah Could Decide

Theme • Kids Guest List • FavorsKids’ Seating Arrangement

Dance Music • ClothingType of Alternate Entertainment

Candle Lighting Tributes

Decide As A TeamAlliyot and Honor Participants

Candle Lighting HonoreesInvitations

Frequently Asked Questions

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15

of Philadelphia

Orthodox JewishCouncil Kosher

Technical KonsultantsBensalem, PA215-745-3773

Orthodox Vaadof PhiladelphiaPhiladelphia, PA

610-658-196

Double "U" Kosher Lakewood, NJ732-363-7979

When Choosing a Caterer...If you would like to hold your reception at the Synagogue or a hall, you will likely hire aprofessional catering company. Catering at your site offers maximum flexibility(casual, elegant, plated, stations, etc.) and includes silverware, set-up and clean-up. Ask about specialty diets such as Kosher, vegetarian, diabetic, etc. Is there a separatechildren's’ menu? What about leftovers? How does the staff dress? Is gratuity included?When is the final count and final payment due? Look for both great food andpresentation–visually appealing dishes are an elegant part of the decor. Get a writtencontract that lists all the details, including menu, services provided, equipment to be used, financial information, dates, times and personnel to be included. It should have a guarantee and cancellation policy.

Catering

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Catering

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Simcha

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The Wedding DressJewish tradition calls for bridal gowns to be pure white, symbolizingthe purity of the bride and the beginning of the marital relationship. (the groom often wears a white kittel during the ceremony, as well). A strapless bra is handy when trying on gowns.Lift your arms when trying on gowns to see if you can easily move around and dance in it.You can sew beads onto an antique or ordinary dress to make it new and unique.Shop for comfortable shoes, and break them in before the wedding day.Choose only those accessories that compliment your dress, not distract from it.

www.bnaimitzvahguide.comwww.jnf.org(Jewish National Fund)www.bbyo.org(B’nai B’rith Youth)www.hadassah.orgwww.torah.orgwww.ziv.org/barbat.htm(Mitzvah project ideas)www.jewishbride.comwww.virtualjerusalem.comwww.jewish.com(Jewish Community Online)

www.jewishfamily.comwww.bbinet.org (B’nai B’rith)www.israelbonds.com (Chai Bonds)www.phillyjcc.com(JCCs of Greater Philadelphia)www.jewishphilly.org(Jewish Federation of Greater Philadelphia)www.jfedsnj.org(Jewish Federation of Southern NJ)www.acaje.org (Auerbach Central Agencyfor Jewish Education)www.katzjcc.org(Katz JCC of Southern New Jersey)

More Great Websites in thePhiladelphia & Delaware Valley Area...

Clothing

Mens’ & Boys’For mens’ and boys’ suits, start shopping twelve weeksfrom the event, leaving several weeks for alterations,which are usually necessary. Choose your clothing withcomfort in mind. Select a style and fabric that may beworn on different occasions. Color changes are madewith shirt and tie combos. Tuxedo rental should also bemade 3 months in advance, especially if an entire partyneeds the same style/color. Differences in shirts/ties/cummerbunds can distinguish party members.

Women’s & Girls’Start shopping at least six months before the event incase you need to order something or alter your selec-tion. Also, choose your clothing with comfort in mind.Let your Bat Mitzvah girl choose her own outfit, keepingappropriateness in mind and Synagogue policy.You may need to set a price limit, but sheshould feel comfortable, beautiful andspecial that day. Don’t forget tobring an extra pair of hosiery foryou and your children that day.

Finding the perfect dress isone of the most excitingparts of a Bat Mitzvah. Alleyes will be on the younglady when she takes the

next step in her faith. There aremany important tips and ideasthat can help the shopper tomake this purchase go smooth-ly. First, it is very important to

start shopping for the dress six months inadvance. Shopping this far in advance willallow you to select something by specialorder. Also, if your dress needs to bealtered, tailoring time needs to be consid-ered. When shopping for dresses, priceranges should be kept in mind. Dresses forthis special occasion can be very expen-sive and the whole event in general canbe quite costly. It is important for parents

and the daughter to compromise on areasonable and affordable price limit. Thegirl should also have a lot of input when itcomes to choosing her dress. After all, sheis the one who is wearing it and shewants to look beautiful on this extraordi-nary day. The dress may be the girl’sfavorite color or somehow coordinatewith the theme and decorations. It isimportant to remember that this is a spe-cial ceremony. Dresses need to be appro-priate and branches of Judaism have dif-ferent specifications for dress codes.Dresses worn in synagogues need to beappropriate for the religious surroundingsand the standards of the Congregation.Reform synagogues tend to be more flexi-ble regarding dress codes. For instance,dresses can be knee length and shoulderscan be shown. However, for those whoare Orthodox, dresses should be full bodylength and shoulder should not be shown.Shopping for dresses is very exhilarating.There are so many choices to make andoptions to consider. Make sure your dressreflects both your tastes and the sanctity(or celebratory spirit) of the occasion!

Finding the RightBat Mitzvah Dress

Photo by Allen Lips Photography & Video

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Decorations & Theme Design

This section includes party stores, centerpiecedesigning services, balloon artists, florists,as well as businesses offering sign-in boards,decorated guest books, and other personal-ized services. These will be the biggestcontributors to a themed celebration. Askthem if delivery is included and if they coulddesign a sample to help you decide.

Make sure to choose a centerpiece that willnot overwhelm the table or block guests’ viewof each other.Consider some of following, in addition tothemed centerpieces, for a unique touch:• Special effect lighting, lasers, fog, snow• Fireworks or pyrotechnics• Candle lighting name display• Sign-in-boards and theme props, like cardboard cut-outs

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DecorationsFormal or fanciful, simple or bold, decorations set the mood and tone of a party. The Bar/Bat Mitzvah has worked hard to get there, make the celebration festive, regardless of your budget!Table centerpieces usually coordinate with the theme (see page 11).Linens and napkins could coordinate with color themes, and they make a dramatic color statement. Some banquet facilities have a selection of colors, but rental centers will have a larger assortment. Consider chair covers, they add elegance to the setting.Check out the decor in your banquet hall or facility. Ask about upcoming renovations. Choose colors and decorations that will not clash with the surroundings.Don’t forget about decorations for the buffet tables, gift table, and band/DJ area. Clusters and arches of balloons are an inexpensive and dramatic way to add large splashes of color. Decorate tables with inexpensive glitter for a festive appearance. Remember to include a table with a sign-in or message book, keeping with your theme. An easel with a decorated photo collage or for sign-ins (don’t forget some colorful pens!) can add excitement to a room entrance and point the way for guests.A decorated welcome sign on an easel can be a beacon to guests and also set the tone of the celebration. Use balloons, cardboard cutouts, flowers, enough to identify this as a special time for the child and the guests. Decorate baskets filled with favors, socks for younger dancers (the girls always seem to take off their shoes), candy, or to place gifts.Make all your decoration arrangements well in advance. Many vendors will gladly deliver and set up for you, if you coordinate with the facility.Check with your synagogue or facility manager for any restrictions on decorations, set-up times, extra cleanup charges, etc. that may apply.

Beautiful Centerpieces and Bima Baskets...

MMaakkee yyoouurr eevveenntt aa ddoouubbllee mmiittzzvvaahhMMaakkee yyoouurr eevveenntt aa ddoouubbllee mmiittzzvvaahh

BecauseWeCare

Beautiful Centerpieces and Bima Baskets...

...double as donationsEach Mitzvah Basket of food is sent by the Mitzvah Project to those in need after your affair.

WWeellccoommee BBaaggss ffoorr yyoouurr gguueessttss..

Call 215.635.4774 for information

BecauseWeCare

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• Taste the food first before signing acontract with the caterer.

• Remind your DJ/band that somesongs may not be appropriate(Jingle Bell Rock) or some lyrics maynotbe desirable.

• Take the time to prepare lists for theDJ/band, photographer/videograph-er, and caterer (i.e. Aliyot honorees,which guests to photograph, candlelighting sayings, agenda etc.)

• Include in your contract theDJ/bands and photographer’s arrivaltime for the reception. You couldhave a big problem if these key peo-ple are late.

• Design a travel packet for your out-of-town guests with directions,rental car information, sights to see,etc.

• Make sure your vendors haveexperience with the type of eventyou are planning.

• Consider not serving liquor. Childrenmay try to sneak it, guests will bedriving home, and it can beexpensive.

• Be

prepared for “no shows,” it alwayshappens.

• The dance floor size is very impor-tant.People need lots of room to dancethe “Horah” and other popularfavorites.

• Use a loose-leaf binder to organizeall your contracts, vendors, and serv-ice providers.

• Have a family discussion about thetype of party you will have. Choosethe kind of affair that suits yourbudget and taste and not others’.

• Don’t forget to book a block ofrooms for out-of-town guests. Theworst thing would be unavailabilityof rooms on your weekend due to aholiday or big conference/weddingplanned for the same time.

• You could arrange to have welcomebaskets delivered to the hotel roomsof your out-of-town guests.

• Hire a party planner!• Slouch socks are nice to offer to the

girls, they like to kick off their shoesand dance comfortably.

• Be sure to check accessibility of hotelor reception choice for your disabledor elderly guests.

• Start checking the post office forstamps that could match envelopesfor color or theme.

• Order extra invitations for welcomeboard, memory books, and framing.

• Order Thank You notes at thesame time you order invitations.

• You can use cover stock(heavy-weight paper) fromart stores and your computerto create beautiful, inexpen-sive invitations.• Place toiletries in rest-room of the reception hallfor your guests to use(Please check with thefacility owner/managerbefore you do this).

Words of Wisdom FromParents Who’ve “BeenThere” Planning a Bar/ Bat Mitzvah once you’ve

divorced your spouse may seem a little likeputting the iron back into the fire. Workingwith the one who you’ve worked so hard toseparate from can be a little bit frustrating,anxiety provoking and even a little sad. Thequestion is: "How?"One point that family therapists, child psychol-ogists and psychotherapists make clearly isthat this event is a special occasion for yourchild and you should besupportive. Here are some tips to make the planning andexecution of this day as stress-free as possible.• Be flexible - Remember that this is your

child's simcha. • Be supportive to your child- remember that

that your child is probably nervous enoughabout knowing their religious parts, chanti-ng Torah or haftorah. They don't need to benervous about their parents misbehavingin public.

• Be inclusive - Remember that your ex-spouses' family has a right to participateand enjoy the event as much as yourfamily does.

• Be a mensch - Keep what is best for your

child in the forefront, and work out youranger, sadness, and disappointment withyour support system.

• Include your child in the planning of theday - it may put their fear into rest.

There are many details to consider when plan-ning a Bar/Bat Mitzvah: Do parents want toshare this event equally? How will they dividethe costs? And what about the guest list?Many times it is good to consult with yourrabbi or therapist about negotiating aroundthese issues. Make lists and decide on who'sresponsible for what. When you have gone through a divorce, lifecycle events can often trigger feelings of sad-ness, anger or unfairness that have long beenput to rest. Parents can give their child a gifton their Bar/Bat Mitzvah day by planning,accepting and dealing with their own feelings. Susan Berry Miller, a licensed marriage andfamily therapist, deals with a broad range offamily issues including co-parenting forcouples and considering separation or divorce.Her office is located at:Collaborative Care of Abington,1369 Old York Road in Abington215-884-1776 ext.15, cpsych99@aol.com

A Message For Parentswho are Divorced...by Susan Berry Miller

Beau

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ip! Hair Care for the Special Day

All hair care products don’t always work well on all hair types (dry, oily, permed,colored, normal). Chances are what works for your best friend may not work for you.Products really do help style hair, hold a set longer, give lift and protect your hair. Itis important to read labels! q Try several brands to determine the product that makes your hair shine and feel

great!q Did you know that bangs are in style again? To ensure picture–perfect bangs,

try these suggestions:q For large features, have bangs cut wider. For delicate features, narrow or wide

bangs will work. To style, mist bangs with a volumizing hairspray and blowsmooth with a paddle brush.

q A few weeks before the big day, you should try styling your hair several differentways to determine what makes you look the most beautiful. This will also giveyou practice in setting your hair to the desired style so you will be less stressedfor the big event!

Looking Good in front of the CameraMake the most of your lips with lip liner that frames your lips and holds color in.Choose a natural color - nothing too dark. Brush your lipstick on. Add a smallamount of gloss, applied to the center of your bottom lip, for a special glow. Avoidpale colors to give contrast with your dress. Keep a balance between your lips andyour eyes.

Tanning booth visits? Be careful–too much tanning looks artificial and harsh in photos.

Have your wedding makeup professionally applied. The difference in front of thecamera is startling.

Bat Mitzvah withWelcome Board

Photo by Allen Lips Photography & Video

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These listings include Yarmulkes, Tzitzis,Tallisim, books, etc.as well as jewelry,portraits, and other mementos to honorthe child’s accomplishments. Many sellitems such as memory books, pictureframes, and music for Bar/Bat Mitzvahpresents. Many Synagogues have a Judaicashop for you to purchase these items.

Giftware &Judaica

Decorated Bar/Bat MitzvahMemory BookThis has places for invitations, seatingcards, photos taken by guests, copies ofspeeches, even the Torah portion.Personalized Picture FramesThese could have a name, a nickname ora theme. Better yet, insert a photo ofthe Bar/Bat Mitzvah child.Theme BookendsSpecialty shops have ones for any sportor hobby. We saw ones with famoussynagogues on them!Music/Jewelry BoxPick a theme or song that has meaningto you or to the Bar/Bat Mitzvah. Or lookinto engraved styles!U.S. Savings BondAlways a safe investment!Israeli Savings BondCall 212-644-BOND

Fine WatchesTry engraving a special wish!Monogrammed or PersonalizedPocketbook or WalletPerfect for young adults.CD’s and TapesAsk friends to help with the selection. Or purchase a gift certificate at a nearby music store.Personal CD Player, iPod, or BoomBoxCheck to see if they already have one.Again, a gift certificate at the local electronics store is a safe bet.Custom Mah Jongg SetThis is the latest rage with teens!Remember:Leave enough time for special order gifts.

• Tallit Set • Framed Blessing • Deluxe Yarmulke• Mazuzah • Menorah • Religious Jewelry• Yaad • Miriam’s Cup (Girls) • Deluxe Prayer Book• Kiddush Cup (Boys) • Shabbat Candlesticks

Great Gift Suggestions

Religious Gift Suggestions

Invitations &

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Invitations & Calligraphy

Order your invitations at least six monthsbefore the event. Check the wording carefully,you don’t want to inadvertently leave some-thing out. Ask your friends to show you anyinvitations they may have saved to use as areference, or examine wording arrangementsin the invitation books. Also, don’t rush thedecision, you may need to look at several

sample books over a period of weeks beforeyou make up your mind, especially if youare letting your child help you decide.Remember to order extra envelopes foraddress changes or if a mistake is made.Hire calligraphy service as soon as theinvitations arrive, to allow plenty of timefor the project to be completed.

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Place cards (or seating cards) are acrucial element at very specialevents. Place cards allow party plan-

ners to be very creative, while serving thesimple function of assigning guests to partic-ular tables for their meal without confusionor additional assistance. The card typicallyhas the name of each guest and theassigned table number (married couples areoften assigned together on one card, eg. Mr.& Mrs. Paul Levy). They are often displayedon a table outside the reception hall, such asan assembly or pre-function hallway.Matching table numbers are placed sepa-rately or as part of a decorative centerpiece.You can ask your invitation dealer to supplythese, or order from another source, such aswww.mazeltovfavors.com.The price ranges for these cards vary great-ly and so do the options. Place cards cancoincide with the theme of the wedding ormitzvah. Or, they can just be simple, ele-gant, elaborate or crafty. The options toexpress your creativity are endless. Hereare some imaginative seating cards tomake your event even more fun:• Simple- Elegant yet simple cards can imi-tate the invitations that guests receive.White or beige along with black or navywork best. • Frames- Name cards can be placed in a

picture frame (glass, wood, etc.), or a fundisplay, such as an acrylic coaster or snowglobe frame (see www.partyfavorbiz.comand www.cadettmarketing.com).• Sweet- Purchase or make gingerbreadmen/woman, cookies, tiny tarts, or cup-cakes. Guest’s names can be written on thesweet treats with royal icing.• Toast- Champagne flutes can be etchedwith guest’s names (expensive) or namescan be written on a tag and then tiedaround the glass. As guests arrive at thetable and find their seats, servers can filltheir glasses with a bubbly beverage.• Clip it- Simple place card clips or fancycard holders, such as the metal chair fig-ures (Elegance – 85156) found atwww.cadettmarketing.com, are availableto add a dash of pizzazz and keep yourguests commenting.The options above are just a few examplesof some original seating cards that willcatch the attention of guests. It is impor-tant, however, to avoid making the placecards too elaborate. Cards that are large insize and are too busy and may become dis-tracting. Party planners want the guests toremember the exceptional day. Place cardsthat can be taken home serve as a won-derful memento of the event and add styleand fun to any event.

Place Card Ideas

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Quotations forToasts and SpeechesBy Gail A. Greenberg

Often the hardest part of writing a speechfor your child’s bar/bat mitzvah is gettingstarted. If you’re hung up, don’t keeptrying to think of that all-important firstline yourself when there’s so much greatmaterial out there. Use a quote! Thisselection contains quotations on life,children, and friendship.

Life and HowBest to Live ItThe best and most beautiful things in theworld cannot be seen or even touched.They must be felt with the heart.– Helen KellerOur obligation is to give meaning to lifeand in doing so to overcome the passive,indifferent life.– Elie WieselWe make a living by what we get; wemake a life by what we give. – Winston ChurchillThere are only two ways to live your life.One is as though nothing is a miracle. Theother is as though everything is a miracle.– Albert Einstein

Whatever you can do, or dream you can,begin it. Live each day as if your life hadjust begun.– Johann Wolfgang von GoetheWhat lies behind us and what lies beforeus are tiny matters compared to what lieswithin us.– Ralph Waldo EmersonLife isn’t about finding yourself. Life isabout creating yourself.– George Bernard ShawDo just once what others say you can’t do,and you will never pay attention to theirlimitations again.– James R. CookNothing will ever be attempted if all pos-sible objections must be first overcome. – Samuel JohnsonExcerpted from MitzvahChic, A NewApproach to Hosting a Bar or Bat MitzvahThat is Meaningful, Hip, Relevant, Fun &Drop-Dead Gorgeous. Available atwww.mitzvahchic.com/guide.Read the entire article on our websitewww.bnaimitzvahguide.com...

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While very original invitation wording canfollow almost any pattern, most invitationmessages follow a three-partconstruction: 1. The expression of sentiment followed

by the invitation to attend;2. Day, time, and place;3. Invitation to share a luncheon, dinner

or some other simcha with the family,bride and groom, or B’nai Mitzvah.This is sometimes expressed on a sep-arate card, allowing the option toexclude it in the envelope.

The following are some examples ofthe wording of the first portion:

B’nai Mitzvah• With pride and joy we invite you to

join us (or worship with us) as ourdaughter, Michelle Kim, is called to theTorah as a Bat Mitzvah...

• With special feelings of loveand pride...

• With pride and pleasure...• With pride and delight and mostly

with love...• We cordially invite you to share the Bar

Mitzvah celebration of our beloved sonAdam Eric on...

• We invite you to share a proud andspecial moment as we celebrate withjoy the Bat Mitzvah of our daughterRachel on...

• In the tradition of his ancestors ourdear son Phillip Mark will be called tothe Torah (or becomes a BarMitzvah)...

• With the richness of tradition and thepromise of tomorrow we invite you toshare this special moment as our sonHarris Simon is called to the Torah as aBar Mitzvah on...

• Share a special day with us whenour son...

• We would be delighted if you wouldjoin us at the Bat Mitzvah of ourdaughter Allison ...

• We invite you to share in our joy...• We invite you to share a special day in

our lives...• Dorothy and Alan Klein invite you to

share a special moment in their liveswhen their son Zachary David is calledto the Torah as a Bar Mitzvah...

• My family and I would like you to

share our happiness on the specialoccasion of my Bar Mitzvah on...

• Please join us to celebrate the BatMitzvah of our dear daughter Amy...

Wedding• Mr. and Mrs. Samuel Gish request the

honor of your presence at the marriageof Miss Louise Abrams to their sonAlan Gish on...

• ...request the honor of your presence atthe marriage of their daughter Eileen J.Gish to Mr. PaulGoldstein on...

• Miss Louise Abrams and Dr. AlanGish request the honor of yourpresence at their wedding on...

• We invite you to join us incelebrating the marriage of ourchildren, Eileen and Paul on....Joyceand Randy Bloom, Howard Fish.

• Our joy will be more complete if youcan share in the marriage of ourdaughter...

• ...will be joined under the chuppah...• We invite you you join us as we

begin our new life on...• ...invite you to join in the ceremony

uniting their children...

Sample Invitation Wording

InvitationsStart on your database of invitees early. List everyone, select your final list later.Ask you calligrapher about lead times for invitations and seating cards. This will help determent the date you send invitations and the RSVP.Not everyone you invite will be able to attend. This should figure into your planning. Consult you caterer, calligrapher, or party planner for advice on how many more guests to invite, based on your circumstances, over the number of attendees you are planning.

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Music & Entertainment

This section features DJs, Live Bands,Karaoke, Vocalists, Magicians, andCaricaturists. You may want to ask thefollowing questions whenhiring your DJ or band:• Are you familiar with the Bar/Bat

Mitzvah routine and have youdone them before?

• Will you play songs/games usuallyseen at these events: i.e. hoolahoop, dance contests, chickendance, hokey pokey?

• What type of music do you play?• Do you have a song list?• How long do you play and how

many breaks do you take?• What is the price, deposit amount,

and when is the balance due?• Do you have references?

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Delaware• Both the bride and groom must be present photo identification such as your driver's

license, state ID, or passport. You do not have to be a resident of Delaware.• You will need to show the original or a certified copy of your divorce decree or the

death certificate of a deceased spouse. • Waiting period is 24 hours. If both are nonresidents, there is a 96 hours waiting period.• Fee is $35 cash only. $20 CASH Additional for ceremonies performed by the Clerk of the

Peace office.• License is valid for thirty (30) days. If either one of you is on probation or parole, you

will need special authorization.

New Jersey• Must go to the Registrar of Vital Statistics in the bride’s hometown. If the bride does not

live in the state of New Jersey, you can apply at the municipal office of the groom'stown. If both the bride and groom are from out of state, apply at the municipal office ofthe town where the ceremony will take place.

• Bring a valid form of identification and social security card and documents that previousmarriages have ended.

• Birth certificates are required for as proof of age (if not available, 2 other forms of identification will be sufficient).

• A witness over the age 18 must be present. The cost is $28.• Valid for 30 days. It is recommended that you apply at least 2 weeks before the cere-

mony.

Pennsylvania• Apply in person with the person you are planning on marrying at the county clerks

office (located in the county courthouse).• Bring a photo identification, and death or previous marriage certificates.• Pay $25-$50 (depending on county) in cash.• License will be granted three days after you apply. Valid for 60 days.

Marriage License Requirements

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Music &

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25Tell everyone you found it in B’nai Mitzvah & Jewish Weddings™

Sample Titles Include...MitzvahChicBar/Bat Mitzvah BasicsBat Mitzvah Survival GuideThe New Jewish Wedding, RevisedThe Everything Jewish Wedding BookThe Bravo Bar/Bat Mitzvah OrganizerThe Complete Bar/Bat Mitzvah PlannerThe Complete Jewish Wedding PlannerComing of Age : Your Bar or Bat MitzvahPutting G_d on the Guest ListNever Have Red Wine Under the ChuppahFor Kids--Putting G_d on Your Guest ListInterfaith Wedding CeremoniesWhose Bar/Bat Mitzvah Is This, Anyway?Bar Mitzvah: A Jewish Boy's Coming of AgeBack of Beyond: A Bar Mitzvah JourneySecretly Chic: The Wedding PlannerRediscovering Judaism: Bar & Bat Mitzvah for Adults

Novelties & Favors

Some families give customized items orfavors to the children attending the receptionportion of the Bar/Bat Mitzvah. This sectionincludes ideas for give-aways, contest prizes,and supplies. Wedding guests are usuallytreated to a favor or memento, as well as spe-cial gifts for the bridal party.

26 Visit us online at www.bnaimitzvahguide.com

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Alternate EntertainmentAlternate entertainment is great for entertaining youngsters while adults are eating and socializing.Set up a separate area or room for alternative entertainers, such as those listed under the Novelties/Favors section.Plan your entertainment around the ages of the children attending. Lots of younger cousins or siblings may enjoy an activity in which they can participate.Alternate entertainers may be perfect for synagogues that do allow outside music on Shabbat.

Also see Mine-O-Grams, page 1

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• Personalized Sport Bottles• Imprinted Boxer Shorts• Personalized Balls or

Sports Equipment• Monogrammed

or Imprinted Towels• Keychains• Personalized Fortune Cookies• Customized Wrapped Candy

Bars• Photo Favors• Custom Playing Cards• Caricatures

• Imprinted T-Shirts• Bracelets for Jewish PrideHint: Photo Favors Vendor andCaricature Artists at your party aregreat entertainment, as well as asource of favors.

Keeping Small ChildrenOccupied at the ReceptionIf small children are invited, fill a plastic sand pail with coloring books andgames from the dollar store, and set them at the place settings. This willkeep kids occupied while the parents can enjoy the reception

Great Favor Ideas

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31Tell everyone you found it in B’nai Mitzvah & Jewish Weddings™

Party & Event Planning

zMore and more families rely on party andevent planners to assist them in making theright decisions, ordering goods and supplies,hiring disc jockeys, bands, and other services.Some party planners may offer to design andmake all of the decorations. They may chargea flat fee for planning the affair and thencharge an hourly rate to coordinate theevent. Some offer an hourly rate for alltheir services.

November 12, 2006The Blair Mill InnHorsham, PA, 610-834-0907January 7, 2007Congregation M'kor ShalomCherry Hill, NJ, 856-424-4220March 18, 2007Shir Ami CongregationNewtown, PA, 215-968-3400

February 25, 2007Congregation Or AmiLafayette Hill, PA, 610-828-9066February 25, 2007Adath Emanu-ElMt. Laurel, NJ, 856-608-1200January 28, 2007Temple Beth Hillel - Beth ElWynnewood, PA, 610-649-5300

Party & Event Planning

Bar/Bat Mitzvah & Jewish Wedding PartyShowcases Coming in Your Area...

Party Planning Pointers By Heidi Hiller and Zozzie Golden – Zozzie & Heidi, Innovative Party Planners 410-998-9999

You’ve been given “thedate.” There are so manydecisions to make. Wheredo you even begin?

Here are some guidelines and things tokeep in mind as you plan your event.Remain CalmPlanning this life event can be enjoyablefor both you and your child. Make sure toinclude your teen in these preparations.Remember that organization is the key.Hint: Put aside a binder to keep lists,phone numbers and notes together.The Guest ListYour first step is to create a master guestlist. This will dictate the size of hall, thecatering budget and the quantity of itemsyou will need such as centerpieces andparty favors.Hint: Make a master list of your guests.Check for accurate spelling, completeaddress and include phone numbers. Listchildren with their ages as this willassist when finalizing seating choices.How much will all this cost?Possible categories may include the rental

hall, food and drink, music, photographer,videographer, invitations, benchers, kip-pot, linens, decorations, balloons andparty favors. Don’t forget to include inyour budget the behind the scene costslike stamps, calligraphy, clothing an entirefamily in suits and party clothes, haircutsand bar mitzvah lessons.Hint: Set aside a special Bar/Bat Mitzvahaccount.Should I hire a PartyPlanner?A party planner will be your advocate andguide you in making smart decisions. Theyare familiar with options and suppliers.Their expertise can save you time andmoney.Hint: Every party planner works differ-ently. Ask questions! What do their serv-ices include? Get references.Where should we havethe party?Consider the time of day, and the time ofyear. What time Shabbat ends may playinto this decision. Then consider where.Include in your site choices your syna-gogue, area hotels, catering halls, yourhome or even Israel.Hint: Ask what is included in the site

rental. Which caterers are permitted onsite?Who will be cateringmy party?Get references and estimates. Ask lots ofquestions. Remember that your guests willbe interacting with their staff as well asfine cuisine. A caterer may also assist youin coordinating your schedule of events forthe night. This should be done in conjunc-tion with your band or DJ, as well. Theywill work as a team.Hint: Ask for a tasting of some dishes.Does the caterer provide the Bar/BatMitzvah cake?Do you know a good photog-rapher?Again, get solid references and estimates.They are helping you preserve treasuredmemories. Schedule a formal sitting priorto the event.Hint: It’s a wonderful opportunity toschedule a casual family portrait.Band or DJ?Some have dancers, some play games.Remember that your guests are as youngas the youngest cousin and as old as greatGrandma. The group you hire has to enter-tain them all. There are also magicians,

balloon twisters, photo fun, arcade games,etc. to entertain those energetic teens.Hint: Visit them in action.Invitations This is your guest’s first introduction toyour event. Remember that budget whenselecting an invitation. Order extras.Perhaps you can get the envelopes earlyand get started on addressing. Did youbudget for a calligrapher? Hint: Number the back of the responsecards in case a guest does not includetheir name..Can I make the decorationsand save money?The decorations are an area where anartistic family can really get into the cre-ation of the celebration. Perhaps you wantto emphasize the Mitzvah or a donationmade in honor of your child. Or, hire anexpert decorator to create an exciting lookfor your party site. They will highlight yourchild’s interests, hobby or talents.Hint: If you do the decorations yourself,remember to hire someone to set up andtake down the decorations, so you canbe a guest at your own party.Take Monday off.You did a great Job!

32 Visit us online at www.bnaimitzvahguide.com

At Least 1 Year• Arrange for all parents to meet• Work out budget & review with your

parents, if they'll be paying for anypart of the event

• Interview & hire a wedding consult-ant if you are using one

• Decide on style of wedding • Decide who will officiate. Favorite

Rabbis may book up as quickly ascaterers and banquet halls. You willneed to consult this person regardingmany issues throughout your plan-ning. When necessary, book the syna-gogue sanctuary or chapel

• Make preliminary guest list & esti-mate final party size

• Choose your wedding party& call them

• Set wedding date & time• Pick a caterer, a ceremony & recep-

tion location (if there will be one, forthe engagement party, rehearsal din-ner, after-wedding breakfast). Send adeposit when necessary

• Book a block of rooms forout-of-town guests

• Interview & choose photographers,videographers, florists, musicians,calligraphers

• Make transportation reservations • Make plans & shop for your

honeymoon• Shop for wedding gown.• Send a "Save-the-Date" card to

your "A" list guests10 Months• Choose a color theme • Order wedding gown & accessories

(have plenty of time if somethingshould go wrong)

• Make up your final guest list• Go House or Apartment-hunting with

your fiancé. Narrow choices to a few 9 Months• Decide what gifts you would like &

register for gifts (china, flatware, etc.)• Shop for & order invitations,

announcements, programs& any other printed materials

• Have your engagement party.Start a "thank you list" & mailnotes as soon as possible

• Have an engagement picture taken& submit to newspaper

• Create schematics for the procession-al, recessional, under the chuppah,reserved seating. Distribute them toparticipants

• If you are not having a weddingconsultant, arrange for someone to bein charge of keeping everyone onschedule & coaching the processional

• Select guests for honors (e.g., toast,speech, blessing on bread & wine,one of the seven blessings, aliyah atthe Ufruf.)

8 Months• Discuss wedding attire with mothers

of the bride & groom• Order your accessory items &

bridesmaid dresses• Look at tuxedos7 Months• Decide on which ketubah text you

want & order a ketubah. Handdecorated ketubot take the longesttime to prepare.

• If you are buying a home, get seriousabout a contract. If you will berenting, place a deposit

6 Months• Select guests wedding favors• Order imprinted yarmulkes.• Order wedding invitations, programs,

& other stationery5 Months• Arrange for tuxedo rentals• Book your honeymoon• Included directions, as needed, in

Save-the-date &/or invitations. Take atrial drive to double check distances &landmarks

4 Months• Purchase wedding gifts

(for attendants & fiance)• Finalize floral arrangements.• Set hair, make-up, nail, & wax

appointments• Select a bakery for your wedding

cake, as well as cakes for pre-wed-ding receptions & pastries forafter-wedding brunch

• Begin to address invitations or takefinal guest list to your calligrapher

• Select wedding bands. Place an order• Get change of address cards from post

office & get them ready to mail • Decide who will ride with whom &

where people need to be when • Prepare programs &/or a wedding

booklet for the wedding & assign oneto distribute them

• Have the groom select & ordertuxedos for himself, his groomsmen &the dads. If people are in differentlocations, mail the measurements

• Order table cameras. Make or buy areceptacle for them. Assign someonethe task of collecting the cameras

3 Months• Final dress fittings for you & your

bridesmaids• Finalize cake arrangements• Write your own vows• Buy cake knife, toasting glasses, guest

book & garter • Pick out associated events clothing.

Remember shoes (ballet slippers, san-dals) for the reception

• Find a hairdresser & make a test runwith your veil

• Send invitations (double checkpostage)(8-10 Weeks)

2 Months• Get name-change forms for social

security, driver's license, credit cards& bank. Review documents & makeneeded changes (e.g. insurance,lease, Health Care Proxy, Living Will,etc.)

• Get blood tests & marriage license • Make hair & nails appointments very

close to the wedding day• Finalize menu with caterer• Review your needs with your photog-

rapher & videographer. List yourwedding party, a schedule of events,any toasts or speeches planned, & anyspecial photos, memories or candidsyou want. It is best not to surprisethese professionals

• Meet with your entertainment(music, etc.). A schedule of events,favorite tunes, style of music request-ed, plus a list of toasts, speeches, etc.will ensure that the MC & you coordi-nate

• Arrange the rehearsal dinner, as wellas other wedding-day-connectedparties

1 Month• Make guest baskets & assign

someone to distribute them • Make sure all your groomsmen,

ushers, ringbearer, & fathers haveordered tuxedos

• Send change-of-address formsto post office

• Reconfirm all reservations& accommodations

• Confirm honeymoon plans • Start the seating plan for the

reception3 Weeks Before

• Call guests who have not responded• Finalize reception seating

arrangements• Get your marriage license• Prepare wedding announcement

for the newspaper• Pick up your wedding bands• Fill out the table cards or give names

to your calligrapher.• Put fees & tips in envelopes (officiant,

soloist, maitre d' etc.) & give it tosomeone you assign in making thepayments

• Arrange with someone to bring itemsto the wedding venue, such as cakeknife, toasting glasses, programs,yarmulkes, emergency kit for thebride, wedding license, ketubah, etc.& to take them home

• Arrange for someone to return rentals(tuxedos, chairs, etc.)

• Arrange for someone to take yourbouquet & gown "home" put them inpreservation

• Pay all synagogue fees2 Weeks Before• Call caterer with final total of guests• Confirm directions, pickup & drop-off

points with transportation service.Confirm all other professionals

1 Week• Create a detailed schedule of your

wedding day activities• Get a manicure &/or pedicure &/or

other beauty services.• Pack for your honeymoon• Confirm post-wedding brunch

arrangements1 Day• Get a manicure• Attend wedding rehearsal• Pack wedding day emergency kit.

(extra pantihose, safety pins, thread &needle, steamer, brush & make-up)

• Get a good night's sleepYour Wedding Day• Eat a good breakfast• Have your make-up done• Have your hair done• Give yourself lots of ready-time• Relax & have fun!After YourWedding Day• Send thank-you’s &/or send gifts to

the special people who made yourwedding "happen."

• Send wedding photo &announcement to newspaper(s)

Wedding Planning Timetable

33Tell everyone you found it in B’nai Mitzvah & Jewish Weddings™

The UfrufOn the Sabbath before the wedding, theGroom (Chatan) is traditionally given analiyah – the blessing before and after theTorah portion is read – and his familyusually sponsors a kiddush receptionafter services. Ufruf is Yiddish for "callingup". In congregations where womenmay perform an aliyah, both bride andgroom may be called up. Check with theRabbi to arrange this or to read a parsha(Torah portion). Is this reminiscent ofyour bar mitzvah? Like your bar/bat

mitzvah, you may be able to call othersin your family for an aliyah as well.Now for the fun part: The congregation, perhaps led by thewiseguys in your family, will shower you(pelt you is more accurate) with raisins,almonds and sweets to wish you a sweetlife and fruitful marriage to come! (Noteto wiseguys: please check withSynagogue staff before you hand outsweets, as some synagogues have poli-cies regarding this custom).

What makesa Jewishwedding Jewish?

There are very few require-ments for a Jewish wed-ding, which include a mar-riage contract (ketubah),the religious ceremonies

(kiddushin and nisuin), a plain gold bandaccepted by the bride, and the pronounce-ment that you are husband and wife.Therefore, most of what we recognize asmaking a wedding Jewish are a wide vari-ety of customs and traditions that aresteeped in history. But customs changeover time and location, even those in "traditional" weddings.Some traditions are adopted from placeswhere people live, where their ancestorscame from, or from other places or families.Some customs are modernized to reflectthe secular realities of life in the modernworld, including modern feminism, thecongregational practices and philosophies,and as an accommodation to Jews-by-choice and non-Jews. Ancient customs cansometimes survive only in terms of theirrelevance in a changing world. “We would like to have a wedding thatincorporates at least some of the wonderfultraditions of our forebears, a link to thepast, but at the same time is meaningful tous.” Anita Diamant points out in The NewJewish Wedding that modern Jews cannotmarry the same way their parents did.

"The world has changed too much. Ourexpectations of marriage are not the same,"she states. "We are different kinds of Jews."This requires the bride and groom to makedecisions about the exact traditions theyintend to continue. Many of the followingrituals are practiced in traditional weddings.An interesting pattern has lately emergedthat the more exotic and ancient the cus-tom, the more it will be adopted as a trueexpression of authentic Judaism. This hasespecially become true among youngercouples who have been raised with expo-sure to the more modern customs. If youchoose not to strictly follow all these tradi-tions you may choose those elements ofthe ceremony that appeal to you, that oth-ers in your community or congregation fol-low, or those you adapt from secularevents. Be sure not to adopt customs fromother religions. In this way you customize(yes, the root word is custom) your Jewishwedding to meet the needs and desires ofyour family and you. Will this be an easy process? Perhaps not,but it is part of the fun of planning a wed-ding, and not a part you can delegate toothers. Making choices about which ele-ments in a Jewish wedding will remaintraditional involves merging two or morefamilies, often with different backgrounds,values, and practices. Leave room for com-promise so that everyone feels that thewedding honors what is most importantto them.

The MikvahTraditionally observant brides and allconverts go to the mikvah, the ritualbath, before the wedding. This traditionis ancient and is a law, not a custom.They are maintained by most Orthodoxand some Conservative and Reform syn-agogues, as well. The mikvah is a pool ofwater fed by a running source, asopposed to stagnant. A lake, pond, orriver is an ideal mikvah, but ratheruncomfortable most of the year. Indoormikvahs have an attendant and usuallyfull bath facilities.Because the mikvah is associated in theTalmud with the "impurity" of menstru-ating women, it has fallen into disfavorby some as a relic of archaic times, not

relevant to today. But mikvah is reallyabout spiritual purification, and a visit tothe mikvah before the wedding is a wayto ceremonially start again "rebirth". Theceremony is quite simple.. The bride-to-be is immersed completely in the poolseveral times, floating freely, and a sim-ple prayer is said when she comes up.This is a joyous occasion often followed,especially in the Sephardic tradition, by aparty with food and drink, sometimes bybridesmaids waiting right outside.Outdoor ceremonies can be done atsome unusual locations with poetry, pic-nics and whatnot. Some men have evenjoined the tradition with their own mik-vah visits (call well ahead for reserva-tions) and men-only parties that follow.

The Wedding DayThe customs of the wedding day createmomentum that culminate with thewedding ceremony itself, the kiddushin.Friends and family can be part of theevents just prior to the wedding.

Fasting on theWedding DayThe day of the wedding the chatan(groom) and kallah (bride) fast andrepent their sins, and they are guaran-teed that if they do so, all their sins areforgiven. Thus, they start out their newlife together with a clean slate. As onYom Kippur, this ritual fasting is notabout self-punishment, but about start-ing over (in this case, in union witheach other).

SeparationIt is customary for the bride and groomnot to see each other for three days to aweek before the wedding. The groom will not see the bride untiljust before the ceremony, at the veilingof the bride. Since this is usually an anx-ious and nerve-rattling period, this cus-tom has practical advantages that cansave you tears and fears. Spend sometime with friends and family, and let theanticipation of the upcoming eventgrow.

Kabbalat Panim -Greeting the Brideand GroomSeparate receptions, called KabbalatPanim, are held just prior to the wedding

ceremony, when the honored ones holdcourt in separate rooms. Check with yourrabbi since some do allow pre-weddingreceptions. Jewish tradition and lawtreat the couple like a queen and king.The kallah will be seated on a "throne"to receive her guests. Some brides, jitteryfrom nerves, may limit guests to thebridal party. Others will have a more tra-ditional reception with songs, flowers,blessings, cake and wine. Perhaps themusicians will make a first appearance.Here the bride waits for the groom’sreception to end.The groom will be surrounded by his cir-cle of friends and relatives at a table, thetish, who sing and toast him. The groommay attempt to present a lecture on theweek's Torah portion, while his malefriends and family heckle and interrupt

him. Despite the groom’s Talmudicknowledge, or lack thereof, this is sup-posed to fun, not a serious undertaking.Other formats may involve a ‘roast’ ofthe groom by friends. At the tish, thegroom, witnesses and the rabbi mightsign the ketubah or, if both parties aresigning together, they may do this inanother room, such as the rabbi’s study.In a more modern version of the tish,both bride and groom are entertainedand received together with blessings,songs, flowers, or music. The ketubahmay then be signed and the partyproceeds directly to the chuppah.There are many variations of the tish,so ask your rabbi, cantor, or eventplanner for more ideas. The popularityof the tish is increasing as a delightfulpre-wedding ritual.

Customizing Your Wedding!

Photo by Prime Line Digital Photography

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Signing The Ketubah

Whether or notpre-weddingreceptions areheld, a ketubah,or marriage con-

tract, is signed and witnessed. In tradi-tional ceremonies the Groom signs theketubah in a separate room, in the pres-ence of witnesses and the Rabbi, beforethe wedding can begin. The bride neednot sign it, because it belongs to heralone, according to Jewish law, as proofof her rights and the groom’s responsi-bilities (financial and otherwise). It was aradical document in ancient times, giv-ing the wife important legal protection. Itwas a legal document, neither beautifulnor romantic, and the traditional lan-guage of the document remained basi-cally unchanged for centuries.The traditional ketubah does not neces-sarily reflect the realities of modern mar-riages or contemporary views on rela-tionships. Many couples have found newketubot, or have written language them-selves, that is more egalitarian. Manyketubot now include parallel declarationsof commitment made by both bride andgroom with a joint declaration of faith inG_d and a connection to the Jewish

people. It can be a way to remind thecouple of their moral responsibilities toone other. With many hand calligraphedketubot available, as well as many retailand internet sources of publishedketubah texts, couples have a large num-ber of choices to customize the text toreflect their particular values. You mustconfer with your rabbi before you decideon which text to sign, and certainlybefore any artwork is ordered. Since theyare legal documents, not all rabbis willaccept all texts. Moreover, only Orthodoxand Conservative texts are recognized inthe State of Israel.There are just as many choices with theart that often accompanies the text. Theketubah is often written among beautifulartwork, to be framed and displayed inthe home. Having a ketubah profession-ally calligraphed and made even morespecial with customized decorations hasalso become popular. The artwork onone such ketubah at a recent wedding,incorporated elements from the child-hood of each half of the couple, merginginto shared experiences at the top.The ketubah is sometimes read to theentire assembly, and it can even besigned and witnessed after the reading,while under the chuppah.

The VeilingMany brides still choose to wear a veil,an ancient custom that has its roots inthe Bible. Others have rejected it as anantiquated symbol of patriarchal domi-nance. It may be seen as representingthe modesty and dignity which charac-terizes the virtue of Jewish womanhood.The veil also conveys the message to theworld, symbolically, that physicalappearance is not as important as innerbeauty. It has biblical roots in the story ofthe patriarch Jacob, who was first trickedby his father-in-law into marrying thewrong sister, Leah, her face well hiddenbehind a veil, instead of the girl he loved,Rachel, By placing the veil over theBride’s face himself, the Groom ensures

the same type of switch isn’t made. Afun tradition enhanced by a bit of history. If a veil is to be worn, the groom is invit-ed to the bedeken, lowering the veil ontothe bride. Accompanied by both fathersplus friends and relatives, the groom,who has not seen his Bride for a week,enters the bride’s chamber and lowersthe veil over the bride’s face. This can beseen to symbolize either his commitmentto clothe and protect his wife, setting herapart from all others, or an indicationthat he is only interested in her innerbeauty. In any case, this can be a charm-ing and emotional part of the wedding.An egalitarian twist has the bride placinga kippah on the groom’s head at thesame time.

The Procession

Keeping with the prac-tice of treating thebride and groom likeroyalty, a processionleading to the chuppah

is quite traditional. Because a Jewishwedding is, above all, a family affair, thesimplest procession involves the brideand groom, each escorted by both par-ents, moving down the aisle and underthe chuppah. This demonstrates the mar-riage is a union of families, not of indi-viduals. But Jewish law does not governthe makeup of the procession, and socouples are free to decide the exactarrangement of their procession. Thereare many variations according to familysituations and dynamics. Sometimesgrandparents follow the rabbi or cantor,followed by the ushers and bridesmaids(separate in Orthodox weddings), thebest man, the groom and his parents,more ushers and bridesmaids, the maidof honor, and finally the bride and herparents. Variations allow grandparents toenter with their side of the family.Second marriages, divorced parents,missing or deceased relatives, the needfor a very small or intimate service, etc.,all require adaptations to the order,which is perfectly acceptable. The number of attendants is of no conse-quence, since they are not required. Onlytwo "Kosher" witnesses are requiredunder Jewish law. While we do notspecify what this may mean, clearly non-Jews do not qualify as witnesses (andthey must not be relatives). Ushers andbridesmaids certainly add a festive andregal air to the ceremony, and theyshould at least include any brothers andsisters. Sometimes a flower girl is used,although in most Jewish weddings, thering is held by the best man. The bestman at a Jewish wedding, called ashoshbin, is historically a best friend whowould offer a large gift to the groomupon marriage, perhaps to defray thecost of an expensive wedding affair, and

was therefore entitled to celebrate withthe groom during the wedding week.The understanding was that this treat-ment would be reciprocated upon themarriage of the shoshbin, wherein theroles would be reversed.The arrangement under the chuppah ofthe people involved is also not proscribedby Jewish law. Many chuppahs arearranged so that the wedding party fac-ing the rabbi is facing Jerusalem.Hundreds of years of Ashkenazic traditioncalls for the bride to be at the groom’sright. Proponents of Jewish mysticism,Kabbalah, claim that the question reflectsthe tension between the divine attributesof justice and mercy. The merciful, mas-culine aspect of G_d is identified withthe right side, and the just, female sidewith the left. Therefore the bride shouldstand on the left and the groom onthe right.Candles may be carried by escorts andattendants, making a lovely old-worldeffect, especially at dusk outdoors or in apartly darkened room. The candles sym-bolize the oneness that will come aboutas the couple is united under the chup-pah. Check with the synagogue or recep-tion hall staff, because fire codes mayprohibit it. Use dripless tapers, braidedhavdalah candles or jar candles to avoida real mess.Live music during the procession is anold tradition, one that sets the moodand the pace of the occasion. A soloist or small group is usually best, but leaveenough lead-time to find and rehearsethe appropriate music. Cantors usuallycan assist in choosing the bestprocessional music.The logistics of the procession and stand-ing under the chuppah can cause frictionand anxiety, and for this reason aloneyou may wish to have a weddingrehearsal. Some rabbis dismiss this as awaste of time, while others will gladlyaccommodate your request, so be sureto ask.

CirclingWhen the couple first enters the chuppah, the bride circles the groom seven times, per-haps accompanied by music or a soloist, and sometimes escorted by both mothers. Thisis a very old custom, the meaning and origin of which has no consensus. It is neverthe-less a nice touch, beautifully moving if not a bit exotic. One explanation is that it repre-sents the seven wedding blessings and seven days of creation, and demonstrating thatthe groom is the center of her world. Another comes from the Bible, which says that awoman encompasses and protects a man. While this phrase probably refers to acourtship rather than actually walking around, advocates of the custom found it to be aconvenient expression.The circling was known in ancient times to be a magical means of protection, buildingan invisible wall around the groom, protecting him from evil spirits. It can be seen alsoas an act that defines a new family circle, binding the bride to the groom and away from

the parents. Mystically speaking, the bride may be seen as entering the seven spheres ofthe groom’s soul. Joshua circled the wall of Jericho seven times, and then the walls felldown. So, too, after the bride walks around the groom seven times, the walls betweenthem will fall and their souls will be united. These are obscure ideas for a modern wed-ding, so you may want to explain this and other customs in a wedding booklet availableto your guests. Of course, circling has been rejected by some Jews in the recent past as evidence of thepatriarchal and demeaning nature of the bride circling around her ‘master’, marking herterritory from other women. But it can also be seen as a strong act of definition: Here isthe space we will share together. Some couples have also modernized the ritual by cir-cling one another, first the bride around the groom clockwise, then the groom aroundthe bride the other way. This mutual circling is a statement of balance and reciprocalrespect in declaring a space together and the breaking down of barriers.

The Wedding Day Continued...

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35Tell everyone you found it in B’nai Mitzvah & Jewish Weddings™

Photo by Classic Photo & Video

The ChuppahEasily the most recognized feature of a Jewish wedding, the ceremony takes place under a wedding canopy, or chuppah. The origin ofthe chuppah in the Talmud is certain, even if its exact form is not. In any case, the symbolism in the chuppah has many meanings.Chuppah means literally "that which covers or floats" in Hebrew. Traditionally, weddings occurred outdoors under the stars, and thecanopy created an intimate, sanctified space in which to take the vows. It also represents the new home for the married couple. Thechuppah is a reminder of the desert tents of our nomadic ancestors. For these reasons, some traditional reception facilities have skylightspositioned over the place where the chuppah will stand.A traditional chuppah is a fabric covering held up by four poles, open on all four sides. Since there are no legal requirements as to thechuppah's shape or dimensions, couples have created new chuppah traditions that express their unique personalities. Some customshave involved using a tallit, perhaps a family heirloom or your Bar/Bat Mitzvah tallit. Others have used craft-type projects such as quilts,embroidered or silk-screened fabric, or custom lettered projects. In fact, the chuppah can be a group or community project of specialsentimental value.

KiddushinThe Jewish wedding ceremony has twoparts, kiddushin and nisuin, which areperformed together under the chuppah,but which have distinct differences.Kiddushin, which translates as "sanctifi-cation" or "dedication", is actually abetrothal ceremony, a bonding of twosouls into one with each other and withG_d. The bride and groom establish anexclusive relationship. The Rabbi greets everyone and makestwo blessings over a cup of wine. Aswith all Jewish simchas, wine is a sym-bol of abundance and joy. The bride andgroom take a sip of wine. Next comesthe ring, the essential part of the cere-mony. The groom places a plain goldring, without any stones or embellish-ments, on the index finger of the bride’sright hand, the finger thought to bedirectly connected to the heart. Thegroom repeats the blessing: "Behold, youare consecrated to me with this ringaccording to the laws of Moses andIsrael." This thousand-year-old practice,the act of kiddushin, completes the

betrothal. The kiddushin has accom-plished kinyan, the symbolic act of thebride acquiring something of value fromthe groom, and Jewish law now consid-ers them married.In a double ring ceremony the bride thenrepeats the process with a similar, butgender-corrected, version of the sameblessing. This is often not allowed bymore traditional rabbis because it is saidto invalidate kinyan, the formal act of thebride acquiring something of value fromthe groom (since an exchange is beingmade). In that case the bride may pres-ent the groom’s ring, and the bride’s ringplaced on her left ring finger, after theceremony (and forever after).If wedding vows, or "I do’s" are desired,and the rabbi agrees to speak them, theywill be exchanged at this point. Somereally beautiful vows, mutual promises orpoetry, often written by the bride andgroom affirming their devotion for oneanother, can be added as a powerful per-sonal statement to the ceremony.

NisuinThe second part of the wedding ceremo-ny, nisuin, the nuptials, completes themarriage. Because the two parts of theceremony, kiddushin and nisuin werehistorically separated, the ketubah is readaloud before the nuptials as a way ofclearly separating the two halves. Thetext is usually read aloud in Aramaic,often repeated in English. The ketubah isthen stored away for safe keeping, or itmay be displayed on an easel for gueststo inspect. The rabbi may then say a fewwords about the couple, particularly ifhe/she has known the couple, or one ofthem, for a while, or he may launch intoa longer sermon.The nisuin begins with the seven bless-ings, sheva b'rachot, and ends withyichud, or seclusion, after the ceremony.

The seven blessings begin with anotherfull cup of wine. They may be recited bythe Rabbi or by various guests the couplewish to honor. Although it’s usually not aproblem, they must be recited in thepresence of a minyan, a formal quorumof ten adults. In addition to a blessingover the wine, there is praise for G_d ascreator of the world and of men andwomen; a prayer for the newly marriedcouple and of the ten degrees of rejoic-ing. The blessings also include a prayerthat Jerusalem will be fully rebuilt andrestored with the Temple in its midst andthe Jewish people within her gates,showing wishes not only for the individ-uals but the community in which theylive. The couple then drinks from the sec-ond cup of wine. The Rabbi pronouncesthe couple officially husband and wife.

The GlassThe traditional ending of a Jewish wed-ding is probably the most recognizedfeature: breaking the glass. It is an oldcustom that is not formally part of theceremony, yet pages have been writtenabout its meaning, which has beenwidely interpreted. A glass is placed onthe floor, often wrapped in cloth or anapkin to prevent injury, and the groombreaks it with his foot. Some coupleseven choose to break it together, whichis fine. The crowd shouts "Mazel Tov!"and joyous music begins (Siman Tov andMazel Tov is a favorite!). But what doesbreaking the glass represent? Here aresome opinions:

• Even during times of great joy, weshould remember the tragic destruc-tion of the Temple in Jerusalem, sym-bolizing all suffering by Jews every-where;

• a representation of the fragility ofhuman relationships;

• a reminder that marriage transformsthe lives of individuals forever;

• it represents a break with childhoodand the parents’ home;

• in contrast to the solemn moments ofthe ceremony, the loud crash signalslevity and celebration to begin;

• a symbol of the irrevocability ofmarriage;

• this is the last time the groom getsto "put his foot down."

Yichud-SeclusionAfter the couple leave the chuppah, tra-dition calls for them to retire to a privateroom where they might spend ten or fif-teen minutes together alone inyichud–seclusion. This is historically aritual reserved only for married couples,and they are escorted to the room bywitnesses and the door is closed. This is awonderful time to reflect on the union oftwo souls without interference, to hugand kiss, to take a breather before youare once again the center of attention. Itis customary to eat together as a marriedcouple for the first time, breaking fast(except for those sips of wine during theceremony) if you have fasted. Chickenbroth has been served in Ashkenazic tra-dition as a symbol of prosperity to come.Sephardic tradition calls for a meal ofdoves symbolizing marital peace.Another idea is a glass of champagne

and a plate of cocktail hour hors d’oeu-vres that you might otherwise nevertaste (talk to the caterer or ask a friend tobring this). Eat something here because,given the excitement and schedule ofevents, many couples do not eat much attheir own wedding. This is also a goodtime to place the rings on the correct fin-gers, remove the veil, tallit and otherceremonial garb. When you emerge fromthe yichud, you are the newest marriedcouple in the room.As a practical matter, this time gives thecaterer and guests a few minutes to tran-sition into the dining hall or cocktail area,to visit the rest rooms, congratulate theparents, and so on. It also avoids thereception line, at least immediately afterthe ceremony, which leaves guestswandering around while waiting forthe line to end.

The Reception LineThis has become a standard at manyAmerican weddings, even Jewish ones,so you may still wish to have one, espe-cially if you are not observing yichud. Ifso, it may be held immediately after theceremony, after yichud, or after a cocktailhour. The format is often the same,including both sets of parents, bride and

groom, maid/matron of honor andbridesmaids. The best man and ushersdo not participate, particularly since ush-ers are not required at Jewish weddings.This is the place for guests to expresscongratulations and for parents to kvell-swell with pride. Keep smiling, be gra-cious, but don’t chat too long. It’s OK toask names if you don’t know; most folksare glad to introduce themselves.

The Wedding Service

36 Visit us online at www.bnaimitzvahguide.com

Think about it. There's a“cookie-cutter sameness”to most Bar and BatMitzvahs and Jewish wed-dings. (An hour of hors

d'oeuvres, standard introductions, toasts,the cutting of the cake, a video montage,etc.) These are all important parts of anycelebration, but finally, here's a chance toadd something so wonderful, so unique,your guests will not only appreciate andenjoy it, they'll be heard saying “Wow, wasthat special…what a great time we had!”

At the Bar/Bat Mitzvah Too much “Bar” and not enough “Mitzvah”isn’t good for your “Simcha”. DJ's today caninclude MTV type dancers at your party. Barand Bat Mitzvah themes range from StarWars to "Elvis." These are certainly fun andexciting, but with the exception of "UncleSidney" doing the motzi (the blessing onthe bread), no one would have a clue whatthey're really there to celebrate. As a result, more and more people arechoosing a very “new” theme lately. It'scalled “Bar Mitzvah!” What a concept!

Actually, you don't even have to abandonany of your creative and fun ideas, but toparaphrase the title of Jeffrey K. Salkin'spopular book on Bar Mitzvah's …Don'tForget to Put G-d on the Guest List!Whether it's having as a centerpiece a bas-ket of canned goods to be donated to Sova,or a Klezmer band playing during the cock-tail reception, there are ways to add someJewishness and have fun! There's also avariety of Jewish themes such as; The Treeof Life, Jewish Hero's, Israel (complete witha back drop of The Western Wall), or as adesign for each table or food station,famous Synagogues throughout the world. A "Grand Entrance" is also an opportunityto add some tradition. Instead of the "typi-cal" entrance, where DJ's announce the Baror Bat Mitzvah honoree, programs like TheAmazing Bottle Dancers, (yes…they reallydance with bottles of wine on their hats!)feature authentic Klezmer music, and bringwith them a sense of the old country, asthey carry in the Bar Mitzvah boy high atoptheir shoulders, or the Bat Mitzvah girl inon a throne fit for Queen Esther!

At the WeddingOld-fashioned Jewish weddings are mak-ing a come back. Why not? They're notonly filled with beautiful symbolism, butthey can be even more romantic than any-thing you've ever imagined. The goodnews is, it doesn't have to be either or. Youcan have a very contemporary wedding,with the hottest band or DJ, with just a fewtouches of tradition as well. Let's start with the ceremony. In the olddays after the Sabbath ended, villagerswould traditionally walk to the townsquare where weddings were held. Theyaccompanied the bride and groom andtheir families carrying candles, which mag-ically lit a beautiful path. It is possible torecreate this beautiful tradition. Each guestis given a candle upon leaving the cocktailreception area for the short walk to wheretheceremony is held. It is a beautiful sightto behold, and works to connecteveryone as well. Another nod to tradition is to use Klezmermusicians (live or CD), who always led the

procession to the town square in the OldCountry. This brings the unmistakablesound of the clarinet, violin, accordion, andbass fiddle to fill the air. The joyous musichas the bridal party walking down the islewith big smiles on their faces, and all of theguests clapping in time. What a differencefrom the formal, graduation-like marchdown the isle.While the reception can include a very con-temporary band, save something special asa prelude to the HORA. A surprise appear-ance of The Amazing Bottle Dancers recre-ates an age-old tradition celebrated atWeddings. The dancers, with their blackbeards, hats and robes performed a spec-tacular dance that today could only bedescribed as a cross between Cirque DuSoleil and Zorba, the Greek.The important thing to remember as you

plan your event is to avoid sameness byadding some unique touches. Make sureyour wedding is everything you want it tobe and more. Fill it with beauty, romance,love and at least a few surprises…and bythe way, a little tradition.

At Your Celebration, Don’t Forget…A Little Tradition Never Hurts!By Michael Pasternak, creator of The Amazing Bottle Dancers, www.bottledancers.com (see ad, page 25)

37Tell everyone you found it in B’nai Mitzvah & Jewish Weddings™

Photography & VideographyPho

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Photography and more recently videographyis used to capture the joy, the charm, and themagic of the event. Whether a portrait artist,photojournalist, mood recorder or storyteller,your professional photographer and videogra-pher should understand you and what youwant to capture and remember of theBar/Bat Mitzvah.Some questions to ask when choosing aphotographer and/or videographer...

Do you have references? Ask for names of previous clients and tosee a portfolio and/or sample albums ortapes. Be sure to call these references fortheir comments.What is your background and expe-rience? Make sure they have recordedB’nai Mitzvahs before. Experience oftenmakes a difference in the end product,but it can cost more as well.Do you have an assistant?What is his/her experience? Many expe-rienced professionals use assistants forlighting and backup equipment.What is the cost for your services?It is best to research prices by receivingseveral price quotes from other photog-raphers and videographers. But the leastexpensive is not always the best. Askphotographers how many photos will betaken, will candids and tables be taken(if these are important to you), numberof hours taking pictures, are proofsand/or negatives offered for you to keep,are packages available? Some syna-gogues only allow bimah/Torah photoshours or days before the event–can thisbe accommodated? Likewise, videography is often sold inpackages and may include simple musicand editing, or may include visual effects,

photo montages, guest interviews, pro-fessional titles and headings, and more!Price is often a function of experience,technology, and the features and com-plexity you need and want.What lighting will be required?Different cameras, ambient room light-ing, moods, and portraiture all requiredifferent lighting. If lighting equipment isnecessary, know this up front to assurethat it does not become obtrusive tocongregants, guests, and staff.A Digital Memory: The latest technology is digital photogra-phy and videography. Because it is rela-tively new, both traditional and digitalequipment is currently in use, sometimesside-by-side. Satisfactory results areavailable in standard and digital photog-raphy–ask the photographer to explain– but the end result should be clear,crisp images in the sizes you want.Digital video can easily be delivered on aDVD, and if this suits you, it can be awelcome addition to your collection. Butif you play video on a VCR, you can havegreat results from either video format.And don’t forget...It is very important thatyou communicate well with the photog-rapher/ videographer and that his/herattitude and personality is in sync withyours.

Simcha Tip

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Alternate entertainment is great forentertaining youngsters while adults are eating and socializing.Set up a separate area or room foralternative entertainers, such asthose listed under theNovelties/Favors section.

Plan your entertainment around theages of the childrenattending. Lots of younger cousins orsiblings may enjoy an activity in which they can participate.Alternate entertainers may be per-fect for synagogues that do allow outside music on Shabbatt.

Alternate Entertainment

38 Visit us online at www.bnaimitzvahguide.com

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Using Your Gelt Wisely:Find a Certified Financial Planner

After a Bar or Bat Mitzvah many of us areperplexed by what to do with the gelt thatour child receives from friends and relatives.It is important that you discuss differentoptions with your child before the celebra-tion. You should set aside a certain amountfor spending in advance. Charitable dona-tions should certainly be considered toshow your child the importance oftzedekah. However, often times there is aconsiderable sum of money involved.Keeping this in mind, it’s a good idea tostart early and be consistent in your searchfor a financial planner to help you with yourinvestment options.In your search for a financial planner, takethe time to review their credentials andexperience. Often times, financial advisorsare only qualified in certain investments.Your best option is to speak with at least 2or 3 CFP’s (Certified Financial Planners).CFP’s are required to obtain extensive edu-cation in the most important issues facedby clients including investment planning,estate planning, insurance planning, etc. Ifyou are not yet comfortable with those2 or 3, seek out more. Allan Richmond, CFP, suggests that a

Certified Financial Planner is most qualifiedto determine what investment options aresuitable for your situation and goals. Thefollowing tips should get you started withthe questions you should ask your prospec-tive CFP. Depending on where you live,there are several very good state sponsoredcollege savings plans, if you decide that is apriority. Be wary however, of interest-gain-ing accounts such as savings accounts orCD’s. The most important issue with thesetypes of investments is that they typicallycannot keep up with inflation, so that yourpurchasing power will decline over time.Talk with your CFP to determine what thebest investments would be. A greatresource to help in finding CertifiedFinancial Planners iswww.cfp-board.org. And remember, don’tbe afraidto ask questions.

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Video can recreate the life of an event in a way that cap-tures the action and emotion of the day. It is often one ofthe most important elements in planning an event.Early event videos were crude by today's standards, buttoday’s videos are quite advanced and professional, thanksin part to the Wedding and Event VideographersAssociation, WEVAVideography is a serious profession, not just a hobby.Professionals now have the latest video and computer-based editing systems and often produce network-levelresults. Digital Video Disk (DVD) is growing as a specialevent video distribution medium.

Here are some issues to considerwhen choosing videographers.1. Ask for sample videos. The number of cameras, light-ing, microphone placement, artistic ability, technical qual-ifications don’t mean that much if you don’t like thevidepgrapher’s work. Look for smooth camera work, natu-ral editing, sharp sound (remember to consider the loca-tion).2. Request at least 3 references. Are past clients happywith the results? Were they happy during the event? Washe/she easy to work with? The professional should betechnically competent, likeable and easy to work with.3. Ask for membership with professional associations,such as WEVA.

4. How many weddings or Bar/Bat Mitzvahs do theyvideo each year?5. Ask for an explanation of what "Unobtrusive" means tothem. Wireless microphones? Low-level lighting? Multiplecameras? How will being unobtrusive affect the final pro-duction? For instance, there may be a trade off betweenexternal lighting and accurate color reproduction.6. Ask for proof of insurance.7. Determine what end product (ie tape, DVD, basic,montage, music, full Hollywood production, etc.) youwant. Different budgets and expectations require you toconsider quality, type of end product, level of editing,budget, and the extent of coverage. When you have thisdefined for yourself, searching for the right videographer iseasier. Is a "love story" intro for a wedding video impor-tant to you? Or do you have to have a pre-event birth-to-now collage, set to music? Price and capabilities areaffected by these needs. For instance, while a30-40 minute composite video may seem"less" than a full event video, it involvesthe same amount of shooting plus moreextensive editing.8. How are services billed? By thehour, flat fee, packages with options?9. How do they coordinate with thewedding photographer? The twoneed to work closely together with-out interfering with each other.

10. Tell your brother to leave his video-cam at home.Consumer cameras today often deliver grainy footage andmuffled sound. Amateurs also lack the experience to planand coordinate to blend with the flow of the event, andthey can be plagued by insufficient battery capacity, insuf-ficient or excess equipment, poor lighting and sound.There is no substitute for a professional who comes pre-pared with the right knowledge and equipment, under-stands the religious tradition, and is focused on creatingyour video rather than being a guest. Most problems withintrusive video occur with non-professional video makers.

Finding the Right Videographer

39Tell everyone you found it in B’nai Mitzvah & Jewish Weddings™

Photo by Classic Photo & Video

Simcha Tip

!Rental Supplies & Linens

Rent

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40 Visit us online at www.bnaimitzvahguide.com

Rent equipment, furniture, and linens to make your life easier during yourevent and at home. Consider the following:• Tables and chairs for a simcha or morning-after brunch.

Don’t crowd your existing rooms, expand into adjacent areas with extra seating.• Portable beds for overnight guests (real folding beds that are off the floor!)• Coordinate linen colors with your decor or theme. Table linens and chair covers add a

striking and elegant appearance to any event. Many dramatic fabrics are available thattransform ordinary surroundings into extraordinary and memorable occasions.

• Table and outdoor lighting, including area lighting and softer light strings.• Coat racks, easels, lecterns

• Serving pieces, punch and coffee service. These are indispensible and well worth thecost. Avoid cheap, disposable trays and opt for professional equipment that performsbetter, doesn’t ruin food, and looks classier.

• Tents, including heat, and chuppahs. • Dishes, flatware, and glassware. White paper plates are fine for a backyard

barbeque, but use the good stuff for a real simcha.• Cooking equipment• Popcorn, cotton candy and snowcone machines. Entertain the kids and adults

for a memorable fun event. Some vendors rent sand art, pucker powder,and frozen drink machines.

• Inflatable activities such as moon bounces, gladiator joust and sports cages, or vitualreality and arcade games all add fun for everyone, whether during a Bar Mitzvah,a Sunday afternoon-after party or a backyard bachelor party.

Honeymoon TravelPlan ahead if you are leaving the country. A passport takes several months toobtain in some cases. If you are cruising from a US port, you will still need anoriginal birth certificate, with a raised stamp, not a photocopy.What are couples' favorite honeymoon destinationsworldwide? Our poll of travel experts namedthe following destinations the top 10 honeymoonlocales for US couples. Visit our site atwww.bnaimitzvahguide.com, click on Top 10Honeymoon Destinations, then click on the namebelow for peek at what's there and how to getthere!

1. Hawaii2. Jamaica3. St. Lucia4. Las Vegas5. Italy6. Tahiti7. Bermuda8. Mexico9. U.S. Virgin Islands10. Cruise

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If you expect guestsfrom out-of-town toshare the Bar/BatMitzvah’s or weddingcouple’s specialmoments, considerthe following:HotelsReserve early! Even if no holiday isapparent on your date, hotels fill up becauseof conventions, retreats, etc.Hotel rooms are usually reserved in blocks.Some charge fees to reserve. This can beespecially helpful if you have a number ofguests arriving during a period when hotelsare busy.Consider reserving rooms at two or morehotels for convenience and differentprice levels.A small “welcome package” from the hostfamily is a nice touch to make out-of-townguests feel at home. Hotels can arrange thesefor a fee, or you can package them inexpen-sively and the hotel will usually distributethem for free. Contents can include snacks,kosher foods, home baked goods, toys andcards for children, soda, fruits, mementos, etc.

Flowers for the room are also a nice touch.A shuttle service is a convenient way to trans-port guests unfamiliar with local roads to thesynagogue or simcha site, especially for anevening event. Check with hotels for airportshuttles. You could arrange ride–sharing forguests renting cars and staying at the samehotel and/or arriving at the same time. Alsocheck into transportation companies whooffer packages or hourly rates.

InvitationsSend a “save the date” postcard to out-of-towners 6-10 months in advance to assurethat other plans won’t conflict with yourspecial day.Include a map and directions for all activitiesduring the day or weekend. Directions shouldcover from the hotel(s) to the synagogue,and, if applicable, to the function hall. Tryphotocopying a local map to locate the syna-gogue with location circled. Mapquest.comand Travelocity.com are helpful web sites.

Family ActivitiesAdditional activities add another dimension tothe Bar/Bat Mitzvah or wedding experienceand allow opportunities to enjoy relatives andfriends that you may not see frequently. Consider the following: If your child is becom-

ing a Bar or Bat Mitzvah on Saturday Morning,invite guests to the synagogue on Friday nightto enjoy the service and Oneg Shabbat. Thisalso applies to the Ufruf before the wedding.Family portraits can be arranged at home, atthe reception site, or synagogue.A “morning after” brunch is a delightful wayto wrap up the simcha and allow families andfriends to be together one more time.

MiscellaneousYou may wish to schedule appointments formanicures, hair, and make-up appointmentsfor your guests who will not be familiar withthe area. Consider a web site for the Bar/BatMitzvah or the wedding couple that includesweekend and hotel information, online RSVP,printable driving instructions, explanations fornon-Jewish guests, and much more. Photoscan be posted here after the event, as well asthanks, thoughts and reflections, and personalmessages.An agenda of weekend activities sent with theinvitations will help guests schedule flights ortravel plans, help them plan what to pack,and add to the excitement of traveling. If guests may have some extra time to get outand explore, include brochures or contactinformation for popular sightseeing destina-tions in the invitation or a subsequent mailing.

Out-Of-Towners GuideSave TheDate PoemCourtesy of Claudia Pletterof It Could Be Verse, 732-679-8093

We want you to know what we have instore,Lasting memories, fun, celebrations andmore. It all begins, Friday evening at 8:00, At Congregation Beth Shalom...pleasedon’t be late.Saturday morning…the B’nai Mitzvahwill take place, Your seat is reserved…we’re saving yourspace. Then off to the party at the Radisson,For great food, dancing and lots of fun.From 9:00AM ‘til noon, the following day,We’ll be having brunch before you go onyour way! At the Radisson…if it is your whim,They have a pool, if you’d like to swim.We’ll wine you and dine you, the wholeweekend through, We’re getting excited...can’t wait to see you!

1. Start out by doing your homework.Decide on a location, or a region,review tapes and travel books fromthe library or your travel agent. Askfriends or relative who have traveled;a personal recommendation is worthmore than a brochure.

2. Work with a trusted and knowledge-able travel agent. Look for an agencythat is a member in good standingwith The American Society of TravelAgents (ASTA). Again, agents whohave visited a particular location areproviding a valuable service. Ask lotsof questions and shop around. Decidea budget and know what is afford-able. Don’t forget anything, such as

medical issues or kosher meals.3. The Carribean is very popular, as well

as the western ski areas, Mexico,Hawaii, Florida, and Europe.

4. All-inclusives are just that: every-thing (that we list here) is included:one fee covers room, meals, drinks(exact rules vary by resort), tips,activities, entertainment, sports, etc.Many packages include airfare andtransfers to and from the resort(ask!). Realistically, you still needsome money for tours, gambling,souvenirs, some water sports...All-inclusive resorts cover the globe.

5. Couples-only all-inclusives offer anall-adult atmosphere with moreadult activities, including nightlife.look for names such as Couples(Jamaica), Sandals and SuperClubs.

6. Cruises are similarly all-inclusive, buttypically do not include drinks andtips. Entertainment is often first rate,including Las Vegas-type shows, youget to visit several countries in oneweek, and the ocean breeze is irre-sistible. Again, bring money (or startan onboard credit account, tied toyour credit card) for excursions, mas-

sages, casino, portrait photos andshopping.

7. Destination weddings: Plan the wed-ding like a vacation. Decide whatlocation you want, research it, askabout wedding packages. One coupleeloped to marry in Saint Lucia, thenhad a reception when they returnedto Maryland. A Washington, DC cou-ple, now in San Diego, had 26 rela-tives and friends meet them in PuntaCana, Dominican Republic, for abeach-front ceremony. Everyone hada 3-night vacation, and thenewlyweds flew to Hawaii for ahoneymoon.

8 . Get Insurance and pay by Credit Card.Stuff happens, such as illness, weath-er, world events, and dishonest com-panies. Protect yourself.

9. Plan to get a passport. This is cur-rently required for much internation-al travel, and new regulations willrequire one for all US citizens travel-ing to the Carribean beginningDecember 31, 2006. A passport is alegal document that proves US citi-zenship; it gets stamped everywhereyou go, so its like a mini travel log. It

costs least to apply at your local PostOffice, but you might wait five andup to eight weeks by mail. Look onthe U.S. State Department's Bureauof Consular Affairs home page underpassport information.

10. Pack with your location in mind. Dolaundry a few days early so every-thing will be clean and ready foraction. Start your packing list a weekbefore you leave and add items asyou think of them. Bring suncare andafter-sun products if you’ll be at thebeach. Pack moisturizer and lip balmif you’re skiing or visiting the dessert.Plan wardrobes to mix and match-some pieces get more than one useon vacation-and bring a few versatileshoes. Do not bring your entire shoerack, because you’ll either, bust yourzippers, bust your luggage’s zippers,or pay extra for overweight baggage(check your airline’s weight limit perbag). Opt for wrinkle-resistant fibers,pack items inside of each other tosave space, roll clothing to avoidwrinkles, and double-bag any loosebottles or tubes of liquids (but youcannot carry them on!).

Honeymoon Planning Basics

41Tell everyone you found it in B’nai Mitzvah & Jewish Weddings™

42 Visit us online at www.bnaimitzvahguide.com

Banquet Facilities & HotelsThe Astral Plane1708 Lombard St. Philadelphia, PA215-546-6230www.theastralplane.com(see our display ad, page 5)A romantic atmosphere, warm, friendly serv-ice and the most delicious food you have evertasted. “BEST OF CITYSEARCH” Best GroupDining!” “Special Occasion!” “Brunch!”“Romantic!”

The WaterfordLocated in the Radisson Hotel Valley Forge1160 First Ave.King Of Prussia, PA610-337-2000www.the-waterford.com(see our display ad, Back Cover)New luxurious multi-level ballroom. Becauseyour wedding must be unique.

Waterfall Banquet & Conference Center3416 Philadelphia PikeClaymont, DE302-792-2600www.waterfallbanquets.com(see our display ad, page 5 )Bar/Bat Mitzvah & Wedding Package.sComplete with Cocktail Hour, Lavish HorsD’oeuvre Displays, Multi-Course EntreeSelections, Delectable Cakes and Desserts,and Professional Staff to Assist Your EveryNeed.

CateringNote: Listings marked with an asterisk(*) have banquet facilities available

Catering By WeissBaltimore, MD1-800-459-0009 or 443-394-8338www.cateringbyweiss.com(see our display ad, page 15)First class Kosher catering providing meat anddairy cuisine. Traditional, contemporary andgourmet. Call for a free consultation. ExclusiveKosher caterer to the Hilton Pikesville.

*The Astral Plane1708 Lombard St. Philadelphia, PA215-546-6230www.theastralplane.com(see our display ad, page 5)A romantic atmosphere, warm, friendly serv-ice and the most delicious food you have evertasted. “BEST OF CITYSEARCH” Best GroupDining!” “Special Occasion!” “Brunch!”“Romantic!”

*The WaterfordLocated in the Radisson Hotel Valley Forge1160 First Ave.King Of Prussia, PA610-337-2000www.the-waterford.com(see our display ad, Back Cover)New luxurious multi-level ballroom. Becauseyour wedding must be unique.

*Waterfall Banquet & ConferenceCenter3416 Philadelphia PikeClaymont, DE302-792-2600www.waterfallbanquets.com(see our display ad, page 5)Bar/Bat Mitzvah & Wedding Packages.Complete with Cocktail Hour, Lavish HorsD’oeuvre Displays, Multi-Course EntreeSelections, Delectable Cakes and Desserts,and Professional Staff to Assist Your EveryNeed.

ClothingMENS’/BOYS’Black Tie Formal Attire1120 Walnut St.Philadelphia, PA215-925-4404www.blacktiephilly.com(see our display ad, page 17)Black Tie is recognized as one of the premierformalwear centers in the country. Featuringa comprehensive collection of the latesttrends of tuxedos, shirts, shoes and acces-sories for rent or purchase. Visit Black Tiewhen only The Very Best Will Do!

Perfect Occasions from The Perfect Pearwww.theperfectpear.com/simcha(see our display ad, page 17)Fine quality dresses, gowns, suits and morefor your Simcha. Styles for all ages from infantto adult women. Specializing in flower girls,ring bearers and Bar/Bat Mitzvah. Visit ourwebsite.

WOMEN’S/GIRLS

Bellezza Veils46 Ashley DriveCollegeville, PA610-287-3442 or 1-866-878--VEILwww.bellezzaveils.com(see our display ad, page 17)Bellezza Veils specializes in custom Bridalaccessories. We hand craft each piece usingonly the finest materials, and are committedto providing superb customer service.

Bridals by Danielle203 S. 13th St.Philadelphia, PA215-670-9500www.phillybride.com(see our display ad, page 16)We carry designer gowns and accessories. Weare a full service bridal salon with alterationson the premises.

Perfect Occasions from The Perfect Pearwww.theperfectpear.com/simcha(see our display ad, page 17)Fine quality dresses, gowns, suits and morefor your Simcha. Styles for all ages from infantto adult women. Specializing in flower girls,ring bearers and Bar/Bat Mitzvah. Visit ourwebsite.

Decorations &Theme DesignBecause We Care7603 Old York Rd.Melrose Park, PA215-635-4774(see our display ad, page 18)Beautifully wrapped centerpieces and Bimabaskets of non-perishable food, receive fullcredit for donation to mitzvah food pantry.Welcome bags for guests. Volunteer non-profitorganization.

Gala Cloths by DulanyPhiladelphia, PA215-760-2853 or 1-888-747-1144www.galacloths.com(see our display ad, page 40)Affordably elegant designer table linens andchair cover rentals for every taste and occasion.

Yellow DJ’s1-866-ONLY-YELLOW (1-866-665-9935)www.djsyellow.com(see our display ad, page 23)Professional DJs and Designers.Video/photo, Event Planning, Lighting, Activeand dance bar, African Drums,Theme/Decoration...For all occasions. -Bar/Bat Mitzvahs, Weddings...

Giftware & JudaicaGreat Judaica BooksNationwide212-431-5011www.greatjudaicabooks.com(see our display ad, page 20)Great Judaica Books at discount prices from.99¢ a book! Here are some bestselling titles:Jewish Trivia, Jewish Riddles, Kosher Cuisine,Art of the Schmooze!, Mensch OR Shlemiel?

Kardwell International, Inc.Nationwide1-800-233-0828www.customplayingcards.comwww.customwedding.com(see our display ad, page 26)Playing cards for party favors. Full deck of 52playing cards, personalized and color-coordi-nated. Choose from one of our originaldesigns or use your own. FREE brochure andsamples.

Invitations & CalligraphyAt Your Service Events & Travel, LLC.433 S. Bethlehem PikeFort Washington, PA610-834-0907 or 215-646-6069www.sharonbudman.com(see our display ad, page 3)Specializing in Life Cycle Events, At YourService offers customized event planningfrom casual to lavish affairs - a talented teamof individuals who are dedicated to makingeach celebration distinctively different anduniquely yours. From concept to completion!

Invitations of Distinction610-940-1100www.invitationsofdistinction.com(see our display ad, page 21)Invitations of Distinction carries a wide range

of invitations for every mood and budget,from classic to contemporary, dignified towhimsical, frugal to decadent - and beyond!In addition, Invitations of Distinction is yourplace for placecards, napkins, favors, bridalaccessories, wedding programs and gifts.

Jewish National FundNew York, NY1-800-700-1312www.jnf.org(see our display ad, page 21)Celebrate your simcha with a Mitzvah! SendJewish National Fund personalized tree andwater certificates as one-of-a-kind invita-tions, or use them as favors, table signs, oracknowledgements. For more information orto place an order please call Linda.

Music & EntertainmentBANDS & DJS

Alexis Entertainment856-853-1919 or 1-866-831-1919www.alexisentertainment.comwww.djandkaraokepros.com(see our display ad, page 25)We take your most memorable events andexpress how much they mean, throughmusic. Let us provide your entertainment.

The Fabulous Shpielkehs610-642-2928 or 610-449-7999www.susanwattsonline.com(see our display ad, page 24)When it comes to doing Jewish music right,call us; Real Klezmer musicians. We impartexcitement, charm, and warmth - it’s what’sgood about being Jewish.

Yellow DJ’s1-866-ONLY-YELLOW (1-866-665-9935)www.djsyellow.com(see our display ad, page 23)Professional DJs and Designers.Video/photo, Event Planning, Lighting, Activeand dance bar, African Drums,Theme/Decoration...For all occasions. -Bar/Bat Mitzvahs, Weddings...

ISRAELI/KLEZMER MUSIC

The Fabulous Shpielkehs610-642-2928 or 610-449-7999www.susanwattsonline.com(see our display ad, page 24)When it comes to doing Jewish music right,call us; Real Klezmer musicians. We impartexcitement, charm, and warmth - it’s what’sgood about being Jewish.

OTHER ENTERTAINMENT

Ace EntertainmentNationwide1-877-291-8344 www.acephotofavors.com(see our display ad, page 27)Ace prides itself on Quality: at a better price.We provide unlimited, digitally perfectedphoto favors and games to entertain yourguests. Your event is our only priority.

Directory of Resources

Amazing Bottle Dancers1-800-716-0556www.bottledancers.com(see our display ad, page 25)Add some “tradition!” Our 20-minute pro-gram is the perfect addition to your DJ orband! Spectacular “Grand Entrances!” CALLFOR OUR FREE AMAZING DVD.

Caricatures by Art Girl Debbie Schafer215-988-95981-800-ART-0067www.artgirl.com(see our display ad, page 24)Delight your guests with fun, fast, incrediblelikeness that everyone will love to watch. Theperfect gift for any event, caricatures providea unique personal touch that fascinate adultsand children alike.

Funnymercials, Inc.1-800 231-7827www.funnymercials.com(see our display ad, page 26)A new fun idea for Bar/Bat Mitzvahs. It’sentertainment and a party favor in one veryaffordable package. Guests star in Real TVCommercials, Karaoke Music Videos, SportsPlay-by-Play and much more.

Mine-O-GramsNationwide610-328-2396 or 1-800-892-0751www.mineograms.com(see our display ad, page 1)With “Dream Scene” technology your guestscan be superimposed on magazine coverswith celebrities, in sports action scenes, infantasy I.D. cards or in group pictures.Portraits transferred onto key chains,magnets,photo clips, mouse pads, snow globes, etc.

Wild Wild WaxReisterstown, MD1-800-990-0220 or 410-526-4357(see our display ad, page 29)Our WAX HAND SCULPTURES are still thebiggest hit at Bar and Bat Mitzvahs! Just askthe kids about us! We keep them entertainedand occupied. And, we gift box each sculpturefor the kids to take home as a party favor!

Novelties & FavorsAce EntertainmentNationwide1-877-291-8344 www.acephotofavors.com(see our display ad, page 27)Ace prides itself on Quality: at a better price.We provide unlimited, digitally perfectedphoto favors and games to entertain yourguests. Your event is our only priority.

Because We Care7603 Old York Rd.Melrose Park, PA215-635-4774(see our display ad, page 18)Beautifully wrapped centerpieces and Bimabaskets of non-perishable food, receive fullcredit for donation to mitzvah food pantry.Welcome bags for guests. Volunteer non-profitorganization.

Cadett MarketingNationwide1-877-CADETT-1www.cadettmarketing.com

(see our display ad, page 28)Creative custom party favors, gifts, bags,candy, scrubs, boxers, caps, and much more.Over 600,000 items to choose from that ourartist can create a unique design.

Caricatures by Art Girl Debbie Schafer215-988-95981-800-ART-0067www.artgirl.com(see our display ad, page 24)Delight your guests with fun, fast, incrediblelikeness that everyone will love to watch. Theperfect gift for any event, caricatures providea unique personal touch that fascinate adultsand children alike.

Fortunately Yours, Inc.1-800-337-1889www.fortunatelyyours.com(see our display ad, page 28)YOU CREATE! Personalized Fortune Cookies,Chocolate CD’s, Candy Bars, Candied Roses,Mints, Truffles and More! A LastingImpression for Years! Call or visit our web site.

Funnymercials, Inc.1-800 231-7827www.funnymercials.com(see our display ad, page 26)A new fun idea for Bar/Bat Mitzvahs. It’sentertainment and a party favor in one veryaffordable package. Guests star in Real TVCommercials, Karaoke Music Videos, SportsPlay-by-Play and much more.

Invitations of Distinction610-940-1100www.invitationsofdistinction.com(see our display ad, page 21)Invitations of Distinction carries a wide rangeof invitations for every mood and budget,from classic to contemporary, dignified towhimsical, frugal to decadent - and beyond!In addition, Invitations of Distinction is yourplace for placecards, napkins, favors, bridalaccessories, wedding programs and gifts.

Kardwell International, Inc.Nationwide1-800-233-0828www.customplayingcards.comwww.customwedding.com(see our display ad, page 26)Playing cards for party favors. Full deck of 52playing cards, personalized and color-coordi-nated. Choose from one of our originaldesigns or use your own. FREE brochure andsamples.

Mazel Tov Favors.com1-800-485-4461www.mazeltovfavors.com(see our display ad, page 29)We specialize in imprinted Bar/Bat Mitzvahitems. From 50-200, boxers to keychains. Weprovide personalized attention. Call 24/7.

Mine-O-GramsNationwide610-328-2396 or 1-800-892-0751www.mineograms.com(see our display ad, page 1)With “Dream Scene” technology your guestscan be superimposed on magazine coverswith celebrities, in sports action scenes, infantasy I.D. cards or in group pictures.Portraits transferred onto key chains,magnets,photo clips, mouse pads, snow globes, etc.

Promotional ProductsNationwide1-866-FAVOR 99www.partyfavorbiz.com(see our display ad, page 28)Since 1974, we have been serving the Bar/BatMitzvah, Sweet 16 nationwide Jewish com-munity with custom printed party favors.Popular items include scrubs, Soffe’s, boxers,flannel pants, hooded sweats and muchmore. We do all our printing on premises atthe lowest prices in the nation. Visit our web-site to view our gallery of pictures.

Wild Wild WaxReisterstown, MD1-800-990-0220 or 410-526-4357(see our display ad, page 29)Our WAX HAND SCULPTURES are still thebiggest hit at Bar and Bat Mitzvahs! Just askthe kids about us! We keep them entertainedand occupied. And, we gift box each sculp-ture for the kids to take home as a partyfavor!

Party & Event PlanningAlexis Entertainment856-853-1919 or 1-866-831-1919www.alexisentertainment.comwww.djandkaraokepros.com(see our display ad, page 25)We take your most memorable events andexpress how much they mean, throughmusic. Let us provide your entertainment.

At Your Service Events & Travel, LLC.433 S. Bethlehem PikeFort Washington, PA610-834-0907 or 215-646-6069www.sharonbudman.com(see our display ad, page 3)Specializing in Life Cycle Events, At YourService offers customized event planningfrom casual to lavish affairs - a talented teamof individuals who are dedicated to makingeach celebration distinctively different anduniquely yours. From concept to completion!

Castle Computer Technologies973-847-0147www.castlecomputer.com(see our display ad, page 30)Easy to use party planning software. Trackguests, RSVPs, table seating, etc. Keep allyour important data in one safe place. Printenvelopes, mailing labels, place cards andmore!

Photography &VideographyA&G’s Picture This, Inc.8400 Bustleton Ave., Ste. 303 Philadelphia, PA215-728-1720www.agpicturethis.com(see our display ad, page 38)We provide beautiful & affordable photogra-phy on a personalized and non-intrusive basisthat your family and friends will cherish forgenerations.

Barton Paul Photography215-766-9386 or 1-866-276-7200www.BartonPaul.com(see our display ad, Inside Front Cover)He is an accomplished photographer whocaptures your soul with style and grace...

Basically Beautiful Photography & VideoHuntingdon Valley, PA215-938-0868 or 215-808-8863www.ezimaging.net(see our display ad, page 37)Our aim is to capture the emotion and excite-ment of your special event. We carefully createhigh quality images that will last a lifetime.

Classic Photo & VideoPhiladelphia, PA1-866-397-3135www.classicphotoandvideo.com(see our display ad, page 39)Classic Photo captures all your preciousmoments on your Bar/Bat Mitzvah orWedding day, utilizing over 20 years experi-ence and advanced digital technology.

Déjà Vu Photographic and VideoSpecialist215-343-2015www.dejavustudio.com(see our display ad, page 38)For unique Wedding and Bar/Bat Mitzvahpictures and videos call Déjà Vu Photographicand Video Specialist.

Peter Lester Photography610-649-6038www.picturepete.biz(see our display ad, page 38)A combination of Photo Journalism andTraditional Photography to capture yourSpecial Day.

Prime Line DigitalY. Koday PhotographyPhiladelphia, PA267-738-5732www.pldigital.com(see our display ad, page 39)We capture the spirit. We provide top qualityphotos and services at affordable prices.Complete professional cover of your eventwith latest technology, knowledge, and expe-rience.

Rentals / LinensGala Cloths by DulanyPhiladelphia, PA215-760-2853 or 1-888-747-1144www.galacloths.com(see our display ad, page 40)Affordably elegant designer table linens andchair cover rentals for every taste and occasion.

OtherAMIT1-800-989-AMITwww.amitchildren.org(see our display ad, page 20)AMIT enables Israel’s youth to realize theirpotential and strengthens Israeli society byeducating and nurturing children from diversebackgrounds within a framework of academicexcellence, religious values and Zionist ideals.

Carole Blake’s Candle Lighting PoemsNationwide1-888-454-POEM (7636)www.cbpoems.com(see our display ad, page 10)Carole Blake, a professional songwriter, putsher talents to work writing clever, funny, andheart warming poems for your child’s Bar/BatMitzvah.

43Tell everyone you found it in B’nai Mitzvah & Jewish Weddings™

44 Visit us online at www.bnaimitzvahguide.com

That’s right - no misprint. The aboveusage of the words “Bar/Bat Mitzvah” isincorrect. The title applies to the child,not the ceremony. A Bar/Bat Mitzvah is achild who has reached the age of maturi-

ty in Jewish law. He/she is now permitted to take placemore fully in the life of the Jewish community - andthere’s the rub! You see, Bar/Bat Mitzvah is all about community. And forthe last two thousand years, community has begun andcontinues to begin in the synagogue. So why should youseek out a synagogue celebration of your child becomingBar/Bat Mitzvah? For… Community - celebrate with the people and the institu-tions in which your child is now ready to take a place; theinstitutions to which he/she will bring unique gifts overthe years and from which he/she will draw support andcompanionship in times of passage as well as in the dailyflow of life. Context - the meaning of becoming Bar/Bat Mitzvah ispart of that flow. In a fragmented world, celebrating sosignificant an event as part of a holistic journey of life iswhat renders it meaningful. The synagogue and therelationships upon which it is built are the framework ofthat journey.

Content - Becoming a Bar/Bat Mitzvah is about morethan just a set of skills. It is about a body of knowledgewhich renders one literate and capable of participating inthe community’s life. The synagogue is the place wherethat body can be acquired and developed. Connection - Celebrating becoming a Bar/Bat Mitzvahin the synagogue creates an opportunity for forging rela-tionships between the individual, the family, and thepeople who can be there for you throughout the life jour-ney described above. Lifelong relationships with Rabbisand Cantors can bless all of us at the time of the celebra-tion and later life events at which those relationships canmake all the difference. Core values - The entire approach of the synagogueand the tradition it teaches is values-driven. The mes-sage of a communal celebration provides a key balancein values. In a culture which is increasingly “Me”- orient-ed, the child learns that the greatest value of his/herbeing lies in becoming a contributing member of agreater community. We celebrate your child by celebrat-ing his/her place among us. Talk to the local synagogue representatives today.Choose a path of meaning upon which to celebrate thesacred meaning of your child’s life and special day.

The Rabbi’s Corner: View from the BimahWhy You Want a Synagogue Bar/Bat Mitzvah for Your Child (with apologies for misusing the title!)By Rabbi Rex Perlmeter, on behalf of the Reform Jewish Community of Baltimore

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Greater Philadelphia General Services10125 Veree Road, Philadelphia, PAwww.jypi.org

Get Involved!An International Olympics-stylecompetition in a variety of sports for Jewish

boys and girls ages 13-16. Tryouts takeplace in the spring. Athletes in all levels areencouraged to participate.JCC Maccabi Games401 South Broad Street, Philadelphia, PA215-545-4400, www.phillymaccabi.com

Teen Connection The Katz JCC’s Youth Groupfor 6th - 8th Graders!Teen connection meets once per month forvarious events and trips. For 6th thru 8thgraders interested in a youth group experi-ence. Katz JCC Membership required. Formore information call 856-424-4444Ext. 283 or e-mail badler@jfedsnj.org

Teen LoungeA great place for 6th - 12th graders tohang out with old friends and meet newones! Two TV’s, Ping Pong, Foosball,Online-Computers, Air Hockey and ArcadeGames Just for JCC Teens - Check forLounge Hours Call Ryan Abrams at 424-4444 Ext. 290Betty & Milton Katz JCC1301 Springdale Road, Cherry Hill, NJwww.katzjcc.org

B’nai B’rith YouthOrganizationThe B’nai B’rith Youth Organization (BBYO)is a youth led, worldwide organizationwhich provides opportunities for Jewishyouth to develop their leadership potential,a positive identity and commitment to theirpersonal development. The youth partici-

pate in democratically functioning smallgroups under the guidance of adult advi-sors and professional staff.Philadelphia RegionB’nai B’rith Youth Organization 1601 Walnut St., #604, Philadelphia PA215-561-4280

The JFCS“Mitzvah Corps”As a JFCS volunteer, you'll work in partner-ship with our professional staff to provideinnovative and vitally needed services toyour fellow Jews. You can touch the livesof children, families, the disabled, the eld-erly and newly arrived émigrés.There are opportunities for children to beinvolved as part of family volunteer proj-ects. We also welcome groups of teenagerto participate in volunteer projects withadult supervision.Remember, even if you can give only onehour a week, you can still be a valuablevolunteer and participate in one of themost meaningful experiences of a lifetime.To join the JFCS "Mitzvah Corps"call our Volunteer Directorat 215-698-9950, Ext. 112.Jewish Family and Children’s Service of

Stay Involved: After the Bar/Bat MitzvahSim

cha Tip!

All Aboard! Limousine OptionsThink of the last time your youngster was invited to a Bar or Bat Mitzvah withouthis/ her parents. Fun for the kids, a shlep for the parents. To Synagogue in themorning. Pick them up at 1:00 PM, take them to a hall or restaurant. Pick themup at 6:00 PM. You can save other parents the miles and keep the Bar/BatMitzvah together with friends by hiring a bus, mini-bus, or limo to ferry the gangfrom the synagogue to reception and back to the synagogue for pick-up.Everyone’s safe, and there are no late arrivals!

Photo by Classic Photo & Video

Using Limousine ServicesLimousines and busses have become very popular to simplify transportation needs for guests:

• Airport to Hotel• Hotel to Synagogue• Synagogue to Reception• Reception to Hotel

While no obligation exists to arrange or pay for theseneeds, they are a nice touch for out-of-town guestsand teens.

http://www.bnaimitzvahguide.com/cameras

http://www.the-waterford.com