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welcomeFeaturesThe Significance of the Day! . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .6Reception Ideas . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .10Kosher Food Certifying Agencies . . . . . . . . . .12The Wedding Program . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .13What is a Bar/Bat Mitzvah? . . . . . . . . . . . . . .14Honors & Alliyot . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .16The Bar/Bat Mitzvah Booklet . . . . . . . . . . . . .16Frequently Asked Questions . . . . . . . . . . . . . .17Popular Party Themes . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .20Candle Lighting Ceremony . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .21Bar/Bat Mitzvah Planning Timetable . . . . . .22Marriage License Requirements . . . . . . . . . .23Finding the Right Videographer . . . . . . . . . .25Out-Of-Towners Guide . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .25Jewish Weddings Section . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .26Sample Budget Form . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .34Sample Reception Agendas . . . . . . . . . . . . . .38Mitzvah Project Ideas . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .40

Directory of ServicesPublisher’s Note . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .4Banquet Facilities / Hotels . . . . . . . . . . . . . .8Decorations & Theme Design . . . . . . . . . . .18Honeymoon & Travel . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .24Music / Entertainment . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .32Novelties / Favors . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .36Party / Event Planning . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .39Directory of Resources . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .41

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Mazel Tov to you and your family!Bar/Bat Mitzvahs and weddings arethe happiest of Jewish life-cycleevents. But planning these eventsoften causes feelings of anxiety thattake away from that happiness.Maybe this is the first time you oryour family has ever organized anevent or shopped for unfamiliargoods and services. Perhaps youdon’t fully understand all the ele-ments necessary to host the event.You may just need a few pointers or a checklist so you don’t forgetsomething. We are here to help!

B’nai Mitzvah & Jewish Weddings™is the area’s most complete planningand resource guide. Use this guideto spend less time planning yourevent and more time enjoying theexperience. We help you under-stand and enjoy the religious experience and traditions of Bar/BatMitzvah and Jewish Weddings andto plan a memorable celebration!

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B’nai Mitzvah & Jewish WeddingsTM

NY/NJ/CT Edition-2011 - 2012Our StaffMona Freedman, Publisher/EditorJay Freedman, General ManagerBeth Bloom, Production Manager/Graphic DesignerJoshua Sponar, Production AssistantChelsea Burke, Production AssistantErica Bullard, Production AssistantDebbie Barger, Account ExecutiveRobbin Davlin, Distribution Coordinator

Published Annually by Milestone Media Group, Inc.5360-E Enterprise St., Eldersburg, MD 217841-877-856-5490 | Fax 410-549-6467e-mail: info@bnaimitzvahguide.comwebsite: www.bnaimitzvahguide.com

Copyright © 2011, Milestone Media Group, Inc. All rights reserved.Milestone Media Group, Inc. does not endorse any product orservice listed or advertised in this publication. We reserve the rightto reject any advertisement or listing that we feel is not in keepingwith the publication’s standards. The publisher has made everyattempt at accuracy. We do not assume any and hereby disclaimany liability to any party for any loss or damage caused by errors or omissions in this publication. Reproduction of any part of B’nai Mitzvah & Jewish WeddingsTM is permitted only with writtenpermission of the publisher.

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Dear Families,Metro New York City has the second largest Jewish population in the world, next to Tel Aviv. It has more Jews thanJerusalem and Haifa put together. Yet, Metro New York is actually made up of dozens, if not hundreds, of smaller communi-ties, each with its own regional and local identity, as well as its own Jewish identity. These cities and towns are as far apartas Edison, New Jersey and Stamford, Connecticut. They are as different looking as New City and Great Neck, as Manhattanand Morristown, as Cedarhurst and Scarsdale. Jewish institutions in Greater New York are funded by over a dozen separateFederations, its people are served by an equal number of Jewish Community Centers, and there are hundreds of synagogues, large and small, in nearly every corner of the region.Yet, proximity to each other is only part of the reason we can refer to the Jewish Community of Metro New York. Jewishfamilies in the region are also bound by certain customs and traditions, practices, and a uniquely Jewish landscape thatfamilies almost anywhere else cannot often appreciate. The familiarity of Jewish surnames, the frequency of authentic

Jewish bagel shops and delis always astound the casual visitor. And the way inwhich special events, such as weddings and Bat/Bat Mitzvahs, are celebrated alsoforms unique common bonds amongst Jewish families in the region. Milestoneevent celebrations, along with holiday observances such as the recent High HolyDays and the upcoming Channukah, have a special place in keeping traditions alivein the minds of our children, as well as creating lasting memories for families livingin the same town or across the region.So, as you are planning your upcoming celebration, keep in mind the importance of the memories you are creating and the heritage you are helping to continue.Mazel Tov to you and your family!

Mona FreedmanPublisher/Editor

Mona & Jay Freedman

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The Significance ofthe Day!B’nai Mitzvah & Jewish WeddingsTM believes that all families should recognize thereligious importance of the Bar/Bat Mitzvah, the rite of passage, and the wholeJewishness of the child. This life-cycle event will have long lasting meaning to thefamily, relatives, friends and especially the honored child.Becoming a Bar/Bat Mitzvah symbolizes the child’s religious coming of age and the beginning of life as a fully participating Jewish adult. He/she will now accept religious responsibilities and can perform the important duties of Jewish life.The celebration of the event is an important component because it honors thechild’s accomplishments and gives loved ones and others the opportunity to showgreat pride and joy for the child. This publication focuses on planning the receptionor celebration, but we recommend that you, as parents, participate fully in thewhole Mitzvah and understanding the significance and meaning of the day.Remember, the party would be meaningless without the ceremony. On our website is a partial list of resources that helps the reader learn more aboutthe Torah, Judaism, and the spiritual meaning of the Bar/Bat Mitzvah. YourSynagogue, local library, bookstores, stores in this guide that carry religious itemsand our online bookstore at www.bnaimitzvahguide.com may have these as well as other resources.

Here are some ways to bring meaning to the day:• Attend synagogue with your children regularly, even if they sit with their

friends. Discuss the service and the Rabbi’s sermon afterwards.• Encourage your child to give to tzedakah (charity), as it is a responsibility for

Jewish adults. Giving from the child’s own funds is even more meaningful, even if it is a dollar or two.

• Encourage the Bar/Bat Mitzvah to practice his/her parasha (Torah portion) and perhaps haftarah portion frequently. Even if it is awkward, listen to their practicing, as your child becomes a young adult.

• Meet with the Rabbi as a family, if this is the custom at your synagogue, andallow your child to speak freely.

• Discuss the Torah portion being read, both the Hebrew and the English transla-tion. Relate the message in that portion to events today in the world, in yourown community, or in your family.

• Participate in the service, if your synagogue allows this, by reading prayers,lighting candles, reciting blessings, or helping with the ark and the Torah.

• Perform a mitzvah with your child and/or encourage a Mitzvah Project. There are many worthwhile ideas some are listed on page 40.

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Celebration has historicallybeen an integral part of theimportant rite of passage ofthe Bar/Bat Mitzvah.In the past, and again recently, the extentof some celebrations has raised questionsabout the appropriateness and dignity ofthe simcha. This is especially markedwhen there appears to be no connectionbetween the spiritual side of the eventand the party. Debate, of course, hasalways been an integral part of theAmerican experience, including AmericanJudaism. We understand that celebrationshould be at the same time meaningfulto the family, respectful of Jewish lawand tradition, and reflective of synagogue and community values. This is sometimes a difficult task toaccomplish, especially after the events ofSeptember 11th and the current violencein Iraq, Israel, Afghanistan and else-where. We do not propose the answershere, except to emphasize that personalchoice is also an important American andJewish dimension.How important a party celebration is toone family we cannot say. But theBar/Bat Mitzvah only passes once on theway to becoming a teenager, and the riteof passage is undeniably sacred andimportant. After all, the celebration is notonly for the act of reading the Torah,leading the congregation in prayer andgiving a speech. There has been deter-mined studying, learning and practicing.There has been intellectual and spiritualgrowth. There have been mitzvot (gooddeeds), tzedakah (charity) and gemilutchasadim (non-financial giving) that helpbuild self-esteem and mold character.The Bar/Bat Mitzvah has earned the rightto be part of a minyan, be called for alliy-ot, or wear the tefillin. That this shouldbe celebrated in some way is undeniable,but the intensity and extent of that cele-bration, while ever debatable, is probablya matter of individual taste and prefer-ence. Whatever your choice may be,Mazel Tov to you and your family!

A Word About theBar/Bat MitzvahCelebration

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1. How much do you charge for children’s meals andwhat is the age range?

2. What is the price of limited bar versus open barand the price for non-alcoholic beverages?

3. Do you serve buffet style or plated meals, and theprices for each?

4. Do you have any upcoming renovations planned?5. Is your facility handicap accessible? What about

accessibility of outdoor facilities, such as a gazebo,garden, or patio?

6. What colors are available for table linens and chaircovers? Are additional colors/styles available?

7. Are additional rooms available for teens /children /entertainment, or for a bridal room for the wed-ding party? Is there a private room for family orbridal portraits?

8. Are packages available that include flowers,photos, decorations, invitations, etc.?

9. What restrictions are there for decorations, enter-tainment, and outside catering options? Arecakes/desserts allowed from outside? Is there lim-ited electric or lighting available?

10. Is there a coat room with an attendant? Is therevalet parking or convenient, onsite parking spaces?

You may want to ask the following questions when inquiringabout facilities:

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Reception IdeasYour choice of reception style, location, and time will depend upon personal preference, family needs, local customs, budget and availability. Do not worry toomuch about pleasing others - you and your family must be comfortable with thearrangements. Here are just a few variants and ideas to discuss:

Kiddush Luncheon at the Synagogue: This is probably the least expensive way to offer a celebra-tory meal away from home. It can be catered, or bring inplatters prepared by you or some helpers (Note: This willnot be allowed in facilities where kashrut is observed) . Thiscan also be offered in addition to a more formal eveningaffair or a kids-only party.Reception at the Synagogue: Check to see if your Synagogue has adequate facilities andstaff to accommodate your needs. Some Synagogues alsohave rules regarding kashrut, caterers, entertainment, pho-tography, flowers and more. Consult with the Synagoguestaff Non-Traditional Reception Sites:- Community center- Social hall- Country club (even if you don’t belong)- Boats and yachts- Museums- Elegant restaurants

- Theme restaurantsKiddush Luncheon at a Restaurant:Can be very reasonably priced, particularly if it iscustomary to invite all congregants to a Kiddushluncheon at the synagogue.Reception at a Hotel: This is often desirable, afternoon or evening, when manyguests from out-of-town are expected. Ask about roomrates and room blocks to reserve. Remember, too, thein-town guests who have to find the hotel and park,so make the location accessible. Home Reception: Yes, it’s less expensive. But remember the extra work, theclean-up, the wear and tear - and you can’t walk away fromit after the party! Still, lovely home receptions have beendone. Consider services such as a caterer, party planner,entertainers, and clean-up help so you can be a guest atyour own party.

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Kids-Only Party: Usually held in conjunction with a Kiddush luncheon,this can be held anywhere your Bar/Bat Mitzvah and youagree upon. Arcades, zoos, pools, amusement parks,kids’ museums, theme restaurants, bowling alleys, sportscenters, and skating rinks all are appropriate locations. Somehave food, some you’ll need to bring. A D.J.,entertainer, or inflatable attraction can add to the funand please everyone.Reception at a Catering Hall: These are often beautifully decorated and well-run, becausethat is their only business. Ask about packages that includeother services (flowers, decorations, videography, etc.) thatyou may want or need.

The Metropolitan, (see ad, page 7)

Reception Ideas: (Continued from page 10)

of New York, New Jersey & Connecticut

Central Rabbinical Congressof the U.S.A. and Canada Brooklyn, NY 718-384-6765

Vaad Harabbanim of Flatbush Brooklyn NY 718-951-8585

K'Hal Adath Jeshurun (KAJ) NY, NY 845-425-9089

Rabbi Benjamin Kaplinsky Far Rockaway, NY 718-327-3238

Vaad Harabonim Of Queens Flushing, NY 718-520-9060

Rabbi Zushe Yosef Blech Monsey NY 914-364-5378

Vaad Hakashrus of B'DatzMechon L'Hoyroa Monsey, NY 845-425-9565

K.O.A. Kosher Supervision Passaic, NJ (973) 777-0649

Global Kosher Passaic, NJ 973-246-9546,

"KOF-K" Kosher Supervision Teaneck, NJ 201-837-0500

The Union of OrthodoxJewish Congregations (OU) NY, NY 212-563-4000

The Organized KashrusLaboratories (OK) Brooklyn, NY 718-756-7500

Banquet Facilities & HotelsTell everyone you found it in B’nai Mitzvah & Jewish Weddings™ 13

The Wedding ProgramA Wedding Program is compiled and produced bythe family for distribution to congregants andguests by the ushers, or inserted into prayer books.It can have a variety of unique features aimed at relatives and friends, guests, congregants, non-Jewish guests, and so on. These also make great keepsakes of the wedding.Here are some examples: • A step-by-step description of the ceremony.• Explanation of the meaning of a Jewish Wedding ceremony. • Comments by the bride and groom on the personal

meaning of the day or comments from close relatives.• Poems, wedding vows or a copy of your wedding invitation.• A description of the history and tradition behind the

ketubah, the chuppah, or rituals such as circling, the SevenBlessings, and breaking the glass.

• Explanation of the music used in the processional or during the ceremony.

• The text of your ketubah.• Photographs of the bride and groom. Creative, additions

like ribbon or lace are nice. Check with your Rabbi first before making copies to distribute.

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• Take the time to prepare lists for the DJ/band, photogra-pher/videographer, and caterer (i.e. Alliyot honorees,which guests to photograph, agenda etc.)

• Include in your contract the DJ/bands and photograph-er’s arrival time for the reception. You could have a bigproblem if these key people are late.

• Design a travel packet for your out-of-town guests withdirections, rental car information, sights to see, etc.

• Be prepared for “no shows,” it always happens.

• The dance floor size is very important.People need lots ofroom to dance the “Horah”and other popular favorites.

• Book a block of rooms for out-of-town guests. • You could arrange to have welcome baskets delivered to

the hotel rooms of your out-of-town guests.• Slouch socks are nice to offer to the girls, they like to kick

off their shoes and dance comfortably.• Order extra invitations for welcome board, memory

books, and framing.

Words of Wisdom...From Parents Who’ve “Been There”

What is a Bar/Bat Mitzvah?Translated as “Son/daughter of the commandments”, onebecomes a Bar or Bat Mitzvah at age 13 (12 for girls in mostOrthodox congregations) independent of a ceremony markingthe occasion.By tradition, because a Bar/Bat Mitzvah ceremony is a customnot a commandment, age 13 is when a child becomes obli-gated to the ritual responsibilities of Jewish life. This isreferred to as the “commandment age”, the “age of majority”,or a “religious coming of age”. At this point in the youngadult’s life, he or she is presumed to be responsible for those religious obligations independent of the parents.Those obligations might include mitzvot, being part of a min-yan (religious prayer quorum), fasting on Yom Kippur, leadingthe congregation in prayer or wearing tefillin. Therefore,

becoming a Bar/Bat Mitzvah is certainly an important life-cycle event. In secular terms, this point in a teen’s life, oftenmarks enormous growth and maturity reflected by severalyears of study and practice before the special day. Combinedwith the responsibility of Jewish adulthood, this event oftenbrings an overwhelming wave of emotion to parents and closerelatives.This event is marked by participation in services, reading theTorah and leading the congregation in prayer. After the serv-ice, it is customary to celebrate with a special meal to com-memorate the mitzvah. Over time, the party, or simcha, hasevolved. This is a way for families to celebrate a rite of passage,as well as bring extended families together to reunite for a joyous celebration.

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Get Some Manners: How to say “Thank you”By Lisa Norton

The big event is over, but the work isn’t done. Youare probably burnt out from party planning andmaking sure the event ran as smoothly as possible,but you will have to have energy for this last criti-cal hurtle—saying thank you to your guests whotook the time to celebrate you. Now you may be saying to yourself, “Of course I know howto say thank you. Excel spreadsheet, mail merge, standard‘Thanks for coming, loved the gift’ stamped in eachcard…and presto!” Unfortunately, if you really want to say“Thank you” properly, the project requires a bit more workthan a simple click of the mouse. But, never fear, you CANwrite amazing “thank you” notes that will make your guestsfeel appreciated but will not require you to stress out toomuch. Just follow these simple tips and you will be onyour way to being known as the best host/hostess amongall your family and friends.1. Before sitting down to write your notes, you must dosome pre-writing preparation. Make sure the gifts still havethe givers’ cards attached to them. Go through each of thecards and gifts and create a list of the names appearing inthe card and what the gift was. Here is where technology

can be your friend because you can make a nice spread-sheet containing all the necessary information. This list willserve as the main reference for writing “thank you’s.” Note:Check the guest list to see if there was anyonewho came but did not give a gift—you stillwant to thank them for coming to celebrateyour big day. 2. Purchase formal note cards with matchingenvelopes. Appearance is everything, andyou want to show that you took the timeto pick out charming cards and not anyold scrap of paper that was lying around.3. Handwrite the note. It shows that youput effort into saying thank you. Makeyour friends and family feel like youreally appreciated their presence at theevent and their present. 4. Addressing the note. Now there acouple options here. But first andforemost, the envelope should beaddressed formally, “Mr. and Mrs. Smith,123 West Oak Lane, etc. etc.” However,

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While original invitation wording canfollow any pattern, most invitationmessages follow a 3-part construction: 1. The expression of sentiment fol-

lowed by the invitation to attend;2. Day, time, and place;3. Invitation to share a luncheon, din-

ner or some other simcha with thefamily, bride and groom, or B’naiMitzvah. This is usually expressed ona separate card, allowing the optionto exclude it in the envelope.

The following are some examplesof the wording of the first portion:B’nai Mitzvah• With pride and joy we invite you to

join us (or worship with us) as ourdaughter, Michelle Kim, is called tothe Torah as a Bat Mitzvah...

• With special feelings of love andpride...

• With pride and pleasure...• We cordially invite you to share the

Bar Mitzvah celebration of our

beloved son Adam Eric on...• We invite you to share a proud and

special moment as we celebratewith joy the Bat Mitzvah of ourdaughter Rachel on...

• In the tradition of his ancestors ourdear son Phillip Mark will be calledto the Torah (or becomes a Bar Mitzvah)

• With the richness of tradition andthe promise of tomorrow we inviteyou to share this special moment asour son Harris Simon is called to theTorah as a Bar Mitzvah on...

• We invite you to share a special dayin our lives...

• Dorothy and Alan Klein invite you toshare a special moment in their liveswhen their son Zachary David iscalled to the Torah as a Bar Mitzvah...

• My family and I would like you toshare our happiness on the specialoccasion of my Bar Mitzvah on...

• Please join us to celebrate the BatMitzvah of our dear daughter Amy...

Wedding• Mr. and Mrs. Samuel Gish request

the honor of your presence at themarriage of Miss Louise Abrams totheir son Alan Gish on...

• ...request the honor of your presence at the marriage of theirdaughter Eileen J. Gish to Mr. PaulGoldstein on...

• Miss Louise Abrams and Dr. AlanGish request the honor of yourpresence at their wedding on...

• We invite you to join us incelebrating the marriage of ourchildren, Eileen and Paul on....Joyceand Randy Bloom, Howard Fish.

• Our joy will be more complete ifyou can share in the marriage ofour daughter...

• ...will be joined under the chuppah...• We invite you you join us as we

begin our new life on...• ...invite you to join in the ceremony

uniting their children...

Sample Invitation Wording

Many congregations allow, evenencourage, creation of a Bar/BatMitzvah booklet or program for theservice. This is compiled and producedby the family for distribution to con-gregants and guests by the ushers, orinserted into prayer books. It can havea variety of unique features aimed atrelatives and friends, guests, congre-gants, non-Jewish guests, and so on.Here are some examples: • A short description of the worship service as conducted at your synagogue,• A brief explanation of the mean-ing of a Bar/Bat Mitzvah, event or anessay by the Bar/Bat Mitzvah on themeaning of the day to him/her,• Poems or special readings,• A discussion of the currentparasha, or Torah portions,• A list or description of the mitzvotperformed by the Bar/Bat Mitzvah,

• Comments from close relatives,• Photographs of the Bar/BatMitzvah. Be creative, but check withyour Rabbi first before making copiesto distribute. • Deborah Burman Carasso, ofUnique Invitations, (1-877-837-9122) explains how a program wasused for a Havdalah/ Hanukkah BarMitzvah: “[The program] explained toguests the order of the service, theHaftarah portion, what it means, hon-ors given, page numbers to follow,explanations of the Mitzvah Project,what Hanukkah and Havdalah serviceis along with what the spice bags arefor, thanks to people who have madethis day happen...On the back had thedirections for the dreidel game. Itmade non-Jewish guests feel muchmore comfortable now that theyknew what was going on.”And itserves as a wonderful keepsake of the special day!

Bar/Bat Mitzvah Booklet

• Alliyot is the plural of alliyah. Oneperson is assigned one alliyah. Thefamily of the Bar/Bat Mitzvah (or thegroom, at an Ufruf) may get toassign several alliyot. It means tocome to the Torah and recite theblessings before and after a sectionof the Torah is read (b’rachot). Anhonor is a non-speaking part. Thechosen person performs the honor,for example, they may open or closethe Ark or dress the Torah. • Ask the Rabbi or Cantor howmany alliyot you will be allowed.Consult with your rabbi or cantorregarding participation of non-Jewish friends and relatives.

• Ask about any restrictions or limi-tations before you approach anyoneto perform an honor or alliyah.• Attend other Bar/Bat Mitzvahservices at your synagogue to seehow others do it.• Always ask relatives and friends ifthey would like to participate, but letthem know it’s okay to say no. Thosewho say yes will be truly honored,and the others will avoid what theymay feel is uncomfortable.• Check with the Rabbi for writteninstructions, Hebrew and Englishtransliteration, and even Englishprayers.

Honors and Alliyot

Regardless of the size ofyour celebration, you mustget properly organized.Build yourself a Bar/Bat Mitzvah or Weddingorganizer using a large(two inch or larger) three-ringbinder and use it as follows:

• Place this magazine in the front pocket for easy reference.

• Insert section dividers for majorareas such as Reception,Invitations, Hotels, Transportation,Guest List, Decorations,Photography and Videography,Entertainment, etc. Keep all yourworksheets, brochures, call records,quotations, bills and receiptstogether for easy reference.

• Use a master budget form (copythe one on page 34) to track overall expenses.

• Use punched envelopes to holdreceipts.

• Ask the facility for a floor or table layout, keep handy for reference

• On the front of each section, listeverything you want or need.Check them off when they havebeen finalized.

• Make a section for the synagogue that has your list of honors andalliyot, communication from thesynagogue, copies of prayers torecite, gifts or donations to thesynagogue, etc.

• Leave a section for candle lightingpoems or thoughts, notes for speeches, favorite music, sketches or examples of decorations, ideas for a sign-in-book, and other personal notes.

• Collect invitations you receive tohelp with wording.

• Anything else that makes your lifeeasier.

Believe it or not, these pagesmake a great memento orscrapbook of the occasion.

Let’s GetOrganized!

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Frequently Asked QuestionsWe just received our child’s Bar/BatMitzvah date, what is the first thingwe should do?After speaking with your B’nai Mitzvah committee chair orcoordinator about Synagogue rules, or consulting writtenpolicies and guidelines, discuss with your family the type of party everyone wants and what the budget will allow.Then start looking at photographers and the hall. These two services seem to need more time to secure. Check the Planning Time Table on page 22.How much will we, as parents,be asked to participate on the Bimah during the service?This question will have to be answered by your Rabbi orSynagogue staff. Depending on the Synagogue, some parents will make a speech, bless their child, or participatein the service. This is truly an honor and a pleasure–don’tlet stage fright ruin this precious moment. Should we choose an evening affair or anafternoon kiddish luncheon?Certainly, this will be a topic of discussion for the entirefamily. Often the choice has to do with how many out-of-town relatives you expect, the amount of money you wantto spend, the size of the affair, and many other variables.Generally, it is more expensive to have an evening simcha,but an evening affair lends itself to a more formal atmosphere. You may want to offer a kiddish luncheonafter the service for your guests or the entire congregation.In some synagogues, sponsoring a Kiddush luncheonand/or an Oneg Shabbat on Friday evening is expected. So, afternoon and evening events are not mutually exclusive, you could have both. Your family should discusswhat type of public event you want to sponsor and whatrole food will play in that event. How can we make our non-Jewish friends feel morecomfortable at my Bar/Bat Mitzvah service?You may want to explain the service to them ahead of time.Rules regarding proper etiquette vary by synagogue, so askstaff or your Rabbi for Synagogue rules or policies. In someplaces kippot are required to be worn by all male visitors,for instance. You could explain that this does not make your guests Jewish, it is a sign of respect. Check with yourRabbi to be sure. See the feature on Bar/Bat MitzvahBooklet on page 16. Also consult Jeffrey Salkin’s Putting G-d on the Guest List, which has an entire section on this subject, or How To Be A Perfect Stranger: The EssentialReligious Handbook, by Arthur Magida, both for sale onwww.bnaimitzvahguide.com.What type of gift is appropriate for theBar/Bat Mitzvah child?If your child is attending their friend’s affair, generally acheck in the amount of $36 (double Chai) is a nice gift (or

a multiple of Chai - $18.), depending on how close thefriendship. Some families offer checks, tributes, donations,or purchase presents, again depending on whether it is arelative or friend, closeness of the two families, or howmany people are attending from your family. Religiousitems, such as menorahs are also nice gifts. What is the appropriate attire to wear to aBar/Bat Mitzvah?At the Synagogue, wear whatever you would wear to atypical service. Some families buy new clothing for theoccasion. Remember to dress with appropriate respect for the house of worship you attend.If you have a simcha at night or the next day, dress according to the theme, place and tenor of the affair.Remember to instruct guests in the invitations if you have special dress requirements.To what extent can members of other religiousgroups participate in the Bar/Bat Mitzvah?Typically, non-Jews can participate by simply attending,observing, and following the service. If relatives or closefriends are not Jewish, they are sometimes affordednon-ritual honors. If you are concerned about involvinga relative or close friend who is not Jewish, consult withyour rabbi to find out what might be possible.

Stars That Make aParty Sparkleby Jayne Cohen and Lori Weinrott, authors of TheUltimate Bar/Bat Mitzvah Celebration Book (Clarkson,Potter Publishers, NY) available online at www.bnaimitzvahguide.com.

Every bar/bat mitzvahneeds a bit of sparkle inthe choice of a menu, atheme, a ritual or a look.It’s that extra oomph, that"ruach" (spirit!) thatmakes the party shine.Here are a few fun, wide-ranging ideas from ourbook, to inspire you:Kid-Friendly DécorThat’s ComfortableCreate a cool kid’s area withrugs, comfy chairs and tablesjust high enough for over-sized pillow seating. For col-ors and themes, think shag-gy yellow and orange bean-bags for a 60s style Daniel

and the Lion’s Den, smokyblue and brassy with congasand cool shades for jazzy-clubby, hot pink and Chinesered with tabletop lanternsand Mahjong tiles for Asian.Share Traditionsthat CreateBeautiful Moments"Taking a cue from an oldSyrian custom, have your childmake a memorable entrance,escorted into the darkenedcelebration space by friendsholding votives to illumine thepath. (Continued Online) Read the entire articleonline at: bnaimitzvahguide.com.

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Decorations & Theme Design18

This section includes party stores, centerpiece design-ing services, balloon artists, florists,as well as business-es offering sign-in boards, decorated guest books, andother personalized services. These will be the biggestcontributors to a themed celebration. Ask them if deliv-ery is included and if they could design a sample tohelp you decide.Make sure to choose a centerpiece that will not over-whelm the table or block guests’ view of each other.Consider some of following, in addition to themed cen-terpieces, for a unique touch:• Special effect lighting, lasers, fog, snow• Fireworks or pyrotechnics• Candle lighting name display• Sign-in-boards and theme props, like

cardboard cut-outs• Ice Sculptures

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DecorationsFormal or fanciful, simple or bold, decorations set themood and tone of a party. The Bar/Bat Mitzvah hasworked hard to get there, make the celebration festive,regardless of your budget!Table centerpieces usually coordinate with the theme(see page 20). Linens and napkins could coordinate withcolor themes, and they make a dramatic color statement.Some banquet facilities have a selection of colors, butrental centers will have a larger assortment. Considerchair covers, they add elegance to the setting.Check out the decor in your banquet hall or facility. Askabout upcoming renovations. Choose colors and decora-tions that will not clash with the surroundings.Don’t forget about decorations for the buffet tables, gifttable, and band/DJ area. Clusters and arches of balloonsare an inexpensive and dramatic way to add largesplashes of color. Decorate tables with inexpensive glitterfor a festive appearance. Remember to include a tablewith a sign-in or message book, keeping with yourtheme. An easel with a decorated photo collage or forsign-ins (don’t forget some colorful pens!) can addexcitement to a room entrance and point the way forguests.

http://www.lieventplanning.com

Above Photo by: Gruber Photographers

Background Photo by: Brown Studios & Video

Visit us online at www.bnaimitzvahguide.com20

The Great Theme Debate

Sports Theme• Use football, baseball, soccer

ball-shaped balloons.• Favors could be personalized balls,

rackets, puck’s etc.• Centerpieces could include

miniature “sports” ball or foamboard cut-outs.

• A blow-up of your child’s favorite sports pose.

Television/Movie Themes(Wizard of Oz, Star Wars,Gone With the Wind, etc.)• Use life-size cardboard

stand-ups for decoration.• Name the tables different

characters (placecards could read:Mr./Mrs. Guest are seated at theRhett Butler table).

• Movie or TV props could be incor-porated into the centerpieces.

Hollywood Stars Theme• Your sign-in or welcome board

could read: “Now Appearing”or“The Star of the Show is (child’sname)”along with a blow-up pic-ture of the Bar/Bat Mitzvah child.

• Each table could be named for a popular star i.e., Tom Cruise, John Travolta.

• Centerpieces and namecards couldinclude a Hollywood theme.

Israeli Theme• Each table could be named for a

different city in Israel.• Decorations and balloons could be

blue and white.• Israeli flags could be used in the

centerpiece.

Torah Portion• Lessons from the weekly torah

portion come to life! • Tables named for figures, tribes, or

places prominent in the weeklyreading.

• Crafts to make include take-homeIsraeli-style favors.

• Create an Israel marketplace withcafe´ tables or pillow areas insidetents like ancient days.

• “Torah” scroll sign-in book• Klezmer music and Israel dance

instructor.Candy Theme• Use Hershey® Kiss balloons in

the centerpiece.• You can give a solid chocolate 6-8

ounce Hershey® Kiss to your can-dle lighting honorees.

• Your female guests could receive achocolate rose.

• Use personalized king-size candybars as favors

Oscar Party• Use Oscar-shaped invitations.• Tables: Medium sized silver bowls

filled with peaches and plums tobe used as centerpieces.

• To entertain your guests before orafter the event play a home madevideo of the child and his/herfriends as if they are on T.V. byacting like their favorite actorsand directors talking about howthey felt about winning an Oscar.

• Every kid receives miniature Oscarkey chains (found at party store).

Grand Prix or NASCAR• Black and white checkered paper

on tables, decorate with checkered flags and red, whiteand black balloons.

• Remote control raceway as anactivity Race posters as souvenirs.

Stroll Down Broadway• Theatre marque, spotlights and

flashing neon to create atmosphere.• Each table could be named for a

different play.• Sign–in board with the Bar/Bat

Mitzvah on the cover of a Playbill.

If a theme will add some fun to your celebration without detracting from theexperience, then go for it! Always consult the Bar/Bat Mitzvah for suggestedthemes, but remember, a theme often involves extra work and expense, so beprepared. Here are a ideas you might use.

Decoration TipsFormal or fanciful, simple or bold, decorations set the mood and tone of a party. The Bar/BatMitzvah has worked hard to getthere, make the celebration festive,regardless of your budget!

Table centerpieces usually coordinate with the theme (seeleft). Linens and napkins could coordinate with color themes, and they make a dramatic color statement. Some banquet facilities have a selection of colors, but rental centers will have a larger assortment. Consider chair covers, they add elegance to the setting.

Check out the decor in your banquet hall or facility. Ask aboutupcoming renovations. Choose colors and decorations that will not clash with the surroundings.

Don’t forget about decorations forthe buffet tables, gift table, andband/DJ area. Clusters and archesof balloons are an inexpensive anddramatic way to add large splashesof color. Decorate tables with inexpensive glitter for a festiveappearance. Remember to include a table with a sign-in or messagebook, keeping with our theme. An easel with a decorated photo collage or for sign-ins (don’t forget some colorful pens!) can add excitement to a room entranceand point the way for guests.

Tell everyone you found it in B’nai Mitzvah & Jewish Weddings™ 2121

There is no historical or religious precedent, commandment,or even special religious meaning to the candle lighting cere-mony at a Bar/Bat Mitzvah celebration. Nevertheless, it hasquickly become a custom at Bar/Bat Mitzvah simchas here in America, and for good reason. It allows the Bar or BatMitzvah to personally honor and connect with loved ones or special friends, or pay tribute to an absent or departed relative who is missed. It is sometimes hard for eyes to staydry during these moments and is often the most cherishedpart of a magical event.Thirteen candles are often used; sometimes an extra one isadded for good luck (or to squeeze another honor in). Apoem, speech or short statement is read calling the honoreeto the table where they light the next candle with the previous one or assist the Bar/Bat Mitzvah with this. Theseare often special moments and flashes click and video rolls.Music is sometimes played while the honorees make theirway to the table, and this is usually carefully coordinatedwith the DJ or bandleader well ahead of time.Candles are usually tall (nine inch) tapers, sometimes shorter.They can be set into or (more likely) behind a cake. Somefamilies construct candle lighting boards. This can be a painted or decorated foam board with candle holders, theBar/Bat Mitzvah’s name, or it could be an elaborate set piece.Make sure it is not so tall that it blocks people behind it orthat it has any decorations close enough to the candles tocatch fire. Also, check with Synagogue rules on candle lighting, if the simchawill be held there. Some synagogues prohibit candle lighting on Shabbat orfor safety reasons. You might then substitute toasts, presentation of flowersor hand-made crafts, trees planted in Israel, or some other unique way ofrecognizing loved ones.

Check Out These AdditionalCandle Lighting Tips:

Sample CandleLighting PoemCourtesy of Gwen Cohan,UniquePoetry.com

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• Keep candle lightingpoems/sayings short. Rhymesare not necessary, but they canbe entertaining and a nicetouch.

• If you are having trouble devel-oping your own poems, youmay wish to hire a professional.There are services that willassist you with finding just theright words.

• Group several lightings togetherin order to use the same song forgroups of friends or cousins, like“We are Family” or the themefrom Beaches. This will help the

DJ/band transition between thecandle lighters. Your Master ofCeremonies may need thesesong selections several daysbefore the event.

• Some families offer a smalltoken gift or something person-alized to each honoree.

• You could plant a tree in Israelfor each of the honorees andhand them the certificate whenthey are called to light a candle.

• Some families light a candle inmemory of a recently deceasedrelative or a close relative /guestwho could not be there that day.

In Memory ofGrandfather AaronThis next candle is for my Nanaand Poppy. One thing I knowfor sure – both of them loveme. When I spend time withthem I consider it a treat. After all, vacationing in Icelandand Norway, really can’t bebeat. Poppy takes me fishingand whether it’s in Dania orNorway, I’ve always had a blast, but this I’ll also say… We have just as much fun, simply hanging out, Jumpingon their trampoline and ridingthe golf cart about. Yes, myNana and Poppy are two peopleI adore. That’s why I would lovefor them to light candle four.

Candle Lighting Ceremony

Visit us online at www.bnaimitzvahguide.com22

December

November

October

September

August

July

June

May

April

March

February

January2 Years Before the Event• Obtain date from Temple/Synagogue.• Set your budget.• Decide on the type of event you want

(day, evening, formal etc.).• Estimate number of guests

and book reception hall or caterer.• Book the photographer/videographer.

1 1/2 Years Before the Event• Book the DJ/band.• Decide on your party theme and color scheme.

6-12 Months Before the Event• Your child will start formal lessons/training• Talk to florists about prices and floral designs.• Decide on centerpieces/balloon designs.• Start looking at invitation designs and prices.

6-8 Months Before the Event• Book a hotel block for out-of-town guests.• Start clothes shopping.• Send out “Save the Date” reminders

3-6 Months Before the Event• Order or design your sign-in board and guest book.• Order favors.• Order yarmulkes.• Order your invitations.

3 Months Before the Event• Finalize guest list.• Make a hotel packet for out-of-towners.• Try to make your final selections on

clothing and accessories.• Buy stamps.• Have completely assembled invitations

weighed to ensure correct postage.• Find a calligrapher.

6-8 Weeks Before the Event• Mail the invitations.• Make up a song list for the DJ/band.• Make appointments with florists/balloonist

and place your order.

1 Month before the Event• Make hair stylist and manicure appointments.• Have final fittings done for clothing.• Arrange catering for brunch.

2-3 Weeks before the Event• Choose people for Alliyot and honors.• Choose the people to be honored for the

candle lighting ceremony and write poems.• Meet with the DJ/band and make sure they know

the candle lighting songs.• Do guest seating arrangements and

send to the reception hall.• Order the food for Kiddush or Oneg Shabbat.• Make sure the arrangements are complete with

centerpieces, balloons, sign-in board, etc.• Write prayers or speeches.• Send final instructions to photographer/videographer.• Pay all Synagogue fees.

1 Week before the Event• Take formal pictures and pictures on Bimah.• Meet with the caterer to finalize guest count.• Make arrangements to get your guests

from the airport to the hotel.• Confirm your brunch arrangements.

Bar/Bat MitzvahTimetableStart Planning Early!

Tell everyone you found it in B’nai Mitzvah & Jewish Weddings™ 23

Background Photo by: Gruber Photographers

MarriageLicenseRequirementsNew York• Both parties must apply in person to

a town or city clerk in the state• Must have proof of identification and

age and bring certified documents of how previous marriages ended

• A witness of at least 18 years of age must be present

• Waiting period is 24 hours• The cost is $35-$40• Valid for 60 daysNew Jersey• Must go to the Registrar of Vital

Statistics in the bride’s hometown. If the bride does not live in the state of New Jersey, you can apply at the municipal office of the groom's town.If both the bride and groom are from

out of state, apply at the municipal office of the town where the ceremony will take place.

• Bring a valid form of identification and social security card and documents that previous marriages have ended

• Birth certificates are required for as proof of age (if not available, 2 other forms of ID will be sufficient)

• A witness over the age 18 must be present

• The cost is $28• Valid for 30 days. It is recommended

that you apply at least two weeks before the ceremony.

Connecticut• Appear before the town clerk with a

valid form of identification, complet-ed marriage license application

• Parties can appear individually or together

• Show divorce decrees or death of previous spouse

• A test for venereal diseases is required

• The cost ranges from $30-$35• Valid for 65 days

The Wedding Dress

Jewish tradition calls for bridal gowns to be pure white, symbolizing

the purity of the bride and the beginning of the marital relationship (the groom often wears a white kittel during the ceremony, as well). A strapless bra is handy when trying on gowns. Lift your arms when trying on gowns to see if you can easily move around and dance in it. You can sew beads onto anantique or ordinary dress to make it new and

unique. Shop for comfortable shoes, and break them in before the wedding day. Choose only those accessories that

compliment your dress, not distract from it.

Photo by: AHAVAphoto.com Simcha

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within the card, the greeting will differ based on your rela-tionship with the giver. If it is someone you are not on afirst name basis with—stick with the formal greeting.However, if the person is someone you know well such as achildhood friend, a family member, a close neighbor youhave known all your life, you can feel free to greet them asyou would normally—“Dear Auntie Diane,”“Hey Bob,” oruse a nickname “Dear Nana.”5. Make the note personal. Here is where that list you madewill come in handy. Say something about the gift and howmuch you liked it, “A new blender was just what I needed,”or “The necklace you gave me was so beautiful.”6. Sending them out. Make sure you work diligently and getthose cards out ASAP. According to party etiquette, youshould mail the “thank you” cards within 3 weeks afterreceiving the gift. Of course, the sooner the better, but if youjust had a massive blow-out of a party, your guests will notexpect “thank you’s” the next day. And if you are feelingoverwhelmed and stressed out, just remember a late “thankyou” is better than nothing at all.

Get Some Manners:(Continued from page 15)

Visit us online at www.bnaimitzvahguide.comHoneymoon & Travel24

1. Start out by doing your homework. Decide on alocation, or a region, review tapes and travel booksfrom the library or your travel agent. Ask friends or rel-ative who have traveled; a personal recommendationis worth more than a brochure.2. Work with a trusted and knowledgeable travelagent. Look for an agency that is a member in goodstanding with The American Society of Travel Agents(ASTA). Again, agents who have visited a particularlocation are providing a valuable service. Ask lots ofquestions and shop around. Decide a budget andknow what is affordable. Don’t forget anything, suchas medical issues or kosher meals.3. The Caribbean is very popular, as well as the west-ern ski areas, Mexico, Florida, and Europe. 4. All-inclusives are just that: everything (that we listhere) is included: one fee covers room, meals, drinks(exact rules vary by resort), tips, activities, entertain-ment, sports, etc. Many packages include airfare andtransfers to and from the resort (ask!). Realistically,you still need some money for tours, gambling, sou-venirs, some water sports...All-inclusive resorts coverthe globe.5. Couples-only all-inclusives offer an all-adult atmos-phere with more adult activities, including nightlife.look for names such as Couples (Jamaica), Sandals andSuperClubs.

Honeymoon Planning Basics

Read entire article online at www.bnaimitzvahguide.com.

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All Aboard! Limousine OptionsThink of the last time your youngster was invited to aBar or Bat Mitzvah without his/ her parents. Fun forthe kids, a shlep for the parents. To Synagogue in themorning. Pick them up at 1:00 PM, take them to ahall or restaurant. Pick them up at 6:00 PM. You cansave other parents the miles and keep the Bar/BatMitzvah together with friends by hiring a bus, mini-bus, or limo to ferry the gang from the synagogue toreception and back to the synagogue for pick-up.Everyone’s safe, and there are no late arrivals!

Using Limousine ServicesLimousines and busses have become very popularto simplify transportation needs for guests:

• Airport to Hotel • Hotel to Synagogue• Synagogue to Reception • Reception to Hotel

While no obligation exists to arrange or pay forthese needs, they are a nice touch for out-of-townguests and teens.

Simcha

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Plan ahead if you are leaving the country. A pass-port takes several months to obtain in some cases.If you are cruising from a US port, you will stillneed an original birth certificate, with a raisedstamp, not a photocopy. What are the best desti-nations for honeymoons? In 2003 Modern Bridemagazine published the results of its travel agentpoll, as follows:1. Aruba 2. Bermuda 3. Florida 4. Hawaii 5. Italy

6. Jamaica7. Las Vegas 8. Mexico 9. St. Lucia 10. Tahiti

Honeymoon Travel

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Video can often be one of the most important elements inplanning an event. Early event videos were crude by today'sstandards, but today’s videos are quite advanced and pro-fessional, thanks in part to the Wedding and EventVideographers Association, WEVA Videography is a seriousprofession, not just a hobby. Here are some issues to consider when choosingvideographers.1. Ask for sample videos. The number of cameras, lighting,microphone placement, artistic ability, technical qualifica-tions don’t mean that much if you don’t like the videpgra-pher’s work. Look for smooth camera work, natural editing,sharp sound (remember to consider the location).2. Request at least 3 references. Are past clients happy withthe results? Were they happy during the event? Was he/sheeasy to work with? The professional should be technicallycompetent, likeable and easy to work with.3. Ask for membership with professional associations, suchas WEVA. 4. How many weddings or Bar/Bat Mitzvahs do they videoeach year?5. Ask for an explanation of what "Unobtrusive" means tothem. Wireless microphones? Low-level lighting? Multiplecameras? How will being unobtrusive affect the final

production? For instance, there may be a trade off betweenexternal lighting and accurate color reproduction.6. Ask for proof of insurance.7. Determine what end product (ie tape, DVD, basic, mon-tage, music, full Hollywood production, etc.) you want.Different budgets and expectations require you to considerquality, type of end product, level of editing, budget, andthe extent of coverage. Is a "love story" intro for a weddingvideo important to you? Or do you have to have a pre-event birth-to-now collage, set to music? Price and capa-bilities are affected by these needs. 8. How are services billed? By the hour, flat fee, packageswith options?9. How do they coordinate with the wedding photogra-pher? The two need to work closely together without inter-fering with each other. 10. Tell your brother to leave his video-cam at home.Consumer cameras today often deliver grainy footage andmuffled sound. Amateurs also lack the experience to planand coordinate to blend with the flow of the event. There isno substitute for a professional who comes prepared withthe right knowledge and equipment, understands the reli-gious tradition, and is focused on creating your video ratherthan being a guest.

Finding the Right VideographerTell everyone you found it in B’nai Mitzvah & Jewish Weddings™ 25

If you expect guests fromout-of-town to share the Bar/Bat Mitzvah’s or weddingcouple’s special moments, consider the following:HotelsReserve early! Even if no holiday is apparent on your date,hotels fill up because of conventions, retreats, etc.Hotel rooms are usually reserved in blocks. Some chargefees to reserve. This can be especially helpful if you have anumber of guests arriving during a period when hotels arebusy.Consider reserving rooms at two or more hotels for conven-ience and different price levels.A small “welcome package” from the host family is a nicetouch to make out-of-town guests feel at home. Hotelscan arrange these for a fee, or you can package them inex-pensively and the hotel will usually distribute them for free.Contents can include snacks, kosher foods, home bakedgoods, toys and cards for children, soda, fruits, mementos,etc. Flowers for the room are also a nice touch.A shuttle service is a convenient way to transport guestsunfamiliar with local roads to the synagogue or simcha site,especially for an evening event. Check with hotels for airport shuttles. You could arrange ride–sharing for guests

renting cars and staying at the same hotel and/or arrivingat the same time. Also check into transportation companieswho offer packages or hourly rates. See limousine tips onour web site.InvitationsSend a “save the date” postcard to out-of-towners 6-10months in advance to assure that other plans won’t conflictwith your special day. See a sample of a “Save The DatePoem” on our web site.Include a map and directions for all activities during theday or weekend. Directions should cover from the hotel(s)to the synagogue, and, if applicable, to the function hall.Try photocopying a local map to locate the synagogue withlocation circled. Mapquest.com and Travelocity.com arehelpful web sites.Family ActivitiesAdditional activities add another dimension to the Bar/BatMitzvah or wedding experience and allow opportunities toenjoy relatives and friends that you may not see frequently. Consider the following: If your child is becoming a Bar orBat Mitzvah on Saturday Morning, invite guests to the synagogue on Friday night to enjoy the service and OnegShabbat. This also applies to the Ufruf before the wedding.

Out-Of-Towners Guide

(Continued on page 37)

Visit us online at www.bnaimitzvahguide.com26

At Least 1 Year• Arrange for all parents to meet• Work out budget & review with par-

ents, if they'll be paying for any partof the event

• Interview & hire a wedding consultantif you are using one

• Decide on style of wedding • Decide who will officiate. Favorite

Rabbis may book up as quickly ascaterers and banquet halls. You willneed to consult this person regardingmany issues throughout your plan-ning. When necessary, book the synagogue sanctuary or chapel

• Make preliminary guest list & estimate final party size

• Choose & call your wedding party • Set wedding date & time• Pick a caterer, a ceremony & reception

location. Send deposit when necessary• Book rooms for out-of-town guests• Interview & choose photographers,

videographers, florists, musicians, calligraphers

• Make transportation reservations • Make plans for your honeymoon• Shop for wedding gown.• Send a "Save-the-Date" card to your

"A" list guests10 Months• Choose a color theme • Order wedding gown & accessories • Make up your final guest list• Go House or Apartment-hunting with

your fiancé. Narrow choices to a few 9 Months• Decide what gifts you would like &

register for gifts (china, flatware, etc.)• Shop & order invitations, programs &

other printed materials• Have your engagement party. Don’t

forget to mail out "thank you" notes• Have an engagement picture taken &

submit to newspaper • Create schematics for the procession-

al, recessional, under the chuppah,reserved seating. Distribute them toparticipants

• Arrange for someone to be in chargeof keeping everyone on schedule &

coaching the processional• Select guests for honors (e.g., toast,

blessing on bread & wine, one of theseven blessings, alliyah at the Ufruf.)

8 Months• Discuss wedding attire with mothers

of the bride & groom• Order accessories/bridesmaid dresses• Look at tuxedos7 Months• Decide on which ketubah text you

want & order a ketubah. Hand deco-rated ketubot take the longest time.

• If you are buying a home, get seriousabout a contract. If you will be rent-ing, place a deposit

6 Months• Select guests wedding favors• Order imprinted yarmulkes.• Order wedding invitations, programs,

& other stationery5 Months• Arrange for tuxedo rentals• Book your honeymoon• Included directions, as needed, in

Save-the-date &/or invitations. Take atrial drive to double check distances &landmarks

4 Months• Purchase wedding gifts for attendants

and fiance.• Finalize floral arrangements.• Set hair, make-up, nail, & wax

appointments• Select a bakery for your wedding

cake, as well as cakes for pre-wed-ding receptions & pastries for after-wedding brunch

• Begin to address invitations or takefinal guest list to your calligrapher

• Select wedding bands. Place an order• Get change of address cards from post

office & get them ready to mail • Prepare programs &/or a wedding

booklet for the wedding & assign oneto distribute them

• Have the groom order tuxedos forhimself, his groomsmen & the dads.

• Order table cameras.

3 Months• Final dress fittings for you & your

bridesmaids• Finalize cake arrangements• Write your own vows• Buy cake knife, toasting glasses, guest

book & garter • Pick out associated events clothing.

Remember shoes (ballet slippers,sandals) for the reception

• Find a hairdresser & make a test runwith your veil

• Send invitations (check postage)2 Months• Get name-change forms for social

security, driver's license, credit cards& bank.

• Make hair & nails appointments veryclose to the wedding day

• Finalize menu with caterer• Review your needs with your photog-

rapher & videographer. List your wed-ding party, a schedule of events, anytoasts or speeches, & any special pho-tos, memories or candids you want.

• Meet with your entertainment (music,etc.). A schedule of events, favoritetunes, style of music requested, plus alist of toasts, speeches, etc. willensure that the MC & you coordinate

• Arrange the rehearsal dinner, as well asother wedding-day-connected parties

1 Month• Make guest baskets & assign some-

one to distribute them • Make sure all your groomsmen, ush-

ers, ringbearer, & fathers have orderedtuxedos

• Send change-of-address forms topost office

• Reconfirm all reservations & accom-modations

• Confirm honeymoon plans • Make a seating plan for the reception3 Weeks Before• Call guests who have not responded• Finalize reception seating plans• Get your marriage license• Prepare wedding announcement for

the newspaper

Wedding Planning Timetable

Tell everyone you found it in B’nai Mitzvah & Jewish Weddings™ 27

• Pick up your wedding bands• Fill out the table cards or give names

to your calligrapher.• Put fees & tips in envelopes (officiant,

soloist, maitre d' etc.)assign someoneto deliver the payments if you can’t.

• Arrange with someone to bring itemsto the wedding venue, such as cakeknife, toasting glasses, programs,yarmulkes, wedding license, ketubah,etc. & to take them home

• Arrange for someone to return rentals(tuxedos, chairs, etc.)

• Arrange for someone to take yourbouquet/gown "home" put them inpreservation

• Pay all synagogue fees2 Weeks Before• Call caterer with final total of guests• Confirm directions, pickup & drop-offpoints with transportation service.1 Week• Create a detailed schedule of your

wedding day activities• Pack for your honeymoon• Confirm post-wedding brunch

arrangements1 Day• Get a manicure• Attend wedding rehearsal• Pack wedding day emergency kit.

(extra pantihose, safety pins, thread &needle, steamer, brush & make-up)

• Get a good night's sleepYour Wedding Day• Eat a good breakfast• Have your make-up done• Have your hair done• Give yourself lots of ready-time• Relax & have fun!After Your Wedding Day• Send thank-you’s &/or send gifts to

the special people who made yourwedding "happen."

• Send wedding photo & announce-ment to newspaper(s)

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What makes a Jewishwedding Jewish? There are very few requirements for aJewish wedding, which include a mar-riage contract (ketubah), the religiousceremonies (kiddushin and nisuin), aplain gold band accepted by the bride,and the pronouncement that you arehusband and wife. Therefore, most ofwhat we recognize as making a wed-ding Jewish are a wide variety of cus-toms and traditions that are steeped inhistory. But customs change over timeand location, even those in "tradition-al" weddings.Some traditions are adopted fromplaces where people live, where theirancestors came from, or from otherplaces or families. Some customs aremodernized to reflect the secular reali-ties of life in the modern world, includ-ing modern feminism, the congrega-tional practices and philosophies, andas an accommodation to Jews-by-choice and non-Jews. Ancient customscan sometimes survive only in terms oftheir relevance in a changing world. “We would like to have a wedding thatincorporates at least some of the won-derful traditions of our forebears, a linkto the past, but at the same time ismeaningful to us.”Anita Diamant pointsout in The New Jewish Wedding thatmodern Jews cannot marry the sameway their parents did.

"The world has changed too much. Ourexpectations of marriage are not thesame," she states. "We are differentkinds of Jews." This requires the brideand groom to make decisions about theexact traditions they intend to continue.Many of the following rituals are prac-ticed in traditional weddings. An inter-esting pattern has lately emerged thatthe more exotic and ancient the cus-tom, the more it will be adopted as atrue expression of authentic Judaism.This has especially become true amongyounger couples who have been raisedwith exposure to the more modern cus-toms. If you choose not to strictly fol-low all these traditions you may choosethose elements of the ceremony thatappeal to you, that others in your com-munity or congregation follow, or thoseyou adapt from secular events. Be surenot to adopt customs from other reli-gions. In this way you customize (yes,the root word is custom) your Jewishwedding to meet the needs and desiresof your family and you. Will this be an easy process? Perhapsnot, but it is part of the fun of planninga wedding, and not a part you can del-egate to others. Making choices aboutwhich elements in a Jewish weddingwill remain traditional involves mergingtwo or more families, often with differ-ent backgrounds, values, and practices.Leave room for compromise so that

everyone feels that the wedding honorswhat’s most important to them.The UfrufOn the Sabbath before the wedding,the Groom (Chatan) is traditionallygiven an alliyah – the blessing beforeand after the Torah portion is read –and his family usually sponsors a kid-dush reception after services. Ufruf isYiddish for "calling up". In congrega-tions where women may perform analliyah, both bride and groom may becalled up. Check with the Rabbi toarrange this or to read a parsha (Torahportion). Is this reminiscent of your barmitzvah? Like your bar/bat mitzvah,you may be able to call others in yourfamily for an alliyah as well.Now for the fun part: The congregation, perhaps led by thewiseguys in your family, will showeryou (pelt you is more accurate) withraisins, almonds and sweets to wishyou a sweet life and fruitful marriage tocome! (Note to wiseguys: please checkwith Synagogue staff before you handout sweets, as some synagogues havepolicies regarding this custom).The MikvahTraditionally observant brides and allconverts go to the mikvah, the ritualbath, before the wedding. This traditionis ancient and is a law, not a custom.They are maintained by most Orthodox

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The customs of the wedding day createmomentum that culminate with thewedding ceremony itself, the kid-dushin. Friends and family can be partof the events just prior to the wedding.Wedding Day Fasting The day of the wedding the chatan(groom) and kallah (bride) fast andrepent their sins, and they are guaran-teed that if they do so, all their sins areforgiven. Thus, they start out their newlife together with a clean slate. As onYom Kippur, this ritual fasting is notabout self-punishment, but aboutstarting over (in this case, in unionwith each other).SeparationIt is customary for the bride and groomnot to see each other for three days to aweek before the wedding. The groom will not see the bride untiljust before the ceremony, at the veilingof the bride. Since this is usually an anxious and nerve-rattling period, thiscustom has practical advantages thatcan save you tears and fears. Spendsome time with friends and family, andlet the anticipation of the event grow.Kabbalat Panim-Greetingthe Bride and GroomSeparate receptions, called KabbalatPanim, are held just prior to the wed-ding ceremony, when the honoredones hold court in separate rooms.Check with your rabbi since some doallow pre-wedding receptions. Jewishtradition and law treat the couple like a

queen and king. The kallah will beseated on a "throne" to receive herguests. Some brides, jittery fromnerves, may limit guests to the bridalparty. Others will have a more tradi-tional reception with songs, flowers,blessings, cake and wine. Perhaps themusicians will make a first appearance.Here the bride waits for the groom’sreception to end.The groom will be surrounded by hiscircle of friends and relatives at a table,the tish, who sing and toast him. Thegroom may attempt to present a lec-ture on the week's Torah portion, whilehis male friends and family heckle andinterrupt him. Despite the groom’sTalmudic knowledge, or lack thereof,this is supposed to fun, not a seriousundertaking. Other formats mayinvolve a ‘roast’of the groom by friends.At the tish, the groom, witnesses andthe rabbi might sign the ketubah or, ifboth parties are signing together, theymay do this in another room, such asthe rabbi’s study.In a more modern version of the tish,both bride and groom are entertainedand received together with blessings,songs, flowers, or music. The ketubahmay then be signed and the partyproceeds directly to the chuppah.There are many variations of the tish,so ask your rabbi, cantor, or eventplanner for more ideas. The popularityof the tish is increasing as a delightfulpre-wedding ritual.

Signing The KetubahWhether or not pre-wedding recep-tions are held, a ketubah, or marriagecontract, is signed and witnessed. Intraditional ceremonies the Groom signsthe ketubah in a separate room, in thepresence of witnesses and the Rabbi,before the wedding can begin. Thebride need not sign it, because itbelongs to her alone, according toJewish law, as proof of her rights andthe groom’s responsibilities (financialand otherwise). It was a radical docu-ment in ancient times, giving the wifeimportant legal protection. It was alegal document, neither beautiful norromantic, and the traditional languageof the document remained basicallyunchanged for centuries.The traditional ketubah does not nec-essarily reflect the realities of modernmarriages or contemporary views onrelationships. Many couples have foundnew ketubot, or have written languagethemselves, that is more egalitarian.Many ketubot now include paralleldeclarations of commitment made byboth bride and groom with a joint dec-laration of faith in G_d and a connec-tion to the Jewish people. It can be away to remind the couple of theirmoral responsibilities to one other.With many hand calligraphed ketubotavailable, as well as many retail andinternet sources of published ketubahtexts, couples have a large number ofchoices to customize the text to reflecttheir particular values. You must conferwith your rabbi before you decide on

and some Conservative and Reformsynagogues, as well. The mikvah is apool of water fed by a running source,as opposed to stagnant. A lake, pond,or river is an ideal mikvah, but ratheruncomfortable most of the year.Indoor mikvahs have an attendant andusually full bath facilities.Because the mikvah is associated inthe Talmud with the "impurity" ofmenstruating women, it has fallen into

disfavor by some as a relic of archaictimes, not relevant to today. But mik-vah is really about spiritual purifica-tion, and a visit to the mikvah beforethe wedding is a way to ceremoniallystart again "rebirth". The ceremony isquite simple. The bride-to-be isimmersed completely in the pool sev-eral times, floating freely, and a simpleprayer is said when she comes up. Thisis a joyous occasion often followed,

especially in the Sephardic tradition,by a party with food and drink, some-times by bridesmaids waiting rightoutside. Outdoor ceremonies can bedone at some unusual locations withpoetry, picnics and whatnot. Somemen have even joined the traditionwith their own mikvah visits (call wellahead for reservations) and men-onlyparties that follow.

The Wedding Day

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which text to sign, and certainly beforeany artwork is ordered. Since they arelegal documents, not all rabbis willaccept all texts. Moreover, onlyOrthodox and Conservative texts arerecognized in the State of Israel.There are just as many choices with theart that often accompanies the text.

The ketubah is often written amongbeautiful artwork, to be framed anddisplayed in the home. Having aketubah professionally calligraphedand made even more special with cus-tomized decorations has also becomepopular. The artwork on one suchketubah at a recent wedding, incorpo-

rated elements from the childhood ofeach half of the couple, merging intoshared experiences at the top.The ketubah is sometimes read to theentire assembly, and it can even besigned and witnessed after the reading,while under the chuppah.

The Wedding Day Continued...

The VeilingMany brides still choose to wear a veil,an ancient custom that has its roots inthe Bible. Others have rejected it as anantiquated symbol of patriarchal dom-inance. It may be seen as representingthe modesty and dignity which char-acterizes the virtue of Jewish woman-hood. The veil also conveys the mes-sage to the world, symbolically, thatphysical appearance is not as impor-tant as inner beauty. It has biblicalroots in the story of the patriarchJacob, who was first tricked by hisfather-in-law into marrying the wrongsister, Leah, her face well hiddenbehind a veil, instead of the girl heloved, Rachel. By placing the veil overthe Bride’s face himself, the Groomensures the same type of switch isn’tmade. A fun tradition enhanced by abit of history. If a veil is to be worn, the groom isinvited to the bedeken, lowering theveil onto the bride. Accompanied byboth fathers plus friends and relatives,the groom, who has not seen hisBride for a week, enters the bride’schamber and lowers the veil over thebride’s face. This can be seen to sym-bolize either his commitment to clotheand protect his wife, setting her apartfrom all others, or an indication that heis only interested in her inner beauty.In any case, this can be a charmingand emotional part of the wedding.An egalitarian twist has the brideplacing a kippah on the groom’s head.The ProcessionKeeping with the practice of treatingthe bride and groom like royalty, a

procession leading to the chuppah isquite traditional. Because a Jewishwedding is, above all, a family affair,the simplest procession involves thebride and groom, each escorted byboth parents, moving down the aisleand under the chuppah. This demon-strates the marriage is a union of fami-lies, not of individuals. But Jewish lawdoes not govern the makeup of theprocession, and so couples are free todecide the exact arrangement of theirprocession. There are many variationsaccording to family situations anddynamics. Sometimes grandparentsfollow the rabbi or cantor, followed bythe ushers and bridesmaids (separatein Orthodox weddings), the best man,the groom and his parents, more ush-ers and bridesmaids, the maid ofhonor, and finally the bride and herparents. Variations allow grandparentsto enter with their side of the family.Second marriages, divorced parents,missing or deceased relatives, the needfor a very small or intimate service,etc., all require adaptations to theorder, which is perfectly acceptable. The number of attendants is of noconsequence, since they are notrequired. Only two "Kosher" witnessesare required under Jewish law. Whilewe do not specify what this maymean, clearly non-Jews do not qualifyas witnesses (and they must not berelatives). Ushers and bridesmaids cer-tainly add a festive and regal air to theceremony, and they should at leastinclude any brothers and sisters.Sometimes a flower girl is used,although in most Jewish wed-

dings, the ring is held by the bestman. The best man at a Jewish wed-ding, called a shoshbin, is historically abest friend who would offer a largegift to the groom upon marriage, perhaps to defray the cost of anexpensive wedding affair, and wastherefore entitled to celebrate with thegroom during the wedding week. The arrangement under the chuppahof the people involved is also not pro-scribed by Jewish law. Many chuppahsare arranged so that the weddingparty facing the rabbi is facingJerusalem. Hundreds of years ofAshkenazic tradition calls for the brideto be at the groom’s right. Proponentsof Jewish mysticism, Kabbalah, claimthat the question reflects the tensionbetween the divine attributes of justiceand mercy. The merciful, masculineaspect of G_d is identified with theright side, and the just, female sidewith the left. Therefore the brideshould stand on the left and thegroom on the right.Candles may be carried by escorts andattendants, making a lovely old-worldeffect, especially at dusk outdoors or ina partly darkened room. The candlessymbolize the oneness that will comeabout as the couple is united underthe chuppah. Check with the syna-gogue or reception hall staff, becausefire codes may prohibit it. Use driplesstapers, braided havdalah candles or jarcandles to avoid a real mess.Live music during the procession is anold tradition, one that sets the moodand the pace of the occasion. A soloistor small group is usually best, but

The Wedding Ceremony

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The ChuppahEasily the most recognized feature of aJewish wedding, the ceremony takesplace under a wedding canopy, orchuppah. The origin of the chuppah inthe Talmud is certain, even if its exactform is not. In any case, the symbolismin the chuppah has many meanings.Chuppah means literally "that whichcovers or floats" in Hebrew.Traditionally, weddings occurred out-doors under the stars, and the canopycreated an intimate, sanctified space inwhich to take the vows. It also repre-sents the new home for the marriedcouple. The chuppah is a reminder ofthe desert tents of our nomadic ances-tors. For these reasons, some traditionalreception facilities have skylights posi-tioned over the place where the chup-pah will stand.A traditional chuppah is a fabric cover-ing held up by four poles, open on allfour sides. Since there are no legalrequirements as to the chuppah'sshape or dimensions, couples have cre-ated new chuppah traditions thatexpress their unique personalities.Some customs have involved using atallit, perhaps a family heirloom or yourBar/Bat Mitzvah tallit. Others have usedcraft-type projects such as quilts,embroidered or silk-screened fabric, orcustom lettered projects. In fact, thechuppah can be a group or communityproject of special sentimental value. CirclingWhen the couple first enters the chup-pah, the bride circles the groom seventimes, perhaps accompanied by musicor a soloist, and sometimes escorted byboth mothers. This is a very old custom,the meaning and origin of which hasno consensus. It is nevertheless a nice

touch, beautifully moving if not abit exotic. One explanation is that itrepresents the seven wedding bless-ings and seven days of creation, anddemonstrating that the groom is thecenter of her world. Another comesfrom the Bible, which says that awoman encompasses and protects a man. The circling was known in ancienttimes to be a magical means of protec-tion, building an invisible wall aroundthe groom, protecting him from evilspirits. It can be seen also as an act thatdefines a new family circle, binding thebride to the groom and away from theparents. Mystically speaking, the bridemay be seen as entering the sevenspheres of the groom’s soul. Joshua cir-cled the wall of Jericho seven times,and then the walls fell down. So, too,after the bride walks around the groomseven times, the walls between themwill fall and their souls will be united.These are obscure ideas for a modernwedding, so you may want to explainthis and other customs in a weddingbooklet available to your guests.Of course, circling has been rejected bysome Jews in the recent past as evi-dence of the patriarchal and demean-ing nature of the bride circling aroundher ‘master’, marking her territory fromother women. But it can also be seenas a strong act of definition: Here is thespace we will share together. Somecouples have also modernized the ritu-al by circling one another, first the bridearound the groom clockwise, then thegroom around the bride the other way.This mutual circling is a statement ofbalance and reciprocal respect indeclaring a space together and thebreaking down of barriers.

KiddushinThe Jewish wedding ceremony has twoparts, kiddushin and nisuin, which areperformed together under the chup-pah, but which have distinct differ-ences. Kiddushin, which translates as"sanctification" or "dedication", is actu-ally a betrothal ceremony, a bonding oftwo souls into one with each other andwith G_d. The bride and groom estab-lish an exclusive relationship.The Rabbi greets everyone and makestwo blessings over a cup of wine. Aswith all Jewish simchas, wine is a sym-bol of abundance and joy. The brideand groom take a sip of wine. Nextcomes the ring, the essential part of theceremony. The groom places a plaingold ring, without any stones orembellishments, on the index finger ofthe bride’s right hand, the fingerthought to be directly connected to theheart. The groom repeats the blessing:"Behold, you are consecrated to mewith this ring according to the laws ofMoses and Israel." This thousand-year-old practice, the act of kiddushin, com-pletes the betrothal. The kiddushin hasaccomplished kinyan, the symbolic actof the bride acquiring something ofvalue from the groom, and Jewish lawnow considers them married.In a double ring ceremony the bridethen repeats the process with a similar,but gender-corrected, version of thesame blessing. This is often not allowed

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The Wedding Service

leave enough lead-time to find andrehearse the appropriate music. Cantorsusually can assist in choosing the bestmusic.

The logistics of the procession andstanding under the chuppah can causefriction and anxiety, and for this reasonalone you may wish to have a wedding

rehearsal. Some rabbis dismiss this as awaste of time, while others will gladlyaccommodate your request, so be sureto ask.

Tell everyone you found it in B’nai Mitzvah & Jewish Weddings™ 31

by more traditional rabbis because it issaid to invalidate kinyan, the formal actof the bride acquiring something ofvalue from the groom (since anexchange is being made). In that casethe bride may present the groom’s ring,and the bride’s ring placed on her leftring finger, after the ceremony (andforever after).If wedding vows, or "I do’s" are desired,and the rabbi agrees to speak them,they will be exchanged at this point.Some really beautiful vows, mutualpromises or poetry, often written bythe bride and groom affirming theirdevotion for one another, can be addedas a powerful personal statement tothe ceremony.NisuinThe second part of the wedding cere-mony, nisuin, the nuptials, completesthe marriage. Because the two parts ofthe ceremony, kiddushin and nisuinwere historically separated, the ketubahis read aloud before the nuptials as away of clearly separating the twohalves. The text is usually read aloud inAramaic, often repeated in English. Theketubah is then stored away for safekeeping, or it may be displayed on aneasel for guests to inspect. The rabbimay then say a few words about thecouple, particularly if he/she hasknown the couple, or one of them, fora while, or he may launch into a longersermon.The nisuin begins with the seven bless-ings, sheva b'rachot, and ends withyichud, or seclusion, after the ceremo-ny. The seven blessings begin withanother full cup of wine. They may berecited by the Rabbi or by variousguests the couple wish to honor.Although it’s usually not a problem,they must be recited in the presence ofa minyan, a formal quorum of tenadults. In addition to a blessing overthe wine, there is praise for G_d as creator of the world and of men andwomen; a prayer for the newly marriedcouple and of the ten degrees of rejoic-ing. The blessings also include a prayerthat Jerusalem will be fully rebuilt andrestored with the Temple in its midstand the Jewish people within her

gates, showing wishes not only for theindividuals but the community inwhich they live. The couple then drinksfrom the second cup of wine. The Rabbipronounces the couple officially husband and wife.The GlassThe traditional ending of a Jewishwedding is probably the most recog-nized feature: breaking the glass. It isan old custom that is not formally partof the ceremony, yet pages have beenwritten about its meaning, which hasbeen widely interpreted. A glass isplaced on the floor, often wrapped incloth or a napkin to prevent injury, andthe groom breaks it with his foot. Somecouples even choose to break it togeth-er, which is fine. The crowd shouts"Mazel Tov!" and joyous music begins(Siman Tov and Mazel Tov is a favorite!).But what does breaking the glass repre-sent? Here are some opinions:• Even during times of great joy, weshould remember the tragic destruc-tion of the Temple in Jerusalem, sym-bolizing all suffering by Jews every-where; • A representation of the fragility of

human relationships;• A reminder that marriage transforms

the lives of individuals forever;• it represents a break with childhood

and the parents’home;• in contrast to the solemn moments of

the ceremony, the loud crash sig-nals levity and celebration to begin;

• a symbol of the irrevocability of mar-riage;

• this is the last time the groom gets to"put his foot down."

Yichud-SeclusionAfter the couple leave the chuppah,tradition calls for them to retire to a pri-vate room where they might spend tenor fifteen minutes together alone inyichud–seclusion. This is historically aritual reserved only for married couples,and they are escorted to the room bywitnesses and the door is closed. This isa wonderful time to reflect on theunion of two souls without interfer-ence, to hug and kiss, to take a breatherbefore you are once again the center of

attention. It is customary to eat togeth-er as a married couple for the first time,breaking fast (except for those sips ofwine during the ceremony) if you havefasted. Chicken broth has been servedin Ashkenazic tradition as a symbol ofprosperity to come. Sephardic traditioncalls for a meal of doves symbolizingmarital peace. Another idea is a glass ofchampagne and a plate of cocktail hourhors d’oeuvres that you might other-wise never taste (talk to the caterer orask a friend to bring this). Eat some-thing here because, given the excite-ment and schedule of events, manycouples do not eat much at their ownwedding. This is also a good time toplace the rings on the correct fingers,remove the veil, tallit and other cere-monial garb. When you emerge fromthe yichud, you are the newest marriedcouple in the room.As a practical matter, this time givesthe caterer and guests a few minutes totransition into the dining hall or cocktail area, to visit the rest rooms,congratulate the parents, and so on. Italso avoids the reception line, at leastimmediately after the ceremony, whichleaves guests wandering around whilewaiting for the line to end.The Reception LineThis has become a standard at manyAmerican weddings, even Jewish ones,so you may still wish to have one,especially if you are not observingyichud. If so, it may be held immedi-ately after the ceremony, after yichud,or after a cocktail hour. The format isoften the same, including both sets ofparents, bride and groom, maid/matron of honor and bridesmaids. Thebest man and ushers do not partici-pate, particularly since ushers are notrequired at Jewish weddings. This is theplace for guests to express congratula-tions and for parents to kvell-swellwith pride. Keep smiling, be gracious,but don’t chat too long. It’s OK to asknames if you don’t know; most folksare glad to introduce themselves.

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This section features DJs, Live Bands, Karaoke, Vocalists, Magicians, and Caricaturists. You may want to ask the following questions when hiring your DJ or band:

• Are you familiar with the Bar/Bat Mitzvah routine and have you done them before?

• Will you play songs/games usually seen at these events: i.e. hoola hoop, dance contests, chicken dance, hokey pokey?

• What type of music do you play?

• Do you have a song list?

• How long do you play and how many breaks do you take?

• What is the price, deposit amount, and when is the balance due?

• Do you have references?

Think about it. There's a “cookie-cutter sameness” to most Bar and Bat Mitzvahs and Jewish weddings. (An hour ofhors d'oeuvres, standard introductions, toasts, the cutting ofthe cake, a video montage, etc.) These are all importantparts of any celebration, but finally, here's a chance to addsomething so wonderful, so unique, your guests will notonly appreciate and enjoy it, they'll be heard saying “Wow,was that special…what a great time we had!”

At the Bar/Bat Mitzvah Too much “Bar”and not enough “Mitzvah”isn’t good for your“Simcha”. DJ's today can include MTV type dancers at your party.Bar and Bat Mitzvah themes range from Star Wars to "Elvis." Theseare certainly fun and exciting, but with the exception of "UncleSidney" doing the motzi (the blessing on the bread), no onewould have a clue what they're really there to celebrate. As a result, more and more people are choosing a very “new”theme lately. It's called “Bar Mitzvah!”What a concept! Actually,you don't even have to abandon any of your creative and fun ideas,but to paraphrase the title of Jeffrey K. Salkin's popular book onBar Mitzvah's …Don't Forget to Put G-d on the Guest List!Whether it's having as a centerpiece a basket of canned goodsto be donated to Sova, or a Klezmer band playing during thecocktail reception, there are ways to add some Jewishness andhave fun! There's also a variety of Jewish themes such as; TheTree of Life, Jewish Hero's, Israel (complete with a back drop ofThe Western Wall), or as a design for each table or food station,famous Synagogues throughout the world. A "Grand Entrance" is also an opportunity to add some tradition.Instead of the "typical" entrance, where DJ's announce the Bar orBat Mitzvah honoree, programs like The Amazing Bottle Dancers,(yes…they really dance with bottles of wine on their hats!) fea-ture authentic Klezmer music, and bring with them a sense of theold country, as they carry in the Bar Mitzvah boy high atop theirshoulders, or the Bat Mitzvah girl in on a throne fit for QueenEsther!

At the WeddingOld-fashioned Jewish weddings are making a come back. Whynot? They're not only filled with beautiful symbolism, but theycan be even more romantic than anything you've ever imagined.The good news is, it doesn't have to be either or. You can have avery contemporary wedding, with the hottest band or DJ, withjust a few touches of tradition as well. Let's start with the ceremony. In the old days after the Sabbathended, villagers would traditionally walk to the town square

At Your Celebration,Don’t Forget…A LittleTradition Never Hurts!by Michael Pasternak, creator of The AmazingBottle Dancers (See our display ad, page 33)

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It’s a Matter ofDollars & SenseKeep the great cost cuttingtips in mind when planningyour event.

Sample Budget FormNote: Include tax and tips in all expenses

Bar/Bat Mitzvah CostCutting Tips

1. Use more traditional style invitations,which tend to be more economical.Ask your invitation professional to sug-gest more cost-cutting tips that areappropriate for your situation.

2. Explore the possibility of using packageplans for the entertainment,photography, and other services.

3. Make your own centerpieces. Party ortoy stores have great ideas.

4. You can decorate and personalize thewelcome board and guest bookby using glitter pens and markers.

5. Generally, Saturday is the most expen-sive day to hold the Simcha. Consideryour child becoming a Bar/Bat Mitzvahon another day when the Torah is read.

6. Favors can be bought at gift or toy stores.Personalize them with labels created onyour computer or they can be personal-ized/monogrammed where purchased.

7. Some stores may negotiate on priceswhen buying in bulk quantities, just ask.

8. Purchasing supplies and favors throughcatalogs may save money, especially inbulk quantities.

9. Consider an afternoon Kiddush lunch-eon which may be less expensivethan an evening reception.

10. Chicken dishes are usually less costlythan beef dishes.

11. Balloons are usually less costly thanflowers.

12. Don’t worry about ordering imprintedkippot if you’re on a budget. They arealways a nice touch, but Synagoguesusually have enough kippot to handlethe number of people attending theservice. And many Jewish guests alreadyhave plenty in their jacket pockets.

SERVICEOR VENDOR

ESTIMATEDCOST

ACTUALCOST

DEPOSITDUE

BALANCEDUE

Banquet Hall

Caterer & Bar

DJ/Band

Photography

Videography

Decorations

Invitations/ Postage

Entertainment

Florist

Event Planner

Favors & Gifts

Judaica

Clothing

Cake

Fri. NightOneg Shabbat

Sat. KiddushLuncheon

PersonalExpenses

Rental Items

Transportation

Morning After Brunch

Synagogue FeesOfficiant Fees

TOTAL

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Tipping the caterer may be the last thought at the end of aparty, but consider the time and effort of the workers. If thecaterer goes above and beyond the normal duties of their job,giving a tip is a respectable act. Remember, the workers arepresent at the party way before the client, and the workersoften stay later. Catering companies tend to shy away from questions on tip-ping. Classic Catering, a catering company based out ofBaltimore, says tipping is entirely up to the client. An adminis-trator at the company suggests that around 30-40% of theirclients tip, and just like restaurants, 15-20% is the standardrate. Similar to restaurants, clients have the ability to tip more,less, or none. Other catering companies have a service fee built into thecontract, so the best thing to do is ask the salesperson beforemaking a decision. Some catering companies ask the client toadd the tip on top of the bill, while others require the tip toremain entirely separate. Tipping caterers is less commonthan in restaurants, but is generally accepted. Evaluate thesituation and decide accordingly, but more importantly, knowthe company’s policy on tipping before the event.

Do I tip the caterer,and how much?"By Matt Tucker

1. Use more traditional style invitations, which tend to bemore economical. Ask your invitation professional to suggestmore cost-cutting tips that are appropriate for your situation.

2. Avoid serving liquor at the reception, or only serve for limited times. Alternatively, feature beer, wine, and achampagne fountain. These all cost less than a full open bar.

3. Shop around for the best deal on flowers. Some floristsmark up arrangements that are designated for weddings, aso-called “wedding mark-up”. Avoid exotic flowers, optinginstead for seasonal and regional (local) flowers.

4. Looking for bridal gown bargains? Borrow from a friendor relative, buy one at a consignment shop, purchase a sam-ple gown, or look at shops further from the metropolitanarea.

5. Avoid wedding dates near holidays when florists, hotels,limousines, and other services charge a premium.

6. Favors can be bought at gift or toy stores. Personalizethem with labels created on your computer or they can bepersonalized/monogrammed where purchased.

7. Avoid oversized invitations and lots of inserts that requireextra postage, and make the response card a post card,which costs less to send.

8. DJ’s are often less expensive than live music. If you areplanning several types of live music, look for a Klezmer bandthat also plays pop. oldies, swing, etc.You get two bands for the price of one!

9. Consider a Sunday afternoon luncheon that may be lessexpensive than an evening reception.

10. Chicken dishes are usually less costly than beef dishes. Do not assume that a buffet is cheaper than a served meal–ask for prices on both.

11. Arts and crafts stores have do-it-yourself supplies forbridal bouquets, favors, veils, table centerpieces, guest books,even a chuppah.

12. Order a small tier cake for photographs and sheet cakes,which cost less, to feed guests dessert.

13. For synagogue weddings, ask to borrow kippot andbenchers rather than buy them.

Wedding Cost Cutting Tips

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Some families give customizeditems or favors to the childrenattending the reception portion of the Bar/Bat Mitzvah. This section includes ideas for give-aways, contest prizes, andsupplies. Wedding guests areusually treated to a favor ormemento, as well as specialgifts for the bridal party.

Tell everyone you found it in B’nai Mitzvah & Jewish Weddings™ 37

where weddings were held. They accompanied the bride andgroom and their families carrying candles, which magically lit abeautiful path. It is possible to recreate this beautiful tradition.Each guest is given a candle upon leaving the cocktail receptionarea for the short walk to where the ceremony is held. It is a beau-tiful sight to behold, and works to connect everyone as well. Another nod to tradition is to use Klezmer musicians (live orCD), who always led the procession to the town square in theOld Country. This brings the unmistakable sound of the clarinet,violin, accordion, and bass fiddle to fill the air. The joyous musichas the bridal party walking down the isle with big smiles ontheir faces, and all of the guests clapping in time. What a dif-ference from the formal, graduation-like march down the isle.While the reception can include a very contemporary band, savesomething special as a prelude to the HORA. A surprise appear-ance of The Amazing Bottle Dancers recreates an age-old tradi-tion celebrated at Weddings. The dancers, with their black beards,hats and robes performed a spectacular dance that today couldonly be described as a cross between Cirque Du Soleil and Zorba,the Greek.The important thing to remember as you plan your event is toavoid sameness by adding some unique touches. Make sureyour wedding is everything you want it to be and more. Fill itwith beauty, romance, love and at least a few surprises…andby the way, a little tradition.

A Little Tradition: (Continued from page 32)

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• Personalized Sport Bottles• Imprinted Boxer Shorts• Personalized Balls or Sports Equipment• Keychains• Personalized Fortune Cookies• Customized Wrapped Candy Bars• Photo Favors• Custom Playing Cards• Caricatures• Imprinted T-Shirts• Personalized Message Pens• Flashing L.E.D. or Glow Sunglasses, Necklaces or

bracelets, balloons, pens, balls pens and more!• Bracelets for Jewish Pride• Noisemakers• Inflatables• Monogrammed or Imprinted TowelsHint: Photo Favors Vendor and Caricature Artists atyour party are great entertainment, as well as asource of favors.

Great Favor Ideas

Family portraits can be arranged at home, at the receptionsite, or synagogue.A “morning after” brunch is a delightful way to wrap up thesimcha and allow families and friends to be together onemore time. MiscellaneousYou may wish to schedule appointments for manicures, hair,and make-up appointments for your guests who will not befamiliar with the area.Consider a web site for the Bar/Bat Mitzvah or the weddingcouple that includes weekend and hotel information, onlineRSVP, printable driving instructions, explanations for non-Jewish guests, and much more. Photos can be posted hereafter the event, as well as thanks, thoughts and reflections,and personal messages.An agenda of weekend activities sent with the invitationswill help guests schedule flights or travel plans, help themplan what to pack, and add to the excitement of traveling. If guests may have some extra time to get out and explore,include brochures or contact information for popular sight-seeing destinations in the invitation or a subsequent mailing.

Out-Of-Towners Guide(Continued from page 25)

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WeddingEvening Hours (5 hours shown here)6:30 - 7:30 PMHors d’oeuvres, cocktails, backgroundmusic, greeting arriving guests.Signing of guest book.7:30 - 8:00 PMMaster of Ceremonies welcomesguests, introduction of WeddingParty, blessing over wine and challah.8:00 - 9:00 PMDinner, light music. Toasts andspeeches from Best Man, Maid ofHonor, Parents. Dinner ends withblessings/reprise of sheva b'rachot.9:00 - 9:45 PMBride/Groom’s first dance, cake cut-ting ceremony, more toasts. Horadance, traditional Jewish music.9:45 - 11:30 PMMore dancing, Bride bouquet andGroom’s garter toss. Bride/Groom’sfinal dance. Mezinke Tanz–a danceand Parents thank guests .

Bar/Bat MitzvahEvening Hours (4 hours shown here)7:30 - 8:15 PMHors d’oeuvres, cocktails, backgroundmusic, greeting arriving guests.Younger guests entertained inanother room with games (Coke-Pepsi, scavenger hunt, etc.), carica-tures, dance music, etc. 8:15 - 8:30 PMThe Master of Ceremonies formallywelcomes guests, introduction of theBar/Bat Mitzvah family, blessingover the wine and challah.8:30 - 9:30 PMDinner, light music.9:30 - 9:45 PMCandle-lighting ceremony, Horadance, traditional Jewish music.9:45 - 11:30 PMThe night continues with dancing.Videographer records family andfriends in a quiet location sayingMazel Tov to the Bar/Bat Mitzvah.

Sample Reception Agendas Who Should Decide What?

What You Should DecideThe Size and Style of the Reception

Main Menu Adult Guest List • How Many Kids

Location & TimesProfessionals to Hire • Hora Music

Decorations

What The Bar/Bat Mitzvah CouldDecide

Theme • Kids Guest List • Kids’ SeatingArrangement Dance Music • Clothing

Alternate EntertainmentCandle Lighting Tributes

Decide As A TeamAlliyot and Honor Participants

Candle Lighting Honorees • Invitations

Party Planning Pointers By Heidi Hiller & Zozzie Golden – Innovative Party Planners • www.innovativepartyplanners.com

You’ve been given “thedate.” There are so manydecisions to make. Wheredo you even begin?Here are some guidelines and things tokeep in mind as you plan your event.Remain CalmPlanning this life event can be enjoyablefor both you and your child. Make sure toinclude your teen in these preparations.Remember that organization is the key.Hint: Put aside a binder to keep lists,phone numbers and notes together.

The Guest ListYour first step is to create a master guestlist. This will dictate the size of hall, thecatering budget and the quantity ofitems you will need such as centerpiecesand party favors.Hint: Make a master list of your guests.Check for accurate spelling, completeaddress and include phone numbers.List children with their ages as this willassist when finalizing seating choices.

How much will all this cost?Possible categories may include the rentalhall, food and drink, music, photographer,videographer, invitations, benchers, kip-pot, linens, decorations, balloons andparty favors. Don’t forget to include inyour budget the behind the scene costslike stamps, calligraphy, clothing an entirefamily in suits and party clothes, haircutsand Bar Mitzvah lessons.Hint: Set aside a special Bar/BatMitzvah account.

Should I hire a Party Planner?A party planner will be your advocateand guide you in making smart deci-sions. They are familiar with options andsuppliers. Their expertise can save youtime and money.Hint: Every party planner works differ-ently. Ask questions! What do theirservices include? Get references.

Where should we havethe party?Consider the time of day, and the time ofyear. What time Shabbat ends may playinto this decision. Then consider where.Include in your site choices your syna-gogue, area hotels, catering halls, yourhome or even Israel.Hint: Ask what is included in the siterental. Which caterers are permitted on site?

Who will be catering my party?Get references and estimates. Ask lots ofquestions. Remember that your guestswill be interacting with their staff as wellas fine cuisine. A caterer may also assistyou in coordinating your schedule ofevents for the night. This should be donein conjunction with your band or DJ, aswell. They will work as a team.Hint: Ask for a tasting of some dishes.Does the caterer provide the Bar/BatMitzvah cake?

Read the entire article online at: www.bnaimitzvahguide.com.

Party & Event Planning party

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Tell everyone you found it in B’nai Mitzvah & Jewish Weddings™ 39

Visit us online at www.bnaimitzvahguide.com40

Many Synagogues encourage or require students to partici-pate in or initiate a mitzvah project in order to contribute tothe community. Make sure to check with your schooladministrator or rabbi before you begin.• Visit and assist at a local homeless shelter.• Serve meals at a senior center.• Collect coats/hats for the needy and donate to a shelter.• Collect food for a local food pantry, or conduct a drive for

your Synagogue’s food pantry collection. You could coor-dinate this with Passover, as families clean thenon-Kosher food out of their pantries.

• Help organize rides for elderly/disabled members of yourSynagogue to ensure they can participate in services.

• Become trained as a respite care provider to babysit chil-dren with disabilities. Donate some item to give relief toparents of these children, who rarely get a break.

• Organize a clean-up of a local park or volunteer to helpwith a stream reclamation project. Call you CountyDepartment of Natural Resources or Parks & Recs. Dept.

• Offer to help build and decorate Sukkot for people whoare unable, or offer to help with the Sukkot at the JCC ora Jewish nursing home.

Mitzvah Project Ideas For more resources: See www.bnaimitzvahguide.com

Calendar of Jewish HolidaysAdapted with permission from B’nai B’rith (www.bnaibrith.org)

The Jewish day begins and ends at sundown. Thus, all holi-days begin at sundown of the day preceding the dateshown and end at sundown of the (last) day shown. Sincethe Jewish calendar begins with Rosh Hashanah, the Jewishyear always straddles two years from the civil calendar. In

other words, spring Holidays (such as Pesach and Shavuot)occur in the civil year following Rosh Hashanah. Note: Notall Jewish families observe two days for holidaysshown as lasting two days.

2011-20125772

2012-20135773

2013-20145770

Rosh Hashanah - The Jewish New Year;start of the Ten Days of Penitence

Thur.-Fri.Sept. 29-30

Mon.-Tues.Sept. 17-18

Thur.-Fri.Sept. 5-6

Yom Kippur - Day of Atonement; a very solemn day of the year,devoted to fasting, prayer and repentance.

Sat.Oct. 8

Wed.Sept. 26

Sat.Sept. 8

Sukkot - First two days of Tabernacles; commemoratingthe dwelling of the Israelites in booths in the wilderness.

Thurs.-Fri.Oct. 13-14

Mon.-Tues.Oct. 1-2

Thurs.-Fri.Sept. 19-20

Shemini Atzeret - Eighth Day of Assemblyand Simchat Torah -Rejoicing of the Law.

Thur.-Fri.Oct. 20-21

Mon.-Tues.Oct. 8-9

Thurs.-Fri.Sept. 26-27

Hanukkah - Festival of Lights; victory of the Maccabeesand rededication of the Temple.

Wed.-Wed.Dec. 21-28

Sun.-Sun.Dec. 8-15

Thurs.-Thurs.Nov. 28-Dec. 5

Purim - Celebrates defeat of plot to destroy the Jews of Persia.Thurs.Mar. 8

Sun.Feb. 24

Sun.Mar. 16

Pesach - Passover; deliverance of the Jewish people from Egypt.The Seder service on the first two evenings recounts the story.

Sat.-Sun.Apr. 7-8

Tues.-Wed.Mar. 26-27

Tues.-Wed. Apr. 15-16

The last two days of Pesach are also observed as full holy days.Fri.-Sat.

Apr. 13-14Mon.-Tues.

Apr. 1-2Mon.-Tues.Apr. 21-22

Shavuot - Feast of Weeks; marks the giving ofthe Law (Torah) at Mt. Sinai.

Sun.-Mon.May 27-28

Wed.-Thurs.May 15-16

Wed.-Thurs.June 4-5

Directory Of Resources directo

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Banquet Facilities & HotelsAtlantis Banquets & EventsLocated within the Long IslandAquarium and Exhibition Center431 East Main St.Riverhead, NY631-574-8008www.longislandaquarium.com/catering(See our display ad, page 8)Atlantis Banquets & Events creates amagical atmosphere for any social event. A once-in-a-lifetime celebrationdeserves a one-of-a-kind setting. Weoffer incomparable service and exquisitecuisine, and can tailor a menu to yourrequirements and budget.Bowlmor Lanes - Midtown222 W. 44th St. (between 7th & 8th Ave)New York, NY212-680-0012www.bowlmor.com(See our display ad, page 3)Be the first to host your Mitzvah at NewYork City’s newest entertainment land-mark! Featuring 50 lanes divided into 7 NYC themed bowling lounges, gourmetcuisine by celebrity chef David Burke, andmultiple private event spaces. This 90,000venue can accommodate parties of up to 1,500.Bowlmor Lanes - Union Square110 University Pl.New York, NY212-255-8188www.bowlmor.com(See our display ad, page 3)Get your Mitzvah rolling at New YorkCity’s original upscale bowling ally.Featuring 42 lanes of luxury bowling,gourmet cuisine by celebrity chef DavidBurke, and a private event room.Bowlmor Lanes is the perfect party destination! Chelsea Piers Sports &Entertainment Complex23rd St. & The Hudson RiverNew York, NY212-336-6777www.chelseapiers.com/mitzvah(See our display ad, page 9)With panoramic views, full-service catering and a variety of sports and gamesto choose from, Chelsea Piers

is the perfect location for both action-packed kids parties and elegant celebrations. The 3,400 sq.-ft. SunsetTerrace can accommodate up to a 180 guests including a dance floor.Crest Hollow Country Club8325 Jericho Tpke.Woodbury, NY516-692-8000www.cresthollow.com(See our display ad, page 1)A new, stunning South Beach-inspiredpool deck sets the perfect stage for yourcelebration. Enjoy our famous five-starcuisine created by acclaimed Kosher chefsand experience the impeccable serviceand attention to detail that have been thehallmark of our family for generations.Today’s Crest Hollow Country Club. Take alook at us now.Greenwich Village Country Club110 University Pl.New York, NY212-255-8188www.bowlmor.com(See our display ad, page 3)Located just above Bowlmor Lanes inUnion Square, the GVCC is NYC's mostunique event venue featuring Mini Golf,Shuffle Board, Bocce Ball and more. It'sideal for kids parties and the kid in all ofus! Named #1 Most Anticipated NewEvent Space for Fall 2011!Hilton Newark Airport1170 Spring St.Elizabeth, NY908-351-3900www.newarkairport.hilton.com(See our display ad, page 11)From 50 to 200, the Hilton offers completeGlatt Kosher Catering services from private Kosher kitchen to hard key roomsfor the Sabbath. Call us!New York Hall of Science47-01 111th St.Queens, NY718-699-0005 ext. 371www.nyscience.org(See our display ad, page 10)The NY Hall of Science features uniquemultifunctional spaces and over 400hands-on exhibits. Accommodations for50 to 500.

Patina Restaurant Group Brasserie100 E. 53rd St., New York, NY212-751-4840Brasserie 8 1/29 W. 57th St., New York, NY212-829-0812La Fonda Del SolE. 44th St. & Vanderbilt Ave.New York, NY212-867-6767Vanderbilt SuitesE. 44th St. & Vanderbilt Ave. New York, NY646-465-5150

www.patinagroup.com(See our display ad, Back Cover)Patina Restaurant Group is the nation'sleading multi-concept operator in thepremium segments of the restaurant andfood service industry.Q-zar Laser Tag151 Voice Rd.Carle Place, NY516-877-7200www.qzarny.com(See our display ad, page 13)Birthday parties, exclusive rentals, daytrips, camps, teen parties, overnight trips,groups, corporate events, arcade. Our5,000 square foot laser tag arena canhandle up to 40 players wearing a hightech sensor vest and laser tag handset.Q-ZAR is also equipped with one of thelargest arcades on Long Island.

Slate54 W. 21st St.New York, NY212-989-0096www.slate-ny.com(See our display ad, page 5)Slate brings elegance and excitement.From film studios and rock stars to many ofthe world’s most prestigious corporationsand celebrities have discovered that Slate is ideal for their next event. One of NewYork’s only venues with private and semi-private reception spaces. Featuring sleekdecor, sumptuous modern American cuisine, audio-visual capabilities, dancefloor and banquet seating perfect for special events, corporate parties, fashionshows, film shoots, rehearsal dinners and receptions. Our lower level offerspool, ping-pong and foosball tables.There is never a dull moment at this dazzling destination.

(Continued on page 42)

Visit us online at www.bnaimitzvahguide.comDirectory Of Resources42

Stuart Thomas Manor2143 Boundary Ave.Farmingdale , NY516-845-1151www.stuartthomasmanor.com(See our display ad, Page 12)Allow our experienced staff of event professionals create for you an extraordinary event that your guests will rave about!!

The Chateau Caterers440 Old Country Rd.Carle Place, NY516-334-6125www.thechateaucaterers.com(See our ad, Inside Front Cover)The Chateau is Long Island’s premiercatering venue featuring an all new out-door garden oasis. Their award-winningchefs provide customized menus that tan-talize the senses.The Fox Hollow7725 Jericho Tpke.Woodbury, NY516-921-1415www.thefoxhollow.com(See our ad, Inside Front Cover)The Fox Hollow is Long Island’s premierevent destination featuring a CateringVenue, 5-Star Restaurant and LuxuriousAll Suite Hotel situated on an 8 acre GoldCoast estate.The Metropolitan3 Pratt Blvd.Glen Cove, NY516-671-4444www.themetropolitancaterers.com(See our display ad, page 7)The Metropolitan invites you to experi-ence the sophistication of Manhattanright here on Long Island. Our renovatedballroom creates a cosmopolitanambiance of sheer elegance.

CateringNote: Listings marked with an asterisk(*) have banquet facilities available

*Bowlmor Lanes- Times Square222 W. 44th St.New York , NY212-680-0012www.bowlmor.com(See our display ad, page 3)Be the first to host your Mitzvah at NewYork City’s newest entertainment land-mark! Featuring 50 lanes divided into 7NYC themed bowling lounges, gourmet

cuisine by celebrity chef David Burke,and multiple private event spaces. This90,000 venue can accommodate partiesof up to 1,500*Bowlmor Lanes- Union Square110 University Pl.New York, NY212-255-8188www.bowlmor.com(See our display ad, page 3)Get your Mitzvah rolling at New YorkCity’s original upscale bowling ally.Featuring 42 lanes of luxury bowling,gourmet cuisine by celebrity chef DavidBurke, and a private event room.Bowlmor Lanes is the perfect party destination!*Crest Hollow Country Club8325 Jericho Tpke.Woodbury, NY516-692-8000www.cresthollow.com(See our display ad, page 1)A new, stunning South Beach-inspiredpool deck sets the perfect stage for yourcelebration. Enjoy our famous five-starcuisine created by acclaimed Kosherchefs and experience the impeccableservice and attention to detail that havebeen the hallmark of our family for gen-erations. Today’s Crest Hollow CountryClub. Take a look at us now.*Greenwich Village Country Club110 University Pl.New York, NY212-255-8188www.bowlmor.com(See our display ad, page 3)Located just above Bowlmor Lanes inUnion Square, the GVCC is NYC's mostunique event venue featuring Mini Golf,Shuffle Board, Bocce Ball and more. It'sideal for kids parties and the kid in all ofus! Named #1 Most Anticipated NewEvent Space for Fall 2011!*Hilton Newark Airport1170 Spring St.Elizabeth, NY908-351-3900www.newarkairport.hilton.com(See our display ad, page 11)From 50 to 200, the Hilton offers com-plete Glatt Kosher Catering services from private Kosher kitchen to hard key roomsfor the Sabbath. Call us!

*Patina Restaurant Group Brasserie100 E. 53rd St., New York, NY212-751-4840Brasserie 8 1/29 W. 57th St., New York, NY212-829-0812La Fonda Del SolE. 44th St. & Vanderbilt Ave.New York, NY212-867-6767Vanderbilt SuitesE. 44th St. & Vanderbilt Ave. New York, NY646-465-5150

www.patinagroup.com(See our display ad, Back Cover)Patina Restaurant Group is the nation'sleading multi-concept operator in thepremium segments of the restaurant and food service industry.*Slate54 W. 21st St.New York, NY212-989-0096www.slate-ny.com(See our display ad, page 5)Slate brings elegance and excitement.From film studios and rock stars to many ofthe world’s most prestigious corporationsand celebrities have discovered that Slate is ideal for their next event. One of NewYork’s only venues with private and semi-private reception spaces. Featuring sleekdecor, sumptuous modern American cuisine, audio-visual capabilities, dancefloor and banquet seating perfect for special events, corporate parties, fashionshows, film shoots, rehearsal dinners and receptions. Our lower level offerspool, ping-pong and foosball tables.There is never a dull moment at this dazzling destination.*Stuart Thomas Manor2143 Boundary Ave.Farmingdale , NY516-845-1151www.stuartthomasmanor.com(See our display ad, page 12)Allow our experienced staff of event professionals create for you an extraordinary event that your guests will rave about!!

Directory Of ResourcesTell everyone you found it in B’nai Mitzvah & Jewish Weddings™ 43

*The Chateau Caterers440 Old Country Rd.Carle Place, NY516-334-6125www.thechateaucaterers.com(See our ad, Inside Front Cover)The Chateau is Long Island’s premiercatering venue featuring an all new out-door garden oasis. Their award-winningchefs provide customized menus thattantalize the senses,*The Fox Hollow7725 Jericho Tpke.Woodbury, NY516-921-1415www.thefoxhollow.com(See our ad, Inside Front Cover)The Fox Hollow is Long Island’s premierevent destination featuring a CateringVenue, 5-Star Restaurant and LuxuriousAll Suite Hotel situated on an 8 acre GoldCoast estate.*The Metropolitan3 Pratt Blvd.Glen Cove, NY 516-671-4444www.themetropolitancaterers.com(See our display ad, page 7)The Metropolitan invites you to experiencethe sophistication of Manhattan right hereon Long Island. Our renovated ballroomcreates a cosmopolitan ambiance of sheerelegance.

Decorations &Theme DesignPhotofettiServing Nationwide1-866-496-3168www.photofetti.com(see our display ad, page 18)Turn your photos into confetti! Visit ourwebsite to learn many creative and uniqueways to use Photofetti to make your eventmemorable and personalized.PWP Event Planning Design and Florals592 Jericho Tpke.Syosset, NY516-625-1777www.lieventplanning.com(See our display ad Page 19)PWP Event Planning Design brings yourvision to life with full and partial eventplanning services, event décor and

florals. Shop their full service boutiquefor favors and accessories.

Honeymoon/TravelTova Gilead, Inc.1-800-242-TOVA (8682)www.tovagilead.com(See our display ad , Page 24)Tova Gilead organizes intimate , deluxe,family-oriented Bar/Bat Mitzvah trips toIsrael. Personal attention and attention todetail are the hallmarks of a Tova GileadTour. “Three generations are my specialty,”says Tova. “ We try to make this rite ofpassage an event that involves the child,the parents and the grandparents.”

Invitations &CalligraphyWorks On PaperShipping Nationally512-323-0600www.LetsPlanABarMitzvah.com(see our display ad, page 36)This collection is high on style and freshwith new ideas for your Bar/Bat Mitzvah.Sassy and whimsical designs that stayahead of the trends and inspire the imagination. Greet your guests withamazing hotel welcome bags and continue the theme on napkins, thank younotes and more.

Music &EntertainmentBANDS & DJS

Amazing Bottle DancersNew York & Nationwide1-800-716-0556www.bottledancers.com(See our display ad, page 33)Loved by all ages and we work with any theme. Great addition to your DJ or Band. Spectacular grand entrances.Visit bottledancers.com to see our amazing videos.OTHER ENTERTAINMENT

Amazing Bottle DancersNew York & Nationwide1-800-716-0556www.bottledancers.com(See our display ad, page 33)Loved by all ages and we work with any theme. Great addition to your DJ or Band. Spectacular grand entrances.

Visit bottledancers.com to see our amazing videos.

Novelties &FavorsMazel Tov Favors.comNationwide1-800-485-4461www.mazeltovfavors.comwww.lolasbigday.com(See our display ad, page 21)We specialize in imprinted Bar/BatMitzvah items. From 50-200, boxers to keychains. We provide personalizedattention. Call 24/7. Mention our ad in this magazine and receive a 10% discount.PhotofettiServing Nationwide1-866-496-3168www.photofetti.com(see our display ad, page 18)Turn your photos into confetti! Visit ourwebsite to learn many creative and uniqueways to use Photofetti to make your eventmemorable and personalized.Works On PaperShipping Nationally512-323-0600www.LetsPlanABarMitzvah.com(see our display ad, page 36)This collection is high on style and freshwith new ideas for your Bar/Bat Mitzvah.Sassy and whimsical designs that stayahead of the trends and inspire the imagination. Greet your guests withamazing hotel welcome bags and continue the theme on napkins, thank younotes and more.

Officiants &LessonsRabbi Alan Stein516-365-8809www.newyorkrabbi.com(See our display ad, Page 17)We will meet your child to organize and tailor a beautiful and spiritual B'naiMitzvah service. We have B'nai Mitzvahtutors and will bring a real Sefer Torah for your child’s B'nai Mitzvah. Personalizedservice with attention to all details.

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Synagogue Without WallsOR CHADASHRabbi Monte Sugarman631-777-7077 or518-339-5883www.rabbisugarman.com(See our display ad, page 4)Have Torah Will Travel. Rabbi Sugarmanwill personalize your child's Bar/BatMitzvah in a private setting of yourchoice. He also officiates Jewish andInterfaith wedding ceremonies.

Party & EventPlanningAtlantis Banquets & EventsLocated within the Long IslandAquarium and Exhibition Center431 East Main St.Riverhead, NY631-574-8008www.longislandaquarium.com/catering(See our display ad, page 8)Atlantis Banquets & Events creates amagical atmosphere for any social event. A once-in-a-lifetime celebration

deserves a one-of-a-kind setting. Weoffer incomparable service and exquisitecuisine, and can tailor a menu to yourrequirements and budget.Castle Computer Technologies973-847-0147www.castlecomputer.com(See our display ad, page 39)Easy to use party planning software.Track guests, RSVPs, table seating, etc.Keep all your important data in one safeplace. Print envelopes, mailing labels,place cards and more!Chelsea Piers Sports &Entertainment Complex23rd St. & The Hudson RiverNew York , NY212-336-6777www.chelseapiers.com/mitzvah(See our display ad, page 9)With panoramic views, full-service catering and a variety of sports and gamesto choose from, Chelsea Piers is the perfect location for both action-packed kids parties and elegant celebrations. The 3,400 sq.-ft. SunsetTerrace can accommodate up to a 180

guests including a dance floor.PWP Event Planning Design and Florals592 Jericho Tpke.Syosset, NY516-625-1777www.lieventplanning.com(See our display ad, Page 19)PWP Event Planning Design brings yourvision to life with full and partial eventplanning services, event décor and florals. Shop their full service boutiquefor favors and accessories.

Q-zar Laser Tag151 Voice Rd.Carle Place, NY516-877-7200www.qzarny.com(See our display ad, page 13)Birthday parties, exclusive rentals, daytrips, camps, teen parties, overnight trips,groups, corporate events, arcade. Our5,000 square foot laser tag arena canhandle up to 40 players wearing a hightech sensor vest and laser tag handset. Q-ZAR is also equipped with one of thelargest arcades on Long Island.

Stay Involved: After the Bar/Bat MitzvahTeen Programs at the YJCCLooking for something to do, people to meet,get involved? Your local JCC has a teen programwith tons of fun stuff to do. Sports, classes oneverything from pottery to photography tobabysitting, leadership trips, ski trips, museumtrips, ball games & stadium tours, Battle of theBands, community service, and more!

Bergen County YJCC, Washington Township, NJWendy Fox, Youth Services Director, 201-666-6610, ext. 5820:wfox@yjcc.org, or visit www.yjcc.orgJCC on the Palisades, Tenafly, NJJudy Nahary, Children/Teen Director, 201-569-7900, ext. 1470jnahary@jccotp.org, or visit www.jccotp.orgJCC Mid-Westchester, Scarsdale, NY Rachel Krueger, Youth & Teen Programs, 914-472-3300,rkrueger@bbyo.org or visit www.jccmw.orgJCC of the Greater Five Towns, Cedarhurst, NYShoshana Lazar, B.A., Teen Director, 516-569-6733, ext. 204shoshana.lazar@fivetownsjcc.org, or www.fivetownsjcc.orgJCC of Middlesex County, Edison, NJSharon Katz, Director of Youth Services, 732-494-3232, ext. 619skatz@jccmc.org or visit www.jccmc.org

Rosenthal JCC of Northern Westchester, Pleasantville, NYAllison Langer, Director of Teen Programs 914-741-0333 ext. 23Allison@rosenthaljcc.org or visit www.rosenthaljcc.orgJCC of Central New Jersey, Scotch Plains, NJLindsay Napchen, Teen Services Director, 908-889-8800, ext. 203lnapchen@jccnj.org or visit www.jccnj.orgJCC Metrowest, West Orange, NJEliza Millman,Youth Services, 973-929-2922, ext. 2933 emillman@jccmetrowest.org or visit jccmetrowest.org JCC of Stamford, Stamford, CTMo Conception, Teens Programs, 203-487-0971mconception@stamfordjcc.org or for the Middle School AfterSchool program, The Zone contact: Virginia Clark, 203-487-0973,vclark@stamfordjcc.org or visit www.stamfordjcc.org

Photo from: JCC of The Greater Five Towns

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