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Bar Mitzvah, Bat Mitzvah & Jewish Wedding planning and resource guide
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Dear Families,I got an email recently from my sister-in-law. We’re going to keep in touch more. My brother and his family live in anotherstate and, with our schedules, we speak with each other too infrequently, let alone see each other. My nephew is six feet tallnow, and my niece is starting to develop “an attitude’’ says her mother. I miss them.My best childhood friend, who lives in Boston, has one child in high school, one in college. My college roommate has one incollege, too. Friends’ kids now have families of their own.We find it difficult at times to keep track of all the wonderful and wondrous events that occur each year to which we have adirect connection. Although the daily and national news can sometimes be grim, people still live their lives and continue toexperience happy and sad moment along the way, periods of joy, grief, pleasure, sorrow, reflection, action, thinking, learn-ing...in short, life. So it comes as no great surprise that people tend to find reasons to celebrate milestone life events. That isone of the reasons we are named Milestone Media Group. People want to enjoy, savor, and remember milestone events likebirths, mitzvahs and weddings. Special events give us a chance to see distant relatives and friends in a happy setting and to
celebrate with them. And those people are also able to meet and/or visit with oneanother. This experience also creates an example for and an impression on our chil-dren. Family and friends are important to us and we honor those relationships byincluding them in our celebrations. So, as you are planning your upcoming celebration, keep in mind the importance ofthe memories you are creating and the heritage you are helping to continue. MazelTov to you and your family!
Mona FreedmanPublisher/Editor
The Freedman Family
Visit us online at www.bnaimitzvahguide.comWhat’s Inside4
welcomeFeaturesWhat is a Bar/Bat Mitzvah? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .6Bar/Bat Mitzvah Planning Timetable . . . . . . .6The Significance of the Day! . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .7Sample Budget Form . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .8Honors & Alliyot . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .12The Bar/Bat Mitzvah Booklet . . . . . . . . . . . . .12Let’s Get Organized! . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .12Reception Ideas . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .14Kosher Food Certifying Agencies . . . . . . . . . .16Marriage License Requirements . . . . . . . . . .17Jewish Weddings Section . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .18Candle Lighting Ceremony . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .25Popular Party Themes . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .27Sample Reception Agendas . . . . . . . . . . . . . .27Mitzvah Project Ideas . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .31Who Decides What . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .31Frequently Asked Questions . . . . . . . . . . . . . .36The Wedding Program . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .40Finding the Right Videographer . . . . . . . . . .40
Directory of ServicesPublisher’s Note . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .3Banquet Facilities / Hotels . . . . . . . . . . . . . .9Catering . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .16Clothing . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .17Decorations / Theme Design . . . . . . . . . . .26Invitations / Calligraphy . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .28Music / Entertainment . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .30Novelties / Favors . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .32Party / Event Planning . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .37Photography / Videography . . . . . . . . . . . .39Transportation . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .41Directory of Resources . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .42
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Mazel Tov to you and your family!Bar/Bat Mitzvahs and weddings arethe happiest of Jewish life-cycleevents. But planning these eventsoften causes feelings of anxiety thattake away from that happiness.Maybe this is the first time you oryour family has ever organized anevent or shopped for unfamiliargoods and services. Perhaps youdon’t fully understand all the ele-ments necessary to host the event.You may just need a few pointers or a checklist so you don’t forgetsomething. We are here to help!
B’nai Mitzvah & Jewish Weddings™is the area’s most complete planningand resource guide. Use this guideto spend less time planning yourevent and more time enjoying theexperience. We help you under-stand and enjoy the religious experience and traditions of Bar/BatMitzvah and Jewish Weddings andto plan a memorable celebration!
COVER PHOTOS BY:Bar Mitzvah Images By:
The Present Moment PhotographyWedding Image By:
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B’nai Mitzvah & Jewish WeddingsTM
Metro New York Edition-2008Our StaffMona Freedman, Publisher/EditorJay Freedman, General ManagerBeth Ann Bloom, Production ManagerJackie McGlothin, Production CoordinatorDebbie Barger, Account ExecutiveJonathan Freedman, Account ExecutiveRobbin Davlin, Distribution CoordinatorDenise Greco, Showcase Coordinator
Published Annually by Milestone Media Group, Inc.5360-E Enterprise St., Eldersburg, MD 217841-877-856-5490 | Fax 410-549-6467e-mail: [email protected]: www.bnaimitzvahguide.comCopyright © 2008, Milestone Media Group, Inc. All rights reserved.Milestone Media Group, Inc. does not endorse any product orservice listed or advertised in this publication. We reserve the rightto reject any advertisement or listing that we feel is not in keepingwith the publication’s standards. The publisher has made everyattempt at accuracy. We do not assume any and hereby disclaimany liability to any party for any loss or damage caused by errors or omissions in this publication. Reproduction of any part of B’nai Mitzvah & Jewish WeddingsTM is permitted only with writtenpermission of the publisher.
DecemberNovemberOctober
September
August
July
June
May
April
March
February
January2 Years Before the Event• Obtain date from Temple/Synagogue.• Set your budget.• Decide on the type of event you want
(day, evening, formal etc.).• Estimate number of guests
and book reception hall or caterer.• Book the photographer/videographer.1 1/2 Years Before the Event• Book the DJ/band.• Decide on your party theme and color scheme.6-12 Months Before the Event• Your child will start formal lessons/training• Talk to florists about prices and floral designs.• Decide on centerpieces/balloon designs.• Start looking at invitation designs and prices.6-8 Months Before the Event• Book a hotel block for out-of-town guests.• Start clothes shopping.• Send out “Save the Date” reminders3-6 Months Before the Event• Order or design your sign-in board and guest book.• Order favors.• Order yarmulkes.• Order your invitations.3 Months Before the Event• Finalize guest list.• Make a hotel packet for out-of-towners.• Try to make your final selections on
clothing and accessories.• Buy stamps.• Have completely assembled invitations
weighed to ensure correct postage.• Find a calligrapher.6-8 Weeks Before the Event• Mail the invitations.• Make up a song list for the DJ/band.• Make appointments with florists/balloonist
and place your order.1 Month before the Event• Make hair stylist and manicure appointments.• Have final fittings done for clothing.• Arrange catering for brunch.2-3 Weeks before the Event• Choose people for Aliyot and honors.• Choose the people to be honored for the
candle lighting ceremony and write poems.• Meet with the DJ/band and make sure they know
the candle lighting songs.• Do guest seating arrangements and
send to the reception hall.• Order the food for Kiddush or Oneg Shabbat.• Make sure the arrangements are complete with
centerpieces, balloons, sign-in board, etc.• Write prayers or speeches.• Send final instructions to photographer/videographer.• Pay all Synagogue fees.1 Week before the Event• Take formal pictures and pictures on Bimah.• Meet with the caterer to finalize guest count.• Make arrangements to get your guests
from the airport to the hotel.• Confirm your brunch arrangements.
Bar/Bat MitzvahTimetableStart Planning Early!
What is a Bar/BatMitzvah?Translated as “Son/daughter of the commandments”, one becomes a Bar or Bat Mitzvah at age 13 (12 for girlsin most Orthodox congregations) independent of a ceremony marking the occasion.By tradition, because a Bar/Bat Mitzvah ceremony is acustom not a commandment, age 13 is when a childbecomes obligated to the ritual responsibilities of Jewish life. This is referred to as the “commandmentage”, the “age of majority”, or a “religious coming of age”.At this point in the young adult’s life, he or she is presumed to be responsible for those religious obligations independent of the parents.Those obligations might include mitzvot, being part of aminyan (religious prayer quorum), fasting on Yom Kippur,leading the congregation in prayer or wearing tefillin.Therefore, becoming a Bar/Bat Mitzvah is certainly animportant life-cycle event. In secular terms, this point in a teen’s life, often marks enormous growth and maturityreflected by several years of study and practice before thespecial day. Combined with the responsibility of Jewishadulthood, this event often brings an overwhelming waveof emotion to parents and close relatives.This event is marked by participation in services, readingthe Torah and leading the congregation in prayer. Afterthe service, it is customary to celebrate with a specialmeal to commemorate the mitzvah. Over time, the party,or simcha, has evolved. This is a way for families to cele-brate a rite of passage, as well as bring extended familiestogether to reunite for a joyous celebration.
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The Significance ofthe Day!B’nai Mitzvah & Jewish WeddingsTM believes that all families should recognize thereligious importance of the Bar/Bat Mitzvah, the rite of passage, and the wholeJewishness of the child. This life-cycle event will have long lasting meaning to thefamily, relatives, friends and especially the honored child.Becoming a Bar/Bat Mitzvah symbolizes the child’s religious coming of age and thebeginning of life as a fully participating Jewish adult. He/she will now accept reli-gious responsibilities and can perform the important duties of Jewish life.The celebration of the event is an important component because it honors thechild’s accomplishments and gives loved ones and others the opportunity to showgreat pride and joy for the child. This publication focuses on planning the receptionor celebration, but we recommend that you, as parents, participate fully in thewhole Mitzvah and understanding the significance and meaning of the day.Remember, the party would be meaningless without the ceremony. On our website is a partial list of resources that helps the reader learn more aboutthe Torah, Judaism, and the spiritual meaning of the Bar/Bat Mitzvah. YourSynagogue, local library, bookstores, stores in this guide that carry religious itemsand our online bookstore at www.bnaimitzvahguide.com may have these as well asother resources.
Here are some ways to bring meaning to the day:• Attend synagogue with your children regularly, even if they sit with their
friends. Discuss the service and the Rabbi’s sermon afterwards.• Encourage your child to give to tzedakah (charity), as it is a responsibility for
Jewish adults. Giving from the child’s own funds is even more meaningful, evenif it is a dollar or two.
• Encourage the Bar/Bat Mitzvah to practice his/her parasha (Torah portion) andperhaps haftarah portion frequently. Even if it is awkward, listen to their practic-ing, as your child becomes a young adult.
• Meet with the Rabbi as a family, if this is the custom at your synagogue, andallow your child to speak freely.
• Discuss the Torah portion being read, both the Hebrew and the English transla-tion. Relate the message in that portion to events today in the world, in yourown community, or in your family.
• Participate in the service, if your synagogue allows this, by reading prayers,lighting candles, reciting blessings, or helping with the ark and the Torah.
• Perform a mitzvah with your child and/or encourage a Mitzvah Project. Thereare many worthwhile ideas some are listed on page 31.
Celebration has historicallybeen an integral part of theimportant rite of passage ofthe Bar/Bat Mitzvah.In the past, and again recently, the extentof some celebrations has raised questionsabout the appropriateness and dignity ofthe simcha. This is especially markedwhen there appears to be no connectionbetween the spiritual side of the eventand the party. Debate, of course, hasalways been an integral part of theAmerican experience, including AmericanJudaism. We understand that celebrationshould be at the same time meaningfulto the family, respectful of Jewish lawand tradition, and reflective of syna-gogue and community values. This is sometimes a difficult task toaccomplish, especially after the events ofSeptember 11th and the current violencein Iraq, Israel, Afghanistan and else-where. We do not propose the answershere, except to emphasize that personalchoice is also an important American andJewish dimension.How important a party celebration is toone family we cannot say. But theBar/Bat Mitzvah only passes once on theway to becoming a teenager, and the riteof passage is undeniably sacred andimportant. After all, the celebration is notonly for the act of reading the Torah,leading the congregation in prayer andgiving a speech. There has been deter-mined studying, learning and practicing.There has been intellectual and spiritualgrowth. There have been mitzvot (gooddeeds), tzedakah (charity) and gemilutchasadim (non-financial giving) that helpbuild self-esteem and mold character.The Bar/Bat Mitzvah has earned the rightto be part of a minyan, be called for alliy-ot, or wear the tefillin. That this shouldbe celebrated in some way is undeniable,but the intensity and extent of that cele-bration, while ever debatable, is probablya matter of individual taste and prefer-ence. Whatever your choice may be,Mazel Tov to you and your family!
A Word About theBar/Bat MitzvahCelebration
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It’s a Matter ofDollars & SenseKeep the great cost cuttingtips in mind when planningyour event.
Sample Budget FormNote: Include tax and tips in all expenses
Bar/Bat Mitzvah CostCutting Tips
1. Use more traditional style invitations,which tend to be more economical.Ask your invitation professional to sug-gest more cost-cutting tips that areappropriate for your situation.
2. Explore the possibility of using packageplans for the entertainment,photography, and other services.
3. Make your own centerpieces. Party ortoy stores have great ideas.
4. You can decorate and personalize thewelcome board and guest bookby using glitter pens and markers.
5. Generally, Saturday is the most expen-sive day to hold the Simcha. Consideryour child becoming a Bar/Bat Mitzvahon another day when the Torah is read.
6. Favors can be bought at gift or toy stores.Personalize them with labels created onyour computer or they can be personal-ized/monogrammed where purchased.
7. Some stores may negotiate on priceswhen buying in bulk quantities, just ask.
8. Purchasing supplies and favors throughcatalogs may save money, especially inbulk quantities.
9. Consider an afternoon Kiddush lunch-eon which may be less expensivethan an evening reception.
10. Chicken dishes are usually less costlythan beef dishes.
11. Balloons are usually less costly thanflowers.
12. Don’t worry about ordering imprintedkippot if you’re on a budget. They arealways a nice touch, but Synagoguesusually have enough kippot to handlethe number of people attending theservice. And many Jewish guests alreadyhave plenty in their jacket pockets.
SERVICEOR VENDOR
ESTIMATEDCOST
ACTUALCOST
DEPOSITDUE
BALANCEDUE
Banquet Hall
Caterer & Bar
DJ/Band
Photography
Videography
Decorations
Invitations/ Postage
Entertainment
Florist
Event Planner
Favors & Gifts
Judaica
Clothing
Cake
Fri. NightOneg Shabbat
Sat. KiddushLuncheon
PersonalExpenses
Rental Items
Transportation
Morning After Brunch
Synagogue FeesOfficiant Fees
TOTAL
Banquet Facilities & HotelsTell everyone you found it in B’nai Mitzvah & Jewish Weddings™ 9
1. How much do you charge for children’s meals andwhat is the age range?
2. What is the price of limited bar versus open barand the price for non-alcoholic beverages?
3. Do you serve buffet style or plated meals, and theprices for each?
4. Do you have any upcoming renovations planned?5. Is your facility handicap accessible? What about
accessibility of outdoor facilities, such as a gazebo,garden, or patio?
6. What colors are available for table linens and chaircovers? Are additional colors/styles available?
7. Are additional rooms available for teens /children /entertainment, or for a bridal room for the wed-ding party? Is there a private room for family orbridal portraits?
8. Are packages available that include flowers, pho-tos, decorations, invitations, etc.?
9. What restrictions are there for decorations, enter-tainment, and outside catering options? Arecakes/desserts allowed from outside? Is there lim-ited electric or lighting available?
10. Is there a coat room with an attendant? Is therevalet parking or convenient, onsite parking spaces?
You may want to ask the following questions when inquiringabout facilities:
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Many congregations allow, evenencourage, creation of a Bar/BatMitzvah booklet or program for theservice. This is compiled and producedby the family for distribution to con-gregants and guests by the ushers, orinserted into prayer books. It can havea variety of unique features aimed atrelatives and friends, guests, congre-gants, non-Jewish guests, and so on.Here are some examples: • A short description of the worship service as conducted at your synagogue,• A brief explanation of the mean-ing of a Bar/Bat Mitzvah, event or anessay by the Bar/Bat Mitzvah on themeaning of the day to him/her,• Poems or special readings,• A discussion of the currentparasha, or Torah portions,• A list or description of the mitzvotperformed by the Bar/Bat Mitzvah,
• Comments from close relatives,• Photographs of the Bar/BatMitzvah. Be creative, but check withyour Rabbi first before making copiesto distribute. • Deborah Burman Carasso, ofUnique Invitations, (1-877-837-9122) explains how a program wasused for a Havdalah/ Hanukkah BarMitzvah: “[The program] explained toguests the order of the service, theHaftarah portion, what it means, hon-ors given, page numbers to follow,explanations of the Mitzvah Project,what Hanukkah and Havdalah serviceis along with what the spice bags arefor, thanks to people who have madethis day happen...On the back had thedirections for the dreidel game. Itmade non-Jewish guests feel muchmore comfortable now that theyknew what was going on.”And itserves as a wonderful keepsake of the special day!
Bar/Bat Mitzvah Booklet
• Alliyot is the plural of alliyah. Oneperson is assigned one alliyah. Thefamily of the Bar/Bat Mitzvah (or thegroom, at an Ufruf) may get toassign several alliyot. It means tocome to the Torah and recite theblessings before and after a sectionof the Torah is read (b’rachot). Anhonor is a non-speaking part. Thechosen person performs the honor,for example, they may open or closethe Ark or dress the Torah. • Ask the Rabbi or Cantor howmany alliyot you will be allowed.Consult with your rabbi or cantorregarding participation of non-Jewish friends and relatives.
• Ask about any restrictions or limi-tations before you approach anyoneto perform an honor or alliyah.• Attend other Bar/Bat Mitzvahservices at your synagogue to seehow others do it.• Always ask relatives and friends ifthey would like to participate, but letthem know it’s okay to say no. Thosewho say yes will be truly honored,and the others will avoid what theymay feel is uncomfortable.• Check with the Rabbi for writteninstructions, Hebrew and Englishtransliteration, and even Englishprayers.
Honors and Alliyot
Regardless of the size ofyour celebration, you mustget properly organized.Build yourself a Bar/Bat Mitzvah or Weddingorganizer using a large(two inch or larger) three-ringbinder and use it as follows:
• Place this magazine in the front pocket for easy reference.
• Insert section dividers for majorareas such as Reception,Invitations, Hotels, Transportation,Guest List, Decorations,Photography and Videography,Entertainment, etc. Keep all yourworksheets, brochures, call records,quotations, bills and receiptstogether for easy reference.
• Use a master budget form (copythe one on page 8) to track over allexpenses.
• Use punched envelopes to holdreceipts.
• Ask the facility for a floor or table layout, keep handy for reference
• On the front of each section, listeverything you want or need.Check them off when they havebeen finalized.
• Make a section for the synagogue that has your list of honors andalliyot, communication from thesynagogue, copies of prayers torecite, gifts or donations to thesynagogue, etc.
• Leave a section for candle lightingpoems or thoughts, notes for speeches, favorite music, sketches or examples of decorations, ideas for a sign-in-book, and other personal notes.
• Collect invitations you receive tohelp with wording.
• Anything else that makes your lifeeasier.
Believe it or not, these pagesmake a great memento orscrapbook of the occasion.
Let’s GetOrganized!
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Reception IdeasYour choice of reception style, location, and time will depend upon personal preference, family needs, local customs, budget and availability. Do not worry toomuch about pleasing others - you and your family must be comfortable with thearrangements. Here are just a few variants and ideas to discuss:Kiddush Luncheonat the Synagogue: This is probably the least expensive way to offer a celebra-tory meal away from home. It can be catered, or bring inplatters prepared by you or some helpers (Note: This willnot be allowed in facilities where kashrut is observed) . Thiscan also be offered in addition to a more formal eveningaffair or a kids-only party.Reception at the Synagogue: Check to see if your Synagogue has adequate facilities andstaff to accommodate your needs. Some Synagogues alsohave rules regarding kashrut, caterers, entertainment, pho-tography, flowers and more. Consult with the Synagoguestaff Non-Traditional Reception Sites:- Community center- Social hall- Country club (even if you don’t belong)- Boats and yachts- Museums
- Elegant restaurants- Theme restaurantsKiddush Luncheon at a Restaurant:Can be very reasonably priced, particularly if it iscustomary to invite all congregants to a Kiddushluncheon at the synagogue.Reception at a Hotel: This is often desirable, afternoon or evening, when manyguests from out-of-town are expected. Ask about roomrates and room blocks to reserve. Remember, too, thein-town guests who have to find the hotel and park,so make the location accessible. Home Reception: Yes, it’s less expensive. But remember the extra work, theclean-up, the wear and tear - and you can’t walk away fromit after the party! Still, lovely home receptions have beendone. Consider services such as a caterer, party planner,entertainers, and clean-up help so you can be a guest atyour own party.
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The Westin New York at Times Square, (see ad, above)
Kids-Only Party: Usually held in conjunction with a Kiddush luncheon,this can be held anywhere your Bar/Bat Mitzvah and youagree upon. Arcades, zoos, pools, amusement parks,kids’ museums, theme restaurants, bowling alleys, sportscenters, and skating rinks all are appropriate locations. Somehave food, some you’ll need to bring. A D.J.,entertainer, or inflatable attraction can add to the funand please everyone.Reception at a Catering Hall: These are often beautifully decorated and well-run, becausethat is their only business. Ask about packages that includeother services (flowers, decorations, videography, etc.) thatyou may want or need.
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When Choosing a Caterer...If you would like to hold your reception at the Synagogueor a hall, you will likely hire a professional catering com-pany. Catering at your site offers maximum flexibility(casual, elegant, plated, stations, etc.) and includes silver-ware, set-up and clean-up. Ask about specialty diets such as Kosher, vegetarian, dia-betic, etc. Is there a separate children's’ menu? Whatabout leftovers? How does the staff dress? Is gratuityincluded? When is the final count and final payment due?Look for both great food and presentation–visuallyappealing dishes are an elegant part of the decor. Get awritten contract that lists all the details, including menu,services provided, equipment to be used, financial infor-mation, dates, times and personnel to be included. Itshould have a guarantee and cancellation policy.
of Metro New York
Central Rabbinical Congressof the U.S.A. and Canada Brooklyn, NY 718-384-6765
Vaad Harabbanim of Flatbush Brooklyn NY 718-951-8585
K'Hal Adath Jeshurun (KAJ) NY, NY 845-425-9089
Rabbi Benjamin Kaplinsky Far Rockaway, NY 718-327-3238
Vaad Harabonim Of Queens Flushing, NY 718-520-9060
Rabbi Zushe Yosef Blech Monsey NY 914-364-5378
Vaad Hakashrus of B'DatzMechon L'Hoyroa Monsey, NY 845-425-9565
K.O.A. Kosher Supervision Passaic, NJ (973) 777-0649
Global Kosher Passaic, NJ 973-246-9546,
"KOF-K" Kosher Supervision Teaneck, NJ 201-837-0500
The Union of OrthodoxJewish Congregations (OU) NY, NY 212-563-4000
The Organized KashrusLaboratories (OK) Brooklyn, NY 718-756-7500
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MarriageLicenseRequirementsNew York• Both parties must apply in person to
a town or city clerk in the state• Must have proof of identification and
age and bring certified documents ofhow previous marriages ended
• A witness of at least 18 years of age must be present
• Waiting period is 24 hours• The cost is $35-$50• Valid for 60 daysNew Jersey• Must go to the Registrar of Vital
Statistics in the bride’s hometown. If the bride does not live in the state of New Jersey, you can apply at the municipal office of the groom's town.If both the bride and groom are from
out of state, apply at the municipal office of the town where the ceremo-ny will take place.
• Bring a valid form of identification and social security card and docu-ments that previous marriages have ended
• Birth certificates are required for as proof of age (if not available, 2 other forms of ID will be sufficient)
• A witness over the age 18 must be present
• The cost is $28• Valid for 30 days. It is recommended
that you apply at least two weeks before the ceremony.
Connecticut• Appear before the town clerk with a
valid form of identification, complet-ed marriage license application
• Parties can appear individually or together
• Show divorce decrees or death of previous spouse
• A test for venereal diseases is required
• The cost ranges from $30-$50• Valid for 65 days
Clothing clothing
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Mens’ & Boys’For mens’ and boys’ suits, start shopping twelve weeksfrom the event, leaving several weeks for alterations,which are usually necessary. Choose your clothing withcomfort in mind. Select a style and fabric that may beworn on different occasions. Color changes are madewith shirt and tie combos. Tuxedo rental should also bemade 3 months in advance, especially if an entire partyneeds the same style/color. Differences in shirts/ties/cummerbunds can distinguish party members.
Women’s & Girls’Start shopping at least six months before the event incase you need to order something or alter your selec-tion. Also, choose your clothing with comfort in mind.Let your Bat Mitzvah girl choose her own outfit, keep-ing appropriateness in mind andSynagogue policy. You may need toset a price limit, but she shouldfeel comfortable, beautifuland special that day.Don’t forget to bringan extra pair ofhosiery for you andyour children that day.
The Wedding Dress
Jewish tradition calls for bridal gowns to be pure white, symbolizing
the purity of the bride and the beginning of the marital relationship (the groom often wears a white kittel during the ceremony, as well). A strapless bra is handy when trying on gowns. Lift your arms when trying on gowns to see if you can easily move around and dance in it. You can sew beads onto anantique or ordinary dress to make it new and
unique. Shop for comfortable shoes, and break them in before the wedding day. Choose only those accessories that compli-
ment your dress, not distract from it.
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At Least 1 Year• Arrange for all parents to meet• Work out budget & review with par-
ents, if they'll be paying for any partof the event
• Interview & hire a wedding consultantif you are using one
• Decide on style of wedding • Decide who will officiate. Favorite
Rabbis may book up as quickly ascaterers and banquet halls. You willneed to consult this person regardingmany issues throughout your plan-ning. When necessary, book the synagogue sanctuary or chapel
• Make preliminary guest list & estimate final party size
• Choose & call your wedding party • Set wedding date & time• Pick a caterer, a ceremony & reception
location. Send deposit when necessary• Book rooms for out-of-town guests• Interview & choose photographers,
videographers, florists, musicians, calligraphers
• Make transportation reservations • Make plans for your honeymoon• Shop for wedding gown.• Send a "Save-the-Date" card to your
"A" list guests10 Months• Choose a color theme • Order wedding gown & accessories • Make up your final guest list• Go House or Apartment-hunting with
your fiancé. Narrow choices to a few 9 Months• Decide what gifts you would like &
register for gifts (china, flatware, etc.)• Shop & order invitations, programs &
other printed materials• Have your engagement party. Don’t
forget to mail out "thank you" notes• Have an engagement picture taken &
submit to newspaper • Create schematics for the procession-
al, recessional, under the chuppah,reserved seating. Distribute them toparticipants
• Arrange for someone to be in chargeof keeping everyone on schedule &
coaching the processional• Select guests for honors (e.g., toast,
blessing on bread & wine, one of theseven blessings, aliyah at the Ufruf.)
8 Months• Discuss wedding attire with mothers
of the bride & groom• Order accessories/bridesmaid dresses• Look at tuxedos7 Months• Decide on which ketubah text you
want & order a ketubah. Hand deco-rated ketubot take the longest time.
• If you are buying a home, get seriousabout a contract. If you will be rent-ing, place a deposit
6 Months• Select guests wedding favors• Order imprinted yarmulkes.• Order wedding invitations, programs,
& other stationery5 Months• Arrange for tuxedo rentals• Book your honeymoon• Included directions, as needed, in
Save-the-date &/or invitations. Take atrial drive to double check distances &landmarks
4 Months• Purchase wedding gifts for attendants
and fiance.• Finalize floral arrangements.• Set hair, make-up, nail, & wax
appointments• Select a bakery for your wedding
cake, as well as cakes for pre-wed-ding receptions & pastries for after-wedding brunch
• Begin to address invitations or takefinal guest list to your calligrapher
• Select wedding bands. Place an order• Get change of address cards from post
office & get them ready to mail • Prepare programs &/or a wedding
booklet for the wedding & assign oneto distribute them
• Have the groom order tuxedos forhimself, his groomsmen & the dads.
• Order table cameras.
3 Months• Final dress fittings for you & your
bridesmaids• Finalize cake arrangements• Write your own vows• Buy cake knife, toasting glasses, guest
book & garter • Pick out associated events clothing.
Remember shoes (ballet slippers,sandals) for the reception
• Find a hairdresser & make a test runwith your veil
• Send invitations (check postage)2 Months• Get name-change forms for social
security, driver's license, credit cards& bank.
• Make hair & nails appointments veryclose to the wedding day
• Finalize menu with caterer• Review your needs with your photog-
rapher & videographer. List your wed-ding party, a schedule of events, anytoasts or speeches, & any special pho-tos, memories or candids you want.
• Meet with your entertainment (music,etc.). A schedule of events, favoritetunes, style of music requested, plus alist of toasts, speeches, etc. willensure that the MC & you coordinate
• Arrange the rehearsal dinner, as well asother wedding-day-connected parties
1 Month• Make guest baskets & assign some-
one to distribute them • Make sure all your groomsmen, ush-
ers, ringbearer, & fathers have orderedtuxedos
• Send change-of-address forms topost office
• Reconfirm all reservations & accom-modations
• Confirm honeymoon plans • Make a seating plan for the reception3 Weeks Before• Call guests who have not responded• Finalize reception seating plans• Get your marriage license• Prepare wedding announcement for
the newspaper
Wedding Planning Timetable
Tell everyone you found it in B’nai Mitzvah & Jewish Weddings™ 19
• Pick up your wedding bands• Fill out the table cards or give names
to your calligrapher.• Put fees & tips in envelopes (officiant,
soloist, maitre d' etc.)assign someoneto deliver the payments if you can’t.
• Arrange with someone to bring itemsto the wedding venue, such as cakeknife, toasting glasses, programs,yarmulkes, wedding license, ketubah,etc. & to take them home
• Arrange for someone to return rentals(tuxedos, chairs, etc.)
• Arrange for someone to take yourbouquet/gown "home" put them inpreservation
• Pay all synagogue fees2 Weeks Before• Call caterer with final total of guests• Confirm directions, pickup & drop-off
points with transportation service.1 Week• Create a detailed schedule of your
wedding day activities• Pack for your honeymoon• Confirm post-wedding brunch
arrangements1 Day• Get a manicure• Attend wedding rehearsal• Pack wedding day emergency kit.
(extra pantihose, safety pins, thread &needle, steamer, brush & make-up)
• Get a good night's sleepYour Wedding Day• Eat a good breakfast• Have your make-up done• Have your hair done• Give yourself lots of ready-time• Relax & have fun!After Your Wedding Day• Send thank-you’s &/or send gifts to
the special people who made yourwedding "happen."
• Send wedding photo & announce-ment to newspaper(s)
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What makes a Jewishwedding Jewish? There are very few requirements for aJewish wedding, which include a mar-riage contract (ketubah), the religiousceremonies (kiddushin and nisuin), aplain gold band accepted by the bride,and the pronouncement that you arehusband and wife. Therefore, most ofwhat we recognize as making a wed-ding Jewish are a wide variety of cus-toms and traditions that are steeped inhistory. But customs change over timeand location, even those in "tradition-al" weddings.Some traditions are adopted fromplaces where people live, where theirancestors came from, or from otherplaces or families. Some customs aremodernized to reflect the secular reali-ties of life in the modern world, includ-ing modern feminism, the congrega-tional practices and philosophies, andas an accommodation to Jews-by-choice and non-Jews. Ancient customscan sometimes survive only in terms oftheir relevance in a changing world. “We would like to have a wedding thatincorporates at least some of the won-derful traditions of our forebears, a linkto the past, but at the same time ismeaningful to us.”Anita Diamant pointsout in The New Jewish Wedding thatmodern Jews cannot marry the sameway their parents did.
"The world has changed too much. Ourexpectations of marriage are not thesame," she states. "We are differentkinds of Jews." This requires the brideand groom to make decisions about theexact traditions they intend to continue.Many of the following rituals are prac-ticed in traditional weddings. An inter-esting pattern has lately emerged thatthe more exotic and ancient the cus-tom, the more it will be adopted as atrue expression of authentic Judaism.This has especially become true amongyounger couples who have been raisedwith exposure to the more modern cus-toms. If you choose not to strictly fol-low all these traditions you may choosethose elements of the ceremony thatappeal to you, that others in your com-munity or congregation follow, or thoseyou adapt from secular events. Be surenot to adopt customs from other reli-gions. In this way you customize (yes,the root word is custom) your Jewishwedding to meet the needs and desiresof your family and you. Will this be an easy process? Perhapsnot, but it is part of the fun of planninga wedding, and not a part you can del-egate to others. Making choices aboutwhich elements in a Jewish weddingwill remain traditional involves mergingtwo or more families, often with differ-ent backgrounds, values, and practices.Leave room for compromise so that
everyone feels that the wedding honorswhat’s most important to them.The UfrufOn the Sabbath before the wedding,the Groom (Chatan) is traditionallygiven an aliyah – the blessing beforeand after the Torah portion is read –and his family usually sponsors a kid-dush reception after services. Ufruf isYiddish for "calling up". In congrega-tions where women may perform analiyah, both bride and groom may becalled up. Check with the Rabbi toarrange this or to read a parsha (Torahportion). Is this reminiscent of your barmitzvah? Like your bar/bat mitzvah,you may be able to call others in yourfamily for an aliyah as well.Now for the fun part: The congregation, perhaps led by thewiseguys in your family, will showeryou (pelt you is more accurate) withraisins, almonds and sweets to wishyou a sweet life and fruitful marriage tocome! (Note to wiseguys: please checkwith Synagogue staff before you handout sweets, as some synagogues havepolicies regarding this custom).The MikvahTraditionally observant brides and allconverts go to the mikvah, the ritualbath, before the wedding. This traditionis ancient and is a law, not a custom.They are maintained by most Orthodox
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The customs of the wedding day createmomentum that culminate with thewedding ceremony itself, the kid-dushin. Friends and family can be partof the events just prior to the wedding.Wedding Day Fasting The day of the wedding the chatan(groom) and kallah (bride) fast andrepent their sins, and they are guaran-teed that if they do so, all their sins areforgiven. Thus, they start out their newlife together with a clean slate. As onYom Kippur, this ritual fasting is notabout self-punishment, but aboutstarting over (in this case, in unionwith each other).SeparationIt is customary for the bride and groomnot to see each other for three days to aweek before the wedding.The groom will not see the bride untiljust before the ceremony, at the veilingof the bride. Since this is usually an anxious and nerve-rattling period, thiscustom has practical advantages thatcan save you tears and fears. Spendsome time with friends and family, andlet the anticipation of the event grow.Kabbalat Panim-Greetingthe Bride and GroomSeparate receptions, called KabbalatPanim, are held just prior to the wed-ding ceremony, when the honoredones hold court in separate rooms.Check with your rabbi since some doallow pre-wedding receptions. Jewish
tradition and law treat the couple like aqueen and king. The kallah will beseated on a "throne" to receive herguests. Some brides, jittery fromnerves, may limit guests to the bridalparty. Others will have a more tradi-tional reception with songs, flowers,blessings, cake and wine. Perhaps themusicians will make a first appearance.Here the bride waits for the groom’sreception to end.The groom will be surrounded by hiscircle of friends and relatives at a table,the tish, who sing and toast him. Thegroom may attempt to present a lec-ture on the week's Torah portion, whilehis male friends and family heckle andinterrupt him. Despite the groom’sTalmudic knowledge, or lack thereof,this is supposed to fun, not a seriousundertaking. Other formats mayinvolve a ‘roast’of the groom by friends.At the tish, the groom, witnesses andthe rabbi might sign the ketubah or, ifboth parties are signing together, theymay do this in another room, such asthe rabbi’s study.In a more modern version of the tish,both bride and groom are entertainedand received together with blessings,songs, flowers, or music. The ketubahmay then be signed and the partyproceeds directly to the chuppah.There are many variations of the tish,so ask your rabbi, cantor, or eventplanner for more ideas. The popularityof the tish is increasing as a delightfulpre-wedding ritual.
Signing The KetubahWhether or not pre-wedding recep-tions are held, a ketubah, or marriagecontract, is signed and witnessed. Intraditional ceremonies the Groom signsthe ketubah in a separate room, in thepresence of witnesses and the Rabbi,before the wedding can begin. Thebride need not sign it, because itbelongs to her alone, according toJewish law, as proof of her rights andthe groom’s responsibilities (financialand otherwise). It was a radical docu-ment in ancient times, giving the wifeimportant legal protection. It was alegal document, neither beautiful norromantic, and the traditional languageof the document remained basicallyunchanged for centuries.The traditional ketubah does not nec-essarily reflect the realities of modernmarriages or contemporary views onrelationships. Many couples have foundnew ketubot, or have written languagethemselves, that is more egalitarian.Many ketubot now include paralleldeclarations of commitment made byboth bride and groom with a joint dec-laration of faith in G_d and a connec-tion to the Jewish people. It can be away to remind the couple of theirmoral responsibilities to one other.With many hand calligraphed ketubotavailable, as well as many retail andinternet sources of published ketubahtexts, couples have a large number ofchoices to customize the text to reflecttheir particular values. You must conferwith your rabbi before you decide on
and some Conservative and Reformsynagogues, as well. The mikvah is apool of water fed by a running source,as opposed to stagnant. A lake, pond,or river is an ideal mikvah, but ratheruncomfortable most of the year.Indoor mikvahs have an attendant andusually full bath facilities.Because the mikvah is associated inthe Talmud with the "impurity" ofmenstruating women, it has fallen into
disfavor by some as a relic of archaictimes, not relevant to today. But mik-vah is really about spiritual purifica-tion, and a visit to the mikvah beforethe wedding is a way to ceremoniallystart again "rebirth". The ceremony isquite simple. The bride-to-be isimmersed completely in the pool sev-eral times, floating freely, and a simpleprayer is said when she comes up. Thisis a joyous occasion often followed,
especially in the Sephardic tradition,by a party with food and drink, some-times by bridesmaids waiting rightoutside. Outdoor ceremonies can bedone at some unusual locations withpoetry, picnics and whatnot. Somemen have even joined the traditionwith their own mikvah visits (call wellahead for reservations) and men-onlyparties that follow.
The Wedding Day
Background
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which text to sign, and certainly beforeany artwork is ordered. Since they arelegal documents, not all rabbis willaccept all texts. Moreover, onlyOrthodox and Conservative texts arerecognized in the State of Israel.There are just as many choices with theart that often accompanies the text.
The ketubah is often written amongbeautiful artwork, to be framed anddisplayed in the home. Having aketubah professionally calligraphedand made even more special with cus-tomized decorations has also becomepopular. The artwork on one suchketubah at a recent wedding, incorpo-
rated elements from the childhood ofeach half of the couple, merging intoshared experiences at the top.The ketubah is sometimes read to theentire assembly, and it can even besigned and witnessed after the reading,while under the chuppah.
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The VeilingMany brides still choose to wear a veil,an ancient custom that has its roots inthe Bible. Others have rejected it as anantiquated symbol of patriarchal dom-inance. It may be seen as representingthe modesty and dignity which char-acterizes the virtue of Jewish woman-hood. The veil also conveys the mes-sage to the world, symbolically, thatphysical appearance is not as impor-tant as inner beauty. It has biblicalroots in the story of the patriarchJacob, who was first tricked by hisfather-in-law into marrying the wrongsister, Leah, her face well hiddenbehind a veil, instead of the girl heloved, Rachel. By placing the veil overthe Bride’s face himself, the Groomensures the same type of switch isn’tmade. A fun tradition enhanced by abit of history.If a veil is to be worn, the groom isinvited to the bedeken, lowering theveil onto the bride. Accompanied byboth fathers plus friends and relatives,the groom, who has not seen hisBride for a week, enters the bride’schamber and lowers the veil over thebride’s face. This can be seen to sym-bolize either his commitment to clotheand protect his wife, setting her apartfrom all others, or an indication that heis only interested in her inner beauty.In any case, this can be a charmingand emotional part of the wedding.An egalitarian twist has the brideplacing a kippah on the groom’s head.The ProcessionKeeping with the practice of treating
the bride and groom like royalty, aprocession leading to the chuppah isquite traditional. Because a Jewishwedding is, above all, a family affair,the simplest procession involves thebride and groom, each escorted byboth parents, moving down the aisleand under the chuppah. This demon-strates the marriage is a union of fami-lies, not of individuals. But Jewish lawdoes not govern the makeup of theprocession, and so couples are free todecide the exact arrangement of theirprocession. There are many variationsaccording to family situations anddynamics. Sometimes grandparentsfollow the rabbi or cantor, followed bythe ushers and bridesmaids (separatein Orthodox weddings), the best man,the groom and his parents, more ush-ers and bridesmaids, the maid ofhonor, and finally the bride and herparents. Variations allow grandparentsto enter with their side of the family.Second marriages, divorced parents,missing or deceased relatives, the needfor a very small or intimate service,etc., all require adaptations to theorder, which is perfectly acceptable. The number of attendants is of noconsequence, since they are notrequired. Only two "Kosher" witnessesare required under Jewish law. Whilewe do not specify what this maymean, clearly non-Jews do not qualifyas witnesses (and they must not berelatives). Ushers and bridesmaids cer-tainly add a festive and regal air to theceremony, and they should at leastinclude any brothers and sisters.Sometimes a flower girl is used,
although in most Jewish weddings,the ring is held by the best man. Thebest man at a Jewish wedding, calleda shoshbin, is historically a best friendwho would offer a large gift to thegroom upon marriage, perhaps todefray the cost of an expensive wed-ding affair, and was therefore entitledto celebrate with the groom during thewedding week.The arrangement under the chuppahof the people involved is also not pro-scribed by Jewish law. Many chuppahsare arranged so that the weddingparty facing the rabbi is facingJerusalem. Hundreds of years ofAshkenazic tradition calls for the brideto be at the groom’s right. Proponentsof Jewish mysticism, Kabbalah, claimthat the question reflects the tensionbetween the divine attributes of justiceand mercy. The merciful, masculineaspect of G_d is identified with theright side, and the just, female sidewith the left. Therefore the brideshould stand on the left and thegroom on the right.Candles may be carried by escorts andattendants, making a lovely old-worldeffect, especially at dusk outdoors or ina partly darkened room. The candlessymbolize the oneness that will comeabout as the couple is united underthe chuppah. Check with the syna-gogue or reception hall staff, becausefire codes may prohibit it. Use driplesstapers, braided havdalah candles or jarcandles to avoid a real mess.Live music during the procession is anold tradition, one that sets the moodand the pace of the occasion. A soloist
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The ChuppahEasily the most recognized feature of aJewish wedding, the ceremony takesplace under a wedding canopy, orchuppah. The origin of the chuppah inthe Talmud is certain, even if its exactform is not. In any case, the symbolismin the chuppah has many meanings.Chuppah means literally "that whichcovers or floats" in Hebrew.Traditionally, weddings occurred out-doors under the stars, and the canopycreated an intimate, sanctified space inwhich to take the vows. It also repre-sents the new home for the marriedcouple. The chuppah is a reminder ofthe desert tents of our nomadic ances-tors. For these reasons, some traditionalreception facilities have skylights posi-tioned over the place where the chup-pah will stand.A traditional chuppah is a fabric cover-ing held up by four poles, open on allfour sides. Since there are no legalrequirements as to the chuppah'sshape or dimensions, couples have cre-ated new chuppah traditions thatexpress their unique personalities.Some customs have involved using atallit, perhaps a family heirloom or yourBar/Bat Mitzvah tallit. Others have usedcraft-type projects such as quilts,embroidered or silk-screened fabric, orcustom lettered projects. In fact, thechuppah can be a group or communityproject of special sentimental value. CirclingWhen the couple first enters the chup-pah, the bride circles the groom seventimes, perhaps accompanied by musicor a soloist, and sometimes escorted byboth mothers. This is a very old custom,the meaning and origin of which hasno consensus. It is nevertheless a nice
touch, beautifully moving if not a bitexotic. One explanation is that it repre-sents the seven wedding blessingsand seven days of creation, anddemonstrating that the groom is thecenter of her world. Another comesfrom the Bible, which says that awoman encompasses and protects aman. The circling was known in ancienttimes to be a magical means of protec-tion, building an invisible wall aroundthe groom, protecting him from evilspirits. It can be seen also as an act thatdefines a new family circle, binding thebride to the groom and away from theparents. Mystically speaking, the bridemay be seen as entering the sevenspheres of the groom’s soul. Joshua cir-cled the wall of Jericho seven times,and then the walls fell down. So, too,after the bride walks around the groomseven times, the walls between themwill fall and their souls will be united.These are obscure ideas for a modernwedding, so you may want to explainthis and other customs in a weddingbooklet available to your guests.Of course, circling has been rejected bysome Jews in the recent past as evi-dence of the patriarchal and demean-ing nature of the bride circling aroundher ‘master’, marking her territory fromother women. But it can also be seenas a strong act of definition: Here is thespace we will share together. Somecouples have also modernized the ritu-al by circling one another, first the bridearound the groom clockwise, then thegroom around the bride the other way.This mutual circling is a statement ofbalance and reciprocal respect indeclaring a space together and thebreaking down of barriers.
KiddushinThe Jewish wedding ceremony has twoparts, kiddushin and nisuin, which areperformed together under the chup-pah, but which have distinct differ-ences. Kiddushin, which translates as"sanctification" or "dedication", is actu-ally a betrothal ceremony, a bonding oftwo souls into one with each other andwith G_d. The bride and groom estab-lish an exclusive relationship. The Rabbi greets everyone and makestwo blessings over a cup of wine. Aswith all Jewish simchas, wine is a sym-bol of abundance and joy. The brideand groom take a sip of wine. Nextcomes the ring, the essential part of theceremony. The groom places a plaingold ring, without any stones orembellishments, on the index finger ofthe bride’s right hand, the fingerthought to be directly connected to theheart. The groom repeats the blessing:"Behold, you are consecrated to mewith this ring according to the laws ofMoses and Israel." This thousand-year-old practice, the act of kiddushin, com-pletes the betrothal. The kiddushin hasaccomplished kinyan, the symbolic actof the bride acquiring something ofvalue from the groom, and Jewish lawnow considers them married.In a double ring ceremony the bridethen repeats the process with a similar,but gender-corrected, version of thesame blessing. This is often not allowed
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or small group is usually best, but leaveenough lead-time to find and rehearsethe appropriate music. Cantors usuallycan assist in choosing the best music.
The logistics of the procession andstanding under the chuppah can causefriction and anxiety, and for this reasonalone you may wish to have a wedding
rehearsal. Some rabbis dismiss this as awaste of time, while others will gladlyaccommodate your request, so be sureto ask.
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by more traditional rabbis because it issaid to invalidate kinyan, the formal actof the bride acquiring something ofvalue from the groom (since anexchange is being made). In that casethe bride may present the groom’s ring,and the bride’s ring placed on her leftring finger, after the ceremony (andforever after).If wedding vows, or "I do’s" are desired,and the rabbi agrees to speak them,they will be exchanged at this point.Some really beautiful vows, mutualpromises or poetry, often written bythe bride and groom affirming theirdevotion for one another, can be addedas a powerful personal statement tothe ceremony.NisuinThe second part of the wedding cere-mony, nisuin, the nuptials, completesthe marriage. Because the two parts ofthe ceremony, kiddushin and nisuinwere historically separated, the ketubahis read aloud before the nuptials as away of clearly separating the twohalves. The text is usually read aloud inAramaic, often repeated in English. Theketubah is then stored away for safekeeping, or it may be displayed on aneasel for guests to inspect. The rabbimay then say a few words about thecouple, particularly if he/she hasknown the couple, or one of them, fora while, or he may launch into a longersermon.The nisuin begins with the seven bless-ings, sheva b'rachot, and ends withyichud, or seclusion, after the ceremo-ny. The seven blessings begin withanother full cup of wine. They may berecited by the Rabbi or by variousguests the couple wish to honor.Although it’s usually not a problem,they must be recited in the presence ofa minyan, a formal quorum of tenadults. In addition to a blessing overthe wine, there is praise for G_d as cre-ator of the world and of men andwomen; a prayer for the newly marriedcouple and of the ten degrees of rejoic-ing. The blessings also include a prayerthat Jerusalem will be fully rebuilt andrestored with the Temple in its midstand the Jewish people within her
gates, showing wishes not only for theindividuals but the community inwhich they live. The couple then drinksfrom the second cup of wine. The Rabbipronounces the couple officially hus-band and wife.The GlassThe traditional ending of a Jewishwedding is probably the most recog-nized feature: breaking the glass. It isan old custom that is not formally partof the ceremony, yet pages have beenwritten about its meaning, which hasbeen widely interpreted. A glass isplaced on the floor, often wrapped incloth or a napkin to prevent injury, andthe groom breaks it with his foot. Somecouples even choose to break it togeth-er, which is fine. The crowd shouts"Mazel Tov!" and joyous music begins(Siman Tov and Mazel Tov is a favorite!).But what does breaking the glass repre-sent? Here are some opinions:• Even during times of great joy, weshould remember the tragic destruc-tion of the Temple in Jerusalem, sym-bolizing all suffering by Jews every-where; • A representation of the fragility of
human relationships;• A reminder that marriage transforms
the lives of individuals forever;• it represents a break with childhood
and the parents’home;• in contrast to the solemn moments of
the ceremony, the loud crash sig-nals levity and celebration to begin;
• a symbol of the irrevocability of mar-riage;
• this is the last time the groom gets to"put his foot down."
Yichud-SeclusionAfter the couple leave the chuppah,tradition calls for them to retire to a pri-vate room where they might spend tenor fifteen minutes together alone inyichud–seclusion. This is historically aritual reserved only for married couples,and they are escorted to the room bywitnesses and the door is closed. This isa wonderful time to reflect on theunion of two souls without interfer-ence, to hug and kiss, to take a breather
before you are once again the center ofattention. It is customary to eat togeth-er as a married couple for the first time,breaking fast (except for those sips ofwine during the ceremony) if you havefasted. Chicken broth has been servedin Ashkenazic tradition as a symbol ofprosperity to come. Sephardic traditioncalls for a meal of doves symbolizingmarital peace. Another idea is a glass ofchampagne and a plate of cocktail hourhors d’oeuvres that you might other-wise never taste (talk to the caterer orask a friend to bring this). Eat some-thing here because, given the excite-ment and schedule of events, manycouples do not eat much at their ownwedding. This is also a good time toplace the rings on the correct fingers,remove the veil, tallit and other cere-monial garb. When you emerge fromthe yichud, you are the newest marriedcouple in the room.As a practical matter, this time givesthe caterer and guests a few minutes totransition into the dining hall or cock-tail area, to visit the rest rooms, con-gratulate the parents, and so on. It alsoavoids the reception line, at leastimmediately after the ceremony, whichleaves guests wandering around whilewaiting for the line to end.The Reception LineThis has become a standard at manyAmerican weddings, even Jewish ones,so you may still wish to have one,especially if you are not observingyichud. If so, it may be held immedi-ately after the ceremony, after yichud,or after a cocktail hour. The format isoften the same, including both sets ofparents, bride and groom, maid/matron of honor and bridesmaids. Thebest man and ushers do not partici-pate, particularly since ushers are notrequired at Jewish weddings. This is theplace for guests to express congratula-tions and for parents to kvell-swellwith pride. Keep smiling, be gracious,but don’t chat too long. It’s OK to asknames if you don’t know; most folksare glad to introduce themselves.
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Candle Lighting CeremonyThere is no historical or religious precedent, commandment, or even specialreligious meaning to the candle lighting ceremony at a Bar/Bat Mitzvahcelebration. Nevertheless, it has quickly become a custom at Bar/BatMitzvah simchas here in America, and for good reason. It allows the Bar orBat Mitzvah to personally honor and connect with loved ones or specialfriends, or pay tribute to an absent or departed relative who is missed. It issometimes hard for eyes to stay dry during these moments and is often themost cherished part of a magical event.Thirteen candles are often used; sometimes an extra one is added for goodluck (or to squeeze another honor in). A poem, speech or short statement isread calling the honoree to the table where they light the next candle withthe previous one or assist the Bar/Bat Mitzvah with this. These are often spe-cial moments and flashes click and video rolls. Music is sometimes playedwhile the honorees make their way to the table, and this is usually carefullycoordinated with the DJ or bandleader well ahead of time.Candles are usually tall (nine inch) tapers, sometimes shorter. They can beset into or (more likely) behind a cake. Some families construct candle light-ing boards. This can be a painted or decorated foam board with candle hold-ers, the Bar/Bat Mitzvah’s name, or it could be an elaborate set piece. Makesure it is not so tall that it blocks people behind it or that it has any decora-tions close enough to the candles to catch fire. Also, check with Synagoguerules on candle lighting, if the simcha will be held there. Some synagoguesprohibit candle lighting on Shabbat or for safety reasons. You might thensubstitute toasts, presentation of flowers or hand-made crafts, trees plantedin Israel, or some other unique way of recognizing loved ones.
Check Out These AdditionalCandle Lighting Tips:
In Memory ofGrandfather Aaronhis next candle is for my Nanaand Poppy. One thing I knowfor sure – both of them loveme. When I spend time withthem I consider it a treat. Afterall, vacationing in Iceland andNorway, really can’t be beat.Poppy takes me fishing andwhether it’s in Dania orNorway, I’ve always had a blast,but this I’ll also say… We havejust as much fun, simply hang-ing out, Jumping on their tram-poline and riding the golf cartabout. Yes, my Nana and Poppyare two people I adore. That’swhy I would love for them tolight candle four.
Sample CandleLighting PoemCourtesy of Gwen Cohan,UniquePoetry.com
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• Keep candle lightingpoems/sayings short.Rhymes are not neces-sary, but they can beentertaining and a nicetouch.
• If you are having troubledeveloping your ownpoems, you may wish tohire a professional.There are services thatwill assist you withfinding just the rightwords.
• Group several lightingstogether in order to usethe same song forgroups of friends orcousins, like “We areFamily” or the themefrom Beaches. This willhelp the DJ/band transi-
tion between the candlelighters. Your Master ofCeremonies may needthese song selectionsseveral days before theevent.
• Some families offer asmall token gift orsomething personalizedto each honoree.
• You could plant a tree inIsrael for each of thehonorees and handthem the certificatewhen they are called tolight a candle.
• Some families light acandle in memory of arecently deceased rela-tive or a close relative/guest who could notbe there that day.
Visit us online at www.bnaimitzvahguide.comDecorations & Theme Design26
This section includes party stores, centerpiece designing services, balloon artists, florists,as well asbusinesses offering sign-in boards, decorated guestbooks, and other personalized services. These will bethe biggest contributors to a themed celebration. Ask them if delivery is included and if they coulddesign a sample to help you decide. Make sure tochoose a centerpiece that will not overwhelm the table or block guests’ view of each other. Consider some of following, in addition to themed centerpieces,for a unique touch:• Special effect lighting, lasers, fog, snow• Fireworks or pyrotechnics• Candle lighting name display• Sign-in-boards and theme props, like
cardboard cut-outs• Ice Sculptures
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DecorationsFormal or fanciful, simple or bold, decorations set themood and tone of a party. The Bar/Bat Mitzvah hasworked hard to get there, make the celebration festive,regardless of your budget!Table centerpieces usually coordinate with the theme(see page 27). Linens and napkins could coordinate withcolor themes, and they make a dramatic color statement.Some banquet facilities have a selection of colors, butrental centers will have a larger assortment. Considerchair covers, they add elegance to the setting.Check out the decor in your banquet hall or facility. Askabout upcoming renovations. Choose colors and decorations that will not clash with the surroundings.Don’t forget about decorations for the buffet tables, gifttable, and band/DJ area. Clusters and arches of balloonsare an inexpensive and dramatic way to add largesplashes of color. Decorate tables with inexpensive glitter for a festive appearance. Remember to include atable with a sign-in or message book, keeping with your theme. An easel with a decorated photo collage or for sign-ins (don’t forget some colorful pens!) can add excitement to a room entrance and point the wayfor guests.
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Tell everyone you found it in B’nai Mitzvah & Jewish Weddings™ 27
The Great Theme DebateIf a theme will add some fun to your celebration without detracting from the experience, then go for it! Always consult theBar/Bat Mitzvah for suggested themes, but remember, a theme often involves extra work and expense, so be prepared. Hereare a ideas you might use.
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Sample Reception AgendasWeddingEvening Hours (5 hours shown here)6:30 - 7:30 PMHors d’oeuvres, cocktails, backgroundmusic, greeting arriving guests. Signingof guest book.7:30 - 8:00 PMMaster of Ceremonies welcomes guests,introduction of Wedding Party, blessingover wine and challah.8:00 - 9:00 PMDinner, light music. Toasts and speechesfrom Best Man, Maid of Honor, Parents.Dinner ends with blessings/reprise ofsheva b'rachot.
9:00 - 9:45 PMBride/Groom’s first dance, cake cuttingceremony, more toasts. Hora dance, tra-ditional Jewish music.9:45 - 11:30 PMMore dancing, Bride bouquet andGroom’s garter toss. Bride/Groom’s finaldance. Mezinke Tanz–a dance andParents thank guests . Bar/Bat MitzvahEvening Hours (4 hours shown here)7:30 - 8:15 PMHor d’oeuvres, cocktails, backgroundmusic, greeting arriving guests. Youngerguests entertained in another room withgames (Coke-Pepsi, scavenger hunt,
etc.), caricatures, dance music, etc. 8:15 - 8:30 PMThe Master of Ceremonies formally wel-comes guests, introduction of theBar/Bat Mitzvah family, blessing overthe wine and challah.8:30 - 9:30 PMDinner, light music.9:30 - 9:45 PMCandle-lighting ceremony, Hora dance,traditional Jewish music.9:45 - 11:30 PMThe night continues with dancing.Videographer records family and friendsin a quiet location saying Mazel Tov tothe Bar/Bat Mitzvah.
Sports Theme• Use football, baseball, soccer ball-
shaped balloons.• Favors could be personalized balls,
rackets, puck’s etc.• Centerpieces could include minia-
ture “sports” ball or foam board cut-outs.
• A blow-up of your child’s favoritesports pose.
Television/Movie Themes(Wizard of Oz, Star Wars,Gone With the Wind, etc.)• Use life-size cardboard
stand-ups for decoration.• Name the tables different characters
(placecards could read: Mr./Mrs.Guest are seated at the Rhett Butlertable).
• Movie or TV props could be incorpo-rated into the centerpieces.
Hollywood Stars Theme• Your sign-in or welcome board could
read: “Now Appearing”or “The Star ofthe Show is (child’s name)”alongwith a blow-up picture of theBar/Bat Mitzvah child.
• Each table could be named for
a popular star i.e., Tom Cruise, John Travolta.
• Centerpieces and namecards couldinclude a Hollywood theme.
Israeli Theme• Each table could be named for a
different city in Israel.• Decorations and balloons could be
blue and white.• Israeli flags could be used in the
centerpiece.
Torah Portion• Lessons from the weekly torah
portion come to life! • Tables named for figures, tribes, or
places prominent in the weeklyreading.
• Crafts to make include take-homeIsraeli-style favors.
• Create an Israel marketplace withcafe´ tables or pillow areas insidetents like ancient days.
• “Torah” scroll sign-in book• Klezmer music and Israel dance
instructor.Candy Theme• Use Hershey® Kiss balloons in
the centerpiece.
• You can give a solid chocolate 6-8ounce Hershey® Kiss to your candlelighting honorees.
• Your female guests could receive achocolate rose.
• Use personalized king-size candybars as favors
Oscar Party• Use Oscar-shaped invitations.• Tables: Medium sized silver bowls
filled with peaches and plums to beused as centerpieces.
• To entertain your guests before orafter the event play a home madevideo of the child and his/herfriends as if they are on T.V. by act-ing like their favorite actors anddirectors talking about how they feltabout winning an Oscar.
• Every kid receives miniature Oscarkey chains (found at party store).
Grand Prix or NASCAR• Black and white checkered paper on
tables, decorate with checkeredflags and red, white and black balloons.
• Remote control raceway as an activ-ity Race posters as souvenirs.
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Invitations & Calligraphy28
Order your invitations at leastsix months before the event. Check the wording carefully, you don’t want to inad-vertently leave something out. Ask your friends toshow you any invitations they may have saved to useas a reference, or examine wording arrangements inthe invitation books. Also, don’t rush the decision, youmay need to look at several sample books over a peri-od of weeks before you make up your mind, especiallyif you are letting your child help you decide.Remember to order extra envelopes for addresschanges or if a mistake is made. Hire calligraphy serv-ice as soon as the invitations arrive, to allow plenty oftime for the project to be completed.
InvitationsStart on your database of invitees early. List everyone, select your final list later.Ask you calligrapher about lead times for invitations and seating cards.This will help determent thedate you send invitationsand the RSVP.Not everyone you invitewill be able to attend. This should figure intoyour planning. Consult you caterer, calligrapher,or party planner for advice on how manymore guests to invite, based on your circum-stances, over the num-ber of attendees you areplanning.
See www.bnaimitzvahguide.comfor more ideas.
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Music & Entertainment30
This section features DJs, Live Bands, Karaoke, Vocalists, Magicians, and Caricaturists. You may want to ask the following questions whenhiring your DJ or band:
• Are you familiar with the Bar/Bat Mitzvah routine and have you done them before?
• Will you play songs/games usually seen at these events: i.e. hoola hoop, dance contests, chicken dance, hokey pokey?
• What type of music do you play?
• Do you have a song list?
• How long do you play and how many breaks do you take?
• What is the price, deposit amount, and when is the balance due?
• Do you have references?
Alternate EntertainmentAlternate entertainment is great for entertaining youngsterswhile adults are eating and socializing. Set up a separate areaor room for alternative entertainers, such as those listed underthe Novelties/Favors section. Plan your entertainment aroundthe ages of the children attending. Lots of younger cousins orsiblings may enjoy an activity in which they can participate.Alternate entertainers may be perfect for synagogues that doallow outside music on Shabbat.
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Music & EntertainmentTell everyone you found it in B’nai Mitzvah & Jewish Weddings™ 31
Who Should Decide What?
What You Should DecideThe Size and Style of the Reception
Main Menu Adult Guest List • How Many Kids
Location & TimesProfessionals to Hire • Hora Music
Decorations
What The Bar/Bat Mitzvah Could DecideTheme • Kids Guest List • Kids’ SeatingArrangement Dance Music • Clothing
Alternate EntertainmentCandle Lighting Tributes
Decide As A TeamAlliyot and Honor Participants
Candle Lighting Honorees • Invitations
Many Synagogues encourage or require students toparticipate in or initiate a mitzvah project in order tocontribute to the community. Make sure to check with your school administrator or rabbi before you begin.• Visit and assist at a local homeless shelter.• Serve meals at a senior center.• Collect coats/hats for the needy and donate to a shelter.• Collect food for a local food pantry, or conduct a drive for
your Synagogue’s food pantry collection. You could coor-dinate this with Passover, as families clean thenon-Kosher food out of their pantries.
• Help organize rides for elderly/disabled members of yourSynagogue to ensure they can participate in services.
• Become trained as a respite care provider to babysit chil-dren with disabilities. Donate some item to give relief toparents of these children, who rarely get a break.
• Organize a clean-up of a local park or volunteer to helpwith a stream reclamation project. Call you CountyDepartment of Natural Resources or Parks & Recs. Dept.
• Offer to help build and decorate Sukkot for people whoare unable, or offer to help with the Sukkot at the JCC or aJewish nursing home.
Mitzvah Project IdeasFor more resources: See www.bnaimitzvahguide.com
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• PersonalizedSport Bottles
• Imprinted BoxerShorts
• PersonalizedBalls orSportsEquipment
• Monogrammedor ImprintedTowels
• Keychains• Personalized
FortuneCookies
• CustomizedWrapped
Candy Bars• Photo Favors• Custom Playing
Cards• Caricatures• Imprinted T-
Shirts• Bracelets for
Jewish PrideHint: PhotoFavors Vendorand CaricatureArtists at yourparty are greatentertainment, aswell as a sourceof favors.
Great Favor Ideas
Some families give customizeditems or favors to the childrenattending the reception portion of the Bar/Bat Mitzvah. This sectionincludes ideas for give-aways, contest prizes, and supplies.Wedding guests are usually treatedto a favor or memento, as well asspecial gifts for the bridal party.
Visit us online at www.bnaimitzvahguide.comNovelties & Favors34
Novelties & FavorsTell everyone you found it in B’nai Mitzvah & Jewish Weddings™ 35
Visit us online at www.bnaimitzvahguide.com36
We just received our child’s Bar/BatMitzvah date, what is the first thingwe should do?After speaking with your B’nai Mitzvah committee chair orcoordinator about Synagogue rules, or consulting writtenpolicies and guidelines, discuss with your family the type of party everyone wants and what the budget will allow.Then start looking at photographers and the hall. These two services seem to need more time to secure. Check the Planning Time Table on page 6.How much will we, as parents,be asked to participate on the Bimah during the service?This question will have to be answered by your Rabbi orSynagogue staff. Depending on the Synagogue, some parents will make a speech, bless their child, or participatein the service. This is truly an honor and a pleasure–don’tlet stage fright ruin this precious moment. Should we choose an evening affair or anafternoon kiddish luncheon?Certainly, this will be a topic of discussion for the entirefamily. Often the choice has to do with how many out-of-town relatives you expect, the amount of money you wantto spend, the size of the affair, and many other variables.Generally, it is more expensive to have an evening simcha,but an evening affair lends itself to a more formal atmosphere. You may want to offer a kiddish luncheonafter the service for your guests or the entire congregation.In some synagogues, sponsoring a Kiddush luncheonand/or an Oneg Shabbat on Friday evening is expected. So, afternoon and evening events are not mutually exclusive, you could have both. Your family should discusswhat type of public event you want to sponsor and whatrole food will play in that event. How can we make our non-Jewish friends feel morecomfortable at my Bar/Bat Mitzvah service?You may want to explain the service to them ahead of time.Rules regarding proper etiquette vary by synagogue, so askstaff or your Rabbi for Synagogue rules or policies. In someplaces kippot are required to be worn by all male visitors, for instance. You could explain that this does not make your guests Jewish, it is a sign of respect. Check with yourRabbi to be sure. See the feature on Bar/Bat MitzvahBooklet on page 12. Also consult Jeffrey Salkin’s Putting G-d on the Guest List, which has an entire section on this subject, or How To Be A Perfect Stranger: The EssentialReligious Handbook, by Arthur Magida, both for sale onwww.bnaimitzvahguide.com.What type of gift is appropriate for theBar/Bat Mitzvah child?If your child is attending their friend’s affair, generally acheck in the amount of $36 (double Chai) is a nice gift (or
a multiple of Chai - $18.), depending on how close thefriendship. Some families offer checks, tributes, donations,or purchase presents, again depending on whether it is arelative or friend, closeness of the two families, or howmany people are attending from your family. Religiousitems, such as menorahs are also nice gifts. What is the appropriate attire to wear to aBar/Bat Mitzvah?At the Synagogue, wear whatever you would wear to atypical service. Some families buy new clothing for theoccasion. Remember to dress with appropriate respect for the house of worship you attend.If you have a simcha at night or the next day, dress according to the theme, place and tenor of the affair.Remember to instruct guests in the invitations if you have special dress requirements.To what extent can members of other religiousgroups participate in the Bar/Bat Mitzvah?Typically, non-Jews can participate by simply attending,observing, and following the service. If relatives or closefriends are not Jewish, they are sometimes affordednon-ritual honors. If you are concerned about involvinga relative or close friend who is not Jewish, consult withyour rabbi to find out what might be possible.If we can have a Bar Mitzvah on a Saturday, whycan't we get married on Saturday?Well, you can, but after sunset, when Shabbat is officiallyover. The issue isn't Saturday, it is Shabbat (Friday sunset to Saturday sunset).B'nai Mitzvot are celebrations conducted as part of regularservices when the Torah is read aloud (Saturday morning).Jewish tradition recognizes that the Thirteen-year-oldbecomes a Bar/Bat Mitzvah independent of any celebration.The congregation is part of the ceremony: a young persontakes full responsibility for their own religious obligations,starting with an aliyah for the reading of Torah, reciting theSh'ma, leading the congregation in prayer, and presentationof D'var Torah. This coming of age is shared by the Jewishcommunity and is therefore a public event. One that typically occurs on Saturday, but can also occur on otherdays when the Torah is read.Weddings are private affairs that do not typically involve anentire congregation. And in contrast to the happy, celebratory nature of a wedding, Shabbat is a time for quietreflection and for rest. A wedding is work, and it involves alegal contract, themes not suited for Shabbat. It is thereforerare to find a Rabbi who will marry a couple on Shabbat.Saturday after dark is OK, but Sunday is by far the mostpopular day for Jewish weddings, especially during theSummer when dusk on Saturday is so late.
Frequently Asked Questions
Party & Event Planning party
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Tell everyone you found it in B’nai Mitzvah & Jewish Weddings™ 37Party & Event PlanningTell everyone you found it in B’nai Mitzvah & Jewish Weddings™ 37
Photography & VideographyTell everyone you found it in B’nai Mitzvah & Jewish Weddings™ 39
Photography & Videography is used to capture the joy, the charm,and the magic of the event.
Do you have references? Ask for names of past clientsand to see a portfolio and/or sample albums/tapes. Be sureto call these references!What is your background and experience? Make surethey have experience in Mitzvahs/Weddings. Experienceoften makes a difference in the end product, but it can costmore as well.Do you have an assistant? What is his/her experience?Many experienced professionals use assistants for lightingand backup equipment.
Some questions to ask when choosing a photographer and/or videographer...
What is the cost for your services? Research prices byreceiving several price quotes from other photographers andvideographers. The least expensive is not always the best.Ask photographers how many photos will be taken, will can-dids and tables be taken, number of hours taking pictures,will you be able to keep proofs and/or negatives, are pack-ages available? Some synagogues only allow bimah/Torahphotos hours or days before the event–can this be accom-modated? Likewise, videography is often sold in packagesand may include simple music and editing, or may includevisual effects, photo montages, guest interviews, professionaltitles, and more! Price is often reflects experience, technology,and more.What lighting will be required? If lighting equipmentis necessary, know this up front to assure that it does notbecome obtrusive to congregants, guests, and staff.A Digital Memory: The latest technology is digital pho-tography and videography. Because it is relatively new, bothtraditional and digital equipment is currently in use, some-times side-by-side. Satisfactory results are available in stan-dard and digital photography but the end result should beclear, crisp images in the sizes you want. Digital video caneasily be delivered on a DVD or video on a VCR, you getgreat results from both.And don’t forget...It is very important that you com-municate well with the photographer/videographer!
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Visit us online at www.bnaimitzvahguide.comPhotography & Videography40
Video can often be one of the most important elements inplanning an event. Early event videos were crude by today'sstandards, but today’s videos are quite advanced and pro-fessional, thanks in part to the Wedding and EventVideographers Association, WEVA Videography is a seriousprofession, not just a hobby. Here are some issues to consider when choosingvideographers.1. Ask for sample videos. The number of cameras, lighting,microphone placement, artistic ability, technical qualifica-tions don’t mean that much if you don’t like the videpgra-pher’s work. Look for smooth camera work, natural editing,sharp sound (remember to consider the location).2. Request at least 3 references. Are past clients happy withthe results? Were they happy during the event? Was he/sheeasy to work with? The professional should be technicallycompetent, likeable and easy to work with.3. Ask for membership with professional associations, suchas WEVA. 4. How many weddings or Bar/Bat Mitzvahs do they videoeach year?5. Ask for an explanation of what "Unobtrusive" means tothem. Wireless microphones? Low-level lighting? Multiplecameras? How will being unobtrusive affect the final pro-
duction? For instance, there may be a trade off betweenexternal lighting and accurate color reproduction.6. Ask for proof of insurance.7. Determine what end product (ie tape, DVD, basic, mon-tage, music, full Hollywood production, etc.) you want.Different budgets and expectations require you to considerquality, type of end product, level of editing, budget, andthe extent of coverage. Is a "love story" intro for a weddingvideo important to you? Or do you have to have a pre-event birth-to-now collage, set to music? Price and capa-bilities are affected by these needs. 8. How are services billed? By the hour, flat fee, packageswith options?9. How do they coordinate with the wedding photogra-pher? The two need to work closely together without inter-fering with each other. 10. Tell your brother to leave his video-cam at home.Consumer cameras today often deliver grainy footage andmuffled sound. Amateurs also lack the experience to planand coordinate to blend with the flow of the event. There isno substitute for a professional who comes prepared withthe right knowledge and equipment, understands the reli-gious tradition, and is focused on creating your video ratherthan being a guest.
Finding the Right Videographer
The Wedding ProgramA Wedding Program is compiled and produced bythe family for distribution to congregants andguests by the ushers, or inserted into prayer books.It can have a variety of unique features aimed at relatives and friends, guests, congregants, non-Jewish guests, and so on. These also make great keepsakes of the wedding.Here are some examples: • A step-by-step description of the ceremony.• Explanation of the meaning of a Jewish Wedding ceremony. • Comments by the bride and groom on the personal
meaning of the day or comments from close relatives.• Poems, wedding vows or a copy of your wedding invitation.• A description of the history and tradition behind the
ketubah, the chuppah, or rituals such as circling, the SevenBlessings, and breaking the glass.
• Explanation of the music used in the processional or during the ceremony.
• The text of your ketubah.• Photographs of the bride and groom. Creative, additions
like ribbon or lace are nice. Check with your Rabbi first before making copies to distribute.
TransportationTell everyone you found it in B’nai Mitzvah & Jewish Weddings™ 41
Limousines are traditionally used to transport the wedding couple in styleto and from synagogue and reception hall. Vans, limousines, shuttle buses,and other transportation services may be used to transport out-of-townguests to and from the airport and reception hall. Families also use theseservices to transport the Bar/Bat Mitzvah child and friends to and from thereception hall. Travel agents assist wedding couples with travel andhoneymoon plans as well as unusual and exotic wedding and Bar/BatMitzvah locations.
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All Aboard! Limousine OptionsThink of the last time your youngster was invited to aBar or Bat Mitzvah without his/ her parents. Fun forthe kids, a shlep for the parents. To Synagogue in themorning. Pick them up at 1:00 PM, take them to ahall or restaurant. Pick them up at 6:00 PM. You cansave other parents the miles and keep the Bar/BatMitzvah together with friends by hiring a bus, mini-bus, or limo to ferry the gang from the synagogue toreception and back to the synagogue for pick-up.Everyone’s safe, and there are no late arrivals!
Using Limousine ServicesLimousines and busses have become very popularto simplify transportation needs for guests:
• Airport to Hotel • Hotel to Synagogue• Synagogue to Reception • Reception to Hotel
While no obligation exists to arrange or pay forthese needs, they are a nice touch for out-of-townguests and teens.
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Banquet Facilities & HotelsBowlmor Lanes110 University PlaceNew York, NY212-255-8188www.bowlmor.com(see our display ad, page 11)Looking for an innovative way to cele-brate your Bar/Bat Mitzvah? BowlmorLanes offers you a unique atmospherewith 42 lanes and multiple catering andbar packages. Call one of our eventplanners today!
Patina Restaurant Group Brasserie 8 1/29 W 57th Street, New York, NY212-829-0812Cafe Centro200 Park Avenue, New York, NY212-949-8248Brasserie100 E 53rd Street, New York, NY212-751-4840
www.patinagroup.com(see ad, Back Cover)Patina Restaurant Group is the nation'sleading multi-concept operator in thepremium segments of the restaurantand food service industry.
Chelsea Piers Sports &Entertainment Complex23rd St & the Hudson RiverNew York , NY212-336-6777www.chelseapiers.com/eventsales(see our display ad, page 13)With panoramic views, full-service cater-ing and a variety of sports and games tochoose from, Chelsea Piers is the perfectlocation for both action-packed kids par-ties and elegant celebrations.
Crest Hollow Country Club8325 Jericho TurnpikeWoodbury, NY516-692-8000www.cresthollow.com(see our display ad, page 10)Manicured English gardens, cascadingpoolside waterfalls and charming gaze-bos, create an outdoor stage for magnif-icent cocktail receptions, ceremonies andphoto opportunities.
Holiday Inn North Haven &Emerald Ballroom201 Washington Ave.North Haven, CT203-239-6700877-40-HOTEL (877-404-6835)www.holidayinn.com/northhavenct(see our display ad, page 9)Offering Kosher & Non-Kosher events.Comfortable accommodations for out-of-town guests.
Pressure110 University PlaceNew York, NY212-255-8188 or 212-352-1161www.pressurenyc.com(see our display ad, page 11)Pressure houses a state-of-the-art multimedia event space and loungehouses giant movie screens, billiardtables, private rooms and award win-ning architecture.
Slate PLUS54 W. 21st St.New York, NY212-989-0096www.slate-ny.com(see ads, Inside Front Cover & pg. 12)Slate PLUS brings elegance and excite-ment. From film studios and rock stars toinvestment banks and advertising agen-cies, many of the world’s most prestigiouscorporations and celebrities have discov-ered that Slate PLUS is ideal for their nextevent. One of New York’s only venueswith private and semiprivate receptionspaces. Featuring sleek decor, sumptuousmodern American cuisine, audiovisualcapabilities, dance floor and banquetseating perfect for special events, corpo-rate parties, fashion shows, film shoots,rehearsal dinners and receptions. Ourlower level offers pool, ping-pong, andfoosball tables. There is never a dullmoment at this dazzling destination.
Sports Museum of America26 BroadwayNew York, NY646-826-2872www.sportsmuseum.com(see our display ad, page 1)Celebrate your bar/bat mitzvah in our8,000 square foot event space – and keepguests talking about your special day longafter it’s over with a full museum tour!
Westchester Marriott Tarrytown670 White Plains RoadTarrytown, NY914-631-2200800-882-1042www.westchestermarriott.com(see our display ad, page 2)Located in the picturesque HudsonValley and boasting newly renovatedballrooms and meeting space,Westchester Marriott is an ideal venuefor social events and receptions.
Westin New York at Times Square270 W 43rd StreetNew York, NY212-201-2700www.westinny.com(see our display ad, page 15)Dazzle your guests with custom eventsin our beautiful ballrooms or intimategatherings in Shula's Private DiningRoom. Impress them with the stunningviews of midtown Manhattan from ourspectacular hospitality suites, includingthe Presidential Suite on the corner ofour 45th floor.
Catering*Holiday Inn North Haven &Emerald Ballroom201 Washington Ave.North Haven, CT203-239-6700877-40-HOTEL (877-404-6835)www.holidayinn.com/northhavenct(see our display ad, page 9)Offering Kosher & Non-Kosher events.Comfortable accommodations for out-of-town guests.
*Sports Museum of America26 BroadwayNew York, NY646-826-2872www.sportsmuseum.com(see our display ad, page )Celebrate your bar/bat mitzvah in our8,000 square foot event space – and keepguests talking about your special day longafter it’s over with a full museum tour!
The Ultimate Caterer 52C North Main StreetMarlboro, NJ732-577-0490www.ultimatecaterer.com(see our display ad, page 16)From Bar/Bat Mitzvahs to Weddings and
Directory Of ResourcesTell everyone you found it in B’nai Mitzvah & Jewish Weddings™ 43
more, we will dazzle and impress youand all your guests. From our beautifulElegant Stations, to our superb Black TieAffairs your event will be the talk of thetown! Our customer service and person-al attention to detail is second to none.
*Westin New York at Times Square270 W 43rd StreetNew York, NY212-201-2700www.westinny.com(see our display ad, page 15)Dazzle your guests with custom eventsin our beautiful ballrooms or intimategatherings in Shula's Private DiningRoom. Impress them with the stunningviews of midtown Manhattan from ourspectacular hospitality suites, includingthe Presidential Suite on the corner ofour 45th floor.
ClothingSo Sweet Boutique -Children's Simcha ClothingShips Nationwide!407-260-0708www.sosweetboutique.com(see our display ad, page 17)Children's Formal Wear for all SimchaOccasions! Bat Mitzvah, Bar Mitzvah andJewish Weddings. We also carry specialoccasion jewelry and accessories! Largeonline selection, shipping worldwide!
Decorations &Theme DesignIce Sculpture DesignsDeer Park, NY631-243-3360 or 1-866-877-3360www.icesculpturedesigns.com(see our display ad, page 26)New York’s oldest ice sculpting compa-ny. Our sculptors can transform a blockof ice into a company logo, a decorativestatue or even a bar with vats of coldsoup or beverages!
Giftware & JudaicaSayings For You845-639-9700www.sayingsforyou.com(see our display ad, page 32)For over 25 years, Sayings For You hasbeen servicing thousands of satisfiedcustomers for all their custom imprintedparty favors and promotional itemswhile never missing a deadline. We will
imprint "anything on anything" withour award winning art department.
So Sweet Boutique -Children's Simcha ClothingShips Nationwide!407-260-0708www.sosweetboutique.com(see our display ad, page 17)Children's Formal Wear for all SimchaOccasions! Bat Mitzvah, Bar Mitzvah andJewish Weddings. We also carry specialoccasion jewelry and accessories! Largeonline selection, shipping worldwide!
Invitations &CalligraphyInvitations Plus600 W. 246th St.Riverdale, NY718-548-3900 or 1-800-INV-PLUSwww.invitationsplus.info(see our display ad, page 28)We represent America’s finest names inThermography, Letterpress, &Copperplate Engraving for invitations,announcements, stationery and place-cards. DISCOUNTED. Hebrew and Englishavailable. Calligraphic services alsoavailable.
Jewish National FundNew York, NY1-800-542-8733www.jnf.org/simcha(see our display ad, page 28)Celebrate your simcha with a Mitzvah!Send Jewish National Fund invitationsas a unique way to commemorate yourspecial occasion. For more informationor to place an order, please call Linda.
Lemon Tree StationeryWest Babylon, NYShipping Nationwide1-800-229-3710www.lemontreestationery.com(see our display ad, page 29)Elegant, sophisticated Bar/Bat Mitzvah& Wedding Invitations customized toyour individual taste and requirements.
Music &EntertainmentBANDS & DJS
UCE LiveNew York, NY 347-431-9495 or1-866-99-UCELIVE
www.ucelive.com(see our display ad, page 30)The UCE Live DJ's & MC's produce themost unforgettable wedding reception.Have our professional singers & dancersperform astonishing shows and interactwith your guests creating the liveliest ofatmospheres.
OTHER ENTERTAINMENT
Ace EntertainmentNationwide1-877-291-8344 www.acephotofavors.com(see our display ad, page 33)Ace prides itself on Quality: at a betterprice. We provide unlimited, digitallyperfected photo favors including maga-zine covers, full casino service, andgames to entertain your guests. Yourevent is our only priority.
Amazing Bottle DancersNew York & Nationwide1-800-716-0556www.bottledancers.com(see our display ad, page 31)Add some “tradition!” Our 20-minuteprogram is the perfect addition to your DJ or band! Spectacular “GrandEntrances!” CALL FOR OUR FREE AMAZING VIDEO.
Treasured Memories& EntertainmentServing Earth from New York516-798-8808 or 888-700-4664 www.TreasuredMemories.TV(see our display ad, page 40)Professional and creative cinematogra-phy, photography and entertainmentsince 1987! Go watch samples of ourwork…Now! Visit our website!
Novelties & FavorsAce EntertainmentNationwide1-877-291-8344 www.acephotofavors.com(see our display ad, page 33)Ace prides itself on Quality: at a betterprice. We provide unlimited, digitallyperfected photo favors including maga-zine covers, full casino service, andgames to entertain your guests. Yourevent is our only priority.
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Visit us online at www.bnaimitzvahguide.comDirectory Of Resources44
Airbrush Party Favors718-541-9307www.peteartist.com(see our display ad, page 32)Custom Airbrush T-shirt and Hat PartyFavors. Will come to your party and air-brush custom designs for your guests.See AirbrushPartyFavors.com for designs.Serving Metro New York, Long Island,New Jersey, Connecticut. Other itemsavailable.Party Favors for all occasions.
Fortunately Yours, Inc.Nationwide1-800-337-1889www.fortunatelyyours.com(see our display ad, page 35)PERSONALIZED Fortune Cookies, Mints,Truffles, Candies and More! Plus CandyBar Wrappers and Chocolate CD Coversthat YOU DESIGN! All items affordableand Simply Delicious.
J.W.’s WholesalePromotional ProductsMerrick, NY516-623-5141(see our display ad, page 34)Here is the Winner of Favor Ideas! Choosefrom manufacturers such as Soffe,Jerzees, or American Apparel. We willcreate a design using a sample of yourtheme and colors. You will proof thedesign. The creation will be screen print-ed or embroidered on a selection ofapparel/fabric. Some successes areJacqueline’s Jungle (monkeys & parrots);Tracy’s Topic’s (colorful & studded print-ing); and Hilana’s Classics (jumpinghorse, music notes & 14 studs of gem-stones). We will assist in your creation orchallenge Pam Pezzulo’s artistic expres-sion. We dare you to stump our staff!
Kardwell International, Inc.Nationwide1-800-233-0828www.customplayingcards.comwww.customwedding.com(see our display ad, page 35)Playing cards for party favors. Full deckof 52 playing cards, personalized andcolor-coordinated. Choose from one ofour original designs or use your owncreation or photo. FREE brochure andsamples.
Louie Max’s Party FavorsNationwide888-824-2674www.louiemax.com(see our display ad, page 35)“Tried, tested and loved” is the reasonLouie Max’s is the #1 Bar/Bar MitzvahFavors Company. With over 15 years ofexperience and 1000’s of happy cus-tomers, they take pride in everythingthey produce. Check our their awardwinning artwork and online catalog atwww.louiemax.com - “you’ll get thatroyal treatment.”
Mazel Tov Favors.comNationwide1-800-485-4461www.mazeltovfavors.comwww.lolasbigday.com(see our display ad, page 25)We specialize in imprinted Bar/BatMitzvah items. From 50-200, boxers tokeychains. We provide personalizedattention. Call 24/7.
PartyFavorBiz.comNationwide1-866-FAVOR99 (866-328-6799)www.partyfavorbiz.com(see our display ad, page 34)Since 1974, we have been serving theBar/Bat Mitzvah, Sweet Sixteen nation-wide Jewish community with customprinted party favors. Popular itemsinclude scrubs, Soffe’s, boxers, flannelpants, hooded sweats and much more.We do all our printing on premises atthe lowest prices in the nation.
Sayings For You845-639-9700www.sayingsforyou.com(see our display ad, page 32)For over 25 years, Sayings For You hasbeen servicing thousands of satisfiedcustomers for all their custom imprintedparty favors and promotional itemswhile never missing a deadline. We willimprint "anything on anything" withour award winning art department.
Simcha Shots!1-877-856-5490www.bnaimitzvahguide.com/cameras(see our display ad, page 34)When was the last time you were at aBar/Bat Mitzvah and saw a specialmoment and didn’t have a camera to
capture it? Simcha Shots solves that!Place one on each table. Or give toguests for take-home party favors.Everyone loves taking pictures! Stylesavailable include stock Bar or BatMitzvah or custom Mitzvah, customWedding. Also available, single-usecameras including free prints, CD, onlineand index prints.
Windy City Novelties, Inc.Nationwide1-800-442-9722www.wcnovelties.com(see our display ad, page 5)Enhance your simcha from our 5,000+selection of tchacke’s including glow,inflatables, banners, tie dyes, and awhole lot more!
Party & EventPlanning*Bowlmor Lanes110 University PlaceNew York, NY212-255-8188www.bowlmor.com(see our display ad, page 11)Looking for an innovative way to cele-brate your Bar/Bat Mitzvah? BowlmorLanes offers you a unique atmospherewith 42 lanes and multiple catering andbar packages. Call one of our eventplanners today!
Castle Computer Technologies973-847-0147www.castlecomputer.com(see our display ad, page 37)Easy to use party planning software.Track guests, RSVPs, table seating, etc.Keep all your important data in one safeplace. Print envelopes, mailing labels,place cards and more!
Chelsea Piers Sports &Entertainment Complex23rd St & the Hudson RiverNew York , NY212-336-6777www.chelseapiers.com/eventsales(see our display ad, page 13)With panoramic views, full-service cater-ing and a variety of sports and games tochoose from, Chelsea Piers is the perfectlocation for both action-packed kids par-ties and elegant celebrations.
Stay Involved: After the Bar/Bat MitzvahTeen Programs atthe YJCCLooking for something to do, people tomeet, get involved? Your local JCC has ateen program with tons of fun stuff to do.Sports, classes on everything from pot-tery to photography to babysitting, lead-ership trips to Washington, DC, ski trips,museum trips, ball games & stadiumtours, Battle of the Bands, communityservice, and more!
Bergen County YJCCWashington Township: Anette McGarity,Services Dir.201-666-6610, ext. 210
Teen Programs at the JCCJCC on the Palisades, Tenafly, JudiDavidsohn Nahary201-569-7900, ext. 369
Westchester Jewish TeenCenter/JCC Mid-WestchesterJan Borger, Director, 914-472-3300 ext.322 [email protected] of Middlesex CountyJewish Teens Together Program, YoungJudea Clubs: 732-494-3232
Rosenthal Y-JCC of NorthernWestchesterOffering meetings, outings, games, foodand fun! 600 Bear Ridge Road,Pleasantville, NY. Lisa Roberts, 914-741-0333 ext. 24, [email protected]
JCC of Central New JerseyWilf Jewish Community Campus1391 Martine Ave., Scotch Plains, NJ,Michael Goldstein, Director of TeenServices, 908-889-8800, ext. 253www.jccnj.org
Make a Difference:Mitzvah Corps Katan JCCMetrowest (Gr. 6-8)A way to make a difference in our com-munity and in the world. Year-long andone-time opportunities for communityservice. One meeting a month and onesocial action project a month (6-8pm).Contact: Eliza Millman, 973-929-2922,ext. 2933, [email protected]
Tweens (Gr. 6-8)Tikkun Olam (Social Action) Program atJCC of Mid-Westchester. Service hourswill be given to all participants of ourvolunteer programs. Programs includeMasim Tovim - Good Deeds, SandwichBrigade, and Habitat for Humanity. JanBorger, director, 914-472-3300, ext. 322,[email protected]
Directory Of ResourcesTell everyone you found it in B’nai Mitzvah & Jewish Weddings™ 45
PartyFavorBiz.comNationwide1-866-FAVOR99 (866-328-6799)www.partyfavorbiz.com(see our display ad, page 34)Since 1974, we have been serving theBar/Bat Mitzvah, Sweet Sixteen nation-wide Jewish community with customprinted party favors. Popular itemsinclude scrubs, Soffe’s, boxers, flannelpants, hooded sweats and much more.We do all our printing on premises atthe lowest prices in the nation.
*Pressure110 University PlaceNew York, NY212-255-8188 or 212-352-1161www.pressurenyc.com(see our display ad, page 11)Pressure houses a state-of-the-art mul-timedia event space and lounge housesgiant movie screens, billiard tables, privaterooms and award winning architecture.
Photography &VideographyCity Pulse Productions107 Jewel St. #2RBrooklyn, NY212-561-9762www.citypulse.tv(see our display ad, page 39)Professional Videography: Affordablepricing. Specializing in Weddings of all
cultures & traditions, Bar/Bat Mitzvah's,Sweet Sixteens. Broadcast QualityCameras, Digital Editing and ProfessionalDVD Packaging.
The Present Moment Photography and Video914-424-0610 or 914-769-9423www.thepresentmoment.com(see our display ad, page 39)The Present Moment Photography andVideo creates a blend of fine-art, photo-journalism and relaxed portraiture...Thestyle is contemporary...the images aretimeless. Moments pass & we capturethem with unique artistry.
Treasured Memories& EntertainmentServing Earth from New York516-798-8808 or 888-700-4664 www.TreasuredMemories.TV(see our display ad, page 40 )Professional and creative cinematogra-phy, photography and entertainmentsince 1987! Go watch samples of ourwork…Now! Visit our website!
TransportationRegency Limousine International718-507-40001-866-302-2201www.regencylimo.com(see our display ad, page 41)Serving the Metro New York Area!Regency Limousine International is the
Premier Tri-State limousine serviceprovider for your Wedding or Mitzvah.We offer the finest, most complete andwell prepared limousine service possiblefor your special day. Allow us to makeyour special day worry free!
OtherAMIT212-792-56901-800-989-AMIT (800-989-2648)www.amitchildren.org(see our display ad, page 3)AMIT enables Israel’s youth to realizetheir potential and strengthens Israelisociety by educating and nurturing chil-dren from diverse backgrounds within aframework of academic excellence, reli-gious values and Zionis ideals.
ORT America6917 Arlington Rd.Bethesda, MD301-951-9070www.ortamerica.org(see our display ad, page 38)ORT America funds ORT’s global networkof schools, high-tech training programsand other strategic initiatives that pro-vide educational opportunity where it isneeded most. It is a responsibility wewelcome as part of our heritage oftikkun olam and our firm belief in thepower of education to help people helpthemselves.
