Ben Buck's Bible Brawl

8/18/2019 Ben Buck's Bible Brawl

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Ben Buck’s Bible Brawl

BY PATRICIA BACKORA

© All Rights Reserved

http://kingdomage.tripod.comhttp://banpreachergreed.tripod.com

TRIP ONE

ABRAHAM’S BACK-BREAKING BESSINGS

Brother Ben Buck and his wife Miranda had just finished that da!sfilming for "reen Manna Ministries! #ol $and %our &pecial. Ben was jubilant. '(h) Miranda* + just can!t get over how people are fallingfor m latest ,revelation! about the blessings of Abraham* -hat agold mine*' '+f we don!t stop rehashing that balone) we!ll start swallowing itourselves and end up in the cra house*' she laughed. 'ot me*' Ben cackled. '+!m the brightest brain in the cosmos*obod else can preach the grand old stor of 0ather Abe and his

loot the wa + do* #e keepeth us in green pastures*'

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%hat night the couple went out to a local watering hole. %hebooe flowed like milk and hone. Brother Ben!s right1hand mankept refilling the glasses with bubbl champagne. '%ime forcelebration) Ben)' &am said. '-e launched out into the deep and allthem ,2oe &i314acks! out in %5 $and took the bait. Mercedes

showroom) here we come for the umpteenth time*' Miranda giggled. &he gave Ben a smooch and wrapping herarms) heav1laden with jewels) around his neck. 6(h) &am)7 Rosie said to her grinning hubb) 6ou are such agenius* #ow man other %5 preachers cook up the gimmicks oudo* ,0ootprints from #eaven! is so1o1o cute*7 &he giggled. 68eah*7 &am howled. 64hotos of the actual footprint left on mdirt garage floor b the Angel Arnie* 4lant our foot in it) sleepover it two nights) then plant our seed of two grand inside it andRUSH it back to us before nine a.m. 0rida morning* %hen our

seed will sprout into fift grand) a hundred grand if ou sprinkletalcum powder on the footprint first* #a* #a* #a* &uckers*7 6But reall) &am)7 said Miranda) 6nothing beats the bestbrainstorm ou!ve ever had9contact "ordie the "uardian Angelthrough our ministr* (nl ten dollars a pop* All major credit cardsaccepted.7 6M crowning achievement)7 &am chortled. 62ack and Boris sureare getting a lot of hits) and ,"ordie! never fails to remind his fansthat while salvation is free) the highwa to heaven is a toll road*7 6-ell) a lot of idiots out there are dumb enough to bu it*7 Ben

cackled. Ben could not hold his liuor that night...or was it somethingelse that launched him into another world; Ben!s last recollectionwas arguing eeball1to1eeball with &am about proper allocation of surplus ministr funds) while Rosie akked her head off withMiranda about the latest liposuction therap. Barel noticeable inthe dim light was &am!s cupped hand brushing over Ben!s wine cupas he leaned over the table to drive his point home. Ben thoughtnothing of it) because &am alwas waved his hands when heargued. Rosie was waving her hand) too) as she nudged Miranda

and pointed over at a dress some woman was wa too fat to lookgood in. Ben drained his drink. &am grinned like a snake. -hat wasbrewing in that reprobate!s brain; Ben!s head wobbled and his vision blurred. #is heav1ladenhead sank down) down) down... #e felt himself being dragged into apulsating vorte3) awa from all the laughter of the wine bar) butMiranda seemed to be going with him...or was she; %he final soundsBen heard were muffled jokes about the 'ministr of mooch'. #eblacked out.

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A white) shining form flew over Ben!s head and shouted: 'Ben Buck*Robber of the righteous* 8ou shall reap the harvest ou have sownand get a taste of our own bait: '%he material blessings of Abraham*' e3t thing he knew) Ben was ling face1down in hot) burning

sand. Oh, no, he thought , I’m in hell. That Abraham scambackfired big-time. #e heard a familiar whine: '-here!s m =vian bottle; (h) Ben)didn!t + tell ou it was dangerous to go hiking in the egev on ourown; +f we don!t get help soon) a snake will bite us*' &he swattedBen on the head with a brochure. '"et up) ou idiot* 8ou!re theman* 8ou!re supposed to protect me*' &lowl Ben sat up and shook his di head. %hen the heard afaint tinkling of bells. '$ook*' cried Miranda. 'A camel caravan*And people with bed sheets on their heads*'

'Must be making a movie) Miranda. %he!ll help us get back.' +t looked like a children!s Bible stor book. A tall) turbaned manin a striped robe approached the couple. Looks likes the king of thecaalcade, Ben thought. #e worried about how to communicate) butsurel a film crew would understand =nglish. But where were theeuipment trucks; All Ben saw was a multitude of camels) donkes)sheep) and cattle. %he chieftain spoke softl to Ben as he helped him stand up. #isspeech sounded somewhat like the #ebrew heard b Ben in2erusalem. Ben barel knew a word of foreign language) but

somehow the man!s words were immediatel translated to hisunderstanding. -herever Ben was) language barriers didn!t e3ist.#e would tr talking in =nglish and see if he likewise understood. 'M son)' said the elderl man) 'ou have gotten lost in our journe. 4lease come with us as our honored guests and takerefreshment. -e are about to stop at the ne3t oasis to set upcamp. 8ou and our wife must take the evening meal and rest withus there. $et all our needs be on us. -elcome. M name isAbram.' An elegantl robed woman rushed up to Miranda. '(h) Abram*'

she cried. '%his man!s wife is in need of clothing to protect herfrom the heat of the sun*' &he seemed baffled b Miranda!s tanktop and shorts. &he issued orders to a comel attendant) who ranto go find more clothes for Miranda.

-hat a transformation* Miranda) whose sole protection from thedesert sun had been a smear of sun screen) was clad head to toe ina colorful caftan with a golden sash. #er short blond mane wascovered with a silken veil. $ikewise the dressed Ben up in thefinest robe the caravan had) topped off with a striped turban.

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The! m"st be doing a remake of La#rence of Arabia) Benthought) and me and $iranda hae been drafted as e%tras. &"t thistime there’ll bengorgeo"s gals in the remake of the film. '+ hope our mind is on me) Ben*' Miranda snapped) as shemagicall read his musings. '&top staring at that slave girl*'

At supper time) Ben sat with the other men) while Miranda joined the ladies of the compan) who admired her blond hair.Miranda noticed that meat) and lots of it) was the main course.After being siled on a bed of white1hot coals) it was served up inhuge hunks with whole wheat flatbread. '==>*' Miranda cried as amedium rare slab of flesh was set before her. '+!m a vegetarian*' '%he might not have an vegetarian alternatives*' called Ben.'?on!t offend them) just eat*' As he gorged on milk1fed veal hecackled: '+f ?r. #acksaw could see me now) he!d sa: ,aught)naught) Ben) better watch our cholesterol*'

Abram didn!t even crack a smile when Ben told him to stopkidding around about being the original #onest Abe) and whenwould the camera crew arrive to resume filming on their movie;' '-hat is a movie;' Abram asked) as innocentl as a child. '+ amwho + sa + am) so wh would ou uestion m identit;' Ben rolled up his ees. '-e!ll discuss the latest blockbustersafter we prove this is one of &am!s gags and we!re still in the @stcentur. Miranda) see if our cell phone still works. ?ownload awebsite) then call somebod on the phone. +f there!s still atransponder satellite up in heavenl places) +!ll have that jerk!s

head ne3t time + see him*' Miranda rose from her seat at the campfire. &he slipped behinda grove of date palms where she might rummage through her bagunobserved. %he light of the full moon helped her find her littlephone. "ood. %he screen was still lit up) so the batter wasn!t deadet. Breathing hard) she tried a video game on it first. +t worked.But when she tried to download a web site) she got a A(%$(A%= &=R5=R message. &he selected one phone number) thenanother) from the 4#(=B((> menu) onl to get this message:(=%+( 0A+$=?. 4$=A&= %R8 A"A+. ?espairingl she put the

phone back in her purse. '(h) Ben*' &he cried. '+srael is such a tin countr) we can!tpossibl be out of range of these numbers* Before we left the hotelit worked just fine*' Ben tried a trick uestion: 'Abram) what!s the name of the son&arai gave birth to;' #e knew full well that if this man!s name wasstill Abram rather than Abraham) +saac hadn!t even been born et. '&arai!s son e3ists onl in her heart) and mine)' the wise oldchieftan sighed. '"od shall give him to me and &arai in due time) if #e will still be gracious unto me after the hast error of judgment +

made. +n m impatience to see the promise of the $ord come topass) + produced a son b m handmaid #agar. #is name is

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+shmael. A headstrong lad who does not et walk before the $ord as+ do. &ee; #e is sitting with those bos on the far side of the fire.' #ow could anone miss that boisterous) overbearing bo; #eappeared to be onl about ten) but he was barking orders at theharried servants as if he owned the place. ever a dull moment with

wild child +shmael challenging gentle Abram!s patience) thoughtBen. +t wouldn!t be long before +saac came along and this campturned into one big soap opera. '+ love +shmael) even if he is a handful for an old man like me)'Abram sighed. 'But deep in m heart + know that m Redeemerlives) and #is -ord of 4romise to me and to M house shall surelbe fulfilled in its time. M "od promised me m seed would e3ceedthe stars of the heavens in number.' Abram pointed up at thedeepening aure of the earl evening sk. #ow breathtakinglvirginal the heavens appeared) an environmentalist!s dream and a

multi1national!s nightmare. 2ust the sight of that sk) undefiled bpetrochemical emissions and greenhouse gases) was additionalproof Ben and Miranda were trapped in the distant past. '-here + dwell) Abram) about the onl stars ou!ll see stroll upand down Rodeo ?rive. (ur skies are a filth mess) but we won!tdwell on that. + won!t spoil this golden moment for ou.' %he more Ben talked with Abram) the man of faith) the moreconvinced he was that he was either in a dream or had beenmiraculousl transported C)DDD ears into the past. 'Abram)' said Ben tremulousl) 'ou will surel think Miranda

and + are mad. -e were sent here from the distant future. But if +show ou evidence of that) will ou believe me;' #e had Mirandabring him the cell phone and showed it to Abram. '%he reason +believe ou now) 0ather Abraham) is because of this little device webrought with us. Miranda and + use it to speak with farawa people.But because there is no...er...e3tra moon in the sk to carr itsmessages) it will not work. All ou can do is pla tic1tac1toe on it.&ee;' Abram was fascinated b the slender device) with its sleekmonitor which displaed moving pictures and characters. '+t is a

great wonder) m son) and our clothing was unlike an + had everseen before. ould it reall be that ou are not from m world;ould ou trul be an angel sent b "od to bring me a message;' Ben grinned. '(h) no) 0ather Abraham. Miranda and + aren!tangels at all.

#e handed Miranda the phone. 6+ think ou!re ver photogenic)Abran.n #ere) Miranda) would ou do the honors;'

Miranda snapped a picture of Abram in the dwindling twilight.&he handed the phone back to Ben. Abram gasped when he saw the picture on the glass surface.

'M own likeness* &urel this is sorcer* o mere man can do such

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a thing* -ho are ou people) and wh do ou call me ,0atherAbraham!) which means ,father of a multitude!;' '+ am one of our sons) that is wh)' said Ben) as Mirandahastil pocketed her phone. 'And ou shall have man millions of both natural and spiritual descendants. + do not spring from our

loins) but + am a child of faith) even as ou are. + preach this truthto millions: %hose who are men and women of faith) the same arethe children of faithful Abraham. 8ou and our wife &arai shall havea son together and name him ,+saac!. #is greatest ?escendant willbe a poor arpenter -ho will come to make man rich) just likeou.' Abram looked puled. 'A poor man making others rich; Andwhat does it mean to ou to be rich) Ben9 possessing a vast hoardof gold;' '-ell) 0ather Abraham) in our world) people find it inconvenient

to do dail business with bags of gold) which most folks are wa topoor to own anwa. &o the use paper9uh9ou don!t know whatthat is) + guess. +t!s a bit like paprus) the stationer of the=gptians. +t!s green and has big numbers written on it. 6Miranda)' Ben called) 'do ou still have that hundred1dollar billou never e3changed;' '8es) dear)' Miranda said. &he pulled it from her wallet and gaveit to Ben. %he patriarch took the mone and turned it over a few times. '+tlooks like a green leaf. #ow thin this is) how light to transport)' he

said. 'And those strange characters are numbers;' '8es) 0ather Abraham. '%hat is how we write ,one hundred! inm farawa land. (ne hundred bucks is a lot of mone to poorpeople) but it!s peanuts to me.' '4eanuts;' 6ommon chicken feed is another wa of putting it)7 said Ben.

6+ sense our contempt for the small blessings poor people mustdepend upon to survive)7 said Abram. 6But how strange that thevalue of this green leaf surpasses gold in our societ. -ell are ounamed: ,Ben Buck!) which means ,&on of Buck!) the wealth ou so

covet. And whose image is on this ,buck!; %hat of our ancestor;' '(h) no*' laughed Ben. '#e is a Ben) same as mself) but he isnot a Buck) though his image is on one. #e is Ben 0ranklin) a wiseold man who said: '=arl to bed) earl to rise) makes a manhealth) wealth) and wise.' '&o ou highl value this leaf thing just because the man on itis reputed to possess a wealth of wisdom;' Abram frowned. 'Alltrue wisdom springs onl from knowing "od as our dearest0riend.' Ben shook his head and grinned. 'Ben 0ranklin will die man)

man ears before + am born) 0ather Abraham. But a truer friend +have et to meet. %he more Ben 0ranklins people give me) the

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more blessed + am. And that!s what + tell people everwhere + go.8our greatest ?escendant will come to earth to make it possible formen like me to get man green bucks so we can dwell in spiritualgreen pastures on the earth so long as we live9at least that!s whatwe teach at "reen Manna Ministries. -e took that name because

,manna! is the food of heavenl angels) and green is the color of heavenl prosperit.7 Abram frowned. '%hen ou must serve an entirel different god)m son. A flims green god with images of dead gods on it* %hat isall wrong. %hat is idolatr even more foolish than + beheld in Er of the haldees. + serve the Enseen "od) the =ternal (ne. =ver sincethe 0all of Adam) men of faith have clung to the #ope of a 4romised(ne -ho would redeem us from the curse common to all mankind:sin and death. &uch a might (ne sent from "od will come toimpart to us the eternal riches which endure. M finest robes can

be eaten with moths. Bandits could steal all m gold and silvertomorrow if the $ord permitted. M flocks and m herds) do thelive forever; A lightning storm could wipe them all out tomorrow.=verthing m ee can see could perish in a single night. M hopelies in things which are not seen) rather than in the fading glor allaround me. + live to please M Maker) and all that + have is from#im) and is #is. M ees look for #is salvation. + am but a wafarerin this earth) an e3ile from the "arden of the $ord who longs tocome home to the =ternal it in the heavenlies where m Makerdwells. o) m son) when "od sends #is 4romised &eed) it will be

to bring #is salvation to men of faith) not to send down from thesk green leaf idols to feed the greed of men.' &hallow as a saucer) Ben said: '8our clothes might getmotheaten) but m! clothes last for ears. + bought these classduds with man Ben 0ranklin bucks. M suits are custom1made of raw silk fortified with ?uralast 4olester. -henever + donate m oldduds to the &alvation Arm) there!s still plent of wear left in them.As for m other wealth) we!ve sunk lots of our venture capital intoprime +% technolog shares) and +!ve made a killing on the asda9 '+ see the confused look on our face) 0ather Abraham) but +

swear + came back C)DDD ears in time to receive some of thewealth +!m entitled to as our spiritual descendant.' Abram shook his head. '+ see an honored guest sitting beforeme) nothing more. #ow can ou possibl be m descendant whenou are so unlike me;' 'But the angel sentenced me to enjo our blessings*' Benwailed. '8ou can!t argue with an angel) 0ather Abraham*' '5er well)' the old man said) studing the polished con artistsitting across the fire from himself. '8ou ma be talking out of ourhead) and ou ma even be mad) but + am a fair man. + will give

ou a trial period of FD das. +f ou are able to properl care forsome of m blessings) + will believe ou are who ou sa and give

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ou and our wife a share of m wealth. But it will take more thanmagic tos and green idol leaves to impress me) Ben Buck.'

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Abram was more than generous. Ben and Miranda Buck were giventheir own tent and staff of domestics to wait on them. Miranda!schief maid aamah knelt down to sponge the sweating forehead of her new mistress as she la on her pallet) pining awa for =vianwater in the stifling heat. 'Are ou better) Mistress Miranda;' themaid asked) with a co smile. '8eah) + guess. "o fetch me more wine) aamah. %he wellwater might contain =1oli) and + can!t drink it.' 'Ah...Mistress'....the prett girl hesitated. '8ou have no childrenof our own;'

'-e have two daughters who are with friends back at the hotel.=ight and twelve ears old. %he didn!t want to go hiking with us inthis hot sun.' 'But ou have no son) Mistress9if + ma ask;' 'aamah) +!m C. +!m over the hill now and don!t feel likehaving more kids.' %he slave girl!s ees widened with e3citement. '(h) but that isno problem) Mistress* +f ou are not well enough to produce an heirfor Master Ben) + will gladl be at our service if ou will give me tohim to wife.'

Miranda got so unhinged she fired her slave girl on the spot andpromoted a homelier slave to fill her position. &he!d have to keep anee on 'Master Ben'. +t wasn!t long before &arai came calling. 'Miranda)' she said) '+f ou are unfamiliar with our was) perhaps + should teach ou toproperl run a household. an ou spin;' '(nl a roulette wheel)' Miranda said. 'an ou bake;' 'ot without a muffin mi3) no.' 'an ou make chicken soup;' the mother of all 2ewish mothers

asked. 'ot without a can opener and microwave.' 'an ou weave;' '(nl in and out of rush hour traffic.' After a few more uestions &arai felt e3asperated. -hat kind of woman was this) who couldn!t spin) weave) bake) or even drawwater out of a well; -hen &arai offered to teach Miranda how toknead unleavened bread and bake it in a cla oven) Mirandaprotested that her nails were wa too delicate for that) and thewere too far awa from Miti) her manicurist.

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?as passed. &lave girls cooked and washed for Miranda. %hesponged and fanned her as she la in her tent wallowing in self pit.&he bemoaned the dearth of shampoo) conditioner) hairstraightening gel) 4earl ?rops %oothpaste and >leene3. &he worried

about her e1mails piling up unanswered. %housands of ears andthousands of miles awa) &am and Rosie must be getting theirhooks into those surplus ministr funds. As for Ben) he wished he could ditch the flocks and herds andget back to his big bucks. Back home) Ben couldn!t even paper1trainhis own pupp. #e could hardl manage a computer mouse) muchless care for livestock. #ow gross) having to deliver a calf withoutrubber gloves* +t broke Ben!s back) helping Abram!s servants haulrocks and dig up dr roots for firewood. Ben swore a blue streakwhen a flint knife he used to fla a carcass broke and nicked his

thumb. #e lost his lunch when entrails slipped out of the carcass.=ven the lowliest servants laughed at him behind his back. -h)he!d never even gutted a fish before. Abram promised Ben he!d begiven his own servants to perform unpleasant tasks if he passed thetrial periodG for no man is ualified to give another man orders untilhe has first mastered the job himself. After being in the same spot for onl a couple of weeks) Abram!stribe had to move on to find new pasturage for the flocks. Mirandawhined about running out of -et -ipes and hapstick on the hot)dust trail. &he detested the brackish well water) and looked

askance at the unpasteuried goat!s milk. &he hated having hernightcap served from a leather wine bag) 'because it tasted likeshoes'. 5isions of ?ove Bars) 4opsicles) aesar salad) and ?iet okefilled her head. (h) for a Big "ulp packed with ice* &he pined awafor 4ia #ut* &he missed her mocha e3pressos. amels weren!tMiranda!s cup of tea. =ven though her own camel was lu3uriouslpadded) she swore with ever jerk and bump. =ver now and thenthe camel would turn his head to sneer at her) as if it knew howsaddlesore Miranda got from riding him. #er back was achiropractor!s nightmare. But she had lost weight.

Ben did some cring of his own. -here) oh) where) wereAbram!s real blessings) the green ones with numbers on them; %heonl greener in Abram!s world was the occasional oasis. Ben!smuscles were tied up in knots from all those blessings he!d beenunprepared to render service to. #ow long would the angel makehim do penance before he could return to the coddled comfort of hishotel room; Ministr associates wondered if Ben and Miranda ever wouldcome back to the real world) after their msterious mentalmeltdown and removal to an observation unit. %he damage done b

the tainted angel dust &am and Rosie had brought along to liven upthe part should have made the couple feel guilt enough to fess

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up. But the smell of crisp hundred1dollar bills and checks keptthem coming back for more. %he show had to go on.

TRIP T!O

GREE"Y GREEN PAST#RES

4astor Ben Buck and Miranda were back on track9medicall) that is.?espite the harrowing lessons theHd suffered through on theirrecent angel dust fantas flight) the were alread pushing4rosperit to poor people again. +t would cost them too dearl torenounce that doctrine as false. (nl the doctors at the observationunit knew anthing about the horrific vision theHd e3perienced in

being beamed back to the technologicall challenged world of Abraham. AbrahamHs privations had shocked the mone1madcouple: no air1conditioning) no Role3 on AbrahamHs wiened wrist)no designer bath suite with 2acui and gold taps. And as forAbrahamHs renowned wealth) nothing much to impress Ben andMiranda. Malodorous multitudes of goats and sheep) mooing cattle)persnicket camels. Bellowing beasts which needed constantfeeding) watering and cleaning up after. =ndless backbreaking workfor Ben) who had been undergoing a trial period to prove that hecould manage a portion of the wealth of Abraham and prove himself

worth of being one of his heirs. And as Miranda dail observed theprimitive privations endured b beautiful &arah) it had made herwonder how &arah could sta that wa for long. &urel) Miranda hadthought) &arahHs skin would wither to leather under that hot sunand she would need a facelift or Boto3. #ow humiliating for her andBen) to struggle to recover their sanit after coming back to thereal world. But now Ben and Miranda were back in the religiousmeat market where the belonged) as greed for the green as ever)both uite unreformed b their harrowing ordeal. After their discharge from the drug treatment center) Ben had

threatened to sue the pants off his partner &am for drugging hisand MirandaHs drinks. But &am had sunk to his knees) begging Bento turn the other cheek like an real hristian would. &am wouldkeep his nose clean from here on out) he pleaded. And he wouldmake forgiveness worthwhile for Ben and Miranda. ot onl would&am cede to them his and Rosie!s share of the disputed surplusministr funds) but &am would cook up even more lucrative donorappeals to pr mone out of %5 viewers. &am knew how to falsiffinancial records to make income balance with legitimate outgo.0rom here on out Ben could skim the cream off the ministr

kickbacks while &am and Rosie took what was left. Ben just had tobe magnanimous. Besides) &am argued) no one had actuall &==

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him spike anoneHs drink) so wh stir up bad publicit which wouldonl scare the fish awa; =verbod would be losers if thathappened. %he were in the business of selling religious cottoncand) so wh rob the viewers of the magic; Ben grumbled his forgiveness) then e3cused himself and left the

sunn terrace to enter the refreshment lounge which overlooked theswimming pool. Miranda remained sitting at the patio table with&am and Rosie as Ben went to the wine cabinet. #is back turned tohis friends) Ben popped open a bottle of cabernet sauvignon) thenfilled two blue goblets and two pink ones. Iuickl Ben peeked outat the veranda. %he three others were laughing and joking as if thepast had never happened. Ben dipped into his pants pocket andlifted out a tin plastic bag. arefull he mi3ed a fine powder intothe pink goblets with a swile stick. Rosie turned to Miranda and said she needed to be e3cused to

fi3 her makeup. At the same time) Ben was startled b a loud crash.#e rushed out of the lounge into the hallwa) slamming the door inannoance. '&tupid cats*' he elled. aldonia and alpurnia) histwo pampered 4ersians) were battling it out again) and this timeBenHs favorite "recian statuette was the casualt) all smashed tosmithereens on the marble floor. %he two cats were still suealing and fighting when Rosie wentto work. &he opened the lower compartment of the cabinet andtook out two more blue and two more pink goblets. &he poured thecontents of the blue wine cups into the clean pink cups) then filled

the clean blue goblets with wine from the pink ones filled b Ben.&he arranged the cups on the tra) then hurriedl set the emptiesinside the balsa cabinet and shut the door. "ood) she thought) thecats are still fighting and +Hve got time... Rosie barel finished when she heard Ben shriek and cuss thecats out. &etter h"rr!, she thought. B the time the cats calmed down and Ben returned to hisdrinks tra) Rosie had reseated herself on the veranda) lookingrela3ed. Ben brought the wine out and said) '?arn cats. %hat butlerHs never

around when ou need him. %oo chicken. (ccupational haard)breaking up cat fights. &ee the scratch on m arm;' '(h) Ben)' Miranda cried) 'wh donHt + ring "racie and sheHllbring ou a Band1aid and Bactine for that;' 'aw) itHs just a tin booboo. #ere) &am) hereHs ours.' Benhanded him a pink goblet. 'And a rose goblet for Rosie) too.' '%o friendship and letting bgones be bgones)' said Ben) raisinghis glass in a toast. Miranda got cold feet. -ould Ben reall go through with such arash thing; '#e) wait a minute*' she cried. '2ust because of these

two) we had to spend si3 weeks dring out in rehab) and ourministr e3ecs had to release a smokescreen stor to the press

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about alleged food poisoning* &he set her glass down. o wa* +f !o" want to forgive those jokers) Ben) go ahead*' ?isgusted) sheleft the veranda. '&heHs still a bit fragile)' said Ben. 'othing a night at the 0ilm4remiere wouldnHt cure. "ive her time. #e) +Hll drink with ou

gus. %o friends)' he said. %he glasses clinked and Ben took a long drink. (nl when &amsaw Rosie freel imbibe did he stop sniffing the edge of his cupand swallow some himself. Ben finished and then) as if tocompensate for MirandaHs hostilit) he grabbed MirandaHs desertedglass and drained it on one breath. '>now what) &am;' he chortled. -e raked in millions from thatAbraham scam. But thereHs other virgin territor to plunder. ?avidwas rich) &olomon was rich9' Ben said no more. #is head wobbled) then he slumped to the

floor. '(h) m lord*' Rosie cried. '?JjK vu* +Hve done it %#+& time*&am) call an ambulance*' +t was one full1blown freakout. As Ben whirled through spaceand time) a favorite childhood chorus blared through his brain:

%he $ord is m &hepherd) + shall not want#e maketh me down to lie

+n 4astures "reen #e leadeth me%he silent waters b.

BenHs arm felt like it was on fire. alpurniaHs claws sure werelethal. '(h) for cool still waters in green pastures)' he moaned overand over. #e blacked out.

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'+ found him here) m lord) beside the watering hole)' Benunderstood someone to sa) though curiousl) the thought was notvoiced in =nglish) the onl language Ben was fluent in. '"ive the man a drink of water and a few raisins to revive him)'

spoke a resonant) commanding voice. '#e must have fainted fromthe heat. (nce he has sufficientl recovered) + shall ask him whohe is and inuire about his origin.' A swarth man in a turban rubbed oil on BenHs arm. %hen heheld an earthenware cup to BenHs mouth until he took a few gulps of the unfiltered oasis water. Ben hoped he would not getMonteumaHs Revenge from it. %he man produced a small leatherbag and offered Ben some raisins. urious raisins the were) too)still attached to a stem and a bit crunch because the were notseedless. But Ben graciousl accepted the hospitalit of his

rescuers. At least he didnHt have Miranda to worr about on thisparticular trip. $ife in ancient Bible $and was arduous enough

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without having to put up with her griping. Ben studied hissurroundings. #e la in a thatch of rough grass) beside a placidpool. %he vegetation was scant and scrubb. Ben peered into thedistance. ragg hills were gentl illumined b a late afternoon sun.2agged rocks cast long shadows over the trackless wilderness. Ben

was surrounded b several hundred bearded men garbed in a widearra of cloaks) tunics and turbans. &ome carried spears) othershad uivers of arrows slung across their backs. &hields) wheneverBen saw them) looked crude and patched together from leather andwood. #ere and there he could see women doing chores or tendingfires ne3t to tents. Man small children ran about plaing. A red1haired man armed with a ver long sword circulatedamong the men. %he acted deferentiall toward him) but withcomradel affection. #e must be their leader. %he man walked withan air of authorit and dignit. #e was short and wir) but appeared

in top phsical condition. #ow noiselessl he moved on his sandaledfeet. '"st like an A(ache #arrior, Ben thought. %he humbl1clad dignitar approached Ben and said: '+ am?avid) son of 2esse. -ho might ou be) and where are ou from;' '+ am Ben Buck)' Ben replied. '+ come from ver far awa. +am a stranger in this land.' '&o how did ou come to this place;' ?avid inuired. '8ou werehalf dead when we found ou) and talking out of our head.' '+ come from the future)' said Ben. '+ will not be born foranother three thousand ears.'

?avidHs men guffawed) avowing that the had never heard sucha cra notion. Ben pulled his cell phone from his pocket and took apicture of ?avid) who was so startled b the novel e3perience heinstinctivel drew his sword. Ben said) 6hill out) + won!t post it tothe +nternet.7 Ben showed ?avid the picture on the tin screen and said)'&urel ou have never seen a device like this before) which canreproduce a manHs image in an instant. And never have ou seensuch clothing as mine.' Ben pointed at his suit jacket and his tie)then the watch on his wrist. '%his is called a Role3. +t tells me

what time of da it is. +t sas that it is four oHclock9er) + mean) thetenth hour of the da. At least thatHs what time it was when + wassuddenl taken from the land of m origin.' '&urel it is sorcer*' one of the men cried. '?avid) a conjureris in our midst* 8ou must run him through this ver moment*' '#old our peace) 2ubal)' replied ?avid. '+f this man is notagainst us) he must be on our side. 4erhaps he is running awafrom an adversar) just as we are.' Ben looked at ?avid intentl. '?avid) ou will become a man of great wealth. 8ou are destined to become the king of +srael. (ne

da ou will attain to "odHs favor and ou will no longer have to runawa from our enem >ing &aul.'

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?avid frowned. 'And who are ou to tell me + do not et standin "odHs favor;' '-ell) ?avid) isnHt it evident that ou must be doing somethingwrong or ouHd be cooling our heels in a palace right now; +f "odwere alread smiling upon ou) ou would alwas be comfortable

and well1fed. 8our face is hollow from hunger. -here + come from)we know what those green pastures mean that ouHre alwassinging about.' Ben reached in his pocket and withdrew a wad of cash. '&ee; %hese green papers are called dollars. %he are whatmakes people of m time happ) ?avid. And when "od blesses mewith man dollars) +Hm ling in green pastures.' ?avid laughed. #e picked up a hundred dollar bill and flipped itin the air. 'As flims as tree leaves* an these trul satisf ourhunger) Ben Buck;' '&ort of) ?avid. 8ou give these dollars to somebod who runs a

fanc eater and ou can chow down to our heartHs content.-here + come from) dollar bills are worth more than fine gold.' %he breee blew the bill out of ?avid!s hand. (ld 2ubal caught itand flipped it into the fire. 6But it doesn!t stand the trial of fire) BenBuck* $ookie there*7 Ben went ballistic. 68ou gotta be cra) man* %hat!s a sinagainst the poor* A poor man could bu a mountain of Big Macswith that mone* 8ou!re luck the feds didn!t catch ou desecratingEncle &am!s legal tender* 8ou!d do time in $eavenworth*7 )*o"’re the cra one) babbling such insanit*' man of the men

called. '%he hot sun has roasted our brains) Ben Buck*' '4erhaps) gentlemen) but if ou had enough of those greenbucks ou just burnt to a crisp) ou and our leader wouldnHt haveto roast under a hot desert sun everda) hungr and thirst andrunning scared like a jack rabbit. +nstead) ?avid could sip winecoolers in a fanc palace and be fanned b slaves9since airconditioning wonHt be invented till after -orld -ar ++. ?avid) as abrother in the $ord +Hm going to e3hort ou: +f ou would onl learnto release the 0orce of 0aith and start confessing victor) old &aulwould tuck tail and run awa from 8(E instead of ou having to run

awa from him) and our father1in1law troubles would be all over.' ?avid shook his head. 'Ben Buck) ouHre babbling foolishness)and ouHd better not speak disrespectfull of m father1in1law9evenif he is tring to kill me. %hose green things which float awa on thebreee cannot satisf m hunger for "od) and it is an insult to #ishonor to sa that the are tokens of #is favor. + am a devotedservant of the (ne %rue "od. And + love #im for -ho #e is) not forwhat #e gives me. %he $ord is m Rock and m &alvation. #e onlis m defense and m Refuge. +n prosperit and in adversit) the$ord is m &hepherd) now and forevermore.'

Buck blushed and bowed his head. '8ou are a man of greatpiet and loft ideals) ?avid) but m blessings are so real the can

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be touched. + have man things to thank "od for) ?avid. Esefulblessings which improve the ualit of m life in the real world.' '$et us not uarrel)' said ?avid. '8ou might ver well be asorcerer from a foreign land) or even an ordinar man from a landwe know nothing of. But thus far ou have done nothing to harm us

and + will not sit in hast judgment upon ou. 8ou will feel betteronce ou have rested and enjoed our hospitalit for a few das.%hen) if ou choose to remain with us) ou ma begin militartraining with m men.' ?avid had an attendant bring his harp. '?o ou enjo music)Ben Buck;' '&ure do. +Hm sort of an old foge and + dig Bob ?lan) the=agles) =lvis9' '4erhaps this will cure our madness) Ben)' said ?avid. #epicked up his harp and began to strum a lovel melod in an ancient

music mode uite unfamiliar to Ben. Ben awned) then fell asleepas he lounged on a straw mat beside the still waters.

< < < < < <

BenHs hallucination fast1forwarded to a training field out in thewilderness. o matter how Ben tried he could not master the use of thebow. #is forearm) e3ercised mainl with a computer mouse) was tooweak to wield a sword) or an other ancient weapon. #e couldnHt

even hit the broad side of a barn with a sling. =ver arrow Ben shotwould start out straight) then lurch in an arc and land well short of the cla target. %he other men would point and laugh at him. ?avidconsoled him with a pat on the back. 'At least ou are tring tolearn. And though ou have not et been born) ou are not soouthful as mself. 4a them no heed) Ben Buck.' '(h) well) ?avid) what do ou e3pect; All + got in high schoolarcher was a la . And m personal trainer sas m biceps areturning to butter.' Before long Ben got tired of plaing the underdog. Boldl he

said: '+tHs high time + practiced what + preach* All ou gus arewasting our time) fighting with bows and arrows. &pears andarrows arenHt a hristian wa to resolve conflicts* 8ouHve gotta fightspiritual enemies with spiritual weapons. &atan is the one whoHspulling >ing &aulHs strings. %he devilHs been making &aul chase usall over the place like a chicken with its head cut off) and right now+Hm gonna teach ou gus how to wage war in the invisible realm*' '&top whining to "od to save ou* %hatHs just a religious copoutfor spiritual lainess and unbelief* "od e3pects E& to take authoritover our enemies and subdue them* 4ositive confession releases

the 0orce of 0aith to go forth to do battle on our behalf* &peakunto that problem and order it to go awa* -eHre all hungr) so letHs

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all release the 0orce of 0aith right now to bring us our dinner* BigMacs) we command ou to come to us on ever wave to feed usright now*' Ben grabbed his midsection and cried: 'othing et) but truefaith is persistent* $etHs A% our faith out now* +Hm travailing in

birth. %he thing + desire is real but itHs still in the invisible realm. +am laboring to bring forth the answer to m need* Egh* + groan inchildbirth) e3pecting to see big juic hamburgers emerge into thevisible realm to feed us* 0ood) come to us* And while weHre at it)letHs fight our enemies* >ing &aul) + confess that even now) ourmule is sinking in mir cla and ou canHt go on chasing us* +confess that we are free to beat our bows and arrows intoplowshares because the power of m faith is even now breakingours into toothpicks*7

6All right) gus) it!s time for a victor march*7 Ben shouted. 6?avid) ou and the other musicians around here) just grab ourharp and we!ll all march round the campfire) singing. %hat!s whatwe do at our church. + know a good victor song to teach ou gus*+t!ll beat satan!s butt in no time*7 &oon Ben had the whole brigade beating timbrels) blaringtrumpets) strumming harps and belting out:

Attack* Attack* "et our blessings back

Attack* Attack* And recover the cash4raise the $ord and pass the ammunition

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4raise the $ord) we ain!t a1goin! fishin"rab our gun) send satan on the run>eep on fightin! till the battle!s won

And if the devil don!t like it he can sit on a tack&it on a tack

&it on a tack+f old sluefoot don!t like it he can sit on a tack

-e can!t go back) let!s attack*

'?avid)' Ben added for good measure) 'come here) + want topra for ou*7 ?avid rolled up his ees) but approached Ben to see what thisoddball might do ne3t. Ben placed his hand on ?avid!s forehead andshook it hard.

?avid!s bod guards unsheathed their swords) but he motionedfor them to cool it. &till gripping ?avid!s head like a pit bull terrier)Ben shouted) 6B the power of m words + $(1(1(1(&= ou fromthe bondage of povert* 8ou are free to become the rich man "odintended ou to be*7 Ben blew at ?avid. 6Be slain*7 he cried. -hen he remainedstanding) Ben gave him a gentle nudge) making him stagger. Butbattle1seasoned ?avid uickl regained his footing and shouted) 6#ow dare ou la violent hands on the $ord!s anointed to sla him*7 %he clanking of swords almost made &en pass out. 6(h) please)

?avid) + didn!t mean an violence* %hat!s the wa we pra for eachother in m time. 8ou were supposed to fall flat on our back fromm praer) but9oops* + forgot to put a catcher behind ou to keepou from crash landing in the sage brush* +!m sorr*7 6-hat!s the point of all this;7 ?avid asked.

6M point is this) ?avid. -here + come from +!m a ver rich man.0ollow m e3ample and "od will love ou and bless ou and leadou into green pastures just like #eHs done for me. Ben pointed athis e3pensive suit) which looked threadbare and rumpled fromwilderness life. '+f onl ou would dress for success and look like a

child of "od) ou would deserve to be blessed like a child of "od)and ou would A%%RA% success* ever again would ou be under"od!s curse of povert and suffer the penalt of having to dwell in adr and thirst land*7 More than a few of ?avidHs men shouted angril and began torun Ben off. %he threw dirt and stones at him. Ben headed for thehills) huffing and puffing. Mingled in with the garbled shouting and pinpricks from the dirtand stones) Ben could hear ?avid shouting) 6%hat freak!s insane*#e!s might mad* Barking mad* $et him go*7

< < < < < <

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A nurse stood above Ben) pricking repeatedl at his arm tring tolocate a fresh vein for his +5 drip. 6%hat needs a shave) ?r. $oop said) pointing to Ben!s stubblchin. 6#e might get mad) but we can!t let him go home.7

< < < < < <

Ben found himself ling on a cold marble floor. A gruff voice boomedout: '8ou dare bring %#A% weakling into m presence; -ill ou call%#A% a fitting tribute to our king;' Ben opened his ees. %wo scruff1looking men in rough robesstood on either side of him. 0earfull the fell to their faces andwhimpered: '( $ord >ing) we present this man to ou as just wefound him ling in the wilderness. -e swear b the light of the

moon that we did not first strip him of boot.' A guard rushed over to the two brigands and held a sword up tothe neck of one of them. '8ou B=%%=R not have taken anthingfrom him* 0rom the looks of this poor specimen) his adornmentsare worth far more than he is*' '-e swear he is worth his weight in gold) and he came with allthe attachments) ' one of the brigands whimpered. '0(($&*' the angr voice reverberated. '+t is bad enough thatou Bendonites are forever stirring up rebellion against me) and mwives are nagging me about the latest teen idol crae. But do ou

think presenting our >ing with a weak) middle1aged slave ouscraped up off the side of the road is going to placate m wrath) orsettle past due accounts; 8ou must still make up what is lacking inthe tribute our tribe owes* And ouHd better have it b this timene3t week* "=% (E% (0 M8 &+"#%*' %he >ing!s secret servicehustled the bedraggled Bedouins outside. (nce BenHs head cleared) he sat unsteadil up. %he sight tookhis breath awa. %his was the mother of all audience chambers) inthe mother of all palaces. $as 5egas looked like a convent bcomparison. -h) this was an archaeologistHs paradise. 4orcelain

columns sparkled with gold trim. "orgeous oriental tapestriesadorned walls inlaid with intricate mosaics. Ben saw twelve goldenlions) one on each end of si3 carpeted marble steps which ascendedto a daling throne of gold1plated ivor. &eated upon it was astern1looking monarch with jet1black curls cascading to hisshoulders. +t must be &olomon) thought Ben) the richest king in allof histor. At least Ben had got that part of his prosperit preachingright* &olomonHs bejeweled crown was so massive Ben wondered if his head ached from its weight. %he >ing wore a richl embroideredrobe of red scarlet adorned with rows of precious stones. #e held a

diamond1tipped scepter. $iveried attendants stood on either side of him) holding ostrich plume fans. 0air oung maidens knelt on the

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floor) softl strumming harps for his pleasure. #undreds of handsomel bedecked courtiers stood in silent wonderment beforethis most glorious of earthl sovereigns. '-ho are 8(E*' demanded the >ing. #e stared down at Ben asif he were a bug.

Ben!s brain whirled. %his was ?avid!s son) and surel he wouldhave been told about Ben Buck being run off from ?avid!s camp.-eakl he sputtered) '+ am ah9 Ben Balaam) sire. + come from acit called =l ?inero. +t is man miles from here. + am from thefuture. + will not be born for another F)DDD ears) sire.7 %he whole court guffawed. %he >ing onl grew angr. '8ou areeither the basest of fools or a total madman. +f ou knew what thepenalt is for ling to our king) ou would not pla the jesterbefore me. But + will put ou to the test to see whether ou are aliar or a fool) which m court alread abounds. +f ou trul are from

the future) then surel ou would know what shall befall me and mhouse in the coming ears. -ill m dnast continue;' '+t will) 8our Majest.' Ben swallowed hard. 'And who shall succeed me as king;' 'A son called Rehoboam) sire.' '-ill he be a wise man) or a fool;' Ben blinked. #e desperatel hoped that &olomon would notmake him reveal the future rebellion of ten tribes of +srael againstRehoboam) or the rise of 2eroboam to rule over the rebel tribes. 6-+$$ #= B= -+&=;7 the king thundered.

6Ah9sire) we are all mortal men. +t is not for such a lowl wormas mself to sit in judgment on the rown 4rince as being a wiseman or a fool. =ven the wisest of men do foolish things) and even afool can redeem himself and become wise. 8our son Rehoboam willshow himself to be a decisive man of firm leadership who does notcave in to the whims of weaker men. Rehoboam will be a man of iron will who will make solid decisions and carr them out. (therswill tr to change him) but he will not bend like a reed in the wind.Rehoboam will bow to no man and what he starts he shall surelfinish. &uch an admirable trait in a man) sire. 8ou reall should be

proud of him.' Ben hoped against hope &olomon would not pressthe point about whether his dnast would continue) or some spearpoint might press him* %he king nodded) satisfied. '#ave ou an other words of wisdom for me) Ben Balaam;' '8our Majest) + just happened to overhear our lamentationabout how our wives want some new teen idols constructed.4erhaps + might be of some service. -here + come from) + amasseda large fortune b mass marketing religious paraphernalia. Religionis big business in m land) sire.'

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%he king raised his bush eebrows. '8ou are not of m nation+srael) + presume; 8our beardlessness and strange apparel testif of foreign origin.' Ben rubbed his face) riddled with nicks from the flint raor he!dshaved with in past weeks. '+ am from America) a land which will

not even come into e3istence for @LDD more ears. +f it please the>ing) + can present evidence for that.' Ben reached into his jacketpocket and withdrew a laminated card. '%his is m state driver!slicense) with m name and picture on it) and the date of issue.' Anattendant handed it to &olomon. '+ cannot decipher that strange script)' said &olomon. 'are toe3plain it to me;' Ben did so) further elaborating on the meaning of the date asreflecting the number of ears since the birth of hrist. '#e is the (ne + preach about)' Ben casuall said. '#e is M

heavenl >ing. + serve #im well) and the rewards are great. &ee therub ring on m finger) and the watch on m wrist; +t tells me thetime of da) and in m countr) onl men of means wear theseelegant adornments.' %he ruler studied BuckHs hands and frowned. '+ am not so sureabout the purit of our heart) onl that ou are a shrewd man of high ambition.7 &olomon turned Ben!s hands over and felt them. 6#m1m1m...our hands are smooth e3cept for a bit of a calluswhere the left thumb meets the forefinger) and calluses at the jointsof the right fingers. 8ou are uite unused to heav toil) but +

surmise that ou might have been an archer at some stage in ourlife. Am + correct;7 68es) 8our Majest) but a third1rate one. + did not get thisbeautiful watch or this rub ring through the wages of manuallabor.7 Ben swallowed hard. +f he didn!t grease some influentialpalm fast) he might be dispatched to the salt mines. 6&ire) mfingers are pudgier than ours) so m rings wouldn!t fit ou) but thewatch ought to adjust nicel to our wrist. -ould ou like to tr iton;7 %he >ing slid it on his left wrist. #e stared wonderingl at the

platinum gold band and all the futuristic features of the timepiece. 6+t is magic*7 cried the >ing. &ee how the little arrow circles roundits tin face*7 Ben grinned. 6(h) es) our Majest. And notice the little crownlogo. %his watch was made speciall for men of distinction like ou*+ came back in time just to present it to ou and to learn all aboutour great wisdom) and how ou got so rich* But as ou know) +was walaid b brigands on m wa here. %hat is wh m clothingis so rumpled and dirt.7 6+t is clothing such as + have never seen)7 said &olomon. 6oarse

in te3ture compared to mine. +t reminds me of a gra owl with a

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ribbon of scarlet adorning its breast) and it is sober compared tom own attire.7 6A gra owl) ou said;7 Ben grinned. 6+n m land) sire) owls arereputed to be birds of wisdom. &o + wear the garments of wisdomwhen + cater to m people!s religious needs.7

6-hatever)7 said &olomon) 6but wolves can appear in sheep!sclothing) and a jackass can feign himself to be an owl. 8ou saour name is Ben Baalam. %hat means ,son of Balaam!. Balaamwas a wiard who got the children of +srael into hot water with"od.7 6(h) no) our Majest) that Balaam!s not M8 dad*7 cried Ben. 68ou!re talking about some other Balaam. + come from a differentcountr than that crumb did. + don!t lead people into hot water with"od) + lead them to still waters in green pastures*7 68our attire +& dirt from our travels.7 said the >ing. 6-e shall

remed that. -e have plent of clothing in our sie) and ourraiment shall be appointed unto ou) since ou will remain here inm service indefinitel. 8ou!re a bit unpolished around the edges)but + like ou) Ben Balaam.7 6And + have so much talent to offer 8our Majest)7 said Ben. 6Mskill in marketing religious paraphernalia made me rich enough tobu Role3es and rub rings. + also had a horseless chariot whichmoved faster than a bowshot*7 6%hat is remarkable)7 said &olomon. 6+ cannot et dispense withm horses) but m fleet of chariots are on the cutting edge of

technolog and the!re the env of ever other king on earth. -hatelse did ou possess) Ben Balaam;7 6+ had three elegant mansions loaded with hi1tech modcons...but) of course) the were all tar paper shacks compared toour pad. But + had a happ home. And a happ home is abeautiful home. &peaking of keeping our home happ) + wouldremind our Majest of m e3pertise in all things religious. +f ourwives need me to design a few religious icons for them) +!m attheir...ah...our service) sire.7 +o (roblem, Ben thought) I sa# some #eird-looking totem (oles in Alaska, so I can dra# bl"e(rints

for some scar! images. %he >ing struggled to stifle a chuckle. 68ou certainl are aheathen rogue) aren!t ou) Ben Balaam) wanting to be of service tom harem; 8ou!re reall offbeat) too. -hen m father was in thewilderness recruiting men of war) the came from all walks of life.&ome were fools) et onl a few were wise. (thers were barkingmad. (ne madman in particular incurred m father!s displeasurebecause he kept saing things which lowered the other men!smorale. %hat man had the easiest M(& in the arm. All he had todo was watch the baggage while the others fought. %hat) in itself)

was no disgrace) since m father considered it an honorable callingto guard the baggage if ou were too weak to fight. But this

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particular chap was so cowardl he would hide under the camelfurniture whenever he heard the approach of distant hoofbeats. (neda he laid low while a few fo3es invaded the chuck wagon andmade off with a few legs of mutton. And if that wasn!t bad enough)he let his comrades know the had fallen out favor with the

Almight because wh would the alwas be broke and on the run)unless their was were not pleasing unto the $ord; %he other mengot tired of giving that babbling fool the benefit of the doubt) sothe chased that jackal out of the camp in nothing flat.7 Ben!s heart was in his mouth. 6+f + ma inuire) Majest) whatwas his name;7 6Ben Buck. M father told me that man!s vain babblings were sofoolish the were unworth of being repeated to me. + believe hewas an itinerant sorcerer with a bagful of magic tricks tring to conan eas living out of others because he was too slothful to get a real

job. But all m father cared to tell me was what an ungrateful)arrogant jackass the fellow was) the wa he cast aspersions on mfather!s relationship with "od. But what do ou e3pect;7 sighed&olomon. 6=nv is the rottenness of the bones and that rottenrogue envied those brave enough to go into battle. But don!t outhink it!s a bit fish that both of ou are ,Bens! and both of ouclaimed to come from the future; + hope ou aren!t ling aboutour true identit.7 Ben heard a sword being drawn. 6(h) no) sire* %here!s a multitude of time travelers tripping onthe highwas and bwas) and + definitel am not Ben Buck* +

swear it on a stack of &trong!s oncordances*7 6+ am a king of judgment and justice and + do not condemn aman until his guilt is firml established)7 said &olomon. 6Besides)our countr teems with colorful characters with odd monickers.%here!s no end of Mahalaleels) Mephibosheths and Maher1shalal1hash1baes running about. And our land abounds with Bens. Ben2udah) Ben Ammon) Ben #adad) and countless Bens of Belial. Butthere!s onl one Ben Buck) and ou!re much too prudent andintelligent to have been the babbling brook of idioc m father!smen drove into the wilderness.7

6%hat is true) Majest.7 Ben was ver relieved. 6(thers alwasunderestimate me) and had + been such an idiot) + would neverhave been so clever at mone1making in m own land. -here itconcerns pring mone out of tight fists) + have few euals. Andreligion is m specialt) sire.7 68our religion) such as it is) has served our own purposes well)7 replied &olomon. 6=ven heathens from far1off lands need to gettheir dail dose of religion. 2ust ask the Iueen of &heba. But + willlet some other heathen carve a few idols for m wives. 8ou sa ouare not that same coward m father!s men drove from the camp.

-ell) + shall prove ou to make certain ou are not ling to me. 8oushall be put to work collecting m tribute from the disgruntled

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populace. +f ou survive the ordeal it will prove ou are a prudentman with a persuasive tongue. +f ou are killed in the line of dutou will prove ou are no coward. But if ou tuck tail and run) ouwill show ourself to be that same ellow jackal who called intouestion m father!s friendship with "od. o other assignment +

could give ou demands so much courage as the post of roalrevenue agent. ?ail m ta3 agents face hostilit and stones. Areou prepared to prove ourself to our king) Ben Balaam;7 Ben gulped. '+ can charm mone out of a &cottish &crooge)Majest.7 65er well) then. 8ou shall be shown to our uarters) fed ourdinner) and shown the hospitalit of m palace. %omorrow ou shallbe briefed on the minutiae of our mission. ?ismissed) Ben.7 $iveried servants led Ben awa. And so it came to pass that Ben Buck lived off the fat of the

land. #is apartment in the palace was most lu3urious. -henever itgot hot prett slave girls fanned him. Miranda could wait. -hatmore could a man want; Ben didnHt go hungr. #e dined on themost e3uisite kosher cuisine and dressed in the finest silks. =verda e3cept the &abbath Ben would be ferried about in a roalchariot to visit towns and villages to collect the >ingHs tribute.

Ben!s entourage stopped off at one farm where a haggard1looking woman was hauling bundles of ha on her back. &helooked cross and miserable. Ben got no warm welcome) though shehad to show him respect. '+ suppose ouHre here to collect straw for

the >ing to feed all his fanc horses*' she grumbled. 'o matterthat ours will have to starve this winter*' #er husband stood nearb. #e) being more timid than she)gasped in horror. 'Bridle our tongue) Miriam* &how respect to the>ingHs ambassador*' #er ees flashed. '+ will not* (ur animals are wasting awa forwant of what is taken from us* +Hm sick of slaving all da under ahot sun while &olomonHs heathen wives prance around in lu3ur atour e3pense*' B now doens of hired hands were milling about) ears wide

open. Ben tried to placate her. '&ister Miriam) +Hm not here to hurtou) onl to teach ou the principles of sowing and reaping to makeou richer. ast our ha upon the wagon and it will come back toou on ever amber wave of grain.' '8ou lie* 2ust like all the other mone1grubbing bureaucrats whoplague the $ordHs land* -e were liberated from 4haraoh onl tobecome slaves of Big "overnment*'

Ben got mad. '+f ou gus would learn how to confessprosperit and dress prosperit) it wouldnHt be long before 8(E sat

on the throne too* $ad) if our husband would shave that fur off hisface) he!d see a new man staring back at him from the still waters*

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"et ourself a wardrobe consultant* 8ou won!t get far looking like askid row bum* +tHs a sin to be poor and hungr) so repent of ourpovert right (-*'

Miriam elled that she made her own garments) real men worebeards) and it was the rich who!d kept her famil poor.

68ou know +!m right) lad* And if ou!d take that bed sheet off our head that ou threw on it to hide our bad hair da and go getan image makeover) ou could climb up the social ladder a little*&olomonHs dad ?avid was poor as a church mouse but he got up off his duff and got rich* And now his son &olomon is the richest go1getter in all human histor* 8ouHre all poor because ouHve got nofaith and canHt see past our ne3t bowl of pottage* &erves ouright*' Miriam spat at Ben. +mmediatel she was seied b BenHsattendants.

%he boldest of the hired workers raised a pitchfork and cried:'&ave our mistress* -e are free men) not slaves*' %he roal chariot got stormed b a mob of furious farm workers.(ne of the peasants got nicked b a spear and retreated to doctorhimself) but the others capsied the chariot) making the horsesstumble and sueal. %he peasants pummeled the kingHs men withpomegranates the owed as tribute. +n the confusion Miriam brokefree and ran to safet. %he workers held no swords) but the vastloutnumbered their aristocratic foes. %he picked up handstavesand other implements and attacked the kingHs servants) whose

hearts melted with fear when the saw a suadron of angr countrfolk fanned out over the horion) rushing toward them and makingwar whoops. &omeone set fire to the kingHs ha wagon. &tones began to fl.Ben got hit in the head as he hobbled awa) followed b panickwagoners who deserted the flaming tribute. After so man ears of sad) nodding surrender to their demands)Ben!s roal guard wasn!t at all prepared for this. =ven if the pickedoff a few of the peasants) the were hopelessl outnumbered andwould get killed anwa. &o the tucked tail and ran) leaving Ben to

fend for himself. But Ben was far more afraid of &olomon!s wraththan anthing the peasants could do to him.Before the crowd could seie Ben to tear him limb from limb) he

vanished before their ees. #is last lucid thought was amaementthat a common %5 preacher like himself had actuall sparked off themother of all civil wars. (ne which would cost ?avid!s dnast tenof the nation!s twelve tribes and would end the "olden Age of +srael. Ben had saved rude) reckless Rehoboam the bother of doingit himself.

< < < < < <

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Ben woke up in the observation unit9again. A nurse stood abovehim) adjusting his +5 drip. 'Man) + got stoned big time)' Benmoaned. '8ou sure did*7 the nurse scolded. 'M word) ou preachers suredo live dangerous lives. But itHs true what the sa. &till waters

run deep.'

TRIP THREE

BESS THE BREA" BASKETS

+t took Brother Ben Buck onl about fifteen minutes to finish his

introductor sermonette on the widow and her miraculous jar of oil. 6+t doesn!t matter how little our storehouse is)7 Ben said in a lowvoice. %he good $ord can surel multipl it back to ou a hundred1fold.

Ben paced and danced onstage in his glitter jacket) trimmed insparkl gold and set with thousands of shin metallic rhinestones.#is stage costumes) powered b tin solar cells) were the cuttingedge of +% technolog. =ach rhinestone was attached to a tin chipand was remote1controlled b a master computer high above theauditorium. 6Mike the Mood Man7) observing high overhead in the

control room) would program Ben!s rhinestones to glow in differentcolors) either brightl or softl depending on the mood of themoment. =ver other stone might glitter in 6glor gold7) withneighboring stones emitting orange) green) red) blue or violettones. ?uring the 6hol hush7 segment of the service) the techniciancould even cause Ben!s jacket to shine brilliantl in purest white. +f the service was 6hot7 and Ben!s preaching and bod languagewere 6on fire7) the 6warm tones7 in Ben!s jacket would be activated.#is 6attire would be set afire7 in a blae of reddish hues set inmotion b a few pulsating gold gems. But if Ben was in a reflective

mood) the suit would 6cool down7 to a sparkl violet or turuoise)as the stage lights were subtl muted and ethereal choral musicmellowed the atmosphere. Ben often swore his suits did half hispreaching for him* 6#aving church7 was a piece of cake with suchspecial effects) and besides) Ben!s electronic wiardr addedmstiue to his miracle services* (nl when Ben was about todrown in his own sweat would he whip the jacket off and hand it toan assistant. %he people would generall attribute that to Ben 6praing more earnestl7 and 6travailing in battle with the devil7.

Ben preached prosperit) but he didn!t look like an office fi3ture.

#is tousled auburn hair covered his ears and brushed the collar of his 6salvation suit7. Balding &am was rather jealous of Ben) whose

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longish hair was so e3pertl stled) conditioned and high1lighted.Ben often made the e3cuse that his hairstle helped hide his 6elephant ears7 which he didn!t reall want to have surgicall pinnedback. But Brother Buck didn!t want the real reason he hid his ears

leaked to the press. 0or the final two hours of each miracle serviceBen would prance around shouting ,hallelujah! and calling outnames of afflicted people) 6received b revelation7. Miranda and herstaff of 6hospitalit hostesses7 would circulate around the door andvestibule of the auditorium) 6getting to know7 those arriving for thefour1hour1long service. o one suspected the real reason Mirandacarried a big purse with her wherever she went. #er nift littlerecorder missed nothing which could fatten Ben!s data base) or hisbank account. estled in Ben!s left ear was a barel visible pink radio receiver

which gave 6supernatural7 insight into &ister 4arker!s pains) orBrother "us!s gout. +nfo from the control room would betransmitted to Ben!s bug over a low freuenc) telling him where&ister &later was standing in the crowd) what she was wearing)where she lived) and how she was worried sick about her sinuses."uided b the high1pitched voice on the transmitter) Ben wouldslowl make his wa down an aisle and pick out that precious onewho languished under a heav load. Ben would 6pra the praer of faith7 over selected sick people) while 6catchers7 stood nearb tohelp lower each one gentl to the floor as Ben bestowed a 6power

touch7 to each forehead.Ben would reassure each supplicant that the 6healing7 might

take time) and meanwhile) a little leap of faith on their part surewouldn!t hinder their heaven1sent blessing from coming. %ime aftertime he!d hear such comments as) 64raise the $ord* #ow on earthdid ou know who + was) Brother Ben; 8ou even knew where + live*8ou!re the real thing) man) + can tell*7 +t took a mini1miracle for Ben to get out of one trap set for himb a skeptic who was on to his tricks. A broad1shouldered ladwearing a long floral skirt) jewelr and thick makeup stood in the

healing line one evening) after being screened b the personalworkers. As usual) the 6special cases7 were discreetl rounded upand herded to a backstage room so Ben could concentrate on thosehe had a 6personal word7 for. 4eople cried out in ecstas as eachone received reassurance that "od was on their side) and theanswer to their praers was just around the corner. #is ees tightlshut) Ben blessed the miracle seekers and panted under the hotlights.

Ben laid hands on the lad in the floral skirt. 6%hat!s &ister ?ust%hompson)7 the ear bug revealed. 6&he!s got severe 4M&) so bad it

gives her mental problems. &he lives at FFF 2efferson ?rive) in#odgetown.7

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Ben approached the lad) his ees glaed in a farawa look. 64recious one)7 he breathed) 6the $ord knows our affliction) andtrul + sa unto ou that ou shall never again be plagued with4M&97

%he sick man sitting ne3t to the lad abruptl rolled his wheel

chair back to give her more room. %he wheel caught the lad!svoluminous skirt in its spokes. 6=eeek*7 she sueaked. #er slip wasshowing) but so were her legs.

A warning blared through Ben!s ear bug: 6"et awa from thatwoman) Ben* +t!s a set1up* #e!s a stooge* #is legs are all hair*7 Before Ben could break free) his arm was seied in an iron grip.%he infiltrator whipped off a platinum blond wig) revealing a crewcut. #e elled as loud as he could: 62ust thought everbod shouldknow* Brother Ben just healed a transvestite of his 4M&*7

4eople gasped) then laughed. But instead of freaking out Ben

put his arm around ?ust!s shoulders and shouted: 6an ou praisethe $ord) everbod* ?ust here!s just gotten healed of 4M&*4ulmonar Mandibular &hingles* #allelujah* &udddenl a rainbowcross appeared on the breast of Ben!s jacket) which turned abrilliant white.

6#allelujah*7 man called. 6+t!s a miracle*7Beneath the jubilation Ben whispered not1so1softl and

tenderl to ?ust: 6Better not tr an more tricks) sugar) or +!llpunch our lights out after the show*7 %o Ben!s relief) most everbod was wowed b his 6supernatural7

knowledge of their names) addresses and distresses. &urel the!dget their miracle here. Esuall the ,healing segment! of Ben!s long service would be putoff until after the green sheaves were safel garnered into the bigbuckets. %oda Ben used this pitch: 6At this time + would remindou that "reen Manna Ministries is reaching out to the communitin its continuing crusade against drug and alcohol abuse. %here areman desperate) hurting men out on the streets who need a helpinghand. Brothers) and sisters) please praerfull ponder the messageou are about to witness before our ees on our overhead

screens.7 A video of a homeless man taking refuge under a drippdoorwa appeared on monitors strategicall placed above the stagearea and throughout the vast auditorium. Ben appeared in the film)bending down to give him a sandwich and a word of encouragement. After five minutes of Ben strolling through litteredallewas and past rowd bars) asking drug addicts if the knew2esus) Ben closed with a cr in his voice: 6%hese men need to besaved* 8ou can make a difference b contributing to our 6Aid forAddicts7 program. 4lease provide badl needed nourishment for

precious drug and liuor addicts like these. "od bless ou*7

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Ben thanked the crowd for their attention and said) 6(ur usherswill collect the offering now) as + perform our ministr!s theme song.+nside the buckets ou!ll find some ellow cards. 4lease take one of these cards and praerfull consider filling it out. (n this ,&hare-ith %hose in ?espair! ard ou can divulge our bank details)

should ou wish to make a standing donation to be deductedmonthl from our bank account. (ur ushers will go round) thenreturn shortl to our section to collect our completed cards.

6Besides regular contributions we also welcome one1timedonations b debit card) credit card) cash or check. 4erhaps manof ou have felt led to tithe faithfull to the work of the $ord. Andwhat better ground could ou sow some of our tithing seed intothan "reen Manna Ministries) one of the few ministries which offershelp and comfort to those in bondage to beer) wine) whiske) ordrugs;

6At this time we are offering a ver special love gift to thosewho give sacrificiall to the work of "reen Manna Ministries.Brother &am!s gonna tell ou all more) and) there he is comingonstage now) so now +!ll turn the mike over to him.7 As the crowd cheered) Ben asked) 6Brother &am) what have wegot for our e3tra special love gift this month;7

%o swelling applause &am shouted with a chees smile) 64raise

the $ord* 4raise 2esus*7 &am was holding a twin1handled porcelain jug embellished with ornate figurines. 6Brothers and sisters) we

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want to show our appreciation for all our ver special friends whogive a sacrificial gift of ing

And the devil can!t get me downo1o1o1o

And the devil can!t get me down*

&o man folks a1moanin! and groanin!

(nl faith can set them free%o get out of a jam

(pen wide our hand8ou!ll attract prosperit

(h) won!t ou come share a blessing with me4lant a mone seed to meet our need

4lant a blessing seedBe a child of the >ing

And the devil wonHt get ou downo1o1o1o

And the devil wonHt get ou down*

+f ouHre down to our last penn&ow a seed and ouHll receive

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"o out and borrow more moneMake a vow out of our need

2ust mail more mites like the widowAnd our blessings will overflow

Make a vow of faithAnd ouHll make no mistake

And that devil wonHt keep ou downo1o1o1o

And that devil wonHt keep ou down*

Ben belted out this refrain) in an operatic tone:

-hen old &luefoot comes a1callinH

%o pinch m dollars and dimes"et our hooks off m dollars + #($$=R1R1R1R

8ou dirt rotten bucket of slime*

+!m a1buildin! a mansion in glor-ith bricks of gorgeous green

%he ritiest palace is a1waitin! for me%hat ee hath ever seen

o devil in hell can stop me0rom livin! like a king

&ee me wear this watch+Hve come out on the top

Hause no devil could keep me downo1o1o1o

Hause old sluefoot canHt keep me down*

Ben danced and sang to snthesied bagpipe chords and a

throbbing drumbeat:

8ou!ll feel so good if ou give like ou shouldast our wampum on the waters now

?on!t ou grumble just hustleMake them dollars rustle

%oss ,em into the bucket nowBetter stop and think

?on!t ou make a clink(nl birds oughta go cheep cheep*

&ee me wear this ring

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+!m a child of the >ingAnd the devil can!t get me down

o1o1o1oAnd the devil can!t get me down*

A swirling harp intro launched Ben on this verse:

+ got a great big piece of blessing pie8ou can see before our ees

+ got a great big castle in the skies+n a land where no one dies

+ got cars and stars in m glor crown8ou!ll never see this feller frown

&ee me wear this ring+Hm a child of the >ing

And the devil canHt get me downo1o1o1o

And the devil canHt get me down*

A gentle o1o1o1o1ing aria from the choir) a muted twinkling of blue stage lights) a somber reflective look on Ben!s face) then he

earnestl sang:

0aith gives me showers of power%o shout and dance and sing

+f a got a need2ust plant a seed

%he buckets are a1comin! roundMake a joful noiseAll e girls and bos

"et a star in our glor crown

And ouHll get the ring(f a child of the >ing

And the devil wonHt get ou downo1o1o1o

And the devil wonHt get ou down*

An abrupt brightening of the lights) then a rolpol man) dressed in

a red1striped shirt and straw hat skittered onstage. #e bowed to theaudience) then strummed a ukulele to Ben!s frantic plea:

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+f ou!re in a pickle?on!t fiddle with nickels

%ake a tenner from our wallet now+f a wanna have plent

2ust toss in twentAnd + don!t mean peanuts) pal

-rite a big fat check"o to heaven) not heck

4ut our mone where our mouth is now

&ee me wear this ring+!m a child of the >ing

And the devil can!t get me downo1o1o1o

And the devil can!t get me down*

Ben!s voice swelled up into a brass refrain:

-hen ol! sluefoot comes a1callin! %o cause commotion within

"et our hooks off m dollars + #($$=R1R1R1R1R8ou dirt rotten sack of sin*

+!m gonna sing and shoutast the devil out

-ith a might cr of victor"onna tell the stor%o the saints in "lor

#ow + left a life of povert( wonHt ou come and join with me

+n the great glad jubilee

4lant our blessing seedBe a child of the >ingAnd the devil wonHt keep ou down

o1o1o1oAnd the devil wonHt keep ou down*

Ben scratched his head and said: 6#onest +njun) folks) +Hm trinHto stop) but + absolutel swear +!ll shut up after + share just one

more secret for successful livin!...

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A banjo plaer rushed onstage strumming at top speed as Benbelted out:

+f a wanna be a winner?on!t be a sinner

ast our wampum on the waters now4ass the buckets round

Make a joful soundBe a joful joll giver now

Bring all our cares to the man upstairsAnd he!ll shower ou with our fair share

&ee me wear this ring+!m a child of the >ing

And the devil can!t get me down

o1o1o1o9

Ben whirled on his heel and boomed out his finale with a blast fromhis big brass band:

And the devil can!t get me dow1ow1ow1own?own* ?ow1ow1ow1own* 8=A#*

&ome in the crowd grumbled about wh should Ben fish forfunds when he bragged he was alread so rich) but even morepeople just shrugged and figured that even if Ben had a few screwsloose he was good entertainment and well worth his pa. Ben wasn!ta bad singer) and his nasal ew 8ork street twang was perfect forthe carnie lrics he sang. &ome said Ben should have been bornback in the das of the traveling snake oil circus act.

Ben wasn!t finished et. %he camera oomed on up to hischerubic face) lifted up to the bright stage lights. 4iano notes tinkledslowl and Ben!s suit softened to a pale violet as he lowered his

ees and stretched forth his hands. 6#as that old devil beenbothering ou) brothers and sisters; ?o ou feel sometimes likesatan!s got his arm encamped round about ou and no matterwhat ou do) he makes all our hopes and dreams collapse like ahouse of cards; ?o ou ever la awake at night staring at thestars) cring out in the desolation of our soul: 6( "od* -here AR=ou*7 Ben!s head jerked back and he made a shuddering sigh. &oftl and tenderl Ben whispered) 6-ell) ou aren!t alone inour hour of trial) brothers and sisters. +n fact) our $ord iseverwhere. 2ohn the Baptist knew his own dark hour of despair.

2ohn!s foes were as numerous as the stars of heaven.

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62ohn was the odd man out) folks) but he was in the >ingdom of "od. 2ohn went around in a garment of camel!s hair. 2ohn!sreligious enemies uestioned his sanit because he wore such arough garment. But 2ohn dressed for success. amel hair was the?uralast 4olester of his da. And the leather belt 2ohn wore

complemented his power suit) just like m purple tie does mtailored jacket. 2ohn wore his designer suit with pride) folks. +tsmbolied his humble ministr of helping and caring. +t reminded2ohn of his uniue calling. &omehow + believe that sackclothgarment comforted 2ohn!s soul as he wandered in his lonelwilderness. +t reminded 2ohn that he was chosen and hand1pickedb "od) and his enemies weren!t.

6As m personal love gift to all m friends far and wide) +!d liketo send a sample of the camel hair which went into the design of 2ohn!s e3clusive garment. And when ou receive our 62oin 2ohn in

5ictor7 amel 4atch) +!d urge everone to follow four simple steps:0irst anoint it with oil. +f ou don!t have an olive oil) tr corn oil orrisco. &econdl) pra over it) and make the praer last at least fiveminutes so it will get prioritied in heaven. %hirdl) stuff theAnointed amel 4atch into our pillow case and sleep on it. Andlast of all) the ver ne3t morning) ou need to wrap a special one1time love gift of FF dollars around this precious patch. %his amountsmbolies the ears 2ohn the Baptist walked this earth. 2ust dothis once) and see if our miracle doesn!t come* 6At this time + have a ver special announcement for all our faith

partners: (ur ministr has been beueathed with a treasure whichhas been passed down from generation to generation. A Bedouinman named >ordakoo ?imini %ortella watched our satellitebroadcasts for ears. >ordakoo had so man problems in his life noone could help him. -ell) >ordakoo got to feeling so much betterb watching us that he went behind his unbelieving relatives! backand signed over their most precious famil heirloom to our ministr.-e sent one of our care workers to %unga #unga) the village wherehe lived) to pick it up and personall meet >ordakoo.

6>ordakoo died from unknown causes not long after he donated

the famil heirloom to us. >ordakoo) wherever ou are) ma ourest in peace)7 Ben sniffled. 6Anhow) this precious heirloom hasbeen kept carefull preserved in an airtight casket. All these ears>ordakoo!s entire famil had been sworn to absolute secrec) so nooutsiders knew of its e3istence until recentl. 6$est anone be tempted to scoff about the authenticit of thetreasure + am about to reveal to ou) + would remind ou of this: Atdeath the bod graduall deteriorates until onl bone remains)which graduall returns to dust. But hair filaments endure forthousands of ears. 8es) that!s right) folks. -e have access to a

most wondrous artifact: the hair of none other than the might&amson. And how did >ordakoo!s famil acuire this precious

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treasure; At this time + would urge everone to pa close attentionto a ver special love stor9the stor of one man who once was lostbut now is found and has been blessed with the Bread of $ife.7 An ad for the love gift appeared onscreen. &am!s businesslikevoice narrated as samples of the rare 6archaeological find7 were

shown) still speckled with fresh dirt. ,>ordakoo!) a swarth manspeaking a strange dialect through an interpreter) testified to how"reen Manna Ministries had brought restoration and healing to hislife) and how he was so grateful he was donating the most preciousthing he owned to show his love for the $ord.

&am appeared on the video) saing: 6enturies ago) a nomadicherdsman dug deep in the earth searching desperatel for water.#is herds and flocks were ding of thirst. %hat man kept on diggingand digging until he found fragments of ancient potter. But thatwasn!t all. #e found gold armbands and jewels worn b the lords of

the 4hilistines who mocked &amson before his death. (n furtherinvestigation) a set of slender hand bones was e3cavated from therubble) still clutching a big bunch of black hair) coiled into curlinglocks) just like the Bible states that &amson wore his hair before?elilah cut it. %here!s an ancient nomadic legend that ?elilah waspresent at the part where poor blind &amson was mocked justbefore his death. And she was waving the hair she stole from themight &amson) mocking him that she!d cut off his power and therewas no further hope for him. But &amson!s hope was in "od. 6-e have actuall acuired the title deed to the actual hair

&amson left behind when he was betraed b the wicked ?elilah.But we would like to share it with our most faithful faith partners.=ach precious lock of the actual hair of &amson is bound with a jeweled gold clasp. And on that clasp is inscribed these words: Acrown of glor. "od bless ou) Brothers and &isters. %his is our4artner in 4rosperit) &am Malone) signing off from the Middle=astern village of %unga #unga. 7 6&amson and ?elilah was m favorite bedtime stor)7 Ben saidreverentl) 6because in the end) the bad gus were the losers* %hatdevious devil ?elilah hadn!t counted on &amson!s hair growing back

while he was grinding grain in prison. &amson!s hair was a smbolof his vow of consecration unto the $ord) and a precious reminderthat "od!s people can have power over the enem. %he Biblerecords that at his death) &amson killed FDDD 4hilistines) more thanhe!d slain in his entire lifetime* &o there ou have it) folks. &amsonwas a huge man with a thick head of hair. %he hair originall cut off b ?elilah weighed about three pounds) because from his birth upuntil his betraal b ?elilah he had never had it cut in his wholelife.7

%he lights dimmed. 4iano music softl plaed. 6%hree thousand

enemies) saints. %hat!s how man foes &amson vanuishedthrough his precious faith in Almight "od. -ill ou join our ,FDDD

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Remnant! this month) folks; All it takes is saing) ,8es) $ord) +!mwilling to go the e3tra mile to help Brother Buck help others.&amson made a vow) $ord) and +!m willing to make a vow too. Avow of FDDD dollars. + know it!s hard to donate even one dollar)$ord) so + will triumph over FDDD temptations to be selfish) just like

&amson killed FDDD of his own enemies. +!m serious with ou) $ord)and whatever it takes to pa toward the fulfillment of m vow of faith) +!m willing to do.

62esus gave #is all for ou) brothers and sisters) and now #eneeds for ou to meet #is own need. %o the first thousand whorespond in faith b sealing their faith with a vow of


37/143

souls were kept well awa from the scrutin of skeptics in thestadium crowd. Another happ) upbeat meeting finished b Ben. Anotheroverflowing offering. %he jostling crowd was dismissed with a jaunt jingle. Ben skipped and clapped and shouted: 6"od bless ou*

Entil we meet again) go with "od*7

< < < < < <

&am Malone shared Ben!s thrill at the generosit of the joll crowdswho 6responded in faith7. ?esperate people who kept on believingBen!s AB 0aith formula would surel deliver their miracle which just had to be just over the horion. But sometimes it was hard for&am to hide his jealous. &am hated plaing second fiddle to Ben.&ure) &am lived a lifestle that would have been the env of the

rich man in 2esus! parable. %rue) Ben was good at his song anddance routine) and he connected with the crowds. But &am did allthe legwork and book cooking to keep the mone rolling in and theta3 man out. &am was the one who introduced the singing actsthat set the right religious mood. &am was the one whocoordinated the music programs which fired the crowds up into afren of euphoric e3pectation. But those e3pectant ees werefocused not on the "od of the Bible so much as on the grinning)bab1faced gu who spread out his hands to embrace a crowdwear of their humdrum workada e3istence.

&am managed to suppress his jealous) though9he!d better)because it had taken awhile to get back in the graces of his bestbudd Ben Buck. =verthing seemed to be peaches and creamnow9or at least the put on a convincing front. ot once) but twice)&am and Rosie had tricked Ben into swallowing chemicall enhancedangel dust. Both times Ben had been nursed back to health in adrug rehab clinic) unresponsive to the real world and rambling in analtered state of consciousness. 4art of that time had been spent ina vegetative state) the rest of the time Ben had babbled a lot of disjointed religious rhetoric whenever he could speak. Both times

the doctor said it was a miracle he!d come back from the $and of od and could get back to the lucrative business of selling hope tomillions of suffering souls.

After his second drug trip Ben had gotten a good scolding from?r. $oop. Ben was sternl warned that his ne3t trip into inner spacemight lead to massive mental meltdown and spell the end of hislucrative career as a televangelist. And besides) wasn!t Ben afraid of being charged with possession; Ben had faith that his doctors wouldhonor their patient confidentialit oath) but how long would it bebefore his drug dabbling hit the supermarket tabloids; -hat sort of

e3ample was Ben setting for the ounger generation; -hat did Benthink he was) anwa; A hippie holdout from the si3ties; #ow

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humiliating for Ben to be pontificated at b a shrink who earnedbarel a fraction of what he did*

Ben had gotten so mad at &am he was minded to fire him fromthe vice presidenc of "reen Manna Ministries. But how could he;&am held a controlling interest in the ministr. -hen Ben barel

had two dollars to rustle together) &am had helped him get started.Ben had contributed the charisma and showmanship) and &am haddonated the business smarts and startup funds. Also) Ben had togrudgingl admit that &am had onl done that last stunt unto himbefore Ben could do it unto him as an act of vengeance for the firstpractical joke.

< < < < < <

+t was F:CN in the afternoon. &am had just returned from the joke

shop armed with stink bombs and cherr bombs for #endrick) histwelve1ear old son. #endrick and his pals were going camping upon Mt. Bald) and the bo wanted to pla 6guerilla gorillas7 in thewoods. &am was humming in his dressing room and making himself up for his ne3t televised appearance when he got paged b thereceptionist.

6Brother Malone) please come to Reception)7 she said. 6Mr. R.A.Billbaiter is waiting to personall confer

Documents

Ben Buck's Bible Brawl