Behavioral Covenant How We Address Conflict (adopted by congregational vote January 30, 2011)

04/22/23First Congregational United Church of Christ, DeWitt, IA 1

Behavioral CovenantHow We Address Conflict

(adopted by congregational vote January 30, 2011)

First Congregational United Church of Christ

DeWitt, IA


Theological Underpinnings: Word & Sacrament


SACRAMENT OF BAPTISM

Religious practice is voluntary which makes acceptance & tolerance difficult. We live in a church world of “I can choose.” We must remember our baptism. Baptism means “I don’t get to choose who my brothers and sisters in Christ are.” “In baptism, God works in us the power of forgiveness, the renewal of the Spirit, and the knowledge of the call to be God’s people always.” (Baptism liturgy, Book of Worship UCC, pg. 136)


Prayer of Baptism (A Reminder)


SACRAMENT OF COMMUNION


Communion Prayer of Thanksgiving


Values Statement The well being of First Congregational

United Church of Christ depends upon a sense of community and fellowship among its members, friends and staff. Community thrives in an atmosphere of trust, respect and cooperation. Addressing our disagreements while seeking resolution through compromise or consensus, can enhance our much desired sense of community.


Statement of Need The church, as a voluntary organization,

expects to occasionally have disagreements and experience conflict. Resolution of conflict can be difficult and sometimes is left unresolved because no process exists to facilitate compromise or consensus. Unresolved conflict minimizes the church’s desire for an ongoing sense of community and fellowship.


Goals and Objectives 1. Create processes for addressing

conflict2. Receive endorsement of the processes

by congregational vote.3. Implement a process when conflict

between individuals or groups minimizes the church’s sense of community and fellowship


The Covenant We Share (Church By-Laws, Article I – Covenant, para. 3)


The Promises We Make…Our Promise to God:

We promise to pray, alone and together, to thank God for this church and to ask for God’s help to resolve our conflict.


Our Promises to One Another: We promise to demonstrate our

commitment to God and the church by our example.

We promise to honor the guidelines set forth by the congregation as the expected means to address our conflicts.

We promise to keep the best interests for our church as a whole, not what alone might be best for one person or small group in the church.


Our promises to the one(s) with whom we are in conflict:

We promise to address our conflict early. We promise to respect one another. We promise honest and direct

communication. We promise to listen actively with an open

mind to the thoughts and ideas of others. We promise to seek a common goal. We promise to accept the direction of the

church moderator to resolve our conflict when we are not able to do so ourselves.


Conflict Defined“Conflict is a form of competitive behavior between people or groups under circumstances in which two or more people compete over perceived or actual incompatible goals or resources.”

Moore, Christopher W. The Mediation Process: Practical Strategies for Resolving Conflict (San Francisco, CA: Jossey-Bass, 1986).


Six Categories of Conflict1. Relational Conflicts2. Identity Conflicts3. Data Conflicts4. Structural Conflicts5. Values Conflicts6. Interest Conflicts


Relational ConflictsHow we treat one another.

Highly emotional; touching people’s deepest feelings about themselves and others. Often mixed with other types of conflicts.


Identity ConflictsPeople are left feeling attacked, belittled or ignored. Dehumanizing of the other, often based on racial, ethnic, gender, sexual orientation or religious beliefOne’s place in the organization gets challenged, seniority and power issues emerge…


Data ConflictsThere is disagreement about information, its relevancy, procedures used to gather or analyze it.e.g. When funding for a project or program is justified on certain data. Budget interpretation and relevancy is questioned.


Structural ConflictsConflicts about time (too little or too much) and/or organizational structureTurf battles are often structural conflicts.


Values ConflictsWhen one group tries to force its belief or value on anotherCore Values emerge. These are beliefs that give meaning to an individual or organization. They guide the decision making process.


Interest ConflictsA common form of conflict over actual or perceived incompatible needs or desires. Most are resolvable and can lead to innovation and creativity.


Three Stages of Conflict and How We’ll Address Them…


Stage One ConflictA high level of respect and trust still exists along with a willingness to work toward solutions. The conflict resolution process is limited to a few people or parties involved.


In Stage One Conflict, the parties agree to:

1. Talk directly to each other2. Take a listening stance into the discussion3. Use “I messages” that are clear and specific

(I felt _____ when you ______ and it resulted in _______________.)

4. Talk it through and not avoid the big issue(s)5. Identify mutually agreeable solutions

(consensus or compromise)6. Stay in touch (meet again one week later

and repeat as often as deemed necessary)7. Articulate the other person’s/group’s position


Stage Two ConflictA “we-they” attitude is present. The conflict has escalated to where “camps” have formed and the church’s core values of fellowship and community are being compromised. The use of a neutral third party is necessary.


In Stage Two Conflict it is agreed that:1. A neutral third party outlines the process.2. One party explains the situation as they

see it.3. The other party explains the situation as

they see it.4. The parties agree on goals.5. The parties explore and discuss all

possible solutions.6. The parties agree on what each will do to

resolve the issue.7. The parties will meet weekly for one

month followed by quarterly meetings for one year to assure progress.


Stage Three ConflictA “holy mission” has emerged to defeat or annihilate the other party. The conflict has escalated from “wanting to win” to “wanting to hurt” the other party. Core values of fellowship and community have plummeted and there may be talk of split in the church.


If conflict should reach this unfortunate stage, it is critical to bring in a highly skilled outside mediator. The Church Moderator will consult with the Eastern Iowa Associate Conference Minister for assistance.

Every attempt should be made to address conflict(s) early to try to prevent the divisiveness and enmity of a Stage Three Conflict!


Restating our promises to the one(s) with whom we are in conflict:

We promise to address our conflict early. We promise to respect one another. We promise honest and direct

communication. We promise to listen actively with an open

mind to the thoughts and ideas of others. We promise to seek a common goal. We promise to accept the direction of the

church moderator to resolve our conflict when we are not able to do so ourselves.


Documentation Each participant in the conflict resolution

process will be asked to sign an “Agreement to Participate in a Conflict Resolution Process” that addresses roles, confidentiality and behavior.

A “Letter of Understanding” will be prepared when the means to resolving the conflict have been determined.


Philippians 2:3-4

“Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility regard others as better than yourselves. Let each of you look not to your own interests, but to the interests of others.”


Sources“Resolving Conflict in Nonprofit Organizations”

by Marion Peters Angelica. Published by the Amherst H. Wilder Foundation, 1999.

“Guidelines for Addressing Conflict” by Roger Williams, UW Extension, Madison, WI

“Conflict Management Policy for the Unitarian Society of Santa Barbara” http://www.ussb.org/cmpolicy.html

“On the Unity and Diversity of the Church: Living in Unity in a Time of Divisiveness,” notes from a presentation by Dr. Rich Christiansen, Lakeland College, Oct. 25, 2005

http://www.ussb.org/cmpolicy.html

Documents

Behavioral Covenant How We Address Conflict (adopted by congregational vote January 30, 2011)