Beethoven T. Phadael

Table of Content

Chapter 1- Introduction Page: 1-2

Chapter 2- On Top Of the World Page: 2-6

Chapter 3- Worries Page: 6-7

Chapter 4- Past to Future Page: 7-10

Chapter 5- Game Called Life Page: 10-14

Chapter 6- Conclusion Page: 14-15

About The Author Page: 16

I would like to start off by saying this is not me stating that I have figured out the

meaning of life or that I understand life’s inner workings in detail. This is not the case at all

because I am only twenty years old and have yet to experience many things in life. To be honest

I do not think anyone will ever understand everything about life because we are all the same in

this world no matter who you are, where you come from, and what you’ve been through there are

still things in this world that you will never understand completely. Everyone no matter how old

or young learns something new every day, which is how life is meant to be. This is my thoughts

and perceptions on life form what I have lived and experienced. I cannot speak for everyone I

can only speak for myself because I have not lived your life and do not know what you have

been through but that being said I hope everyone can find a connection with my life and my

experiences. Growing up if you ever told me this is how my life would turn out I would never

believe you. My life as a child is completely different from my life now as a nineteen year old

man. As a child there were no thoughts of weather I would become this person or that person. I

never thought about life ending or the heartache that comes with living life at times.

Our parents, as soon as we are born are giving parental instincts to protect us from harm,

sickness, and the evils of the world. This reason and the fact that we as young children are too

young and naïve to understand or even comprehend the world is why many people feel as though

life gets harder the older you get. My life was simple. All I knew or worried about was making

sure I did not miss the power ranger’s episodes or making sure I watched Barney every morning

before school with my mother. I went to school but school was never important to me. I just

understood that I had to go to school because my parents wanted me to. Toys and games were

the only things on my mind; times were simpler back then. There were many questions that have

always haunted me throughout my life. I always asked myself, why life is getting more and more

difficult. Why are there so many problems in the world and why can’t everyone just be happy. I

would always joke with my friends, and they would always agree with me when I said I wish I

could go back to the 90’s where everything was simple and there were no problems and Bill

Clinton was president. I always thought the 90’s was a time where everything was great and

everyone was happy its only now that I realize that the only reason I felt this way was because I

was a product of the 90’s and so were my friends. The 90’s were full of disasters and terrible

things, people were murdered, raped, drugs were used and sold just like today. The only

difference between now and then was I did not know about it, I didn’t know about the world. The

Journey of life is full of up’s and down’s that shapes our perception, personality, and who we

become as a person. It is how we use theses up’s and not letting the downs get the best of us and

the end result is all that matters. To understand a person you have to know their life and the

situations that form them to make them that person. I have been going through life asking

questions and finding answers, the many different parts of this book all have certain questions

that I focus on at different periods of time in my life.

My name is Beethoven Phadael; I am from Riviera Beach, Florida. I have always thought

of myself as being a regular normal guy and I lived in one are for most of my life. The first time

that I moved to a new city it was a whole new experience for me and I started to feel as though I

did not fit in for the first time in my life and it was not a good feeling. I was always the popular

guy who was known for playing football and being an all-around good guy. I felt as though I was

loved by everyone but after my parent decided to move to Montreal, Canada this feeling changed

dramatically. The first couple of months in my new city I felt a little lonely I missed my old

friends and didn’t have any in Canada. The experience that really opened my eyes to the fact that

I was no longer the guy that everyone knows and loves was when I first attended my new school

for the first time. The teacher introduced me to the class and instead of hearing the usual

comments I was shocked to hear them mock and tease me for my name and for what I was

wearing.

Back home everyone wore the same things I did and my name was thought of as nice

and unique or at least that’s what they told me. It made me realize that I was different from all of

these kids I wore different clothes and I spoke a little different. Everyone had friends the jocks,

geeks, even the nerds but I did not because I was the new weird kid that nobody knew. The fact

that I did not have friends changed my whole personality it changed the person that I was. I

became much different from the young boy from South Florida, I did not go out to any parties I

wasn’t known I stayed indoors a lot and this caused my body to change. I gained a lot of

unhealthy weight from not staying fit and being outside like I use to. So not only did the move

from Riviera Beach to Montreal changed who I was on the inside it also changed me on the

outside. I became very antisocial and not because I had to be no one wanted to talk to the new

weird kid. It took a while for this feeling of not fitting in to go away, I went a long time being a

loner and just totally staying to myself, a whole year to be exact.

After a year I found a couple people that I had a lot in common with. The first one of

these people who made me feel like I was not a total weirdo was my friend Daryl. He decided to

talk to me one day in algebra class and it was history from then on. Daryl and later became best

friends even till this day he is my best friend. I later came to see that moving was probably the

best thing for me because I got to meet a lot of good people that I can really call my friends.

Even though I am thankful for the move now I would hate to have to move again and to start all

over I would feel so terrible. I know how it feels to feel perfectly normal and on the other hand I

know the pain of being lonely or an absolute outcast. This is why I think I act the way I do

towards people because I was once was friendless and alone so if I see someone who looks like

they need a friend I won’t be ashamed to approach them and try and make a new friend. At this

point of my life the biggest question I was asking myself was who am I? I wanted to know where

I fit in this the world like so many people who go through life lost wondering who they are I

myself also asked that question.

I find it really easy for me to relate to McDonald in Easter Rising. There are many

reasons why I feel as though I can relate to him, I feel like he was a person that I understood.

Throughout the book he has so many unexpected and life changing situations that not only

changed him as a person but it influence who he later became. After reading this book I came to

the conclusion that everything that has happened in my life so far has made me the person that I

am today. It is the hard times that shape our character, the hard times teaches us more about

ourselves sometimes in ways the good times could not. Mcdonald never really knew his father I

feel like I can sympathize with him because of the relationship between me and my father. He

lived in an area where his cultural greatly influenced and shaped him. This was the same case for

me, from when I was a young man my father has always instilled in me a sense of pride for my

Haitian culture. My father always told me “Son, remember you have to always try twice as hard

as everyone else does! Because unlike them you have two strikes against you not only are you

black but your also Haitian.” I was told no one would ever want to see me to have success

because of who I am and what I am. Same goes for Mcdonald who felt as though it was Southie

verse the world and the world against Southie. There are many things in Easter Rising that I can

relate to but McDonald’s fears and worries about the future and what’s to come remind me of

many of my own fears.

Sometimes I do sit and wonder if everything I have done in my life so far is worth it and I

hope that it all pays off in the end. I have been through so much in life it would be ashamed for

me to give up or end up becoming a nobody, who only existed just to be another person who

lived then died. If I die later next week then ok so be it, I was not destined to live the later parts

of my life. My greatest fear is when everything is all said and done I want to know that I was a

somebody and I made a difference. I made a difference to the world. If I am able to say that then

I would view my life as a success and that the Haitian black boy from Riviera Beach, Florida

became someone that he could be proud of and his family would be proud of. In this story I

relate McDonald’s experiences to my own and find one common question that both I and

McDonald ask ourselves. He has fears of the future because of his past just as I do and it seems

as though we both wonder where exactly is life going to take us. Has everything that I have gone

through in life so far prepared me for what’s to come? If not, then what will become of me?

In the memoir Easter Rising, We see MacDonald journey from his late teens up until he

is thirty-two years old. After finishing the reading in the book, I was able to come up with the

conclusion that Easter Rising was a coming of age story told from MacDonald’s point of view.

The numerous unfortunate incidents that happened to him and his family during his childhood,

no matter how horrible they are shaped his life and leads us to the man that we see later on in the

book when he is thirty-two. The Deaths of Kevin and Davey although horrible events in his

childhood helped him in realizing who he really was and thought him valuable lessons about life

and moving on. Also the near death experience with his sister when she fell off the roof top were

all tragedies that would have left many people permanently traumatized. McDonald had to grow

up and be strong from the very moment that Davey died. It is easy to see this by how McDonald

had to keep his younger brothers Seamus and Stevie from looking out the window when Davey

had jumped. He was forced to grow up quick and had to learn to accept life for what it is. In the

beginning of the book I always wondered if he would be able to find the peace he was looking

for.

There were many times in the story where I would question if McDonald would ever be

able to come to terms with all the deaths and obstacles in his life. The fact that he never got the

chance to have his father around also impacted his life because he never had that father figure

who he could look up two. Not knowing his father made him feel as though he didn’t know a

part of himself. In many cases where a male individual does not know their father or does not

have that father figure in their lives takes many of them down a wrong path. McDonald at age

thirty-two in my eyes was successful in becoming a man, because of the simple fact that he could

of ended up in a bad place. He was a high school dropout, who didn’t know his father; his

mother seemed to get around with many men, and not to mention the many deaths in his family.

He was able to completely turn his life around and finally find himself. McDonald was able to do

this during the trip to Ireland, where he finally stopped rejecting his Irish culture and

embarrassing it and he finally began to understand it. By doing this he was able to understand a

part of himself that he never really understood, he was able to come up with his own conclusions

about Irish people and Ireland instead of relying on the insight of others.

So he was able to take his Irish culture which he once was ashamed of and turns it into

one of his strengths and used that experience to shape who he thought he should be. McDonald

went from not even allowing his friends to know that he was from Southie to not only going to

Ireland but enjoying every moment of it and accepting it. He changed his entire life this can be

seen in the quote when his now thirty-two on the plane with his mother where he says “I’d gotten

closer to my family after my first trip to Ireland. At U Mass I concentrated on the history of

Ireland and of other colonized countries. In and out of college I was trying to understand all the

things I’d hated as a teenager.” He also said “the more I traveled to Ireland, the more I

appreciated the best things passed down to the Irish American world of my Southie childhood.”

He even allowed many of his friends from Southie to meet his family and many of them saw his

mother play the accordion. These quotes and acts alone just shows you that the young Irish kid

from Southie who was ashamed of his family and where he came from was able to find peace

with himself and grew up and use his hardships to benefit his future.

Although McDonald is now a grown man there are many traits from earlier in the book of

the young teenager that can be seen in the 32 year old. In Easter Rising, he mentions how hard it

is not to return to his teenage persona when he gets around his mother. In the book McDonald

speaks of the moment on the plane with his mother where she began to shout over the volume of

her headphones about how the English were cheap son of bitches and was an odd breed

altogether. He pretended as though he did not know her just like he did as a young kid. This

shows that his mom still embarrasses him and being around her brings the teenager out of him.

McDonald had to remind himself that he was now an adult taking a trip with his mother another

adult. So even though he has grown up and become a man he still has many qualities from his

younger years that can still be seen in him today; same thing goes for many people. The reason

for this is because we are all kids at heart, we remain the same but life changes our perception

and how we view things. The wisdom we acquire throughout our lifetime is the biggest

difference from our younger years up until now.

Easter Rising is the blue print of Michael Patrick Macdonald’s life. The start of the story

is about Macdonald and his family and it mentions all the hardship that he goes through. The

books talks about the role of his family and their strengths and tragedies in his life. It also

mentions him not wanting to be “normal” and his desire to create his own identity because he

does not have one at this point in his life he does not know who he is. Not to mention that he was

a high school dropout, Ashamed of his Irish cultural, and pretty much did not understand his life

or his purpose in life. To the end of the book where he is now 32 years old and the role of his

family in his life has changed, his family is more involved in his life. He did not want to be

considered as normal and wanted to create an identity that he can call his own; to now being

involved in community organizing in Boston’s neighborhoods. He used the tragedies in his life

such as losing his brothers and father and living in Southie to connect with mothers of kids who

had been murdered in the city. McDonald also went to college where he concentrated on the

history of Ireland. He went from a drop out to a college graduate and the same cultural he was

ashamed of used to create his Identity. The deaths, hardships, and the feeling of not knowing

who he was were all essential parts needed to form McDonald life as a thirty-two year old. In

this one the question asked also came with an answer. Yes, the future cannot be predicted and

yes maybe everything that I have done so far in life has been for nothing. But the past and

everything that makes us are from the people, situations, and area all shape who we become.

Everyone in the world hopes to find their purpose in life, the reason for their existence.

People crave to find the place that was meant for them and only them, that one place where they

can feel absolutely safe and comfortable with their surroundings and who they are. People live

day by day trying to find an identity, or in some cases hoping to keep the image of the identity

that they already have. Have you ever asked yourself, what if everyone in the world would say

what they thought, acted how they want to act, and do what they wanted to do? What a different

world we would have today. These previous statements correspond with my view point in the

memoir “Easter Rising” where it describes how Macdonald tries to find a place where he can fit

in and feel comfortable. He is able to be different or “not normal” and does not have to be

ashamed of who he is and what he likes. He not only tires to find where belongs but he struggles

to escape the grasp of his old life, the death of his brother Davey and being from South Boston.

The transformation of Macdonald was a process that started off by introducing the type of

person he was and the early influences in his life that formed this person. Macdonald at the

beginning of the book was described as the quiet one of his family, the one who never got in

trouble or basically, in other words, the safe guy. There were many traits listed in Easter Rising

describing Macdonald and reasons for him being classified as the safe guy. For example, on page

36, Macdonald receives a misdemeanor mark from his teacher Mr. Nolan for talking to

Remedios. This scene is important because Macdonald goes on to state, that “This was my first

misdemeanor mark,” which paints an image of the type of person he was at the time; he followed

the rules of society. The reading also goes into detail about his early life where it states he was

raised to believe that everyone hated who he was. It was him and his neighborhood against the

world, just as he says in the book. “It was still the world against Southie and Southie against the

world,” he never spoke his mind and his family had a very huge influence on him from the eldest

brother to the youngest.

Macdonald never questioned what he was told or dared to go against the things he

learned from his family and his neighborhood. At the very beginning of the book it talks about

him learning how to jump subway fares by tagging along with his brother, Kevin, and shoplifting

ventures outside the project with their friends. This was all a way of Macdonald trying and

wanting to fit in. This statement was reinforced in the book when it says, “one day I discovered

an even better way to get back home to Southie.” Macdonald later goes to say, “In the days that

followed I was so proud of my find I put the word out all over Old Colony Project about the new

way to get home from downtown.” The fact that he was proud to have found the new way to get

from downtown proves that he wanted to feel connected to Southie and had adopted the way of

thinking of not only his brother Kevin but the rest of the people from South Boston to try and fit

in.

The net state in the process of Macdonald finding his identity was the death of his brother

Davey. Davey dying left him emotionally unbalanced and lost, he fights to find that inner peace

or innocence he had before the death of Davey. Davey dying is the one major cause for

Macdonald undergoing such major changes later on in the book. This statement is proven correct

because of when MacDonald’s says, “Seeing Davey strapped to a gurney and fighting for his

death was a feeling I knew my whole family now had in common. But it was a feeling I could

only bear to be alone with.” This goes to prove that Macdonald, not knowing how to deal with

the death of his brother goes into a form of isolation. This is where he could get away from the

ever so familiar pain of being at home and dealing with his family, and also dealing with how

hard they all are taking the death of Davey. The fact that he could no longer bear to be at home

where everything reminded him of Davey and he could not stand to see the sadness in the faces

of his family caused Macdonald to find an alternative life. Someone who he loved and who was

such a big part of his life was gone. He felt as though there was no way for him to just get back

to his normal life and act like everything was normal. The truth of the matter was nothing felt

normal anymore.

I feel as though the process that Macdonald is currently going through to find where he

fits in and finding his identity is probably something all kids my age deal with on a day to day

basis. There are so many different views out there about how you should live your life and what

you should and shouldn’t do. It is scary sometimes to feel like you don’t fit in with the “norm” or

considered to be normal. Society places high standards on my generation on what type of person

they want you to be, which makes it almost impossible to meet its demands. Growing up I was

sheltered from the outside world. I did not really pay attention to what was going on. I was

clueless on matters that had nothing to do with me and some who did. This quickly changed

when I entered high school and I came of age and began to see that people were beginning o fit

into labels. Either you were one of the cool kids, one of the lame kids, the smart guy, or the even

the dumb jock. Everyone had a label; everyone fit into a different group. I felt as though my

entire high school years I was trying to find out who I really was.

I played football so I belonged to the jocks. I knew a lot of cook kids but I also knew a lot

of lame kids; I was extremely intelligent in history class but could not stand the sight of a

fraction. I was indecisive when making decisions and it became extremely hard for me to focus

on one thing. I had my attention on so many different things, trying to find what I was good at

and trying to see where I fit in best at. I ended up playing multiple sports such as football,

wrestling, and lacrosse. I joined many different clubs and groups that ended up not being the

right fit for me such as the band and taking art classes. Even till this day, I am still not sure

where I fit in, but one thing I do know is who I am an di know what I am not, and to me right

now at this point of my life, I am ok with that. Just like Macdonald in Easter Rising I went

through life trying to get away from what people thought I should be and tried to find my own

identity, trying to find myself. It took a drastic change in scenery in my case; to change my

viewpoint on who I really was it took an even greater change for MacDonald, losing his brother

Davey to make him undergo this process of searching for self-worth and self-satisfaction. The

question asked in this part is all about life and finding self-worth in who you are not only as a

person but an individual. Do not let anyone shape your character or attitude that is for you to do

and only you.

In conclusion, like stated in the beginning this is a longshot from the answers to

life and why we as people act the way we do. This was a memoir of my life and the things I have

learned from twenty years of being a young man. These are my thoughts and perceptions on life,

a window into my world. As you can see I am someone who has always gone through life asking

questions and questioning everything that I see. The four different questions I focused on in this

book are a mirror image of the chapters of my life separated into four different sections. There

may be no relation to my life and yours because as I previously stated my experiences may have

been different from yours. That being said I hope that you have read this and have seen a

familiarity in your life. You are probably out there just like me wondering if everything that u

have gone through in life so far prepared you for what’s to come? And if not, then what will

become of you. Or maybe you have a set plan for your future and you know that you won’t let

anything come in-between those plans but you worry about where u fit in this the world. Like so

many people who go through life lost wondering who they are because at one point in my life I

asked the very same thing. To be honest I think this is part of life itself and at one point in time,

everyone has asked themself that question whether they admit it or not. Or maybe you are

someone whose life is greatly influenced by the people around them which should be every

single person. Like the relationship I had with my father as much as I would not like to admit it

his beliefs and ways are installed in me as a person because that is what I was raised on and all

that I know. Remember that everyone is connected to the people who are in their life and the area

where they reside all effect that person mindset and actions. You are probably saying to yourself

that’s only three questions and none of these reflect how I am feeling at this point in my life. If

that is the case then all I can say to you is to ask yourself what exactly you’re looking for and

you go out and experience life and find your own answers. You ask yourself questions and find

your answers because the knowledge and wisdom we learn through life will tell us more about

ourselves than any book or person.

About the Author:

Beethoven Taylor Phadael was born in St. Marc Haiti in 1992; his hunger for successes is greater than his

fear of failure. He is the eldest out of four children and always had to play the big brother role for most

of his life. All his life Beethoven lived in areas where the crime and poverty rate was high but he was

able to focus most of his attention into his school work. His greatest inspiration is his mother Sheila; she

was willing to give up the world for him. His goal in life is to see her happy and make her proud of the

person who he has become. He wants to return the favor because she could have given up on him but

she did not. The most important thing to Beethoven is Family. He considers close friends to be family.

“The people we love and care for are the reasons that make life worth living.” He dedicates this book to

his beautiful mother and family.