THERE CAN BE ONLY ONE

BEAR BRAWLEXCLUSIVELY ON b l o m m i t

Friday, August 6, 2010

BEAR BRACKETS: 1st ROUNDYogi Bear

Winnie the Pooh

Boo Boo

Bearenstein Bears

Fozzy Bear

The 3 Bears

Paddington

Snuggles

Paul Teutul, Sr.

The Care Bears

Teddy Ruxpin

Baloo

Teddy (from A.I.)

Smokey the Bear

Masturbating Bear

Pedobear

Friday, August 6, 2010

1st Round

VS.

Yogi Bear Winnie the Pooh

Right out of the gate we start with a fight between two of the odds-on favorites. Winnie clearly has the support of the fans, but heʼs soft - lacking a mean streak. Yogi, on the other hand, would choke a bitch for a pic-a-nic basket.That ruthlessness will take him into the next round.

Winner: YOGI BEARFriday, August 6, 2010

1st Round

VS.

The Bearenstein Bears Boo Boo

The numbers favor the Bearensteins, but, Boo Boo learned from the best. His craftiness and smarts will outwit that pansy-ass family any day of the week.

Winner: BOO BOO

Friday, August 6, 2010

1st Round

VS.

Fozzy Bear The 3 Bears

Fozzy is one of the toughest SOBs in the bear kingdom. Anyone who can put up with Ms. Piggyʼs shit for as long as he has must have balls of steels. The 3 Bears couldnʼt even stop some blonde tween from eating their breakfast and passing out in their beds.

Winner: FOZZYFriday, August 6, 2010

1st Round

VS.

Paddington Snuggles

Paddingtonʼs English heritage and general politeness puts him in the same category as Winnie the Pooh: Loved but otherwise useless. Snuggles, though, is one dangerous MFr. He carries that blanket with him for a reason. As soon as that limey isnʼt looking, Snuggles will smother him FTW.

Winner: SNUGGLESFriday, August 6, 2010

1st Round

VS.

The Care Bears Paul Teutul, Sr.

One is a group of loveable, huggable, heroes. The other has a penchant for leather and handlebar mustaches. The Care Bears could shoot all of the rainbows and sunshine drops that they could muster, and Paul Sr. would still just run them down with his custom “Roadkill Bear” motorcylce.

Winner: PAUL TEUTUL, SR.Friday, August 6, 2010

1st Round

VS.

Teddy Ruxpin Baloo

You would think that Teddyʼs magical story-telling powers would be enough to seal up a victory. But I had a Teddy doll when I was a kid and I threw up in his mouth. My mom had to remove his lower jaw. So, if that ninny canʼt even handle the vomit of a four-year-old, thereʼs no way he could stop a jungle monster like Baloo.

Winner: BALOOFriday, August 6, 2010

1st Round

VS.

Teddy (from A.I.) Smokey the Bear

Smokey has the noble position of reminding people across our great nation that only they can prevent forrest fires. But, Teddy single-handedly saved the otherwise Sci-Fi abortion that was Steven Spielbergʼs A.I.: Artificial Intelligence. Any one character that can carry an entire film that bad can surely blow out a few brush fires.

Winner: TEDDYFriday, August 6, 2010

1st Round

VS.

Pedobear The Masturbating Bear

Talk about a hard fight! These two behemoths would have at it for hours. In the end, The Masturbating Bearʼs self-pleasuring ways would get the better of him, allowing the more crafty and tenacious Pedobear to employ an Ali Rope-a-Dope-style victory.

Winner: PEDOBEARFriday, August 6, 2010

THERE CAN BE ONLY ONE

BEAR BRAWLCome back tomorrow for Round 2

Friday, August 6, 2010