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Based on the best-selling book by beloved Christianauthor Janette Oke, Love Comes Softly tells thestory of Marty Claridge, a pioneer widow who isforced into a tough decision: marry a man shedoesn’t know and be a mother to a girl she’s nevermet. Along the way, she learns about the power offaith and love. A treasure for all ages, Love ComesSoftly is winning hearts everywhere, being called“a masterful love story that teaches faith in God andfaith in other people” (the Dove Foundation).

This free discussion guide draws out the themes inthe film, touching on such important topics asrelationships, marriage, parenting, prayer, grief,and others. Each topic is complete with thought-provoking questions, related scriptures, and helpfullessons, making this guide perfect for small groupleaders, Sunday school teachers, and pastors whoare looking for a great way to get their group talking.

To supplement the lessons, clips from the moviehave been chosen and are offered as a visual aid.These clips are available for download atwww.foxfaith.com or may be shown through aspecially made DVD that you can request at thesame website. These clips and the guide, used inSunday school classes, other small groups, or byparents, will provide you with the opportunity todiscuss situations that a child may experience asthey journey towards adulthood.

For more information and additional Churchresource material, go to www.foxfaith.com.

As a pastor, you’re very careful about themedia you recommend to your congregation.Fortunately, Love Comes Softly is a film youcan discuss without reservation. Uplifting,family-friendly, and heartwarming, LoveComes Softly was created by people whocare as much about preserving innocencein our entertainment as you do.

Janette OkeA renowned Christian author whosefirst book, Love Comes Softly, has soldmore than 5 million copies since it waspublished as an experiment in the Christianmarketplace in 1979. She has sold nearly20 million copies of her 75 books worldwideand helped pioneer the “prairie romance”as a viable genre of Christian fiction.

Michael Landon, Jr.Son of the famous star of Little Houseon the Prairie and Bonanza, he’s also thedirector, co-producer, and co-writer ofthe film.

The Hallmark ChannelLove Comes Softly was originally producedfor this entertaining, family-friendly network.The day the movie premiered, it pulled ina record audience, becoming the highest-rated feature film on the network.

AwardsSince it originally aired, Love ComesSoftly has garnered many awards, includinga CAMIE (Character and Morality inEntertainment) Award for being an “upliftingmotion picture that provides a positiveinfluence for good.” Dale Midkiff receiveda Grace Award for his portrayal of ClarkDavis. The film also received a special

ABOUT THE FILM recognition from the Movieguide Awards,earning the Epiphany Prize for MostInspirational Television Program, an awardsponsored by the John TempletonFoundation.

In addition to receiving numerous awards,Love Comes Softly has also attracted goodreviews. Moviepicks gave the film a glowingreview, stating, “Love Comes Softly is amongHallmark’s best, which is a highcompliment,” and calling it “excellent.” TheDove Foundation gave it 5 stars, saying,“This is a masterful love story that teachesfaith in God and faith in other people.”

Love Comes Softly is a heartfelt, family-friendly film created from the hugely popularbestselling book by renowned Christianauthor Janette Oke. Set in the 1800s, thefilm tells the story of Marty Claridge(Katherine Heigl), a resolute and determinedyoung woman who suddenly finds herself awidow while on the way to a new life. Facedwith the approaching winter and no visiblesupport, she reluctantly enters a marriageof convenience to Clark Davis (Dale Midkiff).The deal: he will provide a roof over herhead and safe passage back east in thespring; she will mentor his precocious 9-year-old daughter Missie (Skye McColeBartusiak). In time, they all learn that lovedoesn’t always announce itself with a shout;sometimes love comes softly.The film touches on many different topics,making it ideal not only as entertainment,but also as a conversation starter.Relationships, parenting, coping with grief,prayer, God’s provision – these and othertopics are addressed in the movie, which iswhy we’ve created this Leader’s Guide. This

Talking To MamaMissie, Clark’s daughter removes one ofMarty’s dresses from a trunk, lays it out onthe bed, and begins talking to it as if it washer mother. She expresses feelings that shewon’t express to anyone else while Martyaccidentally overhears. Suggested Scripture:1 Thessalonians 4:13-18

Missie gets one of Marty’s dresses anduses it as a way to “talk” to her departedmother. Can you relate to this action? Hasthere been a time when you’ve “talked” outyour feelings to a loved one who is no longerwith you?

Missie expresses feelings of regret forbeing left out whenever her mother died,hinting that she wasn’t allowed to see thegrim effects of the disease that took hermother. Do you think she feels somewhatresponsible for what happened to hermother? Why or why not? Have you ever feltresponsible for a loved one’s death, eventhough those feelings go against reason?

Missie tells her mother that she justwanted to say she loves her. Do you haveunsaid words you wish you could say to adeparted loved one?

Missie’s actions are a form of therapy forher, a way she is choosing to grieve. Howcould Marty and/or Clark have helped herin her grief?

LESSON TO LEARN:

Scripture Reference: Psalm 30:5; Romans8:35-39; Hebrews 6:19a Almost allpsychologists agree that there are four stagesof grief and that almost everyone experiencesthese same stages when faced with grief.

It starts with numbness, a denial of thecurrent events, typified by the phrase, “Thisisn’t happening” or something along thoselines. Then comes guilt, a feeling ofresponsibility for the grief, “This is all myfault.” After guilt comes anger, and thatanger can be directed in any number ofways: toward others, toward yourself, towardGod. The final stage is acceptance, whereyou finally comes to grips with the reality ofthe situation and accept it.You can even spiral through these stagesover and over again, but each time you gothrough them, the process becomes a littleeasier. But the final remedy comes withhope. The passage in Hebrews tells us thathope is the anchor of the soul.

We all experience grief, we all process grief,but ultimately, healing comes through thehope we have in the Lord. That hope is ouranchor that keeps us from going adrift onthe seas of grief.

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be downloaded online at www.foxfaith.comor shown through a specially made DVDthat you can request at the same website.These clips are followed up with questionsand scripture. These questions should drawyour group members into a conversationabout what they have just seen. It is notnecessary to tackle these topics in a row, orall in one night. If you would prefer to justcover one or two, feel free. It’s all up to you.

You’ll introduce the discussion by sayingsomething like: “Tonight we’re going to talkabout (topic i.e. Relationships, Parenting,Prayer, etc.). We have some scenes from amovie called Love Comes Softly that we’regoing to look at and then take apart to seewhat we can learn from them.” Give a briefoverview of the film, have your groupmembers read the provided Bible verses,then roll the clip(s) you decide to use. Afterthe clip plays, open the floor up fordiscussion using the questions we provided,or some of your own. You can close thesession by giving the brief “Lesson to Learn”provided at the end of the topic.

book is a way you or any other leader canutilize the messages in Love Comes Softlyas a group discussion tool. College andcareer, singles’ groups, other smallgroups… there are a variety of people inyour congregation that can benefit from thelessons in Love Comes Softly.

The lessons are supplemented by clips fromthe movie you’ve either received or down-loaded online. These clips were specificallyselected to help you set the tone and furnishthe context for your discussion or Biblestudy. There are also suggested scripturesfor your group to study in-depth, and we’veprovided several discussion-provokingquestions based on the different scenes.

This guide is an easy-to-use way to kick startinteresting discussions within your smallgroup, and it works without any of yourmembers having seen the film. However, itis recommended that you announce yourintentions of using the film clips ahead oftime. For example, the week before youintend to have a clip-oriented discussion,you might show the film trailer (includedwith the clips)to your group or congregationand let them know that you’ll be incorpor-ating it into your discussion the followingweek (or the next time you meet). This willallow your members the opportunity to viewthe film themselves (rent or purchase) ifthey so desire.

DISCUSSIONS:

In an effort to help you reinforce the themesand messages of Love Comes Softly, wehave chosen clips from the film that youcan show to your group. These clips can

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Do you think Clark is used to seeingGod’s provision for him and his daughter?Does this lead to his confident attitude thatthe rebuilding of his barn will be completed?

LESSON TO LEARN:

Scripture Reference: Psalm 104The equation of faith goes something likethis: Big God = Little Problems. If you under-stand that God is in control, then, like Clarkin his “church,” one only has to glance atnature and see that God provides for all ofhis creation. Psalm 104 gives us a staggeringlist of the systems and processes God set upto take care of his creation, includinghumans.

God’s complex plan always includes pro-vision for everything he created, especiallythose he created in his own image: us. Wecan be assured that even in the midst of ourproblems, God will provide for us, just ashe always has.

So in the equation of faith, how big is yourGod? Is he bigger than your problems? Heshould be.

Grief

Preparing For A FuneralThis clip shows Marty the morning after shelearned the news of her husband’s death.She spent all night in their wagon grieving,and now she finds herself faced with thefirst step in moving on – her husband’sfuneral. Suggested Scripture: Isaiah 49:13

Marty sits in the wagon, numb. For her,time has stopped. For her neighbor SarahGraham, though, time has continued. “It’stime. We need to start your husband’sfuneral.” How does this relate to grieving inreal life?

Marty begins to accept her situation andgrudgingly begins to participate in thefuneral. Can you think of a time when youfelt the same way?

In what ways did Sarah and the rest ofthe community comfort Marty?

Just before the funeral, Marty splasheswater on her face, looks heavenward, andseems to draw strength from God. Can youthink of a time when you drew strength fromGod in a time of crisis?

The parson makes a reference to Aaronbeginning a new journey, meaning thejourney to heaven. Do you share this sameviewpoint on the subject of death?

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NOTE: Since your group members havelikely not seen the film, it’s a good ideato provide them with the context of theclip before watching it. This can be foundin the text that precedes the scripturereference for that particular clip.

And please keep in mind that this is nota competition; you don’t have to getthrough all the clips in order to have asuccessful discussion time, especially ifyou sacrifice good conversational energyto do so. As we mentioned above,discussion times go best when you letthem go wherever they wind up going.

Relationships/Marriage

Marty & Sarah Talk About LoveMarty and her neighbor Sarah Grahamdiscuss babies and the nature of love. Sarah,the older, wiser woman lets Marty in on asecret and what she’s learned from thedecisions she’s made. Suggested Scripture:1 Corinthians 7:39

Sarah Graham asserts that “sometimes,love isn’t fireworks… sometimes love justcomes softly.” What do you think of thisassessment of love?

Is there such a thing as “love at first sight”?

What about the common perception of“one right person” as a mate? Both Sarahand Marty find themselves in positions wherethey have been widowed. How does thisrelate to your concept of “one right person?”

So many people believe their love willkeep their commitment together, but inactuality, it’s commitment that keeps lovetogether. What are your thoughts on this idea?

LESSON TO LEARN:

Scripture Reference: 1 Corinthians 13:4-8a There are many different ways peopleuse the word “love.” “I love those shoes.”“I love this car.” “I love that movie.” “I loveyou.” The same word can be used todescribe a lot of different things, but whenit comes to love between people, it basicallyassumes three different meanings. The first is the “if” love. “I love you if_____.” Wholly conditional, “if” love relieson the performance of the other person toremain alive. A lot of acquaintance-typerelationships are based on this type of love.

The second is the “because” love: “I loveyou because _________.” Similar to “if”love, because is a little more personal, andisn’t necessarily task-oriented. It may existbecause of a person’s physical attributes,attitude on life, or proximity. Still, this love,like “if” love, is conditional. As long as theconditions are met, then the love exists, butif the conditions change, so does the love.

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his provision through the promise of passagehome. Can you remember a time where Godhid his provision in a way that surprised youlater?

Marty, Clark, and Missie all need love,although none of them are completely awareof it. God, however, is, and provides a meansfor that love through Clark’s and Marty’smarriage. Can you recall a specific instancewhen God provided something you didn’teven know you needed?

After The FireNOTE: This clip is used as well in the“Prayer/Faith” topic, but it is used againhere to draw out a different aspect of thisparticular scene. It isn’t necessary to showthis clip in its entirety for this particulardiscussion. If you choose, you may endit before Marty and Clark leave the barn.

A fire has just claimed Clark’s barn, and ashe cleans up, he expresses his confidencein God’s provision to Marty. SuggestedScripture: Jeremiah 29:11.

Clark lists the ways all his neighbors aregoing to help him rebuild the barn. Do yousee this simply as the good nature of thecommunity or God working through thecommunity?

Clark says things are going to be fine andthat he just keeps praying for answers. Doyou look to God for your provision as hedoes? Does God provide for you?

Clark seems amazingly resolved as hestands among the ruins of his barn. He isn’tdaunted by the huge task of rebuilding. Why?

God’s Provision

Clark’s ProposalMarty has just buried her husband and isbeginning to face the grim reality of theapproaching cold winter and her lack ofpreparedness for it. Clark introduces himselfand has an unorthodox proposition for her.Suggested Scripture: Isaiah 55:9.

Clark shows amazing boldness byproposing a marriage of convenience whileMarty smoothes out the dirt over herhusband’s grave. Clark, who knows the painof losing a spouse, can sympathize with her.What gave him the boldness to propose inthe way that he did?

Clark mentions that their marriage will bebeneficial to them both. Can you recall a timewhere God’s provision was a win-win situationfor everyone involved?

Marty accepts the proposal strictly so shecan gain passage back home. God knowsshe needs love and time to heal, but he hides

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The third type is the perfect love that Godspeaks about in the Bible, called the “period”love: “I love you, period.” There are noconditions to meet, no tasks to perform, nomitigating circumstances, just love. Period.End of statement.

Clark was demonstrating this type of love toboth Marty and Missie, totally honoring bothof them, sacrificing for them. Even when hedidn’t have the hope that anything wouldbecome of the marriage, he was faithful andhad no expectations beyond what had beenagreed upon.

Sarah Graham talks about this type of lovewhen she talks of her husband. She says theygot together out of sheer need, but love grewbetween them, even when that need hadpassed. They now have “period” love for oneanother, a love that knows no conditions.What type of love are your relationships basedon? Is your love conditional or unconditional?Conditional love always breaks down in theend, because circumstances and peoplechange, but unconditional love will remainthroughout any change.

Parenting

I Can Survive YouMarty and Missie are at odds with each otherthroughout the film. In this clip, things cometo a head when Missie plays a practical jokeon Marty. Marty lets Missie know just whatshe thinks. Suggested Scripture: Proverbs15:1

Why is Missie showing disrespect toMarty? Have your children ever donesomething of that nature?

Marty is obviously dealing with manyissues that are clouding the way she relatesto Missie. Has there ever been a time whereyou had difficulty relating to your kidsbecause of personal issues?

As you can tell, Missie is a very strong-willed child. What do you think is the bestway Marty can relate to her? How do yourelate to your own strong-willed child?

Are there times when the stress ofparenting has led to your own feelings of“surviving” your children? Describe them.

The Person You AreClark and Marty talk about Missie. SuggestedScripture: Proverbs 3:11-12

Marty says Missie needs a mother, butthat she isn’t the right person. Have you everfelt like you weren’t the right person toparent your children? When?

Clark says Marty can teach Missie thingsthat he can’t. What does he mean by that?

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Clark seems unruffled at the challenge ofgetting his barn rebuilt. He knows he doesn’thave all the answers, so he says he’ll justkeep praying for them until they come. Doyou share the same outlook on they mysteriesof your life?

Clark states that God always answers hisprayers. Can you make the same assertionwith the same confidence as Clark?

Do you agree with Clark’s answer toMarty when she asks why bad things happento decent people?

Clark tells Marty that in all the momentsof his life, God has been right there besidehim. Can you relate to that feeling?

Clark compares his relationship with Godto that of himself with Missie. Do you seeGod in this way, as a Father withunconditional love? Why or why not? Howdid your relationship with your own fathercolor your relationship with God?

LESSON TO LEARN:

Scripture References: Psalm 121:1-8; Psalm37:4; 1 Kings 3:4-15. Psalm 37:4 says,“Delight yourself in the Lord and he will giveyou the desires of your heart.” Part of faithcomes with delighting yourself in God, asClark did at his “church,” just spending timein God’s environment, singing and commun-ing with him. When you have that delightfulsort of communion with God, he will giveyou a divine desire. And when you meditateon that desire in prayer, you’re acting infaith, praying God’s words back to him. The passage in 1 Kings gives us a slightlyunorthodox example of this concept.Solomon went to Gibeon to offer a thousandburnt offerings, but he didn’t offer them allat once. More than likely, there was onlyone altar at Gibeon, so Solomon would placean offering on it and then minister to theLord while his sacrifice burned down. Afterit was completely burned, he would offeranother one. Repeat 999 times.

Solomon spent a LOT of time ministering tothe Lord during this time, just basking inhis holy presence. And it was during thiscommunion, this fellowship, that God offeredhim whatever he asked. But since Solomonhad been spending so much time close toGod’s heart, he knew the best answer toGod’s offer; he had a divine desire forwisdom. And because he acted on thatdesire, God gave him all the other things,too.

When we spend quality time with God, webegin to learn his heart for our lives, andhe imparts a divine desire to us; a desirethat will guide our lives.

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After Clark hugs Missie, he looks at Martyand mouths, “Thank you.” Why is hethanking her? What did Marty do that Clarkcouldn’t?

LESSON TO LEARN:

Scripture Reference: Proverbs 22:6This particular scripture has been used foryears in the church, often interpreted as,“bring your child to church so that whenthey get older they won’t leave church.” Butinstead of this slant on the idea, the originallanguage of the text points to the phrase“train up a child” as meaning “teach themthe tricks of the trade.”

If a parent will instruct, train, and teachtheir children how to succeed in life whenthey’re a child, then they’ll remember thatwhen they get older. Envision your childrenwith good goals, and then show them howto achieve those goals. Let them know earlyon what things in life they need to avoid,then show them how to avoid those things.Setting up these patterns of success early in

How are mothers and fathers differentwhen it comes to parenting? What are thedifferent attributes they possess that add tothe person their child will become?

Clark states that he’s putting Missie“through this” because he loves her. Whatdid he mean by that?

Have you ever put your child throughsomething they didn’t like out of love?Describe it.

Clark says that nothing is a waste of timeif it adds to the person that you are. Do youagree with this sentiment? Why or why not?

Clark says he prayed that God would helphim get through to Missie. How often doyou pray for your children?

Dress MakingMarty reaches out to Missie by making adress for her to wear to a special party.Suggested Scripture: Psalm 127:3

What motivated Marty to put in such longhours making Missie’s dress?

Marty and Missie now have a verydifferent relationship from the one they hadin the earlier clip. To what can that beattributed?

Missie looks apprehensive as she showsher father her new dress, as if she doesn’tknow how she feels about wearing fineclothes, but she smiles brightly when Clarktells her she looks beautiful. What are somesimilar ways you can affirm your children’sself-esteem?

life will pay off later when the stakes arehigher. This lets them know at an early agethat you have their best interests at heart,and they can see fruit of that as they growolder.

Dealing with the strong-willed child issimilar; you can lead them by showing themyou have their best interests at heart. Usuallythe strong-willed child wants to learn bytheir own experiences instead of theexperiences of others, but if they can beconvinced that their parents truly love themand have their best interests at heart, thenthey can be led by being shown their potentialfor greatness and a consistent challenge toexhibit that potential.

In the film clips, Missie didn’t understandhow Marty could have her best interests atheart. She felt like she and her father weredoing fine until Marty showed up. But whenMarty took the time to extend love to Missie,showing that she truly cared for her, Missie’sresolve melted and she accepted Marty forwho she was.

Teach your children at a young age how tosucceed in life. Show them you love themand that you have their best interests atheart. Encourage them to showcase theirfull potential. Then when they see successin their older years, they will bless you andthank you for it.

Prayer/Faith

Clark’s ChurchMarty spies on Clark as he goes to his“church” service, a bench on the top of ahill, where he sings a hymn and prays.Suggested Scripture: Psalm 40:5

When Marty first hears Clark singing, shestifles a giggle. What is it about worship thatMarty, a non-believer, would find humorous?Is it just to hear Clark’s off-key singing, ordoes it go deeper than that?

Once Marty realizes the depth of Clark’sdevotion to God, she becomes more somberand begins to walk away. Why?

Would you like to experience a “church”service like Clark’s? Why?

In the clip there’s a wonderful view of abeautiful vista. Do these types of imagesinspire you to think of your Creator? Whyor why not?

After The FireA fire has just claimed Clark’s barn, andas he cleans up, he and Marty talk aboutthe nature of God and prayer. SuggestedScripture: Deuteronomy 11:13-15