Author’s Slide My name is Kristin Martin and I’m an Elementary Education major at UNCC. Along...
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Author’s Slide My name is Kristin Martin and I’m an Elementary Education major at UNCC. Along with going to school full time, I also work full time, have a 9-year-old son, a husband, 2 dogs and 2 lizards. My husband and I have been married for almost half of my life and I can’t imagine my life any other way. After some careful consideration, I chose to write this project for my dad. My dad was diagnosed with Huntington’s disease in the late 90’s and passed away 3 years ago. My dad and I had a rocky relationship and I never got the chance to reconcile my feelings towards him while he was alive. I loved my dad very much and I wanted to do this for him as well as myself. I wanted to face my feelings head-on and be able to let go of my anger and resentment. This project forced me to take a long, hard look at my life and I’m happy to say I came through the other end with a newfound respect and love for my dad. This is for you, Dad.
Author’s Slide My name is Kristin Martin and I’m an Elementary Education major at UNCC. Along with going to school full time, I also work full time, have
Authors Slide My name is Kristin Martin and Im an Elementary
Education major at UNCC. Along with going to school full time, I
also work full time, have a 9-year- old son, a husband, 2 dogs and
2 lizards. My husband and I have been married for almost half of my
life and I cant imagine my life any other way. After some careful
consideration, I chose to write this project for my dad. My dad was
diagnosed with Huntingtons disease in the late 90s and passed away
3 years ago. My dad and I had a rocky relationship and I never got
the chance to reconcile my feelings towards him while he was alive.
I loved my dad very much and I wanted to do this for him as well as
myself. I wanted to face my feelings head-on and be able to let go
of my anger and resentment. This project forced me to take a long,
hard look at my life and Im happy to say I came through the other
end with a newfound respect and love for my dad. This is for you,
Dad.
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Dads Stats Dennis Conger 9/16/45-3/15/10 Hometown: Uncasville,
CT Married: 11/23/71 to Elaine Children: Kristin, Jeff, Megan
Son-in-Law: Russell; Daughter-in-Law: Nikki Grandchildren:
Benjamin, Allison, Ashley, A.J Vietnam Veteran, Navy Favorites:
Watching his children play sports Getting together with family and
friends Fishing New England Patriots UCONN Huskies basketball
Chicago White Sox Born: Peru, Indiana Lived in: Indiana, Idaho,
California, Virginia, Connecticut
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March 15, 2010 I sat at the kitchen table willing the phone to
ring. I had just made arrangements to fly to Connecticut to visit
my family, specifically my grandmother; I knew this would be the
last time I would see her alive. My grandmother, being the strong
independent women she was, decided no more hospital trips and no
more treatments. She was tired and she was done. Her doctor
released her from the hospital and she wanted to go home so she
could be comfortable in her last remaining days. I had been waiting
for my mother to call me back so I could give her my flight
information. Finally the phone rang. I have to admit I was a little
impatient when I answered the phone; I thought I left you a message
to call me over 2 hours ago, what took you so long? However, as
soon as I heard my moms voice, I knew something was very wrong. My
mother is a very strong person, so when she started crying as soon
as I said hello, my stomach dropped. I dont think Ill ever forget
her words, even though she was crying as she said them, I heard
everything. Im following the ambulance to the hospital, your
father, I found him unresponsive lying on the floor by the couch
when I came home. I started CPR and Aunt Barbara called 9-1-1, I
dont think hes going to make it. My mother and I work in healthcare
so words such as unresponsive and CPR are everyday language, but
they take on a new meaning when associated with a family member.
There are times in my life when time has stood still and everything
seems to be moving in slow motion, this was one of those times. My
husband rushed over to me, knelt down and asked me what was wrong.
I dont know how he knew something was wrong because I dont think I
made a sound. I cant remember much about the next few hours because
I was numb the whole time. I know I called my manager at work to
let her know what happened and that I would need more time off. The
funny thing is I had just cleared my work schedule for a few days
so I could go and visit my grandmother. I also know I cancelled my
flight and my husband made arrangements for someone to watch our
two dogs. I will be forever grateful to my husband for everything
he did that day.
Slide 5
March 15, 2010 (continued) The next time the phone rang it was
my sister. She confirmed my mothers feelings that my dad had passed
away and we cried together. I let her know that we would be there
as soon as possible. Within three hours of the first phone call my
family was in the car driving the thirteen hours to Connecticut. I
dont remember much about the drive other than being on my phone
most of the time. I spoke with my mother, sister, brother, and
sister-in-law about nothing and everything. They had made all of
the necessary phone calls and arrangements: wake, funeral, clothes
he would wear, place to gather after the funeral, food, etc. by the
time I arrived. My family is amazing. I think back and wonder if I
was there would I have been able to make those decisions? My
relationship with my father was complicated. My mom used to say we
were too much alike to get along. I loved my dad very much but Im
not sure if I liked him. My dad was diagnosed with Huntingtons
disease long after he exhibited symptoms. At first, Huntingtons
affected my fathers mood and behavior. Around the time he was 45
years old, he started to change. He had become mean and paranoid
and he took his frustration out on my mother. Even though he never
raised a hand to her, the emotional abuse was extreme. I was old
enough to know what he was saying and I could see how it affected
my mom. I moved out of my house when I was 18 years old and all I
knew was that my father was mean. It wasnt until a few years after
I moved out that my father was diagnosed with Huntingtons. This was
the reason for his extreme moods and horrible behavior; however,
all I knew and remembered were his actions. I was living in Arizona
at the time of the diagnosis and I wasnt around enough to see the
changes taking place. I like to think that if I was living in
Connecticut the whole time, I would have understood that his
behavior wasnt him but the disease. Over the next fifteen years the
disease took its toll on my father and my family. His moods werent
as extreme due to the medication he was taking but his physical
abilities deteriorated. At the time of his death, my mom had
started looking into nursing homes for him because he needed almost
constant care. Despite the amount of care he needed, he wasnt at
deaths door, or so we thought. My father had a heart attack on that
day and because of his declining physical abilities I hadnt talked
to him on the phone in a long time. I dont know the last time I
said I love you to him directly and I think about that all of the
time.
Slide 6
Dear Dad,
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I must have started this letter at least a dozen different
times. I guess I just didnt know what to say. I thought about
complaining to you about the bad parts of my childhood or talking
about how Huntingtons disease affected the family. In the end, I
just want to say, Im sorry. I never got the chance to apologizefor
all of the negative thoughts towards you I had growing up. Or for
all of the times we argued. I know we used to fight, a lot, and mom
always said it was because we were so much alike. I get that now.
We both love our families, have strong opinions, and were always
right (smile). I didnt give you a chance after we found out that
you had Huntingtons disease. I couldnt see past your mood swings,
frustration, anger, and worries. I only saw the effect the disease
had on you, not just you. I want to apologize for that. I always
thought I would have time to talk with you about my feelings or
that I would overcome them on my own. I suppose I just wanted
everything to be like it was before your episodes. I never thought
you would die before I had a chance to say Im sorry. You werent
supposed to die so soon. I think your death was easier on me, in
some ways, than the rest of the family. We werent a part of each
others daily lives because we live in different states. So, when
you werent there, I didnt immediately notice. I still feel guilty
for having those feelings. When I decided to do this project for
you, I was hoping I would be able to face my feelings and come to
terms with them. Ive got to tell you, Ive cried, laughed, gotten
angry and realized a lot about myself. I can honestly say once I
brought up all of the bad stuff, I was able to move past it. I now
remember a lot of the good stuff and I realize that I miss you. I
miss having a dad. I hate the fact that my son doesnt have his
Grandpa anymore and I hate the fact that you wont get to know him
as he gets older. I hate that I never got to tell you Im sorry. I
love you, Kristin
Slide 14
Friday Nights Growing up there was one thing I could always
count on, Friday night pizza. Every Friday my parents would order
pizza and we would sit around the table and eat and eat. We would
have great conversations about what went on during the week and how
everyone was doing. It was a tradition I looked forward to all
week. I think that its important to have a family dinner tradition
for several reasons. As a parent, you are spending time with your
children and can learn so much about who they are just by talking.
Also, you are showing your children that no matter how hectic the
week has been, you will always have time for them. Finally, you
build a bond that will last a lifetime. My parents always knew
everything about me and my brother and sister. As I got older that
could be very frustrating. It was also a great feeling. When we
were eating dinner my parents would talk to us about anything and
everything. They were interested in what we were doing, what are
friends were doing, and how things were going. They could always
tell when one of us was upset, happy or up to something. We never
got away with anything because our parents could always tell. My
parents got to know us by taking the time to talk to us. We held
conversations while we were eating dinner and learned a lot about
each other. Even if we werent able to eat together every night, we
could always count on Fridays.
Slide 15
Friday Nights (continued) When I was younger, my parents always
had time for me and my siblings. I didnt realize until I was older
that they were purposefully making time to be with us. I didnt know
anything about job commitments, housework, grocery shopping, and
meal planning. All of the things that keep us busy during the week
never interfered with our Friday night pizza. My parents always
found time to be with us, especially Friday night. We always knew
we were an important part of their life. Family dinners were an
important aspect of my childhood. They helped to cement a bond
between us that is still intact. Even though we dont see each other
every day, week, or month, when we get together, family dinners
play an important role. There are a lot more faces at our dinner
table these days and it is still a time where we talk to each other
and get reacquainted. We learn what everyone is doing and take time
to catch up. We come together as a family and reinforce our bond.
Our favorite family meal is still pizza. Growing up I could always
count on my family. We fought, laughed, and cried during our dinner
conversations. Friday night pizza was just one of the many
traditions I experienced growing up. Family dinners are one of
those things that are easy to incorporate into your daily or weekly
schedule. Everyone has to eat and its a great time to sit down, put
job and school worries away and get to know each other. Im forever
grateful for the experiences I had growing up, especially when Im
at my own dinner table and I ask my son, How was your day?, over
Friday night pizza.
Slide 16
Five Things I Learned From My Dad #5 Give 100% Always work and
play hard, give 100% all of the time. (Dad at Disney World)
Slide 17
Five Things I Learned From My Dad #4 Fight for what you want If
you want something in life, you have to fight for it, no one will
give it to you. (My family)
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Five Things I Learned From My Dad #3 Love of sports My dad
loved to watch sports and was loyal to his teams, we loved to watch
games as a family. (Dad and Jeff sporting the UCONN and Patriots
gear)
Slide 19
Five Things I Learned From My Dad #2 How to treat my child
Unfortunately, I had more examples of what not to do, but I learned
from those. (Me and Benjamin)
Slide 20
Five Things I Learned From My Dad #1 Family is a priority No
matter what was going on in my dads life, he always had time for
his children. (Family)