Member/Licensee Class – July 2004 Authentic Happiness by Martin E. P. Seligman Book Reviews 1. Review by Chere Bork (www.wellcoaches.com/chere.bork) Acclaimed psychologist and author Dr. Martin Seligman shows us how Positive Psychology is shifting his profession’s paradigm away from a focus on mental illness and toward positive emotion and mental health!! Happiness, studies show is the not the result of good genes or luck but instead can be cultivated by identifying and nurturing traits that we already possess like kindness, generosity, optimism, humor and originality.

Chere’s “TOP TAKE-AWAYS” from Authentic Happiness I. SAVORING (page 108) The speed of life and our extreme future mindedness can impoverish our present!! Fred B. Bryant and Joseph Veroff of Loyola University are the founders of a new field called savoring. DEFINITION: Savoring is the awareness of pleasure and of the deliberate conscious attention to the experience of pleasure. There are 4 kinds of savoring:

1. Basking = receiving praise and congratulations 2. Thanksgiving = expressing gratitude for blessings 3. Marveling = losing the self in the wonder of the moment 4. Luxuriating = indulging the senses

Five Techniques for Savoring Sharing with Others This is the single strongest predictor of level of pleasure. Seek out others to share the experience and tell others how much you value the moment Memory –Building Take mental photographs or even a physical souvenir of the event and reminisce about it later with others. Self-Congratulation Don’t be afraid of pride. Tell yourself how long you waited for this to happen, and tell yourself how impressed others are. Sharpening Perceptions Focus on certain elements and block out others. Example: close your eyes while listening to music Absorption Let your-self get totally immersed and try not to think, just SENSE!

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Do not remind yourself of other things you should be doing, wonder what comes next, or consider the ways in which the event could be improved upon. II. HAVE A BEAUTIFUL DAY (page 110) Set aside a day to indulge in your favorite pleasures. Pamper yourself and design in writing what you will do from hour to hour. III. THE HAPPINES FORMULA (page 45 – Chapter 4) Can you make yourself lastingly happier? H= S + C + V H =Enduring Level of Happiness Momentary happiness can be increased by chocolate, flowers, a movie or new outfit. These are short bursts of momentary positive feelings. What influences enduring happiness? S= Set Range: The Barriers to Becoming Happier

50% of your score on happiness tests is influenced by the score of your biological parents if they would have taken the test!!

Studies have shown that after misfortune strikes, the happiness thermostat will strive to pull us out of our misery eventually.

The “hedonic treadmill” causes you to rapidly adapt to good things by taking them for granted. The more you accumulate, the more your expectations rise. Studies have shown that good things and high accomplishments have astonishingly little power to raise happiness more than transiently.

Hedonic Treadmill results

In less than 3 months, major events such as being fired or promoted lose their impact on happiness levels.

Wealth has a low correlation with happiness level. Physical attractiveness does not have much effect at all on happiness. Objective physical health, perhaps the most valuable of all resources, is barely correlated

with happiness. C= Circumstances Money = how important money is to you, more than money itself, influences your happiness. Marriage = More data supports that marriage is “robustly” related to happiness.

Should you run out and get married? Or are people who are already happy more likely to get married? The “jury” is still out on what causes the proven fact that married people are happier than unmarried people.

Social Life= The very happy people spend the least time alone and the most time socializing and they rated highest on good relationships by themselves and also by their friends. Negative Emotion = Studies have shown that women had twice as much depression as men, and generally more of the negative emotions. They also experience more positive emotion – more frequently and more intensely than men do.

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Age = What changes as we age is the intensity of our emotions. Both feelings of “being on top of the world” and being in the “depths of despair” become less common with age and experience. Health= Objective health is barely related to our happiness. What matters is our subjective perception of how healthy we are. When disabling illness is long lasting happiness does decline, but not as much as you would think. Moderate ill health does not bring unhappiness, but severe illness does. Education, Climate, Race and Gender= None of these matter much for happiness. In average emotional tone, women and men don’t differ on happiness, but this because women are both happier and sadder than men. Religion = Data consistently show religious people as being somewhat happier and more satisfied with life than nonreligious people. V= Voluntary Variables (chapter 5, 6 and 7) Looking at the positive emotions (satisfaction, contentment, fulfillment, pride and serenity) that you feel..

IV. TECHNIQUES TO IMPROVE YOUR MARRIAGE THAT REQUIRE ONLY 5 HOURS PER WEEK (page 197)

Partings: Before these couples say goodbye every morning, they find out one thing that each is going to do that day (2 mins x 5 days = 10 mins) Reunions: At the end of each workday, the couples have a low stress reunion conversation. (20 mins x 5 days = 1 hour, 40 mins) Affection: Touching, grabbing, holding and kissing – all laced with tenderness and forgiveness. (5 mins x 7 days = 35 mins) One Weekly Date: Just the two of you in a relaxed atmosphere, updating your love. (2 hours once a week) Admiration and Appreciation: Every day, genuine affection and appreciation is given at least once. (5 mins x 7 days = 35 mins)

V. HOW TO FORGIVE (page 79) tips by Dr. Everett Worthington, psychologist Use the 5 Step Process Called REACH: R: RECALL Recall the hurt, in as objective a way as you can. Do not think of the other person as evil. Do not wallow in self pity. Take deep, slow and calming breaths as you visualize the event. E: EMPATHIZE Try to understand the perpetrator’s point of view why this person hurt you. A: ALTRUISTIC Give the gift of altruistic gift of forgiveness. First, recall a time you transgressed, felt guilty and were forgiven. This was a gift given to you by another person because you needed it, and you were grateful for this gift. If you want to be happy…

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For an hour, take a nap. For a day, go fishing. For a month, get married. For a year, get an inheritance. For a lifetime, help someone. C.COMMIT Commit yourself to forgive publicly. Dr. Worthington has had his clients write a “certificate of forgiveness” or write a letter of forgiveness, a song or a poem. H. HOLD This is a difficult step because memories of the event will recur. Memories do not mean forgiveness. Remind yourself you have forgiven, and read the documents you have composed.

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2. Review by Delores Bertuso (www.wellcoaches.com/delores.bertuso) This excellent book gives us a refreshing look at positive psychology. I have read and studied many articles and books on negative psychology—depression and the like, but was pleased that someone has finally studied what makes happy people happy. Dr. Seligman starts by describing positive emotion and then describes how strengths of character and virtues are what bring about positive emotion. Seligman believes that each of us should define our signature strengths (which he describes in some detail) and then use these strengths daily in our work and personal lives to be authentically happy. The internet connection for doing some of the self-tests (www.authentichappiness.com) is also a great addition to the book. Top Five Points of Interest

• The six core virtues that exist across all cultures are as follows:

Wisdom and knowledge Courage Love and Humanity Justice Temperance Spirituality and transcendence

• “…happy people endure pain better and take more health and safety precautions when threatened…positive emotions undo negative emotions.” (pg.41) This statement explains why people need to be happy before they can be successful in the pursuit of a healthy lifestyle. Unhappy people don’t see themselves as being in control as much as happy people do.

• Seligman recommends looking at all the areas of your life (love, finances, health, etc.) and rate from 1-10 how satisfied you are with each area. This is an objective means to look at the areas of your life that have been short changed.

• Your level of optimism about the future has a lot to do with how you view events and people. Are the events temporary and the people around you having a bad day or are these events things that will never change and the people you encounter just naturally bastards? If you find yourself looking at these events and people as permanently bad, it will be necessary to teach yourself how to dispute your thinking in order to change your attitude to a more positive one.

• Signature strengths of an individual can be objectively measured by using a questionnaire developed by the Values-In-Action Institute. If you use your signature strengths in the main realms of your life you will reap “abundant gratification and authentic happiness.”

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3. Review by Bob Merberg (www.wellcoaches.com/bob.merberg) In Authentic Happiness, psychologist Martin Seligman offers a persuasive manifesto delineating the basic principles of “Popular Psychology,” and offering accessible instructions on how to put them into practice to create a happier life. Seligman’s basic premise is that, while we may all work within a set range of potential happiness, and certain variables influencing happiness are based on circumstances that may be beyond individual control, everyone can increase their level within that range by modifying the factors that are controllable. The circumstances include:

• residing in a wealthy democracy • being married • having fewer negative events and emotions • having a fulfilling social life • practicing religion.

The voluntary variables include: gratitude, forgiveness, disconnecting your past from your present, optimism, habituation (identifying the appropriate frequency of a pleasure to maintain its freshness), savoring (awareness of pleasure), and mindfulness. Ultimately, he postulates that sustained happiness is achieved not by fixing whatever may not be working in one’s life, but by identifying and exercising one’s signature strengths. 5 Principles for Practice (These are not necessarily Seligman’s top 5 points; they simply represent 5 principles I extracted from the book that will be beneficial to me and my clients. When possible, I have offered ideas for how any wellness coach can apply these principles for their practice.)

1. Gratitude. The simple practice of listing 5 things to be thankful for at the end of each day is well known to most coaches, as a means for cultivating joy and positivism in one’s life. Still, it was nice to see it validated by Seligman, and put into the larger context of how important gratitude is when seeking happiness in one’s life. Wellness coaches who prefer not to venture into what traditionally is “life coaching” territory may still have reason to use their artful questioning skills to help a client gain awareness of gratitude. For example, we know that active social support can be a vital ingredient of successful behavioral change. Simply asking a client how they feel about their support network or a supportive individual is likely to evoke their sense of gratitude towards their support, which will strengthen their bonds even further, and also help cultivate the positivity that is necessary to change a behavior. 2. Mindfulness. Seligman only superficially covers the topic of mindfulness, noting that he is not an expert in this area. However, he appreciates that it figures prominently in “shifting perspective to make a stale situation fresh.” The implications for wellness coaches are clear. Clients often initiate changes with

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zeal, but ultimately their behaviors and even their goals become stale. Mindfulness is the remedy. Any wellness coach interested in mindfulness will benefit from listening to the Wellcoaches audio on the topic. 3. Gratification. From the book: “Here is a powerful antidote to the epidemic of depression in youth: strive for more gratifications, while toning down the pursuit of pleasure. The pleasures come easily, and the gratifications (which result from the exercise of personal strengths) are hard won.” For me, this sentence will resonate for the rest of my life, and while the details are beyond the scope of this handout, I encourage everyone to read the section on The Gratifications. Ultimately, I do believe that Seligman’s approach here can be useful even when it comes to helping wellness clients. Often, we try to make their experiences with new behaviors pleasurable. Perhaps, when possible, we would do better to help them make those behaviors more gratifying. 4. False Self-Esteem. Throughout his development of Positive Psychology, Seligman, who probably is still best know for authoring the bestseller Learned Optimism, has criticized the “self-esteem movement” and opposed the practice of puffing up people’s self-esteem (especially children’s). He doesn’t dwell on this topic in Authentic Happiness, but drops it in every now and then, almost incidentally. Coaches, by nature and by training, are inclined to inflate clients’ self-esteem. Seligman’s take on this issue raises important questions, then, for us coaches: Should coaches be more discriminate in their doling out of positive feedback? Do we detract from our clients’ most ambitious accomplishments by gushing even over the most minor ones? Would our clients be better served if coaches more readily confronted “failures,” rather than glossing over them in order to dwell in the comfort of successes? 5. Strengths. Seligman’s overarching thesis about building a life that expresses our signature strengths is an important message for coaches and our clients. Many coaches have been told to coach clients around their strengths (versus their shortcomings), but we haven’t quite been shown how to do it. Seligman connects the dots and has established the foundation for a system in which we can do just that. His strength assessment tool (available on the web and in the book) is valuable; but I believe there are many other techniques coaches can use to help clients identify their strengths. In fact, one of the most important roles a coach can play is to listen to the client for their strengths. That is, as they relate their accomplishments and successes, for goals of whatever magnitude, a coach can identify the strengths the client used to achieve the goal, and share that with the client (or, perhaps more effectively, simply ask the client: “What strengths did you rely upon in order to achieve that goal?”). These strengths can be employed again and again as the client continues to achieve greater goals. And, ultimately, they will find that their strengths can be built upon in order to achieve goals far beyond physical well-being.

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4. Review by Jan Barosh (www.wellcoaches.com/jan.barosh) Lesson 1 Individuals in jobs/careers with high job demands and low decision latitude (number of choices) have increased risk of coronary disease and depression. Career examples:`Nurses, Secretaries, Young Lawyers This could be a niche market for wellness coaching. Lesson 2 Make praise specific and not overdone.

• When a client completes their task, ask them how they feel about having done it. • Discuss why this is important to them. • Congratulate them. • Keep enthusiasm of congratulations appropriate to the level of the task. • Outcome we want is for them to build themselves up rather than we build them up.

Lesson 3 Outward spiral of positive emotion Be aware of how the positive effects of a clients’ actions in one area – fitness, weight loss, etc – create positive effects in other areas of their life. Help the client to see this outward spiral effect. Lesson 4 Use a form of the Best Moments approach with clients:

• Ask client to recount the best moments of their week. • “What did you do this week that you enjoyed?” • Ask them how it felt. • Balance it with what happened that wasn’t so good. • Discuss what they can do (have control over it) if it were to occur again. • Did the number of good things that happened outweigh the number of bad things?

Lesson 5 Discover and Put to Use Client’s Signature Strengths Ask client to take the Signature Strength Survey on the Authentic Happiness web site. Discuss how using their signature strengths can help them feel more positively about the actions they take to reach their goals. Discuss how/if they are using their signature strengths to help them in reaching their health/fitness goals. Help them implement/increase the use of their signature strengths to reach their health/fitness goals.

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This lesson is not directly related to what we coach our wellness clients on. I have included it because I feel it could make a huge difference in their lives and make it easier for them to reach their health/fitness goals. Lesson 6 Recraft your job to use your signature strengths and make it enjoyable. Ask client which of their jobs/careers in the past they enjoyed most. Follow up with questions such as:

• What made the job enjoyable? • How did they feel when working there? • What specifically did they do (job tasks)? • What were the results when they did their job tasks? • Who benefited from what they did?

Use this information to help client identify how they may have used their signature strengths at that job/career. Help client recraft their current job/career to use their signature strengths to make it more enjoyable and if possible a calling, or, if appropriate, find a job/career in which they can.

“If you can find a way to use your signature strengths at work often, and you also see your work as contributing to the greater good, you have a calling.”