Assuredcommunications ™ Dealing with Difficult Behavior Donna Collins Sr. Manager, Learning & Development

assuredcommunications™

Dealing with Difficult Behavior

Donna Collins

Sr. Manager, Learning & Development


Presentation Objective

By the time we are done you will be able to:

• Assess the behaviors that are personally most difficult for you, and understand best practices for dealing with these behaviors

• Explain how the brain functions under stress, and how to exercise self-management

• Clarify the difference between passive, aggressive and assertive communication

• Practice assertiveness tools


Which is your most challenging & Why?

• The “Sherman Tank”– Attacks. Behaves in abusive, abrupt, intimidating manner, leaving

victims on the defensive, feeling overwhelmed and powerless.

• The “Complainer”– Finds fault with everything. Implies others should be doing something

about their problems. May spread rumors.

• The “Know-It-All”– Bulldozing expert on all matters. Projects absolute certainty and usually

leave others feeling one-down, stupid, or worthless.

• The “Exploder”– Temper Tantrums. Outbursts filled with rage that barely seems under

control.

• The “Wet Blanket”– Negative. Feel as if everything is out of their control. “It won’t work. It’s

no use.”


Understanding Your Brain

• Frontal Lobe Executive Center Planning, prioritizing, organizing, reason, logic, impulse control, empathy

• Limbic System Emotional Center Memory, learning, emotions

• Brain Stem Survival Center Fight, flight, freeze (attack or defend)

THREAT!!!!

www.consciousdiscipline.com


Give the Brain What it Needs

1. Breathe!• Take 3 deep breaths to turn off your body’s stress response

2. Address the other person’s need for safety (brain stem)• Remain calm• Use “safe” language; stick to the facts and be specific• Use the “disarming technique”

• Find and acknowledge some truth in what they are saying

• Address their need for understanding (limbic system)• Reflect both the content and feeling(s) expressed by the

other person 1. Acknowledge their position, intention or what they want

• From your executive center (frontal lobe), tell them what you want or what your position is• Find your “big voice”; be clear and direct


Assertiveness Tools

• Basic

• Empathic

• Escalating

• Confrontive

• I-Messages

• Positive

• Broken Record

• Disarming


Victim Accountability Model

ACCOUNTABLE

SITUATION Success or

Failure

Self-Assessment

Learn

Prepared

AcceptanceEncouragement/Self-

Confidence

No Learning

No Preparation

INTENTION CHOICE

Denial

Self-Doubt

Blame Others

VICTIM

IMPAQ©

Create? Promote?

Allow?


Power

Con

trol

Responsibility

Whomever you believe to be in charge of your feelings…

you have placed in charge of you

It’s a Trilogy



Who is Your Power Going To?

• Responsibility is not a weight to carry, but a key to reclaiming your power

• Blame is an escape from responsibility and a way to give away your power



Power Under - Passivity

• Belief: I get my needs met only by pleasing others. I am safe only when others are happy.– Based on inner sense of fear

• Comes from mind reading

• Give up own needs

• Blame & Punish Self– “I can’t take this anymore!”



Power Over - Aggression

• Belief: I can be safe and get my needs met only by controlling other people and situations.– Based on inner sense of fear

• Looks like striving

• Assert one’s own needs without concern for the other’s

• Blame & Punish Others– “You’re always dominating the discussion. It’s no

mystery why we can’t come to a consensus.”



Personal Power - Assertiveness

• Belief: I can get my own needs met and the world is a safe place

– Based on inner sense of safety

• Self-Control

• Assert one’s needs while considering those of the other person

• Assume Responsibility

– “I recognize that you want it done by the end of the week. I don’t see how we can accomplish that without adding more resources.”



When you are upset you are focused on what you don’t want

Focusing on what you don’t want pits your body chemistry against your willpower


The Challenge


Practice Being Assertive

Practice in Pairs

• Get with one other person and take turns practicing assertively telling the person to stop speaking to you the way they are and to speak to you respectfully– Note how you sound, feel and

what your thoughts are

Exercise:


Thank You!

Donna CollinsSr. Manager, Learning & Development

Documents

Assuredcommunications ™ Dealing with Difficult Behavior Donna Collins Sr. Manager, Learning & Development