ASSERTIVE TECHNIQUES

Dr. Ruth Benjamin (PhD)

Clinical Psychologist

AGGRESSION CAN BE EXPRESSED IN VARIOUS WAYS

THOSE WAYS CAN EVEN BE COMBINED

ASSAULT

• PHYSICAL VIOLENCE AGAINST OTHERS.

• GETTING INTO FIGHTS WITH PEOPLE BUT NOT DESTROYING OBJECTS

INDIRECT AGGRESSION

• BOTH ROUNDABOUT AND UNDIRECTED AGGRESSION. ROUNDABOUT BEHAVIOR LIKE MALICIOUS GOSSIP OR PRACTICAL JOKES IS INDIRECT IN THE SENSE THAT THE HATED PERSON IS NOT ATTACKED DIRECTLY BUT BY DEVIOUS MEANS

UNDIRECTED AGGRESSION

• THIS IS A FORM OF INDIRECT AGGRESSION AND INCLUDES SUCH THINGS AS TEMPER TANTRUMS, SLAMMING DOORS, A DISCHARGE OF NEGATIVE AGGRESSION AGAINDT NO ONE IN PARTICULAR.

IRRITABILITY

• A READINESS TO EXPLODE AT THE SLIGHTEST PROVOVATION

• QUICK TEMPER, GROUCHINESS, EXASPERATION AND RUDENESS

NEGATIVISM

• OPPOSITIONAL BEHAVIOUR USUALLY DIRECTED AGAINST AUTHORITY. REFUSAL TO COOPERATIVE.

• CAN VARY FROM PASSIVE NON COMPLIANCE TO OPEN REBELLION AGAINST RULES AND CONVENTION

RESENTMENT

• JEALOUSY AND HATRED OF OTHERS

• A FEELING OF ANGER AT THE WORLD OVER REAL OR IMAGINED MISTREATMENT

RESENTMENT DOES FAR MORE HARM

• TO THE VESSEL IN WHICH IT IS STORED

• THN THE VESSEL OVER WHICH IT IS POURED

SUSPICION

• PROJECTION OF HOSTILITY ON TO OTHERS.

• VARIES FROM MERELY BEING DIDTRUSTFUL AND WARY OF PEOPLE TO BELIEFS THAT OTHERS ARE BEING DEROGATORY OR ARE PLANNING HARM.

VERBAL AGGRESSION

• NEGATIVE AFFECT EXPRESSED IN BOTH THE STYLE AND CONTENT OF SPEECH. STYLE INDICATES ARGUING, SHOUTING AND SCREAMING.

• CONTENT INCLUDES THREATS, CURSES AND BEING OVER CRITICAL

BOTTLED UP AGGRESSION

• WE KEEP NOT SAYING WHAT WE THINK. WE DON’T EXPRESS IT. WHEN PEOPLE TAKE ADVANTAGE OF US WE SMILE AND COMPLY, BUT WE ARE BUILDING IT UP..FILLING UP A BOTTLE WITH OUR ANGER

ONE DAY IT EXPLODES

• WE LET RIP AT EVERYONE.

• THEY DON’T EVEN RECOGNIZE US

• WE LET IT ALL OUT…AT ONE TIME

THE TIE UP BETWEEN AGGRESSION AND TENSION

• TENSION CAN OFTEN LEAD TO OR BE MISTAKEN FOR AGGRESSION

LEARNING TO BE ASSERTIVE• This can make a

person free to be himself in a world he no longer sees as hostile.

• We must learn to tell people when they have hurt our feelings or ignored our needs, and not be afraid.

STRIKE A BALANCE BETWEEN AGGRESSIVENESS AND SUBMISSIVENESS

• BY USING ASSERTIVE TECHNIQUES YOU ARE ABLE TO WIN RESPECT AND GET YOUR NEEDS MET IN A WAY THAT PRESERVES THE DIGNITY OF OTHERS.

YOU DON’T HAVE TO BE AGGRESSIVE TO

GET YOUR NEEDS MET,BUT YOU DO HAVE TO LEARN TO BE ASSERTIVE

• YOU WILL FIND THAT YOU WILL NOT BE REJECTED FOR NOT BEING YOURSELF.

• THE KEY IS KNOWING WHAT YOU WANT AND THAT YOU HAVE A RIGHT TO ASK FOR WHAT YOU WANT.

• YOU GIVE YOURSELF AND YOUR NEEDS SAME RESPECT AND DIGNITY YOU GIVE TO ANYONE ELSE’S. YOU HAVE THE SAME BASIC RIGHTS AS A HUMAN BEING.

4 SIGNS OF A TRULY ASSERTIVE PERSON:

1) He feels free to reveal himself. “This is who I am. This is how I feel, how I think, what I want.

2) He can communicate with people of all ages and walks of life in an open, direct, honest and appropriate manner.

3) He has an active approach to life and goes after what he wants/ He makes things happen rather than waiting for them to happen.

4) He acts in a way that he himself can respect.

WE NOW LOOK AT THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN

AGGRESSION, PASSIVITY AND ASSERTIVENESS:

AGGRESSION

• “WHAT I SAY IS RIGHT, AND YOUR OPINION DOES NOT COUNT”

• Here we are standing up for personal rights and feelings in an inappropriate way .

• We violate the rights of others.

• We attack and blame

PASSIVITY

• “I DON’T COUNT. YOU CAN TAKE ADVANTAGE OF ME.”

• WE FIND IT DIFFICULT TO DISAGREE OR TO SAY NO. WE ARE AFRAID TO UPSET OTHERS OR WORRY ABOUT WHAT THEY MIGHT THINK.

• Here we are violating our own rights and not expressing thoughts and feelings honestly, or we are doing so in such an apologetic way that our words are disregarded,

• We may act helpless and try to get others to act for us.• We may express our feelings in a dishonest way by gossip

or making others feel guilty.

ASSERTIVENESS

• THIS IS THE DIRECT, HONEST, AND APPROPRIATE EXPRESSION OPINIONS, BELIEFS, NEEDS, OR FEELINGS.

• WE STAND UP FOR OUR RIGHTS IN A WAY THAT DOES NOT IMPINGE UPON THE RIGHTS OF OTHERS.

THE BROKEN RECORD TECHNIQUE

• YOU KEEP REPEATING WHAT YOU HAVE TO SAY ABOUT THE MATTER NO MATTER WHAT HE RESPONDS

• IF HE KEEPS REFUSING, ASK AN ASSERTIVE QUESTION SUCH AS : “IS THERE ANY REASON YOU ARE HAVING SUCH A HARD TIME WITH MY REQUEST?”

FOGGING

• When you are confronted with a Negative statement, CALMLY repeat it.

• “You really irritate me”

• “I really irritate you”

DEFFUSING

• WHEN SOMEONE IS ANGRY WITH YOU LET HIM EXPRESS IT.

• LISTEN WITHOUT BECOMING DEFENSIVE AND THEN TELL HIM YOU’LL TALK TO HIM LATER.

• YOU CAN THINK IT OVER, AND HE CAN COOL DOWN AND LATER YOU CAN SORT IT OUT