Advanced Communications

• I have a ton to cover and I will go pretty fast.• 90% is in the book.• Please take notes and ask questions.• I am happy to answer any of your questions, offer

advice and recommend books at any time.• Work very hard… take this VERY seriously.

The slides are already posted at:

www.SlideShare.net/johnspence

What we will cover:

• Expert Questioning

• Advanced Listening Skills

• Understanding Sensory Modes / Social Styles / Communication Styles

• Dealing with Difficult Conversations

Expert Questioning

• Cushions: In order for me to be able to help, I first need to ask you a few questions about…

• Conditions: I was looking over your report and it made me wonder…

• Scale: on a scale of 1 to 10, with 10 being excellent and one being poor, how would you rate…

• Expanding: could you take the next 10 minutes, and in as much detail as possible share with me…

• Limiting: could you take just 30 seconds or so and explain to me the two most important things that you are concerned about?

• Perception Checking: does that sound about right to you?• Feedback: do you have any questions, concerns, issues?

WS

Five Stages of Listening

1. Not listening

2. Distracted listening

3. Listening to respond

4. Listening to understand

5. Listening to hear what is NOT said

Expert Listening• Summarize: repeat back

exactly what they said.• Paraphrase: repeat back

what they said in your words.

• Confirmation: check to make sure you are on target.

• Re-run: Repeat what you are hearing over and over again in your head.

• Notes: create a system for capturing the most important ideas.

Sensory Modes

• Auditory: I like the sound of that.

• Kinesthetic: I am trying to get my arms around the problem.

• Visual: I see what you are saying.

WS

Social Styles

• Driver: Fast facts – fast decisions.

• Influencer: What is in it for me?

• Amiable: What does everybody else think?

• Compliant: I need more data.

Communication Preferences

• Speed of speech

• Speed of thought

• Proximity

• Touching

• Keywords

Five Levels of Confrontation

1. Listening: I have listened to you carefully and it seems to me that what you are concerned about is….

2. I-statements: I have listened to you and your point of view; however, I am confused because it feels to me like…

WS

3. Negotiation: It appears that we do not see things exactly the same way; do you think there is a middle ground where we could both be satisfied with the outcome?

Negotiation1. Be prepared

2. Lots of options

3. Partner – Counterpart – Opponent

4. BATNA

5. Go to the balcony

4. Gentle Confrontation: I understand you do not think this project is a priority, however, when you turn your work in late it affects the entire team. Scott, you are important to the team and it would be extremely helpful to all of us if you could please get things in on time from now on. This situation is causing me a lot of stress because if we miss our deadline we will all lose our chance for a bonus. Can I count on you to help me out on this?

5. Direct / Firm Confrontation: (Everything above plus…) and, if you do not start getting things to me on time – I will fire you. Have I made myself clear????

The Continuum

• States vs. Traits

• The EVIL People

• Cry for help/loving response

The Gap

Ideal YOU workshop

If you have any questions at all please do not hesitate to send a note or call. My email address is: john@johnspence.com

My twitter address is: @awesomelysimple

Please connect with me on LinkedIn and Face Book

Also, you might find value in the ideas I share in my blog. You can sign up for it at:www.blog.johnspence.com

Lastly, these slides have already been uploaded to:

www.slideshare.net/johnspence