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Time-In: When Time Out Doesn’t Work By Jean Illsley Clarke edited for presentation by Meg Buonforte. Ask Attend Act Amend. Why Not Time - Out?. When time - out is viewed as punishment: Child may use the time to fuel blame, and anger at the parent - PowerPoint PPT Presentation
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Time-In: When Time Out Doesn’t
WorkBy Jean Illsley Clarke edited for presentation by Meg Buonforte
Ask Attend
Act Amend
Why Not Time - Out?
• When time - out is viewed as punishment:
– Child may use the time to fuel blame, and anger at the parent
– Child may use the time to figure out ways to get even with the parent or someone else
Why Not Time - Out?
• When time - out is viewed as punishment:
– Child may be encouraged to disconnect
– Child may decide that he has to obey parent to avoid punishment and refuse to obey when the threat of time-out is gone
How is Time-In Different?
Time –In• Time-in is not a single discipline tool
It has 4 ways to solve the puzzle of discipline:
Attend Act
Amend Ask
Benefits of the 4 Tools:
• Child sees him/herself as responsible and successful
• Child understands that rules are for her welfare and the welfare of the family
• Child feels that he is a contributing member of the family
Ask
• Ask questions a child can answer
Keep it simple
• Ask questions that don’t end in okay
• Ask questions you don’t know the answer to
• Ask teaching questions what would happen if…
Act
• Your actions should challenge your child to think and respond
• Act to reinforce a rule or an expected behavior
• Act to get a child’s attention when other methods of discipline have not worked
• Act to redirect activity or to interrupt misbehavior
Attend
• Attending means you are aware of what is going on in the child’s world
• Attend to the hurt child first
• Attend to the rules that are constantly broken
• Attend to a child’s needs and developmental level
Amend
• Amends are not about pain but it is okay if your child experiences discomfort.
• Making amends can help your child get past shame
• Amends should help the child become a better person
• Amends should be related to the problem
Amends
• Amends should be satisfactory to the victim
• Amends should be reasonable and not produce resentment on parent’s part
• Amends should support family values
• Amender must put forth effort
What Else Can a Parent Do?
• First: refocus on your own values
• Think about what you really
want for your child
• Ask yourself “Is this what my discipline is teaching?”
What Else Can a Parent Do?
• Second: check yourself to see if you are giving conflicting messages
• Conflicting messages create double binds
• Never smile when a child misbehaves
What Else Can a Parent Do?
• Third: Remember you are an important influence on your child’s life
-Volunteer at your child’s school -Become a cub scout/girl scout
leader
• Stand up to negative influences -Write a letter to a television station -Write your congressman
What Else Can a Parent Do?
• Fourth: ATTEND to yourself as well as your child Take a deep breath and summon the courage to parent well
Get regular exercise and eat right
Lower the noise level in your home
Turn off the T.V.
Get a babysitter and take time-out
ALWAYS REMEMBER
• Parents are responsible for the discipline process.
• Children are responsible for the outcome.
Stay connected with your child
And remember YOU are your child’s best gift.
Celebrate that!
Stay connected to your child and remember- you are your child’s best gift.
Celebrate that!
For more parenting information contact the Parents as Teachers Program near you or call 800-839-7444