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Apprentice Morivou.Connor Lidell.

Ashla Academy Assignment 2

My path has changed over the years. I first started recognizing

an independent path when I was 12 years old. Its only been 7 yearssince that time, but I have practiced many belief systems since. Eachof these has given me a different perspective regarding how to live life.I have practiced Buddhism, Taoism, Christianity, and Sithism over theyears, and all of these created a very conflicting self-view that I hadnot been sure how to deal with. I know this is a tad digression, but Iplead youll understand what I mean by conflicting paths. Because ofall this, I had never been a very social person with my peers. I couldtalk to adults, but to the people around me, I was just Connor. I knew,though, that I cared more than to just be Connor. I wanted much moreout of life than to skate by. I was ruining my chances by shutting out

my family, friends, and everybody else that cared about me. I realized,at this point about 3 years ago, that I had to stop believing ineverything and nothing at the same time. I needed to focus on apurpose for my life and I needed it soon before my teenage yearsflitted away while I stood watching. So, I made a drastic move. Irejected all of my beliefs except my Christian roots. This led me, in theStar Wars sense, to accept Jedi Realism as a belief. A year later, when Iwas 17, Jackie Meyer, my Jedi Master, helped me realize what I haddone to myself by keeping a closed mind. I had been accepted by all ofmy friends, but I was not able to believe in truth. Do notmisunderstand, I am not saying that the Christian belief system is

invalid; I am just saying that I voided my chances at a pure beliefbecause I was jaded by past choices and that was my main purpose forjoining the faith. Joining a religion out of fear or anger is never a goodidea. Thats exactly what I did. That is the back-story of my beliefs.

Jackie has helped me since then to shed what I believed out offear from what I believed out of joy and balance. I may, someday,return to a Christian belief system. I am not sure, though. I haverecently found myself without so much of a religion as a lifestyle. Mycurrent beliefs lie in the Jedi Path. It is a place I can relate to goodpeople around me and a place where my Path is equal to a healthy

lifestyle. I will focus on this part of my life (the past year or so) as anexamination of my current relationship to those around me, and howmy path has directly influenced those relationships.

So, my main focuses are compassion, individuality, and thefreedom of expression in terms of creative vocation. With my family, Ireally hid a lot of individuality. I mean, they knew I was different in agood way, but when I lived with my parents, I had to hide a lot. I

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couldnt be who I really wanted to be because I knew they werejudgmental about it. I grew up in the Bible Belt, see? And, not beingJUST a Christian wasnt acceptable in my family. Still isnt. I still have tocensor myself sometimes. So, my path hinders my relationship with myfamily. Of course, that it something that I would love to change! I

would very much be happy with some kind of understanding. I havenot, yet, the will to confront them with this issue. Maybe with moreindependence and more time, I will garner the strength to address thisissue. Next, I have a wonderful, open relationship with my friends.They do not really approve of what I do, but they seem to understand.My compassion and good will has always been a sign of comfort forthem. I consider this a very good thing, because they could easily beclosed-minded and my efforts would be for naught. I also do somehealing, and I know they appreciate that from me. I also am open togoing to church things with close, religious friends. I still have ties tothe church. So, I enjoy the worship experience and the camaraderie.

On the esotericism, though, I do not share this with my friends and Iwouldnt know how to if I tried. My problem is that my path has set meapart from many of my lay friends. Now, I dont pretend to think I ambetter than they; Im not. I simply think its a part of my life that Icannot share with them. So, it keeps me from doing all that I would liketo. With my intimate relationships, it caused tension. She talked ofmarriage (obviously, I wasnt ready) and she didnt want me doing allof these crazy things. I did share everything with her. It didnt go sowell. But, at least she understood and respected me enough to back offwhen I needed her to. As to the usage of my path, I have beensuccessful at garnering friendship and trust. My sense of duty and

loyalty to those for whom I care allow me to love and enfold my familyand friends. It has given me perspective not to judge and not to worry.It has given me truth when all I received was falsehood. I treat myfriends like they are the Force itself. I let my thoughts flow throughthem and allow them to feel safe around me. With my family, I am anobvious confidant and loved one. Its not a haughty confidence, but Ido enjoy the attention and the trust.

At work and school, it has allowed me to excel in my product. Iwork hard and I dont stop till the job is done. I was always a straight Astudent. I loved what I did. And, I will continue to do so in college. My

path shows a lot of discipline, and it serves me very well in thatcapacity. I used to procrastinate a lot. No longer do I wait till the lastminute. I prioritize (hence why this assignment is a few monthslate. ;) ), I try to keep everything in line, and I try to keep everything inperspective. Its not all about me. I understand that. Thats why I amunique to those around me. I dont judge from a pre-conceivedperspective (at least, I try my hardest not to). My path is a difficult oneto follow, though, and just for that reason. I am emotionally detached

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from my friends, even my close ones. They understand this and call meout on it all the time. They constantly remind me that I am not amachine. While I understand this as well, I do think there is merit indetachment in a relationship. That seems contradictory, but it is not.When I am a Jedi Knight, I hope that all of my friendships will be based

off of this trust and loyalty. I want people not to see me as a human,but as a protector. Is this wrong? Am I getting to deep into this? I knowmy own perspective will change with time, as it always has, but onealways has to wonder if this is the one that will stick. So, in that way,my path hinders my relationships. I am not sure, though, if I wantrelationships that go beyond this. That kind of attachment seemsdetrimental to what I want to accomplish. But, again, this may bemarred by a lack of vision on my part. As an Ashla Apprentice, I willdefinitely explore this topic more and find out exactly what it is that Iwant. Thank you for your time.