Know Thyself Be Determined- You can do it! When I was a child, I used by bite my nails. This habit continued even when I was in high school, until one day I looked at them, and gasped. My fingers looked absolutely ugly to me. I would think of my mom’s fingers and I’d see them in my mind eye. They always looked so graceful, and I (quite unfortunately?) inherited my father’s nails. They look great on him (he gets manicures all the time), but on me…Well, they weren’t spectacular. What could I do with my genetic “gift”? I thought really hard about it, and it occurred to me that maybe my fingers would look more like my mum’s if I grew out my nails even a little. The only problem I could see with my little plan was that I loved to bite off my nails. I never chewed it or anything, but when they grew out I just always felt this compulsion to tear them off. I think it was because it was so fun to do (don’t mind me). Anyway, I thought about it long and hard, which would I love to do more, peel my nails or have pretty fingers (lol). I didn’t think I could go cold turkey, I mean, whoa! Cold turkey? I didn’t think I had the strength, but I did know I was a fairly good strategist. Be strategic – Have a plan I had noticed that my pinky finger grew exponentially fast (it was a favorite past time of mine to peel the nails with delight after all). So, I asked myself, “how do I wean myself off this habit and not go spectacularly nuts?” (Ok, so maybe not in those words). It came to me in a flash, focus my nail biting habit on my pinky finger and let the rest grow, and hopefully be proven right on the pretty thing and be encouraged to keep going. Ha! It wasn’t easy, but I did it and I was rewarded with pretty fingers :). I was so pleased with myself (It was hilarious), even my housemother (hi) noticed and commended me on it. One of the things I learned from that episode was that first, people will notice when you make an effort, and two, anything is possible. It sounds kind of strange to have made that leap, but it really wasn’t. I did it! I grew my nails. It was a revelation for me. I kicked a habit that went so far that I couldn’t even remember its origin. Do you know how many times I received a lecture about the habit as I was growing up? Countless. Be proactive - You have to want it Many people had lectured me, but I ignored them because at that moment I didn’t want it. I had more fun peeling off my nails so I didn’t see the value in letting them grow. Everything changed when I decided

that it had to. No one brought me aside and gave me a life changing pep talk. I just decided for myself. It’s important that we make up our minds about who we want to be. Even till this day, looking back at it, I marvel at the significance of those moments. The moment I decided to actually make a change and the time that my housemother (hi again) mentioned that she had noticed it (probably because I went overboard and grew it a little longer than necessary :D, but she did commend me on it). Those defining moments gave me an idea of my own strength. They also gave me an idea of the type of person I was. From that day, whenever someone asked me what type of person I was, I would look into their eyes with the firm knowledge of who I was. I was Jelilat, the determined girl. Be you - Know thyself It sounds so generic, but knowing who you are is a powerful thing. Most people, whenever they’re asked about themselves, will list a bunch of attributes like “I’m intelligent” “I’m determined” (Yes, I know, totally counterintuitive, but be patient) “I’m beautiful” etc. You get the idea, but I believe that most of those people don’t really know the power of what they’re saying. “Who are you?” is such a big question that most people spend their lives trying to answer (I’m not saying I’ve got it all figured out, but I’m trying). “Who are you?” When you list all of these attributes, do you really feel the weight of them? I can just see someone in my head, listing these attributes while lolling their head around. To those people, the list is rote. It’s just something they say on the first day of class when introducing themselves, or something they tell to their friends. For me, and people like me who have had defining moments, these words carry weight. Even with this weight, they propel us to the future. They’re the drumbeat we hear that no one else hears and the oldest question in the world in the world answered (So maybe I watch Dr. Who). Be smart - Give yourself a chance One of the greatest gifts you can give yourself is to know yourself. Have you seen those movies? You know, the ones where the boys and girls sneak out of the house to go to the club, get pregnant or get on drugs? Because they were influenced by their peers? Well, I think that those people don’t know themselves (at least not yet, they usually do by the end of the movie). As a teen (or at any age really), you’re constantly trying to figure out yourself, and sometimes that means you adopt other people’s ways of life. I would say that’s fine, simply because you’re still discovering yourself, and because you will sometimes adopt other people’s way of

life (your parent’s included, and hopefully not the club goers and drinker’s). Life usually demands that you explore it, and you will heed that call, but when you do, think! Be moderate, don’t go all in because you have no idea where that might lead. I’m not saying you shouldn’t take chances, but I am advising that you consider the pros and cons and do your research (watch a Nigerian movie :D). But seriously, you’re smart. You know better, or you will know better, but think safe. You’ll figure it out, although it might take the rest of your life. That is okay. You’re you, and you’re different from everyone else, embrace that. Trust me, it’ll make you so much happier, and you’ll also be much more confident. Love thyself. xoxo Jelilat