Art of conversation

Embed Size (px)

Text of Art of conversation

  • 1. ----guess----Prabbal Frank

2. Start liking people. Everyone has something to share, tell or teach.Listen to them and respond to what they say and how they feel. 3. Go-ahead spirit, a contagious enthusiasm and a positive outlook. Always carry enough visiting cards. Prepare 5 current issues, anecdotes, jokes and general quotations. 4. Know your audienceBefore you go anywhere, think about what you have commonwith the people attending the event. 5. Be approachableBe pleasant and have asmile on your face whenyou go to speak tosomeone you dont know.The more approachableyou seem, the moreinclined the person will beto talk to you. 6. The first few secondsare terribly critical asyou do not get asecond chance to havea positive firstimpression. 7. Ask them easy questionsKeep the tough stuff until later Easy topics are: weather, news,family, history, work, holidays,hobbies and sports. Avoid potentially contentious topics. Examples: Isnt it a great day? Did you get out in the sunshine, today? Did you hear about the accident down town? Isnt it awful? Do you have a brother called Joe? 8. Ask them about themselvesA very powerful technique Ask their name, compliment aboutappearance, ask about their family,occupation, career plans, hobbies,interest. Show interest. If you sense uncomfortability back off. Example You look thoughtful. Whats up? What are you going to do this weekend? I do like your dress -- where did you get it? 9. Check your listBe ready to ask and answer Prepare a list of general and technicaltopics and keep them with you. Example: Boy dating: concert next month, her family, dance the salsa Sales person: things to ask customers 10. Use environmental triggersLook for ideas around you Look around: architecture, plants,music, dress worn by people, food. Example Look at that woman over there! Ive never seen such a weird dress!! Thats Aquarius up there. Whats your star sign? Perhaps I can find it in the heavens for you. 11. Get to the pointSometimes niceties are not nice Business conversations esp. with busy seniors,little time, other person has something specific Danger that you might misread and offend. Example A child interrupts its mother just as the doorbell goes and whilst she ison the phone, asking permission to go out with friends. The motherquickly agrees. A sales person, seeing a busy professional buyer, asks just enoughbusiness-focused questions to understand the buying context beforegetting to more serious sales talk. 12. GreetingGet the formal start done well Look them in the eye (x stare) Smile (genuinely) Project confidence Say their name Namaste, hi, kiss etc. Shake hands (firm) Introduce your self 13. Introduce yourselfTell them a bit about you Mention your name, occupation, family or hobbies. Add something brave or daring you might have done. Sales: add description of what you can do for the other person. Do not tell too much about yourself at once. Example Hello. Im Prabbal Frank, your union representative. I can help you with any employment issues you have. Oh, Im no good with computers. Its good to meet someone who knows what they are talking about. 14. Be an initiator and anintroducer 7 10 sec long (else speech) andgenerates curiosity. Deliver with energyand enthusiasm. Syncyour tone with bodylanguage Have a firmhandshake Give your businesscard, Heres mycard. Party in progress Avoid two people Approach single or group - Stand in the periphery and nod occasionally 15. Say something wrongSo they can correct you Say some simple factual error so that they can easilycorrect you and take the position of an expert. When they correctyou, thank them and be impressed else let them persuade youabout the correctness. Example Prakrima isa German band, I hear. Now Ive been told you are from New Delhi, is that right? 16. Script the startWrite out the first few words beforehand Write out a script for important events andmemorize it to prevent faltering in situationswhich make you nervous. Example A sales person practices her pitch in front of the mirror. A boy who gets nervous with girls writes out a number of chat- up lines and learns to deliver them with wit and aplomb. A person who is being given an award scripts the first part of the thank you and practices it with a friend. 17. Shock and aweSurprise them with something different Do or say something surprising (norterrifying) to create awe and wonder.Surprise happens when you breakexpectations (and meditation too ZEN) Example Have you ever tried fighting a crocodile? Its not easy, I can tell you. (shouting) Good heavens! You are the most beautiful person I have seen!! 18. Wit and wisdomAmaze them with your wit Open the conversation with some witty or cogentremark that is designed to amaze, annoy orotherwise trigger an interesting discussion(esp. if you can affort to let out a few in a group). Example I wonder how people have time to come to these things. Anyone heremust be a complete layabout, wouldnt you say? My dog wanted to come tonight, but he didnt have a suitable tie. If I were you, I would be careful about being seen with someone likeme. 19. Oscar Wilde It is very sad to see that nowadaysthere is so little uselessinformation around. The only thing worse in the worldthan being talked about is notbeing talked about. The husbands of very beautifulwomen often belong to thecriminal classes. A man can be happy with anywoman, so long as he does notlove her. 20. Respond Reveal ContributeSUSTAINING CONVERSATIONS 21. If you do not like the dress or the accent etc. 22. Listen Intelligently Be mentally present Read between the lines(not said) Note the voiceinflections and bodylanguage Ask questions Expressenthusiasm 23. Listen Intelligently 24. Listen IntelligentlyHow observant you are? 25. Talk Eloquently Maintain an appropriatevolume. Use words of a sensory nature.These are words such as "see","imagine", "feel", "tell", "sense",etc., in order to encourage theother person to keep painting adescriptive picture as part oftheir conversation. Accept criticism 26. Mind YourBody language Maintainappropriatedistance Avoid touchingwhile talking Nod while youlisten 27. Which highlight their expertise. Dont ask questions which are personal innature. Ask open ended questions. begin with: Who? When? What? Why? Where? and How? "What sort of books do you like?", "What did you study at university?", "Which is your favorite season? Why?", "What are you doing right now?", "Wheres your usual watering hole? Closed questions (are you? do you? have you?) "Do you like books?", "Have you been to university?", "Is spring your favorite season?", "Am I intruding?" "Do you come here often?Ask Questions 28. Specific techniques to keep theconversation interesting and livelysuch that the other person doesnot want to leave! 29. Ask their opinionOn any topic Ask what should be done reg. work,home, locally, nationally or what willhappen next or what do they think about aperson. Then listen. (Makes him an expert) Example If you were the President, what would you do about education? Were going out tonight -- what restaurant would you recommend? How has Aarti been performing? Do you think she is ready for promotion? 30. Concern for the personEmpathy always works Enquire about their career, healthand happiness and offer them ideasto improve. Example Hello, Jane. I was worried about you last week. Were you ill? Perhaps you should take a few days off to think things over. What do you think? 31. Interest in the personAsk about their lives Ask about past events and boost theirbelongingness and esteem. Example So what did you get up to at the weekend, Gaurav? Which train do you catch? What do you think of theservice? 32. LinkingConnect what is said to other things (hyper) Link what is being said to otherthings you are interested in, thingsalready said, to the goals, current events etc. Example You mentioned diamonds before -- Ive got a friend in the business who can get discounts -- would you like me to put you in touch with her? You seem to be ahead of the times -- we are just doing early work on this. 33. Plans for the futureTalk about what will or might happen Talk about the next vacation, the next course,the next weekend, the next assignment etc. Example I remember you said you really enjoyed skiinglast year. Are you going again this year? Im really looking forward to this weekend -- were going walking in the mountains. Now that youve been promoted, what are you going to do with the department? 34. Progressive disclosureTell a bit about yourself at a time Start will simple facts and add on to include religion,political views, likes etc. Do not overload them ordump your emotional problems on them whenthey are not ready or willing to listen to such issues. Example ...Hi, my names Jan. ... ...Ive been here for five years. When did you start? ... ...I dont like on the food there ... ...Im having an operation next week ... 35. Tell storiesUse the power of the storyteller Stories are like movies, they bring fresh life foryour audience. Be an actor. Synchronizeyour movements, expressions and voice. Example My brother tried that too and, well, it was so funny, he thought he could ... ... and then she pushed him back in the pool, turned around and walked away without a word! I heard a very sad story on the news last night about a couple who 36. J K Rowling 37. Topical eventsTalk about news and recent events Discuss something which has been announced and is goingto happen. Speculate. Example Did you hear about the fire down town? It was right over the road from the fire station, but apparently they still took five minutes to get there... I just heard that CEO is coming to the office next week. Last time he came he fired five people. Do you know why he would want to visit us? 38. Topic listBuild yourself a bag of interesting topics Dev