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ArrangedMarriages and

theMyth ofRoman

ce

It seems fitting, coming out of a month of enforced romantic displaysand red'n'pink over saturation, to write a column on that mostunromantic of situations, the arranged marriage. Prevalent in variousforms through most of human history in most cultures, the arrangedmarriage is now and has been the subject of heated debate. Promotedby some as the ideal way to make a stable and enduring match, while

devalued by others as a crass and ultimately materialistic expression ofparental control, arranged marriages in their prototypical sense are asdistant from the swooning romance of modern western ideals as youcan get.

Romantic love and marriage is an ultimately lower-class and modernconceit. Practiced by those with no money or property to control, andmade 'mainstream' less than a couple of hundred years ago, self-directed romantic partnership has been elevated by popular cultureand media to an all-encompassing ideal. When one cannot attract amate through sheer charisma, or when a relationship predicated on lustbegins to fade with time, the persons involved are considered failures

on some fundamental level, unable to sustain the levels of heatedfervor deemed appropriate and necessary by such literary giants asHarlequin Publishing.

Arranged marriage, on the other hand, as practiced even now in thefamilies of the nobility and among the populace in places such asJapan (more akin to arranged blind dates) or India, is predicated uponthe concept of matched family backgrounds and lifestyles. Familiespick out appropriate matches for their children based upon certaineconomic and social factors (often, but not always, similar familystature, economic standing, titles, bloodlines and influence).

Depending upon the area and culture involved, the bride and/or groommay then choose from the proposed spouses based upon personality,compatibility, and attraction. The attention paid to the appropriatenessof the spouse, in theory, helps to improve in-law relationships (sincethe spouse is deemed acceptable by the family first), improvescompatibility and ensures that property does not descend to castes orbloodlines 'unworthy' or somehow lacking in specific qualities.

I am My Beloved's

Historically, the arranged marriage was the standard form. In ancient

Egypt, the royal family arranged marriages within itself in order to keepthe divine blood pure. Roman elite traded daughters back and forth inorder to seal political and martial alliances, and clear pathways to highrank. The same practices were recorded among the Hebrew patriarchsand royalty across thousands of years, with cousins of the correct faithrecruited for young sons and royal daughters given to Hebrew kings toensure peace across the eastern Mediterranean.

Royalty and nobility depended heavily on the practice to insure the

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appropriate lineage of the kings of old, trading daughters and sistersacross seas and mountains. A son was vital to inherit, but a daughteror two was always useful as barter material, either to gain a wife foroneself or for one or another son or nephew of high rank. Girls wereoften married as infants or children, proxies making their vows and thechild raised at home until she was deemed 'old enough' to meet and bebedded by her (often far older) groom. Princesses Royal in medievalEurope could often be married off two or three times by father andbrothers, returning home a widow to be bartered away again within ayear or two.

Despite the theoretical benefits of arranged marriage, in many cases -especially those of royal families - life was exceedingly difficult for thewomen who were often sent far from home to live with their newhusbands and families. Many were often strangers until the weddingnight, and even long afterwards, as they maintained separate quartersand the men were often away from their lands for battle or trade. Themarital partnership, if it could be called such, existed solely to arrangefor diplomatic ties to the in-laws, for the maintenance of the home andinstruction of the servants while the lord was away, and the productionof heirs.

Royal matches even today have many problems, though less severefor most, resulting from variation of this arrangement. Appropriate(virginal) women are difficult to track down in this lustful age, and theexamples shown by British (divorces, adultery, attempted suicide, etc)and Japan (incredible pressure to bear sons) show the vestiges ofancient attitudes.

The lower classes and modern matches had things easier in somerespects. With no thrones or countries to pass on, diplomaticarrangements are less in vogue. The details can range from setting upparental-approved blind dates (Japan) to settling the intricacies of thewedding after a single meeting (some parts of India) and most involveat least the pretense of consent from both intended spouses(sometimes under extreme familial pressure).

The matches tend to be made based upon friendships betweenparents, as well as recommendations from relatives from either side,and are prevalent in areas where the genders do not mix freely.

Married with the understanding that they share values, culture, religionand background, the couple begin a new life together on a theoreticallyequal footing, avoiding many of the conflicts which can come into playwhen the romance and early lust of an independent relationship beginto fade away.

My Beloved is Mine

Arranged marriages can work well as a plot point within a game

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setting, particularly in games which focus on political machinations orinterpersonal relationships. While marrying off PCs may not beappropriate for the plotline, NPC relationships and the machinations ofauthority figures can be enhanced or disrupted entirely by theintroduction or removal of a character brought in by or sent away to amatch.

The arranged marriage can be utilized as a main plot rather easily, andis a mechanism by which even the most apolitical of PCs can bebrought into conflict with the powerful and mighty. Faced with aninnocent runaway child-bride or groom, or begged by a friend orsuddenly regretful parent to rescue a 'kidnapped fianc, PC groupsare faced with difficult choices; what the law permits may not always beright, and balancing whom you want to piss off the least may be goodfor survival, but not for the conscience. GMs should be careful howthey use the plotline, however, since its one that can really only beused once, unless the setting dictates otherwise.

As a subplot, the theme of arranged marriage can be a lot of fun,forcing character decisions and actions over a longer span of time.This variation works best when it involves one PC and an NPC or two,although suddenly 'discovering' a proxy or childhood marriage can begreat fun when inflicted on two warring PCs, especially in a slightlymore light-hearted style of game.

Whether set in motion at the beginning of the game - inciting acharacters drive for freedom, adventure, and living anywhere-but-here- or after the characters relationships and responsibilities have been

well established - prompting angst and emotion-wracked decision-making - inflicting an arrangement on a PC can give the charactersome real meat to play with between adventure scenes and combatbouts.

More politically-oriented games provide the perfect setting for maritalalliances, binding families together against a common foe, or endingdecades of battle between themselves. Plots often hatch within plots,however, and even once the marriage has been carried out, unwillingspouses are often more willing to take part in plots against their forcedmates. Marriages within nobility and highly-ranked politicos are oftencontracted for the express purpose of bringing about manipulatable

heirs for one side or the other, and the manipulation of fertility, potency,pregnancy, viability and the like are more likely to take place in amarriage where the bond of affection is not a given than in lovematches.

Where one spouse is unwilling, of course, the other may well see themarriage as the answer to all their prayers, and a scorned would-belover - especially one who has the legal right to the character inquestion! - can be the worst enemy one may ever face. Leaving the

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fianc to work behind the scenes to carry out the fleeing charactersdestruction can provide a long-lasting nemesis, whether the charactersintended remains unmet and unseen or right in the center of the PCgroup. Simply because the arrangement was made by others does notpreclude the possibility of affection or other strong emotion, and the PCwho finds herself on the receiving end may well wish shed taken herparents advice after all.

Tips and Tricks

Imzadi:A message is sent to a character reminding him of a promisemade long ago/when he was a child. The date set for the marriage iscoming up quickly, and the character must choose whether to honourthis old promise or keep the life he's since made for himself.

Take Two Cows...: A character's love interest is being used as a

bargaining chip between families. How the PC reacts may change hisreactions completely; the stakes are being raised with every day thatthe deal is stalled. At what point does the love interest cave in to hisparents' wishes over his own?

A Plague on Your Houses:A young spouse is accused of murderingthe person he/she was recently married to. Did they do it to end anuntenable arrangement, or for more callous reasons?

The Princess Bride: Highly-placed aristocratic or royal families arearranging a marriage that will end decades of warfare. The groupshave been at each other's throats for so long, and the fighting has

caused so many deaths, that the peace initiative is welcomed by all.The only problem? One of the would-be spouses is very young and/orinnocent, and the other has a terrible reputation for cruelty. Will thePCs sit by and permit a child to be given over to an abuser, or does theneed for peace trump the life or happiness of one person?

Unworthy and Unwanted: Dowries add a complication to theequation, and when an NPC bride's family does not provide enoughmoney to the groom for her keeping, his family gets upset. Legallythere's nothing they can do, but the temper of the time is such that anaccident can easily go unnoticed. Once they get rid of the girl, their son(who may or may not love his wife or be in on the plan) will be freed to

marry a wealthier girl, who will bring them a larger sum of money.

Reading List - Essays:

Assandri, Vernica. Marriage in Japan: Moving from

Arranged Meetings to "Love Marriages" Kelly, Emma. Can't buy me love.

Natrajan, Balmurli. Towards a (Re)arrangement of Love.

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Pappu, Sridhar. Deranged marriage.

Sivakumaran, Anil. Some Thoughts on Arranged Marriage

in Contemporary India

Takayama, Yuriko. Omiai. [Japanese arranged marriage]

http://www.salon.com/mwt/feature/2000/06/29/arranged/http://www.challo.com/pages/sc/061101_sivakumaran.htmhttp://www.challo.com/pages/sc/061101_sivakumaran.htmhttp://ellserver3.njcu.edu/courses/haber/4aOmiai.htmlhttp://www.salon.com/mwt/feature/2000/06/29/arranged/http://www.challo.com/pages/sc/061101_sivakumaran.htmhttp://www.challo.com/pages/sc/061101_sivakumaran.htmhttp://ellserver3.njcu.edu/courses/haber/4aOmiai.html