w b n k m k q e e e a r bs t y o p l t w e r k o rd w T H E x c z v b r u ev b l y m t B L A C K o ni o o o u r b m w x z k dn o l l r S H E E P k j no z o o e h u l n b s u sw F U N v b o o b s a s uw E l p A N d s e s b j xe E f n m f x a e s a h pj G A M E S l m e s a h pb q a z m t e l e s a h pk a n d i r u l e s a h ph u h I S S U E l s a h ph a p p y h q w e s a h pw E l k m r q s y s a h pw E l k m r q s e s a h p

@BlackSheep_uofa • DecemBer 5th, 2013

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Wordof the

Week

The Black SheepCelebrity before & AfterJust like Jeopardy!, our before and after asks you to pair two unlike things, sharing only a word. Because we’re as vapid as the rest of you, a celebrity name will always be involved. Tweet your answer @BlackSheep_UofA and use #goodtimes for a chance to win a prize!

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GueSS The MaScoT

A director that would repurpose an anthropomorphized rabbit book with

pink flamingos instead.

crApsizeSimply, falling asleep while taking a dump.

“Billy crapsized in the first-floor bathroom after holing up in there for several hours

following taco night.”

i got you a present with a

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Are You smArter thAn?

GrAnt of fAyettechill

correct Answers1) dutch 2) nine 3) 1966 4) ryan seacrest

5) rose bowl 6) susie talks-a-lot 7) cigarettes 8) dido 9) texas 10) Frosty the snowman

Grant’s Answers

Grant’s score: 8 out of 10

1) dutch 2) 9 3) 1969 4) ryan seacrest5) the rose bowl 6) Furby 7) cigarettes

8) dido 9) california 10) Frosty the snowman

1) christmas: santa claus is based off of sinterklaas, a mythological person found in this group’s mythology.

2) hanukah: how many branches are there on a menorah?

3) kwanzaa: in what year was Kwanzaa first celebrated?

4) New Year’s eve: since 2006, who has been tasked with presenting dick clark’s New Year’s Rockin’ Eve?

5) The rose Bowl: each year, the rose bowl is played in what stadium?

6) Toys: 1998 saw a holiday craze for this toy, which could say things like, “show me a dance” and “tell me a joke.”

7) history: on January 1, 1971, these items could no longer be advertised on tv in america.

8) Birthdays: this “stan” background singer was born on christmas day, 1971

9) Snow: the north american record for record snow depth was measured in this contiguous state.

10) holiday music: What wintry song thing is given life via silk hat?

read more online TheBlAckSheepOnline.cOM

Finals FearsWe got to dickson at about 11 p.m. last night. We were all pretty __1__ by the time we got to __2__, but that didn’t stop us from pushing forward. i was wearing that __3__ that you love, the one that emphasizes my __4__, so i was feeling pretty __5__. i had five __6__ within an hour and asked the dJ to play __7__ and then everyone watched me __8__. if i remember correctly, there was a __9__ that i was __10__ on before last call. i think i got an invitation back to __11__, and i politely said hell no.

i don’t remember how i or when i got home, but i woke up at 10:30 a.m. the next morning. uh, did i mention my final started at 10:15 a.m.? i __12__ out of bed and tried to remember my alarm going off, but i couldn’t, so i proceeded to put on a torn __13__. as i ran out the door, i noticed that __14__ was naked, in my kitchen and cooking me breakfast, how they got there i have no clue.

i got to campus, parked in front of __15__, and cut through __16__, which was guarded by some of those movie minions. i couldn’t understand what the hell they were saying when __17__ showed up and explained everything to me in perfect minion dialect. i just had to give them __18__ to get past. one of the minions walked me to __19__ while explaining why they were there, the whole thing sounded unreal and unbelievable but i kept walking. i made it to my final at 11 a.m., but instead of my teacher there was a __20__ in a suit and everyone was __21__. i started to wonder if this was a dream, if so then i should have stayed home with the naked __22__, they cooked me breakfast.

madlib

1) Adjective2) Place on Dickson 3) Clothing item4) Body part5) Adverb6) Type of drink (plural)7) Song8) Verb9) Person or thing10) Verb (-ing)11) Dorm on cam-pus 12) Verb (past tense)

13) Clothing item14) Famous sexy person15) Sorority on campus 16) Building on campus 17) Person at university18) Thing (plural)19) Building on campus20) Animal 21) Adjective22) Same as 14

BY JeSSie SapeNaro

06

The University of Arkansas has been fo-cused on Bret Bielema’s transition from Big Ten coach to SEC newcomer, but he’s not the only one who’s had to make adjustments. Wife, and Florida native, Jen Bielema has also had to make some major changes moving here. the black sheep has thought of ten gifts for Jen to make her time here more enjoyable.

10.) a camera Tripod: if you don’t fol-low Jen on instagram, don’t worry, The Black Sheep does. Jen bielema enjoys taking numerous selfie-shots that in-clude her two little dogs. this tripod will help her hone in her talents and allow her to take those beloved bikini pics with ease.

9.) a New Twitter handle: by now, everyone’s heard about Jen’s recent twitter battle she had with ohio state assistant coach mike vrabel’s wife, Jen vrabel. this twitter tirade proved that our Jen isn’t afraid of a little scandal, and The Black Sheep supports that. so to encourage mrs. b’s twitter actions, we thought a new twitter handle is appropriate, something like: @badbitch-bielema or @thebielemabomber should do. go get em’ girl.

8.) appropriate Shoes: like all gorgeous women, Jen has some extravagant shoes. the university of arkansas is made up of nothing but shin-splitting steep hills, and there’s no way in hell her high heels don’t cause pain. so here you go, Jen, these are what the common girls call “sneakers.” We know they’re not pretty, but it’s nothing some hot glue and a pound of glitter can’t fix.

7.) a Nobel peace prize: how in the hell did we ever support our university’s sports programs before Jen showed us the nifty “a” symbol we can make with our hands? this revolutionary hand gesture has brought this college to a whole new level of fandom, and she deserves the highest form of recognition.

6.) her own Show: Jen’s instagram highlights her love for herself, and for her two rat dogs. these are two things the e! network strives to find in a star of a reality show. let’s get inside the bielema house-hold so we can all witness the weird dog kisses and the awkward conversations with coach b we’re sure she has.

5.) prozac: and lots of it. this football first lady constantly has to put a smile on her face after every loss we suffer. that kind of spotlighted pressure can wear on a person. not to mention, a happy wife leads to a happy coach, and a happy couch leads to a happy team, and a happy team leads to more wins. this isn’t just for Jen, folks.

4.) a Blackjack Table: bret and Jen met in vegas, at a blackjack table, where bret attempted to teach her how to play. he left that trip with a sealed deal on a trophy wife, and Jen left never really learning how to play blackjack. let’s get her back to that night where her gambling dreams were aflame.

3.) mom Jeans: beautiful Jen bielema blends in with the students easily when she strolls the campus. this has to be frustrating for the wife of the biggest name at our school, so The Black Sheep is giving her a solution. slap on some high rising mom jeans and tuck in that blouse, Jen, you’re now looking like an adult. now the guy at starbucks won’t greet you with a lack-luster “‘sup,” but rather a dignified “can i help you ma’m?” that you so deserve.

2.) Tuesday’s With Morrie: the age gap between twenty something Jen and forty something bret bielema is substantial. the dinner table conversation might run a little dull because we’re sure that coach doesn’t give a shit about her instagram. that’s why we suggest that Jen read the book Tuesday’s With Morrie. this beautiful memoir about a young man bonding with an older man might just be the thing Jen needs to spark up a dialogue with her husband.

1.) Some hardboiled eggs and canned Beets: We’re fairly confident Jen gets hit on constantly, and not just by students and faculty, but also by the players themselves. We can’t have the players distract-ed during practice or games by the blonde bombshell, so we have an idea. if Jen eats three hardboiled eggs and a can of beets in front of any group of men they will surely be turned off (momentarily) by the gassed-up vixen. this will allow the players to forget their wandering day dreams and focus on the game, and Jen now can set up her new tripod in peace.

TheTop

TenGifts for

Jen bielemA

BY: Nic kaNaar

BY: clauDe NoBS The SecoND

the very thought of finals week punches a hole in the faces of freshmen across Fayetteville as they struggle to come to terms with some basic facts. Questions such as “Wait, she hasn’t been grading the home-work?” echo off the overpriced walls of this institu-tion as our youngest class realizes for only the second time since they threw up in a trashcan and then failed their geology midterm because “the teacher never told me it was today,” that this is going to be hard. the freshmen collectively determine the only logical course of action is to study. Freshmen, you’re now faced with the greatest dilemma of your young lives: how to study in your dorm room.

if you live in the Quads, or maple hill, fear not. your solution is simple. Walk outside to the bmW or mercedes that your parents bought you when you turned sixteen. tune your sirius Xm, which you no doubt have a lifetime subscription to, to the “spa” channel. turn on your heated seats. Study your f***ing face off. if all your parents got you was a 2011 nissan maxima se, because they “didn’t want you feeling entitled,” repeat steps one and two, then roll your windows down, call your dad, and loudly bitch about the lack of heated seats in your car in an attempt to impress anyone who may be walking by.

now let’s look across campus, to the twin towers that are Yocum and humphries. they stand as proud reminders that our campus once was a total piece of shit, where air conditioning was a luxury and the only people who graduated were white male land-owners. if you’re unfortunate enough to live in one of these bad boys, The Black Sheep is aware of your plight. actual studying is likely to yield no results. as a resident of one of these two dorms, you have two options on any given evening: smoke weed while drinking alcohol, or attend a religious event in the basement and simply pray to god that he or she gift you with the knowledge of chemistry.

For those of you living in the newly christened “founders hall,” there is a problem. your dormi-tory has existed for a grand total of one-half year. in

that time, you can’t possibly have founded anything. therefore, any assumption you make regarding finals will be equally unfounded, and you will find your-selves at a loss for answers.

to the men of Buch-Droke, finals mean one thing: it’s time to go jungle. that’s right, it’s time to assert your alpha male status—National Geographic style. ignore studying, and pose a series of manly competitions. smash skulls, arm wrestle, and then go to the bars on dickson and deliver lines like “i’m a bird watcher and i’m looking for a big breasted bed thrasher, have you seen one?” if this works for you, your success in life is imminent and finals do not matter.

if you take residence in reid, affectionately referred to as “tampon tower,” we suggest a study game. vo-cabulary is going to be important going into any exam, so it would become you to turn the petty and constant drama inherent in any “girls only” area on earth into something you can both enjoy and learn from. let’s assume your final is tomorrow morning in scen 415 and you’re responsible for understanding major characters in world literature. you may pose a question in such a manner: “Jessica down the hall-way, is a blank.” to which one may respond, “bitch?” alas, you would be incorrect. We were looking for Beowulf. Jessica down the hall is a Beowulf, because she’s hairy, gross, thinks she’s the shit, has total man arms, and you’d have no problem were she killed ruthlessly by a massive dragon.

if you live in a dorm not explicitly mentioned, we have one last piece of general advice. Find something sharp, or loud, and tie it to your forehead. this way, when the stress and lack of sleep finally overcome you, and that very same forehead is flying toward your desk, it will never find the sweet sleep it seeks. rather, the sharp or loud object will proceed to stab or jolt you awake. if these steps are followed exactly, The Black Sheep guarantees your success. have cour-age friends, and always remember the wise words of beowulf, who once said something along the lines of “you are all going to die.”

defyinG dorm doom: how to study for finals in a dormitory

07

on the StreetS

“i would rather eat a cup of pee-sow. i would pretend it’s a lemon ice-cone. everyone loves

ice-cones!”

Gabby, freshman

“can i have one of each? i love urine!”

sloan, senior

“i’d rather eat the snow, because i feel like it would be more extreme.”

lisa, Junior

Would you rAther eAt A cup of pee-snoW, or let it melt but hAve to drink it

throuGh A strAW?Send uS your party picS to picS@theblackSheeponline.com

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Mon - Wed1/2 Price Well Drinks ($2)

1/2 Price Domestic Bottles ($1.75) All Night Long!

Sippin’ SundayWorlds Best Bloody Mary

and MimosasLive music from 11a-2p.

Happy Hour 4pm - 10pmMonday through Sunday

$1.50 Drafts, $7 Pitchers, $3 22oz Drafts, $3 Wine, $2.50 Margaritas

(No HH on Game Days or Bikes, Blue & BBQ)

Wing Wednesday1/2 Price Wings (7-Close)

Choose from Medium, Hot, BBQ and the Sauce of the Night!

moN.1/2 Price Well Drinks ($2)

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Martini MondayTry the Martini of the Day!

Take $1 off of all menu Martinis

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Set of 3: $4.75Set of 6: $9.25Set of 9: $12.75

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Wine ‘O Wednesday$5 Off Your Favorite Bottle of Wine,

you can even take it to go!

Fiesta Night! 4pm to Close$1.50 Frozen Margaritas,

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Game Night – Come play your favorite board game with your favorite people.

Beat the Clock Night! 10pm - CloseDrinks start at $1, then go up $1 every

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Happy Hour Everyday from 3pm - 6:30pm!

$3 Wells, $1.50 Domestics$2.50 Imports/Specialties, $2 off Sake, 15% off Sushi

Special NiGhT

$5 Skinny Margarita$2.50 MDG & Bud Select 55 Bottles

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$4 Margaritas $4 Uncle Sam’s punch$3.50 Premium Drafts

$10 single topping large pizza after 5pm

$3 Wells, $1.50 Domestics$2.50 Imports/Specialties

$2 off Sakemonday

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$1.50 12oz Drafts$2.99 32oz Drafts $2 Domestic Drafts

$3 House Sake$6 Sake Bomb Setup$2 off Bottled Sake

Tuesday

$3.50 Jack and Coke$2.50 Blue Moon and Fat Tire Drafts

$3.50 Wild Turkey American Honey Shots

$2 Wine and Well Drinks$2.99 20oz Drafts

Happy Hour 4-6$3 Wells, $4 Calls 20% off Bottles, $2 off glasses Wednesday

$3 Long Islands$1.50 PBR & Miller High Life Cans

$3 Applesauce Shots

Margarita Night! $2.50 Small Margarita (Any Flavor) $2.75 Domestic Drafts $5 House Martinis Thursday

$3 Sweet Tea Vodka$3 Boulevard Wheat & Stella Drafts

$3 Fireball Shots$9.99 Monster Margarita Happy Hour 4-6

$3 Wells, $4 Calls

Happy Hour Everyday from 3pm - 6:30pm!

$3 Wells, $1.50 Domestics$2.50 Imports/Specialties, $2 off Sake, 15% off Sushi

friday

$4 Bloody Mary or Mimosa$3 Bud Light Draft Red Beer

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$2 Individual Mimosas and $7 Bottles of Champagne

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facebook.com/wasabifayettevilleinstagram @wasabifay Saturday

Closed $0.97 Mimosas

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$3 Bloody MarysSpecials Run Until 3pm

$3 Bloody Marys$3 Wells, $1 PBRs Sunday

hanukkah seek and Find

guess the movie santa!

each Box feaTureS a DiffereNT SaNTa clauS from variouS holiDaY movieS. Do You kNoW Which movie each SaNTa comeS from?

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Step 1: collect Your Supplies: you have the present you bought for the per-son you want to manipulate care for and you remembered to pick up some wrapping paper at staples, and what do ribbons or bows matter anyway, right? good, great, you’re doing well here, you’re even holding those scis-sors away from your body. now where’s the tape? you, yes you totally have it somewhere, remember that time you had to hang those—no, stop. go check the drawer. no, not that one, the other one. it’s in there, isn’t it? it’s not? Well then—tom. it had to be that asshole tom. great. now you’re going to have to go back to the store and get some—yes, you’re definitely going to have to pee in tom’s orange juice—you’re going to have to get some more tape.

Step 2: Determine Your length: ah, victory! victory over, you tom, do you hear us? unravel some wrapping paper and place your gift on it to make sure you measure enough wrapping paper to wrap the whole thing. otherwise you’re just being wasteful and…wait, now there’s more than enough—like, an inch too much, which is perfect, because now you have to cut the paper. now it’s time to see what you’re made of, buds-o. the cut should be straight and uniform, just make sure you use a steady hand and, no! no! god, why did you stop to scratch your stomach? now we’re going to have to start all over because it’s uneven, or, wait, it’s not that bad, just freaking finish this cut and remember to tuck this side under the straight edge, or do you not have the self-control to do even that?

Step 3: Determine Your Width: unless you bought your loved one a two-by-four, that yard-tall roll of wrapping paper you just mangled is going to have to be hemmed a little for wrapping purposes. measure the gift to determine an accurate cut point on the width sides and get to snippin’. Just—please, for the love of whatever deity it is your root for—do not make the same mis-take again. cut in a straight line, just be certain of yourself, man and don’t rip the—you ripped the goddamn paper, we just said not to do that. ok, no, we’ll get through this. Just get a finished cut that works in theory. yes, like string theory, but somehow more difficult for you to understand. We’re crying now, we hope you’re happy.

Step 4: Tape the main lines: remember that first big cut you finished? now you’re going to tape each side together using one-inch pieces of tape at six-inch intervals. oh yeah, that’s right, time to use that brand-spankin’-new tape you nabbed in a jif, not that lost-under-his-bed roll that tom—fucking

Tom—so lazily lost like it was sticky dust in the wind. now, hold the wrap-ping seam together with one hand and use the other to tear off a piece of tape and—what do you mean this is harder than it sounds? no, ok, switch hands and try again. no, this way is definitely easier. ugh, maybe work on your dexterity a little. you know, just let go of the wrapping and pull off like, six pieces of tape and put them somewhere, then use the tape. Jesus, you people.

Step 5: fold and Tape the corners: you, uh, you haven’t been doing so hot at this, and now you expect to fold and tape at the same time? so you’re really going to do this? Fine. First, tear off four pieces of tape. once those are eas-ily accessible, pull each corner taught and fold it in half, diagonally. then, fold in the sides. this isn’t brain surgery-level difficulty but—christ, ok, just try it again, we’re so close. deep breath…and fold. Wow, would you look at that. so great, once each of those have been done four times, you should fold and tape your trapezoidal flap to the gift. goddammit, you forgot to prep the tape again, didn’t you? Fine, we’ll wait. Just…whistlin’ dixie over here while this cleatus-faced motherfu—oh, hey, you’re back! Fold it and tape it…there! voila! does it look good? What? no? Well, then…

Step 6: make Someone else Do it: With your inability to do anything right, we’re sure you’ll hear it dozens of times this year: it’s the thought the counts. so, when you hand over that perfectly-wrapped gift to your family member or gift-level acquaintance, then you can say, “hey, i tried wrapping this but i think my parents drove a railroad spike through my head as a child, so i totally butchered my attempt and i had to beg someone way more competent than i to do it for me,” or something to that effect. and beg them, you will.

The Black Sheep’S Guide to

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Club Mullins

Drinking game

drinking game The David W. Mullins Library at U of A, commonly referred to as Club Mullins, is a great place to people watch, possibly take a nap, or perhaps actually study. But during finals time all of the animals are released from their cages and all hell breaks loose. It becomes a great excuse to sit back and witness all of the mad-ness, while inconspicuously getting a nice buzz on.

To get the full advantage out of the game, and the added ben-efit of not getting in trouble, you will need to disguise your drink of choice. Try not to be “that” person who drinks alone. You’re not friends with someone if he doesn’t want to play. Drink once when: - a girl (or guy) walks by wearing ugg boots or an oversized sorority t-shirt.- someone wearing razorback attire (pants, t-shirt, backpack, etc.) walks by. - you see the Fayettechill brand. - someone trips over a plugged-in power cord (usually on the second floor).- a butt crack is peeping out of someone’s pants.- someone in denial is still wearing their chacos. - you witness someone having a conversation with them-selves because their study buddy, most likely an athlete, has headphones in. - someone embarrasses himself because he thought his headphones were plugged into his computer, but they weren’t.- the new vending machines and club red get their full use and someone has a delightful sugary picnic. - some dummy leaves all of her belongings alone. are you trying to get your stuff stolen? there’s a written library law that says not to do that unless you want your stuff stolen.

- someone takes a candy crush break. you’ll know it when you see it. her faces will go from misery to severe mania.

Drink twice when:- a guy checks out a girl wearing yoga pants.- someone gets shushed. - a student starts to nod off, or decides to fully snuggle up and pass out. he’ll for sure be on @uofapassouts later. - some jackass is using one of the library’s computer, but then is also using her laptop. Why do you need two computers?- a table or computer becomes available and two people fight to the death to get there first. - the library is used specifically for its free Wi-Fi and someone is clearly watching netflix, laughing out loud. - you see a couple making out. throw something at them, they deserve it. or better yet, take a picture and send it to @uarK_makeouts. this school has too many twitter accounts. - a student looking like a homeless person walks by. - you see someone out of breath after taking the stairs. give them some advice for free: take the elevator. there’s enough hills on this campus to get plenty of exercise.- a freshman with a giant backpack struggles to find a seat. it may even look like there is no person, but a huge backpack with legs.

finish your drink when:- a printer breaks down. riots have been known to com-mence. - you witness a full-fledged meltdown. go ahead and finish two drinks if you see tears.- the five minute classical music warning is played through-out the building. this nonchalant musical selection is a gen-tle way to say, “it’s two in the morning, get the fuck out.” BY JeSSie SapeNaro

guess the movie santa!

each Box feaTureS a DiffereNT SaNTa clauS from variouS holiDaY movieS. Do You kNoW Which movie each SaNTa comeS from?

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A Christmas StoryThe evils of Technology make… “i want an official red ryder, carbine action, two-hundred shot range model air rifle!” be-comes: “i want the X-box one day one edition with Kinect, an extra controller, and a copy of Call of Duty: Ghosts!”

and the movie flips: after ralphie unwraps the gift his father so sneakily hid in the corner behind the tree he hustles over to his 50-inch flatscreen to hook up this modern technological marvel. after entering his info (and his parents’ credit card number) he anxiously slides the Call of Duty disc into the slot. the game whirrs and whirrs until finally a message appears on the screen: “drive cannot read disc.” in a fit of prepubescent rage, ralphie clocks the flatscreen as hard as he can, splintering the thin film of glass and smashing a hole into the family’s sole source of happiness.

scared to death by a report on glass poisoning they saw on the news a week prior, his parents rush him to the hospital for

a christmas day evaluation. under his breath ralphie mutters something about this being his parents’ fault, and a few quick calls later two dcFs represen-tatives are at the hospital with some unwanted christ-mas inquiries.

We’re not much for nostalgia, especially around the holidays. If we were six years old and Santa gifted us a plain wooden horse with tin wheels, we’d be so far down the Naughty List the next year, you’d think we’d have murdered our parents. And we did, we definitely did, because even at six we knew Santa was fake and, and that is not the PlayStation 4 we “asked” for. Yeah, so what? We like modern technology. What would happen if we forced this tech into old Christmas movies?

With technology! Old Christmas Movies, Revisited

It’s a Wonderful LifeThe evils of Technology make…a tale about the redemption of a suicidal man who has given up on his dreams to help others becomes: two guys on a cell phone chatting for two hours.

and the movie flips: george bailey sits alone in his underwear in his dark studio apartment watching a christmas eve Chopped marathon, empty 40s strewn around him. bored and in need of attention, he fires up his cell phone and rips off a text message to his only friend, clarence odbody. “gonna end it all tonight,” it reads. a minute later his phone vibrates, it’s clarence, and he wants to talk.

“hah, there’s no heaven, you fuckin’ rube,” george the atheist tells clarence, who insists that committing suicide with preclude george from getting into heaven. they keep talking; clarence cit-ing examples of the good george’s service work has done for the community. george is only half paying attention because the con-testants on chopped have to work with a canned chicken, sweet-breads, honey sticks and greek yogurt, and he has no idea what they’ll do with that. during commercial break, clarence still on the phone, george walks over to the medicine cabinet and chases a handful of antidepressants with what’s left of his olde english 800, dozing off moments later to clarence begging the phone, “hello? hello? george, you there?”

Rudolph the Red-Nosed ReindeerThe evils of Technology make… the island of misfit toys be-comes: the island of outdated gadgets.

and the movie flips: as rudolph and company run away from the abominable snow monster, the Faa calls them out on devi-ating from their assigned flight path, forcing them to land on a nigh-inhabited island known the island of outdated gadgets.

stranded on the island overnight, the crew seeks out a place that’ll be open on christmas eve. Walking into a restaurant, rudolph sees booths heavy with first generation ipads, nooks, and Kindles that don’t have color screens. they turn and stare at rudolph, rec-ognizing him immediately. a liaison approaches the christmas cadre begging, “mr. reindeer, please, please take us away from this horrible place to a magical land where we’re wanted!”

after a quick powwow with santa, rudolph returns with an offer, “We can swing by and get you guys tomorrow, we’re way behind, and those kids in sub-saharan africa can’t even afford calen-dars, so they won’t know if we’re a little late. can’t promise you they won’t use you as rock picks or something, though.” the outdated gad-gets cheer with joy, as their christmas is saved.

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GET MORE CASH FOR YOUR BOOKS!

• Guaranteed to pay the most money at buyback, regardless where the books

were originally purchased.• Located a block east of campus on

Dickson Street with free customer parking.• Stocked with a great selection of Razorback Gear

What late niGht eater are You?1) When the clock hits midnight and your tummy is rumbling, you…a) think, ”damn, chick-fil-a is closed, but the bell is always open.”b) Wonder if eureka delivers to mullins.c) do a mental scan of your refrigerator.d) have an internal debate about the money you could save for alcohol by getting candy.

2) Your go to post-library food is...a) a quick, greasy tortilla stuffed with a meat-like product.b) brain food, it helps you forget about study-ing and instead think about happy places.c) the contents of your refrigerator, it’s free.d) constantly changing, you have no loyalty to a specific fast food joint.

3) Because calories don’t count after 10p.m., on birthdays, or on Saturdays you choose…a) to indulge in some delightful $5 dollar pizza and $3 dollar breadsticks.b) to swing through the drive-thru, because only you and the cashier know those six taco boxes are for you only.c) something sweet, it’s no time to play around.d) to stare blankly at your fridge for 30 minutes before giving up and eating an entire pack of string cheese that expired last week.

4) When you wake up from your after-noon nap you faintly remember dreaming about...a) tiny pepperonis dancing with breadsticks.b) tacos dipping themselves in marinara sauce, no judgment.c) ice cream dishing itself into a bowl for you.d) a frozen dinner you may or may not have spilled pieces of all over your comforter.

5) You’re not even hungry but you’re in the car driving, so might as well stop and get…a) a few fixings from the grocery store.b) something fast, drive-thru sounds about right.c) something with an abnormally large amount of breading, your diet starts tomorrow. d) something to subdue your sweet tooth, you’re not hungry enough for real food.

6) after a bad night out, all you want is…a) a burrito, because he’s your only friend.b) an entire large pizza with three extra ranch tubs. Who cares at this point?c) to eat the first thing in sight.d) anything you have at home, being in public is no longer an option.

7) When looking at transactions on your debit card from last night you see…a) all the drinks from the bar, but no food pur-chased.b) seventeen dollars worth of one-dollar tacos.c) pizza deliveries at three, four and six a.m.d) bottoms up cabaret, you think her name was candy.

8) When your roommate asks you to bring them food on the way home, you get…a) the best pizza they will ever eat.b) twelve tacos.c) nothing, you can make them something when you get home. d) cake, ice cream, and maybe some gummy worms, if they don’t eat it, you will.

quiz

BY meaGaN JaNuarY

8-14: heY, SWeeTie: you enjoy real food, but you like sweets better. if you’re going to spend money out it bet-ter be on something that is going to give you a sugar high and keep your mind sharp for the day, or night. you’re an andy’s addict. the variety always keeps you coming back for more. What other place can you get a whole slice of pie in your ice cream shake?

15-20: We’ll call You SeNSiBle: you’re the kind of person that looks at fast food and thinks, “i can do bet-ter than that.” you take initiative, go to Wal-mart and buy groceries like an adult. you like what you make yourself way better than picking up something greasy or crunchy. that, or you like to spend your money on other things… like alcohol.

21-26: pizza iS Your paSSioN: you clearly have a love for hearty food. What better way to soak up your sor-rows, or your drunkenness than with an entire pizza… and breadsticks… and ranch? this makes you a loved person on campus, what better way to make friends in the library than with free pizza. make that a cheap free pizza. eureka!

27-32: hello There, Taco heaD!: congrats on being like the majority of our student population. maybe we choose taco bell because it is the best drunk, hungover, brain-dead-after-studying food around. or maybe, we choose it because nothing else is open 24/7 in Fayette-ville. an

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1. a=4, b=3, c=2, d=1

2. a=4, b=3, c=2, d=1

3. a=3, b=4, c=1, d=2

4. a=3, b=4, c=1, d=2

5. a=2, b=4, c=3, d=1

6. a=4, b=3, c=1, d=2

7. a=2, b=4, c=3, d=1

8. a=3, b=4, c=2, d=1