Theeditingofmyfather’sexperiencestookme,asIhopeitwilltakethereaders,intonewterritories.IthasbeenagreatpleasureandprivilegetowriteaboutthebraveryofthemenoftheMerchantNavy,RoyalNavyandAmericanMerchantNavywhobattledtheenemy,aswellasthehorrificArcticweatherconditions,toaidourRussianallies.Tothemaheartfeltthankyou.I owe a particular debt to Bill Quigley who has been an inspiration

throughout. Thanks also to Robert Eke who served aboard HMSMilne andprovidedsomeofthephotographstakenin1942duringPQ18.I am grateful to Brigadier Henry Wilson and his team at Pen and Sword

Publishing for their superb guidance and encouragement and to my husband,Roy,forhishelp,patience,computerskillsandsupport.

JulieGrossmithDeltrice

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Contents

Chapter1FromSomewhereinEnglandtoSomewhereUnknownChapter2CargoLoadinginLeithChapter3OurHazardousJourneyBeginsChapter4Midnight,3September1942Chapter5LookingBackChapter6FirstEncounterChapter7TemperaturesPlummetChapter8Sunday,13September1942–TheLuftwaffeLaunchesDieGoldene

Zange(GoldenComb)Chapter914September1942Chapter10SSEmpireBaffinSuffersHerFirstCasualtiesChapter11HeinkelsAttackChapter12Wednesday,16September1942Chapter13HMSScyllaDepartsChapter14Thursday,17September1942Chapter15Friday,18September1942Chapter16HazardsandBlizzardsChapter17Sunday,20September1942Chapter18Monday,21September1942Chapter19BerthedatLastChapter20IntroducingtheWorkforceChapter21TotheVictor–theSpoilsChapter22MeandMyShadowChapter23ShoreLeaveChapter24UnloadingChapter25Pandora’sBox

Chapter26DegradationandStarvationChapter27GuardsandBayonetsChapter28NewSurroundingsChapter29AllinaDay’sWorkChapter30ChillingNewsChapter31AlmostReadyforSeaChapter32OurLastNightinRussiaChapter33Sunday,8November1942Chapter34Monday,9November1942Chapter35HomewardBoundChapter36LuckBeALadyChapter37NorthernLightsChapter38Saturday,14November1942–FriendorFoe?Chapter39Sunday,15November1942–AlmostThereAppendixes

TheSeaHowmanymoodsrolledintooneYouliethere…glisteninginthesunAllcalm,serene,likemirroredpool

SparklingliketherarestjewelThewindblows,…youstirandriseSwirlingfoam‘neathleadenskiesRollingbackyougatherspeedRisingup,greatstrengthyouneed…

TopoundatlastonrockyshoreAsplashing,foaming,boilingroarRetreatagaintoriseoncemoreLike

greenglasstowersfromoceanfloorShimmeringbrightwithcrystalsprayInshroudsofmistyoufacethedayVeiledinmysterydarkanddeep

Yourheartpoundson,youneversleepEverywakeful,deepyoulieYetinyourangerthefurrowsflySpittingfoam,whitesplashingspraySpiresofdiamonddropletsstay…Intheairwhenyourfury’spastCalmoncemorelikemirroredglassWashingroundsmallfeetatplay

Paddling,prancing,laughtergayFriendlynowyoulaptheshoreQuietandatpeaceoncemore

ThathowlingwindsoonstartstoblowAndonceagainyourwrathyou’llshowYourTitanstrengthwillriseagainYourverydepthsitwillinflameAndyouareincommandoncemoreBreakerscrashonrockyshore

Yourcauldronsseething,boilingspumeIncitedintopillaredplume

OnceagainwhitehorsesriseGallopingfrenziedwiththetideThey’lltiresoonandsinktosleepYourfurywanesbacktothedeepSo

slumbernowyouchangingseaSleeponindarkdeepmystery

Chapter1

FromSomewhereinEnglandtoSomewhereUnknown

The carefree hot summer of 1939 seems a lifetime away as I gaze over thebustlingscenebeforeme.It isAugust,yetthesamedarkcloudthathassettledover Europe during the last three years seems now to have manifested itself,chillingtheairaswellastheheartsofthosewhostandwithmeonthequaysidelookingupatthetoweringshapeoftheSSEmpireBaffin.Thismerchantman,which over the next fewmonths is to be our refuge or,

heavenforbid,ourcasket,nowsitsmotionlessintheswirlingebboftheTyneasif cemented to thevery river-bed.Strongandpurpose-built for carryingheavycargo,theBaffinisoneofthemanyEmpireshipsthatplythedangerousseawaysaroundourshores,providingourbesiegedcountrywithprecioussuppliesfromourfriendsacrosstheAtlantic,andsustainingourtroopsandalliesabroadwiththeprovisionsandrawmaterialsofwar.Flushdecked,witha total lengthof465ft,shecancarrysome9,800 tonsof

cargoataspeedofelevenknots.AsIboardherIrealizethatsheisnodestroyer,butInoticewithreliefthatshe

is not entirely defenceless either. Tarpaulin-covered guns mounted at variouspointson thedeck reassureme further.Aftergoing throughall the formalitiesthatcomewithbeingassignedtoanewshipandstowingmybelongingssafelyinmycabin,Icannowtakeacloserlookaroundherdecksandinspectthegunswhichwillbemyresponsibilityoverthecomingweeks.Mytourconvincedmethat she is indeed quite well armed for a merchant vessel these days. A 4inantisubmarinegunismountedonthepoop(tobemannedbyanavalreservist),anda40mmBoforsQFonthepoopdeckhouse(which,I’mtold,willbemannedbya sergeant from theMaritimeAnti-AircraftRegiment) areboth surmountedbyapillar-box rocket launcher socalledbecauseof its resemblance toaGPOpostbox.Thisisafearsomeweaponfiringtwelve2inrockets(sixperside)each

withanexplosivewarhead.Theoperator,sittinginsidetheboxtoprotecthimselffromtheblast,canaimthemissilesthrough365degreesatanangleofbetween0 and 75 degrees.Check rails on both theBofors and the rocket launcher areaddedsafeguards,sothatatnotimecananypartofourshipbestruckbytheirprojectiles, even in the event of some over enthusiastic gun layer getting tooexcitedintheheatoftheaction.Our4ingunontheaftpoopdeckalsohasstopsfittedtothebaseforthesamereason,sothatitcannotbetrainedforwardofthebeam.Makingaroundofthefo’c’sleheadIamconfrontedbythetwelve-pounder.

This largegunishousedonitsownspeciallybuiltplatformover thewindlass.Returning amidships, I climb the ladder to the wheelhouse and take furthercomfort from the fact that here there are four 20mm Oerlikons which aremountedsingly,oneoneachwingofthenavigationbridgeandoneoneachsideoftheboatdeck.Intheaftcornersandattherearendsofthebridgearehousedtwotroughsof2inrockets(twenty-fourperside).Thesecanbeelevated,trainedandfiredfromacentralcontrolpointonthemonkeyisland.Finally,asIcomeabreastoftheforeandmainmasts,IseethetwopairsofLewisguns,whichwillbe manned at battle stations by our ordinary crew members whose only guntrainingtodate,consistsofabriefdescriptionoftheweaponsthattheywillbeexpectedtouse.Onceweareonourway it ismyjobasgunneryofficer togivemycrewsa

dailypracticedrill.Thiswillensurethat,atalltimes,theywillbeabletohandletheir weapons with precision andmaintain them efficiently. So when the daycomes and we eventually encounter our well-trained and ruthless enemies, Ihopethattheiraimwillbeeffectiveandtrue,provingthatalltheirhardworkhasbeenworthwhile.As second officer on the SS Empire Baffin my duties under normal

circumstanceswouldonlybethenavigationplansandtheorganizationofwatchkeeping. Because of the war and the additional responsibility of my post asgunnerycontrolofficer,Iamalsotobeinchargeofthemaintenanceandgeneralcareofallweaponryaswellaskeepingmyguncrewsfit.Myown training inthis field has been a very quick and sketchy lastminute course, consisting offorty hours of purely theoretical instruction in gunnery control, which I haveonly just completed atHMSSatellite.Therefore I can only hope against hopethatHitler’sbomberpilotsandsubmarinecommandersareasgreenasmeandmyguncrews,becauseup to thismomentnotoneofushasevenhandled, letalonefiredasingleweapon!Butwith theexpert tuitionof thenavalgun layerand the experience of the maritime A/A sergeant, together with a lot ofpractising, Iam totallyconvinced thatwewillallputupa ‘goodshow’ ifand

whentheneedarises.Ihadbetterberight,thereisnoscopeformistakes,asourliveswilldependonit.

SSEmpireBaffin:CaptainW.T.Brown(MasterMariner)Whitby;MrGrant(ChiefOfficer(MasterMariner)SouthShields;MrMason(2ndOfficer)(MasterMariner)Sunderland;MrSmallwood(3rd

Officer)(Uncertified)Staithes;MrRobinson(ChiefEngineer)(1stClassSteam)Sunderland.

Chapter2

CargoLoadinginLeith

Arestlessfirstnightaboard,myturmoil-filleddreamsofhomemixedwithafearoftheunknown,replacedmostofwhatshouldhavebeenarefreshingsleep.Bybreakfast time,as Imakemyway to thesaloon, Ihaveachancemeetingwithmyfirstmemberofthecrew.Scuttlingawayalongthecompanionwayaheadofmeasmallbutsturdilybuiltblackandwhitecatleapsagilelyinandoutoftheshadows. Finally disappearing into the steward’s open doorway, a small headpopsoutnowandthentotakenoteofmyprogresswithlarge,shininggreeneyesfixeduponmyapproachingfeet.Ilearnfromthestewardasheservesmewithbreakfast that this isBosunwhoappearedonboardsome threeweeksagoandhassincedecidedtostay!Meeting the othermembers of our crew and getting to know thembetter, I

findthatwehaveallsufferedasimilarlyrestlessnight.Thetirednessetchedintotheir faces tells the same familiar story wherever I look, but professionalismsoontakesoverfromthefatigueasweallgoaboutthejobsanddutiesthatwillbringtheshiptoafullstateofreadiness.Finallythehourhascomewhenwearegivenourorderstocastoff.Thehuge

hawserssecuringustothequaysidearedroppedunceremoniouslywithasplashintothedarkwatersoftheTyne.Castingusfromthesecurityofourmoorings,we are cut free from the umbilical cord that has been tying us inwarmth andsafetytothewombofmotherEngland.Nowwearesetadriftonthedarkseaofuncertaintynotknowingwhatthefuturehasinstoreforanyoneofus.Strongfeelingsandsharppangsoftrepidationandlonelinessatoncebeginto

overwhelmmeatthehardrealizationthatthiscouldbethelasttimeIwilleversee my homeland. The lumbering hulk, motionless and impassive against thequayside, now finds her own space as she slowly edges out into the swirlingwaters. With every minute the turning of her propellers helps her to gainmomentum as her bows splice through the water cutting an ever-wideningpathway towards themouthof the river.Passing Jarrow ‘Slacks’, abusydockworkerstopstowatchusslidesilentlybyand,capinhand,hewavesusonourway.ThecheerinessofthemomentsoonpassesasweapproachthepiersoftheTyne.Their twinlighthousesstandsentinel-likeat theendof longoutstretchedarms that embrace us for the last time beforewe cross the bar.Rolling in theswelloftheopensea,Ifeelimpelledtoturnbackforonelastlook.Astheystandproudandtall,swathedintheclingingfingersofthegreydawn’smistIcannot

helpwonderinghowlongitwillbebeforeIseethemagain.Inthedistance,agroaningfoghornplaysadirgeintimetotheslappingofthe

murky water against our hull and, as we head further out to sea, our bridgetelegraph rings out its message, FULL AHEAD. The engines respond. Ourjourneyhasbegun.The sea, in sharpcontrast to theglassy,unruffled river,nowstarts tobuffet

ourunladenship.Pushingthecurlingwaveshardagainstus,smallwhitehorsesbeginleapingagainstoursidesandaresentscurryingbyonthecrestofourbowwave.Looking back towards land, I can see that the distant shoreline has almost

disappeared as it is slowly swallowed up into the darkness of the dimly litmorning.Asourthuddingenginesdriveusevenfurtheraway,thesilhouetteofhome receding rapidly inourwakehasnowbecomenothingmore than a lowlineofdarkirregularshapes.EvenasIwatch,theysoonmergecompletelyanddisappearbehindusintothegloomofthedistanthorizon.The officer of the watch, busy on the bridge, begins to map out the co-

ordinates that he has been given and it soon becomes clear that our loadingdestinationistobeoneoftheportsontheeasterncoastofScotland.Thehazydawneventuallygivesway to the luminosityofdaybreak,and the

sharpeninglight,reflectingontodamprooftopsaswepassrevealsthepresenceofthemanysmalltownsdottedalongtheNorthumbriancoastline.Darkwispsofsmoke rise upwards from the stubby chimneys of the little houses as theirinhabitantsrisetofaceanotherday.As themorningbrightensandwearson towardsmidday theonshorepicture

changes.ThemuchmoreruggedlookinglinesoftheScottishcoastnowbegintodrift into view. All the crew appear to be adjusting well and are focusingdiligentlyon the job inhand.Thisbeing averybusy timeonboard, lingeringthoughtsofhomesand familieshavehad tobe foundnewspace further to thebackofourminds,ifonlyforthetimebeing.Nearingourfirstportofcall, thecrewgoaboutgettingusreadytodockfor

loading.Bandsofseamen,busyoutonthedecks,haulandstowawaythehugetarpaulins that have been covering the hatches.Lifting the underlyingwoodenboardsoutofthewaywithsteelhooksandironcrowbars,theyuncoverthedeep,gaping holds, mouths ready to receive their cargo, at once transformed intodarklymysteriouscaverns.Thewindlasseshavebeenfully testedandfoundtobeingoodworkingorder,sobythetimetheSSEmpireBaffineventuallysteamsuptheRiverForthandsettlesherselfbesidethequayintheportofLeith,weareready.Frombeingthrowntogetherintheverybeginning,thiscrewhaveworkedinperfectharmonyas if theyhadalwaysdoneso.Theyareordinarymerchant

seamen totallyuntrained in theartofwarwhohavecome together to liveandfight as one. These men of strength and character have sacrificed so muchalready but, having been torn from their families and friends because of thenecessitiesofwar,theyshownoregret.Eachoneofthemisjustanordinarymanfull of his own hopes, private aspirations and unspoken ambitions. With onecommon bond, they have been thrust into the turmoil of war and have cometogether today,7August1942,allwiththesameaiminview–tofightandtowin!ThemaingroupofourcrewmencomefromthenorthofEngland.Braveand

fullofdeterminedpride,theironecommonbeliefshinesthrough:thebeliefthatthrough their combined efforts peacewill soon be restored to their homeland.Watchingthemnowgoingabouttheirindividualworkroutines,itisobviousthattheyarebeingspurredonbyanoverwhelminginwardtenacity.Thisobservationsuddenly leavesme feelingquite reassured thatwhen the time comes to fight,they will all give an equally good account of themselves. Comforting as thisthoughtistome,Imustleavemyreveriesuntilanothertimeandturningmyfullattentiontothejobinhand,Ibegincheckingaboardourfirstlotofcargo,partofwhichisalreadybeingstackedupalongthewharf.Whenourcargoisfullyloaded,then,andonlythen,arewetobemadeaware

ofourfinaldestination.Thelossofdaylighthashaltedtheloadingfortoday,butanearlystartandthe

improvedweatherforecastfortomorrowshouldsoonmakeupforanydelays.Early morning, and considering that it is 8 August and still summer, the

weather has not, as forecast, changed for the better! Instead it is increasinglyunkindtous.Afteroneshortburstofbrilliantsunshine,thedrivingrainthathadfollowedusallthewayupthecoastfromtheTyne,isbackyetagain.BlusteryshowersofcoldScottishrainsoonsoakustotheskin.Dashingbelowdeck,werunrelaysinanefforttokeepdryandtoexchangesoddenitemsofclothingforour (as yet unworn) waterproofs, grabbing a hot mug of tea we pass by thegalley.ItisnotlonguntilwehaveallbeenchristenedbytheScottishdownpourand initiated into the many difficulties that arise out of loading under suchinclementconditions.Nor has it taken long to acclimatize to the colder Scottish weather. The

majority of our crew, being northerners, come from areas where their localweather is also notoriouswith temperatures lagging a few degrees behind therestofthecountry.It is our nine firemen, who all come from Freetown on the west coast of

Africa, that are showing the most concern about the cold. None of themcomplains,butwecan’thelpnoticing that,withoutexception,allnineof them

arealreadywearingtheirfullcomplementoftheextraitemsofclothingissuedtous.Outondeck,astheyhelpwiththework,theyareinstantlyrecognizable,and

standoutfromtherestofthecrew.Wrappedinduffels,rollneckedjerseys,furmittens,thickstockingsandseaboots;alltoppedoffwiththickknittedwoollenhats pulled hard down over their ears they look more like a group of lostEskimos than our more familiar stokers. I’m sure they will be much happierwhenweareunderwaysothattheycanreturntothewarmthoftheirstokehold.ThecaptainforthistripisMrW.T.Brownwhohailsfromthecoastalportof

Whitby,andourchiefofficer,MrGrant,isanotherlocalladfromSouthShields.Mr ‘Tiny’Smallwood is our acting third officer fromStaitheswhile our chiefengineer,Mr.Robinson,andI–AlfredGrossmithMason,secondofficer–bothcomefromSunderland.ThefullcrewoftheSSEmpireBaffintotalssixty-fiveand,withtheexception

of our stokers, every one of them is fromTyneside,Wearside orTeeside. So,right from the very beginning of our being thrown together under these bitterwartimecircumstances,wesoonfindthatwehavealotincommon.With all the hatches open and ready to receive their cargo, thework to fill

them started almost as soon as we docked. The process of packing everyavailablebitofspacewithaveryvariedconsignmentofgoodshasnowbeguninearnest.Theactivityontheshoresoonbecomesacontinuoushiveofindustryasthe tall cranes clank and grind their stiffenedmechanisms into action. To andfro, from shore to ship, their necks stretched out like tall giraffes, they swingtheir huge netting slings. Filled to bursting point with bundles and crates ofvarious sizes they are slung deep down into the empty holds. Creaking andstrainingunder theweight, they spinand turn in theair asgreatheavychests,containing ammunitions and explosives are lifted aboard one after the other.Silenced only by a shortmeal break their labours then continue on hour afterhour.Wholeaircraftthathavebeendismantledandpackedawayinboxesreadyto

bereassembledattheirdestinationpointarecarefullystowedawayoneontopofthe other. It is no easy task, but so very well organized that the loading iscontinuous.Fromveryearlymorninguntildusk,itprogresseswithouteventheslightesthitch.Sometimes there comes a quiet period aswewait for further supplies. The

waiting is the worst time of all, and there are periods when one day slips soquietlyintothenextbeforeyouhaveevencometorealizeit.ThesecondweekinAugusthascomeandgone,andthehungryholdsstillfill

updailywitheverythingimaginable.Amongstparcelsrangingfromtinnedfood

to larger bundles of blankets andwarm clothing, space is left for someof thesmaller armoured fighting vehicles. Followed hot on the heels by banks ofartillery, theycontinue tocomeuntileventuallyeveryavailableplacebelow isfilledalmosttobursting.Afterbeingpackedandsecuredtightlysothatnoneofit has any space to shift around in transit, the hatches are finally closed andbatteneddown.Evensowearestillnotquiteready.Ourdeckcargoisnowtheverylasttobehauledaboard.Large tanks and smaller armoured personnel carriers come next. Until now

theyhavebeenstandingtoattentionintheirranksandwaitinginlinealongthequay.Eachoneinitsturnisheavedupfromtheshoreand,ascarefullyasifitweremadeofpreciousporcelain,hasbeenpositioneddownontolargewoodenpontoonsonourforeandaftdecks.Finallytheyarelashedandchainedsecurelytobothdecks.Surelytheveryfactthatwearestillafloatisamiracle!Alltheextrawarmclothing,forourpersonaluse,thathasjustbeenissuedto

usbytheRoyalNavyhasbeenthecatalystforavariednumberofthoughts.ItisdefinitelyArcticgear.Thetype,wesuspect,thatismeanttobewornsomewherewithamuchcolderclimatethanhereinBonnieScotland!Someofthecratesthathavecomeaboardsincewebeganourcontemplations

havesurelygiven thegameawaynow too!Emblazonedon them inbright redletters,thatevenablindmanonafasthorsecouldnotfailtonotice,isthenameArchangel.SoitdoesnottakeaSherlockHolmestodeducethatwemustsoonbeonourwaytotheportofthatname,lyingabovetheArcticcircleinnorthernRussia. Even thoughwe have not been officially notified as yet, we are nowmorethanjustpassingsurethatthisiswherewearebound!Thenewlyissuedwarmerclothingwillbetohelpalleviatethetorturesofthe

blisteringly cold conditions thatwe are about to contendwith, oncewe reachthoseunfriendlyArcticwaters.TheRoyalNavylads,aftermakingtheirdeliveriesandhavingstayedawhile

longerforabitetoeatcourtesyofthecaptain,arethelasttoleavetheship,thecargo trimmers having long since gone. Gathered on deck we wave our lastgoodbyes.Allofushangovertherailinordertogetafinalglimpseas,cheerfultothelastman,theyfolloweachotherdownthegangway.Lasttoleaveusisayoungred-hairedratingwithabroadDevonaccentandanimpishtwinkleinhiseye,obviouslyaladwithasenseofhumour.Hispartingwordsfloatuptousas,turningheshoutsbackatusoverhisshoulderashestepsashore,‘Cheerupthen,Geordies,now thatyouhaveall thosearctic supplies,you’llmostprobablybesentoff toCairo instead.Hey!Just thinkofall thosedancinggirlswaiting foryou!’Withalong,lowwolf-whistleheparadesalongthequaybacktothewaiting

truck,doingaveryfairimpressionofaneasternbellydancerashegoes.Our crew, in need of a diversion from the worries of the war readily

appreciate his good-humoured banter. Their tensions lifted and momentarilyallayed,our lads losenotimeinrespondingwith theirveryownrenditionofafew lines fromTheOldBazaar inCairo, although theoriginal lyricist, I can’thelpthinkingastheirraucouschantingmakesmesmile,wouldneverlayclaimtothenewwordsthattheyarenowsinging!These lightermomentshelp toeaseawaytheapprehension that is inevitably

buildingupamongthecrew.Fuelledbythefearoftheunknown,itgrowsatanastounding rate within each one of us but, full of trepidation after the firstrealizationofwherewearebound,wehavenowreadilyacceptedthischeerfulinterludewithanew-foundsenseofpleasure.Thestewardmakeshiswayback to theaftgalleyhavingseenallourstores

safelyaboard.Everylastpieceofourcargo,consistingofboththeoffensiveanddefensiveweaponsofwarisstoweddeepinourholds,andsoonceagainwefindourselvesalmostreadytosail.Now in this quieter period as we make the last preparations the same old

apprehensions can be felt re-asserting themselves.Disquieting thoughts of theterrible fate that had befallen the convoy before us now flood back into ourminds. Just a few shortmonths ago the ships ofConvoyPQ17 had sailed thesame route thatweareabout to take.Thewords ‘almost total annihilation’gothroughmy head at the very thought, beating to the pounding rhythm of myheart, whenever I think of that terrible disaster. Sometimes the sadmemoriescrowdout therestofmythoughts,so that Istruggle toconcentrate. Ipush thefearsasfarawayinto thedimlylit recessesofmymind.Itwould,afterall,betoodangeroustoletsuchmemoriestakeoverfrommyconcentration.Icanonlypraythatwewillnotsufferanidenticalfate.Everyinchofourfreedeckspacehasnowbeenutilized.Thehugetanks,after

beingchain-lasheddown,havebeenre-inspectedastheslightestfreemovementatseacouldprove farmore lethal thananyenemyattack.Our forwardandaftdecks have been transformed into grand obstacle courses. To get anywherequickly in an emergency, it looks as if we will have to become Olympichurdlers! I can also foresee the fun and games we will be having when thepocketsofrainwaterthatarealreadylyinginbetweenthedeckvehicles,freezeover.Itcouldprovetobeanextrahazardfortheguncrewstryingtogettotheirpositionsindoublequicktimeduringanattack.Rumoursthathavebeenrunningrifeamongstthemen,sincewesailedfrom

the Tyne, are now confirmed without question. They have tried to guess andhaveplacedbetsonamongthemselvesastowhereourfinalportofcallwillbe.

Apartfrombeingissuedwithour‘arcticextras’ theredstencilledmarkingsonthe various boxes and crates have not gone unnoticed. We are all withoutquestion or further doubt sure now as to our final destination – Archangel,northernRussia.

Chapter3

OurHazardousJourneyBegins

Alltheformalitiesnowbeingcompleted,wearegiventhefinalclearancetosetsail.Thepilotcomesaboard,andoncemoreweloosenourbondswithdrylandandunderhisdirectionslowlymoveout into theroads,onthecrestof thefullflowingtide.Onboardwealsohavethecompassadjusterwhowillremainwithus until he is fully satisfied with our new bearings. These will have to beregulatedinordertocompensateforalltheconflictsofmagnetismsetupbythelargemetalcontentofourcargo.WesoonfindourselvessafelyoutofLeithharbour,andwithboththepilot’s

and the compass adjuster’s work completed, the time has come for them toleave. The pilot cutter, a squat little boat surrounded by a mass of bobbingorangefenders,isalreadyalongside,ridingtheslightswell,asitwaitstoretrievethe two men. An exchange of firm handshakes and they leave the bridgetogether,echoingbacktheirwishesof‘goodluck’,and‘safevoyage’astheygowith one last wave. The little boat slides away from our side with enginespurring, and returns them swiftly in the direction of the harbour.Churning upwater,herpropellersleaveatrailoffoamingwhiteinherwake,assheleavesusaloneandfacingtheopenseaoncemore.NowwearetomakeourwayaroundthecoasttoLochEwe,heretojoinup

withtherestoftheshipsalreadyassemblingthere,whichwillformtheconvoyknownfromnowonasPQ18tonorthernRussia.VoyagingaroundthenortherncoastofScotlandisaquiettimewithnospecial

dutiestoperform.Justhavingourroutinewatchperiodstocontendwithgivesusplenty of time for contemplation. The thoughts of most of the crew, oncereleased from their watch, must be back home with their families and lovedones,whowillbethinkingofthemtoo;thoughtsthatcannotasyetbeputintowords,untilclearancetowritelettershomeisgiven.Thesunthathasdesertedusforsolongnowdecidestoplayagameofhide

and seek among the clouds. As a result, from time to time we are bathed inwelcomeburstsofitsgoldenwarmth.Theseagullsstoptheireternalscreechingandwhirlingoverheadand,swoopingdowninpairsfromtheheights,theycomeinforacloserlook.Brazenlysettlingonanymast-topthatisstillfree,orevensometimeslandingontheturretsofthedecktanks,theypreentheirimmaculatewhiteplumageandwalkingalongtheskyward-pointinggunbarrels,findaplaceofcomfortinwhichtowhileawayafewhours.Lazilystretchingtheirenormous

wings, they finally settle down to rest, sunning themselves long into themorning.As the sun rises higher the spirits of all aboard seem to do likewise.With

smiling faces themen begin to joke among themselves as they go about theirroutine tasks. It is surprising how morale can change just as quickly as theweather!Thesmilesbecomeevenbroaderasmugsofhotteaappear.Steamingandsweetwithevaporatedmilkrun thick into thedarkbrowndepths, theyarethesoughtafterpleasureandbreathenew life intousallafterahardday.Thecrewcontinuesenjoyingatea-break,whilewerunuptoouranchorage.Leaningovertherailsoftheship,mugsclutchedincallousedhandsthathaveseenmanyahardday’swork,theywatchtheruggedsceneryslippastuntil,beautifulinthesunlight,theoutlinesofthelochappearahead.Withthebridgetelegraphringingtoconfirmeachcommandasit isgivento

theengineroom,weglidethroughtheshining,crystalwater.Atlastwecometorest among amixture of other vessels all around the same size as theEmpireBaffinandarealreadyanchoredthere.Allareheavyladenlikeusandlielowinthewatersoftheloch.No sooner has the message to STOP ENGINES been given to the engine

room,whenitisfollowedbytherattleofourownanchorchain.Linkbylinkitenters with a splash as it breaks the glassy stillness of the loch, ending yetanotherstageofthelongjourneybeforeus.ThedateIwrite,asIlogourarrivalhereinLochEwe,is25August1942.Forseveraldayswehaveriddenatanchor.Thesceneryaroundusisbeautiful

andwiththepassingofeachnewdaymoreshipsarrive.Tocounttheincreasingtotal each morning as well as spotting the new arrivals that have appearedovernight, is fast becoming the order of the day. Today, after breakfast, ourcounthadreachedforty-one.Thistotaldoesnotincludethebiggreywarshipsofthe Royal Navy that have very recently become our new neighbours. Lyingmotionless, each great grey form is mirrored perfectly in the clear, unruffledglass-likewater.The weather has become much kinder to us of late, and today is quite

exceptional.Continualsunshinecombinedwiththecomparativelyeasywatchesaremakinglifeverypleasantatthemoment.The sun-worshippers have discarded their regulation roll-neck jumpers, and

canbefoundscatteredaroundinvarioussupineposes,astheypasstheirwaitinghoursbysoakingupasmuchsunastheycanget,rightdowntotheverylastrayoftheday.Small,risingswirlsofblue-greycigarettesmokearesometimestheonlyindicationofwheretheyhavebeenabletofindapeacefulsuntrapamongstthecoldsteeloftheominouswarvehicleswhichcrowdourdecks.Othersamuse

themselveswithapackofcardsorgatherinagroupforagameofcribbage.OneofourABs,obliviousto theremarksofhisfellowmen,knits thefinest

pairsofseabootstockingsthatI’veeverseen.Someoneisplayingwiththecat,which has also ventured out into the sun and is intent on capturing the papermousethatisbeingdangledinfrontofhimbytheyoungassistantsteward.Therest seek their own private piece of contentment simply by leaning over thehandrails, letting their eyes drift across the wide expanse of glistening waterstretched out before them. What dreams and thoughts are in their minds as,whistlingsoftly,theygazefaraheadintothepaledistance?Today,CaptainBrown,ChiefOfficerGrantandourseniorradioofficerhave

hadtogoashoreinordertoattendameetingwiththeconvoycommodoreandtheescortcommanders.Whentheyreturn,weareexpectingtobegivenourfinalorderof sailing. Itwill surelybewithmuch regret thatwe leave thebeautifulsolaceofourpresentanchorageinexchangefortheunknown,butmaybenotthetotallyunexpected.TherhythmicslapslappingofthewaterisgentlysoporificasIwatchthetiny

wavelets meander past the ship’s side flowing hurriedly on they wash by theplimsolllinethatproclaimsourheavilyladenstate.Wearesolulledintoafalsesenseofsecurityby thewarmthandour tranquilsurroundings, that itbecomesquiteeasytoforgetthewarforawhile.All too soon thoughour reverie is ended.The captainhas returned, and the

wordsooncirculatesthatwearetosailtodayatdusk.Howveryquickly thewholeatmospherechanges.All theold tensionscome

flooding back and the sea of stress closes in again over our heads. Recentlyrelaxedbodiesarenowfindingthateverysinewhasbecometautandstretchedwiththeutteranceofthosethreewords,‘captain’sbackaboard’.Thislastgloriousdayinhomewatersalltoosoongiveswaytotherosyblush

of evening. The coloured skies, streakedwith pink and grey that run togetherlikeliquidmarble,castperfectmirrorimagesonthewaterastheshipsgatheredaround us quickly become nothing more than black silhouetted shapes in thefadinglight.Asthedarknessclosesincompletelyandthelastwispsofrosylightfadefromtheskycomesmovementontheloch.Wehave towait forour turn toproceedout tosea,and topass the time the

crew busy themselves below deck. Their pin-up girlmagazines are put away,andsaucycalendarsarehungatstrategicpositionsonbulkheads,whilethewell-travelledphotographsofwives,childrenandsweetheartsaregivenprideofplaceonlockersandbybunks.Thecharts,theconvoyordersandthesailingplansallhavetobestudiednowinsteadofpin-upsofJaneRussellandBettyGrable.Whenwedoeventuallysettleintoconvoyformationwewillhavetomaintain

ourpositionandspeed,keepingasetdistancefromothervessels,atalltimes.Tohelpusdosowemustalsotakeparticularnoticeastowhichshipsaretobeourimmediate neighbours. Browsing through the sailing plan and the convoyformationwefindthatwearetobepartoftheportcolumn.Outonthedecktheairisstillwarmandbalmy.Activityonthelochheightens

aseachvesselmakespreparationstosail.Someoftheshipspreviouslyanchoredaheadofusarealreadyonthemoveandaretakingitinturntosteamtentativelyout of the loch entrance. Slowly theymove out into the darkening night hugeblack silhouetteswith their red, green andwhite navigation lights shining likegemstonesinthegloom.Eventually our turn comes, and as we slide away from our peaceful

anchorage, I look aft to see the trail of following merchantmen that are alldropping into position astern. One by one, they tag on behind us, as movingslowly forward at a snail’s pace, they manoeuvre carefully to join the ever-lengthening line. It looks likeascene fromaproductionof,ThePiedPiperofHamelin,astheyfallintoformationbehindus.Heading out into the open seawe turn on to a northerly course, bound for

CapeWrath. All vessels have now formed themselves into two long columnsand are runningwith dimmed navigation lights. Each being previously issuedwith a number, the ships with the odd numbers are to port and the evennumberedshipsaretakingupthestarboardsidecolumn.Noneofusbeingquiteusedtoconvoyformationasyet,tworatherpitifullystragglinglineshavebeenformed. I’m afraid that our naval escortsmust be finding theirworkwell andtrulycutoutforthematpresent.Theyweavethroughbothcolumnstryingtheirbesttogetthestragglerstoconform.Theylooklikeworkingcolliesatasheepdogtrialastheysnapattheheelsoftheoffendersandpatientlyeasethembackintotheirrightfulplace.Theirpatienceisrewardedintheend,andwithoutfussortoomuchtrouble,somesemblanceoforderisfinallyachieved.And sowith the ever alert navy ships acting as our guardians we begin to

settledownforthenight,allofthenavigationlightshavehadtobeswitchedoff,and a total and complete blackout is now in force. Darkness, like some hugeblackvelvetcloak,hasrolleddownandwrappeditscascadingfoldsaroundtheentireconvoy.I turnmygazeupwards,anddueto theapparentabsenceof thestarsthesuddenthoughtcrossesmymindthateventheymusthavetakentheirordersfromtheAdmiraltytonight.Seeminglyit’slightsoutforallofus!On the sea, the occasional white horse, topped with a flowing mane of

gleamingphosphorous,ridesbyinthemurkydepths.Allissilentapartfromtheswish of the water and the iridescent glow from the bow waves of ourneighbouring ships as the fluorescent foam spreads out before them,marking

theirprogress.Conditions are good enough to enable us tomake some adjustments to our

speedandpositioninthecolumn.Someoftheshipsmuststillbealittlewaryofhavingtosteaminsuchcloseproximitytoothers,asnowandthenthroughthedarknesswecanjustseethatoneortwoarestillwanderingoutofline.Theywillhave to take care as a prowling submarine on the attackwill always take fulladvantageofsuchasituation.U-boatsareeveronthelookoutforstragglersandwill attack any unsuspecting quarry.The escorts are therefore keeping hard atwork,urgingthefewthatarestilllaggingbehindtokeepup.It isonlybymakingcertainthata tightformationismaintainedatall times,

that thenavycan assureusof theirmaximumprotection in any situation.Theremnants at last appear to be gathered in safely under the guidance of theirmentors,ploddingalongwiththerestofusthroughtheearlyhoursofthesilentnight.

Chapter4

Midnight,3September1942

Havingmanagedtocatchuponlostsleepsinceleavingourmusteringpoint,andcontentedafterenjoyingagoodmeal,Imakemywaytothebridgetostartmyfirstconvoywatch. Iclimb the ladder to thewheelhouse,whilstcarrying threelargepotsofsteaming tea,doingapretty fair impressionofacircusbalancingact,whenaroll tostarboardputsanendtomyprideasanacrobat.Themugs,nowbarelyhalffull,arenonethelessstillwelcomedwiththesameenthusiasmasiftheyhadbeenfull.OneisgratefullyacceptedbyJoe‘Taffy’White,whoisthemanat thewheel for thiswatch,while theother isswiggeddownby thechiefofficerbeforehepassesoverthewatchtome.Themovement of the ship, even as well laden as she is now, is becoming

muchmorenoticeable.Theweatherhastakenquiteasuddenturnfortheworseand the wind has begun agitating the sea, whipping it up into frothy white-toppedwaves.Amoderategaleblowingfromtheeastnowfills theskywithamassof low scudding cumulus cloud.TheBaffin is now starting to ship largequantitiesofwateronherstarboardsideassherollsanddipsthroughthewater.Thiswilderweatherisalsohavingabadeffectonsomeofthebeamships.Manyof them have already managed to drift off in a starboard direction, which iswidening the distance between the port and starboard columns quiteconsiderably. Heavy showers, fast becoming squally, are also reducing thevisibility,andthewindisrapidlyincreasinginforceandblowingasteadyESE.Whilethesearenotatallthebestofconditionsforthestartofourjourney,theyarepossiblyalotbetterthansomewemayhavetocontendwithintheverynearfuture.HavingjusttakenaseriesofbearingsontheCapeWrathlight,Iknowthatwe

are now clear of theMinch channel. Throughout the early hours progress hasbeen steady and yet uneventful, although the combined deterioration ofconditionsandconstantlyhavingtostrain toseethroughthedrivingrain,haveturnedthisintoaverytiringwatch.

Theship,havingbeentossedaroundverybadly,especiallyoverthelastfewhours,isnowshippingtonsofdarkgreywaterwitheveryrolltobothportandstarboard. The stranded water runs in fast-flowing rivers around the decksturningintoafrenzyoffrothandeventuallytumblingoffourportsidegurglingand bubbling its way out through the scuppers. The waves are progressivelygrowinghigher, and thedeluge that until nowhas confined itself to the lowerdecks, is spreading. Even high up on the bridge, none of us has escaped aduckingfromthenowmountainousseas.Acoldsaltwaterdousingprovestobeaninstantcureformid-watchtiredness,andIcanpersonallyvouchforthat!Theseaisdefinitelyinanangrymoodnow.Risingevenhigher,thefrenzied

waterswellsuplikeacolossusand,gainingstrength,curlsoverpoundingdownonusfromaloft.Batteringagainstusfromeverysidethestrongwindsintheirturn reduce it to a finemist of bitterly cold spray that flies in every possibledirection,stingingourfaceslikeathousandhotneedles.Soakedfromheadtofoot,andbecomingincreasinglydisenchantedwithbeing

drenched through so many times, I am overjoyed to notice that it is almost0400hrs.Iamthereforenearingtheendofthiswatchperiod.Afterconvincingmyself that Iwillnever feelwarmthagain, Idrinkmyhot

milkbeforetumblingwearilyintomybunk.Sleepisnotlongincomingbutinmyhastetoretiretothecomparativecomfortofmycabin,Ihaveforgottenthatbyapre-arrangedsignal,thealarmistobesoundedatdaybreak.Whathappensnextcanonlybedescribedasarudeawakening!Theurgentclangingof thebell joltsmeunceremoniouslybackto thereality

thatIhadjustleft.Stumblingoutofabedthathashardlyhadtimetowarmtomybody,andwithmyheadreelingfromthenoiseandthesuddenshockofitall,I hop about trying to locate my hastily-discarded clothes. In my stupefiedconditionIfindthatIhavetomakeagreateffortjusttostayonmyfeetasmycabin appears to have been transformed into some kind of roller coaster!FlingingmyselfintomychairtopullonmytrousersIcomeuncomfortablyclosetohavinganastyaccidentwithaflyingbottleofblue-blackink.Skatingatfullspeedoffthetopofmydeskitlandssquarelyintomybarelap.Thankgoodnessthelidwassecure!As I continue to tumbleand fall about, trying tocollectmy thoughts, I find

myselfhopingthatthisisindeedwhatitwasmeanttobe,onlyapracticerun.Onceoutonthedeck,Icanseenowwhythosebooksandpapersonmydesk

had suddenly decided to take up residence on the floor. The whole of thesurrounding sea is in turmoil being stirred to boiling point by the gale forcewind. It is almost impossible to breathe as the foaming water crashes down,engulfinguswitheverypitchandroll.Makingmywayaroundthegunpositions,

tocheckthatallthegunnerypersonnelarepresentandcorrect,Ihavehardlyhadthe time to thaw out and get dry, before being storm swept and thoroughlysoakedthrough,rightdowntotheveryskinoncemore.Theuncomfortableseaboots,sofullofsaltwaterthattheysquelchwithevery

steparesoonforgottenasmyprideswellsatthepromptactiontakenbymyguncrewswhoareallinposition–andinrecordtimetoo.SoitiswithsoddenduffelbutaneasiermindthatIreturntothedrierconfinesofthewheelhouse.WecannowthankGodthatitwasnomorethanthedummyrunthatwewereexpectingafterall.Thegunnerschattingamongthemselveswhiletheyenjoyyetanotherbrewup,

discussnewtacticsthattheyfeelwillhelpthemtoimprovetheiractionstationstimingevenfurther.Allinall,andconsideringthatitwasthefirsttimetheyhadeverdonetherun,ithasbeenaverygoodandsatisfyinglytimedturnout.Thisisthestagewhenwerealizethatthis,ourfirstpractice,istheforerunnerofmanymoreandweallknow thatduring the longvoyageahead,notallof themwillturnouttobejustpracticesor‘dummyruns’.Afteraquick,hotdrink,apatonthebackandanencouragingwordforeach

of the gunnery lads, is the order of the day beforemakingmyway up to thebridgeagain.AcodedRTmessage justcomingthroughtellsus that thewholeconvoyisnowtosetabouthoistingpennantnumbersafterwhichwearetotakeupournewstationsinaccordancewithournumbering.TheEmpireBaffinispennantnumbereleven,whichplacesherastheleading

shipofcolumnone.Afteragreateffortaswebattlewiththeelements,weareatlastsafelymovedintoourallottedspace.Aroundusactivityheightensastherestofourlittlefleetbegintentativelytodothesame.Asfaraswecanseemosthavenowsettledintotheirrespectivepositions,butwecanonlysurmisethatall theothers are following suit further on down the lines. Due to the extremeconditionsandtheverypoorvisibility,wecanonlymanagetoseeadistanceofsix ships ahead or astern of us at any one time. We plough onwards whileendless towering pillars of green, foaming water crash down onto our ladendecksfromeveryangle.More signals begin to pass from ship to ship. Shortly we receive the next

orders of the day that include our new course setting. Steering now to 310degreeswealsoareabletoincreaseourspeed.Thewholeoftheconvoyhasbeenre-formedandisnowlinedupintenequal

columns. Such a manoeuvre would have been a hard enough task in muchcalmerwaters,soI feel thatwecancongratulateourselvesbecause ithasbeenfullycompletedwithout incident.Wenowmustmakeeveryeffort tomaintainour convoy speed of six knots.With engines labouring as they push us along

through the heavily running sea, it becomes a struggle just to maintain ourpositionasweploughon.Looking back, the landfall that I recognize as the Outer Hebrides slowly

disappearsbelowourstern.Shroudedinfogandbatteredbyrelentlessrain,thelittleislandsvanishfromsightonebyone,swallowedupbythevastspreadoftheocean.ConvoystonorthRussiahaveasombrereputation,andwedonotknowhow

much of what we have been hearing is actual fact, although I have a strangefeelingthatthestoriesarenotasexaggeratedassomeofusmayhavebeenledtobelieve. If these tales run true to form this voyage could well be our own‘baptismoffire’.

Chapter5

LookingBack

The throb of the engines drums hard in our ears as it carries us ever closertowardsthewaiting,openjawsofthepredatorenemy,andallthewhilethesadfateofPQ17isneverfarfromourthoughts.Thedicehavebeenrolled,mappingthefutureoutforusandalreadyourfateissealed,butevensoIfeelcertainthatthe Baffin and her crew, God willing, will spare no effort to help defeat theintentionsoftheenemy,whenwefinallycrossswords.Inourprayerswemustallhopeagainsthopethatthisvoyagewilleventuallybebroughttoasuccessfulconclusion.Icelandisournextpointofrendezvous.Herewearetomeetupwiththemen

andshipsthathavealreadybravedthehazardouswatersoftheAtlanticOcean,astheyjourneyedfarfromtheirhomesinnorthAmerica.For many of us, time on board seems to have slowed down. Our watch-

keeping duties appear to drag along almost endlessly at a snail’s pace. Thestormscontinueraging,withhowlingwindsthatbecomemoreaggressiveasthedaywearson.Heavyseas,strongenoughtocrushaman,tosstonsofironandsteelaroundwithnoeffortatall.Pickingusupinitsmightyhandsitliftsushightowards the dark, threatening skies before turning to eventually fling us downagainintotheboiling,treacherouswaters.Astheshipsaroundusdisappearintothedarkgreyfoldsofheavingwater,theylookforaninstantasthoughtheyhavebeenswallowedupforever, leavinguscompletelyaloneandhemmedinonallsides by mountainous walls of turbulent ocean that seems hellbent on ourdestruction.Howlongcanbothshipsandmenenduretheaddedstrainofhavingtofighttheweatheraswellastheenemy?Overtired from having to keep extra bad-weather watches, and craving for

rest,itisonoccasionssuchasthesethatthetumultofthemindfindssolaceinreflection.Theblissoftotalsolitudecanbeverytherapeutic,allowingbodyandmindtopartcompanyforawhile,anddriftawayonacloudofthoughts.Sowithsome time to spare beforemy nextwatch, I find it easy to letmy ownmindwander,carryingmebacktothehalcyondaysofmyboyhood.My childhood was spent in Sunderland, a sea port on the north-east coast,

whereIwasbornin1911.I’msurethatthesaltmusthavebeeninmyveinsatbirth.Astheeldestsonofamarineengineer,fromaslongasIcanrememberIwasintriguedbyallthingstodowiththeseaandships.MyearliestrecollectionswereofthefascinationIfelteachtimeIwastakenacrosstheriverWearonthe

local ferry. As a very small child I remember gazing in wonder at the hugevesselsofeverysizeanddescriptionthatweretiedupintheWear.Sometimestwo and three abreast, they lay along the quays either loading or beingdischargedbythegiantcranesthatrattledandgroanedundertheweightoftheirburdenastheyswungtoandfrofromshiptoshore.Toachildofthreethiswashighadventureaswellasawonderlandallrolledintoone.My father haddied theyear before, andunfortunately as a childof two, he

remained inmymind as distant memory, a fleeting figure whom I could notbegintopictureclearly.Anaccidentatseahadclaimedhisyounglifewhenanengine room boiler burst, catching him in the ensuing blast. As a result mymotherhadfoundherselfawidowattheageoftwenty-fourandIwasfatherless.Motherwaspregnanttoo,withwhatturnedouttobemyyoungbrotherJames,who,althoughwehadnowayofknowingitatthetime,wasmuchlatertofindacareerinanotherbranchoftheservices,theRoyalAirForce.Afterafewyearsmymotherremarried,andJimmyandIgainedastepfather,

whowas also in themerchant service. So the stories about the sea that I hadmissed so much, once again brought back all the pleasures as they wererecounted to me throughout my early years. Each one fanned the flames ofexcitementwithinmeandasIgrewsodidmyonegreatyearning.Icouldhardlywaitfortheyearstorollon,andmanyatimeIwouldwishmy

lifeawayinthehopethatthedaywouldsooncomewhenIwouldbeoftheagetocarryonthefamilytradition,asmygrandfather,fatherandstepfatherbeforeme.Fromthehousewherewelived,theriverwasonlyastone’sthrowaway,and

from my window I could watch the busy, bustling daily activity of the port.OftenIwascontenttosit there,quietandalone,chincradledingrubbyhands,elbowswideapartandrestingonthewindowsill.Iwashappytogazeforhoursonend, justwatchinganddrinkinginthescenebeforeme.Daydreamingawaymy time became a respite frommy homework, and amuchmore pleasurablepastime toa ladof ten. Itwasaroundabout this time, if I remembercorrectly,thatmylovefortheseaandshipsgotmeintoquitealotoftroubleoneday.Jimmy and I were going to explore for treasure on the beach that warm

summerdaywhenithappened,butwehadplannedtogoandlookattheshipsinthedocksfirst.AttheverylastminuteourmotherhadmadeustakeMarguerite,ouryoungersister,whowasabouttwoatthetime,withus.Ayoungersisteristheverylastthingthattwoladsofeightandtenwanttohinderthemwhenonanexploration!Neitherofusdaredtoarguewithmymothersowehadnooptionbuttotakeheralong.Thericketyoldpushchair,thathadalsodoneyeomanserviceasaconveyance

forbothJimmyandIinthepast,rattledalongthebacklanes.Wealwaysstucktothebacklaneswhenwehadoursisterwithus.Ourfriendswouldgiveusbothsuch a ribbing if they saw us having to baby-sit, and therewas not the sameprestigeattachedtoapushchairastherewastoabikeorawoodenbogey.Usingitasamake-believechariotwithoneofusstandingsquarelyonthefootplatesothat itwould not tip up,while the other hung precariously from the handle tocounterbalance it, we raced down the banks towards the seafront and straightontothegoldensandsoftheRokerbeach.RemovinglittleRitafromthepushchairassoonaswegottheresoasnotto

wasteonepreciousminute,wedugalargeholeandpackedhertightlyintoit.Assmallasshewasandwith thesandpiledrightup toherarmpitsshecouldnotescape.Wegaveherafewcolouredstonesandapieceofsqueakyseaweedlyingnearby,andmadesurethatshewascontentedlyplayingbeforegoingofftotakeinallthewondersofthefishermenonthepierandtheshipsintheriver.Jimmywonthe‘sinkthefloatingbottlegame’byusingtheleastnumberofstonestodoitandoneofthefishermengaveuseachapastesandwich.Whatatimewehad!We arrived home for tea full of all the stories of our adventurous day, and

burstingtotellmotherallournews.Wejustcouldn’tunderstandwhyshedidn’tseemat all pleased to see thepair of us.Onewordbrought us back to realitywithabump.Rita,wherewasRita?Theawfultruthsuddenlydawnedonusbothatthesametime.WehadreturnedhomeandleftbabyRitaintheholeonRokerbeach!Luckily forus the tidewas juston the turnandstill faraway from the spot

wherewehadlefther.Shewasstillplayinghappilyenoughwiththestonesanda small brown andwhite dog that, seeing our hasty approach, ran around ourankles in circles yapping excitedly as we breathlessly scooped her up anddeposited her back into the pushchair that we were relieved to see was stillparked where we had left it to go on our mission. Looking back on it nowthrough the more responsible eyes of an adult I do not know how we hadexpectedtogoun-punishedbecauseshehadcometonoharm,butatthetimewedid!Needlesstosaywedidn’tescapepunishment!TherewereotherdayswhenIwouldwanderalongtheriverbanksandexplore

thequaysidesbymyself.Thepure enjoymentofdodgingmyway through thethicketsofpiled-upcargoesintheirvariouscratesandbaleswasindeedthekindof passionate pleasure that only a child could have. Running along themountainous tops of the piled up coal trucks with the dexterity of a younggazelle,wasanotherwaytospendalivelyhourorso.Jumpingfromonetotheothersothatthepiledupcoalslidawayundermyfeet,likeablackavalanche,wasas I remember,anotherdelightofmine,much to theagitationof thedock

workers.AcoupleofsharpwordsshoutedatmebythemwhenIwasdiscovered,soonputmetoflightandabruptlyendedmyadventuresasamountaineeruntilanotherday.ThenIwouldwanderoffagainmaybefurtherafieldtryingtofindnewandunexploredgroundtotread.Ihadnotebooksfulltothebrimwiththenamesofalltheshipsintheportat

anyonetime,andrecordedmeticulouslyincolumnsofmyneatesthandwritingwould be all the information ofwhere they came from and their approximatetonnage.LaterIwouldreadthemoverandovertomyself,whilemyyoungmindran riot and filledwith soul-stirring thoughts. That vivid imagination ofminewouldsweepmeup,andcarrymeofftosomeofthefarawayplacesthatthoseboats had come from, thus enablingme to live out somewild adventure in aforeignland.Sobeganmyloveaffairwiththeseaandshipsthatwouldlastfortherestofmylife.

Chapter6

FirstEncounter

In1927myambitionswereatlastrealizedwhenIbecameanofficercadetwiththeNautilusSteamshipCompanyofSunderland.HowproudIwasthedaythatIput onmy first full uniform,with brass buttons thatwere polished to such anenthusiastic shine that theyalmostoutdid that sunnyday in Juneby theirverybrightness.By1931,afterattendingmanylecturesattheSouthShieldsMarineTechnical

Collegeandburningvastquantitiesofmidnightoil Ihadat last emergedwithmy second officer’s ticket. This by law entitled me to serve in any Britishmerchantshipundertherankofthirdofficer.Totheuninitiatedthismaysoundsomewhatcontradictory,butinfactallMerchantNavyofficersareemployedinacapacityonegradebelowtheircertification.Therethencameaperiodin1935whenaseveredepression,whichhadbeen

buildingupforsometime,rampagedthroughoutthecountry.Itprovedtobeanextremelystressfultimewhenunemploymenteverywhereroserapidly,soIwasmore than pleased when after a depressing period on the dole, I managed toobtainanappointmentasajuniorofficeraboardtheSSPlumbranch.MuchlaterI was to join and enjoy a memorable time on her sister ship the SSCherrybranch.Fouryearsonand the late summerof1939saw theoutbreakof theSecond

WorldWar.By this time, having gone on to passmy examandgainmy firstmate’s ticket, I found myself off Ushant and bound for South Africa andAustralia.Evennow,Ifindremembrancesofthesetimesimprintedsovividlyonmymind that I can almost feel the tinglingwarmth as the blazing sun shonedownonusfromacloudlessbluesky.Itbathedourskininitswarmth,turningus all from pallid whiteskinned individuals into a tanned and healthy lookingbunch in no time at all. Cameraswere soon produced, andwe all obliged bystriking various poses for photographs to be sent back home showing us alldressed up in our spotlessly new ‘tropical whites’. Leaning against any freewindlass,binnacle,orlifeboat,sothatsnapshotscouldbetakenweappearedsocarefree that we could have been mistaken for tourists on a holiday cruise,especiallywiththesparklingoceanactingastheperfectbackdrop.Althoughtheweather was perfection and the sea, without a ripple, resembled clear mirrorglass,wedidnot flingcaution to thewindaltogether.Everyoneofus, thoughrelaxedbythejocularmood,stillrealizedthatwehadtobeonourguardatall

times.Theshiphadbeenwhatwasdescribedasdefensivelyarmedforourtripback

to home waters. On reflection I believe that I would now call that a definiteoverstatementifevertherewasone!Asgunneryofficer, Ihadbeengiven the responsibilityof takingcareof the

ship’svastarmament.Thislaughinglyconsistedofone4inLAgunandoneRossrifle with fifty rounds of .303 ammunition. So it was that, with no moreprotection than this, we continued to voyage for many months, alone andunescorted across the north Atlantic on the run from the UK over to northAmerica.WecarriedspecifiedwarmaterialsontheoutwardjourneyandloadedupwithexplosivesinHalifax,NovaScotiabeforemakingthehomewardreturntrip.ItwastheMaltaepisode,in1941,thatcausedustochangeourroutinefora

while,butitwasnottobeforlong,andverysoonwefoundourselvesbackyetagainonthenowfamiliarnorthAtlanticruns.DuringthistimeIstillmanagedtocontinuewithmystudies,gleaningfurther

informationandexperiencealongthewayfrommyfellowofficerswhoalreadyhad their ‘tickets’. As 1942 came in I was at last the proud possessor of mycovetedmaster’scertificate.Taken on by theMerchantNavy officers’ pool, and before I could be fully

fledged,Iwassentoff tojoinanewshipashersecondofficer.ThisiswhenIfirstmadetheacquaintanceoftheSSEmpireBaffin.Hercaptain, thechiefofficeraboard,and Iallbeingqualifiedmasters, truly

reflected thevast shippingandmanning losses thathadalreadybeensustainedevenatthisearlystageoftheconflict.IfeltabondwiththeshipfromthefirsttimethatIwalkedaboard.A loudnoisebreaking intomy thoughtsbringsmyreverie toanabruptend.

Immediately I am snapped back from the past, to the cold hard reality of thepresentasthecrackofanexplosionandthedullthumpofdepthchargesreplacemylanguiddaydreaming.Wrestlingmyselfintomyduffel,Isprintforthebridgeasawholecacophonyofnewsoundsfillstheairaroundme.OndeckIseethatthe escort ships are already combing theperimeters around thewhole convoy.Theymust have located a U-boat. Their decks are alive with activity as theyswing into action. Moving with stealth-like grace among the ships of eachcolumntheysearchmeticulously,weavinginandoutofeachlinelikeapackofhounds that have caught the scent of a fox. As the hunt goes onmore depthcharge canisters roll off thewarships’ sides, innocent lookinggreydrums, butthe deadly enemy of a skulking U-boat. Noise of the resultant explosionsresound aroundus, their impact sends geysers of frothingwater spoutinghigh

intotheairandtheBaffin’shullechoestothevibrationofmyriadshockwavesas the charges detonate. The effect of the sudden onslaught has provedunnervingenoughfor thoseofuswhohavebeenobservingfromthedeck,butmyrealsympathiesatthistimehavetobewiththeengineers,infacttheentirestokeholdcrew.Wecannotbegintoimaginewhatitislikeforthembeingrightdownintheverybowelsoftheshipwithanattackinprogress.Itmustsoundasif a pack of frenzied demons are attacking the hull with two-ton sledgehammers!Alreadywehavehadenquiries fromourWestAfrican firemenwhohave been ringing the bridge for reassurance. They take a devil of a lot ofconvincing of the fact thatwe have not taken a hit ourselves but after such athoroughbuffetingIcan’tblamethematallfortheirconcern.Dusk sees the sub that has tried every trick in the book to infiltrate our

defences retreatingback into the encroachinggloom.Nowanalteration toourcourse is made with the result that we commence a steaming pattern of fourpoints to port to bemade in two turns. The hope is that aided by the comingdarkness and by taking this avoiding action we will be able to confuse ourattackers.Peering through thesemi-darknessall isquiet,although theswishofwater as a great grey shape sweeps past close on our starboard side, beforedisappearingbackintotheduskshowsthattheescortsarestilloutthereonfullalert.ItisacomfortingthoughtbutforthemomentIwillnotbetakinganybetsthatthesubhasgone.Thoughoutofsight,itwillstillbelurkinginthevicinity,andIamalmostcertainitwillsoonbebacktotryitsluckatthefirstopportunity.After a relatively quiet night, apart from some sporadic depth charging just

beforedawn, today,6September, arrivescoldandcrisp.At last the stormhasabatedandtheseahasmoderated.Avastimprovementinthevisibilityisevidenttoo,whichwillhelptoeasetheeye-strainoftheever-vigilantlookouts.Alwayson the alert, they dare not let anything break their concentration as even amomentarylapsecouldmeanourlosingthefightforsurvival.Thereisnoplacefornegligenceinthiswar,especiallywhenourownlivesaswellasthelivesofourfellowmenareatstake.TwiceduringthemiddlewatchIhadnoticedthatthe‘darkenship’regulation

was broken by two of our neighbouring vessels. Just as I was searching tostarboard,andtryinghardtofocusthroughthewallofdarknessahead,Isawthefirst incidenthappen inmid-convoy.Suddenlya flareof lightpierced the inkyblackness.Flashingoutthroughthenightlikeabeacon,itwasquiteobviousthatsomewhereaboardtheshipconcerned,adoorhasbeenopened.Itwasshutagainmuchmorerapidly,butthenthedamagehadalreadybeendone.NowifIcouldnoticeit,whatwastostopanyprowlingsubfromnoticingittoo!Luckilyforusallhasremainedquietsinceandtheincidenthashadnofurtherrepercussions.

Thedoor lights,whichare supposed to switchoff automaticallyas thedooropens,areonalloftheouterdeckdoors.Thisoffendinglightmayhaveseizedup due to the bad conditions and not been noticed, but small things like thiscouldmean the difference between life and death for us all, and as such theybecomeimportantissuesthatarenottobeoverlooked.Ashortwhileafterwardsoneofthevesselsinourowncolumn,ship13,anAmericanfreighter,theUSSCharlesR.McCormick, becomes thenext culprit.A smallbright lightmovingalongherdecklookssuspicious.It isobviouslyanunthinkingcrewman,tryingtofindhiswaywiththeaidofalamp,butthelookoutandIinstantlynoticedit.Such small careless actions can so easily catch the trained eye of an enemylookoutjeopardizingthewholeconvoyandleadingtoafull-scaleenemyattack.Wesoonmustcometoappreciatethattimetakenforalittlethought,precedingasimpleactioncouldbealifesaver.Inthebleakandcoldgreydawnoftheseventh,weatlastgetourfirstglimpse

ofIceland.Lyinglowonthenortheasthorizonarethestarkandglisteningsnow-capped peaks of a desolate looking land. Our course is now held steady inreadinessforentranceintotheDenmarkStrait.It issomuchcoldernowthatitmakeseachintakeofbreathtingleinourlungs.Thereisnoneedtoconsultthethermometer to realize that the temperature is still falling, as even the tinydropletsofwaterfromourexhaledbreathstarttoclingimmediately,encrustingthe stubble on our chins with a million, small shining beads of ice. Shavingbeingalmostimpossible,weareallbeginningtolookverymuchthesame.Someofusmaynotcaremuchforournewbeardedimagebutatleastitgivesussomeprotectionfromthestingingcold.Thewholeconvoyisnowre-formedintotwogroups,movinginresponseto

the commodore’s signalwe form two long lines inorder tonegotiate thenextstepofourjourney,whichisourpassagethroughtheDenmarkStrait.Itisherein Iceland that we expect to join forces with another section of the convoy,beforeeventuallyundertakingthefinallonghaultoArchangel.Thisdaywearsslowlyonanditislateafternoonbeforetheassemblyofallthe

ships is at last completed and the commodore hoists pennants, bearing themessage,‘Anothercreditableperformancebyall.Thankyou.’Thistributehelpstogiveaboost toour flaggingspirits,alsohelping tobelaysomeof the risinganxieties thatmust have already started to invadeour thoughts.Several of themerchantmen which have been our companions since Loch Ewe, now detachfrom themainbodyof shipsand, togetherwithournavalescort, aregoingnofurtherthanthispoint.ReplacingthemistherestoftheAmericancontingentandanewfleetofnavalescortships,whoaretobeourguardiansthroughtoRussia.The escort that has accompaniedus this farwill nowwait to escort convoy

QP14 back to Loch Ewe. This is the convoy that is bringing home the bravesurvivorsfromPQ17.Our stay in Icelandwas a flying visit indeed and soonwe are on our way

again.Throughoutthedaystrongwesterlywindshaveharassedus,buffetingusfromside tosideas theygrow increasinglystronger.Angryseassend ice-coldspraybreakingaboardandwearethrownabout,yetagain,morelikeacorkthanaheavilyladenship.Theportsidelookoutsarehavingahardtimetryingtoseeclearly through the constant showersof freezing sea-water.Unfortunately theyreceiveaduckingwitheverypitchand roll,beingdousedmercilesslywith thestingingly-coldwater,andtheflyingspray.Howtheseyoungmen,somenotoutoftheirteens,enduresuchharshconditionsforafullwatchIdonotknow,buttheydoandahappierbunchofboysIcouldnotwishtomeet.Having had another day of absolutely freezing,windy and totallymiserable

conditions, we find ourselves nowwell clear of the Denmark Strait and on acourseof040degrees.Wedonotexpecttosteeranyfurthertotheeastnowuntilwegettothenorthoftheseventy-fifthparallel.Nowweareaccompaniedbyadepressingshroudofmist-fine rain,butundeterredby itall, theescortscanbeseen weaving in and out of the lines, their huge grey shapes forever on theprowl,endlesslysearchingforanysignthattheenemyisathand.Nowandthenanoccasional thumping soundof depth charges being releasedbreaks into thesilenceasasuspecttargettakestheirattention.Suddenly, themonotonous drone of an engine, coming fromhigh up in the

cloud-streakedsky, rumblescloseras the shoutgoesup fromanalert lookout,‘Enemyaircraftapproachingontheportside!’Atfirstwecanseenothing,butitisnotlongbeforewespotthedarkformofaplane,skimmingabovethestriatedcloud.Our luckhasheld so far,butnowa loneenemyreconnaissanceaircrafthas found us and is coming in for a closer look. As he comes lower, thedeafening boom boom of a naval gun rings out in retaliation, and with splitsecondresponsethesamemoveisechoeddownthelinesasoneaftertheotherthe escorts fire sending a barrage into the air in the direction of the intruder.Tongues of orange flame lick into the sky with pom-poms of black smokeburstingaroundtheplaneasallgunsfollowinghisflight,trainonhimandfireinunison.Thisheatedwelcomedoesnotdetertheaudacioussnooperas,insteadofturningtail,hecontinuestocircleevencloser,makinguseofthelowcloudbase,which hides him from full view at times. It is obvious by now that he isdeterminednot to leaveuntil hehas collected all the informationheneeds, sounperturbedbyourgunshecontinuestocircletheperimeter.The guns of the heavy cruisers still hammer away. Their barrels pointing

skywardspewforthfireandbelchoutwoollyplumesofsmokethatmixwiththe

monochromecloudsabove.Itisbecomingonlytooevidentthatthisbelligerentpilot has no intentions of flying into danger. Remaining out of range hecompletes a fewmorecircles, thenbanking steeply,he suddenlybreaks away.Takingfulladvantageofthecloudcoveronceagain,withenginesrevvinghardinhisurgencytoescape,heturnsbackinthedirectionthathecame.Theenginesoundssoondiminishtoaquietpurr,asdisappearingintothedistance,hetakeshis leave of us. Because of this episodewe can now be quite certain that thenumber of ships in the convoywill have been counted and together with ourcourseandspeedwillhavebeenplottedasareferenceforfutureinterceptions.Gundrillshavealreadybecomepartofourwayoflifeanddailyroutinethese

days.Afull-scaleairattackcanhappenjustassuddenlyasthislonerhadcomeacrossusoutoftheblue.Whatismoredisturbingisthathehadcreptuponuswithout priorwarning, but at least this incident has shown our gun crews thereasonwhytherecanneverbeanyrelaxationwherevigilanceisconcerned.Iamthereforepleasedtoseethattheoldenthusiasm,whichwasfastdrainingaway,appearstohavereturnedandhasnowbeenincreasedtenfold.Itis9Septemberandthenightwatchhasbeenhamperedthroughoutbyfog.

Thickandclingingandblankingourvision,it isevenmakingtheclosestshipsoneithersideofusinvisibleattimes.Reappearingforshortintervalstheylooklikehuge,ghostlywraiths, theirusualsharp linesnowblurredandsmudgedsotheydon’tevenappearsolid,as theycomeandgofromsightwith thecloyingmistswirlingaroundthem.Theswishofthewavesaswecutthroughthewateristheonlynoiseweareabletohearatclosequarters,whileeerily,somewhereoutthereinthedistantnight,thedeepthudsofdepthchargingstillringsthroughtheblanketingfog,astheescortscontinuetoprowl.Thesameconditionsprevailthroughoutthelongdrawnoutnight,andthefog

isstillwithusasthedawneventuallybreaks.Withtheleadenskylighteningintoday many of our fears are allayed for a while longer as the sight of thecontinuingfogandtheverylowcloudbaseregeneratesnewhopesinusall.Werealizethatintheseconditionstheenemyplaneswillhaveamuchharderjobtofindus,hiddenasweare fromsight.For the timebeing, at least, their spyingtacticswillhavebeenwellandtrulythwarted.Pacing thebridge, I find that thewatch isgoingveryslowly indeed. Isense

thatthemonotonyofthebleakgreydaysandnowtheendlessfogaddedtothecoldweather, isaltogethertoodepressingformanyof thecrew,althoughnoneofusarereadyfortheeventthatisabouttohappennext.Going about our various duties, I had just turnedmy attention to the chart,

when the bridge lookout shouted to attract my attention, ‘Hey, second mate,comeandlookatthis.’Runningoutinresponsetohiscall,myeyesfollowinthe

direction of his pointing finger, and what I seemakesme feel as if we havesuddenly been transported to a completely different world. Hardened seamenhave stoppedwhat theywere doing, and side-by-side on the deckwith youngmenontheirfirsttripawayfromhome,theyarestandingtransfixedandstaringin the same direction. Immediately before us in the dawn sky glows themostbeautifulphenomenonthatanyofushasseen–theAuroraBorealis,thenorthernlights!Onlyaglowwhenthewatchmanfirstcalledtome,theysoonexceedallbut

themostvividof imaginations.Brightorangestrandsof lightfloat inribbonedswirls across the wide canvas of the steel grey sky. Widening into broadincandescentfingersofrosy,shimmeringlighttheystretchtremulouslyupwardsto theheavensabove.Howbeautifulnaturecanbe,evenhere in themiddleofsuch a cold bleak place, our guiding light, we hope, as we plunge onwardsthroughseasnowdaubedwithcolour.Thesheerbeautyactsasatoniconusall.Astheshimmeringdisplayfades leavingbehindthe last fewstreamersof lightstilldancingonthesea,weslowlygobacktoourwork.Aftersuchaspectacularbirthhowcantodayturnouttobeanythingelsebutgood?

Chapter7

TemperaturesPlummet

Theafternoonof9Septemberseesourflaggingspiritsgivenanotherboostwiththe timely arrival ofHMSScylla, a largeA/A cruiser, under the command ofCaptainMcIntyre. She is the flagship ofRearAdmiralR.Burnett. I chart ourposition as 69deg 21′N, 16deg 10′W at time of first sighting her steamingtowards us through themurky gloom.What a stirring sight she is, ploughingthrough the waves with apparent ease, her tapered bow slicing effortlesslythrough the water she bears down upon us accompanied by eight big fleetdestroyers. After steaming through the ranks, showing the flag she takes upstation ahead of the commodore’s ship, SSTempleArch,while the destroyersdispersetotheirallottedpositionsamongtheshipsoftheouterscreen.Loudcheersandwhistleswithheadsbaredtotheelementsaswoollenhatsare

draggedoffandflungenthusiasticallyintotheair,heraldsthesafearrivalinourmidstofthenextships.AircraftcarrierHMSAvengerarrivesnextandwithherare her two destroyer escorts HMSWheatland and HMSWilton. They placethemselvesrightattherearoftheconvoybetweencolumnsoneandtwo.Withourspiritsraisedtoanewhighwesetaboutourworkwithfreshdeterminationaswe battle on through the low visibility and heavy seas towards the enemy,lyingaheadofus,justwaitingforthebesttimetostrike.Early on 10 September with the weather showing no improvement, and

closing in fast, heavy snow squalls have begun to develop. Coming as anunwelcome addition to our total discomfort, it at once sets my mind towonderingwhatthelatesummerislikeathome.TheonethingIamsureofisthat it will definitely not be snowing there yet. September at home can be awarmandmellowmonth,withthebrightgreeneryofsummerslowlyhazingintothe rich reds andgoldsof the approaching autumn.Here, beforemyeyes, ourdecksandtheircargoarerapidlydisappearingunderathickwhiteblanket.Thewhirlingflakesofsnowcluster togetheras theysettle, transformingeverythinginto unrecognizable mounds and shapes. Large flakes of wet snow, freezingtogetherassoonastheylandbecauseoftheintensityofthecold,nowmakethesteel decking treacherous. Thewater being shipped on board is solidifying oncontact,turningourdecksintoanicyskatingrink.Onlyonethingcanbesaidinfavour of such conditions as these. They form a good shield for us. I cannotimaginethattheenemyforceswillbequiteasdiligentintryingtoestablishourpositionduringtheseheavysnowflurries,whicharemakingvisibilitysopooras

tobealmostzero.Evenso,wemustneverunderanyconditions, fallheadlongintothetrapofunderestimatingtheirabilitiestofindus.Alreadytheywillhaveaprettygoodideaofjustwhereweshouldbe;andifnot,theiraircraft,workinginclose conjunction with any patrolling U-boats, will eventually and inevitably,comeupwiththeanswertheyareseeking.Inthemeantimeweallhaveourworkcutoutforus.Crewstoilincessantlytomakesurethatourship’sarmamentsarekeptfreefromtheever-thickeningicethatthreatenstoimmobilizeouronlyformofdefence.Around midday, HMS Avenger was seen to have launched one of her

Swordfish,butafteraboutanhourintheairtheaircraftreturned.Obviouslythepilothadreturnedunabletoseemuchatallas thesnowisstill fallingheavily.ViewingtheeventfromthewingoftheBaffin’sbridge,myrespectgoesouttoour Royal Navy pilots for their tenacity and endurance when I was able toobserve how that plane was so expertly handled. Even in such abominableconditions, theaircraftwasguidedsafelybackonto thecarrier,andneither theblinding snowstormnor the crazily heaving deckswere able to detract from aperfectlanding.No change for us at all today, 10 September, as the biting cold still cuts

through us like a knife, in spite of our being muffled up almost beyondrecognitionpoint, in our arctic duffelswhichhide the fact thatmost of us arenowwearing twoof everything.Even sowecan still feel thepenetratingcoldthat cuts through the many layers and manages to invade our very bones. Inaddition towhat Ihadbegun tobelievewasourutterand totaldiscomfort,wenownotonlygetwetthrough,butalsoiceuptoo!Itissointenselycoldthatourport and starboard lookouts both had to batter some pliability back into theiroilskinswithabroomattheendoftheirlastwatch!Asacountermeasure,atalltimesofdayornight,hotmugsofteaarealwaysavailableinthegalley,courtesyofourstewards,whoaretheprovidersofthebestsurvivalkitintheworld.Ploughingon,at timesweareunawareof thefact thatwearealreadybeing

stalked by theU-boats, intent on trying to break through into the heart of theconvoy.Ourreminderthattheyareindeedoutthere,comesassoonaswehearthe spasmodic depth charging of the pursuing escorts, as they put up a screenaroundtheperimeter.Boomingoutatintervals,assoonastheirAsdicuncoverssomesubmergedhostileforce,theyremainvigilantdayandnightdrivinghardatany infiltrator who tries to play hide and seek with us. At the moment, justnippingatourheels,theyarelikeapackofhungrywolvesbutverysoonalloftheirgameswillbeoverandtheywillbereadytocloseinforthekill.The fresheningnorth-westerlywindhas at lastput anend to the fog,which

has lessened the strain on our tired eyes, but the bitter weather has now

introduced an added hazard. An outbreak of skin burns has meant that thesteward has been kept extra busy treating the crew, as well as feeding them.Those that had thoughtlesslydiscarded their gloveswhileworkingupondeckare now counting the cost. Their uncovered skin, coming in contact with thefreezingmetalhandrails,hasinstantlyadheredtothemasifgluedthere,andtheconsequenceshaveresultedinmanyredrawandskinnedhands.Nowwecanallsee the reason for the issue of those unfashionablemittens.Cumbersome theymaybe,butprovetobeessentialintheseextremeconditions.As the air temperature has plummeted to fifteen degrees below zero and is

already threatening to fall even lower, large expanses of pancake ice haveformedon the surfaceof the sea.TheBaffin,undaunted, forgesahead throughthewhite,floatingmasses,herbowscuttingapassagethroughitwithapeculiar‘swishing’soundasshedefiantlypushesgreatplaquesofitbackoutofherway.Itnowbecomesimperativethatallofourgunsarecheckedregularlyandarmedin readiness for any attacks. A full stand-by crew is also posted at eachemplacement.Aswellas thearmaments,otheressentialssuchasour lifeboats,havetobecontinuallyde-icedtokeepthemfreeintheirdavits.Shoulddisasterforceusintoanabandonshipsituation,wewillbegladthatweweresoattentiveas our only hope will depend on them. Life expectancy would be reduced toalmostnilifeverwefoundourselveshavingtojumpintotheice-coldwater.Lunchtime comes as an extremely welcome break. Around 1230hrs, and

havingjusthandedoverthebridgetothethirdofficer,Imakemywaystraighttothesaloonwithmyappetitehonedtoanewsharpnessbythetemptingsmellsofcookingthathavepervadedthebridgeforthelasthourortwo.Mymealhasjustbeen placed, temptingly on the table in front of me and, with knife and forkpoised,Iamabouttostartonit,whenthepeaceisshatteredbytheclamourofthealarm.Itsurgentmessageechoesthroughthelengthandbreadthoftheship,calling us to immediate ‘action stations’. We have to leave our meals andabandon the comfort of the saloon to take up our positions. The scramble toreplaceourtopsidegearanddonourtinhatsbecomesaraceagainsttime.Thecauseof thealarm turnsout tobeourold friend the snoopingHeinkel.

Busilyengagedinmakingsweepingcircuitsofthewholeconvoy,andprobablyreportinghis observations back to base, he banks and turns aboveus, keepingskilfullyjustoutofrange.Eyesturninginthedirectionofthecommodore’sship,HMSTempleArch,aresurprisedthatthe‘actionimminent’,flagthatweareallexpecting to see, isnotyet flying from themasthead.Ourowngunnerycrewsare all in place, awaiting their orders to commence firing when the escortingwarships begin firing rounds of ‘scare’ bursts, and blackpuffs of smoke fromtheir following guns pepper the sky. Four Sea Hurricanes that have been

launched by the Avenger, as interceptors, quickly latch themselves on to theinterloper.Soonrealizingthatheisbeingtailedthepilotmakesasuddensharpturn and flies off banking steeply, to the south, with four Hurricanes in hotpursuit.Watchingastheyalldisappearintothedistance,itisobvioustoseebynow that this intruder was indeed a loner. As no further action is needed thecaptainthenordersa‘standdown’.The wheelhouse RT continues for some time after the planes have

disappeared, to rattleout itscodedmessagesas theescorts still chaton tooneanother.Leavingourstationswiththeadrenalinestillcoursingthroughourveinsmakesitharderforustore-kindletherelaxedmoodofourmealaswereturntothesaloon.Ourveryfirstcalltoactionhadturnedouttobeacompletenonstarter,butas

a result,we have now been able to prove to ourselves, beyond doubt, that bystaying‘onourtoes’wewillbereadyforanyforthcomingevent.The rest of the following day has trailed along rather uneventfully. By the

arrivalof the seconddogwatch,HMSAvenger, for some reason,had launchedanotherofherplanes.Afteraboutoffeverishactivityaboardthecarrier,asingleSwordfish lifted into the sky and flew off on a north-easterly course. Wewatched him take off and, flying into the distance, he could be seen circlingaround some target that unfortunatelywas out of our viewbelow the horizon.Afterashorttimeoneofthefrontrowdestroyersbreaksrankandturnstoportheading in the same direction as the circling Hurricane. The water is thrownbackinwaveafterwaveoffrothyglisteningcascades,asshemovesthroughthesea at full speed. She has disappeared from view long before she reaches thepositionmarkedbythecirclingaircraft,butthedistantdeepgrowlingechoesofherdepthchargingdoesnotgoun-noticedasthesoundsarecarriedbacktousonthewind.Eveningbeginstodeepenthesky.Wehavenotseeneitherofthemreturnbut

asthelongdaygiveswaytothedarkeningshroudofdusk,wecanstillheartheexplosionsofthecontinuingchargesoftheescortsastheyscourtheimmediatelysurroundingareastoportandstarboard.Thisisaclearindicationthattheenemysubmarinesarenowinverycloseproximitytous,andobviouslydeterminedtogeta‘kill’.

Chapter8

Sunday,13September1942TheLuftwaffeLaunchesDieGoldeneZange(GoldenComb)

The bright, crispness of the morning is fraught with activity. Thunderingexplosions, as escorts steam close dropping patterns of depth charges in theirwake to keep away the patrolling U-boats, send a constant barrage of shockwavestearingthroughthefulllengthoftheship,sendingusheavingfromsidetoside. Undeterred by it all, the Baffin ploughs onwards, with her enginespoundingandherpistonssoundingouttheirrhythmicbeat,likethethumpingofagiganticheart.Althoughtheengine-roomcrewhavebeenalmostconstantlyonthetelephonetothebridge,andwehaveluckilybeenabletoassurethemeachtimethatwehavenotbeenhit,theyarestilltakingalotofconvincingthatthisistrue.What a strain itmust be towork ‘blind’ down there in thedepthsof theship.Theyareonlyable toenvisagewhat ishappening, andasworriedmindstend to run a riotous course when they join with vivid imaginings and wildapprehension,Icanfullyappreciatetheirmisgivings.In sharp contrast to the escorts, our ship is a slow and ponderous

merchantman, with neither the turn of speed nor the nimble agility tooutmanoeuvrearunningtorpedo,especiallyonethatisalreadysetoncourseforus and is hell-bent onmaking a gaping hole in our broadside! If the point ofimpact happens to be in the vicinity of the engine or the boiler-room ourengineersknowthatitwouldprovefataltoanyonewhowasworkingthereatthetime.Thebest reassurances in theworldaredoingvery littleat themoment toallaytheirtrepidation.Some of ourWest African stokehold crew from Freetown speak very little

English.Itisthereforemuchharderforustotryandboosttheirconfidenceandto relieve their anxietieswith only the fewwisely chosenwords that they areabletofullyunderstand.AftertwoorthreeunsuccessfulattemptsoverthebridgetelephoneIfeelthatitwillprovemoreworthwhiletopayavisittotheengine-

roominordertoexplainthesituationalittlemorefully.AsIgetbelowitisonlynow that I can begin to really appreciate why they are so confused andfrightened.Abovedeck,theexplosionsareloudandpetrifyingenough,butdownherebelowthewaterlinetheyhavebecomethunderouslymagnified.Ferociouslyloudenoughtoobliteratethenoiseoftheengineseachexplosionsoundsasiftheveryshipisbeingtornapartattheseams.Afterafewmoreabortiveattemptsatexplaining to them, and just as I am about to give up I am pleased to see aglimmerofunderstandingfromoneofthestokers.Tomyreliefhebeginstoactas translatorandat last I find thatmywordsarebringingenlightenment to therestofthem.

Theopeningphaseof‘GoldenComb’,by44HE111torpedoaircraft.

Hugewhite-toothedgrinsbegintospread,likeanepidemic,fromfacetofaceanddarkcurlyheadssoonnodinunison,asunderstandingeventuallydawns.My excursion to the enclave of the engineers has proved very useful and

informative.Ithashelpedmetorealizeandappreciatejustwhattheyreallyhavetoendurewhenweareunderattack.Icannowfeelmorereassuredmyselfandpleasedthattheyare,fornowatleast,inahappierframeofmind.Asformyself,IamsoverygladthatIamabletoremain‘uptop’onsuchoccasions.Itis0800hrs,breakfasttime,andhotteawithwedgesoftoastspreadthickly

withorangemarmalade,arebeingserved.Themarmaladeisanunexpectedtreatthat thestewardhasfound lurkingsomewhere in thedepthsofhispantry. It isbeing greatly appreciated when suddenly the most sickening explosion, withsuchmagnitudeandintensitythatitalmostwrenchesusoutofourseats,sendsusall flying into immediate action.PullingonmyoutergearwithmuchmoreurgencythanafewminutesagowhenIhadonlyjustvacatedit,Ihotfootitbacktomystationonthebridgewhilethealarmpoundsinmyears.Rushingoutstill

onlyhalfdressed, I climbstraightup to themonkey island, situatedabove thenavigating bridge. From here I can get a better view across the convoy. MybinocularsremainslungaroundmyneckasIcannotmissthehugepallofdenseblack smoke that is scrolling into the sky somewhere over on our port side.Mushroomingoutwardsasithitsthecloudbase,thesmelloftheexplosionfillstheair.Myeyes,drawn to theareawhere the risingsmokecurls thicklyaloft,takeinasightofcompletedevastation.ARussianshipintheportoutercolumnhashauledoutoflineandisslewing

tostarboard.Obviouslysheisverybadlydamagedassheisblowingdownherboilers. An ever-widening slick of burning black oil surrounds her.With mybinocularsnowfixedonthescene,thecurlingsmokeatfirstobliterateshernameasitblows,menacinglyacrossherbows,andthenasthewindbeginstoblowitclearthereisaninstantwhenIcanjustmakeoutthelettersofhername.ItistheStalingradwhichhasbeenunlucky.ASovietfreighterofabout3,500tons,andnumber103intheconvoy,shewasthelastshipincolumnthree.Flames flicker through the smoke and a series of smaller explosions aboard

sendpiecesofhersuperstructureflyingintotheairamongashowerofwhite-hotsparks.Moredebrisandpatchesofoilfloatawayfromhersideasshebeginstolistbadly toport.HastilyIscan throughthe linesofships,and immediately tomydismaydetect a secondcasualty.Yet anothervesselhasbeenhit and is inobvious trouble. Large yellow flames shoot out from somewhere by her sternand the crackling of burning timbers can be heard clearly over the stretch ofwaterbetweenus,thatisnowlitteredwithburningdebris.MuchlargerthantheRussianvessel,sheisoneoftheAmericanLibertyships.

TheOliverEllsworth,number105,isashipofapproximately7,200tons.Outofcontrolnow,sheisswingingerraticallytoportand,movingdangerouslyneartosomeoftheotherships,sheclosesintowardsthemainbodyoftheconvoy.Herlifeboats are already being manned, and one, splintered and useless, danglesfromitsdavitsforlornlyasitswingshalfwaydownherside.Another,whichatfirst sight appears to be usable, rocks to and fro on the supporting hawsers.Unabletoloweritasitsmechanismhasjammed,thecrewcanbeseenscurryingandslidingaboutonthetiltingdecksinalastdesperateattempttofreeit.Focusing on her aft quarter I can see that she is badly down by the stern.

Every one of her aft derricks, or the little that remains of them, are just anunrecognizable,tangledmassofsteel.Itnowappearsthatshemusthavetakenahitsomewhereintheareaofhermainmastoveronthestarboardside.With her once mighty engines now stopped, battered and broken she lies

asternofus.Herbadlymangledsternrailisalmostonalevelwiththesurfaceoftheseaandconsequentlysheisnowtakingontonsofwaterthatwashesoverher

witheveryrollofherwrithinghull.AsIlookawaytocheckonthestateoftheotherships,Inoticethatheraftdeckistotallysubmergedunderthegreywater.We must continue on our way and are not allowed to stop under any

circumstances,eventogiveassistance,but thenavalescortsarealreadyonthescene and are trying their best to help.Moving around the stricken ships theyremainincloseattendance,eventhoughbothshipsaresinkingfast.Injuredmen,someblack and thickly covered inglutinousoil, jump into the freezingwater.Shouting andwaving they try to avoid the blazing patches on the sea as theyscrambletowardstheoneandonlylifeboatstillafloat.Theill-fatedOliverEllsworthisfightingherlastbattletostayafloat,butitis

becomingincreasinglyobviousthattheseawilleventuallyclaimher.Therescueships,comingincloser,arebeginningtogatherupbothcrewsfromamongsttheremainsof themanydriftinglifeboatsandbobbingrafts thatarefloatingaboutaimlessly in the freezingwater. Looking very sad and pitiful, both theOliverEllsworthandtheStalingrad,totallyabandonednow,aretobelefttothemercyofArcticandlefttodiealone.Thetwostrickenships,totallyoutofcontrolintheirdeaththroes,havecaused

someconfusionintheranks,andasaresultsomeofthefollowingvesselshavehadtoaltercoursetoavoidacollision.Aseachofthempassesbyluckilytheyare able to clear the two floating hulkswithout incident, and are soon able toreturntotheiroriginalpositions.Smallarmsfireisstillcracklingaroundusandwe have now been given the order to open out to four cables distant. As wecomplyamessagecomingovertheRTconfirmsoursuspicionsthatU-boatsintheclosevicinityhavebeentheexecutionersofthetwoill-fatedships.Theymayhave retreated for the moment but no doubt they are just awaiting furtheropportunitiestowreakfurtherhavoconus,althoughfornowtheyarecontenttohidesomewherewithinthescreenuntilthefurorehasdieddownbeforestrikingagain.Wearewarnedtomaintainastringent lookout,while theescortsgo‘allout’,andworkinginpairstheybegintosearchmeticulously,combingbetweeneachofthecolumns,inthehopethattheywillflushouttheperpetratorsofthisfouldeed.Activityintheimmediateareaoftheconvoy,aswellasfurtherawayonthe

perimetersnowintensifies.Lookoutsscanthewaterforthetelltalefrothingwakeoftorpedoesonacollisioncourse,oraperiscopethatmightbreaksurfaceastheenemy,spurredonbythetasteof‘firstblood’,looksforhisnextvictim.Aloud,echoingburstofgunfiredrawsourattentiontothesternagain,andwe

are just in time tosee theOliverEllsworth takeher finalbowasshe ishelpeddown to her watery resting place by a barrage of naval fire. To salvage herwould have been an impossible task, and I suppose, not a viable proposition

whenyouconsiderhowfarwestillhavetogobeforereachingourdestination.Therestoftheconvoycouldnotbeputatriskbybeingsloweddownbythesecrippledships,soitiswithgreatsadnessthatwehadtoleavethembothbehind.Once a proud ship, theOliver Ellsworth is now reduced to a blackened andpitiful burning hulk that is slipping quickly out of sight. Her bow now stickssharply out of the water and, pointing skywards, rears upwards in one lastdefiantgesture.Likeanangrystalliononitshindlegsitstandsproudforthelastfewsecondsbeforefinallybeingengulfedbyatorrentoffrothingwater.Bubblesboiloverher as shedisappears, slidingoutof sight foreverbeneath thewavesand leavingbehindawhirlpoolofswirlingwateras theonlyevidence thatshehadeverexisted.The Stalingrad too is in all too similar a situation and having now turned

completelyoveronhersidewillnotbeafloatmuchlongerbeforeshetooslipsawayintothedepths.Duringallthisactivitytherehasbeenaverymarkedincreaseinthenumberof

‘snoopers’circlingaboveus,buteventhoughourattentionshavebeentakenbytheplightofthestrickenships,wearestillfullyawareoftheirpresence.Astheyareanaid to the ‘homing in’ofenemyunits,HMSAvenger soonhassomeofherfightersquadronupintheairtojoininthepartyanditisnotlongbeforethesky isclearedof thoseannoyingsightseers.Werealize that this respite isonlyfor themoment,but itgivesus timetocollectour thoughtsaswithoutadoubtthattheywillbeback!Thestewardappearedatthecrucialmomentyetagainwithhistrayofjangling

mugsanditishotteaallround.Werelishitssweet,warmingcomfortastheheatseeps deep into our freezing bodies.We use the steamingmugs asmakeshifthandwarmers,while talk turns back to the events of this fatefulmorning andthose poor souls less fortunate than ourselves who have had to endure thehorrorsofthisblackSunday.Theirships,havingbeenattackedandsunk,havehadtobeleftbehind.Sadly

toosomeof their friendsandcomradeshave todaygivenup their livesso thatothersamongusmaysurvive.Indoingso,theyhavebecomethefirstcasualtiesofPQ18tolosetheirlivesinthisArctickillingpool.With the time now just on 1100hrs the persistent bursts of depth-charging

continueasevidencetothefactthattheenemyU-boats,althoughtheydidbeataninitialretreat,havenotgoneveryfar.Thewarmthfromourteahasnotlastedlong and is soon replaced by the sharp bitterness of the cold morning again.Eventhoughthedayremainsverycoldatleastthelowcloudisbeginningtoliftandthevisibilityisrapidlybecomingmuchclearer.Ourrejoicingatthischangefor thebetter isshort livedaswerealize that ifconditionsarebecomingbetter

forus,theyarealsoimprovingfortheenemytoo!TheseareidealconditionsfortheGermanLuftwaffe.Nowtheycanbegintotakeamuchmoreseriouspartintheproceedings.LeavingthebridgeIdoaquickcircuitofourgunpositions,moreforthesake

ofreassurancethanforanythingelse.Everygunhastobemannedcontinuouslynow and so during my tour I am heartened to see that morale is fairly highamongthecrews,eventhoughtheydarenotrelax theirvigilanceforasecond.Weallknowthat itwillbefromtheairborneattacks thatwewillhave to takeourworstpunishment.Whatwehavealreadyexperiencedfromthisrecentsubmarineencounterwill

be considered mild in comparison to the destruction that can follow a moreconcentrated barrage by both sea and air together. For themoment though, astheir spirits are most definitely high, I find a new source of hope stirring inmyself.MyownmoralehashadaboostforthebettersoIleavethebridgeinahappier frameofmind as I am relievedof thewatch andgobelow to try andgrabsomerest.Iamwaylaidonthewaytomyquartersbythechiefengineerandfindmyself

having tomake a sharpU-turn. The alarm sendsme rushing back towhere Ihave just come from.Ringingout, its shrillurgencymakesmequickly retracemystepsstraightbacktothebridge.InthewheelhouseIcanheartheRTbusilyshouting out messages of air attacks being imminent, while high up on themastheadour‘airattack’warningflagisalreadyflappinghardinthewind.Several of the destroyers headed by HMS Scylla are just returning to their

stationsintheconvoyaftercompletingafullsweepofthenearvicinity.AlargeredbattleflagisbeinghoistedintopositiononScylla’syardarm.Theactivityonherdecksheightensashercrewmakeready.Twobrightnewwhiteensignsarebrokenoutsimultaneouslyatherforeandmainmast,anindicationthatthebattlestationspreparationsforseriousactionhavebegun.Withgrowingtrepidation,Iscanthecloudsabove.Nosignsofenemyaircraft.

Continuing my search aloft as my eyes sweep through the sky above ourmastheadtheyaremomentarilydrawnbacktoourmaingaff.Insharpcontrasttothebright,newensignflyingproudlyonHMSScylla’smast,ourpitifullyfrayedandsmoke-discolouredredensignflapsoverhead.Temptedintolifebythestiffbreezethathasuncurleditfromaroundthemast,itripplesandflapshighabovejustasproudlyasanyfreshcleanone.Theincreasingwindstrengthstretchesitto the limit, almost to thepointofpulling it from its restrictinghalyardas theelementsinflictaddeddamagetoitswell-wornsurface.Reportsarenowcominginofalargeforceofenemyaircraft,headingtowards

usfromapproximatelysixtymilesaway.Thetimeisalmost1433hrs.Hurricane

fighters are being hastily dispatched from HMS Avenger, taking off withurgency, one after another from her heaving flight deck and heading straighttowards thepointofsighting.GettingconstantlyupdatedRTreportsof fiveorsixlargegroupscomingcloseronastarboardbearing,alsoheatsuptheactivityonourownship,aspreparedforaction,wewaitandwatchtheskies.Whilethehandsontheclockclimbslowlyupwards,wefindthewaitingatourstationsfulloftension.Quietandeverwatchful for theappearanceof the firstwave,gunsandeyes

are all trained in the same direction when a noise alerts us to their distantpresence. It is hardly audible at first, far off andvery faint, but definitely stillrecognizableasthedroneofanengine!Astheymovecloserthepointersoftheclockarejustmergingononeanother.

It is1500hrsand,moreclearlynoweventhoughstilldistant, the lowgrowlofenginescomingfromhighabovethecloudcover,alertsustothefactthattherearemanymore aircraft descendingonus thanhaddoneduringpreviousvisitsfromthesnoopersintheirusualonesandtwos.The sound becomes louder by the second, until the initial quiet purring

changes to an ominous deep rumbling and the noise of their approach carvesdeepweltsofforebodingintoourhearts.Withthecloudcoverstillresponsibleforpreservingtheiranonymity,wehavetojudgehowmanyareuptherebywhatwecanhear.Judgingbythesoundalone,itseemstousasthoughtheskyaboveusischockfullofenemymarauders.A sudden break in the cloud as they range overhead gives us our first real

sighting, and for the very first timewe are able to see them as they suddenlycomeintofullview.Alonglineofdarkandmenacingshapes,lookinglikelargebirdsofprey,are

instantlyrecognizableasbeingagroupofJu88s.Becomingvisiblethroughthecloud theybegina seriesof sporadic attacksonus,descending together like apack of wolves. Whining overhead and skimming past at mast height theirwhistling bombs drop randomly around us. They fly intermittently to and frodivinginandoutofthecoverthatthelowcloudbasehasprovidedforthem.We soon come to realize that, luckily, these initial attacking tactics are

provingratherunsuccessful,as theiraim,beingmainlywildandveryerratic isasaresult,provingtotallyinaccurate,withtheirbombsrainingdownontheseainthehopethatmaybeoneortwowillfindtheirtargetbyluckalone.Someoftheconvoyshipsarebadlyshakenwiththeshockwavesfromtheir

many near misses. As the bombs hit the water around them and explode onimpact,mushroomsofwater leap into theaircovering themwith flyingspray.Luckilyfortuneremainswithusandstillnoneofourshipsarehit.Afeweven

letlooseoneortworoundsfromtheirowngunsinretaliatoryanger.Thisisnomorethanagestureofdefiance.Evensotheirgunskeeponpumpingroundafterround towards the enemy planes, but as they are firing at nothing more thanvagueshadowsthathaveneverstayedinviewlongenoughtobecomeadistincttarget,theireffortsforthemomentarefutile.Initiallythefirstattacklastsforalmosttwenty-fiveminutes,afterwhichmost

oftheJunkersbreakcontact.Flyingoffintothedistance,theyleaveusandIamleftwiththehopethatmyguncrewshavenotbeenmisledintobelievingthatallfutureassaultswillbeasmildnaturedasthisonehaseventuallyproventobe.This thought has hardly had the time to settle in my head when, with

binocularstrainedonthedistantlydepartingenemyplanes,IcanhardlybelievewhatIamseeing.Risingupabovethehorizonaremyriadminuteblackspecks.They appear to be coming straight for the convoy and bearing down on us atquitesomespeedtoo,andnowtheyarerecognizableasanewwaveofenemyplanes,approachingfast!Stretched out into one elongated, low line and flying almost wingtip to

wingtip, the approach of these low flying aircraft is accompanied by a deep,monotonous humming sound. Sounding like a frenzied plague of buzzinglocusts,theygrowlargerinsizebythesecond.Lineafterlineofominousblackshapes bear down on us out of a grey leaden sky coming towards us in anendlesslysteadystreamatanaltitudeofaboutonehundredfeet.Theairaroundus now reverberates with the noise of their engines, as with fury these warmachinesapproachtheconvoy,hell-bentonourdestruction.Astheycloseinonus, Imanage tocountat least forty-two torpedo-ladenbombers,attackingonalineapproximatelyfourpointsbeforethebeamtofourpointsabaft.HMSScyllaimmediatelyswingstowardstheoncomingaircraft,astheydrone

ontheirrelentlesscourseofimpendingevil.Openingfireonthem,asshecrossesahead of the convoy she increases her speed, a white tidal wave of angryfrothingwater churning from her stern as she commences firing and,with allgunsablaze,shewelcomestheintruderswithahailofsteelthatreddensthedullskyabove.Heinkel111sandJu88snowfilltheairspaceabovetheconvoy,stillingroups

ofthreeandfourtheybeginbreakingranksanddivelowovertheirtargets.Theescorts,withtheirfullarmamentscomingtobear,alsoshownomercy,astheyallcommencefiringtheirgunsatwill.Blackpom-pomsofsmokecombinewithorangeandyellowflamesoffirebeingspewedoutofthemouthsoftheirheavygunsastheyroarintoaction.The combined noise, sounding like no other I have ever heard, is

unimaginably terrific. Pounding hard at our eardrums deafening and piercing

through our minds, it is almost unbearable with each shell burst resonatingthroughtheairmuchstrongerthantheloudestthunder,aseachship’sgungivestongue.Undeterred,theaircraftcontinuetorollanddiveoutoftheskytowardsus, swooping down to drop their deadly cargoes before turning tail to climbsteeplyawaytothesafetyofthecoveringclouds.Merchantmenandescortsnowcombine their firepower and each ship’s gun is soon breathing out tongues offlame and bright flashes of fire which are discharged upwards towards theenemyJunkers,letlooseontheminavengefulstormofanger.Some of HMS Avenger’s Hurricane fighters, seemingly undeterred by the

non-stop barrage of fire being put up by the retaliating ships, now launchthemselves into theaction.Makingstrafingpassesat theenemyplanes,whoseinitial tight formation has now taken on a decidedlymore ragged appearance,they swoopdownon them likevultures causingmanyof them tobreakoff inmid-attack and flyout towards theperimeter.Onceover theouter screen theymanagetoregroup,thencomingbackatusandswiftlyclosinginonthewholeconvoyoncemore,theyre-commencetheirattackinthreedistinctgroups.Thistimetheyflyinatussolowthattheyareatbridgeheightandweareable

to see their insignia quite clearly nowwith the naked eye. The largeGermancrosses under their wings and marked on their fuselages and the swastikasemblazonedon their tailsareunmistakableas theymake repeateddivesonus.Drawinghugeburstsofconcentratedgunfire from thestarboardsidenowtheycontinuetheirrunwhilethecentregroup,sighttheirtorpedoesatourstarboardcolumns.ThedecksofHMSAvengerarenowaveritablehiveofactivityashercrewgoaboutpreparingfurtherdefensiveaircrafttojoininthedogfight.Onceairbornetheymountadoubleassault,simultaneouslyfromaheadandastern.Thecentral attacking group are dropping their torpedoes in a concentrated group,aimingmainlyforthestarboardcolumns,whiletheothertwogroupsbreakawaytoengagewiththevesselsinlineaheadandastern.Torpedoesrunthroughthewateroneafteranother,leavingtheirsnakingtrails

likedeadlyserpentsastheysearchfortheirprey.Ahailofnon-stopfireisnowbeingpumpedoutfromeveryconceivabledirection.RoaringHeinkelssweepingdangerously low commence diving and weaving in and out between thecolumns; huge death-dealing birds of prey on the lookout for an easy kill.Booming explosions rend the very air asunder. Merchantmen with splinteredwoodwork and bullet-scored superstructures bravely push forward, fightingeverystepofthewayforsurvival.Surveyingtheareaaroundaboutus,Icanseethattheconvoyformationinthe

immediatevicinityofthemainattackhasbecomeveryragged,asoneaftertheother ships have succumbed and become casualties of the viciously sustained

bomber attacks. These enemy aircraft appear to be untouchable. Quiteimpervious,theyflystraightthroughthebarragesofgunfireaseasilyasiftheywereflyingthroughashowerofrain!TocountertheattackAvengerissendingmore planes peeling off her flight deck to join the first attack force as the airbattleragesabove.JustasthelastHurricanetotakeoffisgainingheight,theairaroundistornapartbysuchaloud,echoingexplosionthatitsendsourstomachschurning.Huge, ripplingshockwavesaresentcareering through thewater,andonreachingustheyarestillstrongenoughtosendtheoldBaffinshudderingandlurchingbeneathourfeet.One of the merchant ships has been hit. A torpedo, finding its mark, has

fragmentedherinsecondsturningherintoathousandpiecesofwhite-hotmetal.Spinninghigh into the air above a columnofwater and smoke thatmarks theplaceofherdemise, thewhitehotpiecesraindownontheotherships thatarelinesawayfromherstation.Crimsonfireballsofdebrisaresentflyinghighintotheair,aboveadensepallofthickbrownsmokethatappearstobeilluminatedinternally by the engulfing flames. The deadly smoke column rises rapidly,swirlingupwardsuntilitreachesthecloudbasewhereitisbeginningtospreadandflattenoutwards.Itisstilltoothicktoseethroughitforwhatremainsoftheship.Wecanonly

waituntilthewinddispersesthedensesmoke.Wemustwaitwiththebittertasteof that awful acrid smokedryingout ourmouths andwaitwhilst the smell ofdeathanddestructionissuingfromthatterrifyingexplosionblows,burningintoour nostrils.With themost sickening feeling in our stomachs we continue towatchasthesmokeeventuallybeginstoclear.Inourheartsfearandtrepidationbecomestruth.Thewinddispelsthesmokeandasitclearswecanseenowthatnothing remains of her.A thick, black slick of oil, rising and fallingwith theundulationsofthewateristheonlyevidencelefttoindicatewheretheshiphasbeen.Our sister ship, of the same construction as the SSEmpireBaffin, sunkwithout trace. Today has been the last day in the life of the SS EmpireStevenson.Ourattackers,returningtothesceneoftheircrime,beginroamingthroughour

ranksagain.Ontheprowlsingly,theyaremakingitalltheharderforustokeeptrackof them.Acircling Junker, highaboveus, keepshisdistance justoutofrangewhileonerovingHeinkelsuddenlybreaksfromthegroupand,gatheringspeed,startstoflyupthestarboardcolumnfromastern,atalmostbridgeheight.All at once, andwithoutwarning hemakes a sharp turn to the left swoopingacross the front of the convoy, and in doing so draws fire from each of thecolumns in turn, as they suddenly find him within their range.Watching hiseverymovemorecloselynow,somethingatthispointtellsmetotakenoteofhis

tactics.Unlike his two companions that have just sheered off to port, so as toavoidcomingincontactwiththeflackfromourboat-deckOerlikons,thislonerisnotaseasilydeterred.Ashepositionshimselfintheair,Irealize,assoonashebeginstobeardownonus,thathereallydoesmeanbusiness.Flyingfineonourportbow,henowturnsfullytowardsusandcontinuingto

maintainhislowpositioning,hecomesonstraightthroughthefollowinghailofgunfire.Enginesscreamingtofeverpitch,andwithhissightsfixedfirmlyonus,Iwaituntilhecomeswithinrangeandthenimmediatelygivetheorder,forourtwelve-pounderonthefo’c’slehead,tocommencefiringshrapnel.‘Fiverounds,rapidandcheckfire’,Icanhearmyselfscreamintomyhandset.

Tomy amazed dismay I find that this alone is not enough of a deterrent, andwith time rapidly running out for us, I also bring the two bridgeOerlikons tobear, aiming directly at the advancing plane. The gunners at once have himtrappedintheveryapexoftheirconeoffire,andarerightontarget.Thereisnoescapefortheintruderthistime.Ourshellsripintotheperspexof

theHeinkel’sfrontcanopy,shreddingitasifitwereconstructedoftheflimsiesttissuepaper.Nowbadlydamagedandoutof control the aircraft begins losingheightveryrapidly.Theenginesgiveoffahigh-pitchedwhineashetwistsandcorkscrews out of the sky striking the seawith a flat bouncingmotionwhichforces plumes of water to spray high into the air. Finally coming to settle, itfloatsbrokenwingedlikeahugeinjuredseabirdridingtheswell.Atfirstthereisnomovementatallinsidetheplaneitself,asitbobsaboutonthesurfaceforawhilewiththewavesslappingarounditsslowlysinkinghulk.Thensomethingcatchesmyeye.Slowlythebadlydamagedcanopystarts to

move.Aswewatch,aheadand twoarmsappearas theseverely injuredpilot,withhispaleblueflyingsuitbloodstained,pullshimselfupthroughtheopening.Hisplanehasbeendestroyed,andhasbeguntotiltdownbythenoseasittakesinevenmorewater.Makingone lasteffortbefore theremnantsofhisstrengthforsakehim,hepullshimselfupright in the cockpit and, standing to attention,givestheNazisalute.Thenheslumpsovertheplane’scockpit,andtheaircraftgivesafinalshudder,beforeslippingawayunderthewater.Engulfedbythesea-water,theydisappearfromsight.I findmyselfat firstwithsomefeelingsofpityforhimeventhoughhewas

oneofourtormentors.Butthenonfurtherreflectionhowcanwebesurethatitwasn’t the same pilot who had brought about the sad end of the SS EmpireStevenson, so sadly lost with every member of her crew just a short whilebefore?Myonlycertainfeelingatthismomentisagrudgingadmirationforhisdignityindeath.A second plane thatwas brought down among the convoy ships during the

skirmish is also sinking rapidly, with torrents of sea-water pouring through agash in its side. There is no sign of her pilot. With both wings now wellsubmerged and the tail lifting in a final salute, it also begins to slide silentlybeneaththewaves.Asthedarkshapedisappearsfromourview,asmallyellowinflatable dinghy, which had unfurled on impact, still remains, momentarilybobbingaboutonthesurfacelikeamarkerastoitsfinalrestingplace.Thenittooisdraggedonitslinedownintothemiddleofthefrothingcauldronofwaterbubblingupfromthedescendingaircraft.Themainbodyoftheattackforcehavingnowdispersed,onlyafewstragglers

are leftoverhead.Theyremainquitedistant,buzzingaroundincircles,as theytry their best to find an opening in our defences.Taking chances seems to betheir game and at times they persist in trying to close in on us again. Ourescortingnavalgunnersgive themawarmreceptionevery time,pushing themback to keep themat bayhighup among the cloudswhere they candous nofurtherdamage.Finallytheyappeartobepreparingtoleave.Thereareonlythetwo planes remaining, but threatening to the last, they swoop down from theheightsandwithdefiantarrogance,dropwhatisleftoftheirexplosivecargoes,blindly at random among the leading columns of convoy ships.Turning awaysharplyassoonastheirlastdeedisdone,theyflyaboveoneanother,headinginthesamedirection,chasedbyahailstormoffollowingfire,backtothesafetyoftheirbase.Afterthenoiseofthebattle,thefollowingsilencecanbeoverwhelming.The

quietisonlybrokenbythethrobofourenginesminglingwiththedistantvoicesoftherescueships’crewsastheyferrythebadlywoundedtothewarshipswheretheywillreceivepropermedicaltreatment.We can take time now to assess the damage to our little contingent and

lookingaroundweseefullyforthefirsttimethedegreeofdevastationthathasbeen brought to bear on us. Ships with engines stopped lie wallowing in thewater their steering gone. Some with their lives slowly ebbing away burnfiercelywhile others reduced to nothingmore than smouldering shadows driftpitifullyoutofline.Theescorts,havingalreadyremovedthesurvivors,haveleftthemlookinglikeghostships.Columnsnineandtendonotexistanymore,bothhavingbeenannihilated,withtheexceptionofoneAmericanfreighter,theUSSMaryLuckenbachwhoisthesolesurvivor.IcannotstopmyhandsfromshakingasIgotostandoutonthewingofthe

bridge. Steadying my trembling hands by resting on my elbows I raise mybinocularstomyeyes,afraidofwhatelseImightfind.Slowlysearchingthroughtheothercolumns I sooncome tocomprehend the truegravityof thesituationwhen my count reveals that a further seven ships are all missing from their

stations.Theyare:

No.104 SukahonaUSSR

No.101 OregonianUSA

No.102 Macbeth PanamanianNo.94 Afrikander PanamanianNo.73 JohnPenn

USA

No.92 WacostaUSA

No.41 EmpireBeaumont British

As the survivingshipspressonandstruggle to regain somesortof formation,conversationcentreson the terrible eventsof today.Settlingbackdown intoaroutine once more is proving to be very hard. I eventually return to thewheelhouse and, preparing to update the log, I take note of the time beforemaking the first entry. My total amazement is tinged with more than a littledisbeliefwhenmywatchshowsmethat thewholeattackhascovered just lessthanfifteenminutes!Sointensehasitbeenrightfromtheonsetthatinmymindit seemed to rage forwhat seems likeaneternity.Yet in that shortbutdeadlypassageoftimeIestimatethatthelivesofapproximately400seamenhavebeenput in jeopardy. Much worse still is the accompanying thought as to whatproportionhavegiventheirlivesinsuchafleetingspaceoftime?Thebriskwinddispersingsomeofthecloudhelpstobrightenupthedullgrey

sky. Intermittent booming of the escorting ship’s gunfire breaks through thesilenceas theygoabout thenecessaryprocessof ‘tidyingup’astern.With theaidof a fewwell-placed shots theyhelp thepoorvictims to their final restingplacebelowthewaves.Itistimetoo,forallofustotryandfindsomecomfortina little relaxationbefore thenextonslaught.Lookingaroundme I can’t fail tonoticethatafewdelayedreactionsarenowbeginningtosetinamongsomeofourcrewmembers.Astheadrenalinelevelssubsidethetruerealizationofwhat

hasjustoccurrednowbeginstohitthemhard.Themercurywhich ishovering justbelowthezeromark,minglingwith the

shockofrecentexperiences,isnoticeablythecauseofmanyashakingbodyandtremuloushand.Butalthoughstressandtensionareetcheddeepintotheirfaces,the spark of hope cannot be removed from their eyes. They are true men ofcouragewhowill conqueradversitywhatever theoddsand their senseof self-preservationspursthemon.After a day of limited rations consisting of a sandwich, a hot drink, and

numerouscigarettes, thestewardhasannounced thathehasdecided to tryandproduceahotmealforourearlytea.Eventhoughourstomachsarestilltightlyknottedwithstressandfeelasthoughtheywillrebelateventhethoughtoffood,hissuggestioniswelcomedwithappreciativecheersfromallquarters.Wewellknow that hot food is essential in weather such as this, as it restores andmaintainsourpreciousbodyheatandenergylevels,soitisnotlongbeforeweallfindourselvessuccumbingtothetemptationsofthearomaticcookingsmellsthatsoonstarttorisefromthegalleyandpervadethecoldair.Hopefullywewillbe able to enjoy it without interruption from the dreaded alarm bell, becauserecently,everytimewehavejustbeenpreparedtoeat,alongcomesmoreenemyaction to stopus.At times like thisweoften feel that theymusthavehitonanewtactic,thatofstarvingusintosubmissionbecausetheyreallyseemtoknowourmealtimeschedulesowell!With thecookingaromashavingtrulywhettedourflaggingappetitesweare

all justbeginning to relish luxurious thoughtsofourpromisedhotmeal,whenbelieve it or not it happens yet again. Alarmswith their urgent call to actionstations,blaringoutallovertheshipsendusimmediatelyhotfootingitbacktoourpostsoutondeck.Thisisthethirdmadscrambleoftheday.Itremainshardtobelievethatitwasonlyforty-fiveshortminutesagothatwewatchedtheverylastof thepreviousattackforcedisappearingfromviewover thesouth-easternhorizon.The radio warnings describe a further wave of intruders who are at this

moment moving in on us from a starboard direction. With plenty of priorwarningourgunsareallalreadytrainedonthisdefensivebearingasagroupofnineaircraftsooncomewithinsight.Closingonusatmediumheight,theycircleatfirst,keepingatadistanceandjustshortofourrange.Theyappeartobeonthelookoutforanadvantageousopeninginwhichtomounttheirfirstattack.As the big guns of the outer screen escorts speak out once again the sky

quicklybecomespepperedwith the shot of their covering fire.HMSAvenger,stationed on our starboard quarter, loses no time at all in launching her owncounter-attacking fighters. Peeling off into the air they follow each other

skywardsinrapidsuccession.TheGermanplanes,breakingintotwodefinitegroups,begintoforceatwo-

prongassaultfromaheadandastern.Thesixthatflyinfromtheaftsectionsoondisperse.Fortunatelyevenbefore theygetanywherenear theconvoy theyfindthemselvesconfoundedbytheincrediblystrongfirepowerofthenavalshipsintheimmediatevicinity,backedbytheadditionalcoveringfireofbothescortingA/A vessels,HMSAlynbank andHMSUlsterQueen.With deafening gunfireresoundingthunderouslyoverthewaterandthesoundofshellburstsresonatingintheair,theaircraftsoonbreakoffinthemiddleoftheirblatantapproachandsheerawayatanangle,putoffbythehugeandpowerfulbarragebeingputuparoundthem.ThemissionofthethreethathadplannedtoattackfromaheadisalsocurtailedprematurelybytheinterventionofHMSAvenger’sairborneforce.Withtheresultingcombinationobviouslyhavingthedesireddeterrenteffectonall nine enemy planes they now appear quite willing to abort this sortieprematurely.Nowatadistancetheycanbeseentoberegrouping,butinsteadofpersistingwithafurtherattackasweexpectthemto,theyflyinsteadawayfromusandfaroutintothedistancetheyquicklybegintodisperseonebyone,untilatlasttheydisappearovertheskyline.UnfortunatelyoneoftheHurricaneshasbeenbadlydamagedintheforaywith

the aggressors, and ismaking a run for home.Weheard her labouring engineconvulsingwildlyandalmostspluttering toastop longbeforesheappeared inviewfromoutoftheoverhangingclouds.Limpingback,andlosingaltitudewithher pilot obviously trying hard to control the stricken plane, she struggles toregainenoughheighttokeepherairborne.Whileher fast-failingenginescoughandsplutterout their lastbreathof life

shefightshardtolevelout.Holdingourbreath,wewatchasthepropellerstopsturningandherengineeventuallygivesup.SheisdefinitelynotgoingtomakeitbacktothesafehavenofHMSAvenger.

Fallingfast,shecorkscrewsdownwiththickswirlsofblacksmokefoldingintothe air around her. Tongues of orange flame now begin leaping out of thefuselageasshe finallygivesupher fight tosurviveanddropsstraight into thesealikeastone.Thereisnosignthatherbravepilotisstillalive,andalthoughthe rescuers are on the spot in seconds, they are still too late as thewreckedHurricane sinks almost immediately.Nose first,with her tail almost erect andsaluting one last farewell she slides silently out of sight, and is soon goneforever,takingherpilotwithher.Having to stand by and watch such events and being totally unable to do

anythingtohelpisoneofthesaddestfeelingsthatmanmustendure.Nomatterhowmanytimesithappens,thelossisstillasbitter.Turningawayfromtherail,

weallreturntoourdutiesinsilence.Once again the enemy has retreated, even though this wave of bombers

proved much less determined than the previous group. Given time, they willreturn.Gratefulthatthishadnotbeenasustainedattack,wewatchtheduskclosing

in giving us some time at least to recover from the harshness of the firstonslaught. The darknesswill give us some sort of a reprieve, but even soweremainunabletostanddown,untiltheRTgivesthesignalthatall‘bandits’,arewelloutofthevicinity.The dusky sky deepens into a midnight-blue darkness and the quiet

peacefulnessofthenightblanketsuswithasenseofwarmsecurity,ahavenforusall.Theclearingskybecomesstuddedwithamillionstars.Inthemidstofallthis death and destruction there is still beauty in nature and life must go onregardless.AmessagecominginovertheRTbreaksharshlyintomysilentreverie.We

aretomakeanemergencyalterationtoourcourse,anddulycomplybymakingthe required turn to starboard, but stillwe continue towatch andwait fully at‘the ready’. The final word is left to thewarshipswhichwill tell us to standdown,assoonastheirradarscreensareclearofallintruders.It is now three hours since we decided to indulge in an early tea, and we

haven’tmanagedtohaveityet!Shattering the silence once again, the RT bristles back into life, but the

message itconveys is regretfullynot the long-awaitednews thatwehavebeenhoping for. Instead the message informs us of ‘bandits approaching on thestarboardquarter’.Afurtherairattackisimminent.Loggingthislatestmessageat exactly 2030hrs, our first realisation of just how close the invaders are, iswhen the flashing opening fire of the perimeter escorts almost immediatelybeginstocutthroughthedarkness.Brilliantflashesofvividorangeandred,lightup thenight throwing thesurroundingships into large,darksilhouettedshapesaroundus.Illuminatingtheskyjustlongenoughforoureyestomakethemout,weareabletocatchsightofthedimshapesthatwehavecometorecognizesowell,asbelongingtoanotherwaveofenemyplanes–HeinkelsandJu88s!As they descend upon us from out of the darkness, the heavy concussions

from amongst the convoy boom out into the air like growling rolls of angrythunder.Massesofheavycalibrebombsdroppingincloseproximitytotheshipssendgeysersofwhite foamingwater shootingaloft.Twoof thebombs fallingcloseasternofcolumntwoalmostfindtheirmarkandallthewhilegreatflashesoffirestreakthroughtheblacknessofthenightsky,comingfromthegunsoftheescortsastheymakeanall-outbidtorepeleachwaveofintruders.

Suddenly, fromthe regionofourportbow,come twodeafeningexplosions,eachoneofthemcloseenoughtoustomaketheBaffinshudder.Soviolentaretheshockwavesracingthroughthewaterandeventuallyhittingourhull,thatanabandonedrowofteamugssuddenlyleapsfromthecharttable,smashingintoahundredpiecesatourfeet.Binoculars,logbooks,charts,thewheelhousestool,infactanythingthatisnot

afixtureisnowonthefloorasthegreattremorswrackthewholeshipfromstemtostern.Low on our port bow a large and threatening dim shape emerges. Flying

straightatusalmostatbridgeheightandspittingoutahailofglowingmachine-gunbullets thatsmash into thebridgesuperstructure,hepassescloseoverheadand turnsoutacrossourstern.ThismovecausesouraftOerlikons to interceptwitharallyingreplyoftheirown,buthavingdamagedusheimmediatelyturnstailandfliesswiftlyoutofrange.Turningtobankaway,heencounterstwoshortbutveryaccurateburstsofgunfirefromsomewhereonourstarboardside.Theyringoutinunison,andfindingtheirtarget, theyturntheretreatingplaneintoahugeballoffire.Oneoftheothershipshasobviouslybeentrackinghimintheirsightstooandhasjustscoredadirecthit!Withonlyonewingintactandspinninglikeanoutofcontrolcatherine-wheel,

whatisleftofthestrickenaircraftdropsoutofthesky.Twistingandturninginits death throes it leaves behind a fine tracery of glowing sparks that remainsuspended in the air as it falls. Trailing a long fiery tail far out behind it theshattered aircraft plummets straight into the sea, the fire being snuffed outimmediatelyastheicywaterclaimsitsvictim.The sounds of the battle diminish, fading into the distance, and apart from

somecontinuingactionontheperimeterbytheescorts,allbecomesquietlydarkagain.RecordingandtimingtheactionintheBaffin’slog,Irealisethatitisjustafter2130hrsandthatIamduebackonthebridgeagainatmidnighttotakeoverthenextwatch.Finallywiththerelevanteventsofthedayallcatalogued,Ireturntomycabin,

and as I know that my rest is just going to be short and sweet, it is notworthwhile to undress andget intomybunk so I only removemy tin hat andduffelbeforesettlingdownonmysettee.Myeyesareclosedbeforemyheadreachesthepillow.Asthecabin’swarmth

slowly seeps intomy frozenbody, I lie exhausted from the turmoilof the lasttwenty-fourhoursandhopethatmyescapeintosleepwillsooncarrymeawayintodreamsofbetterdays.Sleephasnowbecomearare luxuryaswellasouronly opportunity to escape from the harsher realities of the moment. It hasindeed been a long and tiring day for all of us, aswell as a day fraughtwith

sadness.Todayhasalsoliveduptotheexpectationsofthesuperstitioushavingproveditselfwithoutadoubttobetheunluckythirteenth.

Chapter9

14September1942

Rest formehasbeenonlyashort, snatchedclosingof theeyelids,notof longenough duration to refresh me, let alone rejuvenate my aching body.Nonetheless,underthecircumstances,ithasbeenaswelcomeasifithadbeenafull, uninterrupted eight hours. Relaxation, let alone sleep, while the mindremainstormentedwithhorrificmemoriesofthepasthoursishardforanyofusto achieve.My carefree dreamsof homehave been litteredwith breakthroughnightmares.Alarmingandformidable,theyhauntmyunconsciousmindforcingmetorelivetheterribleeventswehaverecentlyhadtoendure.Strikingatallmysensesandmakingmybloodruncold, theyreturnrepeatedlytopushasidemydreams of home until my cherished sleep is turned into restless panic and Ieventuallywakeinaclammycoldsweat,withheartpounding.ThecomfortingreflectionsofhomehavingfadedintooblivionIsoonappreciatethattherestofthenightmareremainsareality.It is almost 2330hrs, and I have just enough time to freshen up before the

middle watch begins. Gathering my scattered thoughts together I climb theaccommodation ladder leading to the bridge, hoping that tonight will see ussafely nearer to our destination without further losses. This duty watch frommidnight to0400hrs is commonly referred toas the ‘graveyard’watch. Ihopeandpraythatitwillnot,literallyspeaking,beso,tonight.Midnighthavingcomeandgonewithoutevent,andwiththesombrethought

thatthiscouldbethecalmbeforethestorm,stilllurkingatthebackofmymind,Ipickupmybinocularsandintentlyscanthehorizon.Nothingbuttheheavingsea on all sides and the cold glow of the moon above meets my gaze. Thestillnessandthequietremainwithusrightintotheearlyhoursofthemorning,andastheskygrowslighterwiththeinkynightgivingwaytothefirstraysofanewdawn,Istarttowonderwhatthisnewdaywillhaveinstoreforus.Withyesterday’sactiontakenintofullaccount,wehavenowsustainedatotal

lossof tenships fromourconvoy.Howmanyof theircrewshavemanaged tosurvivethatterrifyingholocaust?Howmanymorehavealreadyhadtheirnames

markeddowninthebookofdestinyandwillbeexpectedtoforfeittheirpreciouslivesinthenearfuture,sothatthecornucopiacargoesthatwearecarryingcanreachtheirdestinationsunscathed?Whichofuswillnotsurvivetoseetheshoresofourbelovedhomelandcomeintosightoncemore?Athousandsuchquestionsracethroughmymind,asmyeyescontinuetheirsearchofthehorizon.The increasing light eventually erases the moon’s glowing corona, her

pendantchandelieroflightpalesintoinsignificanceasthenewdaybreaks.Itisnot quite 0200hrs and it is noticeable that the dark skybecomes stippledwithpatchesoflightmuchearlier,aswebegintoexperiencethelengtheningdaylighthours.Fromnowonwewillbeincreasinglyvulnerable.Noticeably too isamarked improvement in thegeneralvisibility,sowecan

seethewholeconvoyinfinedetailforachange,insteadofjusttheshipsinourimmediatevicinity.Butwiththebetterweatherconditionstheenemyshouldalsofinditeasier tolocateour‘littleband’,soourvigilancemustbeguardedatalltimes.TheBaffin’s railsanddeckcargo,mastsandsuperstructureareallpowdered

with frost thismorning, silver frost that glints brightly as it reflects the earlylight.The ever-falling temperature has already begun its transformation of thesea too as huge rafts of pancake ice now float byon the surface.Aswepushonwards our bows break through itmaking the same sort of ‘swish-swishing’soundasthatofadownhillslalomskier.Performingtheroutinedutiesofthedayhelpstoforcetheinvadingworriesto

thebackofourmindsforawhile,andalthoughtheyarenevertotallyeliminated,these occasions give us time to enjoy snatches of idle conversation aboutsubjectsotherthanthisdamnablewar.ItisduringoneoftheseraretimesthatIfind myself exchanging pleasantries with the starboard Oerlikon gunner as Istand right out on the wing of the bridge to improve my view. Exchangingpleasantries at first about our home towns, friends and families, the talkinvariablygetsaroundto talesfromourfavourite‘locals’backhome.Sovividare our imaginings that we can almost taste the foaming pints of best bitter.Unfortunately our reminiscences are suddenly, and without prior warning,broughttoaveryabruptend.Ahollow,loudlyechoing‘boom’shredstheairasanexplosioncomesfromthedirectionofourstern.Glancing atmywatch showsme that the time is exactly 0325hrs.Our eyes

searchingthroughthepalelightofdawnsoondetectthecasualty;thelastshipincolumnfourhascometogrief.Obviouslyhavingbeenfoundandtorpedoedbyasearching U-boat, she is hit and is momentarily obscured from our view,shrouded in a mist of smoke and spray as a huge spout of dirty browndiscolouredwaterrainsbackontoherfromhighintheair.Theill-fatedshipis

thetankerSSAtheltemplar.Sheappearstobebadlydamagedinthevicinityofherengine-roomonheraftportside.Withwallsofflameengulfingheraftdecksinacrucibleoffire,herburning

timberscracklingviolently,sheslewssidewaysoutoflineblazinglikeafurnace.Someofhercrew,tryingfeverishlytocontaintheblazeareforcedbackbytheheatwhileothersrushaboutthedeckinavainefforttohelpthoseinjuredintheblast,buttherapidlyspreadingflamesareuncontrollableandrefusetobetamed.Standing helpless while wewatch the terrible tragedy unfolding before our

eyes,onceagainwefindthatitisnotwithinourpowerstohelp.Tragicallywecandonothing.Allthewhilethedreadfulscreamsoftheinjuredanddyingechoback over the water and the noise of their torment and pain becomes almostunbearable. Crewmenwith clothes alight, trapped by an impenetrable wall ofsearinghotflame,climboneafteranother,overthesternrails,droppingintotheseawheretheyareatonceengulfedbythefreezingwater.Blackandoil-stained,with scorched clothing stuck to their blistered bodies, they try to swim awayfrom the burning vessel only to be overtaken by the tide of thick flowing oil,whichbeingalight,flaresuplikeawallinfrontofthemasitquicklyspreadsoutinanever-wideningcirclearoundthestrickenship.

SSAtheltemplarstruckbytorpedo.

Withfacestautwithterrorandwide-eyedwithpanic,theytrywitheverylastounce of their strength to swim ahead of the inferno. Only a few are strongenoughandable toput somedistancebetween themselvesand theblazingoil.

Screams of sheer agony tear into the air as the weak and less fortunate findthemselvessurroundedbyacircleofflamethatsoonsetsalighttheiroil-soddenclothingturningthemintoahumantorchinseconds.Others, finding renewed unbelievable strength, try even harder until their

weakeningbodiesarestretchedtothelimitsbytheirsheerdoggeddeterminationas they fight desperately hard to get away from the terrific heat and chokingfumes.Loud cracks, growls and deep rumblings start to shake her fore and aft as

further explosions occur deep down inside the Atheltemplar’s hull. Transienttremors vibrate in waves along her decks, each accompanied by a deafeningexplosionthatsendsmoreandmoreloosepiecesofflamingdebrisshootinghighintothesmoke-contaminatedair.Meanwhile,onboardtheBaffinouralarmhasbegunsoundingustoactionyetagain.AsCaptainBrowntakescommandofthebridgeallourgunsareorderedtobe

trained to port. The continuous activity on the blazing tanker’s boat-deck hasnowbecomearaceagainsttime.Thoseofherlifeboatsthatremainintacthavenowbeenlaunchedand,fulltooverflowingtheyarepullingawayfromherside,eachman rowing erratically as theymake a frenziedbid to reach comparativesafety.Whiletheescortsmountaconcentratedsearchtoportofthesinkingoiler,abarrageofdepth-chargingbyHMSImpulsivestartstearingapartthesurfaceofthe surrounding sea. She closes in guided by the echo of her Asdic anddeterminedonrevenge,assheworkstoapatterntoseekanddestroytheenemytarget.Ihavealwaysbeenabelieverinfate.NowIamdoublysurethatit issurely

fate that has seen fit to place this destroyer, bymere chance, in just the rightposition at the right time to enable her to retaliate so promptly. Impulsive hadjust been returning up the port side of the convoy, after carrying out a sweepaccompaniedbyHMSAchates,whenherAsdicoperatorsmusthavepickedupapositive submarineecho.Being righton the spotat theexactmoment that shewasneeded,has thereforeenabledher to respond immediately.Bombingawayconstantly as she cuts through the water she is often lost from our sight asblanketsoffineflyingseaspraytotallysurroundher.Beginningaconcentratedbombardment of the area, she weaves among the convoy with depth chargesrolling fromeither side as she cuts a deadly path through thewater.Theonlyblessinginthissituationis that theAtheltemplarwascarryinganoilcargoandnot one consisting of high-octane fuel. The oil is bad enough of a hazard tocontendwithbuthigh-octanefuelpouringfromtheperforatedtankswouldhavespread out and ignited much more quickly, and surrounded everyone inproximitytoit, trappingthemwithinablisteringwallofred-hotflamewithno

chanceatallofescape.A simply lightning-fast response is the main requirement in getting the

lifeboats launched and away to a safer haven before they themselves alsobecome casualties to the rapidly flowing fuel as it snakes after them atfrighteninglyhighspeed.UnfortunatelyoneoftheAtheltemplar’slifeboats,hasnotbeenquickenough

offthemark,andasaconsequencetheburningsurfaceoilisabouttocatchitup.Herpoor,badlyshockedandinjuredcrewintheboathavenostrengthleftandcanbarelypullattheoars.Theycanbeseenfranticallytryingtorowfastenoughinorder toget away from the scorchinghotmass that is threatening to engulfthem.Asmoreoilbeginstoignitethereisaloudroarasahugewallofred-hotflame risesup in frontof them. It seems tobean impossible situation.Seeingtheirdreadfulpredicament,wecanonlyprayforthem,hopingagainsthopethattheywillmakeittosafety.Suddenly one of the escorting warships breaks ranks. Her captain has

obviouslyalsonoticedtheirdilemma.Takingachanceandwithouthesitationhechangeshisship’scourseandsteersatspeedinthedirectionofthesinkingoiler.Chargingaheadintotheseaofflameshemakesafirstvaliantefforttogiveaidtothetrappedsurvivors.Watchingandhopingisalltherestofuscando.Havingto beat a retreat at first, but certainly not deterred, thewarship turns and triesoncemore,toreachthestrandedmen.Againtheintensityoftheheatforcesherbackforasecondtime.Conditionsarenowdangerousintheextreme,thesinkinghulkandthewater

surroundingherisnothingbutaflaminginferno.Withherbattleshipgreypaintburntbrownallalongherportsidethewarshiptriestogetcloseenoughagain.Inadesperate lastattempt torescue themenfromtheadvancingslickofburningoil ropes and rope ladders are heaved over the side as they advance into theflamesonceagain.Frenzied screams and pitiful cries for help rise above the noise of the

explosionsonboardthetankerashercrewcontinuetoshoutandbegforhelp.Sadlyeventhethirdandafinalattempthastobeaborted.Turningawaywithheroncesmartsuperstructurebadlyscarredandblisteredandwithpartofherownbridgehousingon fire too thisbrave shipandherveryheroiccrewcandonomorethanstandbyatadistance.Weshallneverforgettheirbraveattemptstobesaviours, nor shallwe ever be able to forget the awful screams of those poordyingmenechoingouttousacrosstheimpenetrablefierybarrier.Astheflamesclosedintheimploringshoutslesseneduntilatlasttherewasnothingtohearbutthecracklingofburningtimbers.Atleasttheyareatrestnowandfreefromtheirdreadfultorment.

Even though theirmissioncouldnotbecompleted, thatRoyalNavycaptainandallhiscreware,withoutadoubt,trueheroes.All the onlookers here aboard the Empire Baffin who had been fervently

cheeringthemonjustmomentsagohadthenbeencertainoftheirsuccess.Theirhigh-spiritedhopehasgonewithnothingbutgriefandagreatsenseofsorrowtoreplaceit.Weturnawaywithheavyhearts,abletodonothing.Somestayonforashortwhile,clutchingtherailsandstaringstraightahead,asiffrozenthereindisbelief.Nothingmorecanbedone for theAtheltemplarnow.Lyingbroadsideon to

us,sheissunkdeeplydownbythestern.Thefires,stillraginginheraftquarter,pouroutthickacridsmokethatbillowsandcurlsaloftintoadense,blackpillarasitarchesintotheskyabove.Asweproceed,sheslowlydropswellasternofusandourlastsadsightingoftheshipisofherlyingaloneandtotallyabandoned.The minesweeper HMSHarrier and two other naval vessels are her final

companions.Takingitinturntheystrafeherblisteredhullwithgunfire.CaptainBrown on the outer wing of the bridge, his binoculars up to his eyes as hewatchestheRoyalNavytryingtodispatchhertothedepths,breaksthesilence.‘She’sdefinitelya stubbornoldgirl, going tohangon to thebitter endby thelookofit.’Heisrighttoo.Inspiteofalltheroughtreatmentshehasjustenduredatthe

hands of the enemy plus the barrage of Royal Navy fire, there she is,unbelievablystillafloat.Unfortunately, we have to leave her to her fate, and as we press on she

disappearsatlastforeverfromoursight.Outofviewoverthehorizon,thedarkpallofsmokemarkingherpositioncanstillbeseenforalongtimeafterwardsstill risingaway in thedistance.Hanging suspended in theair it is likeadarkaccusingfingermarkingtheplaceofherdemise.Alltheescorts,meanwhile,keepuptheirintermittentdepthchargingsoasto

forcethewanderingattackerstokeepdownbelowperiscopedepth.Thisinturnwillonlyenablethemtokeeptrackofusbymeansoftheirhydrophonereadings.Busy as ever, HMS Avenger’s Swordfish also maintain their uninterruptedairbornepatrols,sweepinglowacrossthefulllengthandbreadthoftheconvoytotheouterperimeters,theysearchforanysigntoshowthatthemaraudersarereturning.Someofthem,leavingtheircolleaguestocontinuetheirsurveillanceof the immediate area, have flown off in the direction of the smoke from theabandonedoilerandat0600hrsamessagereachesusthatoneofthepilotshadspottedsomeactivityintheareaoftheabandonedship.Ongettingnearerforacloser assessment of the situation, he was then able to see that a U-boat hadsurfacedrightnexttothealmostsunkentanker.Couldthisbethesamesubthat

hadbeeninstrumentalinhersinkingnowreturningtothesceneofthecrime?Itcouldwellhavebeen,ormaybeitwasjustsomeinquisitivepasserbywho,

surfacinghadcometogloat.Whateverthesignificancethesamesubmarinelostno time at all in returning hastily to the confines of thewaves as soon as hebecameawareoftheapproachingaircraft.Blowinghistanks,weweretoldthatheleftbehindamassoffrothingbubblesonthesurfaceasheslippedawaytoacomparativelysaferhaveninthedarkdepthsofthesea,beforetheaircraftcouldgetashotathim.At1000hrs the firstSwordfish returning to theAvenger ismet in theairby

another twowhohavejust takenofffromherdecks.Madereadyandwithfullfuel tanks, theyatonce takeover thewatch-keepingduties.Thesegallant littleaircraftwith their courageous pilots keep up their endless patrolswith a trulypugnacious persistence. Their adopted name of ‘stringbags’, has come aboutbecauseofthenatureoftheirconstruction,astheyhaveaseriesofcriss-crossingtensionwires running between their upper and lowerwings that resemble thepatternofastringbag.Slowincomparisontootheraircraft,theyaresurprisinglyrobustandIknowforcertainthatweallfeelastrongersenseofsafetyandwell-being knowing that they are on patrol and able to alert us at once to anyunforeseendangers.Themorningslowlypassesontowardsnoon,andthedulllifelessgreyofthe

skybecomesslottedwithribbonsofclearblue;thedismalcloudspartcompanyasiftheyhavebeenslashedbyaknifetoletinthebrightnessoftheafternoon.Itremainsfreezingcold,buttheshaftsofweaksunlightthataresetfreefromtheirprisonabovethecloudsstarttodanceacrossthewater,turningtheicyspraythatrainsdownonus,intocascadingdiamonddroplets.It is 1230hrs and the prospect of lunching without the alarm sounding is

lookinggood.This timewe are luckier and are almost at the endof ourmealbeforebeingdisturbedbytheclamourofthealarm.Warningsarereachingusoffurther air attacks being imminent ahead of the convoy. Aswe scatter to ourvarious mustering points, the enemy is already advancing upon us. Rows ofminuteblack specksat first risingominouslyupover thehorizonbutgrowinglargereverysecond,theyroartowardsusasweracetoourstationsreadyforthenextencounter.War is amixture ofmany emotions, fear, trepidation and apprehension, all

whichintermingleandmeldintoaninexplicablekindofexcitementattimes.AllthesevariedemotionsarerunningthroughmeasIwatchthesespecksofblackchanginginshapeandsizeastheyemergeoutofthedistance.Closingin,theynow become recognizable as Ju88s. Flying line abreast, they are advancingtowardsusatlowlevel.Iestimatethatthereareabouttwenty-twooftheminthis

firstwave.HMSScylla,inreadiness,steamsaheadatspeedrightintotheforwardscreen,

and HMS Avenger, stationed on our port quarter, is seriously engaged incatapulting her fighters into the air. Descending on us like a swarm of angryhornets,thetorpedobombersstretchoutandremaininoneextendedlineastheythunderonthroughthefrontscreen.Theshipsnowbegintozigzagathighspeedastheycommenceabarrageofretaliatoryfire.Gunsblazingnon-stopthrowoutflames and black puffs of smoke from their skyward pointing barrels. Silverbursts of spray sparkle as they leap into the air thrown up by the prematureexplosionofsomeofthetorpedoesinthesurroundingsea.Someof the Junkers, still being followedby the tracking naval guns, break

formation and then regroup as they return for a two-pronged attack aimedsimultaneouslyoverbothouterwingsoftheconvoy.Thelargergroupoftwelvethen begins attacking over the port side, while the ten remaining planesconcentratetheireffortsonourstarboardside.Movinguptheportflank,HMSAvenger,atfullspeedandwitheveryoneof

hergunsblazing,crossesaheadoftheconvoyships,herescortsgivinghercoveras she goes. The noise of their powerful and combined gunfire reverberatesdowntheline,asAvenger,nowinhernewposition,deploysfurtherHurricanes.Peeling off from her decks, they rise up into the sky one after the other.Oblivioustothedangersofbeingcaughtintheanti-aircraftfirethatisbeingputupbytheirownshiptheybegintoperformtheintricatecontortionsofanacrobatas they intercept the low-flyingJunkers.The lowgrowlingboom,boomof thewarships’ guns combines with the stuttering rattle of machinegun fire as theHurricanesjoinforces,sprayingtheirtargetswithahailofbullets.HavingbeenjoinedbyagroupofHeinkels,someoftheJunkersbreakawayfromthecentreoftheactivityandafterchangingtheirattackingposition,theystorminagainbutthistimetheyappeartobeintentonbombardingHMSScyllaandtherestofthefrontdestroyerscreen.Buttheships,alreadyhavinganticipatedtheirnextmove,have also changed course and tactics and have begun zigzagging as a countermeasure.Theorderlinessofthefirstattackhasnoweruptedintooneofsheerchaos.As

theattackersarenowso spreadout Ihave toordermygunners toconcentrateonly on those targets thatmove into our immediate area.We have to try andkeeptheairspacearoundusclear,bystrikingatanyintruderthatstraysintoit–first,fastandhard.AftertheattackonHMSScylla, thesamegroupofHeinkelshasnowturned

its attention to theAvenger.Lookingas if theyhavebeen specificallydetailedforjustthatonepurpose,andconcentratingsolelyontheirnewtarget,theycan

beseenregroupinginpreparationfortheirattack.HMSAvengerreturningatfullspeed,placesherselfoncemoreonourportquarterwiththeraidersbuzzingafterherinhotpursuit.Aftermakingafewwildpassesoverthecarriertheyappeartobeputoffbythesheerstrengthofthecombinedretaliatoryfirepowerandthisveryweakattemptbythemendsquiteabruptlybeforeitreallyhadachancetobegin.During the initial stagesof theattackmanyof theenemyaircraftwerevery

badlydamaged,andhavebeenseenlimpingawaytothecomparativesafetyofthelowcloud.Someoftheothershaveflownwelloutofrange,trailingcurlingcloudsof smoke that billowsout behind themas they struggle in vain togainsomeheight.With their engineswhining they retreat to a safedistance to licktheir wounds and to take stock of the damage. Now as the cloud base hasloweredagain,thesharpbrightnessoftheafternoonhasalsodesertedus,andasaresulttheselaterattacksarebecomingmuchmoredisconcerting.Theenemyareuponuswithoutwarning.Suddenlyappearingoutofthelow

cloud,theydropafewoftheirbombsatrandomamongtheconvoy,hopingforalucky hit, and then disappear as quickly as they came, leaving our gunnersunabletogetinaclearreturnshot.Withalltheconcentratedactivityitisquiteamazing that no hits have been recorded although some of the larger calibrebombsthatmissedtheirmarkandsplashedintothesea,havebeennearenoughtodeluge theBaffinwith torrentsof icywater,makinghershiverandshake inthewakeoftheshockwaves.Alittletoocloseforcomfortattimes!More thunderous explosions one after another, ear-piercing and deafening,

tear the very air apart. Both ships, the HMS Scylla and HMS Avengermomentarilydisappearfromourviewshroudedinathickfogofflyingspray.Sodense is thespray thatwecannotseeat first ifeithershiphasbeenhit.Heart-stoppingmoments tick by forwhat seems like an eternity, until they both re-appear.Thesprayfinallysubsidingshowsthattheyareboth,luckily,unscathedfromtheviciousattack.ItisbecomingincreasinglyevidentthatHMSAvenger,thehunter,hasnowbeenallottedadifferentroleandhasbecomeHMSAvenger,thehunted.Itisobviousnowthatshehasbeentheprimetargetfromtheonsetofthisdestructivemission.Alullinthefightinggivesmetimetolookatmywatch,andIamsurprisedto

find that it is only just after 1240hrs.Howcan tenminutes feelmore like tenhours?Thegratingenginenoisesofthelastaircraftasitfinallydeparts,diesslowly

away into thedistanceuntil itcanbeheardnomoreand in itsplace thesharpclinkingofteamugs,jostlingtogether,becomesmuchsweetermusictoourears.Largemugsofhotteaandsteamingsoup,servedwithslabsofbreadasthickas

pavingstones,aredoledouttoeachoneofusbyoursaviour,thechiefsteward.Hands wrapped tightly around the deliciously warm mugs, and with theappetising smell of oxtail invading our nostrils,we find our own special littleplaceofsanctuary insomequietcornerof thebridgeorwheelhousewherewecansavoureverydrop.Conversationceasesandsilencereignsasthebigslabsofbreadaredippedintothethick,darkbrowndepthsofthesoup,andourhungerpangsareeventuallyeased.Thisisnectarindeed!I have found a place to sit and eatwith comparative comfort on one of the

steam-pipe casings. This I find very pleasantly warm, as the drain of steamalwaysleftinsidethemsothattheyremainicefree,pervadesmyposterior,andasmy freezing body is slowly revived by the warmth from the soup and thespreadingheatfromthepipeIfindmymindwanderingbacktotheeventsofthislatest attack. It definitely lacked the severityofyesterday’sbattle, but even sowemustnotletthisfactfilluswithafalsesenseofsecurity.Ouradversariesarewellknowntobeascunningasfoxes,andthisiswhatshouldbeuppermostinourmindsifwearetobetheonestosurvive.Therespiteofthemomentcanonlybeshortlived,soaseachofourmugsisdrainedourbreakcomestoanendandIexchangemy‘empty’, formybinocularsonceagain.Slingingthestraparoundmyneck,Iampleasedtoseethatmyfirstcheckofthehorizonrevealsthatthereisnothingaroundtobreakthesurroundingsilence.As the shipspush theirwayonwards through theheavingwater Iwatch the

menreturningtotheirvariouspostsanddutiesandadeepsenseofpridebeginstowellupinsideme.TheymaybeuntrainedMerchantNavyratings,butInowknow that I couldnothavehadabetterbunch, if Ihadbeenable tohandpickevery one of them for myself. They are a very special breed of extremelycourageousyoungmen.Worried,andperhapsfearful,attimes,butifthetruthbeknown,aren’tweall?Eachofus ispainfullyaware thatdeath inall itsguisescouldbereadytostrikeatanymoment.Maybeitisonlywaitingforthechancetocatchusunawares,butnonethelessitisalwaystherestaringusfullintheface,althoughsometimeswedonotevenrecognizeit.Everyoneremainstotallyawareoftherisks,butwehavetolearntoacceptthemasjustanotherpartofthisveryuglywar.Thesoup,nowcomfortinglywarminsideme,helpsmeasInowfacethecold

oncemore.Backondeck,Imustmakeafurthertourofthegunpositions.TheOerlikoncrews,I findare inhighspiritsandarestill feelingpleasedabout theunexpectedextrahelpthattheyhadacquiredduringtheattack.Apparentlysomeof the off-duty West African firemen, awoken by the tremendous noise, hadcome‘uptop’toseewhatallthecommotionwasabout.Onrealizingwhatwashappeningtheyhadvoluntarilygiventheirimmediateassistancebycollectingall

the empty ammunitionpans, and re-loading thembefore returning them to thegun positions. In doing so it meant that these fast-firing guns with theirvoraciousappetitesforammunitionwereassuredofaplentifulsupplyofshellsatalltimes.None of us is able adequately to express the extreme gratitude thatwe feel

towardsthem.Bravelysittingoutintheopenonnumberfourhatchbalancingonsmall camp stools they cheerfully worked and chanted songs in their nativetongue,while theymethodicallyforcedroundafter roundback into thespring-loadedpans.Seemingoblivioustotheturmoilthatwasgoingonaroundthematthetime,theykepttheirheadsdownandworkedliketrojanswithouteverbeingaskedororderedtodoso.Later on, as I thanked them with a bizarre mixture of sign language and

English, which again had to be spoken through their only Englishspeakingspokesman,(calledbyusAbuforshort,ashisrealnamewasmorethantwentysyllableslong!)Iwasgiventheusualwidegrinandaverystoutoilyhandshakeashesaid,‘ItOK,mistermate,wehelpagainwheneveryouneedus,wewouldratherbeuptopthaninourquarterswhenallthebuzzingandbangingisgoingon.’Well!Isupposethatthisisasgoodadescriptionasany!Pointingupinthedirectionofthesky,itbecameevidentthathewasgoingto

try all the newest words in his expanding vocabulary on me at once, as hecontinuedwithawink,‘Yesman,wesingoldwarchantstokeepusallsafe,andit drove thembuggers away fromour ship, yesmister and it bloodywell did,didn’t it?’ Then, pulling his woollen hat hard down over his ears, and withsatisfactionwrittenalloverhisbeamingface,hedisappearedbelow,backtothecloseconfinesandtheheatofhisengineroomdomainprobablytobrushuponlearning somemore choiceEnglishwords that he had no doubt heard comingfromtherestofthecrewduringtheheatofbattle!Theyhaveprovedtobetruecomrades,thereinourtimeofneedeventhough

itwastheirofficialrestperiod.Another round of the gun positions before I leave the deck and I amgoing

towardsthesternsothatImighthaveawordwithoneofthegunnerstherewhenthealltoofamiliardroneofanengine,highaboveme,startsagain.Alwaysonthealertwearestraightbackatourstationsandreadyforaction

beforealoneStuka,breakingoutfromthecloud,divesdownandaimsaseriesofaggressivepassesatHMSAvenger.Planes,nowappearingoneaftertheotherand seeming to grow in numbers by the second immediately start making aseriesoflowflyingrunsastheyconcentratetheireffortsontheportsideoftheconvoy.Itisbecomingpainfullyobviousthattheirpre-selectedtargetisalsotobethecarrier,butsheinturnpaysthemrightbackintheirownkind.Puttingup

aheavybarrageandablyassistedbyherownescortsHMSWheatlandandHMSWiltonshebeginstozigzag,obviouslyhopingtoconfusethebombers’aim.Theheavyflaksends theplanesretreatinginto thedistanceandawayoutof

thecloserangeoftheroaringgunswheretheyareabletoregroup.But that lone Stuka still remains high above. I give him full marks for

persistence! First he stops circling and then pitching his nose into thecharacteristic Stuka dive he lines himself upwith the carrier. Thewail of hissiren increases as he hurtles out of the sky towards his target. He is rapidlycomingwithinrangeoftheBaffin’sBoforsguns,soIgivetheimmediateorderformycrewstoopenfire.Blackpom-pomsofsmokepeppertheskyaboveandbelowtheaircraft,openingout likedeadlyflowersburstingintobloomastheyfilltheairwiththeexplodingshot.Seven,eight,nineburstsfromourgunsandthenourtenthround,eventually

findingitsmark,explodeswithacrack,rightonthetailplane.Unabletopulloutofhisattackingdive,theStuka,nowwellalightbeginstocorkscrewoutofthesky, followedonhiswaydownby thickbillowsof smokeand trailingbehindhimalongattendanttailofbrightorangeflame.Gatheringspeed,thewhineofhis engine reaches fever pitch as with one mighty, resounding explosion hefinallyhitsthesea.Theimpactbreakshimintoshatteredpiecesandthemangledwreckageisallthatremainsintheboilingcauldronofwaterandoil.Thereisnosignofthepilotintheblackenedcockpitasthefuselagerollsoveroncehissingclouds of steam and smoke before quietly sliding below thewater leaving thesurfaceripplinginrainbowcolouredribbonsofoilThiswillberecordedasthesecond‘kill’forthegunnersoftheEmpireBaffin.The time coming close to 1255hrs sees a few smaller waves of Junkers

continuingthechasewithHMSAvenger,althoughtheirmissionisbeingbadlythwartedbythepromptactionofherescortingwarshipswhichareputtingupanimpenetrable curtain of protective fire whenever an enemy plane breaks intoviewfromthecoverofthelowcloud.Afewofthesebombersmakethemselvesbiggertargetsastheyturnandexposetheirfuselagesides,andareseenlimpingawaytrailingsmoke,whiletheyfighttoregainheight.Another,withthecockpitinflames,hasditchedclosebyusintheseaafterflyingerraticallythroughtheconvoy in a final desperate bid tomake for home.Burningpatches of oil andflotsam,bobbingaboutintheswellareallthatisleftbehindasthegrimmarkersoftheirlastmoments.Stragglersfromtheinitialattackingformationstaybehind,andflyingalongthelinesofships,areeversearchingforeasyprey.AswellasHMSAvenger,HMSScylla,Eskimo,TartarandWheatlandhave

allhadsomeverycloseshavesduringthisbombardment.IthasallbeenabittoocloseforourowncomfortintheBaffintoo.Wehavetakenafairoldbuffeting

fromsidetosideasseveralnearmissesexplodedrightnexttousandsenttheoldshipbobbingaboutinthewatermorelikeacorkthanthousandsoftonsofironand steel. The men on watch have been made to appear like drunkards on aSaturdaynight, as they are sent reeling about thewheelhouse,wildlygraspingforahandholdwitheachdetonation.OurBoforssergeanthasjustreportedanotherwaveofaircraft,approximately

twentyplus,comingourwayandflyingintocommencetheirattackatalowerlevel. Together with a further eighteen, which are accompanying them at ahigheraltitude,Icanseethemcominginfasttowardsourstarboardcolumns.Itsoon becomes apparent that although their full load of torpedoes ismeant forHMSAvengertheyareinsteadfindingtheirwayinamongtheothershipsoftheconvoy.Leaningover thesideon thewingofourbridge, Icansee themclearlyand

tracetheircourseastheyruntheirdeadlywaydownbetweenthelinesofships.Beneath the surface of the water they run, churning out thousands of minutebubblesintheirwakeastheyarepropelledontheirsilentcourseofdestruction.Suddenly thehollowechoingboom, thatwehavequicklycome toassociate

withworsttypeofdisaster,rivetsourattentiontothestarboardside,whereoneof the infernal torpedoes has found its target among the columns ofmerchantships. The point where it has struck the merchantman is instantly apparentmarkedalreadybyamassivecolumnofsmoke,thethickandacrid,oily-lookingblackswirlspropelledupwardsontonguesofbrightredflame.Furthergiganticexplosionsrendingtheairapartsendmillionsofredandyellowsparkssprayingaloftfromthedepthsofthesmoke.Wecanseenothingoftheill-fatedship,sheisjustonehugefireballtotallyengulfedinflamesandthedensestblacksmoke.The blanket of smoke that has risen up in a pillar from the impact spot, curlsthickly until, reaching the cloud base, it is forced outwards into a largemushroom shape.As it eventually lifts a little the colour changes from denseblackintoagrey-brownhazeasit thinsoutandstartstoclear.Atthismomentwe cannot believe what we are seeing. The whole ship has gone. She hasdisappearedcompletely!Ashoutfromourstarboardlookoutpierces throughtheweirdsilenceonthe

bridge, where momentarily even the sound of the aircraft engines has beenblottedout.Thesharpnessofthesilencefollowingtheexplosionisveryhardtodescribeandamostpeculiarexperiencethatweallfelt.Repeatinghismessage‘Itwas theMaryLuckenbach, secondmate, she’s beenblown right out of thewater!’ our lookout’s voice is drowned in the rising crescendoof noise as thedivebombersfromhighaltitudecomescreamingbackintotheattack.TheMary Luckenbach and every one of her crew have been blasted into

eternitywithnothing leftof themsaveabubblingmassofsurfacewaterandafewshardsofsplinteredtimbertoshowwheretheyhadbeenonlyafewminutesbefore.TheAmericanammunitionshipwasbeinghailedas‘lucky’yesterdayasshe

wasthesolesurvivorofthemassdevastationofcolumnsnineandten.Shewaslucky then and, retaining her original convoy number, ninety-three, she hadtakenuphernewstationasternoftheDan-y-Bryn.Sadlytodaythatluckhasrunout,thesituationbeingmadeevenmoretragic

bythefactthatshehadsurvivedanattackasshecrossedtheperilousAtlantictojointherestoftheconvoy.Shehadcomethroughyesterday’sheatedbattle,theonlyshipunscathedfromthetwocolumns,andnowshehasperishedintheicy,hostile waters of the Arctic, without even being given the chance to defendherself.Theblack,malevolentlookingsmokenowhighaboveushangsinmourning

overthespot.Ittakesallourefforttotearourunbelievingeyesaway,andeventhe sounds of the aircraft still flying low around us, are momentarily blottedfrom our thoughts as the stark realization and full horror of what has justhappenedgraduallydawnsoneachoneofus.Asif toawakenusfromwhatseemsmorelikeabaddreamthanreality, the

approachinghigh-altitudedive-bombersnowcommencetheirruns.ThehuntingpacksofJu88sdescenduponusagainwithourdefendingbarrageofgunfiretogreetthemoncemore.Tracershellfollowingtheminhotpursuitlacesacrossthesky, interspersed with the black, woolly puffs of the exploding anti-aircraftshells.Thedestructionoftheirlatestvictimseemstobeforcingthepaceofthisnewattack.Goneismuchoftheindecisivenessofpreviousattacks,replacedbyamorenoticeablydeterminedonslaught.Theyhomein,hopingtohitusbeforeourscatteredwitsareunderfullcontrol,

butwearereadyforthem.Downtheyscreamseveralbreakingcoveratthesametimeastheyplungetowardsusoutofthesky;howling,screechingdive-bomberstakingovertheairspacewherethetorpedobombershaveleftoff.Pickatarget,bombitandreturntocloudcoverappearstobetheirnewplanof

attackbuttheyaremetwithaveritablestormofheavygunfirethatsoonbreaksuptheirtightformation.Theybeginbybombingrandomlyagainthroughoutthelength and breadth of the convoy, sending pillars of water splashing over themerchantmen, as numerous near misses are counted on both our port andstarboardsides.Theexplosionsand thebombsplashes rake through thewholeconvoy as their bomb and retreat tactics continue in relays. Our guns poundaway relentlesslywhilst trying toputup an impenetrable curtainof retaliatoryfire.Butundeterredtheystillcomeon…

Chapter10

SSEmpireBaffinSuffersHerFirstCasualties

All our efforts aboard the Empire Baffin, are now totally concentrated onkeepingourownairspaceclearofmarauders.Thenoiseofthebattleisterrificand,withallthegunsfromeveryshipinthecompanyblazing,thestrongsmellofcorditehangsheavyin theair.Thesheervolumeoffirebeingnowdirectedskywardsisstupendous.Instinctivelyselfpreservationreignssupremeinthefaceofthisextremelydeterminedattack.Toocloseforcomfort,theangryhowlofyetmore aircraft engines penetrates through the almost solid wall of sound, thenoise coming from our port bow. Although nothing is yet visible, as the lowcloudisformingabarrierbetweenusandthecauseofthesound,myinstinctstillwarns me that further danger is not far away. In readiness I call for ourarmamentstoholdsteadyforanimminentportbowattack.Thebridgeprojectors,withtheirtwenty-tworockets,arealsotrainedupwards

in readiness and fused for maximum altitude as the advancing noise growslouder. Telling the gunners to hold off for as long as possible,wewatch andwait.Fingersitchtofire,astheytenseupalreadyanticipatingthenextorder.Outofabarrieroflowcloud,twoaircraftarethefirsttobreakcoverswinging

downtowardsusastheybegintheiraimingrun.AtonceIgivethecommandforthebridgeprojectorstofire,andtheskyfillswithamyriadoftwinklinglightsasthe exploding rockets spread out above and below them. It becomes apparentstraight away that our first firing has been premature, with no damage beingdoneastheyhadbeenslightlyoutofrange.Repeatingtheordertofire,Inoticethat this time a tremor in their flight is quite evident as the second batch ofrocketsburstaroundthem.With therocket fusingshortened,ourBoforsandOerlikonsarebrought into

action togetherwith the twelvepounderalso firingshrapnelonshort fusingsothatwecanachieveacarpeteffect.Thistimetheshellburstsblossomoutrightaroundbothoftheplanes,andtracerfromtheOerlikonisrightontarget,butontheystillcome.Ourcloseproximityfiringhasdamagedthemboth,buteventhis

hasnotdeterredthoseenemypilots.The two Junkers show great persistence and still come right at us. At this

pointIcan’thelpthinkingthattheymustintendcrashingontotheship,andthenmybloodrunscoldasIseeanotherdeadlyhazardcomingourway.Detachingthemselvesfromtheundersidesofeachof the twoplanesInoticefoursmallerblack objects rolling out of the sky towards us, falling with a peculiar slowmotioneffect.Wearebeingbombed!AstheyarcdownwardsIlosesightofthemforamoment.Frommyposition

onthemonkeyislandIheartheringofourbridgetelegraphsandnoticethatourengineshavestopped.Havingdeliveredtheirpackagesbothoftheplanesbankawayandnowturnforcover.StillpursuedbyshellburstsandtracertheyarejustabouttodisappearintothesafetyofthecloudswhenIamalmostdeafenedbyahigh-pitched whistling terminating in a great concussing thunderclap.ImmediatelytheBaffin,beingcaughtbytheshockwaves,respondsbyheavingwildly toport,as two toweringwaterspouts leapupabreast thestarboardbow.The explosions send a series of vicious tremors undulating through her fromstemtostern.Initially I was standing outside at the armoured control point above the

navigatingbridgebesidethestandardcompassbinnacle.Now,withwhatsoundslike a million bells all jangling away in one ear, accompanied by a frenzieddrummer who is intent on out-doing them in the other, I find myself tightlywedgedinacornerbetweenthebridgefrontandthearmouredsideof theportbridgegunpit. I do not remember at all how I got here, but as I come tomysensesinmynewsurroundings,IfindthatIamnotalone.Accompaniedbythepronebodyofourthirdofficer,MrSmallwood,Iamnowlodgedsecurely,withhisfeetuparoundmyneck!The ensuing explosion had lifted memore than 10ft into the air and, after

throwingmeoverthemonkeyislandrail,hadjustasunceremoniouslydepositedmea further25ftaway into theouterwingof thenavigatingbridge, renderingmealmostinsensible.MrSmallwoodwhoisdecidedlydazedisalsoveryvagueabouthowhegot into thispositionandisnowleft lookingas thoughhecouldhaverecentlylostanargumentwithapassingsteamroller.Shakenandhurting,anddefinitelynotwishingtogothroughthatexperience

too frequently, we both eventually manage to extricate ourselves and with astrugglegetbackontoourfeet.Afterdeterminingthateachofusisstillinonepiece,andthatnoneoftheimportantbitsaremissing,Ieventuallystaggerbackintothecomparativesafetyofthewheelhouse.Wearebothbruisedandbattered,butveryluckynevertheless,andgladtobealiveaftersuchacloseencounter.IfindCaptainBrowndeepinconversationwiththeengineroomonthebridge

telephone.Hastilyreassuring themthatwehavenotbeenhithemovesover tothetelegraphtogetusunderway.AsIgoouttothestarboardsidetoviewtheareawherethebombshadfallenInoticethatourenginesareinmotionagain.Icanheartheringingtelegraphasitconfirmsthecaptain’sorderandfeelthe

enginesthrobbingbackintolife,pushingtheshipforwardawayfromthatneardeadly spot. The patchy dun-coloured smoke and the swirling, explosion-tornturbulenceinthewatercanbeseenvividlymarkingthespotswherethosebombsthathadbeenmeantforushaddetonated.Anearmiss!ThankGod!Thewholeof thebridgearea,nowsoakedby the sea thathadbeensprayed

mast-high over us during the explosion, is fast becoming treacherous as thewater turns to ice. Thick layers of ice form rapidly over the decking and juststeppingout fromthewheelhouse isanotheraddition to themanyhazards thatwealreadyhavetoface.Alreadysomeofushavebecomevictimstoit,andwiththe motion of the ship, we have been slipping and sliding around like duckstrying to get their footing on a frozen lake.Everything thatwas caught in thecollapsingwaterspoutswas totallydrenchedwith the freezing sea-waterand isnowicingupinfrontofoureyes.Longpointedfingersoficehangfromeveryrailandbegintransformingourdeckcargo,asthetinydropletsallruntogethertojoinforces,stiffeningintocrystaliciclesalmostimmediately.IowethecaptainanexplanationastowhyIamnotatmygunnerycommand

postonthemonkeyisland.IcanseebythequestioninglookbeingcastmywaythatheissurelywonderingwhereonearthIhavecomefromatsuchshortnoticeand in my present very dishevelled state! After accounting for my suddenimportuneappearanceonthenavigatingbridge,andwhilethehumoroussideofthesituationisnowbeingseenbyusall,Ilogtheexacttimeasbeing1530hrs.The call eventually comes to stand down after three hours of fast action.Ourattackershavebeenputtoflightyetagain.Ourrestperiod,followingsuchactionaswehavejustseen,ismuchappreciated,eventhoughitissomewhatmarredbystill having to be on the alert and watchful for the first signs of the nextinevitableonslaught.Theprofoundwearinessthatwearenowfeelingseemstohavecomeuponus

allofa sudden.Taking theplaceofour recent tenseness, ithitsusallwithaninstantaneoustirednessthatseemstocreepuponussounexpectedlythatweareunaware of its arrival until we feel unable to move a muscle. Eventually, itenvelopsourbodiesinanall-engulfingseaofexhaustion.The transient changes from one situation to the next make time itself

immaterial to us. Our days have now become just the movement of the twopointers on the clock face, as theymergewith the nights, one into the other,blendingsowellthatoftenwehavetostopandthinkhardaboutjustwhatdayit

really is.Whateverdayof theweek it turnsout tobeweknow that itwill bepunctuatedinthesamewaywithseeminglyendlessalarmbells,hurried‘scratch’mealstogetherwithatotallackofsleep.Longhoursspentoutintheopen,takingthefullblastoftheArcticstormsas

theycontinuetoragearoundus,wearsourconcentrationsothinattimesthatitbecomes a major battle, fought within ourselves. Tiredness becomes the newenemy aswe struggle to both remain alert and to keepwarm.Wrestling dailywith these extra problems tires us just as much mentally as our attackers dophysically.Day and night out there somewhere in the distance the continuousrolling blast of gunfire is the background to our every thought. Alwaysaccompaniedby thedull thuddingofdepthcharging, thenoises comeechoingback over the water from the direction of the perimeter escorts as they workunceasinglytokeepasafechannelforthepassageoftheconvoy.ThisArctic sun needs very little rest it seems, and soon the ever-hortening

hours of the night take away from us even more of our safe cover, as thedarkness recedesandbreaks intobroaddaylightafteronly three to fourhours.Onceagainourpositionsaremuchmorereadilyexposed to theenemyeyes inthesky.Tobeabletofallintoourbunkswiththeknowledgethatwecouldberesting

there formore than the customary hour has nowbecome an unknown luxury.Presentlyweare takingour restonlywhencircumstancesdictateandeven theoddhourofrespitewenowcovetlikegold.Maintainingmy watch, a quiet period floods mymind with reminiscences.

Leaningon thebridgerail, Iamprompted to lookoutacross therollingsea towheretherestofourmerchantmenaretenaciouslyploughingthroughtherisingswell.Undeterred by the harshweather or the savage enemy Iwatch them astheypushonsteadily,each intentonfulfilling thearduous taskbefore themastheir bows cut the surface, curling back the greenwaterwhich billows out oneithersidebeforeburstingontothesurfaceinavortexofbubblingfoam.AsIwatch the scene before me the peaceful freedom of my schooldays comesfloodingbacktome.How I wish that those bygone days were here again. Days when my only

worrywasifIwouldbeabletorememberthelinesofapoem,giventousforhomeworktobelearntwordforwordbythefollowingweek.Tothisday,eventhough I did not appreciate it until now, thewords of that poem have stayedlockedsomewhereinmymind.PennedlongagobyJohnMasefield,theycometumblingtotheforefrontofmythoughtsasIstandherewatchingtherestoftheconvoyploughingthroughtheheavysea.

DirtyBritishcoasterwithasalt-cakedsmokestackButtingthroughtheChannelinthemadMarchdaysWithacargoofTynecoal…

Our cargoes are far removed from that, and ourChannel instead is a freezingArcticsea,aseathatglistensinthecoldsunlightasitgraduallysuccumbstothefreezing temperatures which crystallize the surface into plaques of gatheringpancakeice.All too soonmy thoughts are interrupted by the drone of engines. Not the

enemy this time; HMSAvenger over on the far side of the convoy is busilyemployedwiththetaskofgatheringinherreturningpatrolplanes.Givingeachone in turn her undivided respect, she dances every attention on them like amother hen with her offspring as they are ushered, one by one, back to thecomparativesafetyofthe‘nest’.Allsafelyhomeandaccountedforthistime,Ican’thelpbutwonderjusthowmanyofuswillarrivesafelytoo?Thisisoneofthoserecurringquestionsthatwecanonlyspeculateonatthistime.The decks of the carrier are a flurry of activity. Crews, ready for action

dressed in their thickflying jacketsand leatherhelmets, run to theiraircraftasthenextpatrolpreparestotaketotheskiestoresumethenever-endingsearchfortheenemyonourdoorstep.Airborneoneafter theother, theyclimbawayintothe far distance until the noise of theirwhirring props becomes nothingmorethanafaintmurmur.Insharpcontrastthequietnessfollowingonthetailofthefeverishactivityof

thelastfewminutesbecomesquiteoverwhelming.Itishardtobelievethattotalbedlamhadreignedsupremeonlyashorttimeago.DrinkingdeeplyofthepeaceandquietwhileIhavethechance,Icanhearthe

helmsmanhummingsoftlytohimself,inbetweenlongsatisfyingdragsfromhiscigaretteashesteerstheBaffinthroughthethickeningfloesofice.Notyetsolidenough to cause us any problem, it breaks easily under the pressure of theBaffin’sbows,showeringupintoahazeofsparklingpiecesthatshinewiththefireofdiamondsastheyarecaughtinthesunlight.Howcansuchbeautylivesocloselyattunedtothedeathanddestructionthatwehavejustwitnessed?Withmymind still running around in circles as I search for an answer, the

voiceof the thirdofficer interruptsmyreverieandsoonbringsmywanderingsbacktorealityashisarrivalonthebridgeheraldstheendofanotherwatchforme.Checkingovertheactionreportsbeforestandingdown,IseethatourBoforsgunners have laid claim to being responsible for the shooting down of oneaircraft, and causing damage to threemore during thismost recent encounter.Ourownmerchantguncrewhaveclaimed‘hits’too,butasneitherInorthegun

layerhadseenanyoftheseaircraftditchduetoactionfromus,I’mafraidtheywillhavetoberecordedasonly‘damaged’.We have no means of ascertaining what losses the whole convoy and her

escortshaveinflictedupontheenemytooffsetthesadlossoftheill-fatedMaryLuckenbach, althoughwehavenodoubt that all of us concerned in the furorehavebeenabletogiveagoodaccountofourselves.AsaresultofthisIcertainlyhopethattheLuftwaffecommandarefeelingduecauseforconcern!Although luckhasstayedwithus in theEmpireBaffin sofar,evenwehave

not come through the last conflict totally unscathed. A number of the crewmanning the twelve-pounder on the fo’c’sle head have been injured, gasheddeeplybylargepiecesofflyingdebris.Sadlytoobothgunnersmanningouraftport gun pit, which houses a Lewis gun, have been very seriously wounded.Barely conscious when we found them, they had both sustained horrendousinjuriestothechestandabdomenbyheavycalibrebullets.A signal made to the commodore has informed him of these two serious

casualties.AstheyarebothrequiringmedicalattentionurgentenoughtowarrantthembeingputaboardoneoftheRNships,allthatwecandoistokeepthemascomfortable as possible until arrangements are made for their transfer. Thedestroyershaveboththequalifiedstaffaswellasallthefacilitiesneededtotreatthese seriously injuredmen,whereas our steward doubles as our ‘doc’ and isonlyabletotreatmoresuperficialinjuries.Although it feels as if an age has passed, it is in reality not too long at all

beforewefindthatalargegreydestroyerhasstationedherselfrightonourportquarter. After receiving confirmation that we had requested medical aid hercaptaincontactsusbyloudhailerandaskustomaintainourpresentcourseandspeed.Heimmediatelycommencesadjustinghisowncourseandspeeduntilatlastheisabletoholditsteadysoastomatchours.Skilfullyheedgesnearer,alittleatatimeheclosesinuntilhemanagestobringhisvesselwithinreachofthe Baffin. All the wind and sea are on the starboard bow, thus giving thedestroyer a port side lee, and as preparations for transhipment of our injuredcrewmencontinuesonourship,thedestroyeredgesevennearertous,untilsheismatchingourmovements and speedperfectly.Now she remains steady at adistanceofonlytentotwelvefeetawayfromourportside.Thisisundoubtedlythe most masterly manoeuvre that I have ever witnessed. The entiredemonstration of seamanship shown by this Royal Navy captain can only bedescribedasmagnificentandistobehighlycommended.Everyofficerandmanwitnessingthisfromaboardourshipapplaudsloudlyinrecognitionofhisskillandbravery.Seamen on his aft deck now stand by with a light gangway. Lifting out a

sectionofouraftrailthegangwaycomesslidingaboardenablingtwostretcherparties to come across to us.Almost at once, thewoundedmen are hurriedlytaken straight back to the destroyer, where hopefully they can be given thenecessary treatment to bring them ease from their dreadful pain.Carried backover the gangway they soondisappear fromour sight takingour thoughts andprayersalongwiththem.The sickbay attendants nowbegin tending to themenwithmore superficial

wounds. Even in the darkest moments, it never ceases to surprise me howpowerful a cheeryword in the right place and a friendly quip can be.A kindwordcanbesuchanimmediatetonic.Helpingtore-kindlethelightinthosedull,lifelesseyes,itbreedsnewhopeamongthedevastation.Workingtheirwayfromoneinjuredmantothenextwhilstpatchinguptheir

wounds,theattendantsworkquicklyandefficiently.Astheycontinuealongtheforlorn line of casualties they manage to find a cheery word for each of theinjuredseamen.Inthedayroomandalongthenarrowcorridortothesaloonourwoundedcrewmensitorsprawlinvariouspainfulpostures.Youngfacesturnedsuddenly old after the battle are buried in bloodstained hands as they waitpatiently in stunned silence until it is their turn to be seen. Dark red patchesslowlyspreadingoutfromthesitesof their injuries,staintheirbattledressas itoozes from under the thick Arctic clothing. It trickles down their stone-greyfaces, leftexpressionless fromtheshockingonslaught, like thickviscous tears.Overwhelmingsadnessfillstheatmosphere.Evenso,as theyreachthesaloonthesparkofhopethatseemstohavebeen

snuffed out is just as easily re-kindled into full flame again by the cheeringbanterofthenavalmedics.Soon,thesesadwar-tornmenareencouragedbytheinfectious cheerfulness of these navy lads, and apparently feelingmuchmorecomfortablenow,begintojoinin.Sippinghotsweetteainbetweenaimingtheirjokesat theattendants, the tensenessof theatmosphere isdispersedhelping tolightentheterriblesadness.At last the patching up is complete and the medical crew leave us. Their

destroyerhaspulledalongsidetheBaffinasbefore,andastheydepartbackoverthe heavingmakeshift gangway between the two ships, the last man to leavecan’thelpjustonelastquip.Aimedatayoungseamanwhoisstandingbytherail, swathed in bandages and looking very dejected, hiswords echo over thethudding sounds of the two ships’ engines as they race to keep timewith oneanotherintheswell,‘Don’tforgettokeepontherightsideoftheskipperfromnowon,andnomorecommentsaboutthesteward’stea!’Swiftly and as efficiently as it came, the gangway is withdrawn and the

destroyersheersaway.Oursiderailisreplacedandreturningtothewheelhouse

Ifindthatitisnowalmost1500hrsandforashortwhileasthelullcontinues,theblissfulpeaceandquietofthispreciousmomentenvelopesusall.Howlongwillitlastthough,thiscalmafterthestorm?Weallrealizethatthisdoesn’tnecessarilymeanthattheLuftwaffehasgiven

uponusfortoday,andastheyareobviouslynotjusttakinganearlyteabreak,I’msuretheywillbeputtinginanotherappearancebeforethelightfades.Whiledaylightholds (andwecalculateon at least another fivehours) they still haveplentyofattackingtimeleft.Unfortunately!Tosaythatweallfeelandlook,totallymentallyandphysically‘spent’,would

beanunderstatement.Exhaustedandextremelyhungry,weallhaveafewday’sgrowthofraggedbeard.Ourblearyeyes,framedbyblackcircles,whichpeeroutofgreylinedfaces,alltellthestoryofourrecentharshexistence.Eventhemostvivid imagination would be challenged to describe our diet of late as evenborderingonculinaryperfection,asI’mafraidallwehavebeenabletomanageisaveryunhealthydietofstrongteaandcigarettes.Thecold,boringrightintoour very bones, as it takes advantage of our lowered resistance, has just asquickly become another enemy, as we strive against odds that are alreadyheavilyweightedagainstus,inthesefreezinglatitudes.Theselastfewhoursofthedayseemtohavegoneonforever.However,they

have not passed by without their pleasantries too as we have had somemostwelcomevisitorsontothebridge,intheshapeoflargemugsofteaaccompaniedbyaplateofexcellentsandwicheswhichtastedandwereacceptedwithasmuchfervourasiftheyhadbeenthebestofFrenchcuisinewasheddownwithafineBeaujolais. We have also been able to relish them in complete peace as theraidersdidnotreturnafterall!Darkness finally closing inonus, at last shroudsus from theprying enemy

‘eyes in the sky’ andwe are grateful for its protection against any further airattacks.Onlynowarewe able to standdownand at last secure theguns.Thelookouts,steadfastasusual,remainattheirposts,whilstthoseofthecrewwhoarenotrequiredforseawatchjustyet,vanishbelowtotheirquarterswhiletheyhavethechance.Nowitonlyremainsforthesergeantandgunlayertoreporttothebridgewith

theirrespectiveactionreportsoftheday,sothatI,asgunneryofficer,canreadthemthroughandeventuallysignthem.Innotimeatalltheyemergeoutofthegloom into thedimly lit chartroom, cheerful and smiling, the lively sparkleofdetermination still apparent in their eyes even after such a long and harassingday. ‘All up to date and ready for your autograph, second mate,’ quips thesergeantwithagrinashelaysapaperinfrontofme.MypoorfrozenfingerscanhardlygripthepenasIaddmysignaturetothebottomofthepage.

Clustering around the warm steam pipes for comfort we unwind with yetanothercigaretteandmullovertheeventsofthepastfewhours.Judgementscanbecome clouded during the height of the action, and sometimes it is hard torecognizewhichoftheshipshasmadea‘kill’especiallywhenallourgunsarefiringatonce.SoitisonlynowandforthefirsttimethatIgettohearhowourveryownBoforscrewhavelaidclaimtoshootingdownarandomStukathathadbroken free and was intent on attacking the carrier. This same crew are alsolaying claim to two enemy Heinkels as well but only as ‘probables’, so theMerchantNavygunnershavehad to submitanegative reportasnoneof themhadseeneitheroftheaircraftcrashafterengagement.Consideringthis,wehadtoagreethatalthoughdamagetotheplaneswasdefinite,wecouldgonofurtherandclaimthemasconclusive‘hits’.Allthreeofusknowthataseventsmovesoquickly it isveryhard indeed tobeonehundredpercentaccurateatall times,makingittotallyconfusingwhentryingtoascertainwhohadgotwhat.EvensoI’mproudtosaythatourdiscussionsofthedaydidendeventuallyon

a high note,with the sergeant relaying tome his praise for the efforts of ourMerchantNavygunnerswhoseconduct,hereportedtome,hadbeenexemplary.At theheightof thebombardment,everyoneof thesemenhadremainedcalmandconsistentatalltimesandhadneverletthegunsrunawaywiththem,thussendingpointlesslywildshotswayofftarget,whichcansoeasilyhappenwhenover-enthusiasm,fearandanger,twistandchangeournormalreactionsoutofallproportion.Whobut they themselvesare toknowwhatemotionswill come tothe fore when they stand alone behind their guns with the enemy screamingstraightforthemoutofthesky?Itiseasytocriticiseaftertheevent,butnotallofusreactinexactlythesameway,evengiventhesamesituation,andeachofusbelievesthatwhatwedidwasrightandforthebest.Intheheatofthebattle,whocantell,evenSolomoncouldhave,foronce,madeawrongdecision.Sotohear that my raw gun crews, who have worked so hard on their drill andinstruction,havebeenworthyofsuchpraisehasendedmydayonahighnote.This too is just the news they themselves need to hear in these times ofdepressionandflaggingmorale.The end of this dreadful day has come at last, as we eventually close our

discussions.Wishing eachother goodnight,we can escapeback into our own,more pleasant thoughts for awhile. I close the report book, and take one lastlookaround,outoverthedarkreachesofthesea.With a million questions in my head still vying for attention, I reach the

sanctity of my warm cabin. Today’s events having been safely logged forposterityItrytosleepandwonderwhattomorrowwillbring.Newhope?Perhaps.

Chapter11

HeinkelsAttack

Theearlyhoursof15September1942seemebackonthebridge.Thefreezingconditionsof theArcticnighthaveturnedthe last fewhours intoanextremelyuncomfortablewatchperiod.Baffin’swheelhouse,whichhasinthepastaffordedussomesmallcomfort,nowfeelsalmostascoldasitdoesoutside.Piercingintothe very confines of the bridge, the ice-cold fingers wrap around us andtransform us into shivering bundles. It is so intensely cold that our heaters,having lost their battle with this formidable enemy, have now given up eventrying.Ourbreathfogstheair,beforegatheringintosmalldropletswhichweldtogether as soon as they come in contactwith the cold glass of thewindows,frostingthemopaquealmostinstantly.Stampingfromonefoottoanothertotryandgeneratea littleextraheathasnowbecomealmostaritual,andsoanothernewdaybeginswithallthebridgecrewperformingthis‘rite’,tryingtoblowthecreepingnumbnessfromourstinginghandssothatwecanholdourbinocularssteadyenoughtomakeaninitialscanofthehorizon.All is quiet in the close proximity of the convoy but it remains painfully

obviousthattheescortsarestillinAsdiccontactwiththeenemy.Thesporadicbooming of their depth-charging still rings out, echoing ominously over thewaterfromtheregionofourouterperimeters.U-boatsarestilloutthere,lyinginwait,readytoploughrightintoourmidstwheretheycoulddountolddamageifanopportunemomentoccurs.Onesplitsecondofneglectingourvigilanceisallthatitwouldtake.Untilthen,theywaitandwatchfromasafedistancewhile,Iimagine, they maintain contact with their counterparts in the air to aid theirhoming in on us for the next attack. Thank goodness at least this watch ispassingquietlyanduneventfully.I did not turn out for breakfast thismorning. After coming down from the

bridge Iwasquitecontent just to lieonmysetteeand rest.Still fullyclothed,with the exception of my heavy duffel and sea boots, even the addedencumbranceofhavingtowearabulkylifejacketatalltimeshasnotdetractedfromthepleasureofbeingabletorelaxinthesublimecomfortofawarmcabin.Soforegoingmybreakfast,Ihaveoptedtotakefulladvantageofamuch-neededsecondsleep.Havingsleptquitewell,Ihavejustreceivedmycalltolunch,andbeingquite

refreshed,Ifeelthatmydecisionhasbeentherightone.FollowingagoodrestandanequallygoodmealInowgotomynextwatchwithsomewhatrenewed

vigour,wonderingaswealldoeveryday,whattheenemymighthaveinstoreforusnow.IamjustapproachingthebridgeladderwhenIheartheoldRTonthebuzzagain,rattlingoutyetanothermessagetowarnusofintrudersmovinginonusathighaltitude.AlarmbellsareblazingallovertheshipandIquickenmy pace as men run past me in every direction, the sound of their feetresoundingonthemetalladdersastheyhurrytotheiractionstations.Grabbingmybinoculars,Iscanthelengthandbreadthoftheskyabovetheconvoy,butasyetcanseenothingatall.Fullofmediumandhighscuddingcloud, thesky isinterspersednowandthenwithafewchannelsofclearvisibility,slashesofpalegrey-bluecuttingthroughthedenseness.HMSAvenger,closebyonourportbow, isonemadhiveofactivityasshe

makesreadyforanothersessionofdefensiveaction.Aquickglanceatmywatchshowsthatthetimeisjustcomingaroundto1315hrsasthefirstvibratingdronesof the approaching formations are heard and it is not longuntilwe catch firstsightof them.Theyaresoclearlyvisibleas theyflyout into theclearpatchesabove that the two A/A ships Ulster Queen and Alynbank immediatelycommence their defensive fire. Still some distance from us as yet, we waitkeepingallofourowngunstrainedhighuntiltheyappearwithinourrange.Inanticipation of further dive-bombing activity our silent guns wait patiently inreadinessastheminutestickby.Itfeelsasitwouldifwewereallfrozenintime;everyoneissosilent,sostill,withthetensionmountingaswehardlydareevento breathe. Above, we can hear the familiar sounds of dog fights, as HMSAvenger’sHurricanesbattleitoutwiththeintruders.Wecantellasthedroningsoundoftheirenginesbecomeslouderbythesecondthattheclosing-inprocesshasfinallybegun.Droppingdownfromtheprotectionofthecloudcoverandcomingwellwithin

range causes several of themerchant ships toopen fire, but their retaliation isprovingtobeatfleeting‘will-o’-the-wisp’targets.Thebarrageofmerchantfireis tono avail, as theobscuringbanksof cloud soon turn the attacking aircraftintonothingmorethanelusivelyvagueshadowsthatflitintoviewfornomorethana fewsecondsata time.Fromawaywecanhear the thudsandboomsofheavybombingtakingplace.Fountainsofwhitewater,wheretheexplodingseahas been flung into the air, splash high around the perimeter. The turbulence,createdbythesheerforceof theexplosions,rockingandbuffetingtheshipsintheoutercolumns,makesthembobaboutliketoyboatsonapond.Butstill,allwecandoiswait,as theenemyseemdeterminedtoremainoutofsightforaslongaspossiblethistime.Asmerchantmenwehaveverylimitedtypesofarmamentatourdisposaland

thesehighlevelattacksmakeusfeelparticularlyvulnerable.Beingfutiletotry

anddefendourselveswithweaponsthatweknowdonothavetherange,forcesustostandfirmandtakeit,untilsuchtimesaswecanseethatthelevelofattackiswithinourrange.That iswhatwearedoingat thisprecisemoment:waitinguntilwecansee,‘thewhitesoftheireyes’.Asthe levelofattackdrops,weareready!TheBaffin first firesapatternof

rockets from her bridge projectors followed immediately by a burst from theOerlikons,andalthoughfurtherbombexplosionsoccurfromsomewhereamongtheconvoythemainactivityremainsabovethecloud.Luckilyno‘hits’onanyof the ships have been recorded.All the bombs appear to have been droppedveryhaphazardlywithlittleornoaimandasaresulttheyhaveallexplodedwelloutsidethelines.Observingthesituationforashortwhileshowspreciselywhatis happening, the enemy appears to be jettisoning their bomb load and thenleavingthesceneasquicklyaspossible.MaybeitistoavoidconfrontationwiththesecondwaveoffightersthatevennowarebeinglaunchedfromAvenger.Shehas lost no time at all in getting them airborne. Peeling away from her flightdeck one after another, they soon disappear into the void above us as theblanketingcloudrendersthemasinvisibleastheenemy.Inthelull thatfollowswecan’thelpfeelingthatthislatestactivityhasbeen

nothingmore thanonehugediversion,because in thewakeof the first, anewattackemerges.Comingupoverthehorizon,flyinglowonourstarboardquarterisaformationofsomefifteenaircraft.Chargingstraightattheconvoyflyingincloseformationtheycomeinatfullspeedwiththeirenginesscreaming.Fromadistancetheylooklikeanangryswarmofbeesthathavebeensmoked

from their hive.Bearingdownonus, they stay in a closely formedpackuntilthey reach theouter screen.Here they split upwith eachonecommencinghisaggressiveattackasasingleunit,choosinganindividualtargetasavictimtobeharassedtothedeath.Almost in unison, fanfares of guns open up as ship after ship takes on the

nearestplane.Thenoiseofthecombinedfirepoweristerrific.Amazinglytheyflyon,undeterred.Withtheirowngunsblazing;rappingout

theirdeadlyarpeggio,theyrunthegauntletrightthroughthelineseventhoughtrailsofred-hottracercriss-crosstheirpatheverystepoftheway.Pepperingourbulkheads,thehailofbulletsripsunmercifullyintothesuperstructure,shreddingit intoamillionpiecesandsendingshardsofvolatilematter flying into theairfrom wherever they hit home. Right from the start they show much moreaggressionthanthepreviouswaveandastheheavybombardmentcontinuesweinstantlyengageanythatwanderintoourownsection.Ricocheting bullets whistle past us raking through the port bridge doors,

sending splinters of shredded timber flying in all directions across the

wheelhouse floor.We try fervently to contain this sustained attack, and for averyshortwhileweourselvesbecometheaggressor.Evenso,westillappeartohaveonlytheslimmestofchances;theyarecomingatusfromeveryangle,andallatonce,rushingfulltiltatusoutofthesky.Firingnumerousvolleysofred-hotshot,theydiveonusoneafteranother.Thensuddenlyandwithoutwarning,asquicklyastheyhadbeguntheattackonus,theybreakoff.Disappearingoutofsightandstillmaintainingtheirlowlevelflight,theyscatterleavingbehindadisconcertingquietness.A rapid assessment of the situation shows that thankfully andmiraculously,

none of the ships appears to have sustained any serious damage.Expectationsrunhighinthehopethatthemainbodyofplaneswillnotreturntoosoon,andasfatewill have it, theyhavenot comeback in force, although theodd few thathavereturnedarestillbuzzingaroundonthelookoutforanyvulnerablespotinwhichtomakealightningattack.Nowthattheirnumbershavedepletedweareable towatchthemmuchmoreclosely,andthis ispreciselywhenwebegin tonoticethatallisnothowitfirstappears.Notallofthesepilotshavetotallygivenupthefight.Ourguncrewshaveallbeenintentonwatchingthemovementsofone loneHeinkel111 inparticular.After circlingabove,hehasnowbegun tomake a run in from the rear of the convoy, appearing to be quite intent onattacking the centre columns. Watching his progress, we monitor that he iscoming well within the range of our Bofors. He comes on regardless of theconsequencesand isconcentratingso intentlyondamaging thecentrecolumnsthatheseemstototallydisregardourclosenesstohim.Havinglethisattentionbe diverted he drops his guard and seemingly unaware that he is practicallypresenting us with a full broadside target, he comes even closer. As theopportunitypresentsitself,Igraspitwithbothhandsandgivetheorderformygunnerstoopenfire.Shells bursting in fiery clusters around his tail are followed in quick

successionbythosethatweplaceintheregionoftheenginenacelle.Allhecando following such a heated reception is to break off his attack. He does soimmediately,buthisplanehassustaineddefinitedamage.Smokebeginstotricklefromhistornfuselage,smallwispsofitatfirstwhich

soonthickenandbegintobillowoutinthickbrownswirlsfromeithersideofthecockpit.Withhisengineslabouringbadlyhemakesadesperatelasteffortinhisstruggletoregainheight.Havingdoneso,heclimbswelloutofourrangesothatweareunabletoinflictanyfurtherdamageonhim.Wehavetobecontentjusttowatchasheturnsandlimpsoffinasouth-easterlydirectionwiththefollowingstreamersofwrithingsmokethickeningandsnakingintotheairallaroundhimashemakeshisbidforfreedom.

Wetrackedtheaircraftuntilitwasoutofoursight.Eventhoughthepilothasnotbeenseen toditchhisplane,hedidappear tobehavinggreatdifficulty inregaininganyaltitudeasheretreated.Thedarksmoketrailstillhangssuspendedinthesky,markinghisflightpathtosafety,asitsnakesoffintothedistancetodisappearoverthehorizon.Meanwhile,asecondHeinkel111hasbeenmakingpasseslowinfrontofthe

convoy;long,sweepingpasses,madeinastarboardtoportdirection.Heappearsintentonmakingabeamattackononeoftheescortingdestroyerswhichisfineonour starboardbow.Passingoverheadat such lowaltitudegiveseachof thefront line ships the opportunity to open fire on him, and as a result each oneengageshiminturnashefliespast.Abarrageoffireisputuparoundhim,tolittleornoeffectashecontinueswithhismissionandisnowclosingfastonthedestroyer. Even at a distance, we can see from our vantage point aboard theBaffin, that the destroyer’smain armament is already trained in theHeinkel’sdirection.But the shipwaits patiently. Sitting on the sea like some huge greypredator,shewaitsrightuntilthemomentwhentheHeinkeliswithinextremelycloserange.Soclosearangethathergunscannotpossiblymiss.Suddenlythewholeofthesurroundingareashakesviolentlyasifithasbeen

hit by an earthquake. It is the resoundingblast of one single salvo.She couldnever have missed at that range. One almighty explosion ensues, the sheermagnitudeoftheflashislikeathunderbolt,andtheaircraftliterallydisappearsfrom view. One minute it was there, threatening, challenging and full ofaggression,hell-bentondestruction.Thenextmoment,pilotandplanearegoneforalleternity,asquicklyasasnufferswipesacandleflameoutofallexistence.Withtheclearanceofthesmokethathashungforawhilelikeamourningveil

over the spot, we can see what little remains of the bomber – a few randompiecesofshatteredwreckage,unrecognizableasaplane,areleftbobbingaboutonthesurfaceofthesea,surroundedbyanoutwardlyspreadingcircleofburningoil.ThisisallthatisleftoftheHeinkel.

Chapter12

Wednesday,16September1942

EarlydaybreakfindsusintheBarentsSea.ItseemsimpossiblefortheweathertohavebecomeanycolderthanithasbeenoflatebutIfeelfrozentothebonethismorningandconsult thebridge thermometer.Tappingat theglass inutterdisbelief,asIscanthecolumninmyhastetomakeareading,Ieventuallyfindtheelusiveredlineskulkingjustbelowthe12degreesFahrenheitmark!Well, at least we have all come dressed for the part today. Our woollen

mufflerscoveringthelowerpartsofourfacesbecomedecoratedwithtinybeadsofglisteningice,asourexhaledbreathinstantlysolidifies.Eachinhalationstingsthenostrilswithaburningsensationandwitheachnewbreaththelungsfeelasiftheyareonfire,tinglingmadlyasiftheyhavebeenpenetratedbyathousandtinysteelpins.Asmuchofourskinaspossiblemustbecoveredinweatherlikethisotherwiseitsoonstartstofeeluncomfortablytaut,tighteningrightupuntilitsplits intocracksandsores.Thisstiffeningprocess is thewarningsignandwefindprotectionunderneathalayeroflardfromthegalleyorevenenginegreasedoesthetricktoo.Soasourwoollenhatsgetpulledfurtherdowntokeeppacewith the falling temperature,andscarvescreepuphigherat thesame time,wehavetobecomeadeptatrecognizingeachotherbyeyecontactalone.Andstillthetemperaturecontinuestoplummettoanunbelievablelow.Pausingtotraversethehorizonwithmybinoculars,mygazecomestorestfor

amomentonsomeofourneighbouringconvoyships.Inthepre-dawnlighttheirshapes are picked out as strong, dark silhouettes, against the lightening sky.Aboveus,aflatsilvergreyskyandbelowonthesurfaceofthesealargefloesofpancake ice like white rafts rise and fall with the surge of the water. Thechurningwakeofthepassingshipsbreaksitintopiecesthatglintandglitterlikespanglesinthesilverydawnastheyreflectthelightofthebrighteningmorning.Istand inaweas Iwatchandwonderhowsomethingsocoldandruthlesscanpossiblybesobeautiful.Now that the early light of day has found us again all eyes, however tired,

havetobebackonthealert.Gunnersandlookoutsbackattheirpostsdiligentlyscanallfourquadrantsasmyowngazetravelsfromshiptoshipalongthelines.Myobservationssoonmakeitclearthatthesamemorning‘rites’arenowbeingperformed on each and every ship. Everywhere I look crewmen are stampingaroundwitharmsflappingastheykeepwatchintheirvainattemptstowardofftheinvadingcold.IhavetosmiletomyselfatthesightofthemallbecausefromwhereIstanditcertainlylooksmorelikesomeritualdance!Activity of a very different kind now takesmy attention, breaking into the

serenityofthescene.HMSImpulsive,oneofthelargedestroyerescorts,whichuntil now has been stationed quietly on our port wing, suddenly and withoutwarning starts to increase her speed. Twin screws cutting into the water, shesheers off, churning the sea into a seething cauldron of foam and ice whichfrothsupbehindher.Withallenginespounding,shethrustsherselfforward.Thesofterfloesofpancakeiceyieldatonceunderthepressureofherstrongbows,asshepressesherwayeffortlesslyonthroughthefrozenwater.At thesametimethethrowerscommencehurtlingdepthchargesawayfrombothsidesofhersternquarter.Tumblingawayoneafteranotherthedarkshapesofthecanisterssplashintothemurkydepthssendingthenoiseoftheirexplosionsresoundingthroughthestillairlikerollsofthunder.Herenginesnowatfullspeed,takeherracingaheadwith stillmore of the charges rolling away from her stern as she goes.Freezing water and ice are hurled high, mixing together in the air as theexplosionsripapartthesurfaceofthesea.Stillmoreexplosionsfollowinquicksuccession,which leave the surface heaving as it boils up in turmoilwith theviolenceofthecontinuousunderwaterdetonations.Withfrothandspraystillflying,asuddensharpturntoportmakesImpulsive

heel over hard on to her starboard side with the momentum of the powerfulthrust,beforesheeventuallysettlesandslowsherspeed.Asobserverswecannotdetermine her motive for this sudden and violent behaviour, and can onlysurmisethatitmustbeduetosomeunderwateractionthatonlyshecoulddetect.Thewholeoftheimmediateareaisnowbeingsearchedbythewarshipand,asweawaittheoutcome,wecanonlyspeculateamongstourselvesastowhatthecausecouldhavebeen.Underwater raiders, infiltrating the convoy lines, become themain topic of

conversation on our bridge, but we can only wait and see at the same timewarning our own lookouts to be extra vigilant, although to detect the tell-talesignsofatorpedotrailinthisice-glazedseaisanalmostimpossibletask.Withherbowwaverisingasshepicksupspeed,Impulsivechangeshercourse

again.Movingslabsoficeoutofherwaywitheffortlessstrength,hergreatsteelbow splintering the thickest slabs into a million glassy slivers, she comes

charging straight towards our number one column! My hand reaches for thetelegraph almost instinctively and pulling the handle I order ‘stand by mainengines’.All conversation stops abruptly, and continuing towatchwithbaitedbreath,wecanonlystandrootedtothespotandwatchhermovementswithmorethana littleconcern.Wearestill tryingourutmost tofathomher intentionsasshecontinuesheradvanceinourdirection,bearingdownonusatspeedwithallthepowerofachargingrhino!

Navalescortshipsonthehunt,willnormallykeepwellclearoftheirconvoyships.

Thisrulehadbeencarvedintomymindduringourtrainingforconvoyduty,butthefeelingIhaveatthisprecisemomentisthatitisabouttobewellandtrulybrokenintheverynearfuture!Rememberingtheaxiom,‘bettertobesafethansorry’,Istandprepared.The Baffin’s lookouts are trying to divert my attention to the area of our

starboardbow.On the fo’c’slehead, the twelve-poundercrewapparentlywantmetoturnmyattentioninthesamedirection,astheyguidemyeyestothepointof interest with a flurry of excited hand signals that any tic-tac man at aracecoursewouldhavebeenproudof.Seekingoutthecauseofwhathadsosuddenlyanimatedourusuallyintently

studiouslookoutsandgunnersalike,Iletmyeyesbeavertedfromthewarship’smovements.FollowingthegeneraldirectionoftheirwildlypointingfingersIseethatthey

are pointing excitedly towards the bow. Now I notice that only a ship lengthawayfromus,andslightlytostarboard,thereisalargedarkgapingholeintheice.Thesurfaceof thewaterbeneath isbeingdisturbedbyachurningmassofbubbles,boilingup toescape through thewideopening,which isenlargingbythesecond.On seeing this and as the telegraph lever is already inmyhand, I slamour

telegraph pointer over to, ‘EMERGENCY FULL SPEED’. Impulsive by thistimehasagainchangedherpositionandissteaminghardbetweentwoAmericanships,theCharlesMcCormickandtheKentucky,whicharebothalittlefurtherdownournumberonecolumn.Makingnolessthan25knotsshepowersherwayforwardyetagain,pushingbeforeherahuge,curlingwhitebowwaveasshetoobearsdownonwhatwenowknowaretheunderwaterintruders.Having fully established what the excitement is all about, I move quickly

insidetothewheelhousetogivemyorderstothehelmsman.‘Steadyher,withtheturbulencedeadaheadofus,Taff,keephersteadynow.Steadyasshegoes.’The patch of bubblingwater is now so close that I know if I amnot quick

enoughwewillsoon losesightof itunderourownbow.Outsideon thedeck,someoftheguncrewshavelefttheirplatform,andsoastogetafirstclass,frontcircleviewoftheproceedingstheyarerightuponthefo’c’slehead.Withtheirexcitementmounting, they lean out over the bow rails, at times even jostlingeach other for position. Her engines turning at full speed, the Baffin surgesforwardandisnowalmostoverthespot.With all the tension and excitement caused by the moment I did not hear

CaptainBrowncomingontothebridge.Havingthoughtthathewasstillrestingbelow, his sudden appearance in the wheelhouse, demanding to know, in nouncertainterms,‘Whatthebloodyhellisgoingonnow,secondmate?’hasverynearly made us miss the moment of truth. My trying to explain is totallyobliterated by the sound of a loudmetallic, grinding bump that comes from aforwarddirection.Thesuddennoisetakeshisattentionandheleavestoviewthesituation from thebridgewingwhere the situation immediatelybecomesquiteself-explanatory.WehaverammedaU-boatthatwastryingtomakeitbackuptothesurface.

Inallprobability it is thesamesubthatHMSImpulsivehadbeensodiligentlyhuntingalittleearlier.Nowdamagedandinaweakenedstateduetothespateofheavy depth charging that it has had to endure, the sub’s hull is probablybreached.Ratherthansinkintothedepthswithoutastruggle,theU-boatcaptainhasinsteadbeentryingtosurfacewiththeintentionoftakingoutasmanyofusashecouldwiththeaidofhisdeckgun,beforehisvesseleventuallysank.Atonce,CaptainBrownorderscalciumflarestobedroppedasmarkerstothe

point of contact. Having accomplished all that I can on the bridge, and afternoting the chart co-ordinates andprecise time in the log,my attention is oncemore drawn back in the direction of our forward deck. A noisy hubbub ofshoutingisnowemanatingfromthegroupofcrewmenthatarestillformingtheaudience on our fo’c’sle head. Feverishly excited about something that ishappeningaheadofus,outofmyviewbutsomewhereintheregionofourbow,theyseemtome tobe inevenmoreofanexcitedstate than theywerebefore.Theirboisterousenthusiasmisfullofimpetuosityastheypunchtheair,shoutingandflingingtheirmittsaside,regardlessofthecold,inordertomaketriumphant‘VforVictory’signs.Shakinghandswitheachother,theyturnwiththeirfaceswreathedinsmiles

andmake repeated ‘thumbs up’ signs in the direction of the bridge. Some ofthem leanso faroutoverourbowrail that theyappear in imminentdangerofdisappearing over the side! What can have sparked off this sudden show ofoptimisticbuoyancy?Iamjustabouttogofor’ard,todetermineformyselfwhatallthejocularityis

about, when I have to stop and answer the engine room telephone. ‘What’shappeninguptop,sir?’Gladly,Iamabletoofferthereassuranceagainthatalliswelladvisingallbelowthatdespitetheterriblegratingnoisealongtheundersideof our hullwe havenot become the victimof an enemyhit, is all I cando atpresent.Although it has not been confirmed I suggest that aswe are the onesdoing the ‘hitting’, in all likelihood we have bagged our first U-boat. As thechief repeatsmywords out loud for all in the engine room to hear, his voicetakesonthesoundofvastrelief.IcanhearthecheersechoinginthebackgroundasIreplacethehandset.Strainingmyeyesandscanningtheseaaroundus,theonly thing left to see is some floatingdebris bobbingaroundamongst a thick,darkpatchofoil,whichisbillowingontothesurfaceatthepointofimpact.Back to convoy speed and on course again after our encounter, theEmpire

BaffinandtherestofPQ18steamonwards,undaunted.Icannowtakethetimeto go and examine the forepeak for any damage thatwemay have sustained.Some of the younger members of the crew, still not having regained theircomposureaftertheexcitement,besiegemeassoonasIarrive.Theyallclamouraroundenthusiasticallywantingtobethefirsttotellmetheirownstory,relatingtowhattheyhadseen.Thegunnersreporttomefirst.Initiallytheirattentionhadbeenattractedtothe

spotwhenthewaterdeadaheadofushadstartedtofrothwithbigwhitebubblesgushing up from below. In their prime position of being ‘up front’ from theonset,theywerefirsttothebowrail.Leaningprecariouslyovertherailtheyhadbeen just in time to see what they described as a very large, dark, elongatedshadow close to the surface and in a position almost central to the bubblingwater.Apparently,ourship’sbowsthenmadecontactwithitand,beforeitcouldbeidentifiedmoreclearly,ithadalreadyrolledoutofsight.Slippingunderourbow, it continued its journey by rolling along underneath us, punctuating itsprogressionaftalongthehullwithaseriesofbumpsandbangsatseveralmorecontactpointsontheway.Otherreports,comingfromthemoreover-enthusiasticamongourcrew,seem

tobeamixtureofthetruthcolouredbyavividimagination.Oneyoungobserverswearsthatourbow,hittingaftoftheconningtower,splitthesubopen,andjustforafewseconds,hecouldevensee theglowof the interior lightingandmenscuttlingaroundinsidebeforeitrolledawaybeneathus!CaptainBrown,sorudelyawakenedfromhissleepbyalltheactivityandthe

reverberations of the urgently ringing telegraphs, has appeared in thewheelhouse,soonmyreturntothebridgeIamabletogivehimalltherelevantdetails–evenouryoungcrewman’shighlycolouredsightings.Listening intently to everything that I have to say, his expression never

changes. As he walks up and down, gloved hands clasped tightly behind hisbroad back, he finallymakes his decision as towhatmust bewritten into ourreport.‘Letitbeloggedthaton16September1942SSEmpireBaffin,inthevicinity

of theBarentsSea, struck anunidentified submergedobject.We can’t say fordefinitethatitwasaU-boat,eventhoughwewouldallliketonotchthisoneuptotheBaffinasacertainty.’Turningonhisheel,hewasgone,butnotbefore Ihadheardhimmutter to

himself,‘Now,perhapsIcangetbacktomybloodysleep.’Looking astern, we can still see the two lifebuoys that we had previously

dropped.Bobbingabout,androckingtoandfrointhewashofthepassingships,their flaresstillburningbrightly, theyriseandfallwith theswell,marking thespotforHMSImpulsive.Remainingbehind,shecontinuestocruisearoundtheareaofdemarcation,prowlinglikeahugegreywolf,unwillingtoleavethespotaftergettingthescentofitsinjuredprey.ThemajorityconsensusofopiniononboardisthattheBaffinhadsuccessfully

rammed a U-boat and our engine-room and bridge logs both record that theunderwatercollisionhadtakenplaceatprecisely0303hrs.

Chapter13

HMSScyllaDeparts

Isleptsurprisinglywellbeforetheraponmydoorcallsmetogoforbreakfast.Following the rigoursof thepastday, Ican’thelpnoticing thatagoodnight’srest appears to have been very acceptable, not only tome but to us all. Evenbefore I enter the saloon I can hear that the tone of the conversation ismuchbrighterthanithasbeenoflate.Throughout thepast night all has remainedquiet, anunusualquietness, that

stays with us throughout our breakfast.We are therefore pleased that we canenjoy it to the full, without the usual interruption of the alarms that we havebecome soused to lately. Is this a goodor a badomen,wewonder;maybe itcouldevenbetheproverbialcalmbeforethestorm!Emergingfromthewarmthoutintothecrispnessofthenewmorning,thecold

airuponthedeckwrapsitselfaroundmeassoonasIemerge.Alltoosoonandveryefficientlyitrobsmybodyofthewarmingglowthatwastheresultofmysatisfyingbreakfast.Theanswertothequestionthathasbeenbotheringme,andmakingmewonder whywe have been left alone for so long to continue ourjourney without further visits fromHitler’s Luftwaffe, literally hits me in theface–fog.Thick, swirling, freezingArctic fog isalreadyblanketing thewholeconvoy,

makingvisibilitysoextremelybadthatwecan’tevenmakeouttheshipnextinlinetous.Lightpowderysnowbeginningtofallduststhedeckcargowithafinewhitecovering,givingthewholeshipaneerietranslucentappearance.Throughouttherestofthemorningandrightintotheafternoonwatches, the

sameconditionshavedoggedus,butatleastallstillremainsquiet.Likeaghostshipwepushon,routinewatcheschanging,butwithnothingtoreport.Nowlateintotheafternoontheaddedhazardofstrongwindspringsup.Asif

fromnowhere,andwithoutwarning, itsweepsoverus ingreatstrongfreezinggusts. Howling and unrelenting, it blows fiercely, biting through the addedprotectionofourArcticgear itsmournfulvoiceprovokesandenrages the sea,

stirringitintoamassofheaving,powerfullyangry,waves.Ton after ton of ice-ladenwater crash downon uswithoutmercy.Running

backingurglingriversoffoamitpoursoffoveroursides,justasthenextwave,biggerandmoreforceful,buildsup toanaggravatedcrescendoandcurlsbackover our rails as it invades us once more with its roaring and frighteninglyunbelievablepower.Wallsofgreenseawateralready liftinghigh into theair, rolloverandcrash

down, punishing uswith a sustained battery of frenzied, crushing blows.Oneafter another the waves beat into us like iron fists, trying to batter us intosubmission. The wind, growing even wilder, angrily churns up the thick fog,mixing itwithheavy,dense,burstsofswirlingsnow.Talcum-powder fine, thesnowstickswhereittouchesasitplayshavocwiththealreadybadvisibility.Trying toseemore thanafewfeet infrontofus isnowan impossible task.

From the observation points on the outer wings of the bridge we can seeabsolutelynothingatall.Wearetotallyblindedbythestingingsnowflakes.Asthewhite blanket thickens around uswe start to feel as if we are completelyalone on the sea. Eventually feeling quite abandoned as the rest of PQ18 haslongsincevanishedintothewhirling,impenetrableblizzard,wecan’tevenmakeouttheshipnextinline.Nothingisaudibleabovetheincessanthowlingofthewind. It has become so loud that our own voices cannot be heard above itsscreaming cry and as a result we have to resort to communicating by handsignalswhenweareoutonthedeck.This inclement weather does not appear to be deterring the escorts though.

Activityamongthemappearstobeasbusyasever.Everynowandthenthroughtheflurriesofdrivensnow,wecanjustmakeouttheirlargedarkshapesastheymove past us through the fog with Aldis lamps winking out their messages,communicatingasbest as theycanwitheachother. Inourownwireless roomtheRTchatteringonendlessly, relaysmessageaftermessageof lengthycodedcommunicationsfromship toship.Wearekeptbusybyendlesslykeepingourcourse and speed in check so as tobe sureofmaintainingourposition, aswesteeraheadblindlyintotheseethingwhitemassinfrontofus.Throughouttheearlyafternoonwiththewindandsearemaininginanangry

mood,wemanagetoploughonuntilaround1500hrsthefogbeginstolift.WeareabletoseealittlemoreclearlynowandwiththeimprovingvisibilityIamabletowatchHMSScyllaandtakenoteofhermovements.Having dropped astern from her vanguard position, she is steaming right

alongsidethecommodore’sship,HMSTempleArch.Joinedbyeightofthelargefleetdestroyerswhoaccompanyheronboth flanks, shebegins to increaseherspeedbeforemakingasweepingturntoportrightacrossthefrontoftheconvoy.

AsIcontinuetoobservehershemakesaturninourdirectionandimmediatelythe blinking flare of her Aldis takesmy attention. She ismaking our convoynumber–eleven…eleven…eleven.OurAldiswinksbackinreciprocationandshecontinueshermessagetous,

Begins. To pennants one one, captain, SSEmpire Baffin from RearAdmiralBurnett.Mycongratulationsonasplendidperformance.Iamproudtohave

sailedwithyou.Ends.

IlosenotimeinrelayingthemessagetoCaptainBrown.Leaningoverthecharttable, his bent head surrounded by a haze of blue cigarette smoke he is soengrossedashe‘walks’hisdividersacrossoneofthechartsspreadoutinfrontof him thatmy handing him thewrittenmessage is the first he knows of theaccoladefromtheadmiral.Anappreciativegrinspreadsslowlyacrosshistiredfaceand,handingmehis

pencilled reply, he follows me out onto the bridge wing where his reply isflashedbackwithoutdelay.

Begins.ToRearAdmiralBurnett.HMSScylla.FromCaptainBrown.SSEmpireBaffin.Asyouappeartobeleavingus,yourdutydone,wethankyouand

wish you God speed. If those in whose safekeeping you are nowleavingus,canequalyourpastministrations,thenweshallbehappy.Ends.

Asafinalsaluteourraggedredensignisdipped.Itremainsflyingproudlyfromour masthead even though, now shredded and tattered, it is almost beyondrecognition.Assheclears theconvoy,and turnsawayonanortherlycourseatfullspeed,Scylla’swhiteensigndipsinreply.Aproudtimeforallofus.Itisexactly1530hrsasHMSScyllamakesherdepartureandwithdrawsfrom

our company. As if this is a sign, great activity and further movementimmediately begins among the rest of the naval escort ships. More of thembreakinglinesalsoappear tobemakingreadytoleaveus.Next tovacate theirconvoy places are a group of fleet destroyers, among them Intrepid andImpulsive,afterwhichinquicksuccessiononeoftheA/Aships,Alynbank,andthefleetoilerGreyRangerfollowsuit,andturnawaycloseinthewakeofthefirstdetachment.By1600hrswhat appears tobe the lastgroup to leaveus,movesout.HMS

Avenger, accompanied as always by her two special escorts,HMSWheatlandandHMSWiltonmovesawayfromherstation.BoththeWheatlandandWilton,

whichhavefaithfullycarriedoutbothA/AandA/Sdutiesintheinterestsofthecarriers’ safety, eventually peel away together, leaving the secondoiler,BlackRanger and the last of the large destroyers, as the last to turn away. Afterbidding farewell to those of us who are left and the exchange of their goodwishes ship to shipbetween thecommodoreandconvoycommander, theyaregone.The totalwithdrawal has gone like clockwork, but those of uswho are left

behind, are undoubtedly feeling extremely vulnerable right now. With littlecomfort remaining in the thought that U-boats could still be lurking in thevicinity, waiting and quietly watching to turn this situation to their ownadvantage,wereturntoourlookoutdutieswithdiligenceandmorethanalittleextraconcern.Wemust all have been watching this reduction in our covering force with

morethanalittletrepidation,andalthoughnonehavecaredtoputtheirthoughtsinto words as yet, I’m sure that it will shortly become the main topic ofconversation.Forthetimebeingatleast,anydoubtsthatareenteringourmindsandinvadingourthoughtsarebeingkepttoourselves.Thereisnoquestionthatthestrong,totalfirepowerofthedepartingflotilla,hasplayedamajorandaveryvitalroleinthesuccessesthatwehaveproducedrecently.Beatingoffsomanyof thepreviousattackscouldneverhavebeenachievedwithout theirdiligenceandfortitude.Butwhatcouldwedo, ifanattackasbarbaricassomewehavealreadyhadtoendureweretohappennow?Eachmanaboard,havingwatchedthisreductioninourcoveringforce,must

nowfeeljustasapprehensiveasIdo.Beingleftwithamuch-attenuateddefence,it isonlynatural to feelunprotectedandexposed.Our soleguardiansnowarethreedestroyers,HMSAchates,Malcolm,andAmazon.OneA/AshiptheUlsterQueen remains, plus four corvettes – HMS Bryony, HMS Bergamot, HMSBluebell and HMS Camellia – and the trawlers and minesweepers are leftbringinguptherear.Today has been one of little action and verymixed feelings. Nowwe feel

forsaken with our safety trembling in the balance. Our highly trainedprofessionals, who had the right tools for the job, have left us feeling prettydefenceless. Looking at our own armaments in comparison to theirs, we arebeginningtofeellikethetotallyunskilled,whohavebeenplungedinatthedeepend.Butwhenitcomesdowntotheartofself-preservation,withfateonoursideandGodwilling,wemust never give up the hope thatwewill in the end beamongthesurvivorsofthiscruelwar.Inthesequieterperiodsremembrancesaregiventhechancetofloodintoour

war-torn minds. Happier thoughts of home become mingled with the infinite

sadness felt for theoneswehavehad to leavebehindusalong theway.Closefriendsandourshipmateswhohavealreadygivenuptheirplaceinthisworldsothatitmaybecomeaplaceofpeaceforfuturegenerations,maynotbereturninghomebutwillneverbeforgotten.Theywereallbraveandselflessmenwhopaidthehighestpricethatwarcoulddemand.For the rest of the day the protracted quiet from above has continued, until

eventually, as the last bright particles of daylight fade, the all-envelopingdarknessofanothernightwrapsitsblacknesstightlyaroundus.Forashortwhileatleastwecanagainfeelsafe.Now,thesteadilyrisingseaswellandthevaryingvisibility are the only two problems left to be contendedwith – well, for themoment,atleast.

Chapter14

Thursday,17September1942

Theveryearlyhoursarestillswathedindarkness.Throughoutthenightwehavebeencontinuallybatteredby theheavyseas,whichseemtohavesloweddownourprogress.Thiswatchhasdraggedalong.Oureyes,alreadytiredfromlackofa decent sleep, strain to penetrate through the darkness that still surrounds us.Theoccasional phosphorescent glowbreakingout on the topsof thewaves astheyrollandchurnawayfromourbowsisallthatwehavehadtofocusonforhours.IpickupmybinocularsandautomaticallyputthemuptomyeyesasItrytoinfiltratetheinkyblackness,butstillthereisnothingtosee.Notevenastarinthe sky. The low cloud formation has blotted them out and is alsoadvantageouslycontinuingtocloakourprogress.Eventhoughthebadweatherchanges bring with them dozens of new hazards to be overcome, none of usreally minds too much. It is this turn for the worse that has been totallyresponsible for grounding the Luftwaffe, and for this we remain eternallygrateful.Nowstrongtogaleforcewindsfromasouth-easterlydirectionwhipupclouds

of frozen spray sending it to cover us from bow to stern. Rapidly fallingtemperatures are increasing the already thick coating of ice that clings to ourupper works, layering the rails with ice until they are swollen out of allproportion. Plunging our way through the heaving sea, the water that we areshippingontothedeckstartsleavingbehindgreatunevenhummocksoficeasitpetrifies almost immediately it hits us, turning our steel deck plates intodangerousskatingrinks.Justkeepingstation isbecoming increasinglydifficultundersuchconditions.Lookoutdutiesonanopenbridgearenotthemostsought-afterofjobseither!

Afteronlyashorttimeyourskinbeginstosting,feelingasifithasbeenpiercedbyathousandred-hotneedles.Theflyingparticlesofsnowandice,drivenhardby the freezingwind, dig into the soft fleshof your face.Thankgoodness forbeards!Eventhoseofuswhohavebeenclean-shavenallofourlivesareintotal

agreement.Afewdays’growthaffordsussomeprotectionatleast,asithasnowbecometotallyimpracticaltoshave.Whatareliefitistoseethedaylightcreepingupfromthesouth-eastatlong

last.Butourreliefisextremelyshortlived,asthedawnhasbroughtwithitthe‘earlybirds’too.Astheskylightens,wecanseethattheJu88sarebackwithusagain,already

circling likevultures.Theykeepwelloutof rangeand flyhighaboveusuntiltheyfeelthatthetimeisrightforanattack.Then,andonly,thenwilltheystrike.Ourescortshavebeenworkingthroughoutthenight.Thenoiseoftheirdepth-

chargingastheybombanyareasshowingsignsofunderwatercontactsontheirasdics, melds with the high-pitched screaming of the wind as the weatherconditions deteriorate even further. It has hindered my every effort at takingeventheshortestsleep.Stilltiredaftermyrestlessnight,Iemergeontothedeckyawningandbleary-

eyed.Slowly,theshapesthatfirstappearonourstarboardsideasonlyshadowsinthegreydusknowbegintotakeonmoresolidformandasthedawnbrightensthey change from just being the elusive shadows of the night into ourneighbouring ships again. One by one they come into focus and, shiftingmyattentionover toourport side, I see thatwehavebeensilently joinedat sometimeduringthenightbyanewcomer.AverylargevesselincomparisontotheBaffin, she creeps at slow speed alongour port side.Her hugedull grey formloomingupoutof thedawn towers aboveus, andyet for all her size shecutsthroughthewatersoquietlythatwehardlynoticedshewasthere.SheispaintedamuchdarkergreycolourthanthatofourownRNships,andwhippingaroundhermasthead,alargedirtyredflag,withagoldmotifatitstopmostcorner,fliestaut. It is thehammerand sickle insigniaof theUSSR.Wearewitnessing thearrival of the Soviet Navy, in what force we cannot tell until the visibilityimproves.Toallofus feelingaloneand forsakenbyourheavyescorts, this isindeedaverywelcomesight.Through the decreasing visibility, we are still able to see that in fact two

Russian destroyers have now joined us. They are the Gremyaschi and theSorushitelniwhichsoonsettleintotheirappointedstations,oneoneitherbeamoftheconvoy,wheretheyaretoactasA/Aships.TheRussianshipsaremore thanapleasantsight tousas theycannowadd

theirweighttoourescortpower.Hugedominatinghulksofships,ridingsolidlyin thewater, theyarenotas tidyas theirRoyalNavyequivalents,butdo lookdarklymenacing.Oncloserinspectiontheirhullsandsuperstructureslookbadlyrust-streaked and sadly in need of a lick of paint. They give the overallimpressionthathavingbeeninserviceforaverylongtime,theyarenowinneed

ofalittle‘cosmeticsurgery’.What is of the utmost importance though is their armament. Each ship

carrying four elevating5inguns and two3inA/Aguns cannot bematchedbyanyofourBritish‘minders’ for thestrengthof their firepower,apart fromoneA/Aship, theUlsterQueen.Pleased thatourRussianallieshave joineduswecontinue tonurseourown ship through the storm.Theverypresenceof theselargedestroyersalonehelpstoeasetheworriesthathaveseededthemselvessostrongly in our minds following the recent departure of Scylla and our mainescortgroup.Theirarrivalhascertainlyrestoredsomeofthelostconfidenceandhope that had so readily abandoned us as we watched them take their leaveyesterday.Wasitreallyonlyyesterday?As normal shipboard routine continues throughout the early hours of the

morning,itbecomesmoreapparentthatthewholecrewisdefinitelyfeelinglesstense thanof late.Thatoldsparkofcompetitionandsurvivalhas returnedandtheatmosphere ismuchmorelightheartedandrelaxed.Towardstheendof themorning we also have the pleasure of the company of a further two Sovietwarships. Like their sister ships Gremyaschi and Sorushitelni, they are bothdestroyers.TheListenevandthejustaslargeandimposingLuzhkovarefinallysettledinplace,oneaheadandtheotherasternoftheconvoy.Gallantly riding thewaves that still threaten to crushus,wepunchourway

southwardintotheprevailingstorm.Thecrewarenowhavingtoworkflatoutinanattempt to remove the thickly accumulating ice fromour structures andarefindingitanincreasinglyhardtasktomaintainasurefooting,as themountingturbulence throws them easily off balance and they are left to slide around,grappling for a firm anchorage on the icy decking. Chipping away at theconcrete-hard masses, their work seems in vain as they try to clear apassageway,sothatatleastsomemovementaroundthedeckcanbeachieved.Inanemergencysituationthishastobemanagedefficientlyinordertogettoourbattle stations in the shortest time possible. They work away hour after hourunderthemosttryingcircumstancesandtheirtaskbecomesendless,becauseasfastas theyclearonesectionandmoveon to thenext, the icebuildsupagainbehindthem.Keepingthegunsfreefromthehamperingiceisdonebytrainingthemround

at half-hourly intervals, while an old deck broom becomes ourmost precioustechnicalpieceofequipment.Itprovesitselfthemostusefultoolwehavewhenit comes to thumping some flexibility back into the canvas covers of theOerlikons. When they become frozen stiff they are one of the mostunmanageablethingsaboard.Thankgoodnessfortechnology!

MorningturnsintoearlyafternoonandduringmynextbridgewatchInoticethat we are being closely scrutinized by one of the newly arrived Russiandestroyers.Approachingfromasternofussheslowlyovertakesonourportbow,and as she does I can see that more than one pair of searching binoculars istrained on us from inside the dark depths of her wheelhouse. Unlike Britishwarships, which have a bridge open to the elements, her Russian officers areabletotakefulladvantageofhavingacoveredbridge,whichmustbeextremelyconvenientwhenhavingtocontendwiththisterribleArcticweather.Hercrew,workingawayferventlytoridherofthethicksheetoficethatclingssolidlytoherbridgefrontarenotasfortunate,noraretheotherswhoarebusilyde-icingthe turretsand the icicle-ladengunbarrels,as theyhave tokeepstopping theirworktohangonforgrimdeatheachtimesherolls,coveringthemwithadelugeoffreezingsprayfromheadtotoe.Afterawhile,andstillleavinguswonderingwhy we seem to have been considered an item of such intense interest, thedestroyermovesaway, leavingus tocontinueourownpersonalbattlewith theelements.Constantly,ourgallantescortsencirclethewholeconvoy,attentivelyweaving

their intricate patterns in the water, ever searching while the hunt for enemystrangersinourmidstgoesonasithasdonesincewefirstleftoursafeharbourinLochEwe.Thatdaynowseemslikeawholelifetimeaway.Havingtoworkevenhardernowbecauseof theirdepletion innumbersafter thewithdrawalofAdmiralBurnett’sforce,theyneverthelessworkondiligentlyhourafterhour.As all remains quiet we plough on. The storm, still raging and forceful,

remainstheguaranteethatwewillbeleftalonebytheenemyforthetimebeing.NowourmainconcernistonursetheBaffinsafelythroughthistempestforwhatremainsoftheday.

Chapter15

Friday,18September1942

Dawnseesaverywildandwindsweptbeginningtothedayandformeitisadayof remembrances. Today is my wife’s birthday and tomorrow will mark theseventh anniversary of our wedding. Julia and I were married in Sunderland,CountyDurham in the calmerpre-waryearof1935, andhow fervently I nowfind myself wishing that time travel could just this once become a reality,enablingmetogivehermyfondestwishesonthisday.ButasIgoaboutputtingonmyendlesslayersofclothinginreadinesstogobackonduty,at leastforafew preciously fleeting moments I find that I can let my mind wander backhomewardtobewithherandourbaby.BorninApril1941,mydaughterJulieisalmosteighteenmonthsold,andyetI

hardlyknowher.Ihavebeenunabletospendanylengthoftimeathomesincetheoutbreakofwarfirsttoremeawayfrommyfamilyinthenorth-east.AtthismomentitisallIcandotowishthemlove,andaboveallsafety,inthesesavagetimes.IpraythatGodwilllookkindlyuponthemandkeepthemsafeandwelluntilsuchtimesasIcanreturn,andwecanbeafamilyunitedoncemore.Returning all too soon to the reality of the moment, my battle with the

elementsbeginsalloveragainassoonasIleavemycabinandmakemywayuptop,inreadinessforthestartofthemiddlewatch.Fightingmywayup the lee bridge ladder, thewindmust be blowing a full

gale force ten, as I have to struggle hard to keep upright against its strength.Eventually,afterabattleroyaltopriseopenthewheelhousedoorIfallthroughitontothebridge.Breathless,witheyesstreamingIhaveaquickscanofthechartto ascertain our position and then I take up my position in front of thewheelhousewindows.FromhereIcantellthatmythoughtsabouttheferocityofthewindare truly justified.Whistlingandgroaningwithapositivelyunearthlysound,itwhinesandmoanslikesomepoortrappedanddementedsoul,thesheerviolenceof itwhipping thesea intoa roaring, savagewildbeast.Thewallsofgrey-greendestructionloomup,hugewallsofwater,risinghighabovetheship

and then curling over, come hurtling down on us, pounding, crashing andtumblingaboardwiththefuryandforceofaniron-cladfist.Reviewingthecargolashedtothewaterloggeddecks,Ihopeandpraythatour

tanklashingswillhold.WildimaginingstaketheirtollonmyhorrifiedmindasIbegin to wonder how on earth we would cope with the dreaded task of re-securingoneof thesemonsters, in theeventofoneof themmanaging toworktheirway to freedom.Theadditionalhazardof a loose tankondeck,with theshipplungingaroundassheisatthemoment,isunthinkable;atrulynightmarethought,anoccurrencethatwouldbealmostcertaintocauseuntolddamage.Outside on the bridgewingoncemore, I have to hangon for dear life to a

lifebuoy mount as I double check the securing cables. With the visibilityremainingbad, theaccompanyingconvoyshipsnowonlyappear tousasdarkindistinct shapes. Large, vague shadows diving through the turbulence, bowsdisappearinginto theheavingdarkwaterwhichengulfs them,waveafterwaveuntilitrunsback,foamingandpouringfromtheirgunwaleslikeNiagaraFalls.Toregaina littlecomfort,mycheckshavingbeenallcarriedout, Iclawmy

way back to the comparativewarmth of thewheelhouse.Clinging hard to thebinnacle,asonereallysevererollalmostmakesmelosemyfootingaltogether,Ifindthatwalkingaroundwithcurledtoescomesalmostassecondnatureafterawhile!The grey smudge of light that is just starting to sweep up from an easterly

directioncanonlyintheloosesttermsbereferredtoasdaylight.Thetoneofthesky hardly acknowledging its presence, barely changes as the thin wisps ofdaylight begin blending into the bleak grey dawn.Mywatch,which has beenuneventful,althoughturbulent,finallydrawstoitsclose.Squallsofsleet,beingblownaroundbythestrongblusteringwinds,rattleouttheirimpatienttattoosonthewindows,andalthoughstillenergeticallypipingawayas Iendmyspellofduty,atleastitappearstohavenowlostthemajorityofitspreviousmalice.AlthoughtheBaffinstillshuddersandshakes,undertheblowsoftheheavily

runningsea,itdoesn’tdetermefromlookingforwardtomyrest.IampleasedtoseethatthetimehasatlastarrivedwhenIcanhandoverresponsibilitiestoMrGrant,ourchiefofficer,and retire to thesanctityofmysettee.Thewarmthofmycabin,immediatelytherapeutic,relaxesmeasIliethawingoutthenumbnessfrommyfrozenlimbs.Theytinglebackintolifeasthewonderfulheatbeginstopermeate throughout my whole body. Small, everyday things, such as thewarmthandcomfortthatwemustallhavetakenforgrantednottoolongago,aresuddenly looked upon in a different light and have now become essentialluxuriestous.As the heat slowly seeps into my frame, and my eyelids become heavily

leadenandstarttoclose,Ifindmyselfdriftingintotheintangiblevoidthatliesbetweenwaking and sleeping. Not fully aware, and yet not asleep either, mythoughtsaresetfreetowander.Icanonlyhopethatmydreamswillbepleasantandnotnightmaresre-enactingtheharshrealitiesofmywakinghours.Dreamsofhomeandofmylovedonescanprobablyhelpbyreplacingthesenseoflossthatweallfeltasthiswartoreuswithoutfeelingfromourhomesandfamilies.Havingtoleavethemaloneinsuchdesperatetimes,withoutknowingiftheyaregoing tobe there towelcomeushomeagain,oreven ifwewilleversee themoncemore in this lifetime, are someof the unanswerable questions, that dailyspinaroundinourheadsandtormentoureverywakinghour.Eventually,inpuredesperation,we turn toourdreams for comfort in thehope that their imagery,somehow, will be able to calm our fears and put an end to our painfullytormentedwonderings.‘To sleep, perchance to dream’, but not all of us are finding that our

unconscious wanderings come as a restorative remedy. Far from calming thetensions thathavebuiltup insideus, some find that instead, their rest isbeingconstantly invadedas theirmindsreproducemorbidflashbacks.Replaysof thehorrendous days just past duplicate all the traumas of recent events over andoveragain.Cryingoutpitifully in theirnightmareworld, for theseunfortunatemen the oblivion of sleep is no pacifier. Their torment is so strong that theystruggletoremainawake.Soafraidaretheyoflosingtheirawareness,sofearfulthatsleepwillcreepinandovercomethemtransportingthembackwardsintime,thattheydrinkendlesscupsofcoffeeorplaycardgamesratherthansuccumb.Pallid,andwithsunkeneyes,theirbodiescryingoutforrest,somehavebecomeapitifulsight.Theywalkaround,theireyesforcedopenandglazed,shockedandinazombie-like trance.Wemustnotunderestimate thestrengthoffear. It isaverypowerfulandpainfulemotionandcanbecapableofturningthestrongestofmen into semifunctioning automatons.Breaking theirwill, it deprives themoftheir much-needed sleep whilst haunting their waking hours too with vividpicturesofmorbiddread.AsIamcalledtobreakfastIreallyappreciatethefactthatIhavebeenableto

sleep reasonablywell over the last fewhours.Downingmy secondcupof teawithout spilling one drop of it suddenly joltsmy awareness into action and Inotice that theviolentpitchingand tossingof the shiphaseasedandhasbeenreplacedinsteadbyamuchmoreacceptableregular,rollingmotion.Approachingtheupperdeck,Icanseethat the lowcloudisalsolifting,and

havingaquickscanaroundtherestoftheconvoyIamverypleasedtoseethatweallappeartobenonetheworseforwear,afterthebatteringthateachoneofushasbeensubjectedtofromtherecentgales.TheescortingRNshipsarebusy

asusual,divinginandoutof thelinesfurtherbehindus,stillmakingsurethateachoneofusintheircarehasnowmovedbackattheirallottedstation.Oneortwo seem tohave strayed a littlemore seriouslyoff course as an aftermathofbeingblownaboutbythestorm,butsoontheytooareherdedbackintoposition.Withthefreshwindthatisnowblowingthelowclouddispersed,thesky,of

thepalestsilvergrey,isalmostclear–tooclearforcomfort,infact!Hardlyarethewordsoutofmymindandtruetoform,spoton1000hrsIsee

thatouroldacquaintance, ‘thesnooper’hasappearedagainoverhead.Backonpatrol,hecircleshighandthenturning,hefliesinonuswithanalmostdefiantgraceasheturnsandbanksawayagain.Continuinghisaerialballetwithaseriesoftwistsandflourishes,andalwaysjustoutofourrange,heswoopshighoverushisenginegrowlingabusively.Notevenbotheringtotakeadvantageofthesmallamountofcloudstillleftfor

cover, he continues his arrogant circles around the convoy, taunting usmenacinglywitheverycircuit thathemakes.Wetakehis threatsseriouslyandmakereadyforaction.Mostdefinitelyaharbingeroftrouble!Remainingalone,hecontinuallyshowsoffhisaerial skillswithmore twists

andturns.Obviouslystillnotreadytomovein,thisdeadly,troublesomeacrobatdropshiswingandlungesoutofthesky.Hefliesinlower,vengefullybuzzingoneoftheshipsattheveryrearoftheconvoyandthendefiantlytiltinghisnoseupintotheairheatlastclimbshighintotheskyaboveus.Flyingofftotheeast,hedisappearsintothedistance.Justaswearetryingtoworkoutwhatonearthallthatwasinaidof,wehearhissecondapproach.Flyingin,justlowenoughtomaintain a level that is above our gun range, he acts as if he is surely thepossessorofdivinepowers.Maybe thecertainty thathis safety iswellassuredstems from the fact thatHMSAvenger isno longer around to launchherownHurricanestocounterattack.Whateverelseheisupto,I’mprettysurethatthisdisplayisnotjusttoannoy

us!Heisalmostcertainlyspottingourpositionandbroadcastingit,probablyaswewatchhimatthisverymoment,toanyotherenemyaircraftwhichmaybeinthevicinity.We are only a hundredmiles to the north of Cape Kanin where there is a

Luftwaffebase,andIcan’thelphopingthatintheeventofafullscaleattacktheRussianAirForcemightyetstillcometoourassistance.Astheclockmovesaroundto1025hrs,theatmosphereisbecomingdecidedly

moreelectricwitheverytick,butallstillremainsquiet,waiting.Thewaitingisalwaystheworst.Itrainmyattentiononthehorizon,keepingitgluedthere,asthecommodore’s

ship,HMSTempleArchnowrunsupher‘enemyairattack’pennant.Itflutters

ominouslyathermasthead,tautinthewind,asalleyesaboardarenowturnedskyward in anticipation.Gun crews at their posts, the reflection of thewaterysunlightglintingofftheirsteelhelmets,havealastminute‘headtohead’astheymurmurquietlyamongstthemselvesandpointintothedistance.Suddenly the urgency of the RT, bursting into life as it indicates enemy

fightersgroupingasternof theconvoy,makes thehairstanduponthebackofournecks.As theordersaregiven itbrings toanabruptendourrespiteof thelasttwodayswhenwehavebeenwithoutanyenemyaction.WithinsecondsoftheRT’swarningwecanhearthefirstsoundoftheirdull

throbbingenginesastheymaketheirapproach.Tensionmountsasthefirstwaveof torpedo bombers appears.Materializing as nothingmore than distant blackspecksatfirst, theyaresoonreadilyidentifiedasHeinkels.Theinitialwaveoftwelve comes in low at sea level. Closing on us with engines roaring theyimmediately re-form and begin their attack on the starboard quarter. At theapproach of this first echelon our RT relays the information that theCatapultAircraftMerchantman(CAM)shipEmpireMorn,ispreparingforthelaunchofher ‘do or die’ sea Hurricane. (CAM ships were equipped with a rocket-propelledcatapultlaunchingasingleHawkerHurricane,dubbeda‘Hurricat’or‘Catafighter’.)Theadvancenotificationgoingout toallships isfor thebenefitofanyover

zealous gunner, who in his haste to counter attack may begin firing at anyairborneobject.This isnot impossiblegiven thestressof themomentandonemight open fire mistaking the Hurricane for an enemy plane before firstdeterminingthatitis,infact,oneofours!Unfortunately, many a newly launched Hurricane, has in the past come to

grief in just thiswaywhenanun-informedgunner firesoff a roundor two inretaliation as he sees the fire and smoke trail from the rocket assisted launchwhichhepresumesisduetothemothershipbeingattacked.WecanheartheHurricane’senginerevvinghardinpreparationfortakeoff.

The noise builds up until it reaches a crescendo, and momentarily the wholeaircraft is engulfed in a cloud of blue-grey smoke. Then with its propellerroaring at full revs thepilot beginshis run.Blastingoff, he is lifted skywardsfromtheCAMship’sforedeckastheflamingrocketsassisthispassagehighintotheairaboveus.TheHurricaneemergesoutofthemidstofthefirelikearisingphoenixandissoonwellclearofthelaunchingship.Once airborne and gainingmomentum he immediately starts his ascent.He

soarsintotheairand,reachingthemiddleoftheconvoy,beginstoclimbsteeplyuntil having gained enough height he begins banking away, disappearingeventuallyintothefardistanceaheadoftheconvoyships.

Thedecisiontolaunchthispilotandhismachinehassealedhisfate.Assoonas he has taken to the air, only one of two options becomes available to him.Makingthefinaldecisionbelongstothepilotandishisalone.Afterusingupallhis ammunition, hemust quickly choose either to ‘ditch’ his plane as near aspossibletooneoftheescortsoralternativelytoheadforthenearest land.Thissecond alternative is only providing he has enough fuel left to do so, anddepends too on how far away the nearest land is. Not very good odds at all,eitherway!Meanwhile the approaching Heinkels are now well within one mile of the

convoy and closing fast. As finally they come upon us, several of them splitfromthemainattackingbodyand,turningaway,leavetheremainder.Thosethatareleftbeginatoncetotearunmercifullyintothecolumnsofshipsbelowthem.Flying in very low on us, they are given an incredibly hot reception and

immediatelymetheadonwith ahail of concentratedgunfire fromall sides asescortsandmerchantmenalikedefendthemselves.Theairbecomesdensewith tracer shell as itwhistlesandwhinesoverhead,

angrilyspewedforthfromthecombinedgunbarrelsofHMSUlsterQueenandtheRussian destroyer,Gremyaschi. Now the other Sovietwarships, followingsuit, alsoopen fire, theirguns rattlingawaynon-stopsendblackpom-pomsofsmokehurtlingupwardsdarkeningtheskyastheshellsburstoneaftertheotheramongthewavesoflowflyingmarauders.Sofullistheskythatitwouldappearasan impossible task togetanotherplane into theairspaceaboveus,butstillmore come in their droves. Joining in the melee and darting about in adeterminedefforttododgetheflack,theytwistandturnwiththeirmachinegunsrattlingoutshowersofwhite-hotbullets.Rainingdownonus,theycutintoourun-armoured superstructure, slicing through the wood with such an apparenteasethatgreatsplintersaretornawayandshowerdownontothedecks.Torpedoes, snaking their deadly way through the water are running close

along our sides, their foaming tails frothing out behind them just under thesurface.Luckilytheirrunshavebeenmiscalculatedandasaresultdetonationisoccurringshortoftheirintendedtargets.Amongthefarmerchantmenintherearcolumns,Icanseethatgreatspoutingpillarsofseawaterarebeingsentcareeringhighintotheairastheyexplode.Still persisting, their choreography of destruction far from at an end, the

aircraftcontinuetoswoopinanddivedownonusfromeveryconceivableangle,seemingly impervious to the vast defensive barrage being hurled back in theirdirection.Takingallthispunishmentintheirstridetheyattackandthenveeroff,appearingunharmed.Quite suddenly, from astern of us, comes the distinct rumble of a large

explosion.Meldingintotheterrificnoiseofallthesurroundinggunfireitisstillunmistakableasthenoiseofoneofthetorpedoeseventuallyfindingitsmark.TheunfortunatevictimisanAmericanship,steamingatconvoyspeedofnine

knots,sheisthesecondshipintheportwingcolumn.USSKentuckyisablaze.Numbered as ship twelve in the convoy she is the next astern from us in theEmpire Baffin. Hit hard amidships, fire has broken out on her almostimmediately. With great tongues of scarlet flame leaping skywards, she isengulfedbyrollingpillarsofdense,acridblacksmoke.Herbridgeon theportside has almost been carried away by the force of the blast, and what littleremainsofitisjustatwistedmassofmetalandsplinteredwood.USSKentuckyisfastturningintoablazinginferno.Asmorefiresstarttorage

amidships loud explosions tear her decks apart. Screams of the injured carryacross the water as her crew can be seen rushing to help the wounded andpreparing, it seems, toabandonship.Succumbing toher injuriessheheaves toand falls out of line. As they make ready to launch her lifeboats, it is fullyapparentthatsheisincapableofgoingon.HMSSharpshooteraccompaniedbyone of the little trawlers,CapeMariato, both pull alongside in an attempt torescuethestrickencrewandtotakethedeadanddyingoutofthefreezingsea.Almost at once, the sky up above fills with renewed activity.Where do theycomefromsosuddenly?Theyseemtoappearasifbymagic,outofnowhere.Thedistinctlymenacingdarkgreen shapesof two roamingHeinkels having

materializedfromthecloudsignoretherestofusandatonceheadstraightfortheUSSKentucky.Bombsflying,theybothbeginafurtherattackontheblazingAmericanvesselandhertworescueships.Afamiliardroningnoise,above,andatveryclosequarters,soondivertsour

attentionsbacktotheimmediatevicinityjustintimetoseealoneHeinkelflyinginatverylowlevel,andrightoverthesecondcolumn.Cominginuncomfortablyclosenow,at justovermastheight,heplaceshimselfwellwithinrangeofourownOerlikon.Asuddenburstofwell-aimedgunfirefrommycrewhitsrightontarget andwhile the rest of our guns hold him, cannon shell is sent punchinghard intohis fuselage. It is obvious that he is verybadlydamaged as fire andsmokepourfromtheaftpartofhis fuselage.Findinghimselfpinned inby therestoftheconvoyfire,hedipsdownbelowthelevelofthebridgeandfliesoutto the frontof theconvoy.Hisengine falters, splutteringashis flightbecomesincreasinglyerratic.Dippingfromsidetosideandfightingfuriouslytoevadetheconstantly following gunfire, his labouring engine finally chokes in one lastdesperateattempttoregainheight.Unabletodosotheaircrafteventuallyheelsover to one side, and being at such a low level, the starboardwingtipmakescontactwiththesea.Totallyoutofcontrol,heflipsoverandbeginsaseriesof

cartwheelsacrossthesurfaceofthewaterwithanuncanny,slowmotioneffect.Withthepropellerstillspinningmadlytheplanedoesonefinalfullturnbeforealoudexplosionshattersthefuselage,sendingpiecesofdisintegratedmetalflyingin all directions. The sea closes over him with only a mass of bubbles andgurglingwaterlefttomarkhisrapiddescent.Onlyaveryfewofthefirstattackingwavenowremain.Theremnantsthatare

leftappear tous tobeslightlymore tentativeandwarynow,whenitcomestoflying in too low.Although they continue to dropdownonus from the cloudcover now and then, they sheer away almost at once, as the concentration ofaccumulatinggunfirefromescortsandmerchantmenisstillsentuptowelcomethem.AfterbuzzingusafewmoretimesthelastoftheHeinkelsalsobeatsaretreat;

butno,notforlong.Ourrespiteisshortlived.Nosoonerhavetheytakentheirleave of us, than we hear the unmistakable drone of yet more distantlyapproachingengines.Howmanywilltherebethistime?Althoughwestillcannotseethematfirst,theysoonbreakcoverandwenow

seeinstantlythatitisafurthergroupofbombers.Beginningtheirdescentfromthe heights, they come at us right out of a heavy bank of cloud which hascollected astern. Almost immediately they begin their bomb drop. Cascadingdown, theirfirst twobombsbothhit thesternsectionof theill-fatedAmericanfreighter USS Kentucky as, slewed out of line and listing badly, she liesdefenceless,slowlybeingengulfedbythecoldArcticwaters.Abandonedbyhercrewandwithnoenginepower,allshecandoisdriftaimlessly.Suchapitifulsight, she lies disabled and forlorn. Scarred and broken her whole carcassshuddersundertheimpactofeachnewexplosion,asmorebombs,followingtherouteofthefirsttwodetonateimmediatelyoncontact.Roaringfiresbreakoutallover her decks both fore and aft and long, writhing tongues of flame beginlickingfeverishlyathersuperstructure.Showersofwhite-hotsparkssprayintotheairflyinginalldirections.Weakenedandquiteunabletowithstandanyfurtherpunishment,thissecond

onslaughtshortensherlifespanevenfurther,andUSSKentuckyatlastgivesupthefight.Rearingupontoherstern,asifwantingtoremaindefianttothelastbreath, her bow raises itself high into the air as she begins her final descent.Slippingveryrapidlybackwards,shebeginstodisappear.Rumblingexplosionscomefromdeepinsideherhullassheslidesbeneaththewavesandoutofoursight forever.Onlya largecircleof churningwater thatbubbles like aboilingcauldronmarksherfinalplaceofrest.Piecesofflotsam,shatteredpiecesofherwoodwork afloat on the surface are all that remainof her, as tonsof iron andsteelmake theirway to thebottomof this icy sea, doomed to lie there for all

eternity.Thetimenowstandsatexactly1130hrs.Frothingwallsofwatereruptinthesurroundingseaasfurtherbombsexplode

around aboutwith suchpowerful venom.They aredefinitelygetting too closeforcomfort.Hugegeysersofwaterspumealoftandbursthereandthereamongtheconvoyasoneafter theother the secondwavedrop their loadsat random.Luckily for us all, nohits are scored, but these attacks areproving a lotmoreunnervingforusbecausetheaircraft,usingthesenewtacticsandbeingabletohide above the clouds, are very rarely sighted for long enough so thatwe cancountertheattackwithourretaliatoryfire.Thenoiselevelrisestoanunbearablecrescendoasmoreandmoreexplosions

occur.Oureardrumsfeelasiftheyarebeingtornapart.Thepainisexcruciatingwiththesheerforceofthesound.Detonationafterdetonationoccurringinsuchclose proximity, and in extremely quick succession, fused with the combinedfiringofalltheguns,isasheerear-splittingexperience.AsthebattleforsupremacyragesourRThaskeptus informedofanyother

groups mustering ahead. A further force, already on the way, are this timeapparentlyplanningtocomeatusintwoseparatewavesfromportandstarboardsimultaneously.Theyappearfromthewesternskyandmakestraightfor theconvoywithout

hesitation,alreadyflyinginsplitgroupsofsixtoportandsixtostarboard.Oncewithin range the portside group drop their bombs early and immediately turnswiftlyaway inorder toavoidasmuchof the retaliatory flackaspossible.Astheytakeourattention,thestarboardgroupcomesinveryrapidly,roaringdownonto us and dropping their torpedoes about half a mile distant. We in turn,merchantmenandescortsalike,continuallybombardthemastheyclose,theideabeingtokeepthemwelloutofrange.Fortunately our tactics appear to be paying dividends. Our firepower has

forcedthemtokeepatsuchadistancethatalloftheirdropsappeartohavebeenmade prematurely.Watching for those telltale white tracks in the water eachtime thecrygoesup, ‘torpedoapproaching’,wecannowseewith thegreatestrelief,thattheyareallfallingshortandasaresultdetonatingprematurelybeforereachingus.Others,being loosedonusat toogreataheightbysomepetulantyoung German can be clearly observed hitting the water at the wrong anglebeforebouncingalonginaccuratelyonthesurfaceandeventuallyexplodingwayofftheirassumedtarget.Wearesorelievedandequallypleasedthatnotoneoftheseerroneousdropshassofarresultedindamagebeingrecordedbyanyofourships.Pleasure though can be all too short lived and it is all too obvious that

although this group has left us unscathed, the ferocity and sheer volume ofgunfireonthestarboardsideoftheconvoyisincreasinginintensity.Atfirstwecannot immediately identify thereasonbutsoonrealize thatwewerenot tobeleftinthedarkforverylong!Although thehigh levelattacksarecontinuing, theyarenowmoresporadic,

andaswefindourselvesmainlyconcentratingon themwedonot,at first, seethataloneaircrafthassuddenlybrokenfreefromtheoverhangingcloud.OnesolitaryJu88isnowintentonflyingstraightatusfromthedirectionof

theportbow.Chargingdownashehomesinonus,his intentionsat thispointcannotbemisconstrued.Thisaircraftisdefinitelyontheattackandbythelookofittooishellbentonskip-bombingourveryownEmpireBaffin!Gettingperilouslyneartousnow,hisenginesroarashecloses,andheflies

onarrogantlydefyingtheflackasthoughitwereashowerofsummerrain.Theplaneseemsalmostwithinour range, sowechallengehimatoncebyopeningfire with all three Oerlikons and Bofors together. Large black pom-poms ofsmokeburstaroundhimbutthefirstroundsdon’tevenhithomeand,althoughthe aircraft shudders, he still comes on. We have not hit him this time, buthopefullywithabitofluckwemayjusthaveupsethisaim!Ourgunsagainrattleouttheirmessagetothis‘gatecrasher’,totellhiminno

uncertainterms,thatheistheunwelcomeguestatthisparty.Linesoftracerflyskywards in hot repetitive bursts, andwe can see that the pilot is being badlybuffetedbytheintensityoftheexplodingshellsinsuchcloseproximity.Thereisnodoubtthathemustbeexperiencingaveryuncomfortablerun.Determinednot to leave before he has completed his one-manmission, and

with a deluge of steel still raining down on him, he releases his bomb loadprematurelyand thankfully theyalldetonatewellbefore theyareable to reachus.Finallyrecognizingthathisdeterminedefforthasbeentonoavail,heturnsawayandpullinguphisnose,makeseveryefforttoclimbbacktothesafehavenof theclouds.Withsuchan intenseandviolentlysuddenalteration to its flightpath,theplaneappearstohangalmoststationaryinthesky.Itisonlyforasplitsecondortwothatitseemstohoverthere,butallthesameitprovestobejustlongenoughtocatchhimwithourguns.Well on target this time, theunrestrained forceof our concentrated fire hits

himbroadside just behind the cockpit area, as he is forcedout of the sky andlosescontrol.Onfireandsomersaultingsideways,heturnsandspinsintoafullcartwheelwith red flames and yellow sparks tracing out his route as he falls.Like a large rotating catherine-wheel he finally plummets into the sea andexplodesoncontact.Thesoundoftheexplosionhasnotstoppedreverberatingthroughtheairwhen

asecondJunkersissighted.Hotontheheelsofthefirst,hefliesupthecolumnsfromasterninastarboarddirection.AswewatchhisprogressthroughtheranksfromthebridgeoftheBaffin,itisthegeneralconsensusofopinionthatthisonewillnotsurvive.Everymerchantshipinturn,ashepassesoverhead,treatshimlikethetargetinaduckshootandfiresonhiminrapidsuccession.Unperturbedby this reception he eventually comes out ahead of the convoy, unbelievablyunscathedafterrunningthegauntlet.Amazedbythewayhehassurvived,weareallbeginningtowonderwhathisnextmovewillbewhenhetakesasuddenturnto port and all becomes clear.He is targetingoneof the escorting destroyers.Spurredonbyhisresiliencenodoubt,heproceedstocloseinforabeamattackonHMSAchates.Escortsandmerchantmenalike,seemingtohavepre-emptedhismove,continuetofireinhisdirection.Stilldodgingnimblywiththemasteryofanacrobat,whilstexecutingaseriesofweavingtwistsandturns,theelusiveJunkers,oncemore,cutsasafepathforhimselfthroughthelinesoffire.Ashisdecreasingrangebringshimeverclosertohischosentarget,andhestillremainsundamaged and undaunted, we are now convinced that he must indeed beleadingacharmedexistence!From our own observation posts we can see that Achates already has her

armament trained round and pointing in the direction of the fast approachingintruder.AssheispresentlysteamingjustaboutamileaheadoftheBaffin,wefind thatwehavequite agrandstandposition fromwhich to review theevent.Ourowngunners,Icansee,areitchingtoopenfireandintercepttheraiderwhoisstillzigzaggingthroughtheskyahead.Theyrequestpermissiontoopenfire,whichIhavetorefuse,instructingtheminsteadto‘standready’asIsensethatthedestroyerisfullypreparedtotakeonthistarget,single-handed.Sowewaitandsilentlywatch.Usinghisaircrafttoaimbeforehemakeshislaunch,theJunkerspilot,flying

less erratically now, steadies hismachine ready for the final blow. Just as hemakes his run and is closing fast on his target the heavy guns of theAchatesspeakforth.Onehugeblastfromherartilleryandtheenemybomberdisappearsinstantly into an almighty roaring burst of flames and smoke as the destroyerfiresatcloserange.Anaccurateroundfromthedestroyer’ssalvofindsitsmarkandhitstheplane’sbombload.Theresultingcombinedexplosionoftorpedoandantiaircraftshellistotallydeafening.Astheblastreverberatesacrossthewater,smoke from thehuge explosionhangs, thick in the air.Heavy, ochre-colouredsmoke,so impenetrable that thepointof impact iscompletelyobliteratedforatime.Thewind,catchingholdofit,blowsitintotwistingswirlsthatthreadtheirwayupwardsanddisperseoutwardsintoamushroomshapeasithitscloudbaseuntilatlastitisclearenoughforustobeabletodeterminewhathashappenedas

the remaining veil of mist and smoke is blown away. Churning white water,illuminatedfromtheflamesofadozenblazingoilpatches,boilsonthesurface.Thisisallthatisleftofthearrogantpilotandhisplaneexceptforafewpiecesofscatteredwreckagethatburnsavagelyastheyrideupanddownandaretossedaroundbytheforceoftheheavingwater.The all-enveloping silence that follows the might of the explosion, as the

aircraftsuccumbedtoitsfate,issoonbrokenbyourgunnersastheyexuberantlylet fly with a round of cheers at having witnessed the fine exhibition ofcontrolledandeffectiveshootingjustdisplayedbytheRoyalNavy.Oneloneenemyplanestillcirclingaboveisthelasttoremain,butcausingno

threattousafterwhathehasjustseen,heisobviouslykeepingwelloutofrange.Flyinghigh,heistakingnochances,andsuddenlywithoutwarningheturnsandrapidly banks away. Soon he is just a speck on the horizon before finallydisappearingintothedistance.Leftaloneagain,relaxationbeginstoreplacethetension,andwecansurveythedamagewhilewedrawnewbreathinreadinessforthenextroundaswediligentlysearchtheskiestryingtoanticipatewhatwillhappennext.Soitis,wefindourselvesplayingthewaitinggameoncemore.Shaftsofpale

yellowlightfromthecoldwintersuncutwindowsthroughthecloudsandnowand thenkindlesmallbeamsofsparkling,excitedripples thataresentdancingoverthewaterfromwavetowave.Luminousandwhite,theyglintbrilliantly,asspreadingovertheseatheypaintthecurvingtopsofthegreywaveswithaveryspecial beautyof their own that lastsonly for an instant and is suddenlygoneforever.Acruelanddisturbingsea,persecutingusoneminuteasitconvulsesinanger,quarrelsomeandinharmoniousitcanalmostinstantaneouslychangetoacalm,unruffledquietness,with the textureofpurecrystal.This iswhy theseawith its transient beauty and itsmultitude of numerous facets never ceases toamazeme.NoneofushasseenorheardofwhathashappenedtotheHurricanethatwas

launchedearlierfromHMSEmpireMorn.Neverthelessweareinnodoubtthatthe pilot will have used his stocks of fuel as well as his ammunition toworthwhileeffect.Hopingthatwhenthetimecamehewasabletomakeasafeandsoundlanding,ourthoughtswentwithhimasheleftthesafehavenofthemother ship and disappeared into the distance. Hopefully we will be hearingsomenewssoon,goodnewswehope,aboutwhathaseventuallybecomeofhim.Justasthepointersoftheclockbeginclosinginoneachotherat1200hrs,we

see the ominous, ‘air attack’, flag being hoisted high atop the mast of thecommodore’sshipyetagain.Respondingquickly,wegettoourpositions,oncemorestandingreadytodefendourlives.

Allremainsquiet.Binoculars pressed hard against our tired eyes move slowly to and fro,

scanning the horizon as we strain in every direction.Where are they comingfrom this time?Wherewill they first appear in this amphitheatreofdeath anddestruction?Discerningeyeswait,riveted,forthefirstglimpseofthosefamiliarblackdotsbearingdownonusagainthatwillheraldanotherattack.Thewordispassed around the bridge to curb the conversation so that we may hear theirapproachbeforecatchingsightof thembutstill theskieswillnotgiveuptheirsecret;westillcannotseeorhearthem.Wehangfireandcanonlywaiton,patiently.At long last, with the time now at 1315hrs, a distant but audible, dull low

rumblingcanjustbedefined.Farawayatfirstsoundingmorelikethedullrattleofthunder,itgetslouderandbecomesmorediscernabletheneareritcomes.But something is different. Something about this sound is definitely not the

same.Itisnotthealltoofamiliardevil’stattoonoiseofthefightersandbombersthat we have become very adept at recognizing. This is a much deeper,drummingsound,labouredandslow.Wondering justwhat the enemynowhas in store for us,we arepoised and

readyatouractionstations,whentheRTspringsintolife.Relayingitsmessage,it informsus just in time, that the twoaircraftwecannowseeapproachingusfromdeadaheadare‘FRIENDLY…repeat…FRIENDLY’.Trundling towards us through the wispy cloud, the ungainly shapes of two

large planes at last emerge. Single engine biplanes, their doublewings joinedtogether with vibrating tension wires, they lumber towards the convoy. Itbecomespatentlyobviouson their approach that theyarenotpowerfulplanes,butthankgoodnessafterallthetensiontheyhavecaused,theyarefriendlyforachange!Asthedistancebetweenusshortenswecanseemuchmoreofthem.Peculiar

inshape,wecanseethattheynowbearmorethanjustapassingresemblancetolargesea-planesthathavebeenfittedwithpontoons!Lookingextremelycumbersomeinappearance theyare,aswell, slowin the

extreme. Eventually they both come near enough for us to see the insigniaemblazonedontheirwings–theredstarofSovietRussia.TheRussianAirForceseemstohavefoundusafterall!We are just beginning to enter into a discussion among ourselves as to

whetherornot theyare tobeournewconvoyguards for the remainderofourjourney,andhow, if theywere, theywouldstandachanceagainst thehuntingpacks of faster and more manoeuvrable Junkers and Heinkels. Before anyconclusion isevendeterminedandaftercompletingonly twocompletecircuits

of the convoy these cumbersomelooking craft, which we identified at last asbeingSovietMBsea-planes,bothturntailandmakeoffinasoutherlydirection.Aswehavenotseeneitherofthemsinceitseemsthatmaybeafteralltheyarenotevengoingtobeputtothetest.As the afternoon wears on, the long spears of sunshine that have been

breaking through the cloud all day soon disappear and the pleasant but stillfreezingcolddaybeginstodrawtoanend.Banksofthickeningcloudblockouttheremnantsoftheweakeningsun,andtheskybecomesgreyandbleak.Blownbyastrengtheningandangrywind, thecloudsdarkenas theydescend,andallaroundustheweatheragainbeginstotakeaturnfortheworse.The sudden changes and the densely low cloud both play havoc with the

visibility,anditisnotlongtoourutterdismaythatweseeagainthe‘airattackimminent’ flag being pulled up to the top of the commodore’s masthead, afurtherwarningtousalltoreturnimmediatelytoactionstations.Moreintruders,althoughwecannotseethem,muststillbelurkingsomewhereintheimmediatearea.Asalways,thewaiting,aswesitsilentlyatourrespectivegunstations,seems

tomakethetimedragonforever.Justaswearebeginningtohopethatthisairattackmessage has been a false alarm the sounds of further groups of aircraftengines at high altitude come drifting ominously to our ears. The distant,familiardroningsoonbecomeslouderastheyapproachusagain.Assoonastheycomeuponus,theirbombsreleasedatrandom,fallrightinto

themain convoy area. Large frothingwater spouts rearing up alongsidemakesomeoftheshipsshudderasafewnearmissesgivethemaverysevereshaking.Luckilymostofthefirstbombspread,havingbeenmisjudged,iswellofftargetand falls outside the perimeter area. Fortunately for us no ships are hit in theinitialattack.Firingbackinfuriousretaliation,someoftheescortsandtheA/AshipHMSUlsterQueenseemtobekeepingthemfrommakingfurtherdropsinmidconvoy.Thebombersseemtobequitehappywiththisarrangement.Contentforthemomenttostaywellupinthecloudtheycontinuetobombblind.Theyarequitesatisfiedenoughtobeheardandnotseenremainingasblursanddarkshadowsintheskyastheyraintheirbombsdownonusatintervals,throughthethick,darkclouds.Foralmostanhourweremaininthissituation.Thebombersrefusingtoshow

themselves just incase the tablesare turnedand they, thehunters,became thetargets insteadofus,whileweare left tofirerandomlyatanyfleetingshadowthatresemblesanaircraft,withthehopethatwemightstrikelucky.Eventuallywithneithersidegettinganywhereintheraceforsupremacy,our

opponents eventually give up and head for home. Their engine noises slowly

wane and fade, until at last they die away completely. After the noise ofbombingandexplosionsaninordinatequietsettlesoverus.Timetopartakeofthepleasuresofaswiftlysmokedcigarette.Abreakfrom

thetensionishelpedbythestewardandhisassistantwhohaveonceagainrisentotheoccasionplyinguswithmugsoftea.Revivedbyitswarmingsweetness,aturnofthedeckallowsmetohaveawordwiththegunners.OnmyapproachIcan’thelpbutnoticethebeamingfacesofourBoforscrew.Itdoesnottakelongformetofindoutthereason.TheyarelayingclaimtoshootingdownoneoftheJu88s,whiletheOerlikongunners,insimilarjocularmood,arefullofreportedhitsontwodefinitetargets.OnseeingtheirshellsexplodeinthewingrootareaoftheJunker,theyhadcontinuedfiring.Theplane,droppingoutofthesky,hadonewingexplodeandbreakaway from the fuselagebefore spinningandnosediving toearthwhere it fellstraight into thewaterasternof theA/Aship.Thesecond, aHeinkel, appeared to have taken hits between thewing and the tailplane.It toodroppedrapidlytowardsthesea,butseemedtorecoverenoughtoflyofferraticallyatalmostzerofeet.Justaboutincontactwiththesurfaceofthewater,andwithflamesandviscousblacksmokebelchingfromtheregionoftheportengine,itlimpedaway.Allreportedclaimshavetoberecordedandfiledandit isasIamfilingthe

lastof thesegunneryreportsforthiswatchthat thefinalordercomesat last tostanddownmycrews.Ahecticday,Ithinktomyself,asIleanonthebridgerail.Itissoveryquiet

andcalmnow,makingitsomuchhardertobelievethemayhemgoingonherejustashortwhileago.ThesoporificnoiseofthewaterbeingpushedbackfromthebowsoftheshiphasaprofoundlycalmingeffectasIrelaxandgivethanksthatwehavebeensparedyetagainbeingallowedtoseeanotherdaydawn.Itisnogoodtoharbourtoomanymemoriesoftheterrorsofyesterdayorto

worryaboutwhattomorrowwillbring.Fateholdsthekeytowhatisinstoreforus.Thiswarhastaughtustolive,notevenbythedaybutbythehourinstead,takingeveryminuteasitcomes.Ifonlytheycouldallbefilledwithenjoyment,whataworldthiswouldbe!So it iswith a heavy sighof relief that I continue to lookout over thedim

rollingwaters.TheriseandfalloftheBaffin,safeinthewatercomfortsme,asIwatchtheverylastraysofeveninglightslowlydieandblendtogethertomeldwiththeebonydarknessabove.I turn away, hoping against hope that the obscuring inky blackness of the

nightwillaffordusallsomecomfortafterthetrialsandtribulationsthatwehavebeenforcedtoendurethisday.

Chapter16

HazardsandBlizzards

Darkness,drawinginquicklyaroundus,hascomeearlierthanusual.It isonly1700hrsandalreadyweareforsakencompletelybytheretreatingdaylight.Theskyisinsidiouslydenseandthelow-bankedcloudhavingsmotheredthestarsbyitsdescent,nowliesheavilyaboveblanketingtheirbrilliance.Theweathernowtakesamoredefiniteturnfortheworse.Withtherisingwind,temperaturesarefalling rapidly,whichmakes it lookmore than likely thatwewill see anotherdustingofsnowwellbeforemorning.Life for us at themoment is one unendingwar. It seems as if nothing else

existsbutturmoil.Whenwearenotfightingtheenemywearefindingourselvesin close combat with the elements. Scarred and war-torn by an unrelentingenemy, the ships are fullofmenwhoareworn to thepointof exhaustionandtorturedmercilessly as they are pounded by tempestuous seas which hammerthemalmosttothepointofdestruction.Havingtoenduresomeofthecruellestconditionsknowntoman,wemustremainstrongenoughtostaythecourse,notgivinginuntilwehavecompletedourhazardousmission.ThebitternessofthenorthernwintersthatIhavesooftencomplainedaboutathomeinthenorth-east,will, I’msure, feelonmyreturnasmildasaspringday incomparison to thisintensecold!Withthelastraysofdaylightdwindling,ourlookoutshadreportedadefinite

sightingofland.Now,throughthedarknessifyoulookhardandlong,itisjustdiscernableasalowblackoutlineinthedistancelyingaheadonourportbow.Just prior to the onset of darkness all ships had received a signal from the

commodore.Asaresultofthisthewholeconvoyhasnowbeenreformedandisrunning in two columns. Referring to the charts, we can see that, in allprobability, thishasbeendonetoensurewehavesafepassageaswenegotiateourentranceintotheWhiteSea.Nowformedintotwocolumns,westeamonchartingourprogressthroughthe

night and we find that we are just off the coast of Cape Gorodetski. Acomplicatedchanneltonegotiateevenundermoreidealconditions,thisisgoingtoproveafurtherhazardtocontendwithinouralreadydanger-strewnlives.Thedeterioratingweather has broughtwith it a strengtheningwind that has begunwhipping the sea into a frenzy. These conditions between them now seemdetermined to push us right off course, therefore further complicating ourapproachtothisalreadycomplexchannel.

Theominousportentofyesterday’ssunsethad indeednot lied touswhen itindicated worsening weather to come. Now well into the midnight watch thebitingArcticwind ishowlingout itsdispleasureoncemore,buffeting theshipfuriously from side to side she pitches around until we are almost unable tostand.Moderatetogaleforce,itdrivesthefreezingrainbeforeit.Darksheetsofwater tower mast-high, crashing down on us with a thunderous roar as waveafter huge wave comes aboard in relays. Blinded as well as soaked by thefreezingwater,wecanonlynavigateandtrytokeeppositionbyrelyingtotallyonourinstruments.Thewholeextendedconvoyisnowbeingthreatenedbytheweather’sdestructiveforce.Howalonewefeelhereinthedarkness;wearenoteven able to make out the outlines of any of the following ships and can donothing but push on blindly through the lashing rain trusting to luck and ournavigationskillstoguideus.The rain, fast turning to snow,begins to swirl intoablizzardandonemore

hazardisaddedtothealreadyimpossibleconditions.Cocooningtheshipwithinamaelstromofhailandfreezingsnow,thestormhasustightlyinitsgrasp,heldprisoner inanunrealandfrighteningworldwherewefeel totally lostandveryalone.Fightinghardtomaintainasoutherlycourse,bothshipandmenbattleagainst

themalevolentelements.ThepooroldEmpireBaffinwrithesandtossesaboutasshe bravely takes a severe thrashing from the weather. Her engines drive herforwardasshetriestomakeheadwaythroughthepounding,angrysea.Shippingtonsofsteel-greywatershelurchesandbumpsaboutwildlyintheheavybeamsea,sendingeverythingthatisnotsecuredcrashingaboutusinthewheelhouse.Evenstation-keepinghassuddenlybecomeanextremelyperilousoccupation.Itis still totally impossible to seeanything fromwithin thecloseconfinesof thewheelhouse sowe have had to take it in turn to stand out in the open on thebridgewings in order to get a less obstructed view of our surroundings. Eyesstrainingtothelimit,thelashingsaltwaterstingsoureyesaswetrytopickoutthe vague shapes of the next ship ahead and abeam in order to keep at a safedistance from them.Wecouldnot survive a collisionormaintain life in thesemostextremeofconditionsforanylengthoftime.Beatingahastyretreatfromthebridgebacktothewheelhouseafteraveryshortspaceofobservationtime,we have tomove quickly as our clothes freeze and stiffen against our bodiesalmostimmediatelytheyarewet.Thiswatchisfastbecomingnothingmorethananintolerableicynightmare!Full gale force winds now use every ounce of their strength in one last

determinedbidtoblowusoffcourse.NowwiththefullfuryoftheArcticturneduponus,theflyingrainisturnedintothickflurriesofsnow.Thishaseventually

succeededinbringingwhatlittlevisibilitywehaddowntonil.Havinghad towithdrawmostofourdeck lookouts from the ferocityof the

elements,thishadreducedtheirnumberstoonlytwomen.Eventheremainingtwo have now been forced to come inside to the warmer confines of thewheelhouse.Glad toclose thedoorat laston theatrociousblizzardconditionsoutside, their faces red andweatherbeatenby the stinginghail and snow, theystationthemselvesinsteadbytheportandstarboardwindowsofthewheelhouse.Thepleasureafterbeingoutsideforsolongisreflectedintheirfaces.Fromthesteampipesthatrunbybothsidescomesacomfortingwarmthfor theirfrozenfeet.Soddenseabootsarequicklydiscardedastheywiggletheirsock-cladtoesintheheat,desperatelytryingtobreathenewlifeintotheirbadlyfrozenlimbs.Neworders via theRT tell us that as an added precaution,we are to begin

burning full navigation lights.Hopefully thiswill help to avert the dangers ofcollision.Steaminginsuchcloseproximityisalwaysariskinitself,addedtotheatrociousconditionsitjustaddstoourvulnerability.Still trying to beat us into submission, the dreadful stormnever lets up and

rages continuously throughout the night as the full force of nature is releaseduponus.Althoughweusually fear the daylightmore because there is amuchhigherriskofattack,tonightwefindourselvesactuallyprayingforthereturnofthedawn.At last,prayersanswered, thefirstglimmerofdaylightbegins toshowwhat

the position really is.We could not hope to cover every eventuality, and thebrighteninglightsoonrevealsthedreadedaftermathofthestorm’sferocity.In theanaemic,watery-thinfirst lightofdaywebegin toseewhat thenight

hastriedtokeepsecret.Thetempest,wreakinghavoconthelinesofmerchantshipsandhaltingtheirforwardprogress,hasforcedmanyofthemfaroutoftheirallottedpositions.Insteadofbeingabletoholdontotheircoursetheyhavebeenmadeto‘gowiththestream’.Theheavingsea,whippedintoamightyfrenzybythewinds,haspushedthemaroundindisarrayandthestragglingmerchantshipsareaverywoebegonesightbobbingaboutonaseastillboilinglikeaseethingcauldron.Weourselvesarepracticallyhoveto,andarejustmanagingtostemtheswell

at our lowest speed. With the wind now just edging towards the northernquadrantallwecandoatthepresentmomentistoconform.Theothershipsdolikewise.Breakfast today is nothing more than a ‘stand up’ affair. The cooks and

stewards could not possibly be expected to work to their normal menu thismorning.Howtheymanagetoproduceevenahalf-filledmugofteaundersuchstressfulcircumstancesisamiracle.

Inourgalleythepotsandpansseemtohavesuddenlytakenonalifeoftheirownand,breaking freeof their restraints, canbeheardcoursingwildly acrosstheworksurfaces!Thekettles,beingonlyhalffilled,havetobesupervisedallthe timeuntil theyboil, thestewardsgivingeveryattention to themso thatwemight have our first rejuvenating brew of themorning on time. In the saloonsomeoneleavesgoofamugforasplitsecond,andstraightawayitbecomesamaverick thing.Dashingoff along the table, contents spillingoutas itgoes, itbouncesalonglikeacircusacrobatuntilitsescapeiseventuallystoppedbytheagile hand of our wireless operator, ‘Sparky’ Robinson. When the tea iseventually safely contained inside us, together with the added bonus of asandwich, we turn our attention back to what the weather has in store for ustoday.Conditions remainmuch the sameas the restof thedaygraduallywearson

and the officers instigate extra badweatherwatches. This entails two officersbeingonwatchtogether,andtheadoptionofa‘fourhoursonfouroff’policy.Atthemoment,with thewholeconvoyhaving torideout thestorm, it is thebestthat we can do under the circumstances. By common consent, our crew fromfore and aft together with the cooks and stewards are now camping outamidships in the saloon area. While the present weather persists, it is mucheasier for them to be fed andwatered here than to rely on having theirmealstakenalongtotheiraftquarters.Itremainsquestionabletooifinfacttheywouldevergetthere,sotheyarehappiertoeatandbunkdowninthealleyways.The rest of the day has passed very slowly and throughout the storm has

remainedinanunrelentingmood.Tomorrowthoughisyetanotherdayandwhocansaywhatfurthertrialsandtribulationsitwillbring.Fornowitremainsamysterytous,aswetrytopasswhatisleftofouroff-

duty hours.Games of cards and cribbage are keeping the crew amused at themoment. Some are huddled together in small groups challenging each othernoisily to draughts and dominoeswhile one or two playmore quietly, hiddenawayinacorner,unspeakingastheyporeoveramoreseriousgameofchess.Notdaringtohazardaguessastowhatthedawnwillheraldin,wewilldeal

with itandall itsprofanitieswhenitcomes.Ascompletedarknessblanketsusyet againwe hope against hope that tomorrowwill dealwith us a littlemorekindly.

AlfredGrossmithMason,SecondOfficerSSEmpireBaffin.

JuliaandAlfredMasonwithdaughterJulie.

HMSScyllaatLochEwe.

HMSScyllaicedup.

Acrewmanattemptingtosignalwithaniced-upAldislamp.

HMSMilneshowingcrewmenattemptingtoclearicefromdecksinsub-zerotemperatures.

SSEmpireBaffin.

HMSAvengerinheavyseasshowingSeaHurricanesstrappedtoflightdeck.

PQ18underattack.

TorpedoexplosioninconvoyPQ18.

ThedemiseoftheUSSMaryLuckenbachasseenfromthedeckofHMSAvenger.

ASwordfishbeingarmedwithatorpedo.

Thenavalescortkeepsanever-watchfuleyeontheconvoy.

Anaerialviewoftheconvoy.

AGermanairmanawaitsrescueafterbailingout.

Swordfishtorpedosquadron.

HeinkelHe111

HawkerSeaHurricanes

Chapter17

Sunday,20September1942

Daybreakandtheheavyseasappeartohavemoderated,calmingtheturmoiloflastnight.Blizzardconditionshaveceasedandonlyalightpowderingofsnowcontinues.Soonthetrueextentofthestormdamageisbetrayedbythesteadilyincreasingvisibility.We,andothershipsinourimmediatevicinity,arenowabletoalterbacktoconvoyspeedandcourseasweareherdedbacktoourstationsaidedbythebusyescorts.Nowthatwehavebeenabletoincreaseourspeedoncemoreitisnottoolong

beforewecatchupwiththerestofthemainconvoywhichhadbecomedetachedfromusduringtherigoursoflastnight.Loomingoutofthewhitesnowflurriesand appearing at first as hazy dark shapes, they soon take on a more solid,familiarform,andasweclosebackintoourplaceinthecolumns,wecanhearthat their crews are already busily hammering away in order to clear theaccumulated ice that has built up during the hours of darkness. The sound oftheirhammersechoesoverthewaterastheychipawaytofreetherailsandgunsthataresoheavily ladenwith tonsofconcrete ice.Thenoiseseems tobounceerratically from ship to ship as crews on nearby vessels also begin the dailydisengagementoficefrommetal.Thestifflyfrozenguncoversstandtoattentionasifpetrifiedandhavetobe

beatenback into lifeuntil theyarepliableenough tobe removed.Thisalwaysappears to be one of the more favoured of daily chores, and is usuallyaccomplished withmuch greater enthusiasm than some of themoremundanetaskstobedealtwithondeck.Duetothefact that thesehecticbeatingsof thecanvasaregoodexercise, theclearingof thecovershasbecomeaprimechorethat is coveted andgreatly sought after – firstmen to thebroomsget the job!After an initial scuffle the victors are rewarded. Soon, with their sluggishcirculationre-awakened,theycanbaskintheglowofnewfoundinnerwarmth.It isduringtheearlypartofmynextwatchthatwebegintoenter theswept

channelintotheWhiteSea;nowweareapproximatelyonehundredmilesfrom

theentrancetotheRiverDvina,onwhichstandstheportofArchangel.Even though thesavageswellhasnowdecreasedsincewefounda leefrom

the landfall, it still remains rough enough to tumbleus around everynowandagain, especiallywhenwe are least expecting it, but themotion is nothing incomparisontowhatwewerehavingtoendureyesterdaywhenwewereheavingand rolling as much as thirty degrees on each side of the vertical, every tensecondsorso!At last thewholeconvoyisre-formed.With itsformationtightened, the last

fewof the stragglers are roundedupby the escorts.Now, thanks to thebettervisibility,wecantakethetimetoscrutinizethecoastlineetchedinthedistanceoneithersideof theBaffin.Ourfirst impressionisofaverycoldanddesolateplace. Featureless, the barren and heavily snowbound land is outlined in starkprofileagainsttheleadensky.Aftersuchalongtimespentinlookingforwardtoreachingourdestinationourfirstimpressionsarethataverygrimandforbiddingcountryawaitsus.I am in fact doublypleasedwhenmywatch comes to an end and I canget

below.IamsolookingforwardtogettingproperlythawedoutinthewarmthofmycabinwhereIdon’thavetobefurtherdepressedbytheunwelcominglookofthe approaching land when the warning alarm again shatters the silence. NosooneramIbelowandalmosttomycabinwhenthesignalcallsformyreturntothebridge.Rushingbackalongthealleyways,mencollidewithmeastheytumbleoutof

theircabins.Invariousstagesofdresstheyallrushurgentlytotheirposts.Oneman, hopping the length of the alleyway lets fly with an oath or two, as hestrivestopullonastubbornseabootoveranevenmorestubbornandrumpledsockthatdefiesallhisangryandblasphemouseffortstoconform.Onmyreachingthebridge,MrGrant,thefirstofficerrelaystheRTmessage

that is the cause of the alert. The word has been relayed from one of theescortingwarships that there isanunidentifiedformationaheadof theconvoy.Binocularstrainedahead,allconversationceasesaswelistenintentlyforthosetelltaleenginenoisesthatwillheraldtheirapproach.Astheseaisstillheavingandrollingusaround,Icanalmosthearourgunners layingbets thatanywell-aimedfireisgoingtobealmostimpossibleintheseconditions.The first aircraft is spotted as it breaks through the ragged low cloud, just

slightly to theport sideofus.Approaching fast itbegins todive,keeping lowwith engines whining, the pilot begins his attempts to line one of us up as apotentialbombing target.Another tenor twelveof themappearbehindhim inthisformation.TheyareallJu88sandaseachoneappearsandtries to jettisonhis bomb load, a barrage of strong retaliatory fire is instantly and forcefully

hurled back into the sky from merchantmen and escorts alike in a combinedattempt to totallydisrupthis aimandattack.Bombing is randomand the twincolumnsofconvoyships, although theydisappearnowand then into the thickmist of flying spray thrown up as the bombs hit the sea and detonate, aremercifullyall leftunscathedafter thefirstround.Mostof theintruders,putoffby the fiery greetings of the reception committee, do not remain in the nearvicinityforanylongerthanisnecessary.Nosoonerhavetheyturnedawayandthenextwaveisuponus.ThissecondwaveonlyappearstoconsistofthefewJunkers that are left over from the first andwhichhavenot already exhaustedtheirbombload.Theytoobeatahastyretreataftertheirbombsaredropped.Sohaphazardand indeterminate is their aim thatnodamage is recorded.All theirbombsappeartohavedetonatedinthesea.Oneortwostillhangback.Remaininghighandkeepingwelloutoftheway

of our guns, they continue to play their game of ‘now you seeme, now youdon’t’. Flying briefly in and out of the clouds they attempt to confuse ourrangefindersandfollowingguns,teasingusallthewhileintoalengthygameofcatandmouse.AswearenowcloseenoughtoseetheRussianmainland,wehopethatmaybe

someoftheirforceswilleventuallycometoouraid.Althoughnonehaveputinanappearance,welistenhardfor thesoundsofanyaerialcombat takingplaceoutofourvisionabovethecoveringcloud,butitseemsthatweareallaloneinthislatestfighttosurvive.Eventually the Luftwaffe seems to have had enough of taunting us and the

enginesoundsdriftaway.Peaceandquiethasreturnedandaswetakestockitispleasing to note that the whole convoy is still intact and, undamaged by theenemy’slatestattemptatdestruction,weallplodon.Asthecommodore’sshiphoiststhe‘allclear’signal,myeyesarecarriedtothetopofourownmasthead.Happily I see that our own ‘red duster’, although tattered almost beyondrecognition,stillfliesproudly,flappinginthewind.Theboisterousweatherstillblightsourprogress,aswepresson,andevennowthedaylightturnstoduskandquicklymergesintothedarknessofyetanotherevening.Hourafterhourpassesbysoslowly,butwitheach turnof thehandson the

clockthedayofourarrivalinportdrawsevernear.Mileuponmile,westeamonthroughthenight,andatlastthecloudedskiesbegintoclear.Thecrisp,velvetblacknessof thenight ispuncturedbya thousandstarsas theyare liberatedatlastfromthecloud.Studdedacrossthefirmamentlikediamondeyestheylookdownonus,asifwatchingourprogress.It seems to have crept up on us from out of the darkness, but at last our

anchorageisverycloseathandasweentertheinlettotheDvinaRiver.Atthis

pointwearefinallyabletodropanchor.Thenoiseofthewinchandtherattleoftheanchorandchainasitdescendstothedarkdepthsoftheriversaysitall.Wehavefinallyarrivedsafely inSovietRussia.All that remains is forus tobeginourwaitfortheSovietpilottocomeaboard.ItwillbehewhowillnavigatetherivertakingusfurtherontothefinalstageofourjourneywhichwillendattheportofArchangel.

Chapter18

Monday,21September1942

I enter the date in the log as I report the events of my first watch at ouranchorage.Avirtualhavenafterwhatwehaverecentlyendured,evensoithasstillbeenarougholdnightallround,andsofarthereisstillnoletupfromtheprevailing, arduous conditions that have dogged us almost continually. Galeforcewinds,howling likedementedbanshees,haveagain sent the temperatureplummeting,andthisinturnisreflectedbyallofusonthiswatch.Eachmanismuffledbeyond recognition again asour survival in this extremecolddictatesourapparel.Thedarkness isalmost impenetrable, likeasolid,pitch-blackwallinfrontofus.Asalltheconvoyhastoobservethefullblackoutruleandtherearenoshorelightswehavetorelyonourinstinctsalonetoguideus.Severaltimesalready,Ihavehadtoscrambleinmyblindness,grapplingmy

wayfor’ardtothefo’c’sleheadtocheckthatouranchorsarestillholdingintherisingswell.Tousledandtorturedbytheseverityoftheelements,andskiddingalongdecksthatarefrozenashardasaskatingrink,IslipandslidearoundasItrytogetmybearingsintheblackness.OnmyarrivalIampleasedtoseethatallremainswell,andsoI turn, retracingmystepsonly tomeet thehazardsof thereturnjourneyalloveragain.AsIstruggleback,losingmyfootingonmorethanone occasion and ending up among the deck cargo, I also have the chance toobserve first hand, that the lashings are holding firm too, even though theturbulentwater is still able to push us aroundwith seemingly no effort at all.Strainingatheranchorchains,whichgroanunderthepressureofthewind,theBaffinholdsfast.Dawnbringswith it the confirmation thatweareholdingourground in the

faceofadversity,butalsorevealsthattwooftheAmericanfreightershavebeenmuchlessfortunate.Sadlytheyhavefoughtalosingbattlewiththeelements,thedaylightshowingthattheyarestuckhardaground,justinsidetheriverentrance.Withthenewday,comestheunwantedvisitofanotherwaveofenemybombers.Fulllighthashardlyarrivedwhentheyappearhighaboveus.Willtheyattackor

are we to be used again as a target on which to practise their indiscriminatebombing tactics? Keeping high and continuously circling, they appeardeterminedtostaywelloutofrange.Twooftheescortsfireafewroundsinthebombers’generaldirectionwhile the rest arecontent, for themoment, tokeeptheirarmamentstrainedandfollowingtheenemy’severymove.Afteronemorecircuitwithoutcominganynearer,theplanesturnaway,dissolvingbackintothecloud and are soon out of sight. Still there has been no intervention by theRussian fighters thatwe had earlier hopedwould come to our aid.Under thecircumstances a little support would have been extremely welcome, but themarauders,havingturnedtailagain,havenowleftusatpeaceenablingustogobelow, where we can drink in the warmth with the enjoyment of a goodbreakfastuppermostinourminds.Comparedtotheangerofthetossingseasthatwehaverecentlyencountered,

the swell, aswe riseand fall atouranchorage,goesalmostunnoticedandourfirstmealofthedayistakenincomparativecomfort.Platesthatstayinfrontofuswhileweeat,insteadofmovingoutofreachbetweeneachhurriedmouthful,andcupsofteathatremainfulluntilwehavedrainedthelastdrophavebecomeanalmostforgottenluxury!Aswewaitfor thearrivalof theSovietpilotswhowillguideusup the river toourberthingpoints,we takefulladvantageof thesituation.Latemorning,andourlookoutsreportsightingasmallcraftheadingtowards

usfromtheshore.Asitdrawscloserweseethattherearethreemenonboard.Fenders are flung over the side by one of her crew and when she is almostalongsidehesignsthathisintentionsaretoboardusonthestarboardside.TheresoundingringofwoodonmetalandourropeladderisunfoldedandsnakesitswaydowntheBaffin’sside.Amuffledfigureinahugefurhatandankle-lengthcoatclimbsonboard,helpedover theslipperyrailbyawaitingcrewmember.Ourpilotisnowwithus,andatlast,thefinalstageofourlongjourneytoRussiaisabouttotakeplace.Puffing as he heaves himself up the outer ladder and on to the bridge, his

warmbreathleavingavaporoustrailinthecoldairwiththeexertion,heatlastpresents himself to us with a nod of the head, before disappearing inside thewheelhouse.Wefollowtoseeifthereisanythingheneedsbutourquestionsaremetwithstonysilence.Itdoesn’ttakeustoolongbeforetherealizationdawnsonusthatwehavebeenblessedwithapilotwhodoesnotspeakEnglish.He,inturn, begins trying his hardest to communicate. Taking off his thick woollengloves, he proceeds to use a combination of rather inexplicit hand signals,punctuated every nowand again by a series of rasping grunts. Pointing to thetelegraph, he shakes his head, so signing back to himwe ask if hewants the

anchor taking in. No response meets our request, just a blank expressionlessstare.Howarewegoingtomanage?Anotherseriesofwildlywavinghandsonboth sides, and all at once he seems to sense the situation and signals moreslowlyandclearlythathewantsustowait.Leaning nonchalantly against the binnacle, he begins to whistle to himself,

tappingoutthetunewithhisfootasanaccompaniment.Seeminginnohurrytoget going, hewatches the other ships heaving to andmovingup the river andherehestaysuntilhissurveillanceisoverandafrenzied,windmill-likegestureassuresusthatitisnowdefinitelyourturntomove.Repositioning himself on the outer bridgewing, hemakes sure thatwe are

free of our binding anchors, andwith engines turning slowlywe are breakingthrough thewateronourwayat last.Aswepass the twogroundedAmericanfreighters,weseeforthefirsttimethattheyhaveunfortunatelybeenjoinedbyathird.Allthreearewellandtrulystuckfastaground.Our engines throbbingat ‘slowahead’,wepass slowlyby them,butoneof

ourcrew,onseeingtheshipshardagroundandunwillingtomoveaninch,drawstheattentionofhislessobservantmatestotheirfatebyshouting,‘Hey,lookatthis, thosebloodyYankswill goout of theirway to colonize any sparebit oflandtheycanlayhandson!’TheAmericanstakeitwithagoodheart,andwaveto us in reply before returning to the task of furiously trying to extricate theirstrickenvesselsfromthegraspofthesludgethathasthemtightinitsgrasp.The bridge is noticeably quieter than usual. Not a word is being spoken

betweenpilotandhelmsman,butat least theyhavecome toanunderstanding.Being given his orders by a swift wave of the hand left or right, whicheverapplies, theman at thewheel acknowledges themwith a knowing nod of thehead.So this ishowweproceedup thisextremelydismal riveras through thedarkswirlingeddiesourbowscutsmallwavesintothewater.Theyfanoutoneither side, washing away from us with a flurry, until finding the bank, theyeventuallywash up to lap at the base of the passing clumps of heavily snow-laden treeswhich aregrowing rightdown to thewater’s edge.Apart from thetrees,standingoneithersideofthechannelastallandstraightasguardsmen,theplace is quite desolate. Threading our way forward, very slowly and withextremecaution,astherearenobuoysoranyonshoremarkerstoguideus,wecreepstealthilyupthecentreofthechannel.Nowandthenalongtheway,smallclearings appear. In each of these openings among the tall, dark trees areroughly-built logcabins.Doorsclosedagainst theweather, theyat first appeardeserted, but dimly flickering lights from the tiny windows and fronds offeatherybluesmoke,lazilycurlingasitdriftsupwards,betraysthefactthattheyareindeedinhabited.Althoughweseenoone,weallhavethesamesensation,as

ifoureverymovementisbeingwatched!Now,byourcalculations,weshouldsoonreachourportofcall.Inlittlemore

thananhourweshouldbeberthedinArchangel.

Chapter19

BerthedatLast

AfteraveryslowandmonotonoustripuprivertheBaffinisswungcompletelyaroundbeforeweeventuallyfindourfinalberth.Starboardsideontothequayiswherewearebeingplaced.Therearealreadythreeothershipstiedupaheadofus.Berthedas close aspossible to eachother,we slip inquietlybehind them,followedbyoneoftheAmericansandaPanamanianfreighter.Soonthewholelength of the long wooden quay is full to capacity with six ships in all, fourAmerican,onePanamanianandus,theloneBritishvesselamongthem.Nowinplace we will be remaining close neighbours for the duration of our stay innorthernRussia.Withalltheworkbehindusforthetimebeingwecannowtakemoretimeto

note our new surroundings.Thequay, on closer inspection, iswoodendeckedwith a concrete facing. A double track railway line, red with rust and as yettotally unoccupied by any engine or rolling stock, runs the full length of it.Coursingoffatrightanglesonthefarsidearerowuponrowofstark,roughlybuilt, wooden huts. Trying to see further than the last row of these huts is atotally impossible task,becausesuddenlywe find thatourview iscurtailedbytheintrusionofahighbrickwall,sohighthatitmakesitlookasifnothingatallexistsover theother sideof it.Lastofall is theveryunfriendly feeling that itimmediatelybreeds inallofusonlookers.Asourrovingeyesreach the topofthehugewall,wecanseethatitistoppedoffalongitsfulllengthwithloopsofcoiledwire,springingfromwhicharethousandsofmalicious-lookingtwoinchbarbs.Lookingdownfromourvantagepointonthebridge,aswewaitfortheword

thatwearefinallysecuredforeandaft,eventheunwelcomingbleaknessofthewindswept quayside, the uninviting wall and the completely miserablesurroundings thatare tobeournewhomefor thenext fewweeks,allbegin toappear inamuchmoredesirable lightwhenviewed incomparison to someofthe conditions that we have been forced to live under recently. It may beforbiddingandfreezingcoldouttherebutat leastitaffordsusallsomerespitefromthecontinualbombingsandthecruel treatmentmetedoutby theweatheroutthereintheopensea.JustasIgetthesignalthatwearetiedupsafely,afamiliarvoicebreaksinto

mythoughts.‘Nowelcomingparty,nobrassband,what’stheworldcomingto,second mate?’ The steward, breaking the silence as he gives voice to his

thoughts,hascomeuptoptoletusknowthatmorehotsoupisnowbeingdishedout below.Miraculously, theRussian pilot, on hearing this at once appears tohavemasteredhispreviousdifficultieswithunderstandingtheEnglishlanguage.With two huge strides he beats us all to the wheelhouse door, his sense ofdirection impeccable, as he has been nowhere else on the ship but the bridgesincecomingaboard,butevensohemakeshiswayunhindereddirectly to thesaloon and is soon on his second bowl of soup long before we have evenmanagedtodisposeofourfirst!Agogwithpleasure,hiswideeyesgleamingashenodshisacceptanceofwhat

isleftofthesteamingliquid,hispleasureturnsintoecstasywhenheisofferedathick doorstep slice ofwhite bread. Taking two pieces together, he reverentlyconfines one of them to the depths of one of the capacious pockets in hisgreatcoat.Theotherpiecehesoaksinthesoupuntilheisabletopushitintohismouth in one, before returning to the plate to lay claim to that which is left.Sugaringhisteasomuchthatitmusttastemoreakintomolasses,hecontinueshisfeastwithoutspeakingaword.Asthelastdregsaredrainedfromthemugtothe surprise of all of us, and after picking up a teaspoon, he nowproceeds toscrapeoutthetea-leavesandeatsthemwithasmuchrelishasiftheyhadbeenthemostexpensivecaviar!Leaning back in his chair, his sombre face which until now has remained

totally expressionless, breaks into a beaming smile. Then as quickly as hearrived in our saloon the man is gone, but not before he clutches our handsthankinguseachinturn.Hiseyesspeakhisfeelingsastheybrimwithtearsofgratitude.Wehadknownwhat toexpectas timesarebadandmanyaregoinghungry

withtheinevitablerationingsystem,butuntilnownoneofushadfullygraspedthatinrealitysomanywereactuallystarving.Fully secured alongside the quaywith our gangway in place,we nowmust

comply with all the formalities that surround our arrival in a foreign port.Whetherinwarorpeacetime,theyareoneoftheveryfewthingsthatremainthesame.Notevenawarcanchangetheredtapeofofficialdom!Onthedrearyquayside,dressedwellagainstthecold,twogroupsofofficial

lookingmenappear.Theyhuddletogetheras if theyarepartofarugbyscrumtalking in low incoherent voices. Collars turned up high and heads bowedagainsttheicinessofthewind,theyseemtobediscussingwhichgroupshouldcome aboard first. Not long after this I can see that it is the group standingnearesttouswhichmakesitswaytentativelyupthegangplank.MetbyCaptainBrowntheyareusheredbelowwhilstthegroupleftonthequaystandalmosttoattentionandsilentastheywaittheirturn.

Thefirstgroup,wehavefoundoutas luckily theydospeaka littleEnglish,arehealthandimmigrationofficers.Nowweknowwhytheothershavetowaiton shore until they have carried out their investigations. Until then they willremainbarredfromboarding,untiltheendoftheproceedingswhenwewillbeable to remove thebrightyellowquarantine flagwhich,by lawanduntil suchtimeaswehaveclearance,mustremainatourmasthead.Thefullcrew,havingbeentoldtomusteroutsidethesaloon,standchattingin

lowvoiceswonderingwhat to expectnow.At last they start tomove, andaremade to file singly past the officials, while the captain produces each one’sappropriate dischargebook fromapile of papers in front of himon the table.Twotallthick-setSovietofficials,bothdressedinmatchingoutfitsconsistingofdark grey ankle-length overcoats and large black fur hats, take it in turn toscrutinize each crew member after receiving the appropriate discharge bookfromCaptainBrown.Nothing seems tomiss their eyes as they compare eachmantohisphotographinthebook,andthendouble-checkhisdetailsofbirthandcountryoforigin.Afterlengthydiscussionswitheachother,noneofwhichwecan understand, the lines ofwaiting seamen at last get shorter as the officers,satisfiedthatallisinorder,dismisseachmanwithnothingmorethanadeftflickofthewrist.All of us, before leaving, aremade to surrender all British currency in our

possession, togetherwithallcigarettesandtobacco.Onlyaproportionof thesearereturnedtous,theremainderaretakentobeheldunderCustoms’seal.Theseformalitieshavetakenquitealongtimetocomplete,andasIatlastsendoneofthecrewtohauldownthequarantineflag,Icanimaginethehugesighofreliefthatmustbecomingfromthesecondgroupofofficials,stillpatientlywaitingonthefreezingdockside.OurfriendtheRussianpilot,althoughhehadtakenhisleaveofusearlier,has

notbeenabletogoashoreeither.Untilnowhehaswhiledhistimeawaykeepingwarm in the galley, where, according to the cook, he has also managed toretrieve a few more titbits from the waste bin. Now with noticeably bulgingpockets, he follows up the rear of the departing immigration officers as theydisappeardown thegangway together,only tobe replaced immediatelyby thesecond group,who turn out to be the cargo receivers. Similarly dressed, theymarchinunisonpastthetwosternlookingguardswhohavesuddenlyappearedat either end of the gangway, and with breath puffing out in foggy bursts,demand that they be taken to our captain at once, to enable them to makedelivery of more reams of official papers, which each carries under his arm.After another lengthy consultation consisting of theminimum of conversationand the maximum of suspicious glances, their documents are completed too.

Maybe nowwe can get down to the business of unloading our well-travelledcargo.Nothingbeingassimpleasitfirstappears,thiswastoprovetobealittlemore

complicatedthanwehadthought,whichweverysoonfoundoutwhenthefirstofficerappearedwiththe‘UnloadingProceduresRulebook’.(Russianversion)

1. The main work, having to progress throughout the twenty-four hourperiod, must be in two UNBROKEN twelve hour shifts, at no time orundernocircumstancesmusttheworkSTOP.

2.Thevesselmustberesponsibleforprovidingalldecksteamwithwhichtoworkthewinches.

3. Thevesselmustbe responsible forprovidingall over the side lightingwithwhich to illuminate the quay, aswell as lighting for all decks andbelowdecklevelinallcargoholds.

4. Under NO CIRCUMSTANCES WHATSOEVER must the vessel’sarmamentsbeused.

5.ThereistobeNOCONVERSATIONorattemptatconversationwiththeRussianlabourgangsbyanyofficerorcrewmember.

6. Allformsofinstructiontoanyofthelabourgangsmayonlybecarriedoutbyanofficialinterpreter,andonlyontheinstructionsofanofficer.

7.Oneinterpreterwillbesuppliedforeachdeckofficer,andtheofficerinturnwillonlyusetheservicesoftheinterpreterassignedtohim.

8.Onlytheseniorinterpreteronboardmayarbitrateonanycaseorprobleminquestionwhendealingwiththelabourforce.

9. The senior interpreter alonewill be, at all times, in full control of thedecision regardinganycrewmemberwhomakesa request togoashorefor whatever reason; he will also control the decision regarding shoreleave. This will only be granted to a crew member under extremelyexceptionalcircumstances.

10.Anyofficerwantingtoleavetheshipandgoontothequay,forwhateverpurpose, must firstly make the official request through his personalinterpreter, who will in turn take it to his immediate senior. Only ifpermission is deemed fit to be granted will the senior then issue anofficialpass.

11.ThispassMUSTbepresentedtothegangwayguardatEACHendofthegangwayonbothleavingandreturningtotheship.

12.AlllabourwillbeprovidedfromashoreONLY.

Andsothelistcontinues,goingonandonuntilitseemsthatwearegoingtobeable to donothingwithout referring to the rulebook first!On page after page

thereisaruleforalmosteverything.Irrespectiveofwhatsituationmayarise,wearewarnedthatwemustadheretothematalltimesandascopiesarepassedout,one toeveryofficer andcrewmanalike, thecaptain stresses the importanceofnotcreatingsituationsthatcouldbemisinterpretedtogetherwithcomplianceatalltimes.Itiscertainlybeginningtolookasifourstayhereisgoingtobejustasstressfulasbeingoutonthehighseas!

Chapter20

IntroducingtheWorkforce

Asalltheresponsibilityofunloadinghasbeentakenoutofourhands,ourfirstreactionaswecomebackondeck,eachofusheavyladenwithourownpersonaltomeofrulesandregulationsunderhisarm,istofindoutwhatishappeningandjusthowfarthingsareprogressing.Thebitternessofthewindcutsthroughuslikeaknife,burningdeepintothe

skinofourfaces.Newlywarmedfrombeingbelowandnowexposedagain totheviciousnessofthecoldair,ittakesourbreathawaywiththefirstshockofitshostileattack.Fardownbelowonthequayside,fourmoreguardshavemadeanappearance.Armed,theystandatregularintervalsalongthetotalexpanseofthequaytakenupby theBaffin.All theneighbouringshipsareguardedinexactlythesamemanner,sowehaveendedupwithatotalcomplementoftwenty-four,huge Red Army soldiers who will be there day and night to watch theproceedingsandmakesurethattheorderswehavejustreceivedarecarriedouttotheletter.Themercury,havingplungedtoanall-timelow,hidesintheverybaseofthe

thermometer while below us the quayside, reflecting this, is covered in atreacherous layer of hard packed, iced-over snow. Theweather remaining thesameasithasbeenfordays,isnoexception;thesameicywindstillblowsatusfromallangleswithitsmournfulhowlingvoiceechoingaroundthedocklikeasoulindistressandthedarkeningskiestelltheirownstory.Quitesuddenly,abovethenoisemadebythewindcomesthesoundofshouts

andmarchingfeetand,fromoutoftheencroachinggloomatthefarendofthequay,wecanseea largegroupofmencomingourway.Shufflingandslidingaround,theyarebeingmadetotryandmarchastheyareherdedalong,slippingonthe icyground.Watchingtheirslowprogressas theymarchinveryunevenformation towards uswe can see that they are flankedon either side bymorearmedguards,whowith rifles at the ready are shouting and barking orders tothem,prodding themwith thegunbarrels to keep them in line.As they comecloserwefindthattheyarenotdressedinanysemblanceofauniform,butareallclothedinapitifularrayofextremelyraggedclothing.Tornwoollencapsandold fur hats sit on shaven heads, while dirt encrusted coats, well worn andtattered, left only with the remnants of broken buttons that have long sinceceasedtoexist,arekeptfromflyingopeninthewindbyanassortmentofrustingpins,andpiecesofstring.Makeshiftbeltsofknottedropeandsomemadefrom

oldpiecesofcloth thathavebeen twisted together,are tiedaroundeachwaist,andhangingfromeveryoneofthesebeltsisaverybatteredlookingbrowntinmug. Their feet beating time as they try to keep in step, are not covered, toprotectthemfromthesnowandicebyconventionalbootsorshoes,butinsteadarewrappedup inrags– layersofsoddenwet, filthyblackragsboundaroundtheirfeetandswatheduptightlyabouttheirlegs,righttotheknee,intheformofgaiterscoveringtatteredtrousers,allfastenedoffbyaseriesoflargeknots.Comingtoahalt,theystandinpitifulunevenlinesalongthewharf.Theyare

extremelydirtywitheyesthatarecastforeverdownwardsandwhichlookoutofthingauntfaces,theirsunkencheeksanddeep,darkeyesocketsbetrayingtheirobviously half-starved condition. The roundness of their bodies conflicts withtheemaciatedlookoftheirfaces,butaswewatchwebecomemoreconvincedthat this bulk is made up of nothing more than the numerous layers of dirtyclothingthattheyarewearingagainsttheterriblecold.Theuncoveredhandsarescrawnyandtheirpoorexpressionlessfacesaredrawnandgrey.Struttingsoldierswalkthroughthelinesendeavouringtostraightenthemwith

a few swift kicks to the shins of some of these poor unfortunates, punctuatedfurther by some shouting inRussian towhich they respond at oncewithout awordofcomplaint.Atfirstsight theyall lookedveryalike tousand it isonlynowwhen theyarenearer thatweget thenextsurpriseofour lives.Oncloserinspectionwebegin tonotice thatsomeof thesepoorbedraggledcreaturesarefemales,andallofthemwellpastmiddleage!Afterawhileitbecomesaneveneasier task to identify the women in the crowd. Picking them out is muchsimpler, once we realize that all the men are unshaven and have beards ofvaryinglengthanddensity.More than two hundred of them now stand in complete silence, stretching

along the quayside far below us. Waiting to see what is to happen next, wenoticethatthetwelveRussiansonwatchoverthemaredressedinthesamewayas thoseonourgangway.LargeCossackstylehatscomingwelldowntomeettheir eyebrowsanddarkgreenmilitaryovercoats,with adouble rowofbrightmetallicbuttonsonthechest,fallbelowthetopsofblackleatherjackboots.Eachfurhatcarriesametalstarshapedbadgeatthefront,andawideblackbeltwithafinershoulderstrapgoestocompletetheiruniform.Carryingaslungriflewithfixedbayonet,eachguardstartstomoveoffamong

the lines.Marching between the rows ofworkers they begin barking out theirordersagain,andwesee that theyaredividing the labourers into twoseparategroups.Stillmoreordersareshoutedintheirdirection,assomeremainstandinghuddled close together; even more wet and windswept now, the others moveawayuntiltheyarere-formedintotwodistinctgroups.Everynowandagainthe

guards, picking on the slower ones among the group, punctuate their shoutingwithaswiftprodofariflebutttotheirribs.Throughoutwecan’thelpnoticingthatnotoneofthemshowseventhefaintestsignofhurtoremotionatthisharshtreatment. This has been our first introduction to our new workforce – poordevils.

Chapter21

TotheVictor–theSpoils

Forjusthowlongtheyaregoingtobemadetostandonthequayside,enduringtheflackandaggressive tiradeswhichemanateconstantlyfromtheguardsandgoes crackling above their heads like lightning bolts during a storm, I do notknow.Ourheartscertainlywentouttothesepoorbedraggledwretches.We,inturn, are finding it increasingly hard just to stand by as, being unable to doanything to help, we are having to watch what seems to us all to be anunnecessaryexhibitionofmasspersecution.Whatcrimeshave theycommittedthatwerebadenoughtohavereducedthemtosuchalowstatethattheyhavenoother option but to endure these deplorable conditions? This very questionbecomesthemaintopicofourconversationandwearestillairingourviewsonthematterwhentimesoondictatesthatitistea-time,andwearesummonedbythe ringingof the saloonhandbell to takeour teabreak.Aswe leave the sadscenarioandgobelowthismustsurelyremainthesamehauntingquestionthatlingersonthelipsofeverymanaboard.Nothavingheardoursaloonbell soundout like this since leavingourLoch

Eweanchorage,undernormalconditionswewouldhaveeagerlyenjoyedbeingabletotakeamealwithoutfearofinterruptionfromthedreadedalarmbell.Butnowourenjoymentiscurtailedbytherecurringpicturesofthosepoorpeopleonthedockside.Even though the saloon is warm and welcoming; sparkling with spotlessly

whitetablelinenandglisteningcutlery,andhasthecomfortingsmellofcookinginvadingtheair,theatmosphereisstillquitetense.Wearealmostattheendofourmeal before any snatches ofmore lighthearted talk eventually creep in tolightentheserioustoneofthegeneralconversation.Withit,thetensionsofouroutward journey begin to slide away, and a more relaxed calmness begins toinfect us, one after another, as a new tone of ribald gaiety takes over. Ourpleasures,however,willalwaysremaintingedwithacertainsadness,asnothingcanrectifythesorrowofourrecentlosses,avestigeofwhichwillalwaysremain

dormant in us all for as long aswe live, to rise to the surfacewhenwe leastexpectit.Ouryoungassistantsteward,hadhenotdiedsotragicallyaboardHMSScylla,wouldhavebeenheretoenjoythistimeamongus.Afriendlylad,alwaysreadywithalaughandajoke,hewouldnodoubthavebeenoneofthefirsttojoinintheexuberancethatoverflowsfromusallafterbeingheldinabeyanceforsoverylong.Soforthemoment,wetrytoforgetandenjoytothefullthisveryshortperiodofutterrelaxation.Almostanhourlater,refreshedandmakingourwaybacktoourdeckduties,

wecanheartheguardsstillshoutingouttheirorderslongbeforewegetuptop.Themotley assembly is still being made to stand to attention in the freezingcold,theonlydifferencebeingthattheyaresplitintotwodistinctgroupswhicharenowpartingcompany.Onehalfstandsfastonthequay,notevendaringtoattempttostamptheirfeetormovearoundinanefforttokeepwarm,watchinginapparentenvyasthesecondgroupiscurtlydismissed.Movingoffinsmallergroups of two or three, they shuffle away pitifully on their rag-wrapped feettowards thewoodenhutson the far sideof the railway line.The fitter lookingones of the retreating group, at once break into a kind of trot, which quicklyleavesafewstragglerswhowandermoreslowlyfarbehind.Lefttostrugglefora footingon the ice, they arehelpedon theirway in theusual unceremoniousmannerbytherifle-wieldingguards.Already,beforetheyhaveallhadtimetodisappearfromsight,thelabourers

whohavebeenleftbehindtocommencethefirststagesofunloading,arebeingherdedaboard.Shouldersbent,theytrudgeupthegangwaysinglefileandbeginscurryingaroundlikeaninvadingarmyofantsastheystarttountiethelashingsof the deck cargo.Working together in complete silence they pass each otherwithout an acknowledgementof recognition for eachother registeringon theirdowncastfaces.Asifeachoneisworkingcompletelyalone,theirdreadfulragshavingbecomeacloakofinvisibility,theyworklikeautomatonsdisregardingallothersaroundthem.Pacingtoandfroacross thebridgewingtokeepout thecoldasIwatchthe

progressbelow,theawesomequietisuncanny.Ican’thelpnoticingthattheonlywords spoken are by our own crew as they go about their routine tasks.As IwatchtheRussianworkers,sympathyforthesepoorwretchesbeginstowellupinsidemealloveragain,andIturnawayfromtherailfeelingsaddenedbythefact thatwe arepowerless tohelp relieve theirmiserable situation.DiscardingthecigarettethatIhavebeensmokingbyflickingitovertheside,Ijustreachthetopoftheaccommodationladderreadytogobelowwhenthesilenceissuddenlyand inexplicablybroken.Wailingcriesand loudshrieks fill theairaroundme.Sourgentandtormentedaretheseshrill,unearthlyhowlsthatIquicklyrunback

tomyoriginalvantagepoint.Almostflingingmyselfoverthebridgerailinordertofindoutjustwherethedreadfulnoiseiscomingfrom,allInoticeatfirstaretwo of the workers, locked tightly in combat, one on the back of the other.Rollingaroundthefrozensteeldeck,evenasIwatch,theyarejoinedbyanothertwo,andthentwomoreuntilallthatisvisibleisoneheavingmassoffilthyragsinthemiddleofwhichareabunchofwildlyflailingarmsandkickinglegs.Almost instantly Iunderstand thatmydiscardedcigarette is the culprit.The

windhadobviouslycarrieditbackonboard,ontothelowerdeckwhereithadbeen seen as a coveted prize by two of the workers at the same time. Bothhavinglaidclaimtoitimmediatelyitfellhadobviouslystartedtherumpus,andmorehadjoinedin,hopingthattheymighteachbethe‘lucky’one.Almosteightoreven tennowappear tobe involved; it’shard tocount justhowmany thereare.Fromthedepthsofthe‘pile’againcomesthehorrendous,screechingnoisethathadfirstdrawnmyattentionandthishasalsoalertedthegangwayguards.Running hard in the direction of the screeching noises they immediately setaboutbreakingupthefightwiththeirrifles.Jabbingthemdown,buttfirst,intothecentreofthemassedheavingbodies,theybegintoleverthemapart,andastheydosothewrithingbundleshrinksuntilonlythreeremain.Withtheaidofafew swift and strategic kicks from a well-aimed jackboot, one of the guardssucceedsinfinallypartingthelingerers,whoareledawayatgunpoint.Therestsoondisperse,swollenandbloodied,backtotheirwork.Ifthereisanythingleftof the cigarette end after all that, Iwill be very surprised indeed, but lookingaround,Istillcannotseewho,amongthemeventuallygotthe‘prize’.Suddenly,asthetwoguardswhoarepreoccupiedanddistractedwiththejob

ofgettingthelabourersbacktowork,alonefigurebreaksfreefromtherestofthecrowd.Lookingfurtivelyaroundtoseeifhehasbeennoticed,hedoesn’tseemewatchingfromabove,ashedropsdownonall foursandscurriesoffalongthe lower deck, with the speed of a racehorse, not stopping until he is safelyconcealed by the fore-peak windlass. Even though my understanding of theRussianlanguageisextremelylimited,IcanguessthattheshoutingstillfloatinguptomefrombelowsoundsasthoughitmustbefullofSovietobscenities.AswiftlookatmywatchtellsmethatImustnotbedistractedfurtherasthe

timehascometogotothebriefingaboutournewworkschedules.Turningoncemore, I cannot resist a brief glance back in the direction towards where theRussian is inhiding,andwhat I seemakesmesmile tomyselfas Igo.Risingupwards, justmomentarilybeforebeingcaughtanddispersedbythewind, isatelltalespiralofblue-greysmoke!He has been kicked and beaten black and blue, scratched and mercilessly

abusedallforthesakeofhalfacigarette.Butforthemoment,howeverbriefit

may be, at least he is experiencing a little enjoyment, there alone with histhoughtsinhishidingplace.Tothevictorthespoils.

Chapter22

MeandMyShadow

Duringthebriefingitisestablishedthatthechiefofficerandthirdmateshouldtakethedaywatchfrom0800hrsto2000hrsandthatIwillberesponsibleforthenightwatchperiodwhichisfrom2000hrs to0800hrs.Sowithourrotassortedoutwearenowformallyintroducedtoourinterpreters.Workingthesamehoursthroughoutthelengthofourstayhere,wegettoknoweachotherandexchangeafewgeneralpleasantriesovercupsoftea.Shakinghands,webegintoleavethesaloonbutnotbeforewehavenoticedthatoneofthemenassignedtouslingerstherejustlongenoughtospooneverylasttea-leaffromeachoftheemptycupsbeforetheycanbeclearedaway.Rammingthemgreedilyintohismouth,justasthe pilot had done previouslywithout the slightest embarrassment on his part,thisperformancestillamazedus.Beingwellenoughnourishedourselvesitcanbehardtoimaginethedepthsthatsomeareforcedtodescendtowhentheyaredriventoactsofdesperationbytheseverityoftheirhunger.Wearelearningthattheveryordinarycommodities thatwetakeforgrantedaremorehighlyprizedthanweeverimaginedhereinwar-tornRussia.I have some time to spare before the beginning ofmy first watch, andmy

tirednessissuchthateventhehissingandrattlingofthesteamwinchesastheybeginchuggingintolife,cannotrobmeofmyrest.All too soon the depths ofmy sublime unconsciousness are breeched and a

vigorousshakingofmyshoulderby thewatchmansoondeliversmeback intothe real world. Feeling still heavy with sleep, and convinced that I had justclosedmyeyesamatterofminutesago,IamsurprisedtofindthatIhavehadalmost three hours of blissful inactivity. Trying to banish the fatigue that stillplaguesme,Idrinkthehot,sweetcocoathathebroughtmebeforeIdressinthenowobligatory two of everything and go tomypost. Freezingwinds, sendingflurriesofsnowflakesflyingaboutlikegoosefeathers,greetme,andthecoldairblastingintomyfaceinstantlyridsmeofanyremainingremnantsoftiredness.Wearewellpaddedagainsttheelements,butitissoverycoldthatwecanstillfeel thebiteof thewind throughall theextraclothing.Howonearthdo thesepoor souls evermanage towork their long hours seeming so oblivious to theweatherinjustacoveringofoldrags?The deck winches continue their monotonous rumbling, and the engineer,

satisfied that they are clear of accumulated ice and excess water, has handedover to the unloading crewwho, having already removed someof the smaller

packages,will soonbeable tocommencehoisting theheavier loadsoutof theholdswhichnowliegapingopen,readytobeplundered.Somedamage,duetosuffering themanyairattacksduringouroutward journey,hasoccurred to thedeckcargo,butthisisasmallpricetopay,andatleastwehavebeennumberedamong themore fortunate tohave survivedat all to see thisday.Watchingasboxafterboxstarts its shoreward journey, I ferventlyhope thatwhen the timearrivesforourreturnjourneytotheUnitedKingdom,that theself-samedivineprovidencewillagainbeourmentor.Thedeepeningduskseesthetaskofrigginguptheheavyarclightsinthefinal

stagesofcompletion.Some,alreadyfunctioning,casttheirbrightlightsoverourdecks,floodinglike liquidintoeverycornerandilluminatingthebusyworkersastheytoilatpilingcratesandboxesintothelargenetbagsthatareattachedbyahooktotheliftingarmsofthecranes.Morelightsnow,flaringintolifesoonmakethescenelookasbrightasday,ourbodiescastingdarkshadowsthatflitsilentlyacrossthebulkheads,followingusaswemovearound.Turningtowatchhowthework isproceeding inanotherpartof theship, Ican’thelpbutnoticethatIamnotquiteasaloneasIfirstthought,asmyshadowisnottheonlyonebeingcastaboutthebridgeasImove.Asecondshadowyformhasjoinedmine.Looking around, to investigate the appearance of my new inseparablecompanion, I find that I am face to facewith theRussian interpreterwhohadbeenassignedtome.Ashort,butratherstoutlybuiltman,withmassivebushyeyebrowsandawiry

bristling moustache, he stands silently watching me. As I acknowledge hispresencewith anod,his expression remainspassive andunchanging.Wearingthe longest grey knitted scarf that I have ever encountered, which is woundaround him at least six times, giving his neck the appearance of being non-existent,hecontinues towatchmeas Igoaboutmyduties.Twopenetratinglyblueeyesstareoutatmefrombetweenfurhatandhugescarf,whichendsinaroughknotat thebackofhisneck,whilea thick redbeardprotrudes forward,fallingoverthethickfoldsofthematerialwoundaroundhim.Stillnothavingspokenonewordtome,hedutifullyfollowsinmyfootsteps

asIbeginmydeckinspection,andasoneafteranotherIcheckthefiveworkinghatches, he begins to record my movements in a very dog-eared notebook.Scratching away in silence, hemakeshis entrieswith theworn stubof anoldpencil,noddingtohimselfconstantlyashedoesso.Onthequayside,longflatcarsarenowlinedupontheadjoiningrailwaylines

and on to these are being loaded the largest of the heavy crates that we hadcarried.Oneafteranothertheyaremanuallyhauledontothedeckandthenintothe slings that will then transport them onto the quayside. These poor,

malnourished,sad-lookingpeopledonotlookstrongenoughtocarryoutsomeof the heavy lifting jobs individually, but even so they work well as a team,althoughtheyareveryslow,andaseachpieceofcargohastobecheckedbeforebeingallottedaplaceononeofthewagons,andnomorecanbeunloadedfromtheshipuntiltheseinspectionshavebeencarriedout,thepaceofworkcannotbedescribedasbrisk!It is exactly 2245hrs when suddenly a series of shrill whistle blasts breaks

throughtherumblingnoisesofthecranesandwhilstIamstillwonderingwhatishappening now, as this is a signal thatwe have not beenmade aware of,myinterpreter leavesmysidefor thefirst timesinceIcameonto thedeck.Asherunstolookovertheshorerail,stuffinghistornnotebookandpencildeepintooneofhispockets,moreloudwhistleblastscomefromthedirectionofthequay.Having firstly relinquished his permanent position by my side, he now alsobreaks his vow of silence. Deeply agitated, he signals to me by pointingskywards,andatthesametimeheshouts,‘Germanscome!’,whichhecontinuestorepeatinaloud,gutturalvoice,tingedwiththethreadsofencroachingfear.AlthoughIcannothearthesoundofapproachingaircraftyet,Iaskhimifwe

should therefore bring the work to a halt. A curt ‘no’ is all the reply I get.Shaking his head from side to side vehemently, he goes on to say that thishappensmanytimes,butthatthework,whichismoreimportant,mustgoonandthat the workers are not permitted to stop under any circumstances. Only thebrightarclightsaretobeshutdown.AsIcallfortheengineertocutoffalllightingtothearea,Icanseethatthe

sameishappeningallalongthequay.Onebyonealltheshipsaheadofusalsodousetheirdecklights,andthesurroundingdarknessclosesinonusuntilatlast,we are completely cloaked within the pitch black of our surroundings. Afterforfeitingthebrightglareof thestronglightsfor theobscurityof thenightoureyes,strainingandblinking,findithardatfirsttofocus.Becomingaccustomedto the gloom, the dark familiar shapes in our immediate vicinity are soonrecognizableagain,andasaresultwefind thatwecansoonmoveaboutmorefreelyoncemore.Highupinthesky,brightwhitesearchlightbeamscutbroadpathwaysintothe

velvetblackness.Swingingtoandfroineverwideningarcs,theypatterntheskyaheadofuswithamovingcriss-crossoflights,catchingthebanksofsmalllowcloudsandtransformingthemtoaglowingpearlywhiteforafewshortseconds,astheyaresweptwiththeirpiercingshaftsofbrightness.TheattackhasbegunbutitremainsawayinthedistanceoverArchangel.Dull

thuddingexplosionsfollowedbybrightorangeglowsflashsomewhereaheadofus, the shell bursts painting the clouds a rosy pink as they explode one after

another. Lines of hot tracer shooting skywards in retaliation, gouge deep redfurrowsinto theblackness,andareaccompaniedbytherollinggrowlofheavygunfire. Spasmodic booms, as bombs explode on finding their marks, arefollowedbyhugetonguesofbrightflamewhich,momentarilyshootaloftfromthe stricken targets, sending reflections bouncing from cloud to cloud,illuminatingthemfromwithinlikegiganticflashesoflightning.As the devastation continues in the distance, unbelievable as it seems, the

unloading also continues! At a snail’s pace now, because we are minus ourlights,but it stillgoeson.A fewsightseers fromamong theoffdutycrew,onhearing thenoisehaveappearedondeck,but they justasquicklyreturn to thewarmthoftheirquarters,forcedtobeatahastyretreatbytheintensityofthecoldnight.Wewatchedthesustainedattackcontinueforsometimeaswaveafterwave

ofenemyplanescontinuedtobombardthetown.Eventuallywiththeirmissionaccomplished,thesoundofthebombingceased,andasthedistantsearchlightshavestoppedrakingthesky,weareabletogetbacktothetaskofunloadingtheBaffin,which,illuminatedoncemore,liesintheglareofthearclightsasboxesofeveryshapeandsizeappearfromheropenholds;averitabletreasurechest.

Chapter23

ShoreLeave

Asmost of thework has been taken from our hands and the daily routine ofchores on board are soon completed, boredom is fast overtaking some of thecrew.Officersandcrewmenalikehavestartedasa result, complainingamongthemselvesatstillbeingtotallyconfinedaboardtheship.Todatetherehasnotevenbeenanyfurthermentionoftheshoreleavethatwehavebeentoldisduetous. As it remains a well known fact that to deny the average British seamananythingistomakehimwantitallthemore,thequestionofbeinggivenleavetogo ashore has become themost important issueof the day, and so aftermanyrequestsaswellasalistofnamespresentedtohimintheformofapetition,thecaptainhaspromisedtoseewhatcanbedonetoalleviatethesituation.Themen,satisfiedthattheyhavesetthewheelsinmotion,waitpatientlyfortheapprovalof‘thoseatthetop’,asthecaptainhasnowtakenupthematterwiththeRussianauthorities.Itisjustwhenweareallbecomingtotallyconvincedthatourrequesthasbeen

turned down, that the unexpected happens. Like a ray of sunlight on anexceptionallybleakday,ourflaggingspiritsareupliftedwhen thewordcomesback that our request has been granted, and consequently arrangements for avisitashorearealready in theprocessofbeingmade.Morale, takingasuddenturnforthebest,makesthecrewperceivetheirmonotonousjobsinanewlightand,brightenedbythethoughtsoftheimpendingexcursion,theyappearamuchhappierandmoreamiablegroupastheynowhavesomethingtowhichtheycanlook forward.Asweare told that thenumbersofbothofficers andmen tobeallowedashorearetobelimited,allofournamesaresystematicallyscribbledonpiecesofpaperandamidmuchexcitementarethendrawnoutofahat.Aftertheresultingdraw, the luckieronesaregivena ‘pep’ talkbyCaptainBrown,asareminderthattheywillnotbeallowedtoroamfreely,butinsteadwillbeatalltimesunderthestrictcontrolofaSovietofficialwhowillalsoactastheirguide.The appointed day dawns grey outside, but all is bright and cheerful in

contrast,onboard.Singingandwhistling,thechosenfewsprucethemselvesupasbesttheycanunderthecircumstances,whilealongbytheengineer’squarters,someone has set up a barber’s shop which is doing a fair trade in haircuts.Althoughshavingisstilloutofthequestion,becauseoftheintensecold,beardsacquiredon the tripare shapedand trimmedandgenerallymade to lookmorepresentable. Expectations begin running even higher as the latest news runs

aroundtherankswiththespeedofanexpresstrain.ApparentlytheirguideistobeanEnglish-speaking female!Withthisforemostintheirmindsit isnotlongbeforeabevyofverytidyBritishsailorsaretobefoundpresentingthemselves,inanticipation,atthetopofthegangway.Fashionisnotthemodeofthedayastheystillhave tobewrappedupwell in theirArctic issueclothing,buthopingthat they will not have to stand about for too long, they jump up and down,blowingintotheirhandswhiletheywait.It is not long at all before the cold is immediately forgotten. Everyone’s

attentionissuddenlytakenwhenanewnoiseaccompaniedbymovementatthefarendof thedockprovestobethetransport theyhavebeenawaiting.Anoldand very decrepit-looking bus, is rolling through the dock gates; on ricketywheels, with its engine spluttering and backfiring, it labours along the quaytowardsus.Slowlywithafinallurch,itrattlesitswayovertherailwaylines,andeventuallywith a shudder comes to a groaning halt levelwith the end of ourgangway.Thedoor,creakingloudlyonitsrustinghinges,isflungwideandlefttoswayopeninthewind,asoutfromthedepthsofthedingyinterioremergeswhatatfirstsight,appearstobetheformofjustanotherRussianguard.Steppingdownfromtheplatform,heapproachestheguardatthefootofour

gangway,withanother reamofofficial lookingpapers,andcomingnearer,wecanseefor thefirst timethat this isdefinitelyabadcaseofmistakenidentity!Oncloserinspection,thefigurethathasemergedisnoneotherthanthepromisedand long anticipated official guide. Female, yes, butmuchmoremasculine inappearanceanddemeanour,downtotheveryrifleandjackboots!Usheredroughlywithhelpfromthegangwayguardsandtheirever-prodding

guns, the chosen few begin to make their way ashore. Their enthusiasm,brimmingoverjustashortwhileagobuthavingdwindlednoticeablynow,hasforsakensomeofthemcompletely.Nowwithlooksofdisappointmentreplacingthe smiling faces, they seem a lot less sure for some reason about thisforthcoming trip being such a good idea after all. Their shipmates who arestayingaboard,linetherailseagerlywatchingtheirslowdeparturegivingthemarousing send-off withmass cheering, as one after another they pile into their‘luxurycoach’.Thelastman,turningbacktotheshipbeforehetoodisappearsinto thegloomy interior,offers tochangeplaceswithhis friend,who foregoestheofferappearinghappiertostayjustwhereheis,workingontheupperdeck.Packedintightlyandlookinglikesardinesinacan,asthebusdoesnotlook

bigenoughtohavetakenthemallincomfort,theengineiscoaxedintostartingandafterafewsplutteringattempts,begrudginglyresponds, trundlingthemoffat a snail’s pace,with steamhissing defiantly fromunder the bonnet at everybumpintheroad.Bouncingandjoggingaboutfromsidetosideasthevehicle

groans under the pressure of having to carry all the extraweight, they finallydisappearfromourviewleavingbehindonlyahazeofbluesmokeandexhaustfumeshangingheavily in the air.Turning away from their vantagepoints, therest of the creweither gobelow to return to their various leisure activities, orwander back to whatever chore they were doing on deck. I’m sure the onesremainingonboardmustbewondering if thereal treat isnot ingoingashore,butinbeingleftbehind!Finding a quiet corner, I try to continuewriting a letter home,which I had

starteddaysago,buthaveneverseemedtogetthetimetofinish.Althoughwithsomuchinformationbeingcensored,thereisverylittleofinterestleftthatanyofuscanfindtowriteabout.Icanseethatsomeoftheladshavegivenuptryingtoo,goingbacktotheircardgamesinsteadtheynowhuddleinsmallgroupsastheystudythecards intently.Othershavepickedupabook,probably it isonethat they have read time and time again, as there is little choice in our verylimitedlibrary,whiletheirshipmates,stilltryingtocatchupontheirlostsleep,restquietlyintheirbunkswhiletheycan.AsIwritethenoisesoftheunloadingfloatdowntomefromabove.Thewhirr

of thewindinggearfromthecranes,sometimesreachingscreechingpitchas itlaboursundertheweightofanexceptionallyheavyload,vyingwiththehissandrumbleofthesteamwinchesandthederricksastheydredgeupcrateaftercratefrom the depths of the seemingly bottomless holds. Every now and then theirheavyironhooks,inmisjudgingthedistance,failtocleartheship’ssideastheyswing back on board for another load. Clashing against us, with a strident,discordant resonance that reverberates fromstem tostern, its loudnessechoingaroundourquartersisbadenoughbutforthosepoordevilsworkingdeepdowninourholdsitmustbeunbearablydeafening.Havingcompletedmyletteratlastand,aftertryingtogetalittlerestwhichis

aprettydifficultundertakingconsideringthebackgroundnoises,itisnowthreehoursandfortyminutessincethecrewdepartedontheirsightseeingtour.AsItrytoclosemyeyesfortheumpteenthtimethesoundofacroakingmotorhorn,floating into my cabin from the the dockside, breaks into my quiet solitudetellingmethatthewanderershavereturned.Halfanhourlater,havingrestedwellalthoughsleepremainedelusive,Ijoin

thegroupwhichisbeingregaledwithstoriesbythenewlyreturnedashoreparty.As each adventurer returnswith his own experiences to add to the tale, all isslowlyrevealedtouswhohavehadtoremainaboard.TheirtourbeganwithbeingtakentolookatthegreatcityofArchangel,orto

be more precise, what was left of it. Once it was one of the major Sovietseaports, but after being severely devastated by enemy bombing raids, it has

becomeanareaofsadruinsandevensadderinhabitants.Poorlycladpeopleofall ages, scrabbling among the wreckage of what was once their homes andpoking about with sticks in the hope of finding something that is worthsalvaging, met their eyes wherever they turned. Eventually, coming to a haltoutside the entrance of a ramshackle building that they could see had beenmajestic and imposing in its time, over the door of which the name IntouristHotel could still be picked out, they were ushered inside. Here they werepromised the opportunity to purchase commodities like American cigarettes,cakes,sweetsandsoftdrinks.Onceinside,havingpassedcrumblingcolumnsandheavilycarvedwoodwork

nowsplinteredbeyondrepair,theyweretobesadlydisillusioned.Herdedintoalongroomwithhigh,ornateceilingsandbadlycrackedplasterwork, inwhichtrestle tables had been hastily erected, they could see almost at once that thegoodsoffereddidnotcomeuptotheirexpectations.Scatteredonthetableswerevarious samples of the goods they were expected to purchase, but both thequality and the variety left a lot to be desired, even in wartime. Prices wereexcessiveandmostofthepackages,havingalreadybeenopened,weredirtyandtorn.Oneor twoof the sailorshad eventuallybought a fewRussian sweets ifonly to placate the now irate guide who, suddenly reverting to her mothertongue,beganshoutingloudlyandgoingquitered-facedwhensherealizedthatnoneofthemenwantedtobuy.Having calmed down – but not before being offered an English cigarette,

which she smoked down to the last shred of tobacco – they were allowed tocontinuetheirexcursion,andwerethentakentoanotherpartofthehotelwheretheywereallconfinedtooneroom.Notallowedtowanderoutofthesightoftheguide,theyhadbeenmadetositandlistentoRussianmilitarymusic,playedatavolume high enough to pierce the strongest of eardrums, while their femalecompanionstrolledupanddown,allthewhilebeguilingtheonlytwowhohadpurchased the sweets. She smiled and made eyes in their direction at everyopportunitywhiletotallyignoringtherest.Her attitude to the men who did not buy from her friends remained cool

throughout therestof the tour,much to theembarrassmentof the twothatshehadselectedtopourheraffectionson,andwhocouldnotridthemselvesofhereveryattention.Althoughthisbecameanannoyancebeforelongtothem,ithadprovedveryentertaining for the restof thecrew.Treating the restmore likeabunchoferrantschoolboys,shecontinuedtoshoutatthemlikeadrillsergeantassheorderedthemtoenjoythemselves.This enforced entertainment, during which they were not even allowed to

move from their seats, thankfully came to a very abrupt endwhen the guide,

surveyingherwatch, suddenly decided that enoughwas enough and as they’dhadenoughmerrimenttocontendwithforonedaysheunceremoniouslyusheredthemallbackaboardtheoldbus.Thesightoftheiruncomfortabletransportwasa pleasure as they all expected to be brought back to the SSBaffin, but theirelationwasshortlived,asoncemoreaboardtheyhadbeentakenforyetanothertourofmorederelictbuildings!Eventuallythough,theyhavebeendulyreturnedtotheship,promisingnever

tocomplainofboredomeveragain.Iimaginethatnofurtherrequestsforshoreleavewillbemadeeveragain–inthisportofcallatleast.

Chapter24

Unloading

Day after day and endlessly throughout each following night, the incessantclatterof thecranesandgrindingof thewinchesassaultsourears.Theirnoisebreaks into our sleep at every opportunity, drowning us in a sea of perpetualsound; still robbingus twenty-fourhoursaday,ofourmuchsought-after rest.The air raids over the nearby town remain just as frequent too andwewatchtheir bombardments day and night, although to attack under the cover ofdarkness seems to be themore popular strategy.Wave afterwave of bombersreturns almost daily to create even more devastation to the ruined city ofArchangel,andthenearbytownships.Thebombs,creatingendlessdestruction,mustbeleavingthepoorpeopleevenpooreraseachnewraidrobsthemofyetanotherpieceof their,alreadymeagre, livelihood,even takingfromthemtheirverylastbreathwhentheybecomesoweaktheyhavenothingmoretogive.Lefttopatheticallyscratchamongtheruinsoftheirhomes,iftheydomanagetolivethrough the many air raids, cold and starvation soon seize the opportunity toexacttheirtoll.Questionafterquestionfillsourmindsabouttheseraids,questionsthatweare

finding it increasinglyhard toanswer.Theroutineofattackanddefencenevervaries and we can see that they occur in the main, over the same civilianpopulatedareastimeaftertime.Withtheamountofdaylightreconnaissancethathasbeengoingonsinceourarrivalwecanbecertainthatourships,lyingatthequay,cannothavebeenmissed.Theconvoyshipstiedupsoclosetogetherarea‘sittingduck’targettoanyaerialattack,buttheplaneshaveneverevenbotheredtocomeneartous,why?Whyisitthatwhenwecandistinctlyhearthesoundsoftheattackingaircraft

soclearly, thereareneveranyaccompanyingsoundsofretaliationfromSovietplanes,thatweexpecttohavebeensentuptoformacounter-attackagainstthepersistence of these enemy raiders? Archangel is situated approximately 250miles from theenemyairfields inFinland, so it ismore than likely that this iswheretheraidingpartiesarecomingfrom,sowhereistheRussianAirForceinallthis?Fromourmoredistantvantagepoint,theonlyretaliatoryfirewecanseeis coming only from the ground forces who appear to be based somewherearoundthecityitself.ThinkingthatourRussianinterpreterswouldbethepeopletoenlightenusby

givingtheanswerstosomeofthesequeries,thatwecan’tfindanyexplanation

for, we put it to them. Not only are our questions met with the same stonysilencethatwehavecometoexpect,buttheyaresometimeseventotallyignoredandmoreoftenthannotaredismissedwithashakeoftheheadandashrugoftheshoulders.Allofourqueriesremainingunanswered,webegintowonderiftheygenuinelydonotknowwhatishappeningoriftheyareprimednottotalkaboutitunderanycircumstancesatall.Ittherefore,doesnottakelongforustolearn that the only response to conversationwe are likely to achieve is whensomequestion arisespertaining to the cargo, then, andonly then, doweget asatisfactoryresult.Even when the interpreters, taking their meals with us in the saloon, are

invited to join in the conversation, which at mealtimes generally consists oflight-hearted talk about nothing in particular, they will still not be drawn.Remainingaloofwithheadsbowedovertheirmeals,theycarryoneatingwhilewecontinuetobetotallyignoredbythem.Allattemptsattryingtobefriendlyaremetwiththeselfsameresponse,apartfromoneinstancewhenourwirelessoperator,‘Sparky’Johnsonofferedhiscigarettesaroundaftertheeveningmeal.Unfriendliness,immediatelymeltedintocordialityasthetwoRussiansacceptedhisbenevolence,theirfacesimmediatelybreakingintobroad,unexpectedsmiles.These offerings are never ever refused but are taken with relish and quicklyhiddenaway,relegatedatoncetotheconfinesofasafeinsidepocketasthoughmadefrompuregold!Foodtoodisappearsasfastasthestewardcanplaceitinfront of them on the table. Nothing at all is left on their plates as they fillthemselvestocapacity,withoutexception,ateverymealtime,carefullywrappingupwhatfewscrapsmayremain,intotheirgreyandnottooclean,handkerchiefs,beforeconfiningittothesamepocketasthecigarettes.Notsofortunatearetheworkforceasweverysoonfindout.Our ordinary seamen, the firemen and stokers, have their own mess room

situated in thepoopdeckhouse.Oneday, soonafter the incident inour saloonwiththeinterpreters,someofourcrewarefoundtobehidingthesurplusfoodfromtheirmess,inboththeforeandaftmasthousingsjustatthepointwheretheladdersmake their longdescentdown into theholds.Havingmadeadelivery,thecrewmanconcernedwouldstayonguard,standinginsuchapositionsothathe blocked from view, the door to the mast house. He would now startpretendingtobebusilyengagedinsome,quitelegal,shipboardactivity.Atthesametime,aftergivingalowwhistle,tosignalthatallwasclear,hewouldstayinapositiontoshieldthelabourersfromtheeagle-eyedguards,thusgivingthemenoughtimetoclimbtheladderwhichleadsdirectlyupfromthecargospaces.Onceatthetop,thefirstworkerwouldthenbeabletoscoopupasmuchofthefoodashecouldmanage,beforehurriedlydisappearingbacktothesafetyofthe

hold with his prize. His safe return below, was the sign for the rest of theforagerstoproceeduptheladder,quietlyonebyone,inthesamemannerasthefirst,eachofthemtakingitinhisturntodosountilallthefoodhadvanished,leavingnot a tracebehind as evidence.Their timingwas immaculate.Movingquicklywith thestealthofacat, theywereapparentlysoquiet that theyflittedaboutlikeindistinctshadowsthatmeltedawayunnoticedalmostassoonastheyhadappeared.Storiesaboutthispracticebeingalreadyrifeamongthecrewandhavingsoon

snowballed around thewhole ship, have eventually come to the notice of thecaptain and the other officers. Although it is deemed by all of us to be verycommendableandweareall inagreementwith thekindlinessof theact (eventhough it is totally contrary to the strict Russian rules), at the same time it isdefinitely an extremely foolhardy and very dangerous practise. In deciding onwhatcourseofactiontotakeCaptainBrown,havingtalkedtothecrewmembersinvolved,warnsthemof justhowdangeroustheiractsofmercycouldproveifwhattheyaredoingiseverfoundoutbytheRussianguards.Atthesametimehegoesoutofhiswaytoimpressuponthemthatasneitherhenortheotherofficersareouttohindertheirefforts,hefeelsthattheonlyhumanitarianthingforhimtodois therefore, to‘castablindeye’,over theproceedings.Broadsmilesripplefromfacetofaceamongthecrewathisdecisionaseachofthemgiveshimtheirreassurance that any empty food containers (that could lead to awkwardquestionsbeingasked)willbereturnedtothegalleywithoutdelay.Theirplan,havingbeenimplementedafewdaysago,stillseemstobegoing

well.Attheveryleastitmakesitpossibleforafewofthesestarvingbundlesoffilth-laden rags to have a little comfortwithwhich to brighten their otherwisemiserableexistence.Afewscrapsoffoodtohelpcheertheirdismallivesseemslittleenoughtolookforwardto,butmakesusfeelthatwearehelpingthem,insomewayatleast,howeversmalltheofferingsmaybe.Quite eventful in comparison to theboredomof recent days, todayhas also

seenusabletomakeourfirstcontactwithsomeofourfellowcountrymen.TwootherBritishships, thathavebeenhere in theportsinceourarrival,havebeenmoved from theiroriginalmooringsacross thedock fromus.Theyare theSSEmpireBardandtheSSEmpireElgar,bothofwhichareonloantotheSoviets.Stationedpermanently in theportandbeingcurrentlyusedasheavy lift ships,themorningworkbegins toget underway just as theBard comes and securesherself right alongside. Now with her in attendance, standing by with all herheavyliftinggearattheready,wewillsoonbegintotranshipthelargerpiecesofequipment fromamongstourvariedcargo,suchas the tanksand thecrated-upplanes,fromourladendecks.

Chapter25

Pandora’sBox

ThearrivalalongsideoftheSSEmpireBardandhersistershiptheSSEmpireElgar has come like a breath of fresh air into our stagnating existence. Newfacescomingamongus,allwith theirowndifferent storiesandexperiences torelate has eventually lightened the terrible boredom of our repetitive dailyroutine,andasthecrewsfromeithershipgetdowntosomeseriousexchangesofnews,werelaxinthecompanyofournew-foundfriendsastheyproceedtogivetheirownconciseviewsonhowtheyfeelthiswarisnowprogressing.Bothshipscarrying theirall-Britishcrews,hadarrivedaheadofus fromthe

UK as part of earlier convoys and, having stayed behind when the rest hadunloaded and returned home, they are now both stationed permanently in theport,actingin thecapacityofheavyliftshipsfor thesubsequentconvoys.TheSS Empire Bard, which is now secured fast alongside, begins almostimmediatelyto transhipthefirstof thelargetanks.Gruntingandgroaningintolifethesleepingcranesbegintoliftthemeffortlesslyfromourdecks;depositingthem onto the quay below just as if they were ordinary lightweight packingcases.Meanwhile Icansee thatmanyofouroff-dutycrewmenhavegathered into

small intimate groups on the lower deck to talk, no doubt, of their ownexperiencesof fightingagainst theelementsaswellas theirmanyrecentcloseencounterswiththeenemyforces.Submarineattacksbeingthemainhazardthattheyhavehad to endureon theway, it is to themand theLuftwaffe that theyhave lost both ships andmen.Even so, our total losses added together donotevenbegin to comparewith the accrued events that had so recently led to theviciousannihilationofconvoyPQ17.Fromthemouthsofsomeofthesurvivors,nowaboardtheSSEmpireBardandwhoarestillwaitingtobetranshippedbackhome, has come amost chilling and terrifying first hand account of the utterdecimationofthosedefencelessships.Their many complaints about the lack of any recreational activities which,

maybe, could have helped to alleviate the boredom and probably lighten theirtension, seem not to have been heard, and as a result their pleasure is quitegenuinelynoticeableastheyatlastareabletogetthelatesthomenewsfromourcrew,ourshipsbeingthenewestarrivalsfromtheUK.Asthemajortaskofunloadingcontinues,ourcargoischeckedandgradedas

soon as it lands on the quayside. The smaller packages and crates areimmediatelypiledupandcoveredwheretheystandwhiletheothersareloadedontoflatrailcarsinreadinessforhaulingaway.Theinspectorsgivedirections,shoutingsoastobeheard,thesoundoftheirvoicesalmostinaudibleabovethecombined noise of the winches and cranes. All military equipment is givenprioritytreatment,beingservicedbygangsofArmyandRAFpersonnelbeforeitleaves the quayside. Crated aircraft emerge like butterflies from a chrysalisbefore our eyes. Each crate, as it is broken open reveals one fighter fuselagecomplete with engine and rudder fin, which are assembled, together with theundercarriage,beforebeingloadedontooneofthewaitingrailcars.Onceonthecar,thewings,tailplaneandthepropellerareallsecuredandoncompletiontherailcars and their precious load are slowly shunted away to the far end of thedock,undertheguidanceofoneveryoldandrustyenginethatspitsoutspumesofsmokeandsparksfromitsfunnelas ithissesawayinto thedistance.Likeaworn-out old dragon it trundles, snorting on its way before disappearingcompletelyfromviewoutofthedockgates.Allthetroops,whoareworkingflatoutonthemaintenanceandservicingof

themilitaryequipment,are stationednearby.Theirbarracksandown transportdivisionbeingonaBritishnavalbaseintheKolainletwasnottoofarfromtheportandsituatedataplacecalledPolyarnoe.Bren carriers, large and small tanks, troop carriers and heavy dutywagons,

appearingfromthedarknessofourholds,hangsuspended,swaying toandfrohighup in thecoldbitingair, theirholdingchainscreakingformidablyas theywaitforaplacetobemadeforthemintheassemblyline.Soon,theytoo,afterbeingguidedintotheirallottedplacearebesiegedbytheferventmechanicswhoare to prepare them in readiness to becoming fully mobile. Although it hasarrivedsafely,someofourdeckcargocannotbesaidtobeallinonepiece;andalreadytherehavebeensomecomplaints filteringback tous thatsomeof it isnot inabsolutepristinecondition!After thehammeringbombardments thatwehavetakenduringourarduousjourneyhere,wefindit incredulousthatwearenowbeingberatedabouttheconditionofsomeofthecargo;thesamecargothathashadtowithstandpunishmentbytheseaandtheelementsaswellasfacingallthe wrath of the Luftwaffe. To come through that unscathed is a sheerimpossibility!

Asthevariouscratesandboxesstillspewforthfromouropenmouthedholdsand start piling ever higher on the decks, the feverish activity of unloadingcontinues.Russianworkers,scurryingaboutlikeantsamongthepackages,piledhighinreadiness tobe loadedinto theslingsarehelpedon theirwaynowandthenbyaswiftkick froma jack-bootedguardwho thinks thatmaybe theyareslowingthepacedownjusta little toomuchforhis liking.Meanwhile, theSSEmpire Baffin is beginning to give the impression of being a huge, floatingPandora’sboxasfromherdarkestdepthshersecrets, revealedandhauled intothedaylight,showthemselvestobethekillingweaponsofthisawfulwar.

Chapter26

DegradationandStarvation

Throughoutthelasttwodays,theconstantrumblinggrowlofthesteamwincheshas invaded our every waking minute, pushing its way into our dailyconversation aswell as disturbing our sleep. Themonotonous grinding noisesare always there in the background, never-ending as ton after ton of iron andsteelcontinuetomaketheirexitfromourholds.Weall,therefore,havecometolookforwardtothoseraretimeswhentheystoptheirinfernalnoisecompletely,evenifitisjustforashorttime.Groaningtoaslowhalttwiceaday,toenabletheshoreworkerstochangeshifts,theensuingthirtyminutesofpurepeacehasbecomeasprecioustoourshatterednervesasahandfulofgolddustwouldbetothese poor labourers. Always taken at the same times each day, 0730hrs and1930hrs,thesechangeoverperiodshavequicklybecomeverywelcomesojourns;maybe theyareonly temporarybut theyare indeed,priceless,peacefulhavenswhereinourtiredmindscanbetrulyateaseforafewshortminutes.As the departing work team line up for the official head count, our long

awaitedrespiteisshortertodaythaneverithasbeenbefore.Withintenminutestherapturouscalmisrivenapartastheairisfilledonceagainwithshoutingandnoise;onlythistimethepeaceisbrokenwiththeraised,discordantvoicesoftheRussianguards.Followingonebehindtheotherinacloseline,andleavingonlytwobehindtoguardeachendofthestragglinglinesofworkers,theyhavebegunstrutting up and down among the rows of gloomy huts on the shore. Barkingcommandsvibrateastheygo,withtheirrowdinessalmostreachingfeverpitch,their shouting and screaming is loudly punctuated by the sound of their riflebutts being swung with brute force against each of the huts as they pass.Pounding almost hysterically with their gun stocks, the flimsy panels of thedecrepitwoodenbuildings resound likedrums to their constantbeating, as theguards rouse the sleeping inmatesof thedecayinghuts for theirnextgruellingtwelvehourshiftasstevedores.Thepoordevils insidemusthaveallslept in theirclothes(if thedirtsodden

ragsthattheyworecouldevenlooselybedescribedasclothes),andhavingbeengiven no time at all in which to dress, their appearance outside is almostimmediate.Creakingdoors,thrustwide,areonthebrinkofnearlybeingdraggedfromtheirrustinghingesasthefirstgroupofmenandwomenbegintotumbleout in their eagerness to please and to be the first in the roll-call line-up.Disorientated and bleary eyed, most of them still half asleep, they emerge

tumblingoutlikeafilthywaterfallofarmsandlegswithsomefallingontothedirtroadintheirzealtopleasetheguards.Scramblingupfromall-foursotherscanonlymanagea fewstepsbefore fallingbackdownagainas theirungainlyrag-wrapped feet slip and slide on patches of black, hard-packed ice thatsurroundthebuildings.Inafrenziedmasstheyallappeartobeattemptingtogetout of the narrowdoorway at once,maybe so as not to reap one of themanyharshpunishmentsmetedouttothembytheguardsforbeingtooslowtoobeyorders.Once outside, and the main body of them now rounded up, they stand

shivering.Patheticallyhuddledintothedepthsoftheirragcoats,puffsofbreathrisingup into the cold air in little clouds, they are eventuallyherded together,cattlefashion,beforebeingformedwith theaidofmorecoaxingandproddingfromeachoverseer’sriflebutt,backintotheirlongdisorganizedlines.Thefewstragglers who do appear later, not having even been able to muster up theenergy tohurry, are seized roughlyby theguards andbooted into conformity,but through it all they remain emotionless and quiet. Silently passive anduncomplaining not one of themutters one singleword of pain or protest.Therest,whohavebeenstandingquietlyandapparentlyunperturbedthroughouttheordealsoftheircompatriots,remaininsilence,allofthemwaitingwiththeirdullandalmost lifelesseyes,staringoutstraightaheadinfrontof them.Somebowtheir heads and wait, feeling pity that they are afraid and unable to show. Incompletesubmission,theyquietlyandpatientlywait.TousallontheSSEmpireBaffinitappearsthattheseunfortunatepeopleare

being punished to the extreme without any mercy. Punished harshly, when itseems unwarranted, they line up between the huts and the railway, and arecondemned to stand there for as long as the guards require them to do soregardlessofthefreezingcold.Inthefallingsnowandtheviciouslypenetratingwinds that rushacross thewaterandrip into theirpoorlycladbodies, theyaremade to hold their positions like frozen statues. The only movement is theflappingoftheirraggedbitsofclothingcaughtbythestrong,vindictiveclawsoftheheighteningwind,asitisalmosttornawayfromtheirshiveringbodies.Thebitinglycoldweatherseemsonlytoaddfreshimpetus to thewayinwhichtheguards now administer their punishments to these hapless, woebegone latearrivals.There are still no cries of pain to be heard as the slower individuals are

whipped and eventually, pushed roughly into line. The awful lament of thehowlingwindistheonlynoisethatbreaksintotheabsolutedeath-likesilenceofthesceneunfoldingbeforeus.Suddenly, ratherabruptly,andwithoutwarning,theguardsterminatetheirpunishingblowsas,fromtheregionofthehighgates

situatedatthefarthestendofthedock,thecrunchofjackbootsonthehardenedicysurfaceofthequaynowtakestheirattention.Shufflingsadlyalongthedockinhisfilthyragshoes,oneoftheolderRussian

labourers appears. Flanked by a further two of the Soviet guards, who aremarchingoneithersideofhim,hestumblesalongdragginghimselfnearerwitheachfalteringstep.Heseemstohaveaninjurytohisrightlegasheislimpingbadlyashenearsthelinesofhisfellowworkers.Tryingtokeepagoodfootholdon the slippery surface under his feet, he struggles valiantly to maintain hisbalancebeneaththeweightofaheavy-lookingmetalbucketthatheiscarryingsuspendedon a yoke aroundhis neck fashioned from the remains of a leatherbelt and amakeshiftmetal hook.Thebucket is the container for some sort offluidthatsplashesoveritssidesatalmosteveryfalteringstep.Obviouslyitholdssomethinghottooastrailsofsteam,risingfromthesurface,spidertheirwayupintothecoldairbeforebeingcaughtandwhiskedawaybythewind.Due to their immediate reactions we surmise that this has come as a very

hearteningsighttothepoorindividualsstillbeingmadetostandtoattentiononthe freezing quayside. All at once, each one of them is now, suddenly andmiraculously stirred into motion. Eager hands are thrust out from among thethrong. Dirt-ingrained calloused hands, stretch forward in anticipation, eachholdingabatteredtinmugthatwehadnoticedearlierslungontotheirbeltsandwhich are now being waved out in front of them. Tired, reddened eyes, nowfilledwithanewhopeturnlonginglyinthedirectionofthesteamingpotandthethickblackliquidisdoledouttoeachoneinturn.Fromthedepthsoftherusting,dentedbucket, it issloppedouthastilyintoeverywavingmuguntil,at last,allhave been served.With this dark, gravy-like liquid, they are also given whatappears to be some sort of very hard looking black bread. Barely two inchessquare, this small piece of bread is accompanied by an even smaller cube ofwhatwearetoldisatypeofpressedmeat.Nooneeatsuntiltheordertodosoisgiven,andwheneventuallyitis,the‘meal’takesevenlesstimetodevourthanhasbeentakentodoleitout!Ravenouslythefoodiseaten,disappearinginstantlyasitispushedintotheir

gaping, eager mouths.Washing it down with the liquid from their mugs andstandingjustwheretheyaretoeatanddrink,innotimeatallnotacrumbisleftasevidenceofamealevenexisting.Thisritual,wehavenoted,isthelastofferofanyfoodthatthesemenandwomenwillseeuntilthepatternbeginsalloveragainattheendoftheirtwelvehourworkperiod.Boarding the ship, they scurry straight to their work points to resume the

dischargingofthecargo.Allthistimetheiroppositenumbershavebeenwaitingpatientlyfor theirownturn toeatanddrink.As thecranesandderricksspring

backintolife,mannedbytheirnew‘crew’,theoff-dutyworkersnowhavetogothrough the same ceremony themselves before they are then herded into therecentlyvacatedhuts forawellearned rest.Thesameritualcanbeseen tobehappeningsimultaneouslynexttoeachoftheshipsthatarealsotiedupwithusalongthefulllengthofthedock.Asitisalmostthebeginningofanewwatchperiodhereonboard,therounds

on deck to check that everything is running smoothly and to plan, have to becompleted.Accompaniedby theever-shadowingformofmy interpreter, I touraround fromhold to holdwithhim following silentlybehindme so that I candeterminehowtheunloadingisprogressingwritingasIgo,sothatIcangivemyreporttotheofficerofthenextwatch.MinglingwiththeworkersonthelowerdeckIfindthattodaythisistheclosestthatIhavefoundmyselftosomeofthemsinceourarrival.Althoughtheyhardlyseemtonoticemeandkeeptheireyescastdownasthey

continue toworkwith the same silence as they had shown on the quayside, Icannot help but notice the presence of each and every one of them!With noproper sanitary arrangements thewhole concept of their personal hygiene hasbeen, very obviously, overlooked. What can only be described as a ‘rotten’stenchemanates from thesepoor souls as theypassbyme, a stench that is soverybad,thattherearetimeswhenitbecomesalmosttotallyunbearable.Whatfurtherdegradationscan theypossiblybecalledupon tosuffer?Made toworkand sleep in the sameclothesdayafterday,whichgetwet throughonadailybasiswiththedrivingsnowandsleetandwhich,neverremoved,arelefttodryontheirbodies,issurelyindignityenough.AlthoughIhaveseensomemakingapitifulattemptatcleanliness,astheyfeverishlyrubhandfulsofsnowintotheirfaces and hands, I still cannot understand how they survive at allwithout theprovisionofproperfoodoranywashingfacilities,andhavingtoendureitallinthesesub-zerotemperatures.Havingtowatchtheseevents takingplacebeforeoureyes,andyetknowing

thatwemustobeyordersnottointerfere,wearefindingitisincreasinglyhardtowitnessthesedailyeventsandendurethemwithoutaword.Madetostandbackonthesidelineswithourhandswellandtrulytiedbyprotocol,aswewatchthisdownright sadistic and inhumancruelty takingplace, unable even tooffer anyhelp,isfar,farbeyondournormalcomprehensionoflife.It isbecomingmoreapparent that someof the creware increasingly restive

anduneasy.Beingunable to turn ablindeye to theharsh treatment that someworkershavetoendureismakingitverydifficultnottoretaliateonthebehalfofthese suffering humans. Even though we had all been warned of what theconsequenceswouldbeifanymemberofourcrew,regardlessofrank,evertried

to stand up to the power wielded by the aggressors, one day an incident didhappen that made normally passive men stir into action on the spur of themoment.Withoutthetimelyinterventionofourcaptaintheseactionscouldverywellhavecausedanincidentthatmayhaveledtomassiverepercussions.We had just finished our lunch on the day in question, andCaptainBrown

togetherwith some of the officers,myself included,were up on the deck anddeepindiscussionabouthowtheworkofourunloadingwasprogressing.Placedjustoutsidethedoortothemaingalleywasalarge,bandedironbin.Measuringalmost54inhighandabout60inindiameteritisusedbythecookasacontainerfor all the refuse that is left over from the food preparation. As well ascontainingthetablescrapsitwasalsohometotheodddiscardedcigaretteendsthatwereoftenflickedinitsdirectionbythecrew.Thedepthofourconversationhadrenderedallofuscompletelyunawareofa

situationthatwasalmostreadytoexplodearoundus.Asaresultnoneofushadseenoneofthemalelabourerstaketheopportunitytobreakfreefromhiswork-party.Noneof theguardshadnoticedhisescapefromthegroupas,crouchinglow, he had run along the deck on all fours, and with a desperate effort hadfinally reached thebin.Nowbehind it, and in comparative safety for the timebeing,hehadstayedwherehewas,silentandwellhiddenbytheopendoorofthe galley. Remaining unnoticed, even by the Russian cargo clerk, who wasusuallyalwaysalert,oneofthecrewtolduslaterthathehadwatchedhimstaythere for quite some time just to make sure that the coast was clear beforemakinghisfinalmove.The first indication to us that somethingwaswrongwaswhen suddenlyall

hellbrokeloose!Thesoundofscreaming,soloudandpiercingthat ithurtoureardrums, cut sharply into the air, stopping our conversation dead. MixedtogetherwithamedleyofloudandfrenziedshoutinginRussianitwastoppedbyan even louder barrage of cursing and swearing in our ownEnglish language.This noise reverberated around the full length of the ship, bringing crewmenrunningfromeverydirectiontoseewhatitwasallabout.Above it all, and in stiff competition with the grinding and hissing of the

steamwinchesthatcarriedonworkingthroughitall,camethemosthorrendousandhigh-pitched,blood-curdlingscreamthatwehadeverheard.Soundingjustlike some terrified wild animal that had been trapped, the tortured inhumansound seemed toget louder as it echoedhorribly fromstem to stern.Bringingoutevenmoreonlookersbytheminutefromtheircabins,itricochetedineverydirection. High-pitched, and continuing non-stop, the noise was quicklyidentified as coming from the direction of the galley door, where by now acrowdofonlookershadcollected.

Pushing to the front, through the throng, andheadedbyCaptainBrown,weeventuallyfoundoutthecauseofthesuddenpandemonium.OneoftheRussianlabourerswas in a head-down position inside the tall swill bin.With only hislegsinfullview,histworag-boundfeetflailedaboutuncontrollablyintheairashe tried in vain to keep his legs out of the reach of a Soviet guard,whowasamusinghimselfbyproddingwildlyatthekickinglegswiththesharppointofhisfixedbayonet.Onceatthefrontofthecrowd,eventhecaptainandourselvesonly added to the size of the ‘audience’ and found that we too wereunfortunatelyunabletodoanythingtohelp.Beingtoldpreviouslythatwemustnot intervenewithanyproblemthatmayarisebetweentwoSoviets,wehadtostandbywiththerestandwatchhelplesslyasthevicioussceneunfoldedbeforeus.Beforelong,theguard,red-facedandspittingforthwhatweimaginedtobea

streamofRussiancurses,managedtogetoneofthewrithinglegslassoedwithapieceofrope.Pullingfrantically,asthescreamsroseoncemoretoacrescendo,hefinallyextricatedthewrithing,tramp-likefigure,nowinanevenmorepiteousstateandcoveredwithuneatenfoodscraps,fromtherefusebin.Throwinghimhardontotheice-covereddeck,hebeganatoncetobelabourhimruthlesslywithhisriflebutt,screaminguncontrollablyathimwitheachheavyblowthatcrackeddownonhispoorheadandpiteouslythinbody.Unable to contain his feelings any longer, our assistant cook took up the

cause. Coming to the defence of the labourer he stepped forward out of thecrowdandhiscursingandswearingonlyaddedtothenowgeneralizeddin,ashethreatenedtheguardwiththelargecarvingknifethathebrandishedaloftinhisoutstretched fist, ordering him at the same time to put a stop to ‘this bloodycruelty’.Beforeanyoftheofficerswitnessingthiscouldtakeactiontostophimhewas

joinedbythecook,who,carryingwithhimalargesoupladle,nowproceededtoswingithighabovehisheadinamostthreateningmannerashealsoapproachedthemelee.Wearrivedatthespotjustintimeforthecaptaintostopathirdcrewmember,alsofromthegalley,whowasjustpreparingtoofferfurtherassistancebyarminghimselfwithanothervicious-lookingknifeandasharpeningsteel.HestoodbackontheorderofCaptainBrown,reluctantlydoingsobutstillkeepinganeyeontheguards,lookingforanysuddenmovesthattheymightmakeonhisfriends.Backingtowardsthecomparativesafetyofthegangwaytheguardobviously

called for assistance, as even though we were not positive just what he wasscreaming, theheavy thudof jackbootsheralded theswiftarrivalof fourmoreguards from the shore. Joining himwith rifles and bayonets at the ready, the

reinforcementsstoodaroundthequiveringprisoner.Still curled up in a tight ball on the deck, with his knees tucked right up

underneath his chin and his filthy hands clasped hard together and locked inpositionat thebackofhiswoollenhat,cringedthepoor labourer–butnotforlong.Barkingoutacommandthatsoundedmorelikeshotsfromarifle,twoofthe guards now targeted their quarry and after roughly grabbing hold of thetransgressor’sanklesbegantohaulhimalongthefrozendeckinthedirectionofthe gangway. Awful hollow screams that were to haunt us for a long timeafterwards,rangoutfromthepoorwretchashewasbumpedandbangedalongthefrozendecking.Primedtofurtheractionbythepitifulsoundsemanatingfromhimashewas

hauledaway,ourtwocooksswiftlymovedafterthem.Followingtheguardsandtheir terror-stricken bundle, in spite of the captain’s order to stop which waseitherunheardorunheeded,thecookstriedinvaintounravelthenowsobbingbundle that the guards had dropped at the top of our gangway, in order tocomforthimandtotryandgethimtostandup,insteadofbeingdraggedoffanyfurther.Now appearing to be more incensed by the reactions of our men than the

indiscretionsofthelabourer,thefourguardsbegantoturntheirattentionstoourtwocooks.Advancingslowlyanddeliberately,theirriflesatthereadyfromthehip,withsafetycatchesoffandtheirfingersinclosecontactwiththetriggers,allfourclosedin.Theinterpreters,whohadbeenondeckwithusandwitnessedthewhole incident, began to look frightened at the thought of what might nowtranspire, and turning ashen faces to the captain, broke their silence as theybeggedhimtointervene.WeallnowrealizedthattheSovietswouldtakeevenless kindly to us if this refusal to accept their sole authority were allowed tocontinue.CaptainBrown,havingseenenoughtoo,placedhimselfbetweenhismenand

theadvancingguards.OrderingthecookstoreturntotheirdutiesintheBaffin’sgalley, the labourerwas takenback into the chargeof theRussians and to thevastreliefofallofuspresent,thisatlastde-fusedthetensenessofthesituation.Throughhispersonalinterpreterthecaptaininsistedthattheauthoritiesmust

bemadeaware that theprisonerhadcommittednooffenceatall,according totherulesgoverningconductaboardashipundertheBritishflag.Thechargeatmostcouldonlybeoneoftakingfoodfromtheswillbucket,unwantedfoodatthat whichwas due to be discharged over the side, anyway. Even thoughwepleadedinhisdefence,itwastonoavail,astheinterpreterstoldusthatthemanwouldstillbetakenandshot.Hisonlycrimewashunger.Theinterventionofourcrewmenhadbeenfutileandcouldalsohavebeena

deadly lesson to us all, while the incident did nothing to improve the frigidrelationshipbetweentheRussiansandus.Thiswastobeprovedyetagainafewdayslaterwithanotherexperiencethatshowedmyintuitiontobecorrect.

Chapter27

GuardsandBayonets

At theendofadeckwatchasourheavy-ladendeckcargo is fastdisappearingoverthesideandtheclearanceofourholdsiswellunderway,ithasnowbecomenecessary for every officer during his duty to watch the trim of the ship, asdifferent work gangs, noticeably working at different rates, extract the cargofromboth foreandaftholdingareasat thesame time.Theaccomplishmentofthistaskmakesitnecessaryfortheofficerofthewatchtogetontothequaysidetocheckhowdeeplytheshipissittinginthewaterbyreadingthedraftfiguresforeandaft.Onthedayinquestion,thisdutywasmine.PickingupmybookandmakingsurethatIhadapenciltohand,Icouldnot

haveforeseenthemayhemthatthissimpleprocedurewasabouttocause!ThedaywascoldbutpleasantlybrightasImademywayoffthebridge,from

whereIhadbeenkeepinganeyeonthegeneralactivities.Havingfollowedalltherules(orsoIthought)andafterputtinginaformalrequesttomyinterpreter,for the official passwhichwould enableme to leave the ship, I foundmyselffeelingquitejubilantthateverythingwasgoingsowellcomparedtothetroubleofthedaybefore.AsIapproachedthegangway,whistlingquietlyasIwentanddulypresentingmypasstobothguards;oneatthetopandoneattheshoreend,IsteppedoffthegangwayfeelingasifIhadjustbeenreleasedfromprisonafteralongtermsentence.Itfeltsogoodtobeondrylandaftersolongaboard.My new-found freedom was to be very short lived, as the instant my feet

touched firm ground I found myself immediately ushered into the charge ofguardnumberthree.Afterporingovermypassandgivingitthesamescrutinyasa jewellerwouldgive to a rare stone, he eventually accepted it as beingquitevalidandgavemeacurtnodofsatisfactionashethrustitawayintoapocketofhis heavy greatcoat. He stood and stared at me, not saying a word, until Iguessedthatminemustbethenextmove.Indicating that I wished to proceed to the bow of the ship first, his only

reactionwastoshakehishead,atthesametimeashedirectedme,instead,verybrusquely, towards the stern section with a swaying motion of his bayonetedrifle.SoasnottoupsethimIdecidedtocomplyandtookthesternreadingfirst,thengivenclearanceI repeated thesameprocessat thebow,writingdownmyfindingsonbothoccasions.AsIturnedbacktowardshimhetookmecompletelybysurpriseasveryroughlyandwithoutanypriorwarning,hesnatchedthebookaway from my hands in order to see all that I had written. Whether he

understood the draft readings or not, I’ll never know, but the hard look ofsuspicion inhiseyes,because Ihadnotvolunteered the information tohimassoonasIhadcollectedit,wasunnerving,especiallywhenaccompaniedbyhisever-readycockedrifle,whichhekeptpointingstraightatmeatalltimes.ReturningtothegangwayIhadstopped,onlymomentarily,toreadandrecord

theplimsollline.Thisbeingthemidshipmarking,Irequireditalsoasitwouldenablemetoverifymyothercalculations.NosoonerhadIstoppedtowritethanasharpraponmyshoulderfollowedbyabayonetproddingdeeplybetweenmyribs,quicklyturnedmyattentionsbacktotheshadowingRussianguardwhohadnowbeguntoshoutatmeinhismothertongue.TryinginvaintoindicatethatIwasonlymeasuring theplimsoll line,he tooknonoticeofmyexplanationsatall,andinstead,gettingmoreiratewitheachsyllableandredderinthefacewithevery expletive he uttered, he indicated the gangwaywith his gun.Having nochoiceashepushedmeforward,heproddedmeroughlyinthegeneraldirectionoftheshipwhilsthisloud,foghornyellsof‘NIET,NIET,NIET,DOBRA’,soonbroughttheotherguardsrunningtojoinin.Frogmarchedupthegangway,withallthreeaccompanyingguardsshoutingin

unisonandgesticulatingwildlytomeandthentoeachother,andstillunabletounderstandjustwhatIhaddonetoincensethemsomuch,Ibegantofeelthatmybrightstart tothedaywasalreadyrapidlycloudingover.Imustsaythatunderthese circumstances Iwasmore thanpleased thatmy adventurous freedomonthe dockside had been so short lived, and was never as glad as I was at thisminutetobesafelybackonboard.Tryinghardtoforgettheincidentandengrossedinmycalculations,thathad

beensohardtoobtain,Ididnotatfirstseetheapproachofmyinterpreter,butIcouldn’tmisshearinghim;hisarrivalwasnowherenearasquietaswasusual.Bearingdownonmewithallgunsfiringatonce,neverbeforehadIknownthisnormallysilentmantohaveasmuchtosaywithonesingleintakeofbreathashedidjustthen.Fistsclenchedandbeatinghischesttoemphasizethepoint,hetoldmethatI

was being accused, andwas obviously guilty, of giving false information to aSovietofficialinordertoobtainmypass.Also,hecontinuedtoexplain,thatastheguardswouldmostdefinitely report theincident,hehimself,wouldhavetosufferareprimandfromthemilitary, takingwhateverpunishmenttheydecidedwasfittingtogivehim.Hisangermingledwiththefearofwhatwouldhappentohim,becameevenmoreunbelievable especiallywhenhewenton to enlightenmeastowhereIhadgonewrong.SuddenlyIbegantoseehowtrivialthewholeincident had been. As my pass was only endorsed to allow me to carry outchecksatthebowandsternoftheship,myhavingstoppedtorecordthemidship

plimsoll was therefore taken to be the committing of an offence according toRussian rules,which I hadbeenguilty of breaking.Toourselves itwasmuchadoaboutnothing,butitdiddemonstratetousjusthoweasilysuspicionswereto be aroused among these people, who could turn one innocent, unthinkingactionintosuchavolatilesituation!Learningbymymistake, thechiefofficerwaspleased that today, following

yesterday’s confusion, his draft check has gone comparatively smoothly,resulting in him also being able to spend a little more time on the generalobservationofourhull.Duringhis roundshe saw thatwehad sustained someshelldamageproducingaholeintheBaffin’ssideabout3ftabovethewaterlineon our starboard side in the region of number five hold. Eventually, as theunloadingcontinuedwehavebeenabletofindtheculpritthatdidthedamage.Ashell,blastingthroughtheplatingonourstarboardsidehadexplodedinamongstsomeofthecargoofNAAFIstores.Thefirstevidencewefoundofwhereithadeventually come to rest, was earlier this morning, when we noticed that theworkershad started tobringout a lot of splinteredpacking cases,whichwerefull of crushed and mangled tins. Funnily enough the food that they oncecontained was nowhere to be seen. I’m sure that the food rations for thelabourersinnumberfiveholdwillhavebeenwellandtrulysupplementedtoday!On closer inspection we have found that the shrapnel from the exploding

shell’scasing,asitwasnotabletoflyfaramongthetightlypackedcasesaroundit,hasinsteadburieditselfintosomehugecratesoftinnedpotatoesthatwearecarrying.Onewitamongourcrew,ayoungABfromNewcastlewhocouldalwaysbe

reliedupontoseethehumoroussideof themostseriousofsituations,wasnotgoing to let this latest incident pass bywithout adding his quick comment of‘ThankGodforsmallmurphiesisallIcansay’.Theyhad,admittedly,savedusfromuntolddamage.Ifthatshellhadnotbeen

containeditmayhaveexitedbelowthewaterline,andthenprobablynoneofuswouldhavebeenaroundnowtotellthetale.Ourplating is also found to beverybadlydistorted in the regionof the6ft

marking on our stem, where the steel stem post is twisted and buckled as ifsomeonehashititaresoundingcloutwithasledgehammer.Allwecanimagineis that the distortion must have occurred as we came in contact with thesubmergedobjectthatwehitduringtheactionof16September.Consideringthesituationand taking intoaccount theextentof thecollisiondamage,wewouldliketobelievethatthedarkshapethatwesawandeventuallyrammedthatdaycould,indeed,havebeenanenemyU-boat.

Chapter28

NewSurroundings

Finally thevery lastofour cargohasbeenhauledashore andwearenow leftwithonemorejobwhichinvolvesclearingalloftheremainingdebrisoutoftheholds.OurowncrewnowtakeoverthejobofmakingtheSSEmpireBaffinastidy as is possible under the circumstances, andwhistling as they go, seem totackle their jobswith a renewed fervour.With spirits raised to amuch higherlevelthantheyhavebeenforsuchalongtime,andtacklingeachchorewiththeirnew found vigour, it is not long before the ship begins to look much morepresentable as,working non-stop, their thoughts of being able to return homesoon,shinesoutinfrontofthemlikeabeaconofhopespurringthemon.Itishardtobelievethatthewholeoperationfrombeginningtoendhastaken

justonemonthtocomplete,andbearingtheaddedburdenofworryatbeingsofarfromhomeduringtimeslikethese,ishardonallofus.Butnowthedaythatwe have all been so avidly looking forward to is here and we have at lastreceived our sailing orders.Althoughwe are not yet ready to sail directly forhome, elation at the prospect of that day at least getting nearer, has begun toappearquiteevidentamongtheBaffin’screwasweprepareforournextmovefurtherdownrivertothesmallerportofEckonomiya.Herewearetore-loadinreadinessforourreturnpassage, theonewehaveallbeenwaitingso longfor,backtoourhomesintheUK.None of us aboard could be said to be sorry at having to bid farewell to

Archangel,asthetugsbegintopullusclearoftheberththatwehaveoccupiedforsolong.Thehawserstightenandasourbowswingsoutawayfromthequaywe are underway on what is to be the beginning of the second stage of ourjourney.TheRussianpilot thatwehavealready takenonboardstands rigidlyon the

bridge,andwithhisover-exaggeratedhandsignalsconductsoperationslikethemaestroinfrontofafullorchestraasweglidesmoothlyawayfromthequaysideandoutintotheriver.Afterhalfanhour’ssteadysteamingisitourimaginationorarethewatersaroundusreallygettingprogressivelynarrowerbytheminute?Whatwehavebeenledtobelieveofournewdestinationisprovingsomethingofan overstatement already! Our expectations, by the description given to usearlier,arethatweexpecttobemovingtoasmallerportsituatedfurtherupriverfromArchangel.Thepilotmeanwhile,stillferventlyconducting,nowsignsforustoslowengines,eventhoughwecanseenoobviousportinsight.Almostata

standstill in thegreywater,andhavingthe timenowtoreally takenoteofournewsurroundings,wearefindingitveryhardtobelieve,atfirstsight,thathehasactuallybroughtustotherightplace!Allaroundandrunningrightdowntowedgesofthickviscousmudattheedge

ofthemurkywater,arethickbanksoftalltrees.Attheheadofthenarrowcreekthatwehavejustnegotiated,andjuttinghaphazardlyoutintothewater,thereisalone wooden jetty. Rickety and half rotten with age, it is balanced veryprecariously on a series of decaying stilts, somehave alreadyparted companywith themainstructureand liewater soddenandslowlysinking into the thickmudbanks.Themainpartofthejettythatisluckyenoughtobestillstanding,looks so fragile and obviously so badly in need of repair that we are havingdoubtsastowhetheritwillevenbegintotaketheaddedstrainoftheshipwhenwecometosecurehertoitsalreadyweakenedframe.Mooringropesattheready,theBaffinhasbegundriftingnearerandnearerto

theshorebeforethefulltruthsuddenlyhitsusandwerealizethatthereisnosignofanybollardsormooringringsthatwilltakeourropes.Withourenginesfinallyatastandstillashersidecomestorestupagainstthe

cushioningmudbank,wefindthatweareleftwiththeproblemofsecuringherasbestwecan.Utilizing thestrongestof themany treesgrowingallalong theshore, some of the crew volunteer to wade across the semi-liquid mud and,taking a linewith them soon have us tied up to await our new cargo.As theBaffin settles intohernewberth,wecannowtakemore time tocheckoutourmostinappropriatesurroundings.Thewholeof theareahasaforsakenandderelict lookasfaraswecansee;

andthatisnotveryfar,becauseofthesituationandthesurroundingdensityofthetalltrees.Aclearingontheshorehousesonesolitary-lookingwoodenshack.Thissingularbuildingwithonlyadoorandnowindowsisallthatoccupiesthefarsideofthisspace.Aroughroadofhard-packedclayandstonesrunsoffpastthejettyanddisappearsfromoursightasthedensebankofthicktreesenvelopit.Stilltotallyconvincedthatthepilotmustsurelyhavemadeamistakeandhad

broughtustothewrongplace,wedecidetointerrupthisteadrinking,toseeifhecanenlightenusfurther.Inthecornerofthechartroomheishunchedoveranenormouspotofsteamingteawithhislargefurhatpushedalmostnonchalantlytothebackofhishead.Herelaxesinahazeofsmokefromcigarettesprovidedby thecrew.By faroneof the friendliestSoviets thatwehaveencountered todate, he seems not to understand our concern at first. Both our questions andhandsignalsaremetwithashrugandashakeof thehead,until finallywehituponadifferentidea.WatchingintentlyaswepointtothenameEkonomiyaon

oneofourchartsandthentotheshore,hesuddenlybeginstonodvigorously,ashiseyes,followingouroutstretchedfingers,suddenlyfillwiththerealizationofwhatwewanttoknow.Abroadgrin,burstinguponhisface,changeshiswholecountenanceasinaverydeepvoicehegruntshisreply,‘Da,Ekonomiya,Da’.Settlinginatournewberthhastakensometimeandnowthepreliminariesare

overwetaketokillingtimebydowningnumerousmugsoftea.Thegeneraltalkisofwhatour cargowill consistof andofhowgladwewill bewhenwecaneventually set sail forhome. Just over twohourshaspassed sincewe tiedup.Suddenly, in the distance at first, but getting closer every second, the deep,throbbing sounds of some sort of heavy transport breaks abruptly into ourconversation.Asthenoisegetslouder,alargetruckbreaksfromthecoverofthesurroundingtreesandcomeslumberingslowlydowntheroughroadtowardstheclearing.Comingeventuallytoashudderingstopjustinfrontofourgangway,itdisgorgesitscontentsontothequay.Four very largeRussianofficials jump from its high cab and, beingmet by

one of the interpreters, who has sailed with us from Archangel, immediatelyvanish below deck.We soon hear that they are the Soviet shipperswho havecome to consult with Captain Brown about the loading procedure of ourhomewardboundcargo,but at themomentweare still quite in thedark as toexactlywhatthatcargomightbe.Afteranotherhourorso,gatheredforameetinginthewarmerconfinesofthe

saloon,it transpiresthatourlowerholdswillcarrystocksofrough-cutlumber,whileour‘tweendeckspacesaretobepackedwithsmallkegsofsomesortofchemical powder. Doing our ‘sums’, we can soon determine that we will besailingforhomeatapproximately threequartersour loadeddraftand this timewith no deck cargo at all. The labour, as in Archangel, will consist of onlyRussianworkers,withourship’sofficersactinginapurelysupervisorycapacity.Themeetingeventuallyendswithourbeingtoldtoarrangeourwatchesforthefollowingday,whenworkwillbeginpromptlyat0800hrs.Aswefileoutofthesaloon,tosaythatthedarknesshadenvelopedusonce

more would be something of an understatement. On deck we find ourselveswalking intoanalmost solid,pitch-blackwall.Thecoldnightair stingsatourlungsaswebreatheitin,andaboveusthemyriadstarsarescattered,twinklingas brightly as newly cut diamonds, ornamenting the jet-black velvet of acloudlesssky.Takingonelastlookback,beforeweallretiretoourbunks,forwhatIhope

willbeapeacefulnight,amberlightsflashingintheskyandthetelltalearcingsearchlightbeams,accompaniedbydullboomingthudsareallIneedtoremindmethat thenightairattacksarestillbeingmadeinthedirectionofArchangel.

Theirnight,unfortunately,willnotbesopeaceful.

Chapter29

AllinaDay’sWork

Asthewatchmanbeginstorouseusinreadinessforthebreakfastbell,andwellbeforemostofusareevendressedandhavemanagedtopriseopenourblearysleep-ladeneyes,thesoundsofactivityandthefamiliarbarkingofordersfromtheguards,floatuptousfromdownbelowonthequayside.Obviouslythelabourershavearrived.Imanagetoshakeoffthelastremnants

ofsleepandbegintodressasthoughtsofwhatthenewdaywillbringflyarounddisjointedly in my head. Flattening my face against the cold glass of theporthole,Icanjustmanagetoseethroughthepatternspaintedtherebytheice,thatthefirsttrucksladenwiththeirloadsoftimberarealsobeginningtoarriveat the jetty.PullingonasmuchofmyArctic issuegear thatIcancomfortablygetinto,andeatingtheremainsofmybreakfasttoastasIgo,Ireachtheupperdeckasmoreofthetarpaulincoveredtrucksarriveonthescene.Although it is not quite 0730hrs the darkness is still all around us, andmy

eyes at first find it hard to adjust to thepiercingbrillianceof the arc lights astheybathebothshipandshoreintheirluminouswhitelight.Likeastage,setandwaiting for a drama to begin, the scenario below paints a familiar picture.Guards,intheirlong,darkuniformcoatsbuttonedhighagainsttheweather,strutaroundarmedaseverwithbayonetedrifles.Barkingouttheirordersastheygo,theymake the labourersscamperaroundinalldirections.Eager toplease theirtormentorsbut instead appearingmore like agangof frightened rabbitswhichhasjustgotthefirstscentofaprowlingfox,theybeginworkimmediatelytheydisembarkfromthelorries.Turningatthefamiliarvoiceofthefirstofficerwishingmegoodmorning,I

canseebyhisappearance, thathe toohasalmostoverslept thismorning.Withhairstilldishevelledandpullingonhisheavyduffelashecrossesthebridge,hishalf-open eyesblink through thebluehazeof smoke from the cigarettewhichdroopslanguidlyfromonecornerofhismouth.Stumblingtiredlytowardsmehesetsdownhiscupof teaonthechartroomtable,andpushinghishandthrough

thetousledmassofhishair,attemptstotameitintosomesortoftidinessaswebegin working on the Baffin’s re-loading. The last crumb of toast is finallydevoured marking the end of our hurried breakfast, and the more seriousbusinessofgettingdown toorganizingofournewcargo,andallocatingspaceforitinouremptyholds,begins.Whiningbackintoactiononcemore,ourwinches,havinggotupsteam,strain

under the weight as they haul the huge slings fully laden with timber, anddeposititintotheholdsthatwespecify.Morevehiclestrundledowntowardsusin never-ending lines, each one of them packed full, and are miraculouslyclearedoftheir loadinnotime.Theon-shoreorganizationat thetruckloadingpointsmustbewellworthseeingandtousonthereceivingend,itappearstobeexcellent as there is never a break in the lines of vehicles; they continue theircomingsandgoingswithoutahitchatpreciselytimedintervals.So accurate is the timing between lorries that none of the work crews can

manageeventheshortestofrestsbeforeyetanotheroneisinplaceandreadytobe emptied of its contents. These extremely gruelling working conditionsthough,seemmeaninglesstotheguards.Theyhavebeentakingitinturntohavea short rest from time to time, whereas even the weakest of the labourerssubmissivelyobeysorders to the lastword,at all times,andeven though theirexhaustion is supremely apparent, they never ask for and are never given anyrest period during their twelve hours’ working time! What kind of a systemsends such poor, weak people out to do such hard labour? As the weatherworsensandthecoldbecomessoextremethatitishardtobreathecomfortably,italsobecomesincreasinglydifficulttoenvisageevensomeofthehealthieronesamongthemsurviving.To try and imagine or describe the emotions of these men separated so

brutally from their normal lives by being forced to live under such appallingconditions is impossible. They appear as abandoned souls, completely andutterlylosttothisworld,whoseliveshavebecomesoworthlessthattheybarelyexist.Wewatchedandwepitiedthem,butwecoulddonothing.As we had seen previously during the incident with the waste bin in

Archangel,althoughitisrumouredthathumanbeings,giventime,willadapttoanything, under these totally unsuitable conditions andwith no-one to turn to,the feelingof total abandonmentmustbeuppermost in theirminds.Who thencould blame even the best among those of the human race for turning intoanimals as a result of such treatment? Everyone likes to consider himself ascultured, but eventually all but the hardest among us would break with suchconstanttorment,withtheresultthatwesoonstopcaringaboutanythingatall.Thisworkforce, nodifferent to the last, has beenmade to lineupon thehard

bareground,tostandintheirragsastheyarelashedbythefreezingwindswhilethey are again forced into straight lines. The guards,wielding their rifle buttslike truncheons,beat theskinandbonebodiesof theirunfortunatecompatriotswithanunpitying repetitiveness,until theyconform.Asonlookers,wecan seethat onmost of these occasionsno crime appears to havebeen committed, norulesbroken,butstilltheharshestofpunishmentsisfrequentlymetedoutforthemostinsignificantofreasons.Asthewinterintensifiesandflurriesofdriftingsnowpowderthedarkgreen

trees around us with crystals of white, the almost impossible Arctic groundconditions become evenworse, but the non-stopwork forges ahead.Workers,eversilent,haultheroughcuttimberoutoftheslingswithtornandsorehands,which are covered in blood and very badly blistered, only the luckier oneshavingtheaddedprotectionofwhatwasonceapairofwoollengloves,withoneor two fingers remaining, the rest hanging shredded around thin, bonywrists.Hour after long hour they toil, huddled together on the decks of theBaffin astheywait for the next load ofwood, close enough to try and give each othersome comforting warmth from their pitiful bodies, and breathing into theirclothestoconservetheheatfromtheirownbreath.Theguards,wehaverecentlylearned,canearnthemselvesholidaycreditsfor

shootinganyonewhotriestoescape.Withthisfreshinourminds,anincidentofyesterdayhasbotheredthoseofusthatsawithappen.During the course of the morning’s work, one of the labourers who was

obviouslytryinghardtopreservewhatlittledignityhestillhadremaining,afterappearingtofirstlyseekthepermissionofhisoverseeingguard,movedawaytotheedgeofoneoftheworkzonesandproceededtorelievehimselfagainstoneofthetrees.Theguardwhohadbeenalertedbyhisrequest,atfirstnoddedandwatched his every move. Making sure that the rest of the work party wereengrossed infollowing instructionshe thenmovedoff in thesamedirectionasthebreakawayworker.Aswestoodlookingfromtheship,wecouldseethatthelabourerwas being chivvied and roughly pushed by him in the direction of adensegroupoftrees.Protestingallthetime,butthreatenedbythewavingrifle,thepoormanwasleftwithnooptionbuttoobey;stumblingandfallingontheiron-hardicyground,theguardproddedtheterrifiedmanforwardandsoontheywere both completely out of our sight as the darkness of the huge treesenvelopedthemcompletely.Nowwellhiddenfromourviewhisshoutsandcrieswereclearlyaudibleoverthegeneralbustlegoingonaroundtheship.Oneshotwasallweheard,beforetheguardreturned–alone!OnboardthepracticeofleavingfoodoutfortheRussianworkersstillgoeson

withboththecaptainandtherestoftheofficersturningablindeye,eventhough

eachofusiswellawareofwhatishappening.Breadandwatery-lookinggruelisalltheyaregiventohelpsustainthemthroughtheirlengthyworkspells,whichmustbetotallyunsuitableandnomatchforthehardlabourandtheevenharshersub-zerotemperatures,thatthesepoordevilshavetoendure.Anything at all, even things that are only remotely edible have the habit of

disappearing if left unattended for any length of time, such is their level ofhunger.Evenourengineersreportedfindingsomeoftheseshoreworkersdownintheengineroomwheretheywerebusilyandgreedilydevouringenginegreasefromoneofourstorageareas.Scoopinghandfulsofthethickviscous‘goo’intotheir mouths, before licking every last clinging morsel of it from their frostblisteredlips,theyweresoecstaticandoverwhelmedbytheirfindthatnoneofthemhadevenheardtheapproachofthetwoengineerswhofoundthem.Luckilyforthemitwasnotoneofthepryingguardssotheywereallowedtokeeptheirsecret,astheyscuttledoffbacktotheirworkwithouthavingbeenmissed.Theworkproceedswith thesameroutineandpatternas itdidpreviously in

Archangel. The labourers work on exactly the same shift basis with the onlyrecognizabledifferencebeingthat therearenosleepingfacilitiesfor themhereinEkonomiya.Everyworkperiodendswiththesameround-uptoenableafullhead count, and once again not a second is wasted, because as the departinglabourersarebeingloadedontowaitingtrucksthenextworkpartyarealreadyalighting from their transport and are being counted aboard. They continue toarriveanddepartwiththesamehighprecisiontimingwhetheritisdayornight.

Chapter30

ChillingNews

FromthedirectionofArchangelthenoiseofexplosionafterexplosioncontinuesthroughout the hours of darkness. The rolling, hollow sounds of the nightlybombardmentsechoacrossthemiles,carriedtousonthewind.Deeplysonoroussoundslikethunder,boominginthedistanceletusknowthattheairattacksarestillgoingonoverthecity.Everynowandthengunflasheslightuptheheavilygreyleadenskies,tingeingtheundersidesofthelow,darkclouds,paintingthemfromwithinwithburstsoffluorescentlightthatformsintoacoveringcanopyofredandorangemist.Forafewshortmomentsthebleaknessabovechanges.Litupwiththereturnfirefromtheretaliatinggunsthedarknessofthefirmamentistransformedwithshardsofcolourintoamackerelsky.Stripedandmottledwithred andorange, the little rivulets of colour cascade and fall intobright ripplespiercingthegloomabovewithfingersofcolour.Mergingoneintotheothertheystreakthroughthedarkebonysky,striatingitwiththeiridescenceofmarble.Althoughwecanhear thempassinghighoverheadnoneof theaircrafthave

comeourway;theonlysoundsthatpersistentlyrobusofourrestaretheloadingnoises as the creaking of winches and the clattering pulleys meddle with oursleepbothdayandnight.Theactivitycontinuesasgreatwedgesofbulkytimberareslungaboardand

quicklyfillupourholdspaces.Twoofourholds, full tocapacityandcoveredwiththeirwoodenhatchboards,arealreadyhavingtheheavytarpaulinslashedsecurelyintoplace.Nowourattentioncanbeturnedtotherestofthecargothatis to be stowed in the smaller holding spaces surrounding the tightly packedtimber.Someofthepackagesofthissecondconsignment,whichhavearrivedandare

waiting stacked up on the dockside, are considerably smaller than the greatwoodenbundlesthathavepreviouslybeendisappearingbelow,oneafteranotherwithprecision timing.Theyarebeingdeliveredwith thesameproficiencyandbythesameconvoyoftrucksbutnowconsistofmuchsmallerbundlesofwhatseemtobesmall,keg-likecontainerstightlyropedtogether.Verycompacttheymaybe,butasIwatchthembeinghandledaboardIcannothelpbutnoticejusthow heavy they are proving to be in spite of their diminutive size. CuriosityleadingtoascloseaninspectionasIcangetfromthisdistance,aswearestillnotallowedonshore,thesemodestlittlebundlesappeartobemadeofsometypeofundressedhide.Eachoneissealedwithawoodenlidatbothendsandnow,

havingcountedthemIseethattheyarebounduptightlyintobundlesoften.Astheyarebeingpiledhighontothewoodenpalletslyinginwaitforthem,

andcapturedin theenvelopingnetslings likeafisherman’scatchtobehauledaboard, I cannot help noticing that they are being treated with much morereverence than has been afforded to any of the previous cargoes. Even thenormallyroughattendantguardshavenoticeablekindofreverencetowardsthesemysterious bundles! Continuing to bark out their orders they stand back,respectfullydistancingthemselvesfromtheassemblageoflittlepackages.Withmyinitialcuriositysated,mymindbeginsrunningriotnow,andgeared

bymyobservations,turnsmythoughtstothefactthattheseratherinoffensive-lookingbarrels,thatarebeingtreatedsowarily,andarealltoosoontobecomepartofourcargo,arenotquiteas innocentas theyappear.Could theycontainexplosives?!Withnoloadinginventoryasyettoreferto,trepidationsoontakesaholdand

withalarmbellsringinginmyheadandthoughtsoftheaddedhazardsofbeinganammunitionshipmultiplyingrapidlyinmymind,Ipickupmybinocularstohave an even closer look.Trying to adjustmyeyes, I focuson some symbolsthatarejustvisibleonthesideofeachkeg.Piledintotheslings,thefirstloadsarealreadybeing liftedhigh into theairand,swayingominously toandfroasthecranehaulsthemupwards,theyreachtheship’sside.Turninginwardstheyimmediatelybegintheirrapiddescentanddisappearbelowdecks, thesecretofwhat theycontainstill intact.Unperturbedbymyfirst failure tosee, I turnmyattentionsinsteadtosomeoftheexposedkegsstillwaitingaboardthetruck,andas I adjust my sights the picture in front of me suddenly clears. Becomingdistinct, I find tomyhorror that I am looking straight into the staring, lifelessfaceofagrinningskullandcrossbones!Whateverthosekegsturnouttocontain,wearetobecarryingadeadlycargo!Taking the bridge ladder two steps at a time as I leap into action,my first

thoughtistogoinsearchofmyinterpreter.Thismustbetheoneandonlytimethatmyeverpresent shadowof the last fewweekshasgonemissing frommyside, and so,hell benton seeing if I canget the slightest informationonwhatthese kegs contain, I almost fall headlong down the ladder in my eagerness.Steadyingmyself,andwithasurgeofpureadrenalinpoundingthroughmyveinsIrushalmostblindlydownthecompanionwayandinmyextremehasteIalmostcollidehead-onwithCaptainBrown.Justoutofsightaroundthecornerwithhishead buried in a sheaf of papers that he is carrying, he is coming almost asspeedily in theoppositedirection.CollisionavertedbysomedexterityonbothourpartsIsoonlearnthatheistryingtofindmewithwhatturnsouttobetheanswertotheveryquestionthatisnowbotheringme!Aswebothreturntothe

bridgefromwhereIhadmademyinitialobservationsall issoonrevealed.IfIhadstayedondeckandcurbedmyeagernessforjustalittlewhilelongerIwouldhave seen printed quite clearly, and in English, on the opposite upper side ofeachsmallbarrelasitwasloweredaboard,thewordARSENIC.The captainwas on hisway to tellme just that. I flip through the sheaf of

papersthathehasplacedintomycareanditdoesnottakemelongtorealizethattheyarethereamsofdetailsandregulationsgoverningthesafehandlingofthisnewanddeadlycargo.I am still browsing through the papers when my intrepid interpreter re-

appears.Silentasusual,hecreptunobtrusivelybackintohisusualplaceclosetomyside,withonlyamuffledcoughdenotinghispresenceagain.Ihardlyknewhimatfirstashehadwrappedthewornoldwoollenscarfevenmoretightlythanusualaroundhiscarewornface.Hidingallbutthetwobigwateryeyesthatarenow lookingatme likea forlorndog,he retreats to thenearest steampipe forsomewarmth.Thebitingwindthathasconstantlythreatenedtofreezeustothespotwherewestandseemstobegettingstronger.Howonearthdothesepoordevilsthatareloadingtheshipcontinuetoworkinsuchconditionswearingtheirpaper-thinragswhenwearefindingithardtosurvivethecolddressedasweareinourArcticissuewarmclothing?Aftermyencounterwith thecaptain,andwithaconstant flurryofquestions

pertainingtothisnewcargostillmillingaroundinmyhead,Ihavedecided,eventhough it has proved unsuccessful before, to try and glean what extrainformation I can frommy interpreter.The stewardhas justbroughtusbothaverywelcomemugofhotsoupfromthegalley,andasourtwofreezingbodiesbegintosuccumbtothewarmthundertheinfluenceofthesteamingliquid,IcanseethatheisbeginningtoappearmuchmorerelaxedsoItaketheopportunitytotry and strike up a conversation. Trying to extract information, I had alreadylearnedlongagoisusuallytolittleornoavail,buttomyutteramazementafterchattingabouthisfamilyhegoesontorespondtomytentativequestionsputtohimaboutthecargo.BywhatIcanpickupandsalvageoutofthemixtureofEnglishandRussian

thatpoursforthbetweengulpsofsoupIlearnthatthearsenicisinpowderformthatistightlycompressedintothecontainers.Iamnotatallsurprisedthenwhenhegoesontosaythatitwouldbe‘veryunhealthy’ifanyofthecontentsweretoescape,aseventhesmallestamountwhichmightgetontoourhandsandthenbeeaten,wouldprovefatal!Evenbreathinginanyofthefinestparticles,would,hecontinued,alsoprovetobeinstantaneouslydeadly.Icannotbegintosuppressordescribetheshiverthatisplayingominouslyupanddownmyspineatthispoint.It is so chilling tomywhole body that in amatter of seconds the feeling has

completelycounteractedthebeneficialeffectsofthehotsoup.Ournewcargocoulddefinitelyprovejustasdeadlyasoneofhighexplosives

ifwewereunluckyenoughtobeattacked!Notdaringtoevencontemplatewhattheoutcomemightbeifatorpedohitour

holdingarea,withtheblastshoweringtheshipandothersaroundusinacloudofdeadlyarsenicdust,Iquicklyturnmyattentionsbacktotheinterpretertryingtoharvest a little more information. My further questions being whollyunsuccessful,areonlygreetedwitharatherpronouncedshrugofhisshouldersashestudies thedepthsofhisnowemptysoupmug.Turningsharplyawayfromme,hisdetermined silence returns, and lookingas ifhehasalready saidmorethan enough, he pretends not to understand at all now. Without as much asanotherwordhewalksaway,shouldershuddledupagainst the intensecoldhestands in the bridge wing swathed once more in his usual cloak of absolutesilence.

Chapter31

AlmostReadyforSea

Theair iscrispandfaintstreaksofbright,waterysunlightgreetmeas Imakemywayupondeckthismorning.FeelingveryrefreshedforachangeandstillnotbeingabletobelievethatIhavesleptsowell,Inowseejustwhymynighthasbeensorestful.Theloadinghasbeencompletedduringthenightwatchand,insteadofthenoisyhiveofactivitythathasusuallygreetedmystarttotheday,allisinstarkcontrast,veryquiet.Gonearetheworkerswiththeirguardsandalltheheavylorrieshavedeparted

forthelasttimetoo,leavingonlythedesolatewoodenhutaloneamongthethickchurned-upmudofthequayside.Afewsolitaryfootprintsinthepatchysnowattheedgeoftheclearingistheonlyevidencethatanyonehaseverbeenhere.TheSSEmpireBaffin, lyinglowinthewaterundertheweightofhernewly

acquired cargo, strains at the ropes that keep her prisoner to the shore, as thelightswellofthewaterrockshergentlytoandfroathermooring.Thelongweeksofcompulsoryisolationarebeginningtotaketheirtollonall

ofus.Everymanaboardmustnowfeellikeaprisoner.SinceleavingourberthinArchangelwehavelostcontactwithalltheotherconvoyshipsandthenervesof those already shredded by the toll of the hazardous outward journey arebecoming noticeably more frayed from day to day. Patience that has beenstretchedtoitsfullestextentandtempersthatatmosttimeshavebeenheldwellin check, seem to be bubbling in readiness to boil over now at the leastprovocation.Tocounteractthisstateofmindsomeofthecrewseemtohaveputthemselvesintoaperpetualstateofforcedeuphoriaandbydoingsoareearningthegratitudeoftherestofusbylighteningourblackmomentswithajokeandagrinwhichprovestobeamuchneededtonicasithelpstosootheourwar-tornnerves.TheWestAfricanfiremenespeciallyseemtobejollywhateverbefallsthem.

Forever cheerful, they appear to be the one group that happiness has neverdeserted.Duringmany a long and tedious nightwatch theirmelodious voicescan be heard coming from the direction of their quarters and hanging with arelaxing kind of warm peacefulness on the coldness of the night air. Theirbeautiful andmelodious singing seemed towrap us in a softwarmblanket ofpeace,dispellingallthoughtsoftheterribletroublesthathavebefallenusaswecome,attimes,veryclosetothelowestebbofourendurance.Captain Brown, I learn from the first officer, has left the ship earlier this

morningononeofhismanyshoreexcursionsto theRoyalNavyheadquarters,where previously he has had to submit progress reports concerning thedischargingandloading.Todayheisputtinginhisfinalreportonourreadinessforsea.ThefinalstagesoftidyinguptheBaffinarenownearingcompletionandcrewmen are out in force, making sure of our safety by washing down thedecking and all surfaces around the holds where the arsenic is stored withgallonsofsaltwater.Asthedaywearsontheinitialdespondencyofthecrewseemstohavelifted

andbeenreplacedbynewhopeasthoughtsofeventuallygoinghomecreepsintotheirminds.Excitement is not entirely free from trepidation though, as tingedwiththeblindfearoftheunknown,wecannotavoidwonderingwhatfatehasinstoreforus,waitingaboveandbeneaththoseopenstretchesofthecruelArcticsea.

Chapter32

OurLastNightinRussia

Itwastheearlypartofthiseveningwhenourcaptaineventuallyreturnedtotheship.Wastingnotimeatall,hehascalledtheofficerstothesaloon.AsIdrawneartothethirdofficer’sopencabindooronmywaytothebriefingIcanhearhim singing to himself, a bright little tune from his part of the world. Mr.Smallwood,who comes fromStaithes inNorthYorkshire, is alsohappy to begoinghome.Ashestepsoutintothecorridortojoinme,hiseyes,tiredbutwiththeiroldsparklerekindled,betrayhisfeelings.Weighed down with an array of papers and admiralty charts, as I am the

officerinchargeofnavigation,Icannothelpwonderingwhichhomewardroutewewillbetaking,andwherewewillrejoinournavalescort.Ihaddetectedanominousnote inCaptainBrown’svoiceashe toldme tobringall the relevantdatathatwouldenablemetoplotmorethanonecoursehome.AlthoughImayhavethoughtitastrangerequestatthetimeIhavenotquestionedit.WithgrowinguneasinessIarriveinthesaloon,andsittingdownatthetableI

havealreadyspreadoutthechartsbeforeCaptainBrownarrives.Stillmyeveryinstinctpersistsintellingmethatthisisgoingtobenoordinarybriefing.By the time that the captain appears in the saloon the consensus of opinion

among the rest of us is unanimously pointing towards the likelihood ofdangerouslyhiddenundercurrents.Takinghis seat at theheadof the table,histiredeyesfocussingonhistightlyclaspedhandswhichrestmotionlessinfrontofhim,hisopeningannouncementshockseverymanintheroom.‘Gentlemen,wearetosailindependentlyandunescorted.’Theacutesilence,asoureyesseekthoseofthecaptain’s,lookingtohimfor

somesortofsolace,somereassurancethat thisopeningstatementisamistake,seemstolastforever.Atlastthestunnedsilenceisbroken.Hisvoicecracklingwithemotioninformsusthatwearetorunthegauntletalone,sailingforIcelandalmost immediately.The initial blow is like that of a steamhammer to us all.Then the silence is at last shattered with everyone trying to talk at once. A

thousandquestions,comepouringout,tumblingovereachotherforprecedenceand vibrating around the whole saloon in stunned waves as the shockingstatementsetsalight the touchpaperofallofourpent-upemotions.Weare tosailwithoutthesecurityofanescortastherearenoescortshipsavailableatthistime due to all RN ships, with the exception of a few locally basedminesweepers, being withdrawn from the area for the purpose of the northAfrica invasion.FromthenavalbaseatPolyarnoewordhadalsocomevia thecaptain that thenavalofficer inchargehadexpressedhisdeepest regrets toallthecrewregardinghisinabilitytoassistinthesematters.EightBritishcaptainshavebeengiventhistraumaticnews,sothehappierthoughtsofsailingforhomewaters are now looked uponwith very different feelings, our initial happinesssubduedbyaplethoraofverymixedemotions.All of our immediateworries put aside,webegin tomake ready for sailing

tomorrow.TheothermerchantshipswillbeleavingfromArchangel,butwearetoldthatundernocircumstancesmustweformintoagrouporconvoy.Forthisleg of the journeywehave to stay isolated.Completely alone, each shipmustproceedasatotallyindependentunit,andmaintainmaximumspeedatalltimes.Itseemsthattheonlyassetonthistripisgoingtobethelonghoursofdarkness.These at least will afford us some sort of cover. Being barely two hours ofdaylight at this time of the year, these then will become our most vigilantperiods.Allvessels are to sail athourly intervals andeachhasbeengiven thetimewhen theyshouldbe ideallypassing theDvinaBarbuoy.Armedwithallthis information, andwith the table covered in charts of the region, I now setaboutplanningthebestroutetotaketheEmpireBaffinonthefirststageofherjourneyhome.ItisnotlongbeforeIhaveplottedtworoutes.Wediscussandweighupevery

advantage and disadvantage of both of them before coming to the finalconclusion.

RouteOne

Thiswaywilltakeusnorthtotheiceedge,thenwest,passingHopeIslandandSpitsbergen to longitude zero, turning south on to Iceland. The gain in thisinstancewill be thatwewill be able tomaintainmaximum distance from theenemybaseswhilethedisadvantagesamounttoaslowerpassagethroughtheicefields and a longer sea passage which couldmake us an easier target for theunderwater‘seekers’.Alternativelywecouldchoose:

RouteTwo

This routewould seeus steaming to thenorth-west at first, turning eventuallyduewest to passmidway between the north cape ofNorway andBear Islanduntil reaching longitude zero. We would then turn south on a heading forIceland.Byusingthisroutewewouldencounterlessiceandthereforehavethefulladvantageofourmaximumspeedatall timesoverashorterdistance.Theaddedhopehere is that theenemywillhaveconcentrated theirsearchingforceonalinenorthofBearIsland.

Followingalightningdiscussionithasbeenelectedbyamajorityvotethatwearetotakethesouthernroute.During periods when the sky is lightened and in the proposed track along

seventy-two degrees north with the sun approaching maximum declination, Iwillnotexpectittorisemuchabovethehorizon.Thisbeingsothelighteningofthe southerly horizon could be expected at approximately 1000 to 1400hrs.Accordingly,asobservationsatthesetimeswillhavetobeatamaximum,itwillbeessentialtodoubleallthelookoutsandenforceastrictblackoutproceduretoberigidlymaintainedduringthelongperiodsofdarkness.Preparations for our imminent sailing are proceeding to planwith all cabin

portholedeadlightsbeingscrewedfirmlydown,andasanaddedprecautionallinternal light bulbs capable of showing any light at an outer deck door areremovedonebyone.FromnowuntilwereachIcelandallthewatchesarealsotobe doubled, this means that instead of the usual four hours on and eight offduties,wewillallworkonaroutinefouronfouroffbasis.Withtherouteandwatchesnowestablished,allthesparecrewaresettowork

on further ice-clearing duties. The Baffin is once more alive with noise ashandrails,guns,lifeboatsandtheirloweringgearareallsetfreeagainfromtheirimprisoning, freezing shackles. Hammers and ice picks smash down on thethicklyformedbandsof ice,showeringeverythingaroundwith tinycrystalsofglitteringlightassmallavalanchesoftheglacialparticlestumbleontothedeckundertheimpactofeachblow.Theyadhereimmediatelytoanythingtheytouchbecauseoftheintensecold,liketinypreciousstonestheyshimmerandsparklelikediamondsintheirnew-foundsettings.Downintheengineroomboilersarebeing stoked and the familiarmellowvoices of the singing stokers as theygoabout theirworkdriftsup tome from theaft companionwayas I step into theengineroomtoprimethechiefengineer,MrRobinson.Kingofhiscastleintheengine room, he is already hard at work to make sure that our coal burning

boilerswillemitnothicksmoketomorrow,whichwouldbeasuresignaltoanyenemieson the lookout as toourpresence.He also assuresme that no flaringwilloccuratthetopofthefunnelasevenasmallthingsuchasthatcouldprovetobeourfinalundoing.AloneandminimallyarmedIamafraidthattheEmpireBaffinwouldbea‘sittingduck’targettoanopportunistraider.Withtheradioofficersalsoinstructedtokeepalisteningwatchthroughoutthe

twenty-fourhours too,andeverythingdonethat isgoingtoaidoursurvivalenroute to our Icelandic destination,we settle down to spend our last night tiedalongsidetheramshackleoldjettyatEckonomiya.Ourappointedhourforsailinghasnowbeenfixedfor1100hrstomorrow.

Chapter33

Sunday,8November1942

Dismal and overcast, the dull morning greets us with intermittent flurries ofsnowblownaboutonthebreathofabitinglycoldwind.AfteranextremelyleisurelybreakfastIleavethecosinessofthesaloonwith

more thana little reluctance.Stoppingoffatmycabinenroute to thebridgeIpickupmyarrayofchartsaswellasasparewoollenscarfthatislyingtohand.Pulling it tightly aroundmy face and neck on top of a knitted balaclava andcoveredwithmy duffel coat hood this addition helpsme to feelmore able toface the piercingly cold morning. My motley assortment of clothing coulddefinitely not be described as a picture of elegance by any stretch of theimagination,buteverygarmentisveryessentialunderthesefreezingconditions.Stepping out onto the slippery surface of the deck, I am just able to grab thecompanionwayrailasmyslidingfeettrytheirhardesttosendmeflyingintheoppositedirection towhere I amaiming. I amonly toogladwhen Imake thewheelhousestillinonepiece,Ihavecometotheconclusionthatseabootswerenevermadeforskating!Thechartroomtable,havingbecomehometoallsortsofmiscellaneousdebris

overthelastfewweeksiscleared,andallthechartswewillneedforourchosenroute are laid out in strict rotation taking the place of the superfluous clutter.Steering and the engine telegraphshave all been checkedout too, andnow, ifonlyforafewbriefsecondstheoldBaffinisfinallygiventherareopportunitytospeakforherself.Witha fewshort trialblastsofhersteamwhistlesheprovesthatsheisstillingoodvoice.It is1000hrsand justas Ihave finishedchecking that thebridge is ready,a

distantrumbling,theunmistakablecoughingandspittingofalabouringengine,can be heard coming from the direction of the road among the trees. Thecontinuousbangingandbackfiringgetsnearerandlouderuntilintotheclearingbythejettyjuddersaratherbattereddarkgreensalooncar.Slidingandslitheringover thepeaksandhillocksof frozenmud that thewheelsof theheavy lorries

had gouged out of the earth the previous day, it slips into a sudden awkwardsidewayshaltbythegangway.Enginerumblingandwithitsexhaustrattlingandstill spitting out clouds of bluish smoky fumes, it sits there ominously withwindowssteamedsobadlythatwecannotevenmanagetogetaglimpseoftheoccupants. After what seems to be an age, the beast stops its snorting as theengineiseventuallyswitchedoff.Threeofficial-lookingmen,withbadgesinthelapelsoftheirheavycoatsappearfromwithineachdonningabigfurhatastheyemergeintothecoldair.Theonefirsttoappearfromthedriver’sseatisbeingverballysetuponbytheothertwo.Astheyallapproachtheship,hardenedsnowcrunching under theweight of their stamping jackboots andwith arms flying,theirraisedvoicesrattleoutwordstoeachotherasfastasmachinegunfire.Iamnot able to understand aword but I quickly get the idea that the first two arebeingratherderogatoryaboutthethirdman’sdriving.Iwillneverreallyknowforsure.Thelargermanofthethree,wearingthemostenormousCossackstylehatthatIhaveeverseen,partscompanywiththeothertwoandcomesstraightaboard.Wesoonfindoutthatheistoactasourpilot.Thetimeisdrawingnearforustobeginthefirststageofourhomewardboundjourney.Staying on the shore, the pilot’s two companions who now appear quite

reconciled following their earlier dispute, wait for his signal to release ourmoorings.Thisbeingdoneforeandaftthehugeropesarereleasedandthrowninto the water. Almost before our crew can retrieve them the two Russians,havingreturnedtotheircar,arealreadygonefromsight,losttoourviewamongthetrees.Maybewecannotseethembutwecandefinitelystillhearthem.Thegrating gears of the old car as it whines off into the distance and the terriblenoiseofitslabouringengineisstillbeingblownbackonthewindlongaftertheyhavedisappeared.Veryslowly,andrathertentativelyatfirstasshefindsherselffreedfromthe

restricting ropes and hawsers that have tied her there, theEmpire Baffin slipsquietlyaway from the little jettywith its lonehut.The tall sentinel treesbendwith the wind as if in quiet approbation. The convoy now named QP15 hasbegun.As the rhythmic thudofherenginesbringsherback into lifeoncemore the

enjoymentofhernew-foundfreedomseemstotakeaholdassheslidesfurtherout into the creek. Propellers churning up the darkwaters into awhite frothywakebehindherasshemovesoutintoadeeperpartoftheriver,sherespondsreadilytothehelmandmovesonherwayatlasttowardstherivermouth.Eckonomiya disappears far into the distance and a new light heartedness

quicklypermeatesthroughoutthecrew.Itspreadswiththespeedofanepidemicfrom one to the other, fed and provoked by the thoughts of going home.

Whistlingastheywork,andhappierthanIhaveseenthemformanyweeksnow,it isnotlongbeforeall themooringropesarestowedawayand,stillunderthecarefulguidanceofourpilot,weheadouttowardstheopensea.Once again we will have to take each day as it comes, never knowing

whatevergoodorevil thereis instoreforusasweopenoureyestoeachnewdawn.Sowhatistheuseofworryingabouteventsthatmayneverevenhappen?Cupping my frozen hands over my mouth, the warmth of my breath

momentarilybringingalittlelifebacktomyrapidlynumbingfingers,Istepintothewheelhousegladoftheshelterfromthebitingwind.Checking thecompass is firstpriorityon the list.Havingdischargeda large

amountofmetalcargo,andwithnocompassadjustingfacilitybeingavailableinArchangelIamalreadypreparedforsomedegreeoferror.WhatIfindinsteadisamassivediscrepancy.SousingnomorethanaveryreasonableguessisthebestIcandountilourpositionchangesandwefindourselvesonanortherlyheading.Fortyminuteslater,withthetimeatexactly1110hrsthesmallpilotboatthat

has trailed behind us like a bloodhound pulls away from astern and takes uppositionalongside.Riding thewaves, the tinyboatwaitspatientlyas thepilot,who is stillon thebridgeof theBaffin, strollsbyusallon thebridgeofferingeachofusinturnamorethanfirmhandshake.Alargegreyglovedhandclaspsourstightlyinitsgripandgruntingsomethingwhichwetaketobehisgoodluckwishes,hefinallysalutesthecaptainandthenturningbackwithonelastlookatour assembly, he takes to thewaiting boat and is gone. The pilot’s departureheraldsoursafearrivalattheDvinaRiverbar.Theropeladderclangingagainsttheship’ssideasitisheavedupontothedeckisthesignalforfullsteamaheadandthebeginningofthenextpartofourhomewardjourney.‘Weareonourownnow’,isall thatIseemtohearbeatingrepeatedlythroughinsidemymindasImoveback to the chart table andbegin the taskof setting the course thatwilltakeusthroughtheWhiteSea.Afewrandomicefloesridetheundulatingwatersasourpropeller,turningat

full speed, churns through the channel that is already cut out for us by oursurgingbows.Nowandthenwehavetokeepreducingourspeedtoavoidanydamage toourhullaswecut throughsomeof themoredensely-packed thick-ribbed ice. Huge slabs of it grate along the ship’s sides, cracking under ourweight into smaller plaques which float away to port and starboard, bobbingaroundinourrollingwakebeforere-groupingagainfarbehindus.The uneventful day, wearing on past noon, sees our guns all at the ready

havingbeenmeticulouslytestedandcoveredwiththeirheavytarpaulins.Wearestill running at reduced speed as a precautionary measure when the darknessdecides to clamp down on us again at around 1400hrs. This enables me to

dismisstheextralookoutsthathavebecomeanessentialcommodityduringthedaylighthours.Withnotwinklingshorelightstohelpguideusonourwaythelastwispsofdayaresoonengulfedinthealltoofamiliarblacknessofthenight.Strainingeyes,topeeraftertheextinctdaylightmakesitjustpossibletoseetheremnantsof therecedingcoastlinestrugglingintoviewfor the last timebeforefinallydisappearingintototalobscurity.Wearetransformedoncemoreintoadark,silentshapemeltingintothegloom

aswecontinuetocreepslowlyandsteadilyalong.Thecompletequietnessofthesceneappears toaffectusall.Witheachoneofoursensessopainfullyon thealert we seem to feel that it is wrong to communicate amongst ourselves innothinglouderthanawhisper.Itisasifunseenearsareeavesdropping,listeningintently to our everyword, to our innermost secrets. A feeling that out there,somewhere, our very thoughts are beingmonitoredby the very predatorswhoarewaitingpatientlyforustomakeonefatalmistake.All the odds appear to be heavily stacked in favour of the enemy at the

moment,butwemustputonabravefront.Inouracceptanceofalltherisks,wecontinue on with the hope that the same good fortune which has previouslysailedwithusandbroughtussafelythisfar,willnotdesertusnoworeverinourmostcrucialhourofneed.

Chapter34

Monday,9November1942

SlowlyandstillathalfspeedtheBaffinedgesherwaythroughdenselypackedfloesofice.TakingthemiddlewatchIagainfindmyselfhopingthatthisisnotthe calm before the storm as I pace to and fro across the length of the colddarkenedbridge.Notaglimmeroflightshowsoutthereinthetransientgloom,andwithallofouron-boardlightsextinguishedallwecandoisplodonblindly.Quietlyslidingthroughthewater,weremainaloneandtotallyenvelopedintheobscurity of the pitch-blackArctic night around us.Overhead, smallwisps ofcloudshinewhiteagainstastarlesssky,scurryingfastacrossthedarknesstheyridebyasifinguiltypenancetothecapriciouswhippingofthewind.Visibilityispoorandatleastforthemomentallisstillquiet–ominouslyquiet.AsIstandlookingoutintothedarknessbeyond,ashiver,notbornofthecold

butbrought to lifeby theportentof impendingdanger, runssnakingdownmyspine. I take comfort from pulling my duffel around me more tightly eventhoughIamwarm,asIstepbackintothechart-room.Youcanalmosttastethebitternessofdangerintheair.Itisalwaysthere,neververyfaraway,dancingtoattentionatourheels.Thesheersilenceitselfcanbeterrifying!Coulditbethatevennowwearebeingwatchedatthisverymomentwhileoureverymovementis carefully monitored? Hopefully it is just the inward knowledge of howvulnerablewereallyarethatmakesmefeellikethis.Having to proceed at all timeswith such extreme caution builds up in one

afterawhile,auniquetypeoftenseness.Evenwhenwefinallysuccumbtosleepit is not the normal rejuvenating rest that eventually overcomes us. Still, thefeeling of always being partially awake invades our minds, the unrest of thesituation keeping us forever on the alert, infusing our very dreams withtrepidations. Not one of us will ever be able to find true peace until thishazardous journey isoverandwearesafelyback inourhomeportoncemoreandabletorestinourownbeds.Withtimeappearingtoalmoststandstillinthesewaters,thedarknessandthe

briefperiodsoflightthatmakeupthemostfleetingofdaysmergeendlesslyintoone another.Day and night become one, long before the realization even hitsyou.LookingoverthesideIcanseethattheicefloesarestillpackedsolidlyover

the sea ahead.Sudden contactwith the ship’s bowas she ploughs ahead, cutsthem apart effortlessly. Surging forward she sends the dark water rippling incurlingwavesover theglisteningglacial floes, tarnishing theirvividwhitenessashergreatpressureprisesthemapartuntiltheyaresuckeddowntoswirlawayunderthesurface.Theprofoundsilencepervadingtheairamplifiesthenoiseofthedarkwater,as,pushedaggressivelyoutofourway,itswirlspastinfurrowsof bubbling foam. Apart from the sounds of the wind above and the waterswishingbelowuswearehopefully alonewithonly theawesomepresenceofthenightasourtravellingcompanion.At last, leavingbehinda longnightfilledwith tautboutsofnervous tension

andwithtiredeyesthathavebeenstrainedtotheirlimits,itcomestowardstheendofmywatchperiod.AsIampreparingtoleavethebridgethereappearsinthedistance,ahazyshaperisinguponthefarthesthorizon.Appearingandthendisappearingagainintimetothepitchingandrollingoftheship,Ihavetofighttofocusmyvisiononthespot.Ipeerhardthroughthedeepeninggreynessofthepoor visibility ahead. Concentrating on the moving horizon and squintingthroughthesnowflurries,Icanseeitagain.Itre-appearswiththeriseoftheshipassheridestheswellandIcannowidentifyitasthenextpointofreferenceonourcharts.ItistheunmistakableshapeoftheCapeKaninlighthouse.Loomingoutofthemistandrisingupwards,sentinel-likeaswegetcloser,itbecomesourguidehelpingustosteertowardsourpointofentranceintotheWhiteSea.Asweslowlybeardownonthedistantshape,itssilhouettedfinger,awryand

pointing skywards, heralds in the new day which is just beginning to slowlyshowagain.Breakingthroughthedarklydyednightsky,shardsofmorninglightslowlyseeptheirwaythroughinformsthatpatternandetchtheblacknessabovewithsmudgesofgreyandwispsofsable.Itisnow1020hrs,10November1942.Theadventofmorelightbringsclearerdefinition,mysteriousshapesturning

backintoordinaryeverydaythings.Ournewsurroundingsbecomevisiblewiththehorizonslidingintofocusthenearerweapproach.Althoughpleasedbytheappearance of the coastline again it proves not in the least awe-inspiring. Itshowsjustwhatwehadsuspected,thatthesceneryremainsexactlythesameallover this part of theworld.Barren and extremely bleak, this snow-bound andfeaturelesslandgreetsusthroughswirlsofearlymorningArcticsnow.Nighthasbarelyturnedintodayatalltoday.Daylighthasbeensofleetingthatwealmost

missed it completely, a fadedglimmer thathasnever fullymanaged to escapebelowthecloudcoverisallthelightwehavehad.Aftergivinguslessthananhourofhalf-light,wehavebeenpitchedintocompletedarknessyetagain.Theheavyswellthathastossedusaboutforsolongisbuffetinguswithanew

foundvengeanceandlifeaboardisdecidedlyuncomfortable.Throughblizzardsofimpenetrablesnow,thetumblingflakesswirlaboutus,clingingimmediatelyastheymakecontact.Theysoonwrapeverythinginathickwhiteblanketwhichseverely limits our all round vision until it is almost zero. But as there issupposedlyalwaysagoodside toeverysituation,whoarewe tocomplain toofreelyatthisgiftofnature?Theseconditionsmakeasurfaceassaultcompletelyimpossible and alsomake it extremelydifficult for anyunderwaterdetector toset his sights on us. So in this instance we will not berate the weather tooseverely!Thedisquietingstillness,thepoorvisibilityandthegloomhavenotdampened

the spirits of the crew. En route tomy cabin I can hear that the light-heartedbanter from one to another has returned, and the deep baritone voice comingfrom thedirectionof thesteward’spantry,asheprepares to serve theeveningmeal,speaksvolumesinitself!

Chapter35

HomewardBound

Beatingourway through theheavingseawehaveourworkcutout forus.Aswellaskeepingoureyespeeledforthefirstsignofenemyintruderswehavetoworkaroundtheclockjusttokeeptheiceaccumulationtoaminimum.Thecrewof everywatchnowundertakehighly dangerousmissions out ondeck as theyfighttheunendingbattlewiththeicethatisfasttryingtorenderourarmamentsunusable.While contending to keep a foothold on the treacherously icy decksandwith ropes looped around theirwaists and hitched securely to the rails tokeep them from falling overboard, they work in relays. There is to be nosurrender–totheenemynortotheelements!TosailontheseRussianconvoysistoexperiencealltherigoursoftheseaat

itsmostcruel.Theharshnessoftheelementsisbothexaggeratedandaggravatedby the additional horrorsofwar that stretch them to theirmost extremepoint.Fightingagainsttimeandthevehemenceofthisviolentweather,thesecrewmenhave proved to be themost conscientious set of lads that I have ever had thepleasure to meet. They never complain as they work flat out at the almostimpossibletaskoffreeingtheBaffinfromherever-restrictingstraightjacketofice. Taking even the extrawatch-keeping duties in their stride, their diligenceremainsunimpairedbystormorthestressthattheymustallbeexperiencing.Ourmasts and rigging, being inaccessible in this weather, are now heavily

blistered and caked with clumps of hardened snow from which long iciclescascadeinprofusion,drapingtheshroudslikehugeChristmastreebaubles.Withthe early evening it is noticeable that the ship is riding more easily due to asudden lull in theweather.Thewindhas at last stopped its incessant howlingandthequietness isonlybrokenbythesoundof theseaswellas itmountsupfrom astern and rolls in discordant waves along our sides. Being extremelybuoyant,becausesheisnotfullyloaded, theBaffinpitchesandrolls intimetothe great swathes of grey-green water as they rush aboard. Foaming andbubblingtheycrashdownwithaforcethatsetsthenewlycleareddeckingawashbeforetheangrywater,gurglingitswayoutofthescuppers,re-joinstheheavingsea.Spray flying everywhere immediately begins the process of re-creation asmoretinyicydropletsfusetightlytogetherandendupweldedoncemoretoourcleanrailsandladders.Tired and chilled to the very bone, despitemy frequent visits to warmmy

frozenfingersonthesteampipessothatIcanholdmypencilsteadyenoughto

chartourprogress,itiscominguptomidnightandtheendofyetanotherofmywatches.Itis2345hrsandtheanticipationofaluxuriouslylong,hotsoakinthebathbeingonlyfifteenminutesaway,andashavetoo,Itellmyselfasmyhandskimsoverthebristlinggrowthonmychin,spursmeontocompletemyentriesinthelogdespitemyfrozenfingers.Theprevailingwindsettlesatlasttostayeasterly.Stillblowingatafullgale

force 10 we are eventually buffeted into the early hours of a very bleak 11November1942.Myanticipatedrestwasnottobe.Rejuvenatedbymyhotbath,andwithjust

enoughtimetogetintoachangeofclothes,itisjust0100hrswhenmyrecalltotherecentlyvacatedbridgesetsmewonderingwhatishappening.Noalarmbellshave shattered the peace down below, so it cannot be because an attack isimminent,IthinktomyselfasIalmostlosemyfootingwithonevastheaveoftheship.TheBaffinstillfeelsmorelikethebigdipperatafairgroundasIarriveback ‘up top’.We have now altered course to 270 degrees and are thereforerunningbeforethewindbutitgivesuslittleornorespite.SteadyingmyselfasIenter thewheelhouse, the ‘oldgirl’groansunder thepunishing lashingsof thewaves and seems to shudder with each onslaught of water. Under normalpeacetime circumstances we would have ‘heaved to’ long ago to await amoderation in the weather, as taking a repeated battering such as this wouldmakeusruntheriskofseriousdamage.Inthesedangerouswartimewatersthismanoeuvrebecomestotallyunthinkableasitthenincreasestheriskofourbeingfoundasasittingduckforanyenemymaraudersinthevicinity.I almost collidewithMrGrant, the chief officer as I lurch towards theRT

room.Forthelasttenminutestheradioofficerhasbeentryingtopiecetogetherthewordsofabrokenandveryfaintmessagethathehasreceived.Theradioisvirtually dead now and is only responding to his vain attempts to gather anyfurtherinformationbycracklingloudlyasheattemptstoretracethesignal,buthecontinuestrying.Throughoutthenextforty-fiveminutesthereisnothingbutsilence.Thensuddenlyithappens!Thereitisagain,anSOSat0200hrsandthereisnomistakingtheurgencyofthesignalsthistime!Theradioofficerreportstwomessagesbeingreceivedalmostsimultaneously,

bothSOSsignals.TwoBritishshipshavebeenattackedandtorpedoedandbotharesinkingwiththeircrewsabandoningship.Nosoonerhasourradiogivenoutthe sad news when a third MAYDAY signal is picked up. From this thirdcasualty, also British, comes the now familiar SOS call followed by theinformationthatshealsoisbadlydamagedandsinkingrapidly.Unabletolaunchanyofherlifeboatsduetosevereicingconditionsaffectingthemechanism,herunfortunate crew have to take their chances in the freezing sea.We all know

alreadythattheyhavenochanceatall,andouryoungradiooperator,barelyoutofhisteens,canhardlywritedownthemessageasitcomesthrough.Freshtearsfallsilentlyontothepadinfrontofhimandspeakforusall.Thesethreeships,whichhavereportedthattheyhavebeenattackedinthevicinityofBearIsland,arehavingtofighttheirlastlosingbattlewiththeelementsaswellastheenemy.Tostandhereastheunderstandingoftheeventhitsusfullinthefacetogether

with the knowledge that there is nothing that we can do, is heartbreaking,shockingusagaintotheawarenessofhowpreciouslifeis.Wecandonomorethanprayforthosepoormenandtakecomfortfromeachother.Howunbearabletheangercanbecomeattimeslikethis.Lifeissoficklefromdaytodayinthisdamnedwar for survival.Until it is suddenly and so painfully snatched awayfromuswetakefartoomuchforgranted.Warofanykindispitiless,lackinginscruplesormercy.Nowithascondemnedthesetwohundredormoreseamentoa horrendous death. Even to be able to make it to a lifeboat does not meansurvivalintheterribleblizzardsandsub-zerotemperaturesthatwrackthisGod-forsakenland.Knowing that we are unable to assist all we can do is to continue on our

course.Thefirstconversationstruckupagainonthebridgebreaksdeepintothereverendsilenceassomeoneputsforwardthesuggestionthatitmaybeahoax–aployby theGermanshoping toentrapanyfurthervessels thatmaygoto theassistanceofthestrickenships.*Icanseebythelooksonthefacesaroundmethatnoone reallybelieves this tobe true,buteven if these thoughtsare justaplacebo, they soothe just as if a physical balm had been smoothed over thewound.Too far away to help, but our thoughts arewith them in their hour ofneed.Tohear their plea andnot be able to respond is theworst feeling that Ihaveeverfeltinmyentirelife.Knowingalsothatourscouldbeasimilarfateifweareever‘caughtnapping’

boosts our own vigilance. From now onwe have got to continually nurse theEmpireBaffinalongthis,ourchoseneasterlyroute.Ihavesuchfaithinher.Sheisastrongoldshipandnothingseemstodauntherprogress.Maimedandslakedwithgunfire,tossedaroundlikeflotsaminthestorm,suffocatedunderafrozenmantleof ice and snow,beatenunmercifullyby columnsofwaterwhichhavecrasheddownonherwiththeferocityofaniron-cladfist,sheletsnothingdaunther progress. Her engines beating rhythmically like a huge heart drive herforwardasshetakeseverythinginherstride.

*Researchingthisstatementwhenwritingthisbook,IcouldnotfindanyrecordsofBritishmerchantshiplossesfor11November1942inthevicinityofBearIsland.Hopefullyitwasahoaxafterall.

Chapter36

LuckBeALady

Wehaveenduredtwofurtherdaysofrelentlessbeatingsastheheavyseashaveboiled and bubbled aroundus.Nowat last there is a noticeable change in theweatheras theday rollson towards themiddleof the thirteenth.Oncemore ithas become possible for us to walk around again as normal in the chartroomwithouthavingtorelyonthenearest immovable,convenientobject inorder tostay vertical. Cloud density has decreasedwith the cessation of the snow andvisibility ismuchimproved.If thesesignsarebetterforus theyarealsobetterfortheenemy.Wearenowatmoreriskofairattackyetagain!At 1300hrs our course is altered to 230 degrees.Back in the chartroommy

dividersplotoutournewcourse.Akureyri is theportwearenowmaking for,and by my reckoning without any delays, Iceland is only two days steamingaway.Ourperiodofso-calleddaylighttodayhasbeenmarkedbywhatcanonlybe

describedasaslightglowonthesouthernhorizon.Ithasbeenhardlynoticeablein the sky before disappearing completely, shutting us back into the latentobscurity of darkness again.The ‘chipmunks’, as the lads have named the iceclearinggangs,arebackhardatworkoncemore.Workingrelentlesslytokeepthe gun mechanisms free, the noise of their chipping hammers thudding inunisoncutpathwaysthroughthegloom.Threemore hours of the thirteenth to go and then all the superstitious ones

amongus,stillrememberingthatill-fated13Septemberwhensomanyshipsandliveswerelost,canbreatheasighofrelief.It isanhourlaterat2200hrswhenourwirelessoperatorappearswithawar-codedsignal.‘From theAdmiralty,London, toall captainsofBritishmerchant shipsnow

returningArchangeltoAkureyri’,itreadsasfollows

Endeavour to get your commands into the following specifiedtriangular area, boundaries being Akureyri to 71degN, 0deg to73degN,5degW;toAkureyri.

This specifying the Icelandic Navy patrol area, it was recommended that allmerchantshipscomplyinorderthatsomeprotectivecovercouldbeextendedtothemin thisvicinity.OntheordersofCaptainBrown,Iatonceplot thegivenpositionsonourchart,andworkoutasaccuratelyasispossible,ourowndeadreckoning (DR) position. The latitude and the longitude of the triangulationpointssoonshowusthatthepatrolledareaformsaconeshapewiththeapexat

Akureyri.OurDRpositionplacesusapproximatelysixtymilesdueeastofJanMayenisland,andthisbeingsowerealizethatwearewellinsidetheareathathasjustbeenindicatedtousonreceiptoftheAdmiraltysignal.Watchingmeworkouttheplot,CaptainBrownremainsatmysideuntilitis

completed.Silentthroughoutthewholeoftheoperationheatlastbendsslowlyforward in order to scrutinize the newly calculated plots a littlemore closely.Cupping his unshaven chin in his hand and very pensive, although still notutteringaword,heappearstorelaxashistiredeyesmoveacrossthechart.Heatlastheavesagreatbigsigh,thedeepestofsighsescapingfromdeepwithinthedepthsofhistiredframe.Withalookofpurereliefonhisfacehestraightensupandwithanewfoundspringinhisstepmakesforthewheelhousedoor.‘We’vebeenbloodydamnedlucky,secondmate’,arehisonlypartingwordswhichareblownbacktomeontherushofsavagewindthatfindsitswaythroughtheopendoor.Flapping the charts around like flags, the howling wind sends his words

echoingbehindhimasheleavesthebridge.‘Bloodydamnedluckyindeed!’We are at this point only thirty-six hours away fromour Icelandic port. So

nearandyetsofar,butwehavetoacceptthatthenextthirty-sixhourscanstillprovehazardous.Noneofusare‘countingourchickens’asyet.Bycommittingourselves toprovidence andmaking thedecision to take the

southern route the storms and blizzards have proved advantageous. Becomingourallies, theyhavehiddenus fromviewand theirseverityhasbeen the trulypowerfulweaponthathaskeptourattackersatbay.

Chapter37

NorthernLights

Afterdaysofdarknessanddepressinglyleadenskieswhenthecloudshavebeenso low that they seemed to touch the sea, tonight the sky is clear. Brilliantpinpointsofstarlightwinkandglitteracrossthewidthoftheblacknessabove.Stillfeelingelatedaboutourgoodfortuneofearlierinthedayandlumbering

alonginthiscleartwilightsea,allofusonthiswatcharesuddenlytransportedtoafairylandofcolour.Thebeautifulauroraborealisoncemorebeginstolightupthe sky, turning it into a vast canopy of vaporous colour.We standwatchingquite entranced as the colours race across the darkness transforming the darknightintoavisionofutopiansplendour.Streamersofgreen,drapingthemselvesacross the atmosphere diffuse their colours into a display of ever-changingcolouredlights.Thequiveringcurtainoflighthighaboveushasturnedthevastbleakness intoa fairytalewonderland.Coloursmerge togethernowwith tingesofredandflashesofamber.Risingupbeforechangingtheirpatterns,thebrightarcs of colour seem to fly by in salute to our triumph of the day with aflourishing fanfareall theirown.Acolourfulballetunfoldsbeforeoureyesasthereflectingwatershimmersintolifearoundtheship.Work andworries alike all forgotten for awhile,we only appreciate aswe

come back to reality just how vulnerable we have been during the forty-fiveminutedisplay.Everymanondeckhaswatchedthevividshowunfoldbutnonehasforgottentoalsokeepaverywaryeyeonthesurroundingsea.Thenorthernlights are a breathtaking phenomenon but aswe come quickly back to realitythereareafewsighsofreliefastheblacknessoftheall-envelopingnightturnsusbackintooneofitsshadows,slinkingalonginthegloomandhopefullystillundetected.Thinking back to the sudden flurry of radio activity and in particular those

fatefulSOS signals from the threeBritish shipsbeing attacked to thenorthofBear Islandmakesusall themoregladof thefact thatourownluckhasheld.Havingcomethisfarwithoutanyinterferenceatallfromenemyforcesisquiteanachievementforthislonelittlemerchantman,theEmpireBaffinandallofhercrew.

Chapter38

Saturday,14November1942FriendorFoe?

Althoughitremainsbitterlycolditisstillreasonablyclear.Thankfullytoo,andasfarasIcanseewithascanthroughthebinoculars,thedarknessoftheearlymorningskyremainsvoidofany‘fellowtravellers’inthenowfamiliarshapeofhuntingGerman planes. So as I search the horizon yet again and letmy eyeshoveroverthesurfaceoftheseaandstillseenothing,Ibegintofeelreassured.Feeling quite certain that our position will have certainly been pin-pointedduringthenightinreadinessforadawnraidmakesmemorevigilantthanever.Soonwhenthedwindlingshadowsofthedarkslowlygivewaytothefirstlightof early dawn easily exposing our position, we will have to be prepared forattack. The onset of the much fairer weather only magnifies this depressinginevitability.Themotion in the seaway is considerably easier aswell and gives us some

welcome relief, especially after the turmoil of the past few days.Our doggedenduranceand relentlessdeterminationhavenever forsakenus.Thebattleswehavefoughtagainst themostviciousofattacksandtheepiccourageshownbyallinthefightagainsttheelementswillmakeusfacetheenemyeverytimewiththesameprouddefiance.De-icinggoes on almost around the clock andyet still theBaffin resembles

somethingthathasjustemergedfromthedeepfreeze.PeeringdownfromaloftIcan’t help but notice just howmuch the thick coveringof ice that clingswithsuchtenacitytohersuperstructure,gleamssowhiteinthedarkness.Toovisibleforcomfort,Ibegintothinktomyself,especiallywhenwearetryingourbesttobe inconspicuous!This thoughthasbarelyhad time tosettle inmyheadwhenthestarboardlookout’svoicecutsintomythoughts.‘Flashinglighttostarboard,sir.’Yes, there it was. No doubt about it an Aldis lamp winking away in the

darknessbeforethebeamwiththeenquiry,‘Whatship?…Whatship?…Whatship?’

Immediatelyordering‘harda’port’onthehelm,hasnowplacedthelightdeadasternofus.Anemergency‘fullspeedahead’rungonthebridgetelegraphatthesametime,andtheacknowledgingringsentbackinquickreplyfromourchiefengineerhas the sameeffect as analarmbellon thecaptain.Having longagogivenuptryingtosleepinhisbunk,heistryingtosnatchanhourortworestingon the chartroom settee.Unaware of the threatening danger, he has until nowbeen able to relax for the first time in ages but with his rest prematurelyinterruptedastheresultofallthesuddenactivity,heissoonfullyawakeandonhisfeet.ConningtheBaffininordertokeepthelightdeadasternofus,Ipointouttohimthedirectionfromwhichithasbeenflashing.Awallofdarknessisallthatmeetsoureyes.Wecanseenothingbeyondour

ownbowline.Forthemomentthelighthasstoppedblinking.Standingtogether,wewaitinsilencewhilstinwardlyprayingthatitisnotthe

enemythathasspottedus.But,ifwehavenotbeenspottedbytheenemy,whoelsecould itbe?AnenemyshiporevenaGermansurfaceraiderwouldneverrequestus to identifyourselves in thisway.Theywouldbemore likely to justblowusoutofthewater!Thedreadfulsilenceisonlybrokenaftertheorderisgiventosoundthegeneralalarminordertorousetherestofthesleepingcrew.Thefuriousclangingofthebellhasthemtumblingoutofdoorwaysandskiddingtheirwayalong thedarkeneddecks to takeup theirpostsbehind theguns.Alltheoff-dutyofficersalsoappearonthebridgeinrecordtime.Pyjamatrousersstuffedintoseaboots,duffelsandtousledhairseemstobein

vogue generally, as each one stares through their binoculars hoping that somesmallcluetothismysterywillsuddenlyappearfromoutoftheblacknessandputourmindsatrest.Noneofthemcanevenhazardaguessastowhatorwhoitisthatislurkingoutthereanddemandingourattentioninsuchapeculiarway.Despitethetensionofthemomentweallfinditdifficulttorefrainfromletting

gowithacheerasthelightstartstoblazeoutagain.Weallseeitthistimeasitrepeats exactly the same message at regular intervals ‘What ship? … Whatship?’CaptainBrown iswell aware of the dangers of being alone in theseArctic

waterswithouttheshieldoftheRoyalNavy.Henowhastomakeadecision,therightdecisiontoo,forthesafetyoftheEmpireBaffinandhercrewdependsuponit.CoulditbeaU-boatoutthere,tryingtoestablishouridentitybeforefiring?Isitanenemyship?Wetestquestionafterquestiononeachotherandcometotheconclusionthatboththelastsuggestionsarehighlyunlikely.Whoevertheyarecanobviouslyseeusbecauseoftheirsignalsandwouldhavecommencedfiringonusalreadyiftheyhadwishedtobeaggressive.As thehelmsman isordered toput thehelmhardover, inorder tobring the

mysteriouslightwellasternofusagain,itvanishesoncemore,withouttraceintothenight.Reasoning that now aswe arewell inside the patrolled area, somebegin to

think that this could be a British surface craft. Captain Brown, after somethought seems to think that this is alsohighlyunlikelyandgoeson to explainwhy.Every shiphas awar signal code consistingof four letters aswell as aninternationalcode.Thecorrectprocedureisforthenavalvesseltoflashthefirsttwo letters, towhich the shipbeingquestioned should replywith the last two,always using the current coding in force at the time. Therefore a wartimedemandof‘Whatship?’accompaniedbynoothersignalatoncebecomeshighlysuspicious.Weallstandtransfixednowasthelightstartstoflickeroutthesamemessage.

Ithasmovedaroundagainfromthesternpositionthatwekeepplacingitinandoncemore is flashing from thebeam!Undeterred thecaptain repeats the sameorder to alter course so that the flashing signal is oncemore astern of us.As,duringallthistime,wehavecontinuedmovingatourmaximumspeedtheownerof this persistently flashing lightmust have a fast turn of speed themselves toenablethemtorepeatedlypullfromasternofustoourbeampositioninsuchashortspaceoftime.Thequestionremainsunanswered,whatcanitbe?All concentration is momentarily shattered as the shrill ringing of the

telephonefromtheaft4″gunplatformbreaksthesilence.Thegunlayersoundsagitatedashepronouncesthathehasoneroundreadyforfiring.Withadrenalinerunning obviously high he sounds too ready for a fight. ‘No guns as yet,sergeant’, I tell him, ‘Remain on stand-by and just keep track of him for themoment.’Wehadbeen timing the light from theonset andnow it is overdue.Didhe

nowhavetorelyonguessworkjustasmuchasus?Tokeephimwonderingwedecidetoaltercourseanotherfourpointstoport,holdingsteadynowonthisnewheading.Fiveminutesbecomesalifetimeofwaitingaswestrainforthesightofa further communication from the ‘light’, but still none comes.A further fiveminutesand thecaptain’snextorder is toaltercourseagain, this timewithaneight points shift to starboard. The next alteration is just about to be orderedwhenashoutfromthestarboardlookoutgetsusallrushingoutontothewingofthebridge.‘Bowwave,fastonthestarboardside’,heyellstothecaptain.There,justvisibleatsomedistanceacrossthepitchblacksea,approximately

twopointsaftof thebeamis theunmistakablewhite flurryofdisturbedwater.Training my binoculars on the spot I can just make out a large dark shapebearing down on us, at some speed too! At this point and still not knowing

whether our pursuer is friend or foe our guns are trained on the approachingvessel. The only thing that we can be sure of is that the owner of ourmysteriouslyrovinglightis,withoutdoubt,anothership.Keepingtoourintendedcourseisprovingmorethanalittleunnervingasthe

large indistinct shape closes in alongside.A loudhailer suddenly crackles intolife. Bouncing at us out of the black night comes a lone voice with a richCanadiandrawl.‘Whatthehelliswrongwithyouguys,don’tyouwantanyhelp?’CaptainBrown’shandfliestothetelegraphandatonceringstheengine-room

to reduce our speed. The pointer swings to Slow Ahead as his message isacknowledged, and simultaneously his orders are shouted to the helm to bebroughtto230degrees.‘Steadyasshegoes’,arehispartingwordstothemanatthewheelashemovesoutintothestarboardwingofthebridge.Now the mystery ship makes its move. Slipping quietly out of the gloom

asternandmatchingourspeedittakesupstationabouttwentyfeetfromus.Wenowhavenoproblems identifying thevessel; she isnearenough forus to seethatsheisacorvette.Cuppinghishandstohismouthinordertoreply,thestrongYorkshireaccent

ofourcaptain jumps thedistancebetween the twoshipsas they ride theswellsidebyside.Already,withhistirednessplacinghimonashortfuse,heseemstobefindingithardtocontrolatemperthathasbecomeevenmorefrayedbytheanticsofthelastfewprecedingminutes.‘Didn’t your signals’ school train you to make a signal properly?’ he

bellowed, ‘If you hadmade your challenge using your war code there wouldhavebeennoproblematall,wouldthere?’Atthisthefiguresdimlyvisibleonthecorvette’sbridgehuddletogetherasif

inconferencewhilewewait.Soontheirloudhailerblaresbackatusoncemorewith thevoiceon theother end takingon amuchmore formal tone this time.‘Pleaseidentifyandinformofyourdeparturepoint.’ThecaptainrepliesthatwearetheBritishmerchantshipSSEmpireBaffinen

route fromArchangel toAkureyri.Beingasked ifwehaveseenorheard fromanyothershipsofConvoyPQ18wecanonlyreplythatwehaveneitherseennorheardanythingapartfromloggingthethreeSOSsignalsthatwehadpickedupon the thirteenth.Followinganother shortconsultationamongst themselvesweareeventuallytoldthatwemayproceed.‘Pleasebealittlemoreco-operativeifyoushouldbechallengedagain,skipper,yougaveusonehellofarunchasingyoufellas.’Bythistimeourownloudhailerhadbeenfound.Lyingabandonedinacorner

of the wheelhouse, where it had rolled during the height of one of themany

storms,itwasquicklyretrieved.NotassophisticatedastheelectroniconesusedbytheRoyalNavy,oursisahand-heldmetalcornet-shapedobject.Nonetheless,CaptainBrownutilizedittoitsfullestextentreplyingwith,‘IfIamchallengedcorrectly, thenIwillreplycorrectlyandstopmyship.IcamedamnedclosetoopeningfirewhenIsawyourbow-wave.Wewerenottoknowthatyouweren’tasubclosinginforthekill!’Onboardthecorvettesomeonelaughedoutloudastheloudhailervoicecalled

outhispartingshot.‘Skipper,ifyouhadopenedfire,thenIguessthatisthelastthingyouwould

havedone thissideof thepearlygates.Go lookonyourportsideandbegladthatyouheldyourfire.’Nomoreissaid,onlyafinal‘Cheerioandall thebestEmpireBaffin,’asheportshishelmandslowlyslidesofftomeltawayintothedarkness.Left,aswethought,aloneagainwealltroopovertotheportsideoftheship.

There, silently creeping alongside us as it keeps exact time to our own slowspeed,with8ingunstrainedonus,isthehugeoutlineofaheavyCountyclasscruiser!Thankgoodnesstheydidn’tfireandaskquestionslater!Assilentlyasshehadappearedshebeganmergingbackintothedarknessand

aswestoodandwatchedshesoondisappeared.Ithassincetakenalongtimeforusalltosettleproperlybackintothenormalwatch-keepingroutine.Muchofthepasttensionhavingdrainedfromtheatmosphere,atendencytowardstoomuchrelaxation has had to be curbed.We still must not take for granted this newfeelingoffreedomthatrunningincomparativelysaferwatershasgivenus.With thepassageof time themainbelowdecks topicofconversation isstill

ourrecentencounterwiththenavyships.It issorefreshingtoseeandfeel thenewsenseofwell-beingthathasbeenbornoutofthedepressionofmorerecentdays. Our visit from the two warships seems to have swept away, for themomentat least, theeverovershadowingfearsofenemyinterceptionthathaveneverbeenfaraway.Thelasttwomonthsbeingatrulygruellingtestingperiodfor all concerned, who can deny them now their new-found pleasures ofanticipation? One never knows where the enemy is lurking. In thesecomparativelysafewaterswewillstillhavetomaintainourguard,andalthoughstillcautiouswecandispensewiththeconstrictingreinsoffulldiscipline.

Chapter39

Sunday,15November1942AlmostThere

Nothingisgoingtobeallowedtodampenourhighspiritstoday.Thebrightnessof the morning, as the day that we have all been waiting for dawns at last,reflects our own feelings. Happy anticipation shines out from the faces allaroundmeasduringthelatterpartofthemorningaroundabout1100hrswegetour first sighting of a misty land that has appeared on the horizon. It is thecoastlineofIceland.OurlonelypassagefromArchangelisalmostconcluded.The daily routine jobs on board have still to be carried out and already the

deck watch crews are busily chopping away at the ever-determined iceformationsalthoughtheyarerelaxedenoughtoengageinalittleskylarkingwitheachotherastheywork.Watchingthescenefromaboveonthemonkeyislandand seeing their expressive faces brought back to life as they joke with oneanotheritishardtobelievethatthisisthesamebunchofmenthathadtakentheviciousblowbyblow,dailypunishmentsoftheoutwardboundvoyage.Seeingthembeginningtoliveagaininsteadofalmostjustexistingisapleasure.Facesthat not so long agohadbeendrawnandgrey as theywent about their dutiesmorelikezombiesthanmen,withemotionlesseyesthathadturnedawayfromlife,haveinsteadbeenrestoredandre-animatedwithanewexuberance.The morning drink of tea has been treated as if it were champagne.Mugs

clink together before being readily emptied with ‘cheers’, being wished allaround.Just half an hour later at 1130hrs the bleak uplands of Iceland can be seen

moreclearly.Darkforebodingmountains,snowboundandwreathedinswirlsofmistseemtostandlikesentinelsoneithersideofthefjordwhichleadsuptotheport of Akureyri. Never has such a cold and inhospitable landfall looked aswelcomingasitdoesnow!Steamingevercloserwecanseetheentrancemoreclearly.Nopilotwithusthistime,sowehavetoslowourspeedandcreepverycautiously further inshore. Piloting ourselves very tentatively ahead, timeappearstobeprogressingsoslowlythatweseemtobegoingonforever.Quietly

weslipdeeper into the safetyof the fjorduntil at last a fewscatteredwoodenbuildings,standingbackfromaseriesofshortjetties,comeintosight.So,withourspeedbeingslowedalmosttoastopitiswithintheseconfinesthatwefinallyfindouranchorage.WithherenginesfinallyatresttheSSEmpireBaffinliesrecumbentonwater

that is likeamillpond.Lappingalongherbatteredsides it caressesandbathesherachingwar-tornhullwithacomfortinghand.Ilogourarrivaltimeasprecisely1330hrs.Alreadythedaylightisfadingfast

butevensointhelastdyingembersofanotherprematurelyshortArcticday,Inotice that we are the only Britishmerchant ship here. The calmer andmoreshelteredwatersofthefjordareblissfulincomparisontothewrathoftheopensea. A cold but light offshorewind blows now and then in bursts just strongenoughtorufflethesurfaceofthewaterintothesmallestofwavelets.Catchingholdofourredensignthelightwindencouragesittounfurlfrombeingwrappedtightly around the mast by the gales. The tattered, but still recognizable redremnants, with their new found freedom are sent flapping from ourmastheadonceagainas theproudoldSSEmpireBaffin rideseasilynowontheriseandfallofthelightswell.During the rest of our stay here we have watched and waited for the safe

arrivaloftheotherfourshipsthatweresupposedtohavesailedfromArchangelat the same time as us.Theywere to have followed closely on our departure.Dailywelookforanysignsofthembutnonehavearrived.Hopefortheirsafearrivaldwindlingwithevery twenty-fourhours thatpasses,allwecando is towatchandprayforthem.Tryaswemight,wecannotgainanyinformationastotheirwhereaboutsandastimegoesbywithoutsightnorsoundofthemweareallnowbecominggreatlyconcernedastotheirfate.OuronlyinformationcomesfromwhatwehadheardoverourRTofthethree

unfortunatevesselsthatwerebeingattackedenrouteupbyBearIsland.Couldtheybetheshipsthatwearelookingfor?Atthemomentwedonotknow,butevensowewillnevergiveupprayingforthemandtheireventualsafearrival.Over the next forty-eight hours concern about the fate of the missing

merchantmenheightens.TimeslidesbyandwestillremaintheonlyshipflyingtheBritishflaghereattherendezvous.Every pinpoint on the horizon raises our hopes but as they get within

recognitiondistancehopesaredashedonceagain.Shipsofothernationalitiesarearriving daily at the mustering point. An American on one side and aPanamaniancargovesselonourstarboardsidearebothbadlydamaged.TheUSshipisdownatthesternandlistingquiteheavilytoport,butatleastsheisstillafloat.

Initialconcernturnsintoastrangeandawfulsenseofforebodingasdaythreebeginsstillandsilent.Agentlebreeze,blowingoffshore,rufflesthewaterandpushesabankofblackraincloudsacrosswhatremainsofaveryinsipidsun.Asthedaydarkensalmosttonight,thegatheringcloudsopenandletfalladelugeofsleetandhail.Lashingthewindowsofthebridgeanddrummingonthemetalventilatorcovers,itjumpsandbouncesoffthedecking,splinteringintoamillionpieceslikelargeglassmarbles.Pittingthewater,theyleapacrossthesurfaceofthefjordlikejumpingjacks,icilyresplendentintheircrystalarmour.Withstillnonewsofthefourmissingshipsmywatchdragsonuneventfully.

Evenourintendednavalhomeescorthasnotyetarrived.Mysolecompanionisthehowlingwindthatseemstohavesprungupfromnowhere.Jostling for attention, the wavelets dance across the water as what only

minutesagowasasoftbreezeturnsintoaforcefulgale.Although the heavy deluge is making life very difficult as far as watch

keepinggoes,myattentionisdrawntoasmallflickeringlightofftheportbeam.ContinuingtoblinkinthedarkandclosingfastonourpositionIamnowabletoreadthatit isflashingoutawarsignalscode.Everyshiphasoneconsistingoffour letters. This is unmistakably the Empire Baffin’s first two of the series.Grabbing the Aldis lamp I set about replying with the last two letters of thecurrentcodeinuseatthistime.Soonsatisfiedthattheyhavecontactedtherightshiptheirlightwinkingandblinkingonandoffinthedark,theyproceedtoflashoutamessagetous.RelayedatoncetoCaptainBrown,itisobviousthatfurtherordershavearrivedashisnextrequestisformetoplotourhomewardroute.We are to sail under cover of darkness, alone and unescorted! ‘Hug the

Norwegiancoastlineascloseaspossible,’wearetold.(AtthetimewewerenottoknowthattheGermanbattleshipTirpitzwasout

huntinginthatveryarea!)Asthefirstwispsofhalflightheraldthebrandnewday,wearewellonour

way–homewardboundatlast!Thelastlegofthetripwassurprisinglyquietanduneventful.Thehazardswe

had visualised just did not materialize, so maybe at long last our luck waschangingforthebetter.Grateful to arrive still afloat and in one piece, the River Tyne has never

lookedsopleasant tousas itdoesnowon thiscoldNovembereveningas thedamagedEmpireBaffinslidesquietlyintoport.Tiedupalongsidewiththewaterlapping along her sides, bathing her war wounds, that morning when we leftLochEweboundfornorthRussianowseems likeadistantmemory.Somuchhashappenedinsoshortatime.Somanymenandshipslostforever.Oftheforty-oneshipstoleaveonlyeighteenhavereturned.Thehardestpart

ofitallwashavingtoleavesomanybehind.Shipsandtheircrews,togethertotheend,paid theultimatepricefor thesakeof thecountry that they lovedandhelpedtosecurethefuturelibertyoftheirfellowmen.Theyweretrueheroeswhowenttothegatesofhelltoattainfreedom.

TheirbodiesoncesovibrantfulloflifeNowlie,forever,shroudedbytheArcticseaTheygaveuptheirexistencesothatwarandstrifeShouldnotreplacethelifetimeofthefree

FullofbraveemotionanddeterminedprideTofightonforthefreedomthatothersrichlyreapTheirlonelygravesarenowtheshiftingsandsandtideNoheadstonemarkstheirfreezingplaceofsleep

TheNorthernLightstheyflashacrosstheskyFrozenrainpoursdownlikecrystaltearsofloveThelightsshineontheseawherethesebravemenstilllieGreyleadenskiesinrisingpillarsupabove

WheelingseabirdsshoutingouttheirmournfulcryAlastingfanfareastheydiveandmoveCircling,keepingwatchoverthosewhohadtodieNeveragain,toseetheonestheylove

JulieGrossmithDeltrice

Appendixes

MerchantShipsPQ18

11. EmpireBaffin British* Survivedreturn12. Kentucky USA Sunk13. CharlesR.McCormack USA 14. AndreMarti USSR 21. Komiles USSR 22. Petrovski USSR 23. WhiteClover Panamanian 31. EmpireSnow British* Survivedreturn32. St.Olaf USA 33. Exford USA 34. Hollywood USA 41. EmpireBeaumont British Sunk42. PatrickHenry USA 43. Hopkins USA 44. Meanticut USA 45. Atheltemplar British Sunk51. EmpireTristram British* 52. Sahale USA 53. EmpireMorn BritishCAMShip* Survivedreturn54. BlackRanger FleetOiler 61. TempleArch BritishCommodore’s

flagship*

62. Lafayette USA 63. Campfire USA 64. Scoharie USA 65. GrayRanger FleetOiler 71. OceanFaith British* 72. NathanielGreen USA 73. JohnPenn USA Sunk74. Goolistan British* SOSsignalreceivedonreturn75. Tblisi USSR

81. Dan-y-Bryn British* 82. VirginiaDare USA 83. WilliamMoultrie USA 91. EmpireStevenson British Sunk92. Wacosta USA Sunk93. MaryLuckenbach USA Sunk94. Africander Panamanian Sunk101. Oregonian USA Sunk102. Macbeth Panamanian Sunk103. Stalingrad USSR Sunk104. Sukahona USSR Sunk105. OliverEllsworth USA Sunk

*Sailedunescorted8November1942andrenamedasConvoyQP15forthereturnjourney

*SSCopeland BritishConvoyRescueShip

PQ18ConvoyescorttoIceland,1942Destroyers: Eskdale Campbell Farndale Mackay Montrose Echo WalpoleSOETrawlers: Arab Duncton HughWalpole KingSol Paynter

ThroughEscort–IcelandtoArchangelDestroyers: Malcolm Amazon AchatesMinesweepers: Harrier Gleaner Sharpshooter

Submarines: P.614P.615MotorMS: MS90MS205 MS212Trawlers: CapeArgona

St.Kenan Daneman CapeMariatoFleetOilers: BlackRanger GreyRangerAAShips: UlsterQueen Alynbank

Corvettes: Bryony Bluebell Bergamot Camellia

FightingEscort-IcelandtoSpitzbergenAACruiser: ScyllaAircraftCarrier: AvengerCarrierEscort: Wheatland** Wilton**Oiler RFAOligarch

**ConfinedtoA.AandA.S.duties.Guardingthecarrieronly

Destroyers: Milne Faulkener Onslow Somali Onslaught Ashanti Opportune Tarta Martin Intrepid Eskimo Marne Fury Meteor Offa Impulsive

TheaircraftcarrierAvengerhadtwelveHurricanefightersandthreeSwordfishbiplanes.