Throughout the month of November, the Church traditionally remembers the souls of those who have gone before us. This four-part series of bulletin inserts is aimed at providing reflections on the Church’s teachings regarding care for the sick and the dying.

None of us likes change, especially when it is imposed upon us. When a change occurs, each of us struggles to retain what is

familiar. We hang onto our sense of security and sense of self in what was known. We resist. We get angry. We experience sadness and sometimes depression.

As we age, even in optimal health, many changes occur in our lives. Our eyesight and hearing may begin to diminish. We may not be able to get out as often and accomplish all that we would like. Opportunities to connect with others may also be compromised by these limitations. We may feel that our independence and capacity to care for our own needs is now in question. These are all significant adjustments that require a time of transition into our new circumstances. For many, these changes are real losses and need to be grieved as any other loss. Some may even feel their dignity and worth threatened.

In these circumstances of life, God reminds us: “Do not look on his appearance or on the height of his stature … for the Lord sees not as man sees; man looks on the outward appearance, but the Lord looks on the heart” (1 Sam 16:7). Our dignity and worth reside, then, not in our exterior abilities and accomplishments, but in who we are in our very being.

Pope Francis echoed these sentiments of St. Catherine of Siena in his homily on the Feast of St. Matthew this past September. Reflecting on the very first encounter between Matthew and Jesus, the Pope noted, “that gaze overtook him completely, it changed his life. The gaze of Jesus always makes us worthy, gives us dignity. It is a generous look … [that] makes you feel that he loves you.” Despite the notoriety of the tax collectors and sinners, “beneath that dirt [of a life lived apart from God] there were the embers of desire for God, the embers of God’s image that wanted someone who could help them be kindled anew. This is what the gaze of Jesus does.”

This is the truth of the dignity of each and every human being – every life matters! We are not the accidental products of an impersonal universe, but were created by a thought of God in his image and likeness. Therefore, we all have the capacity to encounter His gaze of love and to respond with our hearts full of the love which we have received. “For if man exists, it is because God has created him through love, and through love continues to hold him in existence” (Gaudium et Spes, 19).

When we experience the changes that come from terminal illness or other hardship, we can be tempted to think we can take control and assert a false authority through, assisted suicide or euthanasia. But such acts originate from a place of fear and despair, not from a place of strength or autonomy. It is in these moments that we must pause, turn back to the loving gaze of Jesus, and hear Him say, “You are precious in my sight. I love you. I will not forget you nor abandon you.”

(St. Catherine of Siena)

You are taken with love for her; for by love indeed you created her, by love you have given her a being capable of tasting your eternal Good.”

“What made you establish man in so great a dignity? Certainly the incalculable love by which you have looked on your creature in yourself!

#TransformFear

For more information about ethical principles to guide your end of life planning and conversations, please visit: transformfear.org.

Five Stages of GriefIn her study of patients with terminal illnesses, Elizabeth Kübler-Ross identified the following five categories of feelings that an individual experiencing grief or loss may go through. They are not strict stages that occur in progression, but a person can bounce back and forth, experiencing some or all of them.

1) Denial: “This can’t be happening to me”2) Anger: “Why is this happening to me? “Who is to blame?”3) Bargaining: “Fix this and I will do __ .”4) Depression: “I’m too sad to do anything.”5) Acceptance: “I’m at peace.”

Grieving is as unique a process as the individual experiencing it. It is not important that one go through each stage, but that one be able to process the feelings when they come. Grieving can often be difficult – even Jesus wept at the death of his friend Lazarus – but it need not be cause to lose hope. It is normal for the person grieving to be stunned with a sense of unreality and become angry with God and/or experience deep sadness. It is a sign of serious depression, however, when that person despairs, feeling that he/she is worthless, that life is not worth living, and is consumed by negative thoughts. These are signs that the individual needs more loving care, more support, and professional help.

Serenity PrayerReinhold Niebuhr (1892-1971)

God grant me the serenityto accept the things I cannot change;courage to change the things I can;and wisdom to know the difference. Living one day at a time;enjoying one moment at a time;accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;taking, as He did, this sinful worldas it is, not as I would have it;trusting that He will make all things rightif I surrender to His Will;that I may be reasonably happy in this lifeand supremely happy with Him forever in the next.Amen.

COPING WITH GRIEF*Sharing your loss makes the burden of grief and suffering easier to carry. Wherever the support comes from,

accept it and do not grieve alone. Connecting to others will help you heal:

1. Turn to friends and family members: Now is the time to lean on the people who care about you, even if you take pride in being strong and self-sufficient. Draw loved ones close rather than avoid them, and accept the assistance that’s offered. Oftentimes, people want to help but don’t know how, so tell them what you need—whether it’s a shoulder to cry on or help with funeral arrangements.2. Draw comfort from your faith: Embrace the comfort that the Church’s mourning rituals can provide. Spiritual activities such as praying, meditating, or going to church, can offer solace. If you’re questioning your faith in the wake of the loss, talk to a clergy member or others in your parish. 3. Join a support group: Grief can feel very lonely, even when you have loved ones around. Sharing your sorrow with others who have experienced similar losses can help. To find a bereavement support group in your area, contact local hospitals, hospices, funeral homes, and counseling centers.4. Talk to a therapist or grief counselor: If your grief feels like too much to bear, call a mental health professional with experience in grief counseling. An experienced therapist can help you work through intense emotions and overcome obstacles to your grieving.

*Robert and Jeanne Segal, © Helpguide.org