“The only life I had was with him. I didn’t know what socializing was because he kept me away from everyone. You start to crave his attention because that’s the only attention you ever got.”

Everyone has heard of the commonly overused phrase ‘A happy wife is a happy life,’ however, in some cases that is far from the truth. In fact it might turn out to be the complete opposite.

One Gering teen found that her last relationship fit into this category and was brave enough to share her story in hopes of helping others who have suffered or are suffering from the results of a toxic relationship. For protection and privacy, the names of all involved have been changed.

For Katie, the toxicity in her life all started right before the beginning of last summer when she started dating David. Katie was involved in this toxic relationship for around a year and a half, enduring

mental and physical abuse every day.

“Being in a toxic relationship can destroy you mentally and physically,” Katie said. “Mentally I couldn’t find a safe haven inside my head. He destroyed my self esteem and would tear me down every chance he got.”

David always found something wrong with Katie and was especially

degrading about the way she looked including her hair, her makeup, her weight and even the acne on her face. Because of him, to this day, Katie is still insecure about her body and the way she looks.

“I used to be so confident about my appearance and how I looked,” Katie said. “One guy burned that bridge for me in a matter of minutes.”

It didn’t stop with the demeaning comments about her appearance. Things progressed far enough to the point that he would hit her, leaving noticeable bruises that she had to hide everyday.

It wasn’t the mental or physical abuse that Katie struggled with the most, it was how controlling and manipulative he was; she wasn’t allowed to go anywhere unless he was with her.

He kept her from being with her friends and anytime she was on her phone, he assumed she was trying to cheat on him, which led to him hitting her until he felt better.

Even though it wasn’t her fault, Katie believed

that she was the reason he was doing this to her. She always felt that it was her who was in the wrong.

“He was my first serious relationship and I thought that if he didn’t love me, then no one else would,” Katie said. “I thought he was everything to me.”

Like Katie, many women get trapped in the vicious cycle of bad relationships because of

their own way of thinking. They erroneously believe that they are the problem; they are the ones that are unlovable and they seek to hide those insecurities.

Katie never spoke to anyone about what she was going through, feeling as though she was a coward, she hid, not wanting everyone to see how much she was hurting. She didn’t want people to see her as weak but instead wanted to display the expectation of being strong. And, while Katie wouldn’t talk about the abuse and tried everything to hide it, her friends knew what she wasn’t saying.

“I couldn’t stand watching her go through all of that and not be able to do anything about it. I tried to get her to stay away from him, but in the end I didn’t want to make things worse for her. ” Katie best friend Jo said. “All I could really do is make she she knew that I would always be here for her and help her in any way I could.”

Katie finally ended it with David. She was done making up and breaking up with him over and over again and was done being

subjected to his mental and physical abuse.

She was done being the victim.

After being separated for a solid three weeks, she met someone else who showed her what a healthy relationship was. He acted as an understanding best friend and more when she needed it.

“He showed me what it felt like to have someone adore me and the only hurt he did to me was squeezing my hand too tight during a scary movie,” Katie said. “He showed me what it felt like to finally have someone who only wanted the best for you.”

Despite finding someone who treated her right, Katie still fears a guy when he becomes mad, automatically assuming he will lash out on her the same way David did.

“Leave. That is what I would tell anyone going through the same thing I did,” Katie said. “You may think you’re world is over, but trust me, it’s not. You are a beautiful human being and no person deserves to get beat by someone who claims they love you. Your life is only beginning.”

“I thought

he was everything

to me.”

By Tori MuellerOnline Publication Editor

Teen suffers physically, mentally at hands of toxic partner

The dating scene is agreeably filled with the most awkward situations humanly imaginable. Between unreliable body language and the wrong choice of words, there’s no telling how you’ll approach the subject of paying for dinner let alone if you’re ready to go in for the big kiss.

Despite the uncertainty, this is exactly what Michael Domitrz teaches teenagers and adults alike to do: ask your date, “Can I kiss you?”

Traveling around the globe to deliver his renowned presentation, Domitrz firmly believes that asking first instead of just “making the move” creates a safer environment of intimacy as well as decreases the possibility of sexual assault.

But how does he make the connection between a first kiss and rape?

The first kiss begins a relationship, so if there is no mutual consent between both parties during the onset, how can expectations be placed on being asked to take the next step in the physical aspect of the relationship?

According to Domitrz’s DATE SAFE Project, his talk gives students “the tools needed for learning respect of boundaries, healthy relationships, consent, bystander intervention, sexual assault and supporting survivors.”

Domitrz presented the assembly to Gering High School on Friday, Jan. 29 along with opening and closing statements from women representing the DOVES program, an organization proudly supporting victims of relationship violence, sexual assault and stalking within our community.

This talk is the only way of instructing Gering students about the basics of dating as there is no actual class teaching the material. Other than this, our knowledge of dating mechanics is based off of stories

like Romeo and Juliet or of off television screens and tabloids famous for depicting fairytale romances.

The information that is concealed from the public shows that violent behavior usually becomes prevalent between 12 and 18 years of age and that one in ten high schoolers have been hurt physically on purpose by a boyfriend or a girlfriend according to the website for Love Is Respect.

This can later translate into higher risks for substance abuse, eating disorders, dangerous sexual behaviors and continuations of domestic violence. Love Is Respect also finds that half of all youth who have been victimized by these belittled acts of dating violence and sexual assaults attempt suicide.

We need to stop this epidemic, and the first step in the process is to recognize and report the signs of toxic relationships which, according to Inc. Magazine, include lack of trust and communication, continuous disrespect and criticism and feelings of unhappiness and unworthiness.

Individuals should never feel pressured in either starting or staying in a relationship with someone who is abusive, and they should not feel concerned about being turned away if they ask for outside help.

By even influencing one person to end their toxic relationship, we can start a movement for others to feel confident enough to stand up for the respect they deserve.

By McKenna CopseyPrint and Design Editor The Gering High School and

Freshman Academy students attended an assembly called “Can I Kiss You” on Fri., Jan. 30 which was funded by Verizon and DOVES. Mike Domitrz spoke with the students about respect, consent, healthy relationships, supporting survivors of sexual assault and intervening before someone could potentially become sexually assaulted.

Sarah Amrack from the local DOVES, contacted Dean of Students Kory Knight in September. The organization was looking for a high school to host the Domitrz presentation.

“He’s [Domitrz] a nationally known speaker and is supposedly the best in presenting on this topic to high schools,” Knight said.

Domitrz is the founder of The Date Safe Project, an award-winning author and publisher of the book “May I Kiss You?”, as well as a dating expert. When his sister was raped, Domitrz was in college and wondered why no one was addressing the problem of sexual assault.

He furthered his education in safe dating and with the help and information of a dating expert, Domitrz started a one-person show which later became the “Can I Kiss You?” program.

“Personally and professionally, I feel that it is our duty to present on the topic and ensure that the students are informed,” Knight said.

During the assembly, Domitrz spoke about his experience of being a brother and a friend to his older sister who had gone through the pain of being a sexual assault survivor and wondered why no one stopped the person who raped her. He then asked the students of Gering where people are most often taken advantage of, asked them to list the signs of a

potential assault. When they did, he asked why no one had tried to stop the abuser while giving them suggestions on how to intervene.

Before telling his personal story and reaching the main segment of his program, Domitrz spoke about respect and consent in a fun, understandable way by bringing up volunteers. He set up a dialogue between the two as if they were dating and made them ask the other if they could

kiss them. Although no one kissed

on stage, he wanted to prove that asking before kissing is respectful and not as awkward as the students thought. He also told what types of things a person should look for in a healthy relationship and the warning signs for someone who may be in a toxic relationship.

Domitrz continues to speak around the country at middle schools and high schools.

Consent crucial for healthy relationships

Global speaker highlights tough topicGering students urged to defend potential victims

By Morgan WallaceEditor-in-Chief

Did you know?

Open your eyes to teen dating

VIOLENCE

-Roughly 1.5 million high school boys and girls in the U.S.

admit to being intentionally hit or physically harmed in the last year by someone they are romantically involved with

-Teens who suffer dating abuse are subject to long-term consequences like alcoholism, eating

disorders, thoughts of suicide, and violent behavior

-33% of adolescents in America are victim to sexual, verbal,

physical, or emotional dating abuse

By Morgan WallaceEditor-in-chief

Not everyone’s idea of a healthy relationship is the same. Every person who is in or seeking a relationship has a mental list of things that are important to them in a relationship. And many teens don’t yet have the coping skills that come with maturity to deal with a difficult relationship. Additionally, a teenager who experiences domestic violence with a boyfriend or girlfriend is setup to continue becoming involved in abusive relationships, not even aware that the abuse is not part of a normal and healthy relationship. According to the Gering DOVES Program Special Projects Coordinator, Jennifer Ponce, many healthy relationships value respect, communication, trust, support, intimacy, physical affection, fairness and shared responsibilities. “People should take the time to make their own list of important things. When doing this, they are more likely to stick by these things and are able to give some things some leeway if they feel they are not as important as the other values,” Ponce said. Ponce defined a toxic or unhealthy relationship as a relationship where one person does not respect the other person or feels they have the right to control them. She also mentioned that mental, verbal and physical abuse, possessiveness, extreme jealousy, lies and broken promises are all characteristics of an unhealthy relationship. “If one of the partners doesn’t know what the day will look like because of the changing attitude of the other, or one of the two falls in love quickly, very quickly, these are both red flags,” Ponce said. Many teens who find themselves in an abusive relationship don’t know what to do or where to go for help. Loveisrespect.

org, a national abuse helpline for teens experiencing dating violence, offers peer counseling to teens who may be scared and confused because of a toxic relationship. The helpline is available to teens who may not feel comfortable talking to their parents about the abuse and many times their friends are not prepared to help deal with these issues as they are young and inexperienced as well. These are a few suggestions Ponce made to help those seeking relationships or evaluating their own, however, many people find themselves caught in the middle of a toxic relationship and feel there is no way out. The danger of dating violence isn’t just the violence itself. There are also effects that come along with the stress associated with abusive relationships. According to the Center for Disease Control, teens involved in abusive relationships are more likely than others to experience a higher number of colds per year, are more likely to attempt suicide, do more poorly in school, are more likely to engage in binge drinking, and tend to become involved in

abusive relationships as adults. But there is hope in an abusive situation according to Ponce. Teenagers are still young and their habits are not yet set in stone. An abusive teen is much more capable of relearning healthy coping habits to replace the abusive behaviors. What’s more teens can learn to identify the warning signs of a toxic relationship whether in their own relationship of that of a friend’s. Furthermore, teenagers are still attending school, and there are many opportunities for integrating lessons about safe and healthy relationships into their normal curriculum. It is also important to have special programs in schools such as “Can I Kiss You?” as this helps brings the issue to the forefront. In addition, Ponce said that something important to remember is that although it is possible to look for warning signs, it is not always possible to stay out of the relationship. Even if a person is prepared, abusers choose to abuse and it is their choice to hurt their partner, so no one can

guarantee that they will not be involved with someone abusive. “Victims are not responsible for the abuser’s behavior, so the best way people can avoid toxic relationships is for the abusers to stop abusing people,” Ponce said. Once in an unhealthy relationship, Ponce said that the most important thing a victim can do is keep themselves safe, especially when leaving or after leaving a relationship. She said the victim needs to have a support system in place to ensure that the victim is not giving up on trying and continues to move forward. The Western Nebraska DOVES Programs offer 24 hour services tailored to each person which include: counseling access, emergency shelters, educational abuse sessions and more. Addtionally, students who find themselves in an abusive relationship can contact a teacher or counselor at school who will put them in touch with people who can help.

Abusive relationships can be found anywhere

By Carsyn LongStaff Reporter

Julianne Hough and Josh Duhamel excel in their 2013 performances in Nicholas Sparks’ Safe Haven. Hough and Duhamel showed the right amount of chemistry and brought tears to the eyes of some viewers. During the film, Katie Feldman (Hough) travels to a small town on the coast of North Carolina to escape her life as a victim of domestic abuse. She soon meets Alex (Duhamel), where the two get to know each other and eventually fall in love. Alex is a widower and welcomes Katie into his life as he is ready to begin new relationships and find love again. However, Katie is hesitant to trust anyone she meets- especially Alex- which makes their love story that much more compelling. During Safe Haven, Katie’s ex-husband- Kevin Tierney- does all he can as a police officer to track Katie down. He does everything in his power to get Katie to come home to him just so he can, more than likely, control and belittle her more than he ever did

because he is completely selfish and crazy. As we grow deeper into the film, it can definitely be agreed upon that the name Safe Haven is an absolute perfect fit for this story. As Katie continues to escape her dark past and learns to trust again throughout the film, we see that she finally finds her own safe haven- Alex- as he so willingly welcomes her into his life and loves her the way she has always wanted and needed to be loved. This film does promote the idea that there is always light at the end of the tunnel. Arguably, Safe Haven can give hope to those who suffer in relationships or any circumstance at all. It shows that even though there are struggles and hardships present, there can always be a silver lining and a “safe haven” waiting for you. This film is definitely recommended for anyone who just feels like watching and admiring a good, compelling, and thrilling love story and needs a good cry or for anyone who possibly seeks a little hope and maybe their own “safe haven.”

“Safe Haven” applies to today

Ad goes here